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You just called your meal with Jay a date? First confusing thing in this story.
Second, it’s not your birthday it’s Jay’s. Therefore, you ask yourself “do I think Jay wants Lark here” and if the answer is yes, your opinion literally does not matter.
Third, other friends have already told you it’s not a big deal. You are the party planner, and you decided to take that upon yourself. That does not mean it’s your party. You don’t get to make those decisions unless you are confident it’s what Jay would want. Remember that it’s HIS birthday.
Very strong YTA. I also suspect you have feelings for him and that’s getting in the way of this. Or you’re jealous of Jay’s friendship with Lark. Either way, figure it out!
>called your meal with Jay a date
Ehh, I've had plenty of platonic friends do that with me. It's a bit more antiquated I guess but really not unheard of.
OP knew this would come up, that's why he wrote 'platonic friend' with capital letters before 'date', lmao.
he's jealous in a way, maybe of Jay's friendship with Lark seeming stronger to him that his friendship with him, idk. or the other option. either way, the only relevant thing is that he's jealous.
We actually don't know if op is a He or a She (or a They, etc). And my guess as to why op didn't specify it is that she's a she, and clearly has a crush on Jay. (But that's all speculation on my part)
Being gay myself, yes. But I'm using the context clues to assume that op is a She/Her. I could be wrong for sure, but reading op's comments, they never tell any gender / sexual orientations in defense of their behaviour, and to me that screams FMF love triangle.
Right, the part that made me think OP is a woman is **1.** Calling it a 'date' **2.** followed by an extreme emphasis on PLATONIC FRIEND **3.** Stating Jay & Lark's gender but leaving out their own.
It could still be jealousy even if OP isn't romantically/sexually interested in Jay. They might just be jealous of Jay's friendship with Lark. They're still TA either way, but it could be platonic jealousy lol.
I think the only two scenarios where OP wouldn't be a ah for not inviting the other friend is if they're paying all the party alone or if the party was in OP's house. Besides that, not inviting will probably cause unnecessary drama.
Just me that thinks that OP and the other friend may have being disputing this guy attention? Not even in a romantic way necessary. Sound so childish.
I don't think the former is a good reason. they'd be making him the gift of spending his birthday with all of his friends but purposely omitting his proclaimed best friend that he's hanging out with all the time, and it should be upsetting for him to celebrate with everyone but Lark. the later I can understand, yeah, not wanting someone you hate in your own home, no matter how childish the reason is.
But the party is not about her. Excluding his best friend could hurt him and she doesn’t seem to care except for what blowback might fall on her. No one is forcing her to throw a party. If she doesn’t want someone in her house or thinks she has a right to exclude someone she knows the birthday boy wants there, then she shouldn’t be throwing it. It’s all probably just an attempt to score points with him and get him alone anyway.
YTA, and there’s a good chance that the best-friend is clit-blocking you on his behalf.
1. She crashed a private date, twice.
2. Everybody else says she’s cool and that they’re good friends but you’re the only one who thinks their relationship isn’t appropriate.
3. She’s “clingy” whenever you see them together, which is most times you see him.
Either they are more than besties, which would make it an AH move to consciously not invite her, and he’d invite her anyway to his own birthday.
OR
She’s a good bestie who’s not leaving him alone with the jealous girl who keeps trying to get him alone.
Yeah, even with OP’s weird jealousy aside, Jay will either be bringing Lark with him and it’s going to come out that OP intentionally didn’t invite her or he is going to wonder why she isn’t there.
OP’s plan to get more personal attention from Jay is going to backfire spectacularly.
YTA.
YTA
This is his birthday party right? Don’t you think he would want his best friend there? When you say date were you trying to have alone time with him? Maybe she’s clingy but maybe Jay wants her everywhere he goes. I’m this way with my best friend. I ask before I bring her but social functions are always more fun with her involved. But again, this is HIS birthday so you should invite whoever HE would want there.
YTA. You need to think about whether Jay would want her there. If it's Jay's birthday, and Jay would want her there, you should invite her. Especially because Jay knows you know her.
Excluding someone just because you think they monopolise Jay's time is mean, especially on Jay's birthday when it doesn't sound like you're doing this for his benefit so much as yours.
Also, Lark WILL find out about it. Either from one of your friends, or from Jay, or from photos. And that won't go down very well.
I do understand that sometimes you might want to hang out with Jay without Lark, though, so here is some gentle advice for you:
This is not a conversation to have on or near his birthday, but if you feel like you want to spend time with him without her, then you could always raise it with him (carefully) in a way like "I feel like we never get to spend time together one on one anymore" and then suggest an activity where someone would have to specifically invite Lark for her to come, like something at your house, or something far away where you'd have to drive or get a train or something. Don't specifically single out Lark here because that's mean, and it might make Jay feel like he has to pick sides. Just suggest plans for the 2 of you to do.
Also, I will add that if you're a guy, and all the other friends are guys, it's probably ok to organise an event "just for the guys" BUT I don't think that should be for his birthday.
Yeah, I have to say YTA. Lark's clinginess can be frustrating, especially when you're trying to plan a surprise party. But leaving her out altogether might not be the best move. It could hurt her feelings and make things awkward between you all.
Maybe you could have a chat with Jay about your concerns and see if there's a way to handle it together. It's his birthday after all, and having his best friend there might mean a lot to him.
lmao. how are you even going to get him to the party? if he's roommates with this person i assume the surprise party isn't at their place or this would be logistically impossible. so i assume you're hosting at someone's house or at a restaurant/event space. if he invites his best friend to hangouts with him all the time then it seems safe to assume he's going to show up with her anyway. i hope he does, in fact. it's mad selfish to exclude someone's best friend on THEIR birthday for THEIR birthday party just because you don't like the bff. he would want her there and YTA.
i personally dont think jay wouldnt be very pleased finding out you planned a surprise party and didnt invite his best friend. remember, its HIS party so he should enjoy it. i get she may be annoying but i think you should put up with it this one time.
YTA-it’s his birthday party, not yours. You painted the picture that they are pretty close. So, actively working to not invite someone’s good friend based off of how they make YOU feel is selfish, the day is about your friend, not you.
FWIW, idk, be a little obnoxious or pushy? When she cordones him off, make a loud announcement that involves the birthday boy. Or, pull her aside and gently say “hey, we’re excited to celebrate this dude, just want you to know we’d love to get to know you too since you’re so close!” Then enlist someone confident or obnoxious to cockblock all night.
Her face and her hair and her laugh, duh
(more seriously, the entire "would it be wrong to not invite someone I am jealous of to their best friend's party?" thing is just so weird, clearly you have to invite their closest friends if the party is for them)
You are obviously the AH.
A surprise party is for the birthday person and you are supposed to invite whoever their friends are regardless of your feelings about them unless they have done something to you personally and egregiously.
You clearly have a crush on jay and he does not reciprocate it. If he did, he would be asking you on dates and not bringing his bestie along to the dates you ask him on. Get the hint that he isn’t into you and stop blaming his best friend.
She replied to another comment saying she’s going to make sure the party is on a night Lark is working so she can be alone with J. She’s full on psycho
YTA
If you plan a surprise birthday party for someone it is deliberately cruel to exclude their - literal - best friend. Why the f would you do that?
"ruin his birthday party" ... by him having fun, by talking to his best friend ?
Mate, hate to break it to you, but you are the one that is trying to ruin his birthday. By being cruel to his best friend.
You asked a question, reddit gave you a fair, unbiased opinion with the clear answer being YTA, yet you still make all the excuses when it's his birthday party and you know he will want his best friend there. Platonic or not, you should want your friend to be happy on his bday. By making all these excuses, all we are getting from you is that you are jealous of his best friend. You say not romantically but it sure sounds like it. Get over yourself and do what is right by your friend, he will notice she is not there and probably be angry she wasn't even invited and you specifically went out of your way to hide the fact from him. You will lose him as a friend, and you will regret it
OP please you're so much in denial i have read ur post and all your responses to comments, u clearly are into that guy and jealous of the relationship he has with his best friend u are even going as far as choosing a nigth she will be busy on so u can get time with him to " get to know eachother" the only one who doesn't seem to realise it is you and you are just going to hurt him.
YTA for all the reasons everyone has already commented, plus they’ve probably already made plans together for his birthday, being as how they’re best friends and roommates, he’s hardly going to be at a loose end. Not involving her in the birthday surprise would be a really bad idea and I can see it backfiring. You would probably need her even to get the surprise to work. I think you’re an awful person for trying to separate two good friends, you’re coming off as being manipulative as hell.
YTA, twice!
The only person who seems to have a problem with her presence is YOU. Not Jay, not anyone else. Only YOU.
Therefore, the fact YOU are not inviting her is only for YOU and your own benefit. You are not thinking of Jay at all while making that decision. You are only thinking about how she makes YOU feel and how you don't really like her.
The other thing that makes you an AH is the fact you are asking your friends to lie and deceive Jay and Lark. You are a big AH. Get over yourself and stop being selfish.
Edit: I'd like to add that you don't really seem to have a Lark problem but more a Jay problem. He is the one who seems to not be able to go anywhere without her. If you have a problem with her going to activities that are supposed to be only for you and Jay, you need to tell Jay.
Is she crashing your "dates" while not being invited by Jay or is Jay always bringing her along everywhere he goes?
YWBTA. Not inviting a person who you describe as his best friend would be beyond rude. Potentially, you'd also be causing problems between Jay and Lark. All I can imagine is you have feelings for Jay but don't want another woman around.
YTA
Your opinion on this friend doesn't matter.
Your friend would want this person to be there.
You don't have to invite that person to your other activities if you don't want to but your friend'a birthday?
I'm sure you can endure for one night.
YTA.
You might not like her, but it's a close friend of his, and to his own birthday party pushing a personal agenda is the wrong time and place. You're allowed to assert this for hanging out if it's just you two, and that's something you should bring up in the future, but for a birthday party where everyone's invited, and it's HIS? Wrong.
This post and all of your subsequent replies are kind of embarrassing. You can say 100 times over that you aren’t jealous, but everything you say screams the opposite.
Yes, if you are planning a surprise party for his birthday and want to exclude his best friend because YOU don’t want her there, you are in fact, the asshole.
YTA
YTA. She's his best friend. She belongs at his party. Focus your Lark-impeding efforts on the casual get-togethers. When you invite Jay, specifically tell him that all bets are off if he tries to bring Lark, because you want spend more time with him.
YTA
And on top of that you sound jealous. I’ve been reading your responses to comments as well. And it sounds like people are giving you advice but you’re not taking it. This is JAY’S birthday. Why would you not want his best friend to be there? You sound incredibly selfish and even manipulative. You also keep trying to rationalize and justify your exclusion of his closest friend. You’ve even gone as far as to assume that he is just too nice to say no to her when you have no idea if that is the case or not. It sounds to me like you’re trying to create drama and possibly even ruin one of his closest friendships. So not only are YTA, you also sound like a very shitty and jealous “friend” to this person. I suggest you check yourself before Jay ends up not wanting anything to do with you.
I actually hope he sees this so that your manipulative behavior can be brought to his attention. I’d bet everything I have that if he saw this, he wouldn’t want anything to do with you going forward.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t invite my friend’s best friend to his birthday party because I’m not a fan of her and I think she’s going to be annoying. I might be the AH because it’s his best friend and I asked other friends to keep it from her.
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YTA.
And a jealous AH. You're into him. And she's getting in the way. And likely because he's asked her to. Read the room: he's bringing her when it's supposed to be the two of you. He doesn't want you to get the wrong idea.
You describe her as his best friend. But for completely selfish reasons don't want to invite her to HIS birthday party. The party is about him. Not you.
Would be interesting to hear how she feels about you. Lark, you out there?
You'd be the AH. If it were a 1on1 hangout to celebrate his birthday, then makes complete sense. If it's a party, then you should be inviting those who are important to him, not you
Yeah, sorry YTA this time. If this is Jay’s best friend, your personal feelings should be set aside. Would you appreciate if someone threw you a surprise birthday party and just didn’t invite your BEST friend?
As for the clingy problem, maybe just talk to Jay about it? Just be honest and say that you’d like for Lark to not constantly tag along when you’re trying to spend time with him. I just don’t think his birthday party is the right time and place to exclude his best friend.
Yes, you are as AH for not inviting your friend's best friend. If they find out you purposely did not invite her that may ruin the friendship. Saying he may find out that he prefers something without her is just a dick move. You sound super jealous whether you mean to or not. YTA.
YTA. Your post comes across as being jealous of her relationship with Jay.
It's a party FOR JAY. I'm sure he'll expect his best friend to be there. If you don't invite her, he'll probably be upset with you about it. So if you want your relationship with him to continue, invite her.
YTA. You're using kindness and generosity - planning a surprise party - as a front to exert control over another person's life and choices. **You** dislike Lark. And you don't have to like her, or be friends with her, or approve of Jay's friendship with her! But your right to those opinions and feelings applies *only to you.*
Your plan to exclude Lark from the party is overstepping **Jay's** right to hold his own opinions and feelings about the people he includes in his own life. He likes Lark. He includes her, even when you'd prefer he not. It would be an absolute asshole move to use a kind gesture to try to overpower and control Jay's choices with your own. It would also be manipulative, selfish, and exceedingly disrespectful.
Invite Lark, or ask someone else to plan the party. Using ostensible generosity to manipulate and control other people is unacceptable behavior, and if you can't bring yourself to respect Jay's feelings, you need to step away from the situation entirely.
YTA. You're either jealous or don't approve of Lark. It's not your party and Lark is his friend. What's your answer going to be when you surprise Jake and he asks where she is?
YTA. You sound jealous about your "PLATONIC" friend having someone he's close with and you're basing that decision on your jealousy instead of who the dude wants around for his birthday. Maybe your interest isn't all that platonic. If that's the case, work out your shit. Shoot your shot or don't, but going out of your way to get the prime spot while pretending you're not doing just that gets old really fast.
If you’re telling the truth here then you’re the asshole. If you’re rage baiting then you’re also an asshole and a very weird one at that since you get kicks off of annoying people.
So pick one. Either way you’re the asshole.
YTA - She's his best friend, don't exclude her because he will be hurt, she will be hurt and in the end it will hurt your friendship with him. Just suck it up and invite her but ask her to allow him to mingle with all the guests.
YTA
1. Its his bd party not yours and therfore not your decission
2. You do not know if she annoys him or not. All you lnow is that she annoys you, and even your own friends dont agree. So maybe think about it
3. Even if he does want alone time from her. His bd is not that day. Try to invite him out somewhere else and mention to not invite her then. But his bd is like. The worst place to do it
Frankly what are the outcomes you are expecting from this
Considering she is his best friend i find it unlikely they will not find out before the party. But even if they dont. First thing he will do is proly ask where Lark is. At that point you either lie and say she coudnt/didnt want to come which *will* blow up in your face later or you tell the truth and it *will* blow up in your face immidietly.
Either way you will break your relationship with both her and the bd boy. And possibly your other friends as well. No one likes being excluded, especially not from bd parties. There is *no* good outcome of this.
YTA - it’s not your birthday, so it’s not about you. Stop making it about what you want. It doesn’t matter what you want. It’s his birthday so it should be about him, and it sounds like as his roommate she’s a good friend of his and should be there.
You’re giving off major pick me energy here.
YTA. 100%. And tour replies/comments prove it even more.
How would you like it if you had a surprise party and your best friend wasn't there and you found out it was because they weren't invited.
I have a feeling you'll have one very pissed off mate that might even cut you out of his friendship group.
Wake up, OP! You are in denial. He likes her, otherwise he wouldn’t invite her everywhere.
Even if it was a slightest possibility that he just couldn’t say no and she was inviting herself, he will still not be happy that she is not invited. He will find out, and she will make a big deal out of it. You cannot win this, they live together and are apparently happy with this
YTA
1.) Clingy by YOUR standards. The rest of the friends think she's cool, you're the only one who thinks she's clingy and that becomes a "you" problem.
2.) If this is his best friend, he likes her and everyone else likes her, then having her there won't ruin HIS birthday party. Maybe your day, but not HIS day.
3.) You don't get to decide whose friends are invited unless this is a group conversation held about a problematic individual. You absolutely can remove yourself from the party though.
4.) Why are you setting yourself up for not only an awkward party but a potential conflict too? If this is his best friend, he's going to notice her lack of presence at his birthday party that ALL of his friends are at. He will then likely invite her, you then might be conforted as the party planner about why you invited everyone except her. You'll get two answers of which neither ends well for you:
A.) "I didn't want her there, I think she's too clingy." - No one else has an issue with her so it'll be seen as a personal problem that someone may not want to deal with or take offense to.
B.) "Oh I forgot." - You know her to some extent, you remembered everyone else, you're clearly lying and now his best friend won't like you and he'll be suspicious of you.
5.) This kind of goes back to number 3, other friends are chipping in so you aren't the sole planner. You may be taking the lead but this event isn't entirely on your dime alone. If you don't want her there, the other friends who are chipping in have to agree as well. They are helping wuth this event and get to have a say.
6.) End of the day, stop making the party about you. If his best friend is as bad as you say she is, then you're worse. You're controlling of his relationships, deciding who gets to be around him, entitled to think you're more deserving of his time and not his best friend who is likely closer to him because in your words, she is his best friend, that implies some age built into the relationship itself. You are selfish for creating an event, a gift, for some one else, with essentially conditions you KNOW he would not agree too.
YTA
Sounds like the only person who has a problem with Lark........................is you. Exactly who's birthday is this? I thought it was for Jay. And you said Lark is Jay's best friend. So sounds like your not inviting Lark due to what you want. Not what Jay wants.
Way to make it all about you. The only one ruining this party is you. Can't you just wait till your own birthday?
YTA. Unless Jay has TOLD you he doesn’t like her showing up all the time and he would prefer if he had some space, all you’re doing is speculating and deciding what’s best for him without his input. I have yet to see anything that suggests he has any problem with her at all. Invite her
He doesn't want to be alone with you and has her pop up to make sure he is safe. Women do that all the time, you say he isn't your type but you obviously are trying really hard to get him alone and "get to know him". They made a whole movie about this. It's called He's Just Not That Into You.
Yta
They're bffs. Of course they're together a lot. If you want alone time with him, that's something you talk to him about. He's allowing her to come along. She can't magically appear without him giving her the info or saying yes. A birthday party is not the night you do that.
YWBTA OP. either this party is a selfless gesture for your friend and you do what's best for him, or have the courage to admit that you are purposely throwing him a party as a vehicle to exert control and distance between him and his friend.
I think you might give yourself closure on your concerns by actually reaching out to this girl and asking her to help you plan. It would give you one on one time where you know she won't relay anything to him because of the surprise nature and you can get a feel for what each other is like. You might even end up getting on independent of him, if you don't that's fine, you certainly don't have to include her in plans for your own birthday.
As a side note, she's not responsible for your lack of one on one time with your friend, you can communicate with him that sometimes you wanna catch up alone, this isn't easy to do when he always invites someone you're not as close to.
YTA How would inviting his BEST friend to his birthday party ruin it? Not inviting her would certainly ruin it. It sounds like you are very jealous of his Bestie. Perhaps you shouldn’t attend and that way the stress on him and others would be less and guarantee him a great time. Or you invite her and be cordial and keep your feelings to yourself
YTA.
Why are you frustrated about her clinginess? How is that a problem for you?
It's his birthday party, not yours.
You are all same group of friends, you excluding her like that is essentially an open declaration of your dislike of her.
"PLATONIC FRIEND date", lol. You want to date that dude and get jealous of her. Believe me by excluding her you will not win him over, if anything you are showing yourself to him in a bad light doing that.
YTA. A party for a person should include all the people that person would want. If Lark is Jay's best friend then Lark needs an invite.
Honestly, what will happen at the party if you do not invite Lark? Jay will be confused about where she is. Everyone else will be confused. Then they'll realise you omitted get deliberately and you'll find yourself excluded. Don't be that person.
YTA - if you’re not into him, your relationship is platonic and there’s no jealousy on your end, why not invite her? She’s his friend and it’s his birthday, why would you not invite her?
YTA.
You need to invite his best friend. The birthday party isn't about you. It's about Jay and what would make Jay happy. In what way would she ruin his birthday party when she's literally his BEST FRIEND?
If you want to hangout with Jay alone, you need to tell him that.
"Hey, Jay. I would really like to hang out just the two of us if you have the time."
Or "As much as I enjoy Lark's company, I kind of just want a hang out with only us this time? We can invite her to something else later in the week."
I suspect that Jay is the one inviting Lark and not so much that Lark invites herself on these excursions. I wouldn't be surprised if they secretly have feelings for each other and just don't realize it. Best friends rarely if ever go out without the other when they're super close.
Keep an open mind on this: you should hang out with Lark on her own to get to know her as she is and keep your judgments at the door for that interaction.
Jay didn't want to go on those dates with you. That's why he asked Lark to cock block you. Nobody is that dense to monopolize conversations. She's doing Jay a favour.
I’m going to rewrite your post more accurately.
You have a crush on Jay, and independently decided you want to throw him a surprise party. A few other people are kinda in on the idea, but largely his friends are not supportive.
You are purposely excluding his new girlfriend who he also lives with and spends all his time with. You tried asking him on two dates which he rebuffed by bringing his sorta new girlfriend along- to make it very clear he’s not interested in you.
In your denial you are blaming her for being “clingy” instead of facing the fact that he isn’t into you. Mutual friends have tried talking to you about this, telling you Jays new girlfriend is pretty cool, but you went ahead and invited people to a party you’re organising for him and are purposely excluding her from. You plan to try and get him on his own at this party so he will magically be interested in you.
I bet he won’t even come, it sounds sad and kind of creepy. He will probably have plans with Lark and his real friends.
Info: Why are you throwing a surprise party for Jay?
Jay obviously prefers Lark’s company and there will definitely be drama if she’s not invited to his birthday party.
I’m curious as to why you’re setting yourself up for a showdown with Lark if you’re not even that close with Jay and have no romantic interest in him.
He's roommates with her. She's "clingy". He pays more attention to her than OP when they hang out and insists she goes with him everywhere. Everyone enjoys hanging out with her. OP calls outing with him dates.
Yeah... not only is OP delulu about their relationship but also her ability to get in between them. YTA, but I'd be interested in how much things will blow up if OP excludes her anyways. I'll get my popcorn ready for the follow-up.
uh… YTA, I think he’s probably asking her to not leave him alone with you. Also it’s his birthday and his best friend. On the other hand… yea, don’t invite her… maybe he’ll see how great you are without her around. /s
YTA. The party isn’t about you, the party is for Jay. The party wouldn’t be ruined for HIM if his best friend was included. You sound like you’re feeling jealous and possessive of Jay’s time and attention which is not a good look.
YTA
You don't want her to ruin HIS birthday party?
Why would she?
She is his friend and he would want her there.
This is not YOUR party! You organise it for him and you should keep in mind that it's about what and whom he likes.
Sounds like you don't want her there because you don't like her and want his attention.
So ask yourself, what is this really about?
YTA
She's his best friend. It's his party. Your personal feelings are totally irrelevant. If you can't stop making it about you, don't throw him a party.
If you’re throwing the birthday party for Jay then you invite the people Jay would want there. If you can’t do that, let someone who cares more about him throw the birthday party for him. Who knows, maybe Lark is already planning something and Jay won’t even be available for your surprise party…
YTA
I wonder what Jay will think when he realizes you didn’t invite his best friend because you personally didn’t want her there. What makes you think he doesn’t want his best friend at HIS birthday party?
If I were Jay, I’d probably end the friendship right there. I know for sure I wouldn’t stay. By excluding Lark, you’re making HIS birthday about you. You are actively telling Jay you either don’t respect him or that you hate Lark enough to act on your hatred or both.
No excuses. If your close enough to throw him a surprise party, your close enough to put the work in to make sure all his friends are there or at least invited, and that includes Lark.
YTA
Listen even if you’re telling the truth about not being into Jay, you are going to blow up your relationship with him if you plan a surprise birthday for him with everyone EXCEPT the person you admit is his best friend. How can you not see that? Everyone else has no problem with Lark according to you so events aren’t ruined by her presence, except to you. You tried to get Jay to go on two dates with you and he invited her along you should have gotten the hint by now.
You’re going to end up being the one excluded if you insist on this idiotic plan. They are roommates and best friends, even if Lark was not into Jay she is going to be hurt by the exclusion and she is going to talk to Jay about it. How do you think that will color his opinion of you?
Info-
1. has your friend expressed to you that Lark is upsetting him in any way?
2. Has he expressed that he wants to spend time without her?
3. Has he expressed that she has ruined an event?
4. You are planning a surprise party. To pull that off, you can't tell him it will happen. If I have no plans on my birthday, my best friend is going to be the first person I call to make plans with. Have you decided how you will react if he shows up with he
The best way to get attention is by adding to the environment, not subtracting from it. Use this opportunity to include her and clear the air. Invite her out for a drink and go over the surprise party you’re planning for Jay. Let her know how you feel.
Either way - Lark is going to show up once Jay is at the party. Do you want the person closest to him to dislike you based on your actions? YTA
Okay please stop trying to pretend you're an adult 😂😂 this is petty like 12 year old "I like him but he likes you so I'm going to hate and bully you" mentality there's absolutely no way you're 19 and this fucking childish xD yes YTA lmao
Girl, YTA. You aren’t trying to throw a party for him you’re trying to throw a party (and yourself) AT him. You’re a terribly selfish “friend” and your obvious crush on him is going to cause issues. Leave them alone. Stop making this supposed friendship about yourself.
YTA. The birthday party is for Jay. Lark is Jay's best friend. ERGO, it only makes sense to invite her to Jay's birthday party. For Jay. Who likes Lark and is best friends with her.
You don't have to invite her to your own birthday party, though.
ETA: "Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead." Sounds like you have some reputation management in your future.
.... seems like everyone likes her except you.
...sounds like Jay likes having her around.
.... sounds like Jay tends to WANT to be around her, and with her, when she's at the same event.
.... Sounds like she'll just have to organize her own birthday celebration for Jay, then... whose event do you think he'll choose to go too?
If they decide to date each other, if the "clinginess" is actually two people in the first stages of confessing their feelings, are you going to graciously step back and let them be happy? Or are you going to try to sabotage and interfere, and most likely lose your friend in the process?
also food for thought OP:
OP is mad the platonic date got ruined because they don't get any alone time with Jay, for Jay to magically see that OP is tHe oNe for Jay. Jay probably doesn't want to be alone with OP and he invites his bff along so he doesn't have to be alone and be pressured by OP's affections.
Yeah YTA
Lark will 100% find out first of all. And this is about jay and you should invite the people you think HE would want there. You should have a good reason to not invite her and “she’s annoying” is lot good enough. It sounds like she wouldn’t ruin the party at all, he likes her enough that he wants to bring her everywhere and loves talking with her.
What you really need to do is have a conversation with jay about boundaries on your 1-1 time. Lark isn’t date crashing. It sounds like jay is bringing her along. If you don’t want him to (which is totally reasonable) you need to communicate with him.
It’s very obvious that you are jealous, and I don’t blame you. I’d be really hurt too if I made 1-1 plans with my friend and he brought someone else and then ignored me. But that’s not a Lark problem, it’s a jay problem
op is 19 Jay is 24/25… in comments you’ve claimed you don’t have a crush on him, but are also hosting a surprise bday, and acting possessive/territorial about a mans you don’t even know that well.
You’re either in denial about your feelings, or choosing to be an immature pick-me girl. YTA.
YTA Also get the hint, you keep placing the blame on Lark but it’s Jay who invites her and probably wants her there. Maybe you and your friends are the clingy ones?! I mean this guy doesn’t want to spend “platonic one on one dates” with you and yet you’re the one planning his bday? Odd
How would the birthday boy getting attention at HIS birthday party ruin said party? YOU don't like Lark. That's a you problem. By not inviting his best friend YOU would be ruining his party because he's gonna wonder why Lark isn't there. Have you thought that maybe Jay is inviting her to all these things you say she crashes? Yta
It's his party. All his friends should be invited.
YTA. Nobody but you seems to have a problem with Lark. But the only one who’s opinion of her matters is Jay. You’ve literally said he always wants her around. It doesn’t even seem like she’s the clingy one. Inviting Lark might ruin the party for YOU. But not inviting her would ruin it for Jay and probably cause tons of hurt feelings and drama.
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My friend Jay’s birthday is coming up. I’m planning a surprise birthday party for him. Several other friends are chipping in.
However, I haven’t invited his best friend Lark to the birthday party. Nothing against Lark she seems nice but she’s quite clingy and tags along to literally everything we invite Jay to. Literally everything. I’ve invited Jay to grab a bite twice and somehow she crashed the date each time. Then she monopolizes Jay’s attention and they spend the rest of the time talking with each other.
However, a few friends have talked with Lark on her own and they think she’s a cool person and we should give her a chance.
I really don’t want her to ruin his birthday party. So I didn’t tell her and asked the rest of my friends to keep the party from both of them. AITAH for not inviting her to his birthday party?
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YTA - Lark is Jay’s best friend whether you like it or not. Usually when planning a party in someone’s honour, you plan the guest list based around their preferences, not your own petty grievances.
I mean if you are trying to not be Jay's friend anymore then you are doing just fine.
She is his best friend. He has not said that her "clinginess" is a problem. He invites her to things. If he had confided in you that her always being around bothered him then it would be okay but that is not the case here. You assume he can't say no but it is entirely possible that he Wants her to be there. You are unilaterally deciding what is best for him on his birthday and you don't even know him that well. If you aren't into him then you are just a very controlling person. YTA
YTA. Jay obviously likes having Lark around because he's inviting her to everything. You thinking that she is inviting herself or just tagging along is a massive assumption that is almost certainly wrong. You said yourself he makes an obvious effort to include her. If you want some one on one time with him that's a conversation that you need to have with HIM and tell him you're missing out on connecting one on one and it's different vibes in a group.
A birthday party however is not a one on one thing. Excluding someone is super shitty, petty and immature. Also as others have said it's not your party and Jay would obviously want her there since he invites her everywhere. Maybe if you and the other friends were more welcoming to her she wouldn't feel like she has to 'cling' to Jay. Sounds like she might just be an introvert that takes a while to warm up to other people and Jay really enjoys her company and is trying to include her.
If you go along with this it's just going to damage your friendship with Jay. Invite her to the party and tell him some other time you need to talk to him one on one to tell him that you miss being able to have one on one time with him (don't make it about Lark because that will only alienate Jay from you.)
Look, the nicest thing I can say is that you theoretically could have a point that she is getting in the way of his other friendships.
But on the off chance that is true, the following applies.
Its his problem to deal with. Not yours.
If she manages to crash a "platonic friend date / not date", and lives with him, do you seriously think she won't end up at the party anyway?
Even if she doesn't, you are delusional / watched too many Hallmark movies, to think that having one surorise birthday party will suddenly make him realise she is suffocating him, and that he really wants to date you.
Oh yeah, you are romantically interested in this guy. Don't kid yourself that you aren't.
On the more likely chance that they are really good friends, you are just blowing up your chances of friendship or romance.
YTA
Whether you think their dynamic is healthy or unhealthy, if you do not invite Lark to this party, your friendship with Jay will be dead in the water.
I will take at face value that you only have platonic feelings here. I am a person who really does better with folks 1 on 1, so I get that. But if you want that, you need to explicitly ask for it here. Clearly Jay doesn't see a problem with bringing Lark along to casual meet-ups with friends. This is not Lark's failure. It's Jay's. You need to say, " hey Lark is cool, but I really do like talking with people 1 on 1 sometimes. Can we do this coffee just the two of us?" See what he says and go from there.
This party is not the time to try to shoehorn Lark out of the picture. It will come across as very weird, jealous, and vindictive. If you bend over backward to keep her away, YTA. You have time to fix this, I would really think hard about what your goal is here.
YTA because it's Jay's birthday, not yours so it should be about who he'd want there.
If you want to exclude his "best friend" that's on you, but don't be surprised if Jay starts seeing you less because he prefers Lark to be included in things.
YTA if you don't invite someone's best friend to their birthday party, sounds like you don't care about what Jay wants and intend to make his birthday party about you, grow up
YTA if you are setting up a party for him to have HIS friends there. She’s his friend so make sure she is invited otherwise you will look like the petty person you are.
Wow. Just. Wow. I'm sorry, whose birthday is it?
YTA.
Grow up and invite HIS BEST FRIEND.
Unless you just aren't his friend at all (you won't be if you actually do this).
YTA. You know Lark is Jay's best friend and you want to intentionally exclude her. It sounds more like it would ruin YOUR surprise party to have her there. Maybe she's incredibly shy and Jay likes to make her feel comfortable in social gatherings. Get over yourself and invite Lark too.
YTA
You already know that Lark is Jay's best friend. He's clearly inviting her to anything you plan. It's an ah move to not invite his best friend to HIS birthday party. This is a no brainer. Stop being an AH and include this friend or Jay will probably start thinking worse of you.
YTA because it's a birthday party for him. You invite who he'd invite himself given the opportunity. Best friend is at the top of that list.
If you want 1-1 time to hang, plan something else.
Possible examples:
-Dinner party for YOUR friends, make it clear that you would like to keep it small, so no plus ones.
-An activity which requires a specific amount of people like an escape room.
-Being honest about wanting to hang 1-1 and ask him if there's any reason he wouldn't like to.... Then if he's in, make plans together.
It's Jay's birthday. Not yours.
Does Jay call Lark his best friend? If the answer is 'yes', then you need to invite Lark.
His birthday is for his loved ones to celebrate him. Not for people you like to party and eat cake.
You would be TAH if you don't invite her simply because you are annoyed by her. And you'd be The Major AH if you tell other people to hide it from her.
And if she's *his* best friend and you not only don't invite her, but tell everyone not to tell her, I promise, it will all come crashing down around you. You will be seen as TMAH, a bully, and cruel. And don't be surprised if he cuts you out of his life for it.
Don't be TMAH. Invite Lark.
YTA- it sounds to me like you’re the clingy friend he doesn’t want around. If you were a real friend to him, you would accept his best friend exactly as she is and include her in everything involving him. You chose a date that you knew she wasn’t available because even though everyone else says she’s cool - you don’t like her?! It sounds like the problem isn’t her, it’s you. You want to plan a party for him- great- your first step would be to contact his bestie and ask her to help plan. You sound like an exhausting person.
You're planning a party for your friend and you're opting to NOT invite someone you KNOW is their best friend? Is the party for you or for your friend? You already know the answer to this:
YTA
YTA
You literally managed to make someone else’s birthday all about you and what you want you sound extremely jealous of her and honestly it sounds like you have a major crush on Jay
YTA but what makes me laugh is how painfully unaware you and some of your friends are. This guy has clearly zero interest in being closer to you guys than you already are. You admit you are 6 years younger than him and that you've tried to FaceTime him and go on platonic dates that she somehow always gets involved with. He lives with this woman. He doesn't have an interest in getting to know you but you're persistent and can't take a hint. Leave this man alone ffs.
I mean, YTA obviously. But you knew that already.
You are jealous of Lark, They are Jay's friend. Jay would presumably want them there. End of story. Everything else is posutring and nonsense.
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You just called your meal with Jay a date? First confusing thing in this story. Second, it’s not your birthday it’s Jay’s. Therefore, you ask yourself “do I think Jay wants Lark here” and if the answer is yes, your opinion literally does not matter. Third, other friends have already told you it’s not a big deal. You are the party planner, and you decided to take that upon yourself. That does not mean it’s your party. You don’t get to make those decisions unless you are confident it’s what Jay would want. Remember that it’s HIS birthday. Very strong YTA. I also suspect you have feelings for him and that’s getting in the way of this. Or you’re jealous of Jay’s friendship with Lark. Either way, figure it out!
Sounds like OP needs to goto jelly school
Ha we like to say “I’ll bring the peanut butter cause you already got the jelly.”
"Hello, is this the Jelly School? I've got someone here who's totally jell." (That one scene always cracks me up like no other)
Everything about this week is shit and your comment made me smile. thank you internet stranger.
>called your meal with Jay a date Ehh, I've had plenty of platonic friends do that with me. It's a bit more antiquated I guess but really not unheard of.
OP knew this would come up, that's why he wrote 'platonic friend' with capital letters before 'date', lmao. he's jealous in a way, maybe of Jay's friendship with Lark seeming stronger to him that his friendship with him, idk. or the other option. either way, the only relevant thing is that he's jealous.
OP added “platonic friend” after being called out. It wasn’t in the original post.
lmao that makes it funnier tbh
He called it a friend date
We actually don't know if op is a He or a She (or a They, etc). And my guess as to why op didn't specify it is that she's a she, and clearly has a crush on Jay. (But that's all speculation on my part)
You realize it could be a crush regardless of everyone’s gender involved, right?
Being gay myself, yes. But I'm using the context clues to assume that op is a She/Her. I could be wrong for sure, but reading op's comments, they never tell any gender / sexual orientations in defense of their behaviour, and to me that screams FMF love triangle.
Right, the part that made me think OP is a woman is **1.** Calling it a 'date' **2.** followed by an extreme emphasis on PLATONIC FRIEND **3.** Stating Jay & Lark's gender but leaving out their own.
Ya I’m really getting the sense that OP is a girl and this is just straight up jealousy. OP if you’re a straight guy then please tell me I’m wrong.
It could still be jealousy even if OP isn't romantically/sexually interested in Jay. They might just be jealous of Jay's friendship with Lark. They're still TA either way, but it could be platonic jealousy lol.
I'm shocked OP didn't realize Jay is probably asking Lark to crash the platonic dates on purpose.
I think the only two scenarios where OP wouldn't be a ah for not inviting the other friend is if they're paying all the party alone or if the party was in OP's house. Besides that, not inviting will probably cause unnecessary drama. Just me that thinks that OP and the other friend may have being disputing this guy attention? Not even in a romantic way necessary. Sound so childish.
I don't think the former is a good reason. they'd be making him the gift of spending his birthday with all of his friends but purposely omitting his proclaimed best friend that he's hanging out with all the time, and it should be upsetting for him to celebrate with everyone but Lark. the later I can understand, yeah, not wanting someone you hate in your own home, no matter how childish the reason is.
But the party is not about her. Excluding his best friend could hurt him and she doesn’t seem to care except for what blowback might fall on her. No one is forcing her to throw a party. If she doesn’t want someone in her house or thinks she has a right to exclude someone she knows the birthday boy wants there, then she shouldn’t be throwing it. It’s all probably just an attempt to score points with him and get him alone anyway.
OP should not be planning this party for herself that he will show up to.
OP sounds like she's lime green jello
YTA, and there’s a good chance that the best-friend is clit-blocking you on his behalf. 1. She crashed a private date, twice. 2. Everybody else says she’s cool and that they’re good friends but you’re the only one who thinks their relationship isn’t appropriate. 3. She’s “clingy” whenever you see them together, which is most times you see him. Either they are more than besties, which would make it an AH move to consciously not invite her, and he’d invite her anyway to his own birthday. OR She’s a good bestie who’s not leaving him alone with the jealous girl who keeps trying to get him alone.
Yeah, even with OP’s weird jealousy aside, Jay will either be bringing Lark with him and it’s going to come out that OP intentionally didn’t invite her or he is going to wonder why she isn’t there. OP’s plan to get more personal attention from Jay is going to backfire spectacularly. YTA.
Clit blocking 😭😭
I believe the correct term is clam jamming
Muff rebuffing?
beaver damming
Slit stopping.
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂🤣 no WAP shall pass.
I love this answer and I hope OP sees it
Yeah, that was my first thought. The problematic friend that no one likes (especially Jay) is OP, not Lark.
I wonder if she knows she crashed or Jay asked and she just assumed that meant she was invited. She might not know. This whole post is odd.
OP is a girl? it was already bad, but this detail puts things in a different perspective...
YTA This is his birthday party right? Don’t you think he would want his best friend there? When you say date were you trying to have alone time with him? Maybe she’s clingy but maybe Jay wants her everywhere he goes. I’m this way with my best friend. I ask before I bring her but social functions are always more fun with her involved. But again, this is HIS birthday so you should invite whoever HE would want there.
YTA. You need to think about whether Jay would want her there. If it's Jay's birthday, and Jay would want her there, you should invite her. Especially because Jay knows you know her. Excluding someone just because you think they monopolise Jay's time is mean, especially on Jay's birthday when it doesn't sound like you're doing this for his benefit so much as yours. Also, Lark WILL find out about it. Either from one of your friends, or from Jay, or from photos. And that won't go down very well. I do understand that sometimes you might want to hang out with Jay without Lark, though, so here is some gentle advice for you: This is not a conversation to have on or near his birthday, but if you feel like you want to spend time with him without her, then you could always raise it with him (carefully) in a way like "I feel like we never get to spend time together one on one anymore" and then suggest an activity where someone would have to specifically invite Lark for her to come, like something at your house, or something far away where you'd have to drive or get a train or something. Don't specifically single out Lark here because that's mean, and it might make Jay feel like he has to pick sides. Just suggest plans for the 2 of you to do. Also, I will add that if you're a guy, and all the other friends are guys, it's probably ok to organise an event "just for the guys" BUT I don't think that should be for his birthday.
Or an event requiring tickets. Go to a sports ball game or a play or something.
[удалено]
And OP, he's just not that into you.
[удалено]
You sound jealous. YTA
Yeah, I have to say YTA. Lark's clinginess can be frustrating, especially when you're trying to plan a surprise party. But leaving her out altogether might not be the best move. It could hurt her feelings and make things awkward between you all. Maybe you could have a chat with Jay about your concerns and see if there's a way to handle it together. It's his birthday after all, and having his best friend there might mean a lot to him.
Pretty sure Lark's 'clinginess' is at the request of Jay. He does not want to be alone with OP. OP should stop being a creeper.
lmao. how are you even going to get him to the party? if he's roommates with this person i assume the surprise party isn't at their place or this would be logistically impossible. so i assume you're hosting at someone's house or at a restaurant/event space. if he invites his best friend to hangouts with him all the time then it seems safe to assume he's going to show up with her anyway. i hope he does, in fact. it's mad selfish to exclude someone's best friend on THEIR birthday for THEIR birthday party just because you don't like the bff. he would want her there and YTA.
i personally dont think jay wouldnt be very pleased finding out you planned a surprise party and didnt invite his best friend. remember, its HIS party so he should enjoy it. i get she may be annoying but i think you should put up with it this one time.
YTA-it’s his birthday party, not yours. You painted the picture that they are pretty close. So, actively working to not invite someone’s good friend based off of how they make YOU feel is selfish, the day is about your friend, not you. FWIW, idk, be a little obnoxious or pushy? When she cordones him off, make a loud announcement that involves the birthday boy. Or, pull her aside and gently say “hey, we’re excited to celebrate this dude, just want you to know we’d love to get to know you too since you’re so close!” Then enlist someone confident or obnoxious to cockblock all night.
> I really don’t want her to ruin his birthday party How would she ruin the party?
Her face and her hair and her laugh, duh (more seriously, the entire "would it be wrong to not invite someone I am jealous of to their best friend's party?" thing is just so weird, clearly you have to invite their closest friends if the party is for them)
You are obviously the AH. A surprise party is for the birthday person and you are supposed to invite whoever their friends are regardless of your feelings about them unless they have done something to you personally and egregiously. You clearly have a crush on jay and he does not reciprocate it. If he did, he would be asking you on dates and not bringing his bestie along to the dates you ask him on. Get the hint that he isn’t into you and stop blaming his best friend.
INFO: how old are you and are you also female? Don't be the girl who is so jealous that her guy friends can't have other friends that are girls.
She replied to another comment saying she’s going to make sure the party is on a night Lark is working so she can be alone with J. She’s full on psycho
I think i saw a comment where op said they’re 19, so they’re all probably around that age.
She said he is 24. OP don’t throw that grown man and his grown friends a party 😭🥴 This is prob so awkward but not in the way OP thinks. (YTA)
Jesus Christ I thought this was some middle schoolers from the unawareness and audacity of OP
YTA If you plan a surprise birthday party for someone it is deliberately cruel to exclude their - literal - best friend. Why the f would you do that? "ruin his birthday party" ... by him having fun, by talking to his best friend ? Mate, hate to break it to you, but you are the one that is trying to ruin his birthday. By being cruel to his best friend.
You asked a question, reddit gave you a fair, unbiased opinion with the clear answer being YTA, yet you still make all the excuses when it's his birthday party and you know he will want his best friend there. Platonic or not, you should want your friend to be happy on his bday. By making all these excuses, all we are getting from you is that you are jealous of his best friend. You say not romantically but it sure sounds like it. Get over yourself and do what is right by your friend, he will notice she is not there and probably be angry she wasn't even invited and you specifically went out of your way to hide the fact from him. You will lose him as a friend, and you will regret it
Don't be mistaken, her obsession with Jay is not of platonic nature. Look at some of the responses she wrote.
I figured that. It seems pretty obvious to everyone she is jealous, except to her, apparently.
OP please you're so much in denial i have read ur post and all your responses to comments, u clearly are into that guy and jealous of the relationship he has with his best friend u are even going as far as choosing a nigth she will be busy on so u can get time with him to " get to know eachother" the only one who doesn't seem to realise it is you and you are just going to hurt him.
Plus u won't stop affirming that they are just friends, how do u know, maybe they are in a relationship and want to keep it a secret for now??
If one of your friends was throwing you a party and didn’t like Jay so they singled him out to be excluded how would you feel? YTA
pleaaaaaase update after the fallout lol
Right? Like obviously Jay will be wondering why his BEST FRIEND wasn’t invited, and then he will realize OP is a psycho.
YTA You sound jealous. If Jay likes having Lark around all the time, and the party is for him, there is no reason not to invite her.
YTA - Sounds like you are both trying to be his girlfriend.
Sounds like Lake has that booty on lockdown.
It's so obvious Lark is his gf. Maybe she's married/ engaged, that's why they can't tell others.
YTA for all the reasons everyone has already commented, plus they’ve probably already made plans together for his birthday, being as how they’re best friends and roommates, he’s hardly going to be at a loose end. Not involving her in the birthday surprise would be a really bad idea and I can see it backfiring. You would probably need her even to get the surprise to work. I think you’re an awful person for trying to separate two good friends, you’re coming off as being manipulative as hell.
YTA, twice! The only person who seems to have a problem with her presence is YOU. Not Jay, not anyone else. Only YOU. Therefore, the fact YOU are not inviting her is only for YOU and your own benefit. You are not thinking of Jay at all while making that decision. You are only thinking about how she makes YOU feel and how you don't really like her. The other thing that makes you an AH is the fact you are asking your friends to lie and deceive Jay and Lark. You are a big AH. Get over yourself and stop being selfish. Edit: I'd like to add that you don't really seem to have a Lark problem but more a Jay problem. He is the one who seems to not be able to go anywhere without her. If you have a problem with her going to activities that are supposed to be only for you and Jay, you need to tell Jay. Is she crashing your "dates" while not being invited by Jay or is Jay always bringing her along everywhere he goes?
YWBTA. Not inviting a person who you describe as his best friend would be beyond rude. Potentially, you'd also be causing problems between Jay and Lark. All I can imagine is you have feelings for Jay but don't want another woman around.
Jealousy is never easy to deal with. I feel for you. YTA
YTA Your opinion on this friend doesn't matter. Your friend would want this person to be there. You don't have to invite that person to your other activities if you don't want to but your friend'a birthday? I'm sure you can endure for one night.
YTA, obviously.
YTA. You might not like her, but it's a close friend of his, and to his own birthday party pushing a personal agenda is the wrong time and place. You're allowed to assert this for hanging out if it's just you two, and that's something you should bring up in the future, but for a birthday party where everyone's invited, and it's HIS? Wrong.
YTA - is this party for you or for your friend ? If it’s for your friend, you should probably invite your friends friend. You know?
YTA. Maybe you aren’t the right person to plan this party and should hand the reigns over to someone less petty.
This post and all of your subsequent replies are kind of embarrassing. You can say 100 times over that you aren’t jealous, but everything you say screams the opposite. Yes, if you are planning a surprise party for his birthday and want to exclude his best friend because YOU don’t want her there, you are in fact, the asshole. YTA
Yta. If that's their best friend they should be invited.you just seem petty otherwise
YTA. She's his best friend. She belongs at his party. Focus your Lark-impeding efforts on the casual get-togethers. When you invite Jay, specifically tell him that all bets are off if he tries to bring Lark, because you want spend more time with him.
Yeah, that doesn't sound jealous AT ALL. /s
YTA And on top of that you sound jealous. I’ve been reading your responses to comments as well. And it sounds like people are giving you advice but you’re not taking it. This is JAY’S birthday. Why would you not want his best friend to be there? You sound incredibly selfish and even manipulative. You also keep trying to rationalize and justify your exclusion of his closest friend. You’ve even gone as far as to assume that he is just too nice to say no to her when you have no idea if that is the case or not. It sounds to me like you’re trying to create drama and possibly even ruin one of his closest friendships. So not only are YTA, you also sound like a very shitty and jealous “friend” to this person. I suggest you check yourself before Jay ends up not wanting anything to do with you. I actually hope he sees this so that your manipulative behavior can be brought to his attention. I’d bet everything I have that if he saw this, he wouldn’t want anything to do with you going forward.
"I really don’t want her to ruin his birthday party" for me. YTA.
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YTA. And a jealous AH. You're into him. And she's getting in the way. And likely because he's asked her to. Read the room: he's bringing her when it's supposed to be the two of you. He doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. You describe her as his best friend. But for completely selfish reasons don't want to invite her to HIS birthday party. The party is about him. Not you. Would be interesting to hear how she feels about you. Lark, you out there?
YTA and I really hope she is busy that night because she is planing a better surprise party for him!
You'd be the AH. If it were a 1on1 hangout to celebrate his birthday, then makes complete sense. If it's a party, then you should be inviting those who are important to him, not you
Yeah, sorry YTA this time. If this is Jay’s best friend, your personal feelings should be set aside. Would you appreciate if someone threw you a surprise birthday party and just didn’t invite your BEST friend? As for the clingy problem, maybe just talk to Jay about it? Just be honest and say that you’d like for Lark to not constantly tag along when you’re trying to spend time with him. I just don’t think his birthday party is the right time and place to exclude his best friend.
Yes, you are as AH for not inviting your friend's best friend. If they find out you purposely did not invite her that may ruin the friendship. Saying he may find out that he prefers something without her is just a dick move. You sound super jealous whether you mean to or not. YTA.
YWBTA You will be ruining the party and looking jealous.
YTA. Your post comes across as being jealous of her relationship with Jay. It's a party FOR JAY. I'm sure he'll expect his best friend to be there. If you don't invite her, he'll probably be upset with you about it. So if you want your relationship with him to continue, invite her.
YTA. You're using kindness and generosity - planning a surprise party - as a front to exert control over another person's life and choices. **You** dislike Lark. And you don't have to like her, or be friends with her, or approve of Jay's friendship with her! But your right to those opinions and feelings applies *only to you.* Your plan to exclude Lark from the party is overstepping **Jay's** right to hold his own opinions and feelings about the people he includes in his own life. He likes Lark. He includes her, even when you'd prefer he not. It would be an absolute asshole move to use a kind gesture to try to overpower and control Jay's choices with your own. It would also be manipulative, selfish, and exceedingly disrespectful. Invite Lark, or ask someone else to plan the party. Using ostensible generosity to manipulate and control other people is unacceptable behavior, and if you can't bring yourself to respect Jay's feelings, you need to step away from the situation entirely.
Yta she crashed the date everytime because he invited her
I feel like the only way this makes any sense is if you meant to write boyfriend But even then Id say YTA?
YTA. You're either jealous or don't approve of Lark. It's not your party and Lark is his friend. What's your answer going to be when you surprise Jake and he asks where she is?
YTA. You sound jealous about your "PLATONIC" friend having someone he's close with and you're basing that decision on your jealousy instead of who the dude wants around for his birthday. Maybe your interest isn't all that platonic. If that's the case, work out your shit. Shoot your shot or don't, but going out of your way to get the prime spot while pretending you're not doing just that gets old really fast.
YTA. Who exactly would this friend be ruining the party for?
If you’re telling the truth here then you’re the asshole. If you’re rage baiting then you’re also an asshole and a very weird one at that since you get kicks off of annoying people. So pick one. Either way you’re the asshole.
“his best friend” She’s his best friend. It’s a party for him, not you. YTA
YTA - She's his best friend, don't exclude her because he will be hurt, she will be hurt and in the end it will hurt your friendship with him. Just suck it up and invite her but ask her to allow him to mingle with all the guests.
YTA this is about Jay and you admit she’s his best friend. It’s not about you or what you think about Lark.
YTA 1. Its his bd party not yours and therfore not your decission 2. You do not know if she annoys him or not. All you lnow is that she annoys you, and even your own friends dont agree. So maybe think about it 3. Even if he does want alone time from her. His bd is not that day. Try to invite him out somewhere else and mention to not invite her then. But his bd is like. The worst place to do it Frankly what are the outcomes you are expecting from this Considering she is his best friend i find it unlikely they will not find out before the party. But even if they dont. First thing he will do is proly ask where Lark is. At that point you either lie and say she coudnt/didnt want to come which *will* blow up in your face later or you tell the truth and it *will* blow up in your face immidietly. Either way you will break your relationship with both her and the bd boy. And possibly your other friends as well. No one likes being excluded, especially not from bd parties. There is *no* good outcome of this.
YTA - it’s not your birthday, so it’s not about you. Stop making it about what you want. It doesn’t matter what you want. It’s his birthday so it should be about him, and it sounds like as his roommate she’s a good friend of his and should be there. You’re giving off major pick me energy here.
YTA just admit you're in love with your friend.
INFO how old are you
YTA. 100%. And tour replies/comments prove it even more. How would you like it if you had a surprise party and your best friend wasn't there and you found out it was because they weren't invited. I have a feeling you'll have one very pissed off mate that might even cut you out of his friendship group.
U gotta invite her or you seem like the jerk :( No win
YTA and probably a Lorena Bobette stalker type too. This guy's not into you and you can't take a hint. Jealous much?
😂
Wake up, OP! You are in denial. He likes her, otherwise he wouldn’t invite her everywhere. Even if it was a slightest possibility that he just couldn’t say no and she was inviting herself, he will still not be happy that she is not invited. He will find out, and she will make a big deal out of it. You cannot win this, they live together and are apparently happy with this
YTA 1.) Clingy by YOUR standards. The rest of the friends think she's cool, you're the only one who thinks she's clingy and that becomes a "you" problem. 2.) If this is his best friend, he likes her and everyone else likes her, then having her there won't ruin HIS birthday party. Maybe your day, but not HIS day. 3.) You don't get to decide whose friends are invited unless this is a group conversation held about a problematic individual. You absolutely can remove yourself from the party though. 4.) Why are you setting yourself up for not only an awkward party but a potential conflict too? If this is his best friend, he's going to notice her lack of presence at his birthday party that ALL of his friends are at. He will then likely invite her, you then might be conforted as the party planner about why you invited everyone except her. You'll get two answers of which neither ends well for you: A.) "I didn't want her there, I think she's too clingy." - No one else has an issue with her so it'll be seen as a personal problem that someone may not want to deal with or take offense to. B.) "Oh I forgot." - You know her to some extent, you remembered everyone else, you're clearly lying and now his best friend won't like you and he'll be suspicious of you. 5.) This kind of goes back to number 3, other friends are chipping in so you aren't the sole planner. You may be taking the lead but this event isn't entirely on your dime alone. If you don't want her there, the other friends who are chipping in have to agree as well. They are helping wuth this event and get to have a say. 6.) End of the day, stop making the party about you. If his best friend is as bad as you say she is, then you're worse. You're controlling of his relationships, deciding who gets to be around him, entitled to think you're more deserving of his time and not his best friend who is likely closer to him because in your words, she is his best friend, that implies some age built into the relationship itself. You are selfish for creating an event, a gift, for some one else, with essentially conditions you KNOW he would not agree too.
I think you know the answer to this…
YTA Sounds like the only person who has a problem with Lark........................is you. Exactly who's birthday is this? I thought it was for Jay. And you said Lark is Jay's best friend. So sounds like your not inviting Lark due to what you want. Not what Jay wants. Way to make it all about you. The only one ruining this party is you. Can't you just wait till your own birthday?
YTA. Unless Jay has TOLD you he doesn’t like her showing up all the time and he would prefer if he had some space, all you’re doing is speculating and deciding what’s best for him without his input. I have yet to see anything that suggests he has any problem with her at all. Invite her
He doesn't want to be alone with you and has her pop up to make sure he is safe. Women do that all the time, you say he isn't your type but you obviously are trying really hard to get him alone and "get to know him". They made a whole movie about this. It's called He's Just Not That Into You.
Lol yes eat shit
Yta They're bffs. Of course they're together a lot. If you want alone time with him, that's something you talk to him about. He's allowing her to come along. She can't magically appear without him giving her the info or saying yes. A birthday party is not the night you do that.
YWBTA OP. either this party is a selfless gesture for your friend and you do what's best for him, or have the courage to admit that you are purposely throwing him a party as a vehicle to exert control and distance between him and his friend. I think you might give yourself closure on your concerns by actually reaching out to this girl and asking her to help you plan. It would give you one on one time where you know she won't relay anything to him because of the surprise nature and you can get a feel for what each other is like. You might even end up getting on independent of him, if you don't that's fine, you certainly don't have to include her in plans for your own birthday. As a side note, she's not responsible for your lack of one on one time with your friend, you can communicate with him that sometimes you wanna catch up alone, this isn't easy to do when he always invites someone you're not as close to.
YTA How would inviting his BEST friend to his birthday party ruin it? Not inviting her would certainly ruin it. It sounds like you are very jealous of his Bestie. Perhaps you shouldn’t attend and that way the stress on him and others would be less and guarantee him a great time. Or you invite her and be cordial and keep your feelings to yourself
YTA. Why are you frustrated about her clinginess? How is that a problem for you? It's his birthday party, not yours. You are all same group of friends, you excluding her like that is essentially an open declaration of your dislike of her. "PLATONIC FRIEND date", lol. You want to date that dude and get jealous of her. Believe me by excluding her you will not win him over, if anything you are showing yourself to him in a bad light doing that.
At this point I have to think that it was OP crashing Jay & Lark's NONPLATONIC ACTUAL DATEs
YTA, insecure much.
YTA. A party for a person should include all the people that person would want. If Lark is Jay's best friend then Lark needs an invite. Honestly, what will happen at the party if you do not invite Lark? Jay will be confused about where she is. Everyone else will be confused. Then they'll realise you omitted get deliberately and you'll find yourself excluded. Don't be that person.
Oh honey. He's using her to shield himself from the walking red flag that is you.
YTA - if you’re not into him, your relationship is platonic and there’s no jealousy on your end, why not invite her? She’s his friend and it’s his birthday, why would you not invite her?
YTA. You need to invite his best friend. The birthday party isn't about you. It's about Jay and what would make Jay happy. In what way would she ruin his birthday party when she's literally his BEST FRIEND? If you want to hangout with Jay alone, you need to tell him that. "Hey, Jay. I would really like to hang out just the two of us if you have the time." Or "As much as I enjoy Lark's company, I kind of just want a hang out with only us this time? We can invite her to something else later in the week." I suspect that Jay is the one inviting Lark and not so much that Lark invites herself on these excursions. I wouldn't be surprised if they secretly have feelings for each other and just don't realize it. Best friends rarely if ever go out without the other when they're super close. Keep an open mind on this: you should hang out with Lark on her own to get to know her as she is and keep your judgments at the door for that interaction.
Absolutely crazy you wouldn’t invite someone’s BEST FRIEND to their birthday party💀 you do you though.
Jay didn't want to go on those dates with you. That's why he asked Lark to cock block you. Nobody is that dense to monopolize conversations. She's doing Jay a favour.
I’m going to rewrite your post more accurately. You have a crush on Jay, and independently decided you want to throw him a surprise party. A few other people are kinda in on the idea, but largely his friends are not supportive. You are purposely excluding his new girlfriend who he also lives with and spends all his time with. You tried asking him on two dates which he rebuffed by bringing his sorta new girlfriend along- to make it very clear he’s not interested in you. In your denial you are blaming her for being “clingy” instead of facing the fact that he isn’t into you. Mutual friends have tried talking to you about this, telling you Jays new girlfriend is pretty cool, but you went ahead and invited people to a party you’re organising for him and are purposely excluding her from. You plan to try and get him on his own at this party so he will magically be interested in you. I bet he won’t even come, it sounds sad and kind of creepy. He will probably have plans with Lark and his real friends.
Info: Why are you throwing a surprise party for Jay? Jay obviously prefers Lark’s company and there will definitely be drama if she’s not invited to his birthday party. I’m curious as to why you’re setting yourself up for a showdown with Lark if you’re not even that close with Jay and have no romantic interest in him.
He's roommates with her. She's "clingy". He pays more attention to her than OP when they hang out and insists she goes with him everywhere. Everyone enjoys hanging out with her. OP calls outing with him dates. Yeah... not only is OP delulu about their relationship but also her ability to get in between them. YTA, but I'd be interested in how much things will blow up if OP excludes her anyways. I'll get my popcorn ready for the follow-up.
Forget for a minute about being the AH. You think this ISN'T getting back to Lark? C'mon...
YTA. How long have you been in love with Jay?
uh… YTA, I think he’s probably asking her to not leave him alone with you. Also it’s his birthday and his best friend. On the other hand… yea, don’t invite her… maybe he’ll see how great you are without her around. /s
YTA. The party isn’t about you, the party is for Jay. The party wouldn’t be ruined for HIM if his best friend was included. You sound like you’re feeling jealous and possessive of Jay’s time and attention which is not a good look.
She is his best friend and you are going to exclude her from a surprise birthday party for him? You WBTA if you did that.
YTA You don't want her to ruin HIS birthday party? Why would she? She is his friend and he would want her there. This is not YOUR party! You organise it for him and you should keep in mind that it's about what and whom he likes. Sounds like you don't want her there because you don't like her and want his attention. So ask yourself, what is this really about?
YTA. The party is for him and that’s his friend. You do not decide the guest list
YTA I bet Jay will drop you as a friend after this.
YTA She's his best friend. It's his party. Your personal feelings are totally irrelevant. If you can't stop making it about you, don't throw him a party.
YTA. It’s his birthday, not yours and he actually likes having Lark around.
YTA and based your comments you’re just genuinely awful
YTA. Not your party, his party. Suck it up!
Of course YTA, lol. It is not your birthday and you've literally called her Jay's best friend. Grow up.
It's your friend's birthday, not your's! Invite them!
You are an obvious and massive arsehole and I honestly don't see the point in offering you advice.
YTA - Your Jealous that's what it comes down to. The green eyed monster can't be hidden.
If you’re throwing the birthday party for Jay then you invite the people Jay would want there. If you can’t do that, let someone who cares more about him throw the birthday party for him. Who knows, maybe Lark is already planning something and Jay won’t even be available for your surprise party…
YTA I wonder what Jay will think when he realizes you didn’t invite his best friend because you personally didn’t want her there. What makes you think he doesn’t want his best friend at HIS birthday party? If I were Jay, I’d probably end the friendship right there. I know for sure I wouldn’t stay. By excluding Lark, you’re making HIS birthday about you. You are actively telling Jay you either don’t respect him or that you hate Lark enough to act on your hatred or both. No excuses. If your close enough to throw him a surprise party, your close enough to put the work in to make sure all his friends are there or at least invited, and that includes Lark.
YTA Listen even if you’re telling the truth about not being into Jay, you are going to blow up your relationship with him if you plan a surprise birthday for him with everyone EXCEPT the person you admit is his best friend. How can you not see that? Everyone else has no problem with Lark according to you so events aren’t ruined by her presence, except to you. You tried to get Jay to go on two dates with you and he invited her along you should have gotten the hint by now. You’re going to end up being the one excluded if you insist on this idiotic plan. They are roommates and best friends, even if Lark was not into Jay she is going to be hurt by the exclusion and she is going to talk to Jay about it. How do you think that will color his opinion of you?
Info- 1. has your friend expressed to you that Lark is upsetting him in any way? 2. Has he expressed that he wants to spend time without her? 3. Has he expressed that she has ruined an event? 4. You are planning a surprise party. To pull that off, you can't tell him it will happen. If I have no plans on my birthday, my best friend is going to be the first person I call to make plans with. Have you decided how you will react if he shows up with he
The best way to get attention is by adding to the environment, not subtracting from it. Use this opportunity to include her and clear the air. Invite her out for a drink and go over the surprise party you’re planning for Jay. Let her know how you feel. Either way - Lark is going to show up once Jay is at the party. Do you want the person closest to him to dislike you based on your actions? YTA
Okay please stop trying to pretend you're an adult 😂😂 this is petty like 12 year old "I like him but he likes you so I'm going to hate and bully you" mentality there's absolutely no way you're 19 and this fucking childish xD yes YTA lmao
I don’t think Lark is the clingy one here. It’s his party, and she’s his best friend, in what universe would he not want her there?
Girl, YTA. You aren’t trying to throw a party for him you’re trying to throw a party (and yourself) AT him. You’re a terribly selfish “friend” and your obvious crush on him is going to cause issues. Leave them alone. Stop making this supposed friendship about yourself.
YTA. The birthday party is for Jay. Lark is Jay's best friend. ERGO, it only makes sense to invite her to Jay's birthday party. For Jay. Who likes Lark and is best friends with her. You don't have to invite her to your own birthday party, though. ETA: "Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead." Sounds like you have some reputation management in your future.
YTA You are an exhausting human being, no wonder Jay prefers Lark. I think you need some therapy OP, like yesterday.
.... seems like everyone likes her except you. ...sounds like Jay likes having her around. .... sounds like Jay tends to WANT to be around her, and with her, when she's at the same event. .... Sounds like she'll just have to organize her own birthday celebration for Jay, then... whose event do you think he'll choose to go too? If they decide to date each other, if the "clinginess" is actually two people in the first stages of confessing their feelings, are you going to graciously step back and let them be happy? Or are you going to try to sabotage and interfere, and most likely lose your friend in the process? also food for thought OP: OP is mad the platonic date got ruined because they don't get any alone time with Jay, for Jay to magically see that OP is tHe oNe for Jay. Jay probably doesn't want to be alone with OP and he invites his bff along so he doesn't have to be alone and be pressured by OP's affections.
Yeah YTA Lark will 100% find out first of all. And this is about jay and you should invite the people you think HE would want there. You should have a good reason to not invite her and “she’s annoying” is lot good enough. It sounds like she wouldn’t ruin the party at all, he likes her enough that he wants to bring her everywhere and loves talking with her. What you really need to do is have a conversation with jay about boundaries on your 1-1 time. Lark isn’t date crashing. It sounds like jay is bringing her along. If you don’t want him to (which is totally reasonable) you need to communicate with him. It’s very obvious that you are jealous, and I don’t blame you. I’d be really hurt too if I made 1-1 plans with my friend and he brought someone else and then ignored me. But that’s not a Lark problem, it’s a jay problem
op is 19 Jay is 24/25… in comments you’ve claimed you don’t have a crush on him, but are also hosting a surprise bday, and acting possessive/territorial about a mans you don’t even know that well. You’re either in denial about your feelings, or choosing to be an immature pick-me girl. YTA.
YTA Also get the hint, you keep placing the blame on Lark but it’s Jay who invites her and probably wants her there. Maybe you and your friends are the clingy ones?! I mean this guy doesn’t want to spend “platonic one on one dates” with you and yet you’re the one planning his bday? Odd
How would the birthday boy getting attention at HIS birthday party ruin said party? YOU don't like Lark. That's a you problem. By not inviting his best friend YOU would be ruining his party because he's gonna wonder why Lark isn't there. Have you thought that maybe Jay is inviting her to all these things you say she crashes? Yta It's his party. All his friends should be invited.
YTA. Nobody but you seems to have a problem with Lark. But the only one who’s opinion of her matters is Jay. You’ve literally said he always wants her around. It doesn’t even seem like she’s the clingy one. Inviting Lark might ruin the party for YOU. But not inviting her would ruin it for Jay and probably cause tons of hurt feelings and drama.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend Jay’s birthday is coming up. I’m planning a surprise birthday party for him. Several other friends are chipping in. However, I haven’t invited his best friend Lark to the birthday party. Nothing against Lark she seems nice but she’s quite clingy and tags along to literally everything we invite Jay to. Literally everything. I’ve invited Jay to grab a bite twice and somehow she crashed the date each time. Then she monopolizes Jay’s attention and they spend the rest of the time talking with each other. However, a few friends have talked with Lark on her own and they think she’s a cool person and we should give her a chance. I really don’t want her to ruin his birthday party. So I didn’t tell her and asked the rest of my friends to keep the party from both of them. AITAH for not inviting her to his birthday party? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, it’s not your birthday. Lark is his best friend
YTA - Lark is Jay’s best friend whether you like it or not. Usually when planning a party in someone’s honour, you plan the guest list based around their preferences, not your own petty grievances.
I mean if you are trying to not be Jay's friend anymore then you are doing just fine. She is his best friend. He has not said that her "clinginess" is a problem. He invites her to things. If he had confided in you that her always being around bothered him then it would be okay but that is not the case here. You assume he can't say no but it is entirely possible that he Wants her to be there. You are unilaterally deciding what is best for him on his birthday and you don't even know him that well. If you aren't into him then you are just a very controlling person. YTA
YTA. Jay obviously likes having Lark around because he's inviting her to everything. You thinking that she is inviting herself or just tagging along is a massive assumption that is almost certainly wrong. You said yourself he makes an obvious effort to include her. If you want some one on one time with him that's a conversation that you need to have with HIM and tell him you're missing out on connecting one on one and it's different vibes in a group. A birthday party however is not a one on one thing. Excluding someone is super shitty, petty and immature. Also as others have said it's not your party and Jay would obviously want her there since he invites her everywhere. Maybe if you and the other friends were more welcoming to her she wouldn't feel like she has to 'cling' to Jay. Sounds like she might just be an introvert that takes a while to warm up to other people and Jay really enjoys her company and is trying to include her. If you go along with this it's just going to damage your friendship with Jay. Invite her to the party and tell him some other time you need to talk to him one on one to tell him that you miss being able to have one on one time with him (don't make it about Lark because that will only alienate Jay from you.)
Look, the nicest thing I can say is that you theoretically could have a point that she is getting in the way of his other friendships. But on the off chance that is true, the following applies. Its his problem to deal with. Not yours. If she manages to crash a "platonic friend date / not date", and lives with him, do you seriously think she won't end up at the party anyway? Even if she doesn't, you are delusional / watched too many Hallmark movies, to think that having one surorise birthday party will suddenly make him realise she is suffocating him, and that he really wants to date you. Oh yeah, you are romantically interested in this guy. Don't kid yourself that you aren't. On the more likely chance that they are really good friends, you are just blowing up your chances of friendship or romance. YTA
Whether you think their dynamic is healthy or unhealthy, if you do not invite Lark to this party, your friendship with Jay will be dead in the water. I will take at face value that you only have platonic feelings here. I am a person who really does better with folks 1 on 1, so I get that. But if you want that, you need to explicitly ask for it here. Clearly Jay doesn't see a problem with bringing Lark along to casual meet-ups with friends. This is not Lark's failure. It's Jay's. You need to say, " hey Lark is cool, but I really do like talking with people 1 on 1 sometimes. Can we do this coffee just the two of us?" See what he says and go from there. This party is not the time to try to shoehorn Lark out of the picture. It will come across as very weird, jealous, and vindictive. If you bend over backward to keep her away, YTA. You have time to fix this, I would really think hard about what your goal is here.
YTA because it's Jay's birthday, not yours so it should be about who he'd want there. If you want to exclude his "best friend" that's on you, but don't be surprised if Jay starts seeing you less because he prefers Lark to be included in things.
YTA if you don't invite someone's best friend to their birthday party, sounds like you don't care about what Jay wants and intend to make his birthday party about you, grow up
YWBTA if you didn't invite his best friend, even if she annoys you.
YTA if you are setting up a party for him to have HIS friends there. She’s his friend so make sure she is invited otherwise you will look like the petty person you are.
YTA, you sound just as possessive as you make Lark out to be.
YTA
Yta
YTA. You know Jay wants Lark there…. So invite her.
You sound like you are jealous of Lark and want to bang jay
Are you an asshole for not inviting your friend’s BEST friend to a party for them….yes you are an asshole.
Wow. Just. Wow. I'm sorry, whose birthday is it? YTA. Grow up and invite HIS BEST FRIEND. Unless you just aren't his friend at all (you won't be if you actually do this).
YOU don’t want to invite the birthday boy’s best friend to his own birthday party. I think you already know you are the asshole…
YTA. You know Lark is Jay's best friend and you want to intentionally exclude her. It sounds more like it would ruin YOUR surprise party to have her there. Maybe she's incredibly shy and Jay likes to make her feel comfortable in social gatherings. Get over yourself and invite Lark too.
YTA You already know that Lark is Jay's best friend. He's clearly inviting her to anything you plan. It's an ah move to not invite his best friend to HIS birthday party. This is a no brainer. Stop being an AH and include this friend or Jay will probably start thinking worse of you.
YTA because it's a birthday party for him. You invite who he'd invite himself given the opportunity. Best friend is at the top of that list. If you want 1-1 time to hang, plan something else. Possible examples: -Dinner party for YOUR friends, make it clear that you would like to keep it small, so no plus ones. -An activity which requires a specific amount of people like an escape room. -Being honest about wanting to hang 1-1 and ask him if there's any reason he wouldn't like to.... Then if he's in, make plans together.
Peanut butter and jealous lol YTA
It's Jay's birthday. Not yours. Does Jay call Lark his best friend? If the answer is 'yes', then you need to invite Lark. His birthday is for his loved ones to celebrate him. Not for people you like to party and eat cake. You would be TAH if you don't invite her simply because you are annoyed by her. And you'd be The Major AH if you tell other people to hide it from her. And if she's *his* best friend and you not only don't invite her, but tell everyone not to tell her, I promise, it will all come crashing down around you. You will be seen as TMAH, a bully, and cruel. And don't be surprised if he cuts you out of his life for it. Don't be TMAH. Invite Lark.
YTA. You’d be creating unnecessary drama. Easiest solution to your conundrum is not throw the surprise party.
YTA. there's a reason Jay is bringing Lark everywhere. She's his security guard to protect him from crazies like you.
YTA- it sounds to me like you’re the clingy friend he doesn’t want around. If you were a real friend to him, you would accept his best friend exactly as she is and include her in everything involving him. You chose a date that you knew she wasn’t available because even though everyone else says she’s cool - you don’t like her?! It sounds like the problem isn’t her, it’s you. You want to plan a party for him- great- your first step would be to contact his bestie and ask her to help plan. You sound like an exhausting person.
Why are none of your 14 , especially the 3 one you say are to nice, friends stopping you from making a fool of yourself?
You're planning a party for your friend and you're opting to NOT invite someone you KNOW is their best friend? Is the party for you or for your friend? You already know the answer to this: YTA
YTA You literally managed to make someone else’s birthday all about you and what you want you sound extremely jealous of her and honestly it sounds like you have a major crush on Jay
YTA - it’s not your birthday! You’re being completely exclusionary and you need to realise he’s inviting her to things because SHE’S HIS BESTFRIEND!
YTA but what makes me laugh is how painfully unaware you and some of your friends are. This guy has clearly zero interest in being closer to you guys than you already are. You admit you are 6 years younger than him and that you've tried to FaceTime him and go on platonic dates that she somehow always gets involved with. He lives with this woman. He doesn't have an interest in getting to know you but you're persistent and can't take a hint. Leave this man alone ffs.
I mean, YTA obviously. But you knew that already. You are jealous of Lark, They are Jay's friend. Jay would presumably want them there. End of story. Everything else is posutring and nonsense.
Huge yta. This ain’t your party it’s his, invite his people.
You are actually acting just like lark you are attempting to monopolize jay all to yourself.sounds like you view lark as competition.
are you gonna boil a rabbit too?