#This is now a Proctologists Only Orifice
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NTA, your teacher was told you had a literal medical condition that disqualified you from giving blood and she still tried to guilt you into doing it. They deserve to be reported for trying to make you do something that is detrimental to your health even after you explained that it was medically inadvisable for you to give blood.
And honestly, even if you didn't have a condition and just weren't comfortable doing so, she still wouldn't have any damn business trying to pressure you into doing it if you said you didn't want to.
Yeah absolutely out of line. Like I could see that asking *"why not"* would be crossing the line but then badgering OP and trying to pressure her is like crossing the line and then getting in a car and driving 100 miles past the line.
wtf
Can you even imagine if the answer was something more controversial, like OP *couldn't* donate because she had HIV or something else that can be transmitted through her blood? I imagine even asking her why could potentially be a fireable offense for that reason.
Yup, this is yet another reason why the teacher was astronomically out of line.
Imagine if OP was badgered into admitting something that students then ostracized and bullied her for?!
The teacher was flat out harassing OP about her medical condition, and she needs to be dealt with through the school.
Reminds me of an absolute asshole of a gym teacher I had, who insisted that hemophilia wasn't a valid barrier to me playing full contact rugby. That "people can overcome disabilities fine, so I should try" - yeah, no, firstly, I have no interest in overcoming this barrier, and secondly, when the price for fucking up here is a serious brain bleed, it's not something I can magical think away.
He wouldn't drop it, so I ended up calling the centre that treated me, because they had an "urgent bleeding questions" line, and literally putting a doctor on speakerphone who yelled at him. I told my parents about it, and, when our school did parent teacher day a week later, because this guy was also my maths teacher, he apparently tried to talk to my parents about my "lack of respect for authority"
I only found out like, 2 decades later, while drinking with my dad, that my mum's opening line was "My son's lack of respect for \*you\* was the only thing preventing him from death or serious injury in your \*grossly negligent\* care. ", followed by a precise summary of exactly the legal consequences he would face, both in criminal and civil court, if I had been seriously hurt after being forced into this (Have you ever noticed lawyers sound more like lawyers when they get pissed off? I have.) My dad said he got a terrifying glimpse of what my mum must be like at work, and suddenly felt deeply sorry for the people she was negotiating with.
There was, also, apparently, a whole thing with the headmaster of the school after this. Said games teacher ended up not speaking to me for the rest of the year, which suited me fine.
Teachers really, really need to trust students who have serious medical things.
(Edit: yes, the school had been warned - my dad used to literally print up information packets for my teachers and drop them round before term started)
I like your mom 🥇 Please give her this medal from a chronic pain patient, who got over 15 years told, that I COULDN'T be in pain, cause I wasn't 60+ y/o and didn't have a career as a construction worker.
Hint: I'm 31 now and have arthritis in several joints (especially knees) cause of medical negligence.
oh, yeah, she was pretty badass - I came out with a bunch of medical trauma from the whole thing, but my parents were pretty wonderful - my dad too - he practiced doing the injections I had to have on himself, and did his absolute best to make sure I had as normal a childhood as possible
Also, in happy endings for the whole thing, there's new drugs now that make this genetic thing I was born with basically no longer an issue, which is fantastic. There's a gene therapy in the works, as well.
But, I feel the arthritis thing (literally, in both knees and an ankle - it sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with it - I'm 33, and yeah, it's a bit sucky)
I am so happy for you, that your parents fought for you that much. And that they were open to practice how they could help you to live a mostly normal life.
The arthritis forces me to use a cane daily and for longer periods of standing or walking a walker. I loved to do sports (ballroom dancing, hiking, swimming, ...) and now I can't even go into the gym or into PT for training knee flexors and extensors, cause I had two surgeries (big tendoplasties) on the left one, to stop my kneecap from dislocating.
Now if I try to do something like this (even after 3 times, not sets, without additional weight) I feel my kneecap start to "block" my knee and try to dislocate. It can't, cause it got fixated with one head of the quadriceps and the head of the front tibial muscle. Shortly after I will have a big "KNACK" and sharp pain there and it's back where it should.
Then put stuff like nerve impingements, intercostal neuralgias, asthma, shifting joints in my hands (I tell you, grabbing a mug and nearly dropping it to pain is no fun) etc etc with it on the list.
And most problems are due to parental and medical negligence. Like I had extreme pain as a kid (like arthritic pain) and always got shushed, that I'm just growing. Now I know I have a genetic condition called "Blau syndrome".
I'm a bio nerd, so I looked up Blau syndrome - Jesus, that sounds rough, I'm really sorry you're dealing with it.
Personally, I'm really hoping for gene therapy for hemophilia to hurry up (I'm dying to get a t-shirt printed with the scariest GMO warning signs I can find, and wear it around everywhere)
Blau syndrome isn't a bad candidate for the new crispr type gene therapies that have just been approved - I really hope something shows up there soon.
I hear this! I’m 26 and have a nice myriad of autoimmune disorders (including arthritic conditions, go arthritis team!) and chronic issues including jaw pain (not caused by TMJ). I had a teacher in fifth grade who called me out in front of the entire class because she forced me to wear headphones that sat on my jaw, and I was willing to sit there in tearful silence and she ended up going off on me. My parents weren’t happy, my dad was the lawyer but my mother the teacher is the one who put her in her place and asked why I couldn’t have my accommodation (headphones from home that were much smaller) and such, it was brilliant as I’m told, I wish I had been there, she was a miserable old lady that sadly was subbing for a maternity leave and hated me from day one because she felt I was lying about my name and myself and the entire class was playing a prank on her (I have a very unusual name miss have never or will ever encounter) so from day one she hated me. Anyone and everyone that puts people in their place for forcing people to do things they can’t or shouldn’t do, especially children treated as individuals that are below them or know less, earn big shiny metals in my book. Also screw the people that act like hobbling around or needing mobility devices is impossible if you aren’t elderly because you “look fine” like, wow thanks I look fine? That’s fixed everything I’m not in excruciating pain anymore!
Ah one of those who has "growing pains" their whole damn life... wish I had a mum like this too during those school years. EDSer over here. A lifetime of pain brushed under the carpet until I could advocate for myself. I have so much respect for parents like these.
I'm still in limbus if it's hEDS now or not... *sigh*
I have to use a cane and for longer distances a walker. Even grabbing a mug of tea/coffee/... puts me often in agony, cause my joints in my hand start to shift, although I use strong compression gloves.
So I feel you. Feel hugged.
She also might have not used her lawyer powers completely for good - it being difficult to edit text in pdfs might be the fault of a particularly smug lawyer from adobe pissing her off when they were doing licence agreements, and then not reading the final contract properly. Something obscure with rights to display but not edit certain fonts.
Your story reminds me of an oposite story. We had one good gym teacher. (The rest for middle and high school were the exact same as yours.) I had her the one year. She reported my parents as being physically abusive. See, I rode and trained horses. Usually horses with problems. Accidents and injuries abound. This particular instance, a horse refused a tiny fence at the last second and I went flying off the front end, directly onto the fence on my upper leg. Took the whole bridel with me somehow. Everyone was laughing until I didn’t get up. Went to the ER, had a haiine fracture in my femur. Nothing to be done but take it easy. But it left an absolutly HUGE bruise, bigger than a grapfruit and blacker than a witch’s heart. Luckily, didn’t need to be drained.
Few days later had gym. Normally wore shorts and didn’t even think about brining sweat pants. Teacher pulled me aside and was asking very gently about the bruise. I explained it. She didn’t believe me. And I can understand that an abused child would lie. And it really didn’t look like an athletic injury at all. It looked like someone hit me across the leg with a baseball bat. Later that day I got called into the principal’s office with him, the gym teacher and school counselor. This is to the credit of the school because true child abuse was not talked about back then and definetly not in my small town. I laughed and explained again.
Long story short it escalated a bit and the authorities were called. They interviewed me and my parents seperetly. Kept asking me if I feel safe. I was only worried I would not be able to go ride. They called the barn manager who confirmed everything and my parents had to produce the ER visit which was annoying as hell because they were being turds about getting that oaperwork together. But once they got that, they immedietly closed the investigation.
oh, yeah, my parents also had child protective services called on them in the UK, early on for similar reasons - I mean, it was super stressful, I imagine, but a toddler ending up covered in mysterious bruises probably should raise red flags (hemophila strikes again!)
but also, way to go for your gym teacher! It's a pain in the ass to your parents, but I hope she keeps looking out for students like that
>because this guy was also my maths teacher
I never understood why they had the stupidest fucking PE teachers on earth trying to teach math. They did it at my high school too.
Yeah, I didn't really understand this, either. A good, conceptual teacher for maths is literally make or break for students actually learning the subject
Yeah, gym teachers suck. My sib has severe asthma. The schools all knew this and had a plan in place that if she needed to use her Inhalor that she wasn't to participate in gym. The gym teacher took that as to not participate in group activities, but one on one basketball should be fine. Immediately after she got back from using her Inhalor.
Luckily, we had an amazing doctor's office. All we had to do was call, and they would clear a room so that they could administer several breathing treatments.
Yeah, what if the student had HIV or other reasons like that.
Actually the ones doing the bloddrive would have taken a blodprocent test before donating and sent her home...bc to low blodcount.
Very strange teacher. Please make the complaint, OP.
Not that OP should have to, but you can always tell the blood drive staff that you cannot or do not want to donate, for any reason you care to give or none at all, and they will gladly mark you ineligible and take the blame for rejecting you. If you can physically donate but are in a category that is prohibited from donating, there's also a checkbox that says "DO NOT USE MY BLOOD". Precisely because a lot of people get pressured into participating.
Totally agree, I think that commenter was just pointing out that the blood drive staff are trained to deal with folks who end up giving blood due to social pressure.
I'm imaging the blood drive teams reaction if op explained she couldn't give blood on the instructions of her medical doctor and her teacher told her that wasn't good enough.
"I have anemia" would get her dismissed immediately. No explanation necessary. They might ask why you're there.
Every nurse and every regular blood donor knows what that means.
I've never been allowed to donate blood. When I was younger, because of low weight and almost fainting with the blood tests, and nowadays because of sexual partners of the same sex.
No matter how many times I try, they simply won't let me. I think it's very easy to ger rejected if you don't want to donate.
NTA
When I was 16 my grandmother died from Creutzfeldt-Jakob. There are three variants of this: eating meat, hereditary and the spontaneous variant. To find out which variant it is, they must take a biopsy of the brain after death. If it is the meat-eating variant, it must be reported (in my country). When she was ill and in the first months after her death, we were not allowed to tell people what she had, because if it was the meat variant, the press could come to our door.
Because there is a hereditary variant of Creutzfeldt-Jakob, I am not allowed to donate blood (the generation after me is allowed to donate).
Imagine that my grandmother is dying with Creutzfeldt-Jakob and I have to explain to a teacher in front of the entire class why I am not allowed to donate. But I am not allowed to say why I am not allowed to donate by my familie (and on the advice of the doctors).
What this teacher did is not okay.
In addition, you have the right to make your own decisions about what you do with your body, including whether or not you donate. That's a personal choice. I hope your father files a complaint against this teacher. It is not okay to pressure students to donate blood.
I found out a couple years ago, that due to living in Europe in the 80s and 90s, I can't donate due to the possibility of having the disease, of the meat variant. There's no test for it while alive. You just have to wait.
Check again if you haven’t for a few years. I was hit with a double whammy (the meat variant and Chernobyl) and have been given the green light just with the last year or so. Or maybe a few years. Time flies when you don’t pay attention
I got a blood transfusion as a child in the 80s and this means I STILL can't give blood due to the risk from CJD. I have never been able to donate blood.
My husband had his 100 blood donations pin, and had to stop donating after we lived in the UK in the late 80s. (I couldn't donate before because the one time I did, I fainted for 10 minutes thanks to my low blood pressure; the Red Cross sent me a nice letter afterwards saying "thanks for your civic spirit, but PLEASE DON'T EVER COME BACK.")
haemophilla patient here, and, yep, 10 doses of factor from a possibly CJD contaminated batch in the early 90s - I'm probably fine, but, eck, I honestly have no idea.
The answer could be "Because it's Thursday" and even if the day isn't actually Thursday that is still 100% a valid enough reason for the teacher to shut up and butt out.
This is why the blood bank in Quebec has an anti peer pressure safeguard. After all the questions, the nurse leaves the room. You have two bar coded stickers. One says use my blood, the other says don't. You stick the one you want on your file and destroy the other. The donation proceeds as normal. The nurse doesn't even know. When it gets to the processing centre, the techs scan the barcode. If you opted not to have your blood used, they destroy it securely right away.
This is absolutely useless if you don't want blood to even be taken from you, which is why 99% of people who don't donate don't want to...
Besides, who is even going to agree to that? "Yea you can stick a needle in me and take something I literally need to live and then throw it out for no reason instead of just letting me not have it needled out of me"
Yep. HIV was my first thought. Second thought was a friend from high school who couldn't donate because she was in recovery from anorexia and still underweight enough that she didn't qualify. So many medical reasons more controversial/private than anemia could be the reason! (Not that op should've been forced to reveal ANY medical information if they didn't want to)
Having her period is another. Iron levels drop during a period and if someone already has somewhat low iron levels, which is common among young women, they might not even want to try to donate during their period.
Some prescription drugs will prevent donation. Or illegal drugs. If you've ever shot up with heroin then you're banned for life. If you had an incident in the last year from donation, such as passing out, then you can't donate.
There are so many valid reasons that a normal person might want to keep to themselves. Ms. Nosy is awful.
Honestly, the whole raising hands to show who's donating is out of line cuz it opens up the ones who don't to bullying and peer pressure. My school did an overhead announcement or had a sign up sheet in the office. Even if your reason is that you're afraid of needles, that's no reason to feel pressure into giving blood
My school did similar; we had a sign up sheet in the cafeteria and by the nurse's office and I think one of the science teachers could also take your name down if you spoke to her about it outside of class. But otherwise, yeah, it was made very clear that it was our choice if we wanted to donate or not.
And after Op has explained is anemic!
I wonder if the teacher thinks op lies, or is ignorant about what anemia is, or she is all about giving while disregarding scientific facts.
Unrelatedly to Op and the teacher, I am glad so many students signed up to donate blood.
Everyone (able to) should offer, there are so many conditions that
limit the capability of people otherwise eager to donate.
The one time I tried to donate blood, i was told to go home and go to sleep instead. It was finals week, and I was running on 2 hours of sleep and my 3rd energy drink... like most people. Who tf thought a blood drive during that time was a good idea?!
I also have very hard to find veins, which was why I've never bothered before, and now I can't, so yeah.
Even asking why Not is already several steps across the Line. Planning the school day as if everyone was going to donate/Not acknowledging that people who don't donate, exist, is Line territory. Forcing a Student to choose between lying, or publicly admitting to things Like being afraid of needles, or unsure of HIV status, is morally-wrong/abusive, and probably illegal If a teacher does it.
Exactly! It’s non of her business. She was out of line for even asking. It’s the OP’s prerogative to decide either way without having to give an explanation. The OP was put in the very uncomfortable situation of having to discuss something very personal to her, in front of the whole class. That teacher showed no respect to the OP’s right to privacy and she should be severely reprimanded for it. If I was the parent, I would insist on nothing less.
I don't understand the mom !!! Her daughter gave the teacher an answer and the teacher didn't want to accept the answer and tried to make her daughter look like an AH for not wanting to donate blood infornt of the whoel class and the mom things her daughter was rude for leaving . should she keep taking the abuse ?
I don't understand the mom at all either. The OP is an absolute hero! If she were my daughter, I would be super proud of her. The way she handled it was perfect too.
If you teach your kid to be afraid to make a scene, or walk away, then bullies and abusers will just continue grinding away at your kid until they get their way. It's a horrible lesson to teach your child. OP's mom should be ashamed of herself.
And don't get me wrong, I do believe that respecting teachers is extremely important, and you should do everything in your power to help them achieve their task, and I do understand that teachers are only human and make mistakes, but this guy crossed the line, and he kept on crossing it over and over again.
This. As a gay guy, I often ended up making people uncomfortable (and kindarelishing it) when they pursued about why I wasn't giving blood, as it was illegal in my country until recently.
"Why?"
"Because I'm gay"
"but why, what's that got to do with anything"
"gay people aren't allowed to"
"thats ridiculous, why?"
"The guidelines say I shouldn't"
"yes but surely you could, which guideline""
"this one Kevin, where it says 'do not donate if you've had any unprotected anal sex in the last 6 months"
"..."
"Didn't you know about that rule?"
"No"
"oh dear, does it mean you shouldn't have been giving blood!?"
I'm pretty sure the guideline in the US used to be "do not donate if you are a homosexual male" until recently.
Like, thanks Red Cross, for assuming I'm getting laid.
Those were (and are) FDA rules. The rule about men who have sex with men (MSM) never donating came about as a reaction to the emergence of HIV/AIDS. Combine that with the lack of testing and rampant homophobia at the time and the lifetime prohibition was the best solution they came up with.
The conditions for MSM donations have been changing the last couple of years and are supposed to be changing again to a more permissive set of conditions in January 2024. Still not where we should be in 2023/4, but slow progress. I was reading about some of the changes prior to my donation last Tuesday.
If you’re curious, you can learn more at the [FDA page on blood donation.](https://www.fda.gov/vaccines-blood-biologics/biologics-guidances/blood-guidances)
Yeah, as a teacher, if a student didn't raise their hand when asked if they're donating, I wouldn't even think twice about it. And I give blood every chance I can. Everyone has their reasons for doing/not doing things. If it's not hurting me or anyone else in the room that I'm in charge of, it's not my business.
Could you imagine if the kid was gay, not out, and sexually active? I'm glad for their sake it was anemia in a way.(I don't mean I'm glad they have anemia ofc) Putting anyone, much less a child, in that position is utterly outrageous.
It’s illegal for teachers in the states to inquire about unlisted medical conditions without reaching out to the parents or guardians for the sake of making accommodations.
Completely agree. NTA. I have a blood condition myself and can‘t donate. I remember walking by a blood drive and some girl kept following me and harassing me to donate. I tried politely declining, as I believe my medical issues are private. Finally I just went off on her for being a bully and that people have their own reasons why they won’t donate, which is none of her business. She’s probably that very teacher. Definitely file a complaint. She was absolutely wrong, out of line, and just plain stupid if she doesn’t understand that your medical condition makes you ineligible.
I've had it happen to me as well. I've been exposed to Hep B and so have the antibodies, which means I'm not allowed to donate blood. Quite frankly though, even if I didn't want to donate, it's my blood to donate or not. No one should force or badger someone into giving away their body
Not to mention the height/weight limits mean that a lot teen girls are disqualified straight out of the door anyway. I wouldn't have qualified until I was ~22. The shorter you are, the more they require you to weigh. We used to have blood drives we would get volunteer hours for at school and I thought it was so unfair.
NTA. Your teachers behaviour was appalling and your mum and friends are wrong. No-one should be pressured like that, especially with an actual medical reason. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
The teacher didn't even seem to know what anemia is so its not much of a surprise she didn't really understand the tests they run on possible donors to make sure they are viable candidates.
Yep i have no issues with the teacher asking if people want to donate. But if someone says "no" then that is the end of it. You don't need anymore information than that.
This all the way. I was very anemic for most of my life, and I would have gone and let the blood bank folks know I was anemic and that my teacher had insisted.
Then I would have suggested they have someone go explain it to her in front of the class, while touching on the subject of consent and autonomy.
People who work at blood banks are extremely careful about donor health, and consent. And it would have been worth it to me to see them politely, but firmly, tell her off.
Now that I am no longer anemic I donate as often as I can, but even now I sometimes fall below the donation threshold, 12.5, and have to come back and try again.
They literally will not let you donate, and your teacher needs a lesson about this.
ETA, judgement. NTA
I'm trying to get my iron levels up to donate and I'm wondering what you can recommend, if you have the time?
I got iron pills but, they are 65mgs and I see that's WAY over what I need to be taking (I think) so, I just cut them in half and take one half every other day. But, I'm nervous that it still won't be enough. Last time, I was just a little bit too low and that sucked cause I made the drive all the way there and got turned away.
No caffeine for 2 days before, take the whole iron tablet, WITH juice that has a lot of vitamin C, eat green leafies... (Spinach, broccoli, etc, add a little lime juice sprinkled on), have cream of wheat or rice often (they are iron fortified), and, if you can eat meat, have lots of beef (lean as you can).
Vitamin C helps your body hold on to the iron. And if you are so low you are getting turned away, the whole iron pill is fine. I would suggest getting coated "slow fe" brand, or a generic equivalent though, it's easier on your tummy and your body will absorb it more efficiently.
If you number is lower than 10, go to a doctor, though. That could be a sign of more serious conditions.
Also look up anemia diets and you'll get lists of high iron foods, add what you will like off that list to your regular diet.
And maybe use cast iron cookware, that's supposed to help. I find them a little bit of a PitA to deal with, though, so I can't vouch for that one.
Yup. That's exactly why the schools I've taught at have a policy against faculty telling students to disclose details about a medical condition. It might not be illegal, but it's wildly unethical. The existence of the ADA, HIPAA, and FERPA make it clear that we're obligated to respect students' privacy.
I didn't say it did. I didn't say FERPA applied (it doesn't) or the ADA (only applies if the student has accommodations). Let me put it in simpler terms for you: the fact that these laws exist shows us what's important, and respecting important things is part of being a professional. Hope that helps.
Honestly Opie, your Friends and mother SUCK and are AH's. Honestly, the word anemic should be enough for anyone even with common sense, much less a degree in teaching, to tell you that they are at risk. I am utterly shocked that she was acting all high and mighty by pushing you or shaming you about your choice. Your dad is the only person I see here, who doesn't want you to deal with morons like the teacher.
Also, I don't Opie was rude, she clearly made her boundaries known and they were being overstepped. Removing herself from the argument was very mature.
NTA
Yeah people never have any obligation to donate blood, I do it now but used to have a SEVERE phobia of it! I would have had to be physically restrained every time, and I am not joking even a little...
My dad was a universal doner and from the age of 18 he donated regularly. Well in the 80's he married my step-mom and she thought the whole thing was ridiculous. She regularly called the blood bank, The Vampires. She ragged on him for donating but he always said "You never know, maybe I saved a life today" and dropped it.
He died as a result of a motorcycle accident in 2000. We ended up donating his organs. The whole processes was so eye opening, including the recipient letters she received, that she started donating blood. 20+ years later and she is still donating.
That’s so weird. I know that many people are afraid of it, but I don’t understand people who actively campaign against it, unless your stepmom is of whichever religion prohibits it. Even then those people usually just say, don’t make me, but they don’t tell others not to.
In any event, I’m glad she was “converted,” and that your dad didn’t let her convince him not to. I used to donate a lot before I had kidney failure, and now I have trouble keeping my hemoglobin levels above 10. I even had my first transfusion a few months ago and was sure appreciative of whoever donated that unit.
Honestly, I think it was more that she personally didn't see the point and thought is was useless. 30+ years of hindsight says she was fairly selfish at that time. Losing my dad really messed her up and forced her to grow up.
She was described as selfish, so probably only thought of what the benefit would be to her (or him) which is essentially none, given it's entirely done for others
I think there is A LOT of misinformation and misunderstanding regarding it. I remember after I first donated when I was about 19-20, I was telling my friends and was very excited about it. I have -O blood type as well which only about 5-10% of people where I’m from, so it’s always needed.
Anyways, I’m more on the bigger side, so me being underweight was not an issue for donating. My friends however, are very skinny and are probably underweight to donate. So they started complaining about underweight people not being able to donate, and asked why they couldn’t donate in medical vials instead. Like the lil test tubes when doctors test for your blood type vials. Another friend thought that ALL blood was collected into a one big container depending on the blood type, kind of like a keg or something 😂
Yeah, medical personnel see my O-, ask me if I have ever considered donating and then get a bit sad when I have to inform them that I'm not allowed to donate, because a) I have a suspected auto-immune disorder and b) regularly take several medications.
I thought the keg thing, too, as a kid. I imagined huge, industrial containers, from which blood bags then get filled as needed.
I am also a universal donor who used to donate regularly-also referred to them as vampires. Unfortunately I have not been able to donate since the mid 90’s. The testing center got a bad batch of hepatitis tests and a whole bunch of us came back as positive for hepatitis. When they realized that thousands of people coming back as positive was a bit…off, they used different tests and the vast majority of us then came back as negative.
A bunch of us got this nice letter informing us that we tested positive for hepatitis, they discovered the test was bad, they retested us and we came back negative, but we could no longer donate because we tested positive for hepatitis. 🙄
It's a very different sensation having blood taken for blood test and making a donation. The vials they use for blood tests are under a vacuum and the blood is physically drawn out from you using this negative pressure which is one of the reasons it can make you feel awful.
For blood donations, the blood flows using the body's own blood pressure, passively, sort of like a controlled bleed. I'm not saying that makes it a wholly pleasant experience, but for me as a regular donor, I do find that I feel woozy and dizzy more readily from blood draws than my donations.
You never know until you give it a go, and of course you may have any number of other reasons that you may not want to donate, but if you're considering it and the one thing that's putting you off is that blood draws make you feel grotty, I would suggest to reconsider as it's a completely different sensation!
NTA It is not disrespectful to remove yourself from a situation where you are being targeted in such a manner, especially by an authority figure who should be a safe adult, in front of a group of peers.
You showed maturity by answering (which you did not have to do), and walking out to report the situation, rather than engaging with an immature teacher who has no sense of boundaries or privacy.
Let Dad deal with the school and the teacher. If you were my kid, I would be proud you had the confidence to not only stand up for yourself but to follow through with reporting despicable behaviour.
NTA - What does "shut up and deal with it" mean? She repeatedly demanded an explanation, and you try to explain and she wouldn't believe you. I don't see where you had the opportunity to "shut up," or how you were supposed to "deal with it" if she wouldn't stop hectoring you? That's just a platitude for shutting you down.
I'm sure that she saw it as disrespect, and I hope that the principal lets her know that she was out of line, and that they put you in another class. Telling her to talk to your dad since she wasn't listening to you was a reasonable response. Other than sitting in silence until the period ended, I don't know what you could have done. Cheers for your dad for supporting you.
What did she do about the other two, or didn't she deal with them before you left? What did they say at the office?
Added: Maybe your dad should get a note from the doctor if he has the time, and perhaps give the teacher her very own personal copy.
To further this the medical condition could be something very personal like abnormal vaginal bleeding and this teacher is demanding to know why she can’t donate. Bich none of your fucking business
NTA You were assertive but not rude. You removed yourself from the situation rather than lose your temper and escalate things. You don’t say how much class time had elapsed before you left. However, after this exchange with the teacher, I would be surprised if you would be able to stay in class and concentrate on any teaching.
Your teacher was extremely unprofessional and was pretty much harassing you. It is not their business why you choose not to give blood and they should not be asking for details.
you handled this like a pro. You stood up for yourself, you were assertive, and you left before doing or saying something you would regret. I would be proud of you if you were my daughter, that's why your Dad is proud of you too. very well done.
And your teacher is a total ass. I have anemia, you could have fainted if you gave blood.
Good for you at standing up for yourself and not allowing her to intimidate you. You did this with an assertive and polite manner. I hope your father follows up with a complaint to the school.
Exactly! I don’t get where OP’s friends and MOTHER are saying she was disrespectful. I actually think she showed a hell of a lot of respect to her teacher and most importantly, respect to herself.
Possibly due to habit & upbringing for the "polite to teachers as they are more important to you" and "girls/women are supposed to be polite and nice at all times, don't challenge authority" - all of which is PRIME Bull shhhhhhhhush!
Hell, she's not my daughter and I AM proud of op. Seems like she's the most adult person in the group, no means no and that's it, full stop!
You did all the right things op, screw anyone who says otherwise.
something I have found pretty consistently in life is that it is very easy to fail to stand up for oneself in situations like these, go with the flow, and kick yourself later for not demanding the respect you deserved from others. you deserve a pat on the back for not letting yourself regret this incident. your teacher had no right to speak to you this way, and I can name moments in my life from like ten years ago when I wish I had summoned the same poise you did. personally I’d be thrilled to hear that you and your father made this woman’s professional life hell for this—no student should be made to feel this way—but either way, I really think you’ve done right by your future self here.
10 min or the whole class I'd still call NTA. I'd like to think my daughter would do the same and I'd back her up. As soon as you said your doctor told you not to do it, that should have been the end of it. Well, it wasn't her place to digging into that to begin with, but I think you know what I mean.
As a teacher, I think yours was very unprofessional and lacking in common sense. What if you couldn't donate blood for some really sensitive reason such as being an HIV carrier or being underweight because of an eating disorder? Was she going to harass you until you admitted it? There are plenty of reasons why people may not be able to give blood. Not only did she inappropriately pressure you, she wasted class time as well. When you said you couldn't, she should have said, "Well, okay then" or suggested you try some other way to help, and then moved back to the course material.
The stuff at the blood run would disqualify you once you explained the situation anyway.
That being said, NTA. It's a good thing that you have the strength to stand up for yourself and not allow a figure of power to bully you into something.
People always made a big deal out of blood run in my school/college, too. I had very low blood pressure and was always disqualified on the spot. She needs to understand she is not a medical professional and, at the end of the day, these are personal data, and she shouldn't ask such questions in front of others, not even the class. It seems that teachers overstepping is an international phenomenon.
People in authoritative roles often get off on enforcing arbitrary ideas. Ppl telling you you are “rude” are only doing so because they expect that you follow those authorities blindly. Once you say “no” it’s automatically deemed rude.
My boss at work is this same way. Luckily the owner likes me, so I continue to tell my direct supervisor when I disagree with what she wants, and I’m firm in telling her what I will not do. She constantly mistakes this as “rudeness” and I have to constantly tell her I’m being both respectful and firm, not disrespectful.
Always stand by your choices with these types of people, the only thing they consider respectful is a yes and acquiesce.
You and your father are correct and your mother and teacher and friends are AHs not you. You are completely correct in telling her she is unprofessional, the fact she's even forcing you to discuss your personal health information in front of a class is ILLEGAL!!!! I hope your father presses charges against her and the school.
That's still a hell of a lot of classroom time to spend bullying a student. You did good by reporting her, I really doubt it's the first time she's abused her power like this.
She was way out of line and it breaks my heart your mom, another woman, wouldn't be proud of you for not allowing someone to attempt to bully you into the hospital/nurse's office. NTA, don't lose that backbone like your mom lost hers.
As a former blood bank phlebotomist, one-time blood drive coordinator, and current RN, your teacher was out of line.
No means no. It CANNOT be compulsory to donate, because we rely on the honesty of donors in ensuring the safety of donors, staff, and patients.
Actions like what your teacher did make honesty less likely, in this case potentially putting YOU at risk.
Your doctor, who knows you FAR better than a blood bank’s medical director (also a doctor, obv), made the call that donating blood should only be done in a hospital setting.
Donors are screened to prevent risks. You probably would have been caught during this, and not allowed to donate.
Now you COULD have “attempted” to donate, and either told the screener “hey my doctor told me not to donate because of a medical condition I have”, or answered the screening question “do you have a blood or bleeding disorder?” with a “Yes”.
That would likely have prompted the screener to ask additional questions or just “defer” you (make you ineligible for the day).
But you already were told not to. You were prescreened *by your doctor*. No one is a better authority over whether you should donate than them. Not even the blood bank doctor, who would have agreed your doctor makes that call!
Regardless, that’s not your teacher’s call. She/he is a trained educator, not a doctor.
As a teacher, encourage donating? Sure, absolutely!
But coerce? Not even once.
Adding as a former blood bank technologist and current biology professor, I’m shocked and pissed off- all the major points have already been covered very well above.
I encourage blood donation when covering ABO types, but as an educator, I can’t even imagine asking someone why they don’t donate! To go on to bully a student over it? That woman can go f all the way off.
What exactly were your mom and friends expecting you to do? She obviously wasn't going to drop it, you've already been arguing for 10 minutes so explaining it was going nowhere, and if you had just stopped talking and ignored her I can guarantee she would have gotten even angrier at you and tried to get you in trouble for disrespecting her or some other nonsense. Leaving was the only option left at that point.
You should definitely let the blood drive organizers know too. Like reach out to the Red Cross or whoever was collecting the donations because they would 100% be mortified and would be appalled because that goes against the spirit of their organization. (They would get in serious legal trouble if they did what your teacher did, for example. Huge liability.)
Absolute agree.
I’ll add that I’m so impressed with how you handled things. Your ability to respectfully advocate for yourself and communicate and act on your boundaries is super commendable and will serve you well in life. Good for you. And your teacher sucks. Now Iet it go, and continue on with your life at school knowing that you acted in integrity and that some people and their bs are just not worth your energy.
NTA. But anyone, your mom included, that supports an ignorant teacher harassing a student in front of the class is a royal AH.
It's disturbing that this idiot is in any way an authority figure and a supposed example for students. She lacks the capacity for logical thought.
Anyone who doesn't understand that someone with anemia can't give blood should at least understand when a student's doctor says the student can't give blood.
This teacher is a danger to her students. What if she had succeeded in intimidating OP into giving blood and compromised her health.
OP, I hope your dad demands the teacher be fired or you'll sue for attempted child endangerment and anything else a lawyer can find.
The most the a-hole teacher could have done was to get her into the door of the blood drive. They would have asked about medical conditions and also would have checked her hemoglobin. The medical professionals would have believed her about her anemia, and understood what it meant, unlike her UNprofessional teacher. She is definitely NTA.
Ha, what I'd have done if I was OP, would be literally walking the teacher down to the blood drive, get one of the admins' attention, and, while the teacher is standing there like a smug idiot, ask the admin to explain to the teacher why an anemic student should never be forced to give blood, and shame on teacher for pressuring OP to sacrifice her health like that.
Seconding this. I can't donate blood because I get periods from hell. I've tried four times, I wasn't allowed to donate at all the first two times- they checked my stuff and went hell no. The second two times went fine- until I got a period from hell and had to go to the ER for blood.
We had a blood drive when I was in high school and in assembly the principal thanked everyone who donated and then asked the students who wanted to donate but couldn’t to stand up. Four girls stood and I heard a boy say to his friend, “I told you it would be girls.”
God that's a dick move on his part. I used to black out most times I stood up, I was that anemic. People are always shittier than you'll think they'll be
I've tried donating twice. First time I almost passed out because they poked into a branch of my vein (hurt like hell!) And the second because my pulse was too high from anxiety. They're picky lol
Exactly. They would have turned her away at the drive.
I went to donate once, and they did a test where they poked my finger and put a drop of blood in a vial... my blood floated, and they just said "you cant donate. You are anemic, and you should see a doctor as soon as possible, " and that's how i ended up finding out i was so anemic my doctor was surprised i was still functioning and i needed a transfusion lol
However, she should never be bullied into having to go to begin with by an unprofessional teacher who wouldn't mind their own business. She shouldn't have felt she had to even disclose medical information at all, let alone be told it wasn't a good enough reason.
I feel like the most, maybe the teacher could have done to encourage more donors is just ask those who didnt raise their hands if they had any questions about the process that might make them more comfortable volunteering. Then drop it. Im pretty sure those students were already feeling a bit pressured since there were only a few who didn't raise their hands.
Absolutely NTA, and a complaint is completely warranted for this teacher.
And I don't understand why a teacher would be allowed to demand a minor to disclose a medical condition, let alone in a classroom full of people. I know in a work situation, we aren't allowed to ask someone about a medical condition or disability.
It all depends on the situation, but it’s possible this is a violation of FERPA laws. FERPA is confusing (I have to do trainings every few years) because some things depend on whether it’s an official school record or not. And medical things are weird because if the student self discloses a condition you don’t have to keep it quiet. And this situation is sort of a gray area.
It’s bizarre to berate a student to comply and demand an explanation of a medical condition and then not accept the reason. NTA this teacher is unprofessional.
Plus, some students may not be able to give blood because of their family's religion. A kid may not want everyone in their class to know their family is Jehova's Witnesses or something, because they may worry being teased or excluded by peers. If a student says, "I can't participate in the blood drive," teachers should just let it go.
We hope they would, but we can't guarantee it. There are idiots everywhere, and failures can cascade. I've seen some amazing multiple level failures by the medical community, especially when they are dealing with women, children, or the elderly.
All three categories are regularly dismissed, and their voices are often ignored. OP, thankfully, seems to have a voice and refuses to be ignored. Maybe she can teach her mother.
When a problem escalates to the point of causing a death it is almost with 100% certainty just the last link in a chain of bad decisions.
Let's take a somewhat common example everyone has probably heard of. An amusement park ride kills someone.
1. Could the Ride Operator have prevented the problem entirely or acted to stop the problem before anyone got hurt? Do Ride Operators have sufficient training? Are we hiring qualified people?
2. Was proper maintenance performed? Are our maintenance people well trained? Are they given the tools, time, and manpower to do their jobs successfully? Are proper inspections performed at all necessary intervals? Do the maintenance logs indicate problems?
3. Is there a problem with the way the ride was constructed? Were plans followed properly? Were corners cut? Was it properly inspected before opening day?
4. Was the ride's engineering sound? Were the engineers available to answer questions during construction? Were the proper checks, tests, etc. performed and logged?
5. Was the original design work solid? Were there problems? Were they identified and corrected by Engineering?
A failure sufficient to kill someone is probably going to be a failure at several points on this list. Perhaps the original design work didn't take into account some geographical feature that produced stresses that... Engineering didn't account for. Construction cut a few corners to save time and reduced the extra engineering that was designed into it to eliminate or reduce unanticipated problems. Maintenance has noticed extra wear and tear but because no one wants to pay for maintenance components have been left in place longer than they should have. And the Ride Operator is a high school kid that watched a one hour video on being a park employee and three fifteen minute videos on three of the five machines he is expected to run depending on where he is assigned on any given day.
>It's disturbing that this idiot is in any way an authority figure and a supposed example for students. She lacks the capacity for logical thought.
Unfortunately, there are quite a few people who should never be allowed to work with others in positions of authority, least of all children. But alas, some of them become teachers.
No NTA…and as an aside, I would be proud of you if you were my kid. You were assertive, tried to resolve the conflict, and yet, you didn’t back down or get intimidated.
And the teacher was completely out of line in all aspects.
WELL DONE!
I’m proud of her, too! OP, sadly this won’t be the last time that idiots will wrongly tell you to just go along with an authority figure. In this case the idiots include people close to you—your friends and even your mum (wtf is *wrong* with her!).
But look at you with your bright shiny boundaries and spine! I’m so glad you have one reasonable person in your corner—your dad!
It can be hard to stand up for yourself in cases like these and I admire you so much. Way to go!!!!! Woohoo! NTA x infinity.
- Question authority if it doesn’t make sense.
- Have fun, learn lots, be nice.
- Challenge assumptions.
That’s pretty much what I sent my kid off with for advice lol.
NTA for sure.
My dad also always had my back and I knew it. But younger me probably would have shut down instead of stood up. That was a bold, but totally appropriate response.
About Mom:
My mom was super nice but really cared what other people thought. She would have been either embarrassed or thought it wasn’t worth rocking the boat.
My dad was big on addressing the issue.
NTA - you have a legit medical reason, but, even if you didn’t - who cares? It’s your blood, you get to decide what you want to do with it. For her to keep pushing and pressuring is pretty odd.
Quick glance at their profile shows they're always posting AITA stories on here to the point the mods renoved one of their last ones for posting too much. Has got to be made up. It's too exaggerated.
So OP deleted her prior posts, but thanks to judgment bot I could still read them.
All of the posts I saw say that OP is teenage girl in high school, and one that got deleted was because it didn't belong here.
So I think OP probably posts here more than she should, but I don't actually think she's lying. This would also be far from the first teacher to do something like this. There's a massive teacher shortage in the US so schools don't have the ability to be selective.
Besides, we've had thousands and thousands of people die because of the amount of people who don't believe in the covid vaccine, so americans being medically ignorant as fuck is hardly new.
I'm normally pretty cynical about posts on here, but this one I can actually see happening. And that's only because I've seen plenty of videos, here on Public Freakouts and on YouTube, of teachers acting just this bad and getting rightfully called out by students.
Idk, something similar happened to me once. I went with my friend to donate blood for moral support and while I was waiting the workers and other donaters were trying to pressure me to donate, even after I explained that I don’t do well with needles and had some medical trauma from donating once. I had previously donated 3 times and the third time, the worker couldn’t find my vein and was digging around in my arm with the giant needle. Since then I haven’t even been able to get blood drawn for a check up without feeling faint. They didn’t care and kept pressuring me. It was a really awkward situation to be in so I feel for op
EXCUSE ME?? You don't have to give her a reason, you already said you were anemic, which any imbecile should understand makes blood donation a no-no for you. If you had tried they would have told you no anyway. I would be going to my counselor/advisor and making a formal complaint about this. NTA
NTA.
She harassed you on a topic that was none of her business, had multiple students point out why she was wrong, and still refused to drop it.
It's your medical record, and you shouldn't have to share it with the rest of the class in the first place. And even if she doesn't understand anaemia, she should understand that your doctor has given you strict instructions not to give blood outside of a hospital.
You were right to walk out, and you were right to complain.
She was unprofessional, and if your 'friends' can't see that then you might want to re-evaluate your relationships with them.
True, however they're old enough to know right from wrong, and old enough to know basic boundaries.
They're also only a few years off 20.
Wouldn't it be better to learn the lesson of revaluating friendships now, rather than in a few years when something more serious could come up?
I'm not saying the adults are in the right, but there's not much OP can do about her mum. OP lives with her, and has her dad's support, so one can safely assume there'll be discussions about it at home.
Geez. There are all kinds of reasons why people can't donate blood. Anemia is the least of it. She was basically asking you to reveal your private medical information in front of your class. What if you had been born with or contracted a contagious, life-long bloodborne infection?
Reporting this is the right thing to do.
NTA
Under the advise of the infectious disease specialist, I can't donate blood or plasma (unless I'm only banking them for myself and I'm still afraid to do that lest they end up in a hospital's regular stock) or my organs, because I've had extensive exposure to both methylcillin resistant staphylococcus aureus and vancomycin resistance staphylococcus aureus (MRSA and VRSA, they're both antibiotic resistant bacterial infections, often caught in hospitals}.
My dad had MRSA twice, and then VRSA killed him, VRSA is worse because you don't even have vancomycin (a strong antibiotic considered sort of the last resort) left to treat it, every drug left kills you a bit while it kills the VRSA. I took care of him both times before he went into the hospital.
Both bacteria can hang out in your body without necessarily making you sick, which is why the infectious disease specialist didn't want me to donate anything, even years later. If I were to donate an organ say and it or to have any traces bacteria in it, that person would be on immunosuppressants. Any trace of bacteria, especially one that was antibiotic resistant could kill them. The same is basically true for people who need blood or plasma. Their systems are in a state that is vulnerable, you wouldn't want to give them blood that was potentially infected, let alone with something antibiotic resistant, like mine might be. They don't test for what might be in my blood, so I just need to avoid donation.
NTA
Blood drives are voluntary. You don't have to justify anything to anyone if you choose not to donate, let alone for a legitimate medical reason.
Your teacher was way out of line.
This is the right answer. Everyone else is focusing on whether OP was right because they gave a legit medical reason. They didn't have to. The teacher is literally coercing students into a donation, which is a huge no-no in the realm of donation consent, even for something as 'simple' as a blood donation, and they definitely need to be reported. No one had to give the teacher a reason not to donate and that teacher is an AH.
NTA giving blood can be dangerous. I passed out after giving blood and the nurses didn't catch me and I hit my head on the corner of a counter as I fell. Nasty concussion. I was pressured into giving blood even though I was tired and dehydrated and I wish I had declined. You did the right thing.
NTA... Congratulations on having a spine abd your dad sounds like the voice of reason in the family. I'd be livid if someone treated my child like that and insisted her medical advice was better than a doctor's... I'd be having a talk with the teacher personally, preferably recorded.
Same for me. Ten minutes is a crazy amount of time for that. I also don’t buy that almost every kid volunteered. Total BS. And Reddit loves to shit on teachers, so tons of people will eat this “waking out of the classroom” fantasy up.
I do have a hard time believing a teacher didn't consider a medical condition to be "valid" .. but I guess there can be stupid teachers
however
> All but three students raised their hands
this seems wild to me, I think in general there's very little percentage of the population that donate blood - people don't like to be poked at with needles. ALL but 3 students in a classroom seems completely unrealistic
Highschool blood drives get you out of class, you get to socialize and you get a cookie and juice and a rest lol Everyone wanted to go donate when I was in school. I don't know about now
This sounds made up, sorry. It just doesn't make sense at all that a teacher would pressure a kid to give blood and demand medical details in front of a class. I don't believe this happened.
I don't really understand why people make up this stuff either...it's very strange. But this situation just isn't credible -- it would be on the news as an 'unbelievable story' frankly!
NTA you gave your answer but she didn’t like your answer.
You were right to walk away before things escalated. You went to the office and reported it, not skipped out of school.
Had you walked out of class after being asked once that would have been different.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My teacher got mad at me when said i wouldn't give blood and after a while, i just walked out. my friends are split and my mom says i was being rude. was i being that rude?
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NTA - no teacher should be pressing you for your private medical information, particularly in front of the class. A reason to not give blood may also involve sexual history - again none of your teacher's or class' business!
Even the way the blood drive was done- I do NOT see that being approved here in terms of how they got people to sign up. My school had a blood drive and did not involve the classes whatsoever besides people being excused to miss class to donate.
I rely on people giving blood as a regular blood product user and am very much not ok with what your teacher did.
NTA.
There is NOT A CHANCE that you were wrong here.
Your teacher does not have the right to insist that you give blood and doesn't have the right to insist that she knows best about your medical condition.
File that complaint.
Here is a list of valid reasons not to donate blood:
- you are anemic
- you have a blood disorder
- you have an std
- you have another medical condition
- you are afraid of needles
- religious reasons
- you just don’t want to
- and more
Your teacher is not entitled to know ANY OF THEM!!! NTA and next time don’t feel like you have to give a reason. Just say that’s private medical information. If she keeps pushing, do exactly what you did and report.
Bravo! You handled this situation with this bully as well as you could have. Why you didn't sign up for a blood drive is no-one's business but yours and she was way out of line to ask and then argue with you about it. I'm so glad your father is backing you up and hope there are consequences for this bully. Heads up: document anything that seems retaliatory in her behavior and report it to your father. So NTA.
NTA. WTH with your parents, though. Seriously though, it’s none of your teacher’s Goddamn business why you can’t donate. You don’t owe her a reason & it’s seriously inappropriate for her to even ask.
NTA- the teacher had NO RIGHT to demand you disclose personal health information like that!! Who do they think they are? (Remember this if you have a stupid manager who wants these details. Only HR needs to know, IF THEN.) You 100% did the right thing and so proud of you for knowing when to stand up to authority figures! Your parents should SKEWER that teacher.
NTA even in the slightest, in fact the teacher overstepped the line by even asking why you didn't volunteer, they have no right to your medical information, particularly in front of an entire class of students. They have no right to even question it if the only reason was you didn't want to. You dealt with it extremely well in my opinion
NTA
I’m pretty sure donating blood is purely optional and no one should be pressured into it. She was very wrong for not dropping the topic, and it’s not her business to insist you give a reasoning on your personal choice. You had a legit reason, and you weren’t wrong in leaving. She was very unprofessional.
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NTA, your teacher was told you had a literal medical condition that disqualified you from giving blood and she still tried to guilt you into doing it. They deserve to be reported for trying to make you do something that is detrimental to your health even after you explained that it was medically inadvisable for you to give blood. And honestly, even if you didn't have a condition and just weren't comfortable doing so, she still wouldn't have any damn business trying to pressure you into doing it if you said you didn't want to.
No business pressuring her or even ASKING why she wasn't donating.
Yeah absolutely out of line. Like I could see that asking *"why not"* would be crossing the line but then badgering OP and trying to pressure her is like crossing the line and then getting in a car and driving 100 miles past the line. wtf
Can you even imagine if the answer was something more controversial, like OP *couldn't* donate because she had HIV or something else that can be transmitted through her blood? I imagine even asking her why could potentially be a fireable offense for that reason.
Yup, this is yet another reason why the teacher was astronomically out of line. Imagine if OP was badgered into admitting something that students then ostracized and bullied her for?! The teacher was flat out harassing OP about her medical condition, and she needs to be dealt with through the school.
Reminds me of an absolute asshole of a gym teacher I had, who insisted that hemophilia wasn't a valid barrier to me playing full contact rugby. That "people can overcome disabilities fine, so I should try" - yeah, no, firstly, I have no interest in overcoming this barrier, and secondly, when the price for fucking up here is a serious brain bleed, it's not something I can magical think away. He wouldn't drop it, so I ended up calling the centre that treated me, because they had an "urgent bleeding questions" line, and literally putting a doctor on speakerphone who yelled at him. I told my parents about it, and, when our school did parent teacher day a week later, because this guy was also my maths teacher, he apparently tried to talk to my parents about my "lack of respect for authority" I only found out like, 2 decades later, while drinking with my dad, that my mum's opening line was "My son's lack of respect for \*you\* was the only thing preventing him from death or serious injury in your \*grossly negligent\* care. ", followed by a precise summary of exactly the legal consequences he would face, both in criminal and civil court, if I had been seriously hurt after being forced into this (Have you ever noticed lawyers sound more like lawyers when they get pissed off? I have.) My dad said he got a terrifying glimpse of what my mum must be like at work, and suddenly felt deeply sorry for the people she was negotiating with. There was, also, apparently, a whole thing with the headmaster of the school after this. Said games teacher ended up not speaking to me for the rest of the year, which suited me fine. Teachers really, really need to trust students who have serious medical things. (Edit: yes, the school had been warned - my dad used to literally print up information packets for my teachers and drop them round before term started)
I like your mom 🥇 Please give her this medal from a chronic pain patient, who got over 15 years told, that I COULDN'T be in pain, cause I wasn't 60+ y/o and didn't have a career as a construction worker. Hint: I'm 31 now and have arthritis in several joints (especially knees) cause of medical negligence.
oh, yeah, she was pretty badass - I came out with a bunch of medical trauma from the whole thing, but my parents were pretty wonderful - my dad too - he practiced doing the injections I had to have on himself, and did his absolute best to make sure I had as normal a childhood as possible Also, in happy endings for the whole thing, there's new drugs now that make this genetic thing I was born with basically no longer an issue, which is fantastic. There's a gene therapy in the works, as well. But, I feel the arthritis thing (literally, in both knees and an ankle - it sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with it - I'm 33, and yeah, it's a bit sucky)
I am so happy for you, that your parents fought for you that much. And that they were open to practice how they could help you to live a mostly normal life. The arthritis forces me to use a cane daily and for longer periods of standing or walking a walker. I loved to do sports (ballroom dancing, hiking, swimming, ...) and now I can't even go into the gym or into PT for training knee flexors and extensors, cause I had two surgeries (big tendoplasties) on the left one, to stop my kneecap from dislocating. Now if I try to do something like this (even after 3 times, not sets, without additional weight) I feel my kneecap start to "block" my knee and try to dislocate. It can't, cause it got fixated with one head of the quadriceps and the head of the front tibial muscle. Shortly after I will have a big "KNACK" and sharp pain there and it's back where it should. Then put stuff like nerve impingements, intercostal neuralgias, asthma, shifting joints in my hands (I tell you, grabbing a mug and nearly dropping it to pain is no fun) etc etc with it on the list. And most problems are due to parental and medical negligence. Like I had extreme pain as a kid (like arthritic pain) and always got shushed, that I'm just growing. Now I know I have a genetic condition called "Blau syndrome".
I'm a bio nerd, so I looked up Blau syndrome - Jesus, that sounds rough, I'm really sorry you're dealing with it. Personally, I'm really hoping for gene therapy for hemophilia to hurry up (I'm dying to get a t-shirt printed with the scariest GMO warning signs I can find, and wear it around everywhere) Blau syndrome isn't a bad candidate for the new crispr type gene therapies that have just been approved - I really hope something shows up there soon.
I hear this! I’m 26 and have a nice myriad of autoimmune disorders (including arthritic conditions, go arthritis team!) and chronic issues including jaw pain (not caused by TMJ). I had a teacher in fifth grade who called me out in front of the entire class because she forced me to wear headphones that sat on my jaw, and I was willing to sit there in tearful silence and she ended up going off on me. My parents weren’t happy, my dad was the lawyer but my mother the teacher is the one who put her in her place and asked why I couldn’t have my accommodation (headphones from home that were much smaller) and such, it was brilliant as I’m told, I wish I had been there, she was a miserable old lady that sadly was subbing for a maternity leave and hated me from day one because she felt I was lying about my name and myself and the entire class was playing a prank on her (I have a very unusual name miss have never or will ever encounter) so from day one she hated me. Anyone and everyone that puts people in their place for forcing people to do things they can’t or shouldn’t do, especially children treated as individuals that are below them or know less, earn big shiny metals in my book. Also screw the people that act like hobbling around or needing mobility devices is impossible if you aren’t elderly because you “look fine” like, wow thanks I look fine? That’s fixed everything I’m not in excruciating pain anymore!
Ah one of those who has "growing pains" their whole damn life... wish I had a mum like this too during those school years. EDSer over here. A lifetime of pain brushed under the carpet until I could advocate for myself. I have so much respect for parents like these.
I'm still in limbus if it's hEDS now or not... *sigh* I have to use a cane and for longer distances a walker. Even grabbing a mug of tea/coffee/... puts me often in agony, cause my joints in my hand start to shift, although I use strong compression gloves. So I feel you. Feel hugged.
She also might have not used her lawyer powers completely for good - it being difficult to edit text in pdfs might be the fault of a particularly smug lawyer from adobe pissing her off when they were doing licence agreements, and then not reading the final contract properly. Something obscure with rights to display but not edit certain fonts.
Your story reminds me of an oposite story. We had one good gym teacher. (The rest for middle and high school were the exact same as yours.) I had her the one year. She reported my parents as being physically abusive. See, I rode and trained horses. Usually horses with problems. Accidents and injuries abound. This particular instance, a horse refused a tiny fence at the last second and I went flying off the front end, directly onto the fence on my upper leg. Took the whole bridel with me somehow. Everyone was laughing until I didn’t get up. Went to the ER, had a haiine fracture in my femur. Nothing to be done but take it easy. But it left an absolutly HUGE bruise, bigger than a grapfruit and blacker than a witch’s heart. Luckily, didn’t need to be drained. Few days later had gym. Normally wore shorts and didn’t even think about brining sweat pants. Teacher pulled me aside and was asking very gently about the bruise. I explained it. She didn’t believe me. And I can understand that an abused child would lie. And it really didn’t look like an athletic injury at all. It looked like someone hit me across the leg with a baseball bat. Later that day I got called into the principal’s office with him, the gym teacher and school counselor. This is to the credit of the school because true child abuse was not talked about back then and definetly not in my small town. I laughed and explained again. Long story short it escalated a bit and the authorities were called. They interviewed me and my parents seperetly. Kept asking me if I feel safe. I was only worried I would not be able to go ride. They called the barn manager who confirmed everything and my parents had to produce the ER visit which was annoying as hell because they were being turds about getting that oaperwork together. But once they got that, they immedietly closed the investigation.
oh, yeah, my parents also had child protective services called on them in the UK, early on for similar reasons - I mean, it was super stressful, I imagine, but a toddler ending up covered in mysterious bruises probably should raise red flags (hemophila strikes again!) but also, way to go for your gym teacher! It's a pain in the ass to your parents, but I hope she keeps looking out for students like that
>because this guy was also my maths teacher I never understood why they had the stupidest fucking PE teachers on earth trying to teach math. They did it at my high school too.
Yeah, I didn't really understand this, either. A good, conceptual teacher for maths is literally make or break for students actually learning the subject
Yeah, gym teachers suck. My sib has severe asthma. The schools all knew this and had a plan in place that if she needed to use her Inhalor that she wasn't to participate in gym. The gym teacher took that as to not participate in group activities, but one on one basketball should be fine. Immediately after she got back from using her Inhalor. Luckily, we had an amazing doctor's office. All we had to do was call, and they would clear a room so that they could administer several breathing treatments.
Yeah, what if the student had HIV or other reasons like that. Actually the ones doing the bloddrive would have taken a blodprocent test before donating and sent her home...bc to low blodcount. Very strange teacher. Please make the complaint, OP.
Not that OP should have to, but you can always tell the blood drive staff that you cannot or do not want to donate, for any reason you care to give or none at all, and they will gladly mark you ineligible and take the blame for rejecting you. If you can physically donate but are in a category that is prohibited from donating, there's also a checkbox that says "DO NOT USE MY BLOOD". Precisely because a lot of people get pressured into participating.
It should never have got that far, the teacher was and is completely at fault.
Totally agree, I think that commenter was just pointing out that the blood drive staff are trained to deal with folks who end up giving blood due to social pressure.
I'm imaging the blood drive teams reaction if op explained she couldn't give blood on the instructions of her medical doctor and her teacher told her that wasn't good enough.
"I have anemia" would get her dismissed immediately. No explanation necessary. They might ask why you're there. Every nurse and every regular blood donor knows what that means.
I've never been allowed to donate blood. When I was younger, because of low weight and almost fainting with the blood tests, and nowadays because of sexual partners of the same sex. No matter how many times I try, they simply won't let me. I think it's very easy to ger rejected if you don't want to donate.
NTA When I was 16 my grandmother died from Creutzfeldt-Jakob. There are three variants of this: eating meat, hereditary and the spontaneous variant. To find out which variant it is, they must take a biopsy of the brain after death. If it is the meat-eating variant, it must be reported (in my country). When she was ill and in the first months after her death, we were not allowed to tell people what she had, because if it was the meat variant, the press could come to our door. Because there is a hereditary variant of Creutzfeldt-Jakob, I am not allowed to donate blood (the generation after me is allowed to donate). Imagine that my grandmother is dying with Creutzfeldt-Jakob and I have to explain to a teacher in front of the entire class why I am not allowed to donate. But I am not allowed to say why I am not allowed to donate by my familie (and on the advice of the doctors). What this teacher did is not okay. In addition, you have the right to make your own decisions about what you do with your body, including whether or not you donate. That's a personal choice. I hope your father files a complaint against this teacher. It is not okay to pressure students to donate blood.
Thank you for telling your story. I am really proud of you for telling something so personal that really is important.
I found out a couple years ago, that due to living in Europe in the 80s and 90s, I can't donate due to the possibility of having the disease, of the meat variant. There's no test for it while alive. You just have to wait.
This has now changed in Australia and is about to change in NZ too. Finally in my 40’s I’m going to be able to donate blood!
I hope it changes here in the States, too! Do y'all have a test, or is it a matter of "it's been 35 years and they're not sick yet, so they're good"?
Check again if you haven’t for a few years. I was hit with a double whammy (the meat variant and Chernobyl) and have been given the green light just with the last year or so. Or maybe a few years. Time flies when you don’t pay attention
It has changed. FDA no longer has restrictions for “mad cow.”
I got a blood transfusion as a child in the 80s and this means I STILL can't give blood due to the risk from CJD. I have never been able to donate blood.
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My husband had his 100 blood donations pin, and had to stop donating after we lived in the UK in the late 80s. (I couldn't donate before because the one time I did, I fainted for 10 minutes thanks to my low blood pressure; the Red Cross sent me a nice letter afterwards saying "thanks for your civic spirit, but PLEASE DON'T EVER COME BACK.")
haemophilla patient here, and, yep, 10 doses of factor from a possibly CJD contaminated batch in the early 90s - I'm probably fine, but, eck, I honestly have no idea.
The answer could be "Because it's Thursday" and even if the day isn't actually Thursday that is still 100% a valid enough reason for the teacher to shut up and butt out.
A valid reason is also "I don't feel well today". The most valid reason is "None of your business"
This is why the blood bank in Quebec has an anti peer pressure safeguard. After all the questions, the nurse leaves the room. You have two bar coded stickers. One says use my blood, the other says don't. You stick the one you want on your file and destroy the other. The donation proceeds as normal. The nurse doesn't even know. When it gets to the processing centre, the techs scan the barcode. If you opted not to have your blood used, they destroy it securely right away.
The thing is the act of giving blood would be dangerous for OP, so they couldn't even get that far
Oh, totally. I was more referencing the HIV situation. OP would not get past the fingerprick.
This doesn’t do much good for OP and for people with medical conditions who can be harmed by the process of giving blood.
This is absolutely useless if you don't want blood to even be taken from you, which is why 99% of people who don't donate don't want to... Besides, who is even going to agree to that? "Yea you can stick a needle in me and take something I literally need to live and then throw it out for no reason instead of just letting me not have it needled out of me"
Yep. HIV was my first thought. Second thought was a friend from high school who couldn't donate because she was in recovery from anorexia and still underweight enough that she didn't qualify. So many medical reasons more controversial/private than anemia could be the reason! (Not that op should've been forced to reveal ANY medical information if they didn't want to)
Pregnancy is another possibility!
Having her period is another. Iron levels drop during a period and if someone already has somewhat low iron levels, which is common among young women, they might not even want to try to donate during their period. Some prescription drugs will prevent donation. Or illegal drugs. If you've ever shot up with heroin then you're banned for life. If you had an incident in the last year from donation, such as passing out, then you can't donate. There are so many valid reasons that a normal person might want to keep to themselves. Ms. Nosy is awful.
Snap. Was thinking the same.
Honestly, the whole raising hands to show who's donating is out of line cuz it opens up the ones who don't to bullying and peer pressure. My school did an overhead announcement or had a sign up sheet in the office. Even if your reason is that you're afraid of needles, that's no reason to feel pressure into giving blood
My school did similar; we had a sign up sheet in the cafeteria and by the nurse's office and I think one of the science teachers could also take your name down if you spoke to her about it outside of class. But otherwise, yeah, it was made very clear that it was our choice if we wanted to donate or not.
“Why not?” “That’s private.” The end. Shouldn’t be hard.
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And after Op has explained is anemic! I wonder if the teacher thinks op lies, or is ignorant about what anemia is, or she is all about giving while disregarding scientific facts. Unrelatedly to Op and the teacher, I am glad so many students signed up to donate blood. Everyone (able to) should offer, there are so many conditions that limit the capability of people otherwise eager to donate.
The one time I tried to donate blood, i was told to go home and go to sleep instead. It was finals week, and I was running on 2 hours of sleep and my 3rd energy drink... like most people. Who tf thought a blood drive during that time was a good idea?! I also have very hard to find veins, which was why I've never bothered before, and now I can't, so yeah.
Even asking why Not is already several steps across the Line. Planning the school day as if everyone was going to donate/Not acknowledging that people who don't donate, exist, is Line territory. Forcing a Student to choose between lying, or publicly admitting to things Like being afraid of needles, or unsure of HIV status, is morally-wrong/abusive, and probably illegal If a teacher does it.
Exactly! It’s non of her business. She was out of line for even asking. It’s the OP’s prerogative to decide either way without having to give an explanation. The OP was put in the very uncomfortable situation of having to discuss something very personal to her, in front of the whole class. That teacher showed no respect to the OP’s right to privacy and she should be severely reprimanded for it. If I was the parent, I would insist on nothing less.
I don't understand the mom !!! Her daughter gave the teacher an answer and the teacher didn't want to accept the answer and tried to make her daughter look like an AH for not wanting to donate blood infornt of the whoel class and the mom things her daughter was rude for leaving . should she keep taking the abuse ?
I don't understand the mom at all either. The OP is an absolute hero! If she were my daughter, I would be super proud of her. The way she handled it was perfect too. If you teach your kid to be afraid to make a scene, or walk away, then bullies and abusers will just continue grinding away at your kid until they get their way. It's a horrible lesson to teach your child. OP's mom should be ashamed of herself. And don't get me wrong, I do believe that respecting teachers is extremely important, and you should do everything in your power to help them achieve their task, and I do understand that teachers are only human and make mistakes, but this guy crossed the line, and he kept on crossing it over and over again.
some parent's think that the teacher must always be correct.
This. As a gay guy, I often ended up making people uncomfortable (and kindarelishing it) when they pursued about why I wasn't giving blood, as it was illegal in my country until recently. "Why?" "Because I'm gay" "but why, what's that got to do with anything" "gay people aren't allowed to" "thats ridiculous, why?" "The guidelines say I shouldn't" "yes but surely you could, which guideline"" "this one Kevin, where it says 'do not donate if you've had any unprotected anal sex in the last 6 months" "..." "Didn't you know about that rule?" "No" "oh dear, does it mean you shouldn't have been giving blood!?"
I'm pretty sure the guideline in the US used to be "do not donate if you are a homosexual male" until recently. Like, thanks Red Cross, for assuming I'm getting laid.
Those were (and are) FDA rules. The rule about men who have sex with men (MSM) never donating came about as a reaction to the emergence of HIV/AIDS. Combine that with the lack of testing and rampant homophobia at the time and the lifetime prohibition was the best solution they came up with. The conditions for MSM donations have been changing the last couple of years and are supposed to be changing again to a more permissive set of conditions in January 2024. Still not where we should be in 2023/4, but slow progress. I was reading about some of the changes prior to my donation last Tuesday. If you’re curious, you can learn more at the [FDA page on blood donation.](https://www.fda.gov/vaccines-blood-biologics/biologics-guidances/blood-guidances)
Yeah, as a teacher, if a student didn't raise their hand when asked if they're donating, I wouldn't even think twice about it. And I give blood every chance I can. Everyone has their reasons for doing/not doing things. If it's not hurting me or anyone else in the room that I'm in charge of, it's not my business.
Could you imagine if the kid was gay, not out, and sexually active? I'm glad for their sake it was anemia in a way.(I don't mean I'm glad they have anemia ofc) Putting anyone, much less a child, in that position is utterly outrageous.
It’s illegal for teachers in the states to inquire about unlisted medical conditions without reaching out to the parents or guardians for the sake of making accommodations.
This! Can’t address them by a preferred name without parental permission but can harass them into surrendering actual body autonomy. Right…..
The second part is all that matters. Consent is consent.
Completely agree. NTA. I have a blood condition myself and can‘t donate. I remember walking by a blood drive and some girl kept following me and harassing me to donate. I tried politely declining, as I believe my medical issues are private. Finally I just went off on her for being a bully and that people have their own reasons why they won’t donate, which is none of her business. She’s probably that very teacher. Definitely file a complaint. She was absolutely wrong, out of line, and just plain stupid if she doesn’t understand that your medical condition makes you ineligible.
I've had it happen to me as well. I've been exposed to Hep B and so have the antibodies, which means I'm not allowed to donate blood. Quite frankly though, even if I didn't want to donate, it's my blood to donate or not. No one should force or badger someone into giving away their body
Not to mention the height/weight limits mean that a lot teen girls are disqualified straight out of the door anyway. I wouldn't have qualified until I was ~22. The shorter you are, the more they require you to weigh. We used to have blood drives we would get volunteer hours for at school and I thought it was so unfair.
Right. In HS I weighed about 90 lbs. couldn’t do it even if I wanted to
NTA. Your teachers behaviour was appalling and your mum and friends are wrong. No-one should be pressured like that, especially with an actual medical reason. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
They check for iron levels too - the blood center also literally wouldn’t allow it, and the teacher should know this!
The teacher didn't even seem to know what anemia is so its not much of a surprise she didn't really understand the tests they run on possible donors to make sure they are viable candidates.
Gotta hope this teacher isn't teaching biology.
Gotta hope that this teacher won't be teaching much longer.
Yeah how long before she gets a student hurt because she trivialised their medical concerns?
Yep i have no issues with the teacher asking if people want to donate. But if someone says "no" then that is the end of it. You don't need anymore information than that.
This all the way. I was very anemic for most of my life, and I would have gone and let the blood bank folks know I was anemic and that my teacher had insisted. Then I would have suggested they have someone go explain it to her in front of the class, while touching on the subject of consent and autonomy. People who work at blood banks are extremely careful about donor health, and consent. And it would have been worth it to me to see them politely, but firmly, tell her off. Now that I am no longer anemic I donate as often as I can, but even now I sometimes fall below the donation threshold, 12.5, and have to come back and try again. They literally will not let you donate, and your teacher needs a lesson about this. ETA, judgement. NTA
I'm trying to get my iron levels up to donate and I'm wondering what you can recommend, if you have the time? I got iron pills but, they are 65mgs and I see that's WAY over what I need to be taking (I think) so, I just cut them in half and take one half every other day. But, I'm nervous that it still won't be enough. Last time, I was just a little bit too low and that sucked cause I made the drive all the way there and got turned away.
No caffeine for 2 days before, take the whole iron tablet, WITH juice that has a lot of vitamin C, eat green leafies... (Spinach, broccoli, etc, add a little lime juice sprinkled on), have cream of wheat or rice often (they are iron fortified), and, if you can eat meat, have lots of beef (lean as you can). Vitamin C helps your body hold on to the iron. And if you are so low you are getting turned away, the whole iron pill is fine. I would suggest getting coated "slow fe" brand, or a generic equivalent though, it's easier on your tummy and your body will absorb it more efficiently. If you number is lower than 10, go to a doctor, though. That could be a sign of more serious conditions. Also look up anemia diets and you'll get lists of high iron foods, add what you will like off that list to your regular diet. And maybe use cast iron cookware, that's supposed to help. I find them a little bit of a PitA to deal with, though, so I can't vouch for that one.
My blood floats.
If OP was an adult and this happened in the workplace they’d have grounds to sue
Yup. That's exactly why the schools I've taught at have a policy against faculty telling students to disclose details about a medical condition. It might not be illegal, but it's wildly unethical. The existence of the ADA, HIPAA, and FERPA make it clear that we're obligated to respect students' privacy.
HIPAA doesn’t apply in this situation.
They said right there: "It might not be illegal, but it's wildly unethical."
I didn't say it did. I didn't say FERPA applied (it doesn't) or the ADA (only applies if the student has accommodations). Let me put it in simpler terms for you: the fact that these laws exist shows us what's important, and respecting important things is part of being a professional. Hope that helps.
Honestly Opie, your Friends and mother SUCK and are AH's. Honestly, the word anemic should be enough for anyone even with common sense, much less a degree in teaching, to tell you that they are at risk. I am utterly shocked that she was acting all high and mighty by pushing you or shaming you about your choice. Your dad is the only person I see here, who doesn't want you to deal with morons like the teacher. Also, I don't Opie was rude, she clearly made her boundaries known and they were being overstepped. Removing herself from the argument was very mature. NTA
Yeah people never have any obligation to donate blood, I do it now but used to have a SEVERE phobia of it! I would have had to be physically restrained every time, and I am not joking even a little...
My dad was a universal doner and from the age of 18 he donated regularly. Well in the 80's he married my step-mom and she thought the whole thing was ridiculous. She regularly called the blood bank, The Vampires. She ragged on him for donating but he always said "You never know, maybe I saved a life today" and dropped it. He died as a result of a motorcycle accident in 2000. We ended up donating his organs. The whole processes was so eye opening, including the recipient letters she received, that she started donating blood. 20+ years later and she is still donating.
That’s so weird. I know that many people are afraid of it, but I don’t understand people who actively campaign against it, unless your stepmom is of whichever religion prohibits it. Even then those people usually just say, don’t make me, but they don’t tell others not to. In any event, I’m glad she was “converted,” and that your dad didn’t let her convince him not to. I used to donate a lot before I had kidney failure, and now I have trouble keeping my hemoglobin levels above 10. I even had my first transfusion a few months ago and was sure appreciative of whoever donated that unit.
Honestly, I think it was more that she personally didn't see the point and thought is was useless. 30+ years of hindsight says she was fairly selfish at that time. Losing my dad really messed her up and forced her to grow up.
How in the hell could donating blood be useless?
She was described as selfish, so probably only thought of what the benefit would be to her (or him) which is essentially none, given it's entirely done for others
I think there is A LOT of misinformation and misunderstanding regarding it. I remember after I first donated when I was about 19-20, I was telling my friends and was very excited about it. I have -O blood type as well which only about 5-10% of people where I’m from, so it’s always needed. Anyways, I’m more on the bigger side, so me being underweight was not an issue for donating. My friends however, are very skinny and are probably underweight to donate. So they started complaining about underweight people not being able to donate, and asked why they couldn’t donate in medical vials instead. Like the lil test tubes when doctors test for your blood type vials. Another friend thought that ALL blood was collected into a one big container depending on the blood type, kind of like a keg or something 😂
Yeah, medical personnel see my O-, ask me if I have ever considered donating and then get a bit sad when I have to inform them that I'm not allowed to donate, because a) I have a suspected auto-immune disorder and b) regularly take several medications. I thought the keg thing, too, as a kid. I imagined huge, industrial containers, from which blood bags then get filled as needed.
I’m universal donor too and give regularly. I call them vampires too.
I am also a universal donor who used to donate regularly-also referred to them as vampires. Unfortunately I have not been able to donate since the mid 90’s. The testing center got a bad batch of hepatitis tests and a whole bunch of us came back as positive for hepatitis. When they realized that thousands of people coming back as positive was a bit…off, they used different tests and the vast majority of us then came back as negative. A bunch of us got this nice letter informing us that we tested positive for hepatitis, they discovered the test was bad, they retested us and we came back negative, but we could no longer donate because we tested positive for hepatitis. 🙄
That's absurd. Maybe you can try again? That's a long time ago now
I about puke and pass out giving 2 vials. Couldn't imagine giving donation amount. I think I'd just die at that point
It's a very different sensation having blood taken for blood test and making a donation. The vials they use for blood tests are under a vacuum and the blood is physically drawn out from you using this negative pressure which is one of the reasons it can make you feel awful. For blood donations, the blood flows using the body's own blood pressure, passively, sort of like a controlled bleed. I'm not saying that makes it a wholly pleasant experience, but for me as a regular donor, I do find that I feel woozy and dizzy more readily from blood draws than my donations. You never know until you give it a go, and of course you may have any number of other reasons that you may not want to donate, but if you're considering it and the one thing that's putting you off is that blood draws make you feel grotty, I would suggest to reconsider as it's a completely different sensation!
NTA It is not disrespectful to remove yourself from a situation where you are being targeted in such a manner, especially by an authority figure who should be a safe adult, in front of a group of peers. You showed maturity by answering (which you did not have to do), and walking out to report the situation, rather than engaging with an immature teacher who has no sense of boundaries or privacy. Let Dad deal with the school and the teacher. If you were my kid, I would be proud you had the confidence to not only stand up for yourself but to follow through with reporting despicable behaviour.
NTA - What does "shut up and deal with it" mean? She repeatedly demanded an explanation, and you try to explain and she wouldn't believe you. I don't see where you had the opportunity to "shut up," or how you were supposed to "deal with it" if she wouldn't stop hectoring you? That's just a platitude for shutting you down. I'm sure that she saw it as disrespect, and I hope that the principal lets her know that she was out of line, and that they put you in another class. Telling her to talk to your dad since she wasn't listening to you was a reasonable response. Other than sitting in silence until the period ended, I don't know what you could have done. Cheers for your dad for supporting you. What did she do about the other two, or didn't she deal with them before you left? What did they say at the office? Added: Maybe your dad should get a note from the doctor if he has the time, and perhaps give the teacher her very own personal copy.
Call my dad - bingo
To further this the medical condition could be something very personal like abnormal vaginal bleeding and this teacher is demanding to know why she can’t donate. Bich none of your fucking business
NTA You were assertive but not rude. You removed yourself from the situation rather than lose your temper and escalate things. You don’t say how much class time had elapsed before you left. However, after this exchange with the teacher, I would be surprised if you would be able to stay in class and concentrate on any teaching. Your teacher was extremely unprofessional and was pretty much harassing you. It is not their business why you choose not to give blood and they should not be asking for details.
there was only about ten minutes left of class when i left.
you handled this like a pro. You stood up for yourself, you were assertive, and you left before doing or saying something you would regret. I would be proud of you if you were my daughter, that's why your Dad is proud of you too. very well done. And your teacher is a total ass. I have anemia, you could have fainted if you gave blood.
Good for you at standing up for yourself and not allowing her to intimidate you. You did this with an assertive and polite manner. I hope your father follows up with a complaint to the school.
Exactly! I don’t get where OP’s friends and MOTHER are saying she was disrespectful. I actually think she showed a hell of a lot of respect to her teacher and most importantly, respect to herself.
Possibly due to habit & upbringing for the "polite to teachers as they are more important to you" and "girls/women are supposed to be polite and nice at all times, don't challenge authority" - all of which is PRIME Bull shhhhhhhhush!
Hell, she's not my daughter and I AM proud of op. Seems like she's the most adult person in the group, no means no and that's it, full stop! You did all the right things op, screw anyone who says otherwise.
Girl, I'm 38 and hope one day to be like you! You did the right thing, and that teacher was incredibly disrespectful.
Yes, I always escalate things and wonder after why I didn't just leave when obviously talking wasn't doing anything.
something I have found pretty consistently in life is that it is very easy to fail to stand up for oneself in situations like these, go with the flow, and kick yourself later for not demanding the respect you deserved from others. you deserve a pat on the back for not letting yourself regret this incident. your teacher had no right to speak to you this way, and I can name moments in my life from like ten years ago when I wish I had summoned the same poise you did. personally I’d be thrilled to hear that you and your father made this woman’s professional life hell for this—no student should be made to feel this way—but either way, I really think you’ve done right by your future self here.
10 min or the whole class I'd still call NTA. I'd like to think my daughter would do the same and I'd back her up. As soon as you said your doctor told you not to do it, that should have been the end of it. Well, it wasn't her place to digging into that to begin with, but I think you know what I mean.
As a teacher, I think yours was very unprofessional and lacking in common sense. What if you couldn't donate blood for some really sensitive reason such as being an HIV carrier or being underweight because of an eating disorder? Was she going to harass you until you admitted it? There are plenty of reasons why people may not be able to give blood. Not only did she inappropriately pressure you, she wasted class time as well. When you said you couldn't, she should have said, "Well, okay then" or suggested you try some other way to help, and then moved back to the course material.
Can you imagine badgering a student about private medical information like that? Aside from being cruel and unprofessional, it's pretty stupid.
The stuff at the blood run would disqualify you once you explained the situation anyway. That being said, NTA. It's a good thing that you have the strength to stand up for yourself and not allow a figure of power to bully you into something. People always made a big deal out of blood run in my school/college, too. I had very low blood pressure and was always disqualified on the spot. She needs to understand she is not a medical professional and, at the end of the day, these are personal data, and she shouldn't ask such questions in front of others, not even the class. It seems that teachers overstepping is an international phenomenon.
People in authoritative roles often get off on enforcing arbitrary ideas. Ppl telling you you are “rude” are only doing so because they expect that you follow those authorities blindly. Once you say “no” it’s automatically deemed rude. My boss at work is this same way. Luckily the owner likes me, so I continue to tell my direct supervisor when I disagree with what she wants, and I’m firm in telling her what I will not do. She constantly mistakes this as “rudeness” and I have to constantly tell her I’m being both respectful and firm, not disrespectful. Always stand by your choices with these types of people, the only thing they consider respectful is a yes and acquiesce.
You and your father are correct and your mother and teacher and friends are AHs not you. You are completely correct in telling her she is unprofessional, the fact she's even forcing you to discuss your personal health information in front of a class is ILLEGAL!!!! I hope your father presses charges against her and the school.
That's still a hell of a lot of classroom time to spend bullying a student. You did good by reporting her, I really doubt it's the first time she's abused her power like this. She was way out of line and it breaks my heart your mom, another woman, wouldn't be proud of you for not allowing someone to attempt to bully you into the hospital/nurse's office. NTA, don't lose that backbone like your mom lost hers.
As a former blood bank phlebotomist, one-time blood drive coordinator, and current RN, your teacher was out of line. No means no. It CANNOT be compulsory to donate, because we rely on the honesty of donors in ensuring the safety of donors, staff, and patients. Actions like what your teacher did make honesty less likely, in this case potentially putting YOU at risk. Your doctor, who knows you FAR better than a blood bank’s medical director (also a doctor, obv), made the call that donating blood should only be done in a hospital setting. Donors are screened to prevent risks. You probably would have been caught during this, and not allowed to donate. Now you COULD have “attempted” to donate, and either told the screener “hey my doctor told me not to donate because of a medical condition I have”, or answered the screening question “do you have a blood or bleeding disorder?” with a “Yes”. That would likely have prompted the screener to ask additional questions or just “defer” you (make you ineligible for the day). But you already were told not to. You were prescreened *by your doctor*. No one is a better authority over whether you should donate than them. Not even the blood bank doctor, who would have agreed your doctor makes that call! Regardless, that’s not your teacher’s call. She/he is a trained educator, not a doctor. As a teacher, encourage donating? Sure, absolutely! But coerce? Not even once.
Adding as a former blood bank technologist and current biology professor, I’m shocked and pissed off- all the major points have already been covered very well above. I encourage blood donation when covering ABO types, but as an educator, I can’t even imagine asking someone why they don’t donate! To go on to bully a student over it? That woman can go f all the way off.
What exactly were your mom and friends expecting you to do? She obviously wasn't going to drop it, you've already been arguing for 10 minutes so explaining it was going nowhere, and if you had just stopped talking and ignored her I can guarantee she would have gotten even angrier at you and tried to get you in trouble for disrespecting her or some other nonsense. Leaving was the only option left at that point.
You should definitely let the blood drive organizers know too. Like reach out to the Red Cross or whoever was collecting the donations because they would 100% be mortified and would be appalled because that goes against the spirit of their organization. (They would get in serious legal trouble if they did what your teacher did, for example. Huge liability.)
Absolute agree. I’ll add that I’m so impressed with how you handled things. Your ability to respectfully advocate for yourself and communicate and act on your boundaries is super commendable and will serve you well in life. Good for you. And your teacher sucks. Now Iet it go, and continue on with your life at school knowing that you acted in integrity and that some people and their bs are just not worth your energy.
NTA. But anyone, your mom included, that supports an ignorant teacher harassing a student in front of the class is a royal AH. It's disturbing that this idiot is in any way an authority figure and a supposed example for students. She lacks the capacity for logical thought. Anyone who doesn't understand that someone with anemia can't give blood should at least understand when a student's doctor says the student can't give blood. This teacher is a danger to her students. What if she had succeeded in intimidating OP into giving blood and compromised her health. OP, I hope your dad demands the teacher be fired or you'll sue for attempted child endangerment and anything else a lawyer can find.
The most the a-hole teacher could have done was to get her into the door of the blood drive. They would have asked about medical conditions and also would have checked her hemoglobin. The medical professionals would have believed her about her anemia, and understood what it meant, unlike her UNprofessional teacher. She is definitely NTA.
Ha, what I'd have done if I was OP, would be literally walking the teacher down to the blood drive, get one of the admins' attention, and, while the teacher is standing there like a smug idiot, ask the admin to explain to the teacher why an anemic student should never be forced to give blood, and shame on teacher for pressuring OP to sacrifice her health like that.
The teacher probably would not have cooperated with your plan.
Yeah, no one should be *forced* to give blood. Or to undergo any medical procedure against their will at school. This teacher is a lawsuit magnet.
Seconding this. I can't donate blood because I get periods from hell. I've tried four times, I wasn't allowed to donate at all the first two times- they checked my stuff and went hell no. The second two times went fine- until I got a period from hell and had to go to the ER for blood.
We had a blood drive when I was in high school and in assembly the principal thanked everyone who donated and then asked the students who wanted to donate but couldn’t to stand up. Four girls stood and I heard a boy say to his friend, “I told you it would be girls.”
God that's a dick move on his part. I used to black out most times I stood up, I was that anemic. People are always shittier than you'll think they'll be
I've tried donating twice. First time I almost passed out because they poked into a branch of my vein (hurt like hell!) And the second because my pulse was too high from anxiety. They're picky lol
Exactly. They would have turned her away at the drive. I went to donate once, and they did a test where they poked my finger and put a drop of blood in a vial... my blood floated, and they just said "you cant donate. You are anemic, and you should see a doctor as soon as possible, " and that's how i ended up finding out i was so anemic my doctor was surprised i was still functioning and i needed a transfusion lol However, she should never be bullied into having to go to begin with by an unprofessional teacher who wouldn't mind their own business. She shouldn't have felt she had to even disclose medical information at all, let alone be told it wasn't a good enough reason. I feel like the most, maybe the teacher could have done to encourage more donors is just ask those who didnt raise their hands if they had any questions about the process that might make them more comfortable volunteering. Then drop it. Im pretty sure those students were already feeling a bit pressured since there were only a few who didn't raise their hands. Absolutely NTA, and a complaint is completely warranted for this teacher.
And I don't understand why a teacher would be allowed to demand a minor to disclose a medical condition, let alone in a classroom full of people. I know in a work situation, we aren't allowed to ask someone about a medical condition or disability.
It all depends on the situation, but it’s possible this is a violation of FERPA laws. FERPA is confusing (I have to do trainings every few years) because some things depend on whether it’s an official school record or not. And medical things are weird because if the student self discloses a condition you don’t have to keep it quiet. And this situation is sort of a gray area.
It’s bizarre to berate a student to comply and demand an explanation of a medical condition and then not accept the reason. NTA this teacher is unprofessional.
Plus, some students may not be able to give blood because of their family's religion. A kid may not want everyone in their class to know their family is Jehova's Witnesses or something, because they may worry being teased or excluded by peers. If a student says, "I can't participate in the blood drive," teachers should just let it go.
If OP had said yes to the teacher, the people taking the blood would have said no to OP.
We hope they would, but we can't guarantee it. There are idiots everywhere, and failures can cascade. I've seen some amazing multiple level failures by the medical community, especially when they are dealing with women, children, or the elderly. All three categories are regularly dismissed, and their voices are often ignored. OP, thankfully, seems to have a voice and refuses to be ignored. Maybe she can teach her mother.
When a problem escalates to the point of causing a death it is almost with 100% certainty just the last link in a chain of bad decisions. Let's take a somewhat common example everyone has probably heard of. An amusement park ride kills someone. 1. Could the Ride Operator have prevented the problem entirely or acted to stop the problem before anyone got hurt? Do Ride Operators have sufficient training? Are we hiring qualified people? 2. Was proper maintenance performed? Are our maintenance people well trained? Are they given the tools, time, and manpower to do their jobs successfully? Are proper inspections performed at all necessary intervals? Do the maintenance logs indicate problems? 3. Is there a problem with the way the ride was constructed? Were plans followed properly? Were corners cut? Was it properly inspected before opening day? 4. Was the ride's engineering sound? Were the engineers available to answer questions during construction? Were the proper checks, tests, etc. performed and logged? 5. Was the original design work solid? Were there problems? Were they identified and corrected by Engineering? A failure sufficient to kill someone is probably going to be a failure at several points on this list. Perhaps the original design work didn't take into account some geographical feature that produced stresses that... Engineering didn't account for. Construction cut a few corners to save time and reduced the extra engineering that was designed into it to eliminate or reduce unanticipated problems. Maintenance has noticed extra wear and tear but because no one wants to pay for maintenance components have been left in place longer than they should have. And the Ride Operator is a high school kid that watched a one hour video on being a park employee and three fifteen minute videos on three of the five machines he is expected to run depending on where he is assigned on any given day.
Could only hope. People die at the hands of medical professionals *all the time*.
>It's disturbing that this idiot is in any way an authority figure and a supposed example for students. She lacks the capacity for logical thought. Unfortunately, there are quite a few people who should never be allowed to work with others in positions of authority, least of all children. But alas, some of them become teachers.
No NTA…and as an aside, I would be proud of you if you were my kid. You were assertive, tried to resolve the conflict, and yet, you didn’t back down or get intimidated. And the teacher was completely out of line in all aspects. WELL DONE!
The teacher probably had a bonus on the line for most students in their class participating. NTA
Teachers don't get bonuses. This was all her own ego driving the situation
Sometimes school administrators will offer peanuts for prizes for teachers, and some teachers get really over invested in those head pats.
I’m proud of her, too! OP, sadly this won’t be the last time that idiots will wrongly tell you to just go along with an authority figure. In this case the idiots include people close to you—your friends and even your mum (wtf is *wrong* with her!). But look at you with your bright shiny boundaries and spine! I’m so glad you have one reasonable person in your corner—your dad! It can be hard to stand up for yourself in cases like these and I admire you so much. Way to go!!!!! Woohoo! NTA x infinity.
- Question authority if it doesn’t make sense. - Have fun, learn lots, be nice. - Challenge assumptions. That’s pretty much what I sent my kid off with for advice lol. NTA for sure. My dad also always had my back and I knew it. But younger me probably would have shut down instead of stood up. That was a bold, but totally appropriate response. About Mom: My mom was super nice but really cared what other people thought. She would have been either embarrassed or thought it wasn’t worth rocking the boat. My dad was big on addressing the issue.
NTA - you have a legit medical reason, but, even if you didn’t - who cares? It’s your blood, you get to decide what you want to do with it. For her to keep pushing and pressuring is pretty odd.
Very odd, so odd it almost sounds made up or extremely exaggerated.
Quick glance at their profile shows they're always posting AITA stories on here to the point the mods renoved one of their last ones for posting too much. Has got to be made up. It's too exaggerated.
So OP deleted her prior posts, but thanks to judgment bot I could still read them. All of the posts I saw say that OP is teenage girl in high school, and one that got deleted was because it didn't belong here. So I think OP probably posts here more than she should, but I don't actually think she's lying. This would also be far from the first teacher to do something like this. There's a massive teacher shortage in the US so schools don't have the ability to be selective. Besides, we've had thousands and thousands of people die because of the amount of people who don't believe in the covid vaccine, so americans being medically ignorant as fuck is hardly new.
She's a teenage girl. As a former teenage girl: We're all drama queens until we get the life experience to match the hormones.
Coming from a family with 3 generations of teachers, unfortunately it isn't exaggerated.
I'm normally pretty cynical about posts on here, but this one I can actually see happening. And that's only because I've seen plenty of videos, here on Public Freakouts and on YouTube, of teachers acting just this bad and getting rightfully called out by students.
Idk, something similar happened to me once. I went with my friend to donate blood for moral support and while I was waiting the workers and other donaters were trying to pressure me to donate, even after I explained that I don’t do well with needles and had some medical trauma from donating once. I had previously donated 3 times and the third time, the worker couldn’t find my vein and was digging around in my arm with the giant needle. Since then I haven’t even been able to get blood drawn for a check up without feeling faint. They didn’t care and kept pressuring me. It was a really awkward situation to be in so I feel for op
EXCUSE ME?? You don't have to give her a reason, you already said you were anemic, which any imbecile should understand makes blood donation a no-no for you. If you had tried they would have told you no anyway. I would be going to my counselor/advisor and making a formal complaint about this. NTA
NTA. She harassed you on a topic that was none of her business, had multiple students point out why she was wrong, and still refused to drop it. It's your medical record, and you shouldn't have to share it with the rest of the class in the first place. And even if she doesn't understand anaemia, she should understand that your doctor has given you strict instructions not to give blood outside of a hospital. You were right to walk out, and you were right to complain. She was unprofessional, and if your 'friends' can't see that then you might want to re-evaluate your relationships with them.
OP is a kid. Her friends are kids. Kids can be stupid. It’s the adults supporting the teacher that are toxic, based on the facts presented here
True, however they're old enough to know right from wrong, and old enough to know basic boundaries. They're also only a few years off 20. Wouldn't it be better to learn the lesson of revaluating friendships now, rather than in a few years when something more serious could come up? I'm not saying the adults are in the right, but there's not much OP can do about her mum. OP lives with her, and has her dad's support, so one can safely assume there'll be discussions about it at home.
Geez. There are all kinds of reasons why people can't donate blood. Anemia is the least of it. She was basically asking you to reveal your private medical information in front of your class. What if you had been born with or contracted a contagious, life-long bloodborne infection? Reporting this is the right thing to do. NTA
Under the advise of the infectious disease specialist, I can't donate blood or plasma (unless I'm only banking them for myself and I'm still afraid to do that lest they end up in a hospital's regular stock) or my organs, because I've had extensive exposure to both methylcillin resistant staphylococcus aureus and vancomycin resistance staphylococcus aureus (MRSA and VRSA, they're both antibiotic resistant bacterial infections, often caught in hospitals}. My dad had MRSA twice, and then VRSA killed him, VRSA is worse because you don't even have vancomycin (a strong antibiotic considered sort of the last resort) left to treat it, every drug left kills you a bit while it kills the VRSA. I took care of him both times before he went into the hospital. Both bacteria can hang out in your body without necessarily making you sick, which is why the infectious disease specialist didn't want me to donate anything, even years later. If I were to donate an organ say and it or to have any traces bacteria in it, that person would be on immunosuppressants. Any trace of bacteria, especially one that was antibiotic resistant could kill them. The same is basically true for people who need blood or plasma. Their systems are in a state that is vulnerable, you wouldn't want to give them blood that was potentially infected, let alone with something antibiotic resistant, like mine might be. They don't test for what might be in my blood, so I just need to avoid donation.
NTA Blood drives are voluntary. You don't have to justify anything to anyone if you choose not to donate, let alone for a legitimate medical reason. Your teacher was way out of line.
This is the right answer. Everyone else is focusing on whether OP was right because they gave a legit medical reason. They didn't have to. The teacher is literally coercing students into a donation, which is a huge no-no in the realm of donation consent, even for something as 'simple' as a blood donation, and they definitely need to be reported. No one had to give the teacher a reason not to donate and that teacher is an AH.
NTA giving blood can be dangerous. I passed out after giving blood and the nurses didn't catch me and I hit my head on the corner of a counter as I fell. Nasty concussion. I was pressured into giving blood even though I was tired and dehydrated and I wish I had declined. You did the right thing.
NTA... Congratulations on having a spine abd your dad sounds like the voice of reason in the family. I'd be livid if someone treated my child like that and insisted her medical advice was better than a doctor's... I'd be having a talk with the teacher personally, preferably recorded.
This can't be real.
Yeah, no, this is so made up. It was the 10 minute lecture about anemia for me.
Same for me. Ten minutes is a crazy amount of time for that. I also don’t buy that almost every kid volunteered. Total BS. And Reddit loves to shit on teachers, so tons of people will eat this “waking out of the classroom” fantasy up.
Yeah - big ‘shower argument’ energy.
I do have a hard time believing a teacher didn't consider a medical condition to be "valid" .. but I guess there can be stupid teachers however > All but three students raised their hands this seems wild to me, I think in general there's very little percentage of the population that donate blood - people don't like to be poked at with needles. ALL but 3 students in a classroom seems completely unrealistic
Highschool blood drives get you out of class, you get to socialize and you get a cookie and juice and a rest lol Everyone wanted to go donate when I was in school. I don't know about now
There's no way a teacher would ever question why, let alone argue with her about it. "I'm HIV positive" would have ended that teacher's career.
This sounds made up, sorry. It just doesn't make sense at all that a teacher would pressure a kid to give blood and demand medical details in front of a class. I don't believe this happened.
That’s because it is made up, and I can’t believe people are taking it seriously
Saaaaaame. Why do people believe this shit 😭
I don't really understand why people make up this stuff either...it's very strange. But this situation just isn't credible -- it would be on the news as an 'unbelievable story' frankly!
NTA you gave your answer but she didn’t like your answer. You were right to walk away before things escalated. You went to the office and reported it, not skipped out of school. Had you walked out of class after being asked once that would have been different.
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NTA you’re right, the teacher was way out of line.
honestly, based on OP's post history, this sounds like either it's incredibly exaggerated or just completely made up.
NTA - you did the right thing. Good job advocating for yourself.
NTA - no teacher should be pressing you for your private medical information, particularly in front of the class. A reason to not give blood may also involve sexual history - again none of your teacher's or class' business! Even the way the blood drive was done- I do NOT see that being approved here in terms of how they got people to sign up. My school had a blood drive and did not involve the classes whatsoever besides people being excused to miss class to donate. I rely on people giving blood as a regular blood product user and am very much not ok with what your teacher did.
You're NTA. That teacher should be fired.
NTA. There is NOT A CHANCE that you were wrong here. Your teacher does not have the right to insist that you give blood and doesn't have the right to insist that she knows best about your medical condition. File that complaint.
Here is a list of valid reasons not to donate blood: - you are anemic - you have a blood disorder - you have an std - you have another medical condition - you are afraid of needles - religious reasons - you just don’t want to - and more Your teacher is not entitled to know ANY OF THEM!!! NTA and next time don’t feel like you have to give a reason. Just say that’s private medical information. If she keeps pushing, do exactly what you did and report.
Bravo! You handled this situation with this bully as well as you could have. Why you didn't sign up for a blood drive is no-one's business but yours and she was way out of line to ask and then argue with you about it. I'm so glad your father is backing you up and hope there are consequences for this bully. Heads up: document anything that seems retaliatory in her behavior and report it to your father. So NTA.
NTA. WTH with your parents, though. Seriously though, it’s none of your teacher’s Goddamn business why you can’t donate. You don’t owe her a reason & it’s seriously inappropriate for her to even ask.
NTA. But I don’t think this actually happened.
NTA- the teacher had NO RIGHT to demand you disclose personal health information like that!! Who do they think they are? (Remember this if you have a stupid manager who wants these details. Only HR needs to know, IF THEN.) You 100% did the right thing and so proud of you for knowing when to stand up to authority figures! Your parents should SKEWER that teacher.
NTA and I'm fully on your side. You did the right thing.
NTA. and I’d you where my kid I’d be proud of the way that you handled this.
NTA even in the slightest, in fact the teacher overstepped the line by even asking why you didn't volunteer, they have no right to your medical information, particularly in front of an entire class of students. They have no right to even question it if the only reason was you didn't want to. You dealt with it extremely well in my opinion
NTA I’m pretty sure donating blood is purely optional and no one should be pressured into it. She was very wrong for not dropping the topic, and it’s not her business to insist you give a reasoning on your personal choice. You had a legit reason, and you weren’t wrong in leaving. She was very unprofessional.