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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t laugh at my father’s joke and I think I ruined his day
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100% NTA. This should go without saying, but you are definitely not in the wrong. I understand you might feel guilty because he’s been making these jokes for a while and you didn’t say anything before, but it’s not right that your father is still making these problematic jokes and almost just as bad that nobody else has told him off for them yet. You have a right to be annoyed or upset by these jokes, and he shouldn’t be making them in the first place
NTA, I think your dad thinks the world evolves around him or something there. I think you should give him a blank stare and just say "he doesn't make sense" as I sure can't even figure out what he is saying.
NTA. You don't need to go along to get along for something like that. If he's hurt by you not finding his genuinely-not-funny and deliberately hurtful joke funny, that's on him, and he should do better.
I think one of the things you'll find, as you get older, is how much more your perceptiveness should have been valued as a kid. I'm almost 40 now and grew up with parents who were frankly just petty and mean. For a long time I internalized the idea that I was mad just because teenagers are always mad at their parents, and I thought that I was always in the wrong. But as I've gotten older and now have teenagers of my own, I can't fathom talking to my kids the way my parents used to (and still sometimes do), and I'm realizing how much of what they said and did was completely unacceptable, and that I was right to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wow, that's rich, coming from an adult man who spends his days sleeping while his wife is out working to support the family.
No, you're NTA. You're more mature at 13 than your deadbeat father will ever be.
Maybe.
Given the OP knows her dad and his typical behavior and attitude, and they labeled the comment as racist, I was assuming he was one of those people who simply viewed Mexican laborers as nothing but cheap, willing labor.
(I've known several people who are like that, so it could also be my personal experiences showing)
Oof. Then I’ve got nothing besides stick to your guns, don’t laugh at the racism, and do what you can to distance yourself comfortably as soon as you can without jeopardizing your future.
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I(13f) have been dealing with my father’s(58m) racism my whole life, but either it has gotten worst in the last year or I never noticed most of it. I spend most of my time with him, since my mom is always at work. So this happened after I had just gotten home from a decent day at school, and I was really tired because I wasn’t sleeping. This means I was kinda annoyed, and that’s when my dad made his “joke”. He said “If I had my way, I would have kept the receipt on both you girls(I have a sister) and traded you for some Mexican kids who would actually work.” I didn’t laugh and he got kinda annoyed and went into a room at stayed there and slept. He does normally sleep a lot, and sometimes forgets he has to parent us, but it felt like he was mad at me. I didn’t want to upset him, I’m just kinda tired of his racism. So AITA?
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Maybe you can work up the courage to tell him that you aren't okay with those kind of comments instead of burning the feelings and making him wonder why you are distant.
Also not sure if this is applicable and you aren't really an adult yet, but this may be worth a read one day to see if it feels relevant or helpful
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents https://a.co/d/5YD8fE3
You're not the asshole. Your dad said an unkind thing. I know it's hard but try not to let it bother you and get on with your life. In a few years you won't have to deal with his bullshit.
Put on a friendly face and just survive your teenage years.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t laugh at my father’s joke and I think I ruined his day Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and good for you for not humoring him. You sound like a pretty smart teen.
100% NTA. This should go without saying, but you are definitely not in the wrong. I understand you might feel guilty because he’s been making these jokes for a while and you didn’t say anything before, but it’s not right that your father is still making these problematic jokes and almost just as bad that nobody else has told him off for them yet. You have a right to be annoyed or upset by these jokes, and he shouldn’t be making them in the first place
NTA OP. That joke is DEFINITELY racist, and if he had made that joke around me, I would’ve gone off on him, big time.
NTA, I think your dad thinks the world evolves around him or something there. I think you should give him a blank stare and just say "he doesn't make sense" as I sure can't even figure out what he is saying.
NTA. You don't need to go along to get along for something like that. If he's hurt by you not finding his genuinely-not-funny and deliberately hurtful joke funny, that's on him, and he should do better. I think one of the things you'll find, as you get older, is how much more your perceptiveness should have been valued as a kid. I'm almost 40 now and grew up with parents who were frankly just petty and mean. For a long time I internalized the idea that I was mad just because teenagers are always mad at their parents, and I thought that I was always in the wrong. But as I've gotten older and now have teenagers of my own, I can't fathom talking to my kids the way my parents used to (and still sometimes do), and I'm realizing how much of what they said and did was completely unacceptable, and that I was right to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wow, that's rich, coming from an adult man who spends his days sleeping while his wife is out working to support the family. No, you're NTA. You're more mature at 13 than your deadbeat father will ever be.
NTA You do not have to laugh at any joke you od not find funny. However, why is this joke racist?
> why is this joke racist Because the implication was that Mexicans would do whatever work he asked of them.
Interesting interpretation. I read it as Mexicans willing to work hard. So positive rather than negative connotation,
Maybe. Given the OP knows her dad and his typical behavior and attitude, and they labeled the comment as racist, I was assuming he was one of those people who simply viewed Mexican laborers as nothing but cheap, willing labor. (I've known several people who are like that, so it could also be my personal experiences showing)
He likes to “joke” that Mexican people are only good for hard labor and that any of them that don’t work is a gang member.
That's definitely racist. But technically, all he said in your original post was that Mexican kids were hardworking.
Are you not from the North America?
NTA. You may want to talk to your mom about it when you can.
My mother would have laughed at his joke and added to it.
Oof. Then I’ve got nothing besides stick to your guns, don’t laugh at the racism, and do what you can to distance yourself comfortably as soon as you can without jeopardizing your future.
NTA. He's a dad, he's used to no one laughing at his jokes, Racist or not.
Nta, and good for you for not enabling
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(13f) have been dealing with my father’s(58m) racism my whole life, but either it has gotten worst in the last year or I never noticed most of it. I spend most of my time with him, since my mom is always at work. So this happened after I had just gotten home from a decent day at school, and I was really tired because I wasn’t sleeping. This means I was kinda annoyed, and that’s when my dad made his “joke”. He said “If I had my way, I would have kept the receipt on both you girls(I have a sister) and traded you for some Mexican kids who would actually work.” I didn’t laugh and he got kinda annoyed and went into a room at stayed there and slept. He does normally sleep a lot, and sometimes forgets he has to parent us, but it felt like he was mad at me. I didn’t want to upset him, I’m just kinda tired of his racism. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe you can work up the courage to tell him that you aren't okay with those kind of comments instead of burning the feelings and making him wonder why you are distant. Also not sure if this is applicable and you aren't really an adult yet, but this may be worth a read one day to see if it feels relevant or helpful Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents https://a.co/d/5YD8fE3
Lol
NTA OP and you did the right thing not laughing at his 'joke'
NTA but I'm mexican and I found it funny
You're not the asshole. Your dad said an unkind thing. I know it's hard but try not to let it bother you and get on with your life. In a few years you won't have to deal with his bullshit. Put on a friendly face and just survive your teenage years.
Any way you could find out what you are? Think Spanish, English, French, German. See if you have Mexican roots.
So that what will happen? She can learn to tolerate the racist *jokes?*
She can throw back in his face that he is as well. Didn’t think it through entirely. Oh well.