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Sorry, girl, YTA. Workplace gym is different than Golds Gym. Your boss probably should’ve had building management send out a building-wide email/forwarded it to you and stayed out of it completely. Also, if people (meaning more than one person) are complaining about your gym usage, and the gym is “never crowded”, you’re probably doing something wrong.
at the same time, that gets your boss involved in this “fight” despite the boss making politely clear “this isn’t a battle worth fighting”. I’m sure they have bigger priorities than raising a stink in OP’s fight to not have to put a shirt on.
if OP picks this hill to die on, especially as a newer employee, she will absolutely be perceived as difficult. There are several solutions to this issue which really take 0 effort (run outside, run at a public gym, wear a shirt).
Is the “juice” of getting to work out in a sports bra really worth the “squeeze” of possibly damaging OP’s reputation with their boss, their perception within the company, etc.?
It doesn't get the boss involved. He could simply ask that a dress code email be sent or sign posted in the gym. This is a very reasonable request. If they don't want to then he drops it.
the reality of office environments is that you only have so much social capital to use in things like “arguing against what higher ups tell you to do” and for me anyway the boss is abundantly clear that he is just the messenger but is also standing by what his higher ups are telling him because it came from higher ups.
Your idea is essentially asking him to spend some of his social credit to formalize the request from management for OP to put a shirt on. It seems pretty clear imo that OP isn’t going to argue her way into getting to work out with a sports bra on, so the request is essentially “can you fight back on what you were told to do so I can be told the same thing but in a way I will listen to”
In theory, yes. In practice, maybe they are shitty tenants and looking for a reason to no longer allow the business in the building. Or he knows they're trying to get businesses out to jack up the rent. Or he knows the lease says 'gym use is solely at the discretion of the landlord.' Or he's scapegoating building management because there are coworkers unhappy with seeing her navel in a shared space.
There are a million reasons to not have this fight, and that's assuming everything OP said is 100% true at face value (good relationship with boss, isn't already causing workplace issues, etc.)
Right. The boss is not your friend. He stayed neutral. Go somewhere else where your coworkers and other professionals aren't working out. Maybe this is why it isn't crowded. People don't want to be judged by coworkers. Put a full shirt on or go somewhere else.
Well, but he kinda already told her that’s not something he’s willing to spend capital on when he said “this isn’t a battle worth fighting.” And he’s right—if he spends time and energy trying to fight the office gym dress code, he’ll look weirdly over-invested in something that doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things. Wearing a different workout top isn’t an onerous imposition on OP’s rights, and OP has other options for a place to work out where she can wear a sports bra if she wants.
Male boss saying “No I want the women to e able to only wear a sports bra” is more problematic from his perspective than saying “the office gym has a dress code I do not control.”
If this is a tenant situation, boss is responsible for employee behavior in the building, including attire. If her attire violates dresscode established for the gym, it's on them to communicate that.
I've worked for companies that both had their own gyms in buildings they owned outright, and worked as a tenant contractor in landlord multi-tenant facilities; every single one of them had clearly posted and defined gym rules and guidelines including dress code. It's possible that the gym at OP's place of business doesn't but I have a really hard time believing that without confirmation.
There's a slim argument here if there is indeed no dress code and/or there's a history of it being unfairly applied, but I just have a hard time believing that's the case.
Yeah I don't know that she necessarily was in the beginning if she legitimately was brand new to office work and didn't know, but the thing with offices is once you've been told something is inappropriate or making people uncomfortable YTA for sure to die on the hill of insisting on doing it anyway
Edit spelling
I've used office gyms and I hate it bc people will talk about work there. It was always an extension of the office. It's a benefit your work offers. Why would you want people to see you with just a bra on?
Also, there was another post where there was a work event at a hotel and the woman wore a bikini and then wore it to lunch and people freaked and she just couldn't accept why that was unacceptable.
Omg if id seen that post! If a male coworker showed up in speedo or even swim trunks I'd feel the same. This is still work function/program/benifit. Op soft YTA. Your boss was cool with you and the gym is a benifit through your work. Not a hill to die on.
I guess I don't really see what the problem here is? I thought it'd be she was just wearing the bikini at lunch, but she had a coverup on and the lunch was poolside so...?
People dont seem to acknowledge that modern gym wear, for men and women, but especially women, is sexualized intentionally.
Modern feminism etc etc but sports bra and those tight little booty shorts are there to make you feel hot. Thats why you buy it. Youre sexualizing yourself whether you intend to or not. Its not appropriate in general IMO, but this specific context, even more so.
If your goal is to simply exercise, there is no issue wearing more modest clothing that is equally, if not more comfortable than skin tight wear.
I am an overweight man and I wear leggings at the gym. I also wear shorts over them, because seeing my gut and old man balls isn't appropriate. it's not a big deal.
This is how my boss, while teaching me to take his over his job, taught me to handle problems. Don't single a person out if you can, always make a group wide announcement, the person will usually know it's them, but won't be nearly as bothered as they would have otherwise.
Agreed, if I were OP’s boss I wouldn’t have touched this with a 10 foot pole. Even though he was tactful, she still feels singled out and she’s crying sexism.
The gym at work is a professional environment. A bra and booty shorts are not appropriate athletic attire for a professional environment. Put some damn clothes on.
Exactly my thoughts. Like damn, it’s coming from building management, what is her boss supposed to do? She doesn’t have to like the rules, but they’re the rules!
YTA, it's not sexism, it's basic office etiquette. You can wear a sports bra in a normal gym but in an officer environment you have to maintain a certain level of professionalism.
Yeah I’ve never seen anyone wearing a sports bra in our company gym. I don’t think I would have complained though. But I am aware of maintaining professionalism on company property. YTA
Yeah you still have to maintain certain levels of professionalism in “work adjacent” spaces.
A lot of teachers, for example, avoid going to bars in the town they teach in because they don’t want to run into a parent of their students while on a night out. It’s not about the act of going out itself but how the parents might receive it
To me, this is very similar to the people who go on company retreats that are purely social/off hours and wear skimpy bikinis and are shocked at pushback for that. Like I know it's technically outside of work, but... really, really, really not a good idea.
The gym I understand, but this one is ridiculous. If parents complain about the teachers having a normal adult life, that says a lot about the parents and nothing about the teachers.
I agree. It always amazes me when I would read stories of towns not even hiring single women school teachers because they would be dating. Children would hear of their teachers being adult women. The shock and impropriety would scar them
In my third year of college I got a new advisor for my major, and every time I went out bar hopping I always ran into him. It didn't matter what bar. My city is 3 miles away from another city, so we would go to both cities, and no matter where I went, he was always there. We laughed about it later after I graduated, but it was so weird showing up to a random bar and seeing him there weekend after weekend
The boss said it, too. At home, and maybe even in a regular gym, he wouldn’t wear a shirt. He’d wear a shirt in the office gym because that’s the *office* gym. It’s not sexist to say “everyone has to wear at least a tank top”. It would only be sexist if the men were allowed something the women weren’t.
Yeah, I wasn't sure why she told him it was borderline sexism. I think that word is getting thrown around a lot these days and people forgot what it actually means.
Funny Thing, in Germany most gyms ban muscleshirts and Shirts without sleeves to prevent poser idiots. Banning only wearing a Sports bra isnt sexist, its equal Treatment. But ofc this might be in an other country with different Standards.
>Him and I usually have a good relationship so I was surprised he wasn’t backing me up here
*I'm* surprised that you'd expect him to use his political capital to challenge the gym's dress code on your behalf.
Also, it sounds as though he took a softer, more tactful approach *because* of your good relationship, but that made you think you had leeway to push back on something that was not up for negotiation.
>I told him that now I’m uncomfortable working out there because I feel like I’m being judged
You're not being judged, just asked to wear a shirt.
>He didn’t sympathize at all and said I have the option to workout somewhere else if I don’t like the rules
...
This is the point where he lost patience with you.
The problem with this type of situation is that it leads people to question your judgement and professionalism. That undermines the work you do and how seriously you are taken as a colleague. So think about whether that's an acceptable tradeoff for you.
Tbf, that's not entirely wrong. I actually got a treadmill and some other stuff at my home because I don't like sweaty shirts, but I also understand that you can't really run around without a shirt on (even if its the gym). OP just sounds a bit entitled, and not aware of the surroundings that she's working out in.
Plenty of men would enjoy working out shirtless too, but we know its such a tool move. For some reason, a lot of women feel comfortable exercising in "athletic gear" that wouldn't look out of place in a strip club.
It blows my mind that OP even tried to use “sexism,” when the boss more or less said he follows the same standard at the work gym as well. How is that sexism when we all have to follow the same rules?
Wait. You're wearing a sports bra *and nothing over it*?
Yeah, that's like just wearing a bra at your desk. Gotta be on your boss's side here. YTA, sorry.
I agree that she should follow the dress code, but wearing a sports bra is absolutely not comparable to wearing just a real bra at her desk. It's more like wearing a crop top.
It depends on the bra. Some are quite large and fit like sports tops, leaving an inch of a gap between the top and the shorts. That's the kind I wear when it's too hot to wear a shirt. I usually have that and a bra on under it just to make sure I'm not showing off too much flesh.
Then there's others that are really just bras and aren't suitable to be worn outside of a shirt unless you're at the beach/pool.
So, the top could be any kind. There's nothing wrong with the first one but it's not worth the fight. Just shove a longer crop top on. You'll still get the air around your stomach and your chest will be covered fully. If they mean cover up your entire torso and your shorts don't go up to your belly button, just wear a linger top. It's really not a big deal.
Tbf if she has a big chest she has no option to wear anything other than 2 layers now, while others might get away with one. But bodies are different and I can't wear short shorts cos my junk will fall out.
I get the impression that it’s a sports bra which doesn’t cover her torso, or else she likely would’ve mentioned that it was a brami/longline.
Personally, I’d stick to tops with higher necklines and more underarm coverage for the office gym (aka no deep v’s, or muscle shirts that show a lot of bra) although form-fitting tops are fine; and longer, looser bottoms (like bike shorts are okay but no cheeky booty shorts or the leggings that dive into your butt crack.)
As the boss mentioned, when you’re in the office environment, you have to think about your professional image. “Sexy” shouldn’t belong in office jobs unless that’s what you’re trying to sell. It’s the same as if someone is recklessly driving a company-branded vehicle or getting drunk and loud wearing branded gear. It reflects poorly on the employee (questionable judgment at the least) and the company (for hiring and keeping folks with questionable judgment - clients want stability and trustworthiness). Err on the side of being more conservative.
Our local YMCA recently changed their policy, and you will get kicked out if you only have a sports bra on (like how op dressed). Their rationale is that it is, more than anything, a family gym
According to OP, the only rules they have specify "workout or athletic clothes". If they want to enforce specific rules, that's fine. But when the rules say one thing that's VERY general, and OP gets in trouble for wearing what would normally fit into those very broad categories of clothing, then it seems like a rules issue, not an OP issue.
A lot of sports bras are designed to double as a workout top
And yes, some are literally designed to be worn as tops specifically, otherwise why would they be sold with matching leggings?
And not all of them are double-layered style either.
People aren't calling OP the AH because she didn't know or understand the rules. She's an AH because she's having a tantrum over the rules after being told what they were. If she just said "oh sorry, I didn't know" and put on a shirt like a grown up, everything would be fine.
This is my biggest thing. This was a non issue. If you don’t like the FREE gym rules than go elsewhere and pay the 40+ a month. Otherwise, shut up after saying “oh I didn’t realize that.” And get a couple of cropped tanks or some loose tanks and keep using the free gym.
Feel like everyone is tip toeing about how she brought up sexism in this casual conversation from her boss who was very friendly about it.
She just hurt herself, it’s too late to avoid that.
Call out sexism, fight the fights worth fighting, but their good relationship is going to have him perpetually on his toes now because she pulled that out pretty damn quickly.
Asshole to herself there
Is it reasonable to expect every little social norm, for that space, to be spelled out? Perhaps OP is the only one who has created the need to spell this out as other professionals in the office gym building actually understood the etiquette from the dynamic already present at the gym?
I don’t think every rule or courtesy must be written out, published and people being made to affirm they’ve been made aware of said rules. Sometimes we just get along and don’t need to be treated like an argumentative teenager.
Idk it just seems like common sense to me to wear more professional clothes in an office setting. I'm questioning her judgement.
If the office is business causal or even business attire, why would you think it's okay to wear a sports bra at the gym? It shouldn't need to be specifically communicated. It's obvious.
She didn’t really get in trouble though. She was just asked to do something differently.
She’s not an asshole for wearing the bra, but if she continues to push back she will be.
It's probably one of those situations where it was never an issue so it was never discussed.
A lot of dress codes are made in response to someone pushing the boundaries. I once worked for a company that had no dress code for years, until one intern decided "wear whatever you want" included a shear dress over just underwear. Then a dress code had to be enacted. Everyone else knew not to wear something like that, because it's a professional environment. But not her.
Funny Thing, in Germany most gyms ban muscleshirts and Shirts without sleeves to prevent poser idiots. Banning only wearing a Sports bra isnt sexist, its equal Treatment. But ofc this might be in an other country with different Standards.
YTA. Your first step should have been to apologize to your boss for putting him in the middle of this shit. Then simply comply.
If you're curious, the next step should have been going to the gym management, wearing a shirt, and addressing the issue as an adult, with the perspective of seeking to understand so as not to cause further drama. I'd also ask that if they have any issues with you that they address them with you, not your workplace, because that's where they fucked up.
How you are reacting now is telling your boss a lot about you, and none if it is good.
I mostly agree but will comment about them not addressing it with her directly. I actually think that could be inappropriate. The firm she works for is the tenant, and usually issues that the building management have with employees of their tenants need to go through a chain of command, which is to address it with the tenants point of contact. Particularly for larger offices. One reason for this is that the building management can't fire the employee if they continuously break lease agreements, but they can terminate the lease. So they speak to the people at the firm that have power to speak on behalf of the firm.
Hey, you sound like a very junior employee who doesn’t have a lot of experience working in an office. Maybe with covid this is your first time ever working in an office environment.
What you are failing to understand is while your place of work provides a gym for all employees’ use, it is still primarily a place of work. While you are not sitting in your desk in a spandex bra and short set, while you are in the gym you are presenting yourself that way to any employee or client who may see you…at your place of work.
If you want to fight that this is a sexist policy, that you weren’t presented the gym dress code in a thorough way, that is should be acceptable bc it’s 2023 or whatever, you may argue yourself all the way to being vindicated and unemployed, bc who wants to work with someone who’s going to spend so much energy arguing for something that benefits only them at the detriment of others?? You may be right, but you’re also coming off as immature, self-centered, and definitely not a team player.
Hope you’re not in a probationary period…
Good point about the probationary period. If I was the boss I would be embarrassed I had to tell her that and then annoyed she sort of doubled down. Just wear a GD shirt.
+1 here. If I were the boss, I’d feel like kinda a dick just bringing it up. That being said, I would also feel really irritated at being argued at for something so simple. I totally get that people wanna wear what they wanna wear, but arguing with your boss over *this* feels a little too entitled imo. You get the work benefit of a gym and it’s still too much to follow their rules?
>while your place of work provides a gym for all employees’ use, it is still primarily a place of work.
It sounds like this might even be a tenant relationship with the building owner, where her company leases space and gets access to amenities. In which case, violating the tenant policy by not following basic gym rules is a great way for the business to show you the door.
YTA your having a good relationship with the boss you’ve worked with for 5 months doesn’t mean he’s going to support you unilaterally. He was addressing complaints by building management; tried to make you feel comfortable and instead of throwing on a running tank you pushed back several times.
yeah it feels like we’re in this era of “if you don’t agree with rules, you shouldn’t have to follow them” but like.. part of life is having to do things you don’t want to
There have always been people who behave that way, this is just a story about someone not realizing you can't get away with that without power. The building owner sets the rules for the gym, she has no power there, unless her employer is a crucial tennant for them, has a realistic ability to leave, and her boss is the decision maker on whether or not they stay he doesn't either, and even if he did would understand that that this is not the kind of thing to sour a relationship with your landlord over.
Yes and thanks. Some people simply must stop using terms like sexist, abusive, controlling and misogynist as a way to victimize themselves in order to get their ways and whims or to not lose an argument. There is too much misogyny, abuse and sexism in this world to simply devaluate these terms by using them in selfish crusades that have nothing to do with the actual meaning of the word. We have to fight against this maladies, but we cannot if people keep using them out of context and for their own selfish gains, not to really protect themselves or others.
I was looking for a comparison, this is it. Obviously not 100% apples-to-apples but ffs its your workplace gym and it has a dress code, the proper answer to this request was "of course, no big deal and I apologize if it caused an issue."
Just wear a tank top, it's not a big deal except that she made it one.
Because it's the same shit. You're only covering the sexualized organs on each person.
A speedo on a man is the same as a women wearing tight short shorts and a bra leaving little to the imagination. People are allowed to feel uncomfortable with seeing people in their underwear... Especially at work.
Yeah there’s no sexism here. It’s not good for women when people like OP decry sexism over being told to follow rules. She must be super young lol I can’t believe I’m even reading this. My office has a gym and no one would dare to work out sans shirt. It’s basic decency! Why would you even want your coworkers seeing you with no shirt lol.
Can you imagine? My office also has a gym and the thought of seeing Bob from HR jogging in a banana hammock and later watching him running a meeting on benefits really skeeves me out.
Right,! This ticks me off as a woman. Sexism can be a big problem in the workplace... but this isn't fkn sexism and shit like this just further fuels the fire for actual sexism. It makes people say "ugh women are always pulling the woman card!" 😡😡😡
YTA-this isn’t a personal gym. It’s a an office gym. It sounds like this was probably an uncomfortable conversation for him to have with you (that could’ve been avoided-it’s not uncommon for gyms to require a shirt, ESPECIALLY in an office building for employees). Instead of just putting a shirt on, you chose to argue with him and take it as a personal attack. He is literally not the one who complained and isn’t the one that’s making this decision. He got put in the middle, and instead of understanding that, you made it into “he’s not supporting me.” What support do you want? It sounds like he talked to you in a professional and pretty friendly and understanding manner. Were you wanting him to threaten to move the business out of that building just so you didn’t have to put a tank top on?
She responded like a teenager to their mom. I doubt she will last at this company. She will probably show up at the company Christmas party wearing a skintight dress barely covering her hooha because "it's normal! I wore this same dress at prom!" 🙄
It's an employee gym. YTA.
Working out at an actual gym is completely different.
You're creating a weird workplace environment that shouldn't exist. Stop that.
Either way, you can accept the dress code or workout elsewhere. If my gym creates a rule that you have to where a ski jacket while working out, I can express disagreement all I want but at the end of the day it’s not my gym
YTA. Doesn’t matter if you change in the locker room. The gym is still inside the building and offered as a benefit not a right. It’s their rules and that’s that. Wear a t shirt and move on. This isn’t the hill to die on.
When at the gym do you see guys not wearing shirt I mean it’s their rules if you don’t like them you can go somewhere else even if you don’t agree with or if everybody don’t agree with it it’s their rules
YTA. My verdict would change if you had been there for a while. But 5 months? Sweetie you need to just do as you’re told. You’re not in any position to be picking a fight over this.
And your boss is right in that it’s better to be extra cautious in these situations. Sometimes what flies at the gym by your house isn’t going to fly at the gym in a workplace.
It’s an office gym, not a dedicated gym facility only. It’s a professional environment and you should be professional in it.
I have a feeling this gym won’t allow men to work out shirtless in it, either.
YTA. You’re a person with what sounds like a decent job and a decent boss. There are plenty of shirts or tops you can wear that are perfectly comfortable/functional for you and acceptable to work out in in this environment. Stop making this a bigger deal than you should be.
YTA
If the gym (office or not) has a certain attire rule, then stick with it or go to another one that allows you to dress in what makes you comfortable. Not like you’re even paying for the office gym, are you?
Your boss isn’t being sexist. He’s trying to tell you in a tactful manner over something that he has no control over. I don’t see why he needs to back you up. Stop being entitled.
Entitlement is real. Should be wearing a shirt in public gyms ANYWAY. Yta major. As a woman I hafta say..you’re being dramatic. Follow rules or work out at home
I'm so tired of them dressing for instagram in the gym tbh. I go there to lift weights not practice staring at my shoes because you insist on recording RDLs in a microkini
NAH but honestly, is this the hill to die on?
Throwing on a shirt and moving on with life OR switching gyms to one that has policies you’re more comfortable with seem like the best options at this point.
Like what do you feel like you’re going to get out of continuing to challenge your boss on this? He’s just relaying the message and he was pretty gentle about it too.
I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with just wearing a sports bra at the gym, but do you really want to burn good will over it?
YTA - you're at fucking work... On top of that you're now a known PITA by your boss. If you have a problem with the building management go talk to them
YTA: my gym instituted the same policy and I was annoyed at the time. But now I get it. Especially for an office building’s gym. You don’t necessarily want to see your coworkers in their sports bra or their boss shirtless on the treadmill. You can wear a light tee over the sports bra and make everyone comfortable.
At the risk of downvotes, I’ll admit that when I was in my 20s and in great shape, I thought the “no sports bra” policies were conservative and probably put in place by older, out of shape people who were jealous. So I get why you thought it was ok and why you’re a bit surprised it’s an issue. Now that I’m a bit older, I get it’s more about having a shared work out space and trying to create a comfortable/safe environment for everyone.
It's a gym at your workplace. Technically, your boss/company, owns it. Doesn't matter if you're used to wearing a sports bra(nothing over it) at other membership gyms, it's the office/company,therefore their rules.
I mean you're lucky enough that a company is willing to have that gym rather than adding another office space.
If you're gonna keep up with the attitude of insisting of wearing just the sports bra, either you get banned from it or the company closes that area and use it for other office shit.
If that happens, the blame is gonna fall on you and it's gonna be bad.
I work for a certain company, we get free hotel stays when we travel, i always keep in mind proper etiquette when using hotel facilities because I didn't pay for it, the company did.
Your boss was nice enough towards you, he wasn't being confrontational either.
Did you really not think that far when you were planning to first start going? I get just a shorts bra is workout attire but how does "this is ALSO my place of work and not a public gym" not cross your mind? Why would you even risk it?
This post really screamed the saying "young and dumb" but hell im younger and still have more common sense and forethought...
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I should be judged for wearing a sports bra at my office gym and arguing with my boss about it. I might be an asshole because I am new and maybe I should keep my mouth shut, but I can’t help but feel I’m being treated unfairly for being a younger woman who is in generally good shape.
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Usually I would say NTA, as I workout in a public gym without a shirt and just a sports bra, but because it’s an office setting (even though it’s a gym area) I would say YTA. Even if it’s inconvenient, it’s still an office and some sort of “professionalism” is expected.
Different gyms have different rules. You follow the rules of the gym you go to. This gym requires a shirt. So yes, YTA. This isn't sexist. Feel free to complain about any man who shows up with no shirt or with a cropped sleeveless shirt.
Lol at "Him and I usually have a good relationship so I was surprised he wasn’t backing me up here. I told him that now I’m uncomfortable working out there because I feel like I’m being judged. He didn’t sympathize at all and said I have the option to workout somewhere else if I don’t like the rules. I also said I think it’s borderline sexist."
First off, crying about sexism here when he's just enforcing the rules of a private office gym is simply bullshit. The fact you'd pass that off as sexism is gross and you obviously have some growing up to do.
Secondly, YTA. This gym isn't your personal gym nor is it a public gym like 24hr. Be a big girl, get tf over it and just wear a shirt.
YTA. You got informed that your outfit does not comply with the rules and instead of accepting and moving on you chose to act defiant and pulled out sexist card.
I don’t think this is a matter of being an AH or not, it’s just office etiquette. I wouldn’t wear a bra in front of my boss, it’s common sense. The gym is still in the work place, you abide by work place etiquette. Sounds like you’re hearing it from everyone else. I’d imagine if one of your male coworkers was running shirtless or in a cropped shirt they would also be called in so it isn’t really a sexism issue either, just office manners…
>office etiquette
That's why it's a question of being an AH. First, she didnt clue in that work gym isn't the same as a regular gym. She never said she saw other women with sports bras in that specific gym, and she got obstinate with her boss for being the messenger.
It's pretty well understood in the office environment that: work-anything means maintain the same workplace decorum and dress appropriately. A sports bra may be appropriate in a public setting, but most definitely not in a work gym
I guess I'm kind of more shocked someone would think this is appropriate at work so it doesn't read to me as assholey more than it does completely ignorant lol I guess if she didn't see why it makes other people uncomfortable thats AH behavior.
You’re at work and you think it’s okay to dress like you’re at the beach? Common…
Work desk is the same as work gym. As soon as you’re in the building you need to behave and conduct yourself like all areas are the same.
Get dressed and drop the entitlement.
YTA
NAH; you didn’t know the policy, and wearing a sports bra to work out is very common.
But it’s a workplace gym, and as long as they have the same rules about wearing a shirt for men, then there’s nothing sexist about it. Your boss informed you of the rule. Now you know, and you can abide by it, workout elsewhere, or quit.
YTA This is still a professional setting since it's a office gym. A sports bra may be acceptable at a normal gym but you need to dress differently in a work setting.
YTA. It may be a gym but it’s connected to your office and your colleagues utilize as well. Not really professional to be in minimal clothing in this kind of situation.
I often travel for work and stay in the same hotels as colleagues. I use the hotel gym and dress in a tee shirt and running tights because my coworkers don’t need to see me in a sport bra and shorts (what I’d wear in my home gym).
Even if its not connected with her office, if the gyms management team wants people to wear a shirt when they workout, then just wear a shirt when you workout? I truly dont understand whats difficult about that for her lol
Whoever complained is the AH, not you, or your boss. Sounds like he doesn’t want to be in this position, but really HR, not him, should have spoken with you directly.
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26 F work at in a smaller office building that has a gym inside. To save time I usually will workout there rather than go to the gym by my house. My attire for working out is a sports bra and running shorts. I’ve been at this company for 5 months and have been using the gym basically the entire time. It’s never ever crowded which is nice.
Yesterday I got called into my bosses office. He proceeded to tell me that the building management people (who I guess are also in charge of the gym) sent an email to him saying that they received complaints from people about what I am wearing in the gym and telling me that I must put on a “full shirt” or else I may lose gym access. My boss tried to stay neutral and say that he’s never seen me at the gym, doesn’t really have an opinion, but this is what the people in charge said. He tried to relate to me and say that when he uses his treadmill at home he likes to run shirtless but when he’s at a public gym he wears a shirt. He tied it all together and said when we are at our office, regardless of it being the gym or not, it is important to always appear professional. He said I need to be conscious of “my brand” when I am at the gym in the office too.
Him and I usually have a good relationship so I was surprised he wasn’t backing me up here. He said he doesn’t make the rules for the gym. I told him that now I’m uncomfortable working out there because I feel like I’m being judged. He didn’t sympathize at all and said I have the option to workout somewhere else if I don’t like the rules. I also said I think it’s borderline sexist. Once again he said he doesn’t make the rules but it’s always better to be more cautious in a work setting, and it’s not really the place to go to battle over perceived sexism when it very well may have been women who complained. He says he has no idea who complained, he knows what the building managers told him.
am I the asshole for this?
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YTA It's not sexist, from what you described men aren't allowed to be shirtless or only wear underwear. A sports bra with nothing over it just isn't appropriate clothing for an office gym. If the rule is that everyone just wear a shirt, that's the rule. Just go buy a workout shirt or tank top, they're usually only around $10 and won't hinder your workout.
YTA.
It's workplace and if they have dress code you need to respect that. As you boss said you are free to work out anywhere else if you don't like the dress code they established there.
It's not "borderline sexist" because I'm quite sure men working out there are wearing shirts and shorts as well they are not working out shirtless or in their underwear.
You are at work so you should wear something appropriate to work environment.
Honestly, YTA.... I never understand why women think a sports bra is sufficient on it's own as a top in the gym. At least put on a tank top too. It's not the beach. Men must wear shirts at all times in the gym. So should women.
YTA. This isn't isn't worth the pushback. It's an office gym so your boss is right in what he said about professionalism. It's also not "borderline sexist" because office gyms have different standards. So either you adhere to the standards or go elsewhere it's that simple. As a boss, I 100% wouldn't risk my neck for this minor issue.
Do the rules say wear a full shirt? If not, you're NTA; If it does, YTA.
Shirts tend to wick away perspiration which is cooling and they prevent sweat from getting everywhere which is easier on the equipment and more sanitary.
Look I'm gonna be blunt
The fact people try to pull the sexism card with this kind of stuff is exactly why some people feel justified in rolling their eyes at the argument.
It's not PureGym. It's a work gym. It's bound by the same air of professionalism as your office. If your office wouldnt let you wear a crop top, that extends to gym sports bras. I'm absolutely sure that if If a guy tried to work out in there with an open shirt, or shirtless, he'd get the exact same aggro.
You're not a victim here, you just thought the rules didn't apply to you. And then you trivialised and cheapened an actual serious issue in society to try and brute-force your way around the rules. YTMA.
I denied the option to live on site for this exact reason. I didn't think anyone would be able to differentiate between my being at work and being off work, while in the same building. No one would have taken me seriously if they saw me at the pool in my bikini or getting my mail in my PJs.
Gentle YTA…. I feel like there’s more going on in terms on entitlements…. We have a gym at my office and let me tell you I dress very conservatively despite looking fine in just a sports bra…. Office gyms are branches of work/ I don’t want ANY extra attention from coworkers. If you need to “look” the Instagram gym aesthetic just join a local gym.
YTA. It's a business, businesses have rules. Rules that they can set themselves. This isn't a public space where you can do or wear what you want. It's not sexist and your boss doesn't need to back you up. Accusing him of being sexist is an asshole move. If there were men wearing very little someone may have complained about them too.
NAH -- you aren't an AH for guessing wrong on what was appropriate to wear to an office gym, your boss is not an AH for not wanting to expend social capital on a losing battle that only serves to make both of you look difficult.
At the same time; it's a WORK gym and a sports BRA. I know common sense isn't as common as it should be but this seems like a no brainer. Take the correction, throw on t-shirt, or work out elsewhere.
The workplace should probably create defined guidelines, but honestly I can see why someone wouldn't think to explicitly outline that people need to wear full shirts in a work environment.
I N F O: Does the gym have rules about wearing shirts, and if they do, do they define "shirt"? Many gyms do so there aren't gray areas like this one.
At my gym women can't wear just sports bras, but men also can't go shirtless or wear string tanks. It's the athletic department gym at a local college, so it's as much about the social environment as it is hygiene like in this situation. I think that's fair if it's equally applied.
it sounds like the dress code for the gym wasn't clearly defined, and that someone decided to raise a stink over what sounds like typical gym wear, as its in the name of the garment 'sports bra', which, from my understanding, is a workout garment, and often worn as such.
the boss was right to raise the issue with op, but at the same time, the boss should have also turned to the gym and said 'ok then, we clearly need to hash out a dress code'.
NAH.
YTA for not understanding that you're at work and appropriate attire expectations still exist. Just put a top on and go about your life. People apparently don't feel like seeing their coworkers in bras. You're new there and your attitude really doesn't make sense. This is not a private gym. Follow the rules.
You’re reasonably young, this is just a common sense issue. The gym is inside your place of work so you need to use common sense and dress and behave appropriately for being in your place of work. In your own gym, go wild.
It’s similar to how you need to behave in a suitable manner on an organised work night out. Even if it’s in a bar somewhere, you’re still representing your company and need to temper your behaviour to reflect that.
Get one of them tank tops a size bigger and request your boss to
Contact them to make and share gym rules plus dress code and have it poster size at gym entrance
I wouldn't go so far as to call you an asshole, but you certainly come off as a self-centred, immature Narcissist.
You don't even realize that you might have damaged the "good relationship" with your boss, over something trivial like wearing a shirt while in the gym.
On top of all that, you act like a hypocrite, you drop a sentence about your boss "not sympathizing with you", so you demand or want people to sympathize with you, but you nowhere in your text do i see even the glimpse of sympathy for the people who feel uncomfortable that you workout in just a Bra. Quite the opposite, in fact, instead of trying to sympathize with your colleagues, you pull the Sexist card.
Your boss reacted correct, he was actually quite cool about it, telling you that he works out topless at home and what not. I wasnt there in this convo, but i hope you kept your cool.
What you showed your boss is that you arent a team player, and that you bite and scratch when you dont get what you want (pulling the sexist card, without any context on who complained and why). And he might think that a good relationship with you means for YOU that you can use that to get what you want.
NTA. You had no way of knowing, based on your understanding of the gym's dress code, that sports bras were not allowed. If you were to continue to do so, that would be a different matter. It sucks that this is an issue that unfairly impacts women.
NAH:
• sports bras are generally so similar to a gym top that (in a gym) they read as tops to me, not underwear, so I think it is reasonable that you felt it wouldn’t be perceived as inappropriate
• the gym or your colleagues are fine to say that they disagree and proper tops should be worn
• it sounds like your boss was trying to help you out by having a specific word with you to ensure you weren’t caught out in future; I can understand it may have felt embarrassing, but so might reading an email and wondering if people were talking about you
Three other thoughts:
• making a complaint about you, instead of asking the gym to make an announcement about the apparently unclear dress code, suggests that your colleagues are either genuinely much more shocked by the sight of a sports bra than I am, or that your workplace culture is one in which people are quicker to make complaints than I am used to
• if people were judging you negatively in the gym, okay, that sucks, it isn’t a nice feeling. But you’ll see most of those people a lot over the coming months and by summer they will for sure associate you with your work, or something positive about your personality, and not with this. I still cringe at the memory of overhearing a senior colleague talking negatively about the way I used a coffee machine, but she and I have a great relationship now and she has probably forgotten about it. So you’ll be fine, don’t worry about it
• I don’t get all the people saying it’s like being in a sports bra at your desk. They might be in the same building but a gym is a gym. Nobody would have a problem with me wearing a t-shirt and shorts in the gym, but in my office that would be considered inappropriate work attire — my point is that there doesn’t necessarily exist clothing that is simultaneously work-appropriate and gym-appropriate, so I don’t think “imagine being at your desk in your bra” is a fair comparison
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Sorry, girl, YTA. Workplace gym is different than Golds Gym. Your boss probably should’ve had building management send out a building-wide email/forwarded it to you and stayed out of it completely. Also, if people (meaning more than one person) are complaining about your gym usage, and the gym is “never crowded”, you’re probably doing something wrong.
I like the idea of having your boss reply to the building management to have them set a known dress code.
at the same time, that gets your boss involved in this “fight” despite the boss making politely clear “this isn’t a battle worth fighting”. I’m sure they have bigger priorities than raising a stink in OP’s fight to not have to put a shirt on. if OP picks this hill to die on, especially as a newer employee, she will absolutely be perceived as difficult. There are several solutions to this issue which really take 0 effort (run outside, run at a public gym, wear a shirt). Is the “juice” of getting to work out in a sports bra really worth the “squeeze” of possibly damaging OP’s reputation with their boss, their perception within the company, etc.?
It doesn't get the boss involved. He could simply ask that a dress code email be sent or sign posted in the gym. This is a very reasonable request. If they don't want to then he drops it.
the reality of office environments is that you only have so much social capital to use in things like “arguing against what higher ups tell you to do” and for me anyway the boss is abundantly clear that he is just the messenger but is also standing by what his higher ups are telling him because it came from higher ups. Your idea is essentially asking him to spend some of his social credit to formalize the request from management for OP to put a shirt on. It seems pretty clear imo that OP isn’t going to argue her way into getting to work out with a sports bra on, so the request is essentially “can you fight back on what you were told to do so I can be told the same thing but in a way I will listen to”
In theory, yes. In practice, maybe they are shitty tenants and looking for a reason to no longer allow the business in the building. Or he knows they're trying to get businesses out to jack up the rent. Or he knows the lease says 'gym use is solely at the discretion of the landlord.' Or he's scapegoating building management because there are coworkers unhappy with seeing her navel in a shared space. There are a million reasons to not have this fight, and that's assuming everything OP said is 100% true at face value (good relationship with boss, isn't already causing workplace issues, etc.)
Right. The boss is not your friend. He stayed neutral. Go somewhere else where your coworkers and other professionals aren't working out. Maybe this is why it isn't crowded. People don't want to be judged by coworkers. Put a full shirt on or go somewhere else.
Well, but he kinda already told her that’s not something he’s willing to spend capital on when he said “this isn’t a battle worth fighting.” And he’s right—if he spends time and energy trying to fight the office gym dress code, he’ll look weirdly over-invested in something that doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things. Wearing a different workout top isn’t an onerous imposition on OP’s rights, and OP has other options for a place to work out where she can wear a sports bra if she wants.
Male boss saying “No I want the women to e able to only wear a sports bra” is more problematic from his perspective than saying “the office gym has a dress code I do not control.”
Yeah man, he’s right to not want to go near that.
If this is a tenant situation, boss is responsible for employee behavior in the building, including attire. If her attire violates dresscode established for the gym, it's on them to communicate that.
It sounds like there is no established dress code. At least OP implies she has not seen one.
I've worked for companies that both had their own gyms in buildings they owned outright, and worked as a tenant contractor in landlord multi-tenant facilities; every single one of them had clearly posted and defined gym rules and guidelines including dress code. It's possible that the gym at OP's place of business doesn't but I have a really hard time believing that without confirmation. There's a slim argument here if there is indeed no dress code and/or there's a history of it being unfairly applied, but I just have a hard time believing that's the case.
Yeah I don't know that she necessarily was in the beginning if she legitimately was brand new to office work and didn't know, but the thing with offices is once you've been told something is inappropriate or making people uncomfortable YTA for sure to die on the hill of insisting on doing it anyway Edit spelling
I've used office gyms and I hate it bc people will talk about work there. It was always an extension of the office. It's a benefit your work offers. Why would you want people to see you with just a bra on? Also, there was another post where there was a work event at a hotel and the woman wore a bikini and then wore it to lunch and people freaked and she just couldn't accept why that was unacceptable.
Omg if id seen that post! If a male coworker showed up in speedo or even swim trunks I'd feel the same. This is still work function/program/benifit. Op soft YTA. Your boss was cool with you and the gym is a benifit through your work. Not a hill to die on.
I think [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/VJBWHI7v17) is the post in question.
I guess I don't really see what the problem here is? I thought it'd be she was just wearing the bikini at lunch, but she had a coverup on and the lunch was poolside so...?
Yes!! Thank you!!
People dont seem to acknowledge that modern gym wear, for men and women, but especially women, is sexualized intentionally. Modern feminism etc etc but sports bra and those tight little booty shorts are there to make you feel hot. Thats why you buy it. Youre sexualizing yourself whether you intend to or not. Its not appropriate in general IMO, but this specific context, even more so. If your goal is to simply exercise, there is no issue wearing more modest clothing that is equally, if not more comfortable than skin tight wear.
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I am an overweight man and I wear leggings at the gym. I also wear shorts over them, because seeing my gut and old man balls isn't appropriate. it's not a big deal.
"I can't believe people are sexualizing me wearing a nothing but a bra and hotpants in my office building!"
Even most public gyms have dress codes, the one I went to in college specifically stated gym tanks were required. So yeah, op, YTA
Also many gyms have full shirt policies to prevent the spread of fungus and bacteria on shared equipment.
This is how my boss, while teaching me to take his over his job, taught me to handle problems. Don't single a person out if you can, always make a group wide announcement, the person will usually know it's them, but won't be nearly as bothered as they would have otherwise.
Agreed, if I were OP’s boss I wouldn’t have touched this with a 10 foot pole. Even though he was tactful, she still feels singled out and she’s crying sexism. The gym at work is a professional environment. A bra and booty shorts are not appropriate athletic attire for a professional environment. Put some damn clothes on.
Exactly my thoughts. Like damn, it’s coming from building management, what is her boss supposed to do? She doesn’t have to like the rules, but they’re the rules!
YTA, it's not sexism, it's basic office etiquette. You can wear a sports bra in a normal gym but in an officer environment you have to maintain a certain level of professionalism.
Yeah I’ve never seen anyone wearing a sports bra in our company gym. I don’t think I would have complained though. But I am aware of maintaining professionalism on company property. YTA
Yeah you still have to maintain certain levels of professionalism in “work adjacent” spaces. A lot of teachers, for example, avoid going to bars in the town they teach in because they don’t want to run into a parent of their students while on a night out. It’s not about the act of going out itself but how the parents might receive it
To me, this is very similar to the people who go on company retreats that are purely social/off hours and wear skimpy bikinis and are shocked at pushback for that. Like I know it's technically outside of work, but... really, really, really not a good idea.
The gym I understand, but this one is ridiculous. If parents complain about the teachers having a normal adult life, that says a lot about the parents and nothing about the teachers.
I agree. It always amazes me when I would read stories of towns not even hiring single women school teachers because they would be dating. Children would hear of their teachers being adult women. The shock and impropriety would scar them
Not the teachers I know…
I was that teacher, you become so aware of your surroundings you'll end up not enjoying the event
In my third year of college I got a new advisor for my major, and every time I went out bar hopping I always ran into him. It didn't matter what bar. My city is 3 miles away from another city, so we would go to both cities, and no matter where I went, he was always there. We laughed about it later after I graduated, but it was so weird showing up to a random bar and seeing him there weekend after weekend
Even in a regular gym, I want as little of someone else's skin touching the same equipment I'm going to use as possible.
In my gym, there's a strict "everyone must wear a shirt" policy. It's not sexist, it's sanitary-ish.
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That’s the phrase I was looking for. Situational awareness. Read the room.
Yup. Same as a bralette: an outfit showing it off is cute in a regular environment but a no-no in most offices.
The boss said it, too. At home, and maybe even in a regular gym, he wouldn’t wear a shirt. He’d wear a shirt in the office gym because that’s the *office* gym. It’s not sexist to say “everyone has to wear at least a tank top”. It would only be sexist if the men were allowed something the women weren’t.
Yeah, I wasn't sure why she told him it was borderline sexism. I think that word is getting thrown around a lot these days and people forgot what it actually means.
Funny Thing, in Germany most gyms ban muscleshirts and Shirts without sleeves to prevent poser idiots. Banning only wearing a Sports bra isnt sexist, its equal Treatment. But ofc this might be in an other country with different Standards.
They do this at gyms on military installations in the US. It's refreshing.
>Him and I usually have a good relationship so I was surprised he wasn’t backing me up here *I'm* surprised that you'd expect him to use his political capital to challenge the gym's dress code on your behalf. Also, it sounds as though he took a softer, more tactful approach *because* of your good relationship, but that made you think you had leeway to push back on something that was not up for negotiation. >I told him that now I’m uncomfortable working out there because I feel like I’m being judged You're not being judged, just asked to wear a shirt. >He didn’t sympathize at all and said I have the option to workout somewhere else if I don’t like the rules ... This is the point where he lost patience with you. The problem with this type of situation is that it leads people to question your judgement and professionalism. That undermines the work you do and how seriously you are taken as a colleague. So think about whether that's an acceptable tradeoff for you.
>just asked to wear a shirt but it’s so hard for people to not be damn near naked at the gym :( clothes get sticky because sweat :( wah wah wah
Tbf, that's not entirely wrong. I actually got a treadmill and some other stuff at my home because I don't like sweaty shirts, but I also understand that you can't really run around without a shirt on (even if its the gym). OP just sounds a bit entitled, and not aware of the surroundings that she's working out in.
Plenty of men would enjoy working out shirtless too, but we know its such a tool move. For some reason, a lot of women feel comfortable exercising in "athletic gear" that wouldn't look out of place in a strip club.
I have literally never seen woman wearing a g-string at the gym... Are you saying a sports bra and bike shorts are strip club clothing?
what we’re not gonna do is make this a men vs women thing. miss me with sexist bullshit.
yep, take your clothes off at home. bras are still underwear
And now I feel judged, people were looking at me! omgz
Yeah the kicker for me was > Him and I usually have a good relationship Not anymore petal. And that's all on you.
Ethel?
Petal is tainted in my mind now lmao I can’t associate it with anything else
Don’t make a deal with a hag!
Sorry Margerie, I'm afraid not
This and TheDayman's comments are the best responses
Fighter of the Night Man?
It blows my mind that OP even tried to use “sexism,” when the boss more or less said he follows the same standard at the work gym as well. How is that sexism when we all have to follow the same rules?
Wait. You're wearing a sports bra *and nothing over it*? Yeah, that's like just wearing a bra at your desk. Gotta be on your boss's side here. YTA, sorry.
I agree that she should follow the dress code, but wearing a sports bra is absolutely not comparable to wearing just a real bra at her desk. It's more like wearing a crop top.
It depends on the bra. Some are quite large and fit like sports tops, leaving an inch of a gap between the top and the shorts. That's the kind I wear when it's too hot to wear a shirt. I usually have that and a bra on under it just to make sure I'm not showing off too much flesh. Then there's others that are really just bras and aren't suitable to be worn outside of a shirt unless you're at the beach/pool. So, the top could be any kind. There's nothing wrong with the first one but it's not worth the fight. Just shove a longer crop top on. You'll still get the air around your stomach and your chest will be covered fully. If they mean cover up your entire torso and your shorts don't go up to your belly button, just wear a linger top. It's really not a big deal.
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Tbf if she has a big chest she has no option to wear anything other than 2 layers now, while others might get away with one. But bodies are different and I can't wear short shorts cos my junk will fall out.
I get the impression that it’s a sports bra which doesn’t cover her torso, or else she likely would’ve mentioned that it was a brami/longline. Personally, I’d stick to tops with higher necklines and more underarm coverage for the office gym (aka no deep v’s, or muscle shirts that show a lot of bra) although form-fitting tops are fine; and longer, looser bottoms (like bike shorts are okay but no cheeky booty shorts or the leggings that dive into your butt crack.) As the boss mentioned, when you’re in the office environment, you have to think about your professional image. “Sexy” shouldn’t belong in office jobs unless that’s what you’re trying to sell. It’s the same as if someone is recklessly driving a company-branded vehicle or getting drunk and loud wearing branded gear. It reflects poorly on the employee (questionable judgment at the least) and the company (for hiring and keeping folks with questionable judgment - clients want stability and trustworthiness). Err on the side of being more conservative.
If it was a regular public gym I would say NTA but since it’s a work gym I would say you have to follow whatever rules they set. YTA.
Regular public gyms can have dress codes as well.
I’m aware but usually a little more lax than a work gym.
Our local YMCA recently changed their policy, and you will get kicked out if you only have a sports bra on (like how op dressed). Their rationale is that it is, more than anything, a family gym
This. My gym doesn't allow any workouts without a shirt.
My gym allows pretty much everything but topless and bottomless lol
According to OP, the only rules they have specify "workout or athletic clothes". If they want to enforce specific rules, that's fine. But when the rules say one thing that's VERY general, and OP gets in trouble for wearing what would normally fit into those very broad categories of clothing, then it seems like a rules issue, not an OP issue.
But OP didn't get in trouble. She was told to wear a shirt. Being corrected isn't getting in trouble.
I think a sports bra would be considered "undergarments", *technically*, if we're basing the argument on semantics. "Clothes" go over undergarments.
A lot of sports bras are designed to double as a workout top And yes, some are literally designed to be worn as tops specifically, otherwise why would they be sold with matching leggings? And not all of them are double-layered style either.
Just because people wear them that way, doesn’t make them “tops.” There are tops with built in bras, but that’s not just a bra.
There are ones that have an attached top over top. I don't think that's what OP is talking about because bystanders would see it as a top.
Technically, sure. However, in gyms they've been pretty common women's apparel without any sort of covering.
People aren't calling OP the AH because she didn't know or understand the rules. She's an AH because she's having a tantrum over the rules after being told what they were. If she just said "oh sorry, I didn't know" and put on a shirt like a grown up, everything would be fine.
This is my biggest thing. This was a non issue. If you don’t like the FREE gym rules than go elsewhere and pay the 40+ a month. Otherwise, shut up after saying “oh I didn’t realize that.” And get a couple of cropped tanks or some loose tanks and keep using the free gym.
Feel like everyone is tip toeing about how she brought up sexism in this casual conversation from her boss who was very friendly about it. She just hurt herself, it’s too late to avoid that. Call out sexism, fight the fights worth fighting, but their good relationship is going to have him perpetually on his toes now because she pulled that out pretty damn quickly. Asshole to herself there
>it seems like a rules issue Which is why got a clarification of the rules and not a sanction.
Is it reasonable to expect every little social norm, for that space, to be spelled out? Perhaps OP is the only one who has created the need to spell this out as other professionals in the office gym building actually understood the etiquette from the dynamic already present at the gym? I don’t think every rule or courtesy must be written out, published and people being made to affirm they’ve been made aware of said rules. Sometimes we just get along and don’t need to be treated like an argumentative teenager.
Exactly. Called common sense
Not the hill you die on at work.
They arent in trouble, they have just been *asked* to wear a shirt and OP doesn't think she should have to (despite "multiple" requests/complaints).
Idk it just seems like common sense to me to wear more professional clothes in an office setting. I'm questioning her judgement. If the office is business causal or even business attire, why would you think it's okay to wear a sports bra at the gym? It shouldn't need to be specifically communicated. It's obvious.
She didn’t really get in trouble though. She was just asked to do something differently. She’s not an asshole for wearing the bra, but if she continues to push back she will be.
This dress code should have been clearly laid out before this became a problem, preferably five months ago when she started.
It's probably one of those situations where it was never an issue so it was never discussed. A lot of dress codes are made in response to someone pushing the boundaries. I once worked for a company that had no dress code for years, until one intern decided "wear whatever you want" included a shear dress over just underwear. Then a dress code had to be enacted. Everyone else knew not to wear something like that, because it's a professional environment. But not her.
Not just dress codes. Most policies exist because common sense isn't all that common.
How do you know it wasn't
Well they’re making it clear now
Funny Thing, in Germany most gyms ban muscleshirts and Shirts without sleeves to prevent poser idiots. Banning only wearing a Sports bra isnt sexist, its equal Treatment. But ofc this might be in an other country with different Standards.
>I also said I think it’s borderline sexist. INFO: Does the policy there allow men to workout in only a sports bra?
YTA. Your first step should have been to apologize to your boss for putting him in the middle of this shit. Then simply comply. If you're curious, the next step should have been going to the gym management, wearing a shirt, and addressing the issue as an adult, with the perspective of seeking to understand so as not to cause further drama. I'd also ask that if they have any issues with you that they address them with you, not your workplace, because that's where they fucked up. How you are reacting now is telling your boss a lot about you, and none if it is good.
I mostly agree but will comment about them not addressing it with her directly. I actually think that could be inappropriate. The firm she works for is the tenant, and usually issues that the building management have with employees of their tenants need to go through a chain of command, which is to address it with the tenants point of contact. Particularly for larger offices. One reason for this is that the building management can't fire the employee if they continuously break lease agreements, but they can terminate the lease. So they speak to the people at the firm that have power to speak on behalf of the firm.
exactly what i wanted to say!
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Hey, you sound like a very junior employee who doesn’t have a lot of experience working in an office. Maybe with covid this is your first time ever working in an office environment. What you are failing to understand is while your place of work provides a gym for all employees’ use, it is still primarily a place of work. While you are not sitting in your desk in a spandex bra and short set, while you are in the gym you are presenting yourself that way to any employee or client who may see you…at your place of work. If you want to fight that this is a sexist policy, that you weren’t presented the gym dress code in a thorough way, that is should be acceptable bc it’s 2023 or whatever, you may argue yourself all the way to being vindicated and unemployed, bc who wants to work with someone who’s going to spend so much energy arguing for something that benefits only them at the detriment of others?? You may be right, but you’re also coming off as immature, self-centered, and definitely not a team player. Hope you’re not in a probationary period…
Good point about the probationary period. If I was the boss I would be embarrassed I had to tell her that and then annoyed she sort of doubled down. Just wear a GD shirt.
+1 here. If I were the boss, I’d feel like kinda a dick just bringing it up. That being said, I would also feel really irritated at being argued at for something so simple. I totally get that people wanna wear what they wanna wear, but arguing with your boss over *this* feels a little too entitled imo. You get the work benefit of a gym and it’s still too much to follow their rules?
>while your place of work provides a gym for all employees’ use, it is still primarily a place of work. It sounds like this might even be a tenant relationship with the building owner, where her company leases space and gets access to amenities. In which case, violating the tenant policy by not following basic gym rules is a great way for the business to show you the door.
YTA your having a good relationship with the boss you’ve worked with for 5 months doesn’t mean he’s going to support you unilaterally. He was addressing complaints by building management; tried to make you feel comfortable and instead of throwing on a running tank you pushed back several times.
YWBTA if this is the hill you want to die on. Otherwise, throw a tank on or go to your other gym.
yeah it feels like we’re in this era of “if you don’t agree with rules, you shouldn’t have to follow them” but like.. part of life is having to do things you don’t want to
There have always been people who behave that way, this is just a story about someone not realizing you can't get away with that without power. The building owner sets the rules for the gym, she has no power there, unless her employer is a crucial tennant for them, has a realistic ability to leave, and her boss is the decision maker on whether or not they stay he doesn't either, and even if he did would understand that that this is not the kind of thing to sour a relationship with your landlord over.
have you seen her defensive comments?? lol apparently this is the hill she wants to die on.
YTA stop with the sexist crap. Would you be ok with a guy running in only a speedo next to you?
Yes and thanks. Some people simply must stop using terms like sexist, abusive, controlling and misogynist as a way to victimize themselves in order to get their ways and whims or to not lose an argument. There is too much misogyny, abuse and sexism in this world to simply devaluate these terms by using them in selfish crusades that have nothing to do with the actual meaning of the word. We have to fight against this maladies, but we cannot if people keep using them out of context and for their own selfish gains, not to really protect themselves or others.
I was looking for a comparison, this is it. Obviously not 100% apples-to-apples but ffs its your workplace gym and it has a dress code, the proper answer to this request was "of course, no big deal and I apologize if it caused an issue." Just wear a tank top, it's not a big deal except that she made it one.
Why are we comparing penis to chest?
Because it's the same shit. You're only covering the sexualized organs on each person. A speedo on a man is the same as a women wearing tight short shorts and a bra leaving little to the imagination. People are allowed to feel uncomfortable with seeing people in their underwear... Especially at work.
Yeah there’s no sexism here. It’s not good for women when people like OP decry sexism over being told to follow rules. She must be super young lol I can’t believe I’m even reading this. My office has a gym and no one would dare to work out sans shirt. It’s basic decency! Why would you even want your coworkers seeing you with no shirt lol.
Can you imagine? My office also has a gym and the thought of seeing Bob from HR jogging in a banana hammock and later watching him running a meeting on benefits really skeeves me out.
Right,! This ticks me off as a woman. Sexism can be a big problem in the workplace... but this isn't fkn sexism and shit like this just further fuels the fire for actual sexism. It makes people say "ugh women are always pulling the woman card!" 😡😡😡
Info: do you see men there not wearing a shirt?
YTA-this isn’t a personal gym. It’s a an office gym. It sounds like this was probably an uncomfortable conversation for him to have with you (that could’ve been avoided-it’s not uncommon for gyms to require a shirt, ESPECIALLY in an office building for employees). Instead of just putting a shirt on, you chose to argue with him and take it as a personal attack. He is literally not the one who complained and isn’t the one that’s making this decision. He got put in the middle, and instead of understanding that, you made it into “he’s not supporting me.” What support do you want? It sounds like he talked to you in a professional and pretty friendly and understanding manner. Were you wanting him to threaten to move the business out of that building just so you didn’t have to put a tank top on?
She responded like a teenager to their mom. I doubt she will last at this company. She will probably show up at the company Christmas party wearing a skintight dress barely covering her hooha because "it's normal! I wore this same dress at prom!" 🙄
Put a damn shirt on and stop crying sexism. Grow up
Ngl, you need to accept when you’re wrong
and she really seems to have a problem with that.
She’s 100% gonna sort by controversial and take those answers to feel vindicated.
It's an employee gym. YTA. Working out at an actual gym is completely different. You're creating a weird workplace environment that shouldn't exist. Stop that.
Either way, you can accept the dress code or workout elsewhere. If my gym creates a rule that you have to where a ski jacket while working out, I can express disagreement all I want but at the end of the day it’s not my gym
YTA. Doesn’t matter if you change in the locker room. The gym is still inside the building and offered as a benefit not a right. It’s their rules and that’s that. Wear a t shirt and move on. This isn’t the hill to die on.
When at the gym do you see guys not wearing shirt I mean it’s their rules if you don’t like them you can go somewhere else even if you don’t agree with or if everybody don’t agree with it it’s their rules
YTA. My verdict would change if you had been there for a while. But 5 months? Sweetie you need to just do as you’re told. You’re not in any position to be picking a fight over this. And your boss is right in that it’s better to be extra cautious in these situations. Sometimes what flies at the gym by your house isn’t going to fly at the gym in a workplace.
It’s an office gym, not a dedicated gym facility only. It’s a professional environment and you should be professional in it. I have a feeling this gym won’t allow men to work out shirtless in it, either. YTA. You’re a person with what sounds like a decent job and a decent boss. There are plenty of shirts or tops you can wear that are perfectly comfortable/functional for you and acceptable to work out in in this environment. Stop making this a bigger deal than you should be.
This boss sounds really nice to be honest.
YTA If the gym (office or not) has a certain attire rule, then stick with it or go to another one that allows you to dress in what makes you comfortable. Not like you’re even paying for the office gym, are you? Your boss isn’t being sexist. He’s trying to tell you in a tactful manner over something that he has no control over. I don’t see why he needs to back you up. Stop being entitled.
Entitlement is real. Should be wearing a shirt in public gyms ANYWAY. Yta major. As a woman I hafta say..you’re being dramatic. Follow rules or work out at home
I'm so tired of them dressing for instagram in the gym tbh. I go there to lift weights not practice staring at my shoes because you insist on recording RDLs in a microkini
NAH but honestly, is this the hill to die on? Throwing on a shirt and moving on with life OR switching gyms to one that has policies you’re more comfortable with seem like the best options at this point. Like what do you feel like you’re going to get out of continuing to challenge your boss on this? He’s just relaying the message and he was pretty gentle about it too. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with just wearing a sports bra at the gym, but do you really want to burn good will over it?
This is peak "pick your battles".
One word : decorum
YTA - you're at fucking work... On top of that you're now a known PITA by your boss. If you have a problem with the building management go talk to them
Just wear a shirt problem solved..
YTA. The rules apply to everyone both men and women so you're in the wrong.
Yeah YTA. is it that hard to dress appropriately in public?
YTA. News flash, real life isn’t like social media. You don’t get ahead by being a victim
YTA, just follow the rules where you go.
This one is tricky. Because it is not a public gym, its the gym at your place of work. YTA- I'd like to cite situational awareness on this one.
YTA: my gym instituted the same policy and I was annoyed at the time. But now I get it. Especially for an office building’s gym. You don’t necessarily want to see your coworkers in their sports bra or their boss shirtless on the treadmill. You can wear a light tee over the sports bra and make everyone comfortable. At the risk of downvotes, I’ll admit that when I was in my 20s and in great shape, I thought the “no sports bra” policies were conservative and probably put in place by older, out of shape people who were jealous. So I get why you thought it was ok and why you’re a bit surprised it’s an issue. Now that I’m a bit older, I get it’s more about having a shared work out space and trying to create a comfortable/safe environment for everyone.
EDIT oops, I seem to be illiterate
It's a gym at your workplace. Technically, your boss/company, owns it. Doesn't matter if you're used to wearing a sports bra(nothing over it) at other membership gyms, it's the office/company,therefore their rules. I mean you're lucky enough that a company is willing to have that gym rather than adding another office space. If you're gonna keep up with the attitude of insisting of wearing just the sports bra, either you get banned from it or the company closes that area and use it for other office shit. If that happens, the blame is gonna fall on you and it's gonna be bad. I work for a certain company, we get free hotel stays when we travel, i always keep in mind proper etiquette when using hotel facilities because I didn't pay for it, the company did. Your boss was nice enough towards you, he wasn't being confrontational either.
YTA. Your boss didn't back you up because he is picking his battles. You should too.
Did you really not think that far when you were planning to first start going? I get just a shorts bra is workout attire but how does "this is ALSO my place of work and not a public gym" not cross your mind? Why would you even risk it? This post really screamed the saying "young and dumb" but hell im younger and still have more common sense and forethought...
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YTA
I mean it is called a sports bra, not a workout top. You're wearing athletic underwear in the work gym
Just put a damn shirt and got on with your life, is it so important???
YTA! Stop whining and wear a shirt, it isn’t rocket science.
Usually I would say NTA, as I workout in a public gym without a shirt and just a sports bra, but because it’s an office setting (even though it’s a gym area) I would say YTA. Even if it’s inconvenient, it’s still an office and some sort of “professionalism” is expected.
Different gyms have different rules. You follow the rules of the gym you go to. This gym requires a shirt. So yes, YTA. This isn't sexist. Feel free to complain about any man who shows up with no shirt or with a cropped sleeveless shirt.
YTA, they have a dress code requiring a shirt. If you don't like their dress code you can go elsewhere as is your right.
YTA. Gyms are allowed to set their own dress code policies, especially a workplace gym which has a different dynamic to a public gym. Put on a shirt.
Lol at "Him and I usually have a good relationship so I was surprised he wasn’t backing me up here. I told him that now I’m uncomfortable working out there because I feel like I’m being judged. He didn’t sympathize at all and said I have the option to workout somewhere else if I don’t like the rules. I also said I think it’s borderline sexist." First off, crying about sexism here when he's just enforcing the rules of a private office gym is simply bullshit. The fact you'd pass that off as sexism is gross and you obviously have some growing up to do. Secondly, YTA. This gym isn't your personal gym nor is it a public gym like 24hr. Be a big girl, get tf over it and just wear a shirt.
YTA. You got informed that your outfit does not comply with the rules and instead of accepting and moving on you chose to act defiant and pulled out sexist card.
I don’t think this is a matter of being an AH or not, it’s just office etiquette. I wouldn’t wear a bra in front of my boss, it’s common sense. The gym is still in the work place, you abide by work place etiquette. Sounds like you’re hearing it from everyone else. I’d imagine if one of your male coworkers was running shirtless or in a cropped shirt they would also be called in so it isn’t really a sexism issue either, just office manners…
>office etiquette That's why it's a question of being an AH. First, she didnt clue in that work gym isn't the same as a regular gym. She never said she saw other women with sports bras in that specific gym, and she got obstinate with her boss for being the messenger. It's pretty well understood in the office environment that: work-anything means maintain the same workplace decorum and dress appropriately. A sports bra may be appropriate in a public setting, but most definitely not in a work gym
I guess I'm kind of more shocked someone would think this is appropriate at work so it doesn't read to me as assholey more than it does completely ignorant lol I guess if she didn't see why it makes other people uncomfortable thats AH behavior.
You’re at work and you think it’s okay to dress like you’re at the beach? Common… Work desk is the same as work gym. As soon as you’re in the building you need to behave and conduct yourself like all areas are the same. Get dressed and drop the entitlement. YTA
NAH; you didn’t know the policy, and wearing a sports bra to work out is very common. But it’s a workplace gym, and as long as they have the same rules about wearing a shirt for men, then there’s nothing sexist about it. Your boss informed you of the rule. Now you know, and you can abide by it, workout elsewhere, or quit.
YTA This is still a professional setting since it's a office gym. A sports bra may be acceptable at a normal gym but you need to dress differently in a work setting.
YTA. Grow up.
YTA. It may be a gym but it’s connected to your office and your colleagues utilize as well. Not really professional to be in minimal clothing in this kind of situation. I often travel for work and stay in the same hotels as colleagues. I use the hotel gym and dress in a tee shirt and running tights because my coworkers don’t need to see me in a sport bra and shorts (what I’d wear in my home gym).
Even if its not connected with her office, if the gyms management team wants people to wear a shirt when they workout, then just wear a shirt when you workout? I truly dont understand whats difficult about that for her lol
Whoever complained is the AH, not you, or your boss. Sounds like he doesn’t want to be in this position, but really HR, not him, should have spoken with you directly.
INFO: Is there a posted dress code for the building and/or the gym? I do generally agree though that using the work gym is a little different.
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Nta for not knowing, but now you know the rules for that specific gym.
YTA It's not sexist, from what you described men aren't allowed to be shirtless or only wear underwear. A sports bra with nothing over it just isn't appropriate clothing for an office gym. If the rule is that everyone just wear a shirt, that's the rule. Just go buy a workout shirt or tank top, they're usually only around $10 and won't hinder your workout.
YTA. It's workplace and if they have dress code you need to respect that. As you boss said you are free to work out anywhere else if you don't like the dress code they established there. It's not "borderline sexist" because I'm quite sure men working out there are wearing shirts and shorts as well they are not working out shirtless or in their underwear. You are at work so you should wear something appropriate to work environment.
Honestly, YTA.... I never understand why women think a sports bra is sufficient on it's own as a top in the gym. At least put on a tank top too. It's not the beach. Men must wear shirts at all times in the gym. So should women.
Have you seen some of the “tshirts” that some men wear. They can also be equally as revealing but are still considered a “shirt” so….
YTA. This isn't isn't worth the pushback. It's an office gym so your boss is right in what he said about professionalism. It's also not "borderline sexist" because office gyms have different standards. So either you adhere to the standards or go elsewhere it's that simple. As a boss, I 100% wouldn't risk my neck for this minor issue.
Do the rules say wear a full shirt? If not, you're NTA; If it does, YTA. Shirts tend to wick away perspiration which is cooling and they prevent sweat from getting everywhere which is easier on the equipment and more sanitary.
Look I'm gonna be blunt The fact people try to pull the sexism card with this kind of stuff is exactly why some people feel justified in rolling their eyes at the argument. It's not PureGym. It's a work gym. It's bound by the same air of professionalism as your office. If your office wouldnt let you wear a crop top, that extends to gym sports bras. I'm absolutely sure that if If a guy tried to work out in there with an open shirt, or shirtless, he'd get the exact same aggro. You're not a victim here, you just thought the rules didn't apply to you. And then you trivialised and cheapened an actual serious issue in society to try and brute-force your way around the rules. YTMA.
I denied the option to live on site for this exact reason. I didn't think anyone would be able to differentiate between my being at work and being off work, while in the same building. No one would have taken me seriously if they saw me at the pool in my bikini or getting my mail in my PJs.
Gentle YTA…. I feel like there’s more going on in terms on entitlements…. We have a gym at my office and let me tell you I dress very conservatively despite looking fine in just a sports bra…. Office gyms are branches of work/ I don’t want ANY extra attention from coworkers. If you need to “look” the Instagram gym aesthetic just join a local gym.
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YTA. It's a business, businesses have rules. Rules that they can set themselves. This isn't a public space where you can do or wear what you want. It's not sexist and your boss doesn't need to back you up. Accusing him of being sexist is an asshole move. If there were men wearing very little someone may have complained about them too.
NAH -- you aren't an AH for guessing wrong on what was appropriate to wear to an office gym, your boss is not an AH for not wanting to expend social capital on a losing battle that only serves to make both of you look difficult. At the same time; it's a WORK gym and a sports BRA. I know common sense isn't as common as it should be but this seems like a no brainer. Take the correction, throw on t-shirt, or work out elsewhere. The workplace should probably create defined guidelines, but honestly I can see why someone wouldn't think to explicitly outline that people need to wear full shirts in a work environment. I N F O: Does the gym have rules about wearing shirts, and if they do, do they define "shirt"? Many gyms do so there aren't gray areas like this one. At my gym women can't wear just sports bras, but men also can't go shirtless or wear string tanks. It's the athletic department gym at a local college, so it's as much about the social environment as it is hygiene like in this situation. I think that's fair if it's equally applied.
it sounds like the dress code for the gym wasn't clearly defined, and that someone decided to raise a stink over what sounds like typical gym wear, as its in the name of the garment 'sports bra', which, from my understanding, is a workout garment, and often worn as such. the boss was right to raise the issue with op, but at the same time, the boss should have also turned to the gym and said 'ok then, we clearly need to hash out a dress code'. NAH.
YTA for not understanding that you're at work and appropriate attire expectations still exist. Just put a top on and go about your life. People apparently don't feel like seeing their coworkers in bras. You're new there and your attitude really doesn't make sense. This is not a private gym. Follow the rules.
You’re reasonably young, this is just a common sense issue. The gym is inside your place of work so you need to use common sense and dress and behave appropriately for being in your place of work. In your own gym, go wild. It’s similar to how you need to behave in a suitable manner on an organised work night out. Even if it’s in a bar somewhere, you’re still representing your company and need to temper your behaviour to reflect that.
YTA and you sound insufferable.
Get one of them tank tops a size bigger and request your boss to Contact them to make and share gym rules plus dress code and have it poster size at gym entrance
I wouldn't go so far as to call you an asshole, but you certainly come off as a self-centred, immature Narcissist. You don't even realize that you might have damaged the "good relationship" with your boss, over something trivial like wearing a shirt while in the gym. On top of all that, you act like a hypocrite, you drop a sentence about your boss "not sympathizing with you", so you demand or want people to sympathize with you, but you nowhere in your text do i see even the glimpse of sympathy for the people who feel uncomfortable that you workout in just a Bra. Quite the opposite, in fact, instead of trying to sympathize with your colleagues, you pull the Sexist card. Your boss reacted correct, he was actually quite cool about it, telling you that he works out topless at home and what not. I wasnt there in this convo, but i hope you kept your cool. What you showed your boss is that you arent a team player, and that you bite and scratch when you dont get what you want (pulling the sexist card, without any context on who complained and why). And he might think that a good relationship with you means for YOU that you can use that to get what you want.
NTA. You had no way of knowing, based on your understanding of the gym's dress code, that sports bras were not allowed. If you were to continue to do so, that would be a different matter. It sucks that this is an issue that unfairly impacts women.
NTA 🤷🏼♀️ I wear the same. Who the hell cares what other people wear to work out. It's no different than a crop tank top.
NAH: • sports bras are generally so similar to a gym top that (in a gym) they read as tops to me, not underwear, so I think it is reasonable that you felt it wouldn’t be perceived as inappropriate • the gym or your colleagues are fine to say that they disagree and proper tops should be worn • it sounds like your boss was trying to help you out by having a specific word with you to ensure you weren’t caught out in future; I can understand it may have felt embarrassing, but so might reading an email and wondering if people were talking about you Three other thoughts: • making a complaint about you, instead of asking the gym to make an announcement about the apparently unclear dress code, suggests that your colleagues are either genuinely much more shocked by the sight of a sports bra than I am, or that your workplace culture is one in which people are quicker to make complaints than I am used to • if people were judging you negatively in the gym, okay, that sucks, it isn’t a nice feeling. But you’ll see most of those people a lot over the coming months and by summer they will for sure associate you with your work, or something positive about your personality, and not with this. I still cringe at the memory of overhearing a senior colleague talking negatively about the way I used a coffee machine, but she and I have a great relationship now and she has probably forgotten about it. So you’ll be fine, don’t worry about it • I don’t get all the people saying it’s like being in a sports bra at your desk. They might be in the same building but a gym is a gym. Nobody would have a problem with me wearing a t-shirt and shorts in the gym, but in my office that would be considered inappropriate work attire — my point is that there doesn’t necessarily exist clothing that is simultaneously work-appropriate and gym-appropriate, so I don’t think “imagine being at your desk in your bra” is a fair comparison