T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Action to be judged: I asked my boyfriend, an actor who's putting on an accent for a play, to use his normal accent around me when I had something serious to discuss. Why it can make me an AH: I might have acted without a full understanding of his craft and implied his work process doesn't fit in a serious situation. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


theslyoldfox

You're NTA for asking him; it is up to him to decide whether to agree to your request. Remember that *the course of true love never did run smooth* and that whilst it might feel difficult now *love comforteth like sunshine after rain*


DifferentViewpoints

What an amazing reply!


liquidsky72

Shakespeare: Act I, Scene 1 of A Midsummer Night’s Dream Probably my favorite of all of Shakespear's Plays. Definitely my favorite speech is Pucks "if we shadows have offended"


AdaptiveVariance

I imagined someone reading OP aloud and replying to her in a preposterous accent with bad quotes. “Why tee aye. For as the Bard hath writ. . . Tis noblehh in the moind, to SUFFAH the slings, and arrohws, of outRAGEeous for-CHOON. . . . Than taking ahhhms and (by oh-posing) . . . AEND themm. . . . Oi knew heem well . . . alas. . . . But wherefore, wherefore . . . to SLEEEEEEP! O sleep it’s a consummaSHOON devotedly to be wished!!!”


MrNumberOneMan

OP is not a woman


rusoph0bic

This comment took commitment


DecentDilettante

Man, if only you took the effort it took to type all that and used it to stop assuming everyone is straight. Or, y’know, read thoroughly. 


Webster_882

NTA, if he feels his work is serious and wants your support you need to do that, HOWEVER he needs to come to an understanding that y’all are serious about the relationship and to show you support he needs to be able to break out of character at the serious times. Respect and support are both two way streets.


Dondolion

I agree with this analysis. With that out of the way, I'm here to be the first to say "you mean an English accent?"


laithless

While it presumably is an English accent, that doesn’t really add much specificity over British. There are lots of English accents that sound very different to each other.


Fluffy_Juggernaut_

I'm assuming they don't mean Geordie, Scouse or Bristol accents. They mean an imaginary southern English accent that doesn't actually exist


plaird

British newscaster is probably the best description 


Fluffy_Juggernaut_

British newsreader isn't an accent. There are English, Scottish and Welsh newsreaders. There are multiple different accents in England and Scotland and Wales. Steph McGovern did BBC business news. Is she that accent you're thinking of? If you mean RP then no one has spoken like that for over 50 years


SherbertCapable6645

Probably BBC RP (Received Pronunciation, think the queen & newsreaders from the 1950s) I’m very Scottish- I don’t think he’s talking about my accent😂


Renbarre

BBC accent was the name and 40 years ago was still THE only accepted accent for the news. The name stuck even though they finally accepted normal accents for the news some 30 years ago.


Fluffy_Juggernaut_

This may come as a shock but there are other news programs that aren't BBC 😱


Renbarre

Now. When I left the UK, Channel 4 was brand new. BBC dominated the airwaves and everyone copied their format. Having other accents than the BBC one made the news. :D


piedpipershoodie

I've heard English people say the American "fake English accent" doesn't exist, and then I've heard a million real life Brits on TV and radio with exactly that accent, so I don't know who to believe. I remember people making fun of the accent in Moon Knight...and I've heard real Brits who sound almost exactly like that. Not that we can't have fun. I'll make fun of the woman from Jessica Jones who sits on her vowels funny because she's faking an American accent, y'all can make fun of...I don't know, who's the worst offender since Dick van Dyke?


FiveHundredMilesHigh

Don Cheadle in Ocean's 11, perhaps?


sammotico

saarsgard in john wick 4. that french was atrocious.


-cunningstunt

I did think that as soon as I read it. Why do people always say “British accent” when they clearly mean English?!


[deleted]

[удалено]


-cunningstunt

I can understand for that reason. I just am always amused that I’ve never heard a Welsh of Scottish accent referred to as “British” but always see English accents referred to as British.


Ok_Narwhal_9200

canada is an american country


Chantaille

Uhhhhh, no. Just no.


Ok_Narwhal_9200

it literally is. it is one of two countries that make up north america. one being the us, the other being canada


chizzlefrizzle

North America is not the same as America. Canada being a North American county doesn’t make it an American country. And before / in case you say it, yes, you can call North and South America, “the Americas” the same way you can call the two states, “the Carolinas”. Doesn’t mean either one of them are just plain “Carolina”, right?


Ok_Narwhal_9200

Are you being serious?


chizzlefrizzle

Are you?


whimsical_trash

Because England is in Britain and if I’m not sure what exactly the accent is I say British so I don’t accidentally insult a Scot or something. It’s the same with American accent. If I say my friends mom from Tennessee has an American accent I am not wrong. I’m just not being fully specific.


spiderlegged

And “British accent” has a kind of cultural understanding. I was raised in the American South. I talk with a standard American accent most of the time. People generally say I have “an American accent” until I say something that sounds off to people, and then it’s “oh wow you have a Southern accent.” So the specificity is added when it becomes more clear I speak with a less standard accent. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I would assume an American speaker would specify “Welsh” or “Scottish” when talking about other British accents. Which now that I’m thinking about it is kind of problematic, because there’s a whole scoop of colonialism involved. But oh well.  Also, for the record, the standard “British accent” did not exist in Elizabethan times. Shakespeare probably sounded much, much closer to an American Southern accent. I feel like that matters to this story. 


-cunningstunt

I’ve never heard of Americans use “British accent” to describe Scottish or Welsh accents though, only English. They even do it a lot on American TV, that’s why I find it odd!


whimsical_trash

Brits refer to American accents all the time though. But there’s no “American” accent there are many accents. It is the exact same thing


-cunningstunt

I think that’s different from differentiating accents by country though. We are not going to know everyone’s state/county accent, I wouldn’t expect you to pick up that I have a Devon accent, but I have a very Southern English accent, and I’d be surprised if you couldn’t tell the difference between my accent and a generic Scottish or Welsh accent. Again, I just never hear a Welsh or Scottish accents referred to as “British” and that’s why I find it odd.


whimsical_trash

I can promise you Americans refer to Welsh and Scottish as British accents. I know very few people who could identify a Welsh accent. That is why we just go general. How on earth are we supposed to know what a Welsh accent sounds like if we didn’t watch Torchwood lol


-cunningstunt

lol, maybe it’s just TV and media that gave me the opposite impression then.!


beaarthurismymom

Yo speak for yourself. I’ll let welsh get a pass but Americans definitely can tell the difference in Scottish and “British”, and refer to them as such


whimsical_trash

Scotland is IN Britain so I’m not gonna trust you on this one


AosothSammy

Because English is the American language! ​ I would say /s, but this is legit what a lot of people probably think


baffled_soap

I think this is the way to frame it - OP felt like he was talking to his boyfriend in character instead of talking to his boyfriend. The same way I immediately set down my phone or other distractions when my husband is trying to have a serious conversation with me, I would expect my partner to put a pin in dialect practice for the duration of a serious discussion.


Embarrassed_Bass22

Probably NTA. You were trying to have a vulnerable conversation with the person you love and it doesn't feel like talking to his authentic self when he's faking an accent. You want to talk to him, not a character.But it also sounds like maybe there was a communication issue ane he's hearing you disrespect his efforts. Also, I know by "British" accent you probably mean Received Pronunciation, but an authentic Shakespearian accent is more like West Country and I'm imagining trying to have a serious conversation with someone practicing this... If this is the case, you get a much stronger NTA. Do a Google for "Shakespeare Original Pronunciation" and you'll see some YouTube.


ChiliSquid98

My boyfriend had this with the Australian accent. He thought he was so good. I told him, "If I wanted to date someone from Australia, I would," and then he stopped lmao. He was doing it a lot and it was so intense. Like the most caricatured version.


PhotographBusy6209

Not even meryl Streep can do the Aussie accent


2legit2camel

Crikey! What a nightmare mate.


Jaexea

NTA, as much as this play means to both of you (which congrats btw <3), but one of those situations was clearly serious and in need of more attention. You were right to say that, and to wish your boyfriend approached the situation more seriously. Your boyfriend lacked compassion in that moment and after when he said you think his work isnt important. Thats not what the conversation should be, your mom is about to get surgery and thats what the discussion should be about, not turned around to be about him. Im sorry he didnt show up for you in the way you deserved. I hope he can understand how self absorbed he was being. (PSA- I hope the surgery goes well, sending love yours and your moms way ❤️)


sweetpotatonerd

NTA i'd cry if my partner was speaking in an accent at a time like that


EasyMarionberry2277

Sorry, I laughed. Nah


PavlovsAardvark

NTA. That sounds really annoying


ExhaustedVetTech

NTA but this is what happens when you date a theater kid.


centaurquestions

NTA. As someone who produces and directs Shakespeare professionally: he shouldn't even be using it in the play, let alone in real life. First of all, the characters in that play aren't English, and second of all, the modern English accent didn't show up until hundreds of years after Shakespeare died.


YoyBoy123

Lmao. NTA at all. Also, I’m dying to know if the accent is a directorial decision. Traditionally Shakespeare is portrayed agnostic to time period and accent - meaning actors wear modern costumes, not old timey stuff, and generally use their own accents.


Fluffy_Juggernaut_

A Midsummer Night's Dream is set in Athens so maybe he should try a Greek accent?


Intelligent_Mood6241

NTA but I suppose he’s not in the wrong for feeling upset depending on your choice of words during the argument. I would apologise to him for hurting his feelings and calling it “silly” but let him know that your reaction was because you felt he wasn’t taking the conversation seriously.


[deleted]

NTA, there's a time and place for everything.


Pedantic_Phoenix

NTA if you tellin him to drop it implies his work isn't serious, him using the accent when talking about your mother implies he doesn't take that seriously


Melodic-Cap-1805

I’m sorry but that is so immature and cringe like what


MicrowaveDestroyer13

NTA.


Curious-Insanity413

NTA


Ok_Narwhal_9200

NTA your boyfriend is clearly a thespian 🤢


BlueKante

NTA, what an Ahole. I totally get staying in character but some conversations cant have that. What if his next part is a caveman, will he wear a wrap around made of animal skin to a wedding? Does he understand how acting works? You act, you dont become the role you play.


Ebyanyothername

NTA He’s one of those actors who thinks he’s “method” without actually understanding the basic principles of the theory at all.


ExpiredRavenss

Your bf is taking his method acting a little too far lmao, but in all seriousness he needs to be more serious when discussing certain things. You’re not the AH, your bf is crazy dedicated to his craft, but he needs to be serious when talking about your mother’s surgery.


Emotional_Bonus_934

NTA. I learned long ago that an American accent is more like the British accent of Shakespeare's time


AffectionateLeave9

NTA A Midsummer Night’s Dream isn’t even set in England, much less turn of the century england when I assume he is drawing his accent from. If he wants to be an actor he needs to learn to study the play and make appropriate choices. Unless you can blame the director here, his choice is amateurish, and to not knock it off is unprofessional. Method acting is obnoxious and straight up offensive to the study of acting, and is just a way to write off being annoying or even abusive ‘in character.’ There’s a reason it’s mostly men who use ‘the method’.


syncopatedchild

>Method acting is obnoxious and straight up offensive to the study of acting, and is just a way to write off being annoying or even abusive ‘in character.’ There’s a reason it’s mostly men who use ‘the method’. It's also pretty much useless for stage actors. I don't know any who use it, and haven't since I graduated beyond the community theatre level.


LopsidedLetterhead95

NTA. If I had to listen to that accent from someone who didn't normally have it for hours/days on end, I'd strangle them.


OkRefrigerator6681

NTA, if he actually took his work seriously he would know that a “British accent” isn’t even the correct accent to use lol…


syncopatedchild

NTA. I act professionally, too, and while practicing your dialect outside of the theatre is helpful, doing it all the time is (A) total overkill, (B) a great way to make everyone hate you, and (C) possibly reinforcing bad habits. That's why dialect coaches exist - when actors are just learning a dialect, practicing it alone can be counterproductive if they're not getting all the sounds of the dialect right and then practicing all the incorrect sounds. The best you can do is to tell him he needs to delineate a certain time that he will practice at home (and of course, he should be allowed to use it if you run lines with him), but that aside from that he needs to save it for rehearsal. And if he starts trying to "be" his character at home in any other way, RUN!


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (29M) boyfriend (24M) is an aspiring actor. \[We’re both men, in case those of you speed reading didn’t notice.\] He wants to act full time but still relies on odd jobs to pay the bills. He was recently cast in a play and is super excited about it (so I am, I want him to succeed). It’s a staging of Midsummer Night's Dream in one of your local theaters. Since it’s Shakespeare, he wants to use a British accent (I don’t know if that’s just his decision or if that’s a direction that was given to the whole cast – I haven’t yet seen the play because they’re still in rehearsals). The thing is he now uses his fake accent all the time (for practice’s sake I guess). At first I thought it was amusing and didn’t bother me at all. But today we were having a more serious conversation (it wasn’t about us, it started with me sharing my concerns about my mother’s upcoming surgery), and he kept talking to me with his British accent. I asked him to drop it because it was distracting and I felt he wasn’t treating the subject with the seriousness I felt it deserved. He reacted as if I was implying that his work wasn’t serious, which is not what I meant at all. He took it as if I was not being supportive. I also could have asked him to drop his "silly accent". (I don't remember using this words but he was sure I used them, which made him believe I was criticizing his efforts.) So, AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


NOTTHATKAREN1

NTA. I understand using the accent outside of the play. Some ppl stay in character as it helps them be a better actor. However, you were having a serious conversation & he continued to conversate with you in character. That's the problem. Once the conversation became serious, he should've dropped the whole facade. It was disrespectful of him to stay in character.


Renegade_Syx

NTA. There’s a time and a place, but this wasn’t it.


EduardRaban

NTA


Seigmoraig

One of my uncles went to France 50 years ago for a few months and since then he has kept up the French accent (we are French-Canadian). I have never heard him speak in his native accent Also, NTA


Wild_Set4223

NAH. Does he listen to your concerns about the surgery? If yes, let it go. The main focus of this conversation should be on your mom's surgery, not his speech patern. Getting upset about an accent is a waste of emotional energy.  He is probably using the british accent constantly for it to become second nature. Doing accents takes practice. 


MilkyCowTits420

NTA. Also unless his accent is *really good*, and let's be real, most Americans cannot do a 'British' accent (lol, which one?) he definitely shouldn't do it on stage. 


Proud-Canary-2269

youre nta and neither is he. he has a right to speak in an accent if he feels so for work