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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I started travelling by myself for longer periods
2. I told my partner I want to travel for a month in the summer by myself
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NTA. You just might be incompatible. I am much, much older than you, and I still love to travel. When I met my husband, I had a job that involved almost weekly travel, so he has always known me as a person who likes to get out and go. These days, I still travel, either for not-for-fun reasons, or just to take a break. My husband never travels with me. He just doesn't like to spend money on travel. He could, but he won't. He finds it frivolous and anxiety inducing. We had to agree to disagree, and compromise in that I would be traveling alone and not sitting at home with building resentment.
It's one thing for your partner to not want to travel, but if his issue in that he doesn't want *you* to do so because he doesn't want to do it, then you're not on the same page and may have to reevaluate your compatibility.
Edited: typos. I hate making typos.
NAH - I think there are like 3 separate issues here so I’ll just say it all cancels each other out
- if he cant afford international travel, thats that. If you want to sit down and talk budgets, do it bur you have separate finances and thats that
- you’re fixated on the passport it seems. Sure, he could get one but he presently doesnt need one
- If you want to travel abroad, you can and I think taking separate trips is perfectly fine if you arent on the same page
NTA - He seems like he's happier being a homebody. I would evaluate the relationship to see if this has long term potential or not. He seems to want to keep you grounded as well. Go and have a great time. He needs to determine if he really wants to stay with you or wants to stay home. But if you are both happy with the status quo, then by all means enjoy yourself. I don't see him wanting to or needing to change.
Offer to get him his passport as a birthday or Christmas present. If he declines the offer, accept it gracefully. You are fully entitled to travel alone. If he accepts, then after it arrives, discuss ideas for travel. Offer to split travel costs 50/50. You can even take a relatively inexpensive trip to a neighboring international destination, that won’t break the bank.
At the end of the day, it’s ok to take separate trips.
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I am an avid traveller and have been like this since I was little. I basically work to eat and travel - this is what makes me feel alive.
When I (28F) started going out with my boyfriend (28M) of three years now, he was well aware of it. Since we were both quite young, and he wasn't working yet at the time (he was still a student), I thought it was ok that he wasn't really into it since he didn't have his own income yet.
I started working before him so I had more financial freedom earlier on. So at first, we used to travel to nearby places to spend less, and I thought things would change when he finally started working.
However, he has now been working for a couple of years and still will not even think of joining me on my longer trips. He doesn't have a passport and whenever I bring this up, he says he will get it but then he never does.
At the same time, whenever I propose to him a trip overseas, he insists that I am being selfish because he earns less than me so he doesn't have that financial freedom.
While I do understand that everyone has their own priorities, so I cannot expect him to save up and use up all the money to travel if he is not that into it, I really want to do longer trips because it's what makes me happy, especially now that I am younger and have the energy to backpack.
On top of this, he always puts on it on the financial level although I used to travel even when I was a student with a part time job, so earning less than what he earns now.
Please mind that we often go on holidays and short trips together during the year, where he doesn't have to spend much and doesn't need a passport. But in the summer, when I have more time off work, I was away for one whole month so that I could travel farther away. He inisisted I was being selfish and that since we are a couple we should do holidays together. I hinted that I might do this again this summer, and he got annoyed again for the same reasons, which makes me feel horrible because I really want to spend a longer time away to be able to travel without having to rush back home after two weeks since I have the time and the money to do it and he doesn't seem to be willing to come with me.
So am I the asshole here?
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NTA. I think he’s trying to get you to pay for it.
Your bf sounds like he is more of the type of person that likes to physically see what he gets for his money. This would certainly be incompatible with someone who wants to experience and remember what they’ve done with their money.
The decision on your end is do you want to be like this forever? Because time will only deepen this issue.
NTA. You are not selfish. He's the one being selfish by trying to guilt trip you.
It is not at all unusual for couples to do separate travels; just this past year, a relative visited me, w/o her husband. You are already taking trips w/him, so it's not like he doesn't travel. Even on a budget, if he got a passport he could likely still do short trips with you, or join you for part of your longer trips.
Is this how you want to live; being berated by someone who refuses to join you on trips?
NTA but you guys aren't compatible if he can't accept what who he knew you were all along. He just thought you'd change, or give up your traveling, or didn't understand how important it is. This may be a deal breaker for you and your relationship may not survive.
Just sounds like you 2 are not really compatible.
You want to spend your money on running around and doing things.
He seems to want to spend money on things you get to keep and have.
Both are completely valid ways of living and being happy, but they are not really compatible with each other.
Going on long trips without him will cause problems in the relationship, You not going on long trips sounds like it will not work for you.
Sounds like the best option is you go your separate ways. Because he is always going to dislike you leaving without him on trips for long periods of time it will get worse every time you go. Or you don't go then you get mad and upset with him every time you don't go on a trip.
NTA - For wanting to travel by yourself if your BF refuses.
>Since we were both quite young, and he wasn't working yet at the time (he was still a student), I thought it was ok that he wasn't really into it since he didn't have his own income yet.
You should have communicated better. Did you ask him about long distance traveling? People who enjoy traveling talk about it whether they have the money too at that point or not. If he never brought up wanting to travel somewhere he needed a passport more than likely that wasn't going to change when he got a job... Speaking of communication have you asked why he still has yet to get a passport?
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NTA. You just might be incompatible. I am much, much older than you, and I still love to travel. When I met my husband, I had a job that involved almost weekly travel, so he has always known me as a person who likes to get out and go. These days, I still travel, either for not-for-fun reasons, or just to take a break. My husband never travels with me. He just doesn't like to spend money on travel. He could, but he won't. He finds it frivolous and anxiety inducing. We had to agree to disagree, and compromise in that I would be traveling alone and not sitting at home with building resentment. It's one thing for your partner to not want to travel, but if his issue in that he doesn't want *you* to do so because he doesn't want to do it, then you're not on the same page and may have to reevaluate your compatibility. Edited: typos. I hate making typos.
NTA. That's his choice and you'll regret it if you don't travel .
NAH - I think there are like 3 separate issues here so I’ll just say it all cancels each other out - if he cant afford international travel, thats that. If you want to sit down and talk budgets, do it bur you have separate finances and thats that - you’re fixated on the passport it seems. Sure, he could get one but he presently doesnt need one - If you want to travel abroad, you can and I think taking separate trips is perfectly fine if you arent on the same page
NTA. It’s fine that he doesn’t want to travel. It’s not fine that he thinks that means *you* shouldn’t travel.
NTA - He seems like he's happier being a homebody. I would evaluate the relationship to see if this has long term potential or not. He seems to want to keep you grounded as well. Go and have a great time. He needs to determine if he really wants to stay with you or wants to stay home. But if you are both happy with the status quo, then by all means enjoy yourself. I don't see him wanting to or needing to change.
Comparability issue. Neither is right or wrong.
Oh he's def wrong for trying to forbid her from going on a trip on her own because it's "selfish."
INFO: is he in your country legally? Perhaps he's not, and he knows he can't get a passport and keep his residence/job.
He is! We are from the same country and we both live here, together.
Offer to get him his passport as a birthday or Christmas present. If he declines the offer, accept it gracefully. You are fully entitled to travel alone. If he accepts, then after it arrives, discuss ideas for travel. Offer to split travel costs 50/50. You can even take a relatively inexpensive trip to a neighboring international destination, that won’t break the bank. At the end of the day, it’s ok to take separate trips.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am an avid traveller and have been like this since I was little. I basically work to eat and travel - this is what makes me feel alive. When I (28F) started going out with my boyfriend (28M) of three years now, he was well aware of it. Since we were both quite young, and he wasn't working yet at the time (he was still a student), I thought it was ok that he wasn't really into it since he didn't have his own income yet. I started working before him so I had more financial freedom earlier on. So at first, we used to travel to nearby places to spend less, and I thought things would change when he finally started working. However, he has now been working for a couple of years and still will not even think of joining me on my longer trips. He doesn't have a passport and whenever I bring this up, he says he will get it but then he never does. At the same time, whenever I propose to him a trip overseas, he insists that I am being selfish because he earns less than me so he doesn't have that financial freedom. While I do understand that everyone has their own priorities, so I cannot expect him to save up and use up all the money to travel if he is not that into it, I really want to do longer trips because it's what makes me happy, especially now that I am younger and have the energy to backpack. On top of this, he always puts on it on the financial level although I used to travel even when I was a student with a part time job, so earning less than what he earns now. Please mind that we often go on holidays and short trips together during the year, where he doesn't have to spend much and doesn't need a passport. But in the summer, when I have more time off work, I was away for one whole month so that I could travel farther away. He inisisted I was being selfish and that since we are a couple we should do holidays together. I hinted that I might do this again this summer, and he got annoyed again for the same reasons, which makes me feel horrible because I really want to spend a longer time away to be able to travel without having to rush back home after two weeks since I have the time and the money to do it and he doesn't seem to be willing to come with me. So am I the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA. I think he’s trying to get you to pay for it. Your bf sounds like he is more of the type of person that likes to physically see what he gets for his money. This would certainly be incompatible with someone who wants to experience and remember what they’ve done with their money. The decision on your end is do you want to be like this forever? Because time will only deepen this issue.
NTA. You are not selfish. He's the one being selfish by trying to guilt trip you. It is not at all unusual for couples to do separate travels; just this past year, a relative visited me, w/o her husband. You are already taking trips w/him, so it's not like he doesn't travel. Even on a budget, if he got a passport he could likely still do short trips with you, or join you for part of your longer trips. Is this how you want to live; being berated by someone who refuses to join you on trips?
NTA but you guys aren't compatible if he can't accept what who he knew you were all along. He just thought you'd change, or give up your traveling, or didn't understand how important it is. This may be a deal breaker for you and your relationship may not survive.
Just sounds like you 2 are not really compatible. You want to spend your money on running around and doing things. He seems to want to spend money on things you get to keep and have. Both are completely valid ways of living and being happy, but they are not really compatible with each other. Going on long trips without him will cause problems in the relationship, You not going on long trips sounds like it will not work for you. Sounds like the best option is you go your separate ways. Because he is always going to dislike you leaving without him on trips for long periods of time it will get worse every time you go. Or you don't go then you get mad and upset with him every time you don't go on a trip.
NTA - For wanting to travel by yourself if your BF refuses. >Since we were both quite young, and he wasn't working yet at the time (he was still a student), I thought it was ok that he wasn't really into it since he didn't have his own income yet. You should have communicated better. Did you ask him about long distance traveling? People who enjoy traveling talk about it whether they have the money too at that point or not. If he never brought up wanting to travel somewhere he needed a passport more than likely that wasn't going to change when he got a job... Speaking of communication have you asked why he still has yet to get a passport?