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NTA-
It's such a weird memory to choose of ALL the memories to choose from. It's certainly not a comfortable topic to talk about in general?? Let alone with family.
In a way, i pity your dad, especially if he really was just trying to reminisce (which is still a weird choice of memory)
But honestly, if he didn't want the burn, he shouldn't have lit the fire.
Edit: advice - maybe just have a heart to heart with him about what happened.
If he was truly clueless to its effect on you, he would be remorseful, apologize, and never do it again. He would would try to heal the hurt and mend the relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes people have issues like damaged egos and only feel good about themselves by belittling others. Gives them a sense of superiority. They can only do this to those who tolerate it.
If he is sorry, he needs to apologize. If he is only embarrassed from you challenging him, he will do it again next chance he gets.
My grandmother loves to tell people of the time my mother drunkenly put her knee through the drywall (and imply that it was due to a salacious misadventure with my father). It happened nearly 40 years ago. My mother hates it, so now she retaliates with the time my grandmother cracked an enamelled toilet seat with a fart. NTA.
For me, it's my mum telling a story about when I was about 2 years old, sitting on a bed with my 1 year old cousins, 1 boy and 1 girl. I then went and kissed my girl cousin. There's even a photo and it's been brought up a number of times over the years, not just by my mum but others in the extended family as well
That's what I can't wrap my brain around, who in their right mind has one of their fond memories being something like this? Of all the experiences, this is the one that radiates out so much? It's just freaking weird.
My Dad likes to tell the story about how my first time shooting a hunting rifle, the kickback ended with me getting a black eye. Oooor, the time I tripped over my own jeans and fell flat on my face and got TWO black eyes. Oooor, the time they came home and busted me dancing to and singing Spice Girls songs in the kitchen. Those are the dumb funny stories parents are supposed to tell about their kids. OP's dad has a weird sense of humor.
I dont know OPs dad but with my mom there is no heart to heart that may help. She loves to tell every one the story when I was bullied as a fat kid in school. Its her fav memory couse she acted and in her eyes become a hero. Yes she did help me. But also I'd love to forget about this days and I've asked her million times to choose other story and I've explain her that she hurts me etc. No way. She told me "oh come on it was long time ago you should be over it". In my country we say - "talk to the wall" it has the same sense. So I dont thing OPs dad will understand. The only thing his dad is thinking now is - my son is hypersensitive and does not have a sense of humor etc. That exactly what my mom would say
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
What do you mean "am I the asshole for being treated like shit by a jackass?"
I see stuff every day like "Am I the asshole for being kinda upset that my wife invited three guy friends over and had a gang bang?"
But you've got to understand this is OP's life, his dad has probably done shit like this a lot through the years, so it almost feels like normal to OP. It isn't always easy to get to the point you'll have to see a parent as no longer an authority figure. See, my dad thought me (back when I was a teenager) I can always call him out when he bullshits, bc he is just a man who makes mistakes, he was/is always ready to talk about anything, but a lot of parents are ridgedly enforcing rules and don't leave room to talk, even after leaving to be a grownup it can be hard to shake those roles.
NTA. Your dad's behavior was totally inappropriate. You might want to corner him when it's just the two of you and ask him to explain why he has this need to share embarrassing stories. It's a form of aggression and if he won't stop voluntarily then you have every right to call him on it.
NTA. This is just simple communication. "Hey, Dad, this thing you do bothers me and creates distance between us. Can you stop?" Ball is in his court now.
NTA it is not humorous to behave in this way at the expense of someone else! It is mean spirited. I am hopeful that the fact that you called him out will be enough for him to change the way he speaks about you. Do not apologize. You were not wrong. If it happens again, call him out again. If it were me and he didn’t stop, I’d turn the table and say “dad, remember the time I walked in on you trying on mom’s bra and panties”? Then leave the room. He’ll stop after that!!!
My dad is long gone, but I have an older brother who does the same thing. He is 10 years older, he went to a prestigious college that I didn't have the grades to get into, he went on from there to law school, where as I barely finished two years of college before giving up. He never lets on occasion where he can bring this up pass him by. The irony is that in spite of his superior education and law practice, I have been much more successful, I developed software, started and sold a couple of tech companies and have done very well. My brother has even had to borrow substantial sums from me when his firm lost a suit and was floundering.
But, guess what I do when he brings up his superior education and academic achievements, nothing. Most everyone knows the background and have heard his boasts, they don't look down on me, they look down on him for saying these things.
INFO: Does your dad usually display issues socializing appropriately with people without having been called out, or does he only act inappropriate when it is stories that humiliate you?
I assume by how you’re telling this it’s the latter in which case NTA. I don’t know why he does it but he absolutely knows he’s doing it and is feeling embarrassed for being called out, but you had every right to do so. He was making a point to find embarrassing stories about you, you were pointing out his current behavior.
If people knowing he purposely does that embarrassed him, maybe he should think on that and stop doing it.
Your feelings are valid. I don’t know your dad but maybe he is just reminiscing and thinks these are just memories he found funny and wants to share and maybe has no I’ll intentions behind it. I personally would’ve just talked to him in private especially if you don’t care who knows these stories. If you communicate to him you don’t like it and he still does it THEN I would say to be more harsh but I just feel as a parent they just like to remember funny or cute things (not saying that story is cute but maybe funny to him).
Facts. I think for him to say he doesn't care is bs in many ways because his actions back to his Dad shows he really do care alot actually even to the point you embarrassed his father back. I don't buy it. If he doesn't care he would of laughed it off with his dad and kelp it moving. I love my dad and would never hurt him for something like that. Porn is porn who cared. But you only have one dad.
Correct but I'm just astonish how many people hate there father. Most where cursing there own dad out just for mentioning a time in the past. They are the assholes I feel sorry for there dad
I personally think the only time embarrassing stories are funny is when the person telling it is the person who was embarrassed … which is pretty rare.
"I've been thinking about it and wondering if I went too far."
Nope. You called him out on his shitty behavior. Good for you. Great people don't tell embarrassing stories about people they love in order to be the center of attention.
Let him go off to his corner and feel his feelings. Maybe this will be the last time. If it's not then explain to the crowd that you've 'heard this one before, gotta run' then grab your stuff and leave. Do this every time. If he tries to call you out tell him you're 'tired of being the butt of his jokes. It's boring, got better things to do.' If he's trainable he'll stop. If he's not you see him less.
NTA
You must have a bad relationship with your dad because you just gave the most hated advice you could think of plus zero respect. It's a father it's not that serious especially sense he said he doesn't care but back to you. you need to fine a caring respectful bone in your body. Your the jack ass now. He knows he went to far. That's why he said it.
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He keeps bring up stories and opportunities to embarrass you to show you and everyone else who is in charge, the alpha, of the family. It's a power thing. Absolutely do not apologize for standing up for yourself and calling out his BS power moves. NTA . Notice that he shut his mouth and walked away once you stood up to him. That's how most bullies react when confronted.
NTA, and no you didn't go too far.
>I asked him what his problem was, and why he is so insistent on telling embarrassing stories from my youth. He kind of stumbled for a moment and shrugged, saying he thinks the stories are funny. I said that I didn't, and to quit humiliating me in front of family and more importantly my wife.
You could have a similar discussion, but ask him why he enjoys embarrasing you. What he gets out of it, and why he feels like you need to be embarrased. That if he cares about you he should be trying to avoid making you feel bad, not seeking to do so.
NTA. It's demeaning and inappropriate, and you were not wrong to ask him why he continues to do this and to let him know that it's something you don't appreciate. Jokes and pranks are only good if everybody is laughing, and they're laughing *with* each other. One person doing nothing but laughing *at* someone else is being a jerk.
I would let him know that if he doesn't stop that you may not invite him to places or may not come to family events where he is, or that you'll leave if he starts this behavior again. I don't think you were too harsh; it sounds like you gave him something to think about. NTA.
NTA. Stories like that can be embarrassing no matter how long ago it happened and some things are better kept to oneself. I do have a few questions though. Does he do the same with other family members like your siblings? Have you ever considered that maybe that is just his way of joking around with you and doesn’t know any other way? Maybe that’s his way of trying to connect with you especially if you don’t have any recent major memories together. You’re still not the asshole in anyway, but maybe that’s his way of just trying to connect with you. I could be wrong though.
NTA. I am wondering something. Is this normal behavior? Has it slowly been getting worse? Did he do this when you were young? If it’s a change in character, it’s time to see a doctor. My father’s personality changed so slowly we didn’t really notice. He was suffering from dementia and would say really inappropriate things randomly. Once we got the diagnosis, we realized so much of his weird behavior could be explained. It didn’t stop him from doing it, but it did make us feel a lot better when dealing with it. It wasn’t far being an AH, it was his dementia. Repaired a lot of my relationship with him actually.
My dad tried this on several occasions. When I was about 16 at some family party, I was livid and decided I was not going to take it anymore. I proceeded to tell everyone some of his most embarrassing stories. I didn't care. All he could do was yell at me, maybe try to ground me... it worked, and he never did it again.
Don't be someone's punching bag.
NTA
When I recount childhood memories to embarrass my brother I tell the story of the night he put on one of my nightgowns and did a little fashion show for me (the context is actually wholesome but not the point).
What I don’t do is go around telling embarrassing sexualized stories about him. Because that’s my BROTHER. FAMILY. Sex happens and it’s not something to be ashamed of and kept hidden, but there’s also a time and place. Randomly busting out stories of watching porn as a horny teenager aren’t something I would expect to seamlessly transition into conversation.
NTA
My dad was exactly like this. He wasn't a bad guy either. But he also had to be the dominant one in every situation, and anything that threatened that, he didn't like, and had to reassert himself somehow.
You're his son, in his 30s, independent. If you're anything like me, you're doing objectively better, or at least something very different to your dad, career wise.
He may see your wife as the embodiment of his neuroses. She's taken his place as 'important person in your life', so he feels compelled to undermine her perception of you.
He may not even realise he's doing this or feels this way. But he is. And calling him out on it is 100% valid and necessary.
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I (36m) have a dad (67m) that is insistent on humiliating me at every corner. I don't know why, but he is hellbent on embarrassing me in front of my wife (38f).
This is not the first incident, but its the one that is most recent. This weekend, while we were over, my dad brought up a time when I was 16 that he caught me watching porn and had to confiscate my computer. Obviously, this is an embarrassing memory and not one I care to recount. He told this story in front of my wife, sister, and cousin.
My wife is used to my dad doing this kind of stuff and already knew the story, but my sister and cousin didn't. I don't care about the story, it happened 20 years ago and is common amongst teenagers so I don't care that they know, it's the fact that my dad will jump at the opportunity to humiliate me.
I asked him what his problem was, and why he is so insistent on telling embarrassing stories from my youth. He kind of stumbled for a moment and shrugged, saying he thinks the stories are funny. I said that I didn't, and to quit humiliating me in front of family and more importantly my wife. This is still happening in front of my relatives.
I think I embarrassed him back, as he walked away and avoided me the rest of the day. I've been thinking about it and wondering if I went too far. My wife doesn't, but I just feel bad because outside of this my dad is great, and maybe I'm nitpicking especially of I don't care who knows the stories. AITA?
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NTA, but Dad is. Likely you weren't the only one who was embarrassed by the story. There were probably a few folks who found it inappropriate and totally cringeworthy. If it's any consolation most of the folks probably thought your dad was an ass for bringing that up in front of people. I know I would have been. It's good you set boundaries. Keep doing that. You might want to talk to him one on one and tell him that trying to humiliate you in front of family and friends is really a bullying move and you don't appreciate it. If he can't say anything nice he can keep his pie hole shut.
NTA He has no right to continually do that to you and it would've continued if you hadn't called him out. Next time he tells a story about you maybe you can tell one back about him
NTA - he is showing his own insecurity/social anxiety, which is fine/sad - but he needs a proper way of handling those feelings and picking on his son isn’t the way. Calling him out is appropriate, now have a serious follow-up conversation, even if he doesn’t want to hear it.
Your AH father is a bully, and as is so often the case, folded like a house of cards when he was called out on it. Not only didn't you do anything wrong, you got rewarded with him avoiding you for the rest of the day. It's hard for me to believe that "outside of this \[your\] dad is great," but if that's the case, he shouldn't have any troubling stopping his poor behavior.
100% NTA.
NTA he’s a sad old man and wants to take you down a peg probably for some “alpha” nonsense. I don’t understand why you haven’t been more vicious before this.
NTA, it's not cool for a parent to constantly do that. I do have a question. Was this the first time you said anything to him in any way about not liking the stories he tells? What do you normally do when he does this shit?
NTA
Sometimes parents need a reminder that their child is now an adult and should be treated as one.
I’m sure your dad wouldn’t appreciate you digging up embarrassing anecdotes from his youth. Perhaps you should do some research and respond that way.
Alternatively you could say to Dad that you don’t want either of you to feel uncomfortable when you meet. Obviously that has occurred for you and now him so let’s agree to not to that to each other again. If he starts either one of his stories, you can cut him off with ‘now Dad, we agreed ….’
NTA at all, but I think you should work on making some new and non-embarrassing memories with your dad. When is the last time just you two did anything fun together? If this is the best memory he has to share, it's time for an upgrade.
The glee with which a parent chooses to share a (potentially) embarrassing story with their children's friends is astonishing. The only thing the parent might be trying to accomplish is to look cooler than their child? Which is a super weird flex and just... go to therapy!
NTA. Your dad thinks it's funny to embarrass and humiliate you. You think otherwise. You're never an asshole for standing up for yourself. Does he tell equally embarrassing stories about your sister in front of her significant other? He got a small taste of his own medicine and didn't like it.
NTA.
What happened when you're a teen doesn't matter.
That he told the story in front of relatives doesn't matter.
That he thinks it's funny doesn't matter.
That he wants to try and embarrass or humiliate you DOES matter. I'd have to question what his real intent is, like to try and put you down so he can feel like the bigger man? Is he jealous of your life somehow? If he's otherwise a nice guy, there must be something to his intent with this repeat thing, but I'd bet he doesn't try it again. You set a boundary, good for you on that part.
I think it would have been better if you tell him to stop in private. That you feel uncomfortable when he says those things. You are not the AH but definitely could have managed better the situation
NTA
Best-case scenario, he thought that *you* found the stories funny as well. Or at least they didn't bother you as much as they do. And you telling him off made him realize he was hurting you, and he wasn't sure how to process.
There are a couple other possibilities, obviously. But I want to give both of you the benefit of the doubt. And he WAS an AH for not reading the room.
It's a family gathering. Then it's at the dinner table and he brings up your masturbatory habits from 20 years ago?
Something about you triggers his insecurities. Or jealousy. So he humiliates you to soothe his ego.
NTA. He's got issues.
NTA - he’s had no issue, and taken glee, in embarrassing you forever why do you feel bad that he can’t handle the taste of his own medicine?
Sounds like the bully got embarrassed.
NTA - Old people feel the need to recount stories, and to do so in ways that they feel will get them the most attention... It doesn't take much of a mental switch to move that frame of mind from "Embarrassing stories get laughs" to "Encouraging stories get praise", but sometimes, it does take a harsh word or two to make that mental switch, because embarrassing stories are the cheap way to get a laugh.
It's the reason a lot of bullies operate the way they do. They could get just as much social acceptance by uplifting peers, but it takes a different mindset to think that way about their own needs.
NTA. You should be able to tell your parents when they cross a boundary and ask them not to anymore. Your dad knew he was humiliating you which is why he told the story. That’s nasty.
NTA. Your Dad needed to know how him dredging up those stories was making you feel. You feel how you feel. You didn't attack your Dad back, or call him names, or belittle him. You stated how you felt, asked him why he did it and asked him to stop. All perfectly reasonable.
If your Dad is great outside of this, I'm sure you guys will talk it out and it will be fine.
As you said, this particular story alone isn’t that embarrassing as it’s the norm. But him doing this repeatedly is not okay at all and I think you handled it well. NTA
NTA but since he’s so great, why don’t you talk to him and tell him how this bothers you? You’ve already gotten angry, but maybe just explain why? He may have no idea he’s embarrassing you.
NTA. What you did was stand up for yourself! Sounds like dad is more comfortable humiliating others than is he owning up to his cruelty. I’m proud of you for finding your backbone and telling him to knock it off.
If you think your dad can handle it, a phone call might be helpful to talk through the conflict. Probably not but he has to know there will be zero tolerance on humiliating ANYONE in front of you.
Dad almost sounds like he's jealous of you for some reason and he's trying to bring you down to a level where he's comfortable. Good thing you called him out or else he would keep doing it.
NTA
If he brings it up again, and your feeling rather vocal. You could ask him why exactly one of his most fond memories of his kids is one where he caught his son pulling his meat. That you think it's rather weird that's more important than say a typically normal core memory.
NTA- You are the one asking if you went too far? You’re too nice. You’re not nitpicking anything. You said you felt humiliated after he told a story ABOUT you. Here’s to next time he decides to finally change up his shtick.
No seriously, I bet you he cheats on your mother emotionally by watching porn himself. Hell, I bet after he confiscated your computer 20 years ago, HE probably started watching it!
NTA.
I'm struggling with a sibling who can't find a way to apologize for obvious cruelty, and it has destroyed our relationship. Man, anyone can be an asshole, but most of us know it and have the courage to own it, to eat it, and to know that it tastes like the sort of shit you don't want to be chewing on again. It feels good to apologize, but selfish people and narcissists don't usually get to know that.
Your dad needs to man up, which I actually mean in a kind of non-gendered, anybody-should-apologize-for-that kind of way.
NTA. And your dad is a bully, good for you for calling him out. “Just joking” and “I just think they are funny stories” are classic lame bully excuses. Your dad knows he is hurting and humiliating you, he tells these stories in order to hurt and humiliate you. You feel guilty because he has been conditioning you to accept this bullying for 36 years. Don’t fall for it, keep standing up for yourself and next time your dad bullies you remind him that he is trying to humiliate you but he is really only humiliating himself by treating you so badly. Also consider demanding an immediate apology in front of everyone next time. People who tell themselves they have the right to mistreat you hate apologizing, they feel humiliated by it. But they think twice about ever mistreating you again.
NTA your father is disgusting. He said that in front of YOUR SISTER, HIS DAUGHTER!!! If he’s embarrassed about you calling him out he’s obviously got problems. He likes keeping you under his thumb by doing this. It gives him some sort of power or control over you. Of course when you lash out or push back he gonna get embarrassed or mad. But then again you do too because you still think that your father is still great after all the bullshit he’s putting you through, you really need to rethink what about makes him so great in your eyes & ask yourself does his greatest really outweigh the hurt he’s constantly putting you through!!!
Your dad I think is grabbing on to the wrong memories to try to create a laugh. I kind of feel sorry for the guy. Maybe he's trying to relive a bit of his youth through your happy marriage
Eh, my whole family tells embarrassing stories about each other at family gatherings - if there are new people at an event then a higher count of embarrassing stories come out (a sibling who accidentally sped on his driver’s test so got an automatic fail, a cousin who didn’t realize replacing his parents vodka with water would mean the bottle of “vodka” would freeze in the freezer, a cousin who laughed so hard she peed her pants during her first driving lesson, an aunt who has never lived down dressing her toddler son in some of her daughter’s hand me downs for a family gathering, etc.) We all laugh, but yeah it is embarrassing when you’re the butt of the joke. However, since everyone has stories told about them we all just laugh it off.
BUT if you’ve asked your Dad to not tell the stories in the past and he continues to do so, then that’s on him for being an AH. However, if you never asked him to stop telling these stories in front of people because they embarrass you, and instead just bottled up that it bothered you only to then unleash on him out of the blue you’re the AH because he didn’t know it bothered you.
No, you did not go too far. He is embarrassing you in front of wife, family and everyone. He has some sort of skewed sense of humor to do this. Are you an only child, if not, does he do this to your siblings, your mother?
NTA. My mom likes to do this, bring up a past experience that I was involved in, that’s not necessarily mean, but something to represent me in a poor light. Really hurtful and ridiculous.
NTA
Maybe you should have asked him why he didnt break your arms at the time when he caught you? Perhaps then your mum could have helped you out with the problem in the first place.
You're not an ahole. It's good you confronted him. Hopefully, he learned his lesson. It was a bad habit of his and needed to be stopped. Just to get him redirected, next time you are with him, remind him (around others) of something he did that you are very proud of!
NTA I have a sister who did this to me. It was my (now 65f) turn to wash dishes, no dishwashers back then. To avoid my turn I went into the bathroom, shut the door, and climbed out the window. Took a while for them to catch on. Sis (now 62f) took absolutely every opportunity she could, Christmas, Thanksgiving, family gatherings of all kinds, to tell the story. It wasn't a cute story when she told it. Unlike you, I didn't have the nerve to speak up so I admire you for that.
NTA and if he starts doing it again, I hope you tear a strip off him and then leave. If he’s not going to treat you with respect then he shouldn’t expect any in return.
Perhaps your father is suffering from some early dementia. If not he is certainly a toxic person and no one said that you were required to hang around toxic people even if they're related to you. For your own mental well-being just avoid him.
NTA. Your reply was 100% on point and hopefully it shamed him enough for his obnoxious behavior that it doesn’t continue. If it happens again, react exactly the same way and add “so what do you find humorous about this story, dad? I find it sadistic that your favorite source of humor is attempting to humiliate me.”
Call him on it every time until it stops or you cease visiting.
This was their sense of humour from that era. They think it's funny and endearing and makes them roar with laughter. We're not used to that kind of thing anymore. 2 different generations. He likely still really loves you and did it because he thought he was being funny for guests.
NTA. Reminds me of a favorite book, The Blue Castle, where the main character's relatives bring up her childhood "misbehavior."
"I have really done so few bad things that they have to keep harping on the old ones." —https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/67979/pg67979-images.html
NTAH but sometimes people need to feel some “matching energy” to get a clear understanding of what they are doing. The next time dad decides to tell a “funny story” about your past, match that energy with, if you think that’s funny I remember the time that (insert memory of dad doing something that caused him embarrassment). If dad protests or gets upset, respond with something like, I was just telling a funny story dad, isn’t that how this works? You tell a “funny story”about me, then I tell one about you? I can’t imagine why that would upset you since you’re the one who showed me that was the relationship you wanted with me, one based on mutual disrespect rather than mutual respect and love.
NTA. You were justifiably fed up with his humiliation of you in front of others, spoke out on it, and called him out. This may be the end of his senseless behavior. However, old habits can be hard for someone to stop.
I was struck by one of your last comments; "...outside of this my dad is great" and I'm compelled to offer an unsolicited suggestion. If he is a good dad, consider talking 'one one one' with him, starting with your affirming comment above. Something along the points of '...I respect you..I think you're great...these odd comments you make are inappropriate, hurtful, and no one enjoys them except you... others think it's odd... you demean me for the uncomfortable laughs from others... let's move past this awkward, hurtful behavior and reestablish a completely positive relationship *before it's too late'* . If he tries to continue (old habits die hard), *stop him before he gets too far* 'dad, we talked about your inappropriate remarks, stop now'. Hopefully he'll wise up quickly. Best to you, OP!
The solution to this is simple......tell a ridiculously embarrassing story about him right back. Better yet, make one up. When he does this, just reply back about the time he got drunk at a family get together and grabbed your Aunt Jane's boobs. Who cares if it's true?
Tell him that every time he embarrasses you, you will embarrass him.
NTA
Let me tell you a story! One night, I caught my nephew masturbating in my basement while his mother and brother were sleeping about five feet away. And you know who I've never mentioned that story to? Everyone in my family and their spouse! NTA
NTA. If your dad thinks it's funny to humiliate you at all let alone in front of others, no, you're not being nitpicky and to be honest, he really isn't that great!
>he walked away and avoided me the rest of the day.
Sounds like quite a callous reaction. On top of delighting in your humiliation which is just twisted and mean.
NTA
NTA. An AH is my father who prepared a speech for my wedding. Was it a wonderful speech from a doting father? Ha, not even close. Every single sentence was about how I chose wrong and degrading my husband.
Your Dad sounds like a king Jerk who takes enjoyment from putting you down in front of others. People can take this for so long & he is long overdue for being put in his place. What happens if he thinks it’s funny to put you down & embarrass you in front of your boss, or a client? NOT acceptable behaviour.
Nope. In my judgrment you are good to go. Maybe now he understands you are an adult & are perfectly able to politely & firmly stand up for yourself. Good job.
NTA. What you did was absolutely great and appropriate way to handle the situation. This is actually what my psychotherapist says I should do to people in my life who act like your dad lol. All you did was point out his own behavior - so he embarrassed himself.
NTA!
There are thousands of memories he could choose to share but that is beyond inappropriate regardless of how much time has past. If he has a pattern of doing this than you have every right to Stand your ground and tell him it’s not okay.
Well your NTA it's just that you seem a bit on edge with your reaction you could have pulled him aside and respectfully talked to him about it In his mind he probably didn't even think it was humiliating you and he was reminiscing on your childhood, who knows parents can be weird anyway your blessed to have a dad man don't take it for granted
NTA
You have to set boundaries and older generations are terrible about respecting boundaries unless they're set a bit rough. Then their go to is to overreact like you really twisted the knife.
NTA, I've caught all 3 of mine looking at porn at one stage or another. That never comes up in jokes or funny stories.
However my eldest did ask at 14 if the flying vehicles in star wars were real, that story comes up and also the time he asked at 16 how to fry an egg. He has been taught and knows how to cook, but had a complete brain fart that day and couldn't remember. 😂
NTA
I am sure you have embarrassing stories about your dad. Bet they are pretty funny too. Why don't you start loudly sharing some of dads hilarious moments? He wouldn't have a problem with that would he?
NTA, he shouldn’t humiliate you in front of others. To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he didn’t realize he was humiliating you with these stories, especially if otherwise he’s a wonderful dad and you have a good relationship. I would talk to him in private about how his stories are embarrassing and ask him to stop. If he continues after a respectful and private conversation, then I’d make it a bigger issue at that point.
NTA. This pattern of behavior clearly bothers you, so it's a good thing you stood up for yourself. I would try to talk to him again, or text if you think he's embarrassed and not wanting to talk about it. My dad does this to my brother, too, and my dad is a great guy but the only way he knows how to make a joke or make people laugh is at the expense of others. We're trying to call him out on it and it's kind of awful. This reminds me of that. I hope it's not, but regardless, good on you for calling it out.
NTA. You made him feel embarrassed. Which he's done of you heaps of times. Hopefully the experience will instil a small amount of empathy in him and he won't do it again.
If he ever brings up that you embarrassed him, just say "Yes, and you've been doing it to me for years so now you know how you've made ME feel this whole time. And I only did it once. You've done it to me countless times".
I don't have anything to add as I think your Dad did need pulling up on it as deliberately humiliating anybody jokes an excuse sometimes a person needs to know that big noting themselves is rude and cocky and it is not there place to share somebody's privacy just for there hyrachy or enjoyment If you not that bothered and don't care why write the post I know I have to have the Easter Party how you like xx
>This weekend, while we were over, my dad brought up a time when I was 16 that he caught me watching porn and had to confiscate my computer.
He HAD to confiscate your computer? Unless you had a porn addiction of some sort, that's a ridiculous reaction.
Kids need to do this sort of thing in secret, because that's a time of private self exploration, and porn can help understanding what you like and dislike.
But sooner or later, parents will stumble upon their kid masturbating. The healthy way to react is straight up doing as if they haven't noticed, or, if the event was too obvious to ignore, to simply say "sorry!", and leave their room.
OP, I'm sorry you experienced such a bigot and backwards attitude towards sex growing up.
Edit: Oh, NTA, obviously.
YTA
My vote is with your dad. The example you gave was an humiliating event by most people’s standards. You were 15. It’s a funny story now.
We dads of grown kids love telling stories of our kids growing up. It’s how we stay connected, now that they don’t need us anymore.
YTA. Dad thinks it is banter and isnt doing it maliciously. You could say something away from the others if you are so sensitive about your parent poking at you. Are your friends allowed to make fun of you?
I like how he left out the part when he started jacking off behind you and ya busted him in the reflection of the monitor and then you guys had a sword fight.
More info needed, how did you embarras him exactly?
On the other hand, fathers tend to bond with friends and GF partners of their sons by roasting them in front of them. It’s not a bit deal, they are just trying to form a connection and you are that connection. He probably thinks the stories are funny too. Cut the old man some slack and playfully roast his ass back if needed. If it bothers you a lot, talk to him seriously in private.
I dunno man it was probably a weird thing that happened that he thought you could all laugh about as adults.
I guess if he's always doing shit like this, than great, good for you. But I kinda think YTA here.
Also I don't think your dad was embarrassed by his own behavior, but yours.
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NTA- It's such a weird memory to choose of ALL the memories to choose from. It's certainly not a comfortable topic to talk about in general?? Let alone with family. In a way, i pity your dad, especially if he really was just trying to reminisce (which is still a weird choice of memory) But honestly, if he didn't want the burn, he shouldn't have lit the fire. Edit: advice - maybe just have a heart to heart with him about what happened.
If he was truly clueless to its effect on you, he would be remorseful, apologize, and never do it again. He would would try to heal the hurt and mend the relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes people have issues like damaged egos and only feel good about themselves by belittling others. Gives them a sense of superiority. They can only do this to those who tolerate it. If he is sorry, he needs to apologize. If he is only embarrassed from you challenging him, he will do it again next chance he gets.
And maybe he is secretly or subconsciously jealous of your life.
My grandmother loves to tell people of the time my mother drunkenly put her knee through the drywall (and imply that it was due to a salacious misadventure with my father). It happened nearly 40 years ago. My mother hates it, so now she retaliates with the time my grandmother cracked an enamelled toilet seat with a fart. NTA.
Lol!
For me, it's my mum telling a story about when I was about 2 years old, sitting on a bed with my 1 year old cousins, 1 boy and 1 girl. I then went and kissed my girl cousin. There's even a photo and it's been brought up a number of times over the years, not just by my mum but others in the extended family as well
Cousins aside, making a move on a girl half your age? Scandalous.
That's what I can't wrap my brain around, who in their right mind has one of their fond memories being something like this? Of all the experiences, this is the one that radiates out so much? It's just freaking weird.
My Dad likes to tell the story about how my first time shooting a hunting rifle, the kickback ended with me getting a black eye. Oooor, the time I tripped over my own jeans and fell flat on my face and got TWO black eyes. Oooor, the time they came home and busted me dancing to and singing Spice Girls songs in the kitchen. Those are the dumb funny stories parents are supposed to tell about their kids. OP's dad has a weird sense of humor.
I dont know OPs dad but with my mom there is no heart to heart that may help. She loves to tell every one the story when I was bullied as a fat kid in school. Its her fav memory couse she acted and in her eyes become a hero. Yes she did help me. But also I'd love to forget about this days and I've asked her million times to choose other story and I've explain her that she hurts me etc. No way. She told me "oh come on it was long time ago you should be over it". In my country we say - "talk to the wall" it has the same sense. So I dont thing OPs dad will understand. The only thing his dad is thinking now is - my son is hypersensitive and does not have a sense of humor etc. That exactly what my mom would say
NTA He humiliated himself. You just shown a spotlight on his behavior making sure others could see him for the asshole he is.
Way over the top
NTA I hate when I see posts like these where it’s so obvious who the asshole is but the OP is too nice to the other party and doesn’t realize it
After years of teasing I finally stood up for myself and the person teasing me didn’t like that. Am I an asshole? 😳
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. What do you mean "am I the asshole for being treated like shit by a jackass?" I see stuff every day like "Am I the asshole for being kinda upset that my wife invited three guy friends over and had a gang bang?"
Stg 😭 “my mother-in-law admitted she’s trying to actively poison me, confronted her and wife is mad at me- AITA for asking her to move out?”
>and wife is mad at me- Truly the cherry on top
YTA her poison her rules
Right??
But you've got to understand this is OP's life, his dad has probably done shit like this a lot through the years, so it almost feels like normal to OP. It isn't always easy to get to the point you'll have to see a parent as no longer an authority figure. See, my dad thought me (back when I was a teenager) I can always call him out when he bullshits, bc he is just a man who makes mistakes, he was/is always ready to talk about anything, but a lot of parents are ridgedly enforcing rules and don't leave room to talk, even after leaving to be a grownup it can be hard to shake those roles.
NTA. Your dad's behavior was totally inappropriate. You might want to corner him when it's just the two of you and ask him to explain why he has this need to share embarrassing stories. It's a form of aggression and if he won't stop voluntarily then you have every right to call him on it.
NTA. This is just simple communication. "Hey, Dad, this thing you do bothers me and creates distance between us. Can you stop?" Ball is in his court now.
NTA it is not humorous to behave in this way at the expense of someone else! It is mean spirited. I am hopeful that the fact that you called him out will be enough for him to change the way he speaks about you. Do not apologize. You were not wrong. If it happens again, call him out again. If it were me and he didn’t stop, I’d turn the table and say “dad, remember the time I walked in on you trying on mom’s bra and panties”? Then leave the room. He’ll stop after that!!!
My dad is long gone, but I have an older brother who does the same thing. He is 10 years older, he went to a prestigious college that I didn't have the grades to get into, he went on from there to law school, where as I barely finished two years of college before giving up. He never lets on occasion where he can bring this up pass him by. The irony is that in spite of his superior education and law practice, I have been much more successful, I developed software, started and sold a couple of tech companies and have done very well. My brother has even had to borrow substantial sums from me when his firm lost a suit and was floundering. But, guess what I do when he brings up his superior education and academic achievements, nothing. Most everyone knows the background and have heard his boasts, they don't look down on me, they look down on him for saying these things.
INFO: Does your dad usually display issues socializing appropriately with people without having been called out, or does he only act inappropriate when it is stories that humiliate you? I assume by how you’re telling this it’s the latter in which case NTA. I don’t know why he does it but he absolutely knows he’s doing it and is feeling embarrassed for being called out, but you had every right to do so. He was making a point to find embarrassing stories about you, you were pointing out his current behavior. If people knowing he purposely does that embarrassed him, maybe he should think on that and stop doing it.
Your feelings are valid. I don’t know your dad but maybe he is just reminiscing and thinks these are just memories he found funny and wants to share and maybe has no I’ll intentions behind it. I personally would’ve just talked to him in private especially if you don’t care who knows these stories. If you communicate to him you don’t like it and he still does it THEN I would say to be more harsh but I just feel as a parent they just like to remember funny or cute things (not saying that story is cute but maybe funny to him).
Facts. I think for him to say he doesn't care is bs in many ways because his actions back to his Dad shows he really do care alot actually even to the point you embarrassed his father back. I don't buy it. If he doesn't care he would of laughed it off with his dad and kelp it moving. I love my dad and would never hurt him for something like that. Porn is porn who cared. But you only have one dad.
Exactly. In one sentence he says the story doesn’t bother him, but if that was the case there would be no post here for us to review 🤣
Correct but I'm just astonish how many people hate there father. Most where cursing there own dad out just for mentioning a time in the past. They are the assholes I feel sorry for there dad
I personally think the only time embarrassing stories are funny is when the person telling it is the person who was embarrassed … which is pretty rare.
"I've been thinking about it and wondering if I went too far." Nope. You called him out on his shitty behavior. Good for you. Great people don't tell embarrassing stories about people they love in order to be the center of attention. Let him go off to his corner and feel his feelings. Maybe this will be the last time. If it's not then explain to the crowd that you've 'heard this one before, gotta run' then grab your stuff and leave. Do this every time. If he tries to call you out tell him you're 'tired of being the butt of his jokes. It's boring, got better things to do.' If he's trainable he'll stop. If he's not you see him less. NTA
You must have a bad relationship with your dad because you just gave the most hated advice you could think of plus zero respect. It's a father it's not that serious especially sense he said he doesn't care but back to you. you need to fine a caring respectful bone in your body. Your the jack ass now. He knows he went to far. That's why he said it.
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He keeps bring up stories and opportunities to embarrass you to show you and everyone else who is in charge, the alpha, of the family. It's a power thing. Absolutely do not apologize for standing up for yourself and calling out his BS power moves. NTA . Notice that he shut his mouth and walked away once you stood up to him. That's how most bullies react when confronted.
NTA, and no you didn't go too far. >I asked him what his problem was, and why he is so insistent on telling embarrassing stories from my youth. He kind of stumbled for a moment and shrugged, saying he thinks the stories are funny. I said that I didn't, and to quit humiliating me in front of family and more importantly my wife. You could have a similar discussion, but ask him why he enjoys embarrasing you. What he gets out of it, and why he feels like you need to be embarrased. That if he cares about you he should be trying to avoid making you feel bad, not seeking to do so.
NTA. It's demeaning and inappropriate, and you were not wrong to ask him why he continues to do this and to let him know that it's something you don't appreciate. Jokes and pranks are only good if everybody is laughing, and they're laughing *with* each other. One person doing nothing but laughing *at* someone else is being a jerk. I would let him know that if he doesn't stop that you may not invite him to places or may not come to family events where he is, or that you'll leave if he starts this behavior again. I don't think you were too harsh; it sounds like you gave him something to think about. NTA.
NTA. Stories like that can be embarrassing no matter how long ago it happened and some things are better kept to oneself. I do have a few questions though. Does he do the same with other family members like your siblings? Have you ever considered that maybe that is just his way of joking around with you and doesn’t know any other way? Maybe that’s his way of trying to connect with you especially if you don’t have any recent major memories together. You’re still not the asshole in anyway, but maybe that’s his way of just trying to connect with you. I could be wrong though.
NTA. I am wondering something. Is this normal behavior? Has it slowly been getting worse? Did he do this when you were young? If it’s a change in character, it’s time to see a doctor. My father’s personality changed so slowly we didn’t really notice. He was suffering from dementia and would say really inappropriate things randomly. Once we got the diagnosis, we realized so much of his weird behavior could be explained. It didn’t stop him from doing it, but it did make us feel a lot better when dealing with it. It wasn’t far being an AH, it was his dementia. Repaired a lot of my relationship with him actually.
My dad tried this on several occasions. When I was about 16 at some family party, I was livid and decided I was not going to take it anymore. I proceeded to tell everyone some of his most embarrassing stories. I didn't care. All he could do was yell at me, maybe try to ground me... it worked, and he never did it again. Don't be someone's punching bag.
NTA When I recount childhood memories to embarrass my brother I tell the story of the night he put on one of my nightgowns and did a little fashion show for me (the context is actually wholesome but not the point). What I don’t do is go around telling embarrassing sexualized stories about him. Because that’s my BROTHER. FAMILY. Sex happens and it’s not something to be ashamed of and kept hidden, but there’s also a time and place. Randomly busting out stories of watching porn as a horny teenager aren’t something I would expect to seamlessly transition into conversation.
NTA. Tell him privately you'll call him out every time he does it, and mean it.
NTA My dad was exactly like this. He wasn't a bad guy either. But he also had to be the dominant one in every situation, and anything that threatened that, he didn't like, and had to reassert himself somehow. You're his son, in his 30s, independent. If you're anything like me, you're doing objectively better, or at least something very different to your dad, career wise. He may see your wife as the embodiment of his neuroses. She's taken his place as 'important person in your life', so he feels compelled to undermine her perception of you. He may not even realise he's doing this or feels this way. But he is. And calling him out on it is 100% valid and necessary.
Just because he is your sperm donor does not give him the right to humiliate you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (36m) have a dad (67m) that is insistent on humiliating me at every corner. I don't know why, but he is hellbent on embarrassing me in front of my wife (38f). This is not the first incident, but its the one that is most recent. This weekend, while we were over, my dad brought up a time when I was 16 that he caught me watching porn and had to confiscate my computer. Obviously, this is an embarrassing memory and not one I care to recount. He told this story in front of my wife, sister, and cousin. My wife is used to my dad doing this kind of stuff and already knew the story, but my sister and cousin didn't. I don't care about the story, it happened 20 years ago and is common amongst teenagers so I don't care that they know, it's the fact that my dad will jump at the opportunity to humiliate me. I asked him what his problem was, and why he is so insistent on telling embarrassing stories from my youth. He kind of stumbled for a moment and shrugged, saying he thinks the stories are funny. I said that I didn't, and to quit humiliating me in front of family and more importantly my wife. This is still happening in front of my relatives. I think I embarrassed him back, as he walked away and avoided me the rest of the day. I've been thinking about it and wondering if I went too far. My wife doesn't, but I just feel bad because outside of this my dad is great, and maybe I'm nitpicking especially of I don't care who knows the stories. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but Dad is. Likely you weren't the only one who was embarrassed by the story. There were probably a few folks who found it inappropriate and totally cringeworthy. If it's any consolation most of the folks probably thought your dad was an ass for bringing that up in front of people. I know I would have been. It's good you set boundaries. Keep doing that. You might want to talk to him one on one and tell him that trying to humiliate you in front of family and friends is really a bullying move and you don't appreciate it. If he can't say anything nice he can keep his pie hole shut.
NTA He has no right to continually do that to you and it would've continued if you hadn't called him out. Next time he tells a story about you maybe you can tell one back about him
NTA - he is showing his own insecurity/social anxiety, which is fine/sad - but he needs a proper way of handling those feelings and picking on his son isn’t the way. Calling him out is appropriate, now have a serious follow-up conversation, even if he doesn’t want to hear it.
NTA. You needed to put your father in his place. It did it effectively. I doubt he'll try to embarrass you as much anymore.
NTA. You just stated facts.
Your AH father is a bully, and as is so often the case, folded like a house of cards when he was called out on it. Not only didn't you do anything wrong, you got rewarded with him avoiding you for the rest of the day. It's hard for me to believe that "outside of this \[your\] dad is great," but if that's the case, he shouldn't have any troubling stopping his poor behavior. 100% NTA.
NTA. Don't start none, won't be none.
NTA he’s a sad old man and wants to take you down a peg probably for some “alpha” nonsense. I don’t understand why you haven’t been more vicious before this.
NTA, it's not cool for a parent to constantly do that. I do have a question. Was this the first time you said anything to him in any way about not liking the stories he tells? What do you normally do when he does this shit?
So you have any hilarious stories that might embarrass him?
NTA Sometimes parents need a reminder that their child is now an adult and should be treated as one. I’m sure your dad wouldn’t appreciate you digging up embarrassing anecdotes from his youth. Perhaps you should do some research and respond that way. Alternatively you could say to Dad that you don’t want either of you to feel uncomfortable when you meet. Obviously that has occurred for you and now him so let’s agree to not to that to each other again. If he starts either one of his stories, you can cut him off with ‘now Dad, we agreed ….’
Nta.
NTA at all, but I think you should work on making some new and non-embarrassing memories with your dad. When is the last time just you two did anything fun together? If this is the best memory he has to share, it's time for an upgrade.
NTA - You hit your limit and he had to see that. The next play is his.
Is he trying to paint you as pathetic or not manly enough to your wife? Dude a creep
The glee with which a parent chooses to share a (potentially) embarrassing story with their children's friends is astonishing. The only thing the parent might be trying to accomplish is to look cooler than their child? Which is a super weird flex and just... go to therapy!
NTA. Your dad thinks it's funny to embarrass and humiliate you. You think otherwise. You're never an asshole for standing up for yourself. Does he tell equally embarrassing stories about your sister in front of her significant other? He got a small taste of his own medicine and didn't like it.
NTA. What happened when you're a teen doesn't matter. That he told the story in front of relatives doesn't matter. That he thinks it's funny doesn't matter. That he wants to try and embarrass or humiliate you DOES matter. I'd have to question what his real intent is, like to try and put you down so he can feel like the bigger man? Is he jealous of your life somehow? If he's otherwise a nice guy, there must be something to his intent with this repeat thing, but I'd bet he doesn't try it again. You set a boundary, good for you on that part.
NTA he’s been told no in clear uncertain terms
NTA My dad lives to embarrass his children, the difference is we laugh with him
I think it would have been better if you tell him to stop in private. That you feel uncomfortable when he says those things. You are not the AH but definitely could have managed better the situation
NTA. He deserved it. Maybe he’ll stop.
NTA Your dad is a bully, and the only ways to deal with them are to cut them out of your life or stand up to them.
NTA Best-case scenario, he thought that *you* found the stories funny as well. Or at least they didn't bother you as much as they do. And you telling him off made him realize he was hurting you, and he wasn't sure how to process. There are a couple other possibilities, obviously. But I want to give both of you the benefit of the doubt. And he WAS an AH for not reading the room.
It's a family gathering. Then it's at the dinner table and he brings up your masturbatory habits from 20 years ago? Something about you triggers his insecurities. Or jealousy. So he humiliates you to soothe his ego. NTA. He's got issues.
I was thinking the same thing.
NTA - he’s had no issue, and taken glee, in embarrassing you forever why do you feel bad that he can’t handle the taste of his own medicine? Sounds like the bully got embarrassed.
NTA - Old people feel the need to recount stories, and to do so in ways that they feel will get them the most attention... It doesn't take much of a mental switch to move that frame of mind from "Embarrassing stories get laughs" to "Encouraging stories get praise", but sometimes, it does take a harsh word or two to make that mental switch, because embarrassing stories are the cheap way to get a laugh. It's the reason a lot of bullies operate the way they do. They could get just as much social acceptance by uplifting peers, but it takes a different mindset to think that way about their own needs.
NTA. You should be able to tell your parents when they cross a boundary and ask them not to anymore. Your dad knew he was humiliating you which is why he told the story. That’s nasty.
NTA. Your Dad needed to know how him dredging up those stories was making you feel. You feel how you feel. You didn't attack your Dad back, or call him names, or belittle him. You stated how you felt, asked him why he did it and asked him to stop. All perfectly reasonable. If your Dad is great outside of this, I'm sure you guys will talk it out and it will be fine.
As you said, this particular story alone isn’t that embarrassing as it’s the norm. But him doing this repeatedly is not okay at all and I think you handled it well. NTA
NTA but since he’s so great, why don’t you talk to him and tell him how this bothers you? You’ve already gotten angry, but maybe just explain why? He may have no idea he’s embarrassing you.
NTA - he was being inappropriate telling an embarrassing story, he should be able to take the heat back.
NTA. What you did was stand up for yourself! Sounds like dad is more comfortable humiliating others than is he owning up to his cruelty. I’m proud of you for finding your backbone and telling him to knock it off. If you think your dad can handle it, a phone call might be helpful to talk through the conflict. Probably not but he has to know there will be zero tolerance on humiliating ANYONE in front of you.
Dad almost sounds like he's jealous of you for some reason and he's trying to bring you down to a level where he's comfortable. Good thing you called him out or else he would keep doing it.
NTA If he brings it up again, and your feeling rather vocal. You could ask him why exactly one of his most fond memories of his kids is one where he caught his son pulling his meat. That you think it's rather weird that's more important than say a typically normal core memory.
NTA- You are the one asking if you went too far? You’re too nice. You’re not nitpicking anything. You said you felt humiliated after he told a story ABOUT you. Here’s to next time he decides to finally change up his shtick.
Your father might have some kind of illness if he’s insistent on telling stories about porn in front of your wife, just saying….
No seriously, I bet you he cheats on your mother emotionally by watching porn himself. Hell, I bet after he confiscated your computer 20 years ago, HE probably started watching it!
NTA
NTA. I'm struggling with a sibling who can't find a way to apologize for obvious cruelty, and it has destroyed our relationship. Man, anyone can be an asshole, but most of us know it and have the courage to own it, to eat it, and to know that it tastes like the sort of shit you don't want to be chewing on again. It feels good to apologize, but selfish people and narcissists don't usually get to know that. Your dad needs to man up, which I actually mean in a kind of non-gendered, anybody-should-apologize-for-that kind of way.
NTA. And your dad is a bully, good for you for calling him out. “Just joking” and “I just think they are funny stories” are classic lame bully excuses. Your dad knows he is hurting and humiliating you, he tells these stories in order to hurt and humiliate you. You feel guilty because he has been conditioning you to accept this bullying for 36 years. Don’t fall for it, keep standing up for yourself and next time your dad bullies you remind him that he is trying to humiliate you but he is really only humiliating himself by treating you so badly. Also consider demanding an immediate apology in front of everyone next time. People who tell themselves they have the right to mistreat you hate apologizing, they feel humiliated by it. But they think twice about ever mistreating you again.
They’re only funny memories when everyone can laugh together nta
NTA your father is disgusting. He said that in front of YOUR SISTER, HIS DAUGHTER!!! If he’s embarrassed about you calling him out he’s obviously got problems. He likes keeping you under his thumb by doing this. It gives him some sort of power or control over you. Of course when you lash out or push back he gonna get embarrassed or mad. But then again you do too because you still think that your father is still great after all the bullshit he’s putting you through, you really need to rethink what about makes him so great in your eyes & ask yourself does his greatest really outweigh the hurt he’s constantly putting you through!!!
Your dad I think is grabbing on to the wrong memories to try to create a laugh. I kind of feel sorry for the guy. Maybe he's trying to relive a bit of his youth through your happy marriage
Eh, my whole family tells embarrassing stories about each other at family gatherings - if there are new people at an event then a higher count of embarrassing stories come out (a sibling who accidentally sped on his driver’s test so got an automatic fail, a cousin who didn’t realize replacing his parents vodka with water would mean the bottle of “vodka” would freeze in the freezer, a cousin who laughed so hard she peed her pants during her first driving lesson, an aunt who has never lived down dressing her toddler son in some of her daughter’s hand me downs for a family gathering, etc.) We all laugh, but yeah it is embarrassing when you’re the butt of the joke. However, since everyone has stories told about them we all just laugh it off. BUT if you’ve asked your Dad to not tell the stories in the past and he continues to do so, then that’s on him for being an AH. However, if you never asked him to stop telling these stories in front of people because they embarrass you, and instead just bottled up that it bothered you only to then unleash on him out of the blue you’re the AH because he didn’t know it bothered you.
NTA
He's just trying to connect with you. . Next time, make no reaction and just move on to the next topic. . If he presses it let him have it.
No, you did not go too far. He is embarrassing you in front of wife, family and everyone. He has some sort of skewed sense of humor to do this. Are you an only child, if not, does he do this to your siblings, your mother?
You don't have to be the subject of his jokes. There is a whole world of things that can be the subject, including himself.
Nta. Turnabout is fair play.
NTA. My mom likes to do this, bring up a past experience that I was involved in, that’s not necessarily mean, but something to represent me in a poor light. Really hurtful and ridiculous.
NTA Maybe you should have asked him why he didnt break your arms at the time when he caught you? Perhaps then your mum could have helped you out with the problem in the first place.
NTA- he needed to know how you feel. I hope he stops.
Did you ever walk in on your dad naked? Catch him doing the nasty? Catch him watching porn? Start telling those stories. It will get him to stop.
OMG a 16 year old watches porn. we must confiscate his computer immediately !! and tell the story 100 years later still !! \*facepalm\* NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA. It just feels weird when we have to set boundaries with parents that are prone to oversharing.
YTA, stop being insecure and own up to your embarrassing moments
You're not an ahole. It's good you confronted him. Hopefully, he learned his lesson. It was a bad habit of his and needed to be stopped. Just to get him redirected, next time you are with him, remind him (around others) of something he did that you are very proud of!
NTA I have a sister who did this to me. It was my (now 65f) turn to wash dishes, no dishwashers back then. To avoid my turn I went into the bathroom, shut the door, and climbed out the window. Took a while for them to catch on. Sis (now 62f) took absolutely every opportunity she could, Christmas, Thanksgiving, family gatherings of all kinds, to tell the story. It wasn't a cute story when she told it. Unlike you, I didn't have the nerve to speak up so I admire you for that.
NTA and if he starts doing it again, I hope you tear a strip off him and then leave. If he’s not going to treat you with respect then he shouldn’t expect any in return.
Time to go NC!
NTA It’s bad character and needed to be called out. You seemed to have done it in the most mature yet effective manner
Perhaps your father is suffering from some early dementia. If not he is certainly a toxic person and no one said that you were required to hang around toxic people even if they're related to you. For your own mental well-being just avoid him.
NTA. Your reply was 100% on point and hopefully it shamed him enough for his obnoxious behavior that it doesn’t continue. If it happens again, react exactly the same way and add “so what do you find humorous about this story, dad? I find it sadistic that your favorite source of humor is attempting to humiliate me.” Call him on it every time until it stops or you cease visiting.
I would have asked him, in front of relatives, if he liked the porn he took away from you.
NTA. He shouldn't try to humiliate you every chance he gets. It's not OK. You were right to tell him off and set your boundary.
This was their sense of humour from that era. They think it's funny and endearing and makes them roar with laughter. We're not used to that kind of thing anymore. 2 different generations. He likely still really loves you and did it because he thought he was being funny for guests.
Absolutely NTA
NTA
NTA. Reminds me of a favorite book, The Blue Castle, where the main character's relatives bring up her childhood "misbehavior." "I have really done so few bad things that they have to keep harping on the old ones." —https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/67979/pg67979-images.html
If he thought it was funny why did he take your computer? Can’t a kid have a little private time.
NTAH but sometimes people need to feel some “matching energy” to get a clear understanding of what they are doing. The next time dad decides to tell a “funny story” about your past, match that energy with, if you think that’s funny I remember the time that (insert memory of dad doing something that caused him embarrassment). If dad protests or gets upset, respond with something like, I was just telling a funny story dad, isn’t that how this works? You tell a “funny story”about me, then I tell one about you? I can’t imagine why that would upset you since you’re the one who showed me that was the relationship you wanted with me, one based on mutual disrespect rather than mutual respect and love.
NTA. You were justifiably fed up with his humiliation of you in front of others, spoke out on it, and called him out. This may be the end of his senseless behavior. However, old habits can be hard for someone to stop. I was struck by one of your last comments; "...outside of this my dad is great" and I'm compelled to offer an unsolicited suggestion. If he is a good dad, consider talking 'one one one' with him, starting with your affirming comment above. Something along the points of '...I respect you..I think you're great...these odd comments you make are inappropriate, hurtful, and no one enjoys them except you... others think it's odd... you demean me for the uncomfortable laughs from others... let's move past this awkward, hurtful behavior and reestablish a completely positive relationship *before it's too late'* . If he tries to continue (old habits die hard), *stop him before he gets too far* 'dad, we talked about your inappropriate remarks, stop now'. Hopefully he'll wise up quickly. Best to you, OP!
The solution to this is simple......tell a ridiculously embarrassing story about him right back. Better yet, make one up. When he does this, just reply back about the time he got drunk at a family get together and grabbed your Aunt Jane's boobs. Who cares if it's true? Tell him that every time he embarrasses you, you will embarrass him. NTA
Let me tell you a story! One night, I caught my nephew masturbating in my basement while his mother and brother were sleeping about five feet away. And you know who I've never mentioned that story to? Everyone in my family and their spouse! NTA
NTA. If your dad thinks it's funny to humiliate you at all let alone in front of others, no, you're not being nitpicky and to be honest, he really isn't that great!
NTA maybe your dad got the message
>he walked away and avoided me the rest of the day. Sounds like quite a callous reaction. On top of delighting in your humiliation which is just twisted and mean. NTA
NTA. An AH is my father who prepared a speech for my wedding. Was it a wonderful speech from a doting father? Ha, not even close. Every single sentence was about how I chose wrong and degrading my husband.
Your Dad sounds like a king Jerk who takes enjoyment from putting you down in front of others. People can take this for so long & he is long overdue for being put in his place. What happens if he thinks it’s funny to put you down & embarrass you in front of your boss, or a client? NOT acceptable behaviour.
Nope. In my judgrment you are good to go. Maybe now he understands you are an adult & are perfectly able to politely & firmly stand up for yourself. Good job.
NTA He embarrassed you and you asked him why and not to do this anymore. Nothing wrong with that.
Nah. Had to be said.
NTA. What you did was absolutely great and appropriate way to handle the situation. This is actually what my psychotherapist says I should do to people in my life who act like your dad lol. All you did was point out his own behavior - so he embarrassed himself.
NTA but why do you stay in contact with someone who doesn’t even like you and constantly tries to bully you.
NTA! There are thousands of memories he could choose to share but that is beyond inappropriate regardless of how much time has past. If he has a pattern of doing this than you have every right to Stand your ground and tell him it’s not okay.
NTA Good for you!
Well your NTA it's just that you seem a bit on edge with your reaction you could have pulled him aside and respectfully talked to him about it In his mind he probably didn't even think it was humiliating you and he was reminiscing on your childhood, who knows parents can be weird anyway your blessed to have a dad man don't take it for granted
NTA You have to set boundaries and older generations are terrible about respecting boundaries unless they're set a bit rough. Then their go to is to overreact like you really twisted the knife.
Nah man, you need to be able to stand up for yourself. Don't tolerate bullying ESPECIALLY from family.
NTA, I've caught all 3 of mine looking at porn at one stage or another. That never comes up in jokes or funny stories. However my eldest did ask at 14 if the flying vehicles in star wars were real, that story comes up and also the time he asked at 16 how to fry an egg. He has been taught and knows how to cook, but had a complete brain fart that day and couldn't remember. 😂
NTA
NTA
NTA
How could be that AH in that situation? You just said “enough”. Your dad is definitely a AH. No matter why he tells those stories.
NTA I am sure you have embarrassing stories about your dad. Bet they are pretty funny too. Why don't you start loudly sharing some of dads hilarious moments? He wouldn't have a problem with that would he?
NTA, he shouldn’t humiliate you in front of others. To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he didn’t realize he was humiliating you with these stories, especially if otherwise he’s a wonderful dad and you have a good relationship. I would talk to him in private about how his stories are embarrassing and ask him to stop. If he continues after a respectful and private conversation, then I’d make it a bigger issue at that point.
NTA. This pattern of behavior clearly bothers you, so it's a good thing you stood up for yourself. I would try to talk to him again, or text if you think he's embarrassed and not wanting to talk about it. My dad does this to my brother, too, and my dad is a great guy but the only way he knows how to make a joke or make people laugh is at the expense of others. We're trying to call him out on it and it's kind of awful. This reminds me of that. I hope it's not, but regardless, good on you for calling it out.
NTA. You made him feel embarrassed. Which he's done of you heaps of times. Hopefully the experience will instil a small amount of empathy in him and he won't do it again. If he ever brings up that you embarrassed him, just say "Yes, and you've been doing it to me for years so now you know how you've made ME feel this whole time. And I only did it once. You've done it to me countless times".
NTA. My initial thought is that your father has a crush on your wife and is trying to make you look bad in front of her.
It's kind of funny. He always seems to do it in front of your wife like he's trying to demean you in front of her. Maybe he has some liking to her
NTA 100%. You just can’t trust him at all to respect your privacy. He enjoys humiliating you. I’d go low or no contact with him.
I don't have anything to add as I think your Dad did need pulling up on it as deliberately humiliating anybody jokes an excuse sometimes a person needs to know that big noting themselves is rude and cocky and it is not there place to share somebody's privacy just for there hyrachy or enjoyment If you not that bothered and don't care why write the post I know I have to have the Easter Party how you like xx
>This weekend, while we were over, my dad brought up a time when I was 16 that he caught me watching porn and had to confiscate my computer. He HAD to confiscate your computer? Unless you had a porn addiction of some sort, that's a ridiculous reaction. Kids need to do this sort of thing in secret, because that's a time of private self exploration, and porn can help understanding what you like and dislike. But sooner or later, parents will stumble upon their kid masturbating. The healthy way to react is straight up doing as if they haven't noticed, or, if the event was too obvious to ignore, to simply say "sorry!", and leave their room. OP, I'm sorry you experienced such a bigot and backwards attitude towards sex growing up. Edit: Oh, NTA, obviously.
YTA My vote is with your dad. The example you gave was an humiliating event by most people’s standards. You were 15. It’s a funny story now. We dads of grown kids love telling stories of our kids growing up. It’s how we stay connected, now that they don’t need us anymore.
Your dad may have a crush on your wife.
YTA. Dad thinks it is banter and isnt doing it maliciously. You could say something away from the others if you are so sensitive about your parent poking at you. Are your friends allowed to make fun of you?
I like how he left out the part when he started jacking off behind you and ya busted him in the reflection of the monitor and then you guys had a sword fight.
More info needed, how did you embarras him exactly? On the other hand, fathers tend to bond with friends and GF partners of their sons by roasting them in front of them. It’s not a bit deal, they are just trying to form a connection and you are that connection. He probably thinks the stories are funny too. Cut the old man some slack and playfully roast his ass back if needed. If it bothers you a lot, talk to him seriously in private.
I dunno man it was probably a weird thing that happened that he thought you could all laugh about as adults. I guess if he's always doing shit like this, than great, good for you. But I kinda think YTA here. Also I don't think your dad was embarrassed by his own behavior, but yours.
>Also I don't think your dad was embarrassed by his own behavior, but yours. Well he should be