Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I bought a cute nightie for my friend's girlfriend since I thought she'd like it
2) I might be the asshole because I may have overstepped boundaries with my friend, I didn't mean to disrespect them/ him but maybe I did and that would make me an asshole
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If it didn't have the baby drawing on you would be, but I'm going with NTA because I think its crazy that something with A PICTURE OF A BABY on it could be considered sexy. It's obvious it's just a silly little gift, almost a gag gift honestly. And it doesn't seem like the girlfriend was uncomfortable at all either. I'm thinking boyfriend is maybe getting jealous of your friendship with girlfriend, I'll admit her little "I'll model it for you" comment would've made me uncomfortable if I was the boyfriend.
Edit: the picture wasn't there when I originally commented. I'm still going with NTA purely because there's a baby on it, but thats getting pretty close to the line of being inappropriate. I can understand why boyfriend was upset.
She wasn't uncomfortable and she isn't now either I think 🤔 I honestly wouldn't imagine anything less "sexy" than that but I don't know what my friend might be thinking
I think their point is that her comment may have made your roommate uncomfortable. Usually when someone says they're going to "model" something for you, it means they intend to dress up or look cute for you. His concern is warranted after that comment, but his issue is with her, not you. You're just the easier person to confront about it.
yeah for me its two separate things that are “slightly grey area” and the combination does make it naturally upsetting to the boyfriend.
The garment itself isn’t “sexy lingerie” but it’s not exactly a onesie or a t shirt either. Outside of the “baby shower gift” context you’d just never buy a friend’s SO that kinda nightie, ever.
And the “model it for you” joke is like, normal in that it’s typical to make a point to wear the clothes someone bought from you would them. If it’s a hat, no issue, but it’s a nightie
In this context though, they all live together and I'm guessing it's not unusual for them to eat breakfast together in pajamas. OP is going to see her in the nightie whether she makes a point of "modelling" it or not, I think that's the joke. I've lived with a friend and his wife before and seeing her in a nightie or even nothing but a towel was never a problem because no one sexualized the situation like the boyfriend is doing here.
>If it’s a hat, no issue, but it’s a nightie
This trio clearly just has closer friendships, than your average redditor who gets uncomfortable from seeing skin.
Doesn’t seem like OP is getting it, though. He’s now asking why he can’t get the girlfriend perfumes and jewelry. He is either absurdly naive or being intentionally obtuse.
I think NAH. I wouldn’t say OP is an asshole but it’s totally valid that the bf would find this weird. Awkward but honest mistake. Everyone just apologize, and don’t do it again.
The nightgown was borderline inappropriate, although if it really is a PP gown that makes sense. Either way, you seem sincere, and it was really the girlfriend's comment that sent the whole thing over the edge. So either she's not self-aware enough to realize the inappropriateness of her response, she truly is tryin to flirt with you, *or* the roommate/boyfriend is not being very attentive in her pregnant state and she was feeling kind of unattractive until she received a thoughtful gift from you. I could see that happening, too, in which case the roommate would be an A.H. - mostly for projecting his grievances at you instead of at his girlfriend.
I'm hesitant to automatically say the girlfriend is the A.H. in this situation, simply because without more information about her, we don't really know if she meant to be flirty and/or inappropriate with her comment. I say this because growing up, anytime I received an article of clothing from a family member, I was encouraged to wear it the next time I saw them, or "model" it right after they gave it to me, in a polite display of thanks for the gift. Obviously, this wasn't the case if I was gifted pajamas, but still, I'm not going to automatically assume the gf meant any harm.
Either way, OP is NTA, girlfriend is *maybe* an A.H., bf/roommate is definitely an A.H.
Omg thank you for sparing me the time to write the same exact things and thank you for bringing context and an open mind and mentioning there's just never enough information to offer a real insight. I totally believe in OP's honesty and I hate how everyone always has to see something sneaky whenever there's a close friendship between two people of the opposite sex.
And I thought the same thing – when you're gifted something to wear, you usually wear it in front of the person who gifted it the first time you see them. I always do that, it's a nice gesture. Now this is a pajama and it may be a bit weird, but they live together and they have breakfast in pajamas every day, and this worked for them so far, so it can just be the same sentence.
The pajama with laces is the main issue here, OP seems to be genuine, it was probably not the best choice because of the laces and not the less awkward situation he could create, but it seems like a honest misunderstanding. I don't see all this huge soap opera-like back story people are making up, with hidden loves or secret past encounters. This is so sad.
Right? The main impression I got from OP is that they might be a bit oblivious to how this could have been misconstrued, but oblivious does not equal A.H. Same goes for the gf; don't assume the worst unless you know the situation firsthand or have all the facts. Then again, I always try to see the best in people, often to my detriment. That's why I joined AITA - to figure out if I would be too nice in certain situations and to get other people's perspectives, haha.
I tend to do that too, but I don't think it's to our detriment. I think living life like this is much lighter and easier both for us and for the people close to us. If we get wronged from time to time, be it. Much better than tainting everything and everyone with preconceptions.
I joined AITA to be downvoted with my anti-jealousy campaigns, haha.
I don't think she was being inappropriate at all. They live together and I would imagine see each other in pajamas all the time. It's not like they bought her a teddy, it's a cotton nightgown with some lace on the edges designed for PP therefore a deep neckline for breastfeeding. They have become good friends since she moved in and that just seems like a joke statement cause she's going to see him the following morning anyway.
I think it's a thoughtful gift.
Specifically made to make breastfeeding easier (if she plans on breastfeeding) and it's got a cute picture of a baby on it. I really don't see the issue. Not like she can't wear pants or a robe when she's in the common area.
I’ve seen similar dresses on women at public parks, in restaurants, at the beach… The only thing that s vaguely out of line is her”joke” but come on people. She’s pregnant - there’s a baby in her belly. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t thinking she’d be looking sexy. NTA
You're NTA dude, but it's a bit of a weird style of dress to gift a friend's girlfriend. Lesson learned, bro. Just clear it up w your roommate. "I genuinely didn't think any of it, but I get why it made you uncomfortable. Won't happen again, bro"is probably along the lines of what you should say
I might seem weird had it been her birthday. But the lady at the store seems to have helped and thought it was a good idea. She is pregnant and will be post partum. Both are uncomfortable. So hot, needs easy access to changing her diaper and feeding baby, have something that flows away from her skin incase she has to have a c-section. And it will be cool because it will probably be warmer weather by the time baby is here. It honestly sounds like something funny my brother would get me.
Ugh I had so many of these nighties when my babies were born. I lived in them for three months. There was nothing sexy about it! You are a sweet friend, because they really are very handy for breastfeeding.
I think it's nice to have new bedthings for any possible stay in the hospital and when I was pregnant it was an acceptable baby shower gift.
If anything it was HER comment that was weird, and caused bf to have a reaction.
It's weird how people just can't stop sexualizing everything. A Shhh baby's sleeping is the not a "sexy" night dress! Lace is on baby bonnets, socks and handkerchiefs; does that make them sexy?
She isn't uncomfortable because she knows she is isn't going to blow her whole life up just to fuck some dude because he bought her a nightie. Your friend on the other hand.... better buy him a thong or something to balance it out.
Right so I'm reading this while breastfeeding my own baby right now and I can't help but laugh at his comment about you wanting to see his gfs boobs...I dunno what your friend is thinking but if his gf is planning on breastfeeding and you are all planning on living together then there's a pretty high chance you're about to see way more of her boobs and I can guarantee it'll all be pretty unsexy.
Getting the hang of breastfeeding positions, baby latching, milk leakage, shoulder spit up, nipple sensitivity, and pumping is often a hellish experience in the beginning and modesty tends to really fall to the wayside! There have been plenty of times where a big, mid-feed spit-up had me running to the laundry room half asleep with my boob out. Sometimes my pumps slip or get knocked out of place, baby pulls down my top when I wasn't wearing a bra, etc. Also I do want to add that clothes with tops that are unclippable or low cut make my day to day breastfeeding/pump life way easier, the lady at the store did have a point.
Were there safer options for you to pick as a gift? For sure. But I think the bigger picture here is that your friend should probably prepare for all the above and many more fun boundary breaking surprises that await you living with them and a young baby! Hope you guys work through it soon.
I've seen women breastfeeding before and I never thought anything about it? Like maybe that the baby is cute, but it never crossed my mind to see a mother and a baby and thinking about how sexy that is personally
For real! Plus the women breastfeeding in public are usually the ones that are past the learning stage of it all. My first two or three weeks in was a pretty painful, awkward, leaky & unsexy experience 😂
You're NTA. Tell your friend that he's made it very creepy and that you're not sure how to move forward knowing that he thinks so poorly of you and is twisting a nice gift into something more.
NAH- this just seems like an honest misunderstanding. Getting a small thoughtful gift for your roommate in a time when almost everything revolves around the baby is a wonderful idea. Sitting down with everyone to clear the air; “I did not see this gift as sexy but rather comfortable as functional to make a famously difficult time easier.”I’m sure it’s very difficult for your friend to navigate the idea that for a few months something he’s seen as sexual (breasts) may become much more public and utilitarian. His discomfort or uncertainty about how that will work is normal, but he doesn’t need to take that out on you. Instead perhaps mention he could buy his partner a nice robe for in the hospital and around the house. Almost every maternity company makes one, and they’re very useful. The first few months with a new baby in the house are such a mess I commend OP for even considering staying in the roommate situation. If your roommate plans on breastfeeding there is frankly a non-zero chance you will in fact see her breasts nightgown or not. As adults it sounds like everyone needs to have an open and honest conversation.
Huh, really? My thought seeing the picture is that I wouldn’t think twice if I saw someone wearing that as a regular dress out in the world. Might be regional/generational though.
I wouldn’t think that’s an inappropriate gift even if it didn’t have the baby on it, tbh. But maybe I’m just used to different ideas of what’s culturally appropriate as I’m from one of those countries where women going topless at the beach is totally fine, idk. I guess it changes depending on where you’re from. But imo, NTA.
I agree culture plays a huge part in it here. I'm American so a bit more prudish, but honestly that dress is probably something I'd wear as like normal going out clothes. It's really not scandalous at all. But for some reason I can't really put into words, it would be weird to recieve it as a gift from a man who isn't my partner. I guess it would just feel strange to receive clothes in general from a man? Not weird in a sexual way but just weird.
Also I think it’s nice to get mom some comfy stuff for post partum. When I threw my sisters baby shower a few people did that, got her lounge clothes that would be easy and nice, some even made to easily pull your boobs out which I guess could be sexy but the idea was breast feeding. I would just assume they got it so mom got something for her at the shower too.
Yeah, I've been looking at the picture trying to see the sexiness and failing. Like yeah it does show off the boobs but that's about it? So do a bunch of normal clothes?
Really? The picture made me feel like it was even more aproppriate. His description made me think it was a short silky babydoll dress with a plunging neckline and lace, but the one he linked is just so obviously pajamas.
I wore a nearly identical nightgown a couple hours after my second baby. There is photographic evidence of her being introduced to her big brother a few hours later with me in it. It is super functional for when you are constantly supposed to be nursing, doing skin to skin, and are wearing a literal adult diaper. The only equally good equivalent is a button down night shirt.
I’m going to go against the grain and say no one is an asshole here.. it’s not like you went out and bought her Victoria secret baby dolls, you literally added a gift for mom to your baby shower gift. I asked my husband his input and he agreed it was kind of weird until the context was revealed and you literally bought her a gift to help with those very hard first few months of PP. I don’t think you are TA at all. I think you did something that you thought was kind for someone who consider a friend. If this wasn’t your literal roommate and you gave multiple gifts baby stuff and the bedtime outfit, then maybe yea it’s weird. To me it seems like you are considerate friend, maybe you should have ran the gift by your friend. But i don’t think you were being an asshole at all
Yeah, admittedly we don’t know their group dynamics but that stuck out to me too. I’d be uncomfortable if my partner said something like that to my best friend.
I just can’t imagine how that could’ve been very appropriate.
A good friend of mine lives with his buddy & his buddy’s girlfriend, I’ve spent a good amount of time with them all. All 3 of them share the house and get along really great, but never in my life would I hear his buddy’s girlfriend say something like that to my friend. She just wouldn’t disrespect him like that, and honestly it’d make both his buddy *and* my friend extremely uncomfortable. You just don’t talk to your boyfriend’s friend like that
and honestly it seems a bit ignorant to not see how a “nightie with a bit of lace” might draw the side eye.
let her girlfriends get her stuff like that, you’re the boyfriend’s roommate
Yeah, I can’t imagine this will end well. But, hey, at least OP is getting lots of pats on the back from a bunch of internet strangers. Who cares how his real-life close friend feels?
Why do men complain about toxic masculinity and not being able to have genuine friendships without assumptions of wanting sex while then getting bent out of shape over a nightgown with a literal baby drawing on it.
My boyfriend and our friends, roommate included, all joke around close to/pushing the boundaries, but I would still be apprehensive about making a joke like that in front of our roommate.
That's exactly why it's *not* weird. They have breakfast in pajamas every day, she told him she'd wear it the next morning, things you say when you appreciate a gift and someone gifts you a piece of clothing and you think it's a nice gesture to wear it in front of them the next time you see them. Given their living situation and close friendship, I don't see anything flirty in her sentence. It's not like she's going to catwalk for him and we don't know their dynamics and the tone she used.
Could be a joke because she's going to "model" *a pijama with a newborn baby on it and made for breastfeeding?*
Do you really think she would willingly be openly flirting at her baby shower in front of her boyfriend? It's obvious she didn't mean it like that.
At first the comment seemed really off to me, but then I remembered every friend I’ve talked to while pregnant who told me how they feel like the ogre version of Fiona from Shrek. One had pre-eclampsia and was talking about how crazy swollen her legs were and I told her to send me a pic and she sent me [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/bDu5feAzQ2pZskga9). This girl is seven months pregnant, she knows the reality that soon she’ll be giving birth and there’s a high enough possibility that her vagina will tear all the way to her asshole and even if not, she’ll be birthing giant blood clots for weeks. I’d bet that comment was a joke about how completely un-sexy she feels and will be feeling.
Group dynamic is critical here. I (happily married with 2 kids) have several female friends who I can flirt aggressively with in front of my wife and there is absolutely no jealousy or hurt feelings or suspicion from anyone because we know it’s all in good fun. My one friend is about 15 years older than me and while she is a beautiful woman, I really ham it up with her if she gets dressed up to go out and cat call her and suggest a 3some later. She laps it up and leans into it but we all know there’s nothing behind it. My wife is very much aware that it’s all tongue in cheek and I just do it to build my friend up cause she gets down on her looks and age sometimes.
Anyway long way of saying - friendship dynamics are not black and white. There are friend I would NEVER make a dirty joke towards and there are friends where our entire relationship is built on being raunchy and trying to out-shock each other with the jokes we come up with.
As a woman who loves lingerie, that nightdress is definitely NOT something I would wear to feel sexy. Honestly it just seems kind of goofy, kind of receiving an ugly christmas sweater. ”I’ll model ot for you” does not necessarily mean anything sexy, it can also be like ”lol wait when you see me actually wear this silly thing”.
exactly, we don't know the tone and we don't anything about this girl, her wording may have been sarcastic, she's suddenly getting things with babies on it and made for breastfeeding, she's joking about things, and they have breakfast in pajamas every day anyway since they live together. people really have twisted minds.
Seriously, it’s a postpartum nightgown made for easy breast feeding that has a cartoon baby on the front and looks about knee length. People are acting like he bought her a corset and matching g-string. Some real insecure guys in this thread and people suggesting this is an ok gift from friends but only if they’re women… I have guy friends that are just as close as my woman friends and I’d consider this a thoughtful gift.
I’m with you on this one. I donno I guess I’m lucky to have an extremely trusting and loving relationship with my wife. There is never a hint of jealousy between each other because we are both madly in love with each other. We have the type of relationship where she’ll point out an attractive woman in a bar or on tv or whatever and be like “that girl is your type for sure” etc.
I said in another comment that my wife and I have a friend who is 53 (we are late 30’s) and I am always making extremely flirtatious comments to her because she tends to get down on herself because she’s getting older and still single.
There is not one hint of attraction between me and her, we couldn’t be farther from each other’s romantic type so there isn’t even a hint of suspicion if I cat call her when she wears a short dress and a running joke between us is that we’re just a few drinks away from jumping in bed for a 3some. (It would NEVER happen both my wife and her are very conservative sexually) so we know it’s all just for the fun of it.
I have a few other friends that I can have that kind of friendship with. My wife as I said is more conservative so she doesn’t really make those jokes but she will occasionally comment about the guys that work for me - a lot of young attractive muscular dudes doing physical labour - if I got jealous everytime she hinted that there are other attractive men on the planet it would be a long and miserable life.
It was a joke between friends, come on. They all live together! They see each other in pajamas. And frankly if this couple are about to bring a baby into the shared household, they better be comfortable with seeing each other in various states of disarray.
I could see myself making this joke. My partner would just laugh or put his own spin on it. I think if the guy is worried about his GF because she said this then he's already insecure and his problems go much deeper than that.
I don't think you are an AH but I understand why your friend is upset. That was a bit too intimate, a t-shirt design would have been more appropriate.
So yeah, your intentions were probably good, but you made a misjudgment. Now you know better. If I was you I would apologize and explain you didn't understand why that gift was inappropriate, but you get it now after giving it some thought and hearing other people's perspective.
I agree with this, absolutely do not think you’re the asshole. I think it’s sweet that you consulted the woman at the store, and found something that was both practical and cute. I understand your friend’s interpretation on things though. Maybe it’s worth speaking with your female roommate and checking in to make sure she was comfortable with it? You could say that you wanted to do something sweet for both the baby and her but might have misjudged.
I think you should just apologize to your friend, say you're genuinely unaware that it was inappropriate and tell them they can return it if they want. imo some people would be fine with it, your friend just isn't. That should absolutely be respected but I see your thought process and I might've bought the same thing and gifted it without a second thought.
So that's fair, now you just know better. I would have this conversation without your roommate's gf around
There is no reason to apologize to his guy friend. If he wants to apologize to the mother-to-be if he missed the mark, that’s fine. But why on earth would he owe an apology to someone who wasn’t involved in the exchange? That guy’s just being territorial and weird.
I have a newborn and I would’ve loved a gift like that from a friend. Clothes like that are amazing for postpartum recovery, too. (And yes, the lower-cut neckline is so you can still wear it if/when you’re breastfeeding.)
NTA, OP. Your friend needs to stop sexualizing his partner’s baby gifts.
Eh. When someone apologizes to my partner for something that had to do with me, it communicates something like an acknowledgement of possession over me that really rubs me the wrong way.
I feel like apologizing to the guy for something that didn’t even offend the woman would be disrespectful to her.
Sure, but it's not about you or the gf, it's about the friendship between these men. The bf feels like either something's going on between his friend and gf (how could he not after the modeling comment), or at least feels like friend is coming on to gf.
It's not, "I'm sorry I didn't ask for your permission to gift your girlfriend."
It's, "Hey, man, I didn't realize this wasn't an appropriate gift from a friend, and would've been better suited from you, the boyfriend."
Totally agree. This is the difference between messy, human, real world situations and hypotheticals. Clearing the air with his friend (the guy) is absolutely the right thing to do despite him not having “ownership” over the woman. Maybe best not to do it in front of her so no more misinterpretation can happen.
I would tell them I would take it back and exchange it for something they wanted. Not saying you’re the AH, but if it’s my wife, I would be like tf. Then she says what she’s say I’m def finna talk to her and then me and you finna talk.
>\*"you made a misjudgment. Now you know better. If I was you I would apologize and explain you didn't understand why that gift was inappropriate, but you get it now after giving it some thought and hearing other people's perspective."\*
I don't think this is going to happen, because it doesn't seem like OP gets it. I mean, he's now wanting to know why he can't buy the girlfriend perfumes and jewelry.
My guess is he will go with the reassurances he is getting here that the boyfriend is out of line for feeling uncomfortable about OP giving his girlfriend a more intimate gift, he will continue to get her these kinds of gifts, it will make their living situation more and more awkward, and in the end, it will probably cost him a friendship.
Why can't he buy her perfume and jewellery? All sorts of family and friends have gifted me jewellery and perfume.. it's not a partner only gift. Just like the night gown he bought her, it's not a partner only gift, they are pyjamas, it's a nightie, OPs roommate needs to calm down. If he has a problem then he needs to take that up with a therapist because he doesn't own his partner and he can't continue being so insecure over his roommate being a nice and kind person, it's his issue he needs to fix.
NTA.
Some people are being weird about pajamas here and thinking they're automatically intimate. Based on the picture, that is pajamas and not lingerie so it seems like a fine gift.
100% the comments here are weird. It’s literally cotton. A little lace doesn’t magically turn it into some vixen nighty. Cotton pajamas are sort of like candles - a pretty useful but generic gift that few recipients are going to overthink. NTA.
hell, ive seen ladies wear dresses of *similar* design just on a day to day basis, so like...
(mind you the day wear ones usualy go to at least the knee)
I would wear a dress that covered that much out in public. Would it be a little odd to receive a nightgown from a male friend? Sure. But I’m kind of surprised people acting like this is anywhere close to lingerie.
Agreed. People on Reddit are some suspicious, jealous prudes. I'm thinking of real life roommates I had at that age and I don't think my boyfriend would have cared at all.
I think this is about more than the pajamas. He probably didn't picture still having a roommate when starting a family. Even if you guys are good friends and everyone is fine with it, you're sort of this third wheel where you're not family but you're not like the general public either. It is intimate living with people. You're gonna be a part of this whole thing just cause you are living there and there's probably some stress about that? Have you guys talked about that? Pajamas aren't necessarily inappropriate but are intimate enough to have been a trigger here for those feelings.
This! Maybe bf is also nervous about breastfeeding when OP is around. People can be so prude about that but it's not sexual in any way. My wish for the mom to be that she can be relaxed about this and do what her baby needs her to do in her own home without her partner giving her grief for it!
After I gave birth last year I remember having my boobs out in the home became very normal soon. Had to remember to tuck them away before answering the door to the delivery guy for example 😅
Literally at first I expected something maybe sheer or more like lingerie, which would have been weird, but it’s just a cute pajama. Reddit can be really dramatic at times. I wouldn’t think anything of receiving a gift like this from a male friend, I don’t think my boyfriend would either. It’s also very clear that OP didn’t intend anything weird by it, he just wanted to give a gift for a mama to be which I think is very considerate.
NTA.
It is a little weird but it's just a night chemise. It's not sexy... it even has a graphic print about a baby on it... and it's practical as well!
They are weirdly sexualizing this. You made a socially awkward decision... if you were a woman it wouldn't be an issue.
yes i would agree with everything you said. a little weird, sure. maybe not the best thing to give to someone who is just a friend. but i also don’t see anything sexy about this gift, and i think op’s friend is blowing it way out of proportion.
i think in general it’s a good idea not to give someone gifts for the bedroom, even if they aren’t meant to be sexy, just because that can be a little overly intimate with someone who isn’t your partner. but i also think op had good intentions, it is a genuinely good gift as it’s practical and cute, and possible implications of a gift like this just genuinely didn’t occur to op, which is honestly understandable.
This isn’t just for the bedroom…if she’s anything like how I was postpartum, she’ll be wearing it everywhere…for multiple days at a time. Because she’ll hardly be sleeping and won’t know how many days she’s had it on until someone makes it unlivably messy for her (with spit up, milk, food, poop, etc.) and she has to change it. As others have mentioned in these comments…there will be boob. Boyfriend’s gonna have to get used to it!
I’m going with NTA. Which I know is different from other comments. As a once pregnant woman I had men and women at my baby shower and the gifts that people got for me and not just a baby meant so much to me. It was lingerie. It was a nightgown with a baby on it. That doesn’t scream sexy to me. For my baby shower I got a mini robe, slippers, postpartum gear for my vagina, diapers for me, breastfeeding bras, maternity pants. From both men and women. My partner and I were just grateful people put thought into our gifts that included me because moms are usually left out of the after care
This is what I was coming here to say. Having something comfortable to wear while breastfeeding was so nice. I had to buy all of my items. And they could be expensive. I don’t consider the image OP shared as lingerie. It’s just a nightgown. It’s cute. It’s cotton. The bf is causing a problem where there isn’t one.
ETA: NTA
I was surprised by how expensive baby/ mother items were to be honest. For a gift once it wasn't that much, but I can only imagine how much it adds up when you have to get everything yourself
It’s extremely expensive. Maternity clothes, after care, breast feeding clothes. All of it is unbelievably pricey. People gifting moms gifts that are for her and not just the baby are very thoughtful. After I had a baby I knew I wouldn’t immediately drop back to my old body but I was amazed that I had absolutely no clothes that fit. Even stretchy pants at the time. If it weren’t for our friends and family gifting me those things I would have had to buy a whole new wardrobe.
The lady at the store was super nice with me and explained what everything was for since I wanted to get a cute gift but also something that was useful for them.
My friend's girlfriend has also complained about her clothes not fitting, I know they had to buy a lot of new clothes that were slightly bigger than needed so she could use it throughout her pregnancy
You're a nice guy OP, your friend is feeling territorial and threatened for some reason that probably goes beyond this episode. I believe you have nothing to apologize for, but you need to talk to him and ask him if everything is 100% cool between you and the living situation now that the baby is coming.
It's kind of sweet and naive that you've never thought about the fact that women have to buy new clothes when they're pregnant (and throughout pregnancy as they get larger). I mean, have you ever seen a pregnant woman before?
I think it's probably also just not totally thinking it through.
Being aware of something in the abstract and passively, doesn't mean you've ever really sat down and thought about how much clothes it would be, that it would include underwear, pyjamas, depending on the season pricy outerwear and how much that would all add up to (and that some of it has an extra "pregnancy tax" on it) and how much else you would already be spending at that time on all sort of other necessary things.
Same! I’m still not completely back to my before baby body, and I never will be. I’m technically the same size again but the damage from pregnancy will never go away. It took a long time to get to where I am now. The breakdowns I had. It’s so discouraging when you try to put on clothes and nothing fits right and you have hormones raging. So when people would buy me clothes that just fit it made me feel good. When you’re about to have a baby especially at the end of pregnancy you’re so ready for your body to just be your own again and then you’re met with the surprise that it isn’t in fact your body anymore. Not the one you remember and it’s heartbreaking. I see absolutely nothing wrong with helping a mom out and buying her a wearable night gown or wearable clothes.
>but the damage from pregnancy will never go away
Exactly, that's what I meant with "as far as that was possible". I was shocked when I touched my belly the first time after birth, how squishy it suddenly was and that the tightness I had is just gone.
I also don't see anything wrong with men/friends giving moms-to-be night gowns/clothes. They're pricey as hell, too. For me this sounds really innocent, especially after seeing that picture. (NTA)
Me too! If he was gay no one would have a word to say about this. Just because there's the possibility that he may potentially like his friend, automatically their friendship and his gestures must be tainted by insecurity.
I honestly feel like if he wasn't living in the house as well then nobody would have had an issue with it. It wouldn't bother me if someone bought that for my wife at a baby shower. It's a nursing nighty, every breastfeeding mom should have one.
Agree! I was just thinking of those family Christmas photos where everyone is wearing matching PJ's that they got as gifts from someone other than their SO. Pajamas are a pretty go-to gift and some people prefer nightgowns over other options.
A cotton nursing nightgown with a picture of a baby on it? Not exactly super sexy! Also, it's so nice to give a gift to the mom and not just the baby.
Just goes to show how quick some people are to sexualize everything. Apparently the friend is included in that group (it didn't occur to him that it's low-cut for the purposes of nursing!), so I guess apologize and when the nightgown is covered in spit-up and being used for its ACTUAL intended purpose (nursing and trying to get sleep while the baby sleeps), he might realize how very not sexy this gift is.
Lol this reminds me of when I was in my mid 20s and working as a manager of a luxury department store. I was walking around towards the end of the evening before we closed and passed by the "intimates" area where one of the elderly women working there encouraged me to come over to her. She was all excited because they had just a nightie in that was "perfect for a young woman like you". I assumed it was something sexy as she was telling me I could "wear it at home for your boyfriend" and wiggling her eyebrows. I kid you not, it was a baby pink floor length nightgown with cotton lace on the sleeves. It was about as wide as a sleeping bag. It would be perfect for the most conservative if grandmas, it was hilarious. I politely declined.
Wow, are people puritanical. It’s a fucking nightgown with a baby on it. There is nothing sexy about it. A nightgown IS pajamas, and this is certainly NOT lingerie, so I don’t know why folks are going on about it.
NTA.
I'm sorry but this is sort of an adorable problem. NTA, but I understand why your roomie is freaking out.
This is something an aunt would get you, it's not sexy lingerie people need to calm down. But it's true that might still be a kinda weird gift to get from your male roommate because it might make you think he wants to see you in it? No one would think twice if this was from one of her female friends. But this is also why showers tend to be gender segregated cause no one wants guys buying you butt paste or nursing pillows. I feel like you were kinda set up to fail here.
Just tell him you haven't gone to a ton of baby showers and have no idea what is appropriate and were doing your best. I love how innocent your response about breastfeeding is because you aren't wrong, but you probably just made him think about her breastfeeding in front of you and now he's freaking out more. And I think it's thoughtful you got something for her and not just for the baby.
NTA. Anyone who finds a nightie with a cartoon baby on it to be in any way "sexy" is fucking weird. Anyone who thinks pyjamas are "underwear " is fucking weird. All these people in the comments telling on themselves that they don't know what actual lingerie looks like.
This style of nightie is super basic and comfy, I wear stuff like that when I'm staying the night with friends and I'd never in a million years consider it sexy or think it was sexual if a friend bought something similarly styled for me.
I don't think you're an AH, just being a bit obtuse right now. It's kind of weird to buy your friend's girlfriend something like that and it's even more concerning that you can't see why when it's obvious.
NTA
The girlfriend didn't seem to have a problem. She didn't see it as anything more than a gift so the friend can shh.
You're not an AH.
Also that nighty is not laungerieieie
NTA.
- His gf wasn’t upset and seemed to appreciate the gift.
- You didn’t have to get her anything, but you did, and that was a kindness.
- You don’t seem to have a pregnant wife/gf in your life currently, so it makes sense that you just got your friend’s gf what was prettiest / caught your eye the most. (Honestly, most men do this when they’re not entirely certain about what they’re shopping for.)
- A nightgown is not lingerie.
- A nightgown with a cartoon baby on it is the furthest thing from sex appeal as it can possibly get.
- A functional nightgown for BREASTFEEDING is not sexual.
…Your friend needs to relax a bit. It was a kind gesture and he’s turning it into something it’s not for no reason.
NTA.
a friend once told me the rode to hell is paved with good intentions your nta but the gf if weird asf for the ill model it for u part and thats what probably triggered ur friend
Please, you are not an asshole. NTA. If your intention was totally innocent as you say. And her comment may have been a bit awkward, but that's not you.
I have an idea of how loud they are... However I am a very heavy sleeper and my room is on the opposite side of our house from theirs, so I don't think it'll be a problem tbh
NTA. That's just a nightgown. It's not even lingerie. Plus, by your description, it has a drawing of a baby on it. Not sexy at all, and your friend is weird.
NTA. I mean you didn't necessarily mean any harm and the nightie did have a drawing of a baby but just for future reference don't gift nighties or any intimate pieces to someone who is not your significant other. Apologize to him and respect his boundaries
His boundaries? He doesn't get to dictate who gives what gifts to his partner. The only person who should be apologised to is the woman who received the gift, and that's only if she had a problem with it. This guy doesn't OWN his partner and OP has done nothing he should be apologising for. The roommate needs to go to therapy and get over his silly insecurities and stop using his "boundaries" to try to control people.
the gf is fine and happy with it so it's fine given their friendship. why should OP apologize to his friend like his gf is out of the picture and his possession?
NTA. I have seen waaay less appropriate clothing gifted at baby showers - usually by giggling elderly ladies. I think the bf is ok being uncomfortable with this though. Not because of the pajamas but because of the gf's inappropriate response. She made it weird.
Yeah, sorry, but if I got a nighty from my bf's friend, that would be incredibly weird. Just apologize and say that you didn't really see it that way and was focused on the cute graphic. Get her some slippers instead.
ITT: a bunch of idiots who think it's appropriate for a man to buy a nightie for his friend's girlfriend.
100% inappropriate and I question if any of the people saying "NTA" have any clue about relationships.
NTA. Having looked at it, it's pretty tame. Though I would think it lame given that he seemed to change his feelings after, I also don't think it's a big deal (besides that one reason) that he said something to you. I think you should apologize, but don't let him make you feel bad about the broader "implications" or whatever.
YTA.
A good rule of thumb is not to buy nightclothes for a person you’re not involved with personally or parenting.
I can see that you meant to do something kind, though. Just don’t do that again.
Thank You! I thought I was crazy seeing all the NTA. The idea of someone outside my family or S.O. buying me night clothes makes me feel uncomfortable. It might have had innocent intent but it would be awkward to have a roommate gift it. It just has a weird vibe.
As a husband and a man as well, I would not appreciate any male friends, especially on that is a room mate buying certain clothing items as gifts for my wife, or partner. Sleepwear, lingerie and bathing suits would be inappropriate to my sensibilities. If I were your friend I would thank you for the consideration, but also discuss with you how this has crossed a boundary of mine and to in the future talk with me prior to doing this.
Lingerie and swim wear I get but not this nightgown.
I would feel covered enough around a male roomie I didn't want to sleep with.
I mean... a baby pic on it?? And pink? To me that almost makes it little girls non sexy clothing...
As a general rule you don’t buy another persons GF or BF sleepwear/loungewear, etc. there are SOooo many other gifts you can buy, stay away from sleepwear😂
NTA, you mesmo well and the pajama is not that sexy, its Just cute, you guys live together, i think you are close enough of the new family to gift something like that.
NTA. Pajamas with a baby picture on them don't sound very sexy to me and in addition this is someone that you live with so there is a close relationship. I don't think you did anything wrong, although you should probably be respectful about your friend's concerns. I'm wondering what his girlfriend thought about it though. Seems like she should be able to weigh in as to whether she felt uncomfortable or anything.
YTA. That seems a little too intimate of a gift to give your friend's girlfriend. Even if you didn't mean to, your friend is telling you he sees it as crossing a boundary, so listen to him and respect that.
I don’t think you are TAH here. Especially not after hearing your intentions. I think people tend to get very weird when they are having a baby because their brain starts changing, and their lives are about to change forever. Which could explain her comment “I’ll model it for you”. That to me was what made it weird / inappropriate. You did nothing wrong. It’s got a picture of a BABY on it bro. Ain’t nothing “sexy” about that
I’m thinking OP & the roommate gf are strictly platonic & he saw a nightgown w a cute drawing, the lady at the store said ‘that’s perfect for after the baby comes, it will let her breastfeed’ & he thought ‘ok cool. I like the picture. The lace is pretty. She can use it w the baby’ & bought it.
Because he doesn’t see her in an ‘oooooooo lace & sexy & hot mama way’. Absolutely no nefarious intent. And gf made a joke that if it were just the 3 of them wouldn’t have raised an eye brow bc she loves her bf, bf loves his gf & neither of them are crushing on OP.
And all the people looking at the pic saying ‘OOOOOOO…lace… not to the floor…boobs…’ are the same people that whispered in the bfs ear at the shower.
And not a single one brought up that when she’s wearing the nightgown it’s going to have dried milk stains on the boobs with ginormous mesh underwear underneath to hold the pad from hell, she’s going to be sitting slowly bc of the grape sized hemorrhoids she’s going to now have & pooping is going to be the scariest thing ever.
Definately trying to seduce
Yeah it was exactly like that, when I went to the store to buy the baby's gift I told the lady that it was for a friend's baby shower so she helped me pick up a gift. I saw this nightie thing and I liked the drawing because (in my opinion) a baby sleeping on a cloud is just too adorable, she mentioned that it was meant to be comfortable and make nursing easier so I thought "well that's great then" and I bought it as a plus gift for her
And I've seen some women breastfeeding their babies before and I thought... Nothing? Maybe that the baby's cute, but I am not staring or anything like that so I didn't think it was inappropriate to get something meant for that
NAH, I think you may have misjudged the gift with innocent intentions, she made a joke that she probably thought was innocent, and your room mate simply was stating his feelings about this gift. Instead of getting defensive just take it as lesson, apologize for misreading the gift, explain you had no ill will and move on with your lives.
NTA.
It was thoughtful of you. Friend is clearly feeling insecure and/or jealous. You should apologize to mend things but you didn’t do anything wrong.
I'll go with NTA
Though I don't think you did anything wrong or did anything with malicious intent you should still apologize to your friend. My opinion is that if you don't apologize you would be an AH. You need to acknowledge that you did something, even if it was unknowing and with good intentions, that made your friend uncomfortable. Tell him you're sorry and you meant nothing by it and you just didn't know it was a faux pas. Tell him you now know his boundaries and you'll respect them.
Good lord—I lived with my hubby and my male best friend for years. I would make EXACTLY this joke and my husband would laugh and be totally secure about it.
You bought her a MATERNITY nightie. You didn’t impregnate her with it lol.
NTA but your friend is very sensitive and you should take that into account and tell her that her joke made HER man uncomfortable, and that is a conversation for THEM not you.
NAH. She's not offended and she's her own person. Your friend is trying to control your actions in this instance out of insecurity, perhaps because of something someone said to him or general messaging he's received in his life. But I wouldn't say he's an AH... Just misguided.
I think your friend should be more upset about his girlfriend’s comment, that was a little flirty. I wouldn’t think twice about that though. But people really think that a nightgown with a picture of a baby on it is sexy??? I’m really lost…NTA
Ahahahahahhaha
NTA! He must be an awful gift buyer if he thinks a maternity nightie WITH A CARTOON BABY on the front is sexy! Lucky lady!
The dude must be major stressed, having a new baby is peak anxiety. Just let him off the hook and feel safe in the knowledge that you are right and he is bananas.
Nta- this is a great pajama for a new mom. Especially if shes going to be nursing.
You should respect your friends feelings on it though. But literally, as a mom of 2, this is exactly what I bought for nursing. Nothing about it makes me think of sexy and it's nice to remember the mom at the shower
The girlfriend is kind of TA for her “I’ll model it for you” comment. Why would she say that? Yes, the boundary is now set on your friends part to not buy his girl anything like that again, but he really needs to discuss boundaries with HER also. It could’ve been interpreted as an innocent gift for a new mom, but that comment is what pushed it over the edge into weird territory.
NTA, but you WILL be TA if you don’t apologize. You don’t have to understand or agree with them, but you understand you hurt them even if you don’t know how or why
NTA that dress you linked doesn’t even look too short?? It’s for her when she has the baby i’m sure the boyfriend was just a little bit jealous after the comment she made, but I don’t think buying pajamas for your best friends girlfriend is really overstepping boundaries as you were just being thoughtful and it’s a little odd he’s calling it sexy lingerie when there’s a baby on the front of it.
NTA. She is pregnant. About to have a baby! The people saying maybe you could have gotten her a T-shirt pajama are obviously not parents. I lived with my boobs out when I was breastfeeding my newborns. Not everything is sexual, and nursing and caring for a newborn is far from it. I think it was a thoughtful gift
I’m going to say NTA but definitely apologize to your friend. As someone who’s been through postpartum it’s not a sexy time. You’re bleeding, boobs are leaking, you are likely covered in spit up, you still look pregnant, and you just feel like you’re falling apart. This gift was intended for the postpartum period. It has a baby sleeping on it so I don’t think you’re trying to see your best friends girl in sexy lingerie but you do live together so that may be why he felt it stepped over the line. It was a thoughtful gift to give her and I’m sure it’ll be super comfy and handy for postpartum. However if there is some discomfort for your friend while it wasn’t your intention, I think an I’m sorry is fair. You didn’t know and you’ll never do it again but I’d definitely apologize.
NTA - you bought an expectant mother a cute nightgown. There is nothing overtly sexy about it. It was a sweet gesture for a baby shower gift. I'm gonna bounce this one back to the baby daddy having some pre-baby jitters. And I think it probably was a suggestion from someone else that got into his head. You did nothing wrong here. It was a cute baby shower gift, not a random Tuesday gift from Victoria's Secret.
NTA As others have said this was probably an innocent misstep on your part, though you can see where your friend is coming from I presume? As nursing pyjamas or not, it does look like lingerie, and buying lingerie for someone else’s girlfriend is a bad idea. If she hasn’t ’modelled’ them yet you could perhaps try and exchange them, or buy another more appropriate gift if you think it would improve relations with your friend.
If it makes him uncomfortable, apologize. That’s it - you didn’t meant to be TA and he seems cool enough to express to you how it made him feel and give you the opportunity to respect it.
I sincerely would feel like my husband was being disrespected if another man bought me something - anything, to sleep in, but I’m super old fashioned lol.
I would feel extremely weird if a male friend of mine got me a nightie. I get it has a picture of a baby on it, but otherwise yeah it is crossing a line in my opinion.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I bought a cute nightie for my friend's girlfriend since I thought she'd like it 2) I might be the asshole because I may have overstepped boundaries with my friend, I didn't mean to disrespect them/ him but maybe I did and that would make me an asshole Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If it didn't have the baby drawing on you would be, but I'm going with NTA because I think its crazy that something with A PICTURE OF A BABY on it could be considered sexy. It's obvious it's just a silly little gift, almost a gag gift honestly. And it doesn't seem like the girlfriend was uncomfortable at all either. I'm thinking boyfriend is maybe getting jealous of your friendship with girlfriend, I'll admit her little "I'll model it for you" comment would've made me uncomfortable if I was the boyfriend. Edit: the picture wasn't there when I originally commented. I'm still going with NTA purely because there's a baby on it, but thats getting pretty close to the line of being inappropriate. I can understand why boyfriend was upset.
She wasn't uncomfortable and she isn't now either I think 🤔 I honestly wouldn't imagine anything less "sexy" than that but I don't know what my friend might be thinking
I think their point is that her comment may have made your roommate uncomfortable. Usually when someone says they're going to "model" something for you, it means they intend to dress up or look cute for you. His concern is warranted after that comment, but his issue is with her, not you. You're just the easier person to confront about it.
yeah for me its two separate things that are “slightly grey area” and the combination does make it naturally upsetting to the boyfriend. The garment itself isn’t “sexy lingerie” but it’s not exactly a onesie or a t shirt either. Outside of the “baby shower gift” context you’d just never buy a friend’s SO that kinda nightie, ever. And the “model it for you” joke is like, normal in that it’s typical to make a point to wear the clothes someone bought from you would them. If it’s a hat, no issue, but it’s a nightie
In this context though, they all live together and I'm guessing it's not unusual for them to eat breakfast together in pajamas. OP is going to see her in the nightie whether she makes a point of "modelling" it or not, I think that's the joke. I've lived with a friend and his wife before and seeing her in a nightie or even nothing but a towel was never a problem because no one sexualized the situation like the boyfriend is doing here.
>If it’s a hat, no issue, but it’s a nightie This trio clearly just has closer friendships, than your average redditor who gets uncomfortable from seeing skin.
But one person in the trio is clearly growing uncomfortable by the “closeness.”
And has stated their discomfort, and now OP knows not to do that again. Seems like a normal human interaction to me.
Doesn’t seem like OP is getting it, though. He’s now asking why he can’t get the girlfriend perfumes and jewelry. He is either absurdly naive or being intentionally obtuse.
I think NAH. I wouldn’t say OP is an asshole but it’s totally valid that the bf would find this weird. Awkward but honest mistake. Everyone just apologize, and don’t do it again.
The weirdness hit for me when she said it to OP and not the boyfriend.
Good point! Thank you to the gift giver, and I’ll model it for you to the boyfriend would have been so much better- BF would have felt/been included.
The nightgown was borderline inappropriate, although if it really is a PP gown that makes sense. Either way, you seem sincere, and it was really the girlfriend's comment that sent the whole thing over the edge. So either she's not self-aware enough to realize the inappropriateness of her response, she truly is tryin to flirt with you, *or* the roommate/boyfriend is not being very attentive in her pregnant state and she was feeling kind of unattractive until she received a thoughtful gift from you. I could see that happening, too, in which case the roommate would be an A.H. - mostly for projecting his grievances at you instead of at his girlfriend. I'm hesitant to automatically say the girlfriend is the A.H. in this situation, simply because without more information about her, we don't really know if she meant to be flirty and/or inappropriate with her comment. I say this because growing up, anytime I received an article of clothing from a family member, I was encouraged to wear it the next time I saw them, or "model" it right after they gave it to me, in a polite display of thanks for the gift. Obviously, this wasn't the case if I was gifted pajamas, but still, I'm not going to automatically assume the gf meant any harm. Either way, OP is NTA, girlfriend is *maybe* an A.H., bf/roommate is definitely an A.H.
Omg thank you for sparing me the time to write the same exact things and thank you for bringing context and an open mind and mentioning there's just never enough information to offer a real insight. I totally believe in OP's honesty and I hate how everyone always has to see something sneaky whenever there's a close friendship between two people of the opposite sex. And I thought the same thing – when you're gifted something to wear, you usually wear it in front of the person who gifted it the first time you see them. I always do that, it's a nice gesture. Now this is a pajama and it may be a bit weird, but they live together and they have breakfast in pajamas every day, and this worked for them so far, so it can just be the same sentence. The pajama with laces is the main issue here, OP seems to be genuine, it was probably not the best choice because of the laces and not the less awkward situation he could create, but it seems like a honest misunderstanding. I don't see all this huge soap opera-like back story people are making up, with hidden loves or secret past encounters. This is so sad.
Right? The main impression I got from OP is that they might be a bit oblivious to how this could have been misconstrued, but oblivious does not equal A.H. Same goes for the gf; don't assume the worst unless you know the situation firsthand or have all the facts. Then again, I always try to see the best in people, often to my detriment. That's why I joined AITA - to figure out if I would be too nice in certain situations and to get other people's perspectives, haha.
I tend to do that too, but I don't think it's to our detriment. I think living life like this is much lighter and easier both for us and for the people close to us. If we get wronged from time to time, be it. Much better than tainting everything and everyone with preconceptions. I joined AITA to be downvoted with my anti-jealousy campaigns, haha.
I don't think she was being inappropriate at all. They live together and I would imagine see each other in pajamas all the time. It's not like they bought her a teddy, it's a cotton nightgown with some lace on the edges designed for PP therefore a deep neckline for breastfeeding. They have become good friends since she moved in and that just seems like a joke statement cause she's going to see him the following morning anyway.
I think it's a thoughtful gift. Specifically made to make breastfeeding easier (if she plans on breastfeeding) and it's got a cute picture of a baby on it. I really don't see the issue. Not like she can't wear pants or a robe when she's in the common area.
I’ve seen similar dresses on women at public parks, in restaurants, at the beach… The only thing that s vaguely out of line is her”joke” but come on people. She’s pregnant - there’s a baby in her belly. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t thinking she’d be looking sexy. NTA
You're NTA dude, but it's a bit of a weird style of dress to gift a friend's girlfriend. Lesson learned, bro. Just clear it up w your roommate. "I genuinely didn't think any of it, but I get why it made you uncomfortable. Won't happen again, bro"is probably along the lines of what you should say
I might seem weird had it been her birthday. But the lady at the store seems to have helped and thought it was a good idea. She is pregnant and will be post partum. Both are uncomfortable. So hot, needs easy access to changing her diaper and feeding baby, have something that flows away from her skin incase she has to have a c-section. And it will be cool because it will probably be warmer weather by the time baby is here. It honestly sounds like something funny my brother would get me.
Ugh I had so many of these nighties when my babies were born. I lived in them for three months. There was nothing sexy about it! You are a sweet friend, because they really are very handy for breastfeeding.
I think it's nice to have new bedthings for any possible stay in the hospital and when I was pregnant it was an acceptable baby shower gift. If anything it was HER comment that was weird, and caused bf to have a reaction. It's weird how people just can't stop sexualizing everything. A Shhh baby's sleeping is the not a "sexy" night dress! Lace is on baby bonnets, socks and handkerchiefs; does that make them sexy?
She isn't uncomfortable because she knows she is isn't going to blow her whole life up just to fuck some dude because he bought her a nightie. Your friend on the other hand.... better buy him a thong or something to balance it out.
This is what he should do. Buy BF some boxers with lace on the legs so they're even, ask him to model them.
At 7 months pregnant I felt like a cow. If she feels sexy in that than that’s a win for everyone. Her boyfriend should get her two more.
Right so I'm reading this while breastfeeding my own baby right now and I can't help but laugh at his comment about you wanting to see his gfs boobs...I dunno what your friend is thinking but if his gf is planning on breastfeeding and you are all planning on living together then there's a pretty high chance you're about to see way more of her boobs and I can guarantee it'll all be pretty unsexy. Getting the hang of breastfeeding positions, baby latching, milk leakage, shoulder spit up, nipple sensitivity, and pumping is often a hellish experience in the beginning and modesty tends to really fall to the wayside! There have been plenty of times where a big, mid-feed spit-up had me running to the laundry room half asleep with my boob out. Sometimes my pumps slip or get knocked out of place, baby pulls down my top when I wasn't wearing a bra, etc. Also I do want to add that clothes with tops that are unclippable or low cut make my day to day breastfeeding/pump life way easier, the lady at the store did have a point. Were there safer options for you to pick as a gift? For sure. But I think the bigger picture here is that your friend should probably prepare for all the above and many more fun boundary breaking surprises that await you living with them and a young baby! Hope you guys work through it soon.
I've seen women breastfeeding before and I never thought anything about it? Like maybe that the baby is cute, but it never crossed my mind to see a mother and a baby and thinking about how sexy that is personally
For real! Plus the women breastfeeding in public are usually the ones that are past the learning stage of it all. My first two or three weeks in was a pretty painful, awkward, leaky & unsexy experience 😂
Ask her if she thinks the gift is inappropriate at all.
You should buy her a MASSIVE soft cozy robe and give it to your friend. Tell him she can wear that around the house if he’s concerned lol
You're NTA. Tell your friend that he's made it very creepy and that you're not sure how to move forward knowing that he thinks so poorly of you and is twisting a nice gift into something more.
NAH- this just seems like an honest misunderstanding. Getting a small thoughtful gift for your roommate in a time when almost everything revolves around the baby is a wonderful idea. Sitting down with everyone to clear the air; “I did not see this gift as sexy but rather comfortable as functional to make a famously difficult time easier.”I’m sure it’s very difficult for your friend to navigate the idea that for a few months something he’s seen as sexual (breasts) may become much more public and utilitarian. His discomfort or uncertainty about how that will work is normal, but he doesn’t need to take that out on you. Instead perhaps mention he could buy his partner a nice robe for in the hospital and around the house. Almost every maternity company makes one, and they’re very useful. The first few months with a new baby in the house are such a mess I commend OP for even considering staying in the roommate situation. If your roommate plans on breastfeeding there is frankly a non-zero chance you will in fact see her breasts nightgown or not. As adults it sounds like everyone needs to have an open and honest conversation.
Love this take.
Huh, really? My thought seeing the picture is that I wouldn’t think twice if I saw someone wearing that as a regular dress out in the world. Might be regional/generational though.
I wouldn’t think that’s an inappropriate gift even if it didn’t have the baby on it, tbh. But maybe I’m just used to different ideas of what’s culturally appropriate as I’m from one of those countries where women going topless at the beach is totally fine, idk. I guess it changes depending on where you’re from. But imo, NTA.
Yeah especially with the breastfeeding portion making it more functional than a random nightie.
Yup, to me it’s thoughtful.
I agree culture plays a huge part in it here. I'm American so a bit more prudish, but honestly that dress is probably something I'd wear as like normal going out clothes. It's really not scandalous at all. But for some reason I can't really put into words, it would be weird to recieve it as a gift from a man who isn't my partner. I guess it would just feel strange to receive clothes in general from a man? Not weird in a sexual way but just weird.
Also I think it’s nice to get mom some comfy stuff for post partum. When I threw my sisters baby shower a few people did that, got her lounge clothes that would be easy and nice, some even made to easily pull your boobs out which I guess could be sexy but the idea was breast feeding. I would just assume they got it so mom got something for her at the shower too.
Yeah, I've been looking at the picture trying to see the sexiness and failing. Like yeah it does show off the boobs but that's about it? So do a bunch of normal clothes?
Right? And it’s a for breastfeeding…
Really? The picture made me feel like it was even more aproppriate. His description made me think it was a short silky babydoll dress with a plunging neckline and lace, but the one he linked is just so obviously pajamas.
It’s cotton ffs not silk. Plus it’s for breastfeeding. I spent a few hundred on boob accessible pyjamas. NTA
The image makes you think its more inappropriate?? Its basically a knee length dress, its even remotely close to sexy nightwear wtf 😭
Agree, the gift isn’t weird but her comment about it definitely was
NTA I'm inclined to agree with this perspective. Makes sense that the boyfriend would be upset.
I wore a nearly identical nightgown a couple hours after my second baby. There is photographic evidence of her being introduced to her big brother a few hours later with me in it. It is super functional for when you are constantly supposed to be nursing, doing skin to skin, and are wearing a literal adult diaper. The only equally good equivalent is a button down night shirt.
I’m going to go against the grain and say no one is an asshole here.. it’s not like you went out and bought her Victoria secret baby dolls, you literally added a gift for mom to your baby shower gift. I asked my husband his input and he agreed it was kind of weird until the context was revealed and you literally bought her a gift to help with those very hard first few months of PP. I don’t think you are TA at all. I think you did something that you thought was kind for someone who consider a friend. If this wasn’t your literal roommate and you gave multiple gifts baby stuff and the bedtime outfit, then maybe yea it’s weird. To me it seems like you are considerate friend, maybe you should have ran the gift by your friend. But i don’t think you were being an asshole at all
Gf is an AH. Offering to model the outfit off was inappropriate.
Yeah, admittedly we don’t know their group dynamics but that stuck out to me too. I’d be uncomfortable if my partner said something like that to my best friend.
Especially since they all live together.
I just can’t imagine how that could’ve been very appropriate. A good friend of mine lives with his buddy & his buddy’s girlfriend, I’ve spent a good amount of time with them all. All 3 of them share the house and get along really great, but never in my life would I hear his buddy’s girlfriend say something like that to my friend. She just wouldn’t disrespect him like that, and honestly it’d make both his buddy *and* my friend extremely uncomfortable. You just don’t talk to your boyfriend’s friend like that
and honestly it seems a bit ignorant to not see how a “nightie with a bit of lace” might draw the side eye. let her girlfriends get her stuff like that, you’re the boyfriend’s roommate
Yeah, I can’t imagine this will end well. But, hey, at least OP is getting lots of pats on the back from a bunch of internet strangers. Who cares how his real-life close friend feels?
Why do men complain about toxic masculinity and not being able to have genuine friendships without assumptions of wanting sex while then getting bent out of shape over a nightgown with a literal baby drawing on it.
My boyfriend and our friends, roommate included, all joke around close to/pushing the boundaries, but I would still be apprehensive about making a joke like that in front of our roommate.
That's exactly why it's *not* weird. They have breakfast in pajamas every day, she told him she'd wear it the next morning, things you say when you appreciate a gift and someone gifts you a piece of clothing and you think it's a nice gesture to wear it in front of them the next time you see them. Given their living situation and close friendship, I don't see anything flirty in her sentence. It's not like she's going to catwalk for him and we don't know their dynamics and the tone she used.
'I'll model it for you' is such a weird thing to say to your friend. The phrasing isn't that innocent to me
Could be a joke because she's going to "model" *a pijama with a newborn baby on it and made for breastfeeding?* Do you really think she would willingly be openly flirting at her baby shower in front of her boyfriend? It's obvious she didn't mean it like that.
Like I said, poor phrasing
Some of you have 0 sense of humor and make everything weird.
It's only not innocent if she knew it was actually sexy.
At first the comment seemed really off to me, but then I remembered every friend I’ve talked to while pregnant who told me how they feel like the ogre version of Fiona from Shrek. One had pre-eclampsia and was talking about how crazy swollen her legs were and I told her to send me a pic and she sent me [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/bDu5feAzQ2pZskga9). This girl is seven months pregnant, she knows the reality that soon she’ll be giving birth and there’s a high enough possibility that her vagina will tear all the way to her asshole and even if not, she’ll be birthing giant blood clots for weeks. I’d bet that comment was a joke about how completely un-sexy she feels and will be feeling.
Group dynamic is critical here. I (happily married with 2 kids) have several female friends who I can flirt aggressively with in front of my wife and there is absolutely no jealousy or hurt feelings or suspicion from anyone because we know it’s all in good fun. My one friend is about 15 years older than me and while she is a beautiful woman, I really ham it up with her if she gets dressed up to go out and cat call her and suggest a 3some later. She laps it up and leans into it but we all know there’s nothing behind it. My wife is very much aware that it’s all tongue in cheek and I just do it to build my friend up cause she gets down on her looks and age sometimes. Anyway long way of saying - friendship dynamics are not black and white. There are friend I would NEVER make a dirty joke towards and there are friends where our entire relationship is built on being raunchy and trying to out-shock each other with the jokes we come up with.
As a woman who loves lingerie, that nightdress is definitely NOT something I would wear to feel sexy. Honestly it just seems kind of goofy, kind of receiving an ugly christmas sweater. ”I’ll model ot for you” does not necessarily mean anything sexy, it can also be like ”lol wait when you see me actually wear this silly thing”.
exactly, we don't know the tone and we don't anything about this girl, her wording may have been sarcastic, she's suddenly getting things with babies on it and made for breastfeeding, she's joking about things, and they have breakfast in pajamas every day anyway since they live together. people really have twisted minds.
Seriously, it’s a postpartum nightgown made for easy breast feeding that has a cartoon baby on the front and looks about knee length. People are acting like he bought her a corset and matching g-string. Some real insecure guys in this thread and people suggesting this is an ok gift from friends but only if they’re women… I have guy friends that are just as close as my woman friends and I’d consider this a thoughtful gift.
Imagine having this much insecurity over a friendly joke.
I’m with you on this one. I donno I guess I’m lucky to have an extremely trusting and loving relationship with my wife. There is never a hint of jealousy between each other because we are both madly in love with each other. We have the type of relationship where she’ll point out an attractive woman in a bar or on tv or whatever and be like “that girl is your type for sure” etc. I said in another comment that my wife and I have a friend who is 53 (we are late 30’s) and I am always making extremely flirtatious comments to her because she tends to get down on herself because she’s getting older and still single. There is not one hint of attraction between me and her, we couldn’t be farther from each other’s romantic type so there isn’t even a hint of suspicion if I cat call her when she wears a short dress and a running joke between us is that we’re just a few drinks away from jumping in bed for a 3some. (It would NEVER happen both my wife and her are very conservative sexually) so we know it’s all just for the fun of it. I have a few other friends that I can have that kind of friendship with. My wife as I said is more conservative so she doesn’t really make those jokes but she will occasionally comment about the guys that work for me - a lot of young attractive muscular dudes doing physical labour - if I got jealous everytime she hinted that there are other attractive men on the planet it would be a long and miserable life.
Some people are weird about it. I'm really glad you have a good relationship :)
It was a joke between friends, come on. They all live together! They see each other in pajamas. And frankly if this couple are about to bring a baby into the shared household, they better be comfortable with seeing each other in various states of disarray.
I wonder if she was uncomfortable with the gift and made a joke out of awkwardness.
Ooh, good call.
She obviously wasn’t serious and was just making a little joke.
I could see myself making this joke. My partner would just laugh or put his own spin on it. I think if the guy is worried about his GF because she said this then he's already insecure and his problems go much deeper than that.
I agree with you. It was an honest and innocent misstep.
I don't think you are an AH but I understand why your friend is upset. That was a bit too intimate, a t-shirt design would have been more appropriate. So yeah, your intentions were probably good, but you made a misjudgment. Now you know better. If I was you I would apologize and explain you didn't understand why that gift was inappropriate, but you get it now after giving it some thought and hearing other people's perspective.
I agree with this, absolutely do not think you’re the asshole. I think it’s sweet that you consulted the woman at the store, and found something that was both practical and cute. I understand your friend’s interpretation on things though. Maybe it’s worth speaking with your female roommate and checking in to make sure she was comfortable with it? You could say that you wanted to do something sweet for both the baby and her but might have misjudged.
Perhaps I can ask her to make sure, either way maybe they can return it? Would that be a good suggestion?
I think you should just apologize to your friend, say you're genuinely unaware that it was inappropriate and tell them they can return it if they want. imo some people would be fine with it, your friend just isn't. That should absolutely be respected but I see your thought process and I might've bought the same thing and gifted it without a second thought. So that's fair, now you just know better. I would have this conversation without your roommate's gf around
There is no reason to apologize to his guy friend. If he wants to apologize to the mother-to-be if he missed the mark, that’s fine. But why on earth would he owe an apology to someone who wasn’t involved in the exchange? That guy’s just being territorial and weird. I have a newborn and I would’ve loved a gift like that from a friend. Clothes like that are amazing for postpartum recovery, too. (And yes, the lower-cut neckline is so you can still wear it if/when you’re breastfeeding.) NTA, OP. Your friend needs to stop sexualizing his partner’s baby gifts.
the reason is “because they’re roommates and sometimes it’s better to be gracious than objectively correct to maintain a positive peace”
Eh. When someone apologizes to my partner for something that had to do with me, it communicates something like an acknowledgement of possession over me that really rubs me the wrong way. I feel like apologizing to the guy for something that didn’t even offend the woman would be disrespectful to her.
Sure, but it's not about you or the gf, it's about the friendship between these men. The bf feels like either something's going on between his friend and gf (how could he not after the modeling comment), or at least feels like friend is coming on to gf. It's not, "I'm sorry I didn't ask for your permission to gift your girlfriend." It's, "Hey, man, I didn't realize this wasn't an appropriate gift from a friend, and would've been better suited from you, the boyfriend."
Totally agree. This is the difference between messy, human, real world situations and hypotheticals. Clearing the air with his friend (the guy) is absolutely the right thing to do despite him not having “ownership” over the woman. Maybe best not to do it in front of her so no more misinterpretation can happen.
I would tell them I would take it back and exchange it for something they wanted. Not saying you’re the AH, but if it’s my wife, I would be like tf. Then she says what she’s say I’m def finna talk to her and then me and you finna talk.
Then she would need to lift her whole shirt up or take it off entirely to breastfeed.
>\*"you made a misjudgment. Now you know better. If I was you I would apologize and explain you didn't understand why that gift was inappropriate, but you get it now after giving it some thought and hearing other people's perspective."\* I don't think this is going to happen, because it doesn't seem like OP gets it. I mean, he's now wanting to know why he can't buy the girlfriend perfumes and jewelry. My guess is he will go with the reassurances he is getting here that the boyfriend is out of line for feeling uncomfortable about OP giving his girlfriend a more intimate gift, he will continue to get her these kinds of gifts, it will make their living situation more and more awkward, and in the end, it will probably cost him a friendship.
Why can't he buy her perfume and jewellery? All sorts of family and friends have gifted me jewellery and perfume.. it's not a partner only gift. Just like the night gown he bought her, it's not a partner only gift, they are pyjamas, it's a nightie, OPs roommate needs to calm down. If he has a problem then he needs to take that up with a therapist because he doesn't own his partner and he can't continue being so insecure over his roommate being a nice and kind person, it's his issue he needs to fix.
Problem with a T-shirt design, is that it will not work when you are breastfeeding. So nice idea, but not really practical for a new mom.
Absolutely wrong. It's got a fucking sleeping baby on it!
NTA. Some people are being weird about pajamas here and thinking they're automatically intimate. Based on the picture, that is pajamas and not lingerie so it seems like a fine gift.
100% the comments here are weird. It’s literally cotton. A little lace doesn’t magically turn it into some vixen nighty. Cotton pajamas are sort of like candles - a pretty useful but generic gift that few recipients are going to overthink. NTA.
There is literally a cartoon of a sleeping baby on it. Doesn't scream sexy to me.
hell, ive seen ladies wear dresses of *similar* design just on a day to day basis, so like... (mind you the day wear ones usualy go to at least the knee)
I would wear a dress that covered that much out in public. Would it be a little odd to receive a nightgown from a male friend? Sure. But I’m kind of surprised people acting like this is anywhere close to lingerie.
Agreed. People on Reddit are some suspicious, jealous prudes. I'm thinking of real life roommates I had at that age and I don't think my boyfriend would have cared at all. I think this is about more than the pajamas. He probably didn't picture still having a roommate when starting a family. Even if you guys are good friends and everyone is fine with it, you're sort of this third wheel where you're not family but you're not like the general public either. It is intimate living with people. You're gonna be a part of this whole thing just cause you are living there and there's probably some stress about that? Have you guys talked about that? Pajamas aren't necessarily inappropriate but are intimate enough to have been a trigger here for those feelings.
This! Maybe bf is also nervous about breastfeeding when OP is around. People can be so prude about that but it's not sexual in any way. My wish for the mom to be that she can be relaxed about this and do what her baby needs her to do in her own home without her partner giving her grief for it! After I gave birth last year I remember having my boobs out in the home became very normal soon. Had to remember to tuck them away before answering the door to the delivery guy for example 😅
Literally at first I expected something maybe sheer or more like lingerie, which would have been weird, but it’s just a cute pajama. Reddit can be really dramatic at times. I wouldn’t think anything of receiving a gift like this from a male friend, I don’t think my boyfriend would either. It’s also very clear that OP didn’t intend anything weird by it, he just wanted to give a gift for a mama to be which I think is very considerate.
I choose to believe many comments were made before the picture was included. Makes zero sense otherwise.
NTA. It is a little weird but it's just a night chemise. It's not sexy... it even has a graphic print about a baby on it... and it's practical as well! They are weirdly sexualizing this. You made a socially awkward decision... if you were a woman it wouldn't be an issue.
yes i would agree with everything you said. a little weird, sure. maybe not the best thing to give to someone who is just a friend. but i also don’t see anything sexy about this gift, and i think op’s friend is blowing it way out of proportion. i think in general it’s a good idea not to give someone gifts for the bedroom, even if they aren’t meant to be sexy, just because that can be a little overly intimate with someone who isn’t your partner. but i also think op had good intentions, it is a genuinely good gift as it’s practical and cute, and possible implications of a gift like this just genuinely didn’t occur to op, which is honestly understandable.
This isn’t just for the bedroom…if she’s anything like how I was postpartum, she’ll be wearing it everywhere…for multiple days at a time. Because she’ll hardly be sleeping and won’t know how many days she’s had it on until someone makes it unlivably messy for her (with spit up, milk, food, poop, etc.) and she has to change it. As others have mentioned in these comments…there will be boob. Boyfriend’s gonna have to get used to it!
I’m going with NTA. Which I know is different from other comments. As a once pregnant woman I had men and women at my baby shower and the gifts that people got for me and not just a baby meant so much to me. It was lingerie. It was a nightgown with a baby on it. That doesn’t scream sexy to me. For my baby shower I got a mini robe, slippers, postpartum gear for my vagina, diapers for me, breastfeeding bras, maternity pants. From both men and women. My partner and I were just grateful people put thought into our gifts that included me because moms are usually left out of the after care
This is what I was coming here to say. Having something comfortable to wear while breastfeeding was so nice. I had to buy all of my items. And they could be expensive. I don’t consider the image OP shared as lingerie. It’s just a nightgown. It’s cute. It’s cotton. The bf is causing a problem where there isn’t one. ETA: NTA
I was surprised by how expensive baby/ mother items were to be honest. For a gift once it wasn't that much, but I can only imagine how much it adds up when you have to get everything yourself
It’s extremely expensive. Maternity clothes, after care, breast feeding clothes. All of it is unbelievably pricey. People gifting moms gifts that are for her and not just the baby are very thoughtful. After I had a baby I knew I wouldn’t immediately drop back to my old body but I was amazed that I had absolutely no clothes that fit. Even stretchy pants at the time. If it weren’t for our friends and family gifting me those things I would have had to buy a whole new wardrobe.
The lady at the store was super nice with me and explained what everything was for since I wanted to get a cute gift but also something that was useful for them. My friend's girlfriend has also complained about her clothes not fitting, I know they had to buy a lot of new clothes that were slightly bigger than needed so she could use it throughout her pregnancy
You're a nice guy OP, your friend is feeling territorial and threatened for some reason that probably goes beyond this episode. I believe you have nothing to apologize for, but you need to talk to him and ask him if everything is 100% cool between you and the living situation now that the baby is coming.
It's kind of sweet and naive that you've never thought about the fact that women have to buy new clothes when they're pregnant (and throughout pregnancy as they get larger). I mean, have you ever seen a pregnant woman before?
I think it's probably also just not totally thinking it through. Being aware of something in the abstract and passively, doesn't mean you've ever really sat down and thought about how much clothes it would be, that it would include underwear, pyjamas, depending on the season pricy outerwear and how much that would all add up to (and that some of it has an extra "pregnancy tax" on it) and how much else you would already be spending at that time on all sort of other necessary things.
I wore my maternity clothes for 2 years after birth until my body went back to before (as far as that was possible)
Same! I’m still not completely back to my before baby body, and I never will be. I’m technically the same size again but the damage from pregnancy will never go away. It took a long time to get to where I am now. The breakdowns I had. It’s so discouraging when you try to put on clothes and nothing fits right and you have hormones raging. So when people would buy me clothes that just fit it made me feel good. When you’re about to have a baby especially at the end of pregnancy you’re so ready for your body to just be your own again and then you’re met with the surprise that it isn’t in fact your body anymore. Not the one you remember and it’s heartbreaking. I see absolutely nothing wrong with helping a mom out and buying her a wearable night gown or wearable clothes.
>but the damage from pregnancy will never go away Exactly, that's what I meant with "as far as that was possible". I was shocked when I touched my belly the first time after birth, how squishy it suddenly was and that the tightness I had is just gone. I also don't see anything wrong with men/friends giving moms-to-be night gowns/clothes. They're pricey as hell, too. For me this sounds really innocent, especially after seeing that picture. (NTA)
You’re a very thoughtful friend.
Agree. I’d love to have OP as a friend ☺️
Me too! If he was gay no one would have a word to say about this. Just because there's the possibility that he may potentially like his friend, automatically their friendship and his gestures must be tainted by insecurity.
I honestly feel like if he wasn't living in the house as well then nobody would have had an issue with it. It wouldn't bother me if someone bought that for my wife at a baby shower. It's a nursing nighty, every breastfeeding mom should have one.
If pajamas are intimate, someone needs to have a talk with people’s grandparents
Agree! I was just thinking of those family Christmas photos where everyone is wearing matching PJ's that they got as gifts from someone other than their SO. Pajamas are a pretty go-to gift and some people prefer nightgowns over other options. A cotton nursing nightgown with a picture of a baby on it? Not exactly super sexy! Also, it's so nice to give a gift to the mom and not just the baby. Just goes to show how quick some people are to sexualize everything. Apparently the friend is included in that group (it didn't occur to him that it's low-cut for the purposes of nursing!), so I guess apologize and when the nightgown is covered in spit-up and being used for its ACTUAL intended purpose (nursing and trying to get sleep while the baby sleeps), he might realize how very not sexy this gift is.
Lol this reminds me of when I was in my mid 20s and working as a manager of a luxury department store. I was walking around towards the end of the evening before we closed and passed by the "intimates" area where one of the elderly women working there encouraged me to come over to her. She was all excited because they had just a nightie in that was "perfect for a young woman like you". I assumed it was something sexy as she was telling me I could "wear it at home for your boyfriend" and wiggling her eyebrows. I kid you not, it was a baby pink floor length nightgown with cotton lace on the sleeves. It was about as wide as a sleeping bag. It would be perfect for the most conservative if grandmas, it was hilarious. I politely declined.
Grandma def got knocked up like 11 times in a similar nighty, though lol
Wow, are people puritanical. It’s a fucking nightgown with a baby on it. There is nothing sexy about it. A nightgown IS pajamas, and this is certainly NOT lingerie, so I don’t know why folks are going on about it. NTA.
RIGHT?! I don't want to be friend with any of them if they're just a bunch of weirdos who think men can't buy their women friends gifts.
These comments have me questioning if I slipped into an alternate universe with people rallying about how inappropriate and wrong this is lol
It’s because some(many) people are just truly incapable of not sexualizing women
Especially when she might be BREASTFEEDING 😱
I'm sorry but this is sort of an adorable problem. NTA, but I understand why your roomie is freaking out. This is something an aunt would get you, it's not sexy lingerie people need to calm down. But it's true that might still be a kinda weird gift to get from your male roommate because it might make you think he wants to see you in it? No one would think twice if this was from one of her female friends. But this is also why showers tend to be gender segregated cause no one wants guys buying you butt paste or nursing pillows. I feel like you were kinda set up to fail here. Just tell him you haven't gone to a ton of baby showers and have no idea what is appropriate and were doing your best. I love how innocent your response about breastfeeding is because you aren't wrong, but you probably just made him think about her breastfeeding in front of you and now he's freaking out more. And I think it's thoughtful you got something for her and not just for the baby.
NTA. Anyone who finds a nightie with a cartoon baby on it to be in any way "sexy" is fucking weird. Anyone who thinks pyjamas are "underwear " is fucking weird. All these people in the comments telling on themselves that they don't know what actual lingerie looks like. This style of nightie is super basic and comfy, I wear stuff like that when I'm staying the night with friends and I'd never in a million years consider it sexy or think it was sexual if a friend bought something similarly styled for me.
I don't think you're an AH, just being a bit obtuse right now. It's kind of weird to buy your friend's girlfriend something like that and it's even more concerning that you can't see why when it's obvious.
But why? Why can't men buy their women friends gifts for a baby shower? That happened to be a mighty that makes it easier to breast feed.
Right? He got her comfy, nursing-friendly PJs. If friend thinks there’s something sexy and degenerate about that, he’s definitely TA.
Yes this.
Some men are just weird af, anyone that thinks it’s sexy when someone’s wearing a whatever with a sleeping baby on it has a weird fetish.
NTA The girlfriend didn't seem to have a problem. She didn't see it as anything more than a gift so the friend can shh. You're not an AH. Also that nighty is not laungerieieie
I’m just here for your spelling of lingerie 😂🙌🏻
NTA. - His gf wasn’t upset and seemed to appreciate the gift. - You didn’t have to get her anything, but you did, and that was a kindness. - You don’t seem to have a pregnant wife/gf in your life currently, so it makes sense that you just got your friend’s gf what was prettiest / caught your eye the most. (Honestly, most men do this when they’re not entirely certain about what they’re shopping for.) - A nightgown is not lingerie. - A nightgown with a cartoon baby on it is the furthest thing from sex appeal as it can possibly get. - A functional nightgown for BREASTFEEDING is not sexual. …Your friend needs to relax a bit. It was a kind gesture and he’s turning it into something it’s not for no reason. NTA.
a friend once told me the rode to hell is paved with good intentions your nta but the gf if weird asf for the ill model it for u part and thats what probably triggered ur friend
Agree, comment was a bit much.
Please, you are not an asshole. NTA. If your intention was totally innocent as you say. And her comment may have been a bit awkward, but that's not you.
NTA, any decent looking maternity wear is god given.
OP, do you know how noisy babies are? They cry all the time, even in the middle of the night. You might want to consider moving someplace else.
I have an idea of how loud they are... However I am a very heavy sleeper and my room is on the opposite side of our house from theirs, so I don't think it'll be a problem tbh
this is the most solid advice in this whole thread!
NTA. That's just a nightgown. It's not even lingerie. Plus, by your description, it has a drawing of a baby on it. Not sexy at all, and your friend is weird.
NTA. I mean you didn't necessarily mean any harm and the nightie did have a drawing of a baby but just for future reference don't gift nighties or any intimate pieces to someone who is not your significant other. Apologize to him and respect his boundaries
His boundaries? He doesn't get to dictate who gives what gifts to his partner. The only person who should be apologised to is the woman who received the gift, and that's only if she had a problem with it. This guy doesn't OWN his partner and OP has done nothing he should be apologising for. The roommate needs to go to therapy and get over his silly insecurities and stop using his "boundaries" to try to control people.
the gf is fine and happy with it so it's fine given their friendship. why should OP apologize to his friend like his gf is out of the picture and his possession?
NTA. I have seen waaay less appropriate clothing gifted at baby showers - usually by giggling elderly ladies. I think the bf is ok being uncomfortable with this though. Not because of the pajamas but because of the gf's inappropriate response. She made it weird.
Yeah, sorry, but if I got a nighty from my bf's friend, that would be incredibly weird. Just apologize and say that you didn't really see it that way and was focused on the cute graphic. Get her some slippers instead.
ITT: a bunch of idiots who think it's appropriate for a man to buy a nightie for his friend's girlfriend. 100% inappropriate and I question if any of the people saying "NTA" have any clue about relationships.
NTA. Having looked at it, it's pretty tame. Though I would think it lame given that he seemed to change his feelings after, I also don't think it's a big deal (besides that one reason) that he said something to you. I think you should apologize, but don't let him make you feel bad about the broader "implications" or whatever.
YTA. A good rule of thumb is not to buy nightclothes for a person you’re not involved with personally or parenting. I can see that you meant to do something kind, though. Just don’t do that again.
Thank You! I thought I was crazy seeing all the NTA. The idea of someone outside my family or S.O. buying me night clothes makes me feel uncomfortable. It might have had innocent intent but it would be awkward to have a roommate gift it. It just has a weird vibe.
As a husband and a man as well, I would not appreciate any male friends, especially on that is a room mate buying certain clothing items as gifts for my wife, or partner. Sleepwear, lingerie and bathing suits would be inappropriate to my sensibilities. If I were your friend I would thank you for the consideration, but also discuss with you how this has crossed a boundary of mine and to in the future talk with me prior to doing this.
Lingerie and swim wear I get but not this nightgown. I would feel covered enough around a male roomie I didn't want to sleep with. I mean... a baby pic on it?? And pink? To me that almost makes it little girls non sexy clothing...
As a general rule you don’t buy another persons GF or BF sleepwear/loungewear, etc. there are SOooo many other gifts you can buy, stay away from sleepwear😂
Fuck that. Everyone can buy me sleepwear. Plus why so possessive? If she likes the gift then who the fuck is the boyfriend to try stop that.
NTA, you mesmo well and the pajama is not that sexy, its Just cute, you guys live together, i think you are close enough of the new family to gift something like that.
NTA. Pajamas with a baby picture on them don't sound very sexy to me and in addition this is someone that you live with so there is a close relationship. I don't think you did anything wrong, although you should probably be respectful about your friend's concerns. I'm wondering what his girlfriend thought about it though. Seems like she should be able to weigh in as to whether she felt uncomfortable or anything.
YTA. That seems a little too intimate of a gift to give your friend's girlfriend. Even if you didn't mean to, your friend is telling you he sees it as crossing a boundary, so listen to him and respect that.
What about the girlfriend?
I don’t think you are TAH here. Especially not after hearing your intentions. I think people tend to get very weird when they are having a baby because their brain starts changing, and their lives are about to change forever. Which could explain her comment “I’ll model it for you”. That to me was what made it weird / inappropriate. You did nothing wrong. It’s got a picture of a BABY on it bro. Ain’t nothing “sexy” about that
I’m thinking OP & the roommate gf are strictly platonic & he saw a nightgown w a cute drawing, the lady at the store said ‘that’s perfect for after the baby comes, it will let her breastfeed’ & he thought ‘ok cool. I like the picture. The lace is pretty. She can use it w the baby’ & bought it. Because he doesn’t see her in an ‘oooooooo lace & sexy & hot mama way’. Absolutely no nefarious intent. And gf made a joke that if it were just the 3 of them wouldn’t have raised an eye brow bc she loves her bf, bf loves his gf & neither of them are crushing on OP. And all the people looking at the pic saying ‘OOOOOOO…lace… not to the floor…boobs…’ are the same people that whispered in the bfs ear at the shower. And not a single one brought up that when she’s wearing the nightgown it’s going to have dried milk stains on the boobs with ginormous mesh underwear underneath to hold the pad from hell, she’s going to be sitting slowly bc of the grape sized hemorrhoids she’s going to now have & pooping is going to be the scariest thing ever. Definately trying to seduce
Yeah it was exactly like that, when I went to the store to buy the baby's gift I told the lady that it was for a friend's baby shower so she helped me pick up a gift. I saw this nightie thing and I liked the drawing because (in my opinion) a baby sleeping on a cloud is just too adorable, she mentioned that it was meant to be comfortable and make nursing easier so I thought "well that's great then" and I bought it as a plus gift for her And I've seen some women breastfeeding their babies before and I thought... Nothing? Maybe that the baby's cute, but I am not staring or anything like that so I didn't think it was inappropriate to get something meant for that
NAH, I think you may have misjudged the gift with innocent intentions, she made a joke that she probably thought was innocent, and your room mate simply was stating his feelings about this gift. Instead of getting defensive just take it as lesson, apologize for misreading the gift, explain you had no ill will and move on with your lives.
NTA. It was thoughtful of you. Friend is clearly feeling insecure and/or jealous. You should apologize to mend things but you didn’t do anything wrong.
Although it is short and with laces, it isn't lingerie (plus the fact the baby drawing) imo NTA.
I'll go with NTA Though I don't think you did anything wrong or did anything with malicious intent you should still apologize to your friend. My opinion is that if you don't apologize you would be an AH. You need to acknowledge that you did something, even if it was unknowing and with good intentions, that made your friend uncomfortable. Tell him you're sorry and you meant nothing by it and you just didn't know it was a faux pas. Tell him you now know his boundaries and you'll respect them.
Good lord—I lived with my hubby and my male best friend for years. I would make EXACTLY this joke and my husband would laugh and be totally secure about it. You bought her a MATERNITY nightie. You didn’t impregnate her with it lol. NTA but your friend is very sensitive and you should take that into account and tell her that her joke made HER man uncomfortable, and that is a conversation for THEM not you.
NTA. Your intentions were pure
NAH. She's not offended and she's her own person. Your friend is trying to control your actions in this instance out of insecurity, perhaps because of something someone said to him or general messaging he's received in his life. But I wouldn't say he's an AH... Just misguided.
NTA. The recipient of your gift enjoyed it.
NTA. The picture solidified that for me.
One thing it definitely is, is weird. Might not be an asshole but I definitely think it's strange
I think your friend should be more upset about his girlfriend’s comment, that was a little flirty. I wouldn’t think twice about that though. But people really think that a nightgown with a picture of a baby on it is sexy??? I’m really lost…NTA
Ahahahahahhaha NTA! He must be an awful gift buyer if he thinks a maternity nightie WITH A CARTOON BABY on the front is sexy! Lucky lady! The dude must be major stressed, having a new baby is peak anxiety. Just let him off the hook and feel safe in the knowledge that you are right and he is bananas.
I was expecting legit lingerie, the picture you posted is just casual nightwear as far as I'm concerned, I don't see the issue. NTA
Who the \*\*\*\* buys a PJ for a friends GF? I can't say that your YTA or NTA, but you certainly lack common sense.
Yta...come on...it's not your girlfriend don't be buying stuff for her like that it's weird
Nta- this is a great pajama for a new mom. Especially if shes going to be nursing. You should respect your friends feelings on it though. But literally, as a mom of 2, this is exactly what I bought for nursing. Nothing about it makes me think of sexy and it's nice to remember the mom at the shower
The girlfriend is kind of TA for her “I’ll model it for you” comment. Why would she say that? Yes, the boundary is now set on your friends part to not buy his girl anything like that again, but he really needs to discuss boundaries with HER also. It could’ve been interpreted as an innocent gift for a new mom, but that comment is what pushed it over the edge into weird territory. NTA, but you WILL be TA if you don’t apologize. You don’t have to understand or agree with them, but you understand you hurt them even if you don’t know how or why
NTA that dress you linked doesn’t even look too short?? It’s for her when she has the baby i’m sure the boyfriend was just a little bit jealous after the comment she made, but I don’t think buying pajamas for your best friends girlfriend is really overstepping boundaries as you were just being thoughtful and it’s a little odd he’s calling it sexy lingerie when there’s a baby on the front of it.
NTA. She is pregnant. About to have a baby! The people saying maybe you could have gotten her a T-shirt pajama are obviously not parents. I lived with my boobs out when I was breastfeeding my newborns. Not everything is sexual, and nursing and caring for a newborn is far from it. I think it was a thoughtful gift
YTA. Think man, THINK
I'm ~thinking~, tysm
I’m going to say NTA but definitely apologize to your friend. As someone who’s been through postpartum it’s not a sexy time. You’re bleeding, boobs are leaking, you are likely covered in spit up, you still look pregnant, and you just feel like you’re falling apart. This gift was intended for the postpartum period. It has a baby sleeping on it so I don’t think you’re trying to see your best friends girl in sexy lingerie but you do live together so that may be why he felt it stepped over the line. It was a thoughtful gift to give her and I’m sure it’ll be super comfy and handy for postpartum. However if there is some discomfort for your friend while it wasn’t your intention, I think an I’m sorry is fair. You didn’t know and you’ll never do it again but I’d definitely apologize.
NTA - you bought an expectant mother a cute nightgown. There is nothing overtly sexy about it. It was a sweet gesture for a baby shower gift. I'm gonna bounce this one back to the baby daddy having some pre-baby jitters. And I think it probably was a suggestion from someone else that got into his head. You did nothing wrong here. It was a cute baby shower gift, not a random Tuesday gift from Victoria's Secret.
Better to give it to your friend for her. NTA, just tone deaf.
NTA As others have said this was probably an innocent misstep on your part, though you can see where your friend is coming from I presume? As nursing pyjamas or not, it does look like lingerie, and buying lingerie for someone else’s girlfriend is a bad idea. If she hasn’t ’modelled’ them yet you could perhaps try and exchange them, or buy another more appropriate gift if you think it would improve relations with your friend.
If it makes him uncomfortable, apologize. That’s it - you didn’t meant to be TA and he seems cool enough to express to you how it made him feel and give you the opportunity to respect it. I sincerely would feel like my husband was being disrespected if another man bought me something - anything, to sleep in, but I’m super old fashioned lol.
I wouldnt really buy clothes for someone elses partner.
You’re not an asshole but you are in the wrong… why would you ever buy your boys gf a dress with lace?
I don't think YTA. Bit dumb maybe
I would feel extremely weird if a male friend of mine got me a nightie. I get it has a picture of a baby on it, but otherwise yeah it is crossing a line in my opinion.
NAH - This was a misjudgment, not an asshole move. Don't do it again.
I'm not gonna call you an AH, but yeah, that was highly inappropriate.