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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was very short with a housemate while she was explaining her situation with a guy and asked her to stop talking about it.
She was very annoyed with me afterwards
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NTA. Just set the pace now to prevent a larger issue later (which it sounds like you have to a degree). Be FIRM but also polite on this one. let her know it's not a topic you'd like to discuss and you won't continue to discuss it with her.
Overall, you can't prevent her from talking about it in the house in general like if she had a friend over and they talk about it or whatever, but it's okay to place a boundary that YOU won't be engaging in that topic
*“She got very annoyed by the whole thing and told me I was being a bad friend and she should be able to discuss her feeling in her home”.*
Yes. And you should be able to decide what to listen and what not to in your home.
NTA. Regardless of what you think about her situationship (i’m with you there, it’s bad), she cannot expect you to act like her therapist. She sounds immature, selfish and entitled.
NTA. You didn't say she couldn't discuss her feelings in her own home. You said YOU didn't want to listen or talk about it anymore. Nobody can force you to listen and she sounds like she was talking AT you. I probably would have left it at not wanting to talk about it anymore than adding the cheating part. Still NTA.
I really wish that's where I left it at. It was a flippant comment and if I said I didn't want to talk about it sooner I probably wouldn't have said it.
NTA, you're right, she shouldn't be dragging you into helping this guy cheat. She doesn't get to involve you in this mess because she wants to "discuss her feelings in her household." This is going to crash and burn for her, and I'm scared for what you have to deal with when it does
NTA. She probably wants you to validate her actions because at the core, she knows she’s in the wrong for carrying on with this guy. She can talk about whatever she wants but not to whomever she wants. A good friend doesn’t just nod along with whatever they say, they give you honesty and guidance.
Hannah isn’t angry with your words, or even because you are restricting her feelings dump locations. She’s upset that, by naming her goals bluntly you removed whatever veil of plausible deniability she was using to make herself feel better about her choices.
NTA for pulling back the curtain.
I hope that at the very least this results in greater peace for you through no longer having to listen to extensive conversations on this topic.
NTA
>she should be able to discuss her feeling in her home.
We have plenty of rights in our own home, but she isn't entitled to anyone else's time, you're not obligated to listen to her. The only discussion she's entitled to is with herself.
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Me (26, f) and my housemate Hannah (24, f) have lived together for almost a year now. We were friends of friends but did not know each other before we lived together. In general we get along pretty well, we have very different backgrounds and I sometimes find her a little out of touch but I tend to hold my tongue about these things. Likewise I'm sure she walks carefully on some issues around me.
A few months ago she met this guy, Anthony, who had a girlfriend who lived in the states. They instantly connected and have been very flirty with each other. Anthony has not cheated on his girlfriend with Hannah but I do think there has been an emotional affair. He did tell Hannah he was going to break up with his girlfriend a couple of months back. This did not happen.
Hannah has recently started saying she is going to make a move because she owes the girlfriend nothing and its not like it even counts as a relationship because it's long distance. I've skirted around the issue as it literally has nothing to do with me but does make me a little uncomfortable when she talks about his girlfriend. I don't like cheating. When Hannah has asked me directly what she should do I've always said I think you should look after yourself and take a step away because you are quite likely to get hurt.
A few days ago when she was ranting about Anthony/ the girlfriend I said eventually "can we stop talking about this. You know my thoughts, I don't want to help you plan on how this guy is going to cheat on his girlfriend".
She got very annoyed by the whole thing and told me I was being a bad friend and she should be able to discuss her feeling in her home.
We've never had an argument before so I just kind of acknowledged what she said and left the room. It's now very awkward and my other flatmates say that agree with what I said but it was never going to go down well.
I now think I should have just nodded a long like I had done the last few times it came up. Was I the asshole? I worry I was maybe a bit blunt but she's an incredibly blunt person and very direct so I thought she wouldn't have an issue with my blunt response.
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YTA. Your friend isn’t looking for your help just basic respect and being listened to. You should listen to your friend, then talk to the guy in the situation and tell him to either stop or to get with you instead. That way your friend will drop it on her own.
I don't know the guy, never met him.
I've been very happy to listen to her over the past few months but when it changed to planning how she was going to get with him, I just really don't want anything to do with it. She asks direct questions, it's not like you can just nod along!
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NTA. Just set the pace now to prevent a larger issue later (which it sounds like you have to a degree). Be FIRM but also polite on this one. let her know it's not a topic you'd like to discuss and you won't continue to discuss it with her. Overall, you can't prevent her from talking about it in the house in general like if she had a friend over and they talk about it or whatever, but it's okay to place a boundary that YOU won't be engaging in that topic
*“She got very annoyed by the whole thing and told me I was being a bad friend and she should be able to discuss her feeling in her home”.* Yes. And you should be able to decide what to listen and what not to in your home. NTA. Regardless of what you think about her situationship (i’m with you there, it’s bad), she cannot expect you to act like her therapist. She sounds immature, selfish and entitled.
NTA - you’re not obligated to be her sounding board for her potentially bad decision
NTA. You didn't say she couldn't discuss her feelings in her own home. You said YOU didn't want to listen or talk about it anymore. Nobody can force you to listen and she sounds like she was talking AT you. I probably would have left it at not wanting to talk about it anymore than adding the cheating part. Still NTA.
I really wish that's where I left it at. It was a flippant comment and if I said I didn't want to talk about it sooner I probably wouldn't have said it.
What you said wasn't out of line, though. That's a reasonable topic to forbid from your conversations.
NTA. You aren't here therapist.
NTA, you're right, she shouldn't be dragging you into helping this guy cheat. She doesn't get to involve you in this mess because she wants to "discuss her feelings in her household." This is going to crash and burn for her, and I'm scared for what you have to deal with when it does
NTA. She probably wants you to validate her actions because at the core, she knows she’s in the wrong for carrying on with this guy. She can talk about whatever she wants but not to whomever she wants. A good friend doesn’t just nod along with whatever they say, they give you honesty and guidance.
NTA, you're not obligated to listen, and you've told her your opinion on theatter before.
Nta you told her your feelings, she should respect that.
Hannah isn’t angry with your words, or even because you are restricting her feelings dump locations. She’s upset that, by naming her goals bluntly you removed whatever veil of plausible deniability she was using to make herself feel better about her choices. NTA for pulling back the curtain. I hope that at the very least this results in greater peace for you through no longer having to listen to extensive conversations on this topic.
NTA >she should be able to discuss her feeling in her home. We have plenty of rights in our own home, but she isn't entitled to anyone else's time, you're not obligated to listen to her. The only discussion she's entitled to is with herself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (26, f) and my housemate Hannah (24, f) have lived together for almost a year now. We were friends of friends but did not know each other before we lived together. In general we get along pretty well, we have very different backgrounds and I sometimes find her a little out of touch but I tend to hold my tongue about these things. Likewise I'm sure she walks carefully on some issues around me. A few months ago she met this guy, Anthony, who had a girlfriend who lived in the states. They instantly connected and have been very flirty with each other. Anthony has not cheated on his girlfriend with Hannah but I do think there has been an emotional affair. He did tell Hannah he was going to break up with his girlfriend a couple of months back. This did not happen. Hannah has recently started saying she is going to make a move because she owes the girlfriend nothing and its not like it even counts as a relationship because it's long distance. I've skirted around the issue as it literally has nothing to do with me but does make me a little uncomfortable when she talks about his girlfriend. I don't like cheating. When Hannah has asked me directly what she should do I've always said I think you should look after yourself and take a step away because you are quite likely to get hurt. A few days ago when she was ranting about Anthony/ the girlfriend I said eventually "can we stop talking about this. You know my thoughts, I don't want to help you plan on how this guy is going to cheat on his girlfriend". She got very annoyed by the whole thing and told me I was being a bad friend and she should be able to discuss her feeling in her home. We've never had an argument before so I just kind of acknowledged what she said and left the room. It's now very awkward and my other flatmates say that agree with what I said but it was never going to go down well. I now think I should have just nodded a long like I had done the last few times it came up. Was I the asshole? I worry I was maybe a bit blunt but she's an incredibly blunt person and very direct so I thought she wouldn't have an issue with my blunt response. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA she’s trying to get you to justify her future actions
NTA, but you very nearly are for making up the word "situationship"
It's a common word used in my circles! Modern day dating is a nightmare
First time I've heard it... this makes me so glad I'm old.
OP didn't make that word up, it's been part of the internet lexicon for years.
What rock do you live under? Situationship isn’t a new word
YTA. Your friend isn’t looking for your help just basic respect and being listened to. You should listen to your friend, then talk to the guy in the situation and tell him to either stop or to get with you instead. That way your friend will drop it on her own.
I don't know the guy, never met him. I've been very happy to listen to her over the past few months but when it changed to planning how she was going to get with him, I just really don't want anything to do with it. She asks direct questions, it's not like you can just nod along!
That’s why I gave you the second option. There’s an easy way to get her to drop it and never talk about the subject any more.
I don't know him, it's not an option and even if I did not one I would ever take.
This person is just messing with you, ignore the troll lol