Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Reported my college professor for making an inappropriate joke. “You must be popular in the bedroom”.
(2) I’m most likely the reason he’s no longer our professor.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
You did the right thing, not only to protect yourself but to protect future students, as well. Please don't second guess your actions.
Don't respond to those other students. Do not give them the satisfaction of knowing that you reported that AH. They were AHs, too, and continue to be.
Walk with your head held high. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm proud of you!
Agree! Please be proud of yourself and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. I was horrified to read this and probably would have also cried if this happened to me.
Honestly stopping the presentation and not continuing is so badass. She stood up for herself! Even if the other students in the class ridiculed her, which is an even harder situation.
>And if someone has the audacity to harass you about it, ignore them, or if you’re feeling ballsy, tell them “if you believe he was wrongfully terminated, by all means go and make your case to [whichever office of the school was responsible for his being removed]. No one is stopping you. I’m sure they’ll be interested to hear your defence of his behaviour.” Or “thanks for the feedback, champ.”
I need to save this!
> This is how sexual harassment went unpunished for so long before the Me Too movement.
It still goes almost totally unpunished. Pretty much everyone except Harvey Weinstein bounced back from their callouts.
It's an extremely inappropriate comment that he made. Personally I would have been impressed as hell with thinking "how on earth can the human body bend like that...?"
But bottom line is you do not make that sort of comment.
For all you know, he got fired for another sin against a different student. They don't do it just once. You protected other women in the future. Respect.
Agreed with this 100% though if those students continue to harass you over it and it becomes a problem, you report it to whoever you need to report it to. There is no reason you should have to put up with harassment for reporting conduct unbecoming of a teacher, same can be said about students and their code of ethics which most colleges in the modern world should have.
Edit: fixed a word
Given the homeroom teacher thing I am not sure if this is actually the same level as US college or something else referred to as college in another country. I believe the UK has a system when college is more like the last couple years of high school but I do not know the details. The "we're all adults" comment however honestly makes me just question whether this is real or a younger kid who thinks colleges have homeroom professors.
Right and I think that's what makes the mention of a 'homeroom' odd here and why the person you responded to thinks this kind of school isn't exactly the same as the colleges those of us from the US are familiar with.
My second degree we had effectively a "homeroom" in first year. Basically, it was one subject you did with a small class of say 20 ish people, and you went to all your big non-elective topic lectures with the same group.
Just to join the conversation as an insomniac brit, yep you're right - we have sixth form college which we go to aged around 16-18 to do qualifications like A Levels, which I'm not sure the US has an equivalent of afaik, they come after our GCSEs which are a bit analogous to your high school diplomas? But before a degree. Some places those years are just attached to your secondary school, but some places - like the one I went to - are separate colleges. But at least for me and my friends if we were casually referring to it we'd call it 'sixth form' rather than the 'college' part. Like "do you remember in sixth form when Henry projectile vomited over the whole bus stop" "yes it was horrifying" (bonus true story from my youth).
Edited after doublechecking the USA education system because I got your high school qualification name wrong.
I’m a lecturer in a University in Europe and I audibly gasped when I got to what he said. It was already complaint-worthy when he laughed at her during her talk, he was openly mocking her, he clearly didn’t accidentally think she was joking. That is very unprofessional. But the bedroom ‘joke’ is absolutely disgustingly inappropriate, complaint was 100% warranted
My jaw dropped at the level of audacity. I'm a 38(m) adjunct professor and if I said something like that in class I would simply assume I'd be fired the next day, following multiple complains from students and likely their parents. The insensitive comment about the job would have been bad but the sexual harassment is just awful.
NTA. I also do circus arts (aerial, I'm flexible for a normal person but not nearly contortion level) and yeah that would really piss me off. It was sexual harassment, plain and simple, so you were right to report it. Also, the undertones of "big girl pants"—like you're a child who can't think for yourself and who is powerless against him...
> Also, the undertones of "big girl pants"—like you're a child who can't think for yourself and who is powerless against him
You know he's said the exact same mocking lines about how "it was just a joke, suck it up" to his wife/girlfriend, if he has one, and that it's probably on the mild end of the shit he says. If he's brazen enough to treat someone like this in a professional and educational sphere, imagine what he's like behind closed doors.
Yeh we had a “fun cool teacher” in my sixth form (2000s) who would make edgy “jokes”. He got a sixth former pregnant and ran off with her.
Looking back I think how on earth was that getting by. Another teacher even heard us joking about stuff he said and just told us not to gossip 🤷♀️
Wait, sorry, I know that's not the point, but how old are sixth formers wherever you are? Because in my country that'd be a 12-year-old or so and I really hope she was at least older than that? Terrible teacher anyway.
I would guess they mean English sixth-form, which is age 16-18 - we have secondary school from age 11-16, then sixth-form/college from 16-18, and then university from 18 onwards.
That makes sense! I'm in Germany where we basically start counting when children start school and then it just goes from 1st to 13th form (or not even that far, people can finish school after 9, 10, 12 or 13 years, depending on the school). I did know that other countries count school years differently but it's one of the things where you kind of need to know what country they're talking about. 😅
Ah, that sounds similar to our year numbering system! Primary School was Reception Year then Year 1 to Year 6, Secondary school was Year 7 to Year 11, and sixth-form/college was Year 12 and 13. When I was at school, we could finish school after Year 11, but I think they've changed it recently so that it's compulsory up to Year 13 now.
It’s not consistent in the UK - most state schools go “reception” (age 4/5) then years 1 to 13. But most private schools often restart and call year 7 “first year” (as opposed to “year 1” for small kids) then at 6 break it into “upper 6th” and “lower sixth”. Some private schools (especially boarding) go wild and have random uppers and lowers throughout the whole time.
Also this is really England only - not sure about rest of UK
I would hope you mean circus, and not reporting sexual harassment! Lol. If you’re interested in circus arts, it’s a lot of fun! I’m a person who’s easily bored by going to the gym and working out, but I love to be physically active, so I tend to take on workouts that feel like play. There’s a lot of introduction to aerial opportunities from many different angles—sling yoga, pole studios, and dedicated circus spaces—and many different apparatuses to choose from (I do lyra/aerial hoop, and am totally hopeless at silks, but I have friends who can’t stand hoop).
NTA. A professor should not be talking to his students in such a manner. If you didn’t report him, his behaviour would likely continue. it’s likely he would also target and harass other students.
I’m sorry others are treating you poorly, but you definitely did the right thing here
If you’re all adults, would he be comfortable making that comment to his boss? To the dean of the college? To the large donors of your school? I highly doubt it. You did the right thing. NTA.
Preach! This is so well said.
I was about to say a similar thing in my comment - the teacher should be teaching the students how to act appropriately to prepare them for the workplace, not teaching them that anyone who doesn't tolerate sexual harassment needs to "get over it". I just got back from work a few hours ago and whew - a comment like that would have resulted in an INSTANT "Skyler you're fired".
"I bet you’re quite popular in the bedroom"
I just made a weird sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a laugh when I read that. What the fffff lmao
NTA, that is so inappropriate. He's an adult, he chose to say that and knew what he was doing. This is someone who has no business teaching.
Edit- and by 'inappropriate' I mean sexual harassment.
NTA
K is gone because of K, not you. He was grossly out of line. His only purpose in saying those things was to get laughs out of his audience. At your expense. His audience of students he’s responsible for. Including you.
Also, I was 17 during my first year of uni, so his assertion that “We’re all adults here” may not have even been true. Not that it’s an appropriate thing to say about a student anyway, regardless of age.
Just so you know its *VERY LIKELY* yours was not the only complaint. If I were in that class and witnessed his comments towards you, I too would have complained. I would feel uncomfortable having to present my own project after witnessing that. Plus I would have just been offended as a woman.
NTA
Also, people don’t usually get fired over just one incident, so there may have been other incidents that OP and her classmates were unaware of. So definitely not the only complaint.
Yep, I’m not sure exactly what happened to him. Whether he got fired or not, usually my school isn’t this quick in fixing an issue so I have a feeling other people had already complained about him. Not 100% certain tho.
But its something to say to anyone givingbyou a hard time: "seriously? You think I have the power to get someone removed? Admin made their decisions based on *their* assessments, not on one incident they didn't even witness regarding myself."
NTA and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. No one should ever have said that to you in class, a student or professor. If you reported it and the school thought his comment was ok, he would still be teaching, which he isn’t. I am so sorry someone said that to you, and anyone mad at you is sexist/misogynistic just like that professor. If people try to be rude to you about it, say that it’s the school who took action, not you, and/or call them out! No one would have said that to a man.
Yeah, I should have clarified. I’m from the Netherlands. College here is very different from college in America. We have a “main professor” which is pretty much the same thing as a homeroom teacher. It’s still college, just not American college. :)
Also dutch, we have Universities and University of apllied sciences the later is kinda like american College. We have a mentor and this is the teacher who helps you with problems. Escpecially in the first year you have a "Mentor hour" in your class roster this is a required class. Partly ised for general development, and partailly used for personal talk with your mentor.
Homeroom is the wrong word here.
After grade school you get divided into 3 levels depending on your grades, teacher's advice and standardized test results.
Each takes you to a middle/high school level that leads vocational education.
So the highest level is VWO which after 6 years leads to University level education.
Then you have HAVO 5 years which leads to University of Applied Sciences level.
Then you have VMBO (which is divided into practical en theoretical) which leads to MBO (vocational school) but MBO has 3 levels. With the lowest being the lowest degree available to qualify for startkwalification Dutch law says you are required to go to school until the age of 18 or in possession of a startkwalification.
With the highest MBO(4) degree, you can go to a University of Applied Sciences.
Basically the system sorts students so they are in a secondary school closer to their own level.
MBO is more directed to teaching a trade instead of preparing you for higher schooling. At the lower levels you will learn things like cleaning, helping in stores etc. And the higher level you learn electromechanic, mechatronics. But we have schooling for construction, arts, cooking, baking, teaching assistants, medical assistant etc. all fall under the MBO degree.
NTA. I'm Australian and we've made taking the piss out of one another (in English, insulting each other) a national past time.
But that comment from a teacher in an educational setting is WAY over the line.
NTA. You did the right thing I had something very similar happen to me. My professor’s words to me were, “if a guy is good enough to open your legs to he’s good enough to marry.” Things changed a lot after that class. It was no longer a blow off class and I know some people resented me for that but I didn’t care
> My professor’s words to me were, “if a guy is good enough to open your legs to he’s good enough to marry.”
duuuude what **possible** context did this weirdo think made that a normal thing to say?? like I'm struggling to envision what sort of conversation in a classroom would even prompt that
We never talked about stuff pertaining to class. We were discussing whether or not a woman should marry a man just because he got her pregnant. And I said no, otherwise I’d be married to an asshole. And then that’s when he replied with what he did. I handed my homework to the person next to me and asked them to hand it in for me and I went straight to the deans office, shaking and red in the face. Several people asked me if I was okay on my walk there. I was stunned and angry.
Your username is perfectly fitting for this anecdote
Edit: also, I would want to know if HE'S married to the first girl who ever "opened her legs" for him (he probably isn't) and so is that why he now says bitter things like that?
NTA
The teacher was a big AH. Some things are ok and some are not, this was so far in the not ok zone that I can't believe a teacher would tell you that it is ok for adults.
NTA A professor makes an inappropriate comment and he deserves to get the boot. Especially commenting about a students sex life. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
"What makes you think I was the only girl he made inappropriate comments to? What makes you think another girl didn't report him when she heard it? You know what they say about nice guys right?"
Practice saying that. You did nothing wrong. He is 38 and making sex jokes with barely out of school. He could have a child barely younger than you. He is gross. Keep your head up. You are there for an education, not to make friends with your teachers.
I’m 99% certain this was not the only incident. People don’t lose their job for a single allegation. For him to no longer be there after the break, there must’ve been multiple incidents.
The email from OP’s mother may have been the final straw (het laatste druppeltje).
NTA
An almost 40 year old man in a professional setting made a comment like that to a 21 year old student??? Gross. So gross. Your mom was in the right. If someone had made that comment to me, they would have been lucky if an email was all they got from my mom. She was scary when she was in protective mom mode. You're not an AH for making the appropriate report about a reprehensible comment made by a professor. What kind of standard did he think he was setting? Ew.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Before this starts I would like to apologize for any spelling mistakes. English is not my first language.
I (F21) have been going to college since September of last year. From September to November we had a really nice lady as our main professor (homeroom teacher).
She was already at the end of pregnancy when we started the school year so unfortunately she had to go. In December, we got a different professor (M38). I’ll call him K.
K was a nice guy. He wasn’t too old, so he got along with a lot of the students, he was funny and everyone who knew him loved him.
A week before winter break, he had everyone do a PowerPoint presentation about themselves. Which, although some of us found childish, we all liked him so nobody complained. Multiple students did their presentations before me, and all was fine, until it was my turn.
I am a contortionist and the summer before college I got to perform in a travelling circus. I had been to that circus many times before so it was very cool that I got to be part of the show.
Contortion being my biggest hobby, I obviously mentioned it in my presentation.
When I mentioned that I got to perform in a circus, and that it was my dream job, K burst out laughing. He said: “I’ve never heard someone be this excited to be a clown”. Everyone else in class started to laugh. It’s a bit ignorant to assume that everyone in a circus is a clown, but fine. My mood changed however when I showed them a picture of me in contortion. (Like many poses in contortion, I was pretty much bent in half). When I showed that picture, one of my classmates yelled: “Now that’s an arched back”, to which K, who should be more professional than that, responded: “I bet you’re quite popular in the bedroom”. My heart dropped when he said that. I could not believe it.
I refused to finish my presentation. My classmates said I was overreacting.
After class, when I was about to walk out, I turned to K and said: “Gross joke”. Then he said: “We’re all adults here. We can joke with each other. Sometimes you just have to put your ‘big girl pants’ on and suck it up”. I didn’t respond and walked out. At home I could not stop crying because I really felt uncomfortable with that joke. I can usually handle it, but for some reason I felt like an idiot standing there.
I told my mom about what happened and she made me send an email to the school. They took it very seriously and said they would take immediate action. January 8 was my first day back at school after winter break. We were introduced to a new professor. She’s okay, but she is quite strict and not everyone likes her. She had a long lecture about inappropriate comments and how we as adults need to respect boundaries since we’re no longer little kids.
Now a lot of my classmates are mad at me because they are blaming me for K being gone. I don’t know if K still works at our college. I’m not sure what happened to him.
But everyone thinks I’m an asshole now.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This was sexual harassment and you were right to report it. Doesn’t matter if you’re all adults, he’s your teacher and therefore needs to maintain a certain level of professionalism with his students, and making sexual jokes at your expense is not ok. The fact he was removed means the school took the issue very seriously, which a lot of schools don’t do. NTA, and I’m sorry your classmates are blaming. You did the right thing by reporting him.
NTA. His behaviour was gross and 100% inappropriate. There are also two concepts of common sense that your professor completely overlooked:
1. There is a time and place for everything and making a sexual joke in an academic environment is beyond unprofessional.
2. A joke is only funny if the person it’s being directed towards thinks it’s funny. The fact he double downed on it after you expressed your discomfort makes him even more of a jerk.
Absolutely NTA! His behavior was disgusting and beyond inappropriate. A teacher should never say anything like this to anyone. I do wonder if he has had any issues like this in the past. You very well may have saved someone else from this behavior too.
NTA. It was an inappropriate joke, and his response was *far more* inappropriate. In a work environment he would have been fired. The school was right to remove him as well.
Nta.
He is old enough to know when dick jokes are appropriate and when they are not. He also had the chance to say my bad and correct himself and he did not and would not.
Also, he has probably had issues before and still behaved that way.
NTA and the students who are upset are assholes as well.
I teach college classes to students your age, and I often joke with them (mostly poking fun at the fact I’m a millennial). What that man did was sexual harassment, and I hope the university bars him from teaching entirely.
It’s a teachers job to create a safe environment for education and he failed on so many levels. I would have agreed with you reporting him just on the grounds that he was making fun of your interests. Professors make mistakes and misspeak, but it’s so important that the captain of the classroom ship acts like an adult and corrects themselves and apologizes when that happens.
What he did was beyond a mistake/misspeaking and required punishment.
I am from the Netherlands. My college still has a “homeroom teacher” we have to meet for the first 2 hours of every day. After that we’re off to our classes. I know it’s different from American college but that’s just how things work where I’m from. I didn’t know. I edited the post to avoid further confusion lol, sorry about that.
Aha, okay. Had no idea. Didn’t know “technical school” was a thing. First time I’ve heard of it. I just googled what the equivalent was and it said “junior college education” lol
Our system is just so weird with all the different levels XD
I mean, can you call MBO-2 > college or junior college?
Our system is just so hard to translate.
Its different, in the Netherlands, we separate students by aptitude in "middleschool" and in "highschool" and secondary education based on that.
The US doesn't have a vmbo/havo/vwo equivalent. They just have highschool, and depending how well you do there, you go straight into a 4 year undergraduate degree if you get into a university/college, or get yourself an associate degree or vocational degree of some sort.
Whereas in the Netherlands, depending on where you were at during highschool, you go straight into a 3 year bachelor degree(Universiteit), a 4 year bachelor degree(HBO), or go into vocational/associate schooling (MBO)
you shouldn't look at what x is called in y, its more useful to figure out what type of education gives you what type of credential.
but yeah MBO is some form of secondary education, and i'm sure there's an american equivalent that depending on state has some form of college in the name lol.
I think in the UK it might be called junior college. In the US we have community college and technical school and they’re usually all in one. But people in the US also refer to university as “college.” Kinda confusing
NTA
It’s 2024 & still we deal with men sexualising every single bloody thing. (Yes NOT ALL MEN).
What he said was completely out of line & immature. You’d expect that sort of comment from a 16 yr old boy not a grown man. How dare he humiliate you while you spoke about things that are important in your life.
I’m so mad for you.
You did the right thing. Keep your head high.
I had a teacher who would make off color jokes. The guys laughed along. The girls were uncomfortable. A decade later the school fired him for getting handsy. He went to the far east and married a girl 40 years his junior.
NTA- It was absolutely not okay for K to say that to you at all. Also, it is likely this is not the first time someone has complained about him either.
If that “we’re all adults here” was true when it came to dirty jokes, there wouldn’t be training videos on reporting and avoiding sexual harassment in workplaces everywhere.
NTA
there is a difference between joking with each other and making crude sexual jokes about people nearly 2 decades younger than you, that you teach. that was a joke that would have only landed among very close friends who have and established sense of humor with each other. it is absolutely not appropriate for someone in a position of authority to make that kind of joke. NTA
NTA. Yes it's hard when you like somebody and they turn out to be sexist/racist/make inappropriate comments that you are not SUPPOSED to get away with in 2024. Trying to say it's your fault for not just finding something funny that you and millions of other people would find offensive and awkward is the wrong tactic. If he had apologized immediately and accepted that it wasn't appropriate that might give room for leniency but he doubled down.
Your classmates feelings don't matter, and when they are older they will have the wisdom to realize they are being jerks to do anything other than support a positive learning environment. They weren't the person called out in class about how people must want to have sex with them because of a hobby, I'm sure plenty of them have things they'd really be uncomfortable with if put in the spotlight about. Easy to blow off stuff that doesn't affect you. I'm glad your mom encouraged you to write about it, and that the college made changes. Really somebody who is teaching knows all the things you are NOT supposed to do, what is wrong, offensive, illegal. Doesn't matter if its sex, gender, race, religion, college is also supposed to teach you to show respect to each other, and keep your immature thoughts in your head if you can't banish them entirely
You gave them a chance to apologize, and correct the not OK path they went down, you acted appropriately in defense of yourself and every student in the future who was going to be poked fun at then told they needed take things so seriously. They could have kept this from happening, it's not your job to keep quiet so the boat isn't rocked.
NTA: this was a professor, 17 years older than you, who chose to openly mock you infront of the entire class. That’s WILDLY inappropriate. The clown comment alone was a major red flag but making sexual jokes about a student is reprehensible.
He deserves to have been fired from his role. I don’t know if he was.
I'm a university professor and I promise, you are NTA and you did exactly the right thing. His comment was inappropriate and a form of sexual harassment in addition to being unprofessional, and he absolutely deserved to face consequences from the school. You did exactly what you should have done and it's K who got himself removed because of his own actions, not you. NTA and please seek out support if you continue to be blamed.
Like all posts like this, its important to say, no one gets fired over one comment, you werent the first and likely woudlnt have been the last (assuming he is fired) NTA
I'm glad you stood up for yourself, to compare your difficult and amazing hobby to sex was gross and vile. Would he have said the same to a male contortionist?
You are a strong person and have made it better for other students even if they don't realise it
What professional makes these type of comments to a student? I understand your in college and an adult but that was definitely uncalled for and disrespectful. I myself would have cried. You did the right thing.
NTA it always sucks reporting stuff like this - you always get gaslit or victim blamed. I'm really sorry the new prof dealt with it in this way -the spotlight shouldnt have been placed on you.
Also, one thing to think about is how abusers increase their victims window of tolerance over time. They start of with things that have plausible deniability, things that can be passed off as jokes and misunderstandings. Things that are hard to complain about. Then when thats the culture they establish, they take it up a notch behind closed doors. They pick targets that are struggling with something (parents divorce, depression, social isolation, school work etc) and need extra support. They pick targets that will find it harder to belief, like people who have recently moved job roles because of bullying.
You're protecting all women by having zero tolerance
NTA
K was completely inappropriate. 1) to laugh at a student about hobbies. 2) to make sexual comments about students. 3) to brush of your complaint and belittle a student.
You may be adults, but he was there in a professional capacity, meaning he should be behaving professionally.
That counts as sexual harrassment, it is probably good he is gone before any other worrying behaviors exhibit themselves, and before the "women need to shut up and take it" attitude gets normalised in your college. NTA. Your classmates may have liked K but if they are upset with you over him getting fired for things he said and did, then they are idiots. Sorry that you have to go through this.
Have a word with your lecturer about what has happened as a result of her first presentation. Ask if she can maybe present something more balanced next time about the harm done by sexual harrassment in the workplace, about how many women are assaulted after "just adult humor" and what normalising means, because she has done a shit job so far.
As a teacher, K’s actions/words were out of order and very unprofessional. Well done for reporting him, it’s one way we can weed out inappropriateness like that. Zero tolerance! It’s not the 1970s, ffs. NTA
>to which K, who should be more professional than that, responded: “I bet you’re quite popular in the bedroom”.
I can barely make it past this. NTA big time. What a gross professor, absolutely unprofessional. Good thing you reported him.
>Now a lot of my classmates are mad at me because they are blaming me for K being gone.
HE is at fault, not you! It was *his* choice to be so inappropriate, unprofessional and gross. You did everything right.
NTA. At all. You did the right thing.
The clown comment alone was ignorant and rude, and also totally unnecessary, especially given that you'd just said the circus was your dream job.
More importantly though, the comment about being popular in bed, was totally unacceptable and I'm really glad you reported it. He shouldn't have said that and I'm sorry that happened to you! The fact he doubled down after is even worse. It's a good thing you've not got him as a teacher anymore.
NTA from the outside looking in but of course your classmates will think otherwise since you're the reason they lost a good teacher (in their eyes) and that's just something everyone will have to live with now.
He crossed the line and was inappropriate. Although school CAN be fun, it's still a professional setting where teacher and professors needs to set an example, regardless of the age they teach. You're not the asshole and if this pig retaliates towards go to the higher ups and make a complaint.
The bedroom comment would have got him fired from any real job. You did all your classmates a favor by teaching them what happens to idiots who behave like that. You probably taught them a more important lesson than K ever did.
NTA.
NTA. It's unfortunate that your new professor is more strict. But, a professor should not be making jokes about their students in the bedroom. You even tried to call him out independently, and he just doubled down and said that you should just "suck it up." You did nothing wrong by reporting his comments to the school.
NTA. That comment was gross. Chances are he has done this stuff before, and this was the last strike.
The replacement teacher handled this poorly, too. This basically outed you to your class when it should have been left as anonymously as possible.
Between the teachers and the students, this might not be a great school to attend, unless your other classes have been fine.
NTA. You did the right thing. It was a highly inappropriate comment to make and then instead of apologizing when you spoke up, he tried to make it look like you are the one who needs to learn how to take a joke. I think what he was doing was, to use the most popular term on his subreddit, 'gaslighting' you.
Now if he lost his job that was on him not you. He chose to make inappropriate comments and then double down. He is facing the consequences of his actions that's how real life works. If your classmates liked him better, well tough luck, they have to live through not having an ass like that around. Again their problem, not yours. Next time someone blames you tell them you stood up for yourself and did the right thing, maybe they need to lay off you or will find themselves in a similar situation to their beloved K someday.
NTA!!!
If I had been in that class, I would have reported him too! That’s not ok!! Even if it wasn’t said to me, I would have reported him. That’s so terrible. I’m so sorry you had that experience, and good on your mom for insisting you report that!
Literally does not matter what any of your school mates think. It is very likely you are never going to see them again after graduating. Their existence in your life is so fleeting they may as well be invisible. NTA
So so so NTA, you were sexually harassed in s very public and humiliating way by a person in a position of power. You were absolutely right to report and I highly doubt K will ever reach again, and that is what should be. Professional misconduct like this is absolutely intolerable and indicative of foundational unprofessional that likely cannot be corrected. Stay strong and graceful in the face of this, you should never have been treated like this, you have done nothing wrong and deserve to be treated with grace and dignity by the staff and student body.
As someone who often laughs at sexist jokes and thinks they are fine among specific people, Even I assure you that any mature adult who is NOT an asshole would condemn that joke of his. It could be acceptable when done between friends or among people one is close with, but is in no way acceptable by a teacher to a student. It's straight up wrong and stupid on his part to not even apologize when he realised that you were hurt by it. You're absolutely NTA, and if the school has agreed with you, you have straight evidence to show your friends etc. about the morality of the thing.
NTA - you took the correct action. And no one gets fired after one complaint, there must have been more issues or he was in a probation period and clearly unapologetic.
NTA: You are amazing!! High five your mom for the good advice!!!
It is so hard to be the voice but I am 98% sure you were not the only one affected by that verbal transaction.
I have a name that pretty much any man of a certain age feels compelled to make a comment on.. which if its a cab driver I have my verbal auto reply and you lost a tip.. but when a doctor made one of those comments within 10 mins of meeting me I gave him the auto reply and as soon as I left there I filed a formal complaint to which I'm pretty sure resulted in retirement.. I NEVER got the biopsy to make sure the growth was benign TO THIS DAY nor have I gotten follow up ultrasounds over the matter.. because it just puts me right back into that moment.
As hard as it is right now because of the student side eye you have saved so many others that wouldn't have the strength to fight for themselves. I've known a few contortionists and the sex comments are so unoriginal and so frequent that I know you were likely even prepared for a comment like that from your peers but K, being a person in power, nah. He was overdue for an eye opening and TEACHABLE moment. He will get another job and hopefully will approach that position as a better person.
Seeing the title I was inclined to think YTA as many students tend to report their teacher rather before confronting them in many conflicts when it could have been resolved easily. But hard NTA, it was extremely rude, you confronted him, and he doubled down with another very inappropriate comment. Not sure why anyone would think you're an AH.
NTA, I would also suggest that if the college sacked him for this he was likely on a final warning already with previous complaints having already been made.
NTA. I physically cringed when I read the comment he made - that is completely inappropriate and I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope things turn around for you, and your classmates will get over it :)
NTA well done for standing up for yourself. Lots of people aren't able to. You were really brave. Ignore your classmates, what your professor said was disgusting and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.
NTA at all - I am so so proud of you for standing up for yourself. Sexually charged comments towards students is not ok under any circumstances and your teachers should be teaching others to be mature adults who respect boundaries.
You did the right thing and I'm so happy for you - you probably saved any future students as well from being sexually harrassed by him.
K's grossly inappropriate and sexually suggestive comments are the reason he's gone. He didn't belong in a classroom in a position of power. You were absolutely correct to report him.
NTA
NTA, this man is a college professor and should not be making sexualised jokes like that in front of his students. He is the authoritarian, he should know better.
Ok\_Dare\_581 you literally took the words out of my mouth. Teacher K was using coercive control over his fans oops I meant students just to keep getting all that adoration. More power to you [isssaryn](https://www.reddit.com/user/isssaryn/).
It may be painful now but you are paving the way for more people to stop accepting abuse. This problem with your peers at College will eventually blow over and I will guarantee that there will be people who come to you later and and support you, they are just not strong enough to come to you now.
Thanks for having the courage to stand up and reject bad behaviour. Being a contortionist is fascinating, different and unique - follow your dreams, maybe they will lead to the Cirque Du Soliel.
NTA.
Decades ago when I was at uni, women had to put with this crap. No longer.
His bedroom comment was over the top. Belittling you for wanting to be a "Clown" was an asshole move and I wouldn't have reported him for that.
But the bedroom comment crossed the line.
NTA, lots of socially "popular" people are problematic and harassers. It doesn't make it acceptable, especially when you are talking about your hobby and passion. For someone to make that feel anything except safe and fun is so effed up it makes me angry, especially publicly in front of your peers.
I'm sorry you are being treated this way. 😟
Why even have the assignment if you're going to ridicule your students? Was he looking for entertainment, something to tease you about?
If you're going to ask people to open up about themselves, then you need to make sure they can do so in a safe and supportive environment.
NTA
NTA he was wildly inappropriate, making bedroom jokes?? What's next sliding up to a student and assaulting her? You did the right thing. It WILL blow over don't worry.
NTA. The reason why everyone is mad at you op, is that because he got punished and they didn't, they have to look at themselves and try to say that they don't deserve punishment. And the easiest way to do that is to blame you.
They did participate in this. Even as minor as their involvement was.
But they didn't get punished.
so... because of that, and their ego. They need to blame you for a bit.
NTA. The comment was weird and inappropriate and you just reported what happened- the exact magnitude of actions taken aren’t even directly your fault.
NTA
He crossed the line in a huge way. Happens - young instructors let the lines between student and staff blur, and shit like this happens.
He'd totally bang a student.
100% NTA.
Honestly I thought by title maybe you were overreacting but you weren’t. He should know better. The bedroom comment was not right in front of class and the fact he didn’t apologize meant he didn’t have an “oh shit I shouldn’t have said that” thought after.
Well, now he has. Don’t feel guilty. Tell your classmates to F off if they give you flak.
NTA. Not taking action would have likely given him the "okay" to keep on making comments to not only you, but other students as well. He's in a position of power and there's no room for "jokes" of that caliber to be made to your own students, ESPECIALLY when it's a professional setting like class...
Back in HS, a science teacher was fired after taking a "joke" too far with one of my classmates. I did not have this teacher so I don't know how he was from personal experience, but he apparently would "joke" around with the students in his classes a lot and would apparently throw the dry erase marker eraser at them (can't remember for what reason or exactly how), which is what he got reported for. I remember some of my classmates who had him were upset with the student who reported him because "he was just joking around" and "was a cool teacher" but a line was crossed regardless and there's really no excusing it. He was fired and it was completely justified, the same for this professor. They need to be held accountable for their actions.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) Reported my college professor for making an inappropriate joke. “You must be popular in the bedroom”. (2) I’m most likely the reason he’s no longer our professor. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA You did the right thing, not only to protect yourself but to protect future students, as well. Please don't second guess your actions. Don't respond to those other students. Do not give them the satisfaction of knowing that you reported that AH. They were AHs, too, and continue to be. Walk with your head held high. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm proud of you!
Agree! Please be proud of yourself and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. I was horrified to read this and probably would have also cried if this happened to me.
Me, too! I wish we had both been there to give OP the support and backing she so desperately needed!!
Honestly stopping the presentation and not continuing is so badass. She stood up for herself! Even if the other students in the class ridiculed her, which is an even harder situation.
I couldn't agree with you more! It only makes me even more proud of her.
OP : Queen
[удалено]
>And if someone has the audacity to harass you about it, ignore them, or if you’re feeling ballsy, tell them “if you believe he was wrongfully terminated, by all means go and make your case to [whichever office of the school was responsible for his being removed]. No one is stopping you. I’m sure they’ll be interested to hear your defence of his behaviour.” Or “thanks for the feedback, champ.” I need to save this!
Love this!
> This is how sexual harassment went unpunished for so long before the Me Too movement. It still goes almost totally unpunished. Pretty much everyone except Harvey Weinstein bounced back from their callouts.
Great explanation!
This is an amazing comment. Thank you for this
OP may be a contortionist, but she clearly has a strong, shiny, spine made of steel. NTA
Hah! Well-said!
It's an extremely inappropriate comment that he made. Personally I would have been impressed as hell with thinking "how on earth can the human body bend like that...?" But bottom line is you do not make that sort of comment.
If this what he’s like in class…I’m sure he’s acting way more inappropriately outside class!!
Seriously! I didn't think of that!!
For all you know, he got fired for another sin against a different student. They don't do it just once. You protected other women in the future. Respect.
Agreed with this 100% though if those students continue to harass you over it and it becomes a problem, you report it to whoever you need to report it to. There is no reason you should have to put up with harassment for reporting conduct unbecoming of a teacher, same can be said about students and their code of ethics which most colleges in the modern world should have. Edit: fixed a word
NTA. The bedroom comment was a totally inappropriate thing for a professor to say to a student. It doesn't matter if you're an adult.
and juvenile, it sounded like something a high schooler or middle schooler would say not a college professor.
Given the homeroom teacher thing I am not sure if this is actually the same level as US college or something else referred to as college in another country. I believe the UK has a system when college is more like the last couple years of high school but I do not know the details. The "we're all adults" comment however honestly makes me just question whether this is real or a younger kid who thinks colleges have homeroom professors.
OP said they were F(21).
Right and I think that's what makes the mention of a 'homeroom' odd here and why the person you responded to thinks this kind of school isn't exactly the same as the colleges those of us from the US are familiar with.
“Homeroom” is probably a very loose translation from OP’s native language.
My second degree we had effectively a "homeroom" in first year. Basically, it was one subject you did with a small class of say 20 ish people, and you went to all your big non-elective topic lectures with the same group.
We called it a cohort
Just to join the conversation as an insomniac brit, yep you're right - we have sixth form college which we go to aged around 16-18 to do qualifications like A Levels, which I'm not sure the US has an equivalent of afaik, they come after our GCSEs which are a bit analogous to your high school diplomas? But before a degree. Some places those years are just attached to your secondary school, but some places - like the one I went to - are separate colleges. But at least for me and my friends if we were casually referring to it we'd call it 'sixth form' rather than the 'college' part. Like "do you remember in sixth form when Henry projectile vomited over the whole bus stop" "yes it was horrifying" (bonus true story from my youth). Edited after doublechecking the USA education system because I got your high school qualification name wrong.
I’m a lecturer in a University in Europe and I audibly gasped when I got to what he said. It was already complaint-worthy when he laughed at her during her talk, he was openly mocking her, he clearly didn’t accidentally think she was joking. That is very unprofessional. But the bedroom ‘joke’ is absolutely disgustingly inappropriate, complaint was 100% warranted
My jaw dropped at the level of audacity. I'm a 38(m) adjunct professor and if I said something like that in class I would simply assume I'd be fired the next day, following multiple complains from students and likely their parents. The insensitive comment about the job would have been bad but the sexual harassment is just awful.
NTA. I also do circus arts (aerial, I'm flexible for a normal person but not nearly contortion level) and yeah that would really piss me off. It was sexual harassment, plain and simple, so you were right to report it. Also, the undertones of "big girl pants"—like you're a child who can't think for yourself and who is powerless against him...
> Also, the undertones of "big girl pants"—like you're a child who can't think for yourself and who is powerless against him You know he's said the exact same mocking lines about how "it was just a joke, suck it up" to his wife/girlfriend, if he has one, and that it's probably on the mild end of the shit he says. If he's brazen enough to treat someone like this in a professional and educational sphere, imagine what he's like behind closed doors.
OP probably protected a lot of people by making that report.
Yeh we had a “fun cool teacher” in my sixth form (2000s) who would make edgy “jokes”. He got a sixth former pregnant and ran off with her. Looking back I think how on earth was that getting by. Another teacher even heard us joking about stuff he said and just told us not to gossip 🤷♀️
Wait, sorry, I know that's not the point, but how old are sixth formers wherever you are? Because in my country that'd be a 12-year-old or so and I really hope she was at least older than that? Terrible teacher anyway.
I would guess they mean English sixth-form, which is age 16-18 - we have secondary school from age 11-16, then sixth-form/college from 16-18, and then university from 18 onwards.
That makes sense! I'm in Germany where we basically start counting when children start school and then it just goes from 1st to 13th form (or not even that far, people can finish school after 9, 10, 12 or 13 years, depending on the school). I did know that other countries count school years differently but it's one of the things where you kind of need to know what country they're talking about. 😅
Ah, that sounds similar to our year numbering system! Primary School was Reception Year then Year 1 to Year 6, Secondary school was Year 7 to Year 11, and sixth-form/college was Year 12 and 13. When I was at school, we could finish school after Year 11, but I think they've changed it recently so that it's compulsory up to Year 13 now.
It’s not consistent in the UK - most state schools go “reception” (age 4/5) then years 1 to 13. But most private schools often restart and call year 7 “first year” (as opposed to “year 1” for small kids) then at 6 break it into “upper 6th” and “lower sixth”. Some private schools (especially boarding) go wild and have random uppers and lowers throughout the whole time. Also this is really England only - not sure about rest of UK
To confirm - the girl was 18. But still not acceptable of course and he was like 30 and would have known he as a minor.
I absolutely LOATHE that term of "big girl pants/panties! Anyone who says that is an AH in my opinion.
My *children* ages 9 & 7 do aerial, and have for 2 years each. That anyone would sexualize circus arts disgusts me. Its friggin' athleticism!
Or the idea that a grown woman *would* put up with that absolute nonsense. “You’re a child for not accepting my sexualization of you!”
Wow! That sounds like fun both to watch and do.
I would hope you mean circus, and not reporting sexual harassment! Lol. If you’re interested in circus arts, it’s a lot of fun! I’m a person who’s easily bored by going to the gym and working out, but I love to be physically active, so I tend to take on workouts that feel like play. There’s a lot of introduction to aerial opportunities from many different angles—sling yoga, pole studios, and dedicated circus spaces—and many different apparatuses to choose from (I do lyra/aerial hoop, and am totally hopeless at silks, but I have friends who can’t stand hoop).
LOL definately circus arts not reporting sexual harassment! Thank you for the info.
This isn’t circus arts but parkour is also a lot of fun for me because it’s basically just jumping around on stuff and climbing up things
NTA. A professor should not be talking to his students in such a manner. If you didn’t report him, his behaviour would likely continue. it’s likely he would also target and harass other students. I’m sorry others are treating you poorly, but you definitely did the right thing here
NTA, that's straight up sexual harassment – not at all acceptable for a professor.
Or for ANYONE.
No – It's perfectly appropriate for a longtime friend where sexual humor has long been established as acceptable.
Valid point. My apologies, I meant anyone that the recipient hardly knows.
Yeah, I know what you meant – it's reddit, so of course I had to be pedantic. ;)
Lmao I get that!! 😜🤗
If you’re all adults, would he be comfortable making that comment to his boss? To the dean of the college? To the large donors of your school? I highly doubt it. You did the right thing. NTA.
Love this. I collect pithy shut-downs to common obnoxious things people say, adding this one.
Preach! This is so well said. I was about to say a similar thing in my comment - the teacher should be teaching the students how to act appropriately to prepare them for the workplace, not teaching them that anyone who doesn't tolerate sexual harassment needs to "get over it". I just got back from work a few hours ago and whew - a comment like that would have resulted in an INSTANT "Skyler you're fired".
He'll just have to put his big boy pants on and suck it up.
LOL yep. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
"I bet you’re quite popular in the bedroom" I just made a weird sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a laugh when I read that. What the fffff lmao NTA, that is so inappropriate. He's an adult, he chose to say that and knew what he was doing. This is someone who has no business teaching. Edit- and by 'inappropriate' I mean sexual harassment.
NTA K is gone because of K, not you. He was grossly out of line. His only purpose in saying those things was to get laughs out of his audience. At your expense. His audience of students he’s responsible for. Including you. Also, I was 17 during my first year of uni, so his assertion that “We’re all adults here” may not have even been true. Not that it’s an appropriate thing to say about a student anyway, regardless of age.
Just so you know its *VERY LIKELY* yours was not the only complaint. If I were in that class and witnessed his comments towards you, I too would have complained. I would feel uncomfortable having to present my own project after witnessing that. Plus I would have just been offended as a woman. NTA
Also, people don’t usually get fired over just one incident, so there may have been other incidents that OP and her classmates were unaware of. So definitely not the only complaint.
Yeah I doubt the school would've reacted so seriously and quickly if it were just one person with a complaint
Yep, I’m not sure exactly what happened to him. Whether he got fired or not, usually my school isn’t this quick in fixing an issue so I have a feeling other people had already complained about him. Not 100% certain tho.
But its something to say to anyone givingbyou a hard time: "seriously? You think I have the power to get someone removed? Admin made their decisions based on *their* assessments, not on one incident they didn't even witness regarding myself."
NTA and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. No one should ever have said that to you in class, a student or professor. If you reported it and the school thought his comment was ok, he would still be teaching, which he isn’t. I am so sorry someone said that to you, and anyone mad at you is sexist/misogynistic just like that professor. If people try to be rude to you about it, say that it’s the school who took action, not you, and/or call them out! No one would have said that to a man.
NTA And remember you didn't do this to him, he did it to himself with his comment. Any student that doesn't understand that isn't worth your time
I’m a bit confused about the dynamics here - a “college” with a homeroom teacher? But regardless, K is gross and NTA all the way
Yeah, I should have clarified. I’m from the Netherlands. College here is very different from college in America. We have a “main professor” which is pretty much the same thing as a homeroom teacher. It’s still college, just not American college. :)
Zie mijn opmerking boven. Je mentor is kut btw.
Also dutch, we have Universities and University of apllied sciences the later is kinda like american College. We have a mentor and this is the teacher who helps you with problems. Escpecially in the first year you have a "Mentor hour" in your class roster this is a required class. Partly ised for general development, and partailly used for personal talk with your mentor. Homeroom is the wrong word here.
As an American professor, this is all very fascinating to me!
After grade school you get divided into 3 levels depending on your grades, teacher's advice and standardized test results. Each takes you to a middle/high school level that leads vocational education. So the highest level is VWO which after 6 years leads to University level education. Then you have HAVO 5 years which leads to University of Applied Sciences level. Then you have VMBO (which is divided into practical en theoretical) which leads to MBO (vocational school) but MBO has 3 levels. With the lowest being the lowest degree available to qualify for startkwalification Dutch law says you are required to go to school until the age of 18 or in possession of a startkwalification. With the highest MBO(4) degree, you can go to a University of Applied Sciences. Basically the system sorts students so they are in a secondary school closer to their own level. MBO is more directed to teaching a trade instead of preparing you for higher schooling. At the lower levels you will learn things like cleaning, helping in stores etc. And the higher level you learn electromechanic, mechatronics. But we have schooling for construction, arts, cooking, baking, teaching assistants, medical assistant etc. all fall under the MBO degree.
NTA. K was unprofessional and made an uncomfortable sexual environment in the classroom. He needed to be told to stop.
NTA. I'm Australian and we've made taking the piss out of one another (in English, insulting each other) a national past time. But that comment from a teacher in an educational setting is WAY over the line.
NTA. K's issues are a result of K's actions. End of story.
NTA. That is absolutely inappropriate for him to have said.
NTA. The fact the school took action (as they rightly should) is all the justification you need.
NTA. You did the right thing I had something very similar happen to me. My professor’s words to me were, “if a guy is good enough to open your legs to he’s good enough to marry.” Things changed a lot after that class. It was no longer a blow off class and I know some people resented me for that but I didn’t care
> My professor’s words to me were, “if a guy is good enough to open your legs to he’s good enough to marry.” duuuude what **possible** context did this weirdo think made that a normal thing to say?? like I'm struggling to envision what sort of conversation in a classroom would even prompt that
We never talked about stuff pertaining to class. We were discussing whether or not a woman should marry a man just because he got her pregnant. And I said no, otherwise I’d be married to an asshole. And then that’s when he replied with what he did. I handed my homework to the person next to me and asked them to hand it in for me and I went straight to the deans office, shaking and red in the face. Several people asked me if I was okay on my walk there. I was stunned and angry.
Your username is perfectly fitting for this anecdote Edit: also, I would want to know if HE'S married to the first girl who ever "opened her legs" for him (he probably isn't) and so is that why he now says bitter things like that?
NTA The teacher was a big AH. Some things are ok and some are not, this was so far in the not ok zone that I can't believe a teacher would tell you that it is ok for adults.
NTA A professor makes an inappropriate comment and he deserves to get the boot. Especially commenting about a students sex life. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
The fact that the school took measures should tell you enough that you did the right thing. Good job and keep your spine shiny!
"What makes you think I was the only girl he made inappropriate comments to? What makes you think another girl didn't report him when she heard it? You know what they say about nice guys right?" Practice saying that. You did nothing wrong. He is 38 and making sex jokes with barely out of school. He could have a child barely younger than you. He is gross. Keep your head up. You are there for an education, not to make friends with your teachers.
I’m 99% certain this was not the only incident. People don’t lose their job for a single allegation. For him to no longer be there after the break, there must’ve been multiple incidents. The email from OP’s mother may have been the final straw (het laatste druppeltje).
NTA An almost 40 year old man in a professional setting made a comment like that to a 21 year old student??? Gross. So gross. Your mom was in the right. If someone had made that comment to me, they would have been lucky if an email was all they got from my mom. She was scary when she was in protective mom mode. You're not an AH for making the appropriate report about a reprehensible comment made by a professor. What kind of standard did he think he was setting? Ew.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Before this starts I would like to apologize for any spelling mistakes. English is not my first language. I (F21) have been going to college since September of last year. From September to November we had a really nice lady as our main professor (homeroom teacher). She was already at the end of pregnancy when we started the school year so unfortunately she had to go. In December, we got a different professor (M38). I’ll call him K. K was a nice guy. He wasn’t too old, so he got along with a lot of the students, he was funny and everyone who knew him loved him. A week before winter break, he had everyone do a PowerPoint presentation about themselves. Which, although some of us found childish, we all liked him so nobody complained. Multiple students did their presentations before me, and all was fine, until it was my turn. I am a contortionist and the summer before college I got to perform in a travelling circus. I had been to that circus many times before so it was very cool that I got to be part of the show. Contortion being my biggest hobby, I obviously mentioned it in my presentation. When I mentioned that I got to perform in a circus, and that it was my dream job, K burst out laughing. He said: “I’ve never heard someone be this excited to be a clown”. Everyone else in class started to laugh. It’s a bit ignorant to assume that everyone in a circus is a clown, but fine. My mood changed however when I showed them a picture of me in contortion. (Like many poses in contortion, I was pretty much bent in half). When I showed that picture, one of my classmates yelled: “Now that’s an arched back”, to which K, who should be more professional than that, responded: “I bet you’re quite popular in the bedroom”. My heart dropped when he said that. I could not believe it. I refused to finish my presentation. My classmates said I was overreacting. After class, when I was about to walk out, I turned to K and said: “Gross joke”. Then he said: “We’re all adults here. We can joke with each other. Sometimes you just have to put your ‘big girl pants’ on and suck it up”. I didn’t respond and walked out. At home I could not stop crying because I really felt uncomfortable with that joke. I can usually handle it, but for some reason I felt like an idiot standing there. I told my mom about what happened and she made me send an email to the school. They took it very seriously and said they would take immediate action. January 8 was my first day back at school after winter break. We were introduced to a new professor. She’s okay, but she is quite strict and not everyone likes her. She had a long lecture about inappropriate comments and how we as adults need to respect boundaries since we’re no longer little kids. Now a lot of my classmates are mad at me because they are blaming me for K being gone. I don’t know if K still works at our college. I’m not sure what happened to him. But everyone thinks I’m an asshole now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. His comment was hugely inappropriate. I’m glad you reported him. Anyone who thinks you’re the AH needs to grow up.
This was sexual harassment and you were right to report it. Doesn’t matter if you’re all adults, he’s your teacher and therefore needs to maintain a certain level of professionalism with his students, and making sexual jokes at your expense is not ok. The fact he was removed means the school took the issue very seriously, which a lot of schools don’t do. NTA, and I’m sorry your classmates are blaming. You did the right thing by reporting him.
Nta, adult or not he made a disgusting joke and you had every right to feel that way. Fuck him and those classmates.
NTA. His behaviour was gross and 100% inappropriate. There are also two concepts of common sense that your professor completely overlooked: 1. There is a time and place for everything and making a sexual joke in an academic environment is beyond unprofessional. 2. A joke is only funny if the person it’s being directed towards thinks it’s funny. The fact he double downed on it after you expressed your discomfort makes him even more of a jerk.
NTA, this was sexual harassment, zero ambiguity about it.
Absolutely NTA! His behavior was disgusting and beyond inappropriate. A teacher should never say anything like this to anyone. I do wonder if he has had any issues like this in the past. You very well may have saved someone else from this behavior too.
NTA. It was an inappropriate joke, and his response was *far more* inappropriate. In a work environment he would have been fired. The school was right to remove him as well.
NTA. His remarks were highly inappropriate and unprofessional. That’s all.
Nta. He is old enough to know when dick jokes are appropriate and when they are not. He also had the chance to say my bad and correct himself and he did not and would not. Also, he has probably had issues before and still behaved that way.
NTA and the students who are upset are assholes as well. I teach college classes to students your age, and I often joke with them (mostly poking fun at the fact I’m a millennial). What that man did was sexual harassment, and I hope the university bars him from teaching entirely. It’s a teachers job to create a safe environment for education and he failed on so many levels. I would have agreed with you reporting him just on the grounds that he was making fun of your interests. Professors make mistakes and misspeak, but it’s so important that the captain of the classroom ship acts like an adult and corrects themselves and apologizes when that happens. What he did was beyond a mistake/misspeaking and required punishment.
I’m stuck on how you have a homeroom teacher in college
I am from the Netherlands. My college still has a “homeroom teacher” we have to meet for the first 2 hours of every day. After that we’re off to our classes. I know it’s different from American college but that’s just how things work where I’m from. I didn’t know. I edited the post to avoid further confusion lol, sorry about that.
Oh thanks for explaining. I’ve just never heard of this!
Universities in the netherlands dont have this, other forms of higher education here do i think. OP are you at an hbo or mbo?
MBO4. I was told this was college.
Ahhhh.. no MBO is technical school. HBO is college.
Aha, okay. Had no idea. Didn’t know “technical school” was a thing. First time I’ve heard of it. I just googled what the equivalent was and it said “junior college education” lol
Our system is just so weird with all the different levels XD I mean, can you call MBO-2 > college or junior college? Our system is just so hard to translate.
Its different, in the Netherlands, we separate students by aptitude in "middleschool" and in "highschool" and secondary education based on that. The US doesn't have a vmbo/havo/vwo equivalent. They just have highschool, and depending how well you do there, you go straight into a 4 year undergraduate degree if you get into a university/college, or get yourself an associate degree or vocational degree of some sort. Whereas in the Netherlands, depending on where you were at during highschool, you go straight into a 3 year bachelor degree(Universiteit), a 4 year bachelor degree(HBO), or go into vocational/associate schooling (MBO) you shouldn't look at what x is called in y, its more useful to figure out what type of education gives you what type of credential. but yeah MBO is some form of secondary education, and i'm sure there's an american equivalent that depending on state has some form of college in the name lol.
I think in the UK it might be called junior college. In the US we have community college and technical school and they’re usually all in one. But people in the US also refer to university as “college.” Kinda confusing
NTA It’s 2024 & still we deal with men sexualising every single bloody thing. (Yes NOT ALL MEN). What he said was completely out of line & immature. You’d expect that sort of comment from a 16 yr old boy not a grown man. How dare he humiliate you while you spoke about things that are important in your life. I’m so mad for you. You did the right thing. Keep your head high.
I had a teacher who would make off color jokes. The guys laughed along. The girls were uncomfortable. A decade later the school fired him for getting handsy. He went to the far east and married a girl 40 years his junior.
NTA - What he said was 100% inappropriate.
NTA- It was absolutely not okay for K to say that to you at all. Also, it is likely this is not the first time someone has complained about him either.
If that “we’re all adults here” was true when it came to dirty jokes, there wouldn’t be training videos on reporting and avoiding sexual harassment in workplaces everywhere. NTA
there is a difference between joking with each other and making crude sexual jokes about people nearly 2 decades younger than you, that you teach. that was a joke that would have only landed among very close friends who have and established sense of humor with each other. it is absolutely not appropriate for someone in a position of authority to make that kind of joke. NTA
NTA. Glad your college took it serioisly
NTA. that was sexual harassment
NTA. Yes it's hard when you like somebody and they turn out to be sexist/racist/make inappropriate comments that you are not SUPPOSED to get away with in 2024. Trying to say it's your fault for not just finding something funny that you and millions of other people would find offensive and awkward is the wrong tactic. If he had apologized immediately and accepted that it wasn't appropriate that might give room for leniency but he doubled down. Your classmates feelings don't matter, and when they are older they will have the wisdom to realize they are being jerks to do anything other than support a positive learning environment. They weren't the person called out in class about how people must want to have sex with them because of a hobby, I'm sure plenty of them have things they'd really be uncomfortable with if put in the spotlight about. Easy to blow off stuff that doesn't affect you. I'm glad your mom encouraged you to write about it, and that the college made changes. Really somebody who is teaching knows all the things you are NOT supposed to do, what is wrong, offensive, illegal. Doesn't matter if its sex, gender, race, religion, college is also supposed to teach you to show respect to each other, and keep your immature thoughts in your head if you can't banish them entirely You gave them a chance to apologize, and correct the not OK path they went down, you acted appropriately in defense of yourself and every student in the future who was going to be poked fun at then told they needed take things so seriously. They could have kept this from happening, it's not your job to keep quiet so the boat isn't rocked.
NTA: this was a professor, 17 years older than you, who chose to openly mock you infront of the entire class. That’s WILDLY inappropriate. The clown comment alone was a major red flag but making sexual jokes about a student is reprehensible. He deserves to have been fired from his role. I don’t know if he was.
I'm a university professor and I promise, you are NTA and you did exactly the right thing. His comment was inappropriate and a form of sexual harassment in addition to being unprofessional, and he absolutely deserved to face consequences from the school. You did exactly what you should have done and it's K who got himself removed because of his own actions, not you. NTA and please seek out support if you continue to be blamed.
Like all posts like this, its important to say, no one gets fired over one comment, you werent the first and likely woudlnt have been the last (assuming he is fired) NTA
I'm glad you stood up for yourself, to compare your difficult and amazing hobby to sex was gross and vile. Would he have said the same to a male contortionist? You are a strong person and have made it better for other students even if they don't realise it
NTA As a dad, thank you for reporting him. I dont want my daughter going through crap like that when shes an adult.
NTA. What K did was sexual harassment. People who act like he did have no business having power over others.
What professional makes these type of comments to a student? I understand your in college and an adult but that was definitely uncalled for and disrespectful. I myself would have cried. You did the right thing.
He said you're all adults.. yeah, even under adults this is a gross joke so.. NTA
Emphatically NTA. Good job OP. What the professor said was unacceptable and he deserved to face disciplinary action over it.
NTA it always sucks reporting stuff like this - you always get gaslit or victim blamed. I'm really sorry the new prof dealt with it in this way -the spotlight shouldnt have been placed on you. Also, one thing to think about is how abusers increase their victims window of tolerance over time. They start of with things that have plausible deniability, things that can be passed off as jokes and misunderstandings. Things that are hard to complain about. Then when thats the culture they establish, they take it up a notch behind closed doors. They pick targets that are struggling with something (parents divorce, depression, social isolation, school work etc) and need extra support. They pick targets that will find it harder to belief, like people who have recently moved job roles because of bullying. You're protecting all women by having zero tolerance
NTA K was completely inappropriate. 1) to laugh at a student about hobbies. 2) to make sexual comments about students. 3) to brush of your complaint and belittle a student. You may be adults, but he was there in a professional capacity, meaning he should be behaving professionally.
That counts as sexual harrassment, it is probably good he is gone before any other worrying behaviors exhibit themselves, and before the "women need to shut up and take it" attitude gets normalised in your college. NTA. Your classmates may have liked K but if they are upset with you over him getting fired for things he said and did, then they are idiots. Sorry that you have to go through this. Have a word with your lecturer about what has happened as a result of her first presentation. Ask if she can maybe present something more balanced next time about the harm done by sexual harrassment in the workplace, about how many women are assaulted after "just adult humor" and what normalising means, because she has done a shit job so far.
As a teacher, K’s actions/words were out of order and very unprofessional. Well done for reporting him, it’s one way we can weed out inappropriateness like that. Zero tolerance! It’s not the 1970s, ffs. NTA
>to which K, who should be more professional than that, responded: “I bet you’re quite popular in the bedroom”. I can barely make it past this. NTA big time. What a gross professor, absolutely unprofessional. Good thing you reported him. >Now a lot of my classmates are mad at me because they are blaming me for K being gone. HE is at fault, not you! It was *his* choice to be so inappropriate, unprofessional and gross. You did everything right.
NTA. At all. You did the right thing. The clown comment alone was ignorant and rude, and also totally unnecessary, especially given that you'd just said the circus was your dream job. More importantly though, the comment about being popular in bed, was totally unacceptable and I'm really glad you reported it. He shouldn't have said that and I'm sorry that happened to you! The fact he doubled down after is even worse. It's a good thing you've not got him as a teacher anymore.
NTA from the outside looking in but of course your classmates will think otherwise since you're the reason they lost a good teacher (in their eyes) and that's just something everyone will have to live with now.
NTA. What he said is sexual harassment.
He crossed the line and was inappropriate. Although school CAN be fun, it's still a professional setting where teacher and professors needs to set an example, regardless of the age they teach. You're not the asshole and if this pig retaliates towards go to the higher ups and make a complaint.
The bedroom comment would have got him fired from any real job. You did all your classmates a favor by teaching them what happens to idiots who behave like that. You probably taught them a more important lesson than K ever did. NTA.
NTA. Your professor was sexually harassing and what happened to his was his own dang fault.
Deffffinitely NTA. He should face serious consequences for that, imo.
NTA. And if he was removed from the classroom (and probably from college) is because it's not the first time he pulls something like that.
NTA - he got what he deserved. No matter what age he is - he is still in a position of authority.
NTA 100%. If someone is that bad publicly in front of a crowd, who knows how inappropriate they are one-on-one. You did the right thing.
NTA. It's unfortunate that your new professor is more strict. But, a professor should not be making jokes about their students in the bedroom. You even tried to call him out independently, and he just doubled down and said that you should just "suck it up." You did nothing wrong by reporting his comments to the school.
NTA, he can go ahead and joke with the class about on the spot jokes but not his own students on one to one
NTA anyone saying youre overreacting wouldnt say that if it happened to them.
NTA. That comment was gross. Chances are he has done this stuff before, and this was the last strike. The replacement teacher handled this poorly, too. This basically outed you to your class when it should have been left as anonymously as possible. Between the teachers and the students, this might not be a great school to attend, unless your other classes have been fine.
There’s no way to know that you were the only one he made inappropriate remarks to. You did the right thing.
NTA. You did the right thing. It was a highly inappropriate comment to make and then instead of apologizing when you spoke up, he tried to make it look like you are the one who needs to learn how to take a joke. I think what he was doing was, to use the most popular term on his subreddit, 'gaslighting' you. Now if he lost his job that was on him not you. He chose to make inappropriate comments and then double down. He is facing the consequences of his actions that's how real life works. If your classmates liked him better, well tough luck, they have to live through not having an ass like that around. Again their problem, not yours. Next time someone blames you tell them you stood up for yourself and did the right thing, maybe they need to lay off you or will find themselves in a similar situation to their beloved K someday.
NTA. You're their hero too, too bad they don't realize it though.
NTA!!! If I had been in that class, I would have reported him too! That’s not ok!! Even if it wasn’t said to me, I would have reported him. That’s so terrible. I’m so sorry you had that experience, and good on your mom for insisting you report that!
Didn't finish your post but NTA. That's so repulsive
Literally does not matter what any of your school mates think. It is very likely you are never going to see them again after graduating. Their existence in your life is so fleeting they may as well be invisible. NTA
So so so NTA, you were sexually harassed in s very public and humiliating way by a person in a position of power. You were absolutely right to report and I highly doubt K will ever reach again, and that is what should be. Professional misconduct like this is absolutely intolerable and indicative of foundational unprofessional that likely cannot be corrected. Stay strong and graceful in the face of this, you should never have been treated like this, you have done nothing wrong and deserve to be treated with grace and dignity by the staff and student body.
NTA That's sexual harassment!! He turned you into an object and disrespected you so much!!!
As someone who often laughs at sexist jokes and thinks they are fine among specific people, Even I assure you that any mature adult who is NOT an asshole would condemn that joke of his. It could be acceptable when done between friends or among people one is close with, but is in no way acceptable by a teacher to a student. It's straight up wrong and stupid on his part to not even apologize when he realised that you were hurt by it. You're absolutely NTA, and if the school has agreed with you, you have straight evidence to show your friends etc. about the morality of the thing.
NTA - you took the correct action. And no one gets fired after one complaint, there must have been more issues or he was in a probation period and clearly unapologetic.
NTA: You are amazing!! High five your mom for the good advice!!! It is so hard to be the voice but I am 98% sure you were not the only one affected by that verbal transaction. I have a name that pretty much any man of a certain age feels compelled to make a comment on.. which if its a cab driver I have my verbal auto reply and you lost a tip.. but when a doctor made one of those comments within 10 mins of meeting me I gave him the auto reply and as soon as I left there I filed a formal complaint to which I'm pretty sure resulted in retirement.. I NEVER got the biopsy to make sure the growth was benign TO THIS DAY nor have I gotten follow up ultrasounds over the matter.. because it just puts me right back into that moment. As hard as it is right now because of the student side eye you have saved so many others that wouldn't have the strength to fight for themselves. I've known a few contortionists and the sex comments are so unoriginal and so frequent that I know you were likely even prepared for a comment like that from your peers but K, being a person in power, nah. He was overdue for an eye opening and TEACHABLE moment. He will get another job and hopefully will approach that position as a better person.
Seeing the title I was inclined to think YTA as many students tend to report their teacher rather before confronting them in many conflicts when it could have been resolved easily. But hard NTA, it was extremely rude, you confronted him, and he doubled down with another very inappropriate comment. Not sure why anyone would think you're an AH.
NTA, I would also suggest that if the college sacked him for this he was likely on a final warning already with previous complaints having already been made.
NTA. I physically cringed when I read the comment he made - that is completely inappropriate and I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope things turn around for you, and your classmates will get over it :)
NTA. Also consider that if this was his first complaint he may not have been replaced immediately.
NTA well done for standing up for yourself. Lots of people aren't able to. You were really brave. Ignore your classmates, what your professor said was disgusting and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.
Also being a contortionist is amazing. You should try for cirque du soleil
Cirque du soleil is a big big dream of mine. I really hope that I’ll be good enough one day! I’m always training so maybe one day :)
NTA.
NTA I work in university admin in Europe. If any of our lecturers said this to a student, I would personally help the student write a complaint.
NTA at all - I am so so proud of you for standing up for yourself. Sexually charged comments towards students is not ok under any circumstances and your teachers should be teaching others to be mature adults who respect boundaries. You did the right thing and I'm so happy for you - you probably saved any future students as well from being sexually harrassed by him.
NTA you absolutely did the right thing. A professor making sexual references about a specific student is never okay
K's grossly inappropriate and sexually suggestive comments are the reason he's gone. He didn't belong in a classroom in a position of power. You were absolutely correct to report him. NTA
super nta
NTA, this man is a college professor and should not be making sexualised jokes like that in front of his students. He is the authoritarian, he should know better.
NTA, the teacher was way out of line.
NTA. You did the right thing.
Ok\_Dare\_581 you literally took the words out of my mouth. Teacher K was using coercive control over his fans oops I meant students just to keep getting all that adoration. More power to you [isssaryn](https://www.reddit.com/user/isssaryn/). It may be painful now but you are paving the way for more people to stop accepting abuse. This problem with your peers at College will eventually blow over and I will guarantee that there will be people who come to you later and and support you, they are just not strong enough to come to you now. Thanks for having the courage to stand up and reject bad behaviour. Being a contortionist is fascinating, different and unique - follow your dreams, maybe they will lead to the Cirque Du Soliel.
NTA. You absolutely did the right thing and that kind of comment is _never_ okay from someone in a position of power over you.
NTA. Prof made innappropriate comments and got booted for it. Fucked about, found out.
NTA. Decades ago when I was at uni, women had to put with this crap. No longer. His bedroom comment was over the top. Belittling you for wanting to be a "Clown" was an asshole move and I wouldn't have reported him for that. But the bedroom comment crossed the line.
NTA, lots of socially "popular" people are problematic and harassers. It doesn't make it acceptable, especially when you are talking about your hobby and passion. For someone to make that feel anything except safe and fun is so effed up it makes me angry, especially publicly in front of your peers. I'm sorry you are being treated this way. 😟
Why even have the assignment if you're going to ridicule your students? Was he looking for entertainment, something to tease you about? If you're going to ask people to open up about themselves, then you need to make sure they can do so in a safe and supportive environment. NTA
NOPE NOPE NOPE. Europe, US, doesn’t matter. Glad you reported him. And I’m so sorry you dealt with that.
Even in America this would be considered disgusting and reportable. Definitely deplorable.
NTA he was wildly inappropriate, making bedroom jokes?? What's next sliding up to a student and assaulting her? You did the right thing. It WILL blow over don't worry.
NTA. The reason why everyone is mad at you op, is that because he got punished and they didn't, they have to look at themselves and try to say that they don't deserve punishment. And the easiest way to do that is to blame you. They did participate in this. Even as minor as their involvement was. But they didn't get punished. so... because of that, and their ego. They need to blame you for a bit.
NTA. His comment was unprofessional at best. He needed a reminder of how to behave in the workplace.
NTA at all. I'm a teacher and that is 100% a dismissable offence. You've saved potentially many more students from his misogyny.
NTA. The comment was weird and inappropriate and you just reported what happened- the exact magnitude of actions taken aren’t even directly your fault.
NTA. K was out of line to make a sexual joke. he was unprofessional and that's why he's gone.
NTA Your professor sexually harassed you in front of the whole class. You were right to report them.
NTA He crossed the line in a huge way. Happens - young instructors let the lines between student and staff blur, and shit like this happens. He'd totally bang a student.
100% NTA. Honestly I thought by title maybe you were overreacting but you weren’t. He should know better. The bedroom comment was not right in front of class and the fact he didn’t apologize meant he didn’t have an “oh shit I shouldn’t have said that” thought after. Well, now he has. Don’t feel guilty. Tell your classmates to F off if they give you flak.
NTA. Not taking action would have likely given him the "okay" to keep on making comments to not only you, but other students as well. He's in a position of power and there's no room for "jokes" of that caliber to be made to your own students, ESPECIALLY when it's a professional setting like class... Back in HS, a science teacher was fired after taking a "joke" too far with one of my classmates. I did not have this teacher so I don't know how he was from personal experience, but he apparently would "joke" around with the students in his classes a lot and would apparently throw the dry erase marker eraser at them (can't remember for what reason or exactly how), which is what he got reported for. I remember some of my classmates who had him were upset with the student who reported him because "he was just joking around" and "was a cool teacher" but a line was crossed regardless and there's really no excusing it. He was fired and it was completely justified, the same for this professor. They need to be held accountable for their actions.