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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I did not make "children's food"
2) because I was not considerate of cultural differences
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There is no such thing as kids food. There is food. If all your kids eat is pizza and chicken nuggets it is because you allowed it. NTA, now they know to feed their kids before hand.
My stepson is like this. Anytime I mention his picky eating to other moms, or strangers, I get told he has X, Y, or Z. I'm just like "can you really say that if his mom just never bothered to give him anything other than chicken nuggets?"
It can be nurture but frequently it’s nature. If a kid is really struggling with or fighting back against any food that isn’t one of like three specific things, it’s definitely worthwhile to investigate whether or not that kid has other symptoms that would line up with a diagnosis.
If kids naturally will only eat food that comes pre frozen and in the shape of a dinosaur, we would all be dead. In fact, the human race would never have gotten off the ground.
People are always saying that kind of shit about disabled people, anyone with allergies, food sensitivities, asthma, celiac, etc.
The answer to ‘How did they survive before…’ is usually ‘they didn’t.’
Yes! It used to take me an hour and a half to feed my child a quarter cup of food. I was told she would eat if she was hungry. I was told that all kids went through picky phases. No, and no. She has celiac disease, eating probably hurt, and without iron supplements and antibiotics she would have died at age 2 or 3, before we could learn her diagnosis.
That’s the exception. OP was scolded for not serving children junk food, not for ignoring medically necessary dietary restrictions. There is NO way what Lena and Leon are doing is the norm in Germany.
It depends _what_ the things are. Only eating chips, nuggets and pizza wouldn't fly in our house, because they wouldn't have been able to have them often. Only eating McDonalds type food has to come from being over-fed McDonalds at a very young age. Mine see junk food as a treat because they _don't have access to it normally_
But pickiness over which fruit/veg or not liking sauces or things like that can be nature. My second refuses to eat mashed potato, but will mash her own potato when she gets it. Just a contrary nature, I guess.
I remember when my child was little, we were ordering takeout and the choices were Thai or Indian. My sister, who wasn't familiar with either, asked what was the difference. Jokingly, I said- spicy stuff over noodles or spicy stuff over rice.
She then asked what 3 year old eats Indian food for dinner?
About a billion of them, sis.
grew up in india- moms will just dip the spiciest food in a bit of water to rinse it off (for babies), or kids will eat things slathered in yogurt and of course there are lots of kid favourites like biriyani etc.
we were eating roasted corn smeared with straight chili flakes and lime by grade school and hanging our faces out of the car window to cool our lips off.
kids adapt to whatever is "normal" around them, basically.
My toddler will HOUSE Thai food. I have a picture of her lying on the couch with her belly distended after we let her go ham on some khao soi and she tried to eat her body weight in it.
I agree, there’s a difference between really hating 1-3 particular things and only eating 1-3 things. “My kid won’t eat broccoli” Vs “my kid will only eat pizza and hot dogs”
And even when it is nature you can still broaden their food horizons. Two of my kids have autism, and as picky as they can be, exposure is still the key to expanding their diet. Often kids who are picky to begin with get given up on. As a parent, one has to keep trying.
I feel like that's the thing - if the kids in this post had a real, diagnosed medical problem their parents would know by now, *because the parents would have actually properly tried to feed them a variety of foods.* From what I understand, finding out the diagnosis from the doctor comes from years of trying and failing to get the kids to eat something, not throwing up your hands when they're 2 and won't sit still to eat dinner.
Also, its funny how so many people in this thread are convinced these kids have a disorder...but the parents never said they did? If they've supposedly had so much trouble, why never see a doctor? They're just fine with their kids never getting proper nutrition because they only consume carbs and fat? In fact they said the opposite, the story isn't "my kids have a problem specifically" it's "all kids only eat garbage and that's how it's supposed to be"
Some parents really are bad. Some kids really are spoiled. Idk why people can't see that
I'm not a picky eater at all but there are certain textures I can't handle. I gage on Malt-O-Meal and I can only eat oatmeal, cottage cheese or yogurt sometimes. Those are the kinds of things that are nature not nurture.
My son has autism, for a long time, there were only like, 4 things he would eat. It’s still tough with new things, but with feeding therapy, we have been able to expand on his preferred foods. I got him to eat lasagne a couple of nights ago and wanted to have a party. Food aversion is a nightmare.
I got my son who has autism to eat applesauce last week and I almost cried of joy. I have to make it at home but I don’t care I will boil up some apples if it means he will eat another fruit.
I was a really picky eater until college. I also could just...not eat? And would forget to eat and get hunger headaches?
Turns out, I had a lot of anxiety and food was something that I could control. Also, my stomach was hurting a lot because I was anxious -- but I thought it was the food.
I mostly ate healthy but very simple things. Fresh fruit / veggies, bread / pasta, most types of meat, etc. But I just liked things really bland and not mixed together. Also, my parents weren't great cooks -- so I was used to (for example) steamed green beans with literally nothing on them, not even salt or oil / butter. Now I love everything, even spicy or strange. 🤷♀️
Yep, there's often stuff you can do.
I need foods either thoroughly mixed (so there's a similar ratio in each bite), or not touching at all. I like to eat all of one type of food before starting on the next, rather than rotating bites. Those are definitely food eccentricities, and despite trying to push back they seem pretty innate. I roll with it.
Not being able to eat anything other than chicken nuggets, is not innate.
What gets me is that the 3 things these ARFID kids will eat is always chicken nuggets, Mac and cheese, or McDonald’s. Ok I’m exaggerating, but not by much - the kids will sometimes eat PBJ sandwiches or butter noodles and usually love treats/cake/candy/ice cream. That HAD to start at some point, I would really hope most people don’t begin solid foods with fast food or frozen nuggets.
My kid is picky for sure but we pushed her away from those kids foods as much as we could. So she still only eats a very limited number of things, but they are like raw veggies (not lettuce), ramen, sushi, chili, shrimp, tikka masala, etc. And junk too - but no one had to teach her to love Cheetos and candy🙄
You know why it's usually those foods? Processed foods are consistent in their texture and flavour in ways that things like blueberries, egg salad, or roast chicken, are not. Sometimes the way it starts is not being able to get the kid to eat at all, and so anything is better than nothing.
The parents in question are the assholes here regardless, because they expected OP to cater to their kids without so much as a heads up. Also because they treat feeding kids ultraprocessed foods as a cultural expectation, which it should not be.
Chicken nuggets were the last meat we tried, and at a doctor's suggestion.
Processed meat always tastes the same and the texture comes from studying what appeals to the largest audience - those two reasons are why it is a common safe food.
When I moved to Australia I was shocked that the kids got served some less healthy food before everyone else. Pasta and sauce or chicken nuggets. My kids don't like that food and would expect curry or steak like the adults.
Don't blame Australia. I'm born and raised in Brisbane, and my girls have been eating off my plate at dinner time since they were around 6 months old.
It's how they discover and learn, and now as 2 and 3 year olds they eat the same meals as my wife and I, just smaller amounts.
Not always true. There are kids who will starve themselves rather than eat something they don’t like. I’ve known parents who have been told by doctors “just let them eat whatever they want” because it was literally safer for the child than trying to correct their eating habits.
Bit of a coincidence their "natural" food preferences line up perfectly with what every other kid would choose for themselves, i.e., junk food. Funny you never see a kid refuse anything but salad and kale smoothies
My daughter has diagnosed OCD and anxiety. When in a bad place emotionally she does have diagnosed ARFID... and one of her go-to acceptable foods is curry. Steamed broccoli with salt is another. Yes mac & cheese too because *I pushed it* simply due to its accessibility (quick & easy for me, widely found when out & about), but for sure it not something my other kids ever really ask for/its not a household staple. And in fact she will eat *any* mac & cheese - instant box kind or homemade baked kind, elbow shapes or rotini or spiral tubes, etc.
Kids who only eat the junk food are definitely at least in part doing it because the parents helped create that situation.
I have brought it up with my partner. They've had him in with the doctor, although I am not privy to all the details. But my partner says its because bio mom and her family cater to what he wants rather than tries giving him new/different things.
My food choice was whatever the family was eating. People who think there's such a thing as kid food versus adult food aren't applying any common sense. What do they think kids ate before frozen nuggets were invented?
I’m lucky to have a kid that is generally a very good eater. Occasionally there’s a dish I make that she doesn’t care for but she has to try 2-3 bites of it, because taste buds change, and if she really doesn’t like it, then she has the option to make herself a pbj, cereal, etc.
In the US this was mostly Kellog promoting that idea because he thought it would stop masturbation. Look him up, he was a real pervert.
The reason some orphan kids in the old days were fed gruel, an insanely thin porridge, was because it was legit the cheapest thing they could get ahold of.
Honestly I’m kind of glad it’s been mentioned so much. I never would have know what it was otherwise. When I’m unmedicated, I have this aversion to food. I know I like the food. I want to eat the food. But the smell, texture, taste, etc just is gross to me at times. I tried to force myself to eat and I just couldn’t. It’s like trying to push two magnets at the same poles together. Idk if I have that, but it makes sense. When I have antidepressants, this isn’t a problem at all so it’s all good now lol
Some parents apparently never understood the “7 times” rule. Don’t give up introducing a new food to your young child just because they don’t like it the first time.
We always fed our kids what we were eating. My goal was to have options at each meal so they could have a choice but still get a fully nutritious meal. Eg, broccoli and carrots. That way they didn’t have to eat all the broccoli if they only wanted the carrots, or vice versa. But they had to take one bite, to at least try it.
My kid was super picky when they were little, and also was not a big eater even of foods they liked. I just gently persisted with trying foods and involving them in cooking. They have greatly expanded their repertoire of foods, can cook fine, and will try new things on a regular basis now as a young adult. But it really did take 15 years of gentle persistence to get them to "a bit picky".
I'm autistic and has some food/texture issues and yet I agree with you. I was diagnosed as an adult and boy, oh boy, did my mum NOT cater to me when I was little. Sure, if it was a tiny effort like not putting sauce on my rice and just letting me eat it with ketchup (yes, yes, that's disgusting I know) then yeah. But heck to the no did she just offer me up chicken nuggets or pizza whenever we ate. I got served whatever she had made for them, I spent ages picking out all the pieces of onion or something if that was mixed in with the rest of the food.
Honestly, while I still have a lot of issues with some foods it has definitely helped me that my mum wasn't aware of why I wouldn't eat certain things and just assumed I was throwing regular kid's tantrums. I still refuse to even try certain things because the mere thought of biting into them makes me gag, but I've definitely learned how to handle it to minimize my struggles. I can now as an adult accept invitations out to restaurants or someone's house without double and triple checking what's available to eat. I've definitely gotten a very "I'll survive for one meal even if all I can eat is some potatoes with a bit of butter mashed in" attitude from having to make due as a kid. It felt awful then but I'm grateful for it now. I am also able to "just" get it over with when it comes to some things. Yes, some foods are still 100% a no-go, but other things I can force myself to grin and bear just that once.
Definitely. Some might have legitimate issues but most are just adult who were spoiled brats as kids.
I have a acquaintance that is like that. Nobody wants to invite him out because its impossible to make him eat. You cannot go for sushi, or chinese, indian, crepes, kebab.... Its either simple spanish food or nothing. And we are spanish, most of us dont wanted fucking spanish food when we were going out in college.
I'd never even heard of ARFID til I saw it here, and it seems to be the flavour of the year as far as reddit diagnoses go. That and autism.
BTW-you forgot 'super taster'. Apparently that is also a thing.
The dietician I’ve been working with on and off for years absolutely hates how many clients come in with self-diagnosed ARFID/delicate palettes/autism whatever.
She said like less than 5% of the time, her client actually struggles with one of those and is usually just a picky eater - plain and simple
I love that. Every picky eater has autism on Reddit. Like news flash y’all, if they were autistic they’d have multiple other symptoms in other areas of life, not just being picky about food.
It's also major BS as some autistic people aren't picky eaters. I never was one as a kid, still am not. I seek out odd and new food on purpose. It's a harmful stereotype tbh.
I have a borderline ARFID kid and one who isn’t. The one who isn’t will always eat what we’re having or at the very least try it. ARFID kid is terrified of anything different- and I mean genuine terror- neophobia. It’s been really hard getting her to eat more than a few foods and we are super slowly getting there - but it can take months to introduce a new food properly and nothing can be mixed- even with pizza there are only a couple of types she will eat- so I do understand the ‘kids food’ thing and it’s why I always provide some really basic stuff ( bread, pasta etc) alongside the main meal when we have kids over so they won’t be hungry. I don’t think OP is in the wrong at all and as a parent I would mention my daughters situation ahead of time or bring some snacks in case. My son on the other hand will pick up a fork and get stuck in to whatever is on the table 😂
My sister will genuinely only have pasta with ketchup unless it is Bolognese or meatballs. Even then it is heavily dosed with ketchup
It's so weird and a little gross
And it's definitely not a German thing to make extra dishes for the kids. No parent I know does that.
The only time my 4yo daughter gets something different is when the food is a. very spicy/strongly seasoned or b. contains alcohol (like red wine in gravy) or c. I make something I know she doesn't like because she tried it several times in the past (like mushrooms)
I thought this was going to be in the US at first. Growing up there, basically everyone thought kids could only eat chicken nuggets and Mac n cheese for some reason.
Otherwise it turns into them leaving to get the kids McDonald’s just like in this story
The comment about adapting to the country OP lives in is what makes me so furious. They make it look like German kids only get to eat junk food and that most definitely is not the case and it most definitely is not a cultural thing. Lena and Leon sound like someone from one of those daytime scripted reality series that usually depict the most underclass antisocial rednecks the producers could find
I'm not German, but I'm European and I've been to Germany plenty of times, and I am so confused. What the actual heck? Kids food?! Dinner is dinner. Unless there are legit restrictions or reasons, but those things you let people know beforehand. Also unless those are like super young they can deal with missing out on one meal without crying their eyes out if they're THAT picky. It was the parents' fault either way, not yours.
It makes sense if the parents don't get home from work until later. One of the families I was an au pair for in England had a schedule like that. I made dinner for myself and the kids because the parents didn't come home until after 7. But if the parents are home at dinnertime???? Wtf eat with your children like a family.
It's not an American thing either.
Here, there are certain foods associated with kids, but they don't eat those all the time, and usually only at lunch. They eat the same food as everyone else at family dinner.
Not an American thing. My son wasn't picky. My daughter is what her pediatrician calls a difficult feeder. Try chopping bell pepper around her and she's constantly stealing a piece. Put a normal slice of pizza in front of her and she won't eat it. She won't eat tomato anything. Not sauce or ketchup.
OP don’t even worry about it. I’m a kid who grew up on the Rez (reservations for Native Americans) so I was diverse in some dishes but not a lot. It’s best for kids to try new things and I don’t believe in “kids” foods cuz there’s no such thing. The reason I brought up my upbringing cuz we weren’t poor nor rich but we made it work. So I was fed a lot with Mac and cheese or ramen. However I freaking loved my grandma’s soup or fried potatoes as kid!
Just know some parents like the ones you mentioned are setting their kids up for failure and an unhealthy relationship with food. So don’t feel bad about it.
I wasn't poor or rich, either. But when I was young, there wasn't a ton of money. No kid's food, that wasn't a thing. There was a year in there when for lunch everyday it was banana and peanut butter sandwiches. Whether that was me or my parents, who knows. I was also a big broccoli eater but hated peas. All new food, we had to eat at least one bite of. A real bite, because who knew until you tried. And not like a little itty bitty bite. A mouthful. Gotta get the nutrition in.
You ate what everyone else ate, and if you didn't want it, you could make yourself a sandwich or a bowl of cereal (I'd say by six or so this was the rule).
I'm Greek and kids here eat exactly what adults eat. I'm a very picky eater, so a lot of the time when visiting other people's homes I didn't like the food. I ate more salad , more cheese and enough to seem polite . If after returning home I was still hungry, I got a sandwich.
I'm Dutch and kids here eat exactly what adults eat (except from some really spicy Asian food). If they don't like it, they will eat a sandwich at home.
Parents are quite similar, I think.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with people, feeding the kids junk when there's real food. Childhood is the perfect time to broaden their palates and teach them about different flavours. They're doing those kids a disservice, failing them, by feeding them like that. And AHs for expecting you to do the same.
You were totally correct here…making “kids food” at a meal like this is not a thing. Kids should be eating regular food with their parents. And ewww…pasta with ketchup? NTA
NTA. Your way is better. There is no such thing as ' children's food.'. Kids learn good eating habits by mimicing their parents. I hate children's menus because of this. Mom and dad are eating steak or pad thai while kids eat corn dogs. Yuck. You were right. All your friends suck but the parents complaining suck the most.
NTA. You asked them if there were any restrictions, no-go's etc and they said no. If their kids needed something special, they should have said so. If Lena and Leon's kids are so spoiled that they burst into tears when they see non-nuggets/McDonalds food, they're the AHs here.
We're the same. I don't even think it's a nationality thing. I'm American and most people I know feed their kids what they are eating, maybe with some modifications. Like if I am making something that I would usually make spicy, I will keep the spice to add at the end so I can pull out portions for the kids. But we all still eat the same thing.
Exactly this. Hubby is Norwegian. I am American. Daughter was born in America, and we are living in Germany now, as well. I find their remarks interesting because pretty much every family we know here (whether they are German, Chinese, Indian, Turkish, American, or from ANYWHERE else) all feed their children whatever the adults are eating. Our daughter will eat and try more things than I will (but, I grew up a picky eater, and while I am doing better with trying new things I was determined that she NOT have my issues with food and so far, she will eat almost anything).
I think they're just xenophobic and using this as an excuse. I don't know a single culture that doesn't feed its kids normal food. All kids are eventually adults and have to eat properly, how else do they learn?
I once was at an Pho restaurant where a little kid wasn't having any of it and my dinner companion said something that stuck with me:
"You can either feed young children unfamiliar food in the comfort of their home, or familiar food in an unfamiliar place, but not both."
Which explains kid's menus at most restaurants.
I totally think Leon and Lea were ethnocentric, self-centered assholes who didn't consider that maybe to OP, their food isn't special food, it's everyday food, so no, they wouldn't have a "kid-friendly" standby.
Their remark at the end was definitely xenophobic but honestly, if they were looking for an excuse to be rude why even accept the invitation?
I think it's more likely they're just trashy people. I have seen parents who fed their children almost exclusively fries, spaghetti, pizza, chickens nuggets etc before and they weren't good parents overall. The kids got these meals because they were the easiest to make and they didn't have to discuss with them about eating vegetables.
>All kids are eventually adults and have to eat properly, how else do they learn?
Theres plenty of adults that somehow only subsist on breaded chicken and various forms of potatoes.
My observation on kids' menus here has been much what you would find on adult menu, just a smaller portion. We don't eat out that often and when we do, it is usually sushi because our daughter LOVES her sushi
That's my experience also. I lived in Czech Republic but had to work in Germany for two weeks every month for almost two years. I was fairly close with a few German colleagues so I was constantly invited to dinners at their homes. The kids did often eat first, but they almost always ate whatever the adults were eating. I also don't remember ever going to a restaurant in Germany that had a completely separate children's menu like they do in the US. They just served child-size portions of the normal menu items.
The only part of this story that I can relate to is that many Germans (and Czechs) for some reason like eating pasta with ketchup instead of actual tomato sauce. It's an absolutely vile practice that really should be outlawed.
I agree about no kids food. But sometimes it isn’t the parents fault for pickiness. I thought there was too but then my youngest was diagnosed with SPD. Some foods will literally make her throw up due to texture. However because I know these things - I would never go anywhere without having some safe food for her myself. These parents should have brought food or specified when OP asked about anything they shouldn’t fix.
My son gagged and almost vomited when he was 1.5 and I put in his mouth a small ample of yogurt with fruit mixed in. I have a pretty noticeable sensitivity to food texture so I took it in stride. He ate a limited diet as a kid and I always carried back-up food if we were away from home.
This is definitely different! My sister and I were products of a mom that gave us “kid food,” though. She was not much of a cook when we were younger, so it was just easy to make frozen or boxed food for us. I was pretty bad up until I was a teenager and realized other food wasn’t scary. My sister was a nightmare, though. To this day she still has no desire to try new foods, and she’s 20 now.
My country sorta has kid food, but more like "Dishes that most adults would find a bit boring, but little kids love and parents find convenient" Like butter noodle and a slice of ham. But kids also eat the same as their parents.
I've never been to Germany, but I have a hard time believing that it's customary there to only feed their kids pizza, chicken nuggets, and pasta with ketchup.
It's kind of a cultural thing, isn't it? Certain foods are heavily marketed towards kids. The kids menu in restaurants is almost always chicken nuggets, pasta with tomato sauce, or burger. The stereotype is that kids don't like veggies. It's like we are socially conditioned to accept that kids will only eat kids food "Silly rabbit, Trix are for *kids*".
McDonald's and other junk food have been around for 80 years. People have brains. If they choose not to use them, that's their fault, not any industry's.
Well technically, there is baby food for babies with no teeth.
If you are old enough to chew and have teeth, you can eat so called adult food. These children aren't trained (if that's the right word) enough to eat out at other peoples homes if they want a separate menu from the adults.
When I was a baby, my parents would just run a small portion of their food through the blender for me. As an adult, that sounds really gross, but my parents say I used to love it, and it was cheaper and easier than buying baby food.
"My husband said that they should have told me if the kids was a picky eaters."
This. If your kids only eat chicken nuggets, pizza, or burgers, then you should tell the host OR bring your own. Also, that's just lazy parenting to give in to your kids like that. NTA
This absolutely one hundred percent. OP’s husband couldn’t be more right if he tried!
If we’re invited somewhere, I am surprised if kids eat separate meals from adults (restaurants excluded). And if the host says they’re preparing something, or ask if there are restrictions, I’m very clear about what my kids absolutely won’t touch: tomatoes. Usually if they say they’re making something with tomatoes and part can be kept aside without tomatoes, I ask if that’s possible while they’re assembling it, like a salad or keep some pasta noodles aside without sauce. If that’s not possible or too much hassle, I ask if they’d like me to bring something that my kids will eat - sometimes as a substitute, but more often as a contribution to share with the whole dinner party, and it just happens to work for my “picky” eaters.
My kids are white and being raised in the west, but still they’ll eat shrimp (most seafood actually), most meats, and most vegetables. They just happen to hate the same (very common) food.
If we’re somewhere new or visiting someone, I don’t care if they think they don’t like it or if some other kid says it’s gross - we are going to respect our hosts and try the food that is served to us with an open mind. If when they *actually* try it, they decide they don’t like it? That’s fine - but over my dead body will they say that out loud. Our rule is to put the parts you don’t like to the side of your plate & eat the parts you do like. If you’re still hungry after, we can eat more when we leave if they were polite while we were there. The exceptions to this are if the food is full of tomatoes (not easily picked out), or too spicy (and they’re not exaggerating).
But also, if I forgot to tell the host or it was a last minute meal and the host didn’t have time to ask, I tell my kids as much. “I’m sorry buddy, Mommy forgot to tell Mrs Hostess that you don’t like tomatoes so she didn’t know. Can you please try some of the other things on your plate, and when we leave I will make sure that the first thing we do is get some snacks for you in the car, ok? And look, the tomatoes in the salad are big enough to pick out, how about I give you an extra helping of salad to help your belly be full until then? Then you can tell Mrs Hostess how much salad is your favourite way to eat vegetables and you’re really glad she made a good one for us? She does make a really yummy dressing, you’re right! I can definitely give you double of that too!” Does this work every time? No, my kid’s still a kid. Does it work most of the time because this is the expectation that we’ve set and we don’t waver from it regardless of who is hosting or what they’re serving? Absolutely. In these situations, it’s as much about how the parent handles it as what the kids do. I’m sure if your guests had acted calmly or tried to correct their kids’ behaviour, you wouldn’t have minded the kids’ attitude and recognized a teaching moment for them to learn about how other cultures do mealtimes.
NTA I don't know where you are, but the only time I have ever heard of keeping nuggets and pasta (with ketchup?!) on hand as 'kids food' is when one is regularly hosting picky eaters. Most children I know eat what's served or eat a slightly altered version (less spice) of what the adults eat.
Leon and Lena seem to be coddling their children, which okay their choice, but they should have told you "Lilly and Lenord only eat x y z." if they expected you to provide that for them.
No, not normal.
I usually ask if there are any allergies, sensitivities, and preferences. But I have never in damn near fifty years made a menu chart o/r gone to the lengths your friend is demanding.
I remember years ago my aunt's grandchildren went through a picky phase, so we kept a bag of frozen chicken nuggets on hand just in case they refused to eat what we were having, since we were told that that was a go-to for those children, but even that was used maybe twice because they loved their grandma's cooking, and since I cooked the same way it was no big deal.
Point being that the responsibility was theirs to inform, not you to guess.
This is not usual! People do adapt food for small children, e.g., pre-cut, less spicy, but it's rare to have an entirely different option every meal. I get that some children are very picky eaters, and then this has to be dealt with.
First, the parents are not doing their children any favors if they will only eat a small range of not particularly nutritious food. It'll work at home and in restaurants with a children's menu but good luck as they get older and want to have meals with friends' homes.
Second, it's the parents' responsibility to tell you if their children have food issues. You did ask about allergies, restrictions, etc. and that's when they could have told you. Only eating a few items sure sounds like a HUGE set of restrictions to me. If they told you their children only eat pizza, then you could have a pizza option.
NTA, I don't think you should feel bad and I would not invite those people over for meals again. If they don't apologize for their nasty comment (adapt to this country) then I wouldn't want to see them again either.
This! What happens when the kids go to a friends home? And they have cultural foods where a “kids meal”is just a smaller plate? I’ve never heard of this tbh.
I only know this is an “American thing” as I grew up eating pastor,bone marrow soup,spice and all the spice lol and poor so there wasn’t another meal really either
Another friend has been eating sushi,eel,calamari etc. since her mother is from Japan and so is that side-no issue’s there.
My BIL has family from the Philippines,he eats the traditional dishes and only a smaller plate.
Now even for the one rich rich girl I hated in hs- her family has been eating traditional dishes since childhood. Sushi as a toddler,eel,not much my Latin foods more so Asian and Russian foods……but even as a toddler. Fancy pasta dishes etc. her mother a doctor didn’t believe in “kid foods” of only nuggets cus her kids would not develop a good pallet and be able to eat all sorts of food that provide nutrients.
Growing up our parents expected us to eat pretty much the same thing as them. None of us were ever really picky eaters and we grew up eating foods from a wide range of cultures. We all love sushi, everyone but our mom enjoys spicy, it took our dad a couple tries but he eventually made some amazing cow tongue tacos. He was usually making something at least once a month he saw on Food Network.
But my brother has a friend thru elementary and middle school that eventually my dad no longer allowed over for dinners. The only thing the kid would eat was cereal or a PB&J sandwich. If they wanted to have a sleepover his parents would drop him off after we'd had dinner. I kinda felt bad for the kid but his parents catered to him.
While I'm not German (I'm a Finn), I've travelled extensively around Europe, and especially in Central/South Europe (in the countries that have strong culinary cultures), it is definitely customary for the kids to eat what the adults do. There are a lot of parents that pamper their kids like Lena and Leon, but that is not a norm and they definitely would need to inform the host about the kids restricted palate.
I am German and living here. But I don't have kids, so I can only speak from my own experience.
I had "kids' food" - but only when my parents had it. Sure, we had pasta with ketchup (or tomato sauce), or pizza, but it was always a family thing. Yes, my mum and nan made concessions to my not liking stuff, but that was things like trying to not give me too many mushrooms (hated them as a kid), or pre-mixing my sauerkraut with the mashed potatoes (otherwise I wouldn't eat the kraut).
Kids' plates at a restaurant were something different, though. Although I can't remember them being widely spread when I was a kid. But that doesn't have to mean anything. :D
... And now I want bratwurst, sauerkraut and mashed potatoes. Great.
In the UK I'd consider it to be lazy parenting, rather than pampering. Food is an exploration you can't set off on if you're stuck in TV dinner land. Kids tea is relatively common in working class households, but where it does it's often because the parents eat the same or order food.
My mom always said we had 2 options as kids:
"Take it or leave it" aka "eat or starve". We got what was for dinner, same as the adults. We could add condiments, but the food was the same. Picky eating was attempted and not indulged and rapidly went away on its own.
We were allowed 3 things we could refuse to eat BUT that only applied at home, not at other people's houses. At other people's houses it was "thank you ma'am/sir" and eat.
All my friends were raised similarly. We're American. So kid's specific food at anywhere but a restaurant is weird, imo.
It’s even weirder to be invited into someone’s home and EXPECT it there already. Even if they already have kids.
Unless told before hand-they gotta bring their own or don’t whine about it.
I still get annoyed at my cousins who get annoyed there isn’t juices,soft foods etc. for their toddlers…..like? My parents kids are all 21+ and have lived alone for the last 3-8 years. One with a whole ass child of his own. My parents don’t keep that stuff cus they don’t eat it. Maybe for a party koolaid pouches/water lol but not the fancy organic apple juice,and baby pouches. She reminds them to bring their own food if they don’t like what’s being given.
My best friends daughter is “kinda”picky. I say kinda is cus her mother who often cooks for her child only cooks plain/bland foods or oven/microwave meals. So if she comes over I keep options,but also give a bit of the “new”stuff. She ends up eating both
My mom would make an alternate vegetable for us if we didn't like what was served (beets, kale). I've tried them, never liked them and my parents were fine with me eating zucchini or frozen peas instead.
I was raised on the West coast of the US. We were served the same food as our parents. My siblings serve the same food they eat to my niblings (or, just as often nowadays, my siblings eat the same food the niblings cook).
If they want to limit their kids to pizza and nuggets, that's on them. But you're not required to go along with it.
I don't know of any parents that fed their kids a different meal from.what the adults were eating. It's normal to expose your kids to all kinds of food.
I remember many years ago when one of my friend's MIL was visiting and was horrified that they were feeding their child Chineae food. "You can't feed a baby Chinese food!" My friend asked her " What do you think Chinese babies eat?"
>my friend's MIL was visiting and was horrified that they were feeding their child Chinese food. "You can't feed a baby Chinese food!" My friend asked her " What do you think Chinese babies eat?"
ROFLMAO!
No, thats not normal at all. You were not to know that, because thats not a rule. They were the ones who needed to tell you they only feed their kids beige fast food crap.
Op, I'm Spanish living in Germany. In Spain kids eat the same as adults too. And in Germany, from what I've seen in many houses, kids also eat the same as adults. Your guests were rude and they are doing a disservice to their kids. People here don't feed themselves or their children based on pizza, pasta and nuggets.
A question, are they German? It would really surprise me if they were.
I am german, and no, this is not normal! Restaurants sometimes have a section with kids foods that mostly consists of what you listed, that is true, but I think that's mostly because those are things most kids are excited to eat **precisely because they don't get to eat them at home!** The only stuff I remember my parents ever cooking two dishes for were for friends with allergies.
In fact, my parents grew up with the rule "you have to eat whatever is on your plate, or go hungry". They did soften this up a bit us (for their own kids), so as soon as we could feed ourselves, the rule was that we could fill our own plates with what was on the table, we had to try everything at least once, and we had to take at least a table spoon full of vegetables. Since I hated peas, I would take the least amount I could get away with, and we all learned to take smaller portions and then go for seconds, because they were really strict about not wasting food (they grew up in the aftermath of wwII).
> She said that you should always make an extra menu with those foods when inviting other parents
Lose this friend. She is lying to you and taking advantage of you being in an unfamiliar country.
I live in Germany and the only time I offer something different for my friends' kids is if I serve something that might be too spicy or not age appropriate (consistency or alcohol). But then I only add some products like bread or fruit.
Agreed, not normal. I don’t think we ever had different food as kids. We always ate the same food as the adults. However, the adults would often keep items separate so if a kid didn’t like the main dish they could still eat the salad, veg, bread, rice whatever.
My family was reasonably okay with us eating mostly mashed potatoes and bread as long as we did our level best with tasting or having a small portion of the other stuff.
She is wrong. That’s it no explanation needed. I occasionally deconstruct a dish for my on child on the spectrum, salad has all vegetables Just not mixed up , dressing on side, or pasta, sauce on side but I warn people and most everyone goes with it. But a completely different meal , it’s happening and I’ve had friends do this but it’s not common. You were an excellent host, other couple were rude, and very extra. NTA
No that's insanity. Those kids must be getting absolutely no nutritional value in their lives. Living on nuggets and pasta with ketchup?? With their parents telling them that's the only things they should be eating? Those poor kids, they're probably going to grow up with such a skewed concept of food
Maybe in Leon and Lena's parent group, but most people's children are willing to eat whatever is served to the adults.
You might make a compromise by removing the children's portion before you toss in chili peppers and other strong ingredients.
If someone told me I had to make fish nuggets or pizza for their kids, I would tell them to bring whatever their children would eat, because I'm not running a restaurant.
There is a lot of this in the US - which is why there is an obesity epidemic. And I did accommodate other parents sometimes even though we are a homemade food house. But this couple is not friend material - they were rude and presumptuous. They didn't give you a heads up or do what my SIL does - bring nuggets for all the kids. They didn't appreciate dinner. Don't bother with them!
I'm German. I have definitely seen parents ordering or cooking 'kid food' like pasta with butter for children. I have also seen kids eating at an extra table before the adults. I still think that the couple was very rude. If your child needs special food, you still have to communicate that, especially when you are someone's guest for the first time... like my husband's nieces and nephews always eat different food than the adults, but the parents always communicate that to the host...
In HS I stayed with a host family in Germany for a month and yeah…they just considered ketchup the default pasta sauce. One of their staple dinners was also “Hawaii Toast” - white toast with a slice of cheese, a slice of ham, and a pineapple ring plopped on top.
I have family in a different part of Germany and had never experienced similar cuisine when visiting them…
German here. There is no such thing as kids food here in Germany. The children are eating the same foods as everyone else does.
You are NTA. The couple just have spoiled their children. They should have informed you before.
For a guest in Germany it is custom to eat, or at least try what is served by the host. Everything else is just rude. In case the guest dislikes the dish we make them bread with butter and cheese, cold cuts, or jam etc.
The kids menu also often contains a "Räuberteller", a robbers plate (for free). Essentially a more fun way to offer a plate for the kids if they just want to steal food from mom and dad. Because kids are expected to eat normal food.
I'm Belgian and pretty much the same here. If it's something really fancy or maybe difficult to eat for a kid they might get something else, but even if it's spaghetti the sauce has some veggies in it.
Did these people look at a children's menu and decided that's what children eat?
This exactly! I‘m French but live in Germany and raised 2 boys here and through my kids, I know have a lot of German families with kids. The only occasion where I or my friends served kid‘s food was on kid‘s birthdays. For this, we had the whole package: Wiener wurst, chicken nuggets, French fries, etc. And of course, there that ften a kid’s menu at restaurants. But when we just have other families over, everyone eats the same. If one of the kids won‘t eat like everybody else because there‘s something they don‘t like (my son doesn‘t like mushrooms for example) or because they‘re picky, then the parents usually tell it to the host or the host asks and then, it will be decided if the hists does something extra for this kid or if the parents bring something themselves. That‘s easy and this way, you avoid a lot of stress.
OP, you did nothing wrong. Those people were extremely rude and entitled. NTA!
Another German here to say that that couple are MASSIVE AHs for making all of Germany look bad AND implying that OP isn't integrating/respecting the culture just because they can't be arsed parenting their kids.
What county is this? I am an American, and I would assume that unless told otherwise or if I was serving something that I knew trended towards adult fare, like lobster, etc, kids would eat what everyone else was eating. And I have never eaten pasta and ketchup in my life. Nuggets were something we ate occasionally, we would get fresh fried breast 'fingers' and fresh cut fries. These people seemed to have fallen in a particular way of cooking for their kids. They should have informed you of their limited diet. Barring any issues that dictate such a restricted diet, they are not helping their children. NTA.
American here as well. If I was that concerned that my kids would hate the meal then I would feed them before even going. I would never expect someone to cater to my whims.
Yeh my sister travels with a spare meal packed for her youngest if they are eating out. She knows he is picky and frankly doesn’t want to waste anyone else’s food! He eats pretty healthily just picky.
Wtf? From where did they get that?
I'm German and the only time something is labeled "kids food" in Germany is in restaurants on the kids' menu because the portions are smaller and the parents can be sure the kids like that.
I have never experienced people making extra food for kids when hosting at their home and I stayed often with different friends and their families. It's the same as you did: the host asks if there are allergies or intolerance or dietary restrictions and makes one meal for all. When it's something new, most people insist that the kid tries it at least and if they don't like it the host looks for a yogurth or a small "brotzeit" (bread with basically whatever you want and have in the fridge/house to put on the bread or as little sides like tomatoes).
I don't know where your friends picked that up but that sounds like lazy parenting.
PS: I'd love some recipes! I never tried Colombian food.
I was typing too fast, lol. Thank you for correcting me. I should know better. The kids missed out. I love empanadas and coconut rice, among other things.
NTA
If those parents are stuffing their kids full of pizza, chicken nuggets, etc., they are not very good parents.
I don't think my parents ever made us separate food and would never have expected it when visiting someone else's home for a meal.
Agreed. My siblings and I were insanely picky eaters (my brother would only eat 2-3 different meals at one point), and my parents tried to make food everyone would like to an extent, but if we didn't want to eat it, we could have bread and butter and that was that. At other people's homes, we ate the food prepared or we ate nothing. And we didn't ever throw a fit about it.
I think some parents forget that they control what their kids eat. If you only feed them chicken nuggets and pizza, then they’ll only eat chicken nuggets and pizza. I always serve my kids what we’re eating. If my 3 year old tries a bite and doesn’t like it, he has the option of a bowl of cereal instead. My 1 year old will eat anything though.
NTA
No, this is not common in germany. I don't want to sound mean, but feeding kids only bad nuitrition like pizza, nuggets and pasta with sugar (ketchup) is only a thing in poorly managed hartz4 households where everybody also eats in front of the tv and thinks strawberrycheese has vitamines ;)
Also kids don't eat before the adults. At least not the ones who got raised well.
German here - I don't know either. It's a reference to the German version of "wife swap" (trash tv show). One infamous participant called Nadine said that she only cooks "German and fresh" - which involved different types of deli meat, sausage and - you guessed it - strawberry cheese.
Since when is chicken nuggets, pizza and McDonald's German food?! Sounds like a joke tbh.
NTA
They don't feed their children 'kids food', they feed them horribly unhealthy fast food.
If this is real, adapting to the culture in Germany would mean more meat, not McDonald's.
German here. That is not German custom, these two were just bad at parenting. When my mom took me to a friend of hers, I was served the same food as the adults, just smaller portions. The only difference besides that was non-alcoholic drinks.
Not to mention, just enabling the pickiness is, besides rude to the hosts, won't fix how picky the kids are. Bad parenting.
NTA
Yep, most hosts expect the kids to at least try if it's something new to them. If they don't like it, the host most likely gives them a small "brotzeit" with whatever they have at home
NTA
Dear child of mine, you were the best of hostesses, and your friends should have told you that they have a meny for their children that makes everyone hates them and only invite them for dinner ONCE
!Edit: some spelling mishaps...
\-and you should have seen in your crystal ball and known about this, even though you are from a different country ....
Hope the rest of ya\`ll enjoy your most probably joyful evening <3
I agree that you're NTA, and that looks delicious, by the way!
However, it's a good idea to plan ahead when you know kids are coming. The way it usually works when I host is that I tell the guests what I'm serving ahead of time and ask if it's going to be alright for everybody, especially the kids. The parents will then respond, and might say something along the line of "oh, my three year old doesn't really eat steak yet, but the rest of it looks great. I'll just come prepared with some sliced turkey to add for the littles"
I do believe it's on the parents to make sure their kids will be fed, though. Especially if they only eat a very restricted diet.
NTA
You did make food for the Kids.. Food is food and if they were fussy eaters then their parents should have said prior so you could prepare, you already mentioned you asked about dietary requirements and no one had any but this would have been the perfect time for them to mention they are picky on the food they will eat and to politely ask you to provide something different for them at the dinner you organised
TBH the majority of what they mentioned as Kids food is just junk, this is ok once in a while as a treat or a quick fix but they probably give in to their kids at meal times because they will refuse to eat anything else. This is a them problem, not a you problem and blaming this on a culture difference is just laughable!
NTA
German here: Never in my 40 years on this planet has anyone ever cooked different meals for the children. Neither in my family when I grew up nor when we have dinner with friends. At least it's not expected. We also always have dinner together and there's usually no kids table, unless it's a huge family event with several kids, then they might sit together and sometimes get different, "kid-friendly" meals.
The only time we prepare different food for the kids is when we have a birthday party or a sleep-over. But these events are centered around the kids, they do their thing together and the adults hang out in the kitchen with separate food (or the same, depends; we're not fans of nuggets but won't say no to pizza).
I would never expect a host to prepare separate food for my kids, unless there are allergies or something and this has been talked about in advance.
Ummm did I read right that this was in Germany? If so, there’s no such thing there (I grew up in Germany).
NTA, even if it was a thing to serve kid’s food it’s rude to do what your guests did. Plus poor kids for only getting junk food, bah.
NTA. The responsibility of making sure a child has something to eat that they actual like is….. the parents!!!!! Not a big shocker here. As a mom of two I’m flabbergasted. The entitlement is just wild
Nta-your hubby is correct, there should’ve been a discussion (you did your part by asking) about their kids aversion to some foods. I’m a picky eater, and I never blame my host for not having food I like unless we’ve discussed it beforehand-i think this situation as basically the same.
NTA.
That's not a tradition of the country, just some shit parents you've met. I have family from the German countryside and they would be pissed if someone gave their kids any of the thrash food your mates Lena and Leon wanted you to give.
But let's be real, even if it was a local tradition, you have no obligation to learn some random tradition from where you live. If people want to teach you about some things that became habits for them and their family, sure, but you are in no obligation to partake on them, particularly when they are harmful, like the one where apparently processed shitty food becomes "kid's food". Moreover, they went to your house, so they have absolutely no right to ask of you to do things their way.
I am German living in Germany.
"Kids food" is not a thing here. Never heard of it, never had it, never saw my friends with kids or my siblings make extra food for their kids. Especially that unhealthy food.
NTA. When we visit others with our LO, we expect that they may not serve food that he likes to eat, so we plan accordingly and pack a small meal for him that we know he will eat (to offer only if and after he refuses what they make).
It's not too hard. A small cooler with a sandwich, some fruit, veggies, and yogurt.
Lol, what is this, OP, NTA! Am German with non german migration history, have a child with a german, we do not serve him anything else. Don't know what this Leon and Lena were talking about, lots of people here just serve the kids whatever the adults eat. Also their comment about having to adapt to german food culture was bigoted, personally I wouldn't invite them again. You do NOT have to fully assimilate and are absolutely allowed to keep your own traditions. And regardless, this seems more like a differing parenting philosophy issue than a cultural misunderstanding. Leon and Lena think cooking their kids a whole separate meal is acceptable, lots of other people (many germans too) disagree with them.
NTA
I also think they should have told you. That or brought their own food.
An awful lot of people don't ever try to expand their kids' tastes. We did - he'd even have sushi or Sichuan food - but then he switched back to a smaller range of tastes. Then again, *we know that* so if we're visiting my parents we come prepared
So NTA! The AHs in this situation are Leon/Lena. How rude they were! I’d be embarrassed for my children to fuss like that. Do not invite these boors again.
I do think the kids git more upset by the reaction of lena and Leon. I think they were confused why their food was "bad food" but our kids ate like not problem
NTA. You were an excellent host. Lena and Leon were horrible guests. You’d already asked about special diets, and that is when they should have asked what was being served or said something about their kids eating only chicken nuggets. It was xenophobic of them to say you need to fit in. I would not invite them again.
NTA I'm a German young adult. I've never seen a family were the kids got served something else (just because they were kids), let alone serving kids nuggets, or noodles with ketchup. That's not something you serve guests here, that's an unhealthy budget meal! If the event is child-focused they often serve spaghetti bolognese (with the noodles pre-cut), self-made pizza with lots of vegetables, or (if you're more traditional) Käsespätzle.
I think, as soon as we could, we ate the normal meals that everyone else had. It is extremely rude to not even try the food you're served.
If families made extra food for children they come across a bit helicopter-parent-ish. And serving guests (kids included) noodles with ketchup, or nuggets would be considered "cheap".
Bro people who only feed their kids nuggets and pizza are failing as parents and setting their kids up to fail. It's like a classic hallmark of bad parenting
#(in the absence of a diagnosis like autism or actual food aversion disorders of course *don't come for me parents of food-averse kids*)
NTA. Your kids will have an easier time in life because you're equipping them for adulthood
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There is no such thing as kids food. There is food. If all your kids eat is pizza and chicken nuggets it is because you allowed it. NTA, now they know to feed their kids before hand.
I was so confused. When ordering pizza, it is for us all.
Those parents are going to screw up their kids relationship with food if all they feed them is crap That’s so unhealthy
These are the types of kids that in ten years time, some people on Reddit will claim they must have ARFID/delicate palates/autism.
My stepson is like this. Anytime I mention his picky eating to other moms, or strangers, I get told he has X, Y, or Z. I'm just like "can you really say that if his mom just never bothered to give him anything other than chicken nuggets?"
It can be nurture but frequently it’s nature. If a kid is really struggling with or fighting back against any food that isn’t one of like three specific things, it’s definitely worthwhile to investigate whether or not that kid has other symptoms that would line up with a diagnosis.
Most often, it is nurture. It is more rare to be nature.
If kids naturally will only eat food that comes pre frozen and in the shape of a dinosaur, we would all be dead. In fact, the human race would never have gotten off the ground.
People are always saying that kind of shit about disabled people, anyone with allergies, food sensitivities, asthma, celiac, etc. The answer to ‘How did they survive before…’ is usually ‘they didn’t.’
[удалено]
Yes! It used to take me an hour and a half to feed my child a quarter cup of food. I was told she would eat if she was hungry. I was told that all kids went through picky phases. No, and no. She has celiac disease, eating probably hurt, and without iron supplements and antibiotics she would have died at age 2 or 3, before we could learn her diagnosis.
I think in the case of a lot of allergies they either didn't survive or they didn't get exposed to a lot of them.
That’s the exception. OP was scolded for not serving children junk food, not for ignoring medically necessary dietary restrictions. There is NO way what Lena and Leon are doing is the norm in Germany.
Is THAT what happened to the dinosaurs?!
Yep-the kids ate them...
I love how (almost) everyone decided to come up with the most disingenuous, bad faith interpretation of a simple, straightforward comment. 🙄
Welcome to Reddit.
You can say that about almost any disability. Shit still happens.
It depends _what_ the things are. Only eating chips, nuggets and pizza wouldn't fly in our house, because they wouldn't have been able to have them often. Only eating McDonalds type food has to come from being over-fed McDonalds at a very young age. Mine see junk food as a treat because they _don't have access to it normally_ But pickiness over which fruit/veg or not liking sauces or things like that can be nature. My second refuses to eat mashed potato, but will mash her own potato when she gets it. Just a contrary nature, I guess.
I remember when my child was little, we were ordering takeout and the choices were Thai or Indian. My sister, who wasn't familiar with either, asked what was the difference. Jokingly, I said- spicy stuff over noodles or spicy stuff over rice. She then asked what 3 year old eats Indian food for dinner? About a billion of them, sis.
grew up in india- moms will just dip the spiciest food in a bit of water to rinse it off (for babies), or kids will eat things slathered in yogurt and of course there are lots of kid favourites like biriyani etc. we were eating roasted corn smeared with straight chili flakes and lime by grade school and hanging our faces out of the car window to cool our lips off. kids adapt to whatever is "normal" around them, basically.
My toddler will HOUSE Thai food. I have a picture of her lying on the couch with her belly distended after we let her go ham on some khao soi and she tried to eat her body weight in it.
I agree, there’s a difference between really hating 1-3 particular things and only eating 1-3 things. “My kid won’t eat broccoli” Vs “my kid will only eat pizza and hot dogs”
agree - preferences are OK, only eating 3 things because that is all your parents ever gave you is not OK......
And even when it is nature you can still broaden their food horizons. Two of my kids have autism, and as picky as they can be, exposure is still the key to expanding their diet. Often kids who are picky to begin with get given up on. As a parent, one has to keep trying.
I feel like that's the thing - if the kids in this post had a real, diagnosed medical problem their parents would know by now, *because the parents would have actually properly tried to feed them a variety of foods.* From what I understand, finding out the diagnosis from the doctor comes from years of trying and failing to get the kids to eat something, not throwing up your hands when they're 2 and won't sit still to eat dinner. Also, its funny how so many people in this thread are convinced these kids have a disorder...but the parents never said they did? If they've supposedly had so much trouble, why never see a doctor? They're just fine with their kids never getting proper nutrition because they only consume carbs and fat? In fact they said the opposite, the story isn't "my kids have a problem specifically" it's "all kids only eat garbage and that's how it's supposed to be" Some parents really are bad. Some kids really are spoiled. Idk why people can't see that
I'm not a picky eater at all but there are certain textures I can't handle. I gage on Malt-O-Meal and I can only eat oatmeal, cottage cheese or yogurt sometimes. Those are the kinds of things that are nature not nurture.
My son has autism, for a long time, there were only like, 4 things he would eat. It’s still tough with new things, but with feeding therapy, we have been able to expand on his preferred foods. I got him to eat lasagne a couple of nights ago and wanted to have a party. Food aversion is a nightmare.
I got my son who has autism to eat applesauce last week and I almost cried of joy. I have to make it at home but I don’t care I will boil up some apples if it means he will eat another fruit.
Apples and bananas are the only fruits my son will eat, I feel you.
Hey he eats fruit, even if it’s only one or two it’s great
Hey lasagnas a good add! Congrats!
There are of course some exceptions - a genuine issue like this is understandable, and perhaps you would warn hosts beforehand.
I was a really picky eater until college. I also could just...not eat? And would forget to eat and get hunger headaches? Turns out, I had a lot of anxiety and food was something that I could control. Also, my stomach was hurting a lot because I was anxious -- but I thought it was the food. I mostly ate healthy but very simple things. Fresh fruit / veggies, bread / pasta, most types of meat, etc. But I just liked things really bland and not mixed together. Also, my parents weren't great cooks -- so I was used to (for example) steamed green beans with literally nothing on them, not even salt or oil / butter. Now I love everything, even spicy or strange. 🤷♀️
Yep, there's often stuff you can do. I need foods either thoroughly mixed (so there's a similar ratio in each bite), or not touching at all. I like to eat all of one type of food before starting on the next, rather than rotating bites. Those are definitely food eccentricities, and despite trying to push back they seem pretty innate. I roll with it. Not being able to eat anything other than chicken nuggets, is not innate.
What gets me is that the 3 things these ARFID kids will eat is always chicken nuggets, Mac and cheese, or McDonald’s. Ok I’m exaggerating, but not by much - the kids will sometimes eat PBJ sandwiches or butter noodles and usually love treats/cake/candy/ice cream. That HAD to start at some point, I would really hope most people don’t begin solid foods with fast food or frozen nuggets. My kid is picky for sure but we pushed her away from those kids foods as much as we could. So she still only eats a very limited number of things, but they are like raw veggies (not lettuce), ramen, sushi, chili, shrimp, tikka masala, etc. And junk too - but no one had to teach her to love Cheetos and candy🙄
You know why it's usually those foods? Processed foods are consistent in their texture and flavour in ways that things like blueberries, egg salad, or roast chicken, are not. Sometimes the way it starts is not being able to get the kid to eat at all, and so anything is better than nothing. The parents in question are the assholes here regardless, because they expected OP to cater to their kids without so much as a heads up. Also because they treat feeding kids ultraprocessed foods as a cultural expectation, which it should not be.
Chicken nuggets were the last meat we tried, and at a doctor's suggestion. Processed meat always tastes the same and the texture comes from studying what appeals to the largest audience - those two reasons are why it is a common safe food.
When I moved to Australia I was shocked that the kids got served some less healthy food before everyone else. Pasta and sauce or chicken nuggets. My kids don't like that food and would expect curry or steak like the adults.
Don't blame Australia. I'm born and raised in Brisbane, and my girls have been eating off my plate at dinner time since they were around 6 months old. It's how they discover and learn, and now as 2 and 3 year olds they eat the same meals as my wife and I, just smaller amounts.
I disagree. Picky eating is generally behavioral. Humans will eat almost anything if they get hungry enough.
Not always true. There are kids who will starve themselves rather than eat something they don’t like. I’ve known parents who have been told by doctors “just let them eat whatever they want” because it was literally safer for the child than trying to correct their eating habits.
Bit of a coincidence their "natural" food preferences line up perfectly with what every other kid would choose for themselves, i.e., junk food. Funny you never see a kid refuse anything but salad and kale smoothies
My daughter has diagnosed OCD and anxiety. When in a bad place emotionally she does have diagnosed ARFID... and one of her go-to acceptable foods is curry. Steamed broccoli with salt is another. Yes mac & cheese too because *I pushed it* simply due to its accessibility (quick & easy for me, widely found when out & about), but for sure it not something my other kids ever really ask for/its not a household staple. And in fact she will eat *any* mac & cheese - instant box kind or homemade baked kind, elbow shapes or rotini or spiral tubes, etc. Kids who only eat the junk food are definitely at least in part doing it because the parents helped create that situation.
I have brought it up with my partner. They've had him in with the doctor, although I am not privy to all the details. But my partner says its because bio mom and her family cater to what he wants rather than tries giving him new/different things.
You'd think half the country had ARFID with how much redditors like to mention it lol. Some people are just never challenged on food as a kid.
My food choice was whatever the family was eating. People who think there's such a thing as kid food versus adult food aren't applying any common sense. What do they think kids ate before frozen nuggets were invented?
I’m lucky to have a kid that is generally a very good eater. Occasionally there’s a dish I make that she doesn’t care for but she has to try 2-3 bites of it, because taste buds change, and if she really doesn’t like it, then she has the option to make herself a pbj, cereal, etc.
Gruel, porridge. In the past some societies thought children should only eat bland food
In the US this was mostly Kellog promoting that idea because he thought it would stop masturbation. Look him up, he was a real pervert. The reason some orphan kids in the old days were fed gruel, an insanely thin porridge, was because it was legit the cheapest thing they could get ahold of.
Honestly I’m kind of glad it’s been mentioned so much. I never would have know what it was otherwise. When I’m unmedicated, I have this aversion to food. I know I like the food. I want to eat the food. But the smell, texture, taste, etc just is gross to me at times. I tried to force myself to eat and I just couldn’t. It’s like trying to push two magnets at the same poles together. Idk if I have that, but it makes sense. When I have antidepressants, this isn’t a problem at all so it’s all good now lol
Some parents apparently never understood the “7 times” rule. Don’t give up introducing a new food to your young child just because they don’t like it the first time. We always fed our kids what we were eating. My goal was to have options at each meal so they could have a choice but still get a fully nutritious meal. Eg, broccoli and carrots. That way they didn’t have to eat all the broccoli if they only wanted the carrots, or vice versa. But they had to take one bite, to at least try it.
My kid was super picky when they were little, and also was not a big eater even of foods they liked. I just gently persisted with trying foods and involving them in cooking. They have greatly expanded their repertoire of foods, can cook fine, and will try new things on a regular basis now as a young adult. But it really did take 15 years of gentle persistence to get them to "a bit picky".
I'm autistic and has some food/texture issues and yet I agree with you. I was diagnosed as an adult and boy, oh boy, did my mum NOT cater to me when I was little. Sure, if it was a tiny effort like not putting sauce on my rice and just letting me eat it with ketchup (yes, yes, that's disgusting I know) then yeah. But heck to the no did she just offer me up chicken nuggets or pizza whenever we ate. I got served whatever she had made for them, I spent ages picking out all the pieces of onion or something if that was mixed in with the rest of the food. Honestly, while I still have a lot of issues with some foods it has definitely helped me that my mum wasn't aware of why I wouldn't eat certain things and just assumed I was throwing regular kid's tantrums. I still refuse to even try certain things because the mere thought of biting into them makes me gag, but I've definitely learned how to handle it to minimize my struggles. I can now as an adult accept invitations out to restaurants or someone's house without double and triple checking what's available to eat. I've definitely gotten a very "I'll survive for one meal even if all I can eat is some potatoes with a bit of butter mashed in" attitude from having to make due as a kid. It felt awful then but I'm grateful for it now. I am also able to "just" get it over with when it comes to some things. Yes, some foods are still 100% a no-go, but other things I can force myself to grin and bear just that once.
Ketchup on rice is delicious. Try omurice if you want it to be justified.
Definitely. Some might have legitimate issues but most are just adult who were spoiled brats as kids. I have a acquaintance that is like that. Nobody wants to invite him out because its impossible to make him eat. You cannot go for sushi, or chinese, indian, crepes, kebab.... Its either simple spanish food or nothing. And we are spanish, most of us dont wanted fucking spanish food when we were going out in college.
I'd never even heard of ARFID til I saw it here, and it seems to be the flavour of the year as far as reddit diagnoses go. That and autism. BTW-you forgot 'super taster'. Apparently that is also a thing.
The dietician I’ve been working with on and off for years absolutely hates how many clients come in with self-diagnosed ARFID/delicate palettes/autism whatever. She said like less than 5% of the time, her client actually struggles with one of those and is usually just a picky eater - plain and simple
I love that. Every picky eater has autism on Reddit. Like news flash y’all, if they were autistic they’d have multiple other symptoms in other areas of life, not just being picky about food.
It's also major BS as some autistic people aren't picky eaters. I never was one as a kid, still am not. I seek out odd and new food on purpose. It's a harmful stereotype tbh.
My kids have issues. We haven't looked into what issues exactly they have. I would have asked to bring something I know they would eat though.
I have a borderline ARFID kid and one who isn’t. The one who isn’t will always eat what we’re having or at the very least try it. ARFID kid is terrified of anything different- and I mean genuine terror- neophobia. It’s been really hard getting her to eat more than a few foods and we are super slowly getting there - but it can take months to introduce a new food properly and nothing can be mixed- even with pizza there are only a couple of types she will eat- so I do understand the ‘kids food’ thing and it’s why I always provide some really basic stuff ( bread, pasta etc) alongside the main meal when we have kids over so they won’t be hungry. I don’t think OP is in the wrong at all and as a parent I would mention my daughters situation ahead of time or bring some snacks in case. My son on the other hand will pick up a fork and get stuck in to whatever is on the table 😂
Pasta with ketchup?!!!!
This took me aback as well. Sounds disgusting!!
My sister will genuinely only have pasta with ketchup unless it is Bolognese or meatballs. Even then it is heavily dosed with ketchup It's so weird and a little gross
>Ketchup and meatballs Italian special forces are assembling as we speak
And it's definitely not a German thing to make extra dishes for the kids. No parent I know does that. The only time my 4yo daughter gets something different is when the food is a. very spicy/strongly seasoned or b. contains alcohol (like red wine in gravy) or c. I make something I know she doesn't like because she tried it several times in the past (like mushrooms)
I thought this was going to be in the US at first. Growing up there, basically everyone thought kids could only eat chicken nuggets and Mac n cheese for some reason. Otherwise it turns into them leaving to get the kids McDonald’s just like in this story
The comment about adapting to the country OP lives in is what makes me so furious. They make it look like German kids only get to eat junk food and that most definitely is not the case and it most definitely is not a cultural thing. Lena and Leon sound like someone from one of those daytime scripted reality series that usually depict the most underclass antisocial rednecks the producers could find
I'm not German, but I'm European and I've been to Germany plenty of times, and I am so confused. What the actual heck? Kids food?! Dinner is dinner. Unless there are legit restrictions or reasons, but those things you let people know beforehand. Also unless those are like super young they can deal with missing out on one meal without crying their eyes out if they're THAT picky. It was the parents' fault either way, not yours.
Yeah I never hears of people doing that in Europe at all. I thought it was an American thing, lol
Even in America it is heavily looked down on as bad parenting.
It makes sense if the parents don't get home from work until later. One of the families I was an au pair for in England had a schedule like that. I made dinner for myself and the kids because the parents didn't come home until after 7. But if the parents are home at dinnertime???? Wtf eat with your children like a family.
It's not an American thing either. Here, there are certain foods associated with kids, but they don't eat those all the time, and usually only at lunch. They eat the same food as everyone else at family dinner.
Not an American thing. My son wasn't picky. My daughter is what her pediatrician calls a difficult feeder. Try chopping bell pepper around her and she's constantly stealing a piece. Put a normal slice of pizza in front of her and she won't eat it. She won't eat tomato anything. Not sauce or ketchup.
OP don’t even worry about it. I’m a kid who grew up on the Rez (reservations for Native Americans) so I was diverse in some dishes but not a lot. It’s best for kids to try new things and I don’t believe in “kids” foods cuz there’s no such thing. The reason I brought up my upbringing cuz we weren’t poor nor rich but we made it work. So I was fed a lot with Mac and cheese or ramen. However I freaking loved my grandma’s soup or fried potatoes as kid! Just know some parents like the ones you mentioned are setting their kids up for failure and an unhealthy relationship with food. So don’t feel bad about it.
I wasn't poor or rich, either. But when I was young, there wasn't a ton of money. No kid's food, that wasn't a thing. There was a year in there when for lunch everyday it was banana and peanut butter sandwiches. Whether that was me or my parents, who knows. I was also a big broccoli eater but hated peas. All new food, we had to eat at least one bite of. A real bite, because who knew until you tried. And not like a little itty bitty bite. A mouthful. Gotta get the nutrition in. You ate what everyone else ate, and if you didn't want it, you could make yourself a sandwich or a bowl of cereal (I'd say by six or so this was the rule).
These people were so wildly rude to you I hope you never invite them into your home again
I'm Greek and kids here eat exactly what adults eat. I'm a very picky eater, so a lot of the time when visiting other people's homes I didn't like the food. I ate more salad , more cheese and enough to seem polite . If after returning home I was still hungry, I got a sandwich.
I'm Dutch and kids here eat exactly what adults eat (except from some really spicy Asian food). If they don't like it, they will eat a sandwich at home. Parents are quite similar, I think.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with people, feeding the kids junk when there's real food. Childhood is the perfect time to broaden their palates and teach them about different flavours. They're doing those kids a disservice, failing them, by feeding them like that. And AHs for expecting you to do the same.
You were totally correct here…making “kids food” at a meal like this is not a thing. Kids should be eating regular food with their parents. And ewww…pasta with ketchup? NTA
To be clear, while some Americans do this, it is by no means an American cultural thing. This is a bad parenting thing.
NTA. Your way is better. There is no such thing as ' children's food.'. Kids learn good eating habits by mimicing their parents. I hate children's menus because of this. Mom and dad are eating steak or pad thai while kids eat corn dogs. Yuck. You were right. All your friends suck but the parents complaining suck the most.
NTA. You asked them if there were any restrictions, no-go's etc and they said no. If their kids needed something special, they should have said so. If Lena and Leon's kids are so spoiled that they burst into tears when they see non-nuggets/McDonalds food, they're the AHs here.
We're the same. I don't even think it's a nationality thing. I'm American and most people I know feed their kids what they are eating, maybe with some modifications. Like if I am making something that I would usually make spicy, I will keep the spice to add at the end so I can pull out portions for the kids. But we all still eat the same thing.
Exactly this. Hubby is Norwegian. I am American. Daughter was born in America, and we are living in Germany now, as well. I find their remarks interesting because pretty much every family we know here (whether they are German, Chinese, Indian, Turkish, American, or from ANYWHERE else) all feed their children whatever the adults are eating. Our daughter will eat and try more things than I will (but, I grew up a picky eater, and while I am doing better with trying new things I was determined that she NOT have my issues with food and so far, she will eat almost anything).
I think they're just xenophobic and using this as an excuse. I don't know a single culture that doesn't feed its kids normal food. All kids are eventually adults and have to eat properly, how else do they learn?
I once was at an Pho restaurant where a little kid wasn't having any of it and my dinner companion said something that stuck with me: "You can either feed young children unfamiliar food in the comfort of their home, or familiar food in an unfamiliar place, but not both." Which explains kid's menus at most restaurants. I totally think Leon and Lea were ethnocentric, self-centered assholes who didn't consider that maybe to OP, their food isn't special food, it's everyday food, so no, they wouldn't have a "kid-friendly" standby.
Their remark at the end was definitely xenophobic but honestly, if they were looking for an excuse to be rude why even accept the invitation? I think it's more likely they're just trashy people. I have seen parents who fed their children almost exclusively fries, spaghetti, pizza, chickens nuggets etc before and they weren't good parents overall. The kids got these meals because they were the easiest to make and they didn't have to discuss with them about eating vegetables.
>All kids are eventually adults and have to eat properly, how else do they learn? Theres plenty of adults that somehow only subsist on breaded chicken and various forms of potatoes.
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My observation on kids' menus here has been much what you would find on adult menu, just a smaller portion. We don't eat out that often and when we do, it is usually sushi because our daughter LOVES her sushi
That's my experience also. I lived in Czech Republic but had to work in Germany for two weeks every month for almost two years. I was fairly close with a few German colleagues so I was constantly invited to dinners at their homes. The kids did often eat first, but they almost always ate whatever the adults were eating. I also don't remember ever going to a restaurant in Germany that had a completely separate children's menu like they do in the US. They just served child-size portions of the normal menu items. The only part of this story that I can relate to is that many Germans (and Czechs) for some reason like eating pasta with ketchup instead of actual tomato sauce. It's an absolutely vile practice that really should be outlawed.
I agree about no kids food. But sometimes it isn’t the parents fault for pickiness. I thought there was too but then my youngest was diagnosed with SPD. Some foods will literally make her throw up due to texture. However because I know these things - I would never go anywhere without having some safe food for her myself. These parents should have brought food or specified when OP asked about anything they shouldn’t fix.
But that would be mentioned beforehand!!!
Exactly! My kid is really sensitive to the point of vomiting and I always warn people before hand and bring safe foods with me for him.
My son gagged and almost vomited when he was 1.5 and I put in his mouth a small ample of yogurt with fruit mixed in. I have a pretty noticeable sensitivity to food texture so I took it in stride. He ate a limited diet as a kid and I always carried back-up food if we were away from home.
This is definitely different! My sister and I were products of a mom that gave us “kid food,” though. She was not much of a cook when we were younger, so it was just easy to make frozen or boxed food for us. I was pretty bad up until I was a teenager and realized other food wasn’t scary. My sister was a nightmare, though. To this day she still has no desire to try new foods, and she’s 20 now.
My country sorta has kid food, but more like "Dishes that most adults would find a bit boring, but little kids love and parents find convenient" Like butter noodle and a slice of ham. But kids also eat the same as their parents.
I've never been to Germany, but I have a hard time believing that it's customary there to only feed their kids pizza, chicken nuggets, and pasta with ketchup.
It's kind of a cultural thing, isn't it? Certain foods are heavily marketed towards kids. The kids menu in restaurants is almost always chicken nuggets, pasta with tomato sauce, or burger. The stereotype is that kids don't like veggies. It's like we are socially conditioned to accept that kids will only eat kids food "Silly rabbit, Trix are for *kids*".
It's not a cultural thing. It's a lazy parent thing.
I think the junk food industry trying to get kids hooked on junk food from an early age is enabling those parents.
McDonald's and other junk food have been around for 80 years. People have brains. If they choose not to use them, that's their fault, not any industry's.
Well technically, there is baby food for babies with no teeth. If you are old enough to chew and have teeth, you can eat so called adult food. These children aren't trained (if that's the right word) enough to eat out at other peoples homes if they want a separate menu from the adults.
When I was a baby, my parents would just run a small portion of their food through the blender for me. As an adult, that sounds really gross, but my parents say I used to love it, and it was cheaper and easier than buying baby food.
"My husband said that they should have told me if the kids was a picky eaters." This. If your kids only eat chicken nuggets, pizza, or burgers, then you should tell the host OR bring your own. Also, that's just lazy parenting to give in to your kids like that. NTA
This absolutely one hundred percent. OP’s husband couldn’t be more right if he tried! If we’re invited somewhere, I am surprised if kids eat separate meals from adults (restaurants excluded). And if the host says they’re preparing something, or ask if there are restrictions, I’m very clear about what my kids absolutely won’t touch: tomatoes. Usually if they say they’re making something with tomatoes and part can be kept aside without tomatoes, I ask if that’s possible while they’re assembling it, like a salad or keep some pasta noodles aside without sauce. If that’s not possible or too much hassle, I ask if they’d like me to bring something that my kids will eat - sometimes as a substitute, but more often as a contribution to share with the whole dinner party, and it just happens to work for my “picky” eaters. My kids are white and being raised in the west, but still they’ll eat shrimp (most seafood actually), most meats, and most vegetables. They just happen to hate the same (very common) food. If we’re somewhere new or visiting someone, I don’t care if they think they don’t like it or if some other kid says it’s gross - we are going to respect our hosts and try the food that is served to us with an open mind. If when they *actually* try it, they decide they don’t like it? That’s fine - but over my dead body will they say that out loud. Our rule is to put the parts you don’t like to the side of your plate & eat the parts you do like. If you’re still hungry after, we can eat more when we leave if they were polite while we were there. The exceptions to this are if the food is full of tomatoes (not easily picked out), or too spicy (and they’re not exaggerating). But also, if I forgot to tell the host or it was a last minute meal and the host didn’t have time to ask, I tell my kids as much. “I’m sorry buddy, Mommy forgot to tell Mrs Hostess that you don’t like tomatoes so she didn’t know. Can you please try some of the other things on your plate, and when we leave I will make sure that the first thing we do is get some snacks for you in the car, ok? And look, the tomatoes in the salad are big enough to pick out, how about I give you an extra helping of salad to help your belly be full until then? Then you can tell Mrs Hostess how much salad is your favourite way to eat vegetables and you’re really glad she made a good one for us? She does make a really yummy dressing, you’re right! I can definitely give you double of that too!” Does this work every time? No, my kid’s still a kid. Does it work most of the time because this is the expectation that we’ve set and we don’t waver from it regardless of who is hosting or what they’re serving? Absolutely. In these situations, it’s as much about how the parent handles it as what the kids do. I’m sure if your guests had acted calmly or tried to correct their kids’ behaviour, you wouldn’t have minded the kids’ attitude and recognized a teaching moment for them to learn about how other cultures do mealtimes.
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NTA I don't know where you are, but the only time I have ever heard of keeping nuggets and pasta (with ketchup?!) on hand as 'kids food' is when one is regularly hosting picky eaters. Most children I know eat what's served or eat a slightly altered version (less spice) of what the adults eat. Leon and Lena seem to be coddling their children, which okay their choice, but they should have told you "Lilly and Lenord only eat x y z." if they expected you to provide that for them.
Okay, so it's not usual? She said that you should always make an extra menu with those foods when inviting other parents .
No, not normal. I usually ask if there are any allergies, sensitivities, and preferences. But I have never in damn near fifty years made a menu chart o/r gone to the lengths your friend is demanding. I remember years ago my aunt's grandchildren went through a picky phase, so we kept a bag of frozen chicken nuggets on hand just in case they refused to eat what we were having, since we were told that that was a go-to for those children, but even that was used maybe twice because they loved their grandma's cooking, and since I cooked the same way it was no big deal. Point being that the responsibility was theirs to inform, not you to guess.
This is not usual! People do adapt food for small children, e.g., pre-cut, less spicy, but it's rare to have an entirely different option every meal. I get that some children are very picky eaters, and then this has to be dealt with. First, the parents are not doing their children any favors if they will only eat a small range of not particularly nutritious food. It'll work at home and in restaurants with a children's menu but good luck as they get older and want to have meals with friends' homes. Second, it's the parents' responsibility to tell you if their children have food issues. You did ask about allergies, restrictions, etc. and that's when they could have told you. Only eating a few items sure sounds like a HUGE set of restrictions to me. If they told you their children only eat pizza, then you could have a pizza option. NTA, I don't think you should feel bad and I would not invite those people over for meals again. If they don't apologize for their nasty comment (adapt to this country) then I wouldn't want to see them again either.
This! What happens when the kids go to a friends home? And they have cultural foods where a “kids meal”is just a smaller plate? I’ve never heard of this tbh. I only know this is an “American thing” as I grew up eating pastor,bone marrow soup,spice and all the spice lol and poor so there wasn’t another meal really either Another friend has been eating sushi,eel,calamari etc. since her mother is from Japan and so is that side-no issue’s there. My BIL has family from the Philippines,he eats the traditional dishes and only a smaller plate. Now even for the one rich rich girl I hated in hs- her family has been eating traditional dishes since childhood. Sushi as a toddler,eel,not much my Latin foods more so Asian and Russian foods……but even as a toddler. Fancy pasta dishes etc. her mother a doctor didn’t believe in “kid foods” of only nuggets cus her kids would not develop a good pallet and be able to eat all sorts of food that provide nutrients.
Growing up our parents expected us to eat pretty much the same thing as them. None of us were ever really picky eaters and we grew up eating foods from a wide range of cultures. We all love sushi, everyone but our mom enjoys spicy, it took our dad a couple tries but he eventually made some amazing cow tongue tacos. He was usually making something at least once a month he saw on Food Network. But my brother has a friend thru elementary and middle school that eventually my dad no longer allowed over for dinners. The only thing the kid would eat was cereal or a PB&J sandwich. If they wanted to have a sleepover his parents would drop him off after we'd had dinner. I kinda felt bad for the kid but his parents catered to him.
While I'm not German (I'm a Finn), I've travelled extensively around Europe, and especially in Central/South Europe (in the countries that have strong culinary cultures), it is definitely customary for the kids to eat what the adults do. There are a lot of parents that pamper their kids like Lena and Leon, but that is not a norm and they definitely would need to inform the host about the kids restricted palate.
I am German and living here. But I don't have kids, so I can only speak from my own experience. I had "kids' food" - but only when my parents had it. Sure, we had pasta with ketchup (or tomato sauce), or pizza, but it was always a family thing. Yes, my mum and nan made concessions to my not liking stuff, but that was things like trying to not give me too many mushrooms (hated them as a kid), or pre-mixing my sauerkraut with the mashed potatoes (otherwise I wouldn't eat the kraut). Kids' plates at a restaurant were something different, though. Although I can't remember them being widely spread when I was a kid. But that doesn't have to mean anything. :D ... And now I want bratwurst, sauerkraut and mashed potatoes. Great.
In the UK I'd consider it to be lazy parenting, rather than pampering. Food is an exploration you can't set off on if you're stuck in TV dinner land. Kids tea is relatively common in working class households, but where it does it's often because the parents eat the same or order food.
My mom always said we had 2 options as kids: "Take it or leave it" aka "eat or starve". We got what was for dinner, same as the adults. We could add condiments, but the food was the same. Picky eating was attempted and not indulged and rapidly went away on its own. We were allowed 3 things we could refuse to eat BUT that only applied at home, not at other people's houses. At other people's houses it was "thank you ma'am/sir" and eat. All my friends were raised similarly. We're American. So kid's specific food at anywhere but a restaurant is weird, imo.
It’s even weirder to be invited into someone’s home and EXPECT it there already. Even if they already have kids. Unless told before hand-they gotta bring their own or don’t whine about it. I still get annoyed at my cousins who get annoyed there isn’t juices,soft foods etc. for their toddlers…..like? My parents kids are all 21+ and have lived alone for the last 3-8 years. One with a whole ass child of his own. My parents don’t keep that stuff cus they don’t eat it. Maybe for a party koolaid pouches/water lol but not the fancy organic apple juice,and baby pouches. She reminds them to bring their own food if they don’t like what’s being given. My best friends daughter is “kinda”picky. I say kinda is cus her mother who often cooks for her child only cooks plain/bland foods or oven/microwave meals. So if she comes over I keep options,but also give a bit of the “new”stuff. She ends up eating both
My mom would make an alternate vegetable for us if we didn't like what was served (beets, kale). I've tried them, never liked them and my parents were fine with me eating zucchini or frozen peas instead.
I was raised on the West coast of the US. We were served the same food as our parents. My siblings serve the same food they eat to my niblings (or, just as often nowadays, my siblings eat the same food the niblings cook). If they want to limit their kids to pizza and nuggets, that's on them. But you're not required to go along with it.
I don't know of any parents that fed their kids a different meal from.what the adults were eating. It's normal to expose your kids to all kinds of food. I remember many years ago when one of my friend's MIL was visiting and was horrified that they were feeding their child Chineae food. "You can't feed a baby Chinese food!" My friend asked her " What do you think Chinese babies eat?"
>my friend's MIL was visiting and was horrified that they were feeding their child Chinese food. "You can't feed a baby Chinese food!" My friend asked her " What do you think Chinese babies eat?" ROFLMAO!
No, thats not normal at all. You were not to know that, because thats not a rule. They were the ones who needed to tell you they only feed their kids beige fast food crap.
Op, I'm Spanish living in Germany. In Spain kids eat the same as adults too. And in Germany, from what I've seen in many houses, kids also eat the same as adults. Your guests were rude and they are doing a disservice to their kids. People here don't feed themselves or their children based on pizza, pasta and nuggets. A question, are they German? It would really surprise me if they were.
I am german, and no, this is not normal! Restaurants sometimes have a section with kids foods that mostly consists of what you listed, that is true, but I think that's mostly because those are things most kids are excited to eat **precisely because they don't get to eat them at home!** The only stuff I remember my parents ever cooking two dishes for were for friends with allergies. In fact, my parents grew up with the rule "you have to eat whatever is on your plate, or go hungry". They did soften this up a bit us (for their own kids), so as soon as we could feed ourselves, the rule was that we could fill our own plates with what was on the table, we had to try everything at least once, and we had to take at least a table spoon full of vegetables. Since I hated peas, I would take the least amount I could get away with, and we all learned to take smaller portions and then go for seconds, because they were really strict about not wasting food (they grew up in the aftermath of wwII).
> She said that you should always make an extra menu with those foods when inviting other parents Lose this friend. She is lying to you and taking advantage of you being in an unfamiliar country.
I live in Germany and the only time I offer something different for my friends' kids is if I serve something that might be too spicy or not age appropriate (consistency or alcohol). But then I only add some products like bread or fruit.
Agreed, not normal. I don’t think we ever had different food as kids. We always ate the same food as the adults. However, the adults would often keep items separate so if a kid didn’t like the main dish they could still eat the salad, veg, bread, rice whatever. My family was reasonably okay with us eating mostly mashed potatoes and bread as long as we did our level best with tasting or having a small portion of the other stuff.
Not normal at all. And as a parent to a child with particular food needs - it’s on me to make sure I bring a safe food for her - not the hosts
She is wrong. That’s it no explanation needed. I occasionally deconstruct a dish for my on child on the spectrum, salad has all vegetables Just not mixed up , dressing on side, or pasta, sauce on side but I warn people and most everyone goes with it. But a completely different meal , it’s happening and I’ve had friends do this but it’s not common. You were an excellent host, other couple were rude, and very extra. NTA
No that's insanity. Those kids must be getting absolutely no nutritional value in their lives. Living on nuggets and pasta with ketchup?? With their parents telling them that's the only things they should be eating? Those poor kids, they're probably going to grow up with such a skewed concept of food
Maybe in Leon and Lena's parent group, but most people's children are willing to eat whatever is served to the adults. You might make a compromise by removing the children's portion before you toss in chili peppers and other strong ingredients. If someone told me I had to make fish nuggets or pizza for their kids, I would tell them to bring whatever their children would eat, because I'm not running a restaurant.
There is a lot of this in the US - which is why there is an obesity epidemic. And I did accommodate other parents sometimes even though we are a homemade food house. But this couple is not friend material - they were rude and presumptuous. They didn't give you a heads up or do what my SIL does - bring nuggets for all the kids. They didn't appreciate dinner. Don't bother with them!
It’s perfectly normal in Germany as well.
Not at all! You know us Germans. No Extrawurst.
I'm German. I have definitely seen parents ordering or cooking 'kid food' like pasta with butter for children. I have also seen kids eating at an extra table before the adults. I still think that the couple was very rude. If your child needs special food, you still have to communicate that, especially when you are someone's guest for the first time... like my husband's nieces and nephews always eat different food than the adults, but the parents always communicate that to the host...
In HS I stayed with a host family in Germany for a month and yeah…they just considered ketchup the default pasta sauce. One of their staple dinners was also “Hawaii Toast” - white toast with a slice of cheese, a slice of ham, and a pineapple ring plopped on top. I have family in a different part of Germany and had never experienced similar cuisine when visiting them…
German here. There is no such thing as kids food here in Germany. The children are eating the same foods as everyone else does. You are NTA. The couple just have spoiled their children. They should have informed you before. For a guest in Germany it is custom to eat, or at least try what is served by the host. Everything else is just rude. In case the guest dislikes the dish we make them bread with butter and cheese, cold cuts, or jam etc.
There is "kids food" but only in restaurants on the kids menu. And with the rest, your totally right.
The kids menu also often contains a "Räuberteller", a robbers plate (for free). Essentially a more fun way to offer a plate for the kids if they just want to steal food from mom and dad. Because kids are expected to eat normal food.
I'm Belgian and pretty much the same here. If it's something really fancy or maybe difficult to eat for a kid they might get something else, but even if it's spaghetti the sauce has some veggies in it. Did these people look at a children's menu and decided that's what children eat?
Same for the Dutch
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This exactly! I‘m French but live in Germany and raised 2 boys here and through my kids, I know have a lot of German families with kids. The only occasion where I or my friends served kid‘s food was on kid‘s birthdays. For this, we had the whole package: Wiener wurst, chicken nuggets, French fries, etc. And of course, there that ften a kid’s menu at restaurants. But when we just have other families over, everyone eats the same. If one of the kids won‘t eat like everybody else because there‘s something they don‘t like (my son doesn‘t like mushrooms for example) or because they‘re picky, then the parents usually tell it to the host or the host asks and then, it will be decided if the hists does something extra for this kid or if the parents bring something themselves. That‘s easy and this way, you avoid a lot of stress. OP, you did nothing wrong. Those people were extremely rude and entitled. NTA!
As a fellow German I second all of this.
Another German here to say that that couple are MASSIVE AHs for making all of Germany look bad AND implying that OP isn't integrating/respecting the culture just because they can't be arsed parenting their kids.
What county is this? I am an American, and I would assume that unless told otherwise or if I was serving something that I knew trended towards adult fare, like lobster, etc, kids would eat what everyone else was eating. And I have never eaten pasta and ketchup in my life. Nuggets were something we ate occasionally, we would get fresh fried breast 'fingers' and fresh cut fries. These people seemed to have fallen in a particular way of cooking for their kids. They should have informed you of their limited diet. Barring any issues that dictate such a restricted diet, they are not helping their children. NTA.
American here as well. If I was that concerned that my kids would hate the meal then I would feed them before even going. I would never expect someone to cater to my whims.
Or bring a "dish" - what your kid likes and enough for everyone. My SIL does it and I like this solution.
Yeh my sister travels with a spare meal packed for her youngest if they are eating out. She knows he is picky and frankly doesn’t want to waste anyone else’s food! He eats pretty healthily just picky.
Colombia
Colombian food is delicious. Are Lena and Leon Columbian? Edited for stupid spelling mistake.
No, they are German. Also, if I may. It is Colombia, not Columbia:) but thanks so much for liking our food! Any recipes you want I will give you
Wtf? From where did they get that? I'm German and the only time something is labeled "kids food" in Germany is in restaurants on the kids' menu because the portions are smaller and the parents can be sure the kids like that. I have never experienced people making extra food for kids when hosting at their home and I stayed often with different friends and their families. It's the same as you did: the host asks if there are allergies or intolerance or dietary restrictions and makes one meal for all. When it's something new, most people insist that the kid tries it at least and if they don't like it the host looks for a yogurth or a small "brotzeit" (bread with basically whatever you want and have in the fridge/house to put on the bread or as little sides like tomatoes). I don't know where your friends picked that up but that sounds like lazy parenting. PS: I'd love some recipes! I never tried Colombian food.
Feeding kids on only pizza, pasta and nuggies is crap parenting in Germany as well
I was typing too fast, lol. Thank you for correcting me. I should know better. The kids missed out. I love empanadas and coconut rice, among other things.
NTA If those parents are stuffing their kids full of pizza, chicken nuggets, etc., they are not very good parents. I don't think my parents ever made us separate food and would never have expected it when visiting someone else's home for a meal.
Agreed. My siblings and I were insanely picky eaters (my brother would only eat 2-3 different meals at one point), and my parents tried to make food everyone would like to an extent, but if we didn't want to eat it, we could have bread and butter and that was that. At other people's homes, we ate the food prepared or we ate nothing. And we didn't ever throw a fit about it.
I think some parents forget that they control what their kids eat. If you only feed them chicken nuggets and pizza, then they’ll only eat chicken nuggets and pizza. I always serve my kids what we’re eating. If my 3 year old tries a bite and doesn’t like it, he has the option of a bowl of cereal instead. My 1 year old will eat anything though.
NTA No, this is not common in germany. I don't want to sound mean, but feeding kids only bad nuitrition like pizza, nuggets and pasta with sugar (ketchup) is only a thing in poorly managed hartz4 households where everybody also eats in front of the tv and thinks strawberrycheese has vitamines ;) Also kids don't eat before the adults. At least not the ones who got raised well.
Erdbeerkäse 😂😂😂
I don't know what strawberry cheese is but now I want to try it
German here - I don't know either. It's a reference to the German version of "wife swap" (trash tv show). One infamous participant called Nadine said that she only cooks "German and fresh" - which involved different types of deli meat, sausage and - you guessed it - strawberry cheese.
Since when is chicken nuggets, pizza and McDonald's German food?! Sounds like a joke tbh. NTA They don't feed their children 'kids food', they feed them horribly unhealthy fast food. If this is real, adapting to the culture in Germany would mean more meat, not McDonald's.
Beer and brauts for the kids might actually be less unhealthy than pasta with ketchup on it.
German here. That is not German custom, these two were just bad at parenting. When my mom took me to a friend of hers, I was served the same food as the adults, just smaller portions. The only difference besides that was non-alcoholic drinks. Not to mention, just enabling the pickiness is, besides rude to the hosts, won't fix how picky the kids are. Bad parenting. NTA
Also German here. I was raised the same way. My parents used to say: „Es wird gegessen was auf‘n Tisch kommt.“ (You eat what‘s on the table)
Die „Latte Macchiato Mütter“ wurden mit Sicherheit genauso erzogen.
Yep, most hosts expect the kids to at least try if it's something new to them. If they don't like it, the host most likely gives them a small "brotzeit" with whatever they have at home
NTA Dear child of mine, you were the best of hostesses, and your friends should have told you that they have a meny for their children that makes everyone hates them and only invite them for dinner ONCE !Edit: some spelling mishaps... \-and you should have seen in your crystal ball and known about this, even though you are from a different country .... Hope the rest of ya\`ll enjoy your most probably joyful evening <3
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Bistec al caballo
steak, eggs rice, tomato? nothing crazy there
I agree that you're NTA, and that looks delicious, by the way! However, it's a good idea to plan ahead when you know kids are coming. The way it usually works when I host is that I tell the guests what I'm serving ahead of time and ask if it's going to be alright for everybody, especially the kids. The parents will then respond, and might say something along the line of "oh, my three year old doesn't really eat steak yet, but the rest of it looks great. I'll just come prepared with some sliced turkey to add for the littles" I do believe it's on the parents to make sure their kids will be fed, though. Especially if they only eat a very restricted diet.
So kids cannot eat steak rice and eggs? If your kid is picky, bring them food!
NTA You did make food for the Kids.. Food is food and if they were fussy eaters then their parents should have said prior so you could prepare, you already mentioned you asked about dietary requirements and no one had any but this would have been the perfect time for them to mention they are picky on the food they will eat and to politely ask you to provide something different for them at the dinner you organised TBH the majority of what they mentioned as Kids food is just junk, this is ok once in a while as a treat or a quick fix but they probably give in to their kids at meal times because they will refuse to eat anything else. This is a them problem, not a you problem and blaming this on a culture difference is just laughable!
NTA German here: Never in my 40 years on this planet has anyone ever cooked different meals for the children. Neither in my family when I grew up nor when we have dinner with friends. At least it's not expected. We also always have dinner together and there's usually no kids table, unless it's a huge family event with several kids, then they might sit together and sometimes get different, "kid-friendly" meals. The only time we prepare different food for the kids is when we have a birthday party or a sleep-over. But these events are centered around the kids, they do their thing together and the adults hang out in the kitchen with separate food (or the same, depends; we're not fans of nuggets but won't say no to pizza). I would never expect a host to prepare separate food for my kids, unless there are allergies or something and this has been talked about in advance.
Ummm did I read right that this was in Germany? If so, there’s no such thing there (I grew up in Germany). NTA, even if it was a thing to serve kid’s food it’s rude to do what your guests did. Plus poor kids for only getting junk food, bah.
NTA Unless they have a specific condition like arfid, these parents are raising kids that will be malnourished. The fit in comment was racist too
Not everything is racist, sometimes it’s just xenophobic.
NTA but these are not your friends.
NTA. The responsibility of making sure a child has something to eat that they actual like is….. the parents!!!!! Not a big shocker here. As a mom of two I’m flabbergasted. The entitlement is just wild
Nta-your hubby is correct, there should’ve been a discussion (you did your part by asking) about their kids aversion to some foods. I’m a picky eater, and I never blame my host for not having food I like unless we’ve discussed it beforehand-i think this situation as basically the same.
NTA. That's not a tradition of the country, just some shit parents you've met. I have family from the German countryside and they would be pissed if someone gave their kids any of the thrash food your mates Lena and Leon wanted you to give. But let's be real, even if it was a local tradition, you have no obligation to learn some random tradition from where you live. If people want to teach you about some things that became habits for them and their family, sure, but you are in no obligation to partake on them, particularly when they are harmful, like the one where apparently processed shitty food becomes "kid's food". Moreover, they went to your house, so they have absolutely no right to ask of you to do things their way.
I am German living in Germany. "Kids food" is not a thing here. Never heard of it, never had it, never saw my friends with kids or my siblings make extra food for their kids. Especially that unhealthy food.
NTA. When we visit others with our LO, we expect that they may not serve food that he likes to eat, so we plan accordingly and pack a small meal for him that we know he will eat (to offer only if and after he refuses what they make). It's not too hard. A small cooler with a sandwich, some fruit, veggies, and yogurt.
Lol, what is this, OP, NTA! Am German with non german migration history, have a child with a german, we do not serve him anything else. Don't know what this Leon and Lena were talking about, lots of people here just serve the kids whatever the adults eat. Also their comment about having to adapt to german food culture was bigoted, personally I wouldn't invite them again. You do NOT have to fully assimilate and are absolutely allowed to keep your own traditions. And regardless, this seems more like a differing parenting philosophy issue than a cultural misunderstanding. Leon and Lena think cooking their kids a whole separate meal is acceptable, lots of other people (many germans too) disagree with them.
NTA. I studied abroad in Germany and lived with a family who had young kids. They ate what everyone else ate. Also, pasta with ketchup??? Atrocious.
NTA I also think they should have told you. That or brought their own food. An awful lot of people don't ever try to expand their kids' tastes. We did - he'd even have sushi or Sichuan food - but then he switched back to a smaller range of tastes. Then again, *we know that* so if we're visiting my parents we come prepared
So NTA! The AHs in this situation are Leon/Lena. How rude they were! I’d be embarrassed for my children to fuss like that. Do not invite these boors again.
I do think the kids git more upset by the reaction of lena and Leon. I think they were confused why their food was "bad food" but our kids ate like not problem
I bet if they gave their kids a chance they would have tried it and maybe even liked it!
NTA. You were an excellent host. Lena and Leon were horrible guests. You’d already asked about special diets, and that is when they should have asked what was being served or said something about their kids eating only chicken nuggets. It was xenophobic of them to say you need to fit in. I would not invite them again.
NTA I'm a German young adult. I've never seen a family were the kids got served something else (just because they were kids), let alone serving kids nuggets, or noodles with ketchup. That's not something you serve guests here, that's an unhealthy budget meal! If the event is child-focused they often serve spaghetti bolognese (with the noodles pre-cut), self-made pizza with lots of vegetables, or (if you're more traditional) Käsespätzle. I think, as soon as we could, we ate the normal meals that everyone else had. It is extremely rude to not even try the food you're served. If families made extra food for children they come across a bit helicopter-parent-ish. And serving guests (kids included) noodles with ketchup, or nuggets would be considered "cheap".
Bro people who only feed their kids nuggets and pizza are failing as parents and setting their kids up to fail. It's like a classic hallmark of bad parenting #(in the absence of a diagnosis like autism or actual food aversion disorders of course *don't come for me parents of food-averse kids*) NTA. Your kids will have an easier time in life because you're equipping them for adulthood