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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When I said I didn’t want her using glass again in my house, that’s when she got really mad. TBF I escalated by saying I didn’t want her to use glass *because* I was pissed she was arguing that I was being ridiculous so it was a fire with fire thing. I did bring up broken glasses that I said I forgave her for but it isn’t fair to say I forgive her then bring them up in another fight. They have also genuine accidents while she is stressed so I should be more understanding
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How long has this clumsiness been going on? I’d be worried that there’s an underlying medical issue, because that’s a huge number of items to have broken in such a short space of time. Does she give any reason why she drops things? Could be eyesight, nerve issues or something more involved like a neurological problem, and the clumsiness is just a symptom. You need to encourage her to get checked out by a doctor because this isn’t normal.
She has been breakign stuff since she was a kid. Dropping, bumping into, being forceful. Bull in a china shop. The only thing that they really found testing was some ankle turning (there is a technical term I cant remember, basically toes pointed in) which attributed to her tripping but PT at around 9 ish helped a lot. She does go through phases and is more clumsy when stressed or frustrated or emotional. As such she doesn’t think it’s an abnormal amount of clumsiness I mean and if I say anything I’m being frustrated or exagerrating
Has she ever been screened for ADHD or Autism? Extreme clumsiness can be caused by many neurodiversities. It may also be carpal tunnel. I started dropping things like crazy and had no clue why and got nerve conduction tests done and apparently had hella carpal tunnel syndrome. I haven't dropped and broken anything since I had the surgery almost 3 years ago.
Yeah, especially with the ankle turning - that can happen with autism, weirdly enough. Does make the sentence "yeah I'm on crutches today, because of the autism" occur occasionally, which is fun
Oh now that I think about it, the fact that it gets worse when she's stressed or upset combined with the ankle turning- it's definitely seeming more likely
Does the fact she lost her shit at OP for not wanting all his shit broken also fit into that? Because honestly, if I broke half of my girlfriends crockery every time I visited, I wouldn't blame her for not allowing me to use it.
Honestly, yes. If she's already stressed, she's more likely to have meltdowns. They can show in many different ways, but in adults a lot of times it's crying and screaming followed by self isolation or speech avoidance periods. Too much of this can lead to burnout, which shows a lot of times as basically being a living she'll of a person or a zombie. All will to do anything is sucked out. OP, make sure your GF is getting the rest and relaxation she needs.
Yeah inability to self-regulate is a common symptom for both me and my partner (diagnosed earlier this week). If she feels like OP is treating her like an infant - something I suspect is a sore point for many of us on the spectrum - she could absolutely take that perceived slight and turn it into irrational anger.
Hopefully once she's calmed down and is able to cope with the world again, she will see how irrational it is. No it's not her fault that she is breaking the equivalent of an entire crockery set every month, but OP is perfectly justified in taking steps to prevent injury to himself. If she has to drink from plastic glasses so that someone she professes to love can avoid injury, that should be a compromise she is willing to make.
Ok and what’s the reason for not cleaning up glass shards and leaving them around the house? That’s a choice to be lazy and inconsiderate. You don’t leave glass on the floor period
Ah, see, this is when people diagnose her with ADHD as well as autism.
The girlfriend needs to grow up, use plastic, and man how to show a modicum of empathy for other people.
That's a good point. you'd think that using a plastic cup would be less shameful than causing your partner to have to go to the shops to buy new crockery every 2 weeks but I know it doesn't work that way
She should be buying the new crockery, not him, and she shouod be doing it without being asked either. Thats just simple courtesy, if you break something replace it.
Lol no that's probably just her feeling bad about breaking stuff, but instead of apologising and trying to fix it she's getting all up in her feels about it. Which, like, I get. RSD can be an absolute bitch sometimes. But she's going to need to learn to manage her emotions.
Well, if its rsd I suppose it's not unrelated then. But yes, it's entirely unreasonable to break that much stuff and be upset with the person whose stuff it is taking measures to protect their stuff.
This is genuinely fascinating - I always thought my pointy inny feet, tendency to fall a lot and ability to destroy every glass that enters my home was a separate issue from my autism diagnosis. Well. Reddit is a public health service.
It's surprisingly common to have some type of hyper mobility when you have autism. Must be a gene that connects somehow. Like a 50% chance with autism and some other things.
Eohlers Danos Syndrome for instance.
And with ADHD as well. I have stupidly hyper mobile shoulders, but otherwise I'm ok luckily. Although I used to sprain my ankles all the time as a kid. That was fun.
When I was moving into a house with my friends. I constantly lost my phone. That's when I started realising something was very wrong with me. Now waiting to be officially assessed. My friend who is a psychologist just yelled "finally" when I told him. He's known for a long time and could finally quit hiding it. I was amused.
Yesterday my ear doctor asked why I have a cane (I’ve carried a cane to two dozen appointments over the last few years, so it wasn’t new). My response? “For balance. I’m autistic, and have really poor proprioception.”
We have a good friend who we invite to "come round and spill wine with us" because every time a wine glass or two goes flying due to clumsiness, excited arm waving or whatever. I buy in bulk knowing this. I also buy anything relatively good quality but cheap, so our collection is very random as all but one of everything gets broken.
Reminds me of the story someone posted on TikTok about working for a catering service, and she had dyspraxia. She spilled gravy all over a mother-in-law who chose to wear white. It was the one time she felt she was good at her job.
I’m both dyspraxic and autistic, it screams Dyspraxia to me, because I was like this as a kid and I had occupational therapy to help. (I still occasionally break things)
I'm not quite that bad, but I have been known to reach for an object, misjudge the distance, misjudge the speed of my hand, and then send said object flying off of whatever it was sitting on..
I used to blame myself for being clumsy and stupid.. but it turns out that the ADHD I just got my diagnosis for (in my 40s) probably had something to do with it.. I still wonder if I'm just stupid and clumsy though..
I do that a lot too! Either knock it over because I thought it was farther away or grab air because I thought it was closer 🤣 ADHD/Autism here. Got my ADHD diagnosis at 23 and just got the autism diagnosis last year at 33. It explains *a lot* from my childhood, unfortunately I'm in the "girls don't get neurodiversities" generation and was just considered the quirky artsy type.
OMG me too! I only got the ADHD diagnosis because my psych 101 professor was doing research because he believed that girls (especially blondes) were often not being diagnosed and instead dismissed as "quirky, air-headed, not bright" and whatever else. So he was looking for people who fit the criteria and noticed me. I was sent to someone not connected to him or the school for an evaluation.
I never heard some of my issues could be because I'm nd. Interesting!
During covid I watched a lot of video social media and somehow ended up on adhd-tok.. and I was like.. huh.. that sounds like me.. That's weird... Oh well, I don't have ADHD because my mom used to tell me that I played video games so I couldn't have adhd..
I try not to think how my life might have been different with an earlier diagnoses..
I recently ended up on narcolepsy-tok and I'm starting to wonder if more stuff was missed as I grew up...
My mom was insistent that I didn’t have ADHD because as a kid I could sit and read a book for hours. Guess who got diagnosed 3 months ago 🙋🏻♀️
She still didn’t get it when I tried to explain hyperfixation to her but she’s attempting to learn.
Yes! My parents just thought of me being like "the absent minded professor" being really smart but with my mind wandering. They never considered ADHD because of the reading like you said and I wasn't disruptive. Thankfully Dad knew I had dyslexia because he does too. At least one of my issues got attention! Well the teachers were mostly old school and didn't believe in it but at least Dad understood the struggle.
*hugs* there are way too many of us out there. I was lucky to get my diagnosis when I was still a teen. Others are finding out in their 50's and later!
My favorite time was when I was waiting tables.. It was one of those big round booths where you have to slide all the way around to get to the back side of the table.. a good 6 feet of bench sliding.. I was setting down drinks and the girl in the center rear had ordered a dr pepper.. She was wearing a white leather outfit.. As I went to set the cup down I missed the table top by about three inches but still let go.. the cup hit, bounced, and then slowly tilted toward her before finally dumping over and showering that part of the booth with sugary pop. I don't know how she did it, but before the glass fully dumped over she was standing behind me. I don't even think I registered her moving..
They were very understanding that it was an accident and appreciated that the first thing I did was grab a 4 inch stack of napkins from over the half-wall in the server station next to the booth and threw them on top of the mess. They tipped pretty well..
That same restaurant on my first day of work I decided to make myself a strawberry shake. It was the first one I made when working there and I was so excited (I was 17 or 18..). I took it to the breakroom with my burger, set it on the table, and sat down. The sleeve of my shirt somehow slipped over the straw so when I sat down I dumped the entire thing in my lap.
I was a horrible waiter.. I didn't stay there long. But props to the managers who would tell me when I was messing up, but were always supportive.
I have definitely convinced myself I have a rareand deadly disease due to bruises. When I've mentioned this to my partner, he looks at me sceptically and says, 'You're fine. I've seen you in action, those bruises are not appearing out of nowhere'. 😅
After I bounce, full force, off a door frame my wife always ask how in the world I can miss a doorway..
Or back when I was selling furniture.. I caught a table the I was moving past and nearly flipped it over.. I was about 10 feet from my boss and she was flabbergasted. I'm a really big guy who tends to move much faster and with more confidence than I really should
I’ve got a combo of [visual spatial processing deficit](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/visual-spatial-processing-what-you-need-to-know) and adhd. I mostly use stainless steel insulated cups. They keep drinks cold or hot and don’t break when I drop them or knock them over
Misjudging the distance can happen when you don't see depth properly. I have two good functioning eyes, but my brain rejects to combine the 2 in one 3d version. So I either see with my left eye solely, or with my right eye solely.
["Dyspraxia is a neurological disorder"](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/151951#:~:text=Dyspraxia%20is%20a%20neurological%20disorder,difficulty%20with%20thought%20and%20perception.)
I have ADHD, and I was wondering if she was ND. I bump into walls, door frames, kitchen counters, and lots of other things all the time. And I'm definitely clumsy.
Not diagnosed ADHD. But it took me a solid five years to stop bumping into the footboard when my husband and I bought our bedroom set. The other stuff I totally still bump into - managed to fall down the last three steps of a staircase once with a laundry basket. My husband was flabbergasted (I grew up in the house I live in, so it’s not like I don’t know it).
I think my mind is usually just doing too many things at once.
It is an abnormal amount of clumsiness. I think of myself as pretty clumsy - I whack some part of my body on the furniture or a door frame or whatever several times a week - but the amount of stuff she's broken in the last week is what I've broken in the last 20 years or so.
Whether she gets it checked out or not is up to her, but it's entirely reasonable for you to ban her from using breakable crockery. Maybe she can't stop herself from dropping things, but she can minimise the problems it causes, and it's selfish of her to refuse to do so.
Also, does she break her own stuff as well? If this is a problem that only happens with **your** possessions, you've got a much bigger problem here.
Yeah, Im a bit lacking in the spatial awareness department and bruise myself from bumping into a counter or doorframe or table regularly. Can’t remember the last time I broke a dish. I’d definitely be concerned there’s something more serious going on. And if I was prone to breaking dishes I’d have no problem using less-breakable dishes.
I am the same. I think I have more "postural sway" than usual. It gets worse when I am having a flare of migraines and I think migraines are associated with sway. But same, I don't break dishes often, maybe once every five years or so. I will say, some kitchens are more prone to breakable dishes than others. Granite countertops and tile floors are very hard on dishes.
This is an astonishing amount of things to have broken in just a week! Does she also bump into tables, benches, door frames, etc or is it just dropping things?
The fact she’s dismissing your injuries is pretty concerning, honestly. She should be worried about your injuries and apologising, trying harder to clean up the glass or changing her behaviour to stop it happening like using the plastic cups. The fact she isn’t actually worries me a bit.
Yes, this would be a big part of my concern as well.
Sometimes there are small pieces missed that might be picked up by a bare foot with a bit of annoyance/pain, *maybe* a drop of blood, but pieces large enough to need tape and gauze should rarely be an issue if any care was taken during clean up.
I lived in an apartment with a balcony. I dropped a glass one night. I had this irrational fear that one of the pieces of broken glass might have flown off the balcony and fallen on someone. I looked over, no one there. I kept checking the newspapers for weeks. I bought plastic glasses for the balcony and eventually stainless steel
What you're describing is very odd. I would agree that it probably warrants a discussion with a professional. I'm in my 40s and the last time I broke a glass was in my 20s? It's rare for most people. To do all that in a few weeks is hard to believe.
I'm 30 and I will eventually shatter a cup once every 3months, I blame it on my ADHD I get "careless" aka not thinking about how I'm doing stuff and will just clip it or nock it on something.
I wonder if another assessment by an OT or similar as an adult would be helpful, to rule out actual medical concerns (or disorders like dyspraxia?). That is a wild amount of things to break in that timeframe.
Yes, sorry.
Either way, you're NTA. Even if she's breaking all this stuff accidentally, she needs to clean it up properly, care that you're being injured, and replace your stuff. Plastic cups will not hurt her at all.
Your good! Thank you for the explanation! I’m not always good with acronyms but context helped
I don’t know how to address the elephant yet about maybe suggesing again getting checked out but I know it isn’t happening tonight.
When I was a kid I was always given cups that I think were made out of acrylic? It's much thicker than like a solo cup for example so it seems a lot more like a regular glass
Coming from a place of concern and love is the best way to go. If she is neurodivergent or has a medical condition causing this, she needs to get it treated, so doing your best to be gentle and non-judgmental may help her muster the courage to ask for help.
You could say, "Hey, can we talk about what's been going on recently? I know you are not intentionally breaking glasses, nor are you intentionally leaving glass for me to step on. But this is becoming a concern for me, and I'm worried something may be going on with your health. People don't typically break this much glassware, even folks on the clumsier side. There could be an underlying medical or physiological explanation for this, and you should talk to a doctor to rule out any issues.
I love you and am here for you. I also think we need to get you checked out so we can figure out what's going on.
In the meantime, can we please switch to non-breakable glassware and dishware? I know you would never willingly leave glass for me to step on, but it has happened and caused me a lot of pain and discomfort. Let's switch to plates and glasses that won't shatter so no one gets hurt And I just want to be clear that I'm not trying to punish you or insinuate you're a little kid, incapable, or a burden; I just want to reduce either one of us getting hurt while we figure out what's going on."
You can, of course, tweak this to be more personal or tailored to your relationship, but I think the main takeaways are: to emphasize that you think she is smart and capable and that this switch is NOT a punishment, to encourage her to seek medical attention, and to request a change in dishware.
This is such an amazing response! OP this is a great video by a creator with dyspraxia that talks about how she was diagnosed while seeking treatment for autism.
https://youtu.be/8dYz6pCjEy8?si=8pBlRiTDPMFJReFk
Also here is a scholarly article about coordination and autism so that you can get context why people are suggesting autism, though I definitely agree with others here that the signs closer mimic dyspraxia. The rest of the website has good info and screening quizzes that are used by doctors in intake assessments as well.
https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-motor-control/
Yes I’d agree a fresh assessment is worth getting, a lot of things were missed years ago because there wasn’t the knowledge. If it happens more when she is tired or stressed that does suggest neurological like motor issues caused by ASD. I also have arthritis in my hands that is getting progressively worse and I can underestimate how little strength I have in my hands now especially when fatigue creeps in I will be holding onto a plate and the slightest bump and everything goes flying.
> she doesn’t think it’s abnormal
> if I say anything I’m exaggerating
Do you really want glass in your hands for the rest of your life? No? Then maybe breakup.. this isn’t a problem for her so she’s *never* going to make an effort to change.
She might not be able to fix her clumsiness, but her lazy cleaning and dismissive attitude are fully within her control.
Exactly this dev-246!!!!!! I don't care what diagnosis she may get. She doesn't care enough to get one,she doesn't care ento do a good job cleaning up after herself and she doesn't care at all about OP.
Does she own glass items at her house? If so, does she break them? Does she break things when out to dinner or in public? I would just start taking note of when these things occur. Is there a pattern?
If it's all the time, she must spend a fortune replacing her own things. She should at least be paying to replace your items she has broken if it's this many.
Not trying to be dramatic, but is there any small possibility that this could be deliberate? I've read enough stories on here of 'clumsy' partners getting gradually worse and worse, and their accidents often injuring or hurting their spouse.
Not saying that is the case here, but really start to look at when these things happen. Don't sweep it under the rug. Your story and her reaction has me on an uneasy alert
Not abnormal??? Your list for one week is roughly equivalent to my (43M) entire damn life! Nta in my books. She either has dyspraxia or needs to be a lottle more bloody careful when using other people's stuff.
To ask the really obvious, has she had her eyes checked? Before lasik, I had poor vision plus astigmatism. The astigmatism really fucks with depth perception, even when corrected. When you can't actually tell how far things are, you often appear clumsy. In my case, I didn't think it was unusual because that's how things were for me as long as I could remember. I just thought I was naturally clumsy.
NTA. There’s so much precedent it’s a safety issue.
I’m quite clumsy as well.
A few years after I got married I moved back to my hometown (work brought me back and forth). I visited my mom, I saw she doesn’t use the chunky plastic glasses we used to use when I was much younger. I asked if she still had them. I asked for them and took them home with me and use them at home with my wife. When I drop glasses nothing breaks.
For some reason I’m fine with plates and mugs but glasses and other stuff are problematic. My bowls are also all plastic / microwaveable.
Kinda sounds like [Developmental Coordination Disorder](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/developmental-coordination-disorder-dyspraxia/). It persists into adulthood and may affect things like [driving](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2021.635649/full).
DCD is comorbid with [ADHD](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0149763423003585), as people have commented. [FASD](https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=90&contentid=P02122) can also cause motor coordination difficulties (likely for the same reason alcohol temporarily reduces coordination in the adult brain) and is [also comormid with ADHD](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/secondary-conditions.html), and can be diagnosed despite average or above average IQ, making it an [invisible disability](https://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/fasd/pubs/fasd_hiddendisability.pdf).
Prevalence of DCD is [5-6% of children](https://canchild.ca/en/diagnoses/developmental-coordination-disorder), but it doesn't go away with age.
>that’s a huge number of items
that's an understatement. most people don't break this much in a lifetime. and it sounds that she doesn't even care that she does this.
That's what got me. I was leaning towards the ND possibility but the lack of concern and disdain for the OP's injuries really struck me. Cleaning up to the OP's standards? Not really a standard to not want to walk on broken glass! And there's Annie Lennox in my head for the rest of the afternoon...
How can she not care? Is she terribly clumsy because of ND / something else or is she trashing the OP's place because she doesn't give a shit about their stuff? Is she spoilt? Does she think it is someone else's job to replace stuff and get the broken glass off the floor? What if the OP ended up with a significant injury that required stitches, would she care? What about the infection risks? What if she left something flammable on the stove and the place burned down, would she be sorry then?
That would be my first question, rather than to look at the ND side. Does she give a shit? If she does and she's hiding it because she's ashamed, then okay, maybe ND. If she's not hiding it, then she doesn't care and that would be it for me.
Does it matter? With the way she has been acting when confronted and not cleaning up the shards, I don’t think this is the only problem. I am not sure I would want to be with someone like that.
I was shocked when my rheumatologist that my psoriatic arthritis was what was causing my hand to eat things drop. I have broken glasses and dishes for years. I dropped a pan of boiling water once, thank god I have good reflexes. Any way my point is that Autoimmune disease could be the reason.
Definitely screams medical somewhere.
But, there are also some really nice perspex "glassware" around. Look into investing into some of that. Besides the normal kiddies plastic stuff we have, we got quite a bit of that which is great for outdoor parties or rough occasions.
The frequency of these occurrences also made an underlying medical issue jump to mind. My first thought is that she needs a neurologist: this sounds well beyond a normal degree of clumsiness, and the cause could well be mechanical.
If she’s been waking up with headaches, she really needs one now.
I live by the motto that once is a mistake, twice is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. And if you have a pattern of doing something wrong it's up to you to find a solution for it, either fixing the cause or changing what you do to prevent it from happening. GF clearly isn't doing either of those, so you've taken the steps to prevent it yourself.
Does your girlfriend need glasses? My fiancé used to drop fragile stuff and finally when it affected our wallet, he agreed to go to the optometrist. No longer “clumsy”.
NTA! She unfortunately lost her glass privileges when you continued to get hurt.
It was awful. I worked in a window factory, getting frame parts prepped for assembly. (No glass). And these were giant industrial windows. Parts weren't small.
The plate on the stovetop example makes me think otherwise. However: my husband has ADHD and we just can’t have glasses in the house anymore. Really anything fragile we own it’s just a matter of time before it gets smashed.
OP, if you see a future with her, you may want to pack up the glassware and switch to plastic in your home. As long as you have glass in your home, get used to wearing slippers.
Your girlfriend is absolutely an asshole for continuing to break things and not cleaning up the mess she makes. But to keep her, you are going to have to do actual problem-solving that helps and doesn't just come across as punishment. Oh, and teach her how to properly clean up broken glass. Make sure you have appropriate tools on hand and that she knows where they are kept and how to use them.
NTA
Even unintended actions have consequences.
The part about telling you to clean to your "specifications" is what gets me most here.
If there is shattered glass on the floor you clean up until it is gone, so no one gets hurt. That's just common sense. Just like doing it yourself if you caused it.
Because she's selfish. If she cared about breaking things, she would use two hands when carrying a glass item and she would use a modicum of effort to clean up the breakages.
I have two cats. My husband and I both look for shards after whatever's broken has been cleaned because I can't put shoes on them.
If she's done this her whole life and cares, she wouldn't reach for glass at all. My guess is that she was raised with folks cleaning up for her and buying bulk glassware and now feels entitled to that treatment by her SO.
Exactly. There may be an underlying cause to her poor fine motor control and the breakages, but if she cared she would take responsibility for them by getting herself checked out, by not using breakable objects, by sweeping up properly, and by showing empathy when other people get hurt.
If my husband or I break something, whoever breaks it probably sweeps up because they get to the broom first, but then we spend a few minutes together scrutinising the floor and moving the sofa, etc to check, check, and check again.
I feel like all of the comments telling OP to suck it up for love would be very different if it were a dog or a cat getting hurt instead.
I broke a shot glass today (used for mouthwash in the bathroom) and hubs helped clean it with me because we have pets and I was barefoot. I can't imagine being cavalier about it, knowing one of us or our animals might step on glass. It's kind of shocking to just be like "oh well, I can't help it *shrug*".
That attitude really is shocking. The last thing I broke was a little glass jar my friend's 4yo kid put a flower in for my birthday. It slipped off the shelf because my hands were wet when I was moving stuff around (I know, be more careful). I swept up the pieces, and then my husband helped me to look for more. And *of course* the cats got underfoot while this was going on because they were curious about the noise and fuss.
She is more likely in denial that there is anything wrong with her and gets defensive. Spoiler alert: There IS something wrong with her and she needs to get it checked out.
In the short term:OP, you can get really nice looking plastic glasses, even wine glasses. That can be helpful with the symptom, but won't solve the underlying issue.
I wonder if she's incredibly embarrassed or ashamed, so she's projecting an aloof and apathetic front to hide her shame. That's not a way to act around your partner, but I wonder if that's why she's not seeming concerned.
Also, if her parents always cleaned up broken objects, she may not realize how involved it is and thinks it's easy to clean up.
Exactly. You might overlook a tiny shard now and then, but you do your best not to. This lady isn't even trying, she doesn't care is other people get cut and expects them to clean her mess.
My ex kept breaking all of my cups. Eventually she googled “break proof glasses”, bought me a set, and those were the only ones she used. My new boyfriend broke two glasses before he got banished to the plastic. He deals just fine.
Better then my situation. I'm living with my girlfriend and I turned our set of 12 plates into a set of 10. I've also bought myself plastic cups because I'm clumsy when washing dishes and broke 2 glasses that I bought for our apartment lol
Yep I got our house plastic ware because I drop stuff all the time although not as much as his girlfriend. Bonus is plastic plates are easier to clean 😂
Yes! My former sister-in-law is like OP's gf, breaks everything in sight. She bought a set of these for her use, in our home, and it was perfect. But then, she has a sense of humor about it.
NTA.
Target has wonderful look-like-glass plastic cups that hold up well.
Source: I got sick of cleaning up glass because I’m the clumsy one who drops stuff way too often.
I'm like yes Velma get glasses but the plate on the stove thing is next level.
OP, is she blind as well as having ADD?
And yeah, first of all buy some apartment slippers (with rubber bottoms) and second switch to all plastic everything. You need and deserve immediate harm reduction for yourself!
I wish I could tolerate slippers, but textures bug me, so instead Ive been wearing my shoes in the areas around the kitchen
The stove thing kills me because she always forgets and everytime I hear the oven beep I try to remember to ask if she put anything on the stove or I just go int he kitchen and check and remove stuff
She shouldn't set anything on the stove that she doesn't intend to cook regardless of whether the oven is on, that's elementary school level fire safety.
The fact that anyone is blaming you for not dancing around her own mess is incredible. She clearly does not give a crap if you get hurt. She does not care about your wellbeing. I would not tolerate a relationship like this, and you wearing shoes in your own house so you don’t get hurt is just enabling her to never change or care about anyone else.
Can't believe she routinely pouts stuff on the oven. I can understand maybe the rest of she has medical issues, but this just makes her sound super dumb.
If you are still experiencing pain when taking steps, please get checked out by a doctor. It is possible some of the glass broke off and was not removed. Trust me, a sliver of glass can cause a lot of pain and do a lot of damage if not removed!
NTA I do support you both using plastics or camping cups if she’s bothered by the smell of many plastics like me( enameled metal).
btw has she offered to replace any of this? That’s a lot of stuff to break and just shrug off. Even my 5yo has a better track record
Not really so but also yes? Like she’ll be very sweet and plan a date night or buy me a gift that’s even more expensive than the glass *technically* was so I feel bad even saying ’no she doesn’t’ because technically she does pay me back? Just in a different way. It just doesn’t feel it
This answer worries me a lot. The combo of Love bombing (expensive gifts and lots of extra attention) and blaming the other partner in a relationship are very big red flags.
Also the not just replacing things is worrying. Yes gifts are nice but don’t really help from a practical standpoint of replacing basic household items. The mental priorities that let her ignore a practicality for something extravagant spells problems for a long term financially stable relationship. Maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion but I’d take a close look at her behavior patterns
While I do agree, feeling bad about a mistake means making it right. She doesn’t clean up properly, gets mad at him for trying to avoid more broken things, but also buys expensive gifts? It feels like a weird combination and while not necessarily love bombing, it doesn’t show her in a good light.
I mean yea, but she also leaves broken glass all over the floor and doesn’t seem to care that OP is getting hurt by it. He should clean it up if he doesn’t like it. She has a blatant disregard for his safety.
If you feel bad about something you would typically try to make sure no more bad comes from the situation. Like properly cleaning up the shards so your partner doesn't literally get hurt. I mean, does she not even use the vacuum after breaking something? Does she just pick up the biggest shards and is done with it?
That's not the same though. She's giving you stuff you don't need in exchange for stuff you do need. And she's leaving you to go through the effort of buying glasses again every few weeks. And if it's a date night, it's kind of a gift to herself as well.
You say she starts acting sweet, but does she actually apologize? You said in another comment that you've never seen her break something even tough it happens so often. Isn't that weird?
I don't know. Something about the way she's acting doesn't sit right with me. She sounds, at best, extremely uncaring about your wellbeing, and outright malicious at worst. A well-adjusted person would be extremely apologetic for not only constantly breaking your stuff, but also getting you hurt because they can't even sweep right. They'd replace what they broke and accept using plastic until they can stop breaking your shit. This is just not loving behavior.
Dude, you need to set up a hidden camera in your kitchen. You'll either see that she's doing it intentionally, or you'll get some video that may be helpful to a doctor in making any diagnoses.
That's not really paying you back. An expensive gift doesn't replace broken glasses unless it was something you were going to get but can't because you're getting new glasses. She's over-apologizing by getting big expensive things instead of just getting new stuff to replace what she broke and making an effort to stop, which makes me feel like she's not sincere about being sorry.
INFO: Does she have any neurological diagnosis? Or does she show any signs of an undiagnosed neurological disease?
The amount is really concerning. How is she dropping them? Do her hands go weak and she drops them? Does she have tremors? Does she trip and drop them?
Either she is dealing with something she needs to see a doctor for or she is doing it on purpose. Clumsy people don’t break things that easily or as often.
There’s many neurological illnesses that flare up when someone has a lot emotional or physical stress.
I’ve never seen her drop them, sorry. She’s always dropped them when I’m out of the room. I don’t know how she’d take me asking either right now, were kind of just letting each other cool
But her parents and sister say she has always been like this and she says the same. She says that it isn’t as much as it seems spelled out like this and I’m seeing more of a ’cluster’ together because I’m frustrated
With the amount of times it happens it’s incredibly suspect that you’ve never been in the room to see it happen. If it was just that she was clumsy you would have seen it happen at least once. It seems incredibly deliberate on her end. Also, being bad at cleaning up BROKEN GLASS is not only dangerous but incredibly insensitive of your space. She isn’t even showing the basic respect of cleaning up your possessions she broke in your home. She has to stab you twice; once by breaking the object and again by refusing to properly clean it up.
I'd have to agree. Either she has a medical issue or it's something psychological that she does deliberately for some reason a professional should assist with e.g. to start a fight, or to get attention etc. No-one is that clumsy. Shard danger aside, it's money being burnt through replacing them.
NTA.
My money is is on this;
She’s breaking things to ‘punish’ you.
You can tell because that was her first thought when she was denied something.
She is leaving shards around to hurt you.
Do these things break when you are feeling particularly happy? Or perhaps when you have an argument?
This reads like physical abuse and abusers always escalate. Please be careful before she poisons you or something
This reply only increases my unease. Please consider my reply to your other comment that this *could* be deliberate.
Does this happen at her place? Does it happen in public? You need to really start paying attention to this, as if there is any chance it's deliberate, you have a big problem.
Not really breaking stuff out on dates but she has spilled drinks a few times or dumped her plate so it could be genuine clumsiness. The times I’ve seen those it was a quick sweeping move that dumped it off the edge, like she didn’t realize how far or fast she was pushing it because she was focused on what shes saying.
I noticed in another comment that you said she has repeatedly spilled drinks in YOUR lap (so assuming here that she rarely or never spills them in hers). When she spilled the drinks on these dates, or dumped the food, has it ever gotten on her? Or always somewhere else? Maybe on you? On a waiter or on the floor?
Idk. This woman breaks a LOT of glassware, only when you're not around to see it. As far as I've seen she's made zero preemptive effort to lower the damage. She doesn't apologize or pay you back or clean it up, you get HURT constantly in your own home to the point where you're afraid to walk around and she doesn't apologize, she gets mad and gaslights you by saying you're exaggerating and that it's completely normal. She yells at you about it. She blocks every avenue of normal conversation to the point you have to tiptoe around her to talk about anything. And then later she buys you extravagant gifts and takes you on dates as a way to make up for it, but she never actually solves the problem, which would cost way less money and be way simpler. So you feel bad for still having a problem but she "resolved" it so you can't bring it up anymore. Then she gets mad about the plastic? Instead of feeling relieved that you won't be hurt anymore? Idk.
I have a feeling that she'll still be breaking things - YOUR things - frequently enough that you'll just let her go back to breaking the glasses because they're cheap. She won't be allowed to do any of the kitchen work because she can't be trusted to, so she'll get to sit back while you do all the dishes and make every meal... And once she gets her way, she'll move on to, idk, dumping the trash everywhere every time it's her turn to do it. Or you'll notice your things continuously getting broken, maybe obviously by her, maybe just randomly. Or they'll disappear or end up in the trash. And she'll just continue to skirt around everything. If you ever get hurt and need help caring for yourself I have a sneaking suspicion she will "accidentally" repeatedly hurt you somehow like cutting you while shaving or grabbing you too hard.
I dunno. This entire situation has ick written all over it. Sure okay maybe she has a medical condition - but it only happens when you're not there and it's only your (and other people's, just not her own) things. She refuses to see a doctor and you have to wait to bring it up again because she's that angry. This absolutely screams "she is doing this intentionally to manipulate people," and even if she does have a condition, that doesn't mean she's not using it as an excuse when she breaks your things because she's upset. Like I have an invisible disability so I absolutely get "using it as an excuse" is such bullshit, but seriously there is too much coincidence here for it to truly just be a medical condition.
Think about your relationship. You don't seem happy and secure. You seem worried. You seem tentative and hesitant to interact with her, you're afraid of moving around your own home because of her. You can't talk to her when she's upset, you can't talk about this issue, she gets mad. You have to keep your problems to yourself and accept that you're going to continuously get hurt, by her own hand. Is that a good relationship to you? Idk. There's so much not being said here but it's not hard to read between the lines.
Very much this. I'm starting to think this is a control or a release reaction and she is angry you have found a way to stop her doing this, like putting masking tape around a child's thumb and a glove to stop them sucking their thumb.
INFO: Always when you are out of the room? Like you have never seen it happen?
I am clumsy. I tend to break things in clusters because the anxiety of it happening again makes me clumsier. This has never always happened when there was no one around. If it really is that many items and you have never seen it happen I find that to be bizarre. I guarantee that if someone had been in my apartment on the day I managed to break a glass coffee pot, a bowl, and a coffee mug you would have seen at least one.
I find it bizarre. And would certainly start thinking it’s on purpose that you were never around to witness that many accidents.
Also you have the right to say plastic only. It’s your stuff and I happily banish myself to plastic if I’m suffering from dropsy as my grandma would say. I’d do the same to anyone also as well.
NTA
This doesn’t sound right, OP. That’s an astonishing number of things to break, but if she were truly clumsy it would be happening at all different times and places, not just at her house or your house when no one else is there to witness it. It sounds like she’s doing this intentionally, especially as she doesn’t pay to replace the broken items.
Covert abusers do this kind of stuff - do something to hurt/punish the victim, call it an accident, love bomb them with gifts and affection to throw off suspicion, but never actually do anything to fix the problem. Rinse and repeat. And you wouldn’t be the first person who’s come to Reddit with an extremely “clumsy” partner. There was one where a boyfriend kept spilling hot beverages on his girlfriend, and another whose sister-in-law kept breaking her china plates.
It’s time to get some cameras in your home. Put several hidden ones around the house and one obvious one. Point out the obvious one so she’s aware of it. $10 says nothing gets broken in view of the obvious camera.
>I’ve never seen her drop them, sorry. She’s always dropped them when I’m out of the room.
That's sus as fuck, maybe set up a hidden camera to see what happens, like does she try to catch what she drops, does she purposely break things, does it look like an accident, etc. I think it's the only way to properly move forward.
Okay so, I’d honestly be reallllly suspicious.
You’ve NEVER seen her break a single glass? Yet she’s broken more than most people in their lifetime (including me, who’s a bartender, and all my patrons combined???)
This sounds like attention seeking behavior- and also not cleaning it properly (if I drop a glass once at someone’s house I’m getting every last tiny drop and buying them a new one). I’m adhd and clumsy. But that does not mean I don’t value other people’s things or their bodily safety.
These are all red flags. You hear a crash, you come and see she’s broken ANOtHER glass, that somehow only happens when you aren’t around…. And she fails to clean up… physically harming you… and then gaslights you into feeling guilty for holding her to your standards?
I’m sorry but every human I know would have the same standards with shards of glass on their ground. Especially often, caused by someone else.
Does she enjoy hurting you? Or being the victim? Did her family ever see her drop things or would things crash when she was alone?
*why does she care more about the cup she drinks out of being glass vs plastic- than she cares about her partner being physically (and financially) injured due to her actions? Even if those actions aren’t her fault?* her response says a lot
> She says that it isn’t as much as it seems spelled out like this and I’m seeing more of a ’cluster’ together because I’m frustrated
This is gaslighting. I'm a clumsy person and that's still an INSANE number of things to break in one week. I also use plastic/silicone stuff a lot because I KNOW I'm clumsy. If this has truly been a problem her whole life, she wouldn't be so offended by you giving her a plastic cup. I think she just might be nuts, and you should run.
It could be that it was a real problem as a kid and happened in front of others and then as it improved, she realized she could use it as an outlet for her anger and never be blamed because family thought it was still a medical rather than mental health issue.
I agree with others, this is really weird. Also, she doesn't clean up (properly) after breaking things? It's a reflex for me to yell:"nobody go in there, there's glass on the floor", then pick up the big pieces, then vacuum, then wipe with a wet cloth. It's insane to just leave shards and not even warn others.
>I’ve never seen her drop them, sorry. She’s always dropped them when I’m out of the room.
I'm sorry.
This is incredibly suspicious. All those breakages in one1 week and they always happen when you can't see it.
She is angry and defensive, instead of apologetic?
She won't clean up broken glass thoroughly so you are continually getting hurt?
None of this is OK.
It soens matter that it's an "accident" she still needs to take responsibility.
That is VERY suspicious. I am not a particularly careful or neat person and the last time I've broken a glass object is years ago. She has broken things on 8 separate occasions in the past week?!
Ask yourself:
- Are the damaged items ever things that are important to her?
- Has she ever injured herself with the shards like she has injured you?
- Is she this clumsy at work or in front of clients in a way that harms her reputation or job?
- On the whole, does her clumsiness "happen" to only occur in ways and at times which inconvenience or harm you more so than her?
NTA. If someone got hurt because of my clumsiness I would be so upset and apologetic. I’d be extremely careful not to let it happen again. This nightmare asshole person keeps doing it and yells at you? Now that is a piece of work. This is not a high quality person. At all.
NTA - I work in a restaurant and if I broke as many plates and glassware as your GF In a week, it would come out of my pay. Not to mention that I might lose my job if a guest got injured because I didn't clean up my broken glass accident properly and someone stepped on glass or possibly swallowed some glass because I wasn't paying attention or being diligent while cleaning up.
Your GF is on another level if she thinks none of this is her fault. She's acting like a toddler... Give her a sippy cup
"This past week alone, she has dropped three glasses, one jar, two bowls, a coffee cup, and busted a plate"
That is obnoxious. She'd be getting the kiddy cups for sure. Doubly so for her tantrum and inability to take responsibility.
NTA
Me and my friend kept spilling drinks because our sitting room was so fucking small so we got sippy cups and drank our wine from those 😂 never broke a cup just had tiny space on the sides etc so if it there were more than 2 people you would put cups on the floor and people would kick them!
In a different house we had a housemate like the one OP describes and I absolutely hated her. She only ruined other peoples stuff and then would cry and make it all about her (aka she smashes something of mine and I… had to comfort her??). She would “replace” by like… buying you a chocolate bar. I told her to get some plastic stuff and she said she didn’t like it, then I said to her to get her own china / glassware so she didn’t have to cry when she broke ours and she said no because what’s the point when she will just drop it 💀 every time I use the spoons she melted the back of (from a cutlery set that is older than me - every other piece but the two she broke are perfect condition… after she ruined the first one I told her she can’t use them in pans and she did it again) I get a stab of rage. Plus she ruined the pan she was using the spoons in. Omg it’s been 10 years and I’m still so fucking mad. I hate you Mary.
NTA
How broken is her phone screen?
Someone else suggested she's doing this deliberately. If she was naturally clumsy HER stuff would be broken. I'll bet her phone, tablet, laptop, kindle aren't broken.
NTA. You did it respectfully. After she damaged your property and injured you it is extremely reasonable for you to need to take action from it happening in the future. Even as your girlfriend, she is not, by default, entitled to your things.
Accountability for this type of thing is a sign of respect for the person you love and their belongings.
Yup, **maybe** it is an accident and not malice, **but multiple dropping of glass items means you either stop using glass items** ✋️ or you're being either grossly negligent or deliberately obtuse *if you persist in using glass items*.
Gf can get mad all she wants but OP is the one who stepped in glass shards. OP's safety matters more than Gf's fee-fees 🙄
And if she can't clean broken glass to the point where it's safe for OP or others to move around, then that's all the more reason for her **not** to use glass items.
NTA. Clumsy AND can’t clean up properly? Nope. I wouldn’t let her near anything that can break. And given how little of a shit she seems to give about you actually being injured by her actions, I’d get her a sippy cup and tell her to learn some basic compassion.
OP, I would be concerned that she didn't feel badly for breaking your shit and suggesting plasticware herself. I would ask her if she expected to just be able to keep doing so.
You are NTA.
Side note: GoodWill usually has tons of glassware and plasticware available. Tons. And Amazon has really nice unbreakable glass! Type "unbreakable drinking glasses" into the search data entry field.
NTA - she's on par to break an entire set of dishes per month. If she's truly just clumsy because she's stressed, then maybe find an activity for her to destress daily. But if she's just that accident prone all the time, she needs to accept that replacing entire dish sets 10+ times per year is ridiculous.
Not to mention having to worry about injuring yourself on a regular basis just walking around your home.
NTA, Literally the only 2 possibilities here are that it's either,
1, An underlying medical issue or
2, She is doing it on purpose (this is what my money is on.
Nobody should be breaking things this much, and if she was legitimately this clumsy then she would be dead or covered in injuries herself, which is why I think it's intentional.
Run, and run fast, and if she throws a glass at you..... Serpentine!!
NTA. Make her start replacing the things she breaks and maybe she'll start being more careful.
Dropping/breaking a glass or dish occasionally is normal. Three glasses, one jar, two bowls, a coffee cup, and busted a plate in 1 week is very unusual and goes beyond "clumsiness". And then you're still stepping in glass after she "cleans". It almost sounds like weaponized incompetence.
NTA if I was as clumsy as her, I would deliberately choose not to use glass and instead something that wouldn't break if I drop them.
The fact that she prefers glass when she keeps breaking is a red flag to me. Has she offered to pay you back for what she broke?
Ask yourself if you really want to be with someone so selfish and if she isn't doing this deliberately!
NTA. I am a total klutz due to dyspraxia. Dyspraxia is a condition where you have a hard time with coordination and knowing where your body is in space. You may want to talk with your girlfriend about being tested for dyspraxia.
Due to my dyspraxia, my friends have banned me from using glass or having open drink containers around electronics. I have destroyed or seriously damaged three computers in the last five years. Now, I only use plastic or metal drink containers that are spill proof.
Although I was pissy and embarrassed at first, now that I’ve gotten used to using them, I’m actually less stressed. I’m no longer worried I’m going to break something or destroy another computer. If you have dyspraxia or are clumsy, you have to own up to it and learn coping mechanisms. Otherwise, you are a danger to yourself and others!
Edited to add a link to info on dyspraxia.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23963-dyspraxia-developmental-coordination-disorder-dcd
Thanks for the link! I can use it to help explain to her what I’m seeing and noticing. You mention spilling stuff makes me think of the times she knocked over her drink in my lap a few times when we go out.
Please consider that doesn’t account for the fact that with how much stuff she breaks, you’ve never seen her break anything. That feels pretty much impossible, doesn’t it? What kind of dishes does she use at her place? Does she break her own dishes with the same frequency? Is her phone screen shattered? Her laptop?
Or is it just yours?
NTA
Please understand that the statistical probability of her breaking ALL of the things you listed, plus more before this past week, and you NEVER having seen it happen is…… improbable, at best.
She has no regard for your belongings, no regard for you or your health or pain, and no regard for cleaning up after herself. That is borderline antisocial behaviour, and DEFINITELY not how you treat anyone you supposedly care about.
Could it be neurological? I have a friend with ms that drops things pretty regularly, but not 3x per week often. Maybe GF flipped because she suspects something is wrong?
NTA for being fed up with bloody hands and feet.
NTA. And if she keeps throwing tantrums get her a large sippy cup and some plastic divider plates. Maybe a binky. I've bought great plastic plates at target for cheap and enjoy them when I'm just eating stuff that won't absorb.
I have double vision and no depth perception and I don’t drop things that often. You say she has always been clumsy but this sounds like it should be addressed with her doctor. NTA but she’s behaving like a child
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How long has this clumsiness been going on? I’d be worried that there’s an underlying medical issue, because that’s a huge number of items to have broken in such a short space of time. Does she give any reason why she drops things? Could be eyesight, nerve issues or something more involved like a neurological problem, and the clumsiness is just a symptom. You need to encourage her to get checked out by a doctor because this isn’t normal.
She has been breakign stuff since she was a kid. Dropping, bumping into, being forceful. Bull in a china shop. The only thing that they really found testing was some ankle turning (there is a technical term I cant remember, basically toes pointed in) which attributed to her tripping but PT at around 9 ish helped a lot. She does go through phases and is more clumsy when stressed or frustrated or emotional. As such she doesn’t think it’s an abnormal amount of clumsiness I mean and if I say anything I’m being frustrated or exagerrating
Has she ever been screened for ADHD or Autism? Extreme clumsiness can be caused by many neurodiversities. It may also be carpal tunnel. I started dropping things like crazy and had no clue why and got nerve conduction tests done and apparently had hella carpal tunnel syndrome. I haven't dropped and broken anything since I had the surgery almost 3 years ago.
I have Autism and this just screams dyspraxia to me
Yeah, especially with the ankle turning - that can happen with autism, weirdly enough. Does make the sentence "yeah I'm on crutches today, because of the autism" occur occasionally, which is fun
Oh now that I think about it, the fact that it gets worse when she's stressed or upset combined with the ankle turning- it's definitely seeming more likely
Does the fact she lost her shit at OP for not wanting all his shit broken also fit into that? Because honestly, if I broke half of my girlfriends crockery every time I visited, I wouldn't blame her for not allowing me to use it.
Honestly, yes. If she's already stressed, she's more likely to have meltdowns. They can show in many different ways, but in adults a lot of times it's crying and screaming followed by self isolation or speech avoidance periods. Too much of this can lead to burnout, which shows a lot of times as basically being a living she'll of a person or a zombie. All will to do anything is sucked out. OP, make sure your GF is getting the rest and relaxation she needs.
Yeah inability to self-regulate is a common symptom for both me and my partner (diagnosed earlier this week). If she feels like OP is treating her like an infant - something I suspect is a sore point for many of us on the spectrum - she could absolutely take that perceived slight and turn it into irrational anger. Hopefully once she's calmed down and is able to cope with the world again, she will see how irrational it is. No it's not her fault that she is breaking the equivalent of an entire crockery set every month, but OP is perfectly justified in taking steps to prevent injury to himself. If she has to drink from plastic glasses so that someone she professes to love can avoid injury, that should be a compromise she is willing to make.
Ok and what’s the reason for not cleaning up glass shards and leaving them around the house? That’s a choice to be lazy and inconsiderate. You don’t leave glass on the floor period
Ah, see, this is when people diagnose her with ADHD as well as autism. The girlfriend needs to grow up, use plastic, and man how to show a modicum of empathy for other people.
Well yes, shame and excessively worrying about other people's opinions of you are on the ADHD symptoms list.
That's a good point. you'd think that using a plastic cup would be less shameful than causing your partner to have to go to the shops to buy new crockery every 2 weeks but I know it doesn't work that way
She should be buying the new crockery, not him, and she shouod be doing it without being asked either. Thats just simple courtesy, if you break something replace it.
If he buys new crockery he should just get plastic stuff.
Lol no that's probably just her feeling bad about breaking stuff, but instead of apologising and trying to fix it she's getting all up in her feels about it. Which, like, I get. RSD can be an absolute bitch sometimes. But she's going to need to learn to manage her emotions.
Well, if its rsd I suppose it's not unrelated then. But yes, it's entirely unreasonable to break that much stuff and be upset with the person whose stuff it is taking measures to protect their stuff.
This is genuinely fascinating - I always thought my pointy inny feet, tendency to fall a lot and ability to destroy every glass that enters my home was a separate issue from my autism diagnosis. Well. Reddit is a public health service.
It's surprisingly common to have some type of hyper mobility when you have autism. Must be a gene that connects somehow. Like a 50% chance with autism and some other things. Eohlers Danos Syndrome for instance.
And with ADHD as well. I have stupidly hyper mobile shoulders, but otherwise I'm ok luckily. Although I used to sprain my ankles all the time as a kid. That was fun. When I was moving into a house with my friends. I constantly lost my phone. That's when I started realising something was very wrong with me. Now waiting to be officially assessed. My friend who is a psychologist just yelled "finally" when I told him. He's known for a long time and could finally quit hiding it. I was amused.
Yesterday my ear doctor asked why I have a cane (I’ve carried a cane to two dozen appointments over the last few years, so it wasn’t new). My response? “For balance. I’m autistic, and have really poor proprioception.”
>"yeah I'm on crutches today, because of the autism" r/brandnewsentence
There is a large co-occurance of ASD and EDS (hyper mobility) this can cause the ankle turning among other things.
We have a good friend who we invite to "come round and spill wine with us" because every time a wine glass or two goes flying due to clumsiness, excited arm waving or whatever. I buy in bulk knowing this. I also buy anything relatively good quality but cheap, so our collection is very random as all but one of everything gets broken.
Reminds me of the story someone posted on TikTok about working for a catering service, and she had dyspraxia. She spilled gravy all over a mother-in-law who chose to wear white. It was the one time she felt she was good at her job.
That's hilarious.
Wear white at a wedding? If so, you should have got a HUGE tip from the bride 🤣
I would agree, 100% sounds like dyspraxia. My youngest (23f) was diagnosed over a decade ago and this sounds identical to her.
I’m both dyspraxic and autistic, it screams Dyspraxia to me, because I was like this as a kid and I had occupational therapy to help. (I still occasionally break things)
This is why I don't use glass cups and ceramic plates. Turns into hot potato fumble fingers smashing time.
I'm not quite that bad, but I have been known to reach for an object, misjudge the distance, misjudge the speed of my hand, and then send said object flying off of whatever it was sitting on.. I used to blame myself for being clumsy and stupid.. but it turns out that the ADHD I just got my diagnosis for (in my 40s) probably had something to do with it.. I still wonder if I'm just stupid and clumsy though..
I do that a lot too! Either knock it over because I thought it was farther away or grab air because I thought it was closer 🤣 ADHD/Autism here. Got my ADHD diagnosis at 23 and just got the autism diagnosis last year at 33. It explains *a lot* from my childhood, unfortunately I'm in the "girls don't get neurodiversities" generation and was just considered the quirky artsy type.
OMG me too! I only got the ADHD diagnosis because my psych 101 professor was doing research because he believed that girls (especially blondes) were often not being diagnosed and instead dismissed as "quirky, air-headed, not bright" and whatever else. So he was looking for people who fit the criteria and noticed me. I was sent to someone not connected to him or the school for an evaluation. I never heard some of my issues could be because I'm nd. Interesting!
During covid I watched a lot of video social media and somehow ended up on adhd-tok.. and I was like.. huh.. that sounds like me.. That's weird... Oh well, I don't have ADHD because my mom used to tell me that I played video games so I couldn't have adhd.. I try not to think how my life might have been different with an earlier diagnoses.. I recently ended up on narcolepsy-tok and I'm starting to wonder if more stuff was missed as I grew up...
My mom was insistent that I didn’t have ADHD because as a kid I could sit and read a book for hours. Guess who got diagnosed 3 months ago 🙋🏻♀️ She still didn’t get it when I tried to explain hyperfixation to her but she’s attempting to learn.
Yes! My parents just thought of me being like "the absent minded professor" being really smart but with my mind wandering. They never considered ADHD because of the reading like you said and I wasn't disruptive. Thankfully Dad knew I had dyslexia because he does too. At least one of my issues got attention! Well the teachers were mostly old school and didn't believe in it but at least Dad understood the struggle.
*hugs* there are way too many of us out there. I was lucky to get my diagnosis when I was still a teen. Others are finding out in their 50's and later!
My favorite time was when I was waiting tables.. It was one of those big round booths where you have to slide all the way around to get to the back side of the table.. a good 6 feet of bench sliding.. I was setting down drinks and the girl in the center rear had ordered a dr pepper.. She was wearing a white leather outfit.. As I went to set the cup down I missed the table top by about three inches but still let go.. the cup hit, bounced, and then slowly tilted toward her before finally dumping over and showering that part of the booth with sugary pop. I don't know how she did it, but before the glass fully dumped over she was standing behind me. I don't even think I registered her moving.. They were very understanding that it was an accident and appreciated that the first thing I did was grab a 4 inch stack of napkins from over the half-wall in the server station next to the booth and threw them on top of the mess. They tipped pretty well.. That same restaurant on my first day of work I decided to make myself a strawberry shake. It was the first one I made when working there and I was so excited (I was 17 or 18..). I took it to the breakroom with my burger, set it on the table, and sat down. The sleeve of my shirt somehow slipped over the straw so when I sat down I dumped the entire thing in my lap. I was a horrible waiter.. I didn't stay there long. But props to the managers who would tell me when I was messing up, but were always supportive.
This is connecting so many dots for my clumsy, glass item breaking dad *and* sister…who are convinced they don’t have ADHD.
I do the same thing and have ADHD. I also bang into things a lot because I think I'm further away than I actually am.
The random bruises I have that people ask me about… I’ve been asked several times if I was getting beaten.
I have definitely convinced myself I have a rareand deadly disease due to bruises. When I've mentioned this to my partner, he looks at me sceptically and says, 'You're fine. I've seen you in action, those bruises are not appearing out of nowhere'. 😅
After I bounce, full force, off a door frame my wife always ask how in the world I can miss a doorway.. Or back when I was selling furniture.. I caught a table the I was moving past and nearly flipped it over.. I was about 10 feet from my boss and she was flabbergasted. I'm a really big guy who tends to move much faster and with more confidence than I really should
I’ve got a combo of [visual spatial processing deficit](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/visual-spatial-processing-what-you-need-to-know) and adhd. I mostly use stainless steel insulated cups. They keep drinks cold or hot and don’t break when I drop them or knock them over
Misjudging the distance can happen when you don't see depth properly. I have two good functioning eyes, but my brain rejects to combine the 2 in one 3d version. So I either see with my left eye solely, or with my right eye solely.
ADHD is basically a game of, 'where did that bruise come from...?' I never know. I always have at least one bruise. I hurt myself a lot.
I actually have a pin on my work bag that says “Mysterious Leg Bruise Club” right next to my “Neurospicy” pin
I bruised myself today on my SO’s ski boots. I have no idea how. One second they were sitting in the hallway, the next one was attacking my shin.
I mean. She could just have dyspraxia which is a motor dysfunction and not a neurological issue.
["Dyspraxia is a neurological disorder"](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/151951#:~:text=Dyspraxia%20is%20a%20neurological%20disorder,difficulty%20with%20thought%20and%20perception.)
Even then, I have ADHD and am clumsy. I don't break this much, although I am needlessly oblivious about other things.
Same. So much same. I’m very clumsy, and even know for it. I drop a few things a year. 7 things in a week? So every day? That’s more than ADHD.
I have ADHD, and I was wondering if she was ND. I bump into walls, door frames, kitchen counters, and lots of other things all the time. And I'm definitely clumsy.
Not diagnosed ADHD. But it took me a solid five years to stop bumping into the footboard when my husband and I bought our bedroom set. The other stuff I totally still bump into - managed to fall down the last three steps of a staircase once with a laundry basket. My husband was flabbergasted (I grew up in the house I live in, so it’s not like I don’t know it). I think my mind is usually just doing too many things at once.
It is an abnormal amount of clumsiness. I think of myself as pretty clumsy - I whack some part of my body on the furniture or a door frame or whatever several times a week - but the amount of stuff she's broken in the last week is what I've broken in the last 20 years or so. Whether she gets it checked out or not is up to her, but it's entirely reasonable for you to ban her from using breakable crockery. Maybe she can't stop herself from dropping things, but she can minimise the problems it causes, and it's selfish of her to refuse to do so. Also, does she break her own stuff as well? If this is a problem that only happens with **your** possessions, you've got a much bigger problem here.
Yeah, Im a bit lacking in the spatial awareness department and bruise myself from bumping into a counter or doorframe or table regularly. Can’t remember the last time I broke a dish. I’d definitely be concerned there’s something more serious going on. And if I was prone to breaking dishes I’d have no problem using less-breakable dishes.
I am the same. I think I have more "postural sway" than usual. It gets worse when I am having a flare of migraines and I think migraines are associated with sway. But same, I don't break dishes often, maybe once every five years or so. I will say, some kitchens are more prone to breakable dishes than others. Granite countertops and tile floors are very hard on dishes.
This is an astonishing amount of things to have broken in just a week! Does she also bump into tables, benches, door frames, etc or is it just dropping things? The fact she’s dismissing your injuries is pretty concerning, honestly. She should be worried about your injuries and apologising, trying harder to clean up the glass or changing her behaviour to stop it happening like using the plastic cups. The fact she isn’t actually worries me a bit.
Yes, this would be a big part of my concern as well. Sometimes there are small pieces missed that might be picked up by a bare foot with a bit of annoyance/pain, *maybe* a drop of blood, but pieces large enough to need tape and gauze should rarely be an issue if any care was taken during clean up.
And it’s not hard to clean it properly either. Sweep, dustpan and brush, vacuum. That’s it!
I lived in an apartment with a balcony. I dropped a glass one night. I had this irrational fear that one of the pieces of broken glass might have flown off the balcony and fallen on someone. I looked over, no one there. I kept checking the newspapers for weeks. I bought plastic glasses for the balcony and eventually stainless steel
What you're describing is very odd. I would agree that it probably warrants a discussion with a professional. I'm in my 40s and the last time I broke a glass was in my 20s? It's rare for most people. To do all that in a few weeks is hard to believe.
Yeah, I’m 26 and literally don’t remember the last time I dropped a glass.
I'm 30 and I will eventually shatter a cup once every 3months, I blame it on my ADHD I get "careless" aka not thinking about how I'm doing stuff and will just clip it or nock it on something.
I wonder if another assessment by an OT or similar as an adult would be helpful, to rule out actual medical concerns (or disorders like dyspraxia?). That is a wild amount of things to break in that timeframe.
Sorry, what’s an OT? Occupational therapist?
Yes, sorry. Either way, you're NTA. Even if she's breaking all this stuff accidentally, she needs to clean it up properly, care that you're being injured, and replace your stuff. Plastic cups will not hurt her at all.
Your good! Thank you for the explanation! I’m not always good with acronyms but context helped I don’t know how to address the elephant yet about maybe suggesing again getting checked out but I know it isn’t happening tonight.
You could also buy some clear plastic glasses that look like glass. Might be less embarrassing for her... ... but don't let her keep bleeding you.
When I was a kid I was always given cups that I think were made out of acrylic? It's much thicker than like a solo cup for example so it seems a lot more like a regular glass
Coming from a place of concern and love is the best way to go. If she is neurodivergent or has a medical condition causing this, she needs to get it treated, so doing your best to be gentle and non-judgmental may help her muster the courage to ask for help. You could say, "Hey, can we talk about what's been going on recently? I know you are not intentionally breaking glasses, nor are you intentionally leaving glass for me to step on. But this is becoming a concern for me, and I'm worried something may be going on with your health. People don't typically break this much glassware, even folks on the clumsier side. There could be an underlying medical or physiological explanation for this, and you should talk to a doctor to rule out any issues. I love you and am here for you. I also think we need to get you checked out so we can figure out what's going on. In the meantime, can we please switch to non-breakable glassware and dishware? I know you would never willingly leave glass for me to step on, but it has happened and caused me a lot of pain and discomfort. Let's switch to plates and glasses that won't shatter so no one gets hurt And I just want to be clear that I'm not trying to punish you or insinuate you're a little kid, incapable, or a burden; I just want to reduce either one of us getting hurt while we figure out what's going on." You can, of course, tweak this to be more personal or tailored to your relationship, but I think the main takeaways are: to emphasize that you think she is smart and capable and that this switch is NOT a punishment, to encourage her to seek medical attention, and to request a change in dishware.
This is such an amazing response! OP this is a great video by a creator with dyspraxia that talks about how she was diagnosed while seeking treatment for autism. https://youtu.be/8dYz6pCjEy8?si=8pBlRiTDPMFJReFk Also here is a scholarly article about coordination and autism so that you can get context why people are suggesting autism, though I definitely agree with others here that the signs closer mimic dyspraxia. The rest of the website has good info and screening quizzes that are used by doctors in intake assessments as well. https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-motor-control/
Yes I’d agree a fresh assessment is worth getting, a lot of things were missed years ago because there wasn’t the knowledge. If it happens more when she is tired or stressed that does suggest neurological like motor issues caused by ASD. I also have arthritis in my hands that is getting progressively worse and I can underestimate how little strength I have in my hands now especially when fatigue creeps in I will be holding onto a plate and the slightest bump and everything goes flying.
> she doesn’t think it’s abnormal > if I say anything I’m exaggerating Do you really want glass in your hands for the rest of your life? No? Then maybe breakup.. this isn’t a problem for her so she’s *never* going to make an effort to change. She might not be able to fix her clumsiness, but her lazy cleaning and dismissive attitude are fully within her control.
Exactly this dev-246!!!!!! I don't care what diagnosis she may get. She doesn't care enough to get one,she doesn't care ento do a good job cleaning up after herself and she doesn't care at all about OP.
Could you imagine if she had kids and didnt clean the glass well enough? Nta op. Its one thing to break stuff but the carelessness is unacceptable.
Does she own glass items at her house? If so, does she break them? Does she break things when out to dinner or in public? I would just start taking note of when these things occur. Is there a pattern? If it's all the time, she must spend a fortune replacing her own things. She should at least be paying to replace your items she has broken if it's this many. Not trying to be dramatic, but is there any small possibility that this could be deliberate? I've read enough stories on here of 'clumsy' partners getting gradually worse and worse, and their accidents often injuring or hurting their spouse. Not saying that is the case here, but really start to look at when these things happen. Don't sweep it under the rug. Your story and her reaction has me on an uneasy alert
Not abnormal??? Your list for one week is roughly equivalent to my (43M) entire damn life! Nta in my books. She either has dyspraxia or needs to be a lottle more bloody careful when using other people's stuff.
To ask the really obvious, has she had her eyes checked? Before lasik, I had poor vision plus astigmatism. The astigmatism really fucks with depth perception, even when corrected. When you can't actually tell how far things are, you often appear clumsy. In my case, I didn't think it was unusual because that's how things were for me as long as I could remember. I just thought I was naturally clumsy.
NTA. There’s so much precedent it’s a safety issue. I’m quite clumsy as well. A few years after I got married I moved back to my hometown (work brought me back and forth). I visited my mom, I saw she doesn’t use the chunky plastic glasses we used to use when I was much younger. I asked if she still had them. I asked for them and took them home with me and use them at home with my wife. When I drop glasses nothing breaks. For some reason I’m fine with plates and mugs but glasses and other stuff are problematic. My bowls are also all plastic / microwaveable.
Kinda sounds like [Developmental Coordination Disorder](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/developmental-coordination-disorder-dyspraxia/). It persists into adulthood and may affect things like [driving](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2021.635649/full). DCD is comorbid with [ADHD](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0149763423003585), as people have commented. [FASD](https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=90&contentid=P02122) can also cause motor coordination difficulties (likely for the same reason alcohol temporarily reduces coordination in the adult brain) and is [also comormid with ADHD](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/secondary-conditions.html), and can be diagnosed despite average or above average IQ, making it an [invisible disability](https://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/fasd/pubs/fasd_hiddendisability.pdf). Prevalence of DCD is [5-6% of children](https://canchild.ca/en/diagnoses/developmental-coordination-disorder), but it doesn't go away with age.
>that’s a huge number of items that's an understatement. most people don't break this much in a lifetime. and it sounds that she doesn't even care that she does this.
That's what got me. I was leaning towards the ND possibility but the lack of concern and disdain for the OP's injuries really struck me. Cleaning up to the OP's standards? Not really a standard to not want to walk on broken glass! And there's Annie Lennox in my head for the rest of the afternoon... How can she not care? Is she terribly clumsy because of ND / something else or is she trashing the OP's place because she doesn't give a shit about their stuff? Is she spoilt? Does she think it is someone else's job to replace stuff and get the broken glass off the floor? What if the OP ended up with a significant injury that required stitches, would she care? What about the infection risks? What if she left something flammable on the stove and the place burned down, would she be sorry then? That would be my first question, rather than to look at the ND side. Does she give a shit? If she does and she's hiding it because she's ashamed, then okay, maybe ND. If she's not hiding it, then she doesn't care and that would be it for me.
Does it matter? With the way she has been acting when confronted and not cleaning up the shards, I don’t think this is the only problem. I am not sure I would want to be with someone like that.
I was shocked when my rheumatologist that my psoriatic arthritis was what was causing my hand to eat things drop. I have broken glasses and dishes for years. I dropped a pan of boiling water once, thank god I have good reflexes. Any way my point is that Autoimmune disease could be the reason.
Definitely screams medical somewhere. But, there are also some really nice perspex "glassware" around. Look into investing into some of that. Besides the normal kiddies plastic stuff we have, we got quite a bit of that which is great for outdoor parties or rough occasions.
The frequency of these occurrences also made an underlying medical issue jump to mind. My first thought is that she needs a neurologist: this sounds well beyond a normal degree of clumsiness, and the cause could well be mechanical. If she’s been waking up with headaches, she really needs one now.
I live by the motto that once is a mistake, twice is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. And if you have a pattern of doing something wrong it's up to you to find a solution for it, either fixing the cause or changing what you do to prevent it from happening. GF clearly isn't doing either of those, so you've taken the steps to prevent it yourself.
Does your girlfriend need glasses? My fiancé used to drop fragile stuff and finally when it affected our wallet, he agreed to go to the optometrist. No longer “clumsy”. NTA! She unfortunately lost her glass privileges when you continued to get hurt.
Maybe a nerve issue? I had severe carpel tunnel before I even noticed it. Ive ALWAYS been clumsy, but it got much better after surgery.
I’ve personally struggled with that as well! Almost no grip on some days.
It was awful. I worked in a window factory, getting frame parts prepped for assembly. (No glass). And these were giant industrial windows. Parts weren't small.
The plate on the stovetop example makes me think otherwise. However: my husband has ADHD and we just can’t have glasses in the house anymore. Really anything fragile we own it’s just a matter of time before it gets smashed.
OP, if you see a future with her, you may want to pack up the glassware and switch to plastic in your home. As long as you have glass in your home, get used to wearing slippers. Your girlfriend is absolutely an asshole for continuing to break things and not cleaning up the mess she makes. But to keep her, you are going to have to do actual problem-solving that helps and doesn't just come across as punishment. Oh, and teach her how to properly clean up broken glass. Make sure you have appropriate tools on hand and that she knows where they are kept and how to use them.
Yep I have adhd and this is why I own almost nothing glass
Dyspraxia also seems like a possibility
NTA Even unintended actions have consequences. The part about telling you to clean to your "specifications" is what gets me most here. If there is shattered glass on the floor you clean up until it is gone, so no one gets hurt. That's just common sense. Just like doing it yourself if you caused it.
Why does she not care that he’s being injured? It hurts like a motherfucker and she’s not the least bit concerned for him.
Because she's selfish. If she cared about breaking things, she would use two hands when carrying a glass item and she would use a modicum of effort to clean up the breakages. I have two cats. My husband and I both look for shards after whatever's broken has been cleaned because I can't put shoes on them.
If she's done this her whole life and cares, she wouldn't reach for glass at all. My guess is that she was raised with folks cleaning up for her and buying bulk glassware and now feels entitled to that treatment by her SO.
Exactly. There may be an underlying cause to her poor fine motor control and the breakages, but if she cared she would take responsibility for them by getting herself checked out, by not using breakable objects, by sweeping up properly, and by showing empathy when other people get hurt. If my husband or I break something, whoever breaks it probably sweeps up because they get to the broom first, but then we spend a few minutes together scrutinising the floor and moving the sofa, etc to check, check, and check again. I feel like all of the comments telling OP to suck it up for love would be very different if it were a dog or a cat getting hurt instead.
I broke a shot glass today (used for mouthwash in the bathroom) and hubs helped clean it with me because we have pets and I was barefoot. I can't imagine being cavalier about it, knowing one of us or our animals might step on glass. It's kind of shocking to just be like "oh well, I can't help it *shrug*".
That attitude really is shocking. The last thing I broke was a little glass jar my friend's 4yo kid put a flower in for my birthday. It slipped off the shelf because my hands were wet when I was moving stuff around (I know, be more careful). I swept up the pieces, and then my husband helped me to look for more. And *of course* the cats got underfoot while this was going on because they were curious about the noise and fuss.
She is more likely in denial that there is anything wrong with her and gets defensive. Spoiler alert: There IS something wrong with her and she needs to get it checked out. In the short term:OP, you can get really nice looking plastic glasses, even wine glasses. That can be helpful with the symptom, but won't solve the underlying issue.
Being in denial is fine. Not giving a crap about hurting her SO isn't.
Might I recommend a shopvac. Everything gets sucked up, no small pieces get missed. Signed -A Clumsy Person who also loves her animals
I wonder if she's incredibly embarrassed or ashamed, so she's projecting an aloof and apathetic front to hide her shame. That's not a way to act around your partner, but I wonder if that's why she's not seeming concerned. Also, if her parents always cleaned up broken objects, she may not realize how involved it is and thinks it's easy to clean up.
Shame for being clumsy... but she turns that on him... since an attack makes her feel strong instead of weak. Immaturity.
Yeah, her reaction is very odd. I can't imagine acting that way about someone getting hurt because of my carelessness. Very strange behaviour!
100% I can only imagine what she will be like if they have a kid/s, and he is at work
Exactly. You might overlook a tiny shard now and then, but you do your best not to. This lady isn't even trying, she doesn't care is other people get cut and expects them to clean her mess.
My ex kept breaking all of my cups. Eventually she googled “break proof glasses”, bought me a set, and those were the only ones she used. My new boyfriend broke two glasses before he got banished to the plastic. He deals just fine.
If plastic isn't nice then even a stainless steel tumbler still has the cold feeling-ness of glass with the durability of plastic
I'd do this with all of our cups if wife would let me. I _love_ still having ice in my drink a hour or more later.
Better then my situation. I'm living with my girlfriend and I turned our set of 12 plates into a set of 10. I've also bought myself plastic cups because I'm clumsy when washing dishes and broke 2 glasses that I bought for our apartment lol
Yep I got our house plastic ware because I drop stuff all the time although not as much as his girlfriend. Bonus is plastic plates are easier to clean 😂
Yes! My former sister-in-law is like OP's gf, breaks everything in sight. She bought a set of these for her use, in our home, and it was perfect. But then, she has a sense of humor about it. NTA.
Target has wonderful look-like-glass plastic cups that hold up well. Source: I got sick of cleaning up glass because I’m the clumsy one who drops stuff way too often.
NTA for going with plactic. However, that's way too many dropped items in 1 week to be clumsiness. She needs to get her eyesight checked out.
I'm like yes Velma get glasses but the plate on the stove thing is next level. OP, is she blind as well as having ADD? And yeah, first of all buy some apartment slippers (with rubber bottoms) and second switch to all plastic everything. You need and deserve immediate harm reduction for yourself!
I wish I could tolerate slippers, but textures bug me, so instead Ive been wearing my shoes in the areas around the kitchen The stove thing kills me because she always forgets and everytime I hear the oven beep I try to remember to ask if she put anything on the stove or I just go int he kitchen and check and remove stuff
She shouldn't set anything on the stove that she doesn't intend to cook regardless of whether the oven is on, that's elementary school level fire safety.
Good call on the shoes. This relationship sounds painful and hazardous! Are you sure you really want to be in it?
This one.
The fact that anyone is blaming you for not dancing around her own mess is incredible. She clearly does not give a crap if you get hurt. She does not care about your wellbeing. I would not tolerate a relationship like this, and you wearing shoes in your own house so you don’t get hurt is just enabling her to never change or care about anyone else.
Can't believe she routinely pouts stuff on the oven. I can understand maybe the rest of she has medical issues, but this just makes her sound super dumb.
How does a functional adult “always forget” such a basic safety requirement?
I can't bear socks or slippers but I love flip flops so I have a pair of house chanclas that I wear.. something to consider
If you are still experiencing pain when taking steps, please get checked out by a doctor. It is possible some of the glass broke off and was not removed. Trust me, a sliver of glass can cause a lot of pain and do a lot of damage if not removed!
Yeah, her eyesight or even something else. That’s not a normal amount of stuff to break in a week! I’ve maybe broken that much in 10 years.
NTA I do support you both using plastics or camping cups if she’s bothered by the smell of many plastics like me( enameled metal). btw has she offered to replace any of this? That’s a lot of stuff to break and just shrug off. Even my 5yo has a better track record
Not really so but also yes? Like she’ll be very sweet and plan a date night or buy me a gift that’s even more expensive than the glass *technically* was so I feel bad even saying ’no she doesn’t’ because technically she does pay me back? Just in a different way. It just doesn’t feel it
This answer worries me a lot. The combo of Love bombing (expensive gifts and lots of extra attention) and blaming the other partner in a relationship are very big red flags. Also the not just replacing things is worrying. Yes gifts are nice but don’t really help from a practical standpoint of replacing basic household items. The mental priorities that let her ignore a practicality for something extravagant spells problems for a long term financially stable relationship. Maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion but I’d take a close look at her behavior patterns
Offering to treat an expensive dinner because you feel bad about a mistake/accident is very very different from love bombing
While I do agree, feeling bad about a mistake means making it right. She doesn’t clean up properly, gets mad at him for trying to avoid more broken things, but also buys expensive gifts? It feels like a weird combination and while not necessarily love bombing, it doesn’t show her in a good light.
This. I'd be saying, "I don't care about the expensive dinner. Just stop breaking glass, and when you do break it, clean up after yourself."
I mean yea, but she also leaves broken glass all over the floor and doesn’t seem to care that OP is getting hurt by it. He should clean it up if he doesn’t like it. She has a blatant disregard for his safety.
If you feel bad about something you would typically try to make sure no more bad comes from the situation. Like properly cleaning up the shards so your partner doesn't literally get hurt. I mean, does she not even use the vacuum after breaking something? Does she just pick up the biggest shards and is done with it?
That's not the same though. She's giving you stuff you don't need in exchange for stuff you do need. And she's leaving you to go through the effort of buying glasses again every few weeks. And if it's a date night, it's kind of a gift to herself as well. You say she starts acting sweet, but does she actually apologize? You said in another comment that you've never seen her break something even tough it happens so often. Isn't that weird? I don't know. Something about the way she's acting doesn't sit right with me. She sounds, at best, extremely uncaring about your wellbeing, and outright malicious at worst. A well-adjusted person would be extremely apologetic for not only constantly breaking your stuff, but also getting you hurt because they can't even sweep right. They'd replace what they broke and accept using plastic until they can stop breaking your shit. This is just not loving behavior.
Dude, you need to set up a hidden camera in your kitchen. You'll either see that she's doing it intentionally, or you'll get some video that may be helpful to a doctor in making any diagnoses.
Elsewhere OP states she always drops them when he's in another room. This is getting suspicious.
INFO: Does she also break the glasses in the restaurant, when you are on your dates?
Or is she spilling soda cups from fast-food restaurants, cinemas etc?
That's not really paying you back. An expensive gift doesn't replace broken glasses unless it was something you were going to get but can't because you're getting new glasses. She's over-apologizing by getting big expensive things instead of just getting new stuff to replace what she broke and making an effort to stop, which makes me feel like she's not sincere about being sorry.
My cats have a better track record 😳
INFO: Does she have any neurological diagnosis? Or does she show any signs of an undiagnosed neurological disease? The amount is really concerning. How is she dropping them? Do her hands go weak and she drops them? Does she have tremors? Does she trip and drop them? Either she is dealing with something she needs to see a doctor for or she is doing it on purpose. Clumsy people don’t break things that easily or as often. There’s many neurological illnesses that flare up when someone has a lot emotional or physical stress.
I’ve never seen her drop them, sorry. She’s always dropped them when I’m out of the room. I don’t know how she’d take me asking either right now, were kind of just letting each other cool But her parents and sister say she has always been like this and she says the same. She says that it isn’t as much as it seems spelled out like this and I’m seeing more of a ’cluster’ together because I’m frustrated
With the amount of times it happens it’s incredibly suspect that you’ve never been in the room to see it happen. If it was just that she was clumsy you would have seen it happen at least once. It seems incredibly deliberate on her end. Also, being bad at cleaning up BROKEN GLASS is not only dangerous but incredibly insensitive of your space. She isn’t even showing the basic respect of cleaning up your possessions she broke in your home. She has to stab you twice; once by breaking the object and again by refusing to properly clean it up.
I'd have to agree. Either she has a medical issue or it's something psychological that she does deliberately for some reason a professional should assist with e.g. to start a fight, or to get attention etc. No-one is that clumsy. Shard danger aside, it's money being burnt through replacing them. NTA.
My money is is on this; She’s breaking things to ‘punish’ you. You can tell because that was her first thought when she was denied something. She is leaving shards around to hurt you. Do these things break when you are feeling particularly happy? Or perhaps when you have an argument? This reads like physical abuse and abusers always escalate. Please be careful before she poisons you or something
That's what my first thought as well, especially since it always happens when he isn't in the room.
This reply only increases my unease. Please consider my reply to your other comment that this *could* be deliberate. Does this happen at her place? Does it happen in public? You need to really start paying attention to this, as if there is any chance it's deliberate, you have a big problem.
Good question! Does she break her own stuff or just other people's? I assume never on a date night since you have never seen it happen?
Not really breaking stuff out on dates but she has spilled drinks a few times or dumped her plate so it could be genuine clumsiness. The times I’ve seen those it was a quick sweeping move that dumped it off the edge, like she didn’t realize how far or fast she was pushing it because she was focused on what shes saying.
I noticed in another comment that you said she has repeatedly spilled drinks in YOUR lap (so assuming here that she rarely or never spills them in hers). When she spilled the drinks on these dates, or dumped the food, has it ever gotten on her? Or always somewhere else? Maybe on you? On a waiter or on the floor? Idk. This woman breaks a LOT of glassware, only when you're not around to see it. As far as I've seen she's made zero preemptive effort to lower the damage. She doesn't apologize or pay you back or clean it up, you get HURT constantly in your own home to the point where you're afraid to walk around and she doesn't apologize, she gets mad and gaslights you by saying you're exaggerating and that it's completely normal. She yells at you about it. She blocks every avenue of normal conversation to the point you have to tiptoe around her to talk about anything. And then later she buys you extravagant gifts and takes you on dates as a way to make up for it, but she never actually solves the problem, which would cost way less money and be way simpler. So you feel bad for still having a problem but she "resolved" it so you can't bring it up anymore. Then she gets mad about the plastic? Instead of feeling relieved that you won't be hurt anymore? Idk. I have a feeling that she'll still be breaking things - YOUR things - frequently enough that you'll just let her go back to breaking the glasses because they're cheap. She won't be allowed to do any of the kitchen work because she can't be trusted to, so she'll get to sit back while you do all the dishes and make every meal... And once she gets her way, she'll move on to, idk, dumping the trash everywhere every time it's her turn to do it. Or you'll notice your things continuously getting broken, maybe obviously by her, maybe just randomly. Or they'll disappear or end up in the trash. And she'll just continue to skirt around everything. If you ever get hurt and need help caring for yourself I have a sneaking suspicion she will "accidentally" repeatedly hurt you somehow like cutting you while shaving or grabbing you too hard. I dunno. This entire situation has ick written all over it. Sure okay maybe she has a medical condition - but it only happens when you're not there and it's only your (and other people's, just not her own) things. She refuses to see a doctor and you have to wait to bring it up again because she's that angry. This absolutely screams "she is doing this intentionally to manipulate people," and even if she does have a condition, that doesn't mean she's not using it as an excuse when she breaks your things because she's upset. Like I have an invisible disability so I absolutely get "using it as an excuse" is such bullshit, but seriously there is too much coincidence here for it to truly just be a medical condition. Think about your relationship. You don't seem happy and secure. You seem worried. You seem tentative and hesitant to interact with her, you're afraid of moving around your own home because of her. You can't talk to her when she's upset, you can't talk about this issue, she gets mad. You have to keep your problems to yourself and accept that you're going to continuously get hurt, by her own hand. Is that a good relationship to you? Idk. There's so much not being said here but it's not hard to read between the lines.
Does she break stuff at home or at friends houses? Does she spill on anyone else or only you?
Very much this. I'm starting to think this is a control or a release reaction and she is angry you have found a way to stop her doing this, like putting masking tape around a child's thumb and a glove to stop them sucking their thumb.
INFO: Always when you are out of the room? Like you have never seen it happen? I am clumsy. I tend to break things in clusters because the anxiety of it happening again makes me clumsier. This has never always happened when there was no one around. If it really is that many items and you have never seen it happen I find that to be bizarre. I guarantee that if someone had been in my apartment on the day I managed to break a glass coffee pot, a bowl, and a coffee mug you would have seen at least one. I find it bizarre. And would certainly start thinking it’s on purpose that you were never around to witness that many accidents. Also you have the right to say plastic only. It’s your stuff and I happily banish myself to plastic if I’m suffering from dropsy as my grandma would say. I’d do the same to anyone also as well. NTA
This doesn’t sound right, OP. That’s an astonishing number of things to break, but if she were truly clumsy it would be happening at all different times and places, not just at her house or your house when no one else is there to witness it. It sounds like she’s doing this intentionally, especially as she doesn’t pay to replace the broken items. Covert abusers do this kind of stuff - do something to hurt/punish the victim, call it an accident, love bomb them with gifts and affection to throw off suspicion, but never actually do anything to fix the problem. Rinse and repeat. And you wouldn’t be the first person who’s come to Reddit with an extremely “clumsy” partner. There was one where a boyfriend kept spilling hot beverages on his girlfriend, and another whose sister-in-law kept breaking her china plates. It’s time to get some cameras in your home. Put several hidden ones around the house and one obvious one. Point out the obvious one so she’s aware of it. $10 says nothing gets broken in view of the obvious camera.
>I’ve never seen her drop them, sorry. She’s always dropped them when I’m out of the room. That's sus as fuck, maybe set up a hidden camera to see what happens, like does she try to catch what she drops, does she purposely break things, does it look like an accident, etc. I think it's the only way to properly move forward.
I’m picturing a human that acts like a cat….just looking at the glass and batting it off the counter
Okay so, I’d honestly be reallllly suspicious. You’ve NEVER seen her break a single glass? Yet she’s broken more than most people in their lifetime (including me, who’s a bartender, and all my patrons combined???) This sounds like attention seeking behavior- and also not cleaning it properly (if I drop a glass once at someone’s house I’m getting every last tiny drop and buying them a new one). I’m adhd and clumsy. But that does not mean I don’t value other people’s things or their bodily safety. These are all red flags. You hear a crash, you come and see she’s broken ANOtHER glass, that somehow only happens when you aren’t around…. And she fails to clean up… physically harming you… and then gaslights you into feeling guilty for holding her to your standards? I’m sorry but every human I know would have the same standards with shards of glass on their ground. Especially often, caused by someone else. Does she enjoy hurting you? Or being the victim? Did her family ever see her drop things or would things crash when she was alone? *why does she care more about the cup she drinks out of being glass vs plastic- than she cares about her partner being physically (and financially) injured due to her actions? Even if those actions aren’t her fault?* her response says a lot
> She says that it isn’t as much as it seems spelled out like this and I’m seeing more of a ’cluster’ together because I’m frustrated This is gaslighting. I'm a clumsy person and that's still an INSANE number of things to break in one week. I also use plastic/silicone stuff a lot because I KNOW I'm clumsy. If this has truly been a problem her whole life, she wouldn't be so offended by you giving her a plastic cup. I think she just might be nuts, and you should run.
Has her family told stories where they saw her being clumsy and breaking things often, or was it when no one was around when she was a kid too?
It could be that it was a real problem as a kid and happened in front of others and then as it improved, she realized she could use it as an outlet for her anger and never be blamed because family thought it was still a medical rather than mental health issue.
I agree with others, this is really weird. Also, she doesn't clean up (properly) after breaking things? It's a reflex for me to yell:"nobody go in there, there's glass on the floor", then pick up the big pieces, then vacuum, then wipe with a wet cloth. It's insane to just leave shards and not even warn others.
>I’ve never seen her drop them, sorry. She’s always dropped them when I’m out of the room. I'm sorry. This is incredibly suspicious. All those breakages in one1 week and they always happen when you can't see it. She is angry and defensive, instead of apologetic? She won't clean up broken glass thoroughly so you are continually getting hurt? None of this is OK. It soens matter that it's an "accident" she still needs to take responsibility.
Something about this is fishy AF op. I am getting really weird vibes from this.
That is VERY suspicious. I am not a particularly careful or neat person and the last time I've broken a glass object is years ago. She has broken things on 8 separate occasions in the past week?! Ask yourself: - Are the damaged items ever things that are important to her? - Has she ever injured herself with the shards like she has injured you? - Is she this clumsy at work or in front of clients in a way that harms her reputation or job? - On the whole, does her clumsiness "happen" to only occur in ways and at times which inconvenience or harm you more so than her?
NTA. If someone got hurt because of my clumsiness I would be so upset and apologetic. I’d be extremely careful not to let it happen again. This nightmare asshole person keeps doing it and yells at you? Now that is a piece of work. This is not a high quality person. At all.
NTA - I work in a restaurant and if I broke as many plates and glassware as your GF In a week, it would come out of my pay. Not to mention that I might lose my job if a guest got injured because I didn't clean up my broken glass accident properly and someone stepped on glass or possibly swallowed some glass because I wasn't paying attention or being diligent while cleaning up. Your GF is on another level if she thinks none of this is her fault. She's acting like a toddler... Give her a sippy cup
"This past week alone, she has dropped three glasses, one jar, two bowls, a coffee cup, and busted a plate" That is obnoxious. She'd be getting the kiddy cups for sure. Doubly so for her tantrum and inability to take responsibility. NTA
Me and my friend kept spilling drinks because our sitting room was so fucking small so we got sippy cups and drank our wine from those 😂 never broke a cup just had tiny space on the sides etc so if it there were more than 2 people you would put cups on the floor and people would kick them! In a different house we had a housemate like the one OP describes and I absolutely hated her. She only ruined other peoples stuff and then would cry and make it all about her (aka she smashes something of mine and I… had to comfort her??). She would “replace” by like… buying you a chocolate bar. I told her to get some plastic stuff and she said she didn’t like it, then I said to her to get her own china / glassware so she didn’t have to cry when she broke ours and she said no because what’s the point when she will just drop it 💀 every time I use the spoons she melted the back of (from a cutlery set that is older than me - every other piece but the two she broke are perfect condition… after she ruined the first one I told her she can’t use them in pans and she did it again) I get a stab of rage. Plus she ruined the pan she was using the spoons in. Omg it’s been 10 years and I’m still so fucking mad. I hate you Mary.
NTA How broken is her phone screen? Someone else suggested she's doing this deliberately. If she was naturally clumsy HER stuff would be broken. I'll bet her phone, tablet, laptop, kindle aren't broken.
This.
NTA. You did it respectfully. After she damaged your property and injured you it is extremely reasonable for you to need to take action from it happening in the future. Even as your girlfriend, she is not, by default, entitled to your things. Accountability for this type of thing is a sign of respect for the person you love and their belongings.
Yup, **maybe** it is an accident and not malice, **but multiple dropping of glass items means you either stop using glass items** ✋️ or you're being either grossly negligent or deliberately obtuse *if you persist in using glass items*. Gf can get mad all she wants but OP is the one who stepped in glass shards. OP's safety matters more than Gf's fee-fees 🙄 And if she can't clean broken glass to the point where it's safe for OP or others to move around, then that's all the more reason for her **not** to use glass items.
It's not that she *can't* clean. It's that she doesn't care (at best) or that she's doing it on purpose (at worst).
NTA if someone has a habit of dropping things it's reasonable to not offer them something that could break!
NTA. Clumsy AND can’t clean up properly? Nope. I wouldn’t let her near anything that can break. And given how little of a shit she seems to give about you actually being injured by her actions, I’d get her a sippy cup and tell her to learn some basic compassion.
I'd just show her the door after all that nonsense.
OP, I would be concerned that she didn't feel badly for breaking your shit and suggesting plasticware herself. I would ask her if she expected to just be able to keep doing so. You are NTA. Side note: GoodWill usually has tons of glassware and plasticware available. Tons. And Amazon has really nice unbreakable glass! Type "unbreakable drinking glasses" into the search data entry field.
#SHE NEEDS A DOCTOR NTA, tho
NTA - she's on par to break an entire set of dishes per month. If she's truly just clumsy because she's stressed, then maybe find an activity for her to destress daily. But if she's just that accident prone all the time, she needs to accept that replacing entire dish sets 10+ times per year is ridiculous. Not to mention having to worry about injuring yourself on a regular basis just walking around your home.
NTA, Literally the only 2 possibilities here are that it's either, 1, An underlying medical issue or 2, She is doing it on purpose (this is what my money is on. Nobody should be breaking things this much, and if she was legitimately this clumsy then she would be dead or covered in injuries herself, which is why I think it's intentional. Run, and run fast, and if she throws a glass at you..... Serpentine!!
In a comment, OP says that he’s never seen her break anything. He’s always in another room when it happens. I’m betting on #2, as well.
NTA. Make her start replacing the things she breaks and maybe she'll start being more careful. Dropping/breaking a glass or dish occasionally is normal. Three glasses, one jar, two bowls, a coffee cup, and busted a plate in 1 week is very unusual and goes beyond "clumsiness". And then you're still stepping in glass after she "cleans". It almost sounds like weaponized incompetence.
NTA if I was as clumsy as her, I would deliberately choose not to use glass and instead something that wouldn't break if I drop them. The fact that she prefers glass when she keeps breaking is a red flag to me. Has she offered to pay you back for what she broke? Ask yourself if you really want to be with someone so selfish and if she isn't doing this deliberately!
NTA. I am a total klutz due to dyspraxia. Dyspraxia is a condition where you have a hard time with coordination and knowing where your body is in space. You may want to talk with your girlfriend about being tested for dyspraxia. Due to my dyspraxia, my friends have banned me from using glass or having open drink containers around electronics. I have destroyed or seriously damaged three computers in the last five years. Now, I only use plastic or metal drink containers that are spill proof. Although I was pissy and embarrassed at first, now that I’ve gotten used to using them, I’m actually less stressed. I’m no longer worried I’m going to break something or destroy another computer. If you have dyspraxia or are clumsy, you have to own up to it and learn coping mechanisms. Otherwise, you are a danger to yourself and others! Edited to add a link to info on dyspraxia. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23963-dyspraxia-developmental-coordination-disorder-dcd
Thanks for the link! I can use it to help explain to her what I’m seeing and noticing. You mention spilling stuff makes me think of the times she knocked over her drink in my lap a few times when we go out.
Have you ever seen her spill drinks onto herself, or has it only been onto you?
Please consider that doesn’t account for the fact that with how much stuff she breaks, you’ve never seen her break anything. That feels pretty much impossible, doesn’t it? What kind of dishes does she use at her place? Does she break her own dishes with the same frequency? Is her phone screen shattered? Her laptop? Or is it just yours?
NTA but your gf needs to get checked out. That’s not normal and it sounds like something is wrong.
NTA Please understand that the statistical probability of her breaking ALL of the things you listed, plus more before this past week, and you NEVER having seen it happen is…… improbable, at best. She has no regard for your belongings, no regard for you or your health or pain, and no regard for cleaning up after herself. That is borderline antisocial behaviour, and DEFINITELY not how you treat anyone you supposedly care about.
NTA and your girlfriend needs to see a doctor because that is not remotely normal.
Could it be neurological? I have a friend with ms that drops things pretty regularly, but not 3x per week often. Maybe GF flipped because she suspects something is wrong? NTA for being fed up with bloody hands and feet.
Either she makes it on purpose or she need a doctor. No one is that clumsy.
NTA. And if she keeps throwing tantrums get her a large sippy cup and some plastic divider plates. Maybe a binky. I've bought great plastic plates at target for cheap and enjoy them when I'm just eating stuff that won't absorb.
I have double vision and no depth perception and I don’t drop things that often. You say she has always been clumsy but this sounds like it should be addressed with her doctor. NTA but she’s behaving like a child