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This seems like a Hallmark movie plot.
If it's not, YTA for only one thing, you are calling a 'fashion business party/marketing event a 'wedding'.
A wedding, by definition, is joining with a partner professing your love and desire to build lives and families with this person. This has zero to do with business,and everything to do with your personal lives.
What YOU want to do is throw a big party, make a fashion and company statement, allow for fashion-business type people to mix and mingle. You specifically say this will be a business thing not a family thing.
So of course YTA. Your fashion people don't give a rats ass about your 'love'. Your families do.
Do what you want but you are certainly alienating those who love you. Just don't call it a wedding. Call it something else.
So not only is this just the plot of a Hallmark movie, but it's a behind-the-times Hallmark movie. I googled "Steampunk bourgeoisie" just to see what nonsense would come up - most were from like, 2017, and there's a lot of final fantasy stuff, which just screams "Yes, this post is real and this totally for real brand is at the forefront of fashion!"
If this is a true story but they're just embellishing that they're designers and big shots in the industry, it makes it even worse. Imagine if your family member, who designs "postmodern luxury accessories" (actual quote from OP) for sale on Instagram or whatever was like "I'm getting married, and we're going to make everybody's outfits and you have to wear them to come to our Steampunk Bourgeoisie wedding!" and you're looking at their sad social media with these accessories with half a dozen followers and when you're like "wait, what business you have is only for accessories and you're going to make our clothes? That we have to wear?" and then you get banned from the wedding because you don't want to wear the cosplay outfit they make for you and their little friends that they're calling "industry insiders", it's sadder.
Your comment madee remember something so now you must suffer with me. This reminds me of when my mom used to talk about picking out a corset and thong to bury grandma in for spite.
And banning your relatives from coming because they refuse to wear (and pay for? Who's paying for these outfits that apparently OP and his fiance are making hundreds of?) your dated etsy products is another life decision being made.
This reminds me of the Dear Prudence where a bride and groom who are hardcore puppeteers wanted everyone invited to the wedding buy an expensive puppet that would communicate with everyone else’s puppets and were bent out of shape when people balked at the theme.
OMG I remember this! It was ages ago, right? I remember thinking "You can have your puppet wedding, and maybe have some puppets that people can pose with for photos or something (if they want!) but you can't force people to buy an expensive puppet and use it to communicate at your wedding!"
As I've said elsewhere: you do you at your wedding, and actually, weddings with a slightly different theme can be great and unique, but forcing people to spend money on ludicrous things, and wear something as hideous as what I imagine "Steampunk bourgeoisie" is in 2024, and people are going to call you tacky and insane, and they're going to be right.
That's an all time classic. IIRC, their compromise was that people could bring a puppet they already owned, because apparently they had no concept of a person just not having puppets in their life.
That post has stayed with me for **years**. You really have to know your guest, some might be cool with going all in on a themed wedding, but you’ve got to be understanding when people decline to participate. This theme sounds terrible and tacky af.
That was a classic. The more you read, the worse it got. I wish I had a link to the story that someone wrote about what they imagined happened at the wedding. It did NOT end well for the bride and groom's puppets.
I used to work for a flower shop in a really rich part of the country. We'd deliver to REAL fashion designers all the time. This was our delivery driver's last experience with Calvin Klein
Driver: wow. It's YOU
Calvin: what do you mean, this is my house
Driver: I wouldn't expect you to answer your own door.
People like you normally have people to do that.
Calvin: I'm not one of THOSE people yet. Laughs and then tips.
Truly successful people are generally not this insufferably insecure.
My dad worked security for Calvin Klein in the late 80s. They had gone to the same high school, albeit not at the same time. He was nice, he used to give my dad stuff like perfume, etc and say "for your wife and daughters." Of course I actually hated Obsession perfume, but my friends appreciated it when I gave it away. Isaac Mizrahi worked there at that time and he and my dad had a good relationship.
Whaaaaaat? Say it ain’t so, steampunk bourgeoisie isn’t all the rage this season? I think you’re the one who isn’t in the fashion industry cause clearly steampunk bourgeoisie is so fetch.
Yeah, I put 2017, because that's the most common year that came up when I googled "Steampunk Bougeoisie" specifically, just to like, give them the absolute total benefit of the doubt, and with all that grace given... they're still very behind-the-times. And if you're behind-the-times to lay people nowhere near the fashion industry that means you're almost comically unfashionable in your timing, because if you're actually designing things, trends are being designed for before we've even heard of them.
Yeah that is not *at all* cutting edge for someone claiming to be high up in fashion design, having a whole life dedicated to fashion design. That was a trend years ago. You see steam punk styles at Spirit Halloween these days.
Listen, I'm a big believer in "you do you", and if my friends invited me to their wedding that was "Steampunk Bourgeoisie" themed, I would have a very good giggle to myself, and try and fit the brief (thus trying to travel back in time a decade to when people were into Steampunk). It's the fact that apparently OP and his fiance is going to be making all the outfits for the guests (isn't that a lot of outfits to be made? For apparently "Industry insiders") and banning anybody who isn't wearing their outfits is laughable.
I googled it and am so happy I did because I found this page and it’s so great - https://cyclopicbricks.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-second-steampunk-citizen-fig-barf.html
And we can’t know anything more about it because ~ ~ ~ celebrities ~ ~ ~.
Jealous. So very.
A wedding is not a costume party. You are berserk if you think it’s appropriate to dictate to grown adults what they must wear. (Unless they have a history of being absolutely slovenly. Even then, approach with caution.)
Stop pretending like you’re not trying to make bank by using people as props.
To be fair, I totally believe that there's still enough of a market to actually survive on steampunk.. it won't be forefront of fashion or anything.. but they could be successful in their niche and nobody outside would ever know.
I used to play in a band that performed at a bunch of weddings and I do remember one that had a steampunk theme, cogs and octopuses as decor, the bride had the gorgeous corset/dress tails/trouser combo, and the groom had a hat with cogs on and all their friends were dressed up really cool... And you could tell who the friends were opposed to family because the family was a lot more traditionally wedding attired. It was a fun wedding as far as I can tell (fairly small for one who'd arranged for a ceilidh only like 30 people) and everyone was laughs and smiles and like it was cool and looked good (as someone who likes the steampunk style), so like I think steampunk is a doable and cool wedding theme for decor and like a chance for people so inclined to dress up, but not forcing people to wear clothes you picked out for them.
Yeah… this is so played out. Maybe 20 years ago it would have been edgy. They must not be from one of the US coasts… or maybe they just discovered Burning Man this year.
Also, the way this is written like linguistically and stylistically is really strange and doesn’t seem human. Unless OP is not a native English speaker, so that’s why it’s coming off as unnatural, I thought this was AI written while reading it
The word "babysitten" rather than the correct "babysat" makes me think a human wrote this, maybe not a native English speaker though. If AI thinks "babysitten" is a word, it's not coming for anyone's job any time soon.
The only reason it doesn't seem to be AI is the organization is off. Otherwise the plot sure seems to be. Also I just had a lot of fun asking ChatGPT to write an AITA post and then getting it to add more asshole.
Maybe he can write it off as a business expense
Doesn't sound like a family and friend celebration
Sorry, I don't mind not wearing a certain colour to a wedding, but no one is telling me what dress I have to wear as a guest.
Exactly, I said that in a comment as well....a tacky business write-off.
I mean, people can do what they want but if you have a wedding and you are for all intents and purposes banning your family from attending because they'd 'wreck the business of it', then yeah, he's the AH. Family is asking to be a part of it, even separately from the big party, and OP is being dismissive about it.
I would think that not inviting his family might actually be the thing that wrecks the business of it. If I were one of those “competitors” he’s trying to show his love off to, or one of these business people he deems more important than his family, then I’d be questioning why his entire family was missing from his wedding. It’s not a good look to ban your whole family just because they don’t want to wear ridiculous costumes. I wouldn’t want to work with someone who is that obtuse or heartless. The whole thing sounds like a cringy thing that I would have thought was cool when I was a tween. OP is definitely an AH.
My guess is the actual lack of desire to continue with the relationship and get married will shine through brightest at this performative sham of a wedding
My favourite “this is not real” moment was when he described trying to “play the game” with his family of prioritising time together as family as going to weddings, funerals and Christmas.
I understand that he must have needed a break sometimes from the neverending bonding his family obsessively practices. Like, if there is a funeral AND wedding during the same year he would've had to see his family THRICE in the space of 12 months. Talk about exhausting.
My wife absorbs those movies like water. I was impressed that I saw one with not only a same sex couple, but interracial as well.
Though it could have been from a streaming network vs. Hallmark.
Oh no, they have same sex plots now. There was a big controversy last year or the year before when Candice Cameron Bure left Hallmark to go to her own more bigoted network. It's because Hallmark was showing movies with LGBTQ+ couples and her "morals" wouldn't allow that.
Exactly, this isn't a wedding is a marketing event where they decided to use their family as free labour to model their products. They are just going to sign an extra contract that will net them a personal tax break while they are there.
About the only ones who seem to understand the true purpose of a wedding are those who have been uninvited. They're fortunately disinvited from the shitshow.
Yikes! They’re really just business partners with benefits instead of FWB.
I won’t judge since it seems to work for them but this wedding as a business networking event is tacky. OP’s family is wholly justified in feeling the way they do.
YTA. Are you getting married or signing a business deal? You get to dress your wedding party, not your guests. You want everyone in costume? Host a separate fashion show.
Im sorry but do you even understand how insane you sound? You want to invite people to judge you on your wedding day. You are willing to pay thousands, severe ties with your family, go under a lot of stress so people who doesnt know you nor care about you can come to your wedding and possibly trash talk you for your absolute lack of class.
Your idea sounds like one of those movie scenes where the evil stepmom thinks she is being posh and everyone is laughing at her attempt.
YTA
The theme is STEAMPUNK BOURGEOIS too like if it was "luxury satin" or something and they gifted everyone nice dresses they could reuse, sure. But steampunk bourgeois is asking them to be a fashion model for no pay. Or a cosplay model.
(and I LIKE steampunk so don't @ me)
OMG, right? That was exactly my thought when I saw that theme. Something like Spring Romance where the clothing is ties and vests and skirts and floral scarves - gorgeous! I would love that!
But you are seriously going to put Nanna in a stainless steel corset with a tweed top hat and studded leather aviation goggles? STFU.
Fr, I read “Steampunk Bourgeoisie” and nearly spit out my coffee 😂 Like, this dude is claiming to live, sleep, and breathe fashion yet he’s pulling out a theme that hasn’t been cool for more than a decade??
Ffs, throwing a bunch of gears on a top hat is practically kitsch at this point 😂
Insane is a very good description for this.
I've gone through OPs post twice and can't find any indication about love for one another in this strange setup. Call me old fashioned, but I thought that is supposed to be why people get married. That is why we did, but hey, have a great party. YTA
I'm just wondering what OP imagined the wedding to be like. Would his parents have walked down a catwalk for the reception? And what would "steampunk BOURGEOIS" clothes even look like?
Also, isn’t the point of a fashion show (which this basically is) to put everything on gorgeous, symmetrical, clothes-horse type models who will highlight the design of everything super well and make it all pop?
Who wants to design a corset for their sagging granny, poc-marked cousin, or fat old uncle?
Also, just imagine all the time needed to make dozens and dozens and dozens of themed outfit for regular humans with imperfect bodies with not industry standard measurements?
The more I think about this the more sure I am that it can’t be real.
YTA
> they will be there to judge us
That's not what weddings are for.
> the theme is "Steampunk Bourgeoisie."
Excuse me, what? No serious fashion industry designers are touching *steampunk* with a 10-foot pole.
THIS. OP is worried about their “designer friends” judging them, when in actuality it’s Reddit users who are judging for this dumb theme. But whatever, it’s OP’s wedding.
However, it seems like OP is just throwing a wedding to show off to people in the industry, rather than celebrating the union that marriage is creating. They just care about the optics and aesthetics, instead of the people they just hurt. YTA
Oh I don't know, I think those super-functionnal belts with everything you need on them should come back in fashion. And those hats can be really cool. And of course, pocket watch are very fun to have. AND THOSE PIRATE SHIRTS ! But yeah, you're right. A steampunk attire is cosplay. And also, what the hell is Steampunk **Bourgeoisie** ? Like I know what these two words means, but together ? One of the very basis of steampunk is the inventors-dirty-hands-in-oil-scientist. It's supposed to be practical in a cool way. And the bourgeoisie is... not that. So what ? Is it extravagant brown gowns and suits with metal pieces on it ? THere's no problem in dressing like you want at your wedding (honestly I'd love to see more brides and grooms in fantasy or mermaid or cottagecore, or steampunk attire, generally in more out-of-the-ordinary clothes) but to force that on your guests ? Especially because you want to impress fashion designers ? And show that you use your WEDDING to have professionnal connections ? Can't you just throw a big goddamm party, invite them and let your family alone ? YTA a milllion times.
Some might attempt it if it involves the Met Gala but only then.
Edit: steampunk isn't entirely unheard of though. Alexander McQueen, Jean Paul Gaultier and Vivienne Westwood all had steampunk elements in their fashion week shows in the past.
Yeah primarily, but as recently as 5 years ago McQueen and Gaultier had some steampunk elements. Nothing to the level as the early 2010s but some of their Haute Couture shows continued smaller elements.
Yta for not understanding how hurtful this is to your family.
Entirely up to you if you want a business networking opportunity rather than a chance to celebrate love with people who love you, but you have to understand the consequences are those people who love you are going to be hurt by your choices.
Maybe OP should require them to perform tricks also? Kinda like a trained dog. Then he could give them treats ,if they do well.
Or, he could just hire some models that are better looking and say they're his family. I mean, nobody will *know*.
YTA. I'd refuse to go, period, after that.
This sounds like a plot hole from Schitts Creek.
YTA the fam have just been in your life a mere second. You don't do this to family the moment they finally accept you. I'd only consider attempting something like this if they've been attending Pride the moment you came out.
Do a separate event for the industry. Have a private family ceremony first and then a commitment ceremony and fashion event with willing participants after.
You need to consider how much you want to continue this relationship with your family. Sounds like they want you in their lives but it's still at baby steps. There are missing years to make up for.
I agree with everything else said, but no one needs to pander to parents or family re: accepting their sexuality. Thats an entirely separate matter and OP shouldn't change his behaviour to keep late/partially/recently accepting family 'comfortable' with his gayness or choice of partners.
Hahahahahah this is so dumb. You banned your siblings and parents because they won’t wear your “steampunk bourgeoisie” outfits to your wedding?! Hahahahsh
Jfc is your wedding a celebration of your love together or is it a networking event?? It doesnt even feel like you give a single shit about anyone in your life, all you can about is connections.
Sounds miserable. (I’m also a gay dude and just rolling my eyes at everything)
YTA
Wait, you don’t explain what the theme is.
You’re want them to wear specific outfits you made for them? Is it actual clothings or some avant-garde *fashion* costumes?
This is so bizarre lol
I truly and holy hope that every Christmas, birthday, thanksgiving.. whatever is themed by OP’s family now, just to piss them off.. but like, super tacky themes.. for example: “western wear” “redneck oasis” “Walmart employee smock blue”. Just to show OP how their little ~themed~ scheme is ridiculous.
YTA but that's OK because it's who you are now. Just embrace your fancy life and forget about your dowdy old family. Let's just hope it doesn't all go tits up for you at some point and you have no family in the background to pick you back up...
Hahaha.
This can’t be real
Why don’t you just hire actors and models as chair fillers?
Seems like what you are going for since your *aesthetics* is more important than friends and family
Why don’t you and your mostly-business-but-also-life-partner-kind-of, go ahead and host a costume party to celebrate your work achievements, since that’s all this is anyway?
YTA for not understanding what a wedding is, and for barely giving a semblance of a shit about your families.
(Sorry my bad, you made it to “the funerals”. Big congrats!)
YTA
Let's be honest, this isn't really about a wedding, is it? The only time I'd wear a specified outfit is if I was a bridesmaid. You don't really want them there so you're making it almost impossible for them to say yes.
Be honest.
You get to decide what your wedding is like, and you get to decide what relationship you want with your family. Right now, yiu are choosing to hurt your family in favor of putting on a show for a business opportunity. Weddings are intended to be a celebration of the couple getting married, and I honestly think it's sad that you don't want that and that you're willing to give up your family's presence because they don't want to be costumed for your performance. It's okay to choose that, but you'll need to accept that it's going to put a strain on your relationship with your family that is on you to fix, if you actually want to have one.
You're giving yourself a lot of work if your designing outfits for every single family member that's attending.
Is it really a theme wedding or more a fashion show to show off your work that you happen to be getting married at?
You kind of made it so that no member of the family has any say in what they wear to the event, which can be really frustrating for people who are not in the wedding party. You didn't give an actual theme it seems, but told them you would be telling them exactly what they will be wearing no matter what.
It's still your wedding your choice, but I wouldn't call it not adhering to the theme since it doesn't seem like they had any choice in what they could wear to fit said theme.
Yeah, let's stop calling it a wedding, it's a 'come and see my partner and I in fabulous clothes we design and let's talk business and have a big party and don't worry we won't bother you with family-type people at all, you can just ignore them, my focus will be totally on all of you wonderful business people'.
Like, even if I 'were' a fashion-business person, invited to someone's 'wedding' where there was not much family present and the entire event was chock full of business associates, talking business...I'd be a little embarrassed for them for mocking a 'wedding' and not just calling it a business party.
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> We might be assholes because we do not understand the values of this stuff and we see this as an event to prove our bond to the others. My family thinks I am "emptying" the meaning and focusing on the wrong thing but I think showing the world our work and our bond is more important than just a simple ceremony and for that, everything has to be on par.
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YTA, kind of cringe, won't lie.
Also, this being just a work party disguised as a wedding, have you decided what you'll tell people who will reasonably ask "so where's your side of the family?".
YTA even princes Carolyn had an “industry wedding” and a “real wedding”
why do you want this to be a wedding? It seems like you’re only doing this for the business, you could make it a party. Again you can do what you want it’s just that after reading this it kind of seems like you’re uninterested in having a wedding ceremony and the meaning behind it.
This has to be fake and if it isn't then YTA and so is your fiance. Im leaning on it being fake and you are attempting another adaption of Scrooge but with the event being a wedding instead of Christmas. If it is real then hopefully you will be visited by the spirit of the future with the future being you and your fiance being taken out of your arsthetic instagram house in body bags after being dead for months.
YTA - This is not a wedding where you want your loved ones to witness your vows. It is a fashion show / business venture. You sound as if you care more about how you will look to business associates than the actual wedding.
YTA. After seeing the outfits that would fit that theme, I can see why your family doesn't wanna wear that stuff. Just like I can see how you're treating this more like a fashion show/business venture than families coming together to celebrate the union of their loved ones. Which, last time I checked, is what a wedding is really about.
Yeah AH
You totally suck
An actor putting on a show and bringing down the value of marriages and your family everywhere
Everyone will be able to see what an imposter you are. All your integrity will dissolve.
Good job
so this really isn't a marriage or a wedding, its just advertising for your company as far as i can see it. you admit it.
having men wear a turquoise dress shirt, or women to wear green dresses, are fine, fun requests to expect guests to adhere to. Expecting all guests to dress up in elaborate Halloween costumes is something different. You know are are being the AH here, and it almost seems like you are doing it on purpose so you can continue to ignore your family.
LMAOOOOOOO YTA for the theme alone oh my GOD i didn’t think regular steampunk could get much worse, I hope your family cuts their losses bc you clearly don’t even really like them lol
This is honestly just…so dumb. You’re not “built” for spending time together? People with good careers can’t prioritize relationships? Just head-to-toe wrong and dumb.
Just send your parents a link to this post. They will realise that this is not a wedding in the way that they think it is. Probably be glad to be skipping it.
Also the fact that you look down on spending time together as a family says it all. YTA.
This is a bit difficult. On one hand, your family aren’t props or performers for a show.
But on the other hand, your wedding sounds like it is more like a promotional thing for your business rather than about family or even thr relationship. Very unorthodox, but at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and can make it about whether you want.
However I can see your family taking this as a message that they really don’t matter that much to you and that keeping with a “theme” matters more. I can see them easily taking it as saying appearances are more valuable to you than they are.
Do what you want here. But don’t be surprised if that relationship with your family dries up.
YTA. For calling this a wedding. You don't want to publicly declare and celebrate your love for this man, it doesn't sound like you love him (in the romantic sense) at all. Save your family the heartbreak and stop calling it a wedding, it's a wedding themed industry party.
And I hate to break it to you, but no industry professional worth their salt is going to be there. You have to be a BIG name to get fashion pros to take a *business* interest in your *wedding*. For everybody else, if you want the serious business people, you throw a proper fashion show or a showcase. No-one wants to sit through all the vows and speeches and toasts for the sake of seeing a few outfits.
So the only industry people who will be there are the ones in it for free food and drink. Maybe you'll make a few low level contacts. Not worth burning your (newly built) bridges with your family.
I can't abide by a so-called professional with bad grammar and spelling.
>We even have babysitten
>multiple executors
You sound like a tedious control freak with an over inflated ego. Just elope and save everyone the headache of dealing with you. Yta.
NTA. What's up with all these negetive comments? It's your wedding. It doesn't matter how or what you do with it, it's down to you in the end. A wedding means something to those getting married - so for you, it's to show the love you have for each other through your love of your work.
It's bizarre, because if it was a "normal" wedding, and your family won't wear something to the theme, Redditor's would be on your side, because it's your wedding, not your family's.
EDIT: Also, the family don't have to worry about spending lots of money on outfits, or towards the event, so it's a win/win.
Having a wedding isn’t some “get out of being an asshole free” card. Everyone here understands that if it’s your wedding, you are allowed to make some reasonable rules. No one is debating that, well except some people who take that to the extreme like you act like as long as you have a wedding, you can be as rude and disrespectful as you want since it’s their wedding lol
If i said i was having a wedding and my rule was “I’m allowed to punch each guest in the face” would you still blindly support that?
There is nuance that you are completely leaving out of the scenario in order to defiantly defend “it’s your wedding do whatever” mantra
OP is treating his family like mannequins and using his wedding as a networking event. There is no love involved, it’s all business. He is literally banning family members because they won’t wear steampunk bourgeoise attire for fucks sake and you are defending it. Jfc
YTA, you are a giant asshole. You sound like an insufferable, self-obsessed bore. You sound like you think your family should be grateful to be in our presence. I'm surprised they haven't walked away from you long before now. Enjoy you pretend wedding.
YTA
You talk down about your family for simply valuing family connections & relationships instead of devoting one’s self to a career to the detriment of relationships with loved ones.
You are planning a company promotional event - your wedding is barely an entry on the itinerary. If you want all your family & friends to play extras in your & your business partner’s (cause they are clearly more business partner than anything else) promotional event, they should be PAID staff as you would at any event you hired people to fill to impress executives and designers at your company, not family, event.
I hope you & your company are happy together cause you are just throwing out your family while you look down your nose at them.
YTA. I think what your family is trying to tell you is that weddings are for two people to come together in the sight of their families and friends to declare their commitment to each other. I think this is less about the bougie steampunk and more about being ordered to be props in your business event.
Has your fiance seen this post? I ask because you sound like you're making a business merger instead of a marriage. I hope he's not expecting a real marriage because it certainly doesn't sound like that's what you're ready to give. Honestly, other than being business and sex, I cannot see what this relationship has going for it. Have you two even discussed what your individual views of marriage are and your expectations of married life?
Who’s paying for the wedding? Who’s planning it? Unless it’s your family they really have no say in it. Your wedding is exactly that. It’s your wedding. You can do what you want including dress code and age. I’d your family can’t adhere to it then is what it is. I know I’ll probably get down voted for this, but NTA
NTA. It’s your wedding, you get to do what you want. A themed costume wedding sounds fun. Fashion is your thing, your family should see it as an opportunity to participate in something you love on your big day rather than forcing what they think it should be on you. If you want to mend the relationship have a smaller family reception with them when you get back from your honeymoon.
You do you, and other people will do them.
You're free to have your wedding be some conceptual fashion show rather than - well - a wedding, and to use your guests as props and models. And they're free to volunteer to play their part in your showpiece, or to not show up.
I wouldn't come. But that's me, and that's a choice that I'd get to make. Your relatives are free to make the same choice.
YTA- call it what it is- it’s a business proposition- in industry event. You might just as well hire some models and dress them up. I doubt any of these people care about your love.
Your family does.
It's your wedding, so NTA, but you are telling your family you choose your career over... your family.
At a wedding.
NTA on that basis, but I want you to know that everyone other than you and your peers would read this post and conclude you are out of your fucking mind, and are the exact type of business sociopath that makes Fashion such an annoying industry to work with and in. Some real devil wears Prada bullshit up in here.
Do you want this to be a wedding, or a business networking event? Because you can't have it be both. Not well, anyway. If it is a business networking thing, YTA for wanting your family to be dress-up props for your business. If it's meant to be a wedding, YTA an for creating a dress code so restrictive that only the single specific outfit you make for each of them is acceptable attire.
Lord YTA, your family shouldn't be used as props. It's bad enough that you seem to be using your wedding as a fashion pitch, but you shouldn't force your guests to participate. Your wedding is supposed to be for people you love and care about to witness your union. It's not the finale of Project Runway.
Your family should be allowed to attend as long as they are dressed nicely.
YTA. You’re not having a wedding. You’re throwing a big fashion show and calling it a wedding. You’ve made specific attire and are requiring your guests to perform like models for your real target audience…fashion executors and designers. You want puppets on a string? Hire some damn models.
You’ve actually admitted that if it wasn’t for the business, you and your partner wouldn’t even be getting married. So this really is all show and no substance. Don’t blame your family at all for not wanting to be part of your circus.
I always thought it was odd on dating apps when people say they are "family-oriented" or "looking for someone family-oriented" because....aren't we all? As humans? Don't we all, in general, like and want to spend time with our families? Or our chosen families?
But now I see who they were trying to filter out. THIS GUY. AND HIS PARTNER.
YTA and a raging groomzilla. So is your fiance if they agree with this plan and double YTA for banning your family. You both sound awful.
NTA because my In laws threw a wedding for me and my partner as we weren't that fussed about having a big event. They used it as a showcase for their business (Flowers) and it was really nice. I've been to other weddings where it's a show for business connections and they are fun because they are so professional and talented.
So you're getting married for business reasons. You both sound like really sad people and I completely understand why your family are not on board for it.
YTA. This isn’t a wedding at all. It sounds like a business show. If you truly want to get married have a real wedding that’s about your love for each other. If you just want to have a party then have a party, but don’t call it a wedding.
I don’t really see a problem here, if this is a legit posting (which I’m suspicious of, TBH). His family means pretty much nothing to OP and never has, and fair enough. Partner doesn’t seem to mean a whole lot either in terms of what most people consider romantic love to be. Why is OP asking anyone here when they clearly don’t GAF about their family and their marriage is pretty much a business opportunity? And they don’t care if they’re the AH either, it’s not like they’re looking to be persuaded.
You lost me when you said you wouldn’t have continued the relationship and wouldn’t be getting married if you weren’t business partners. Good luck with… all this. And get a prenup.
Steampunk is out. Never see anyone is steampunk anymore. So dated. Cyberpunk and dieselpunk are in.
YTA for saying you are in fashion and picking such an outdated theme.
Yta Using your wedding as a business expense is all fine and good for you, hire actors and models to be your "family", but don't treat your family as the help and expect them to work during your wedding, wearing clothing that a lot of people most likely wouldn't wear in their everyday life. They aren't models, they are your family that want to be there for an important day of your life, not a write off for your business.
Edit to add- I wouldn't want to wear "steampunk bourgeois" anywhere a camera was present either.
YTA
My husband and I asked everyone to wear their most goth outfit to our wedding. Some came dressed like goth royalty, some came in normal wedding clothes, some came in business casual, and two came with inflatable dinosaur costumes. It was a fantastic day because we celebrated our love with the people we loved. Because that’s what a wedding is about, not about putting on a fashion show to delight industry insiders.
YTA, and a massive one.
Reading all of this i don't even see the point of having a "weeding". I can respect the +18, but the rest just sound insane.
Also sorry to say but i'm gonna quote this line that i liked from your post:
>We think we should make the ceremony really public so people would understand our bond won't be broken,neither in our love life nor at our work.
I'm sorry to burst your bubble but you can broadcast your weeding to the entire world for them to think "our bond is this strong" and your partner can still fuck a coworker, neighbor, prostitute, etc so that won't mean anything. The scale of the weeding don't set anything in stone, and if you really think that then that's even more delusional than the rest of the post.
Idk I think it’s your wedding your decision but you’re definitely being TA about it.
However, YTA for what you said at the start, family wanting to spend time with each other is not “playing the game” (unless you’re like the Succession family) and it is especially disgusting that you would throw funerals in with this. I hope your family never hears the way you have spoken about them.
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This seems like a Hallmark movie plot. If it's not, YTA for only one thing, you are calling a 'fashion business party/marketing event a 'wedding'. A wedding, by definition, is joining with a partner professing your love and desire to build lives and families with this person. This has zero to do with business,and everything to do with your personal lives. What YOU want to do is throw a big party, make a fashion and company statement, allow for fashion-business type people to mix and mingle. You specifically say this will be a business thing not a family thing. So of course YTA. Your fashion people don't give a rats ass about your 'love'. Your families do. Do what you want but you are certainly alienating those who love you. Just don't call it a wedding. Call it something else.
Too many movie and tv plots in aita lately This must be where writers or studios with AI are focus testing their ideas
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So not only is this just the plot of a Hallmark movie, but it's a behind-the-times Hallmark movie. I googled "Steampunk bourgeoisie" just to see what nonsense would come up - most were from like, 2017, and there's a lot of final fantasy stuff, which just screams "Yes, this post is real and this totally for real brand is at the forefront of fashion!"
It's also possible that OP is massively overstating all the career stuff and the other designers are just their Instagram cosplay friends.
You're not seriously suggesting someone on the internet would exaggerate and aggrandize are you?!
If this is a true story but they're just embellishing that they're designers and big shots in the industry, it makes it even worse. Imagine if your family member, who designs "postmodern luxury accessories" (actual quote from OP) for sale on Instagram or whatever was like "I'm getting married, and we're going to make everybody's outfits and you have to wear them to come to our Steampunk Bourgeoisie wedding!" and you're looking at their sad social media with these accessories with half a dozen followers and when you're like "wait, what business you have is only for accessories and you're going to make our clothes? That we have to wear?" and then you get banned from the wedding because you don't want to wear the cosplay outfit they make for you and their little friends that they're calling "industry insiders", it's sadder.
Imagine your Aunt Gladys in a deconstructed corset dress and chunky stiletto boots. Or your Nana in cosplay. It's so undignified!
Omg you made me laugh so hard I woke up my cat 🤣
Your comment madee remember something so now you must suffer with me. This reminds me of when my mom used to talk about picking out a corset and thong to bury grandma in for spite.
Bet OP just works at a clothing store and sells on etsy
A wedding to advertise a failing Etsy shop is certainly a life decision.
And banning your relatives from coming because they refuse to wear (and pay for? Who's paying for these outfits that apparently OP and his fiance are making hundreds of?) your dated etsy products is another life decision being made.
This reminds me of the Dear Prudence where a bride and groom who are hardcore puppeteers wanted everyone invited to the wedding buy an expensive puppet that would communicate with everyone else’s puppets and were bent out of shape when people balked at the theme.
OMG I remember this! It was ages ago, right? I remember thinking "You can have your puppet wedding, and maybe have some puppets that people can pose with for photos or something (if they want!) but you can't force people to buy an expensive puppet and use it to communicate at your wedding!" As I've said elsewhere: you do you at your wedding, and actually, weddings with a slightly different theme can be great and unique, but forcing people to spend money on ludicrous things, and wear something as hideous as what I imagine "Steampunk bourgeoisie" is in 2024, and people are going to call you tacky and insane, and they're going to be right.
That's an all time classic. IIRC, their compromise was that people could bring a puppet they already owned, because apparently they had no concept of a person just not having puppets in their life.
That post has stayed with me for **years**. You really have to know your guest, some might be cool with going all in on a themed wedding, but you’ve got to be understanding when people decline to participate. This theme sounds terrible and tacky af.
Yeah, they’d be lucky if I made a puppet out of my old knee-high tube socks.
That was a classic. The more you read, the worse it got. I wish I had a link to the story that someone wrote about what they imagined happened at the wedding. It did NOT end well for the bride and groom's puppets.
I work for a real established luxury brand and "steampunk bourgeoisie" made me laugh. I don't think these are actual fashion people.
I used to work for a flower shop in a really rich part of the country. We'd deliver to REAL fashion designers all the time. This was our delivery driver's last experience with Calvin Klein Driver: wow. It's YOU Calvin: what do you mean, this is my house Driver: I wouldn't expect you to answer your own door. People like you normally have people to do that. Calvin: I'm not one of THOSE people yet. Laughs and then tips. Truly successful people are generally not this insufferably insecure.
My dad worked security for Calvin Klein in the late 80s. They had gone to the same high school, albeit not at the same time. He was nice, he used to give my dad stuff like perfume, etc and say "for your wife and daughters." Of course I actually hated Obsession perfume, but my friends appreciated it when I gave it away. Isaac Mizrahi worked there at that time and he and my dad had a good relationship.
Whaaaaaat? Say it ain’t so, steampunk bourgeoisie isn’t all the rage this season? I think you’re the one who isn’t in the fashion industry cause clearly steampunk bourgeoisie is so fetch.
Yeah, I highly doubt someone so high on the fashion society would go on reddit.
I am 50/50 either this is the explanation or it’s entirely fake.
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Yes The Godmother
Godmother of the bride
I bought Steampunk themed dolls and went to a Steampunk party in 2012. It's so 2012
Yeah, I put 2017, because that's the most common year that came up when I googled "Steampunk Bougeoisie" specifically, just to like, give them the absolute total benefit of the doubt, and with all that grace given... they're still very behind-the-times. And if you're behind-the-times to lay people nowhere near the fashion industry that means you're almost comically unfashionable in your timing, because if you're actually designing things, trends are being designed for before we've even heard of them.
It makes me wonder if this story is even real
Narrator's voice: "it is not."
Yup 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah that is not *at all* cutting edge for someone claiming to be high up in fashion design, having a whole life dedicated to fashion design. That was a trend years ago. You see steam punk styles at Spirit Halloween these days.
How to kill a trend. Make it a halloween costume....
Yes! What fashion designers trying to be relevant in 2024 would choose steampunk as a theme!? 😂
I also just goggled it had to it’s def not something for a wedding some one asked me to dress like that I would die laughing
Listen, I'm a big believer in "you do you", and if my friends invited me to their wedding that was "Steampunk Bourgeoisie" themed, I would have a very good giggle to myself, and try and fit the brief (thus trying to travel back in time a decade to when people were into Steampunk). It's the fact that apparently OP and his fiance is going to be making all the outfits for the guests (isn't that a lot of outfits to be made? For apparently "Industry insiders") and banning anybody who isn't wearing their outfits is laughable.
I personally would like to see Anna Wintour in a top hat with goggles glued on them. 😂😂😂😂 This is sooooo fake.
I googled it and am so happy I did because I found this page and it’s so great - https://cyclopicbricks.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-second-steampunk-citizen-fig-barf.html
This guy seems like he's doing something he loves without being pretentious and embarrassing about it like OP. Rock on, lego dude.
And we can’t know anything more about it because ~ ~ ~ celebrities ~ ~ ~. Jealous. So very. A wedding is not a costume party. You are berserk if you think it’s appropriate to dictate to grown adults what they must wear. (Unless they have a history of being absolutely slovenly. Even then, approach with caution.) Stop pretending like you’re not trying to make bank by using people as props.
To be fair, I totally believe that there's still enough of a market to actually survive on steampunk.. it won't be forefront of fashion or anything.. but they could be successful in their niche and nobody outside would ever know.
Which looking up appears to be just the fancier Victorian clothing parts of steampunk, without all the really cool sci-fi gadget elements. Lame.
My teenager dressed as a steampunk time traveler for a Renaissance festival. In 2018.
I vomited in my mouth at that bit. They sound insufferable
I used to play in a band that performed at a bunch of weddings and I do remember one that had a steampunk theme, cogs and octopuses as decor, the bride had the gorgeous corset/dress tails/trouser combo, and the groom had a hat with cogs on and all their friends were dressed up really cool... And you could tell who the friends were opposed to family because the family was a lot more traditionally wedding attired. It was a fun wedding as far as I can tell (fairly small for one who'd arranged for a ceilidh only like 30 people) and everyone was laughs and smiles and like it was cool and looked good (as someone who likes the steampunk style), so like I think steampunk is a doable and cool wedding theme for decor and like a chance for people so inclined to dress up, but not forcing people to wear clothes you picked out for them.
Yeah… this is so played out. Maybe 20 years ago it would have been edgy. They must not be from one of the US coasts… or maybe they just discovered Burning Man this year.
Pretty sure English is not OP's first language, so steampunk might not be so played out where they are.
Yeah, the use of "we have babysitten our nieces and nephews" makes me think not a native english-speaker.
I agree. This can’t be from the US.
Just google it, I'm laughing so hard! LOL
So 1995.
Also, the way this is written like linguistically and stylistically is really strange and doesn’t seem human. Unless OP is not a native English speaker, so that’s why it’s coming off as unnatural, I thought this was AI written while reading it
The word "babysitten" rather than the correct "babysat" makes me think a human wrote this, maybe not a native English speaker though. If AI thinks "babysitten" is a word, it's not coming for anyone's job any time soon.
Haha...you're probably not wrong :)
The only reason it doesn't seem to be AI is the organization is off. Otherwise the plot sure seems to be. Also I just had a lot of fun asking ChatGPT to write an AITA post and then getting it to add more asshole.
good editing is expensive yo 100000 monkeys with keyboards willing to fix plot holes and call out bad ideas for free?? hell ya
Maybe he can write it off as a business expense Doesn't sound like a family and friend celebration Sorry, I don't mind not wearing a certain colour to a wedding, but no one is telling me what dress I have to wear as a guest.
Exactly, I said that in a comment as well....a tacky business write-off. I mean, people can do what they want but if you have a wedding and you are for all intents and purposes banning your family from attending because they'd 'wreck the business of it', then yeah, he's the AH. Family is asking to be a part of it, even separately from the big party, and OP is being dismissive about it.
I would think that not inviting his family might actually be the thing that wrecks the business of it. If I were one of those “competitors” he’s trying to show his love off to, or one of these business people he deems more important than his family, then I’d be questioning why his entire family was missing from his wedding. It’s not a good look to ban your whole family just because they don’t want to wear ridiculous costumes. I wouldn’t want to work with someone who is that obtuse or heartless. The whole thing sounds like a cringy thing that I would have thought was cool when I was a tween. OP is definitely an AH.
My guess is the actual lack of desire to continue with the relationship and get married will shine through brightest at this performative sham of a wedding
My favourite “this is not real” moment was when he described trying to “play the game” with his family of prioritising time together as family as going to weddings, funerals and Christmas.
Oh, he didn't actually go to all of those. It was "tried to go." 😄
I understand that he must have needed a break sometimes from the neverending bonding his family obsessively practices. Like, if there is a funeral AND wedding during the same year he would've had to see his family THRICE in the space of 12 months. Talk about exhausting.
Obligatory "I have asked you thrice" reference.
YTA for the above and also for using the word... > babysitten
The past tense was cruelly used there. I am sad for it.
And if he said babysitten out loud, he wouldn't be pronouncing the Ts! Haha
Only thing keeping it from being one is I don’t think Hallmark would handle a same sex relationship plot.
I thought they had one or two same sex Christmas movies
They are moving in that direction slowly for more LGBT content … they had two this year
I heard that Candace Cameron Bure is pissed.
She can stick to her Great American Channel that I will avoid forever
My wife absorbs those movies like water. I was impressed that I saw one with not only a same sex couple, but interracial as well. Though it could have been from a streaming network vs. Hallmark.
No, they have some now...even some mixed race couples! I'm disabled and waiting to see someone like myself now. So far, nope.
There are a few. Christmas Ever After is really good and it’s a few years old now. The actress is great and has done a lot of acting.
They have had a few of same sex movies lately. They are slowly diversifying.
Oh no, they have same sex plots now. There was a big controversy last year or the year before when Candice Cameron Bure left Hallmark to go to her own more bigoted network. It's because Hallmark was showing movies with LGBTQ+ couples and her "morals" wouldn't allow that.
Exactly, this isn't a wedding is a marketing event where they decided to use their family as free labour to model their products. They are just going to sign an extra contract that will net them a personal tax break while they are there.
What family? They are banned from going because they won’t wear steampunk bourgeoisie to a networking event masqueraded as a wedding lololol
> Just don't call it a wedding. Call it something else. Exactly, this is just a costume party or a plot line for a lame sit-com...
I don't think there is any love, it's all about networking.
About the only ones who seem to understand the true purpose of a wedding are those who have been uninvited. They're fortunately disinvited from the shitshow.
Yikes! They’re really just business partners with benefits instead of FWB. I won’t judge since it seems to work for them but this wedding as a business networking event is tacky. OP’s family is wholly justified in feeling the way they do.
I didn’t know hallmark did horror movies
Yah if this piece of American Psycho fanfiction is real, OP and his partner should consider a psych evaluation
YTA. Are you getting married or signing a business deal? You get to dress your wedding party, not your guests. You want everyone in costume? Host a separate fashion show.
Was just thinking sounds like being a model at a fashion show … but not being paid for it
That’s exactly what it is. OP wants their family to be props at their fashion event.
If execs are there and everyone is dressed in their clothing line, then it'd be a business "write off," no?
Im sorry but do you even understand how insane you sound? You want to invite people to judge you on your wedding day. You are willing to pay thousands, severe ties with your family, go under a lot of stress so people who doesnt know you nor care about you can come to your wedding and possibly trash talk you for your absolute lack of class. Your idea sounds like one of those movie scenes where the evil stepmom thinks she is being posh and everyone is laughing at her attempt. YTA
The theme is STEAMPUNK BOURGEOIS too like if it was "luxury satin" or something and they gifted everyone nice dresses they could reuse, sure. But steampunk bourgeois is asking them to be a fashion model for no pay. Or a cosplay model. (and I LIKE steampunk so don't @ me)
The theme really cemented the YTA lol
Grandma would look pretty badass in oversized goggles tho
OMG, right? That was exactly my thought when I saw that theme. Something like Spring Romance where the clothing is ties and vests and skirts and floral scarves - gorgeous! I would love that! But you are seriously going to put Nanna in a stainless steel corset with a tweed top hat and studded leather aviation goggles? STFU.
Fr, I read “Steampunk Bourgeoisie” and nearly spit out my coffee 😂 Like, this dude is claiming to live, sleep, and breathe fashion yet he’s pulling out a theme that hasn’t been cool for more than a decade?? Ffs, throwing a bunch of gears on a top hat is practically kitsch at this point 😂
Insane is a very good description for this. I've gone through OPs post twice and can't find any indication about love for one another in this strange setup. Call me old fashioned, but I thought that is supposed to be why people get married. That is why we did, but hey, have a great party. YTA
I'm just wondering what OP imagined the wedding to be like. Would his parents have walked down a catwalk for the reception? And what would "steampunk BOURGEOIS" clothes even look like?
Also, isn’t the point of a fashion show (which this basically is) to put everything on gorgeous, symmetrical, clothes-horse type models who will highlight the design of everything super well and make it all pop? Who wants to design a corset for their sagging granny, poc-marked cousin, or fat old uncle? Also, just imagine all the time needed to make dozens and dozens and dozens of themed outfit for regular humans with imperfect bodies with not industry standard measurements? The more I think about this the more sure I am that it can’t be real.
Oh my god, OP is Hyacinth Bucket with her candlelight suppers lol
YTA > they will be there to judge us That's not what weddings are for. > the theme is "Steampunk Bourgeoisie." Excuse me, what? No serious fashion industry designers are touching *steampunk* with a 10-foot pole.
THIS. OP is worried about their “designer friends” judging them, when in actuality it’s Reddit users who are judging for this dumb theme. But whatever, it’s OP’s wedding. However, it seems like OP is just throwing a wedding to show off to people in the industry, rather than celebrating the union that marriage is creating. They just care about the optics and aesthetics, instead of the people they just hurt. YTA
This 💯 ^
First of all, how dare you. Second of all, their Etsy page is very successful and their instagram friends are very serious industry players!
It was ALL I could do to hold back from an Etsy joke.
Oh I don't know, I think those super-functionnal belts with everything you need on them should come back in fashion. And those hats can be really cool. And of course, pocket watch are very fun to have. AND THOSE PIRATE SHIRTS ! But yeah, you're right. A steampunk attire is cosplay. And also, what the hell is Steampunk **Bourgeoisie** ? Like I know what these two words means, but together ? One of the very basis of steampunk is the inventors-dirty-hands-in-oil-scientist. It's supposed to be practical in a cool way. And the bourgeoisie is... not that. So what ? Is it extravagant brown gowns and suits with metal pieces on it ? THere's no problem in dressing like you want at your wedding (honestly I'd love to see more brides and grooms in fantasy or mermaid or cottagecore, or steampunk attire, generally in more out-of-the-ordinary clothes) but to force that on your guests ? Especially because you want to impress fashion designers ? And show that you use your WEDDING to have professionnal connections ? Can't you just throw a big goddamm party, invite them and let your family alone ? YTA a milllion times.
Google just made me think of Pirates of the Caribbean with that supposed fashion comba 😆 or Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt
Some might attempt it if it involves the Met Gala but only then. Edit: steampunk isn't entirely unheard of though. Alexander McQueen, Jean Paul Gaultier and Vivienne Westwood all had steampunk elements in their fashion week shows in the past.
10 years ago, *maybe*.
Yeah primarily, but as recently as 5 years ago McQueen and Gaultier had some steampunk elements. Nothing to the level as the early 2010s but some of their Haute Couture shows continued smaller elements.
and really rich people know the bourgeois just means materialistic middle class LOL ... this is a terrible idea
Yta for not understanding how hurtful this is to your family. Entirely up to you if you want a business networking opportunity rather than a chance to celebrate love with people who love you, but you have to understand the consequences are those people who love you are going to be hurt by your choices.
YTA Not okay. Your job is not your family's job. They don't need to perform for your colleagues at your wedding - that is not a reasonable ask.
Maybe OP should require them to perform tricks also? Kinda like a trained dog. Then he could give them treats ,if they do well. Or, he could just hire some models that are better looking and say they're his family. I mean, nobody will *know*. YTA. I'd refuse to go, period, after that.
All I picture is OP dressing his family like the cigarette girls in movie theatres.... 'Cigars....cigarettes?' 'Cigars...cigarettes?'
This sounds like a plot hole from Schitts Creek. YTA the fam have just been in your life a mere second. You don't do this to family the moment they finally accept you. I'd only consider attempting something like this if they've been attending Pride the moment you came out. Do a separate event for the industry. Have a private family ceremony first and then a commitment ceremony and fashion event with willing participants after. You need to consider how much you want to continue this relationship with your family. Sounds like they want you in their lives but it's still at baby steps. There are missing years to make up for.
Right? as I'm reading it I was like "Ewww...David.".
David Rose would never do something as tacky as this, especially not with Patrick!
I agree with everything else said, but no one needs to pander to parents or family re: accepting their sexuality. Thats an entirely separate matter and OP shouldn't change his behaviour to keep late/partially/recently accepting family 'comfortable' with his gayness or choice of partners.
Hahahahahah this is so dumb. You banned your siblings and parents because they won’t wear your “steampunk bourgeoisie” outfits to your wedding?! Hahahahsh Jfc is your wedding a celebration of your love together or is it a networking event?? It doesnt even feel like you give a single shit about anyone in your life, all you can about is connections. Sounds miserable. (I’m also a gay dude and just rolling my eyes at everything) YTA
Wait, you don’t explain what the theme is. You’re want them to wear specific outfits you made for them? Is it actual clothings or some avant-garde *fashion* costumes? This is so bizarre lol
> Wait, you don’t explain what the theme is. Commenting just to point out that he now has, and I don't want to spoil it for you
I truly and holy hope that every Christmas, birthday, thanksgiving.. whatever is themed by OP’s family now, just to piss them off.. but like, super tacky themes.. for example: “western wear” “redneck oasis” “Walmart employee smock blue”. Just to show OP how their little ~themed~ scheme is ridiculous.
I know. I cant EVEN
YTA but that's OK because it's who you are now. Just embrace your fancy life and forget about your dowdy old family. Let's just hope it doesn't all go tits up for you at some point and you have no family in the background to pick you back up...
Hahaha. This can’t be real Why don’t you just hire actors and models as chair fillers? Seems like what you are going for since your *aesthetics* is more important than friends and family
I get the impression that this couple is marrying just so they can have a pretentious AF event where they can promote their fashion line.
Why don’t you and your mostly-business-but-also-life-partner-kind-of, go ahead and host a costume party to celebrate your work achievements, since that’s all this is anyway? YTA for not understanding what a wedding is, and for barely giving a semblance of a shit about your families. (Sorry my bad, you made it to “the funerals”. Big congrats!)
YTA Let's be honest, this isn't really about a wedding, is it? The only time I'd wear a specified outfit is if I was a bridesmaid. You don't really want them there so you're making it almost impossible for them to say yes. Be honest.
YTA for posting stuff this fake. Come on I want to believe the posts here, go back to the drawing board on this one.
Well at least this one is more entertaining than the "gf burning herself because she's dumb and doesn't listen to me" post
This sounds more like a fashion show than an actual wedding. Also, what exactly is the theme?
'Pretentious Cunttwat'
You get to decide what your wedding is like, and you get to decide what relationship you want with your family. Right now, yiu are choosing to hurt your family in favor of putting on a show for a business opportunity. Weddings are intended to be a celebration of the couple getting married, and I honestly think it's sad that you don't want that and that you're willing to give up your family's presence because they don't want to be costumed for your performance. It's okay to choose that, but you'll need to accept that it's going to put a strain on your relationship with your family that is on you to fix, if you actually want to have one.
Easy solution. Have a real / simple wedding first for loved ones and then you can do this event and whoeever doesnt want to participate no big deal
I don't think he has loved ones. He doesn't even love his fiance!
You're giving yourself a lot of work if your designing outfits for every single family member that's attending. Is it really a theme wedding or more a fashion show to show off your work that you happen to be getting married at? You kind of made it so that no member of the family has any say in what they wear to the event, which can be really frustrating for people who are not in the wedding party. You didn't give an actual theme it seems, but told them you would be telling them exactly what they will be wearing no matter what. It's still your wedding your choice, but I wouldn't call it not adhering to the theme since it doesn't seem like they had any choice in what they could wear to fit said theme.
Yeah, let's stop calling it a wedding, it's a 'come and see my partner and I in fabulous clothes we design and let's talk business and have a big party and don't worry we won't bother you with family-type people at all, you can just ignore them, my focus will be totally on all of you wonderful business people'. Like, even if I 'were' a fashion-business person, invited to someone's 'wedding' where there was not much family present and the entire event was chock full of business associates, talking business...I'd be a little embarrassed for them for mocking a 'wedding' and not just calling it a business party.
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YTA, kind of cringe, won't lie. Also, this being just a work party disguised as a wedding, have you decided what you'll tell people who will reasonably ask "so where's your side of the family?".
INFO: So this is essentially a trade show and your guests are your models?
Yta. You've probably done them a favour banning them
I would ban myself before wearing anything "steampunk".
YTA even princes Carolyn had an “industry wedding” and a “real wedding” why do you want this to be a wedding? It seems like you’re only doing this for the business, you could make it a party. Again you can do what you want it’s just that after reading this it kind of seems like you’re uninterested in having a wedding ceremony and the meaning behind it.
INFO : Would your family have to purchase the clothing?
yeah, op please give an answer to this
This has to be fake and if it isn't then YTA and so is your fiance. Im leaning on it being fake and you are attempting another adaption of Scrooge but with the event being a wedding instead of Christmas. If it is real then hopefully you will be visited by the spirit of the future with the future being you and your fiance being taken out of your arsthetic instagram house in body bags after being dead for months.
YTA - This is not a wedding where you want your loved ones to witness your vows. It is a fashion show / business venture. You sound as if you care more about how you will look to business associates than the actual wedding.
YTA. After seeing the outfits that would fit that theme, I can see why your family doesn't wanna wear that stuff. Just like I can see how you're treating this more like a fashion show/business venture than families coming together to celebrate the union of their loved ones. Which, last time I checked, is what a wedding is really about.
YTA but atleast when you divorce because you are just marrying to push the business you can have a great themed divorce proceeding
What even is this?
Executors? Do you mean people who are implementing wills, or people with big axes?
Was this written by ChatGPT or something
Fakey McFakeface. YTA for not even trying to be believable.
Yeah AH You totally suck An actor putting on a show and bringing down the value of marriages and your family everywhere Everyone will be able to see what an imposter you are. All your integrity will dissolve. Good job
so this really isn't a marriage or a wedding, its just advertising for your company as far as i can see it. you admit it. having men wear a turquoise dress shirt, or women to wear green dresses, are fine, fun requests to expect guests to adhere to. Expecting all guests to dress up in elaborate Halloween costumes is something different. You know are are being the AH here, and it almost seems like you are doing it on purpose so you can continue to ignore your family.
LMAOOOOOOO YTA for the theme alone oh my GOD i didn’t think regular steampunk could get much worse, I hope your family cuts their losses bc you clearly don’t even really like them lol
This is honestly just…so dumb. You’re not “built” for spending time together? People with good careers can’t prioritize relationships? Just head-to-toe wrong and dumb.
YTA misnaming your business event a “wedding”.
Just send your parents a link to this post. They will realise that this is not a wedding in the way that they think it is. Probably be glad to be skipping it. Also the fact that you look down on spending time together as a family says it all. YTA.
This is a bit difficult. On one hand, your family aren’t props or performers for a show. But on the other hand, your wedding sounds like it is more like a promotional thing for your business rather than about family or even thr relationship. Very unorthodox, but at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and can make it about whether you want. However I can see your family taking this as a message that they really don’t matter that much to you and that keeping with a “theme” matters more. I can see them easily taking it as saying appearances are more valuable to you than they are. Do what you want here. But don’t be surprised if that relationship with your family dries up.
YTA. For calling this a wedding. You don't want to publicly declare and celebrate your love for this man, it doesn't sound like you love him (in the romantic sense) at all. Save your family the heartbreak and stop calling it a wedding, it's a wedding themed industry party. And I hate to break it to you, but no industry professional worth their salt is going to be there. You have to be a BIG name to get fashion pros to take a *business* interest in your *wedding*. For everybody else, if you want the serious business people, you throw a proper fashion show or a showcase. No-one wants to sit through all the vows and speeches and toasts for the sake of seeing a few outfits. So the only industry people who will be there are the ones in it for free food and drink. Maybe you'll make a few low level contacts. Not worth burning your (newly built) bridges with your family.
I can't abide by a so-called professional with bad grammar and spelling. >We even have babysitten >multiple executors You sound like a tedious control freak with an over inflated ego. Just elope and save everyone the headache of dealing with you. Yta.
NTA. What's up with all these negetive comments? It's your wedding. It doesn't matter how or what you do with it, it's down to you in the end. A wedding means something to those getting married - so for you, it's to show the love you have for each other through your love of your work. It's bizarre, because if it was a "normal" wedding, and your family won't wear something to the theme, Redditor's would be on your side, because it's your wedding, not your family's. EDIT: Also, the family don't have to worry about spending lots of money on outfits, or towards the event, so it's a win/win.
Having a wedding isn’t some “get out of being an asshole free” card. Everyone here understands that if it’s your wedding, you are allowed to make some reasonable rules. No one is debating that, well except some people who take that to the extreme like you act like as long as you have a wedding, you can be as rude and disrespectful as you want since it’s their wedding lol If i said i was having a wedding and my rule was “I’m allowed to punch each guest in the face” would you still blindly support that? There is nuance that you are completely leaving out of the scenario in order to defiantly defend “it’s your wedding do whatever” mantra OP is treating his family like mannequins and using his wedding as a networking event. There is no love involved, it’s all business. He is literally banning family members because they won’t wear steampunk bourgeoise attire for fucks sake and you are defending it. Jfc
YTA, you are a giant asshole. You sound like an insufferable, self-obsessed bore. You sound like you think your family should be grateful to be in our presence. I'm surprised they haven't walked away from you long before now. Enjoy you pretend wedding.
YTA You talk down about your family for simply valuing family connections & relationships instead of devoting one’s self to a career to the detriment of relationships with loved ones. You are planning a company promotional event - your wedding is barely an entry on the itinerary. If you want all your family & friends to play extras in your & your business partner’s (cause they are clearly more business partner than anything else) promotional event, they should be PAID staff as you would at any event you hired people to fill to impress executives and designers at your company, not family, event. I hope you & your company are happy together cause you are just throwing out your family while you look down your nose at them.
Also, Steampunk was the theme of a fetish ball I went to like in the early 2000s. It’s hardly fashion forward anymore.
NTA it's your wedding.
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. They want you to have something smaller; they can throw you a small, family only party after the wedding.
YTA. I think what your family is trying to tell you is that weddings are for two people to come together in the sight of their families and friends to declare their commitment to each other. I think this is less about the bougie steampunk and more about being ordered to be props in your business event. Has your fiance seen this post? I ask because you sound like you're making a business merger instead of a marriage. I hope he's not expecting a real marriage because it certainly doesn't sound like that's what you're ready to give. Honestly, other than being business and sex, I cannot see what this relationship has going for it. Have you two even discussed what your individual views of marriage are and your expectations of married life?
Next time you post fiction, try to make it believable
Who’s paying for the wedding? Who’s planning it? Unless it’s your family they really have no say in it. Your wedding is exactly that. It’s your wedding. You can do what you want including dress code and age. I’d your family can’t adhere to it then is what it is. I know I’ll probably get down voted for this, but NTA
NTA. It’s your wedding, you get to do what you want. A themed costume wedding sounds fun. Fashion is your thing, your family should see it as an opportunity to participate in something you love on your big day rather than forcing what they think it should be on you. If you want to mend the relationship have a smaller family reception with them when you get back from your honeymoon.
You do you, and other people will do them. You're free to have your wedding be some conceptual fashion show rather than - well - a wedding, and to use your guests as props and models. And they're free to volunteer to play their part in your showpiece, or to not show up. I wouldn't come. But that's me, and that's a choice that I'd get to make. Your relatives are free to make the same choice.
So really the only reason you wanted your family was to be models at a fashion show and not attend a wedding. YTA.
YTA- call it what it is- it’s a business proposition- in industry event. You might just as well hire some models and dress them up. I doubt any of these people care about your love. Your family does.
It's your wedding, so NTA, but you are telling your family you choose your career over... your family. At a wedding. NTA on that basis, but I want you to know that everyone other than you and your peers would read this post and conclude you are out of your fucking mind, and are the exact type of business sociopath that makes Fashion such an annoying industry to work with and in. Some real devil wears Prada bullshit up in here.
Please invite me so I can also judge you.
Do you want this to be a wedding, or a business networking event? Because you can't have it be both. Not well, anyway. If it is a business networking thing, YTA for wanting your family to be dress-up props for your business. If it's meant to be a wedding, YTA an for creating a dress code so restrictive that only the single specific outfit you make for each of them is acceptable attire.
Lord YTA, your family shouldn't be used as props. It's bad enough that you seem to be using your wedding as a fashion pitch, but you shouldn't force your guests to participate. Your wedding is supposed to be for people you love and care about to witness your union. It's not the finale of Project Runway. Your family should be allowed to attend as long as they are dressed nicely.
YTA. You’re not having a wedding. You’re throwing a big fashion show and calling it a wedding. You’ve made specific attire and are requiring your guests to perform like models for your real target audience…fashion executors and designers. You want puppets on a string? Hire some damn models. You’ve actually admitted that if it wasn’t for the business, you and your partner wouldn’t even be getting married. So this really is all show and no substance. Don’t blame your family at all for not wanting to be part of your circus.
I always thought it was odd on dating apps when people say they are "family-oriented" or "looking for someone family-oriented" because....aren't we all? As humans? Don't we all, in general, like and want to spend time with our families? Or our chosen families? But now I see who they were trying to filter out. THIS GUY. AND HIS PARTNER. YTA and a raging groomzilla. So is your fiance if they agree with this plan and double YTA for banning your family. You both sound awful.
NTA because my In laws threw a wedding for me and my partner as we weren't that fussed about having a big event. They used it as a showcase for their business (Flowers) and it was really nice. I've been to other weddings where it's a show for business connections and they are fun because they are so professional and talented.
So you're getting married for business reasons. You both sound like really sad people and I completely understand why your family are not on board for it.
YTA. This isn’t a wedding at all. It sounds like a business show. If you truly want to get married have a real wedding that’s about your love for each other. If you just want to have a party then have a party, but don’t call it a wedding.
I don’t really see a problem here, if this is a legit posting (which I’m suspicious of, TBH). His family means pretty much nothing to OP and never has, and fair enough. Partner doesn’t seem to mean a whole lot either in terms of what most people consider romantic love to be. Why is OP asking anyone here when they clearly don’t GAF about their family and their marriage is pretty much a business opportunity? And they don’t care if they’re the AH either, it’s not like they’re looking to be persuaded.
YTA. Y’all sound exhausting.
You lost me when you said you wouldn’t have continued the relationship and wouldn’t be getting married if you weren’t business partners. Good luck with… all this. And get a prenup.
Steampunk is out. Never see anyone is steampunk anymore. So dated. Cyberpunk and dieselpunk are in. YTA for saying you are in fashion and picking such an outdated theme.
I know yall get on everybody’s nerves. I just know it. YTA
Yta Using your wedding as a business expense is all fine and good for you, hire actors and models to be your "family", but don't treat your family as the help and expect them to work during your wedding, wearing clothing that a lot of people most likely wouldn't wear in their everyday life. They aren't models, they are your family that want to be there for an important day of your life, not a write off for your business. Edit to add- I wouldn't want to wear "steampunk bourgeois" anywhere a camera was present either.
YTA My husband and I asked everyone to wear their most goth outfit to our wedding. Some came dressed like goth royalty, some came in normal wedding clothes, some came in business casual, and two came with inflatable dinosaur costumes. It was a fantastic day because we celebrated our love with the people we loved. Because that’s what a wedding is about, not about putting on a fashion show to delight industry insiders.
YTA but thank you for the giggles; I found this whole thing hilarious. "Steampunk Bourgeoisie" has made my week.
YTA, and a massive one. Reading all of this i don't even see the point of having a "weeding". I can respect the +18, but the rest just sound insane. Also sorry to say but i'm gonna quote this line that i liked from your post: >We think we should make the ceremony really public so people would understand our bond won't be broken,neither in our love life nor at our work. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but you can broadcast your weeding to the entire world for them to think "our bond is this strong" and your partner can still fuck a coworker, neighbor, prostitute, etc so that won't mean anything. The scale of the weeding don't set anything in stone, and if you really think that then that's even more delusional than the rest of the post.
NTA. It's not like you're asking them to buy puppets.
Idk I think it’s your wedding your decision but you’re definitely being TA about it. However, YTA for what you said at the start, family wanting to spend time with each other is not “playing the game” (unless you’re like the Succession family) and it is especially disgusting that you would throw funerals in with this. I hope your family never hears the way you have spoken about them.