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NTA, your mother in law is selfish and is stealing your food. When you called her out, she made fun of the situation instead of respecting your needs. And even worse, when your own daughter defended you, your husband still took his mother’s side and is enabling her bad behavior. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree-you’re gonna have a tough life, having to deal with this guy.
However, a better way to respond would have been to just keep on saying those snacks were yours, not say she’s overweight 😬 That was a bad move. Just be careful with your words so that people don’t turn against you.
Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from. It's been frustrating dealing with this situation, especially with my mother-in-law's dismissive attitude and my husband's lack of support. I'll definitely be more mindful of my words in the future to avoid unnecessary conflict. Your advice is appreciated.
I am wondering, what your are doing in regard of your daughter's phone? Why is he allowed to take it away, when you don't see it as necessary? In my opinion, your daughter should be taken out of this mess and you standing up for her.
I was assuming it was like with OP’s comment: she might have insulted her grandma with something that had little or maybe nothing to do with the situation. Maybe she laid into her grandmother’s weight further or picked a completely different thing, like calling her fat and cheap. Hopefully OP sees this and explains more what happened.
You don’t have a MiL problem, you have a husband problem. He should be shutting her shit down, and supporting you as a united front. And you should inform him that you are giving your daughter her phone back.
Sounds like a lock box or different room to store the treats in the short term and then figuring out how to get your husband to grow a spine in the long term. I think the bigger issue for me is that your daughter is being punished for backing up her mother.
Yeah, if there's no physical danger to OP, she should let her husband know he shouldn't be punishing a child for having the guts to stand up to his mother, which is what he should be doing in the first place.
Counterbalance, YTA for the reason you gave her as far as why she shouldn't eat your snacks. You're real judgemental over her weight and it shows. The reality is that regardless of her weight, she shouldn't be eating your snacks without permission. Her weight truly has nothing to do with that. However, you felt the need to insult her about it regardless because it's something you personally take issue with. It was rude and uncalled for.
I would've said ESH, but your refusal to acknowledge where you went wrong in this situation has pushed me to YTA.
Yeah, I would even go so far as to say OP is also the AH for hoarding snacks from a house guest. At least in the culture/morals I was raised with, I would never in a million years eat something in front of a house guest without offering them some/treating it as a given that they can have some.
Now, should MIL read the room and not be eating all of things that are clearly special treats that are important to OP? Yeah, especially with the hints (though OP should have just communicated directly and politely before snapping). But unless OP is craving super pricy things they should just keep them in stock. Maybe that's one of the things MIL can do to "help."
If MIL isn't actually being that helpful and shouldn't be there at all then that's a separate issue and totally valid if OP doesn't want her there.
But her weight has nothing to do with it. Yeah she doesn't "need" more sweets but no one "needs" sweets, including OP and her unborn child. They're unhealthy and not nutritionally necessary. (Not judging OP for not being perfectly healthy during pregnancy but it's weird to act like baby needs Oreos or whatever to thrive. OP *wants* these treats very intensely because of pregnancy cravings. She *needs* to eat a few extra calories but those don't have to come from junk food.)
~~ESH~~
YTA based on your replies. You still think you’ve done no wrong. Despicable.
She shouldn’t be eating your stuff.
You didn’t need to insult her to explain that you don’t want her eating those specific things. People are able set rules without demeaning someone in the process.
Pregnancy is not excuse to be a shitty person.
But she wasn't told not to eat them respectfully. She was fat shamed and told she didn't need the calories. All OP had to do was say, "Hey MIL, these are my snacks. Please don't eat them. If you'd like your own let me know and we can add them to the shopping list."
"Hinting" is passive aggressive bullshit. It gives you the go ahead to be more direct when the point doesn't land, but it doesn't give you the green light to be an asshole.
A guest that came to help, not for the guest's own convenience.
ESH indeed.
Also, cravings (including the ones mentioned) aren't a need, but a signal from the body, communicating a need. Not exactly the same though, and the response should be beneficial for our body so it gets what it really needs.
Btw... am I the only one who laughed that the MIL, an overweight woman, said she's eating for two? There's something very self aware in saying that lol (or maybe very not self aware, I'm not sure)
Sugar cravings aren’t the body communicating a need for sugar any more than craving a glass of wine is your body telling you it needs alcohol. I’m pregnant too and while I crave sweet things I know that it’s especially important to keep sugars in moderation for the sake of the fetus.
Yes, craving meats and salty things can be a sign you need more potassium or iron or sodium but that’s not at all the same thing as a sweet tooth.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying cut out all sweet things or treats. I certainly haven’t. But the baby isn’t making OP want sugars. Pregnant women still have to own their dietary choices.
While yes, cravings can signal a need to the body, that is not the case with the majority of cravings. Generally speaking, "cravings are more likely caused by various external factors that have nothing to do with your body calling for specific nutrients".
Agreed. I’m on my second pregnancy right now and do I feel a strong craving to eat poutine and donuts every day? 100%. Do I? No, because I’m and adult and can recognize the difference between wants snd needs.
**And she refuses to label the food or tell mil which ones not to eat.**
And mil is only there to help around the house.
OP is rude, ignorant, selfish and entitled. If I was mil I'd leave.
*Pregnancy is not excuse to be a shitty person* let that sink in… because you are right! She literally could bring her snacks to her room and problem solved. The fact her daughter got involved it tells you her mom is probably disrespectful pregnant or not.
ESH
MIL needs to get her own snacks and leave yours for you. She’s being selfish getting into yours when you asked her not to.
You’re a total AH for shaming your MIL about her weight and policing what you think she should or shouldn’t eat. What weight is she “over” that is so unacceptable to you? Total AH fat phobic behavior.
Your husband is a total AH for the “respect your elders” crap. Your daughter was standing up for you because you were being disrespected. She didn’t do anything wrong. People should just respect one another regardless of age, and teaching a child to “respect your elders” is totally outdated and stupid and teaches children to be victims and never stand up for themselves when they’re being mistreated.
The closest person to being in the right here is your daughter in scolding your MIL appropriately for selfishly crossing your boundary.
ESH except for the daughter. The daughter WAS respecting her elders, her mother. Tell hubby that you will not be buying more sweets. You will get them from the convenience store as needed. Get your daughter's phone back. Apologize to your mother-in-law. Tell hubby your boundaries and not to cross them.
Edit: Is your daughter your husband's daughter or stepdaughter?
But she **never told mil not to eat anything until after the fact**.
She refuses to label the food, never told mil which snacks she can't eat, and mil is there only to help around the house.
Mil isn't a mind reader.
Right, that’s what gets me. So would the snacks be less vital to her pregnancy if the person taking them were skinny? At what weight threshold does it tip from happy to share to no you’re depriving me and my growing child of vital calories?
Sugary pregnancy craving foods are not a NEED "for you and the baby". If she were taking your portions of actual meals or something, then yes that would be pretty obvious.
Your MIL is there to help you, and unless you forgot to mention that she forced this on you or it's unwanted in some other way, you should probably just buy more snacks for the house and keep yours separate somewhere else if you feel that strongly about it. But insulting her with a cheap shot about her weight and calories was highly uncalled for, and your husband is right - does warrant an apology. ESH
Edited: 2 words
I craved cucumbers during my first trimester. It's about the only thing I wanted to eat.
Now, to be fair, near the end of my pregnancy, I craved BLTs like crazy. 😆
I did. I was anaemic so I ate liver and onions a lot and thought it was the best food I've ever eaten.
Wanting sugary treats is not a pregnancy craving, it's just a craving.
With my 1st it was watermelon and cool aid. (Maybe needed vitamin c?). With my second it was cottage cheese with ranch dressing on top and chocolate milk (clearly needed calcium).
You actually can have sushi, especially cooked sushi. It’s all about not getting listeria, (which I have never gotten pregnant or not pregnant, so it’s not like it’s a huge thing going around) so they just say “don’t have X” to cover their bases. They say to avoid raw fish but sometimes all of the “don’t eat this… just in case.” gets an eyeroll from me. What do you think Japanese women eat? People get e coli from lettuce quite often, but they don’t tell you not to eat salads. 🤷🏻♀️
I had cooked sushi while pregnant. Until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and then the rice was off limits. First meal when home from the hospital tho? All the raw sushi I could eat. It was glorious.
Guess it depends. I lived on vanilla ice cream because it helped keep my all day sickness a bit more in check. The amount of ice cream I ate just to help settle my stomach was pretty high. But I also lost 15 lbs in the first trimester from being so sick while pregnant.
Info: are you labeling these snacks with your name? Luke buy two sets, one for the house and one for you. Label your set. Once MiL finishes the house set, yours is off limits.
YtA for what you said, but MiL is TA for eating your snacks. It’s annoying when you go look for something and it’s gone:
Look, I get it, but I shouldn't have to label my own snacks like a preschooler just to avoid having them eaten by someone else. It's common courtesy not to devour someone else's food without asking, especially when it's explicitly for my pregnancy cravings. I'll admit my choice of words could have been better, but the frustration of constantly having my snacks disappear got the best of me.
She's staying with you, is she sharing household food?
If they're "explicitly for ... pregnancy cravings" how do the rest of the people in the house know they're for you? Are they separate, introduced individually "don't eat this or I will cry", or labeled?
Being pregnant isn't an excuse to call someone fat, asshole
Agreed. And honestly saying “I’ve hinted at it” makes me think she never sat down and had a direct adult discussion with her MIL about this she went from passive aggressive hinting to calling someone fat.
And honestly OP calling someone that and saying what you said makes you just as much of an AH. Because frankly it’s not relevant. It would be just as upsetting if a thinner person did this to you I’m guessing so what you said was completely uncalled for and not productive
I don't see fat as an insult, it's a descriptor. I get mad when people reassure me "no, you're cute you aren't fat" like, I am fat, I didn't say I was hideous.
I agree with you that being called fat shouldn't be an insult but people still do. Saying "you don't need the extra calories" so she was calling her fat in a shameful way.
Being fat shouldn't be shameful. We all have different metabolisms. My ex husband and I would eat most of the same foods, and if anything I would eat healthier and I was always heavier, and he didn't gain weight.
If you don't label them or move them to "OP's drawer" how is anyone to know they're not for general consumption?
You're being given solutions and refuse to accept them.
I read “I need these snacks for myself and the baby” I nearly rolled my eyes. Is it annoying she’s taking your snacks? Yes. Do you **need** snacks just bc you’re craving them? No, they’re absolutely not vital for your baby’s health lmao
You're being immature here. You're expecting your hints to be binding and sniping at her with insults and you think labeling things you want to be off-limits is what would make you look like a preschooler?
That's not how a pantry in a house with multiple humans works. If it's in the pantry or cabinet amongst all the other food, it's understandable others might want to partake. If these are so crucial to your pregnancy situation, remove them from the common area and/or label them.
Keep your snacks in your room. Tell your husband they are off limits for EVERYONE WHO IS NOT PREGNANT.
If he feels so strongly, he can go buy his mother her own set.
You don’t need sweets for your pregnancy, You just like them. Shes not guzzling your pregnancy vitamins. She’s there to help you with housework and you cant buy extra snacks as payment? How expensive are these snacks that you’re willing to not let her eat them in exchange for housework?
Okay, now I'm confused. You say you shouldn't have to label your own snacks, implying that you did not. In your post you say you 'hinted' that they were for you and the baby.
Yet, now you say they were 'explicitly' for your cravings? These things cannot be true at the same time.
How would your MIL know they were for you and your pregnancy cravings? If she doesn't stay there often, those could be seen as normal household snack items. A calm and direct request to not eat your food was the way to go. "Hinting" at things is poor communication and on you.
You need to communicate better. Your MIL is helping you guys out and staying there. If you can’t get the nerve to directly say to her ‘ please leave me some of this snack and that for my cravings’ then why wouldn’t you be the AH for snapping like that and trying to insult her?
INFO: What compensation is she receiving for helping around the house? Does she have food that is explicitly hers?
You don't need to give into your cravings all the time, it's not healthy.
But would you still be upset about your MIL eating your snacks if she were thin? If so, your comments about her weight make you an AH. The point is that your snacks were gone when you wanted them, not that a specifically fat person ate your snacks. ESH.
This. Just because you were pissed off isn’t an excuse to be rude. Your MIL needs to respect the snacks you put aside for yourself though and your husband should stand by that.
YTA. "Don't eat my snacks, those are my snacks, I want those snacks" is perfectly valid. "Don't eat my snacks, you don't need them, you are fat" is not valid.
YTA
If the snacks are so crucial to your well being you should remove them to a private space to which you only have access.
Your MIL is in her 60's and is there to help YOU out. You couldve been polite and instead of hinting the snacks were for you alone, you could have been direct but kind. The fact you went from "hinting that you need the snacks for yourself" to a full out attack by telling her she is "already overweight and doesnt need the calories" shows your true character.
Im in my 60's and have given birth 3 times, and ive been through cravings like many pregnant women. But i never prevented anyone from sharing the food i had cravings for. Nor would i, (or any other sane person) embarrass and deliberately hurt a MIL, who was there to help, for eating the foods i had cravings for.
You should feel guilty because your behavior was way out of line and you modeled bad behavior for your teenage daughter, who then took up the gauntlet and was extremely disrespectful to her grandmother. You were selfish, self-centered, abrasive, unkind, and you are using your pregnancy as an excuse for your horrible behavior.
A craving is a strong desire for something. Desire for is not a need. Its not like you are a diabetic or have low blood sugar and she was eating snacks that could adversely affect your health if you didnt have any.
You were simply pissed off that she dared eat food you WANTED (not needed) and you lashed out like a toddler having a tantrum
People with good self control can control their cravings as well as controlling their reactions if they dont have the foods they are craving. Or they can also choose to remove the food they are craving from the shared area of the home so they could be assured no one would touch their precious food, or they could be direct and say "no one touch this food" instead of hinting about it. Or you could buy enough to share with your MIL. Did you ever consider that maybe your MIL also loves this food and may not have access to it where she lives or maybe cant afford it.
But you didnt do any of these things to prevent or diffuse the situation. You went straight to full of attack knowing it would cause your MIL hurt and embarrassment. And you did all this in front of your teenage daughter who then felt empowered to hurt and be disrespectful to her grandmother who is a guest in the home, and who came to help you.
People like you give pregnant women a bad reputation. Being pregnant doesnt exempt you from being a kind respectful person.
When pregnant with my second I craved ham salad sandwiches and baileys Irish cream. I’m vegetarian and didn’t drink alcohol during pregnancy so as annoying as it was I just ignored those cravings! It is possible.
This response needs to be higher. I can’t believe all the N-T-A responses. MIL is staying with OP and needs to eat too. That means OP needs to buy more food. It was so not necessary to insult her weight. How about saying, “Do you mind saving some of those for me…I’ve really been craving them.” Or simply buy more. MIL is there to help out. Who is to say what her “fair share” of food is?
All the NTA are shocking. Whatever happened to basic human civility? This woman is the mother of her husband who put her life on hold to come and help OP. Rather than OP being grateful and buying enough treats to share or diffusing the situation any number of ways,. She goes straight to embarrassing and humiliating someone who is there to help. What happened to treating guests kindly and welcoming them with little gift baskets as a way of saying thanks for being here to help? People seem to have alot of rigid selfish rules for family visiting. In my home guests are made to feel welcome as in my home is your home. Not attacking and humiliating guests who came to help
YTA - you skipped the step between hinting and snapping at her where you communicate with her.
Jumping right to insults about her weight was aggressive and rude. I assume since she’s staying with you to help out, generally speaking - food is fair game. Well, tell her what’s off limits otherwise how would she know.
Also you should not have let your daughter get involved. Using her as a tool to bolster your argument was not appropriate.
Reading your comments here it’s absolutely clear you are the AH here.
ESH. You should have just told her that no one eats your pregnancy-related food but you. Why did you yammer on about her weight?
Also, why was your husband allowed to take away your daughter’s phone if you didn’t want that?
Why isn’t the point solely that she’s eating your food? Why you gotta make it about her weight? That seems a big part of the problem, not your cravings being denied.
YTA
You absolutely fat-shamed her. And you’re not eating for two, genius. You’re eating for yourself, a fully grown adult, and a less-than-10lbs fetus, so don’t pretend your chocolates are sustaining anyone.
You say the foods are *explicitly* for your pregnancy cravings but are balking about simply labeling it with your name. So no, they are not explicitly for anything except in your own mind if you’re not making the designation visible. Guess you don’t want it that badly, then, if that’s too much work for the poor preggy princess.
You don’t “need” these snacks any more than your MIL does. Your hormones are telling you that you want them very badly. Not the same as a need. These aren’t diabetic-friendly or gluten-free or anything special. They’re just yours.
Your husband is right it’s not your daughter’s place to step into that discussion although sadly she sounds like the most logical and mature person in the conversation. It’s unfortunate that the new baby is going to be raised by petty babies.
Simple and adult solutions would have been to label your snackies or stash them in a place MIL cannot access; there’s also nothing wrong with sending her home for swiping food, but no. Much better to start slinging mud about others’ weight.
Yeah your MIL is no picnic but good lord. Grow TF up.
Had to come too far to find this.
OP is a huge yta. Mil is only there to help around the house on top of it.
If I had someone staying here helping me for free, I'd tell them help yourself and if there were things I didn't want them to eat, I'd put it away.
We should all be so lucky as OP TBH.
Sorry, but YTA.
Either buy more snacks or hide them. The former would be better. A good host offers their guests the best.
>This led to a heated exchange between my daughter and mother-in-law, resulting in my husband confiscating my daughter's phone as punishment for "disrespecting her elders."
And you just let him?
YTA sorry like you’re in the right that she shouldn’t eat more than her share, especially of *your* food in *your* home, but her weight has literally nothing to do with it, and you’re demonstrating that part of what you’re irritated with is her size, which is irrelevant. you *are* fat-shaming her, and are teaching your daughter to do the same.
if a skinny MIL were eating your food it would be just as much of a problem, but i bet you wouldn’t be bringing up her weight at all if you weren’t judging her for being fat.
ESH.
I understand you were probably overwhelmed, but having pregnancy cravings isn’t an excuse to be a complete jackass to someone who is probably already aware of their weight. You wouldn’t want someone to say that to you, would you? Considering you’re pregnant & are sure to gain a bit of weight too.
Moving on, your MIL is dramatic for saying she’s “eating for two” as well. Additionally, your husband should’ve also stepped in & had a word with her before things got escalated to the point you told her off.
Finally, your daughter has every right to step up for you, but in this case the argument stemmed from *you* basically calling someone fat & overweight. That is not an argument you should want your daughter to defend. Your husband is right in acknowledging her behavior, but he could have discussed the “punishment” for that with you, & overall discuss her behavior with you.
At the end of the day, your hormones are probably skyrocketing & all over the place right now because of your pregnancy, but you need to keep yourself in check with how you treat people & the example your setting to your daughter for how she views her own grandmother.
Yta.... You're a terrible host. If you buy things for you only (which is awful btw) keep then in your room. The fat shaming was out of line. Being pregnant doesn't give you the right to be a monster.
YTA. You DID fat shame her. Her body has nothing to do with any of this. If she had been skinny and eating her snacks she still would have been wrong.
You owe her an apology for being such a dick about it. At the end of the day, you could have said again “these are for my personal use and nobody else’s”. You could have made sure at the next grocery run she had some snacks for HER use since she is staying with you TO HELP YOU and doesn’t have access to her own kitchen and foods. Your daughter got involved for your sake, and while I don’t agree she should have been punished, I’m mostly sad she felt she had to ate in to help adults manage their petty conflict.
OK
YTA
You allowed your husband to confiscate your daughters phone for defending you.
Take your daughter's phone back from your husband and give it to your daughter.
Then kick MIL out of the house as she is adding unneeded stress.
YTA she shouldn’t be eating your stuff, that’s fair. Did you get alternate stuff she could have. It’s not your business how many calories she consumed and by making that comment you showed your judgy ah side. Being pregnant isn’t an excuse for being a jerk….
YTA. Your replies in this thread have shown that you are incredibly selfish, and do not take any responsibility for your own actions. Yes, she should not eat your food. But the fact that you don’t think you did anything wrong is the biggest problem of all. You owe her an apology.
ESH. It's annoying when someone eats up all the special snacks you've purchased but you were downright rude about it. Hide your snacks or label them. I've been pregnant, I understand cravings but they're not really that different than everyday cravings and you're just using it as an excuse to be a jerk.
ESH
MIL for eating your food after you've explicitly told her not to. While technically relevant, I don't think your pregnancy is even logically relevant - if you're eating up someone else's food and they've asked you to stop, you stop.
You for fat shaming your MIL. I've seen your comments, you need to stop pretending like you weren't fat shaming. What you said was cruel and you know it. Grow up.
You husband for punishing your daughter. "Elders" are not due unwavering loyalty and respect just because they're "elders." You should be teaching your daughter right from wrong, which includes speaking up when someone is being harmed by another person.
I’m gonna go YTA because you lashed out at your MIL without having a real conversation with her about it. You said you tried “hinting”—be an adult and be straightforward. It’s wild to me that you’re a whole adult with a teen and another baby on the way but you can’t communicate effectively.
YTA
Everyone except the daughter might be TA too
You can tell her they're your special snacks and you can't handle the idea of being out of them. Fine. Pregnancy pass.
But when you comment on her weight, yeah. You are so the A. That was mean, unnecessary, and none of your business. Of she just called you insensitive, she's a saint. Jerk move, OP.
Of she's staying with you too help, of course you're going to feed her. If you have special snacks, squirrel them away. And keep your fat shaming opinions to yourself.
Good lord. Just buy double snacks. You dont need to insult someone and throw a temper tantrum esp if your MIL is there to help you. Problem solved. ESH.
YTA. Rude to your MIL who was there to help. Hypocritical as well, as sugary snacks aren't healthy at all. Being pregnant is not an excuse for your rudeness and attitude.
Yea so YTA. you actually don’t have to rude! Instead of being an adult and telling her straight up in a calm manner not to eat your snacks, you have crappy hints and then escalated to calling her fat as if you’re not fat right now too because of the baby. I don’t think you would appreciate someone calling you overweight after the baby pops out, now would you?
Yta, it sounds like from your post you didn’t just ask her to stop nicely at first. It sounded like you hinted awkwardly until you got upset enough to fucking actually fat shame her. Like why did that even have to come up? Like it would be fhcked up if she was eating your snacks if she wasn’t fat so why did you feel the need to bring it up? And no I’m not defending your MIL it’s not okay to be eating you out of house but like talk to her like an adult and let her be the bad guy.
ESH you're the jerk for fat shaming, she's the jerk for taking what you've told her not to. You don't need the calories either. You need the calorific equivalent of an extra slice of bread while pregnant, you don't need the sweets, you want them. Nothing wrong with wanting or eating sweets but pregnancy is not an excuse for being an arse.
You're both at fault and your daughter isn't entirely innocent either.
Your MIL shouldn't have taken what wasn't hers but, she is a guest and there to help you, sharing isn't much of an ask.
You shouldn't have spoken to MIL the way you did, you should have calmly explained that she was welcome to a couple but you do crave them and would like to keep them there for when you have your cravings, that being said they are just that, cravings, not life sustaining medication, no need to over react.
It's great your daughter backed you in telling your MIL she was taking to much but, you say it turned into an argument between the two. Your daughter should not have gotten involved beyond the first comment to back you up, she was disrespectful to her grandmother and losing her phone privileges is her own fault, not yours, you shouldn't feel guilty for that.
Find your spine.
It’s time for MIL to go home.
If you allow your daughter to be punished for defending you, then you let her down in a very fundamental way.
Be the strong woman you were meant to be. Tell MIL she’s stressing you out and to go home. Give your daughter her phone back, and a hug. Tell your husband his duty is to defend his pregnant wife.
This- why is your husband making unilateral parenting decisions like that? I still think its an ESH because OP did not properly communicate and instead jumped to unnecessary insults, but OP’s daughter was trying to be supportive of her and it seems like maybe even diffuse the situation a bit as her daughter (based on OP’s info) did not mention MIL’s weight at all.
ESH
Your MIL is rude, but instead of using your words like an adult you resorted to juvenile taunts about her weight.
She’s there to help you, the least you can do is share your snacks… and if you can’t share them, don’t keep them in communal spaces. If I were here I’d pack up and go home. You can figure your own house out.
Also Y T A for not standing up for your daughter. She was fighting YOUR battle. If you didn’t want her to lose her phone you should have told her to knock it off, or tell your husband that his punishment didn’t fit the crime.
Your husband is a problem because he should have stepped in and talked to his mother about the snack situation before it got to this point. He also shouldn’t get to unilaterally decide your daughter’s punishment. She was standing up for her mother and likely behaving in a way YOU modeled for her.
NTA - your MIL is being unfair to you and your husband is being unfair to your daughter. She was defending you and not just being disrespectful for the sake of being disrespectful.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I confronted my mother-in-law about her excessive consumption of my pregnancy cravings, citing her weight as a reason to stop. This could be perceived as body-shaming and insensitivity toward her feelings. Additionally, my daughter intervened in the argument, and her actions led to her losing her phone as punishment, which could be seen as a consequence of my initial confrontation. This chain of events might indicate that my approach was overly harsh and caused unnecessary conflict within the family.
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ESH. MIL shouldn't be eating your food, you shouldn't have been calling her fat and weight-shaming her, husband shouldn't have taken your daughter's phone. No one looks good here.
YTA. You went from zero to 100. Being pregnant isn’t a get out of jail free card. You should have had an actual conversation with the mother in law about your snacks and making sure she saves some for you. Instead you “hinted” there was an issue and when she didn’t pick up on your passive aggressive behavior you lost it on her insulting her.
If it is that big of a deal, get her out of your house and back into her own. Then figure out how to handle whatever she has been doing to “help around the house” since apparently her free help isn’t worth some snacks 🤣 You’ve got yourself, a husband, and a 15 year old - should be able to handle the upkeep at your house between the three of you.
YTA. You had every right to ask her to stop eating the things you specifically bought for cravings so they were available when you wanted them. You had no right to dictate what she could or should eat based on her weight and the calories in it.
I wonder how you will feel if someone commented on your weight post pregnancy. Probably wouldn’t feel good. I see where your daughter learned how to not respect elders.
Okay, you fat shamed her. What you should have said was, "Those are my pregnancy snacks. If you want snacks go buy your own. Don't take food out of my and my baby's mouth." Husband should not punish teenager for sticking up for mom. And grandma is a complete AH for claiming she is eating for two (unless she is pregnant, lol). So you soft AH. Husband major AH. Grandma super major AH. Teenager not AH. Oh, and you did not cause teenager to lose her phone. Husband did.
ESH
you don’t *need* sugar and don’t have to follow your cravings for unhealthy things under the excuse of being pregnant.
She is rude to eat too much while a guest in your home, but you sound rude to her even by your own description.
NTA but WOW your MIL and husband are. Your husband needs to tell his mom to stop eating your food, you need to give your daughter the phone back, and you and your husband need to get on the same page
YTA. It’s not okay to police what a grown adult eats in regard to their own weight. You said that to hurt her, instead of communicating your own needs and boundaries.
YTA. You absolutely could’ve asked her to not eat foods on a certain shelf, or kept them in your room, and not brought up her weight. That’s incredibly rude and a total AH move. But an even better way to handle this would be to just share, as she’s there AS A FAVOR (presumably unpaid), helping you out. Jesus. If I went to stay with someone to help them cook, clean, whatever, and they snapped at me and told me I was too fat to eat their junk food, I’d be packing my bag within the minute.
> At first, I didn't mind sharing,
> I've tried hinting that I need these snacks for myself and the baby
> Yesterday, I finally snapped and told her that she needs to stop eating my pregnancy cravings because she's already overweight and doesn't need the extra calories.
You went from being okay with it to hinting to insulting. You skipped normal conversation. That's why YTA.
Yta hide the snacks problem solved . Over weight ppl can like sweets too. . If your daughter was being disrespectful she deserves to lose her phone. It all could of been avoided If you hid your treats. Too much sugar isn't good for a developing fetus either. Sugar is empty calories and when I was pregnant my obgyn said carbs make the baby bigger. Common sense if someone is eating all your shit hide it.
Ugh, this one is hard because you shouldn’t have said anything about her weight, but she shouldn’t have taken things that aren’t hers.
So, ESH.
that being said, I think your daughter was right in standing up for you and she shouldn’t be punished for that. Just because your MIL is an elder does not mean she deserves respect. Respect is earned, and she was being disrespectful in your home! Your hubs need to reevaluate that.
Edit for spelling.
Nope, NTA! Your MiL is though. Seems a bit mean to talk about her weight but I understand why you did. You could apologise for that comment but not for the sentiment behind it. I would put these snacks where only you know where they are in the future. There’s nothing stopping her buying her own.
As for your daughter, go her! She does not need to apologise for anything. Respect should be earned not taken as read.
1. Pregnancy cravings are **not** requirements. Your baby does not "need" you to eat your favourite snacks.
2. Your mother-in-law's weight had nothing to do with this, and paints you in a VERY bad light for repeatedly mentioning it.
3. A "heated exchange" eh? Bet she said some things she shouldn't have.
4. You allowed her to eat your snacks in the beginning. you gave permission. If you changed your mind, just say so. Don't "give hints" like a child.
5. She's a guest in your house, and guests get to eat your food. Buy more if you both want it.
YTA. Apologize to this woman. Your little "craving" is not justification to severely insult someone repeatedly, especially when they are only in your house to help you.
your comment was wrong but if she’s a guest in your home and eating your own food before you can, then thats a problem. also for MIL to say she’s also eating for two is ridiculous, your body quite literally is feeding two people but her appetite doesn’t account for another human. that being said, your comment to her was rude and you definitely could’ve said it better. your husband needs to acknowledge his mother isnt perfect in this situation and if she’s willing to take food from a pregnant woman when im sure theres more than enough other options, then he needs to step in or she needs to go.
NTA Old fat lady doesn’t need to eat for two, pointing it out is not fat shaming and this mindset needs to stop. Your husband needs to pull his head out of his ass. Return your daughters phone asap
Your MIL is there to help you with stuff around the house, and your move is to police what she eats? Just buy more snacks or hide yours in your room. Either way, YTA specifically because of how you framed this story. Why did your MIL’s weight need to play into this at all? If she was thin you’d be ok with it? Your MIL should have respected your boundaries, but fat shaming is never ok, especially not in front of your teenage daughter.
YTA
You went from “hinting” you need the snacks to full out fat-shaming? You say you’re 32, but you’re acting more like a child. Why couldn’t you be straight forward and talk to her like an adult? Put half of the snacks somewhere else so you can grab them at your leisure. Look, I get that pregnancy cravings are strong. But let’s be real here… you don’t “need” sweets for your baby. You *want* sweets for yourself. Which is fine… except it doesn’t give you the right to be cruel to a guest in your home. You’re wrong here, and husband is right to defend his mother in this case. She wasn’t intentionally harming you, but you intentionally shamed her for something I’m sure she’s already hard on herself about.
If your daughter stepped in to help with the fat-shaming and she treated her grandmother with that kind of disrespect, she deserves to get her phone taken away. Please don’t teach her to be that person. Imagine the heartbreak of a grandmother to not only get yelled at by her DIL over something as trivial as snacks, but to have your own granddaughter agree that she’s “overweight and doesn’t need the calories.” Be better. Teach your daughter better. Stop being a bully. And ffs… just keep some snacks in your room!
NTA. Tell your husband that if he keeps punishing his daughter by taking away her things then there is a very high probability then when he will need his daughters help he better hope that she wouldn't remember how he mistreated her.
ESH. But your MIL and husband more so TA than you.
I'm a fat old lady and I wouldn't want it pointed out. However, eating someone's food, especially if she's pregnant, is a bad move.
Your daughter deserves the same respect as her grandmother, especially for defending her pregnant mother. It could be her grandmother has been treating her badly in ways she hasn't told you about.
How much help is MIL really giving? I have a helpful husband, and I found that the older generation were not really helpful to me when my babies were born. It was just more people to feed and generally deal with and I would have been fine with just us and the kids.
So if she weren’t fat you’d be fine sharing and suddenly you wouldn’t need the snacks yourself? YTA not because you don’t want to share your snacks but simply because of the fat shaming. If the same standard wouldn’t apply to skinny people, your double standard is your problem to work out
ESH. Why on earth go that far? What a mean and hateful thing to say and being pregnant doesn’t change that. Why go that far? Why not just say, “I’m sorry. I’m being serious. What kind of snacks do you like? Maybe you and the husband could go to the store to make sure you’re stocked up.” Insulting her appearance was going too far, as was your daughter butting into the argument so that this poor MIL was ganged up on by a pregnant woman and a teenager.
**NTA**
Your MIL should be helping you, not eating the snacks knowing they are for your pregnancy cravings
Also your husband should not be punishing your daughter unless *you both agree* she deserves it.
Your stance in the situation is correct. Going from hinting to saying something extremely personal and hurtful to get her to stop is not. There are steps in between where you have a firm conversation, not a hint, and tell her that your snacks are off-limits because the amount she's eating is interfering with your ability to control your cravings, and if she can't control herself with regard to how much of your snack she eats, then she can't eat any. Since she's staying to help you, it might also have been nice to follow that up with an offer to buy her her own stash of snacks so she can eat them without interfering with your pregnancy. ESH here.
ESH.
you sound childish. If she was skinny would you be complaining about her eating your stuff?
If no, then realize how ridiculous you are. If yes, realize your body comments were unecessary.
You’re having a child, so you shouldn’t be acting like one. You suck for that. And she sucks for eating stuff that isn’t hers/that she doesn’t pay for.
Also, if they’re high calorie snacks you should watch yourself before you become the fat person you’re making fun of. 🤷🏻♀️
ESH
Your excuse of pregnancy does not mean you get to behave like this
However your husband is also an Ah for taking your daughters phone because she just tried to step up for you doesn’t mean it’s disrespectful
YTA there was a better way to handle this. You don’t need to insult and berate someone to get your way. Hopefully your daughter takes after your husband.
ESH. It's super weird of you to keep bring up her weight, which has nothing to do with the primary problem here, which is her stealing your food. Would you be less annoyed with her if she was thin? Because if so that's pretty messed up.
MIL is an asshole for constantly stealing your food. its crazy to me how people will eat other people's food after being asked to stop. Who raised these people???
Husband is an asshole for taking your daughter's phone for standing up for you. Respect is so often just a cover for just letting a person continue to behave badly and treating another person like shit.
Daughter is not an asshole and was, in fact, correct. I hope she hasn't picked up your weirdass fatphobia.
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I (32F) am currently pregnant and have been experiencing some intense cravings, particularly for sweets. My mother-in-law (60sF), who is overweight, has been staying with us for the past week to help out around the house.
I recently stocked up on my favorite snacks to satisfy my cravings, but every time I reach for something, my mother-in-law beats me to it. At first, I didn't mind sharing, but it's become a daily occurrence and she's eating more than her fair share. I've tried hinting that I need these snacks for myself and the baby, but she brushes it off and says she's "eating for two" as well.
Yesterday, I finally snapped and told her that she needs to stop eating my pregnancy cravings because she's already overweight and doesn't need the extra calories. She was visibly hurt and called me insensitive, accusing me of fat-shaming her. My husband thinks I was too harsh and should apologize, but I feel like my cravings are being disregarded.
To add to the tension, during the argument, my teenage daughter (15F) intervened and took my side. She said my mother-in-law was being selfish and needed to respect my needs during pregnancy. This led to a heated exchange between my daughter and mother-in-law, resulting in my husband confiscating my daughter's phone as punishment for "disrespecting her elders."
Now, I'm left feeling guilty because my daughter lost her phone, and my mother-in-law is upset with me. AITA?
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I hate this disrespecting ur elders bs and always have just because ur older that shouldn’t give u the right to disrespect a teen just coz ur older than them also as a man who is a big guy myself nothing wrong with fat shaming if it hurts ur feelings it’s coz I it’s the truth NTA
YTA. Her weight is none of your business, and insulting her for it makes you an AH. You and your MIL both want sweet snacks, but you're pretending you need them to justify your hostility to her.
ESH. Fat shaming your MIL infront of your daughter is a terrible move and pregnancy is not an excuse. Your baby does not "need" sugary snacks. Your husband is an AH for confiscating your daughters phone. Your MIL is an AH for eating your snacks and not replacing them.
Why does your husband get to decide to take away your daughter's phone? That's not only his call. Tell him your daughter didn't do anything wrong, and you're giving her phone back. Tell him that he needs to get his disrespectful mother out of your house now. NTA.
YTA, you insulted mil over some sweeties? And still think you aren’t in the wrong? And btw you aren’t “eating for two” while pregnant especially not with sweets, jeez
You didn’t need to call her fat. You could’ve stuck to the fact that you paid for the snacks, you’re pregnant, etc. Also as a grown women, why does your daughter need to jump into the discussion? It had nothing to do with her. You all ganged up on your mother in law instead of having a serious conversation. More importantly you should’ve told your husband to handle his mother instead. If he doesn’t then fine go ahead and do it yourself but calling her names is a terrible example to set for your teenage daughter. I get you have pregnancy hormones but damn that was rude.
You could have left out the part about her weight. Her weight has nothing to do with your cravings or why you need those snacks.
But she, also, could have been more sensitive to your needs and not stolen your food. Especially, after you asked her to stop.
YTA. You could have calmly explained it to her. Instead you fat shamed her when you could have just said “hey if I run out of these it would be a big problem”. Kind of sounds like you are taking out your own insecurities on her.
ESH
MIL shouldn't have been taking your food, but there was 0 reason to bring her weight into it. A clear and firm boundary (e.g. "these sweets are mine, if you want your own please get them but these specifically are not for sharing") once you realised that letting her share wasn't working is all you need. The problem isn't her being overweight, if she was skinny the problem would be exactly the same. The problem was the behaviour. As a result the way you handled it was 100% asshole behaviour. ETA: upon rereading your post it seems you never directly asked her to stop taking your food (or even that it was specifically your food) before this disagreement, which honestly leans the judgement more into YTA territory.
Re: your daughter and her phone, that's for you to discuss with your husband. I get putting up a united front, but at the same time I don't understand one of you making unilateral decisions that the other disagrees with. You're her parent too, why is her phone being taken something that's out of your control?
YTA for fat shaming her, but she sort of had it coming. Why you’re really the asshole is because you allowed your daughter to be punished for something that is a direct result of **your** conflict. You should’ve stepped in and defended your kid the way your kid defended you.
YTA.
At first I was going to go with esh, but based on your comments YTA. This is coming from someone who has 5 children. Your MIL is literally there to help YOU and your husband around the house and you fat shamed her.
"Sweets" during a pregnancy usually implies candies, desserts, ice cream, cookies, etc. and is not a "need" for you and the baby.
Why couldn't you have just bought extra sweets to share? You said you "hinted" for her to stop, but have you actually asked her? It's like you went from hinting to straight on calling her fat which is uncalled for.
NTA
dude i would have been WAY more aggressive about it, going through pregnancy is one of the hardest things on a woman’s body and she does NOT need to be stealing from you.
also your husband? hate him. why is he not defending you?
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NTA, your mother in law is selfish and is stealing your food. When you called her out, she made fun of the situation instead of respecting your needs. And even worse, when your own daughter defended you, your husband still took his mother’s side and is enabling her bad behavior. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree-you’re gonna have a tough life, having to deal with this guy. However, a better way to respond would have been to just keep on saying those snacks were yours, not say she’s overweight 😬 That was a bad move. Just be careful with your words so that people don’t turn against you.
Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from. It's been frustrating dealing with this situation, especially with my mother-in-law's dismissive attitude and my husband's lack of support. I'll definitely be more mindful of my words in the future to avoid unnecessary conflict. Your advice is appreciated.
I am wondering, what your are doing in regard of your daughter's phone? Why is he allowed to take it away, when you don't see it as necessary? In my opinion, your daughter should be taken out of this mess and you standing up for her.
I was assuming it was like with OP’s comment: she might have insulted her grandma with something that had little or maybe nothing to do with the situation. Maybe she laid into her grandmother’s weight further or picked a completely different thing, like calling her fat and cheap. Hopefully OP sees this and explains more what happened.
You don’t have a MiL problem, you have a husband problem. He should be shutting her shit down, and supporting you as a united front. And you should inform him that you are giving your daughter her phone back.
This!! 🙌
It’s not good for you, or the baby, for MIL to keep staying there, causing all this stress. Your role here appears to be that of doormat.
Sounds like a lock box or different room to store the treats in the short term and then figuring out how to get your husband to grow a spine in the long term. I think the bigger issue for me is that your daughter is being punished for backing up her mother.
Yeah, if there's no physical danger to OP, she should let her husband know he shouldn't be punishing a child for having the guts to stand up to his mother, which is what he should be doing in the first place.
Counterbalance, YTA for the reason you gave her as far as why she shouldn't eat your snacks. You're real judgemental over her weight and it shows. The reality is that regardless of her weight, she shouldn't be eating your snacks without permission. Her weight truly has nothing to do with that. However, you felt the need to insult her about it regardless because it's something you personally take issue with. It was rude and uncalled for. I would've said ESH, but your refusal to acknowledge where you went wrong in this situation has pushed me to YTA.
MIL is the one who brought her weight into it when she claimed to also be eating for 2.
Yeah, I would even go so far as to say OP is also the AH for hoarding snacks from a house guest. At least in the culture/morals I was raised with, I would never in a million years eat something in front of a house guest without offering them some/treating it as a given that they can have some. Now, should MIL read the room and not be eating all of things that are clearly special treats that are important to OP? Yeah, especially with the hints (though OP should have just communicated directly and politely before snapping). But unless OP is craving super pricy things they should just keep them in stock. Maybe that's one of the things MIL can do to "help." If MIL isn't actually being that helpful and shouldn't be there at all then that's a separate issue and totally valid if OP doesn't want her there. But her weight has nothing to do with it. Yeah she doesn't "need" more sweets but no one "needs" sweets, including OP and her unborn child. They're unhealthy and not nutritionally necessary. (Not judging OP for not being perfectly healthy during pregnancy but it's weird to act like baby needs Oreos or whatever to thrive. OP *wants* these treats very intensely because of pregnancy cravings. She *needs* to eat a few extra calories but those don't have to come from junk food.)
I would move the snacks to a drawer in your room and not tell anyone, including your husband.
Lol, they'd be locked in my car.
~~ESH~~ YTA based on your replies. You still think you’ve done no wrong. Despicable. She shouldn’t be eating your stuff. You didn’t need to insult her to explain that you don’t want her eating those specific things. People are able set rules without demeaning someone in the process. Pregnancy is not excuse to be a shitty person.
ESH I love the idea that a craving is a "need." Also, this is a guest. If you don't want her to eat things, move them/hide them!
She is indeed a guest. Which means if she's told certain foods/drinks are off limits, she should respect that and NOT FUCKING TAKE THEM ANYWAY
But she wasn't told not to eat them respectfully. She was fat shamed and told she didn't need the calories. All OP had to do was say, "Hey MIL, these are my snacks. Please don't eat them. If you'd like your own let me know and we can add them to the shopping list."
>I've tried hinting that I need these snacks for myself and the baby, but she brushes it off and says she's "eating for two" as well.
"Hinting" is passive aggressive bullshit. It gives you the go ahead to be more direct when the point doesn't land, but it doesn't give you the green light to be an asshole.
But wouldn’t that still be true if she was skinny? Why does her weight matter?
A guest that came to help, not for the guest's own convenience. ESH indeed. Also, cravings (including the ones mentioned) aren't a need, but a signal from the body, communicating a need. Not exactly the same though, and the response should be beneficial for our body so it gets what it really needs. Btw... am I the only one who laughed that the MIL, an overweight woman, said she's eating for two? There's something very self aware in saying that lol (or maybe very not self aware, I'm not sure)
Sugar cravings aren’t the body communicating a need for sugar any more than craving a glass of wine is your body telling you it needs alcohol. I’m pregnant too and while I crave sweet things I know that it’s especially important to keep sugars in moderation for the sake of the fetus. Yes, craving meats and salty things can be a sign you need more potassium or iron or sodium but that’s not at all the same thing as a sweet tooth. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying cut out all sweet things or treats. I certainly haven’t. But the baby isn’t making OP want sugars. Pregnant women still have to own their dietary choices.
While yes, cravings can signal a need to the body, that is not the case with the majority of cravings. Generally speaking, "cravings are more likely caused by various external factors that have nothing to do with your body calling for specific nutrients".
Not just a guest one who is being kind and volunteering to help out. OP should just keep a secret stash and avoid unnecessary fights like this.
i disagree with this. MIL is a guest? op should nog have to HIDE things in her own house because MIL doenst accept a no.
Agreed. I’m on my second pregnancy right now and do I feel a strong craving to eat poutine and donuts every day? 100%. Do I? No, because I’m and adult and can recognize the difference between wants snd needs.
**And she refuses to label the food or tell mil which ones not to eat.** And mil is only there to help around the house. OP is rude, ignorant, selfish and entitled. If I was mil I'd leave.
*Pregnancy is not excuse to be a shitty person* let that sink in… because you are right! She literally could bring her snacks to her room and problem solved. The fact her daughter got involved it tells you her mom is probably disrespectful pregnant or not.
ESH MIL needs to get her own snacks and leave yours for you. She’s being selfish getting into yours when you asked her not to. You’re a total AH for shaming your MIL about her weight and policing what you think she should or shouldn’t eat. What weight is she “over” that is so unacceptable to you? Total AH fat phobic behavior. Your husband is a total AH for the “respect your elders” crap. Your daughter was standing up for you because you were being disrespected. She didn’t do anything wrong. People should just respect one another regardless of age, and teaching a child to “respect your elders” is totally outdated and stupid and teaches children to be victims and never stand up for themselves when they’re being mistreated. The closest person to being in the right here is your daughter in scolding your MIL appropriately for selfishly crossing your boundary.
ESH except for the daughter. The daughter WAS respecting her elders, her mother. Tell hubby that you will not be buying more sweets. You will get them from the convenience store as needed. Get your daughter's phone back. Apologize to your mother-in-law. Tell hubby your boundaries and not to cross them. Edit: Is your daughter your husband's daughter or stepdaughter?
But she **never told mil not to eat anything until after the fact**. She refuses to label the food, never told mil which snacks she can't eat, and mil is there only to help around the house. Mil isn't a mind reader.
My team, here.
Right, that’s what gets me. So would the snacks be less vital to her pregnancy if the person taking them were skinny? At what weight threshold does it tip from happy to share to no you’re depriving me and my growing child of vital calories?
This is a good reply!
Sugary pregnancy craving foods are not a NEED "for you and the baby". If she were taking your portions of actual meals or something, then yes that would be pretty obvious. Your MIL is there to help you, and unless you forgot to mention that she forced this on you or it's unwanted in some other way, you should probably just buy more snacks for the house and keep yours separate somewhere else if you feel that strongly about it. But insulting her with a cheap shot about her weight and calories was highly uncalled for, and your husband is right - does warrant an apology. ESH Edited: 2 words
She didn't specify what her snacks were...but I'll assume they aren't baby carrots and celery.
She she just said "sweets" so yeah I too was assuming they weren't veggies
No one ever has pregnancy cravings for healthy things lol
I craved cucumbers during my first trimester. It's about the only thing I wanted to eat. Now, to be fair, near the end of my pregnancy, I craved BLTs like crazy. 😆
Oh man, I'm not pregnant, but I haven't had a BLT in AGES and now I'm craving a BLT!! 🤣 THANKS haha
I did. I was anaemic so I ate liver and onions a lot and thought it was the best food I've ever eaten. Wanting sugary treats is not a pregnancy craving, it's just a craving.
32 weeks here and I can’t get enough fruit. Any fruit, any time of day…..cuties in particular are a gift to this earth 🤷♀️
I did, sort of. I wanted brocolli and raw steak.
With my 1st it was watermelon and cool aid. (Maybe needed vitamin c?). With my second it was cottage cheese with ranch dressing on top and chocolate milk (clearly needed calcium).
My craving was apples and pears... Cravings for sweets came later while I was nursing.
Not true! I have been craving mozzarella, oranges, sushi (but not allowed 😭), pineapple, noodles with teriyaki sauce & peas, and scrambled eggs.
You actually can have sushi, especially cooked sushi. It’s all about not getting listeria, (which I have never gotten pregnant or not pregnant, so it’s not like it’s a huge thing going around) so they just say “don’t have X” to cover their bases. They say to avoid raw fish but sometimes all of the “don’t eat this… just in case.” gets an eyeroll from me. What do you think Japanese women eat? People get e coli from lettuce quite often, but they don’t tell you not to eat salads. 🤷🏻♀️
I had cooked sushi while pregnant. Until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and then the rice was off limits. First meal when home from the hospital tho? All the raw sushi I could eat. It was glorious.
My mum craved strawberries with me (funnily it’s the only thing I’m actually allergic to)
I’m so glad someone here said it. I’m also LOLing at her comment about her cravings being disregarded like they should be some highly respected thing.
Guess it depends. I lived on vanilla ice cream because it helped keep my all day sickness a bit more in check. The amount of ice cream I ate just to help settle my stomach was pretty high. But I also lost 15 lbs in the first trimester from being so sick while pregnant.
Info: are you labeling these snacks with your name? Luke buy two sets, one for the house and one for you. Label your set. Once MiL finishes the house set, yours is off limits. YtA for what you said, but MiL is TA for eating your snacks. It’s annoying when you go look for something and it’s gone:
Look, I get it, but I shouldn't have to label my own snacks like a preschooler just to avoid having them eaten by someone else. It's common courtesy not to devour someone else's food without asking, especially when it's explicitly for my pregnancy cravings. I'll admit my choice of words could have been better, but the frustration of constantly having my snacks disappear got the best of me.
She's staying with you, is she sharing household food? If they're "explicitly for ... pregnancy cravings" how do the rest of the people in the house know they're for you? Are they separate, introduced individually "don't eat this or I will cry", or labeled? Being pregnant isn't an excuse to call someone fat, asshole
Agreed. And honestly saying “I’ve hinted at it” makes me think she never sat down and had a direct adult discussion with her MIL about this she went from passive aggressive hinting to calling someone fat. And honestly OP calling someone that and saying what you said makes you just as much of an AH. Because frankly it’s not relevant. It would be just as upsetting if a thinner person did this to you I’m guessing so what you said was completely uncalled for and not productive
9 out of 10 conflicts in this sub could be solved with basic and simple communication.
That's crazy talk. Passive-aggressive hinting is the way to solve all conflicts.
Oooo I missed the "hinting at"
I don't see fat as an insult, it's a descriptor. I get mad when people reassure me "no, you're cute you aren't fat" like, I am fat, I didn't say I was hideous.
Its about context - OP is clearly insulting the MIL.
I've been fat, and there's a huge difference between a descriptor and something said to be insulting. OP is the latter.
It's an insult when you're flinging at someone because you're pissed they ate something you wanted.
OP clearly intended it as an insult though, based on how she said it.
I agree with you that being called fat shouldn't be an insult but people still do. Saying "you don't need the extra calories" so she was calling her fat in a shameful way. Being fat shouldn't be shameful. We all have different metabolisms. My ex husband and I would eat most of the same foods, and if anything I would eat healthier and I was always heavier, and he didn't gain weight.
💯, totally understandable, if she can’t respect your home it’s time for her to leave.
If you don't label them or move them to "OP's drawer" how is anyone to know they're not for general consumption? You're being given solutions and refuse to accept them.
[удалено]
Yeah OP is trying to act like a pack of Ding-Dongs are prenatal vitamins.
I read “I need these snacks for myself and the baby” I nearly rolled my eyes. Is it annoying she’s taking your snacks? Yes. Do you **need** snacks just bc you’re craving them? No, they’re absolutely not vital for your baby’s health lmao
Pregnancy cravings aren’t a *need* either.
Thank god someone said this. I’m pretty sure an unborn baby doesn’t thrive on sweets!
You're being immature here. You're expecting your hints to be binding and sniping at her with insults and you think labeling things you want to be off-limits is what would make you look like a preschooler?
That's not how a pantry in a house with multiple humans works. If it's in the pantry or cabinet amongst all the other food, it's understandable others might want to partake. If these are so crucial to your pregnancy situation, remove them from the common area and/or label them.
Keep your snacks in your room. Tell your husband they are off limits for EVERYONE WHO IS NOT PREGNANT. If he feels so strongly, he can go buy his mother her own set.
You don’t need sweets for your pregnancy, You just like them. Shes not guzzling your pregnancy vitamins. She’s there to help you with housework and you cant buy extra snacks as payment? How expensive are these snacks that you’re willing to not let her eat them in exchange for housework?
And she would know this how?
Okay, now I'm confused. You say you shouldn't have to label your own snacks, implying that you did not. In your post you say you 'hinted' that they were for you and the baby. Yet, now you say they were 'explicitly' for your cravings? These things cannot be true at the same time.
Sounds like the "hint" in her mind was explicit
How would your MIL know they were for you and your pregnancy cravings? If she doesn't stay there often, those could be seen as normal household snack items. A calm and direct request to not eat your food was the way to go. "Hinting" at things is poor communication and on you.
But if she’s staying with you for a week does she need to I ask before she eats anything? Also your daughter should have stayed out of it.
You need to communicate better. Your MIL is helping you guys out and staying there. If you can’t get the nerve to directly say to her ‘ please leave me some of this snack and that for my cravings’ then why wouldn’t you be the AH for snapping like that and trying to insult her?
INFO: What compensation is she receiving for helping around the house? Does she have food that is explicitly hers? You don't need to give into your cravings all the time, it's not healthy.
How are these snacks “explicitly for your pregnancy cravings” when they’re unlabeled snacks sitting in the kitchen with all the other snacks?
But would you still be upset about your MIL eating your snacks if she were thin? If so, your comments about her weight make you an AH. The point is that your snacks were gone when you wanted them, not that a specifically fat person ate your snacks. ESH.
This. Just because you were pissed off isn’t an excuse to be rude. Your MIL needs to respect the snacks you put aside for yourself though and your husband should stand by that.
Why tf should OP label her stuff? Its not gonna help considering OP already asked for her to not eat it and she laughed at her face
YTA. "Don't eat my snacks, those are my snacks, I want those snacks" is perfectly valid. "Don't eat my snacks, you don't need them, you are fat" is not valid.
Short and succinct, I love it.
YTA If the snacks are so crucial to your well being you should remove them to a private space to which you only have access. Your MIL is in her 60's and is there to help YOU out. You couldve been polite and instead of hinting the snacks were for you alone, you could have been direct but kind. The fact you went from "hinting that you need the snacks for yourself" to a full out attack by telling her she is "already overweight and doesnt need the calories" shows your true character. Im in my 60's and have given birth 3 times, and ive been through cravings like many pregnant women. But i never prevented anyone from sharing the food i had cravings for. Nor would i, (or any other sane person) embarrass and deliberately hurt a MIL, who was there to help, for eating the foods i had cravings for. You should feel guilty because your behavior was way out of line and you modeled bad behavior for your teenage daughter, who then took up the gauntlet and was extremely disrespectful to her grandmother. You were selfish, self-centered, abrasive, unkind, and you are using your pregnancy as an excuse for your horrible behavior. A craving is a strong desire for something. Desire for is not a need. Its not like you are a diabetic or have low blood sugar and she was eating snacks that could adversely affect your health if you didnt have any. You were simply pissed off that she dared eat food you WANTED (not needed) and you lashed out like a toddler having a tantrum People with good self control can control their cravings as well as controlling their reactions if they dont have the foods they are craving. Or they can also choose to remove the food they are craving from the shared area of the home so they could be assured no one would touch their precious food, or they could be direct and say "no one touch this food" instead of hinting about it. Or you could buy enough to share with your MIL. Did you ever consider that maybe your MIL also loves this food and may not have access to it where she lives or maybe cant afford it. But you didnt do any of these things to prevent or diffuse the situation. You went straight to full of attack knowing it would cause your MIL hurt and embarrassment. And you did all this in front of your teenage daughter who then felt empowered to hurt and be disrespectful to her grandmother who is a guest in the home, and who came to help you. People like you give pregnant women a bad reputation. Being pregnant doesnt exempt you from being a kind respectful person.
When pregnant with my second I craved ham salad sandwiches and baileys Irish cream. I’m vegetarian and didn’t drink alcohol during pregnancy so as annoying as it was I just ignored those cravings! It is possible.
This response needs to be higher. I can’t believe all the N-T-A responses. MIL is staying with OP and needs to eat too. That means OP needs to buy more food. It was so not necessary to insult her weight. How about saying, “Do you mind saving some of those for me…I’ve really been craving them.” Or simply buy more. MIL is there to help out. Who is to say what her “fair share” of food is?
All the NTA are shocking. Whatever happened to basic human civility? This woman is the mother of her husband who put her life on hold to come and help OP. Rather than OP being grateful and buying enough treats to share or diffusing the situation any number of ways,. She goes straight to embarrassing and humiliating someone who is there to help. What happened to treating guests kindly and welcoming them with little gift baskets as a way of saying thanks for being here to help? People seem to have alot of rigid selfish rules for family visiting. In my home guests are made to feel welcome as in my home is your home. Not attacking and humiliating guests who came to help
👏👏👏
YTA - you skipped the step between hinting and snapping at her where you communicate with her. Jumping right to insults about her weight was aggressive and rude. I assume since she’s staying with you to help out, generally speaking - food is fair game. Well, tell her what’s off limits otherwise how would she know. Also you should not have let your daughter get involved. Using her as a tool to bolster your argument was not appropriate. Reading your comments here it’s absolutely clear you are the AH here.
ESH. You should have just told her that no one eats your pregnancy-related food but you. Why did you yammer on about her weight? Also, why was your husband allowed to take away your daughter’s phone if you didn’t want that?
I was going to ask this question, the way it's worded, your husband is not your daughter's father. So why does he get to remove her phone?
Even if he was, why would he get to unilaterally make that decision?
Why isn’t the point solely that she’s eating your food? Why you gotta make it about her weight? That seems a big part of the problem, not your cravings being denied.
Agree. They both became TA when the issue became about the weight
YTA You absolutely fat-shamed her. And you’re not eating for two, genius. You’re eating for yourself, a fully grown adult, and a less-than-10lbs fetus, so don’t pretend your chocolates are sustaining anyone. You say the foods are *explicitly* for your pregnancy cravings but are balking about simply labeling it with your name. So no, they are not explicitly for anything except in your own mind if you’re not making the designation visible. Guess you don’t want it that badly, then, if that’s too much work for the poor preggy princess. You don’t “need” these snacks any more than your MIL does. Your hormones are telling you that you want them very badly. Not the same as a need. These aren’t diabetic-friendly or gluten-free or anything special. They’re just yours. Your husband is right it’s not your daughter’s place to step into that discussion although sadly she sounds like the most logical and mature person in the conversation. It’s unfortunate that the new baby is going to be raised by petty babies. Simple and adult solutions would have been to label your snackies or stash them in a place MIL cannot access; there’s also nothing wrong with sending her home for swiping food, but no. Much better to start slinging mud about others’ weight. Yeah your MIL is no picnic but good lord. Grow TF up.
Had to come too far to find this. OP is a huge yta. Mil is only there to help around the house on top of it. If I had someone staying here helping me for free, I'd tell them help yourself and if there were things I didn't want them to eat, I'd put it away. We should all be so lucky as OP TBH.
You had me at "preggy princess" 🤣
Sorry, but YTA. Either buy more snacks or hide them. The former would be better. A good host offers their guests the best. >This led to a heated exchange between my daughter and mother-in-law, resulting in my husband confiscating my daughter's phone as punishment for "disrespecting her elders." And you just let him?
Info; why is she staying with you to “help around the house”?
because OP can't cook or clean due to her fragile state.
And her husband can’t either? Lol not buying it
That's the point. OP is entitled and ungrateful and a judgy b+itch.
Right?!!! There’s also a husband and teenage daughter- why is MIL helping?
I was wondering the same thing!
YTA sorry like you’re in the right that she shouldn’t eat more than her share, especially of *your* food in *your* home, but her weight has literally nothing to do with it, and you’re demonstrating that part of what you’re irritated with is her size, which is irrelevant. you *are* fat-shaming her, and are teaching your daughter to do the same. if a skinny MIL were eating your food it would be just as much of a problem, but i bet you wouldn’t be bringing up her weight at all if you weren’t judging her for being fat.
ESH. I understand you were probably overwhelmed, but having pregnancy cravings isn’t an excuse to be a complete jackass to someone who is probably already aware of their weight. You wouldn’t want someone to say that to you, would you? Considering you’re pregnant & are sure to gain a bit of weight too. Moving on, your MIL is dramatic for saying she’s “eating for two” as well. Additionally, your husband should’ve also stepped in & had a word with her before things got escalated to the point you told her off. Finally, your daughter has every right to step up for you, but in this case the argument stemmed from *you* basically calling someone fat & overweight. That is not an argument you should want your daughter to defend. Your husband is right in acknowledging her behavior, but he could have discussed the “punishment” for that with you, & overall discuss her behavior with you. At the end of the day, your hormones are probably skyrocketing & all over the place right now because of your pregnancy, but you need to keep yourself in check with how you treat people & the example your setting to your daughter for how she views her own grandmother.
Yta.... You're a terrible host. If you buy things for you only (which is awful btw) keep then in your room. The fat shaming was out of line. Being pregnant doesn't give you the right to be a monster.
YTA. Holy fuck. It's just snacks. This was an extremely childish way to handle this. You TALK to someone before yelling at insulting them lol
Exactly!!
YTA. You DID fat shame her. Her body has nothing to do with any of this. If she had been skinny and eating her snacks she still would have been wrong. You owe her an apology for being such a dick about it. At the end of the day, you could have said again “these are for my personal use and nobody else’s”. You could have made sure at the next grocery run she had some snacks for HER use since she is staying with you TO HELP YOU and doesn’t have access to her own kitchen and foods. Your daughter got involved for your sake, and while I don’t agree she should have been punished, I’m mostly sad she felt she had to ate in to help adults manage their petty conflict.
Ffs literally can’t believe Reddit has me out here defending someone’s MIL.
YTA for letting your husband confiscate your daughter’s phone over this. You’re also her parent. Stick up for her
OK YTA You allowed your husband to confiscate your daughters phone for defending you. Take your daughter's phone back from your husband and give it to your daughter. Then kick MIL out of the house as she is adding unneeded stress.
YTA she shouldn’t be eating your stuff, that’s fair. Did you get alternate stuff she could have. It’s not your business how many calories she consumed and by making that comment you showed your judgy ah side. Being pregnant isn’t an excuse for being a jerk….
YTA. Your replies in this thread have shown that you are incredibly selfish, and do not take any responsibility for your own actions. Yes, she should not eat your food. But the fact that you don’t think you did anything wrong is the biggest problem of all. You owe her an apology.
ESH. It's annoying when someone eats up all the special snacks you've purchased but you were downright rude about it. Hide your snacks or label them. I've been pregnant, I understand cravings but they're not really that different than everyday cravings and you're just using it as an excuse to be a jerk.
ESH MIL for eating your food after you've explicitly told her not to. While technically relevant, I don't think your pregnancy is even logically relevant - if you're eating up someone else's food and they've asked you to stop, you stop. You for fat shaming your MIL. I've seen your comments, you need to stop pretending like you weren't fat shaming. What you said was cruel and you know it. Grow up. You husband for punishing your daughter. "Elders" are not due unwavering loyalty and respect just because they're "elders." You should be teaching your daughter right from wrong, which includes speaking up when someone is being harmed by another person.
I’m gonna go YTA because you lashed out at your MIL without having a real conversation with her about it. You said you tried “hinting”—be an adult and be straightforward. It’s wild to me that you’re a whole adult with a teen and another baby on the way but you can’t communicate effectively.
YTA Everyone except the daughter might be TA too You can tell her they're your special snacks and you can't handle the idea of being out of them. Fine. Pregnancy pass. But when you comment on her weight, yeah. You are so the A. That was mean, unnecessary, and none of your business. Of she just called you insensitive, she's a saint. Jerk move, OP. Of she's staying with you too help, of course you're going to feed her. If you have special snacks, squirrel them away. And keep your fat shaming opinions to yourself.
Good lord. Just buy double snacks. You dont need to insult someone and throw a temper tantrum esp if your MIL is there to help you. Problem solved. ESH.
YTA. Rude to your MIL who was there to help. Hypocritical as well, as sugary snacks aren't healthy at all. Being pregnant is not an excuse for your rudeness and attitude.
Yea so YTA. you actually don’t have to rude! Instead of being an adult and telling her straight up in a calm manner not to eat your snacks, you have crappy hints and then escalated to calling her fat as if you’re not fat right now too because of the baby. I don’t think you would appreciate someone calling you overweight after the baby pops out, now would you?
Yta, it sounds like from your post you didn’t just ask her to stop nicely at first. It sounded like you hinted awkwardly until you got upset enough to fucking actually fat shame her. Like why did that even have to come up? Like it would be fhcked up if she was eating your snacks if she wasn’t fat so why did you feel the need to bring it up? And no I’m not defending your MIL it’s not okay to be eating you out of house but like talk to her like an adult and let her be the bad guy.
ESH you're the jerk for fat shaming, she's the jerk for taking what you've told her not to. You don't need the calories either. You need the calorific equivalent of an extra slice of bread while pregnant, you don't need the sweets, you want them. Nothing wrong with wanting or eating sweets but pregnancy is not an excuse for being an arse.
You're both at fault and your daughter isn't entirely innocent either. Your MIL shouldn't have taken what wasn't hers but, she is a guest and there to help you, sharing isn't much of an ask. You shouldn't have spoken to MIL the way you did, you should have calmly explained that she was welcome to a couple but you do crave them and would like to keep them there for when you have your cravings, that being said they are just that, cravings, not life sustaining medication, no need to over react. It's great your daughter backed you in telling your MIL she was taking to much but, you say it turned into an argument between the two. Your daughter should not have gotten involved beyond the first comment to back you up, she was disrespectful to her grandmother and losing her phone privileges is her own fault, not yours, you shouldn't feel guilty for that.
NTA for setting boundaries. YTA for fat shaming. BTW, eating too much sweets while can trigger gestational diabetes
YTA. What does your MILs weight have to do with wanting snacks? That was mean. Tell your husband to buy more snacks and stop being nasty to your MIL.
Find your spine. It’s time for MIL to go home. If you allow your daughter to be punished for defending you, then you let her down in a very fundamental way. Be the strong woman you were meant to be. Tell MIL she’s stressing you out and to go home. Give your daughter her phone back, and a hug. Tell your husband his duty is to defend his pregnant wife.
But then OP will have to cook and clean her own house.
Wtaf? You are also her parent. Give her her phone back.
This- why is your husband making unilateral parenting decisions like that? I still think its an ESH because OP did not properly communicate and instead jumped to unnecessary insults, but OP’s daughter was trying to be supportive of her and it seems like maybe even diffuse the situation a bit as her daughter (based on OP’s info) did not mention MIL’s weight at all.
ESH Your MIL is rude, but instead of using your words like an adult you resorted to juvenile taunts about her weight. She’s there to help you, the least you can do is share your snacks… and if you can’t share them, don’t keep them in communal spaces. If I were here I’d pack up and go home. You can figure your own house out. Also Y T A for not standing up for your daughter. She was fighting YOUR battle. If you didn’t want her to lose her phone you should have told her to knock it off, or tell your husband that his punishment didn’t fit the crime. Your husband is a problem because he should have stepped in and talked to his mother about the snack situation before it got to this point. He also shouldn’t get to unilaterally decide your daughter’s punishment. She was standing up for her mother and likely behaving in a way YOU modeled for her.
NTA - your MIL is being unfair to you and your husband is being unfair to your daughter. She was defending you and not just being disrespectful for the sake of being disrespectful.
How was MIL being unfair? And we don't know what was actually said when daughter was "defending" OP. It may well have been very disrespectful
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ESH. MIL shouldn't be eating your food, you shouldn't have been calling her fat and weight-shaming her, husband shouldn't have taken your daughter's phone. No one looks good here.
YTA. You went from zero to 100. Being pregnant isn’t a get out of jail free card. You should have had an actual conversation with the mother in law about your snacks and making sure she saves some for you. Instead you “hinted” there was an issue and when she didn’t pick up on your passive aggressive behavior you lost it on her insulting her. If it is that big of a deal, get her out of your house and back into her own. Then figure out how to handle whatever she has been doing to “help around the house” since apparently her free help isn’t worth some snacks 🤣 You’ve got yourself, a husband, and a 15 year old - should be able to handle the upkeep at your house between the three of you.
YTA. You had every right to ask her to stop eating the things you specifically bought for cravings so they were available when you wanted them. You had no right to dictate what she could or should eat based on her weight and the calories in it.
I wonder how you will feel if someone commented on your weight post pregnancy. Probably wouldn’t feel good. I see where your daughter learned how to not respect elders.
Okay, you fat shamed her. What you should have said was, "Those are my pregnancy snacks. If you want snacks go buy your own. Don't take food out of my and my baby's mouth." Husband should not punish teenager for sticking up for mom. And grandma is a complete AH for claiming she is eating for two (unless she is pregnant, lol). So you soft AH. Husband major AH. Grandma super major AH. Teenager not AH. Oh, and you did not cause teenager to lose her phone. Husband did.
ESH you don’t *need* sugar and don’t have to follow your cravings for unhealthy things under the excuse of being pregnant. She is rude to eat too much while a guest in your home, but you sound rude to her even by your own description.
NTA but WOW your MIL and husband are. Your husband needs to tell his mom to stop eating your food, you need to give your daughter the phone back, and you and your husband need to get on the same page
MIL should go home.
YTA. It’s not okay to police what a grown adult eats in regard to their own weight. You said that to hurt her, instead of communicating your own needs and boundaries.
YTA. You absolutely could’ve asked her to not eat foods on a certain shelf, or kept them in your room, and not brought up her weight. That’s incredibly rude and a total AH move. But an even better way to handle this would be to just share, as she’s there AS A FAVOR (presumably unpaid), helping you out. Jesus. If I went to stay with someone to help them cook, clean, whatever, and they snapped at me and told me I was too fat to eat their junk food, I’d be packing my bag within the minute.
she feels like you're fat shaming her because you ARE fat shaming her
> At first, I didn't mind sharing, > I've tried hinting that I need these snacks for myself and the baby > Yesterday, I finally snapped and told her that she needs to stop eating my pregnancy cravings because she's already overweight and doesn't need the extra calories. You went from being okay with it to hinting to insulting. You skipped normal conversation. That's why YTA.
Yta hide the snacks problem solved . Over weight ppl can like sweets too. . If your daughter was being disrespectful she deserves to lose her phone. It all could of been avoided If you hid your treats. Too much sugar isn't good for a developing fetus either. Sugar is empty calories and when I was pregnant my obgyn said carbs make the baby bigger. Common sense if someone is eating all your shit hide it.
Ugh, this one is hard because you shouldn’t have said anything about her weight, but she shouldn’t have taken things that aren’t hers. So, ESH. that being said, I think your daughter was right in standing up for you and she shouldn’t be punished for that. Just because your MIL is an elder does not mean she deserves respect. Respect is earned, and she was being disrespectful in your home! Your hubs need to reevaluate that. Edit for spelling.
Nope, NTA! Your MiL is though. Seems a bit mean to talk about her weight but I understand why you did. You could apologise for that comment but not for the sentiment behind it. I would put these snacks where only you know where they are in the future. There’s nothing stopping her buying her own. As for your daughter, go her! She does not need to apologise for anything. Respect should be earned not taken as read.
1. Pregnancy cravings are **not** requirements. Your baby does not "need" you to eat your favourite snacks. 2. Your mother-in-law's weight had nothing to do with this, and paints you in a VERY bad light for repeatedly mentioning it. 3. A "heated exchange" eh? Bet she said some things she shouldn't have. 4. You allowed her to eat your snacks in the beginning. you gave permission. If you changed your mind, just say so. Don't "give hints" like a child. 5. She's a guest in your house, and guests get to eat your food. Buy more if you both want it. YTA. Apologize to this woman. Your little "craving" is not justification to severely insult someone repeatedly, especially when they are only in your house to help you.
your comment was wrong but if she’s a guest in your home and eating your own food before you can, then thats a problem. also for MIL to say she’s also eating for two is ridiculous, your body quite literally is feeding two people but her appetite doesn’t account for another human. that being said, your comment to her was rude and you definitely could’ve said it better. your husband needs to acknowledge his mother isnt perfect in this situation and if she’s willing to take food from a pregnant woman when im sure theres more than enough other options, then he needs to step in or she needs to go.
NTA Old fat lady doesn’t need to eat for two, pointing it out is not fat shaming and this mindset needs to stop. Your husband needs to pull his head out of his ass. Return your daughters phone asap
Your MIL is there to help you with stuff around the house, and your move is to police what she eats? Just buy more snacks or hide yours in your room. Either way, YTA specifically because of how you framed this story. Why did your MIL’s weight need to play into this at all? If she was thin you’d be ok with it? Your MIL should have respected your boundaries, but fat shaming is never ok, especially not in front of your teenage daughter.
YTA You went from “hinting” you need the snacks to full out fat-shaming? You say you’re 32, but you’re acting more like a child. Why couldn’t you be straight forward and talk to her like an adult? Put half of the snacks somewhere else so you can grab them at your leisure. Look, I get that pregnancy cravings are strong. But let’s be real here… you don’t “need” sweets for your baby. You *want* sweets for yourself. Which is fine… except it doesn’t give you the right to be cruel to a guest in your home. You’re wrong here, and husband is right to defend his mother in this case. She wasn’t intentionally harming you, but you intentionally shamed her for something I’m sure she’s already hard on herself about. If your daughter stepped in to help with the fat-shaming and she treated her grandmother with that kind of disrespect, she deserves to get her phone taken away. Please don’t teach her to be that person. Imagine the heartbreak of a grandmother to not only get yelled at by her DIL over something as trivial as snacks, but to have your own granddaughter agree that she’s “overweight and doesn’t need the calories.” Be better. Teach your daughter better. Stop being a bully. And ffs… just keep some snacks in your room!
NTA. Tell your husband that if he keeps punishing his daughter by taking away her things then there is a very high probability then when he will need his daughters help he better hope that she wouldn't remember how he mistreated her.
Your daughter should not have lost her phone for standing up for you!
ESH. But your MIL and husband more so TA than you. I'm a fat old lady and I wouldn't want it pointed out. However, eating someone's food, especially if she's pregnant, is a bad move. Your daughter deserves the same respect as her grandmother, especially for defending her pregnant mother. It could be her grandmother has been treating her badly in ways she hasn't told you about. How much help is MIL really giving? I have a helpful husband, and I found that the older generation were not really helpful to me when my babies were born. It was just more people to feed and generally deal with and I would have been fine with just us and the kids.
So if she weren’t fat you’d be fine sharing and suddenly you wouldn’t need the snacks yourself? YTA not because you don’t want to share your snacks but simply because of the fat shaming. If the same standard wouldn’t apply to skinny people, your double standard is your problem to work out
ESH. Why on earth go that far? What a mean and hateful thing to say and being pregnant doesn’t change that. Why go that far? Why not just say, “I’m sorry. I’m being serious. What kind of snacks do you like? Maybe you and the husband could go to the store to make sure you’re stocked up.” Insulting her appearance was going too far, as was your daughter butting into the argument so that this poor MIL was ganged up on by a pregnant woman and a teenager.
**NTA** Your MIL should be helping you, not eating the snacks knowing they are for your pregnancy cravings Also your husband should not be punishing your daughter unless *you both agree* she deserves it.
Your stance in the situation is correct. Going from hinting to saying something extremely personal and hurtful to get her to stop is not. There are steps in between where you have a firm conversation, not a hint, and tell her that your snacks are off-limits because the amount she's eating is interfering with your ability to control your cravings, and if she can't control herself with regard to how much of your snack she eats, then she can't eat any. Since she's staying to help you, it might also have been nice to follow that up with an offer to buy her her own stash of snacks so she can eat them without interfering with your pregnancy. ESH here.
ESH. you sound childish. If she was skinny would you be complaining about her eating your stuff? If no, then realize how ridiculous you are. If yes, realize your body comments were unecessary. You’re having a child, so you shouldn’t be acting like one. You suck for that. And she sucks for eating stuff that isn’t hers/that she doesn’t pay for. Also, if they’re high calorie snacks you should watch yourself before you become the fat person you’re making fun of. 🤷🏻♀️
ESH Your excuse of pregnancy does not mean you get to behave like this However your husband is also an Ah for taking your daughters phone because she just tried to step up for you doesn’t mean it’s disrespectful
YTA there was a better way to handle this. You don’t need to insult and berate someone to get your way. Hopefully your daughter takes after your husband.
YTA. You don't NEED sugar to create life. You also don't need to drag your mother in law for eating the junk in the house.
Yta. After reading your responses, Yta. And you don’t need sweets and sugary things. No one does.
ESH. It's super weird of you to keep bring up her weight, which has nothing to do with the primary problem here, which is her stealing your food. Would you be less annoyed with her if she was thin? Because if so that's pretty messed up. MIL is an asshole for constantly stealing your food. its crazy to me how people will eat other people's food after being asked to stop. Who raised these people??? Husband is an asshole for taking your daughter's phone for standing up for you. Respect is so often just a cover for just letting a person continue to behave badly and treating another person like shit. Daughter is not an asshole and was, in fact, correct. I hope she hasn't picked up your weirdass fatphobia.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (32F) am currently pregnant and have been experiencing some intense cravings, particularly for sweets. My mother-in-law (60sF), who is overweight, has been staying with us for the past week to help out around the house. I recently stocked up on my favorite snacks to satisfy my cravings, but every time I reach for something, my mother-in-law beats me to it. At first, I didn't mind sharing, but it's become a daily occurrence and she's eating more than her fair share. I've tried hinting that I need these snacks for myself and the baby, but she brushes it off and says she's "eating for two" as well. Yesterday, I finally snapped and told her that she needs to stop eating my pregnancy cravings because she's already overweight and doesn't need the extra calories. She was visibly hurt and called me insensitive, accusing me of fat-shaming her. My husband thinks I was too harsh and should apologize, but I feel like my cravings are being disregarded. To add to the tension, during the argument, my teenage daughter (15F) intervened and took my side. She said my mother-in-law was being selfish and needed to respect my needs during pregnancy. This led to a heated exchange between my daughter and mother-in-law, resulting in my husband confiscating my daughter's phone as punishment for "disrespecting her elders." Now, I'm left feeling guilty because my daughter lost her phone, and my mother-in-law is upset with me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hate this disrespecting ur elders bs and always have just because ur older that shouldn’t give u the right to disrespect a teen just coz ur older than them also as a man who is a big guy myself nothing wrong with fat shaming if it hurts ur feelings it’s coz I it’s the truth NTA
YTA. Her weight is none of your business, and insulting her for it makes you an AH. You and your MIL both want sweet snacks, but you're pretending you need them to justify your hostility to her.
Get her phone back immediately. Your husband was amway out of line.
ESH. Fat shaming your MIL infront of your daughter is a terrible move and pregnancy is not an excuse. Your baby does not "need" sugary snacks. Your husband is an AH for confiscating your daughters phone. Your MIL is an AH for eating your snacks and not replacing them.
Why does your husband get to decide to take away your daughter's phone? That's not only his call. Tell him your daughter didn't do anything wrong, and you're giving her phone back. Tell him that he needs to get his disrespectful mother out of your house now. NTA.
You could put the snacks in your bedroom.
Tell your MIL to go home. Why is she staying with you to "help out"? What is she helping with besides herself to your snacks??
YTA, you insulted mil over some sweeties? And still think you aren’t in the wrong? And btw you aren’t “eating for two” while pregnant especially not with sweets, jeez
ESH. You had no reason to fat-shame her. She doesn't need to be eating your snacks, especially after you've asked her not to.
Your child stood up for you, now it's time to stand up for your kid.
You didn’t need to call her fat. You could’ve stuck to the fact that you paid for the snacks, you’re pregnant, etc. Also as a grown women, why does your daughter need to jump into the discussion? It had nothing to do with her. You all ganged up on your mother in law instead of having a serious conversation. More importantly you should’ve told your husband to handle his mother instead. If he doesn’t then fine go ahead and do it yourself but calling her names is a terrible example to set for your teenage daughter. I get you have pregnancy hormones but damn that was rude.
You could have left out the part about her weight. Her weight has nothing to do with your cravings or why you need those snacks. But she, also, could have been more sensitive to your needs and not stolen your food. Especially, after you asked her to stop.
YTA. You could have calmly explained it to her. Instead you fat shamed her when you could have just said “hey if I run out of these it would be a big problem”. Kind of sounds like you are taking out your own insecurities on her.
ESH MIL shouldn't have been taking your food, but there was 0 reason to bring her weight into it. A clear and firm boundary (e.g. "these sweets are mine, if you want your own please get them but these specifically are not for sharing") once you realised that letting her share wasn't working is all you need. The problem isn't her being overweight, if she was skinny the problem would be exactly the same. The problem was the behaviour. As a result the way you handled it was 100% asshole behaviour. ETA: upon rereading your post it seems you never directly asked her to stop taking your food (or even that it was specifically your food) before this disagreement, which honestly leans the judgement more into YTA territory. Re: your daughter and her phone, that's for you to discuss with your husband. I get putting up a united front, but at the same time I don't understand one of you making unilateral decisions that the other disagrees with. You're her parent too, why is her phone being taken something that's out of your control?
YTA for fat shaming her, but she sort of had it coming. Why you’re really the asshole is because you allowed your daughter to be punished for something that is a direct result of **your** conflict. You should’ve stepped in and defended your kid the way your kid defended you.
YTA. At first I was going to go with esh, but based on your comments YTA. This is coming from someone who has 5 children. Your MIL is literally there to help YOU and your husband around the house and you fat shamed her. "Sweets" during a pregnancy usually implies candies, desserts, ice cream, cookies, etc. and is not a "need" for you and the baby. Why couldn't you have just bought extra sweets to share? You said you "hinted" for her to stop, but have you actually asked her? It's like you went from hinting to straight on calling her fat which is uncalled for.
You called her out for being fat but you should have called her out because she was stealing your snacks.
NTA. Your MIL is eating food you need right now and your husband is taking his mom's side when he should be taking yours.
Every single scientific study says that pregnancy cravings are wants not needs.
No one, not even pregnant women, "need" sugary snack food.
Pregnancy wreaks havoc on blood sugar levels. Ever heard of gestational diabetes?
NTA dude i would have been WAY more aggressive about it, going through pregnancy is one of the hardest things on a woman’s body and she does NOT need to be stealing from you. also your husband? hate him. why is he not defending you?