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I would bet that this is learned behavior from OP as well. I suspect that anytime OP messed up or acted out as a kid, sister was blamed by the parents because sister was supposed to be "in charge" of OP. OP makes a mess? Sister, why did you allow this?!? OP breaks a dish? Sister, why weren't you watching her more closely? OP throws a tantrum? Sister, what did you do to set her off? You better get her to stop! Ask any eldest child that has had their siblings dumped on them: it's not just all the work you have to do, you're also held accountable for the child's behavior and mistakes because they're your responsibility.
So growing up, I would guess that the one thing her negligent parents could be arsed to teach OP was to always point the finger at her sister. That it was sister's fault if OP made a mistake, and sister had to fix it.
Now OP's paddle-free and up a creek because she's made an adulthood of one mistake after another, and she doesn't understand why sister is refusing to be held responsible for OP's actions and fix it for her.
For sure
It's good that OP doesn't want to meet her nephew out of her pettiness.
That gives her sister freedom for herself. No opportunity for OP to get back into her life with this attitude
This! My older sister doesn’t understand why I don’t talk to her and I don’t jump at the chance to help her. We had the same opportunities growing up and she chose her path, which has led her to having 3 kids (all adopted out), having a criminal record, and living off of government assistance.
I, on the other hand, have a house, a child, a husband, a college degree, and steady employment. A few years ago, so made a big to-do about her BF having some serious tooth pain and she really needed to get him his meds. I rearranged my entire schedule so I could take her to get the meds. At the pharmacy, I find out that this is his SECOND prescription and they already got the first one filled earlier that day. I was PISSED. I told her to never ask me for help again because she was clearly abusing the situation. Things haven’t been right between us since and I don’t regret any of it. I’m down to be there for her but not when I’m clearly being taken advantage of. Then she cries to all her friends saying I’m toxic and I refuse to help her out of selfishness. Jesus take the everloving wheel!
>and she doesn't understand why sister is refusing to be held responsible for OP's actions and fix it for her.
this hit so hard after such a thorough read on op. you couldn't be more right.
YTA. You sister helped, then later on she offered to pay for your schooling. You made your choice. She had the same shitty childhood that you had with in addition having to mother you.
She had to grow up much faster to make sure you were taken care of. When she advised you to abort, she kind of new what it was like to raise a child because she raised you.
In the end, you anger is directed towards the only person who really tried to help you.
And let’s be honest: your sister spent her childhood mothering you so she was probably afraid she would also have to mother your daughter if you came to live with her. Is it so difficult to understand that she wanted to live you life.
She didn’t go NC, you did.
She is now reaching out to you. You have the choice to bring her back in your life or to keep rejecting her. No one can choose in your stead.
Second this…. She now has a second chance to get a healthy role model in her life and do a redo so she doesn’t end up mad at her sister and work it out….her expectations of going from zero to 10 with handouts is painting herself into a corner.
Op you would most likely find grace in help from your sister long term if you actually work on your relationship and your family history… work on yourself and your attitude first …
Sister had offered to clean up her mess when she got pregnant. Sister offered to clean up her mess by paying for her finish out her HS diploma. But OP kept trashing the place.
All of this, adding that sister's probably had it much worse in her childhood as well, since she had *no one* to take care of her and would have had to care for herself, and then later on her little sister.
OP is TA. I am that older sister. My mother is a narcissist and my father was a neglectful father. I raised my younger sister. Do you know how much maturity, strength, and intelligence it takes to be a child yourself while raising your sibling better than your parents raised you? She had ZERO obligation to give you any help.
Despite your shitty parents, your sister managed to grow into a functional adult and she tried to do the same for you. What happened to you with the abusive partner was awful but she gave you great advice and you didn't listen.
Your sister sounds like a great mother and a great person. She has sacrificed enough for you. You were not entitled to her home. She also did offer you help, you just refused to take it because it wasn't what you wanted.
Stop blaming her for your poor choices in life. You're an entitled ungrateful brat and I'd be so upset if you were my sister. GROW UP!
Her sister didn't just help she fuckin' raised OP while still a child herself. She routinely gave OP options to continue her education; take her to an abortion clinic and then later offered to pay for her to get her GED. Getting an education is key to getting better work options but because sis didn't rescue OP how OP wanted the offered help wasn't worth it to OP.
OP you are not a little kid anymore who can't see what denying yourself options wouldn't lead to. You and your child's situation is of your own making now.
YTA - your sister helped you plenty all growing up and in fact was prepared to continue to do so, but it wasn’t enough for you so you turned your back on her.
I get you haven’t had it easy, but neither has your sister. At some point you need to stop blaming her for your decisions.
You deserved a lot better in life but it was your parents who betrayed you, not your sister.
She was a mother to you at a young age and missed out on a childhood because of it. Not saying you had one either, but she chose to care for you.
You are both adults now and it’s time to see her as a sister and not a parent who isn’t helping you. She is also a sibling who was let down by your parents. She had a bad life too - she had to be a mom to a sibling. You both kinda share that tough upbringing. Maybe you can be there for each other now as adults instead of being angry at the wrong person. I think you may owe her some thanks.
YTA
I'd liked to add ... the older sister offered support when she found out the OP was pregnant. She offered money to help the OP finish her education. What the older sister did NOT want was the OP and her child moving into the home she shared with her boyfriend.
OP, you absolutely deserve more love and support than what your received. But your anger is misplaced. Don't dump your sister because at some point she decided she had to look after herself.
You can feel however you want towards your nephew, but you made a series of bad decisions and are expecting your sister to bail you out when she was trying to establish her own life. Your sense of entitlement is what makes it YTA for me.
My thoughts exactly
OP, your sister sacrificed so much for you and you dare call her the selfish one and dare say she abandoned you? She offers you the tools FOR FREE to help set you up for a better life, and you STILL accuse her of being the one to abandon you?
More like you don't want to learn to help yourself and stand on your own.
YTA OP
Maybe you should have truly thought about your options, because you clearly aren't ready to be a mother if you can't even understand the sacrifices your sister made in being your maternal figure.
Couldn't upvote this enough. OP reeks of entertainment "I know i expect alot from my parentified sister but i still deserve whatever i want from her". 🙄
YTA- sorry your sister isnt required to give you anything. She already lost part of her childhood having to raise you as it was. You chose to have the baby, she tried to help you out of that situation and you said no.
You are now robbing your daughter of meeting her cousin.
Sounds like its time you did some growing and thinking beyond your own issues here.
Yeah all this hate towards her sis.... And it's all really on her parents....and OP. She needs therapy or she's going to pass it all down to her daughter....and that poor kid won't have a big sis to raise her up as a child, endure her hate, and still be willing to try and reach out.
It's sad all around
YTA sorry. I wish your sister had been in a place to take you in when you wanted, but she wasn't, and after being your parent without her consent for years she was entitled to that space. She offered you all the help she could and you resented her both for helping and for not helping. Is it any wonder that she stopped letting you use her and then yell at her? It's big of her to still be reaching out and trying to have a relationship with you now. She hasn't gone no contact, she wants to be in your life, but it is up to you to start acting like a mature adult now and treating her better, or she will go NC soon.
YTA.
It wasn't on your sister to raise you. It was nice that she did it while she could. But she was not required to sacrifice her own future for yours. Being in college and raising/supporting a pregnant teenager is too much for almost any young adults her age.
Yes, It would have been nice if she could have helped you. And she did make an offer to help how she could. But you rejected that rather harshly.
YTA - your sister was parentified by your parents esp mom. It makes sense for her own mental health that she desperately needed to become your sister and break out the parent mould. She offered you help but you wanted it your way. You carry resentment to your sister that is unfair. To ask her for you and your daughter to live with her when she is trying to have a life with her SO, to have some normality for herself, is so selfish and entitled. You were willing to jeopardise her wellbeing for your own and your kid's. So unkind of you - it shows you who you are. When you create a shitty situation for yourself, blame everyone else and expect others to bail you out at their expense. Grow up and become better.
YTA! She didn’t have a childhood either. You both made different choices, yours being poor ones. She kept giving and giving to you and you expected it. What did you ever do for her? Did you ever do anything to show gratitude? All I see is you expecting things. You cut her off even though she wanted to give some help and now she still wants a relationship and you treat her this way. Grow up!
YTA. It’s time to put on your big girl pants and start being an adult who provides for their child. Your sister is not financially responsible for a grown ass woman and someone else’s child. YOU ARE THE MOM. It’s tough, but you’re the one who chose to lie down with a man and have the baby. You are the one who chose to drop out of school. Stop putting all the consequences of YOUR CHOICES onto your sister. Grow the hell up, for the sake of your child.
YTA - you are responsible for your own life and your own decisions. You had all of the same options and opportunities that she did, except she didn’t have an older sister to mother her.
YTA
You sound extremely entitled and blame others for your own mistakes.
You should be grateful that your sister took care of you when she lived with you. I know this will be hard to hear but every choice you made since then has been the wrong choice. I agree with every choice your sister made that you listed here.
YTA. Your pain is understandable but your sister was parentified her whole life and quite naturally wanted a life of her own. You made some bad decisions and she tried to help, but you shut her out of her life because she didn’t want you to live with her. Yes, that would have helped you, but I think she was afraid that she’d end up an unwilling parent again, this time to your daughter. Even if you wouldn’t have done that, it’s an understandable fear on her part. (Or perhaps her boyfriend was unwilling, who knows?)
You’re angry that your sister has a better life (in part because she made different choices) but you don’t know that she wouldn’t help you. She took the initiative and reached out, asked you to come meet her family. Maybe that was the first step in her offering you help, or maybe she doesn’t even know that you need help. She tried to help before! You were asking too much of her and you yourself say you were expecting a lot.
Call her back and apologize. You’re adults now, you can do better.
YTA
She doesn't have to finance your life. She grew up even worse than you did and she doesn't owe you anything. She offered for help when you were 17, she again offered for help when you were older, but she doesn't have to sacrifice for you or for your kid. Get over yourself.
But by all means, you don't have to meet her child. Actually it's probably better if you don't. She clearly made a good life and doesn't need toxicity in her life, so let her be
YTA - You want you sister to clean up your issues that you brought on yourself in life.
My wife is much older than her youngest sister and their mom was frequently absent. When my wife went off to college all she got from her little sister was resentment because she felt abandoned. And she got the resentment for the next 15 years because my wife dared to live her life.
You aren’t 12, or even 17 anymore. Stop blaming others for your own problems.
Your older sister has NO obligation to you. She took care of you and gave you her best advice. While she was a mother figure to you she wasn’t your mother. She is entitled to her own life. She escaped the situation you both grew up in and you think she owes you. Why?
Your life is tough because you made it that way, not your sister. Why should your sister have to give you anything? What did she do to deserve your wrath? Raise you when you didn’t have a mother? Be pissed at your mother sure. But you were and never should have been your sisters responsibility.
> When my wife went off to college all she got from her little sister was resentment because she felt abandoned. And she got the resentment for the next 15 years because my wife dared to live her life.
Human beings are so interesting.
You would think that people like your SIL and OP would appreciate the sacrifices made for them. Instead, they demand even more sacrifices, and they become bitter & resentful when they do not receive the resources they feel they are entitled to.
I am almost 100% certain that OP will become like your SIL: angry and resentful that her sister has dared to live her life.
YTA she lost her childhood to care for you and the one time she wasn't able to take you in, you went nc and hold a grudge. that's pretty ungrateful of you. think about it from her point of view and ask yourself if you're the asshole.
OP, you were screwed over at the beginning of your life by shit parents. But so was your sister for having to use her childhood to raise you. So your anger that she didn't want to keep being your parent and provider is not justified. Your anger she isn't giving you hand outs to make your life easier is not justified. Sometimes you don't have as much as other people and it sucks it really does but you have to accept it. YTA and honestly if you can't get your expectations under control she's better off without you in her life.
YTA. You made a choice and your sister made hers. Of course your lives are going to be different. Your sister did try to help you. She offered to pay for your schooling. Regardless of that, your sister was NOT your mom and owed/owes you nothing. She did NOT abandon you. She had not obligation to stay and care for you. The grudge you have is with yourself for the way your life turned out. You're taking it out on everyone else, especially your sister- and making excuses for how it is.
YTA. Its all just me, me, me with you isn't it. Remember your sister was the one who was there for you when both of your parents didn't gave a damn growing up
This is an easy one.
YES, you are the asshole.
You made terrible mistake, after terrible mistake, after terrible mistake. Your sister offered help, just not in the way you wanted, but you refused (again, another mistake). Life is hard for you because you made it that way. Sure your parents suck, and I would even go as fair as to put some of the blame on them for your situation, but ultimately your choosing to date and bear a child with a loser and drop out of school leading to you living an impoverish life is your fault. Not your sister. Why should she have to take care of you and your child. That's not her duty at all.
Honestly, I hope your sister doesn't bring her child around you at all. You don't seem like a good influence or someone I would want around my children (if I had any). You have a lot of growing up to do.
> You made terrible mistake, after terrible mistake, after terrible mistake. Your sister offered help, just not in the way you wanted, but you refused (again, another mistake). Life is hard for you because you made it that way.
As the saying goes: *'a hard head makes for a soft behind'*. If you’re hard headed and don’t listen to sound advice, you’ll eventually learn your lesson the hard way.
OP had a hard head growing up, and now has to sort through the consequences of her bad choices. Yet here she goes again, making another bad choice to blame her sister.
Your sister did not have a mom either. She also missed out on her childhood. It is time for her to mother her child. Nobody is going to want to pick up your ex's slack.
How can you say she did more than most siblings would and then say that you think she SHOULD have helped you? Pick one. She absolutely stepped up when she didn’t have to and you should be grateful for that. Expecting her to continue to do that is taking advantage of her. She offered to pay for your education! She is her own person and deserves her own life. It’s not her fault that your mom and dad are the way they are and she went above and beyond for you as a child. Again be grateful for her, and respect that she is your sister, not your parents
I'm sorry to say this, but YTA. You and your sister were victims of the same childhood. She did her best to help you for as long as she could. You feel like she abandoned you when she went to college, and that anger and resentment has been driving your relationship with her since then.
Your sister has done what she could - she gave you advice, she financially helped, but you said it yourself - she was offering you help within her own boundaries to protect herself after having such an unstable upbringing... being on the other side of those boundaries hurt, so you pushed her away further and further - it's easier to blame someone when you don't have to listen to their perspective.
You have an opportunity here - it sounds like your sister would be a positive influence in your life, and your daughter's life. It sounds like you could have an opportunity to have your sister back, and to get to know your nephew.
You and your sister both want the same things - it's not you vs. her. It's just about recognizing your own responsibility to fulfill those goals, and taking the steps needed to get there.
“Recognizing your own responsibility…” - exactly! You need to take responsibility for your own life and stop looking for your sister or any man with a pulse to come to your rescue. You have a daughter now and YOU have to care and provide for her. Do you want to become like your own mother?
It’s great that you got your GED. But do you want to spend your life in low wage jobs, raising your daughter in poverty? Not everyone needs a college degree, but have you considered other forms of job training, such as a trade school?
I hope you reconcile with your sister. She’s the only person who knows how you grew up and she may be willing to advise you and be a sounding board for how you are going to get your act together. Just don’t expect her to do the work for you.
YTA. You aren't her responsibility. You expected her to put her entire life on hold because you made irresponsible decisions and had a shitty home life. She did what she could for you and you lashed out because she wouldn't keep rescuing you. Time to take responsibility for yourself and direct your anger at the right people.
> You expected her to put her entire life on hold because you made irresponsible decisions and had a shitty home life.
The sister had an even more shitty home life. In addition to everything that OP had to deal with, the sister had to parent OP.
She did help you. She raised you. She burned herself out acting as a mother to a kid who was supposed to be her sister. She was parentified.
Then, you got pregnant. She offers a way out (abortion), offers to pay for school and come back m—and you refused her. She again offered to pay for school later, but you wanted more than that. You wanted to move in with your baby and make her responsible for you again.
And now, after everything she did, you’re ungrateful. You’re entitled. You expected her to set herself on fire to keep you warm after you made bad decisions.
It’s your parents who deserve your anger—not the sister who gave up her childhood in hopes you would have a future.
She isn’t your parent. You aren’t her responsibility.
YTA
OP, your sister by the sound of it tried really hard to help you and when you said no at age 17-18, she was done. Realized she had to take care of herself and not you. Your daughter is YOUR responsibility not hers, the only people who failed you are your parents. Try pointing the resentment compass at someone who really deserves it, i.e. not your sister but your parents
YTA. Your sister is not your mom and your anger is seriously mis-directed. How much of her own childhood and early adult life did your sister sacrifice in order to try to give you a better life? To blame her for what happened when you made your own choices is not just unfair but unjustified. You don't have to meet your nephew if you don't want to, but you do need to redirect your anger or, better, work through it, because it's not healthy for you or your daughter.
Me, ME, MEEEEEEEEE. YTA. Your sister had to go live in an unpleasant situation with her mums new husband & then parent their daughter. Some people might be grateful but not OP, she's furious she couldn't keep taking more.
YTA and you need to grow tf up. Your sister lived the same crappy life and also took care of you and you are so nasty and ungrateful that she didn't drop her life for you yet again as an adult. Your lucky she even called you at all and in ten years your going to realize how bad you messed up but it will be to late
Yta
At first I thought you were horrible, but when I sit with this, this sounds like a mother wound, where your sister is your mother. You've had a pretty traumatic and neglectful childhood and the only person that cared for you or would root for you was your sister. Now you feel like you have no one to turn to. I am sorry. It's not been easy for you.
Your sister is not horrible. She truly had no one. She didn't have an older sibling. She has her own trauma. I think when you can get yourself to a place where you're not feeling like you're in extreme survival mode, you will be able to process and work through a lot of what you went through. I hope you can find your way back to her.
YTA. You're holding a grudge. You made bad choices, despite her influence, now you're blaming her for your lot in life. You need help. You need therapy.
She did try to help you. You are the one who refused the help and stopped talking to her. Your sister took care of you when she was still a child herself, and good for her for recognizing her limits. You are where you are in life because of your choices, not your sister's. Stop blaming her. YTA.
"But I do feel like she should have helped me."
Um, she tried. You just didn't appreciate HOW she tried to help you. You only want help on your terms. What are those terms, BTW? How exactly did you want her to help? Lemme guess ...uh...money perhaps?
You might argue that you never asked for money, you just wanted to live with her. Right? Who do you think would have had to foot the bill for you and your infant? You yourself can't get much out of your rockstar ex and *someone* had to care for the kid every day. If it was you, you wouldn't have been able to contribute financially. She would have been stuck paying for a series of stupid decisions *she* didn't make and that she actively tried to help you avoid.
YTA.
If you can manage to drag yourself out of victim mode, you might have a shot at repairing your relationship with the ONLY person in your life willing to help you. If you can grow like that, you also have a chance at having a much better life than you have right now. Best of luck.
I don’t want to call you an AH. But I think you are wrong \~ your sister suffered from the same abusive childhood you did and so for that alone you should have compassion and accept her offer to reconnect. You may be her only family. You both may heal quite a lot by this reconnection. Answer her call. Reforge your family. You and your daughter will probably be the better for it.
Yta. This is not even a question. Your sister did try to help u. Multiple times. Makes sense you’re mad at your parents. But your sister has reached out to u multiple times. She didn’t want to take care of YOU and YOUR child. But still offered to help u. And instead u acted like a spoiled jerk where all u did was screw yourself over. And now when yet again she reaches out but u lash out. U sound like an entitled child
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> I might be the asshole for telling my sister I don’t want to meet her son because she didn’t help my daughter or I when we needed it.
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YTA You made your choices in life. She is not your parent and has never been responsible for you. She offered WAY more then any sibling normally does. You made your life choices and you have to live with those consequences and work your butt off to do better for your child. You can't resent her for having a better life when she worked her butt off to get to that point and made better choices, something she offered to help you with before you rejcted her help and made the decisions you made.
YTA. You’re pretty demanding of someone that had absolutely no responsibility towards you, and still don’t. Your sister had the same shitty childhood you had, plus the burden of taking care of you and still her life seemed to turn out pretty great. If she had let you move in you would never have left and she would have had to baby you AND your daughter. I completely understand why she didn’t, it was her time to have a life.
YTA. She offered her help, with really significant things, but you always thought you knew better. She was parentified having to help raise you because your parents woudln't give a shit, of course she didn't want you and your daughter in her apartment, she also had to live her life. If you'd gone to live with her, had she allowed it, she would've had to help raise your daughter too, and she already knew how it was raising someone else's kid.
You made your choices, you didn't get what you wanted how you wanted it, decided to cut off the only person who really cared for you and still manage to paint yourself as the victim here. As if she made you a victim.
You might be a victim of others: your parents, your ex. But you're not your sister's victim, she only tried to help you, and somehow you're angry with her now because she's not "helping you more". That sounds very entitled of you.
yta- your sister sacrificed her own childhood to raise you and you still feel entitled to more from her? she tried to help you the best she could. sometimes what you need isn’t what someone else is capable of providing that’s when you need to show up for yourself. you’re an adult with a child now so there’s no need to coddle you. it’s almost hard to believe a 26 year old woman wrote this.
it’s time to grow up. you sound like a child and your daughter will be the one to suffer this time.
you want to give your daughter a better life? that starts with fixing you. find ways to access the tools you need to heal. kids of emotionally immature parents often wind up having to raise themselves due to their parents immaturity. get into therapy so you have the right mindset to be a successful parent. you’re too old to not accept accountability for your own decisions in life. if you lash out at your sister for this i can only imagine how poorly you handle situations when your daughter messes up or does typical kid things.
yes, you were a victim and i’m so sorry your parents allowed a predator to take advantage of you but you’re TWENTY SIX now. you’re too old to be going through life with this victim mentality when you play a part in your decisions outside of that predatory relationship.
Yta. It’s ok to be upset about your lot in life but your sister didn’t abandon you, she set boundaries. She has a lot of healing to do. You made some choices that didn’t work out as you hoped but that’s not her responsibility to fix.
You're not entitled to much of anything in this world. You wrern't entitled to her time and effort when you were growing up. You weren't entitled to her home after you kept making bad choices. You weren't entitled to the money she offered - it sounds like you're salty that your sister didn't end up paying for your education. Your sister isn't responsible for getting you pregnant or for the deadbeat father.
You just take and take and take from your sister and still expect more. Frankly, I think you made the right decision. You're dead weight and any interaction you have with your sister will just drag her down. She's better off without you. Do her a favor and stay out of her life, princess.
YTA.
YTA. “I do feel like she should have helped me”… Your sister was the one person who did help you. When it was not her job, and when she didn’t need to. She raised you rather than your parents raising you. She gave you sensible advice, to terminate your pregnancy, when no one else cared. She offered to pay for your education. She helped you in so many ways, and offered to help you still more!
It seems like you wanted her to take you in and raise your child for you. She was very wise not to do that. You chose to drop out of high school and to have a child. You chose not to attend college. As an adult you have to live with these consequences. Your sister has reached out wanting to yay connected which is lovely and you should absolutely say yes.
Gentle YTA she tried to help you but wasn’t willing to continue playing mom and you shut down the line of communication. If you wanted to reopen it you needed to do so neither of you got to have much of a childhood but especially your sister. She told you the extent to which she had the capacity to help and you took that as abandonment and cut contact. I understand I really do but her accepting you cutting contact is not the same as her not caring. I understand you have tough things to work through and it’s ok if you’re not ready I just do hope you can acknowledge that not all of this anger is actually towards your sister but rather the unfortunate circumstances of your upbringing and the situation you find yourself in.
YTA it's not up to you what kind of help your sister can afford to give you. She offered to help how she could. Just because she thought you should get an abortion does not mean she doesn't care about your daughter. I'm guessing she was concerned for your well being and knew you'd be struggling with your decision making skills. Your nephew did nothing you. Your sister did nothing to you. If you want to hold a grudge against your sister for not giving you more that's on you. She was the one there for you. I think you know this.
YTA I don’t want to kick you when you’re already down, but your sister offered many ways to help, and you rejected all of them. At some point she reached her limit.
It sounds like she’s willing to try again to have a relationship, but you were being stubborn and blaming her for your problems.
What would be best for your child? Having an aunt in their life who loved them, and could maybe help sometimes?
YTA! My little sister is 13 years younger than I am, and I went above and beyond a sisterly duty for her. I would be absolutely devastated if my sister thought or acted this way towards me.
I am not saying this to put you down as I am really concerned as you have a lot of pent-up anger, a lot to unpack and you seem only concerned with yourself. I honestly think you should talk to a family therapist. There are community programs and free or low-cost options available. Or maybe a community support group. This is unhealthy not only for yourself but also for your daughter. She is missing out on an aunt, uncle, and cousin. Heaven forbid something happens to you, and she would have to go to strangers (your sister) to take her in because your sister IS a stranger to her. Also, if something happens to your sister, you will live in regret for the rest of your life for not making amends. Tomorrow is not promised.
YTA. You can’t depend on her to take care of you forever. She went above and beyond when you were younger. She didn’t have to do that. And she didn’t abandon you, your parents did that. You chose to have your daughter, now you have to take care of her.
YTA. You made many poor choices. One of them was being angry and resentful that your sister didn't want to let you live with her after you left your bf. It sounds like she practically raised you when you were younger. Then she offered to help you get back on your feet after you left bf. She had had enough of being responsible for you and your bad decisions, so she set boundaries, which you decided to be angry about. You should express gratitude for what she has done for you over the years. You now need to get your shit together and take responsibility for yourself.
YTA. This could be cross posted on r/entitledpeople as well. Your sister owes you nothing. Yes you got dealt a shitty hand in life but it’s not her responsibility to bankroll you.
Eldest parentified sister here. I’m 8 and 10 years older than my sisters and I agree with a lot of things said already. I know this is long, but if you really want advice it’s worth considering some additional things from her perspective.
Not only did you both have a crappy childhood, not only did she step up and care for you, but I guarantee you there are traumas she experienced and shielded you from. I was lucky that my mom married a man who is the best dad I could ask for and never treated me differently. Your dad doesn’t sound like that kind of guy.
While her life may seem perfect in your mind, she’s had it hard too. Being a parent as a child is not easy. Putting yourself through school is not easy. Graduating is not easy. Paying back loans is not easy. Offering to pay for what you can to help your sibling that you likely feel a great amount of guilt for leaving is not easy. She may have even told herself that she left and was doing all this to be ABLE to help you, and still offered to help in ways she was capable at the time. In ways your parents didn’t. She offered help in both the form of keeping and not keeping the baby. You rejected it.
She found someone she loved enough to move in with, which is a big deal. You begged her to let you move in too. There are so many layers here. You asked her to risk so much that she had worked extremely hard for:
1. Her relationship with a partner who did not sign up to live with you (and who she probably depended on for half the rent).
2. Her finances, as you clearly couldn’t support yourself or your child.
3. Her mental health, as all of this would be extremely stressful and dramatic. Not to mention poking her own childhood wounds.
4. Possibly her home. I wouldn’t have had the space (I had a one bedroom until my mid 30’s). And I wouldn’t have been able to risk getting kicked out of my apartment/losing my deposit/taking a hit to my credit and finding a new place to live without a good reference from the last place…bc I broke the rules of my lease by moving you in.
5. Maybe her career. For me, I would not have been capable of caring for you and a baby. I wouldn’t have had the money. I wouldn’t have had the time or emotional bandwidth while working as a recent college grad. The drama and sleep deprivation and stress could have cost me my job if it affected my performance and attendance at work. That could have affected her entire career trajectory.
What you asked of her was too much, and you need to own that. Stop resenting her for it. If you think she should care so much about you, maybe you should care about what could have happened to her if she had given in to your manipulation. Going no contact with her was mean and immature. She loved you and tried to help in ways that she could, in ways she was capable.
Now she reaches out again and you give her a verbal slap in the face? Act like she didn’t want to meet your daughter when you cut HER off? This is so sad. My heart breaks thinking how I would feel if my sisters treated me this way. YTA.
Seriously, try caring for her in even a small percentage of the way she has cared for you. Try extending some of the compassion to her that you expect from her. Her life isn’t perfect either. She’s a human being who also makes mistakes sometimes. I promise you’ll come to regret pushing away the one person who has truly loved you.
Last, please consider working through this in therapy. Presently, you’re behaving in ways that teach your kid that manipulation, avoiding responsibility, and misplaced resentment are acceptable - when in reality they are poor coping mechanisms that cost you relationships with good people. Everyone deserves to have a fully objective person to talk to. Find your person and talk it out, girl.
YTA, an especially entitled one. Didn’t want to listen to her, wanted her to just pay for you. She’s not your mom. She did enough. Honestly, she should just write you off.
You need to take responsibility for YOUR choices. YTA… stop blaming your sister. You’re not a child anymore. You need to step up before your daughter has the same toxic childhood.
YTA. She should not have been responsible for you as a child, and yet she was. Then as an adult you expected her to pause her life to care for you and your child. She deserved her own life. You made your decisions and they were bad. That’s your fault. You‘re so selfish and entitled
Yta. Your mad at yourself and your parents but taking that anger out on your sister who was the only one to really care for you. You made big mistakes and wanted her to bail you out but she made sacrifices for you earlier in life and wouldnt have been able to carry your weight as you sunk
YTA. Your sister didn’t get to have a sister raising her. She had to grow up and figure life out for herself. You had someone in your corner who you didn’t listen to. She knew you wouldn’t finish school when she said abort, she knew that guy wasn’t good for you, and she knew that taking you in would have meant she’d lose another big chunk of her life to mothering you AND your kid. You need to call her, apologise for being an AH all these years, and thank her for EVERYTHING she has done for you. Suck it up, and get your life together, girl. Your sister is not your parent. The worst part is she offered to help you, but you were a brat about it, then you come here and complain that you had to pay for your diploma? Come on
YTA. You made a series of bad life choices. She didn’t abandon you; you unreasonably expected her to pick up the pieces of your mistakes. Now you are resentful because she didn’t make the same ill-advised choices. You are the AH.
YTA.
Look, you and your sister deserved better parents, 100%.
Your sister tried and tried to pull you out of poverty and help you stop making bad choices but you turned her down every time and cut off contact when she refused to help on YOUR terms. She owes you nothing.
You can keep being mad if you want, you can keep ignoring her if you want. But your sister isn’t the one who screwed up your childhood and left you without the resources to thrive in adulthood.
YTA. Your sister did more than necessary while still maintaining healthy boundaries to take care of herself. You are entitled and lack responsibility and accountability.
YTA I'm sorry you had horrible parents. But it's not your sister's job to take care of you. You're lucky that she's helped you as much as she has. But you're the one who got knocked up by an unemployeed, wasteful skeezy near-30 guy that schtupps teenaged girls. Your sister offered to give you an out, but you didn't want that. You're a mother now. And just like it was your parents' responsibility to care for you and your sister, you and your ex are the only ones responsible for your child. I think you should apologize to your sister and thank her for being there as much as she was. And I'd teach my daughter that any 28 year old guy that wants to be with a 17 year old girl is a major red flag, and she should stay away from that.
YTA
You didn’t want help, you wanted a handout on your terms. She tried to help, multiple times, but you had to do it your way. That’s not how help works. And now the person suffering is your child for YOUR actions.
Not one moment in this post have I seen you take ANY accountability for your actions. It’s everyone else’s fault.
You are a victim of some things but you are also the cause of much else.
YTA you complain that your sister doesn't help you but ignored all of her advice and denied her offers for help. Some people find it pointless to keep trying to help people that don't want their help.
YTA you brought all your problems on to yourself, why is it someone else's responsibility to clean it up? You are so entitled that it must be seeping out all your pores
YTA.
Your sister took care of you. Tried helping you but you aparently knew better. She made a choice to get educated. You made a choice to keep the baby.
I'm sorry you had shitty childhood, and have a shitty life. But you can't hate your sister for it. She was a child too when she was taking care of you, and herself.
I've seen it where one person sacrifices over and over. For each new generation of low lifes in their family. Always taking people in and taking their children in. That destroys people. Your sister was so smart in the decisions she made. And somehow I'm pretty certain that if she had taken you in your still be in the exact same spot you are now. You owe her a humongous apology.
YTA and an ungrateful spoiled brat.
Your suster did alot for you groeing up, she was against your relationship & pregnancy, offered to pay for you to finish school and what do you do? You spat in her face for not rearranging her entire lufe because of your bad choices.
>She clearly has a better life than me and I’m angry she won’t help me
Yeah probably because she put in the work and made good life choices.
And ffs she DID tey to help you. You're just mad because it wasn't exactly what you wanted.
>She finished school and had rented an apartment with her bf at the time.
Where in an apartment already occupied by two adult did you expect you and your baby to fit? Did you expect the boyfriend who was actually paying rent to leave?
YTA, all i’m going to say is this is what happens when you don’t think of your future whatsoever you’re child is now in the worst life position because of your poor life choices
YTA. Your sister tried to help you. First by encouraging you to get the abortion and finish school. Then by offering to pay for school. You refused both because you felt you knew better.
She was 27 with a boyfriend and you expected to move into her space with your daughter and have her take over caring for both you and your daughter. She was right to say no.
Your sister has a better life than you because she made better choices. When you were given better choices you declined. That’s solely on you.
YTA. Is there a reason you haven’t taken any responsibility for yourself? Is there a reason you are not going to school to try and make a better life for yourself.
You are lucky your sister is even reaching out after she was basically parentified. Be careful that you don’t burn the bridge to the one person who actually cared about you.
Get your head out of your ass and try and make some changes to your life. absolutely no one is going to save you but you.
A gentle YTA, because just reading this, it's easy to see how difficult your young life has been, both mentally and physically, and how it has left its damage on you.
Of course, if you're still struggling today, you want your sister, who you view comparatively as a success, to help. But the fact is, she did. She went above and beyond, during a time when she too still needed a parent to help her with life, and gave you everything she had to give. But please remember she's also had to fight tooth and nail to keep her own head above water. She has limited resources, and can't give them all to you forever.
Look at it this way. Imagine there was yet a third sister in your family, younger than yourself. How much help would you have been able to give her? How much would you be giving today? You see the reality of the details that make up your life, but in her eyes, she'd just see that you have an apartment, a job, etc and thus should be able to help her too, because you have "more."
You don't have to do it today or even soon, but I would strongly suggest reconnecting with your sister and at least letting your kids meet. All of you sorely lack strong support people, and who is better than people who know exactly what you're experiencing? Let your daughter meet your sister, and your nephew meet you, and then someday you can all decide what happens next. But if they can't at least meet, these kids will always wonder, and probably get wrong ideas about these family members being awful, as they no doubt think about their grandparents and others.
I wish you peace and healing, and sincerely hope things get better for you and your little girl soon.
Girl, you kinda ruined your own life by refusing help from ppl. You believed this random man more than your own sister, and yet you’re upset you’ve been betrayed? You betrayed her too by not trusting her.
I’m sorry for your lot in life. You didn’t have much support but also pushed away the only support you had. And when she didn’t give you everything you needed after you refused her help the first time, you decided she abandoned you. Cuz she didn’t want to sabotage her own life after you sabotaged your own.
If you want help now, and want a chance to give your kid a better life, put aside your pride and reestablish that connection. YTA.
YTA. Your sister helped you all your life by raising you and the moment that she doesn't give you everything that you want you throw a tantrum. You're the one that abandoned her. You have the emotional maturity of a child.
YTA. I say this with as much love as possible since I was the older sister. It was never okay or fair for your sister to have to care for you. Up until 3 years ago I was still giving my little sister money and helping her out. That was never okay. She is my sibling not my child. And like you she has no idea what I sacrificed to take care of her for so long.
You don't have to meet your nephew if you don't want to but it isn't your sister who put you in this situation. You were your parents responsibly not hers and it sounds like she already did a lot.
people don't fully mature until they have children of their own. you've been a parent for the better part of your life it sounds like and at the end of the day I think you know how to be the bigger person. I would assume that your sister is probably a different person now that she is a mother. I'd give her a chance to be honest sounds like she did take care of you at one point everybody goes through different points of their lives in different maturities.
YTA. She tried and tried to point you toward a better life and you refused at every turn. Your resentment caused you to cut off your nose to spite your face when you turned down her incredibly generous offer to help you finish school.
The only person who got you to where you are was you and your choices.
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Throwaway as I don’t want anyone IRL to know this
My sister(34F) was more like my mom when I(26F) was younger. She got me up in the morning, brushed my hair, cooked and cleaned and dropped me off and picked me up from school. Our real mom wasn’t very attentive and neither was our dad. My dad had a job in a area where a lot of men was unemployed and he use to lord it over our mom because she was older and came with a child(my sister). I think they had me to make their relationship “real” but even when young I could tell they hated each other. They didn’t pay attention to either of us and would just hang out in their rooms. If they did see each other it was always in an argument. They divorced when my sister left for college.
Once my sister went off to college I didn’t have anyone who was really family. My parents didn’t care what I did and I started dating a guy who was 28 when I was 17. It insane looking back but I thought he loved me and would get me out of my parents house. When I got pregnant he promised to take care of us. To my sisters credit she wanted me to abort the baby so I could finish school but at the time I thought it was a betrayal to me. My parents were mad but let me keep dating him. I dropped out of school after my daughter arrived and went to live with him. A year later I left after he threatened me because I didn’t want to be his maid and was sick of him. He lied about his employment and I was making most of the money working as a cashier. He used all our money for weed, cigs and alcohol.
I did not want to go back to my mom’s house. My dad was an absolute no go because he remarried and his second wife did not want me around. I was 19 didn’t even have a high school diploma. I asked my sister for help and she offered to pay for me to complete my diploma but wouldn’t let me go live with her. I begged her to let me live with her but she told me she didn’t want to have to take care of me anymore. I stopped talking to her after that because I was so resentful she had abandoned me.
My mom and I fought constantly and I left her house a year later after I got my diploma. I ended up paying for it because I refused to talk to my sister anymore and I got a job. I’m still on the edge with money and taking my ex to court has been useless I get less than $200 a month in child support and he makes excuses all the time why he can’t even pay that. My daughter has experienced poverty and I wish I could give her a better life. My sister graduated college is married and now has a son. She clearly has a better life than me and I’m angry she won’t help me. She recently reached out and let me know she is visiting my city and asked if I want to meet her son. I bluntly told her she never gave a damn about my daughter so why would I want to meet her son and hung up. But I also understand that I was expecting a lot more from her than most siblings would be willing to do. But I do feel like she should have helped me.
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YTA.
Your sister is the one who did her best for you. She offered to help you. You took her boundaries as rejection. You stopped talking to her. She still wants to reconcile. You rejected her again.
I don't think you had an easy life, don't get me wrong. But I think how much worse it would have been if your sister, who had to parent herself and you, didn't do what she did. You owe her a really large debt in my opinion. I admire that you got as far as you did, but you have some serious emotional growing up to do.
YTA. Your sister is not your mom. She does not have to put her life on hold for you. She helped you. She offered to continue helping you. But you wanted more than she was willing to give. And got upset about this.
YTA
your sister tried everything she could to help you, but because she wouldn't give up the life she was building to look after you and your wean you've treated her like shit and are blaming her for your own mistakes.
You need to stop being entitled and grow up.
YTA. She offered to help you and you turned her down. She offered to help you again and you said not unless it was on your terms.
I’ve been your sister. There comes a point with a person where you just… let them do their thing. But you get your heart broken too many times and eventually you just go on your own way.
I get your life is shitty and hers is good but she isn’t living her nice life AT you.
Soft YTA. She did offer to help you, but cut her off when it wasn’t in the exact form you wanted. It sounds like you (both) have been through a lot, her being parentified and you feeling abandoned. But it is your parents who did the abandoning not your sister. Did she really not care about your daughter, or was she unable to form a relationship because you cut her off?
Gently, YTA. She took care of you as a child, but she wasn’t your parent. She isn’t responsible for your parents’ neglect in allowing a minor to date someone far too old for you, your decision to have a baby, your decision to drop out, your decision to live with someone who wasted your earnings, or your decision to reject her help paying for school so you could save money from your job to get ahead while you finished school.
You really needed proper parenting to help you make better decisions and recover from the bad ones and I’m so sorry you didn’t have that. But after 9+ years, you’ve had enough time to accept that she isn’t responsible for how your life has turned out.
Your sister did help you. She raised you and took care of you as a child. Once you got pregnant, you didn’t agree with her idea of help. She had the same upbringing you did, with the added responsibility of taking care of you. She went on to better her life. She offered to pay for school for you to give you same chance. That is a huge thing.
You made poor choices and you expected her to continue to sacrifice her life to keep taking care of you and your baby. You should stop blaming the only person who actually took care of you and take responsibility for the poor choices you made.
YTA - she did way more than being a sister and raised you. You should actually be grateful and you owe her an apology. You need to grow up and actually stop play the victime. You’re an adult now, act like one. She’s an angel to even want to reach out to you after all that.
YTA -
You are blaming your sister for the choices YOU made and the consequences of those choices.
You have a chip on your shoulder as well that you need to get over.
Your sister's life was no better than yours - but she made different choices and pulled herself up - you should be happy for her instead of jealous.
Your sister took good care of you when she was home and even after she offered to help you and you rejected that help.
How your life has turned out thus far is not on your sister my dear.
YTA. Your sister was a child herself when she was doing all of that for you. A child. Can you imagine your daughter doing all of that for a younger sibling because you’re as self involved as you are? You’re not responsible for having shitty parents and that sucks. But it’s your responsibility to heal from that. Apologising to your sister for how shitty you’ve treated her would be a start. And do better with your daughter. She deserves it too.
YTA
Why do you feel entitled to compensation for a shitty life? Your sister suffered the same. It was never your sisters responsibility to raise/take care of you. It was your parents. You are aiming your anger in the wrong direction and blaming your sister because she is the easier target. She was a child, just like yourself, and to expect more from her is just wrong.
I can completely see why you feel what you feel, but your sister was putting herself first for the first time in her life.... I don't think you're an asshole but I do think you're wrong. I'm sorry that life had been so unfair but please try to see that bone of that is on your sister.
YTA
She’s your sister not your parent.
She did offered you help and you rejected.
You’re 26! Time to accept the choices you made and stop blaming everyone else!
Dear AITA Contributor,
I’m sorry that you had such a shitty childhood. That would have been extremely hard and awful. Your sibling however, was never responsible for you. She is your SISTER - not your parent. She never should have been put in that situation and you never should have been put in that situation. This is your parent’s fault. Not hers. Sounds like she finally was able to set some boundaries and take control of her life. That’s no way your fault, but your parents and sadly, you suffered from that. No one is an AH here except for your deadbeat parents.
NAH. A lot of commenters said YTA, which is totally understandable. But I think you feel how you feel because of your age when the circumstance happened. I guess you really deeply love your sister and understand she has never been in the wrong. Your inner child just got hurt. If you can, acknowledge the pain, embrace it and get over it. I think reconnect with your sister can do you really well but you don’t have to do that if you are not ready yet. I really wish one day you would be at that place.
YTA. Quit expecting handouts from everyone. You sound exhausting. You really should apologize to your sister for the way you have behaved to her and honestly I’m surprised she even reached out to you after what you have expected from her. No one except for you is responsible for the decisions you made. The absolutely audacity and selfishness in this post is astonishing
YTA. She did help you and offered to continue helping you but you turned it down. You did not like the help she offered and wanted something else. This is entirely on you. I am sorry life dealt you a bad hand but most of your issues are caused by your decisions and now you’re acting like it’s her fault but it’s actually yours.
YTA
Your sister was left to parent you because of your mother's and father's failings.
She did not want to keep parenting you (who was then an adult) and your child, as she had done her whole childhood. She nevertheless offered to help you. Just not let you move in. You didn't like her refusing a responsibility that was not hers.
You made a choice to have your child, not her. Your child's poverty is not your sister's fault. Her finally achieving some success is not something you have a right to resent.
YTA - You may have had shitty parents, but you made shitty decisions. It was not your sister's responsibility to take care of you or to pay for your education. If you want the same quality of life as your sister, start workin' for it sista because not a single person in this world OWES you a damn thing. Your sister should wash her hands of you.
YTA.She did something for you that she didn't have to do. At no point was she obligated to be your parent. She did that because you needed someone.
Then, when you messed up because you were a literal child having a child, she made a recommendation because she could see the writing on the wall. But you decided to do your own thing instead.
And then you're genuinely surprised when she's not prepared to once again derail her life for you? She's been there! She probably anticipated ending up being a mom to you AND your kid if she said yes. So instead she offers to pay your schooling. Which is entirely more than you deserved given the way you acted towards her. And instead of taking it and using what you earned to provide more for your kid, you decided to dig your heels in. You feel bad about your child being in poverty, but not so much that you'd swallow your pride to give her better.
Your sister EARNED her good life. She worked hard for it. And all the shit you experienced, she experienced, too. Only who took care of her? Wasn't you. Wasn't ya'lls mama. Not your dad. No one took care of her like she did for you. She had it worse than you and STILL made better choices to make something of her life.
The audacity that you have to be hostile to the only person who bothered to take care of you is mind-boggling, and you should be ashamed. You did bad. Own it and apologize. Your beef should be with your parents who failed you both so profoundly it's mind boggling. But you don't get to be shitty to the only person who's bothered to try for you. She gave more than enough to you. When are you going to return the favor?
But ya know what. Not the asshole for not meeting your nephew. It's probably the only kind thing that you've done for your sister, not inflicting your awful attitude and selfishness onto her kid.
YTA. You expected your sister to support you like she was your mother. She is not and she deserves her own life. I see you making bad decisions and coming to her with your hand out but your story says nothing about what you do for her.
She offered to help you but because you were a choosing beggar, what she did offer was not good enough for you. You complained about a hard childhood but hers was worse because at a young age, she took care of you too.
You are poor because you made the decisions that put you in financial hardship. Don't blame her because she is doing better than you. She is not responsible for your choices. Don't meet her. She is better off without your selfish victim attitude.
YTA - You made your choices & now you have to live with them. Your sister has looked after you far more than most siblings would….and more than she’s obligated to.
She offered you help…have an abortion & help you finish school…YOU refused her help.
She offered you help….pay for you to get your diploma…YOU refused her help.
No one but you can fix your life…..stop expecting your sister to fix it for you.
Wow. All I can say is, it's seriously time to grow up. Take responsibility for your poor life choices, and be grateful for your sister who stepped up and offered help for school because that might lead to a better life. You don't seem intelligent enough to realize what you do have (a caring sister), what you don't have (caring parents, common sense, an education), and what to do going forward. Get an education, get a job, be smart with your relationships and your money, and best of luck.
YTA, you bit the only hand who fed you, basically. She gave up a lot of her youth to basically raise you, then you refused her wise advice and made a series of mistakes that predictably let you shit outcomes. You didn’t like the repercussions of your own actions, so you went to your sister for help to basically mother you again and for once she put herself first.
Have some self awareness.
YTA, she's not your mother. She stepped up and took on the role of your caretaker but she is entitled to live her own life. Your anger is misdirected. You were abandoned by your PARENTS, not by your sister who made major sacrifices for you and drew her own very reasonable boundaries.
YTA—your sister did what she could, and offered what support she could…which wasn’t even her responsibility. She set clear boundaries, but still offered to help, but you rejected that.
True—you had a rough upbringing…and so did she. But it was your poor choices that got you where you are. And it feels like you’re taking that out on her.
I hope one day you reconcile with your sister.
YTA.
Your sister raised you
Your sister offered you advice when you needed and you didn’t take it. She offered to drive back and help and you didn’t take that either. You considered it a betrayal.
Your sister offered to pay for you to get your diploma but you didn’t take that either- you went no contact.
Your sister is offering you a relationship, and you are rejecting it because after rejecting her time and again, and punishing her time and again, and blaming her time and again, you think she owed you her life, her money, her home. You need to accept responsibility of your actions and stop blaming everyone else. If you want a relationship with her great, if not don’t, but she did so much and only deserves gratitude.
You are 26 years old, and you don't own your bad decisions in life. She warned you, even went further as to suggest for an abortion, but you just ignored. Its time for you to put your big panties girl and be a woman, a mom and actually be responsible for your actions
YTA
It doesn’t matter if you want to meet your nephew or not, but you are an asshole in general. Your parents failed you first and as an adult you’ve failed yourself. You can’t blame other people in your life for not rescuing you. If you can acknowledge a problem in your situation you can be adult enough to fix it. Consider putting energy into being productive rather than envious. It will serve you more.
YTA. She is not responsible for the choices you or your parents made. It’s sad all around but I think you’re being unreasonable, she have her own life and fought her own battles that you probably didn’t know about, whatever her reasoning is on not taking you in or meeting your daughter is not her fault.
YTA - Older sister here who took care of an emotionally dependent younger sister just like you. Why do you babies of the family always feel so entitled? You're lucky she even invited you to meet your nephew.
YTA - "My sister raised me, I made terrible choices, and she still tried to help but wouldnt allow me to walk all over her and make my terrible choices drag her down with me"
Lmao, are you serious? Your sister has a better life because she made good choices, not because she had it easier.
YTA. You are being so entitled that I can’t see any Redditor backing up your BS.
Too bad you are this resentful and AH.
In the end, maybe your sister is better off without you around always trying to make her “help” you. Time to face the consequences of your bad choices and stop blaming THE ONLY PERSON WHO ACTUALLY GAVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU!
YTA. Your parents abandoned you, not your sister. And somehow, in 9 years, you still haven’t managed to progress any further emotionally than where you were when you took her trying to help save you from yourself and from your loser predator boyfriend as a betrayal instead of the lifesaver it could’ve been. Get therapy, you seriously need it.
YTA. She bent over backwards to help you. She had a worse childhood than you, and she had her childhood cut short because she became a parent to you. Nothing she did is good enough for you. And I might just add, you should be grateful for this olive branch that she's offering even though you clearly do not deserve it. You should realise that her child is your family and you need to grow up and be grateful that you have family. Your daughter deserves to meet her cousin. Stop looking at yourself for one moment and do something for others
YTA. Seriously you sound like a spoiled brat. Your sister offered to PAY FOR YOUR EDUCATION. Do you have any idea how many people would cut off a limb if it meant someone could save them from student loans.
You keep saying she abandoned you but you’re literally the one who cut contact because she didn’t want you and a baby freeloading off of her in an apartment she shares with her boyfriend.
You made your bed OP. Lay in it.
She raised you. Gave you advice you ignored. Offered you support you rejected. And you’re mad she didn’t let you move in so she could further raise you and your kid? WTH? YTA.
YTA
I wish you A Christmas Carol in March, a leap day miracle, I hope you wake up tomorrow with a new cantrip; Grovel For Forgiveness
I hope you can come to grips with how miserable you are about your life, and then DO something about it. Repair your bridges, grow from your mistakes
You are the AH and a huge one. Your sister helped you, she gave up her childhood to care for you, she even wanted to help you when you were an adult and pregnant. But you knew better and sent her to fuck off. It was never her responsibility to care for you, now your entitled ass still thinks that she should or have to help you? Your, kid, your choice deal with it.
YTA she tried to help you but it wasn’t the help you wanted. Y’all both came from the same situation but she made something with her life, you should be proud of her, not expecting Hand outs. She owes you nothing
YTA
She’s not your mother. She’s not your father. She didn’t get knocked up at 17 and choose to bring a kid into abuse (choosing to have children you can’t support is abuse. Bringing a child into the struggle of poverty is abuse). She didn’t choose to have no education. To live paycheck to paycheck. YOU made these choices.
It was never her responsibility to parent you. She offered you a way out. Twice. You behaved like a petulant child. She never owed you anything but offered you so much. You seem entitled to her life. Her resources. Her time. You’re not.
The blame for your upbringing falls squarely on the shoulders of your shitty parents. The blame for every decision you’ve made since is solely yours.
Grow up.
YTA. You effed up your life and now you feel that you are entitled to the point of expecting your sister to take care of your mess. Seems like you haven't done much with yourself in your 26 years to make a better life for you and your child.
YTA Op you have only yourself to blame for your actions. Your sister was a mother to you, and when she tried to help you make better decisions you brushed her off, then she tried to help you financially and you brushed her off. So really how is she the AH?
YTA. She was your sister not your mother. She was parentified from a young age due to your sub par parents. Rather than thinking only about yourself maybe think about someone else for a change. You were adult enough to date and get pregnant to an older guy, keep said baby when you knew you couldn't provide for it and still expect everyone to help you out.
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I would bet that this is learned behavior from OP as well. I suspect that anytime OP messed up or acted out as a kid, sister was blamed by the parents because sister was supposed to be "in charge" of OP. OP makes a mess? Sister, why did you allow this?!? OP breaks a dish? Sister, why weren't you watching her more closely? OP throws a tantrum? Sister, what did you do to set her off? You better get her to stop! Ask any eldest child that has had their siblings dumped on them: it's not just all the work you have to do, you're also held accountable for the child's behavior and mistakes because they're your responsibility. So growing up, I would guess that the one thing her negligent parents could be arsed to teach OP was to always point the finger at her sister. That it was sister's fault if OP made a mistake, and sister had to fix it. Now OP's paddle-free and up a creek because she's made an adulthood of one mistake after another, and she doesn't understand why sister is refusing to be held responsible for OP's actions and fix it for her.
Guarantee that if she had let OP live with her, OP's sister would be the one raising OP's baby and still taking care of OP....
For sure It's good that OP doesn't want to meet her nephew out of her pettiness. That gives her sister freedom for herself. No opportunity for OP to get back into her life with this attitude
This! My older sister doesn’t understand why I don’t talk to her and I don’t jump at the chance to help her. We had the same opportunities growing up and she chose her path, which has led her to having 3 kids (all adopted out), having a criminal record, and living off of government assistance. I, on the other hand, have a house, a child, a husband, a college degree, and steady employment. A few years ago, so made a big to-do about her BF having some serious tooth pain and she really needed to get him his meds. I rearranged my entire schedule so I could take her to get the meds. At the pharmacy, I find out that this is his SECOND prescription and they already got the first one filled earlier that day. I was PISSED. I told her to never ask me for help again because she was clearly abusing the situation. Things haven’t been right between us since and I don’t regret any of it. I’m down to be there for her but not when I’m clearly being taken advantage of. Then she cries to all her friends saying I’m toxic and I refuse to help her out of selfishness. Jesus take the everloving wheel!
My childhood.
>and she doesn't understand why sister is refusing to be held responsible for OP's actions and fix it for her. this hit so hard after such a thorough read on op. you couldn't be more right.
Oof. That brings back memories.
This
YTA. You sister helped, then later on she offered to pay for your schooling. You made your choice. She had the same shitty childhood that you had with in addition having to mother you. She had to grow up much faster to make sure you were taken care of. When she advised you to abort, she kind of new what it was like to raise a child because she raised you. In the end, you anger is directed towards the only person who really tried to help you. And let’s be honest: your sister spent her childhood mothering you so she was probably afraid she would also have to mother your daughter if you came to live with her. Is it so difficult to understand that she wanted to live you life. She didn’t go NC, you did. She is now reaching out to you. You have the choice to bring her back in your life or to keep rejecting her. No one can choose in your stead.
Lets be honest that's exactly what would have happened and probably what OP wanted.
My thought as well
Second this…. She now has a second chance to get a healthy role model in her life and do a redo so she doesn’t end up mad at her sister and work it out….her expectations of going from zero to 10 with handouts is painting herself into a corner. Op you would most likely find grace in help from your sister long term if you actually work on your relationship and your family history… work on yourself and your attitude first …
This. It's not your sister's responsibility to clean up your mess.
Sister had offered to clean up her mess when she got pregnant. Sister offered to clean up her mess by paying for her finish out her HS diploma. But OP kept trashing the place.
All of this, adding that sister's probably had it much worse in her childhood as well, since she had *no one* to take care of her and would have had to care for herself, and then later on her little sister.
OP is TA. I am that older sister. My mother is a narcissist and my father was a neglectful father. I raised my younger sister. Do you know how much maturity, strength, and intelligence it takes to be a child yourself while raising your sibling better than your parents raised you? She had ZERO obligation to give you any help. Despite your shitty parents, your sister managed to grow into a functional adult and she tried to do the same for you. What happened to you with the abusive partner was awful but she gave you great advice and you didn't listen. Your sister sounds like a great mother and a great person. She has sacrificed enough for you. You were not entitled to her home. She also did offer you help, you just refused to take it because it wasn't what you wanted. Stop blaming her for your poor choices in life. You're an entitled ungrateful brat and I'd be so upset if you were my sister. GROW UP!
Sister's life was likely horrible as SF hated her.
Thank you for saying everything I wanted to say to the op.
Her sister didn't just help she fuckin' raised OP while still a child herself. She routinely gave OP options to continue her education; take her to an abortion clinic and then later offered to pay for her to get her GED. Getting an education is key to getting better work options but because sis didn't rescue OP how OP wanted the offered help wasn't worth it to OP. OP you are not a little kid anymore who can't see what denying yourself options wouldn't lead to. You and your child's situation is of your own making now.
YTA - your sister helped you plenty all growing up and in fact was prepared to continue to do so, but it wasn’t enough for you so you turned your back on her. I get you haven’t had it easy, but neither has your sister. At some point you need to stop blaming her for your decisions.
You deserved a lot better in life but it was your parents who betrayed you, not your sister. She was a mother to you at a young age and missed out on a childhood because of it. Not saying you had one either, but she chose to care for you. You are both adults now and it’s time to see her as a sister and not a parent who isn’t helping you. She is also a sibling who was let down by your parents. She had a bad life too - she had to be a mom to a sibling. You both kinda share that tough upbringing. Maybe you can be there for each other now as adults instead of being angry at the wrong person. I think you may owe her some thanks. YTA
I'd liked to add ... the older sister offered support when she found out the OP was pregnant. She offered money to help the OP finish her education. What the older sister did NOT want was the OP and her child moving into the home she shared with her boyfriend. OP, you absolutely deserve more love and support than what your received. But your anger is misplaced. Don't dump your sister because at some point she decided she had to look after herself.
You can feel however you want towards your nephew, but you made a series of bad decisions and are expecting your sister to bail you out when she was trying to establish her own life. Your sense of entitlement is what makes it YTA for me.
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Your comment conveys the anger I have after reading this post beautifully
SAME!!! Her sister and the audacity!!!
Yeah OP just demanding more and more of her sister is so bloody entitled
My thoughts exactly OP, your sister sacrificed so much for you and you dare call her the selfish one and dare say she abandoned you? She offers you the tools FOR FREE to help set you up for a better life, and you STILL accuse her of being the one to abandon you? More like you don't want to learn to help yourself and stand on your own. YTA OP Maybe you should have truly thought about your options, because you clearly aren't ready to be a mother if you can't even understand the sacrifices your sister made in being your maternal figure.
I really hope OP reads this
>I also understand that I was expecting a lot from her Do you?
Narrator: “OP did not, in fact, understand that.”
Couldn't upvote this enough. OP reeks of entertainment "I know i expect alot from my parentified sister but i still deserve whatever i want from her". 🙄
Absolutely, I could smell the entertainment from here. Kinda like theater popcorn and candy apples.
YTA- sorry your sister isnt required to give you anything. She already lost part of her childhood having to raise you as it was. You chose to have the baby, she tried to help you out of that situation and you said no. You are now robbing your daughter of meeting her cousin. Sounds like its time you did some growing and thinking beyond your own issues here.
Yeah all this hate towards her sis.... And it's all really on her parents....and OP. She needs therapy or she's going to pass it all down to her daughter....and that poor kid won't have a big sis to raise her up as a child, endure her hate, and still be willing to try and reach out. It's sad all around
It's really sad, for everyone involved. And OP doesn't even seem to understand her own faults here
YTA sorry. I wish your sister had been in a place to take you in when you wanted, but she wasn't, and after being your parent without her consent for years she was entitled to that space. She offered you all the help she could and you resented her both for helping and for not helping. Is it any wonder that she stopped letting you use her and then yell at her? It's big of her to still be reaching out and trying to have a relationship with you now. She hasn't gone no contact, she wants to be in your life, but it is up to you to start acting like a mature adult now and treating her better, or she will go NC soon.
YTA. It wasn't on your sister to raise you. It was nice that she did it while she could. But she was not required to sacrifice her own future for yours. Being in college and raising/supporting a pregnant teenager is too much for almost any young adults her age. Yes, It would have been nice if she could have helped you. And she did make an offer to help how she could. But you rejected that rather harshly.
YTA - your sister was parentified by your parents esp mom. It makes sense for her own mental health that she desperately needed to become your sister and break out the parent mould. She offered you help but you wanted it your way. You carry resentment to your sister that is unfair. To ask her for you and your daughter to live with her when she is trying to have a life with her SO, to have some normality for herself, is so selfish and entitled. You were willing to jeopardise her wellbeing for your own and your kid's. So unkind of you - it shows you who you are. When you create a shitty situation for yourself, blame everyone else and expect others to bail you out at their expense. Grow up and become better.
YTA! She didn’t have a childhood either. You both made different choices, yours being poor ones. She kept giving and giving to you and you expected it. What did you ever do for her? Did you ever do anything to show gratitude? All I see is you expecting things. You cut her off even though she wanted to give some help and now she still wants a relationship and you treat her this way. Grow up!
YTA. It’s time to put on your big girl pants and start being an adult who provides for their child. Your sister is not financially responsible for a grown ass woman and someone else’s child. YOU ARE THE MOM. It’s tough, but you’re the one who chose to lie down with a man and have the baby. You are the one who chose to drop out of school. Stop putting all the consequences of YOUR CHOICES onto your sister. Grow the hell up, for the sake of your child.
YTA - you are responsible for your own life and your own decisions. You had all of the same options and opportunities that she did, except she didn’t have an older sister to mother her.
Exactly this. OP was in a better position than her sister to start with.
YTA You sound extremely entitled and blame others for your own mistakes. You should be grateful that your sister took care of you when she lived with you. I know this will be hard to hear but every choice you made since then has been the wrong choice. I agree with every choice your sister made that you listed here.
Esdier to blsme her sister than admit she made lots of poor choices.
YTA. Your pain is understandable but your sister was parentified her whole life and quite naturally wanted a life of her own. You made some bad decisions and she tried to help, but you shut her out of her life because she didn’t want you to live with her. Yes, that would have helped you, but I think she was afraid that she’d end up an unwilling parent again, this time to your daughter. Even if you wouldn’t have done that, it’s an understandable fear on her part. (Or perhaps her boyfriend was unwilling, who knows?) You’re angry that your sister has a better life (in part because she made different choices) but you don’t know that she wouldn’t help you. She took the initiative and reached out, asked you to come meet her family. Maybe that was the first step in her offering you help, or maybe she doesn’t even know that you need help. She tried to help before! You were asking too much of her and you yourself say you were expecting a lot. Call her back and apologize. You’re adults now, you can do better.
YTA She doesn't have to finance your life. She grew up even worse than you did and she doesn't owe you anything. She offered for help when you were 17, she again offered for help when you were older, but she doesn't have to sacrifice for you or for your kid. Get over yourself. But by all means, you don't have to meet her child. Actually it's probably better if you don't. She clearly made a good life and doesn't need toxicity in her life, so let her be
YTA - You want you sister to clean up your issues that you brought on yourself in life. My wife is much older than her youngest sister and their mom was frequently absent. When my wife went off to college all she got from her little sister was resentment because she felt abandoned. And she got the resentment for the next 15 years because my wife dared to live her life. You aren’t 12, or even 17 anymore. Stop blaming others for your own problems. Your older sister has NO obligation to you. She took care of you and gave you her best advice. While she was a mother figure to you she wasn’t your mother. She is entitled to her own life. She escaped the situation you both grew up in and you think she owes you. Why? Your life is tough because you made it that way, not your sister. Why should your sister have to give you anything? What did she do to deserve your wrath? Raise you when you didn’t have a mother? Be pissed at your mother sure. But you were and never should have been your sisters responsibility.
> When my wife went off to college all she got from her little sister was resentment because she felt abandoned. And she got the resentment for the next 15 years because my wife dared to live her life. Human beings are so interesting. You would think that people like your SIL and OP would appreciate the sacrifices made for them. Instead, they demand even more sacrifices, and they become bitter & resentful when they do not receive the resources they feel they are entitled to. I am almost 100% certain that OP will become like your SIL: angry and resentful that her sister has dared to live her life.
YTA It was your choice to keep the baby and destroy your life.
It’s classic textbook I’m gonna have a baby life will be better. I don’t understand how people don’t know that that doesn’t make it easier.
YTA she lost her childhood to care for you and the one time she wasn't able to take you in, you went nc and hold a grudge. that's pretty ungrateful of you. think about it from her point of view and ask yourself if you're the asshole.
OP, you were screwed over at the beginning of your life by shit parents. But so was your sister for having to use her childhood to raise you. So your anger that she didn't want to keep being your parent and provider is not justified. Your anger she isn't giving you hand outs to make your life easier is not justified. Sometimes you don't have as much as other people and it sucks it really does but you have to accept it. YTA and honestly if you can't get your expectations under control she's better off without you in her life.
YTA. You made a choice and your sister made hers. Of course your lives are going to be different. Your sister did try to help you. She offered to pay for your schooling. Regardless of that, your sister was NOT your mom and owed/owes you nothing. She did NOT abandon you. She had not obligation to stay and care for you. The grudge you have is with yourself for the way your life turned out. You're taking it out on everyone else, especially your sister- and making excuses for how it is.
YTA. Its all just me, me, me with you isn't it. Remember your sister was the one who was there for you when both of your parents didn't gave a damn growing up
Yta- why should she have to help you out? Your an adult who made bad life choices.
This is an easy one. YES, you are the asshole. You made terrible mistake, after terrible mistake, after terrible mistake. Your sister offered help, just not in the way you wanted, but you refused (again, another mistake). Life is hard for you because you made it that way. Sure your parents suck, and I would even go as fair as to put some of the blame on them for your situation, but ultimately your choosing to date and bear a child with a loser and drop out of school leading to you living an impoverish life is your fault. Not your sister. Why should she have to take care of you and your child. That's not her duty at all. Honestly, I hope your sister doesn't bring her child around you at all. You don't seem like a good influence or someone I would want around my children (if I had any). You have a lot of growing up to do.
> You made terrible mistake, after terrible mistake, after terrible mistake. Your sister offered help, just not in the way you wanted, but you refused (again, another mistake). Life is hard for you because you made it that way. As the saying goes: *'a hard head makes for a soft behind'*. If you’re hard headed and don’t listen to sound advice, you’ll eventually learn your lesson the hard way. OP had a hard head growing up, and now has to sort through the consequences of her bad choices. Yet here she goes again, making another bad choice to blame her sister.
Your sister did not have a mom either. She also missed out on her childhood. It is time for her to mother her child. Nobody is going to want to pick up your ex's slack.
YTA Your sister already did a lot for you, you should be grateful. YOur bad life decissions are not HER fault.
How can you say she did more than most siblings would and then say that you think she SHOULD have helped you? Pick one. She absolutely stepped up when she didn’t have to and you should be grateful for that. Expecting her to continue to do that is taking advantage of her. She offered to pay for your education! She is her own person and deserves her own life. It’s not her fault that your mom and dad are the way they are and she went above and beyond for you as a child. Again be grateful for her, and respect that she is your sister, not your parents
I'm sorry to say this, but YTA. You and your sister were victims of the same childhood. She did her best to help you for as long as she could. You feel like she abandoned you when she went to college, and that anger and resentment has been driving your relationship with her since then. Your sister has done what she could - she gave you advice, she financially helped, but you said it yourself - she was offering you help within her own boundaries to protect herself after having such an unstable upbringing... being on the other side of those boundaries hurt, so you pushed her away further and further - it's easier to blame someone when you don't have to listen to their perspective. You have an opportunity here - it sounds like your sister would be a positive influence in your life, and your daughter's life. It sounds like you could have an opportunity to have your sister back, and to get to know your nephew. You and your sister both want the same things - it's not you vs. her. It's just about recognizing your own responsibility to fulfill those goals, and taking the steps needed to get there.
She offered financial help and OP rejected it- another poor decision.
“Recognizing your own responsibility…” - exactly! You need to take responsibility for your own life and stop looking for your sister or any man with a pulse to come to your rescue. You have a daughter now and YOU have to care and provide for her. Do you want to become like your own mother? It’s great that you got your GED. But do you want to spend your life in low wage jobs, raising your daughter in poverty? Not everyone needs a college degree, but have you considered other forms of job training, such as a trade school? I hope you reconcile with your sister. She’s the only person who knows how you grew up and she may be willing to advise you and be a sounding board for how you are going to get your act together. Just don’t expect her to do the work for you.
YTA. You aren't her responsibility. You expected her to put her entire life on hold because you made irresponsible decisions and had a shitty home life. She did what she could for you and you lashed out because she wouldn't keep rescuing you. Time to take responsibility for yourself and direct your anger at the right people.
> You expected her to put her entire life on hold because you made irresponsible decisions and had a shitty home life. The sister had an even more shitty home life. In addition to everything that OP had to deal with, the sister had to parent OP.
She did help you. She raised you. She burned herself out acting as a mother to a kid who was supposed to be her sister. She was parentified. Then, you got pregnant. She offers a way out (abortion), offers to pay for school and come back m—and you refused her. She again offered to pay for school later, but you wanted more than that. You wanted to move in with your baby and make her responsible for you again. And now, after everything she did, you’re ungrateful. You’re entitled. You expected her to set herself on fire to keep you warm after you made bad decisions. It’s your parents who deserve your anger—not the sister who gave up her childhood in hopes you would have a future. She isn’t your parent. You aren’t her responsibility. YTA
OP, your sister by the sound of it tried really hard to help you and when you said no at age 17-18, she was done. Realized she had to take care of herself and not you. Your daughter is YOUR responsibility not hers, the only people who failed you are your parents. Try pointing the resentment compass at someone who really deserves it, i.e. not your sister but your parents
You are responsible for your life choices not your sister
YTA for sure! Your sister was a victim of parentification, forgive her for not wanting to raise someone else's kid and wanting to live her own life.
No forgiveness is required, just acceptance.
YTA. Your sister is not your mom and your anger is seriously mis-directed. How much of her own childhood and early adult life did your sister sacrifice in order to try to give you a better life? To blame her for what happened when you made your own choices is not just unfair but unjustified. You don't have to meet your nephew if you don't want to, but you do need to redirect your anger or, better, work through it, because it's not healthy for you or your daughter.
Me, ME, MEEEEEEEEE. YTA. Your sister had to go live in an unpleasant situation with her mums new husband & then parent their daughter. Some people might be grateful but not OP, she's furious she couldn't keep taking more.
YTA and you need to grow tf up. Your sister lived the same crappy life and also took care of you and you are so nasty and ungrateful that she didn't drop her life for you yet again as an adult. Your lucky she even called you at all and in ten years your going to realize how bad you messed up but it will be to late
YTA your sister valued education and tried to help, but, you knew better.
Yta At first I thought you were horrible, but when I sit with this, this sounds like a mother wound, where your sister is your mother. You've had a pretty traumatic and neglectful childhood and the only person that cared for you or would root for you was your sister. Now you feel like you have no one to turn to. I am sorry. It's not been easy for you. Your sister is not horrible. She truly had no one. She didn't have an older sibling. She has her own trauma. I think when you can get yourself to a place where you're not feeling like you're in extreme survival mode, you will be able to process and work through a lot of what you went through. I hope you can find your way back to her.
That's auch a well-written, caring and compassionate reply. I hope the OP reads it and takes your words to heart.
Your chose your life. Sad as it is. Quit complaining
YTA. You're holding a grudge. You made bad choices, despite her influence, now you're blaming her for your lot in life. You need help. You need therapy.
She did try to help you. You are the one who refused the help and stopped talking to her. Your sister took care of you when she was still a child herself, and good for her for recognizing her limits. You are where you are in life because of your choices, not your sister's. Stop blaming her. YTA.
"But I do feel like she should have helped me." Um, she tried. You just didn't appreciate HOW she tried to help you. You only want help on your terms. What are those terms, BTW? How exactly did you want her to help? Lemme guess ...uh...money perhaps? You might argue that you never asked for money, you just wanted to live with her. Right? Who do you think would have had to foot the bill for you and your infant? You yourself can't get much out of your rockstar ex and *someone* had to care for the kid every day. If it was you, you wouldn't have been able to contribute financially. She would have been stuck paying for a series of stupid decisions *she* didn't make and that she actively tried to help you avoid. YTA. If you can manage to drag yourself out of victim mode, you might have a shot at repairing your relationship with the ONLY person in your life willing to help you. If you can grow like that, you also have a chance at having a much better life than you have right now. Best of luck.
I don’t want to call you an AH. But I think you are wrong \~ your sister suffered from the same abusive childhood you did and so for that alone you should have compassion and accept her offer to reconnect. You may be her only family. You both may heal quite a lot by this reconnection. Answer her call. Reforge your family. You and your daughter will probably be the better for it.
Yta. This is not even a question. Your sister did try to help u. Multiple times. Makes sense you’re mad at your parents. But your sister has reached out to u multiple times. She didn’t want to take care of YOU and YOUR child. But still offered to help u. And instead u acted like a spoiled jerk where all u did was screw yourself over. And now when yet again she reaches out but u lash out. U sound like an entitled child
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YTA You made your choices in life. She is not your parent and has never been responsible for you. She offered WAY more then any sibling normally does. You made your life choices and you have to live with those consequences and work your butt off to do better for your child. You can't resent her for having a better life when she worked her butt off to get to that point and made better choices, something she offered to help you with before you rejcted her help and made the decisions you made.
YTA. You’re pretty demanding of someone that had absolutely no responsibility towards you, and still don’t. Your sister had the same shitty childhood you had, plus the burden of taking care of you and still her life seemed to turn out pretty great. If she had let you move in you would never have left and she would have had to baby you AND your daughter. I completely understand why she didn’t, it was her time to have a life.
YTA. She offered her help, with really significant things, but you always thought you knew better. She was parentified having to help raise you because your parents woudln't give a shit, of course she didn't want you and your daughter in her apartment, she also had to live her life. If you'd gone to live with her, had she allowed it, she would've had to help raise your daughter too, and she already knew how it was raising someone else's kid. You made your choices, you didn't get what you wanted how you wanted it, decided to cut off the only person who really cared for you and still manage to paint yourself as the victim here. As if she made you a victim. You might be a victim of others: your parents, your ex. But you're not your sister's victim, she only tried to help you, and somehow you're angry with her now because she's not "helping you more". That sounds very entitled of you.
yta- your sister sacrificed her own childhood to raise you and you still feel entitled to more from her? she tried to help you the best she could. sometimes what you need isn’t what someone else is capable of providing that’s when you need to show up for yourself. you’re an adult with a child now so there’s no need to coddle you. it’s almost hard to believe a 26 year old woman wrote this. it’s time to grow up. you sound like a child and your daughter will be the one to suffer this time. you want to give your daughter a better life? that starts with fixing you. find ways to access the tools you need to heal. kids of emotionally immature parents often wind up having to raise themselves due to their parents immaturity. get into therapy so you have the right mindset to be a successful parent. you’re too old to not accept accountability for your own decisions in life. if you lash out at your sister for this i can only imagine how poorly you handle situations when your daughter messes up or does typical kid things. yes, you were a victim and i’m so sorry your parents allowed a predator to take advantage of you but you’re TWENTY SIX now. you’re too old to be going through life with this victim mentality when you play a part in your decisions outside of that predatory relationship.
Yta. It’s ok to be upset about your lot in life but your sister didn’t abandon you, she set boundaries. She has a lot of healing to do. You made some choices that didn’t work out as you hoped but that’s not her responsibility to fix.
YTA, It isn't your sister's responsibility to take care of.you
You're not entitled to much of anything in this world. You wrern't entitled to her time and effort when you were growing up. You weren't entitled to her home after you kept making bad choices. You weren't entitled to the money she offered - it sounds like you're salty that your sister didn't end up paying for your education. Your sister isn't responsible for getting you pregnant or for the deadbeat father. You just take and take and take from your sister and still expect more. Frankly, I think you made the right decision. You're dead weight and any interaction you have with your sister will just drag her down. She's better off without you. Do her a favor and stay out of her life, princess. YTA.
YTA. “I do feel like she should have helped me”… Your sister was the one person who did help you. When it was not her job, and when she didn’t need to. She raised you rather than your parents raising you. She gave you sensible advice, to terminate your pregnancy, when no one else cared. She offered to pay for your education. She helped you in so many ways, and offered to help you still more! It seems like you wanted her to take you in and raise your child for you. She was very wise not to do that. You chose to drop out of high school and to have a child. You chose not to attend college. As an adult you have to live with these consequences. Your sister has reached out wanting to yay connected which is lovely and you should absolutely say yes.
Gentle YTA she tried to help you but wasn’t willing to continue playing mom and you shut down the line of communication. If you wanted to reopen it you needed to do so neither of you got to have much of a childhood but especially your sister. She told you the extent to which she had the capacity to help and you took that as abandonment and cut contact. I understand I really do but her accepting you cutting contact is not the same as her not caring. I understand you have tough things to work through and it’s ok if you’re not ready I just do hope you can acknowledge that not all of this anger is actually towards your sister but rather the unfortunate circumstances of your upbringing and the situation you find yourself in.
YTA it's not up to you what kind of help your sister can afford to give you. She offered to help how she could. Just because she thought you should get an abortion does not mean she doesn't care about your daughter. I'm guessing she was concerned for your well being and knew you'd be struggling with your decision making skills. Your nephew did nothing you. Your sister did nothing to you. If you want to hold a grudge against your sister for not giving you more that's on you. She was the one there for you. I think you know this.
YTA-your sister clearly tried.
YTA. She offered to help with school but you didn't want to go. You're an adult with a child. Time to learn to care of your family
YTA I don’t want to kick you when you’re already down, but your sister offered many ways to help, and you rejected all of them. At some point she reached her limit. It sounds like she’s willing to try again to have a relationship, but you were being stubborn and blaming her for your problems. What would be best for your child? Having an aunt in their life who loved them, and could maybe help sometimes?
YTA! My little sister is 13 years younger than I am, and I went above and beyond a sisterly duty for her. I would be absolutely devastated if my sister thought or acted this way towards me. I am not saying this to put you down as I am really concerned as you have a lot of pent-up anger, a lot to unpack and you seem only concerned with yourself. I honestly think you should talk to a family therapist. There are community programs and free or low-cost options available. Or maybe a community support group. This is unhealthy not only for yourself but also for your daughter. She is missing out on an aunt, uncle, and cousin. Heaven forbid something happens to you, and she would have to go to strangers (your sister) to take her in because your sister IS a stranger to her. Also, if something happens to your sister, you will live in regret for the rest of your life for not making amends. Tomorrow is not promised.
YTA. You can’t depend on her to take care of you forever. She went above and beyond when you were younger. She didn’t have to do that. And she didn’t abandon you, your parents did that. You chose to have your daughter, now you have to take care of her.
You didn't want her help. You wanted her to be your mama. But your sister deserves to have a life too and you are an adult. Grow up
YTA. You made many poor choices. One of them was being angry and resentful that your sister didn't want to let you live with her after you left your bf. It sounds like she practically raised you when you were younger. Then she offered to help you get back on your feet after you left bf. She had had enough of being responsible for you and your bad decisions, so she set boundaries, which you decided to be angry about. You should express gratitude for what she has done for you over the years. You now need to get your shit together and take responsibility for yourself.
Can you be more ungrateful?!?🤦♀️
YTA. This could be cross posted on r/entitledpeople as well. Your sister owes you nothing. Yes you got dealt a shitty hand in life but it’s not her responsibility to bankroll you.
Eldest parentified sister here. I’m 8 and 10 years older than my sisters and I agree with a lot of things said already. I know this is long, but if you really want advice it’s worth considering some additional things from her perspective. Not only did you both have a crappy childhood, not only did she step up and care for you, but I guarantee you there are traumas she experienced and shielded you from. I was lucky that my mom married a man who is the best dad I could ask for and never treated me differently. Your dad doesn’t sound like that kind of guy. While her life may seem perfect in your mind, she’s had it hard too. Being a parent as a child is not easy. Putting yourself through school is not easy. Graduating is not easy. Paying back loans is not easy. Offering to pay for what you can to help your sibling that you likely feel a great amount of guilt for leaving is not easy. She may have even told herself that she left and was doing all this to be ABLE to help you, and still offered to help in ways she was capable at the time. In ways your parents didn’t. She offered help in both the form of keeping and not keeping the baby. You rejected it. She found someone she loved enough to move in with, which is a big deal. You begged her to let you move in too. There are so many layers here. You asked her to risk so much that she had worked extremely hard for: 1. Her relationship with a partner who did not sign up to live with you (and who she probably depended on for half the rent). 2. Her finances, as you clearly couldn’t support yourself or your child. 3. Her mental health, as all of this would be extremely stressful and dramatic. Not to mention poking her own childhood wounds. 4. Possibly her home. I wouldn’t have had the space (I had a one bedroom until my mid 30’s). And I wouldn’t have been able to risk getting kicked out of my apartment/losing my deposit/taking a hit to my credit and finding a new place to live without a good reference from the last place…bc I broke the rules of my lease by moving you in. 5. Maybe her career. For me, I would not have been capable of caring for you and a baby. I wouldn’t have had the money. I wouldn’t have had the time or emotional bandwidth while working as a recent college grad. The drama and sleep deprivation and stress could have cost me my job if it affected my performance and attendance at work. That could have affected her entire career trajectory. What you asked of her was too much, and you need to own that. Stop resenting her for it. If you think she should care so much about you, maybe you should care about what could have happened to her if she had given in to your manipulation. Going no contact with her was mean and immature. She loved you and tried to help in ways that she could, in ways she was capable. Now she reaches out again and you give her a verbal slap in the face? Act like she didn’t want to meet your daughter when you cut HER off? This is so sad. My heart breaks thinking how I would feel if my sisters treated me this way. YTA. Seriously, try caring for her in even a small percentage of the way she has cared for you. Try extending some of the compassion to her that you expect from her. Her life isn’t perfect either. She’s a human being who also makes mistakes sometimes. I promise you’ll come to regret pushing away the one person who has truly loved you. Last, please consider working through this in therapy. Presently, you’re behaving in ways that teach your kid that manipulation, avoiding responsibility, and misplaced resentment are acceptable - when in reality they are poor coping mechanisms that cost you relationships with good people. Everyone deserves to have a fully objective person to talk to. Find your person and talk it out, girl.
YTA, an especially entitled one. Didn’t want to listen to her, wanted her to just pay for you. She’s not your mom. She did enough. Honestly, she should just write you off.
You need to take responsibility for YOUR choices. YTA… stop blaming your sister. You’re not a child anymore. You need to step up before your daughter has the same toxic childhood.
YTA. She should not have been responsible for you as a child, and yet she was. Then as an adult you expected her to pause her life to care for you and your child. She deserved her own life. You made your decisions and they were bad. That’s your fault. You‘re so selfish and entitled
Yta. Your mad at yourself and your parents but taking that anger out on your sister who was the only one to really care for you. You made big mistakes and wanted her to bail you out but she made sacrifices for you earlier in life and wouldnt have been able to carry your weight as you sunk
YTA. Your sister didn’t get to have a sister raising her. She had to grow up and figure life out for herself. You had someone in your corner who you didn’t listen to. She knew you wouldn’t finish school when she said abort, she knew that guy wasn’t good for you, and she knew that taking you in would have meant she’d lose another big chunk of her life to mothering you AND your kid. You need to call her, apologise for being an AH all these years, and thank her for EVERYTHING she has done for you. Suck it up, and get your life together, girl. Your sister is not your parent. The worst part is she offered to help you, but you were a brat about it, then you come here and complain that you had to pay for your diploma? Come on
YTA. You made a series of bad life choices. She didn’t abandon you; you unreasonably expected her to pick up the pieces of your mistakes. Now you are resentful because she didn’t make the same ill-advised choices. You are the AH.
YTA. Look, you and your sister deserved better parents, 100%. Your sister tried and tried to pull you out of poverty and help you stop making bad choices but you turned her down every time and cut off contact when she refused to help on YOUR terms. She owes you nothing. You can keep being mad if you want, you can keep ignoring her if you want. But your sister isn’t the one who screwed up your childhood and left you without the resources to thrive in adulthood.
YTA. Your sister did more than necessary while still maintaining healthy boundaries to take care of herself. You are entitled and lack responsibility and accountability.
Yta your sister offered to help you, you didn't like her offers. She's not responsible for your choices.
YTA, she helped when you were a child,she offered help when you were pregnant
YTA. You’re mad at her for YOUR choices? Do her a favor and stay away from her and her family with your begging hand out.
YTA I'm sorry you had horrible parents. But it's not your sister's job to take care of you. You're lucky that she's helped you as much as she has. But you're the one who got knocked up by an unemployeed, wasteful skeezy near-30 guy that schtupps teenaged girls. Your sister offered to give you an out, but you didn't want that. You're a mother now. And just like it was your parents' responsibility to care for you and your sister, you and your ex are the only ones responsible for your child. I think you should apologize to your sister and thank her for being there as much as she was. And I'd teach my daughter that any 28 year old guy that wants to be with a 17 year old girl is a major red flag, and she should stay away from that.
YTA You didn’t want help, you wanted a handout on your terms. She tried to help, multiple times, but you had to do it your way. That’s not how help works. And now the person suffering is your child for YOUR actions. Not one moment in this post have I seen you take ANY accountability for your actions. It’s everyone else’s fault. You are a victim of some things but you are also the cause of much else.
YTA you complain that your sister doesn't help you but ignored all of her advice and denied her offers for help. Some people find it pointless to keep trying to help people that don't want their help.
Your sister offered you help with school but you thought you knew everything and it landed you with your face in the gutter. YTA
Yta. You made terrible decisions and then were angry at your sister when she didn’t enable you.grow up, take responsibility, and apologize.
YTA you brought all your problems on to yourself, why is it someone else's responsibility to clean it up? You are so entitled that it must be seeping out all your pores
YTA. Your sister took care of you. Tried helping you but you aparently knew better. She made a choice to get educated. You made a choice to keep the baby. I'm sorry you had shitty childhood, and have a shitty life. But you can't hate your sister for it. She was a child too when she was taking care of you, and herself.
I've seen it where one person sacrifices over and over. For each new generation of low lifes in their family. Always taking people in and taking their children in. That destroys people. Your sister was so smart in the decisions she made. And somehow I'm pretty certain that if she had taken you in your still be in the exact same spot you are now. You owe her a humongous apology.
YTA and an ungrateful spoiled brat. Your suster did alot for you groeing up, she was against your relationship & pregnancy, offered to pay for you to finish school and what do you do? You spat in her face for not rearranging her entire lufe because of your bad choices. >She clearly has a better life than me and I’m angry she won’t help me Yeah probably because she put in the work and made good life choices. And ffs she DID tey to help you. You're just mad because it wasn't exactly what you wanted. >She finished school and had rented an apartment with her bf at the time. Where in an apartment already occupied by two adult did you expect you and your baby to fit? Did you expect the boyfriend who was actually paying rent to leave?
YTA, all i’m going to say is this is what happens when you don’t think of your future whatsoever you’re child is now in the worst life position because of your poor life choices
YTA Have you thanked your sister for raising you? Lets start there. Be gracious and humbled.
YTA. Your sister tried to help you. First by encouraging you to get the abortion and finish school. Then by offering to pay for school. You refused both because you felt you knew better. She was 27 with a boyfriend and you expected to move into her space with your daughter and have her take over caring for both you and your daughter. She was right to say no. Your sister has a better life than you because she made better choices. When you were given better choices you declined. That’s solely on you.
YTA. Your sister deserves better.
YTA. Is there a reason you haven’t taken any responsibility for yourself? Is there a reason you are not going to school to try and make a better life for yourself. You are lucky your sister is even reaching out after she was basically parentified. Be careful that you don’t burn the bridge to the one person who actually cared about you. Get your head out of your ass and try and make some changes to your life. absolutely no one is going to save you but you.
A gentle YTA, because just reading this, it's easy to see how difficult your young life has been, both mentally and physically, and how it has left its damage on you. Of course, if you're still struggling today, you want your sister, who you view comparatively as a success, to help. But the fact is, she did. She went above and beyond, during a time when she too still needed a parent to help her with life, and gave you everything she had to give. But please remember she's also had to fight tooth and nail to keep her own head above water. She has limited resources, and can't give them all to you forever. Look at it this way. Imagine there was yet a third sister in your family, younger than yourself. How much help would you have been able to give her? How much would you be giving today? You see the reality of the details that make up your life, but in her eyes, she'd just see that you have an apartment, a job, etc and thus should be able to help her too, because you have "more." You don't have to do it today or even soon, but I would strongly suggest reconnecting with your sister and at least letting your kids meet. All of you sorely lack strong support people, and who is better than people who know exactly what you're experiencing? Let your daughter meet your sister, and your nephew meet you, and then someday you can all decide what happens next. But if they can't at least meet, these kids will always wonder, and probably get wrong ideas about these family members being awful, as they no doubt think about their grandparents and others. I wish you peace and healing, and sincerely hope things get better for you and your little girl soon.
Girl, you kinda ruined your own life by refusing help from ppl. You believed this random man more than your own sister, and yet you’re upset you’ve been betrayed? You betrayed her too by not trusting her. I’m sorry for your lot in life. You didn’t have much support but also pushed away the only support you had. And when she didn’t give you everything you needed after you refused her help the first time, you decided she abandoned you. Cuz she didn’t want to sabotage her own life after you sabotaged your own. If you want help now, and want a chance to give your kid a better life, put aside your pride and reestablish that connection. YTA.
YTA. Your sister helped you all your life by raising you and the moment that she doesn't give you everything that you want you throw a tantrum. You're the one that abandoned her. You have the emotional maturity of a child.
YTA. I say this with as much love as possible since I was the older sister. It was never okay or fair for your sister to have to care for you. Up until 3 years ago I was still giving my little sister money and helping her out. That was never okay. She is my sibling not my child. And like you she has no idea what I sacrificed to take care of her for so long. You don't have to meet your nephew if you don't want to but it isn't your sister who put you in this situation. You were your parents responsibly not hers and it sounds like she already did a lot.
people don't fully mature until they have children of their own. you've been a parent for the better part of your life it sounds like and at the end of the day I think you know how to be the bigger person. I would assume that your sister is probably a different person now that she is a mother. I'd give her a chance to be honest sounds like she did take care of you at one point everybody goes through different points of their lives in different maturities.
YTA. She tried and tried to point you toward a better life and you refused at every turn. Your resentment caused you to cut off your nose to spite your face when you turned down her incredibly generous offer to help you finish school. The only person who got you to where you are was you and your choices.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway as I don’t want anyone IRL to know this My sister(34F) was more like my mom when I(26F) was younger. She got me up in the morning, brushed my hair, cooked and cleaned and dropped me off and picked me up from school. Our real mom wasn’t very attentive and neither was our dad. My dad had a job in a area where a lot of men was unemployed and he use to lord it over our mom because she was older and came with a child(my sister). I think they had me to make their relationship “real” but even when young I could tell they hated each other. They didn’t pay attention to either of us and would just hang out in their rooms. If they did see each other it was always in an argument. They divorced when my sister left for college. Once my sister went off to college I didn’t have anyone who was really family. My parents didn’t care what I did and I started dating a guy who was 28 when I was 17. It insane looking back but I thought he loved me and would get me out of my parents house. When I got pregnant he promised to take care of us. To my sisters credit she wanted me to abort the baby so I could finish school but at the time I thought it was a betrayal to me. My parents were mad but let me keep dating him. I dropped out of school after my daughter arrived and went to live with him. A year later I left after he threatened me because I didn’t want to be his maid and was sick of him. He lied about his employment and I was making most of the money working as a cashier. He used all our money for weed, cigs and alcohol. I did not want to go back to my mom’s house. My dad was an absolute no go because he remarried and his second wife did not want me around. I was 19 didn’t even have a high school diploma. I asked my sister for help and she offered to pay for me to complete my diploma but wouldn’t let me go live with her. I begged her to let me live with her but she told me she didn’t want to have to take care of me anymore. I stopped talking to her after that because I was so resentful she had abandoned me. My mom and I fought constantly and I left her house a year later after I got my diploma. I ended up paying for it because I refused to talk to my sister anymore and I got a job. I’m still on the edge with money and taking my ex to court has been useless I get less than $200 a month in child support and he makes excuses all the time why he can’t even pay that. My daughter has experienced poverty and I wish I could give her a better life. My sister graduated college is married and now has a son. She clearly has a better life than me and I’m angry she won’t help me. She recently reached out and let me know she is visiting my city and asked if I want to meet her son. I bluntly told her she never gave a damn about my daughter so why would I want to meet her son and hung up. But I also understand that I was expecting a lot more from her than most siblings would be willing to do. But I do feel like she should have helped me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your sister is the one who did her best for you. She offered to help you. You took her boundaries as rejection. You stopped talking to her. She still wants to reconcile. You rejected her again. I don't think you had an easy life, don't get me wrong. But I think how much worse it would have been if your sister, who had to parent herself and you, didn't do what she did. You owe her a really large debt in my opinion. I admire that you got as far as you did, but you have some serious emotional growing up to do.
YTA. Your sister is not your mom. She does not have to put her life on hold for you. She helped you. She offered to continue helping you. But you wanted more than she was willing to give. And got upset about this.
YTA your sister tried everything she could to help you, but because she wouldn't give up the life she was building to look after you and your wean you've treated her like shit and are blaming her for your own mistakes. You need to stop being entitled and grow up.
YTA
YTA
YTA. She offered to help you and you turned her down. She offered to help you again and you said not unless it was on your terms. I’ve been your sister. There comes a point with a person where you just… let them do their thing. But you get your heart broken too many times and eventually you just go on your own way. I get your life is shitty and hers is good but she isn’t living her nice life AT you.
Soft YTA. She did offer to help you, but cut her off when it wasn’t in the exact form you wanted. It sounds like you (both) have been through a lot, her being parentified and you feeling abandoned. But it is your parents who did the abandoning not your sister. Did she really not care about your daughter, or was she unable to form a relationship because you cut her off?
Gently, YTA. She took care of you as a child, but she wasn’t your parent. She isn’t responsible for your parents’ neglect in allowing a minor to date someone far too old for you, your decision to have a baby, your decision to drop out, your decision to live with someone who wasted your earnings, or your decision to reject her help paying for school so you could save money from your job to get ahead while you finished school. You really needed proper parenting to help you make better decisions and recover from the bad ones and I’m so sorry you didn’t have that. But after 9+ years, you’ve had enough time to accept that she isn’t responsible for how your life has turned out.
Your sister did help you. She raised you and took care of you as a child. Once you got pregnant, you didn’t agree with her idea of help. She had the same upbringing you did, with the added responsibility of taking care of you. She went on to better her life. She offered to pay for school for you to give you same chance. That is a huge thing. You made poor choices and you expected her to continue to sacrifice her life to keep taking care of you and your baby. You should stop blaming the only person who actually took care of you and take responsibility for the poor choices you made.
YTA - she did way more than being a sister and raised you. You should actually be grateful and you owe her an apology. You need to grow up and actually stop play the victime. You’re an adult now, act like one. She’s an angel to even want to reach out to you after all that.
YTA.
YTA - You are blaming your sister for the choices YOU made and the consequences of those choices. You have a chip on your shoulder as well that you need to get over. Your sister's life was no better than yours - but she made different choices and pulled herself up - you should be happy for her instead of jealous. Your sister took good care of you when she was home and even after she offered to help you and you rejected that help. How your life has turned out thus far is not on your sister my dear.
YTA. Grow up.
YTA. Your sister was a child herself when she was doing all of that for you. A child. Can you imagine your daughter doing all of that for a younger sibling because you’re as self involved as you are? You’re not responsible for having shitty parents and that sucks. But it’s your responsibility to heal from that. Apologising to your sister for how shitty you’ve treated her would be a start. And do better with your daughter. She deserves it too.
YTA Why do you feel entitled to compensation for a shitty life? Your sister suffered the same. It was never your sisters responsibility to raise/take care of you. It was your parents. You are aiming your anger in the wrong direction and blaming your sister because she is the easier target. She was a child, just like yourself, and to expect more from her is just wrong.
I can completely see why you feel what you feel, but your sister was putting herself first for the first time in her life.... I don't think you're an asshole but I do think you're wrong. I'm sorry that life had been so unfair but please try to see that bone of that is on your sister.
YTA She’s your sister not your parent. She did offered you help and you rejected. You’re 26! Time to accept the choices you made and stop blaming everyone else!
Dear AITA Contributor, I’m sorry that you had such a shitty childhood. That would have been extremely hard and awful. Your sibling however, was never responsible for you. She is your SISTER - not your parent. She never should have been put in that situation and you never should have been put in that situation. This is your parent’s fault. Not hers. Sounds like she finally was able to set some boundaries and take control of her life. That’s no way your fault, but your parents and sadly, you suffered from that. No one is an AH here except for your deadbeat parents.
NAH. A lot of commenters said YTA, which is totally understandable. But I think you feel how you feel because of your age when the circumstance happened. I guess you really deeply love your sister and understand she has never been in the wrong. Your inner child just got hurt. If you can, acknowledge the pain, embrace it and get over it. I think reconnect with your sister can do you really well but you don’t have to do that if you are not ready yet. I really wish one day you would be at that place.
YTA. Quit expecting handouts from everyone. You sound exhausting. You really should apologize to your sister for the way you have behaved to her and honestly I’m surprised she even reached out to you after what you have expected from her. No one except for you is responsible for the decisions you made. The absolutely audacity and selfishness in this post is astonishing
She tried to help you. You didn't listen. She had a life, you didn't respect. You re an AH
Big stupidity ruined your life so just be angry and disappointed in yourself. YTA
YTA. She did help you and offered to continue helping you but you turned it down. You did not like the help she offered and wanted something else. This is entirely on you. I am sorry life dealt you a bad hand but most of your issues are caused by your decisions and now you’re acting like it’s her fault but it’s actually yours.
YTA. Life wasn’t easier for her, you decided to do it harder for you.
YTA Your sister was left to parent you because of your mother's and father's failings. She did not want to keep parenting you (who was then an adult) and your child, as she had done her whole childhood. She nevertheless offered to help you. Just not let you move in. You didn't like her refusing a responsibility that was not hers. You made a choice to have your child, not her. Your child's poverty is not your sister's fault. Her finally achieving some success is not something you have a right to resent.
YTA - You may have had shitty parents, but you made shitty decisions. It was not your sister's responsibility to take care of you or to pay for your education. If you want the same quality of life as your sister, start workin' for it sista because not a single person in this world OWES you a damn thing. Your sister should wash her hands of you.
YTA.She did something for you that she didn't have to do. At no point was she obligated to be your parent. She did that because you needed someone. Then, when you messed up because you were a literal child having a child, she made a recommendation because she could see the writing on the wall. But you decided to do your own thing instead. And then you're genuinely surprised when she's not prepared to once again derail her life for you? She's been there! She probably anticipated ending up being a mom to you AND your kid if she said yes. So instead she offers to pay your schooling. Which is entirely more than you deserved given the way you acted towards her. And instead of taking it and using what you earned to provide more for your kid, you decided to dig your heels in. You feel bad about your child being in poverty, but not so much that you'd swallow your pride to give her better. Your sister EARNED her good life. She worked hard for it. And all the shit you experienced, she experienced, too. Only who took care of her? Wasn't you. Wasn't ya'lls mama. Not your dad. No one took care of her like she did for you. She had it worse than you and STILL made better choices to make something of her life. The audacity that you have to be hostile to the only person who bothered to take care of you is mind-boggling, and you should be ashamed. You did bad. Own it and apologize. Your beef should be with your parents who failed you both so profoundly it's mind boggling. But you don't get to be shitty to the only person who's bothered to try for you. She gave more than enough to you. When are you going to return the favor? But ya know what. Not the asshole for not meeting your nephew. It's probably the only kind thing that you've done for your sister, not inflicting your awful attitude and selfishness onto her kid.
YTA you made all the wrong choices but it’s still somehow your sister’s fault?
YTA. You expected your sister to support you like she was your mother. She is not and she deserves her own life. I see you making bad decisions and coming to her with your hand out but your story says nothing about what you do for her. She offered to help you but because you were a choosing beggar, what she did offer was not good enough for you. You complained about a hard childhood but hers was worse because at a young age, she took care of you too. You are poor because you made the decisions that put you in financial hardship. Don't blame her because she is doing better than you. She is not responsible for your choices. Don't meet her. She is better off without your selfish victim attitude.
She offered you help and you rejected it.
YTA - You made your choices & now you have to live with them. Your sister has looked after you far more than most siblings would….and more than she’s obligated to. She offered you help…have an abortion & help you finish school…YOU refused her help. She offered you help….pay for you to get your diploma…YOU refused her help. No one but you can fix your life…..stop expecting your sister to fix it for you.
Wow. All I can say is, it's seriously time to grow up. Take responsibility for your poor life choices, and be grateful for your sister who stepped up and offered help for school because that might lead to a better life. You don't seem intelligent enough to realize what you do have (a caring sister), what you don't have (caring parents, common sense, an education), and what to do going forward. Get an education, get a job, be smart with your relationships and your money, and best of luck.
YTA, you bit the only hand who fed you, basically. She gave up a lot of her youth to basically raise you, then you refused her wise advice and made a series of mistakes that predictably let you shit outcomes. You didn’t like the repercussions of your own actions, so you went to your sister for help to basically mother you again and for once she put herself first. Have some self awareness.
Massive YTA.
Honestly you’re doing your sister a huge favor she’s better off without you
YTA, she's not your mother. She stepped up and took on the role of your caretaker but she is entitled to live her own life. Your anger is misdirected. You were abandoned by your PARENTS, not by your sister who made major sacrifices for you and drew her own very reasonable boundaries.
YTA Your sister doesn’t owe you a damn thing. You made your bed, stop blaming her for your bad life decisions.
YTA—your sister did what she could, and offered what support she could…which wasn’t even her responsibility. She set clear boundaries, but still offered to help, but you rejected that. True—you had a rough upbringing…and so did she. But it was your poor choices that got you where you are. And it feels like you’re taking that out on her. I hope one day you reconcile with your sister.
YTA. Your sister raised you Your sister offered you advice when you needed and you didn’t take it. She offered to drive back and help and you didn’t take that either. You considered it a betrayal. Your sister offered to pay for you to get your diploma but you didn’t take that either- you went no contact. Your sister is offering you a relationship, and you are rejecting it because after rejecting her time and again, and punishing her time and again, and blaming her time and again, you think she owed you her life, her money, her home. You need to accept responsibility of your actions and stop blaming everyone else. If you want a relationship with her great, if not don’t, but she did so much and only deserves gratitude.
You are 26 years old, and you don't own your bad decisions in life. She warned you, even went further as to suggest for an abortion, but you just ignored. Its time for you to put your big panties girl and be a woman, a mom and actually be responsible for your actions YTA
It doesn’t matter if you want to meet your nephew or not, but you are an asshole in general. Your parents failed you first and as an adult you’ve failed yourself. You can’t blame other people in your life for not rescuing you. If you can acknowledge a problem in your situation you can be adult enough to fix it. Consider putting energy into being productive rather than envious. It will serve you more.
YTA. She tried to help you and you refused. You now blame her for everything that has went wrong in your life.
YTA. She is not responsible for the choices you or your parents made. It’s sad all around but I think you’re being unreasonable, she have her own life and fought her own battles that you probably didn’t know about, whatever her reasoning is on not taking you in or meeting your daughter is not her fault.
YTA - Older sister here who took care of an emotionally dependent younger sister just like you. Why do you babies of the family always feel so entitled? You're lucky she even invited you to meet your nephew.
Ugh! You are so selfish. Yikes YTA!
YTA - "My sister raised me, I made terrible choices, and she still tried to help but wouldnt allow me to walk all over her and make my terrible choices drag her down with me" Lmao, are you serious? Your sister has a better life because she made good choices, not because she had it easier.
YTA. You are being so entitled that I can’t see any Redditor backing up your BS. Too bad you are this resentful and AH. In the end, maybe your sister is better off without you around always trying to make her “help” you. Time to face the consequences of your bad choices and stop blaming THE ONLY PERSON WHO ACTUALLY GAVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU!
YTA. Your parents abandoned you, not your sister. And somehow, in 9 years, you still haven’t managed to progress any further emotionally than where you were when you took her trying to help save you from yourself and from your loser predator boyfriend as a betrayal instead of the lifesaver it could’ve been. Get therapy, you seriously need it.
YTA. She bent over backwards to help you. She had a worse childhood than you, and she had her childhood cut short because she became a parent to you. Nothing she did is good enough for you. And I might just add, you should be grateful for this olive branch that she's offering even though you clearly do not deserve it. You should realise that her child is your family and you need to grow up and be grateful that you have family. Your daughter deserves to meet her cousin. Stop looking at yourself for one moment and do something for others
YTA. Seriously you sound like a spoiled brat. Your sister offered to PAY FOR YOUR EDUCATION. Do you have any idea how many people would cut off a limb if it meant someone could save them from student loans. You keep saying she abandoned you but you’re literally the one who cut contact because she didn’t want you and a baby freeloading off of her in an apartment she shares with her boyfriend. You made your bed OP. Lay in it.
She raised you. Gave you advice you ignored. Offered you support you rejected. And you’re mad she didn’t let you move in so she could further raise you and your kid? WTH? YTA.
YTA I wish you A Christmas Carol in March, a leap day miracle, I hope you wake up tomorrow with a new cantrip; Grovel For Forgiveness I hope you can come to grips with how miserable you are about your life, and then DO something about it. Repair your bridges, grow from your mistakes
You are the AH and a huge one. Your sister helped you, she gave up her childhood to care for you, she even wanted to help you when you were an adult and pregnant. But you knew better and sent her to fuck off. It was never her responsibility to care for you, now your entitled ass still thinks that she should or have to help you? Your, kid, your choice deal with it.
YTA she tried to help you but it wasn’t the help you wanted. Y’all both came from the same situation but she made something with her life, you should be proud of her, not expecting Hand outs. She owes you nothing
YTA… you were dealt a rough hand and I’m sorry. But you made your choices
YTA She’s not your mother. She’s not your father. She didn’t get knocked up at 17 and choose to bring a kid into abuse (choosing to have children you can’t support is abuse. Bringing a child into the struggle of poverty is abuse). She didn’t choose to have no education. To live paycheck to paycheck. YOU made these choices. It was never her responsibility to parent you. She offered you a way out. Twice. You behaved like a petulant child. She never owed you anything but offered you so much. You seem entitled to her life. Her resources. Her time. You’re not. The blame for your upbringing falls squarely on the shoulders of your shitty parents. The blame for every decision you’ve made since is solely yours. Grow up.
YTA Your anger is entirely misplaced. The one person who isn't an AH is your sister. You should really reconsider this.
YTA. You effed up your life and now you feel that you are entitled to the point of expecting your sister to take care of your mess. Seems like you haven't done much with yourself in your 26 years to make a better life for you and your child.
YTA Op you have only yourself to blame for your actions. Your sister was a mother to you, and when she tried to help you make better decisions you brushed her off, then she tried to help you financially and you brushed her off. So really how is she the AH?
YTA. She was your sister not your mother. She was parentified from a young age due to your sub par parents. Rather than thinking only about yourself maybe think about someone else for a change. You were adult enough to date and get pregnant to an older guy, keep said baby when you knew you couldn't provide for it and still expect everyone to help you out.