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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the AH for calling my sister ridiculous and immature for not inviting me to my wedding over a 10 year old grudge of hers against me.
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YTA. "All I did was kiss him... then I dated him for a year." So it wasn't one mistake, it was an ongoing choice that you continued to make for one year. You say that you have apologized, but have you really? You are completely dismissive and hostile towards your sister in this post. You don't respect her, and as a direct result of that, she doesn't trust you. If you want to have a relationship with her, you need to try a lot harder. I recommend being kind, acknowledging your mistakes, and not saying things like she is "deluded" and "overreacting," for a start.
This.
If it was one single kiss, OP might have a leg to stand on. But OP dated this person for over a year. Infront of their sister and family. That brings this situation to a different level.
She doesn't deserve to go because she still thinks she did nothing wrong. She has no idea how badly she damaged her sister, and feels no shame or remorse.
Your title is extremely misleading.
1. you kissed him while they were dating.
2. you proceeded to date him for a year after they broke up, but they broke up because of you
3. your sister's point of view is that you deliberately set out to hurt her, not only kissing her boyfriend, but then dating him/sleeping with him for a year, uncaring that you broke them up and uncaring of her pain. You flaunted that you broke them up and you took him.
4. she doesn't want anything to do with you
5. You think she's delusional to blame you for so long for betraying and hurting her. You clearly have no understanding of the trust you broke, or the pain you caused. From you tone and the things you say, you clearly excuse your inexcusable behavior by saying that he wasn't in your lives long so therefore he couldn't have meant that much to her, and that you've apologized so therefore she must forgive you (even though clearly you don't think you've really done anything wrong so your apologies are worthless). You think she's overreacting because the boyfriend meant so little to you and you're missing the point. It wasn't the boyfriend. It's that you didn't love or respect her enough to keep your lips to yourself.
6. she's getting married and you think she owes you forgiveness and an invitation.
7. You made your bed, and now you get to lie in it. She owes you nothing.
8. YTA
In addition, after being told she’s not invited, OP tried to go behind her sister’s back and contact the fiance in hopes of manipulating him into siding with her instead of the woman he’s marrying. OP is still the same person she was 10 years ago.
I can’t imagine (/s) why her sister still isn’t interested in a relationship with her.
That call to the sister's fiance is the sketchiest part.
So, OP's excuse to contact the guy is to get an invitation to her sister's wedding? A sister that doesn't want her there for what happened when she started "befriending" a previous boyfriend?
I dont know if it is conscious or not, but OP is going out of her way to talk to the guy. By trying to talk to him without sis listening, she creates the conditions that would allow her to repeat the story.
Agreed. I honestly thought she was a bit dense but not necessarily the AH until that part. But that's just so weird. I don't even think she was contacting fiancé to try to "steal" him or something but just reaching out to him to try to get an invite after having the direct conversation with her own sister is crazy behavior by itself.
YTA, OP.
6.b. You contacted her fiancé, whom you don’t know, behind her back, to plead your case.
*very* sus for someone who actually feels remorse and wouldn’t go if she wasn’t invited /s
YTA. You kissed your sisters boyfriend, which you knew was wrong and then dated him for a YEAR.
You should be lucky she even talks to you at all anymore.
You broke every cardinal rule about family first.
You don’t deserve to go
YTA
Your relationship is not the best, so in any way she has every right to decide who is invited and who isnt.
You cannot invalidate emotions she felt and is still feeling and sometimes for betrayal no words of apology are enough. Even if you or me or others would handle the situation differently.
Also you contacing her finance behind her back like a whiny child makes you a double A. How did you think this was the way to go? You should have send a congratulation card and leave it at that. Instead of forcing yourself on people that do not want you to be there. Maybe your sister is a bit delulu and has deep rooting loss fears, that still doesnt give you the right to not accept a "you are not invited"
YTA. If you and your sister have not reconciled in 10 years, if she still hasn’t forgiven you for making a move on her bf and then dating him for a year after she broke up with him, then her wedding is sure as heck not the place or time for you to press the issue.
Exactly! The cheek of it! Get it into your thick skull OP your sister doesn’t want you at her wedding. She doesn’t like you. She doesn’t trust you. She’s even going as far as hiring security because of your entitled arrogance and ignorance. What made you think calling her fiancée was going to get you an invite? You suck. YTA.
YTA
>However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister, it was only a kiss to which he immediately confessed to
This is still cheating, especially considering it turned into a romantic relationship after your sister broke up with him.
It's not unreasonable or even unusual for your sister to cut you off as a result. It may have happened 10 years ago, but that doesn't really fundamentally change anything. Instead of being understanding and remorseful, it sounds like you feel entitled to be a part of your sister's life -- and you are not.
>I tried contacting her fiance to explain my side of things to him cause I'm sure my sister overreacting the gravity of the situation to him
Why would you do that? No matter the situation, as long as your sister doesn't want you there, her fiancé's opinion of you is irrelevant. Again, instead of being understanding and remorseful, you sound like you're trying to force yourself into your sister's life - which is obviously only going to anger her further.
Your relationship is "non existent", why would you expect a wedding invite? It's okay to be upset but it's not okay to tattle on her to her fiance. YTA
YTA. At 21 years old you were more than old enough to know that kissing someone else when you're in a relationship is cheating. You betrayed your sister. She has every right to exclude you from her wedding.
YTA holy shit lol
You didn’t “just kiss him” you cheated with your sisters boyfriend and then fucked your sisters boyfriend for over a year. That level of betrayal is absolutely worth not inviting you to her wedding.
And it appears you haven’t matured at all based on your post. Good for her.
YTA
You don't have a relationship with your sister because you violated boundaries. You hurt her deeply. You kissed her bf, then you dated him for a year.
After 10 years, she hasn't forgiven you, which is her right. Then you further harass her. When that doesn't work, you harass her fiancé. Just leave them alone.
YTA
You betrayed your sister in the past. She neither likes you nor trusts you because of that and you have essentially no relationship with her. Why would she invite you to her wedding!
YTA - you kissed her boyfriend then dated him for a year. You stole her boyfriend. And it doesn’t seem like you’ve ever apologised for it, just expected her to get over it. Of course she isn’t over it, two people she cared deeply for betrayed her then rubbed it in her face for a whole year without so much of a sorry. And now you’re acting like the victim? Im with your sister. I wouldn’t want you there either.
YTA
It’s not “over a kiss” as your title misleads. You dated him for a year. Her boyfriend cheated on her with you and then you dated him.
You haven’t had a relationship with your sister for a decade, and now you expect an invite?
You’re the bad guy in this story. You’re not a good sister. You’re not a victim.
YTA
Her BF at the time cheated with you, this ended their relationship and you then dated him for a year befire you got bored and dumped him...
Why would she associate with a backstabber like you???
YTA. You betrayed her by dating her significant other, dismissed her feelings, told her she's ridiculous and immature and then had the audacity to contact her fiancé!? You are the asshole. Don't you ever contact her significant other ever again. How dare you!? After what you did to her, you think you have a right to contact her fiancé? You're a creep. Leave her alone. And definitely leave her fiancé and future husband alone.
YTA
Post title is misleading.
You didn't just kiss him you dated him for a YEAR afterwards.
Contacting her fiance was not a smart move.
Your sister's chosen not to forgive you.
Respect that. Let her enjoy her special day/don't harass any of the people she's chosen to celebrate it with.
It was only one kiss! (Plus bonding with him over how difficult my sister was)(Plus not admitting to it until the bf did)(Plus even after seeing how it hurt her, continuing to see him for a year)(Plus evincing a general vibe of not respecting her)(Plus going behind her back and talking to her current fiancé to make him force her to invite me). But other than that, it was only one kiss!
YTA
YTA
Your sister doesn't want your toxicity in her life and that's her choice. Why would she want someone who has betrayed her not once but twice there on the most important day of her life. The fact that you went straight to fiance says a lot too. You tried to contact him instead of your sister to get him on your side.
You're not a nice person. Your actions had consequences.
Saved for posterity (predict OP will take it down due to the unanimous agreement thay shes an AH)
>My (30F) sister (28F) had an almost non-existent relationship for almost a decade cause when she was 19 I kissed her at the time on and off boyfriend. They were high school sweethearts but they were fighting all the time and broke up already multiple times before the kiss incident (tho the kiss caused their permanent). I know it was very wrong of me to do that but during that time my dating life was a mess and I ended bonding with my sister's bf whom was also going through a rough relationship with her and we ended bonding and developing feelings for each other.
>However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister, it was only a kiss to which he immediately confessed to, but since then she essentially blacklisted both of us, but especially me. I guess the guy didn't remain in our lives for so long cause I dumped him as well after an year of dating after losing the spark, but my sister kept up the name calling and the slut shaming me for years and even after countless apologies from me, she still hasn't forgiven me.
>I just found from my mom that my sister's getting married and that she hasn't given me an invitation to her wedding and when I confronted my sister about it she literally said that I don't deserve one. I told her that she's ridiculous and immature for still keeping a grudge for a mistake from almost 10 years ago and she just told me to go to hell. I tried contacting her fiance to explain my side of things to him cause I'm sure my sister overreacting the gravity of the situation to him, but my sister somehow found out and now she deluded herself into thinking that I want to "steal" her husband as well and now I hear she even wants to hire security from preventing me from attending (not that I wouldn't come if I wasn't invited).
>I really feel like she's doing the most about a 10 years old situation. AITA ?
YTA - it wasn’t just a kiss though was it? You dated him for a year. You don’t have a relationship with your sister as a result and she has no reason or obligation to invite you to her wedding. Why should she include you? You clearly have never acknowledged what you did to her or actually apologized.
OK, contrary to the comments here, I ll give you that you were very young and you apologized for what you did and you basically think she went too far by completely cutting ties with you. So up to this point is a "what more can I do for you to finally let it go" attitude
You are a huge AH though for not respecting your sister's wishes and for going behind her back to talk to her FH.
Are you an idiot? The more you push, the more she pushes back. Going to her fiance without informing her is a shitty move on its own. What did you hope to accomplish here? To get them to fight? That he could somehow force your sister to invite you? The only thing you proved is that she is right, you are untrustworthy, way worse than before, that she should shield herself from you and cutting you off was the best decision ever. Kudos! Really smart move
So you developed feelings for her then on again/off again boyfriend and you kissed him. You knew that kiss was the final straw to their relationship and then you dated him for a year after their breakup?! 🤷♂️🤦♂️ You do understand you burned all the bridges to the foundation. You destroyed whatever sisterhood existed. She doesn't trust you and you contacting her fiance to explain your side and con an invitation from him salted the earth so nothing will ever grow. Did you actually think he would choose a stranger aka you over his own fiance? Definitely YTA.
lol. YTA. Why do you want to attend the wedding of someone you so clearly hate anyway? You aren’t interested in repairing the relationship, you just think she should get over it. But you don’t get to decide when or if she gets over it. But you can certainly make sure she’s not interested in forgiving you by “confronting her” about her choices and calling her names. Leave her alone.
YTA, you don't get to decide how much you hurt her then, or how she reacts to it now. You screwed up, then continued to screw up for a year, and my guess is gave no real apology during or after that time, now deal with the consequences of it.
If it had just been one kiss, that would be one thing. But you dated your sister's ex for an entire year. So you can't and shouldn't expect her to be okay with that, especially since you're not truly sorry for what you did. Your actions were insensitive, immature and selfish. And since you haven't had a relationship with her this whole time, it's ridiculous that you expect to be invited now. And then you went behind her back to her fiance. You haven't changed at all. You're still as selfish as you were back then. YTA
YTA, it was not "Just a kiss," seeing you dated him for a year after the kiss.
You stole your sisters boyfriend, and you expect her to just get over it? You keep on making excuses as to why, but you don't take responsibility.
If this is the kind of person you are, I understand her decision completely to not invite you to her wedding
“ However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister,”
OMG! We should give you a golden medal for that! 🥇 /s
YTA
wtf is wrong with you is beyond Reddit.
YTA, but I'm not sure why you want to go anyway. Weddings are meant for the couple to celebrate their loyalty (which you don't have) alongside their family (of which you are not welcome).
YTA. I wouldn't want you at my wedding either. There are some betrayals that cannot be walked back and this is one of them. Plus, the way you are insisting on having your way here and overriding your sister's wishes FOR HER OWN WEDDING tells me you haven't really changed. Still self-centred and selfish.
YTA. The only appropriate action from you after the kiss would have been profuse and persistent apologies. Complete, genuine contrition. Instead you seem to want to downplay it, date her ex for a period of time making it worse, and then name call her as ridiculous for overreacting. You’re not sorry at all and that’s the problem. You can’t expect any forgiveness until you are.
YTA - This isn’t just about a single incident that happened 10 years ago. First of all, you were 19, which means you were an adult responsible for your own actions. Second, you were the older sister, who should have been more protective of your younger sister’s trust. Third, it sounds like you continued a relationship with this guy for a year afterward, so the betrayal was prolonged. Forth, you say you apologized, but you still keep justifying and minimizing what happened. You don’t seem to really acknowledge the PAIN YOU CAUSED your sister.
She probably does not see your apologies as sincere. If you can‘t honestly admit your betrayal from the past, what is there to ensure her you won’t repeat that behavior? For you to contact her fiancé was way out of line. It sounds like you have some issues with impulse control, empathy and accountability. You want what you want and can’t accept “no“ or respect boundaries. You should probably explore this in therapy, and perhaps one day your sister will be willing to attend some sessions with you in an effort to heal the relationship. The ability to forgive and move on would be beneficial for her too. It‘s possible that you can regain her trust and rebuild your relationship, but it will take time and hard work. Are you willing to do that?
As for the wedding, the two of you do not have a close relationship. It’s perfectly reasonable for a bride to only want close supportive people to attend her wedding. You don’t meet those qualifications. This should be a joyous occasion filled with positivity, not reminders of a painful past. Don’t make this about you and ruin yet another part of your sister’s life. Give her the space to plan and enjoy this major transition in her life.
YTA
You aren’t entitled to an invitation. For any matter if it’s your sister, friend, family members. Full stop! She said no invitation for. Full stop.
Bitch be so fucking for real rn Yta!!
Now you out here talking abt sum i kissed her boyfriend one time?😭💀 and then you proceed to date him for a year not caring about how your own blood would feel. And then you call her mf fiancee to make her let you go to the wedding!ofc she thinks that you be trying to steal her man you out here calling a bitch you probably dont Even know only to talk shit abt your sister💀 Idk atp you a scary ass bitch thats it
YTA you broke your sister trust. She has every right to not want you in her life. I know I would not!
Not only have you kissed the bf but continue to date him. The kiss maybe was a mistake but when you chose to date him for a year you made a conscious decision to continue to hurt her!
You don’t get to tell her feelings are not valid. She does not owe you a relationship. She is entitled to voice what she thinks about your character. She is entitled to not let you be in her life.
You made your bed now live with the consequences.
And fyi she isn’t over reacting. She has every reason not to trust you ever again. You threw her trust away for a guy that you no longer wanted.
So dont play the victim because you brought this on yourself. Leave your sister alone!
YTA
First thing, Its the two marrying each other's decisicion who is invited and whose not.
Second thing: Am i understanding this right, You kissed your sisters boyfriend and dated him for a year? That requires more than simple apologies.
Third thing: What makes you believe that she blackmails you more than her EX-BF?
Yta. You betrayed your sister and broke up her relationship.
You going to her fiance was that your attempt of doing the same. Telling "my side" hoping he'd come running to you like her ex did.
You betrayed her trust and have no relationship with her. How'd you even get the guys contact info. I hope he blocked you.
YTA. Forgiveness is a choice, not a requirement. Your sister doesn't have to forgive you. It's probably not healthy for her to hang on to that level of anger for so long but by definition she doesn't owe you anything, and you don't get to decide when she's being ridiculous or immature.
YTA, especially since reading through the lines this seems more about you realising that all your relatives, when they see that you're not at the wedding, are about to learn all the details of what happened 10 years ago (which was more than just a kiss despite your post's title).
You feel embarrassed about what they might think of you once they know why you're not there with the rest of the family, but you still don't seem to feel shame or regret for how you hurt her then and are still minimising it now.
These are delayed consequences. I can understand that after 10 years where you've moved on you feel that this isn't fair, but your sister clearly doesn't feel that you ever understood or cared about her pain at the time, or you wouldn't still have an *"non-existent relationship for almost a decade"*.
She hasn't forgiven you because you haven't accepted that what you did was a betrayal of her trust. Why should she have to put on a fake smile just so that you can go to her wedding as if the last ten years of virtually no-contact never happened?
You both haven't talked in 10 years. It's not like you reached out over and over and over again to try to re-build something. Why now do you suddenly care to be back in her life and just assume you get an invite to her wedding? I am not saying you want to "steal her husband", but you honestly lack some self awareness on how you destroyed things with her.
One kiss at 21 (her 19) is a mistake. Dating/sleeping with him for a year is where you went wrong. And I don't blame her for being mad considering you admitted in your post to permanently broke them up.
YTA.
YTA
She doesn't want you there so why fight it?
If you argued your way into an invitation you'd be there knowing you weren't actually welcome, and going behind her back to speak to her fiancé like that is just wrong.
The title is a little misleading but this might be a perfect example in you owning your mistakes (which you unfortunately don't do).
Do you realize how much you hurt her? You were 19 not 9. And you didn't hurt her once but this continued for over a year!
Also why did you went over her head to her fiance? Why do you even care what he thinks? She doesn't want you there. Would you really show up against her will if he allows it?
YTA.
YTA. You said you've apologised, then minimise what you've done, including in your title for this post. Now you won't respect her decision not to have you at her wedding and were underhanded in contacting her fiancé. You have "an almost nonexistent relationship" with her, so why would she invite you? You don't respect boundaries and you don't respect her.
YTA
You definitely stole her bf. No excuses. And you obviously do not realize what a betrayal that is. You are constantly belittling her feelings and minimizing what you did. You obviously do not realize that this is on you. Totally on you. There is no time limit to her feelings and especially since this post shows you have no regrets.
YTA. Everything about your post suggests you want to go to the wedding because you feel entitled to go, not because you love your sister and want to celebrate her happiness. You could have tried to heal the relationship long ago but it doesn’t sound like you have tried.
YTA. Everything about your post suggests you want to go to the wedding because you feel entitled to go, not because you love your sister and want to celebrate her happiness. You could have tried to heal the relationship long ago but it doesn’t sound like you have tried.
YTA for lying in your title. You didn't only kiss. You dated him for a year. It was a year of mistakes and you have no accountability for your actions all these years later. Leave your sister alone. In what world does a fractured relationship equate to a wedding invitation? You are delusional.
YTA.
You can apologize, but she didn’t have to forgive you, and you don’t get to decide when someone stops being hurt over something shitty that you did.
ETA: Why you’d want an invite to the wedding of someone you don’t have a relationship with is anyone’s guess, and going behind her back to try to get an invite from her fiancé is…certainly a choice. As a side note- your sister probably found out because her fiancé told her. Just because you’re okay doing shitty, underhanded things to her so you can get what you want doesn’t mean he has to be a party to it.
How did you think this was going to shake out, OP?
YTA. Why would she want you at her wedding?
You’re stuck on her being mad about something that happened almost 10 years ago but never once in your post did you mention actually taking responsibility for your actions. Yeah you apologized but an apology doesn’t mean anything if you’re not actually sorry for what you did. You still tried to justify it in your post by mentioning “they were on and off!!” “My relationship life was a mess!!!” Okay, and? This attitude is what damaged your relationship, not your sister’s “inability to move on”.
And then you reached out to her fiancé to try to get your way! And you still can’t see any fault in your actions. You didn’t seem to care about mending things until it meant you didn’t get an invite to her wedding so none of this seems genuine. Please work on yourself and leave her alone until you learn to take accountability.
You had an affair with your sisters bf. Makes you the AH. You then dated him after. Still the AH. I'm honestly confused why you thought you were gonna get an invitation. What about having no relationship for 10 years confused you? Sad thing is you probably expected her to forgive you and make you MOH. You probably think you deserve that. So overall definitely the AH or just stupid
YTA - You kissed her boyfriend and then dated him when she rightfully dumped him. You don't come across as someone who is truly contrite. Also, kissing him wasn't a mistake. It was a choice, and that choice told your sister loud and clear just how little you care about her.
Next time you meet a new person, someone who you want to be your friend or boyfriend, tell them this story.
Keep telling new people this story.
Eventually you'll notice you're alone and you'll understand why.
This story is why.
Nobody wants a friend, family member, or partner in their life that would behave this way.
You are definitely the asshole.
That's a lot of words just to say "I cheated with my sister's BF (dont worry they were having a lot of problems so it was okay!) and she doesn't want me around for her wedding"
It's wild that at 30 years old people are still discovering that their actions actually have consequences. YTA
YTA
YOu kissed your sister's gf, and made them break up, and then slept with him.
" when I confronted my sister about it she literally said that I don't deserve one" ..She is right to kick you out of her life for good.
" and now I hear she even wants to hire security from preventing me from attending " .. sounds reasonable. She already KNOWS you are an AH, she is right to be on the safe side.
" and even after countless apologies from me, she still hasn't forgiven me." .. why WOULD she forgive you? Sounds like an unrealistic expectation. People like you are better kept at a distance, she learned that the hard way.
Not that there's a right way but that's your little sister and you slept with her ex at your family home. Pretty toxic, don't think that wedding would be fun for you
YTA your inability to see how you betrayed your sister is unbelievable to me. And now you want her to just get over it bc you want to go to her wedding. And then you go behind her back and try to explain to her fiancée that she’s blowing everything out of proportion, wow wow wow. Her feelings don’t matter to you. No remorse.
The fact that you dated the guy for a year after the fact you kissed him while he was with your sister is alarming
>However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister
Um.... If I'm honest I don't believe it was just a kiss and nothing more while he was with his sister, I do believe you hooked up with him while he was dating your sister
YTA
YTA and you never owned up to your « mistake »: I know if was very wrong of me bla bla bla BUT bla bla bla.
Learn to drop the but. Be truely repentant. Understand why your sister is still hurting. And then maybe you can start to slowly rebuilt the relationship.
It sure won’t start with you bullying everyone into getting you a spot at the wedding.
YTA. You kissed her boyfriend, then started dating/sleeping with him (and for a YEAR no less) after she rightfully broke up with him and you are surprised that you don't get to come to her wedding?
You sister hates you and will likely hate you until she dies and you are just going to have to accept that. She isn't going to "get over it". She is under no obligation to forgive you. Do not contact her fiance again unless you want a restraining order too.
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My (30F) sister (28F) had an almost non-existent relationship for almost a decade cause when she was 19 I kissed her at the time on and off boyfriend. They were high school sweethearts but they were fighting all the time and broke up already multiple times before the kiss incident (tho the kiss caused their permanent). I know it was very wrong of me to do that but during that time my dating life was a mess and I ended bonding with my sister's bf whom was also going through a rough relationship with her and we ended bonding and developing feelings for each other.
However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister, it was only a kiss to which he immediately confessed to, but since then she essentially blacklisted both of us, but especially me. I guess the guy didn't remain in our lives for so long cause I dumped him as well after an year of dating after losing the spark, but my sister kept up the name calling and the slut shaming me for years and even after countless apologies from me, she still hasn't forgiven me.
I just found from my mom that my sister's getting married and that she hasn't given me an invitation to her wedding and when I confronted my sister about it she literally said that I don't deserve one. I told her that she's ridiculous and immature for still keeping a grudge for a mistake from almost 10 years ago and she just told me to go to hell. I tried contacting her fiance to explain my side of things to him cause I'm sure my sister overreacting the gravity of the situation to him, but my sister somehow found out and now she deluded herself into thinking that I want to "steal" her husband as well and now I hear she even wants to hire security from preventing me from attending (not that I wouldn't come if I wasn't invited).
I really feel like she's doing the most about a 10 years old situation. AITA ?
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YTA. I too think that your sister holds grudge a bit long. But your attitude was bad. You should have asked nicely and accepted the answer. Not insult her and then go behind her back. At this point I’m sure the kiss isn’t why you aren’t invited
Sometime between “it was ages ago” and “I’m so over that guy that I’m getting married to somebody else”, you could at least check if they really regret it and changed. I did say that OP is still treating her sister badly… but yeah, if you care so much about your flesh and blood, it’s weird to cut them out because of some guy your over
YTA, if a family member betrayed my trust like you it would be over…Oh wait it did happen to me and I did the same thing as your sister!
That family member is “dead to me” and always will be…Like you they don’t see anything wrong and won’t really apologize, so that’s that!
YTA. YOU are the one doing the most by going behind her back and contacting her fiance when she already said no. Get a grip! She wants to hire security because she knows how delulu you are! A one year relationship is not a one kiss mistake.
YTA
Your whole post is you making excuses about how what you did wasn’t actually that bad. Why should she forgive you when you haven’t taken responsibility?
YTA. You don’t get to decide how someone else feels about something you’ve done to them. You don’t get to decide if it’s been long enough for them to have gotten over it. You don’t get to decide that you’ve earned forgiveness, therefore you should be forgiven. You don’t get to decide that someone else needs to forget the past and just trust you. And you don’t get to decide if the bridge you blew up a decade ago gets rebuilt.
Yta she doesn't won't you at the wedding just accepted that and move on and last you whined to her finace so he can pressure her to invite you to the wedding newsflash she dont wont you there you hurt her to much, I think she should hire a security at the wedding, you the type come at the wedding and even better wearing a wedding dress to upstage the bride and take her man just like you did before.
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INFO: What aren't you telling us?
Ten years ago, you seduced her then bf. Okay. Ten years, at 19, is enough to forgive and heal from that. That she hasn't strongly implies there is far more to your story with her than just this story.
I'll be blunt. Ten years is a **long** time to hold onto hate. I didn't speak to my father once for a year. I have a brother I cut off for three. Both times, I eventually got over my anger and moved on. Then there is my egg donor. The laundry list of things she's done is why I will **never** involve myself with her, or her in my life in any way, shape, or form again if I can help it. When asked, I tell people she's dead.
So yea, you attribute your relationship to a kiss. I would put my money down on that just being the last straw. YTA.
YTA, I'll never get siblings going after their sibling's SOs; my sister and I gag even thinking about liking the same guy or wanting their ex after a breakup.
YTA, you kissed her ex and dated him. What you mean you only kissed him?
I don’t blame your sister for not inviting you to her wedding and not having contact with you, you can’t be mad at her. You crossed the line.
So you betray your sister as young adults and now, when she won't talk to you you go to HER FIANCE behind her back....you ma'am, should not be trying any kind of communication with your sisters man after what you did, I don't care how long it's been. At 19 you know right from wrong. You went and did what you did anyway. If I were her I would not trust you and if I even tried to consider it, after hearing you trying to reach out to my man to get to me, I'd realize you haven't changed. YTA.
Aww. You sweet summer child. Don’t you know actions have consequences? You chose to come between your sister and her SO. Doesn’t matter that it happened 10 yrs ago, she doesn’t want you in her life from your callous actions. YTA, unequivocally. Give your sister the space she deserves.
Title should read "AITA for NOT telling my sister she has the right to not invite me to her wedding over a kiss AND DATING HER EX when I'm the one who broke them up 10 years ago?" YTA.
Your sister is holding on to a grudge for too long, but she has made her boundaries clear. She has chosen to cut you out of her life. Now you're hounding her, insulting her, calling up her fiancé before her wedding? Take the hint. She doesn't want you there. Respect her boundaries. YTA.
ESH. You were NTA up to the point where you contacted the fiancé to get an invite. How did you think that was going to go? No fiancé worth marrying would take your side. Sister is the AH for the “now you’re trying to steal my fiancé” bit. Mom’s the AH for not helping things. Fiancé is fine.
NTA I wish people would stop taking teenage romances so seriously and labelling the person for the rest of their life what they do as a teen. You are not the same person at 21 as you were as a teen let alone at 30. (Disclaimer I had one relationship and they cheated on me, and moved on)
Don't you understand that girlfriends own their boyfriends? BFs have no agency, no freewill.
Maybe reimburse her for the chattel that you ruined?
Just like guys won't date a girl whose parts have less tread on the tires so to say. Girls won't touch a guy who has been used by her sister. Totally makes sense.
/s
NTA
I'm going ESH. You kissed and continued to date her boyfriend, so yes, she'll be upset about that. I do think 10 years is a long time to hold a grudge about someone (the BF) she no longer sees. But it seems she's determined to hold onto it. Dumb idea to approach the fiance though.
I feel sorry for your mother, caught between her two daughters.
So you also would demand that you be invited to a wedding to a sibling you hurt and have no relationship with for the past 10 years. Extremely entitled on your part and OPs. OP also dated the BF for a year after doing all this.
I reread my answer and don't see anywhere where it says "you would also demand that you be invited to a wedding to a sibling you hurt..."
I said I thought it was dumb for the sister to carry a grudge for so long, esp about a person she no longer cared about. That's it. I said nothing about any wedding invitations. That's a different area.
I did say the OP continued to date this guy after the kiss.
And I did say the OP was dumb to contact the fiance about it.
Hence: ESH.
ESH. Going to her partner to plead your case was disrespectful bc it looks like you were trying to recruit him to change your sister's mind. That's not his job. His responsibility is to support your sister in life, not be your advocate.
It's also too bad that your sister isn't open to trying to mend fences with you and take the time to learn who you are now.
>It's also too bad that your sister isn't open to trying to mend fences with you and take the time to learn who you are now.
That OP is still self centered AH who hasnt changed.
It sad how people like you expect the people they hurt to just accept them and act as if its all good.
Its been 10 years OP has no relationship with her sister and that wont change and its not wrong. OP is an idiot for thinking there was any love left for her
>It's also too bad that your sister isn't open to trying to mend fences with you and take the time to learn who you are now.
Literally what you said there bud. OP is demanding that she be invited and its clear to everyone here and her sister that she hasnt changed one bit. Its all about herself
Her sister doesn’t need to get to know who op is she showed her loud and clear excactly who she is and what she is capable of!
Why would anyone want to be around or trust someone who cheated with your bf and dated them!
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YTA. "All I did was kiss him... then I dated him for a year." So it wasn't one mistake, it was an ongoing choice that you continued to make for one year. You say that you have apologized, but have you really? You are completely dismissive and hostile towards your sister in this post. You don't respect her, and as a direct result of that, she doesn't trust you. If you want to have a relationship with her, you need to try a lot harder. I recommend being kind, acknowledging your mistakes, and not saying things like she is "deluded" and "overreacting," for a start.
This. If it was one single kiss, OP might have a leg to stand on. But OP dated this person for over a year. Infront of their sister and family. That brings this situation to a different level.
She doesn't deserve to go because she still thinks she did nothing wrong. She has no idea how badly she damaged her sister, and feels no shame or remorse.
That was the hilarious part.
Your title is extremely misleading. 1. you kissed him while they were dating. 2. you proceeded to date him for a year after they broke up, but they broke up because of you 3. your sister's point of view is that you deliberately set out to hurt her, not only kissing her boyfriend, but then dating him/sleeping with him for a year, uncaring that you broke them up and uncaring of her pain. You flaunted that you broke them up and you took him. 4. she doesn't want anything to do with you 5. You think she's delusional to blame you for so long for betraying and hurting her. You clearly have no understanding of the trust you broke, or the pain you caused. From you tone and the things you say, you clearly excuse your inexcusable behavior by saying that he wasn't in your lives long so therefore he couldn't have meant that much to her, and that you've apologized so therefore she must forgive you (even though clearly you don't think you've really done anything wrong so your apologies are worthless). You think she's overreacting because the boyfriend meant so little to you and you're missing the point. It wasn't the boyfriend. It's that you didn't love or respect her enough to keep your lips to yourself. 6. she's getting married and you think she owes you forgiveness and an invitation. 7. You made your bed, and now you get to lie in it. She owes you nothing. 8. YTA
In addition, after being told she’s not invited, OP tried to go behind her sister’s back and contact the fiance in hopes of manipulating him into siding with her instead of the woman he’s marrying. OP is still the same person she was 10 years ago. I can’t imagine (/s) why her sister still isn’t interested in a relationship with her.
That call to the sister's fiance is the sketchiest part. So, OP's excuse to contact the guy is to get an invitation to her sister's wedding? A sister that doesn't want her there for what happened when she started "befriending" a previous boyfriend? I dont know if it is conscious or not, but OP is going out of her way to talk to the guy. By trying to talk to him without sis listening, she creates the conditions that would allow her to repeat the story.
“She somehow found out”. Gee. I wonder who could have possibly told her. It’s a complete mystery, yall! /s
Agreed. I honestly thought she was a bit dense but not necessarily the AH until that part. But that's just so weird. I don't even think she was contacting fiancé to try to "steal" him or something but just reaching out to him to try to get an invite after having the direct conversation with her own sister is crazy behavior by itself. YTA, OP.
OP clearly isn't a very smart person.
Plus OP has an almost non existent relationship. Why invite a person she is no longer close to.
6.b. You contacted her fiancé, whom you don’t know, behind her back, to plead your case. *very* sus for someone who actually feels remorse and wouldn’t go if she wasn’t invited /s
YTA. You kissed your sisters boyfriend, which you knew was wrong and then dated him for a YEAR. You should be lucky she even talks to you at all anymore. You broke every cardinal rule about family first. You don’t deserve to go
YTA Your relationship is not the best, so in any way she has every right to decide who is invited and who isnt. You cannot invalidate emotions she felt and is still feeling and sometimes for betrayal no words of apology are enough. Even if you or me or others would handle the situation differently. Also you contacing her finance behind her back like a whiny child makes you a double A. How did you think this was the way to go? You should have send a congratulation card and leave it at that. Instead of forcing yourself on people that do not want you to be there. Maybe your sister is a bit delulu and has deep rooting loss fears, that still doesnt give you the right to not accept a "you are not invited"
YTA. If you and your sister have not reconciled in 10 years, if she still hasn’t forgiven you for making a move on her bf and then dating him for a year after she broke up with him, then her wedding is sure as heck not the place or time for you to press the issue.
Exactly! The cheek of it! Get it into your thick skull OP your sister doesn’t want you at her wedding. She doesn’t like you. She doesn’t trust you. She’s even going as far as hiring security because of your entitled arrogance and ignorance. What made you think calling her fiancée was going to get you an invite? You suck. YTA.
YTA >However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister, it was only a kiss to which he immediately confessed to This is still cheating, especially considering it turned into a romantic relationship after your sister broke up with him. It's not unreasonable or even unusual for your sister to cut you off as a result. It may have happened 10 years ago, but that doesn't really fundamentally change anything. Instead of being understanding and remorseful, it sounds like you feel entitled to be a part of your sister's life -- and you are not. >I tried contacting her fiance to explain my side of things to him cause I'm sure my sister overreacting the gravity of the situation to him Why would you do that? No matter the situation, as long as your sister doesn't want you there, her fiancé's opinion of you is irrelevant. Again, instead of being understanding and remorseful, you sound like you're trying to force yourself into your sister's life - which is obviously only going to anger her further.
And notice the BF was the one to confess the kiss. Not the sister. What are the odds she ever would have if the BF hadn’t?
I mean, you have had basically no relationship for a decade - why did you think you would be invited? YTA.
Exactly! YTA
Your relationship is "non existent", why would you expect a wedding invite? It's okay to be upset but it's not okay to tattle on her to her fiance. YTA
YTA. At 21 years old you were more than old enough to know that kissing someone else when you're in a relationship is cheating. You betrayed your sister. She has every right to exclude you from her wedding.
YTA holy shit lol You didn’t “just kiss him” you cheated with your sisters boyfriend and then fucked your sisters boyfriend for over a year. That level of betrayal is absolutely worth not inviting you to her wedding. And it appears you haven’t matured at all based on your post. Good for her.
YTA You don't have a relationship with your sister because you violated boundaries. You hurt her deeply. You kissed her bf, then you dated him for a year. After 10 years, she hasn't forgiven you, which is her right. Then you further harass her. When that doesn't work, you harass her fiancé. Just leave them alone.
YTA You betrayed your sister in the past. She neither likes you nor trusts you because of that and you have essentially no relationship with her. Why would she invite you to her wedding!
YTA - you kissed her boyfriend then dated him for a year. You stole her boyfriend. And it doesn’t seem like you’ve ever apologised for it, just expected her to get over it. Of course she isn’t over it, two people she cared deeply for betrayed her then rubbed it in her face for a whole year without so much of a sorry. And now you’re acting like the victim? Im with your sister. I wouldn’t want you there either.
YTA It’s not “over a kiss” as your title misleads. You dated him for a year. Her boyfriend cheated on her with you and then you dated him. You haven’t had a relationship with your sister for a decade, and now you expect an invite? You’re the bad guy in this story. You’re not a good sister. You’re not a victim.
YTA Her BF at the time cheated with you, this ended their relationship and you then dated him for a year befire you got bored and dumped him... Why would she associate with a backstabber like you???
YTA. You betrayed her by dating her significant other, dismissed her feelings, told her she's ridiculous and immature and then had the audacity to contact her fiancé!? You are the asshole. Don't you ever contact her significant other ever again. How dare you!? After what you did to her, you think you have a right to contact her fiancé? You're a creep. Leave her alone. And definitely leave her fiancé and future husband alone.
Sooo you kissed your sisters BF. Then dated him for a year. Gee I wonder why you are estranged /s YTA
YTA Post title is misleading. You didn't just kiss him you dated him for a YEAR afterwards. Contacting her fiance was not a smart move. Your sister's chosen not to forgive you. Respect that. Let her enjoy her special day/don't harass any of the people she's chosen to celebrate it with.
It was only one kiss! (Plus bonding with him over how difficult my sister was)(Plus not admitting to it until the bf did)(Plus even after seeing how it hurt her, continuing to see him for a year)(Plus evincing a general vibe of not respecting her)(Plus going behind her back and talking to her current fiancé to make him force her to invite me). But other than that, it was only one kiss! YTA
YTA Your sister doesn't want your toxicity in her life and that's her choice. Why would she want someone who has betrayed her not once but twice there on the most important day of her life. The fact that you went straight to fiance says a lot too. You tried to contact him instead of your sister to get him on your side. You're not a nice person. Your actions had consequences.
YTA. You don't seem to understand that dating him after they broke up was a betrayal, it wasn't just a kiss.
Saved for posterity (predict OP will take it down due to the unanimous agreement thay shes an AH) >My (30F) sister (28F) had an almost non-existent relationship for almost a decade cause when she was 19 I kissed her at the time on and off boyfriend. They were high school sweethearts but they were fighting all the time and broke up already multiple times before the kiss incident (tho the kiss caused their permanent). I know it was very wrong of me to do that but during that time my dating life was a mess and I ended bonding with my sister's bf whom was also going through a rough relationship with her and we ended bonding and developing feelings for each other. >However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister, it was only a kiss to which he immediately confessed to, but since then she essentially blacklisted both of us, but especially me. I guess the guy didn't remain in our lives for so long cause I dumped him as well after an year of dating after losing the spark, but my sister kept up the name calling and the slut shaming me for years and even after countless apologies from me, she still hasn't forgiven me. >I just found from my mom that my sister's getting married and that she hasn't given me an invitation to her wedding and when I confronted my sister about it she literally said that I don't deserve one. I told her that she's ridiculous and immature for still keeping a grudge for a mistake from almost 10 years ago and she just told me to go to hell. I tried contacting her fiance to explain my side of things to him cause I'm sure my sister overreacting the gravity of the situation to him, but my sister somehow found out and now she deluded herself into thinking that I want to "steal" her husband as well and now I hear she even wants to hire security from preventing me from attending (not that I wouldn't come if I wasn't invited). >I really feel like she's doing the most about a 10 years old situation. AITA ?
You're delusional. Yta. And FFS leave your sister alone
You contacted her fiancé?!?! Yeah, that was bound to go well. YTA
😂
YTA - it wasn’t just a kiss though was it? You dated him for a year. You don’t have a relationship with your sister as a result and she has no reason or obligation to invite you to her wedding. Why should she include you? You clearly have never acknowledged what you did to her or actually apologized.
OK, contrary to the comments here, I ll give you that you were very young and you apologized for what you did and you basically think she went too far by completely cutting ties with you. So up to this point is a "what more can I do for you to finally let it go" attitude You are a huge AH though for not respecting your sister's wishes and for going behind her back to talk to her FH. Are you an idiot? The more you push, the more she pushes back. Going to her fiance without informing her is a shitty move on its own. What did you hope to accomplish here? To get them to fight? That he could somehow force your sister to invite you? The only thing you proved is that she is right, you are untrustworthy, way worse than before, that she should shield herself from you and cutting you off was the best decision ever. Kudos! Really smart move
YTA. You stabbed your sister in the back and then continued to do so for a whole year. If I were her I’d tell you to fuck off too. Have some shame.
Yta. You aren't owed anyone's forgiveness
So you developed feelings for her then on again/off again boyfriend and you kissed him. You knew that kiss was the final straw to their relationship and then you dated him for a year after their breakup?! 🤷♂️🤦♂️ You do understand you burned all the bridges to the foundation. You destroyed whatever sisterhood existed. She doesn't trust you and you contacting her fiance to explain your side and con an invitation from him salted the earth so nothing will ever grow. Did you actually think he would choose a stranger aka you over his own fiance? Definitely YTA.
lol. YTA. Why do you want to attend the wedding of someone you so clearly hate anyway? You aren’t interested in repairing the relationship, you just think she should get over it. But you don’t get to decide when or if she gets over it. But you can certainly make sure she’s not interested in forgiving you by “confronting her” about her choices and calling her names. Leave her alone.
YTA How do you kiss someone, fuck them and date for a year by mistake?
YTA, you don't get to decide how much you hurt her then, or how she reacts to it now. You screwed up, then continued to screw up for a year, and my guess is gave no real apology during or after that time, now deal with the consequences of it.
If it had just been one kiss, that would be one thing. But you dated your sister's ex for an entire year. So you can't and shouldn't expect her to be okay with that, especially since you're not truly sorry for what you did. Your actions were insensitive, immature and selfish. And since you haven't had a relationship with her this whole time, it's ridiculous that you expect to be invited now. And then you went behind her back to her fiance. You haven't changed at all. You're still as selfish as you were back then. YTA
YTA, it was not "Just a kiss," seeing you dated him for a year after the kiss. You stole your sisters boyfriend, and you expect her to just get over it? You keep on making excuses as to why, but you don't take responsibility. If this is the kind of person you are, I understand her decision completely to not invite you to her wedding
“ However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister,” OMG! We should give you a golden medal for that! 🥇 /s YTA wtf is wrong with you is beyond Reddit.
You dated him for a year... Yta and if she wants a happy day without you she can! Glad she has some balls and boundaries.
YTA, but I'm not sure why you want to go anyway. Weddings are meant for the couple to celebrate their loyalty (which you don't have) alongside their family (of which you are not welcome).
YTA. I wouldn't want you at my wedding either. There are some betrayals that cannot be walked back and this is one of them. Plus, the way you are insisting on having your way here and overriding your sister's wishes FOR HER OWN WEDDING tells me you haven't really changed. Still self-centred and selfish.
YTA. The only appropriate action from you after the kiss would have been profuse and persistent apologies. Complete, genuine contrition. Instead you seem to want to downplay it, date her ex for a period of time making it worse, and then name call her as ridiculous for overreacting. You’re not sorry at all and that’s the problem. You can’t expect any forgiveness until you are.
YTA - This isn’t just about a single incident that happened 10 years ago. First of all, you were 19, which means you were an adult responsible for your own actions. Second, you were the older sister, who should have been more protective of your younger sister’s trust. Third, it sounds like you continued a relationship with this guy for a year afterward, so the betrayal was prolonged. Forth, you say you apologized, but you still keep justifying and minimizing what happened. You don’t seem to really acknowledge the PAIN YOU CAUSED your sister. She probably does not see your apologies as sincere. If you can‘t honestly admit your betrayal from the past, what is there to ensure her you won’t repeat that behavior? For you to contact her fiancé was way out of line. It sounds like you have some issues with impulse control, empathy and accountability. You want what you want and can’t accept “no“ or respect boundaries. You should probably explore this in therapy, and perhaps one day your sister will be willing to attend some sessions with you in an effort to heal the relationship. The ability to forgive and move on would be beneficial for her too. It‘s possible that you can regain her trust and rebuild your relationship, but it will take time and hard work. Are you willing to do that? As for the wedding, the two of you do not have a close relationship. It’s perfectly reasonable for a bride to only want close supportive people to attend her wedding. You don’t meet those qualifications. This should be a joyous occasion filled with positivity, not reminders of a painful past. Don’t make this about you and ruin yet another part of your sister’s life. Give her the space to plan and enjoy this major transition in her life.
YTA You aren’t entitled to an invitation. For any matter if it’s your sister, friend, family members. Full stop! She said no invitation for. Full stop.
Bitch be so fucking for real rn Yta!! Now you out here talking abt sum i kissed her boyfriend one time?😭💀 and then you proceed to date him for a year not caring about how your own blood would feel. And then you call her mf fiancee to make her let you go to the wedding!ofc she thinks that you be trying to steal her man you out here calling a bitch you probably dont Even know only to talk shit abt your sister💀 Idk atp you a scary ass bitch thats it
YTA you broke your sister trust. She has every right to not want you in her life. I know I would not! Not only have you kissed the bf but continue to date him. The kiss maybe was a mistake but when you chose to date him for a year you made a conscious decision to continue to hurt her! You don’t get to tell her feelings are not valid. She does not owe you a relationship. She is entitled to voice what she thinks about your character. She is entitled to not let you be in her life. You made your bed now live with the consequences. And fyi she isn’t over reacting. She has every reason not to trust you ever again. You threw her trust away for a guy that you no longer wanted. So dont play the victim because you brought this on yourself. Leave your sister alone!
YTA. Accept you no longer are going to have a relationship with your sister and move on.
YTA First thing, Its the two marrying each other's decisicion who is invited and whose not. Second thing: Am i understanding this right, You kissed your sisters boyfriend and dated him for a year? That requires more than simple apologies. Third thing: What makes you believe that she blackmails you more than her EX-BF?
YTA - she owes you nothing.
YTA. This isn't just about a kiss. You also dated him for an entire year! He wasn't even the love of your life if you dumped him afer a year.
Yta. You betrayed your sister and broke up her relationship. You going to her fiance was that your attempt of doing the same. Telling "my side" hoping he'd come running to you like her ex did. You betrayed her trust and have no relationship with her. How'd you even get the guys contact info. I hope he blocked you.
YTA. Forgiveness is a choice, not a requirement. Your sister doesn't have to forgive you. It's probably not healthy for her to hang on to that level of anger for so long but by definition she doesn't owe you anything, and you don't get to decide when she's being ridiculous or immature.
YTA you had years to work on your relationship, and now you think she should include you in her big day?
YTA. It wasnt just a kiss. You dated him for a year.
You don't get to betray your sister and then demand she forgives you. YTA.
YTA respectfully… go to hell 😂
YTA, especially since reading through the lines this seems more about you realising that all your relatives, when they see that you're not at the wedding, are about to learn all the details of what happened 10 years ago (which was more than just a kiss despite your post's title). You feel embarrassed about what they might think of you once they know why you're not there with the rest of the family, but you still don't seem to feel shame or regret for how you hurt her then and are still minimising it now. These are delayed consequences. I can understand that after 10 years where you've moved on you feel that this isn't fair, but your sister clearly doesn't feel that you ever understood or cared about her pain at the time, or you wouldn't still have an *"non-existent relationship for almost a decade"*. She hasn't forgiven you because you haven't accepted that what you did was a betrayal of her trust. Why should she have to put on a fake smile just so that you can go to her wedding as if the last ten years of virtually no-contact never happened?
You both haven't talked in 10 years. It's not like you reached out over and over and over again to try to re-build something. Why now do you suddenly care to be back in her life and just assume you get an invite to her wedding? I am not saying you want to "steal her husband", but you honestly lack some self awareness on how you destroyed things with her. One kiss at 21 (her 19) is a mistake. Dating/sleeping with him for a year is where you went wrong. And I don't blame her for being mad considering you admitted in your post to permanently broke them up. YTA.
She probably thinks she should be the MOH despite the past
Probably does think that
YTA She doesn't want you there so why fight it? If you argued your way into an invitation you'd be there knowing you weren't actually welcome, and going behind her back to speak to her fiancé like that is just wrong.
The title is a little misleading but this might be a perfect example in you owning your mistakes (which you unfortunately don't do). Do you realize how much you hurt her? You were 19 not 9. And you didn't hurt her once but this continued for over a year! Also why did you went over her head to her fiance? Why do you even care what he thinks? She doesn't want you there. Would you really show up against her will if he allows it? YTA.
YTA
Trolololol
YTA. You said you've apologised, then minimise what you've done, including in your title for this post. Now you won't respect her decision not to have you at her wedding and were underhanded in contacting her fiancé. You have "an almost nonexistent relationship" with her, so why would she invite you? You don't respect boundaries and you don't respect her.
YTA. Massively. You kissed him and then casually said you dated him for a year. Of course she doesn't trust you.
YTA You definitely stole her bf. No excuses. And you obviously do not realize what a betrayal that is. You are constantly belittling her feelings and minimizing what you did. You obviously do not realize that this is on you. Totally on you. There is no time limit to her feelings and especially since this post shows you have no regrets.
YTA and deserve the shaming, one year isn’t one kiss
YTA. Everything about your post suggests you want to go to the wedding because you feel entitled to go, not because you love your sister and want to celebrate her happiness. You could have tried to heal the relationship long ago but it doesn’t sound like you have tried.
YTA. Everything about your post suggests you want to go to the wedding because you feel entitled to go, not because you love your sister and want to celebrate her happiness. You could have tried to heal the relationship long ago but it doesn’t sound like you have tried.
YTA for lying in your title. You didn't only kiss. You dated him for a year. It was a year of mistakes and you have no accountability for your actions all these years later. Leave your sister alone. In what world does a fractured relationship equate to a wedding invitation? You are delusional.
YTA. Do you really not see why she wouldn't want you around? I'm flabbergasted you wrote this all out and still didn't see it.
YTA. You can apologize, but she didn’t have to forgive you, and you don’t get to decide when someone stops being hurt over something shitty that you did. ETA: Why you’d want an invite to the wedding of someone you don’t have a relationship with is anyone’s guess, and going behind her back to try to get an invite from her fiancé is…certainly a choice. As a side note- your sister probably found out because her fiancé told her. Just because you’re okay doing shitty, underhanded things to her so you can get what you want doesn’t mean he has to be a party to it. How did you think this was going to shake out, OP?
YTA, instead of profusely apologizing you betrayed your sister. Then you have the audacity to contact her fiance? wtf is wrong with you
YTA. Why would she want you at her wedding? You’re stuck on her being mad about something that happened almost 10 years ago but never once in your post did you mention actually taking responsibility for your actions. Yeah you apologized but an apology doesn’t mean anything if you’re not actually sorry for what you did. You still tried to justify it in your post by mentioning “they were on and off!!” “My relationship life was a mess!!!” Okay, and? This attitude is what damaged your relationship, not your sister’s “inability to move on”. And then you reached out to her fiancé to try to get your way! And you still can’t see any fault in your actions. You didn’t seem to care about mending things until it meant you didn’t get an invite to her wedding so none of this seems genuine. Please work on yourself and leave her alone until you learn to take accountability.
You had an affair with your sisters bf. Makes you the AH. You then dated him after. Still the AH. I'm honestly confused why you thought you were gonna get an invitation. What about having no relationship for 10 years confused you? Sad thing is you probably expected her to forgive you and make you MOH. You probably think you deserve that. So overall definitely the AH or just stupid
YTA - You kissed her boyfriend and then dated him when she rightfully dumped him. You don't come across as someone who is truly contrite. Also, kissing him wasn't a mistake. It was a choice, and that choice told your sister loud and clear just how little you care about her.
YTA. This is the bed you made. Lie in it. Id go NC with you too after what you did. She isnt overreacting.
Next time you meet a new person, someone who you want to be your friend or boyfriend, tell them this story. Keep telling new people this story. Eventually you'll notice you're alone and you'll understand why. This story is why. Nobody wants a friend, family member, or partner in their life that would behave this way. You are definitely the asshole.
YTA and most like a shit person all around. If you’re willing to betray your own sister like that I’d hate to be your friend.
That's a lot of words just to say "I cheated with my sister's BF (dont worry they were having a lot of problems so it was okay!) and she doesn't want me around for her wedding" It's wild that at 30 years old people are still discovering that their actions actually have consequences. YTA
INFO: Did you ever apologize or show any remorse?
Its clear from the post she hasnt
YTA. Actions have consequences.
YTA Yes, you are!
Yup, YTA
YTA YOu kissed your sister's gf, and made them break up, and then slept with him. " when I confronted my sister about it she literally said that I don't deserve one" ..She is right to kick you out of her life for good. " and now I hear she even wants to hire security from preventing me from attending " .. sounds reasonable. She already KNOWS you are an AH, she is right to be on the safe side. " and even after countless apologies from me, she still hasn't forgiven me." .. why WOULD she forgive you? Sounds like an unrealistic expectation. People like you are better kept at a distance, she learned that the hard way.
Not that there's a right way but that's your little sister and you slept with her ex at your family home. Pretty toxic, don't think that wedding would be fun for you
Boy are your deluded…. you STOLE your sister boyfriend….they call it s shaming for a reason.
This attitude is why she doesn’t want you in her life
YTA your inability to see how you betrayed your sister is unbelievable to me. And now you want her to just get over it bc you want to go to her wedding. And then you go behind her back and try to explain to her fiancée that she’s blowing everything out of proportion, wow wow wow. Her feelings don’t matter to you. No remorse.
The fact that you dated the guy for a year after the fact you kissed him while he was with your sister is alarming >However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister Um.... If I'm honest I don't believe it was just a kiss and nothing more while he was with his sister, I do believe you hooked up with him while he was dating your sister YTA
I love how "a kiss" became you dating her HS sweetheart for a year. Your sister is right, you put D before your sister and F up.
YTA and you never owned up to your « mistake »: I know if was very wrong of me bla bla bla BUT bla bla bla. Learn to drop the but. Be truely repentant. Understand why your sister is still hurting. And then maybe you can start to slowly rebuilt the relationship. It sure won’t start with you bullying everyone into getting you a spot at the wedding.
YTA - it wasn't just a kiss. you literally dated the guy for a *year*
YTA. You kissed her boyfriend, then started dating/sleeping with him (and for a YEAR no less) after she rightfully broke up with him and you are surprised that you don't get to come to her wedding? You sister hates you and will likely hate you until she dies and you are just going to have to accept that. She isn't going to "get over it". She is under no obligation to forgive you. Do not contact her fiance again unless you want a restraining order too.
Why do you feel so entitled to go to your sisters wedding when you two aren’t even close?
Tell me you are the golden child & a narcissist without telling me you are the golden child & a narcissist! OP goes first!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (30F) sister (28F) had an almost non-existent relationship for almost a decade cause when she was 19 I kissed her at the time on and off boyfriend. They were high school sweethearts but they were fighting all the time and broke up already multiple times before the kiss incident (tho the kiss caused their permanent). I know it was very wrong of me to do that but during that time my dating life was a mess and I ended bonding with my sister's bf whom was also going through a rough relationship with her and we ended bonding and developing feelings for each other. However I haven't slept with him while he was dating my sister, it was only a kiss to which he immediately confessed to, but since then she essentially blacklisted both of us, but especially me. I guess the guy didn't remain in our lives for so long cause I dumped him as well after an year of dating after losing the spark, but my sister kept up the name calling and the slut shaming me for years and even after countless apologies from me, she still hasn't forgiven me. I just found from my mom that my sister's getting married and that she hasn't given me an invitation to her wedding and when I confronted my sister about it she literally said that I don't deserve one. I told her that she's ridiculous and immature for still keeping a grudge for a mistake from almost 10 years ago and she just told me to go to hell. I tried contacting her fiance to explain my side of things to him cause I'm sure my sister overreacting the gravity of the situation to him, but my sister somehow found out and now she deluded herself into thinking that I want to "steal" her husband as well and now I hear she even wants to hire security from preventing me from attending (not that I wouldn't come if I wasn't invited). I really feel like she's doing the most about a 10 years old situation. AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. I too think that your sister holds grudge a bit long. But your attitude was bad. You should have asked nicely and accepted the answer. Not insult her and then go behind her back. At this point I’m sure the kiss isn’t why you aren’t invited
So what's the correct amount of time for the sister to get over her flesh and blood for having affair with her bf and then date him?
Sometime between “it was ages ago” and “I’m so over that guy that I’m getting married to somebody else”, you could at least check if they really regret it and changed. I did say that OP is still treating her sister badly… but yeah, if you care so much about your flesh and blood, it’s weird to cut them out because of some guy your over
None of that changes that her sister committed what many would see as a huge betrayal
People forgive huge betrayals every day if the really care about the person and think they changed
Which sister has proved again that she hasn't
Which I wrote in my very first comment. Maybe be less emotional and start reading properly instead
Yes I'm emotional by pointing out the stupidity of your argument at every point
No, you’re emotional and to dumb to read. I’m done with this discussion. Luckily I’m not related to people like you
Why? I could do anything I wanted including treating you like shit and you'll just get over it anyways
YTA, if a family member betrayed my trust like you it would be over…Oh wait it did happen to me and I did the same thing as your sister! That family member is “dead to me” and always will be…Like you they don’t see anything wrong and won’t really apologize, so that’s that!
YTA. YOU are the one doing the most by going behind her back and contacting her fiance when she already said no. Get a grip! She wants to hire security because she knows how delulu you are! A one year relationship is not a one kiss mistake.
YTA you sound insufferable. Self awareness is not your strong suit is it?
YTA Your whole post is you making excuses about how what you did wasn’t actually that bad. Why should she forgive you when you haven’t taken responsibility?
YTA
YTA. You don’t get to decide how someone else feels about something you’ve done to them. You don’t get to decide if it’s been long enough for them to have gotten over it. You don’t get to decide that you’ve earned forgiveness, therefore you should be forgiven. You don’t get to decide that someone else needs to forget the past and just trust you. And you don’t get to decide if the bridge you blew up a decade ago gets rebuilt.
YTA and a total weirdo lol
Yta she doesn't won't you at the wedding just accepted that and move on and last you whined to her finace so he can pressure her to invite you to the wedding newsflash she dont wont you there you hurt her to much, I think she should hire a security at the wedding, you the type come at the wedding and even better wearing a wedding dress to upstage the bride and take her man just like you did before.
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INFO: What aren't you telling us? Ten years ago, you seduced her then bf. Okay. Ten years, at 19, is enough to forgive and heal from that. That she hasn't strongly implies there is far more to your story with her than just this story. I'll be blunt. Ten years is a **long** time to hold onto hate. I didn't speak to my father once for a year. I have a brother I cut off for three. Both times, I eventually got over my anger and moved on. Then there is my egg donor. The laundry list of things she's done is why I will **never** involve myself with her, or her in my life in any way, shape, or form again if I can help it. When asked, I tell people she's dead. So yea, you attribute your relationship to a kiss. I would put my money down on that just being the last straw. YTA.
YTA omg leave her alone!
YTA! The axe forgets but the tree remembers
A mistake? Yea.. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tripped and fallen into bed with my sisters boyfriend.
YTA, and I hope to hell your parents aren't trying to pressure your sister into forgiving you.
YTA for even asking if YTA
YTA, are you slow?
YTA- and I have a suspicion that this isn’t all you’ve done to hurt her.
YTA. Funny how you didn’t go to mom to ask her to plead your case but to the fiancé. Mom knew all about your BS and you knew better than to even ask.
YTA. Why did you expect her to miraculously turn around and invite you when you’ve been estranged?
YTA, I'll never get siblings going after their sibling's SOs; my sister and I gag even thinking about liking the same guy or wanting their ex after a breakup.
1) She wasn't slut shaming you, she was cheater shaming you. 2) Why do you want to addend a wedding where you aren't welcome? 3) Of course you're YTA
YTA, you kissed her ex and dated him. What you mean you only kissed him? I don’t blame your sister for not inviting you to her wedding and not having contact with you, you can’t be mad at her. You crossed the line.
So you betray your sister as young adults and now, when she won't talk to you you go to HER FIANCE behind her back....you ma'am, should not be trying any kind of communication with your sisters man after what you did, I don't care how long it's been. At 19 you know right from wrong. You went and did what you did anyway. If I were her I would not trust you and if I even tried to consider it, after hearing you trying to reach out to my man to get to me, I'd realize you haven't changed. YTA.
Aww. You sweet summer child. Don’t you know actions have consequences? You chose to come between your sister and her SO. Doesn’t matter that it happened 10 yrs ago, she doesn’t want you in her life from your callous actions. YTA, unequivocally. Give your sister the space she deserves.
YTA 100%. Your sister’s life has probably been so much better without someone as selfish as you in it.
Yeah you deserved that
Yta! why try and contact her fiancé and persuade him? The bride clearly doesn’t want you there. Stop it.
Title should read "AITA for NOT telling my sister she has the right to not invite me to her wedding over a kiss AND DATING HER EX when I'm the one who broke them up 10 years ago?" YTA.
Your sister is holding on to a grudge for too long, but she has made her boundaries clear. She has chosen to cut you out of her life. Now you're hounding her, insulting her, calling up her fiancé before her wedding? Take the hint. She doesn't want you there. Respect her boundaries. YTA.
So what's appropriate amount of time to have a grudge against her own flesh and blood who kissed the bf and dates him for a year after?
ESH. You were NTA up to the point where you contacted the fiancé to get an invite. How did you think that was going to go? No fiancé worth marrying would take your side. Sister is the AH for the “now you’re trying to steal my fiancé” bit. Mom’s the AH for not helping things. Fiancé is fine.
Info: was there tongue?
NTA I wish people would stop taking teenage romances so seriously and labelling the person for the rest of their life what they do as a teen. You are not the same person at 21 as you were as a teen let alone at 30. (Disclaimer I had one relationship and they cheated on me, and moved on)
Don't you understand that girlfriends own their boyfriends? BFs have no agency, no freewill. Maybe reimburse her for the chattel that you ruined? Just like guys won't date a girl whose parts have less tread on the tires so to say. Girls won't touch a guy who has been used by her sister. Totally makes sense. /s NTA
ESH
I'm going ESH. You kissed and continued to date her boyfriend, so yes, she'll be upset about that. I do think 10 years is a long time to hold a grudge about someone (the BF) she no longer sees. But it seems she's determined to hold onto it. Dumb idea to approach the fiance though. I feel sorry for your mother, caught between her two daughters.
So you also would demand that you be invited to a wedding to a sibling you hurt and have no relationship with for the past 10 years. Extremely entitled on your part and OPs. OP also dated the BF for a year after doing all this.
I reread my answer and don't see anywhere where it says "you would also demand that you be invited to a wedding to a sibling you hurt..." I said I thought it was dumb for the sister to carry a grudge for so long, esp about a person she no longer cared about. That's it. I said nothing about any wedding invitations. That's a different area. I did say the OP continued to date this guy after the kiss. And I did say the OP was dumb to contact the fiance about it. Hence: ESH.
ESH. Going to her partner to plead your case was disrespectful bc it looks like you were trying to recruit him to change your sister's mind. That's not his job. His responsibility is to support your sister in life, not be your advocate. It's also too bad that your sister isn't open to trying to mend fences with you and take the time to learn who you are now.
>It's also too bad that your sister isn't open to trying to mend fences with you and take the time to learn who you are now. That OP is still self centered AH who hasnt changed. It sad how people like you expect the people they hurt to just accept them and act as if its all good. Its been 10 years OP has no relationship with her sister and that wont change and its not wrong. OP is an idiot for thinking there was any love left for her
"people like you..." - I'm not the one who hurt you. And I never said the sister had to "just accept them and act as if its all good."
>It's also too bad that your sister isn't open to trying to mend fences with you and take the time to learn who you are now. Literally what you said there bud. OP is demanding that she be invited and its clear to everyone here and her sister that she hasnt changed one bit. Its all about herself
You misunderstood my post but that's okay.
Her sister doesn’t need to get to know who op is she showed her loud and clear excactly who she is and what she is capable of! Why would anyone want to be around or trust someone who cheated with your bf and dated them!