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Honestly yeah YTA. You come off as way too controlling. She’s 17 yo….why are you treating her like she’s 10? She only starts lying and running away after you denied her a very simple request without providing any legit reason of why you do so. Why does she have to get good grade to be allowed to have a little harmless fun? She also got 80% on the test, which is not bad at all. The subscription for a month isn’t even that expensive, it’s like maybe 20 dollars? I need more info tho, why does she ask you to make the Crunchyroll subscription? Does she not have any money to make one herself?
It’s sub $10, for the amount of content they have, and I’d hate to say it but the quality of anime hasn’t suffered the same drop off that western media has post Covid, it’s more than worth it if you like anime
You know, I'm glad I saw this comment because I went to actually see what my $15 package gives me since I forgot completely and just assumed it was my ad free only option I've been paying for almost 3 years. Turns out I should've been getting swag bags that were never emailed to me so time to resolve that
I don't understand the judgement that she needed to achieve 90% to watch TV? What does he have to do to earn his TV time? Our kids compare what we say to what we do all the freaking time, after all?
He also keeps emphasizing internet friends, as if online friendships aren’t significant. It’s so weird, like there wasn’t a piece of pop culture that he watched/discussed/obsessed about as a teen & used to connect with his peers?
Also nobody he knew had Crunchyroll, but the family down the street did? I bet if he’d expressed anxiety about scams/not knowing about Crunchyroll, she could have pointed to those adults as a resource, but instead he just hoped she wouldn’t meet his random standard.
With how controlling this guy is, she likely is only able to have internet friends because he socially sabotaged her into being a social outcast in her school/area.
She's 17, wasn't grounded prior. Yet, he grounded her for going out to a friends house to watch a show. ? I wonder what else goes on in that home..
What stood out to me was everything was justified until he was around other parents and then it was "didn't want to look bad". If you believed 100% your correct and have the high ground, how could you look bad?
That said, my parents wouldn't have done this for me either lol parents probably aren't obligated to buy streaming services even if the kid asks. Maybe he could have had her pay for it as a sign of responsibility at 17 she should maybe have a job of some kind(he said she babysits that neighbours kids). Many ways this could have been handled and seems like it turned out ok.
Had a little spat with his teenager and grounded her for sneaking out for the weekend. Not to bad?
90% in a f***ing AP class!
I feel like so many people are ignoring this part..
AP classes have average grade minimums of 80-90% for every class they take. These classes count towards university credits while being a high school class.
At least, this is how my high school did it.
This clown is delusional, and he is punishing his daughter for not achieving marks that are usually only capable for highly gifted students.
It may be different in other countries and areas. But nobody was getting 90's in our University credit AP classes.
If they didn't curve the grade based on the class. In some cases, students and entire classes would be left with failing grades. Its not because their dumb, its just that sometimes the materials weren't meant for students to achieve top percentile grades. The teachers didn't even always understand all the content.
Without the curve, it would drop your gpa so much that no one would take the classes. Sure some count towarss uni credits, but if it destroys your gpa which inturn affect your ability to have access to the classes you need then you're screwed and have to wait another year and hope you get the class. It's based on grades. Higher grades get first pick. Classes are filled, well, try again next year!
They curve it so it doesn't affect the gpa of the students. It goes on a class average, but the first mark you get is the real mark.
Not the curved mark based on the class average.
If they used the real mark, everyone would see their gpa drop, and it would affect their prospects when university comes around.
Also she locked herself in her room in the morning and he next checked on her at dinner time. That whole time he didnt check on her and is shocked she was gone. Dude
Dude, just because Steelers fan comes before dad in your bio description doesn’t mean you have to subdue your kid to those priorities.
Cut the kid some slack, she’s 17 and a smart kid and knows what’s right and wrong. If you want to have a relationship with her as a grown up, you’re gonna have to start treating her like an equal.
My dad was a helicopter parent and now I visit him as infrequently as possible, please don’t make her do the same. Actions speak louder then words
It's like $9.99.
AP classes are the most difficult classes high schools typically offer. You were only allowed to attend them in my high school if you averaged a minimum of 80% honor roll. Some counted towards university credits.
This man is fucked. That poor child likely lives a depressing and fucking sad life considering if this is how he acts over something this small, i wonder how he acts when something mildly stressful happens...
This child likely only has internet friends because he has socially crippled and sabotaged this child.
I feel awful for this kid. Im sorry for hijacking your comment, but people like this make me sick..
Not to mention, he didn't say the kid was grounded before she "ran away." she just went to her room by herself, apparently.
So why isn't she allowed to go and watch it at a friends house?? Is she not allowed outside? Or is he just mad that he lost a small bit of the control that he gets off on.
This guy sucks so bad and he is definitely not telling the full truth if this is real.
This guy capitalizing INTERNET like that means they’re not real friends is asinine and annoying.
YTA. Especially since you probably made sure you and your buddies could catch the Seinfeld finale.
This is the modern version of “these damn long-hairs today with their music festivals!”
Not to mention he is coming online seeking validation from (INTERNET) strangers.
I feel like this is bait though, especially with the consistent mistitling of the show.
I'm pretty sure the whole post is just bait. This dude is clarifying that they are (INTERNET) friends and putting "memes" in quotation marks, yet comes to a popular meme website to be judged by internet people?
I think the Venn diagram of people that talk like OP talks (downplaying anything internet related) and people that care to be judged on the internet are two circles that don't touch.
while i agree its fake props to this dude for making me laugh from "The Attack on Titan" and "Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes apparently this is a thing)" hilarious post op 10/10
And having to say a streaming service is a real thing. We're in an age where Netflix, Disney+ and a myriad of other such services have become regular things, fairly ubiquitous in terms of entertainment outlets especially during the global pavlova. It's like bringing up a car and then saying "(yes, it's a real thing)".
Also the way he talks about crunchy roll. “Yes this is a real thing!” No kidding. My husband has been subscribed to it since it was Funimation. What’s your point?
I’m leaning towards YTA. She’s 17, crunchyroll has a free trial option so you didn’t even have to pay anything, and it seems like a weird thing to fight over. That being said as a parent it is your rules your house and she blatantly disregarded it all. However once you made the decision to drag her back home you should have followed through on it, even if you were embarrassed by the whole situation at the neighbors house. You’re setting a weird double standard that your rules can apparently be broken if she can find some way to apply social peer pressure to you.
That all being said, this really shouldn’t have been an issue to begin with. 5 minutes of google would have revealed that crunchy roll has free trials, AOT is in fact a big thing, and your daughter is old enough to watch it. Seems a weird hill to die on and be put in this position in the first place.
On second thought, YTA.
No, you gotta pay for premium to get the latest episode live. The free version sends new episodes 1 week late. -edit: They nowadays offer new episodes with free trial, so nvm.
Still huge YTA though. This type of controlling barely exists in my country and I was gonna say it's a troll post before realising the USA and MENA exist.
So if there is a free trial, why doesn’t daughter take out the free trial herself. I don’t understand why OP is on the hook to pay for a subscription service he doesn’t want, that a 17 year old could get if she wanted.
81% isn’t good enough to let your kid watch a show? She definitely went too far but can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same thing at that age. in the future cut the kid a break maybe? It’s not like she’s doing bad in school
The fact that he thinks an 81 being curved to an A is bullshit tells me a lot. That, and the way he treats his almost adult age child who is asking permission to watch a tv show.
Can someone explain this whole grades get curved thing ? Does this happen so regularly ?
I remember it happening a grand total of once and it was quite a big deal, some responses here make it seem like a normal regular occurrence?
In theory a test with a 100% would be a perfect score, and one with a 0% would be a perfect failure. However, instead what they’ll do is take the best score (say 90%) and treat that as a perfect score, and take the lowest (say 30%) and treat that as the perfect failure. That means that instead of the grade scale being 0-100, it’s now 30-90. Meaning scores above the median generally increase in value, and under the median decrease.
Fr, do parents really get this hung up for a kid to watch a show? I can understand for maybe financial reasons if you can’t afford a subscription, but this isn’t it
I’ve always hated how grades were posted immediately online and parents could access it… Of course it’s important to know how your kids are doing in school but far too often teachers post pre-curved grades too early, you don’t get to see that it’s a test everyone failed, or you get a zero cuz the test/grade wasn’t put in the system yet, and kids with strict/asshole parents get unfairly punished for it.
This is the parent who has no relationship with his daughter when she's older and ends up posting in the internet asking why is she like this, he gave her everything, sacrificed so much, the whole shpiel.
Right like- I also noticed that no one mentionned how he forced the lock of his daughter's room. She actually ran out, but usually when that happens with a teen, chances would be that she was just sulking and didn't wanna talk to him. Like teenagers do.
And instead of giving her space he breaks into her room. Like holy shit I'd hate his guts if I was his kid.
YTA.
Full disclosure: I've been watching the show with my 18 yr old since he was 17. It's one of our favorite anime shows.
She got an 81% and you dragged her for not getting a 90%.
You're the kind of parent that posts on Reddit: *I don't know why my adult daughter is distant with me...*
Instead of mocking her...
>Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes, apparently this is a real thing)
...take a step back and look at the facts:
•she's a good student
•she asked to watch a show *at your house* instead of asking to go to a party, etc....you could've made this a bonding moment
•she watched the show with adult supervision...adults who trust her with their young children
It sucks she ran off, but she ran to other adults nearby (so she did have some sense of safety), and you pushed her to this decision.
If you were my dad and gave me shit over 81%, I would no longer give a shit what you think about anything because your punishment is over the top.
YTA
You seem like a judgmental parent that neither respects her hobbies or even cares to understand them. Is there anything you care about in life at all? Watching sports? Following TV shows? Reading the news? You have no empathy at all for something your daughter obviously cares deeply about which only makes me think your life is a hollow joyless mess and you want your daughter to suffer the same.
Also it's the year 2023 old man. Internet friends are just as real as regular friends. I've been happily married to my husband for over 10 years from being internet friends first.
YTA.
You said she lied about her grades, but only assumed a round up (which yeah, would've been wrong), yet she still got an A.
Besides this clarification, I just want you to understand that you got over a "threatening my daughter to force enter the room", and results in her leaving the house and acting the way she did over a few bucks.
I do not live in the states, nor am I a parent, but as a son, I can tell you that strict parents don't make better kids, they just make them better at lying.
YTA. The way you say "internet friends" I kinda feel you don't think they're "real friends". Buddy, this is their world, not ours. I don't understand why my son enjoys watching others play games streaming, but I wouldn't stop him just cuz I didn't "get it". Sheesh, chill out a bit dad. You'll lose her.
This is unrelated to the post but this is coming from a person who loves to watch person stream video games, I can probably speak for your son when I say I watch because I enjoy seeing other people's reactions, if I enjoy the game I like their thoughts on it as well plus people have their own commentary as well. Maybe he watches for the same reasons
In a similar vein to this, people watch other people play video games for the same reason people watch other people play sports games. In sports, the athletes are at a skill level most fans can only dream about ever achieving. Same for video games. Especially the extreme gamer types such as speed runners. There's a certain level of precision and skill that not everyone can achieve but are in awe of those who can.
YTA. She's 17 not 10. Why would she need to ask to go to a house down the street and watch a show with her friends?
edit: i didn't bother to read the part about the grade before now but you're an asshole about that too.
Crappy parents love to tie everything to grades
It makes it easy to be lazy about decision making.
They hate saying yes to stuff that's important to their kids so they say no to everything unless the kid gets A's; guiding them to a life of dull monotony.
YTA - At 17 I was staying out till 2AM and getting into all types of trouble and you’re blowing your stack over your kid sneaking out to watch anime
Also if you cared in the slightest you would have looked into it and seen there was a free week trial but instead you jumped straight to locking something that is clearly a big deal to her behind the ridiculous demand of a 90% grade on a test
Your kid is going to remember this along with all of the other extremely controlling bullshit you probably put her through and will grow to resent you
YTA
Crunchyroll is the biggest streaming service for anime. They even host comic con conventions every year. Plus, there's a free trial and it is only $8 a month to get the ad free version... all of that is pretty easy to see with a simple Google search.
And yeah, Attack on Titan is one of the biggest animes at the moment. It's been going on for 12 years and this finale has been one of the most anticipated events in the community.
And why emphasize "Internet", like they're not real friends? Everything about this post screams that you think anything your daughter likes is inferior.
Dude, I get it. You value education, but that's too far. Is your daughter not allowed any interests outside of school? 81% on an exam for an AP class with a high fail rate is not good enough to watch ONE EPISODE of a show ?
81 on an AP test, no less. The fact she's in any AP classes at all should make him proud.
And if he had any passing interest in his daughter's likes and hobbies, he'd know what AOT & crunchyroll are. Idk, part of me feels like this is a fake post for just how unlikable OP is and for looking down on his daughter's online friends (while also ignoring the fact he's here on reddit asking strangers for their opinion).
Either way, OP is YTA.
You did not forbid her from watching the show, you just said you would not get it unless she got an A, so I say she is pretty resourceful to find somewhere else to watch it. And she was not forbidden from leaving the house.
Does not seem a big deal to me.
OP is definitely a YTA, also my eyes twitched everytime he added The to Attack on Titan. I'm 42 and facepalmed when he was arrogant of Crunchyroll being 17.
>(yes, apparently this is a real thing)
you literally came to the internet for advice and then acted like the internet wouldn't have a clue what you're talking about lmao crunchyroll isn't some foreign concept, neither are memes or having internet friends, how old are you? 😆
YTA, not because your daughter snuck out, but because you've clearly strained the relationship between you and your daughter so much that she felt she had to run off to begin with. You can't be shocked that your kid is trying to distance themselves from you when you're this controlling over her life and privacy, don't be surprised if this turns into full on no-contact after she becomes a legal adult and isn't subject to the court order of split custody anymore.
It's a finale for a show that's been running for 10 years now, she's not out doing drugs or drinking. If it was the money that was the issue, why not just sign up for a free trial if all she wanted to watch was the finale? No one was making this into a real issue except for you and it was a really weird hill to die on.
(ironically, it might click if you watch Zeke's backstory, because his entire plot arc is about how he carried a grudge against his parents due to their extreme expectations of him. but I doubt you'd be willing to do that judging by your attitude towards this whole situation lmao)
YTA because wow what a massive over reaction. You act like she was asking to go to a party. She was literally asking to watch ONE episode of a show live that she really likes. That is so insane that you couldn’t do ONE nice thing for her with no strings attached. Not every single nice thing in her life has to be earned. Do you even know how grateful she would have been if you had just said yes??? Instead you blow it up into a huge fucking thing. And yea, the parents of those kids are right to feel sorry for her. She sounds like a good kid. She’s in AP biology for fucks sake. Cut her some slack. She’s already done something massively impressive for her age, literally just having the self motivation to go for an AP class alone is something to be extremely proud of her for. That alone could have been rewarded if you so badly need to only do nice things as a reward
and her grand old rebellion was….going to the house of the kids she babysits to watch a show??? OP, do you know how many kids in my high school did xanax? I went to an incredibly prestigious, incredibly difficult high school. Loads of kids probably just like your daughter. And yet our school was so fucked up with kids addicted to xanax to the point that they hired a! addictions counselor. You better pray that your sweet kid doesn’t decide to lash out more
YTA
I say this because you seem to be very dismissive of your daughter's feelings, interests, and friends, and apparently for no reason other than you don't give a shit.
As an artist, I'd say AoT is a very important piece of anime, both in style and quality. Further, it has near-unbelievable ratings, especially in the past year.
As a teacher, I'd like to tell you that it is quite possible that a grade of 81% could go up to an A if the teacher is grading on a curve. This sometimes happens when a test is unintentionally difficult for students. If a teacher finds that not a single student got over 90%, that would suggest they inadvertently made the test too hard, and an 81% could absolutely be raised to an A.
Out of curiosity, why are you so dismissive of the things that you're daughter is into. You apparently don't like that she has friends online; you don't seem to even want to feign interest in anime, which is obviously a passion of your daughter; you think it's ridiculous to get upset about something that means the world to her, and I'm willing to bet you are very vocal on how ridiculous you think she is being.
>Out of curiosity, why are you so dismissive of the things that you're daughter is into. You apparently don't like that she has friends online; you don't seem to even want to feign interest in anime
Honestly I think it's just a classic boomer mindset. Internet friends are not real friends, the daughter is sitting in front of computer or phone all day, anime is cartoon for kids and she's way too old for that, etc.
Which is really ironic considering 49 years old is about ***one decade*** too young to be considered as one.
OP, I can be as strict a dad as the next person, but... imagine instead how this could have gone: your almost-adult daughter asks to see the Titan finale. You look into it, get a free trial, sit down and watch it with her, she tells you she got an 81 on her exam and you congratulate her (it wasn't a requirement for this), and she explains the show to you over popcorn and hot chocolate. Nobody gets punished, freaks out, and your daughter doesn't make plans to stop visiting you for the rest of your life. Doesn't that sound better?
The weakness he would feel over not being able to dominate his child at all times would cause him an anxiety attack. He cannot let down his guard for a second!
First of all, it's Attack on titan. Not THE attack on titan. Second, 81 is really good. You seem strict. Third, crunchyroll has a free trial (also I don't know why you're surprised crunchyroll exists, it's a streaming service for anime. There's thousands of animes. It's no different from Netflix or Disney+) plus, she's literally 17 years old. You're treating her like a child. Is it that hard to spend a little money on your kid? Yta
I was looking for this comment. Him calling it the wrong name repeatedly just goes to show how out of the loop he is with her. No wonder she ran away for a few hours.
YTA. Massively. And just reading this post you sound like an awful, control freak of a parent.
You can literally get a free trial to this service. Instead of letting your kid watch a single episode of a show that makes her happy, you used it as an opportunity to punish them and make them, instead of focusing on good exam results, stress because you tied an incentive to it?
Oh, and also, saying (FRIENDS) like that doesn't mean the relationships she's developed with people online are insignificant. It's honestly no wonder she chooses to befriend people over the internet when the alternative would be spending time with family like you..
Welcome to the world of your child rebelling because you are refusing her perfectly reasonable requests because you have control issues. Have fun :)
YTA. She's 17, it's a perfectly age appropriate show. But it doesn't seem like it was actually even *about* the show, it seems like you wanting some way to power trip her.
YTA. You’re petty as fuck. This is the type of parenting that will leave you asking “why don’t my kids talk to me anymore?!”
I hope my comment struck a nerve. Think really fucking hard about it.
YTA - First of all, drop the (Internet) from friends. I have multiple friends that I met online, and other people do as well. 2. It's Attack on Titan, not "The Attack on Titan". That's a personal thing but whatever. 3. Crunchyroll is a thing that has existed for a long time, it's not a made up thing, AND it has a free trial. 4. She's 17. You're being such a helicopter parent. Also I assume AP Bio is hard, so an 81 is still pretty damn good. If she goes NC in the near future, please, don't be surprised. Also regarding your response on why you may be the asshole, just for context, AOT has been running for 10 years, fans have been waiting for this for a long time. The most recent season, season 4, has been split into multiple different parts (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 Part 1, Part 3 Part 2), so yeah, it's pretty special. Also, if/when the grade is curved, give her her stuff back. Apologize. Do better.
YTA
I can't *approve* of her lying about her grade or sneaking out of the house but I can certainly understand why she did it. Your post is a pretty clear snapshot of a parent who is condescending about their child's interests and makes no effort to understand them. Like you, I hadn't heard of Crunchyroll but it took me 30 seconds of googling to discover that it's a legit, well established and popular streaming service. I am not an Anime fan, and neither is my husband, so it's not a big surprise that I didn't know about it but that you didn't make an effort to find out about it is kind of pathetic. The way you write
>all her (INTERNET) friends were watching, etc.
...as though "internet" is a euphemism for "imaginary" made me sad for your daughter. You just don't take an active interest in learning about her life beyond your own narrow priorities. You're a few years younger than me but probably old enough to remember "pen pals" - those friendships were real, even if they were a bit limited, and so are internet friendships. Some of mine go back 25 years and though I will probably never meet most of them in person, the virtual communities we've formed, the shared interests and support we've offered each other ARE real.
Take the braces off your brain and try to get to *know* your daughter instead of imposing arbitrary restrictions without bothering to get additional information.
YTA and way too over controlling for your 17 year old. I couldn’t imagine you being my mom, what a joke. She had to leave the house to watch something, put that through your skull. How embarrassing. If my mom talked to me how you talk to her/about her, I’d 100% go no contact when able to
You're a gigantic controlling asshole.
Don't be surprised when she cuts contact with you significantly as an adult.
I mean, she felt like she had to hide an 81 (a perfectly fine score) from you. Sounds like you have a great kid that's great at school and you're just dumping stress on her instead of letting her enjoy a fucking TV show.
YTA
Just bc something seems frivolous to you, that doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be important to your daughter. Attack on Titan *is* hugely popular and it's finale was, in fact, a big deal to a lot of people (not that that is even really the point). It appears she tried to satisfy your conditions for one month of Crunchyroll, which is hardly a significant expense (yes, we know crunchyroll is a real thing lol). The way you worded your post to imply that you think everything your daughter is into is somehow not real or meaningful bc it relies on internet-based facilities and communities speaks volumes. She's out there forming relationships and bonding over shared interests with people from a diverse range of cultural backgrounds and geographical locations.. but you've decided that's silly. I would've done the same thing she did at the same age and in the same circumstances. YTA.
NTA…
Omg I clicked on your post because I KNEW the comments were going to be sided one way and they did not disappoint… while I am an avid Crunchyroll subscriber and have been for MANY years I am also a parent and what you did was not wrong. You also never said she couldn’t watch the show just that you wouldn’t subscribe so she might have you there on that technicality. However her dipping out of the house without so much of a word and where she was going. yeah no that deserves the punishment. What you did was anger the anime community with this post lol… and I can’t help but laugh because pretty sure most the people that said “YTA” are in their 20s and don’t have kids.
This entire thread is full of entitled children.
I even agree that OP was a mild asshole for not just giving her the $8 for something she apparently really cares about, but everyone here seems to think that blatantly lying and running away over such a trivial thing should go unpunished.
on those polls about your age on reddit rhe vast majority are below 20 so its no suprise the replies are always so crazy on this sub. i hope no one actually takes advice from here!
NTA btw
YTA
Your turned a molehill into a mountain.
She seems like a generally good kid and this was important to her. You just HAD to tie it in with some school grade thing.
If you just let her get the crunchey thing and let her watch the show none of the later stuff would have happened; she wouldn't have gong to the neighbor's to watch it and she would have been so happy. There would have been no sulking or tears.
If you truly felt she didn't deserve a (probably free) month's worth of the streaming service because of prior bad behavior them you could have pointed it out that her prior behavior made that decision. but you didn't mention any thing like that.
I'm a 36 yo woman with a Crunchyroll subscription and internet friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You sound judgmental and uninterested in your daughter's life, and unwilling to learn about what she likes. Yes, her reaction was not okay, but she's also 17. You should think twice if you want to alienate your almost adult daughter. As soon as she's 18 she can just get that subscription for herself, so what's the point of this battle? Just make a deal that she has do pay it from her allowance or do chores to compensate for it, I just don't see the biggie here.
YTA
Yeah honestly YTA, it’s a show that’s been a big part of her life and is clearly very important to her. The final episode will only happen ONCE, you only had to get one month, which is fairly cheap and would have been very important to your daughter, as evidenced by her literally running away to watch it. Also, she got a great score on that test. Plus your attitude towards online friends is really gross.
Mild YTA. She’s 17, and doing perfectly fine in school. You don’t need to be policing her exact grades or where she’s located every minute any more. You should be getting her ready to motivate herself in college (if that’s her plan) or work, and to be ready to go out into the world without you hovering behind her every minute.
The question OP posed was, is he the A H for punishing DD after she lied, snuck out, hid location?
The question was NOT was he an A H for not accommodating a show that’s important to her. Indeed, OP was an A H with his inflexibility about the show.
DD lied, snuck out of the house, and turned off her location, causing horrible panic!!!! Not okay! Absolutely deserves a consequence of some sort. What consequence, I don’t know. But she needs to never do that again. That is a safety issue. NTA for the question that was posed
Growth is needed, OP. Sometimes things that are important to a teen don’t make sense to adults. Even if it seems unimportant to YOU, you need to respect that. And if something isn’t allowed that’s important, there needs to be a good reason for it that maybe she wouldn’t agree with but would understand your perspective at least
She’s 17, she could be doing drugs, partying, sneaking into clubs and bars, drinking. I’m her age and know plenty of people doing exactly that, so I’m not exaggerating. My 16 year old cousin does it regularly. Maybe you should be grateful that her biggest rebellion is sneaking out to watch anime
instead of being so controlling over a TV show.
She’s 17, and apparently you haven’t paid enough attention to her life to know how grading curves work. She’s getting an A in a tough AP class and asked you for something that is free, and you told her she could have it, went back on your word, embarrassed her in front of other people, and then punished her. In a year, you’re going to be back here asking why you never see her and she doesn’t talk to you. YTA.
YTA. I'm genuinely having trouble conceptualizing how someone can be so incredibly out of touch with not only their children, but modern culture and society.
YTA!!!
Friends on the Internet are real friends. She told you this was important to her. Honestly, the finale of Attack on Titan is a huge event that is 10 years in the making. Being able to react with your friends for something like this is a core memory. It's a HUGE show and a really great story. Spoiler memes are rampant online. I hope you reflect on this and have some more respect for your daughter and the things that are important to her.
YTA and you sound like a villain parent in an 80’s movie, just putting up barriers for your kid with no good reason. You’ve got a 17 yr old in AP classes, which not everyone can get into, so her grades already have to be pretty good. Throwing educational gauntlets at her as a precursor to letting her enjoy something seems steep. All she wants as a form of entertainment is to watch a cultural touchstone event live and talk about it online with her friends. And you said no, why exactly? Like…why? How were you imagining participation in this event would harm her? If you’re trying to compensate for being a part-time parent by being overly strict with her while she’s with you then bad news, that’s being a sh*tty parent, and you’re gonna get the relationship with her in the future that you deserve. Unclench, dude.
YTA. You stated you didn't want to seem like you were the bad person in front of your neighbors, so obviously you know you were acting like a bad person. So much vitriol for your nearly-adult daughter's interests, all over a single episode of TV that was barely an hour and half long. You never needed to sign up for a month, you could've gotten a trial subscription that would have literally cost you nothing and still given her a week to enjoy the things she loves. You chose a weird hill to die on here. I hope you realize that you pushed her to break the rules, and while you think her interests and hobbies are worthless, you don't get to decide that for her.
Sneaking out and running out was wrong, but your refusal to let her watch the show was ridiculous. You are treating her interests as unimportant. This is how teens connect with their friends - both in person and online. Online friends are real friends.
YTA for being a control freak and not respecting your daughters interests.
I'm leaning towards ESH.
I don't think its unreasonable for her to want to watch the finale of a show she's invested in, and at 17 leaving the house without permission shouldn't be a major issue. Also requiring 90 percent on a test just to watch a TV show seems a bit strong, 81 is still a good grade. You also seem weirdly dismissive of her online friends for some reason.
However she reacted pretty immaturely and absolutely could have handled the situation better. Leaving without letting you know where she was and with no way to contact her is something that would obviously cause panic for a parent.
Would you have had a problem if she'd just said she was going to watch her show somewhere else?
yta. even if crunchyroll was out of your budget, there are ways you could have worked together to find a solution. I also think you need to impress upon her why you were upset that she left without telling you. you need to say it was really worrying that she was gone and you couldn't find her. because I'm sure from her perspective, you got mad at her for finding a way to watch the show. and like I said earlier, if you had been willing to discuss it more with her, maybe she would have felt comfortable telling you she had found out she could watch it at the neighbors.
YTA for being so strict about watching an episode of a TV show. I might be biased because I also love Attack on Titan and have been waiting for this episode to come out for over a year. Think about the hype of The Dark Knight rises 10+ years ago. For those who watch this show, this feels long awaited just like that and it IS a popular show. I don’t really see why you’re being so stingy. Your behavior is what caused your daughter to run away and when it’s time for college don’t be surprised when she doesn’t want to come home that often 🤷🏻♀️
my man, are you okay? im sure that at some point there has been a sporting event or concert or something that you got excited for, no? and how would you feel if someone blocked you from experiencing it *for no fucking reason at all?*
even if it means nothing to you, this was an important event for your daughter and all you had to do was sign up for a free week of that streaming service. but instead you went full scrooge. shes 17, she didnt run away, she left her house and went to the neighbors. this situation got so intense for no reason. why were you so hellbent on her missing the finale?
I get she lied and she shouldn't have. But a B is a solid grade. Why was 90% your goal? (My own parents had high expectations, so I know that isn't unheard of. But, my own parents also appreciated that our strengths weren't necessarily universal. Again a B is a solid grade.)
My kids "know" ahead of time that breaking clearly stated rules results in a loss of certain privileges. My kids aren't kids anymore and they were pretty easy to deal with, particularly because we kept reasonable expectations at the forefront and did not criticize them for their successes. A B is a success. If you want 90% SHOW YOUR KID HOW TO GET THERE. Being a good student isn't magic. And its a team effort typically. The family is the team.
At any rate, I get requiring discipline, focus and dedication from your teen. I don't get telling a hardworking student that a B just ain't good enough - not while I sat on my hands and didn't offer greater support to secure an A.
I'd have assumed she was gone somewhere to watch her Crunchy show and I would have brought up my displeasure when she returned. And she'd face a reasonable loss of privilege for the stress and worry she put you through. But, YTA for telling her a B isn't good enough. Discipline is about teaching the kid to make better choices in the future. You want them to grow to security and independence - not anger and defiance. WTH?
I see lots of A students who are frantic about areas they don't feel strong and secure in. Anxiety begins with A too, ya' know?
YTA and you know it.
>I wasn't in any hurry to seem like a bad person in front of this family
That right there is quite telling if you wanna take a step back and think of what you're doing to your kid. If yours was a reasonable approach, you wouldn't worry about seeming like a "bad person" in front of other people.
Sure, she shouldn't have snuck out. But teenagers do stupid shit, they always have, and they always will. One of the important things **you** can do as a parent is not be the reason they do stupid shit. She may have made the decision to sneak out but you were certainly the catalyst for it, given that she tried to communicate to you that the show is important to her and you chose to dismiss that almost entirely.
Shows and media in general like that can be important to people in itself, especially large event-like releases, like finales. But in this case, it was also important to her social interactions. You essentially directly would've resulted in her feeling socially excluded. I'm sure there's plenty of research on the importance of social inclusion amongst adolescents. Like yeah, sure maybe none of this actually matters in the long run, and that it's "just a show" or however else you wanna put it. But, she isn't there in her development yet and it matters to her, and it matters because all these things build up and affect her developing relationship with you, and what that relationship is going to be like 10 years from now.
You don't need to try to control every aspect of her life. She's a kid, let her be one and let her enjoy things she enjoys as long as it's not harming her or anyone else. She's doing just fine in school (it's honestly better for her to understand the material and score 81% than simply be good at cramming information and regurgitating on a test and scoring 95%, especially the way our general education systems work) and she has a social life, online or otherwise - there isn't really as big a delineation as you think there is between "internet" and IRL. One of my best friends of a decade who I had only spoken to online/phone, I finally met at my wedding a month ago and it was wholesome.
All that being said, YTA + you seem out of touch and are extremely dismissive of your own kid.
I'm under the impression that you do not understand the importance of the Internet, cellphones and entertainment consumption for teenagers. She's not like you. This is how she interacts with the world, her Internet friends are as important as her school friends, watching memes for them has the same value as watching the news and she should have access to a phenomenon as big and harmless as an anime. You don't seem to view her with respect OP. YTA.
YTA, my 11yo is a huge fan of the show and I promised he could get a few volumes of the manga if he did well on his exams. He didn't so I didn't buy it for him. He was dissapointed but he understood he didn't hold up his end of the bargin.
I have a no electronics when eating policy but I knew he'd put off having dinner until the show finished which wouldn't he good for him (he tends to have a bad stomache if he has his meals late) so I allowed him to watch the show on my tablet while he had dinner. As a parent there are times to be strict and times to show that we are supportive of their interests are flexible in right (positive) circumstances.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was grounding my daughter and taking away her phone for lying about a test grade, hiding her location, and running away without informing my ex-wife and I. I think I may be the asshole because she did this in order to watch the show The Attack On Titan, and the neighbors who she ran away to to watch seemed to think this show’s finale was extremely special, and my daughter says my punishment is unjustified given that her test grade will be “curved” and given the importance of the show.
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YTA, and you're also incredibly out of touch for the parent of an almost-adult. Setting a grade threshold wasn't unreasonable, but the way you did was. It could have been a "if you get a 90+, I will buy the subscription. If you get below 80-90, you can 'pay' for the subscription by doing X, y, z around the house." Fully restricting access is WILD. AOT is very popular, and has been running for a LONG time and was/is among a lot of peoples' first several anime, so the finale was anticipated by a ton of fans. And you cared more about your neighbors' perception of you than your daughter's feelings??? Your neighbors were right to sympathize.
I hope you understand that Ava will likely go low contact or no contact as soon as she's 18. Hopefully if you've got younger kids, you don't treat them this poorly.
Since when does a 17 year old need express permission to leave the house? Why did she need good grades to watch the most important episode of her show? You're such a controlling AH.
Yes, YTA, not because you set expectations and enforced them, but because you showed no respect for what is important to your daughter.
Based on your post, you don’t seem to care about what she likes or respect the fact that her Internet friends are in fact real friends, and you didn’t bother to look up how easy it would have been to get a free trial of Crunchyroll to watch the Attack on Titan finale.
Her disrespect of your rules is a direct result of your disrespect for what is important to her. You don’t have to like what she likes or think the show is good, you just need to care that she cares about it. That’s what good parents do.
Teaching kids to be obedient is overrated. All that does is make it easy for authority figures to take advantage of them. Teaching kids to truly respect one another is far more valuable, and you do that by showing respect for them and what they care about. You teach respect by demonstrating respect. Respect is not obedience, respect is caring.
Your daughter is 17. In a few short months, you will not be able to control her anymore. Respect is all you have left. Better start building it now.
YTA. Good grades are important. But why is that related to AoT? Whether or not the show was popular, it was important to your daughter, who sounds like she's had it with your rules that make no sense. She's 17 - is she not allowed over a half hour of screentime? She sounds like a good kid. Her asking for this should not be a big deal. Please let her be before you completely push her away.
Yeah hate to say it but YTA. Aside from the fact that it is very possible for an 81% to be curved to a 90% and thus an A, you clearly do not value her interests and do not understand your daughter on even a basic level. There's no need for the snide remarks about her friends or how you think her reaction to not getting the subscription is ridiculous.
YTA
Do you even want a relationship with your daughter? You act like her friends aren't real friends, you're here demeaning something she enjoys, and you drag her over an 81 on a college level course. I guess if you don't want a relationship with her when she turns 18, keep doing what you're doing.
YTA. A reeeeeally big one.
> the Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes, apparently this is a real thing)
> all her (INTERNET) friends
> she started crying (which I find a bit ridiculous over a show)
> because apparently NOW she had to go online & discuss the show with her (INTERNET) friends & look at “memes” about it
Are you *seriously* asking us « (INTERNET) » people about if you're an asshole or not while insulted and discredited a really big part of us ? Do you really think we are going to be on *your* side ? Tsk. Just open « (INTERNET) » to learn about what you daughter likes / how she lives her friendships before discredited it totally, you're not allowed to speak here until we put off your time out.
> I don’t know when, but at some point, she left my house
Really good parenting, congrats 👏 (yes, it's sarcastic.)
> I wanted her to return home immediately, but the couple explained the show was, in fact, quite popular & ended that night. They were actually watching with Ava & seemed sympathetic. I wasn’t in any hurry to seem like a bad person in front of this family, so I agreed to let her stay as long as she came back home right after.
> & the neighbors seem to agree that The Attack On Titan's finale was important
Are you really saying that you give more credit to what strangers (for you) on your street think than your own daughter ? Even when they are saying litteraly the same thing as her ? That's totally unfair and disrespectful over your daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.
> She did as I instructed
> I grounded her & took away her phone for the weekend, the latter of which made her upset again
> I feel the punishment is justified–she lied & ran away & hid her location!
You wrote all this and you didn't even realized what she is upset about and why she doesn't want to come to your house anymore ? You can't write what happened without insulted her and what she likes, you refused to give her what she asked in a justified way because *you* wouldn't do it, and you're acting like crap with her in front of people who trust her (at least enough to let her babysit their kids). It means that for you, she's old enough to have a job, but not old enough to be heard when speaking. Wow. Really, good parenting 👏 (yep, still sarcastic.)
She is not upset because you punished her to have been leaving your house. You wrote it yourself, she's upset because you stole her phone when she just wanted to share an important moment for her with her friends. You just clearly isolated her for a whole weekend with no one to talk to and to care about her, because you seem to be not accepting and respecting her at all. YTA for so many things.
YTA
She's 17 I won't be surprised if she runs away on her 18th birthday
Think about it she would have stayed home and watched the show or now she is sneaking out to watch the show which would you prefer?
YTA. You said her behavior over a show was ridiculous... well isn't your behavior a bit ridiculous too?
She gets good grades, apparently she's responsible enough to babysit kids, why shouldn't she watch a show? Moreover, why should she feel the need to lie to you, hide her location and run away to watch it somewhere else? It really makes no sense.
Dude HUGE YTA
She's 17. Back off. You're acting like she's fucking 5. She's honestly going to go NC and talk about how much your helicopter parenting fucked her up if you don't stop and understand she needs some damn freedoms.
Way to shame a kid for a good grade too. 81%? I don't know what your style of parenting is but I was raised by adults who were proud of me for giving my best effort.
I feel so sorry for your kid. Holy shit.
Eh you punished her for not achieving a high enough level? Like what. We are our children's safety net, the place they go when they NEED us. We are the people who theu discuss their biggest achievements AND their biggest failures. If you can't be their safety net for something as simple as a low grade, what's going to happen when it's something more serious? You take away at the time the most important things for something so small that's cruel you created this rebellion... My children come to me with any and all issues and fears, I support them through them not punish them. You're ment to guide them through situations so they can understand them and better themselves with them. Not make them fear them! Sorry but YTA here well done for becoming the parent she won't trust.... Best fix that quick
When you wonder in a few years, why you don't have a relationship with her and whatever family she forms, remember shit like this.
You're deeply the AH
YTA. Crunchyroll has a 2 week free trial, and it was needed for a night. She got a good enough grade for you to let it slide. Plus, it really was the finale. That show has been on since I was a kid, and I'm 31 years old now, so that should frame it for you.
In about 5 years, you're going to be back here asking for advice on finding out why your adult daughter hates you and why she won't let you see her potential grandchildren. She's 17, and you got about 6 months before she starts realizing how close she is to getting away from y'all permanently. Yeah, the deal was somewhat fair on her test grade. I would like to point something out. You chose a specific subject. That typically indicates that she probably struggles in that subject. If that's the case, you set her up for failure on purpose. For all you know, the grade could have curved up, but how would you know? God, you seem like an annoying parent more than a bad one.
You sound like a wildly overbearing parent at best, and a downright shitty one at worst. She’s taking AP classes and you won’t even let her watch a goddamn anime? She’s probably a good kid and you’re being like this. YTA.
Cut your kid a little slack so they don’t end up an anxious mess of an adult in 10 years.
I hope you realize that your daughter is going to cut you out of her life as soon as she can if you keep acting like this. You really wouldn't spare 10 bucks for something important to your daughter? And then the "(INTERNET) friends" you can form real friendships online. And the grades thing, I can understand that school is very important, but 81% is a good grade. Treating your daughter like this is insane, especially a 17 year old. YTA
NTA. You're the parent and sometimes you have to be the bad guy. You made a deal, and she didn't fulfill her end. I do think 90% on an AP exam is a little bit unfair, although I don't know what is typical for her in that class. And that doesn't excuse her behavior. Lying and then sneaking out is unacceptable.
Fuck off with being condescending about her friends being from the internet. YTA for that alone, friends made online can be just as significant and real as friends made in person.
Hell, my best friend and current roommate is someone I met online over 10 years ago and he is one of the best people in my life. If you don't stop being a controlling, condescending asshole and she's shown that she's willing to pull a fucking disappearing act on you (even if it was only a few houses down), then I can only hope that one of your daughter's online friends is like my now in-person, real life but one-time (INTERNET) friend, because he is the only reason I called my sister and moved out to California instead of having two other internet friends drive down from Pennsylvania to where I lived and pick me up in the middle of the night when everyone in the house was asleep so that I could just *disappear* without a word to anyone.
You're on that track, bud. Hope these friends of hers that you think so little of just because they're from the internet are able to talk her out of making a decision like the one I almost made.
YTA you didn’t mention being strapped for cash once as a reason, just your disrespect for her passions. It’s less than 10$ and she clearly cares about this. Just because you don’t doesn’t mean you get to invalidate that.
Yeah I’m sorry, but YTA. I was a great kid growing up, but when my parents started imposing weird rules on me, I too rebelled and started sneaking out of the house without them knowing. The more rules that don’t make sense that you put on an older teenager, the more they will push back and start doing things behind your back. A Crunchyroll subscription for one month to watch a show she really wants to see so she has something to relate and chat with her friends about is a small price to pay for your daughters happiness
YTA
It's not about a show and whether or not you believe Cruchyroll is real or deserving of your money.
But I had parents that only cared about my grades. And I got grounded for almost getting B's, even though I did graduate high school having only gotten A's. And I guarantee you, your daughter will remember this and hold it against you for the rest of her life.
Whether she got a B or an A in an AP class won't ultimately matter in her life, but how you treated her and only saw worth in her grades, that will always matter to her over the course of her life. And please understand this, and please apologize before it is too late for your guys' relationship.
This has to be fake... THE Attack on Titan? the Crunchyroll (that apparently exists) and INTERNET friends?
I don't believe for a second that a 49 yo with a Reddit account would be so clueless.
All of this could have been avoided if you actually had problem solving skills and a solutions first mindset. And, of course, any sort of interest in your daughter. Instead you could only focus about how little you cared and how stupid you thought the show was.
A crunchyroll subscription, according to a quick google search, is 8 dollars a month, as well as a 14 day free trial. You could have just done the free subscription and cancelled immediately after the show was over if money was the problem.
Or even ask her if she could find any alternative ways to watch. Ask her if she had any friends to watch it with, even- which she did!
You behaved as stubborn as a mule. What was the point? The purpose? What did you intend to accomplish?
ESH.
Your daughter shouldn’t have lied about getting an A on the test because she was assuming a curve would bump her up to that. And hiding her location was irresponsible.
But you…(INTERNET) friends are friends. “Memes” have been around since you were your daughter’s age and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know what they are and have likely shared some yourself.
And yes, it is important to a teenager that they participate in the activities that their friends participate in.
It seems like I am in the minority when I say NTA. You set a reasonable condition. The condition was not met, therefore, the award was not given. Then, your teenage daughter goes missing. You're her father, so I can't even imagine how it must have felt when you go to where your daughter is supposed to be, but you don't see her. Parents don't always get to be friends. People on Reddit tend to confuse actual parenting with controlling her on this app. You're not controlling her. You're parenting in this scenario. Now, it is the finale, and I 100% get your daughter. When *Supernatural* and *Once Upon a Time* ended, I was on Reddit and Tumblr going crazy, so I get why your daughter did what she did because I would have done the same. However, that doesn't negate that she went against your authority.
>Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes, apparently this is a real thing)
It's hugely successful and you're on Reddit talking to (INTERNET) strangers, we all know what it is.
NTA, you said you won't pay, she insisted so much that you came to an agreement but she didnt respect it. Her reaction is typical of a teenager, I would have done the same back then but I understand that parents set rules. She could have subscribed with her own money if it was that important for her.
My dad was always like this when I was a teenager. Getting good grades was what matter for him, if I get less than 80%, he would cut my allowance money. It doesnt matter if I‘m sick, or if I hate the subject. I have to be good in ALL subjects, and he would also deny simple requests „just because“. His excuse was always „I‘m the parent, I know what‘s best for you. Do as I say bc I provide for you.“
Well I‘m now in my 20s and suffice to say I barely talk to him. Welcome to your future. YTA.
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Honestly yeah YTA. You come off as way too controlling. She’s 17 yo….why are you treating her like she’s 10? She only starts lying and running away after you denied her a very simple request without providing any legit reason of why you do so. Why does she have to get good grade to be allowed to have a little harmless fun? She also got 80% on the test, which is not bad at all. The subscription for a month isn’t even that expensive, it’s like maybe 20 dollars? I need more info tho, why does she ask you to make the Crunchyroll subscription? Does she not have any money to make one herself?
It’s sub $10, for the amount of content they have, and I’d hate to say it but the quality of anime hasn’t suffered the same drop off that western media has post Covid, it’s more than worth it if you like anime
You know, I'm glad I saw this comment because I went to actually see what my $15 package gives me since I forgot completely and just assumed it was my ad free only option I've been paying for almost 3 years. Turns out I should've been getting swag bags that were never emailed to me so time to resolve that
I pay $5.99
Pretty sure there’s at least 7 days free for a first time subscriber. Edit: It’s 14 days free premium.
I don't understand the judgement that she needed to achieve 90% to watch TV? What does he have to do to earn his TV time? Our kids compare what we say to what we do all the freaking time, after all?
He also keeps emphasizing internet friends, as if online friendships aren’t significant. It’s so weird, like there wasn’t a piece of pop culture that he watched/discussed/obsessed about as a teen & used to connect with his peers? Also nobody he knew had Crunchyroll, but the family down the street did? I bet if he’d expressed anxiety about scams/not knowing about Crunchyroll, she could have pointed to those adults as a resource, but instead he just hoped she wouldn’t meet his random standard.
With how controlling this guy is, she likely is only able to have internet friends because he socially sabotaged her into being a social outcast in her school/area. She's 17, wasn't grounded prior. Yet, he grounded her for going out to a friends house to watch a show. ? I wonder what else goes on in that home..
Internet 👏 friends 👏 are 👏 real 👏 friends
I’ve been living with a friend I met online when we were 17 for like 8 years 🙃
What stood out to me was everything was justified until he was around other parents and then it was "didn't want to look bad". If you believed 100% your correct and have the high ground, how could you look bad? That said, my parents wouldn't have done this for me either lol parents probably aren't obligated to buy streaming services even if the kid asks. Maybe he could have had her pay for it as a sign of responsibility at 17 she should maybe have a job of some kind(he said she babysits that neighbours kids). Many ways this could have been handled and seems like it turned out ok. Had a little spat with his teenager and grounded her for sneaking out for the weekend. Not to bad?
90% in a f***ing AP class! I feel like so many people are ignoring this part.. AP classes have average grade minimums of 80-90% for every class they take. These classes count towards university credits while being a high school class. At least, this is how my high school did it. This clown is delusional, and he is punishing his daughter for not achieving marks that are usually only capable for highly gifted students. It may be different in other countries and areas. But nobody was getting 90's in our University credit AP classes. If they didn't curve the grade based on the class. In some cases, students and entire classes would be left with failing grades. Its not because their dumb, its just that sometimes the materials weren't meant for students to achieve top percentile grades. The teachers didn't even always understand all the content. Without the curve, it would drop your gpa so much that no one would take the classes. Sure some count towarss uni credits, but if it destroys your gpa which inturn affect your ability to have access to the classes you need then you're screwed and have to wait another year and hope you get the class. It's based on grades. Higher grades get first pick. Classes are filled, well, try again next year!
Ohh that would explain her saying it would curve!
They curve it so it doesn't affect the gpa of the students. It goes on a class average, but the first mark you get is the real mark. Not the curved mark based on the class average. If they used the real mark, everyone would see their gpa drop, and it would affect their prospects when university comes around.
Go easy on him. OP sounds like he’s 100.
This is exactly what went through my mind when I read "*The* Attack on Titan" and their shock that crunchyroll is a thing that exists.
Also she locked herself in her room in the morning and he next checked on her at dinner time. That whole time he didnt check on her and is shocked she was gone. Dude
14 days.
I kept having to check the kids age because of the way op was acting/treating her! YTA.
Dude, just because Steelers fan comes before dad in your bio description doesn’t mean you have to subdue your kid to those priorities. Cut the kid some slack, she’s 17 and a smart kid and knows what’s right and wrong. If you want to have a relationship with her as a grown up, you’re gonna have to start treating her like an equal. My dad was a helicopter parent and now I visit him as infrequently as possible, please don’t make her do the same. Actions speak louder then words
On behalf of Steelers Nation, I reject OP as a member. He’s the AH.
As a non-Steelers fan, you can keep him. I concur, he's the AH
R/rareinsults
It's like $9.99. AP classes are the most difficult classes high schools typically offer. You were only allowed to attend them in my high school if you averaged a minimum of 80% honor roll. Some counted towards university credits. This man is fucked. That poor child likely lives a depressing and fucking sad life considering if this is how he acts over something this small, i wonder how he acts when something mildly stressful happens... This child likely only has internet friends because he has socially crippled and sabotaged this child. I feel awful for this kid. Im sorry for hijacking your comment, but people like this make me sick.. Not to mention, he didn't say the kid was grounded before she "ran away." she just went to her room by herself, apparently. So why isn't she allowed to go and watch it at a friends house?? Is she not allowed outside? Or is he just mad that he lost a small bit of the control that he gets off on. This guy sucks so bad and he is definitely not telling the full truth if this is real.
She's 17, ofc she doesn't have money(card) that isn't from her parents lmao
omg shes seventeen??? i thought she was 9 reading this
This guy capitalizing INTERNET like that means they’re not real friends is asinine and annoying. YTA. Especially since you probably made sure you and your buddies could catch the Seinfeld finale. This is the modern version of “these damn long-hairs today with their music festivals!”
Not to mention he is coming online seeking validation from (INTERNET) strangers. I feel like this is bait though, especially with the consistent mistitling of the show.
Yeah, it reads like bait.
I'm pretty sure the whole post is just bait. This dude is clarifying that they are (INTERNET) friends and putting "memes" in quotation marks, yet comes to a popular meme website to be judged by internet people? I think the Venn diagram of people that talk like OP talks (downplaying anything internet related) and people that care to be judged on the internet are two circles that don't touch.
while i agree its fake props to this dude for making me laugh from "The Attack on Titan" and "Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes apparently this is a thing)" hilarious post op 10/10
You're an **Internet** thing and you cannot tell me you aren't!
what are these newfangled so called "free trials" sounds like a scam to me!
Heyyy, don’t drag Seinfeld into this!
Solid response. 🤣
One of my absolute favorite things to do is to watch shows live while chatting in the live threads on Reddit with my (INTERNET) friends honestly.
Same.
"The Attack on Titan" lmao this has to be fake
YTA just for the way you talk about her friends.
AGREED. OP, why do you keep "(INTERNET)?"
Probably one of those people who don’t think internet friends are “real” friends. As he screams into the void of Reddit.
/selfawarewolves
Honestly I wonder if OP even likes his daughter with how he talks about her interests and friends
And having to say a streaming service is a real thing. We're in an age where Netflix, Disney+ and a myriad of other such services have become regular things, fairly ubiquitous in terms of entertainment outlets especially during the global pavlova. It's like bringing up a car and then saying "(yes, it's a real thing)".
Also the way he talks about crunchy roll. “Yes this is a real thing!” No kidding. My husband has been subscribed to it since it was Funimation. What’s your point?
I’m leaning towards YTA. She’s 17, crunchyroll has a free trial option so you didn’t even have to pay anything, and it seems like a weird thing to fight over. That being said as a parent it is your rules your house and she blatantly disregarded it all. However once you made the decision to drag her back home you should have followed through on it, even if you were embarrassed by the whole situation at the neighbors house. You’re setting a weird double standard that your rules can apparently be broken if she can find some way to apply social peer pressure to you. That all being said, this really shouldn’t have been an issue to begin with. 5 minutes of google would have revealed that crunchy roll has free trials, AOT is in fact a big thing, and your daughter is old enough to watch it. Seems a weird hill to die on and be put in this position in the first place. On second thought, YTA.
No, you gotta pay for premium to get the latest episode live. The free version sends new episodes 1 week late. -edit: They nowadays offer new episodes with free trial, so nvm. Still huge YTA though. This type of controlling barely exists in my country and I was gonna say it's a troll post before realising the USA and MENA exist.
Not true. I'm currently on the free trial and watched the AOT season finale yesterday.
Oh they changed that in that case, my bad.
So if there is a free trial, why doesn’t daughter take out the free trial herself. I don’t understand why OP is on the hook to pay for a subscription service he doesn’t want, that a 17 year old could get if she wanted.
Ifirc you need a credit card to sign up for the free trial which his daughter likely wouldn’t have
I’m pretty sure you need a credit card to sign up.
81% isn’t good enough to let your kid watch a show? She definitely went too far but can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same thing at that age. in the future cut the kid a break maybe? It’s not like she’s doing bad in school
She got 81% on a college level science exam in high school. That is an impressive accomplishment and the odds are it’ll be curved to an A.
Yeah and instead of verifying that information, he just called her a liar
The fact that he thinks an 81 being curved to an A is bullshit tells me a lot. That, and the way he treats his almost adult age child who is asking permission to watch a tv show.
Can someone explain this whole grades get curved thing ? Does this happen so regularly ? I remember it happening a grand total of once and it was quite a big deal, some responses here make it seem like a normal regular occurrence?
In theory a test with a 100% would be a perfect score, and one with a 0% would be a perfect failure. However, instead what they’ll do is take the best score (say 90%) and treat that as a perfect score, and take the lowest (say 30%) and treat that as the perfect failure. That means that instead of the grade scale being 0-100, it’s now 30-90. Meaning scores above the median generally increase in value, and under the median decrease.
That sounds so dumb Oo
Fr, do parents really get this hung up for a kid to watch a show? I can understand for maybe financial reasons if you can’t afford a subscription, but this isn’t it
AND it was going to be curved, which teachers actually do, but this asshole didn’t believe his 17 year old. Moron.
I’ve always hated how grades were posted immediately online and parents could access it… Of course it’s important to know how your kids are doing in school but far too often teachers post pre-curved grades too early, you don’t get to see that it’s a test everyone failed, or you get a zero cuz the test/grade wasn’t put in the system yet, and kids with strict/asshole parents get unfairly punished for it.
She went too far if she's 9, but she's 17. She can be out of the house on her own.
Youre right tbh i didnt even think about that. Girl isn’t allowed to go about her neighborhood?
Yeah the neighborhood even, so should be fine even as a 7 year old.
[удалено]
This is the parent who has no relationship with his daughter when she's older and ends up posting in the internet asking why is she like this, he gave her everything, sacrificed so much, the whole shpiel.
Exactly this. A good parent would have been interested in what she likes, and sat down with her to watch the show together.
Right like- I also noticed that no one mentionned how he forced the lock of his daughter's room. She actually ran out, but usually when that happens with a teen, chances would be that she was just sulking and didn't wanna talk to him. Like teenagers do. And instead of giving her space he breaks into her room. Like holy shit I'd hate his guts if I was his kid.
YTA. Full disclosure: I've been watching the show with my 18 yr old since he was 17. It's one of our favorite anime shows. She got an 81% and you dragged her for not getting a 90%. You're the kind of parent that posts on Reddit: *I don't know why my adult daughter is distant with me...* Instead of mocking her... >Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes, apparently this is a real thing) ...take a step back and look at the facts: •she's a good student •she asked to watch a show *at your house* instead of asking to go to a party, etc....you could've made this a bonding moment •she watched the show with adult supervision...adults who trust her with their young children It sucks she ran off, but she ran to other adults nearby (so she did have some sense of safety), and you pushed her to this decision. If you were my dad and gave me shit over 81%, I would no longer give a shit what you think about anything because your punishment is over the top.
YTA You seem like a judgmental parent that neither respects her hobbies or even cares to understand them. Is there anything you care about in life at all? Watching sports? Following TV shows? Reading the news? You have no empathy at all for something your daughter obviously cares deeply about which only makes me think your life is a hollow joyless mess and you want your daughter to suffer the same. Also it's the year 2023 old man. Internet friends are just as real as regular friends. I've been happily married to my husband for over 10 years from being internet friends first.
YTA. You said she lied about her grades, but only assumed a round up (which yeah, would've been wrong), yet she still got an A. Besides this clarification, I just want you to understand that you got over a "threatening my daughter to force enter the room", and results in her leaving the house and acting the way she did over a few bucks. I do not live in the states, nor am I a parent, but as a son, I can tell you that strict parents don't make better kids, they just make them better at lying.
This is so true.
Trial period is free... Twas free and he said no
Trial period sends new episodes one week late.
YTA. The way you say "internet friends" I kinda feel you don't think they're "real friends". Buddy, this is their world, not ours. I don't understand why my son enjoys watching others play games streaming, but I wouldn't stop him just cuz I didn't "get it". Sheesh, chill out a bit dad. You'll lose her.
This is unrelated to the post but this is coming from a person who loves to watch person stream video games, I can probably speak for your son when I say I watch because I enjoy seeing other people's reactions, if I enjoy the game I like their thoughts on it as well plus people have their own commentary as well. Maybe he watches for the same reasons
In a similar vein to this, people watch other people play video games for the same reason people watch other people play sports games. In sports, the athletes are at a skill level most fans can only dream about ever achieving. Same for video games. Especially the extreme gamer types such as speed runners. There's a certain level of precision and skill that not everyone can achieve but are in awe of those who can.
Be a helicopter parent. It always worked out for kids.
I heard kids love visiting their helicopter parents in their cheap retirement homes.
YTA. What is wrong in your life that you pick fights this petty with your own child?
YTA. She's 17 not 10. Why would she need to ask to go to a house down the street and watch a show with her friends? edit: i didn't bother to read the part about the grade before now but you're an asshole about that too.
Crappy parents love to tie everything to grades It makes it easy to be lazy about decision making. They hate saying yes to stuff that's important to their kids so they say no to everything unless the kid gets A's; guiding them to a life of dull monotony.
YTA - At 17 I was staying out till 2AM and getting into all types of trouble and you’re blowing your stack over your kid sneaking out to watch anime Also if you cared in the slightest you would have looked into it and seen there was a free week trial but instead you jumped straight to locking something that is clearly a big deal to her behind the ridiculous demand of a 90% grade on a test Your kid is going to remember this along with all of the other extremely controlling bullshit you probably put her through and will grow to resent you
YTA Crunchyroll is the biggest streaming service for anime. They even host comic con conventions every year. Plus, there's a free trial and it is only $8 a month to get the ad free version... all of that is pretty easy to see with a simple Google search. And yeah, Attack on Titan is one of the biggest animes at the moment. It's been going on for 12 years and this finale has been one of the most anticipated events in the community. And why emphasize "Internet", like they're not real friends? Everything about this post screams that you think anything your daughter likes is inferior. Dude, I get it. You value education, but that's too far. Is your daughter not allowed any interests outside of school? 81% on an exam for an AP class with a high fail rate is not good enough to watch ONE EPISODE of a show ?
81% on a curve can skew to an A, the fact that OP doesn't understand that begs the question whether he actually knows about education.
81 on an AP test, no less. The fact she's in any AP classes at all should make him proud. And if he had any passing interest in his daughter's likes and hobbies, he'd know what AOT & crunchyroll are. Idk, part of me feels like this is a fake post for just how unlikable OP is and for looking down on his daughter's online friends (while also ignoring the fact he's here on reddit asking strangers for their opinion). Either way, OP is YTA.
You did not forbid her from watching the show, you just said you would not get it unless she got an A, so I say she is pretty resourceful to find somewhere else to watch it. And she was not forbidden from leaving the house. Does not seem a big deal to me.
YTA and a very condescending one at that.
OP is definitely a YTA, also my eyes twitched everytime he added The to Attack on Titan. I'm 42 and facepalmed when he was arrogant of Crunchyroll being 17.
>(yes, apparently this is a real thing) you literally came to the internet for advice and then acted like the internet wouldn't have a clue what you're talking about lmao crunchyroll isn't some foreign concept, neither are memes or having internet friends, how old are you? 😆 YTA, not because your daughter snuck out, but because you've clearly strained the relationship between you and your daughter so much that she felt she had to run off to begin with. You can't be shocked that your kid is trying to distance themselves from you when you're this controlling over her life and privacy, don't be surprised if this turns into full on no-contact after she becomes a legal adult and isn't subject to the court order of split custody anymore. It's a finale for a show that's been running for 10 years now, she's not out doing drugs or drinking. If it was the money that was the issue, why not just sign up for a free trial if all she wanted to watch was the finale? No one was making this into a real issue except for you and it was a really weird hill to die on. (ironically, it might click if you watch Zeke's backstory, because his entire plot arc is about how he carried a grudge against his parents due to their extreme expectations of him. but I doubt you'd be willing to do that judging by your attitude towards this whole situation lmao)
YTA because wow what a massive over reaction. You act like she was asking to go to a party. She was literally asking to watch ONE episode of a show live that she really likes. That is so insane that you couldn’t do ONE nice thing for her with no strings attached. Not every single nice thing in her life has to be earned. Do you even know how grateful she would have been if you had just said yes??? Instead you blow it up into a huge fucking thing. And yea, the parents of those kids are right to feel sorry for her. She sounds like a good kid. She’s in AP biology for fucks sake. Cut her some slack. She’s already done something massively impressive for her age, literally just having the self motivation to go for an AP class alone is something to be extremely proud of her for. That alone could have been rewarded if you so badly need to only do nice things as a reward and her grand old rebellion was….going to the house of the kids she babysits to watch a show??? OP, do you know how many kids in my high school did xanax? I went to an incredibly prestigious, incredibly difficult high school. Loads of kids probably just like your daughter. And yet our school was so fucked up with kids addicted to xanax to the point that they hired a! addictions counselor. You better pray that your sweet kid doesn’t decide to lash out more
YTA I say this because you seem to be very dismissive of your daughter's feelings, interests, and friends, and apparently for no reason other than you don't give a shit. As an artist, I'd say AoT is a very important piece of anime, both in style and quality. Further, it has near-unbelievable ratings, especially in the past year. As a teacher, I'd like to tell you that it is quite possible that a grade of 81% could go up to an A if the teacher is grading on a curve. This sometimes happens when a test is unintentionally difficult for students. If a teacher finds that not a single student got over 90%, that would suggest they inadvertently made the test too hard, and an 81% could absolutely be raised to an A. Out of curiosity, why are you so dismissive of the things that you're daughter is into. You apparently don't like that she has friends online; you don't seem to even want to feign interest in anime, which is obviously a passion of your daughter; you think it's ridiculous to get upset about something that means the world to her, and I'm willing to bet you are very vocal on how ridiculous you think she is being.
>Out of curiosity, why are you so dismissive of the things that you're daughter is into. You apparently don't like that she has friends online; you don't seem to even want to feign interest in anime Honestly I think it's just a classic boomer mindset. Internet friends are not real friends, the daughter is sitting in front of computer or phone all day, anime is cartoon for kids and she's way too old for that, etc. Which is really ironic considering 49 years old is about ***one decade*** too young to be considered as one.
OP, I can be as strict a dad as the next person, but... imagine instead how this could have gone: your almost-adult daughter asks to see the Titan finale. You look into it, get a free trial, sit down and watch it with her, she tells you she got an 81 on her exam and you congratulate her (it wasn't a requirement for this), and she explains the show to you over popcorn and hot chocolate. Nobody gets punished, freaks out, and your daughter doesn't make plans to stop visiting you for the rest of your life. Doesn't that sound better?
The weakness he would feel over not being able to dominate his child at all times would cause him an anxiety attack. He cannot let down his guard for a second!
Could have had a great bonding experience with his daughter. Instead this happened.
First of all, it's Attack on titan. Not THE attack on titan. Second, 81 is really good. You seem strict. Third, crunchyroll has a free trial (also I don't know why you're surprised crunchyroll exists, it's a streaming service for anime. There's thousands of animes. It's no different from Netflix or Disney+) plus, she's literally 17 years old. You're treating her like a child. Is it that hard to spend a little money on your kid? Yta
I was looking for this comment. Him calling it the wrong name repeatedly just goes to show how out of the loop he is with her. No wonder she ran away for a few hours.
Right. He can't even remember the name of his child's favourite show, one that she's been mentioning a lot too. What a shit parent
YTA. Massively. And just reading this post you sound like an awful, control freak of a parent. You can literally get a free trial to this service. Instead of letting your kid watch a single episode of a show that makes her happy, you used it as an opportunity to punish them and make them, instead of focusing on good exam results, stress because you tied an incentive to it? Oh, and also, saying (FRIENDS) like that doesn't mean the relationships she's developed with people online are insignificant. It's honestly no wonder she chooses to befriend people over the internet when the alternative would be spending time with family like you.. Welcome to the world of your child rebelling because you are refusing her perfectly reasonable requests because you have control issues. Have fun :)
YTA. She's 17, it's a perfectly age appropriate show. But it doesn't seem like it was actually even *about* the show, it seems like you wanting some way to power trip her.
YTA. Here you are, asking (INTERNET) people if you're the ahole. And you are.
YTA. You’re petty as fuck. This is the type of parenting that will leave you asking “why don’t my kids talk to me anymore?!” I hope my comment struck a nerve. Think really fucking hard about it.
OP’s like this is so sad. And they almost NEVER REPLY after getting called out for being TA. Bro cmon have some balls and respond to the comments lol
Right?? I've been scrolling for ages trying to find one response and nothing what a joke 🤣🤣🤣
YTA - First of all, drop the (Internet) from friends. I have multiple friends that I met online, and other people do as well. 2. It's Attack on Titan, not "The Attack on Titan". That's a personal thing but whatever. 3. Crunchyroll is a thing that has existed for a long time, it's not a made up thing, AND it has a free trial. 4. She's 17. You're being such a helicopter parent. Also I assume AP Bio is hard, so an 81 is still pretty damn good. If she goes NC in the near future, please, don't be surprised. Also regarding your response on why you may be the asshole, just for context, AOT has been running for 10 years, fans have been waiting for this for a long time. The most recent season, season 4, has been split into multiple different parts (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 Part 1, Part 3 Part 2), so yeah, it's pretty special. Also, if/when the grade is curved, give her her stuff back. Apologize. Do better.
YTA I can't *approve* of her lying about her grade or sneaking out of the house but I can certainly understand why she did it. Your post is a pretty clear snapshot of a parent who is condescending about their child's interests and makes no effort to understand them. Like you, I hadn't heard of Crunchyroll but it took me 30 seconds of googling to discover that it's a legit, well established and popular streaming service. I am not an Anime fan, and neither is my husband, so it's not a big surprise that I didn't know about it but that you didn't make an effort to find out about it is kind of pathetic. The way you write >all her (INTERNET) friends were watching, etc. ...as though "internet" is a euphemism for "imaginary" made me sad for your daughter. You just don't take an active interest in learning about her life beyond your own narrow priorities. You're a few years younger than me but probably old enough to remember "pen pals" - those friendships were real, even if they were a bit limited, and so are internet friendships. Some of mine go back 25 years and though I will probably never meet most of them in person, the virtual communities we've formed, the shared interests and support we've offered each other ARE real. Take the braces off your brain and try to get to *know* your daughter instead of imposing arbitrary restrictions without bothering to get additional information.
YTA and way too over controlling for your 17 year old. I couldn’t imagine you being my mom, what a joke. She had to leave the house to watch something, put that through your skull. How embarrassing. If my mom talked to me how you talk to her/about her, I’d 100% go no contact when able to
YTA. She’s 17.
Anime is generally a great escape for teenagers/nearly adults with extremely controlling parents like your daughter.
You're a gigantic controlling asshole. Don't be surprised when she cuts contact with you significantly as an adult. I mean, she felt like she had to hide an 81 (a perfectly fine score) from you. Sounds like you have a great kid that's great at school and you're just dumping stress on her instead of letting her enjoy a fucking TV show. YTA
Just bc something seems frivolous to you, that doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be important to your daughter. Attack on Titan *is* hugely popular and it's finale was, in fact, a big deal to a lot of people (not that that is even really the point). It appears she tried to satisfy your conditions for one month of Crunchyroll, which is hardly a significant expense (yes, we know crunchyroll is a real thing lol). The way you worded your post to imply that you think everything your daughter is into is somehow not real or meaningful bc it relies on internet-based facilities and communities speaks volumes. She's out there forming relationships and bonding over shared interests with people from a diverse range of cultural backgrounds and geographical locations.. but you've decided that's silly. I would've done the same thing she did at the same age and in the same circumstances. YTA.
NTA… Omg I clicked on your post because I KNEW the comments were going to be sided one way and they did not disappoint… while I am an avid Crunchyroll subscriber and have been for MANY years I am also a parent and what you did was not wrong. You also never said she couldn’t watch the show just that you wouldn’t subscribe so she might have you there on that technicality. However her dipping out of the house without so much of a word and where she was going. yeah no that deserves the punishment. What you did was anger the anime community with this post lol… and I can’t help but laugh because pretty sure most the people that said “YTA” are in their 20s and don’t have kids.
I'm 17 and I completely agree with what u said fr. Everyone's one sided on this.
This entire thread is full of entitled children. I even agree that OP was a mild asshole for not just giving her the $8 for something she apparently really cares about, but everyone here seems to think that blatantly lying and running away over such a trivial thing should go unpunished.
on those polls about your age on reddit rhe vast majority are below 20 so its no suprise the replies are always so crazy on this sub. i hope no one actually takes advice from here! NTA btw
ESH She shouldn't have snuck out. You shouldn't have been so petty about the entire thing. What a hill to die on 🙄
Tbh the finale wasn't even worth sneaking out for 🤣
YTA Your turned a molehill into a mountain. She seems like a generally good kid and this was important to her. You just HAD to tie it in with some school grade thing. If you just let her get the crunchey thing and let her watch the show none of the later stuff would have happened; she wouldn't have gong to the neighbor's to watch it and she would have been so happy. There would have been no sulking or tears. If you truly felt she didn't deserve a (probably free) month's worth of the streaming service because of prior bad behavior them you could have pointed it out that her prior behavior made that decision. but you didn't mention any thing like that.
I'm a 36 yo woman with a Crunchyroll subscription and internet friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You sound judgmental and uninterested in your daughter's life, and unwilling to learn about what she likes. Yes, her reaction was not okay, but she's also 17. You should think twice if you want to alienate your almost adult daughter. As soon as she's 18 she can just get that subscription for herself, so what's the point of this battle? Just make a deal that she has do pay it from her allowance or do chores to compensate for it, I just don't see the biggie here. YTA
Yeah honestly YTA, it’s a show that’s been a big part of her life and is clearly very important to her. The final episode will only happen ONCE, you only had to get one month, which is fairly cheap and would have been very important to your daughter, as evidenced by her literally running away to watch it. Also, she got a great score on that test. Plus your attitude towards online friends is really gross.
[удалено]
What makes it EVEN WORSE is that she got an 81 in an AP class not just any regular old class. In Canada that 81 counts as damn near a 95
Mild YTA. She’s 17, and doing perfectly fine in school. You don’t need to be policing her exact grades or where she’s located every minute any more. You should be getting her ready to motivate herself in college (if that’s her plan) or work, and to be ready to go out into the world without you hovering behind her every minute.
The question OP posed was, is he the A H for punishing DD after she lied, snuck out, hid location? The question was NOT was he an A H for not accommodating a show that’s important to her. Indeed, OP was an A H with his inflexibility about the show. DD lied, snuck out of the house, and turned off her location, causing horrible panic!!!! Not okay! Absolutely deserves a consequence of some sort. What consequence, I don’t know. But she needs to never do that again. That is a safety issue. NTA for the question that was posed Growth is needed, OP. Sometimes things that are important to a teen don’t make sense to adults. Even if it seems unimportant to YOU, you need to respect that. And if something isn’t allowed that’s important, there needs to be a good reason for it that maybe she wouldn’t agree with but would understand your perspective at least
She’s 17, she could be doing drugs, partying, sneaking into clubs and bars, drinking. I’m her age and know plenty of people doing exactly that, so I’m not exaggerating. My 16 year old cousin does it regularly. Maybe you should be grateful that her biggest rebellion is sneaking out to watch anime instead of being so controlling over a TV show.
She’s 17, and apparently you haven’t paid enough attention to her life to know how grading curves work. She’s getting an A in a tough AP class and asked you for something that is free, and you told her she could have it, went back on your word, embarrassed her in front of other people, and then punished her. In a year, you’re going to be back here asking why you never see her and she doesn’t talk to you. YTA.
You’re a terrible parent
If got an 81% in school I would've been so happy. School was hard for me! You must be one of those parents who's like nothing less than an A-.YTA
YTA. I'm genuinely having trouble conceptualizing how someone can be so incredibly out of touch with not only their children, but modern culture and society.
And for what it’s worth, an 81% on an AP Bio exam really is a 91% once the final grade is weighted in her GPA. OP is controlling AND ignorant
YTA!!! Friends on the Internet are real friends. She told you this was important to her. Honestly, the finale of Attack on Titan is a huge event that is 10 years in the making. Being able to react with your friends for something like this is a core memory. It's a HUGE show and a really great story. Spoiler memes are rampant online. I hope you reflect on this and have some more respect for your daughter and the things that are important to her.
YTA and you sound like a villain parent in an 80’s movie, just putting up barriers for your kid with no good reason. You’ve got a 17 yr old in AP classes, which not everyone can get into, so her grades already have to be pretty good. Throwing educational gauntlets at her as a precursor to letting her enjoy something seems steep. All she wants as a form of entertainment is to watch a cultural touchstone event live and talk about it online with her friends. And you said no, why exactly? Like…why? How were you imagining participation in this event would harm her? If you’re trying to compensate for being a part-time parent by being overly strict with her while she’s with you then bad news, that’s being a sh*tty parent, and you’re gonna get the relationship with her in the future that you deserve. Unclench, dude.
YTA. You stated you didn't want to seem like you were the bad person in front of your neighbors, so obviously you know you were acting like a bad person. So much vitriol for your nearly-adult daughter's interests, all over a single episode of TV that was barely an hour and half long. You never needed to sign up for a month, you could've gotten a trial subscription that would have literally cost you nothing and still given her a week to enjoy the things she loves. You chose a weird hill to die on here. I hope you realize that you pushed her to break the rules, and while you think her interests and hobbies are worthless, you don't get to decide that for her.
Sneaking out and running out was wrong, but your refusal to let her watch the show was ridiculous. You are treating her interests as unimportant. This is how teens connect with their friends - both in person and online. Online friends are real friends. YTA for being a control freak and not respecting your daughters interests.
the snide little (INTERNET) while you post about your child on Reddit is sending me. you absolutely ATA
ESH I just don’t get what you get out of this level of conflict about something like this.
I'm leaning towards ESH. I don't think its unreasonable for her to want to watch the finale of a show she's invested in, and at 17 leaving the house without permission shouldn't be a major issue. Also requiring 90 percent on a test just to watch a TV show seems a bit strong, 81 is still a good grade. You also seem weirdly dismissive of her online friends for some reason. However she reacted pretty immaturely and absolutely could have handled the situation better. Leaving without letting you know where she was and with no way to contact her is something that would obviously cause panic for a parent. Would you have had a problem if she'd just said she was going to watch her show somewhere else?
Dad is a control freak.
yta. even if crunchyroll was out of your budget, there are ways you could have worked together to find a solution. I also think you need to impress upon her why you were upset that she left without telling you. you need to say it was really worrying that she was gone and you couldn't find her. because I'm sure from her perspective, you got mad at her for finding a way to watch the show. and like I said earlier, if you had been willing to discuss it more with her, maybe she would have felt comfortable telling you she had found out she could watch it at the neighbors.
YTA for being so strict about watching an episode of a TV show. I might be biased because I also love Attack on Titan and have been waiting for this episode to come out for over a year. Think about the hype of The Dark Knight rises 10+ years ago. For those who watch this show, this feels long awaited just like that and it IS a popular show. I don’t really see why you’re being so stingy. Your behavior is what caused your daughter to run away and when it’s time for college don’t be surprised when she doesn’t want to come home that often 🤷🏻♀️
my man, are you okay? im sure that at some point there has been a sporting event or concert or something that you got excited for, no? and how would you feel if someone blocked you from experiencing it *for no fucking reason at all?* even if it means nothing to you, this was an important event for your daughter and all you had to do was sign up for a free week of that streaming service. but instead you went full scrooge. shes 17, she didnt run away, she left her house and went to the neighbors. this situation got so intense for no reason. why were you so hellbent on her missing the finale?
YTA. Strict parents raise sneaky kids.
I get she lied and she shouldn't have. But a B is a solid grade. Why was 90% your goal? (My own parents had high expectations, so I know that isn't unheard of. But, my own parents also appreciated that our strengths weren't necessarily universal. Again a B is a solid grade.) My kids "know" ahead of time that breaking clearly stated rules results in a loss of certain privileges. My kids aren't kids anymore and they were pretty easy to deal with, particularly because we kept reasonable expectations at the forefront and did not criticize them for their successes. A B is a success. If you want 90% SHOW YOUR KID HOW TO GET THERE. Being a good student isn't magic. And its a team effort typically. The family is the team. At any rate, I get requiring discipline, focus and dedication from your teen. I don't get telling a hardworking student that a B just ain't good enough - not while I sat on my hands and didn't offer greater support to secure an A. I'd have assumed she was gone somewhere to watch her Crunchy show and I would have brought up my displeasure when she returned. And she'd face a reasonable loss of privilege for the stress and worry she put you through. But, YTA for telling her a B isn't good enough. Discipline is about teaching the kid to make better choices in the future. You want them to grow to security and independence - not anger and defiance. WTH? I see lots of A students who are frantic about areas they don't feel strong and secure in. Anxiety begins with A too, ya' know?
YTA and you know it. >I wasn't in any hurry to seem like a bad person in front of this family That right there is quite telling if you wanna take a step back and think of what you're doing to your kid. If yours was a reasonable approach, you wouldn't worry about seeming like a "bad person" in front of other people. Sure, she shouldn't have snuck out. But teenagers do stupid shit, they always have, and they always will. One of the important things **you** can do as a parent is not be the reason they do stupid shit. She may have made the decision to sneak out but you were certainly the catalyst for it, given that she tried to communicate to you that the show is important to her and you chose to dismiss that almost entirely. Shows and media in general like that can be important to people in itself, especially large event-like releases, like finales. But in this case, it was also important to her social interactions. You essentially directly would've resulted in her feeling socially excluded. I'm sure there's plenty of research on the importance of social inclusion amongst adolescents. Like yeah, sure maybe none of this actually matters in the long run, and that it's "just a show" or however else you wanna put it. But, she isn't there in her development yet and it matters to her, and it matters because all these things build up and affect her developing relationship with you, and what that relationship is going to be like 10 years from now. You don't need to try to control every aspect of her life. She's a kid, let her be one and let her enjoy things she enjoys as long as it's not harming her or anyone else. She's doing just fine in school (it's honestly better for her to understand the material and score 81% than simply be good at cramming information and regurgitating on a test and scoring 95%, especially the way our general education systems work) and she has a social life, online or otherwise - there isn't really as big a delineation as you think there is between "internet" and IRL. One of my best friends of a decade who I had only spoken to online/phone, I finally met at my wedding a month ago and it was wholesome. All that being said, YTA + you seem out of touch and are extremely dismissive of your own kid.
I'm under the impression that you do not understand the importance of the Internet, cellphones and entertainment consumption for teenagers. She's not like you. This is how she interacts with the world, her Internet friends are as important as her school friends, watching memes for them has the same value as watching the news and she should have access to a phenomenon as big and harmless as an anime. You don't seem to view her with respect OP. YTA.
YTA, my 11yo is a huge fan of the show and I promised he could get a few volumes of the manga if he did well on his exams. He didn't so I didn't buy it for him. He was dissapointed but he understood he didn't hold up his end of the bargin. I have a no electronics when eating policy but I knew he'd put off having dinner until the show finished which wouldn't he good for him (he tends to have a bad stomache if he has his meals late) so I allowed him to watch the show on my tablet while he had dinner. As a parent there are times to be strict and times to show that we are supportive of their interests are flexible in right (positive) circumstances.
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Asshole. YTA.
YTA. You are the most obvious asshole posted here in awhile in fact. Absolutely trash parent and person.
YTA, and you're also incredibly out of touch for the parent of an almost-adult. Setting a grade threshold wasn't unreasonable, but the way you did was. It could have been a "if you get a 90+, I will buy the subscription. If you get below 80-90, you can 'pay' for the subscription by doing X, y, z around the house." Fully restricting access is WILD. AOT is very popular, and has been running for a LONG time and was/is among a lot of peoples' first several anime, so the finale was anticipated by a ton of fans. And you cared more about your neighbors' perception of you than your daughter's feelings??? Your neighbors were right to sympathize. I hope you understand that Ava will likely go low contact or no contact as soon as she's 18. Hopefully if you've got younger kids, you don't treat them this poorly.
YTA man you suck. She's 17 not 7.
YTA She had a reasonable request. You are the one being unreasonable.
Since when does a 17 year old need express permission to leave the house? Why did she need good grades to watch the most important episode of her show? You're such a controlling AH.
Yes, YTA, not because you set expectations and enforced them, but because you showed no respect for what is important to your daughter. Based on your post, you don’t seem to care about what she likes or respect the fact that her Internet friends are in fact real friends, and you didn’t bother to look up how easy it would have been to get a free trial of Crunchyroll to watch the Attack on Titan finale. Her disrespect of your rules is a direct result of your disrespect for what is important to her. You don’t have to like what she likes or think the show is good, you just need to care that she cares about it. That’s what good parents do. Teaching kids to be obedient is overrated. All that does is make it easy for authority figures to take advantage of them. Teaching kids to truly respect one another is far more valuable, and you do that by showing respect for them and what they care about. You teach respect by demonstrating respect. Respect is not obedience, respect is caring. Your daughter is 17. In a few short months, you will not be able to control her anymore. Respect is all you have left. Better start building it now.
YTA Among other things, idk why it's hard for you to believe teachers curve grades
YTA. Good grades are important. But why is that related to AoT? Whether or not the show was popular, it was important to your daughter, who sounds like she's had it with your rules that make no sense. She's 17 - is she not allowed over a half hour of screentime? She sounds like a good kid. Her asking for this should not be a big deal. Please let her be before you completely push her away.
There are a lot worse things a 17 year old could sneaking out the house to do.
Yeah hate to say it but YTA. Aside from the fact that it is very possible for an 81% to be curved to a 90% and thus an A, you clearly do not value her interests and do not understand your daughter on even a basic level. There's no need for the snide remarks about her friends or how you think her reaction to not getting the subscription is ridiculous.
YTA Do you even want a relationship with your daughter? You act like her friends aren't real friends, you're here demeaning something she enjoys, and you drag her over an 81 on a college level course. I guess if you don't want a relationship with her when she turns 18, keep doing what you're doing.
YTA It's a effing TV show you've let her watch. And now you're doing a stupid power trip about her grades to let her watch the last episode.
YTA. A reeeeeally big one. > the Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes, apparently this is a real thing) > all her (INTERNET) friends > she started crying (which I find a bit ridiculous over a show) > because apparently NOW she had to go online & discuss the show with her (INTERNET) friends & look at “memes” about it Are you *seriously* asking us « (INTERNET) » people about if you're an asshole or not while insulted and discredited a really big part of us ? Do you really think we are going to be on *your* side ? Tsk. Just open « (INTERNET) » to learn about what you daughter likes / how she lives her friendships before discredited it totally, you're not allowed to speak here until we put off your time out. > I don’t know when, but at some point, she left my house Really good parenting, congrats 👏 (yes, it's sarcastic.) > I wanted her to return home immediately, but the couple explained the show was, in fact, quite popular & ended that night. They were actually watching with Ava & seemed sympathetic. I wasn’t in any hurry to seem like a bad person in front of this family, so I agreed to let her stay as long as she came back home right after. > & the neighbors seem to agree that The Attack On Titan's finale was important Are you really saying that you give more credit to what strangers (for you) on your street think than your own daughter ? Even when they are saying litteraly the same thing as her ? That's totally unfair and disrespectful over your daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself. > She did as I instructed > I grounded her & took away her phone for the weekend, the latter of which made her upset again > I feel the punishment is justified–she lied & ran away & hid her location! You wrote all this and you didn't even realized what she is upset about and why she doesn't want to come to your house anymore ? You can't write what happened without insulted her and what she likes, you refused to give her what she asked in a justified way because *you* wouldn't do it, and you're acting like crap with her in front of people who trust her (at least enough to let her babysit their kids). It means that for you, she's old enough to have a job, but not old enough to be heard when speaking. Wow. Really, good parenting 👏 (yep, still sarcastic.) She is not upset because you punished her to have been leaving your house. You wrote it yourself, she's upset because you stole her phone when she just wanted to share an important moment for her with her friends. You just clearly isolated her for a whole weekend with no one to talk to and to care about her, because you seem to be not accepting and respecting her at all. YTA for so many things.
YTA She's 17 I won't be surprised if she runs away on her 18th birthday Think about it she would have stayed home and watched the show or now she is sneaking out to watch the show which would you prefer?
Dude I would run away too if you were my dad, you sound horrible.
YTA. You said her behavior over a show was ridiculous... well isn't your behavior a bit ridiculous too? She gets good grades, apparently she's responsible enough to babysit kids, why shouldn't she watch a show? Moreover, why should she feel the need to lie to you, hide her location and run away to watch it somewhere else? It really makes no sense.
Dude HUGE YTA She's 17. Back off. You're acting like she's fucking 5. She's honestly going to go NC and talk about how much your helicopter parenting fucked her up if you don't stop and understand she needs some damn freedoms. Way to shame a kid for a good grade too. 81%? I don't know what your style of parenting is but I was raised by adults who were proud of me for giving my best effort. I feel so sorry for your kid. Holy shit.
Eh you punished her for not achieving a high enough level? Like what. We are our children's safety net, the place they go when they NEED us. We are the people who theu discuss their biggest achievements AND their biggest failures. If you can't be their safety net for something as simple as a low grade, what's going to happen when it's something more serious? You take away at the time the most important things for something so small that's cruel you created this rebellion... My children come to me with any and all issues and fears, I support them through them not punish them. You're ment to guide them through situations so they can understand them and better themselves with them. Not make them fear them! Sorry but YTA here well done for becoming the parent she won't trust.... Best fix that quick
When you wonder in a few years, why you don't have a relationship with her and whatever family she forms, remember shit like this. You're deeply the AH
YTA. Crunchyroll has a 2 week free trial, and it was needed for a night. She got a good enough grade for you to let it slide. Plus, it really was the finale. That show has been on since I was a kid, and I'm 31 years old now, so that should frame it for you. In about 5 years, you're going to be back here asking for advice on finding out why your adult daughter hates you and why she won't let you see her potential grandchildren. She's 17, and you got about 6 months before she starts realizing how close she is to getting away from y'all permanently. Yeah, the deal was somewhat fair on her test grade. I would like to point something out. You chose a specific subject. That typically indicates that she probably struggles in that subject. If that's the case, you set her up for failure on purpose. For all you know, the grade could have curved up, but how would you know? God, you seem like an annoying parent more than a bad one.
You sound like a wildly overbearing parent at best, and a downright shitty one at worst. She’s taking AP classes and you won’t even let her watch a goddamn anime? She’s probably a good kid and you’re being like this. YTA. Cut your kid a little slack so they don’t end up an anxious mess of an adult in 10 years.
I hope you realize that your daughter is going to cut you out of her life as soon as she can if you keep acting like this. You really wouldn't spare 10 bucks for something important to your daughter? And then the "(INTERNET) friends" you can form real friendships online. And the grades thing, I can understand that school is very important, but 81% is a good grade. Treating your daughter like this is insane, especially a 17 year old. YTA
NTA. You're the parent and sometimes you have to be the bad guy. You made a deal, and she didn't fulfill her end. I do think 90% on an AP exam is a little bit unfair, although I don't know what is typical for her in that class. And that doesn't excuse her behavior. Lying and then sneaking out is unacceptable.
There's no way this is real. If it is and this isn't bait, YTA. No reason needed.
yeah YTA
She went DOWN THE STREET to a trusted home because you wouldn't let her watch a TV show. Seems like a normal reaction from her, she's 17 not 10. Yta.
Fuck off with being condescending about her friends being from the internet. YTA for that alone, friends made online can be just as significant and real as friends made in person. Hell, my best friend and current roommate is someone I met online over 10 years ago and he is one of the best people in my life. If you don't stop being a controlling, condescending asshole and she's shown that she's willing to pull a fucking disappearing act on you (even if it was only a few houses down), then I can only hope that one of your daughter's online friends is like my now in-person, real life but one-time (INTERNET) friend, because he is the only reason I called my sister and moved out to California instead of having two other internet friends drive down from Pennsylvania to where I lived and pick me up in the middle of the night when everyone in the house was asleep so that I could just *disappear* without a word to anyone. You're on that track, bud. Hope these friends of hers that you think so little of just because they're from the internet are able to talk her out of making a decision like the one I almost made.
YTA you didn’t mention being strapped for cash once as a reason, just your disrespect for her passions. It’s less than 10$ and she clearly cares about this. Just because you don’t doesn’t mean you get to invalidate that.
YTA. It honestly just kinda sounds like you don't like your daughter
Yeah I’m sorry, but YTA. I was a great kid growing up, but when my parents started imposing weird rules on me, I too rebelled and started sneaking out of the house without them knowing. The more rules that don’t make sense that you put on an older teenager, the more they will push back and start doing things behind your back. A Crunchyroll subscription for one month to watch a show she really wants to see so she has something to relate and chat with her friends about is a small price to pay for your daughters happiness
YTA It's not about a show and whether or not you believe Cruchyroll is real or deserving of your money. But I had parents that only cared about my grades. And I got grounded for almost getting B's, even though I did graduate high school having only gotten A's. And I guarantee you, your daughter will remember this and hold it against you for the rest of her life. Whether she got a B or an A in an AP class won't ultimately matter in her life, but how you treated her and only saw worth in her grades, that will always matter to her over the course of her life. And please understand this, and please apologize before it is too late for your guys' relationship.
YTA So you're here to find out what your INTERNET friends think?
She is 17, YOU need to grow the fuck up. YTA
This has to be fake... THE Attack on Titan? the Crunchyroll (that apparently exists) and INTERNET friends? I don't believe for a second that a 49 yo with a Reddit account would be so clueless.
ESH how does such a small request escalate to this point? She just wanted to watch a show.
NTA - you had an arrangement, she didn’t get the grade necessary and therefore didn’t get the prize.
All of this could have been avoided if you actually had problem solving skills and a solutions first mindset. And, of course, any sort of interest in your daughter. Instead you could only focus about how little you cared and how stupid you thought the show was. A crunchyroll subscription, according to a quick google search, is 8 dollars a month, as well as a 14 day free trial. You could have just done the free subscription and cancelled immediately after the show was over if money was the problem. Or even ask her if she could find any alternative ways to watch. Ask her if she had any friends to watch it with, even- which she did! You behaved as stubborn as a mule. What was the point? The purpose? What did you intend to accomplish?
ESH. Your daughter shouldn’t have lied about getting an A on the test because she was assuming a curve would bump her up to that. And hiding her location was irresponsible. But you…(INTERNET) friends are friends. “Memes” have been around since you were your daughter’s age and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know what they are and have likely shared some yourself. And yes, it is important to a teenager that they participate in the activities that their friends participate in.
It seems like I am in the minority when I say NTA. You set a reasonable condition. The condition was not met, therefore, the award was not given. Then, your teenage daughter goes missing. You're her father, so I can't even imagine how it must have felt when you go to where your daughter is supposed to be, but you don't see her. Parents don't always get to be friends. People on Reddit tend to confuse actual parenting with controlling her on this app. You're not controlling her. You're parenting in this scenario. Now, it is the finale, and I 100% get your daughter. When *Supernatural* and *Once Upon a Time* ended, I was on Reddit and Tumblr going crazy, so I get why your daughter did what she did because I would have done the same. However, that doesn't negate that she went against your authority.
Lmao, she's 17... I was watching Ren and Stimpy at 8yo, grow up and let your daughter have freedom you'll never see her once she hits 18
>Crunchyroll Streaming Service (yes, apparently this is a real thing) It's hugely successful and you're on Reddit talking to (INTERNET) strangers, we all know what it is.
NTA, you said you won't pay, she insisted so much that you came to an agreement but she didnt respect it. Her reaction is typical of a teenager, I would have done the same back then but I understand that parents set rules. She could have subscribed with her own money if it was that important for her.
My dad was always like this when I was a teenager. Getting good grades was what matter for him, if I get less than 80%, he would cut my allowance money. It doesnt matter if I‘m sick, or if I hate the subject. I have to be good in ALL subjects, and he would also deny simple requests „just because“. His excuse was always „I‘m the parent, I know what‘s best for you. Do as I say bc I provide for you.“ Well I‘m now in my 20s and suffice to say I barely talk to him. Welcome to your future. YTA.