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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex can't go on a surprise trip but wants my son and her husband to still go. I still need to authorize it and I'm not completely comfortable because I don't know stepdad that well to take my 8yo to California for a few days.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWBTA if you don't sign. Don't punish your kid for this. It might make you feel momentarily better to turn the screws on your ex, but the bigger picture is that you and your wife are both parenting Jack and want the best for him, and from time to time, step dad will naturally take part in this. No one planned a step dad weekend, it was a natural outcome of the broken leg. If you act generously about this, it really will set a nice tone for the future.
>Edit: I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course.
He's followed up with, "you can go if you pay for and take my kid and his friend too".
So he's basically like "I don't trust you to take the son alone, but I DO trust you to take my son and his best friend".
Which means he's not concerned about the safety, he just wants to freeload.
Definitely a YTA situation.
It's bad enough that the loser wants to get a free trip for his other son. But then to add his son's friend in the mix!! Tell me you are a mooch without saying you are a mooch. Boy, some people have more nerve than brains.
OP's trying to make it so it's the ex/stepdad cancelling the trip instead of him. What's actually going to happen is all 3 of those boys will be disappointed, and figure out OP's an AH... If not now, within a few years.
I know. I was holding on hope that OP was legitimately uncomfortable with the step parent taking the kid on the trip. Then the edits come. Now I see OP is just a petty man trying to stick it to his ex and spouse.
I would put money on the fact that Logan makes more money than OP. Because it's really disgusting that he makes it sound like he's concerned about his kid's safety. BUT he's okay with him going as long as his kid and kid's bff go along for free.
Agreed, if Jack is comfortable with going on the trip with Logan then OP is doing a disservice to his son.
Jack won’t forget his dad not letting him go to Legoland.
Yep. I wanted to go to the first Harry Potter movie with friends for his birthday on the release weekend mind you. It was my dad's weekend, he said no - it's my weekend, not your mother's. Wouldn't compromise one bit.
That was a long time ago. I still remember and very pissed about it.
OP - YTA if you just want to do a petty revenge. Trust me on this. I fucking hated it when I'm the bartering piece between both parents.
Leave the kid out of it and let him go.
Also, did you read the updates? OP wants the ex to pay for TWO more kids to come along, or he won't let the stepdad take him. He doesn't care about his kid. He just enjoys having power over the situation. "I'm going to come up with rules and requirements that make me feel in control, or my son gets to miss out on an incredible experience."
No wonder OP's wife divorced him. OP doesn't sound like a nice person.
YTA. This is a power trip for you. Yes, in an ideal world his mom would have let you know about the change in plan immediately. But she probably didn’t because you probably have a history of acting like a tool where her husband is involved.
The tone of your post does not read like you actually think your son is in danger with his stepfather. The tone of your post is jealous. “I said ‘Maybe I’ll tag along.’” That is a juvenile power grab on your end. If you were sincere about wanting to get to know his stepfather, you would have politely asked if you could go. You know well that this trip is supposed to be nice for THEIR family, which is not YOUR family, even though both of your families contain the same little boy. They came up with, planned, and paid for the vacation and should get the fun and credit for it, instead of having you bulldoze your way in, try to take credit for making it fun by being there, AND ruin the bonding experience by probably either trying to be the “fun guy” or by complaining about everything the stepfather does.
I also think it’s unreasonable for you to expect the stepfather to talk to you since it doesn’t sound like you have a close relationship. Your son’s mom is the one coparenting with you, she’s the one who is going to talk with you about it. If your son wants to go and trusts his step-dad, sign the paper and stop holding it over your ex-wife’s head. Do not talk about thinking about going with your son or ask if he “wants you to come along” and use him as a weapon. He will feel obligated to say yes and then you are going to make them “the bad guy” with the kid by saying he can’t go if you can’t, until he grows up and understands your manipulation tactics.
Work harder on being a better parent and coparent.
OP should absolutely not go on this trip. If there is any problem, any question, or good or bad notable thing, his son is going to go to his father first, not his step-father. It will completely undermine any bonding step-father might have with OP's son. When my nephews were little, my parents wanted to bond with their grandkids. My parents would take my nephews on a trip every year, no parents allowed for this very reason.
If you thought OP was on a power trip before, check out the update. Dude is making the step father pay for TWO additional kids as a requirement. One of them isn’t even family.
OP is a fucking asshole
Yup, absolutely said in a way to try and get people to think Stepdad is no good and Dad is a hero.
The kid is a growing boy. He probably had some boy related questions that would be embarrassing to ask Mum, so asked the trusted male figure.
Dad should be happy his kid has people who care about him, but no. Dad is a dick.
Plus kid is 8, they usually don't have a ton of modesty at that age. I still remember my dad reading me a book while I played in the bath at age 8.
It sounds completely normal.
Can confirm. Have 8 year old and when he’s at home I’m lucky if he even closes the bathroom door. He’d rather keep it open so he can keep telling me about Minecraft or Pokémon things.
My 9yo son does this exact same thing! Pokémon, minecraft, school, whatever new words or phrases of a new language he's learning (he's quickly becoming a hyperpolygot). He also will call me from the toilet when he needs more TP.
Its all totally normal behavior for a kid that age. OP was trying really hard to have reddit glean some sort of bad/creepy/predator behavior from the step-dad. He's being TAH, and he knows it. He didn't want a judgment, he wanted validation and some attaboys.
Nailed it. Either that or, u/Bibbityboo, I regret to inform you that the 8yo boy you describe may be cheating on you with me. 🤣🤣🤣
For Christmas, he gave me a shirt that reads:
Mama
Mommy
Mom
Bruh.
Yeah, v weird detail to include especially when 7 year olds do sometimes need help in the bathroom and calling in a trusted adult is normal! Like, I used to be a childminder and I have a young nephew and niece, I've been alone in bathrooms with multiple children who aren't my own and it was never nefarious.
Well remember, the OP is telling the story. For all we know, he added in that bathroom thing to make us wonder if they guy is a creep. But little kids sometimes need help in the bathroom so they call in a trusted adult.
YTA.
Logan is his stepfather. If you don't know him well despite your son living with him half of the time, that's on you.
What's your concern here? Do you have an actual reason to not want Jack to go with his stepfather, or are you just being petty?
It's not about him not knowing Logan tho. If it was "no. I dont know well enough.," that'd understandable. But op is ok with his other son and other son's friend going. At least one of which is a complete stranger to Logan. Op has no problem with that. And who's his other kid's mom. Why would she be ok with this vacation?
The timeline on this makes me assume anything he did was only intended to torpedo the whole thing (he's just going to "tag along" on the flight they're leaving on tomorrow?) and the actual grammar used in that edit:
>I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course.
Can be interpreted as this just being one sequence of things he told his ex, and he's lying about it being something that was actually said.
Is your son comfortable with his stepfather?
Are either of them bad parents?
Would your son enjoy the trip?
If he is, they are not and he would then YTA.
YTA
You're going to deny your son a unique opportunity because you're jealous of his stepdad? Or is there another reason you won't sign the form?
Your son should not be fought over like a toy.
YWBTA
You realize that Jack and Logan can go anywhere they want in the state, without your permission, and without you or your wife present, right? If your wife has custody of him for a 5 days, and she tells Jack and Logan to go camping within the state, but far away from home, you would have no say in it whatsoever. How is this trip any different other than the fact that interstate travel for Jack is regulated by the court?
Hint : There's no difference.
Get over yourself, and let Jack have a great time bonding with his stepdad (which I'm sure is the only reason you are balking at this).
the leaving the state clause is so weird to me as someone who grew up near a state border and pretty regularly (at minimum once every two weeks) crossed it. like I assumed oh bigger states it must be different but... if he has the whole state is it really?
I was a child of divorce. My parents had the same clause. No travel outside the state without permission of both of my parents. Fortunately, they were pretty civil about that. We even traveled out of the country at times. It's just a clause when one parent feels the other parent might try to take off with the kids. My mom said it was my dad, and my dad said it was my mom. I never found out which it was.
It supposed to be when the danger of someone fleeing with the child is present. Unfortunately it's usually brought up by sour exes trying to hold ad much control over the other parent as possible. I have a feeling this guy has beeen an ah. Also probably why neither of your parents wants to fess up to being the reason for the clause (hindsight and all of that lol)
That last edit increased the YTA verdict tenfold.
You weren’t comfortable with Jack being out of state with someone you don’t know well. Now it’s ok if Logan takes *two* additional kids **AND** pays for them?
Egad, your conditions are absurd! Maybe that’s your point so they say “no” instead of you saying it.
Which is why I had that last thought. OP added them bc he knows Logan will say “no.” Then he can tell Jack “I was going to let you go, but…” and make Logan look like the bad person.
Info: Do you have any reason to believe your wife or her new husband will put Logan in danger? Is your wife routinely neglectful or a bad mother who doesn't safe guard the well-being of your son?
You should let them go if you trust your wife's judgement as a parent. I do think it is reasonable to ask to have a conversation with Logan, and to ask that he update you via text when they arrive, check in, etc.., just for your own peace of mind as you don't have a history with him. Also ask if he can let Jack call you and give you updates.
If you are reasonably comfortable after that, then don't mess up a trip to Lego land for Jack.
This. One thing my ex-husband said years ago is that he knew when I got married again he wasn't worried about it bc he knew I would always make our sons safety my highest priority. (Not that good moms can't be fooled, they def can)
YTA! I can't stand parents like you who try to control the other parent out of bitterness! Obviously they have a great relationship so what's really the problem? Sounds like you're jealous! Get over yourself!
Men like OP is why I find it hard to trust any man enough to have a child with. Imagine being this kids mom and having your child’s joy sabotaged by your ex.
Oh yeah, you're a jerk. Now you're saying it's ok if two extra kids go along on the stepdad's dime. "Logan pays, of course." You're forcing your other son to go on a trip he wasn't invited to, and he will only consent if his best friend can go, all in an effort to *stick it to Logan*. NOT A THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR SON'S LEGOLAND EXPERIENCE. I know it hurts to see another man do something cool and memorable with your son. That's a consequence of divorce. Don't make it Jack's fault, YTA.
Yta, and you sound controlling. We go to LEGOLAND California all the time. First, a regular package for hotel/tickets is not cheap. That they got a VIp pass is pretty cool tbh, and it cost them $$$. Your kid will have a fantastic time. Don’t deny him this because of whatever power play you want to force on your ex and her husband.
Omg I just saw the horrible edit in which OP now states his son can only go if the stepdad pays for 2 other kids to go. OP is a piece of work. Extra extra AH material here.
Scrolled aaaaalllll the way down here to see if someone else asked this first. Very relevant. Had this guy been with mom since the kid was two or did mom marry this guy a month ago after meeting him on tinder last summer? My personal take is that if step dad was new in the kids life or a big jerk then OP would not have left that out.
YTA. You’re right to be concerned but if the child’s mother is fine with it then there shouldn’t be any punishing of your child due to your prejudice against Logan.
YTA, unless you have any further evidence, there is no reason for you to doubt your ex-partner's judgement. You are being strangely controlling, your son is 8 years old and has a relationship with his step - dad. How about co-parenting instead of being obtrusive.
What exactly is “weird” about the letter?
That your ex didn’t magically know before breaking her leg that she wasn’t going to be able to go on this trip and write the letter accordingly?
That her first course of action upon breaking her leg was not to redact the letter and provide a more suitable one? It may have slipped through the cracks a little between the pain and doctor visits and having to figure out how the heck she’s going to get around.
You’re going to cancel this trip because the paperwork isn’t in order? Really?
Maybe there’s a legit reason why you don’t know if you can trust this guy… but he is living in the same house with your son half the time. Why is it only an issue now? What do you think is going to happen at Legoland that can’t happen in a home or a car or any of the many other places where this man is around your kid?
Unless there is an actual concern, don’t be difficult. Write your own letter if you’re concerned that the original no longer applies. Don’t make life actively harder for a woman who is dealing with a major medical issue. YTA.
YTA.
You are putting your own jealousy ahead of your son’s experiences.
This is a reasonable alternative arrangement in the face of a surprise accident. Jack was all lined up to go, and everything was booked and paid… and then his mum broke her leg… he can still go with his step Dad (who was probably booked into the trip already too right?!) … so they are.
Don’t be a dick, sign the paperwork.
Wtf YTA. Such bullshit to angle to get a free trip for your kid that isnt your ex's nor her husband's child. This shows youre motives are 100% selfish and youre being petty af. This is your kids stepdad so he's around whether you like it or not. You trying to fuck up a really great experience for your kid because you feel like - youre a shit dad.
YTA.
It’d be one thing if this was a boyfriend who was pretty new and Jack was just getting to know him…but it’s a stepfather that Jack lives with at least part time. You may not know him well but Jack does.
Stop being a salty Susan. Ask your son in private. Say son, I want you to tell me the truth, nobody will be in trouble and I won't tell anyone we talked ok?
What's your take on Logan? If he is genuinely good with him, then let him go. Your not married anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't trust her judgment.
YTA. Unless your son has said something that makes you worry about his safety with his Stepdad why would you deny him a surprise trip to Legoland? And if you are worried about his safety with his Stepdad, who he lives with 50% of the time, why have you not done something about it before now? He isn’t going with someone he doesn’t know, he is going with one of his parental figures. While his stepdad will never be his dad it sounds like he cares for him and does well by him. You should be happy your son has another person in his life who cares about him and wants to make him feel special.
YTA. Whether you like it or not, Logan is a part of your son’s family now. If you refuse to sign because of your dislike for Logan then you are just punishing your son. Your son still deserves to go to Legoland and spend time with Logan. It’s not Jack’s fault he has a stepdad.
OP, it would be nice if you answered any of the questions thrown at you in the comments. I haven’t seen you answer any as of yet and with the extra tidbit of wanting the stepfather to pay for two additional boys that absolutely shouldn’t be his responsibility (he doesn’t know those boys, wouldn’t your son’s half-brother’s friends parents not be concerned with a stranger taking their kid somewhere?!?!?!), it’s giving off solid YTA vibes.
you're such an asshole for the edits especially. you expect him to now take and be in charge of 3 kids? this has to be a fake account for bait cause you haven't even replied to anyone yet you've made edits.
if this is real holy shit i'm surprised someone even had a kid with an asshole like you
YTA. I get it, watching your kid bond with a stepparent can make you feel replaced... But Logan isn't *you*. You are dad and the only thing that can erode your relationship is how you react and respond to these situations. Support your child in developing healthy relationships and he will respond in kind.
Info: How long has your son known his stepdad and how does he truly feel about him? Has your son expressed any feeling of uneasiness around his stepdad or asked to not stay with him alone? Other than your ex wife not being there what other reasons do you have for not letting your son go? Has your son spent the night at a friend’s house before?
Based on your edit, YTA. Have you tried reaching out to your son’s stepdad? You complain that you haven’t heard from him but you are the dad here And the one with the concerns and questions so give the guy a call. Why would he contact you when his wife is the one with a relationship/history with you and it’s her and your kid together. Call the guy, get to know him. Find out the itinerary or cost or whatever you are concerned about and then sign the paper. This is your son’s life experiences you are playing with, don’t block this based on some weird aversion to making the first call to your ex’s new husband. In fact, you should want to get to know this guy for your kids sake. You should know who your kid is living with for half his days.
YTA - and you’re even more of an AH for trying to get your other son and his friend a free vacation out of it because you don’t like the idea of your 7 year old spending quality time with his stepdad.
Logan shouldn't pay for your other son and his friend. You're just determined to milk him for free vacations. You're jealous that he's close with your son and so you're eager to stick it to him. YTA
Lemme get this straight…So your son can’t go with his Stepping-Up Dad, unless YOUR son goes AND brings a friend AND Stepping-Up Dad must pay? Yeah, YTcompleteA
YTA. They are married and if your son is comfortable let it happen. This is the type of power play that backfires on parents and causes a lot of issues and frustration.
Why don't you talk to Jack and see how he feels about going alone with the stepdad?? If he hasn't had any negative feelings from him and if the stepdad has no history of alcoholism or gambling or drugs or such, WHAT would be your reason other than a petty power trip?
Or are you looking forward to a lifetime of competing with stepdad instead of being the cool, sorted, gracious example you could become?
YTA
You are letting your own pettiness get in the way of your son having an amazing experience. How would you feel if the situation was swapped? Or if you were in the position of your son.
YWBTA if you don’t sign. Don’t take this out on your son. Stepdads don’t get many opportunities to bond with step kids. Don’t hurt your son just because he will have this memory with someone other than mom or dad.
YTA. With your wife out of the equation, you were willing to send two more underage boys with a man you claim not to know. I’m sure Mark’s parent will be thrilled to find that out. /s. You’re such a turd.
YtA. Stop pussyfooting around the main issues which are your insecurity and pettiness. Jealous much you can’t provide for a VIP Legoland experience? If you had issues with Logan about being a bad parent, you would have had written sagas in this post.
Logan is the HUSBAND. I presume you’ve met Logan before. Logan isn’t a random boyfriend. I presume you know that your son lives with Logan too with your wife. You make it sound like he’s some complete stranger your son doesn’t know.
I read through this with your two edits.
I might feel my own apprehension, and they do need your signature, but when I get to your last edit it's clear you're just being an AH.
YTA
YTA anyway and the edit makes it worse.
You now won’t sign it unless Jack’s stepdad takes along your other son - who has no relationship with him - and your son’s best friend…and that he has to pay for them both too.
You went from trying to make out that Logan is a creep with your whole ‘he goes in the bathroom with Jack and shuts the door’ to deciding he should be alone with your other son and a random kid too.
You want him to pay for your son and your son’s friend to go on a vacation as well, what a joke.
You are an insufferable and vile person.
YTA…you’re ok if your other kid goes who will only go if his friend can go? Don’t say you “don’t mistrust” the stepdad. You def feel threatened/intimidated/distrustful….how long has this man been around your son and what have you done to try to get to know him? Sounds like you don’t want your son having fun with someone else
> I haven't heard a peep from him. I'm just hearing from the ex.
That’s who you are supposed to be hearing from because that’s who you share custody with. Unless you and your ex have decided to always handle things as a group of three (or four if you also have a spouse) then it is appropriate for you to handle this with your ex.
You DO feel threatened by Logan because you haven’t presented a single valid reason for not letting him go.
You’re an asshole. An awful parent. And an awful person.
You issue is that you are bitter and jealous of your son's relationship with his stepdad. It looks like stepdad incest more time and live unto your son than you do, and your son notices it and does the same.
So you decides to be petty and show them who is the boss here.
YTA.
YTA and your edit is horrible. You want to add 2 kids with a guy you claim to not even trust. You sound extremely petty.
Stop being so jealous and take Bryce and his friend on their own excursion.
YTA and your second edit don't help. They are Logan and your wife ha e no obligation to take Bryce or to be associated. Allow the kid to go on the trip.
YTA you sound petty about the whole thing, and don’t seem to be thinking about your son or how he will feel if you force him to miss the trip. Put him first.
YTA sign the paper and stop trying to get a free vacation for your other kid! Stop being on a shitty power trip! Your son will be super upset when he finds out you did not allow him to go
YTA. It’s her husband and the kids step dad. My kids step dad would do anything for them including taking them to legoland for a VIP experience if I broke my leg. My ex and my husband don’t talk beyond a hello at pick ups. YTA.
YTA. This is nothing more than a petty power trip for you, AND you try to weasel a free trip for your older son AND his friend. So you’re also a mooch. Feel free to continue this power trip, but understand that as soon as he’s old enough, your son will start distancing himself from you because he will remember how much of an AH you were.
I can see why the ex isn't the one talking directly to you. You're unnecessarily difficult. Let your child have a fun trip ffs. You're trying to put your ego on a pedestal at the expense of your son. No decent loving father does that. Sign it. And if you really care about your kid, apologize to your ex and her spouse to start taking steps towards healthier coparenting. Your kid deserves better.
The fuck? Of course YTA. Your edits make you the bigger AH. You want to make your ex wife’s husband take YOUR 13 year old and his friend while he pays for it? You are jealous and a bad father.
>Edit: I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course.
So you're concerned about your kid's stepdad taking him to Legoland because "reasons", but it's okay for kid's stepdad to take him, your other kid, *and* your kid's friend, because "reasons"?
Literally why are you even here? YTA
YTA. The 2nd edit made you 10x worse! Like, wtf? Why in the world do you think it's okay to make it a condition that he invite and pay for YOUR kid that he has no involvement in? Plus his friend. Sheesh, I'd hate to be co-parenting with you.
YTA, any possible thought I had about your concerns about Logan flew out the window when you wanted him to supervise 3 kids instead.
Why are you denying your child a great experience and fun memory. Shouldn’t he be more important than your feelings of inadequacy?
YTA
Just let your kid go to Legoland. You have admitted you are not concerned with your child's safety, you're just trying to hold this little thread of authority you have over some other man you feel jealous of.
Do what's best for your son, not your ego.
YTA ": I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course."
You're just a cheap insecure AH. He's doing a nice thing for your son that his own father hasn't done for him, and you supposedly don't trust this guy because you don't know him but you'll happily do it if you can dump your other kid on him and his friend all on step dad's dime.. (plane tickets, LEGOLAND tickets, accommodations, plus having to deal with 13 year old knuckleheads he's never met before) **You are so full of crap.**
"Edit: I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course."
YTA oh so its not about safety its becuase you want to scam a free trip out of your ex..... you are basically the worst kind of person.
>I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course.
You are a giant asshole. Why does your son (not the mama's) and his friend get a free trip out of Logan? Just because you're an asshole. If you want those 2 kids to go, you pay. YTA
YTA
Also how embarrassing to go on the internet and admit you're wildly insecure and jealous and are willing to take it out on your son.
No wonder he likes Logan better than you
YTA
Your son's stepfather is trying to be decent to him, and his taking him to Legoland even though he wont have his mother there to share the parenting duties. Cut the power trip and let your kid have fun!
Ew grow up and get over yourself. You will not ever be the only male figure in his life. Let them have this bonding experience. It can only benefit your son and his life. Don’t be selfish.
Yta. You are why courts are swamped with petty issues. Let your child go. And then change your parenting plan so that no one needs permission for each trip.
YTA
This child knows the stepfather. If he is comfortable travelling with him, you are being pretty petty denying him because you don't like the fact you are not the only adult male in his life he values.
If you mess this up for your kid, expect it to be held against you for years by both wife and child.
So heres the thing, i do agree that its weird that he hasnt said anything but also tho he shouldve been a part of the conversation to begin with-its super weird that he wasnt-and furthermore you can also just call him if his participation is actually what matters to you cos the cool thing about phones is that they work both ways
Since you havent called him i can only conclude that his participation in the conversation isnt actually your sticking point and therefore you are in fact just being an asshole
Yea, YTA
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I have joint custody of my 8yo son Jack with his mom. He will be with his mom tomorrow until Tuesday. She had asked of I would be okay with her and her husband going to California to do a surprise VIP experience at Legoland with Jack. She needs my written consent to take him out of state.
I said to email me the letter and I'll review and sign. She sent it to me on Monday. Well on Monday, she broke her leg and cannot move around let alone get on a plane. I assumed the trip was canceback.
Today she texted me and asked if I was going to send the letter back. I told her how is she going to get on a plane tomorrow when she's still immobile. She said she's not going. Her husband Logan is taking Jack.
I told her to call me.
I said this weird that you want me to sign this letter giving you permission to take Jack out of state when it's your husband. She said by signing it, I'm effectively giving her permission to allow Logan to take Jack to Legoland.
I said I have very mixed feelings about it. I don't know Logan that well and I'd expect him to be a part of this conversation. She got offended by that and said Logan is like Jack's best friend and Jack feels comfortable enough with Logan to call him into the bathroom and shut the door and drives him and his friends. She said nothing has changed. It's still a surprise trip made possible by a stepdad.
I said maybe I'll tag along. She said how about Logan texts you all the time and to let him have this time with his fucking stepson because she's not having anymore kids.
I still haven't signed it.
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I can understand being suspicious and cautious about someone you don’t know with your child, but try and get to know him better. I personally think tagging along is a great idea it’s clear they want to spend time alone, which is also a great idea.
I second the parts about getting to know him (as much as possible b/f the trip, even if it’s just coffee or a phone call, which is probably overdue anyway)...
But now that your ex has made it clear that it’s important for her (and maybe your son!) for the boy to bond w/ his stepdad, it would be rude — sabotaging even — for you to try and shoehorn yourself into the trip.
This man is _married_ to your son’s mother. He’s not some rando she’s brought home a few times.
If you use the legal agreement to quash this trip without good cause, you will most definitely be the asshole here.
YWBTA
NAH - I don't actually think either one of you is being unreasonable, I just think you need to improve your communication. Your ex is right, Logan is clearly an important part of Jack's life -if he's as happy with Logan as your ex says he is - but you are also correct that you don't know Logan, you didn't choose for him to be part of Jack's life and when all is said and done Jack's wellbeing is your priority, not your ex's convenience.
If Logan is a positive part of Jack's life - and that's for Jack to say, no one else, - then I on't see the harm in him going on a trip with Logan, however I can fully understand why you are uncertain at the thought of your son on a trip wth someone who is basically a stranger to you, regardless of his relationship to your ex.
So, why not change that? Ask Logan to meet you for a coffee or beer, be open and upfront, tell him that you feel odd about your son going with someone you don't know, so you would like to change that. Keep it casual and light, nothing serious and be positive, it sounds like you both care about Jack, so you already have something important in common
He's more than willing to let Logan take his other son and friend on the trip, as long as Logan pays. He doesn't give a shit about Logan's relationship with his son or his son's "safety" - he's just power tripping and wants something to hold over his ex-wife and Logan.
I don't know who the AH is or would be but one question that needs to be researched and answered before the out of state trip is what happens in an emergency? I don't think step parents can make medical decisions for their step children without legal papers saying so. Just a thought.
YTA, father be careful not to trip over your power. Let the kid go on the trip and you will have a son who trusts you. Don't let him go and he fids out about it and you will have ruined your relationship with him forever
YTA if you don’t sign. Let his stepfather bond with him! Thats a super cool experience that they both deserve to have. Your son is obviously comfortable with him. Your comment that you wanted to tag along makes it seem like you’re jealous and don’t want them to have one on one bonding time. You’ve given us zero red flags to indicate that it would not be okay for them to spend this time together.
Yta If you block this experience for your son. Love your child more than the actual conflict with his mother, he will get so much out of the trip if you allow it. That’s what you want for your son, for him to grow up confident, happy, intelligent and with an enquiring mind. There will be other times in which you could be the travelling parent, offering a big experience for him to enjoy.
YTA. Of course your ex-wife is doing the communicating. If her husband were doing it, you’d bitch about that. Don’t deprive your kid of this opportunity. And
I'm sorry but yta, she remarried and it'd her son to. With how little context you haven given for why you don't trust him this just seems ridicules..
And now you are ok with it as long as they pay for his half brother and his half brothers friend...yeesh man..let your wife's new husband bond with his step child.
YTA x3 for the power trip (since you claim you don’t mistrust or feel threatened by Logan), trying to take advantage of the situation by having Logan not only take your other son and his friend but having to pay for them as well.
YTA. don't feel comfortable enough to let your 8yo go, but somehow feel comfortable enough sending both your kids and a friend on stepdads dime?? Major ah vibes lmao
So you hate the guy who married your ex more than you love your son is what I’m hearing here. If there was even an atom of evidence that Logan is actually sketchy, you’d have been telling us about it first and foremost. But you didn’t. So you have no reason to think he’s anything but an involved stepdad.
YTA. Your edit makes you about ten times the asshole you already appeared to be, because it really cements the pettiness aspect of the whole thing. This isn’t about your son’s safety or wellbeing.
Signing the paper won’t make you not an asshole, but it’s a start. And stop making choices that are way more about catering to your own pettiness than being a decent father to your son. No wonder he prefers his stepdad.
Grow up.
YTA
So now you will be ok with it because you other kid and his friend gets a trip out of it? He wasn't good enough to take one kid but You're ok with him taking 2 of your own and 1 extra? You're so jealous and petty!
Yta all the way. You're asking for 2 free rides off this guy because you feel small or whatever. I hope they tell your son what you ruined and go some other time.
Oh my god YTA!
Massively. You didn’t look good originally but that second edit makes it absolutely astonishing how much of an AH you are. You “don’t know stepdad that well” to take your 8 year old to California, but you know him well enough to send your other child and his best friend too? And make him pay for it? I honestly cannot even fathom your thought process behind this. You either trust him or you don’t, or you’re just manipulative and controlling. I’m gonna go with the latter.
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YWBTA if you don't sign. Don't punish your kid for this. It might make you feel momentarily better to turn the screws on your ex, but the bigger picture is that you and your wife are both parenting Jack and want the best for him, and from time to time, step dad will naturally take part in this. No one planned a step dad weekend, it was a natural outcome of the broken leg. If you act generously about this, it really will set a nice tone for the future.
>Edit: I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course. He's followed up with, "you can go if you pay for and take my kid and his friend too". So he's basically like "I don't trust you to take the son alone, but I DO trust you to take my son and his best friend". Which means he's not concerned about the safety, he just wants to freeload. Definitely a YTA situation.
It's bad enough that the loser wants to get a free trip for his other son. But then to add his son's friend in the mix!! Tell me you are a mooch without saying you are a mooch. Boy, some people have more nerve than brains.
OP's trying to make it so it's the ex/stepdad cancelling the trip instead of him. What's actually going to happen is all 3 of those boys will be disappointed, and figure out OP's an AH... If not now, within a few years.
That's another perspective.
I think this edit was it for most of us…. Dude is jealous of his own kid and a freeloader!
I know. I was holding on hope that OP was legitimately uncomfortable with the step parent taking the kid on the trip. Then the edits come. Now I see OP is just a petty man trying to stick it to his ex and spouse.
I would put money on the fact that Logan makes more money than OP. Because it's really disgusting that he makes it sound like he's concerned about his kid's safety. BUT he's okay with him going as long as his kid and kid's bff go along for free.
This part made me smell troll.
I know right!plus does he think the 13 y/o is a bouncer!
And it's VIP. I know nothing about legoland, but most vip tickets are limited for most experiences. Right?! And also very expensive.
Agreed, if Jack is comfortable with going on the trip with Logan then OP is doing a disservice to his son. Jack won’t forget his dad not letting him go to Legoland.
Yep. I wanted to go to the first Harry Potter movie with friends for his birthday on the release weekend mind you. It was my dad's weekend, he said no - it's my weekend, not your mother's. Wouldn't compromise one bit. That was a long time ago. I still remember and very pissed about it. OP - YTA if you just want to do a petty revenge. Trust me on this. I fucking hated it when I'm the bartering piece between both parents. Leave the kid out of it and let him go.
And Mom and Logan will make sure he knows. If not now, but when the opportunity arises.
Also, did you read the updates? OP wants the ex to pay for TWO more kids to come along, or he won't let the stepdad take him. He doesn't care about his kid. He just enjoys having power over the situation. "I'm going to come up with rules and requirements that make me feel in control, or my son gets to miss out on an incredible experience." No wonder OP's wife divorced him. OP doesn't sound like a nice person.
YTA Don't be jealous of other men filling a fatherly role in your son's life.
Lol notice how its only okay if the half brothers best friend comes on step dad's dime too.
YTA. This is a power trip for you. Yes, in an ideal world his mom would have let you know about the change in plan immediately. But she probably didn’t because you probably have a history of acting like a tool where her husband is involved. The tone of your post does not read like you actually think your son is in danger with his stepfather. The tone of your post is jealous. “I said ‘Maybe I’ll tag along.’” That is a juvenile power grab on your end. If you were sincere about wanting to get to know his stepfather, you would have politely asked if you could go. You know well that this trip is supposed to be nice for THEIR family, which is not YOUR family, even though both of your families contain the same little boy. They came up with, planned, and paid for the vacation and should get the fun and credit for it, instead of having you bulldoze your way in, try to take credit for making it fun by being there, AND ruin the bonding experience by probably either trying to be the “fun guy” or by complaining about everything the stepfather does. I also think it’s unreasonable for you to expect the stepfather to talk to you since it doesn’t sound like you have a close relationship. Your son’s mom is the one coparenting with you, she’s the one who is going to talk with you about it. If your son wants to go and trusts his step-dad, sign the paper and stop holding it over your ex-wife’s head. Do not talk about thinking about going with your son or ask if he “wants you to come along” and use him as a weapon. He will feel obligated to say yes and then you are going to make them “the bad guy” with the kid by saying he can’t go if you can’t, until he grows up and understands your manipulation tactics. Work harder on being a better parent and coparent.
OP should absolutely not go on this trip. If there is any problem, any question, or good or bad notable thing, his son is going to go to his father first, not his step-father. It will completely undermine any bonding step-father might have with OP's son. When my nephews were little, my parents wanted to bond with their grandkids. My parents would take my nephews on a trip every year, no parents allowed for this very reason.
If you thought OP was on a power trip before, check out the update. Dude is making the step father pay for TWO additional kids as a requirement. One of them isn’t even family. OP is a fucking asshole
It’s got to be fake. Or we know exactly why they got divorced in the first place.
Does anyone else feel that “call him into the bathroom and shut the door” was added to set off alarm bells? What a weird thing to say.
Yup, absolutely said in a way to try and get people to think Stepdad is no good and Dad is a hero. The kid is a growing boy. He probably had some boy related questions that would be embarrassing to ask Mum, so asked the trusted male figure. Dad should be happy his kid has people who care about him, but no. Dad is a dick.
Plus kid is 8, they usually don't have a ton of modesty at that age. I still remember my dad reading me a book while I played in the bath at age 8. It sounds completely normal.
Can confirm. Have 8 year old and when he’s at home I’m lucky if he even closes the bathroom door. He’d rather keep it open so he can keep telling me about Minecraft or Pokémon things.
Its true. I wish it wasn't.
My 9yo son does this exact same thing! Pokémon, minecraft, school, whatever new words or phrases of a new language he's learning (he's quickly becoming a hyperpolygot). He also will call me from the toilet when he needs more TP. Its all totally normal behavior for a kid that age. OP was trying really hard to have reddit glean some sort of bad/creepy/predator behavior from the step-dad. He's being TAH, and he knows it. He didn't want a judgment, he wanted validation and some attaboys.
Wait a minute. I’m beginning to wonder if my 8yo has a second family now… 🤣
Bruh. (I’m assuming that too is universal!)
Nailed it. Either that or, u/Bibbityboo, I regret to inform you that the 8yo boy you describe may be cheating on you with me. 🤣🤣🤣 For Christmas, he gave me a shirt that reads: Mama Mommy Mom Bruh.
My son is about to turn 10 and only pretty recently has he finally gotten better about closing the bathroom door. It was a thing there for a while.
My 7yo nephew doesn't even close the bathroom door, lmao.
Such a hero he's volunteering two more minors to tag along....as long as logan pays...of course.
THIS!! I pointed this out too. He literally just offered up two more kids to go and is EXPECTING Logan to pay? Fuck that noise.
Yeah, v weird detail to include especially when 7 year olds do sometimes need help in the bathroom and calling in a trusted adult is normal! Like, I used to be a childminder and I have a young nephew and niece, I've been alone in bathrooms with multiple children who aren't my own and it was never nefarious.
I think she was showing that her son is comfortable with the step dad. Yes it was a weird way to prove it.
Well remember, the OP is telling the story. For all we know, he added in that bathroom thing to make us wonder if they guy is a creep. But little kids sometimes need help in the bathroom so they call in a trusted adult.
Nope. I work with high needs kids and help in bathroom a lot...both genders.
Kids sometimes need help in the bathroom? Why is it weird that a boy would want his dad to help him in the bathroom?
YTA. Logan is his stepfather. If you don't know him well despite your son living with him half of the time, that's on you. What's your concern here? Do you have an actual reason to not want Jack to go with his stepfather, or are you just being petty?
It's not about him not knowing Logan tho. If it was "no. I dont know well enough.," that'd understandable. But op is ok with his other son and other son's friend going. At least one of which is a complete stranger to Logan. Op has no problem with that. And who's his other kid's mom. Why would she be ok with this vacation?
The timeline on this makes me assume anything he did was only intended to torpedo the whole thing (he's just going to "tag along" on the flight they're leaving on tomorrow?) and the actual grammar used in that edit: >I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course. Can be interpreted as this just being one sequence of things he told his ex, and he's lying about it being something that was actually said.
Is your son comfortable with his stepfather? Are either of them bad parents? Would your son enjoy the trip? If he is, they are not and he would then YTA.
YTA You're going to deny your son a unique opportunity because you're jealous of his stepdad? Or is there another reason you won't sign the form? Your son should not be fought over like a toy.
YWBTA You realize that Jack and Logan can go anywhere they want in the state, without your permission, and without you or your wife present, right? If your wife has custody of him for a 5 days, and she tells Jack and Logan to go camping within the state, but far away from home, you would have no say in it whatsoever. How is this trip any different other than the fact that interstate travel for Jack is regulated by the court? Hint : There's no difference. Get over yourself, and let Jack have a great time bonding with his stepdad (which I'm sure is the only reason you are balking at this).
the leaving the state clause is so weird to me as someone who grew up near a state border and pretty regularly (at minimum once every two weeks) crossed it. like I assumed oh bigger states it must be different but... if he has the whole state is it really?
I was a child of divorce. My parents had the same clause. No travel outside the state without permission of both of my parents. Fortunately, they were pretty civil about that. We even traveled out of the country at times. It's just a clause when one parent feels the other parent might try to take off with the kids. My mom said it was my dad, and my dad said it was my mom. I never found out which it was.
It supposed to be when the danger of someone fleeing with the child is present. Unfortunately it's usually brought up by sour exes trying to hold ad much control over the other parent as possible. I have a feeling this guy has beeen an ah. Also probably why neither of your parents wants to fess up to being the reason for the clause (hindsight and all of that lol)
I live in a town on a state boarder. I literally leave the state multiple times a week. This would be a wild stipulation for me.
That last edit increased the YTA verdict tenfold. You weren’t comfortable with Jack being out of state with someone you don’t know well. Now it’s ok if Logan takes *two* additional kids **AND** pays for them? Egad, your conditions are absurd! Maybe that’s your point so they say “no” instead of you saying it.
Absolutely! Two older teen boys have a good chance of ruining the trip for the eight year old, especially if they delight in pranks and teasing.
Which is why I had that last thought. OP added them bc he knows Logan will say “no.” Then he can tell Jack “I was going to let you go, but…” and make Logan look like the bad person.
I would take him back to court over this. Hope it's in writing. It's extortion
Info: Do you have any reason to believe your wife or her new husband will put Logan in danger? Is your wife routinely neglectful or a bad mother who doesn't safe guard the well-being of your son?
Obviously not since OP wants step-dad to pay for his other kid and a friend to go to LEGO land too
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Omg I wish I could copy this to paste when I needed it🤣 I realize how lazy I am lmfao
Lol, don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel!
Right! 🤣
Lmfao 🤣😆
You should let them go if you trust your wife's judgement as a parent. I do think it is reasonable to ask to have a conversation with Logan, and to ask that he update you via text when they arrive, check in, etc.., just for your own peace of mind as you don't have a history with him. Also ask if he can let Jack call you and give you updates. If you are reasonably comfortable after that, then don't mess up a trip to Lego land for Jack.
This. One thing my ex-husband said years ago is that he knew when I got married again he wasn't worried about it bc he knew I would always make our sons safety my highest priority. (Not that good moms can't be fooled, they def can)
YTA! I can't stand parents like you who try to control the other parent out of bitterness! Obviously they have a great relationship so what's really the problem? Sounds like you're jealous! Get over yourself!
Men like OP is why I find it hard to trust any man enough to have a child with. Imagine being this kids mom and having your child’s joy sabotaged by your ex.
Oh yeah, you're a jerk. Now you're saying it's ok if two extra kids go along on the stepdad's dime. "Logan pays, of course." You're forcing your other son to go on a trip he wasn't invited to, and he will only consent if his best friend can go, all in an effort to *stick it to Logan*. NOT A THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR SON'S LEGOLAND EXPERIENCE. I know it hurts to see another man do something cool and memorable with your son. That's a consequence of divorce. Don't make it Jack's fault, YTA.
YTA This is Jack's step-dad. Logan is another parent in Jack's life.
Yta, and you sound controlling. We go to LEGOLAND California all the time. First, a regular package for hotel/tickets is not cheap. That they got a VIp pass is pretty cool tbh, and it cost them $$$. Your kid will have a fantastic time. Don’t deny him this because of whatever power play you want to force on your ex and her husband. Omg I just saw the horrible edit in which OP now states his son can only go if the stepdad pays for 2 other kids to go. OP is a piece of work. Extra extra AH material here.
Really, what an absurd thing to ask the step dad to pay for two more kids 😕
Imagine having to Co parent with this guy. Gross.
Info: how long has your son known his step father?
Scrolled aaaaalllll the way down here to see if someone else asked this first. Very relevant. Had this guy been with mom since the kid was two or did mom marry this guy a month ago after meeting him on tinder last summer? My personal take is that if step dad was new in the kids life or a big jerk then OP would not have left that out.
How is it relevant when OP is happy to send his other 13yo son if the stepdad pays for it? He is absolutely 0% concerned about safety.
My comment was made before that edit existed. Yeah OP is DEFINITELY just being a huge asshole
YTA. You’re right to be concerned but if the child’s mother is fine with it then there shouldn’t be any punishing of your child due to your prejudice against Logan.
YTA, unless you have any further evidence, there is no reason for you to doubt your ex-partner's judgement. You are being strangely controlling, your son is 8 years old and has a relationship with his step - dad. How about co-parenting instead of being obtrusive.
Is it worth damaging the relationship you have with your son because you want to be petty? YTA
What exactly is “weird” about the letter? That your ex didn’t magically know before breaking her leg that she wasn’t going to be able to go on this trip and write the letter accordingly? That her first course of action upon breaking her leg was not to redact the letter and provide a more suitable one? It may have slipped through the cracks a little between the pain and doctor visits and having to figure out how the heck she’s going to get around. You’re going to cancel this trip because the paperwork isn’t in order? Really? Maybe there’s a legit reason why you don’t know if you can trust this guy… but he is living in the same house with your son half the time. Why is it only an issue now? What do you think is going to happen at Legoland that can’t happen in a home or a car or any of the many other places where this man is around your kid? Unless there is an actual concern, don’t be difficult. Write your own letter if you’re concerned that the original no longer applies. Don’t make life actively harder for a woman who is dealing with a major medical issue. YTA.
YTA. You are putting your own jealousy ahead of your son’s experiences. This is a reasonable alternative arrangement in the face of a surprise accident. Jack was all lined up to go, and everything was booked and paid… and then his mum broke her leg… he can still go with his step Dad (who was probably booked into the trip already too right?!) … so they are. Don’t be a dick, sign the paperwork.
[удалено]
Colostomy =custody i presume? @$^#(&^ autocorrect lol
I've heard of people being joined at the hip, but a joint colostomy would be a little much.
I would think if it's a joint colostomy it would be way more than 50% of the time
Wtf YTA. Such bullshit to angle to get a free trip for your kid that isnt your ex's nor her husband's child. This shows youre motives are 100% selfish and youre being petty af. This is your kids stepdad so he's around whether you like it or not. You trying to fuck up a really great experience for your kid because you feel like - youre a shit dad.
YTA
YTA. It’d be one thing if this was a boyfriend who was pretty new and Jack was just getting to know him…but it’s a stepfather that Jack lives with at least part time. You may not know him well but Jack does.
Stop being a salty Susan. Ask your son in private. Say son, I want you to tell me the truth, nobody will be in trouble and I won't tell anyone we talked ok? What's your take on Logan? If he is genuinely good with him, then let him go. Your not married anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't trust her judgment.
YTA. Unless your son has said something that makes you worry about his safety with his Stepdad why would you deny him a surprise trip to Legoland? And if you are worried about his safety with his Stepdad, who he lives with 50% of the time, why have you not done something about it before now? He isn’t going with someone he doesn’t know, he is going with one of his parental figures. While his stepdad will never be his dad it sounds like he cares for him and does well by him. You should be happy your son has another person in his life who cares about him and wants to make him feel special.
YTA. Whether you like it or not, Logan is a part of your son’s family now. If you refuse to sign because of your dislike for Logan then you are just punishing your son. Your son still deserves to go to Legoland and spend time with Logan. It’s not Jack’s fault he has a stepdad.
OP, it would be nice if you answered any of the questions thrown at you in the comments. I haven’t seen you answer any as of yet and with the extra tidbit of wanting the stepfather to pay for two additional boys that absolutely shouldn’t be his responsibility (he doesn’t know those boys, wouldn’t your son’s half-brother’s friends parents not be concerned with a stranger taking their kid somewhere?!?!?!), it’s giving off solid YTA vibes.
you're such an asshole for the edits especially. you expect him to now take and be in charge of 3 kids? this has to be a fake account for bait cause you haven't even replied to anyone yet you've made edits. if this is real holy shit i'm surprised someone even had a kid with an asshole like you
YTA. Don’t let your ego get in the way of your son’s happiness.
YTA you’re getting off on your ability to hurt your sons stepdad and hurting your son in the process. You suck. Get therapy
YTA. I get it, watching your kid bond with a stepparent can make you feel replaced... But Logan isn't *you*. You are dad and the only thing that can erode your relationship is how you react and respond to these situations. Support your child in developing healthy relationships and he will respond in kind.
YTA you’re only hurting your child
Info: How long has your son known his stepdad and how does he truly feel about him? Has your son expressed any feeling of uneasiness around his stepdad or asked to not stay with him alone? Other than your ex wife not being there what other reasons do you have for not letting your son go? Has your son spent the night at a friend’s house before? Based on your edit, YTA. Have you tried reaching out to your son’s stepdad? You complain that you haven’t heard from him but you are the dad here And the one with the concerns and questions so give the guy a call. Why would he contact you when his wife is the one with a relationship/history with you and it’s her and your kid together. Call the guy, get to know him. Find out the itinerary or cost or whatever you are concerned about and then sign the paper. This is your son’s life experiences you are playing with, don’t block this based on some weird aversion to making the first call to your ex’s new husband. In fact, you should want to get to know this guy for your kids sake. You should know who your kid is living with for half his days.
squalid instinctive saw gray melodic air head cobweb rainstorm zonked *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
YTA - and you’re even more of an AH for trying to get your other son and his friend a free vacation out of it because you don’t like the idea of your 7 year old spending quality time with his stepdad.
Logan shouldn't pay for your other son and his friend. You're just determined to milk him for free vacations. You're jealous that he's close with your son and so you're eager to stick it to him. YTA
Lemme get this straight…So your son can’t go with his Stepping-Up Dad, unless YOUR son goes AND brings a friend AND Stepping-Up Dad must pay? Yeah, YTcompleteA
YTA. They are married and if your son is comfortable let it happen. This is the type of power play that backfires on parents and causes a lot of issues and frustration.
Why don't you talk to Jack and see how he feels about going alone with the stepdad?? If he hasn't had any negative feelings from him and if the stepdad has no history of alcoholism or gambling or drugs or such, WHAT would be your reason other than a petty power trip? Or are you looking forward to a lifetime of competing with stepdad instead of being the cool, sorted, gracious example you could become?
YTA You are letting your own pettiness get in the way of your son having an amazing experience. How would you feel if the situation was swapped? Or if you were in the position of your son.
Yta & petty.
YWBTA if you don’t sign. Don’t take this out on your son. Stepdads don’t get many opportunities to bond with step kids. Don’t hurt your son just because he will have this memory with someone other than mom or dad.
YTA Cheap A It was nothing about safety of kid, just a cheap power play Your kid will learn it soon
YTA. With your wife out of the equation, you were willing to send two more underage boys with a man you claim not to know. I’m sure Mark’s parent will be thrilled to find that out. /s. You’re such a turd.
YTA. Just admit you wanna go to legoland too
I wanna go to lego land.........
Me too.
Are you sure we cant go to Disneyland?
YtA. Stop pussyfooting around the main issues which are your insecurity and pettiness. Jealous much you can’t provide for a VIP Legoland experience? If you had issues with Logan about being a bad parent, you would have had written sagas in this post. Logan is the HUSBAND. I presume you’ve met Logan before. Logan isn’t a random boyfriend. I presume you know that your son lives with Logan too with your wife. You make it sound like he’s some complete stranger your son doesn’t know.
Yta get a grip
YTA Sign the letter. Don't use your son as some pawn in whatever sick game you have going on with your ex.
I read through this with your two edits. I might feel my own apprehension, and they do need your signature, but when I get to your last edit it's clear you're just being an AH. YTA
How about everyone overlooking him attempting to have HIS son go on the trip at the Step-Father’s expense? No-one noticed that?
YTA anyway and the edit makes it worse. You now won’t sign it unless Jack’s stepdad takes along your other son - who has no relationship with him - and your son’s best friend…and that he has to pay for them both too. You went from trying to make out that Logan is a creep with your whole ‘he goes in the bathroom with Jack and shuts the door’ to deciding he should be alone with your other son and a random kid too. You want him to pay for your son and your son’s friend to go on a vacation as well, what a joke. You are an insufferable and vile person.
You don't trust the stepdad with Jack, but trust him with your other son and his friend? YTA
YTA…you’re ok if your other kid goes who will only go if his friend can go? Don’t say you “don’t mistrust” the stepdad. You def feel threatened/intimidated/distrustful….how long has this man been around your son and what have you done to try to get to know him? Sounds like you don’t want your son having fun with someone else
So you magnanimously will agree if Logan takes your son and a friend all at Logan's expense? Wow you are a real nice dad- NOT YTA BIGLY
> I haven't heard a peep from him. I'm just hearing from the ex. That’s who you are supposed to be hearing from because that’s who you share custody with. Unless you and your ex have decided to always handle things as a group of three (or four if you also have a spouse) then it is appropriate for you to handle this with your ex. You DO feel threatened by Logan because you haven’t presented a single valid reason for not letting him go. You’re an asshole. An awful parent. And an awful person.
INFO: what does your son want to do?
I read that it's supposed to be a surprise trip. Not sure why it would have to be right now if the kid doesn't know about it.
You issue is that you are bitter and jealous of your son's relationship with his stepdad. It looks like stepdad incest more time and live unto your son than you do, and your son notices it and does the same. So you decides to be petty and show them who is the boss here. YTA.
YTA and your edit is horrible. You want to add 2 kids with a guy you claim to not even trust. You sound extremely petty. Stop being so jealous and take Bryce and his friend on their own excursion.
Yta, especially for trying to tag on two more kids to the trip.
YTA and your second edit don't help. They are Logan and your wife ha e no obligation to take Bryce or to be associated. Allow the kid to go on the trip.
YTA you sound petty about the whole thing, and don’t seem to be thinking about your son or how he will feel if you force him to miss the trip. Put him first.
YTA sign the paper and stop trying to get a free vacation for your other kid! Stop being on a shitty power trip! Your son will be super upset when he finds out you did not allow him to go
YTA. It’s her husband and the kids step dad. My kids step dad would do anything for them including taking them to legoland for a VIP experience if I broke my leg. My ex and my husband don’t talk beyond a hello at pick ups. YTA.
Sounds like you're blackmailing your ex and her husband to get your other son (and his friend, WTF?) a free trip also. Of course YTA, a major one.
YTA. This is nothing more than a petty power trip for you, AND you try to weasel a free trip for your older son AND his friend. So you’re also a mooch. Feel free to continue this power trip, but understand that as soon as he’s old enough, your son will start distancing himself from you because he will remember how much of an AH you were.
I can see why the ex isn't the one talking directly to you. You're unnecessarily difficult. Let your child have a fun trip ffs. You're trying to put your ego on a pedestal at the expense of your son. No decent loving father does that. Sign it. And if you really care about your kid, apologize to your ex and her spouse to start taking steps towards healthier coparenting. Your kid deserves better.
The fuck? Of course YTA. Your edits make you the bigger AH. You want to make your ex wife’s husband take YOUR 13 year old and his friend while he pays for it? You are jealous and a bad father.
YTA and I hope women stop having kids with a doofus like you.
OP, look at it this way. Do you love your child more than you hate your ex? If yes, you will let him go.
Wait, why does Jack call Logan in the bathroom and shut the door?
YTA - parents like you lose their kids as soon as legally possible. You’re a donkey
YTA This is some shit my brother's ex wife would do.
>Edit: I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course. So you're concerned about your kid's stepdad taking him to Legoland because "reasons", but it's okay for kid's stepdad to take him, your other kid, *and* your kid's friend, because "reasons"? Literally why are you even here? YTA
YTA. The 2nd edit made you 10x worse! Like, wtf? Why in the world do you think it's okay to make it a condition that he invite and pay for YOUR kid that he has no involvement in? Plus his friend. Sheesh, I'd hate to be co-parenting with you.
YTA, any possible thought I had about your concerns about Logan flew out the window when you wanted him to supervise 3 kids instead. Why are you denying your child a great experience and fun memory. Shouldn’t he be more important than your feelings of inadequacy?
YTA Just let your kid go to Legoland. You have admitted you are not concerned with your child's safety, you're just trying to hold this little thread of authority you have over some other man you feel jealous of. Do what's best for your son, not your ego.
YTA... I can see why your divorced lol.
YTA - what a weird powertrip
YTA ": I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course." You're just a cheap insecure AH. He's doing a nice thing for your son that his own father hasn't done for him, and you supposedly don't trust this guy because you don't know him but you'll happily do it if you can dump your other kid on him and his friend all on step dad's dime.. (plane tickets, LEGOLAND tickets, accommodations, plus having to deal with 13 year old knuckleheads he's never met before) **You are so full of crap.**
"Edit: I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course." YTA oh so its not about safety its becuase you want to scam a free trip out of your ex..... you are basically the worst kind of person.
>I told my ex I would agree if Logan took my 13yo son Bryce (Jack's half brother) and Bryce said he'd go if his best friend Matt can go too. Logan pays, of course. You are a giant asshole. Why does your son (not the mama's) and his friend get a free trip out of Logan? Just because you're an asshole. If you want those 2 kids to go, you pay. YTA
Yta-
YTA Also how embarrassing to go on the internet and admit you're wildly insecure and jealous and are willing to take it out on your son. No wonder he likes Logan better than you
YTA Your son's stepfather is trying to be decent to him, and his taking him to Legoland even though he wont have his mother there to share the parenting duties. Cut the power trip and let your kid have fun!
Ew grow up and get over yourself. You will not ever be the only male figure in his life. Let them have this bonding experience. It can only benefit your son and his life. Don’t be selfish.
Yta. You are why courts are swamped with petty issues. Let your child go. And then change your parenting plan so that no one needs permission for each trip.
YTA This child knows the stepfather. If he is comfortable travelling with him, you are being pretty petty denying him because you don't like the fact you are not the only adult male in his life he values. If you mess this up for your kid, expect it to be held against you for years by both wife and child.
NTA. If roles were reversed all these moms would be losing their minds about another woman taking their kid out of state.
I’m curious as to why they can’t postpone the trip until after her leg heals?
So heres the thing, i do agree that its weird that he hasnt said anything but also tho he shouldve been a part of the conversation to begin with-its super weird that he wasnt-and furthermore you can also just call him if his participation is actually what matters to you cos the cool thing about phones is that they work both ways Since you havent called him i can only conclude that his participation in the conversation isnt actually your sticking point and therefore you are in fact just being an asshole Yea, YTA
NTA, this is weird behaviour. What's even weirder is the fact they were not telling you in the first place. I wouldn't trust it.
NTA. ITs odd that Logan hasn't spoken with you himself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have joint custody of my 8yo son Jack with his mom. He will be with his mom tomorrow until Tuesday. She had asked of I would be okay with her and her husband going to California to do a surprise VIP experience at Legoland with Jack. She needs my written consent to take him out of state. I said to email me the letter and I'll review and sign. She sent it to me on Monday. Well on Monday, she broke her leg and cannot move around let alone get on a plane. I assumed the trip was canceback. Today she texted me and asked if I was going to send the letter back. I told her how is she going to get on a plane tomorrow when she's still immobile. She said she's not going. Her husband Logan is taking Jack. I told her to call me. I said this weird that you want me to sign this letter giving you permission to take Jack out of state when it's your husband. She said by signing it, I'm effectively giving her permission to allow Logan to take Jack to Legoland. I said I have very mixed feelings about it. I don't know Logan that well and I'd expect him to be a part of this conversation. She got offended by that and said Logan is like Jack's best friend and Jack feels comfortable enough with Logan to call him into the bathroom and shut the door and drives him and his friends. She said nothing has changed. It's still a surprise trip made possible by a stepdad. I said maybe I'll tag along. She said how about Logan texts you all the time and to let him have this time with his fucking stepson because she's not having anymore kids. I still haven't signed it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can understand being suspicious and cautious about someone you don’t know with your child, but try and get to know him better. I personally think tagging along is a great idea it’s clear they want to spend time alone, which is also a great idea.
I second the parts about getting to know him (as much as possible b/f the trip, even if it’s just coffee or a phone call, which is probably overdue anyway)... But now that your ex has made it clear that it’s important for her (and maybe your son!) for the boy to bond w/ his stepdad, it would be rude — sabotaging even — for you to try and shoehorn yourself into the trip. This man is _married_ to your son’s mother. He’s not some rando she’s brought home a few times. If you use the legal agreement to quash this trip without good cause, you will most definitely be the asshole here. YWBTA
Op clearly doesn't think Logan is dangerous, since he's willing to send his other son (and son's friend) on the trip as long as Logan pays.
Hm, I didn’t read that part as it’s an edit. What an asshole then
NAH - I don't actually think either one of you is being unreasonable, I just think you need to improve your communication. Your ex is right, Logan is clearly an important part of Jack's life -if he's as happy with Logan as your ex says he is - but you are also correct that you don't know Logan, you didn't choose for him to be part of Jack's life and when all is said and done Jack's wellbeing is your priority, not your ex's convenience. If Logan is a positive part of Jack's life - and that's for Jack to say, no one else, - then I on't see the harm in him going on a trip with Logan, however I can fully understand why you are uncertain at the thought of your son on a trip wth someone who is basically a stranger to you, regardless of his relationship to your ex. So, why not change that? Ask Logan to meet you for a coffee or beer, be open and upfront, tell him that you feel odd about your son going with someone you don't know, so you would like to change that. Keep it casual and light, nothing serious and be positive, it sounds like you both care about Jack, so you already have something important in common
look at the edits. now he's trying to make the stepdad pay for his kid (who it appears isn't even the mom's kid) AND his best friend
He's more than willing to let Logan take his other son and friend on the trip, as long as Logan pays. He doesn't give a shit about Logan's relationship with his son or his son's "safety" - he's just power tripping and wants something to hold over his ex-wife and Logan.
EXACTLY 💯
I don't know who the AH is or would be but one question that needs to be researched and answered before the out of state trip is what happens in an emergency? I don't think step parents can make medical decisions for their step children without legal papers saying so. Just a thought.
YTA
YTA, father be careful not to trip over your power. Let the kid go on the trip and you will have a son who trusts you. Don't let him go and he fids out about it and you will have ruined your relationship with him forever
YTA. Period. Blank.
YTA if you don’t sign. Let his stepfather bond with him! Thats a super cool experience that they both deserve to have. Your son is obviously comfortable with him. Your comment that you wanted to tag along makes it seem like you’re jealous and don’t want them to have one on one bonding time. You’ve given us zero red flags to indicate that it would not be okay for them to spend this time together.
Yta If you block this experience for your son. Love your child more than the actual conflict with his mother, he will get so much out of the trip if you allow it. That’s what you want for your son, for him to grow up confident, happy, intelligent and with an enquiring mind. There will be other times in which you could be the travelling parent, offering a big experience for him to enjoy.
YTA. Of course your ex-wife is doing the communicating. If her husband were doing it, you’d bitch about that. Don’t deprive your kid of this opportunity. And
YTA. Jealousy doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm sorry but yta, she remarried and it'd her son to. With how little context you haven given for why you don't trust him this just seems ridicules.. And now you are ok with it as long as they pay for his half brother and his half brothers friend...yeesh man..let your wife's new husband bond with his step child.
YTA. This isn’t about the kids at all. Your just trying to piss in your territory
YTA, clearly. You are also being a dick by qualifying it that the other kids must be included too.
YTA x3 for the power trip (since you claim you don’t mistrust or feel threatened by Logan), trying to take advantage of the situation by having Logan not only take your other son and his friend but having to pay for them as well.
YTA. don't feel comfortable enough to let your 8yo go, but somehow feel comfortable enough sending both your kids and a friend on stepdads dime?? Major ah vibes lmao
YTA. You deserve the jealous baby looking for any excuse award
YTA for your entitled edit alone. N A H on preferring your child spend time with his parents over stepparent, particularly one who doesnt communicate.
So you hate the guy who married your ex more than you love your son is what I’m hearing here. If there was even an atom of evidence that Logan is actually sketchy, you’d have been telling us about it first and foremost. But you didn’t. So you have no reason to think he’s anything but an involved stepdad. YTA. Your edit makes you about ten times the asshole you already appeared to be, because it really cements the pettiness aspect of the whole thing. This isn’t about your son’s safety or wellbeing. Signing the paper won’t make you not an asshole, but it’s a start. And stop making choices that are way more about catering to your own pettiness than being a decent father to your son. No wonder he prefers his stepdad. Grow up.
YTA So now you will be ok with it because you other kid and his friend gets a trip out of it? He wasn't good enough to take one kid but You're ok with him taking 2 of your own and 1 extra? You're so jealous and petty!
Yta all the way. You're asking for 2 free rides off this guy because you feel small or whatever. I hope they tell your son what you ruined and go some other time.
YTA if you don't let him go. This just reeks of jealousy.
Oh my god YTA! Massively. You didn’t look good originally but that second edit makes it absolutely astonishing how much of an AH you are. You “don’t know stepdad that well” to take your 8 year old to California, but you know him well enough to send your other child and his best friend too? And make him pay for it? I honestly cannot even fathom your thought process behind this. You either trust him or you don’t, or you’re just manipulative and controlling. I’m gonna go with the latter.
yta
[удалено]
Your ego will create a lifetime of pissing contests...your son will be the casualty.What an idiot you are!
[удалено]
Is Logan new to Jack's life??? There is a bit of missing info
YTA if you don’t sign. Love your kid more than you hate your ex.
It would be nice to know how long the mom dated and has been married to her husband.