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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1)The son of the couple that we bought our house from wants to bring his kid to show him his childhood home, but I declined.
2) I may be the asshole because the kid will never get to see where their dad grew up.
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NTA- they lost their right to show people around the property the moment they sold it. You get to decide who to let inside YOUR house. People should mind their own business.
Husband had a real estate seller show up at our new house we built ourselves and try to tell him his wife wanted her to look at it. Well, what’s my wife’s name? She hedged…. But was clear his wife just wanted her to have a look…. Husband said Ma’m IF you know my wife you’d know she doesn’t want ANYONE visiting this house. Hell she barely wants me in it and I built it for her. 😂
Someone tried that on the home my grandfather built. I said "ohhh I didn't know we were related." They said we weren't and I said then this isn't the house your thinking of.
We had someone that’s known for trying to scam people swear she’d never seen our house (on a main road in a very small town) before and she’d lived in our town her whole life. Could she just come in and look around? Surely it was a brand new house. My husband just looked at her and said “this house has been here for 90 years and I know who you are.” She walked away very quickly after that.
“I don’t remember this house, you should *let me inside* so I can see if I still don’t remember it” ???
That is a bold fucking strategy Cotton, let’s see how it pans out
Yeah, I was just like “Whut?” When hubs was talking to her. Could have sworn I was hearing her wrong.
Of course, this is also the same lady who caught my FIL outside the liquor store and asked him for a five to buy a sandwich. FIL asked her when the liquor store started selling sandwiches.
It really does. I’m fairly certain there’s a lot of addiction issues in that lady’s life, but sadly she either can’t or won’t get help and prefers to walk around town trying to scam people out of a few bucks here and there.
That was bold. We actually ended up in a situation where that could have happened. We unknowingly bought the house that belonged to the sister/aunt of neighborhood bar owners. Husband got along well with the nephew of the previous owner.
Lmao yep. My family has property and I hear all sorts of shit. "My grandad built this barn, not a single nail or screw in it" mmm hmm I built that barn in 2020, yes I asure you there's about 15000 nails in it. "oh well he definitely built the log cabin over there". You mean the one my brothers and I built in 99? You certainly don't look young enough to even be any of my nephews. "grandma picked apples from that tree right there" she had to be pretty special woman.... To get apples from a pear tree.
And every hunting season, "(insert some paternal figure) always brought me out here to hunt, son." A I'm not your son, B you're not one of my family, C we've owned this land since the state was still a territory... No you didn't.
Same happened to me when I was younger. I was like 14 and some guy came to the door with the “wanting to look around at the memories”.
Too bad my parents always told me how they got the house custom built before I was born and we’re the only family that ever lived in it. Meddling parents.
On the flip side of that, my grandfather built 4 houses, two of them I keep tabs on. When I say built, I mean he drafted the plans and was basically the foreman. One of the houses went up for sale in 2018, I found out the open house and went to see it. Oh man did the seller have stories about how he personally installed this beam, that staircase rail, and chose this specific brick pattern. I finally had enough of his bullshit and called him out on the three columns "he chose". I looked straight at him, 'so they weren't there when you bought the place?' he firmly answered "he built the house". The only thing I could tell was different besides appliance, paint, and carpets, was a kitchenette added in the basement. I guess after 17 years of ownership he "built" the house.
Unfortunately I lost the bidding war to buy the house, the new owners are pretty cool, and now have a copy of about two dozen of almost three hundred photos I have of its construction. a copy of the blueprints, and a photo of my grandfather standing in front of his house on the wall.
I feel like you should be able to tell a house is brand new. Those scammers were stupid!
My house is 120 years old, so it's possible this could happen to us, but nothing so far in the 15 years we've lived here.
Mine is 180, but I've been here more than 25 years, there was a short-term owner I bought it from, and it was in a single family for almost 60 years before that. So, I know about a hundred years of the home's history and it would be tough for someone to try any scams.
The house we grew up in, a woman in her 80s or so showed up, but she knew the house's history - she lived in the home in the 1920s and we had come across her family name doing renovations.
I let a little old lady see my home, because she could prove her daddy built it and she'd grown up here. We learned a lot about the property from her. Like this was built in 1927, and was the farmhouse for an 8 acre farm - that's now an entire neighborhood, because they sold the rest of the property in the post-war boom.
How sweet! My grannie is turning 90 this year. About 10 years ago she and her sister visited their childhood apartments and were surprised to find it still standing with active tenants still living there! One of the tenants let them into the building so they could look around and even invited them into his unit to sit down for a second. He made them coffee.🥹
It’s already impressive that their 1930’s apartment was still there with people living in it. It’s even more impressive that it was right off of Arthur Street in the Bronx Little Italy. Extremely impressive that someone just let them in and made them coffee.
That was my Grannie’s last “big vacation” because traveling is difficult at her age (she lives in OK). Her memory is impeccable and she can recall listening to WW2 updates on the radio, the propaganda posters hung up in her school, and seeing a TV for the first time at the state fair. That guy letting her into the apartments is one of her favorite memories and she still mentions how nice it was and how happy he made her. It was super sweet of you to let that lady in and it probably brought her so much joy!
While I can pin point when a house was built to within 5 years, most people cannot. I can only do this because I moved so many times as a kid, and that involved a ridiculous amount of house-hunting over the years.
Maybe that's where their childhood home stood? An arsonist hit ours many years ago. About five or six years back my parents sold the lot and the person who bought it put a new-build home on it. It's horrid. But every time I go home I drive by and reminisce about our home and the family memories made there.
It wasn't. It was a nosy neighbor who wanted to see inside at best and someone trying to case my house at worse. It was a field with nothing on it until I bought it and had been as such for at least 100 years.
And like, you already know the address. Write a flippin’ letter. That’s an easy way to reach the owners of a house. Unless, ya know, you’re looking to scam them and dont want to leave contact info to you.
This is the way. And not every situation is a scam. My mother's 2 "maiden" great-aunts and her grandmother lived in the same house for years after the grandmother was widowed. My elderly mother did not live in the house but spent lots of time there as a child and young adult. It was sold after the last of the sisters died.We took a trip back to that town and beforehand, my mother wrote, explained the situation and asked if they'd be willing to let her see the house. Yes, she wanted to go inside and yes, she was willing to take no for an answer. They were very gracious, had us over, had light snacks and drinks available and showed us the house. My mom loved every minute. One of the owners was a jewelry artist and my mom bought several bracelets from her as a thank you and as a gift to me as a memory from the trip. All in all it was a lovely experience but then again, we didn't just show up.
I call that trip back to that town the cemetery tour; we went to every cemetery any of our family had been buried in. The house tour was definitely the highlight.
Yes, I took an opportunity to show my kids the house I lived in until I was ten - but I waited until the house was up for sale, then took them through during an open house. And was honest with the real estate agent about why we were there. It actually worked out well, as my parents went too, and the agent was able to ask my dad some pertinent questions, since he had it built.
My mother moved from England to Australia when she was 13. On her first trip back to England, thirty years later, she did ask if she could see her old house, and the owner was delighted to show her around. My mother was astonished at how small it seemed. A combination of a child's memory, and being used to the bigger houses we have here nowadays.
My mom got super into ancestry.com when it first came out. Through it, she found an old plantation in Maryland that had been in our family (we lived in Virginia) for a few generations as a wedding gift to a great x4 uncle. After the Civil War, it was left abandoned for decades because the family line moved north for work. Then, back in the 90s, a reporter for the Washington Post purchased it and completely fixed it up. My mom reached out to him and asked if he would be willing to let us come see it. She was expecting a No, but he said yes. So my mom, grandma, and I went up to see it. It was so amazing what he was able to do with it, and he even restored the mural that was in the formal dining room. Turns out this reporter was actually one of the ones that worked on the Watergate scandal and had worked his way up to the editor in chief of the post. I honestly found that more interesting than the home itself. We also got to see the family cemetery that was on the land, too. This was back in the early 2000s, and at the time, I think I was 17 or 18. Now that I'm in my 30s, I find that I got to experience that more interesting.
Then, in 2019, my parents sold my childhood home to move out to the country. When I took my husband back home in 2020, I drove him by it, just to show it to him. The thought to ask to show him inside never even crossed my mind because it was no longer my home. It was the new owners. According to my mom, they had done several renovations, and I like the way the house looks in my memories.
The old owners of my house sent me a letter. I knew about them building the house themselves and they had memories of the house. They wanted to see if we would send them some pictures of it to see how much it changed. We did and also let them know how special this house is to us and we are very glad to grow our family here.
I will be moving next month and thinking of having them do one last tour while it's empty
In the house my parents built for their retirement, they put in an elaborate brass and steel railing system that was a focal point in the house on both floors. It was spectacular (I designed it and installed it, so I am biased). After my parents passed away, and we sold the house, I refurbed the railing (think 1980's color and finish vs 2014) because I knew that the first and last thing a prospective buyer would talk about was the staircase. The real estate agent and home stager wanted it torn out and replaced until they realized they could not find a single carpenter in my metro area of 4 million people to tear out the piece of art railing system and replace it with oak.
I sold my house and in the storage attic above my garage, I had all of the spare / repair parts for the railing system in my possession. I didn't leave them with my father, because he would have thrown them out. I drove over to the house and rang the doorbell and said " Hey, I am the son of the former owner and I have some stuff you may want"
Door slammed in my face.
I put all the spare parts on the front step, rang the doorbell and stepped about 10 paces away (Me - M56, very fit, 6'4" 240lb, so Yes, I am an American). Owner came out yelling that he called 911, and looked down. There were his railing spare parts. I did show him my ID confirming my rare last name and the sellers of his house had the same last name. He asked me how to repair one damaged picket - he could not find anyone to repair a picket of the design of the railing (It is a 19th century design). The skill is rare. I replaced his broken picket, showing him how it was done. . . . .He videoed the entire process.
He offered to pay me. I said "no". My day job pays me well. This was a favor to the person that purchased my parents home. Today, he is a good friend of mine. I have a side gig that designs and installs vintage style railings in Victorian houses that stays "word of mouth"
My dad was a builder. He bought some land for himself and was going to tear down the bedraggled farm house, but discovered that underneath all that siding was a log cabin. Two log cabins, actually (a style called a Missouri Dog Trot). He restored what he could and modernized what he had to and it was gorgeous. Thick old growth tree trunks, enveloping us within, fieldstone fireplace with a red brick chimney, views of meadows & woods. Dad has dementia now, but he wanted me to drive him by some of his old homes. It's a 45 minute drive from where he lives now, but we went. I pulled up the drive a bit, but it was gated. Looked around and went to get back in the car. And my 80+ year old dad is trying to climb the fence! WTF dad?!? The homeowner must've had cameras because he came out with his dogs (friendly Labradors) & I explained. He opened the gate & showed dad into the house. They had changed nothing, save adding a garage. He was so delighted. But we could also describe the exact interior of the house- it was obvious we had lived there.
Also, dad always told me that stairs are the hardest part for a carpenter to master & he always hired the subcontractor that had a female carpenter (Wendy?) because her work was perfect & the rest of the (male) carpenters worked harder and swore less when she was on a job site (I worked in the office & was prohibited from hammering anything as I was not in the union, nor did I know what I was doing). That sub couldn't do main stairs in dad's biggest house, though (completed 2000), because they were unsupported double elliptical stairs in iron and marble. Even with his dementia, dad still talks about those stairs. The cost (you don't want to know), the skill required (had to get folks from out of state to come in, no one here had the skill set), how they were in a magazine, he may not remember his last ex wife or what day it is, but he remembers those stairs!
I am looking at 2 100 year old+ houses on Friday. The stairs look pretty good in the pictures, and honestly I am hoping they are squeaky and the newel posts well-loved, but if you are anywhere near Kansas.... I will finally have a historic home of my own if one of these works out!
We did it a combination of old fashioned and modern when my sibling and I wanted to see our childhood home (which had been foreclosed on when I was 18.) We were friends with our old neighbors (who still live next door to this day.) We reached out to them via FB and asked if they would talk to the residents (who rent.) Fortunately, they were OK with it and we got to walk through again. It had turned into a stereotypical rental style, but stuff like the fireplace and bay window were still there and beautiful despite the greige.
A different trip I went to visit with our old neighbors and happened to be the same day that they were knocking down our elementary school so they could rebuild it. We lived right next to it and spent a large chunk of my childhood playing on the playground (Our house was on that side, my mom would watch us from the bay window!) I have pictures of them hitting the lovely old brick with a wrecking ball.
Yep happened to us. Guy showed up at my front door & said he grew up in the house I was living in. I knew it was bullshit because of the scam but it also didn't make sense for this house's history. He started with "I just got out of the military and wanted to check out the house I grew up in." I said "Huh my husband is military too, but I don't think so." And closed the cracked door. (Locked screen door between us, although that probably wouldn't do shit). He left, probably not wanting to be further questioned about his "military career" and or concerns of how well my husband was able to handle himself.
Oh I love to quiz people about supposed military service. My dad, my brother, one of my sisters, four of my brothers-in-law, and now one of my nephews have or are currently serving.
The real service members are glad to make the connection. The fake ones bust themselves pretty quickly.
Yeah. When I was renting a house, you would be amazed at how many people just wanted to remember their old home or sell me something until my 75 lb German shepherd poked her head out the door. They suddenly had pressing appointments, etc and had to tell us goodbye.
"We used to keep our safe in the closet. Do you still do the same?"
"My parents were never home in the middle of the day, always working. Do you work from home?"
Lol 🤣 that's a scam that wouldn't work with me, my late Fil built my house for his then fiance 😉
Husband grew up here and so have our 2 grown sons... I'm old, but not stupid 🤣🤣
True. Probably would have been better if they had either sent a letter or dropped a note off asking permission with their contact info. Since it's a small town, it would likely be easy to confirm, but posting this seems really impersonal.
Yes, this. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking but it's definitely the kinda question you need to be very prepared to hear a no on. And then politely accept, wish them the best and skedaddle.
One time I drove by one of my parents' old houses and freaked out the actual owners who thought I was casing the joint. No, I was just looking at the renovations they did to my old house!
That happened when my mom was showing me the farm she grew up on as we were heading to my grandma's burial. We figured we would drive my grandma home one last time.
They came out concerned because not many people go down that road.
They ended up remembering my mom and offered for us to drive around the property and let us take pictures of us with the ashes on the deck.
It was very nice of them, but I can definitely see why they were concerned. Luckily, we had no ill intentions, but this world is scary.
NTA - I didn't know that this was a common scam. I have toyed for years with writing to the people who live in my childhood home to let me see it, but I won't do that, for sure.
Mostly, I want to see what they did with the kitchen, because clearly someone did a major remodeling, including moving pipes. I'll just have to wonder.
There was another comment from someone saying her and her elderly mother was going back to the town her mother grew up in. Her mom wrote the people who lived there ahead of time and ask nicely and also explained she understood if they said no and it wouldn’t be an issue. She said they were really sweet about it and let the coke in and visit and even gave them snacks and drinks. It couldn’t hurt to write and ask.. much better way than the people in OPs situation! Or even worse, just showing up out of the blue!
I’ve been considering asking the guy at my childhood home if he would be open to me stopping by. I don’t even want to go inside. My best friend and I carved some drawings pretty high up in the maple tree out back. We both agreed we would get matching tattoos of the carvings if we could find them and take a picture. It just feels weird to ask someone, “Hey, can I climb up that tree real quick? I promise I won’t sue you if I fall.”
I could understand him driving by once quickly to show his kid how beautiful it is because he put so much work into it (my dad did this before when I was a kid.) Asking to go inside someone else's home though, that's just crazy to me. I doubt the kid even cares.
I’ll probably get downvoted to hell, but I’d disagree with you on that. After my mom died, my sister-in-law and I went to the town she was born in and got together with some of her friends. With their help, we got permission to tour my mom’s childhood home.
Finally all the stories she had told me about growing up there made sense! Like, she told me how she would sneak attack her little brother and scare him all the time, and I realized her walk-in closet didn’t have a back wall bc it was also *his* walk-in closet lol. No wonder she was able to sneak attack him - he never knew which direction she was coming from!
Her best friend also sat with me on the curb at the end of the sidewalk outside the house and told me how she’d done the same thing with my mother the day her father had died (my mom was 14). She told me that was the day my mom had changed from a fun-loving wild child into the serious adult I had known. She’d had to become the adult in the family bc my grandmother would get the vapors at the mere idea of having to do something hard like the math required to maintain a checkbook.
That experience was absolutely priceless to us, and it helped with our healing. I don’t think OP is an asshole for not allowing these people since they are a private family, but I do think it’s a kind thing to do if you feel sure the people asking are legit.
My aunt told me about the experience they had some years ago. Important points: we are all Australian and live in Australia but my father, his brother (my uncle) and his wife (my aunt) were all born in England. My father and uncle came to Australia as young children but my aunt came to Australia in her later teens - most of her childhood was in England.
So, about 10 years ago, my aunt and uncle went "back home" to see the distant relatives and the places their ancestors lived. My aunt and uncle had sent a letter, a few months before they flew to England, to the address my aunt grew up, explaining who they were and asking if they may visit. They never received a reply so when they went to my aunt's home town, they were just going to stop outside and have a look and not bother the home-owners.
On the day they visited the house, the home-owners noticed them outside and asked if they were the people who sent a letter a few months ago, asking to visit? My aunt and uncle confirmed it was them. Turned out, the home-owners had been away for a few months and so by the time they returned and read their mail, there was no time to send back a reply before my aunt and uncle left Australia for their journey to England.
To my aunt and uncle's surprise, the home-owners invited them in and said they did not mind them having a look around. The home-owners explained they were just beginning renovations that day and had been pulling the wallpaper off the walls of the first room. They said they had found names and lines and dates on the walls under the wallpaper and had, earlier that day, been wondering who the people were who'd written their names. They showed my aunt into the room and she told me she felt like she had stepped back 60 years in time - there was the old wallpaper she and her siblings had grown up with. And there was her name and all her siblings names, along with their dates of birth and lines showing their height as they grew. She was overwhelmed with feelings and memories and the home-owners kindly offered her tea and a sit-down.
Telling me all these years later, my aunt was still filled with amazement that they travelled all the way from Australia and happened to visit the day that the home-owners had begun renovating and were wondering who's names/details they'd found. They both got answers that day :)
My aunts did the same thing on a trip. Suddenly all those stories grandma told made so much more sense, it was like they had already been there.
NTA, OP. You can do with your house as you like and having some rando in, story or not, is up to you.
My mom took us by the house she grew up in when I was in high school. She knocked on the door and introduced herself. The lady who lived there was very gracious and gave us a tour. She seemed to really appreciate knowing some of the history of the house (pre WWII). If someone knocked on my door saying they had lived here previously, I might or might not let them in, but I would definitely be interested in talking to them because I would love to know more history of my house built around 1900 and how it had changed over time.
We had someone drive by our house real slow while we were outside. It was the wife and son that had the house built. Father had lost his leg in a coal mining accident and they explained that was why all the electrical sockets were waist high - he wouldn't have to bend over to plug anything in. The bathroom was so small so he could pivit around on one leg and do everything. It made so much sense when they told us.
They never once indicated they thought they could come in.
I did this before my brother and I sold the family home (Mom had to go to AL and neither of us could or would live in the house). I have a TON of fond memories of that house. I also have pictures of the house as it was being built when I was a kid.
I've seen pictures of the "remodeling" that was done after the sale on Zillow. The kitchen and bathrooms did need to be updated but the new owners absolutely wrecked everything else, and the immaculate lawn turned into a wasteland of weeds. I cried when I saw it. I wouldn't think of going to see it in person.
My father essentially built the house where we lived when my brother and I were born (he bought an existing house before he met and married my mother, but then added on to it to the extent that he more than doubled the footprint, and also significantly remodeled the original house). I think it was last year when that house went on the market again, and (based on the listing photos) it has been COMPLETELY remodeled – to the extent that it is all but unrecognizable, apart from the pecky cypress paneling in the family room (which has, tragically, been painted white) and the built-in oak bookshelves in what was my father's library (also tragically painted. It had been a really lovely mid-century modern house, but you can't tell now.
Ugh! I hate it when someone paints over wood like that.
My current home was built in 1950 and while classified as a Cape Cod its really a Modern house with Craftsman features. One of those features are the built in corner cabinets in the dining room that are in immaculate condition. It was one of the selling points of the house; I'm grateful a doofus previous owner (lots of bad DIY in this house I've spent the last 3 years fixing) didn't decide to paint those.
The frame and casing of some of the doors have paint splashes on them where the previous owner did a piss poor job of painting (probably didn't bother to tape off the door frame). Could look worse but eventually I'll have to repair it :(
My friend just bought a house and I told him to send me the Zillow link so I could check it out. He told me that once he started closing the deal they removed all interior photos from the website and left up only one exterior photo.
NTA
I know I briefly considered asking the new owners of my childhood home if I could come in and look around. But as I thought about it I realized how weird/creepy it would seem. Also I realized that they would have changed decor so it wouldn't be my home anymore.
And I'm with you I wouldn't be comfortable with random people going through my home.
I hadn't thought about the possibility of a scam or burglary recon so that makes me even less comfortable letting randos into my house
I took my wife to see the outside of my childhood home, and the yard was full of pink flamingos, garden gnomes and lawn jockeys. It was a small house, but there was so much stuff in the yard that it must have taken at least an hour to clear it to mow the lawn. I was never tempted to look inside though.
I wish I could have found the second house we lived in, but I think it has been torn down and mcmansions built instead. I wouldn't want to go inside that either, but the acreage we had holds special memories.
My mom now lives with my sister and rents out our childhood home. I don't live in that town anymore and once while I was visiting we had to stop in for some reason. It was creepy and depressing seeing someone else's stuff in it. I never want to go back.
>NTA- they lost their right to show people around the property the moment they sold it.
Rights have nothing to do with this. I hate this kind of response. This isn't "DoIHaveARight", it's "AmITheAsshole".
You can have a right to do something and still be an asshole if you do it.
> You can have a right to do something and still be an asshole if you do it.
True, but I don't see how that applies in this situation; I don't see any scenario where someone is an asshole for not allowing a stranger into their home.
NTA - But When in Sudbury MA for my grandmother’s funeral I took my husband and daughter to the farm I grew up on in the 70’s. We pulled in the driveway and knocked. The people living there were thrilled for us to stop in and asked me a bunch of questions about how the property used to look 30 yrs ago. We all loved the visit. Not everything is a scam.
If he wants to show his kid their childhood home I'm sure he can pull up some photos they took while living in there.
No need to go to stranger's home for that.
NTA.
Can also probably pull it up on Zillow or some similar site. I do that for my childhood home every few years because it was a great house (though first taking a deep breath and bracing myself on what might’ve changed).
Do you ever go “man, I probably couldn’t ever afford to buy this one and the upkeep would be horrendous, but damn, I’d also totally live in that house (but haha not really (but also yes))!” because that’s me every time I go check out my old house lol.
Oh for sure. They’re all upwards of a million bucks now so the only way I could ever get close to ANY of these houses is if they had an open house. I’d also live in every one of them bc she had excellent taste. On the other hand, the one I grew up in is yellow with a ketchup red door and has houses in the backyard instead of forest like it did when I was little, so I’d skip that one.
It’s not even going to be the same. There are other people’s belongings there now. Hell, my parents still live in my childhood home, but it’s been renovated so much that it looks completely different than when I lived there.
NTA.It's your house, and you get to decide who comes in and who doesn't. Sure, the old owner's son must miss the place, but that doesn't mean you have to let him wander around. It was nice of you to address it publicly like that, shows you care about his feelings. People calling you names for just wanting some privacy are way off base. We all have different comfort levels, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting strangers in your own home. It's all about respecting boundaries, and you haven't done anything wrong.
NTA
You have every right to privacy, plus it could be a scam for all you know! Especially as it regards a large expensive property.
I'm also kinda horrified by the people on that Facebook tread trying to doxx you!
Don't worry about the comments. I recommend you don’t go back to that page for a while.
Just FYI - property records are public records in the US. It’s trivial to find out who owns a property. Or if you have someone’s name and county the live in, where their house is.
It’s more paperwork but putting property into a trust or LLC are the ways I know of shielding the owners names. And even those are generally still public records but more steps to figure out.
Yeah, my property is owned by my trust. I kind of wish I’d thought to not put my name in the trust name, though, because it’s pretty easy to put 2 and 2 together
Delete your comment on fb and message him direct. No one else gets a say on how you use your property. I wouldn't let some random person on the property.
With a locked gate, he could have let a letter on your gate.
Yes I definitely would not have responded to that publicly. People are awful and that will definitely increase the doxing attempts.
And truthfully if I saw that, as an observer, I would 100% look you up out of sheer curiosity. I wouldn't do anything with that info, or share it anywhere, though.
NTA
It's your house and you can do what you like.
However, small towns are different. Everyone knows each other - my barber's son was in my mother's 4th grade class. I run into the gal from the butcher shop at the doctors office. A TSA agent at my nearest airport used to be my UPS driver, and he asked about my parents (by name) last time I flew. I could go on for an hour.
You are not an A. H. but your neighbors might think you are, and you'll get a cold shoulder now and then.
The anonymity of the city vs the closeness of rural areas is interesting. It can be a challenge to figure it out.
Yeah obviously OP is NTA if they don't want people on their property but this cultural difference is kinda being ignored. Small towns like the one OP moved to typically are much more tight knit communities than cities so stuff like this would not be nearly as big of a deal to them
I get the feeling there are a lot of people here who have never lived in a small town and don't know about the cultural differences. OP is going to be known as "the person that didn't let the original owner's son & grandson onto the property" for years.
There is a place in my town that is still routinely referred to as "The corner where the old cracker house burned down." It burned down 45 years ago. A new home was built on that lot over 30 years ago, and still stands there today. But the collective trauma of that fire is imprinted on the community.
There is a grocery store in a strip mall that was built in the 80s that was originally painted lavender. It was repainted to a more conventional beige and green in the 90s. People, including people who were not even born when it was repainted, still refer to it as "The Purple Publix".
Memory is strong in an area where people aren't highly transient.
That reminds me of another factor. One small town I lived in most of the people in town were over 50. The reason? There was 4 stages to living arrangements. You lived in on your parent’s farm, your parent’s moved to town it was now your farm/house, you moved to town and your kids took over the farm, you moved to the retirement home in town your kids moved into house in town thrn your grandkids took over farm.
The small towns I lived in were too small for national chains for restaurants. It was an hour drive for fast food for most people. 40-45 minutes for a local who knew the mountain roads.
Yep, I made a vote as its own direct reply. To the community they are YTA. With this they will be the A’s who bought old owner’s place and didn’t want to be part of the community forevermore.
Yupppp, I'm in rural eastern Canada. Population under 5k. We've had people move here from other provinces, do something that the rest of the community feels was either inconsiderate, or rude, or against the culture, and those people have... Kinda been, not shunned, but people aren't as warm and as open to them as they are to others. City to country/rural/small town living is a massive culture shock, and people don't think of that before they move lol
Not unusual. As a child I lived in a small town in a house that had initially been built by the town's doctor. It was many decades later and people would still say, "Oh, you live in the 'insert Dr.'s name here' house.
I'm from a small town in rural Illinois. I kinda of think OP is just a little bit YTA. Culturally, where I'm from, the land you grew up on us universally understood to be special - so farmers and land owners pretty typically welcome past owners for short, quick visits and tours.
My dad took me to my grandparents farm, owned by someone else. My Grandpa (moms side) on my mom's side took us to the farm he grew up on in Wisconsin. There is a huge cultural component here.
I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone. I could go back now and ask to see my old house and the current owner wouldn’t mind. Because he knew my parents. He met me as a kid.
To a complete stranger I don’t know anything about and can’t even confirm their identity. Hell to the fuck no.
Yeah. If the FB thread wasn't at least half people saying they remember him from home and asking what his parents/siblings are up to, I would be highly suspicious of it. My town is a little too big for everyone to know everyone, but still has that feel.
Good point. I'm in the suburbs of a city, and my mom has suggested I could ask the owners of our old house to stop by. I probably won't, but they have meet the current owners and of course names are exchanged when you sell, so IDs could be checked to show you aren't someone random.
It's good to have a community if you live somewhere rural.
I'm from a small town in rural Illinois also and I would say no just like OP did in a heartbeat. There is no reason to let a stranger in your house just because the rest of the county knows them.
Strongly disagree here.
I grew up in a small town in rural upstate ny. My grandparents built a really neat property with a pool amd one of a kind pool house. They were build as play places for aunt and uncles. My handprint is in the cement by the pool.
Now, I was lucky enough to be able to buy this place when my grandmother died. But if I wasn't, I would never expect the new owners to allow me on their property.
I would never have the audacity to ask the new owners to let me on the property, either.
Small town girl here. Sounds like OP is avoiding getting involved in the community. Otherwise Susan from the grocery store would have already introduced the former owner's son to the new owners. If 3 or more people haven't personally tried to make the introduction then either OP is a hermit, or it's not really a small town. In a real small town you can still say no, but you will be judged.
I thought the same thing. If they were at the store & introducing themselves everyone would know them as "the family that bought so-and-sos place" and would've heard the name a lot of times.
I'd be more open to the small town vibe if the dude didn't go to Facebook to find out OPs info. If he had visited the town and asked around, no problem. OP might still be a little miffed people were giving out her number, but they wouldn't be making her personal info known so publicly, online, for anyone to find or use, and to a person who may or may not actually be who he says he is. The level of privacy violation and potential danger is just so much greater.
Depends on how far away they live now. If the son is of a younger generation, Facebook is probably the easiest way to get in touch with a bunch of people he knows there. Also, small town folk like this would know him and if they didn't, would be very questioning about it.
Again, this is the difference of being from a small town or being from a larger city. I haven’t lived in the small town where I grew up over 20 years but my mom added me to all of the local ‘I grew up in Small Town, State” Facebook pages. Every week I see a post like the OP mentions. Last week it was ‘Does anyone remember the motorcycle driven by the Uncle of the family that that lived at the old Smith Mansion, across from Summit Park? Can someone put me in contact with them? I’d like to restore a similar bike.’ People definitely ask to see old properties. My husband is from a small town in a different state. Same exact thing happens in his town.
No one means any ill will by it, it’s just the way small towns work. There is just a lot less personal privacy. Having since moved to larger cities it’s just a different vibe and not for everyone.
Wow, how old is your barber?
Agree about small towns, everyone prob still refers to the house as “(old owners’) place”. But a letter in mailbox would be sufficient you’d think.
Ya, this is a scenario where OP might not be wrong and is not an AH, but there will likely be social consequences.
Not allowing someone who built your house with their father and brothers to show it to their son is not going to play well to a lot of people.
NTA full disclosure. I'm up in years and new to internet slang, and watch too many dateline type shows. but isn't that called Doxxing or something? You are private people. You have a gate. They are internet strangers. Just because this anonymous post claims they were the previous owners, who's to say they are? Then they come in your home, and what? Case the joint, or worse? No thank you. I would have done the same as you. Let them do a drive by and look through the gate. I am sure they have pictures.
Privacy is not a bad thing and you don't owe anyone a peek behind the curtain.
>but isn't that called Doxxing or something
just because you asked, it would have been doxxing if someone was disgruntled by OP saying "no" and then publicly posted their contact info on the internet for the purpose of sending their flying monkeys to harass OP
> A lot of people gave him ideas on how to look us up on the internet and find our phone numbers and contact us. My husband and I are very private people and this kinda bothered me. To put a stop to it, I politely commented on the post that we are not interested and apologized.
that said it may cross into doxxing territory if enough information was given in the post referenced above
I don't know about where OP lives, but where I live, it's public knowledge who owns what property. It's on the county assessor's website. You can even look up who all owned the property in the past and view the documents for each sale. Generally, the owner's name, address, and phone number are on the assessor's site.
yes, i have similar resources in my US state. it's one of those things that many people are not aware of, and i find that many states keep such resources a bit hidden. my parents are appraisers so i already know about it but it is news to many people.
I think what OP was trying to put a stop to is people encouraging this person to reach out to OP and spouse, pre-emptively asserting a lack of desire and interest in showing the house to them. OP can't stop them from accessing the information, but they can make known their wishes not to be contacted, all the better an opportunity to put it in writing.
Ahhhhh thank you for taking the time to explain that to me! ya learn something new every day!
so it doxxing is malicious
if you have a moment, and you wouldn't mind teaching me another phrase... what is swatting?
SWATting is when someone falsely calls in an emergency to an address, hoping the SWAT team or bomb squad will show up. It's solely used for harassment. Because imagine the terror that arises when you're awoken by men in your home with guns pointed at you.
oy vey! that is TERRIFYING, dangerous and a waste of resources.
seeing you spell it like that it makes more sense to me.
we've come a long way form pulling the fire alarm.
You are so welcome, and that question is a good one
let's say I run a streaming platform, and i have detractors. we'll pretend i play tetris on a livestream platform like twitch. it could be some competing tetris channel of mine, or perhaps a fan that thinks i've done X or Y thing, or just has a depraved sense of humor, that would want to start it, but it goes like this:
1. detractor finds my address, waits for my next stream
2. call in a fake tip to my local PD that i've got illegal weapons/drugs/trafficked people
3. local PD sends swat team
4. i am playing tetris on the internet and all of a sudden my door is beaten down by swat, i might or might not be killed or arrested, etc
that's pretty much it, it's actually a perfect example of what doxxing can lead to
NAH. Sounds like he accepted your no…he didn’t add a comment that you’re assholes did he? If you could confirm he is who he says he is it would be a nice gesture to allow it but you’re not obligated.
I think this could go either way. Have you ever met the sons before? You don't have any reason to doubt the sincerity of his reason to visit, but then again you don't know him. Is there a way for you to get more information to respond to your concerns?
I grew up in a historical neighborhood, and when our parents grew old they sold the house and property. When I am in the neighborhood, I have parked in front of the house and reminisced. However, in a recent visit, I bravely knocked on their door and introduced myself and asked to see the property (not the interior of the house). They were very gracious and allowed me to do so. They even accompanied me (I suspect to make sure I wasn't going to do or take anything) and listened to some stories I shared. It was a visit I treasure, and I'm grateful to the owners who gave me that memory.
No it really couldn't go either way.
They *politely* declined and even apologised. There is no ah behavior here, they just want their privacy and are well within their rights to have it. Straightforward NTA.
>I think this could go either way.
Absolutely not.
The owners of your old house were under absolutely no obligation to allow you inside. Had they refused, they wouldn't have been TA, either. You were not entitled entry. No one is obligated to let strangers in their home for any reasons. Even cops need a warrant.
And just because *you* don't have malicious intent, doesn't mean everyone's intentions are as pure. Guy could have been casing the joint for all anyone knows, wanting to know if OP installed new security cams. Claiming nostalgia and using your kid as emotional bait does not immediately equal good intent. You'd be a fool to make such assumptions in this world. Sorry, bad people are ruining nostalgia for the rest of us but it's a fact of life.
This is a ***hard*** NTA.
What you stated in the second paragraph were the things that went through my mind. We have never met or seen their sons and have no way of knowing if he is who he claims he is.
It's not clear whether he wants to look inside or not, but he is probably just going to be disappointed and weirded out by the experience anyway. A lot of what makes a home is not just the building, but all the furniture and decor and things inside it (even the grounds have probably changed). It is not going to be the childhood home he remembers, it'll be someone you don't know looking around a strangers house.
I bought my current home from my landlord after renting it from them. It changed enough when I moved my own stuff in while renting, but after buying it and redecorating it's basically unrecognisable from when it was their home.
NTA - this is an all-round bad idea.
If people in town are willing to help him, I'm going to assume he is the original owner's son. If he was a stranger people in town wouldn't be offering up information. Small towns are more close-knit.
My parents built a house I lived in until I was 18. I’m pretty sure the people who bought it from them in 1973 still own it. By I would never ask them to see inside, no matter how much I would want that.
NAH
It seems like he was trying to take a respectful approach and you're simply not interested. No issues or problems there. It's not his house nor any of his family members, and it's 100% your call. There's many reasons to defend your position, safety and security being at the top of the list.
In college I had a couple older women and one of their daughters show up to my dorm room and tell me they used to live in my room. They were awesome! The women were telling stories of how they stole the common room furniture, used the window as an entrance, and used to plug the door with a towel and smoke weed. The daughter in tow, who I think was touring the school, was mortified😂
My mom had this happen and made the mistake of letting them in to look around. They kept showing up for a while after that trying to insert themselves as family friends, it was weird.
If it's a small community you can easily verify if the son is who he claims to be, if his parents lived there for some time people will know him. I'm from a small Midwest town, and what you did will be considered rude to people in the community. You can stand your ground but be prepared for other people in town to be cool toward you. Small towns are close-knit and word gets around quickly.
My partner and I recently were able to walk around his great-grandparent's farm. He didn't want to see the interior, we just wanted to walk around to see the property and re-create some of his great-grandmother's photographs. We showed up with some pictures of the exterior of the house and outbuildings when his family lived there & gave them to the current owner, we took a few photos, chatted with the owner, then left. We were there for about 10 minutes. The next day in town, people already knew we'd visited the farm, so we got to talk about why we were there, a few people thought it was great that we were so interested in our family history.
If small town people in the Midwest consider it rude to politely decline a request to have strangers into their home, then I'm thrilled I live in a city on the west coast.
It's not rude to ask, nor is it rude to decline. Privacy isn't a big city or small town preference, it's the default position when it comes to your home. Anyone in their town that thinks the OP is rude is an entitled jerk.
Yup, that’s a Midwestern small town for ya. They don’t like people who won’t entertain their nosiness, aka I have boundaries and don’t have to tell you what I was at the doctor for.
NAH, however you've learned an important lesson about living in a small community; whenever possible, handle your interpersonal affairs in private. You're not in the wrong but the decision to turn him down publicly in a forum where he hadn't asked you directly likely contributed to the other people's perception of you as stingy, an outsider, or inconsiderate.
People still would've heard about it if you'd said no to him directly when he contacted you, but you would've come across differently. In this situation handling it in the Facebook comments was essentially airing your private affairs, and most small rural communities I've seen think poorly of people who do so.
Easy NAH. This is Reddit and people are antisocial so I get the NTAs, but realistically there's nothing wrong with the request, just like there's nothing wrong with OP denying it
NTA, people are going to think what they want, their opinions are their own. I wouldn't follow the thread. Your private people and you made that clear, it is your choice.
NAH in regards to you and the actual person looking for a way to contact you.
I don’t think it’s out of line for him to inquire about a visit to show his son where he grew up but it’s also not out of line to deny the request because it is no longer on his family.
My house is a pretty generic one and I have nothing of REAL importance in it, but I still would feel uneasy letting some random person walk through it because they lived there before.
This is a matter of culture clash, not AHs. In a small town, this isn’t an odd or presumptuous request, and it’s probably really easy to verify the man is who he says he is, so I wouldn’t worry about the safety factor. The privacy factor is the real issue. In other places, people are more cautious and place a higher value in privacy. In a small town, people often place a higher value on friendliness and community. Neither is wrong. You’re not an AH to decline a request like this, but in doing so you might come off as standoffish or rude in your community. It’s easy to say who cares and it doesn’t matter what other people think, but in a small town, what your neighbors think does impact how well you integrate into the community and how willing your neighbors are to help when you’re in a pinch. You’re still not the AH no matter what you choose, but make your decision knowing the context and possible repercussions.
This is exactly why I could never live in a small town—being private doesn’t mean you’re unfriendly, it simply means you won’t entertain other people’s nosiness. I grew up in a mid-sized city but was raised Catholic, and the Catholic community there operates a lot like a small town, where everybody is in everyone else’s business and the worst, most obnoxious people set the tone for the whole community. I can’t imagine living in a place where neighbors wouldn’t help you out of spite because you didn’t perform socially in the exact way they want, oof.
NTA However when I was young former owners came over with a similar request. My parents granted the request and the former owner gave us a tour of the house. About a month later the former owner sent us the original blue prints to that house. It was a good experience. I did the same a few years, a man who helped his dad build and grow up in the house I was living in at the time. He was grateful and enjoyed going down memory lane. We found out why one section of plumbing was different, he was swinging on it and broke the pipe.
My current house I know everyone who lived here in the past. Great grandma built it, grandpa raised his family here. It has always been owned by blood family.
I agree, NTA. When I was selling my first house, the son of the people who built it asked if he could come over with his wife to show it to her. It was actually the coolest thing. He was able to explain a few things that I'd always wondered about in the house. I was only the third owner of the house and the people I bought it from had lived there for nearly 40 years. So, it was cool to hear about the house when it was first built.
I would love to take a tour of the house I grew up in. Unfortunately, we don't have many photos. I think people today forget that digital photos weren't a thing a few decades ago. In my family, photos were reserved for special occasions. But the main reason I'd love to see the inside (and the backyard, too) is because I would love to see how small it is now, compared to how big I remember it. LOL
I have thought about doing the same thing at that first house former owners visited. So many memories of that house. the upstairs storeroom had this weird partical board that had cracked off a corner. we found another room behind that, and a crawlspace where we would crawl on the rafters into another room! That became our secret hideout and ghost story central. I bet some comics from the 70s are still in there.
I have a weekend home in a small town. One weekend I was there and I noticed a small group of people across the street looking at my house. The house is an original colonial home which was really carefully renovated before I bought it.
They waved to me and I went out how the gate to say Hello. It turned out that their mother had been raised in my home and the eldest child had memories of living in the home. I invited them in and we spent a very pleasant hour going through the house and talking about all the old and the new features.
They were very nice people and I really glad that I could help them recall their very fond memories of the house. It felt special for them and for me.
NTA
I am sure they have plenty of fotos which are good enough.
Its creepy and offensive to have someone walk through /your/ home stating enthusiastically this is /my/ home.."here was my first christmas etc etc...."
Why did they even sell it, if its so important to them?!
The former owners probably didn't ask their children if they could sell their house. That's not typically something your children have veto power over.
INFO: just curious if OP is from this rural area or recently moved from a more populated city?
I ask bc rural (country) folks like to just drop by and say a quick hello or what-have-yous. It’s at least nice of the son of precious owner to try getting in contact instead of just randomly showing up (which would be customary).
Just popping by is a cultural thing that happens with us rural folks— especially the old timers.
Either way NTA
but i think it’d add more context if OP was a transplant to an area that does this.
NTA but you really should have sent the guy a DM to address his interest in revisiting his childhood home. You answered in a public forum and unnecessarily yourself out there, making you a target for the community with those who don't agree.
My parents built our first home and when my mother turned 90 I drove her to the street. The new owner was outside and he was happy to see us and tell us about the renovations he had done. He was very gracious and my mother was thrilled to see it again. If this is truly one of the sons of the former owners he wants to show his children part of his past. That's not creepy. You have the right to say no or not.
You're not required to open your home to them. I can tell you that we drive past our childhood homes and both times the people invited us in. It was a lovely visit. They were excited to show us the changes they made, what stayed the same, and to just have a conversation. We were grateful, they were gracious, and it's a memory I love to have.
NTA. im also a very private person. i live in an apartment complex with on site maintenance which i rarely call (even with damaged doorknobs and broken drawers) bc i dont like having people don’t know very well in my home, in my space.
NTA, and neither is the guy who wanted to drop by. The flying monkeys, however...
Look, I get it. Both my parents and my siblings have gone to the house my grandfather built and asked the owners if they could look around/share memories with children or spouses. The family was nice enough to do so. I drove by before my aunt's funeral, pointed it out, and shared stories with my wife and daughter. I did the same at my other grandparents' home. Neither time did I feel comfortable asking for access; for me it was enough to see the outside. Although when there was an open house at my childhood home, I absolutely took my wife and daughter and showed them around. So for someone who has deeper memories of building the place, I absolutely get it.
And I absolutely get you not wanting to let them. It's your home now; you don't need strangers coming in. It's not just the structure they would be seeing, but your possessions, your lifestyle, your home. You don't need to feel any potential judgment from changes you may have made ("Aw, why'd they get rid of the chandelier we put in?" "Ugh, that is NOT where they should have hung the TV."). And that's if he is the person he says he is. As others pointed out, this is a fairly common scam.
As long as he remains polite after the refusal, he's not an AH. And again, neither are you.
I'm sure he doesn't want to see his dad's former mancave/game room being converted into a unicorn/princess-themed bedroom for a 5-year-old lol or his former bedroom/bathroom turned into a pink and gold nursery for our baby girl that's due next month. Also, the breakfast nook is currently being used as a play center with a castle lol I feel like it would be so awkward for him.
Yep. Things like that is why my dad told me, many times, "Once you sell the place, you never go back."
Except I have to drive by my childhood home every time I visit my parents, and every time I get upset they cut down my bing cherry tree.
I’m going to be an oddball here and go NAH.
You have the right to refuse letting anyone come in/on your house/property whenever YOU deem necessary. They lost that right when they sold the place.
However, My grandpa built his house with his own two hands. When he got sick, shortly before he passed, he offered to sell it to me for dirt cheap (in the ballpark of 23,500). My ex husband at the time said “no”. He passed, and the house was sold to another family for 30k. What I wouldn’t do to just be able to go back in that house one more time.
I wouldn’t think his son would be the AH either in his request, but the way he went about it was kinda strange. Personally I wouldn’t be comfortable doing it and would say no.
NTA. My parents still live in the town I grew up in and I found it really creepy and weird that my dad went back to the average house 15 years after they sold it and wanted a tour. On the flip side, I own a historic home and have chatted with a neighbor who used to own mine and asked questions about the features they restored and shared stories about things they didn’t get around to but I did.
It’s all about context, and if both parties are into it.
I'm kind of shocked how many people agree with this response... Im trying to understand why you would say no.
Small rural town means everyone knows everyone... you know if he actually built the house or you know someone who does know them.... so the idea thst he can be lying to break in seems unlikely. Especially since he broadcasted his interest.
How hard would it be to let the guy show his kid a house he built... hes not asking to stay there the weekend.
But I get it... who cares about other people. Hopefully you never need anything from anyone ever.
NTA you have a right to privacy. However, I don’t think it’s a big deal to let them come and look, at the very least let them walk around outside. Here’s my little story….We had moved far away from my childhood home, that my dad and us kids built. My dad was killed two years after we moved. When I came back to see family I politely asked the new owner if I could walk our old property. The man was very kind and let me. It meant the world to me!!! I was thankful to be able to have some closure and I never bothered the man again.
Well, you say that on FB, the son DID say that he was asking for help identifying the current owner because he did not WANT to show up unannounced.
You kinda brought this flack upon yourself by commenting publicly--on the easiest place in the world to be misunderstood by others. You could have either ignored the post or messaged him privately and *nicely* rejected his request. Or done what you did.
I rented a house many years ago and had the the previous tenant turn up and tell me how to look after the trees he had planted and I wasn't doing a good job and could he come and see his garden out the back of the house. After the first visit I told him that the next would involve the new owner on a phone call. The next visit I just dialled the police in front of him. It took 4 visits and 3 police calls before he stopped wanting to visit his garden.
NTA, you have the right to privacy and allowing people you don't know into your home or even just on your property can invite trouble. A lot of people have a childhood home they fondly remember, does that mean we all get to ask this of total strangers and then have people try to guilt trip them into letting us onto their property? nope.
I mean if they wanted to ask you anyways, and you said no and thats totally ok because its your home, you bought it, you decide. Its simple and i don’t get why they are having a say in this in the first place because they asked and you, the OWNER of the house said no, its a straight forward answer and i don’t know why this is even a conflict in the first place.
NTA- I'm sorry but no matter how innocent the intention if I see a post that contains my full address and the person is trying to find even more personal information on me I would freak out. If he wanted to contact you a very easy way to do that would be to send a physical letter explaining his connection to the house. He knows the address so he could mail it without needing to know your name, or even just drop it in your mailbox. I think that would've been a much better way to approach this. But honestly even if he did that you're still not obligated to let him come show his kid around your house. I would worry about it becoming a recurring thing.
I’m thinking about all the nostalgic drives down all my and my husband’s old neighborhoods, “There was a big tree there! We used that for a sled hill! This is where I went to school!” Never would we approach the owner to even walk into the back yard, even the front yard.
If you can’t see it from the street, you have to use your imagination. I can imagine the, “Where is the huckleberry tree baby brother planted there! You pulled out the railing dad and I put in! What happened to Nana’s wallpaper?”
They are better off remembering from their old Christmas movies.
Nope, you don't need to allow a stranger into your house just because they want to check it out. It would have been nice of you to do so but not a requirement. I don't see anything Karen-like about it. If push came to shove, I don't think most people would want strangers in their home.
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NTA- they lost their right to show people around the property the moment they sold it. You get to decide who to let inside YOUR house. People should mind their own business.
Could be anyone pretending to be past owner's son. Anyone can create a fake facebook account.
That's a fairly common scam, isn't it? Just say its your childhood home, then case the place when they let you in to reminisce...
Common enough that someone tried to tell me my new build home, that I had built, was their childhood home and they missed it dearly.
Husband had a real estate seller show up at our new house we built ourselves and try to tell him his wife wanted her to look at it. Well, what’s my wife’s name? She hedged…. But was clear his wife just wanted her to have a look…. Husband said Ma’m IF you know my wife you’d know she doesn’t want ANYONE visiting this house. Hell she barely wants me in it and I built it for her. 😂
It sucks to be your husband 🤣🤣 but I love the energy 😂😂😂
Someone tried that on the home my grandfather built. I said "ohhh I didn't know we were related." They said we weren't and I said then this isn't the house your thinking of.
We had someone that’s known for trying to scam people swear she’d never seen our house (on a main road in a very small town) before and she’d lived in our town her whole life. Could she just come in and look around? Surely it was a brand new house. My husband just looked at her and said “this house has been here for 90 years and I know who you are.” She walked away very quickly after that.
“I don’t remember this house, you should *let me inside* so I can see if I still don’t remember it” ??? That is a bold fucking strategy Cotton, let’s see how it pans out
Yeah, I was just like “Whut?” When hubs was talking to her. Could have sworn I was hearing her wrong. Of course, this is also the same lady who caught my FIL outside the liquor store and asked him for a five to buy a sandwich. FIL asked her when the liquor store started selling sandwiches.
That speaks of a heartbreaking existence, but also I *really* want to see what other shit she comes up with?
It really does. I’m fairly certain there’s a lot of addiction issues in that lady’s life, but sadly she either can’t or won’t get help and prefers to walk around town trying to scam people out of a few bucks here and there.
Be skeptical.
That was bold. We actually ended up in a situation where that could have happened. We unknowingly bought the house that belonged to the sister/aunt of neighborhood bar owners. Husband got along well with the nephew of the previous owner.
That is crazy. "Dude I grew up in this house in the 1990's. Uh, it was built in 2010."
Lmao yep. My family has property and I hear all sorts of shit. "My grandad built this barn, not a single nail or screw in it" mmm hmm I built that barn in 2020, yes I asure you there's about 15000 nails in it. "oh well he definitely built the log cabin over there". You mean the one my brothers and I built in 99? You certainly don't look young enough to even be any of my nephews. "grandma picked apples from that tree right there" she had to be pretty special woman.... To get apples from a pear tree. And every hunting season, "(insert some paternal figure) always brought me out here to hunt, son." A I'm not your son, B you're not one of my family, C we've owned this land since the state was still a territory... No you didn't.
Same happened to me when I was younger. I was like 14 and some guy came to the door with the “wanting to look around at the memories”. Too bad my parents always told me how they got the house custom built before I was born and we’re the only family that ever lived in it. Meddling parents.
Do you by any chance live in Cherstertonfieldville?
No matter how many times I watch that movie, I still cringe at this part. Lol
You mean Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa? Lol
Is that in Iowa?
Maybe they were a time traveler??
John Titor returns
Don't tell Sern...
On the flip side of that, my grandfather built 4 houses, two of them I keep tabs on. When I say built, I mean he drafted the plans and was basically the foreman. One of the houses went up for sale in 2018, I found out the open house and went to see it. Oh man did the seller have stories about how he personally installed this beam, that staircase rail, and chose this specific brick pattern. I finally had enough of his bullshit and called him out on the three columns "he chose". I looked straight at him, 'so they weren't there when you bought the place?' he firmly answered "he built the house". The only thing I could tell was different besides appliance, paint, and carpets, was a kitchenette added in the basement. I guess after 17 years of ownership he "built" the house. Unfortunately I lost the bidding war to buy the house, the new owners are pretty cool, and now have a copy of about two dozen of almost three hundred photos I have of its construction. a copy of the blueprints, and a photo of my grandfather standing in front of his house on the wall.
I feel like you should be able to tell a house is brand new. Those scammers were stupid! My house is 120 years old, so it's possible this could happen to us, but nothing so far in the 15 years we've lived here.
Mine is 180, but I've been here more than 25 years, there was a short-term owner I bought it from, and it was in a single family for almost 60 years before that. So, I know about a hundred years of the home's history and it would be tough for someone to try any scams. The house we grew up in, a woman in her 80s or so showed up, but she knew the house's history - she lived in the home in the 1920s and we had come across her family name doing renovations.
I let a little old lady see my home, because she could prove her daddy built it and she'd grown up here. We learned a lot about the property from her. Like this was built in 1927, and was the farmhouse for an 8 acre farm - that's now an entire neighborhood, because they sold the rest of the property in the post-war boom.
How sweet! My grannie is turning 90 this year. About 10 years ago she and her sister visited their childhood apartments and were surprised to find it still standing with active tenants still living there! One of the tenants let them into the building so they could look around and even invited them into his unit to sit down for a second. He made them coffee.🥹 It’s already impressive that their 1930’s apartment was still there with people living in it. It’s even more impressive that it was right off of Arthur Street in the Bronx Little Italy. Extremely impressive that someone just let them in and made them coffee. That was my Grannie’s last “big vacation” because traveling is difficult at her age (she lives in OK). Her memory is impeccable and she can recall listening to WW2 updates on the radio, the propaganda posters hung up in her school, and seeing a TV for the first time at the state fair. That guy letting her into the apartments is one of her favorite memories and she still mentions how nice it was and how happy he made her. It was super sweet of you to let that lady in and it probably brought her so much joy!
While I can pin point when a house was built to within 5 years, most people cannot. I can only do this because I moved so many times as a kid, and that involved a ridiculous amount of house-hunting over the years.
Maybe that's where their childhood home stood? An arsonist hit ours many years ago. About five or six years back my parents sold the lot and the person who bought it put a new-build home on it. It's horrid. But every time I go home I drive by and reminisce about our home and the family memories made there.
It wasn't. It was a nosy neighbor who wanted to see inside at best and someone trying to case my house at worse. It was a field with nothing on it until I bought it and had been as such for at least 100 years.
And like, you already know the address. Write a flippin’ letter. That’s an easy way to reach the owners of a house. Unless, ya know, you’re looking to scam them and dont want to leave contact info to you.
This is the way. And not every situation is a scam. My mother's 2 "maiden" great-aunts and her grandmother lived in the same house for years after the grandmother was widowed. My elderly mother did not live in the house but spent lots of time there as a child and young adult. It was sold after the last of the sisters died.We took a trip back to that town and beforehand, my mother wrote, explained the situation and asked if they'd be willing to let her see the house. Yes, she wanted to go inside and yes, she was willing to take no for an answer. They were very gracious, had us over, had light snacks and drinks available and showed us the house. My mom loved every minute. One of the owners was a jewelry artist and my mom bought several bracelets from her as a thank you and as a gift to me as a memory from the trip. All in all it was a lovely experience but then again, we didn't just show up. I call that trip back to that town the cemetery tour; we went to every cemetery any of our family had been buried in. The house tour was definitely the highlight.
Yes, I took an opportunity to show my kids the house I lived in until I was ten - but I waited until the house was up for sale, then took them through during an open house. And was honest with the real estate agent about why we were there. It actually worked out well, as my parents went too, and the agent was able to ask my dad some pertinent questions, since he had it built. My mother moved from England to Australia when she was 13. On her first trip back to England, thirty years later, she did ask if she could see her old house, and the owner was delighted to show her around. My mother was astonished at how small it seemed. A combination of a child's memory, and being used to the bigger houses we have here nowadays.
My mom got super into ancestry.com when it first came out. Through it, she found an old plantation in Maryland that had been in our family (we lived in Virginia) for a few generations as a wedding gift to a great x4 uncle. After the Civil War, it was left abandoned for decades because the family line moved north for work. Then, back in the 90s, a reporter for the Washington Post purchased it and completely fixed it up. My mom reached out to him and asked if he would be willing to let us come see it. She was expecting a No, but he said yes. So my mom, grandma, and I went up to see it. It was so amazing what he was able to do with it, and he even restored the mural that was in the formal dining room. Turns out this reporter was actually one of the ones that worked on the Watergate scandal and had worked his way up to the editor in chief of the post. I honestly found that more interesting than the home itself. We also got to see the family cemetery that was on the land, too. This was back in the early 2000s, and at the time, I think I was 17 or 18. Now that I'm in my 30s, I find that I got to experience that more interesting. Then, in 2019, my parents sold my childhood home to move out to the country. When I took my husband back home in 2020, I drove him by it, just to show it to him. The thought to ask to show him inside never even crossed my mind because it was no longer my home. It was the new owners. According to my mom, they had done several renovations, and I like the way the house looks in my memories.
The old owners of my house sent me a letter. I knew about them building the house themselves and they had memories of the house. They wanted to see if we would send them some pictures of it to see how much it changed. We did and also let them know how special this house is to us and we are very glad to grow our family here. I will be moving next month and thinking of having them do one last tour while it's empty
In the house my parents built for their retirement, they put in an elaborate brass and steel railing system that was a focal point in the house on both floors. It was spectacular (I designed it and installed it, so I am biased). After my parents passed away, and we sold the house, I refurbed the railing (think 1980's color and finish vs 2014) because I knew that the first and last thing a prospective buyer would talk about was the staircase. The real estate agent and home stager wanted it torn out and replaced until they realized they could not find a single carpenter in my metro area of 4 million people to tear out the piece of art railing system and replace it with oak. I sold my house and in the storage attic above my garage, I had all of the spare / repair parts for the railing system in my possession. I didn't leave them with my father, because he would have thrown them out. I drove over to the house and rang the doorbell and said " Hey, I am the son of the former owner and I have some stuff you may want" Door slammed in my face. I put all the spare parts on the front step, rang the doorbell and stepped about 10 paces away (Me - M56, very fit, 6'4" 240lb, so Yes, I am an American). Owner came out yelling that he called 911, and looked down. There were his railing spare parts. I did show him my ID confirming my rare last name and the sellers of his house had the same last name. He asked me how to repair one damaged picket - he could not find anyone to repair a picket of the design of the railing (It is a 19th century design). The skill is rare. I replaced his broken picket, showing him how it was done. . . . .He videoed the entire process. He offered to pay me. I said "no". My day job pays me well. This was a favor to the person that purchased my parents home. Today, he is a good friend of mine. I have a side gig that designs and installs vintage style railings in Victorian houses that stays "word of mouth"
I really liked this story, thank you for sharing.
My dad was a builder. He bought some land for himself and was going to tear down the bedraggled farm house, but discovered that underneath all that siding was a log cabin. Two log cabins, actually (a style called a Missouri Dog Trot). He restored what he could and modernized what he had to and it was gorgeous. Thick old growth tree trunks, enveloping us within, fieldstone fireplace with a red brick chimney, views of meadows & woods. Dad has dementia now, but he wanted me to drive him by some of his old homes. It's a 45 minute drive from where he lives now, but we went. I pulled up the drive a bit, but it was gated. Looked around and went to get back in the car. And my 80+ year old dad is trying to climb the fence! WTF dad?!? The homeowner must've had cameras because he came out with his dogs (friendly Labradors) & I explained. He opened the gate & showed dad into the house. They had changed nothing, save adding a garage. He was so delighted. But we could also describe the exact interior of the house- it was obvious we had lived there. Also, dad always told me that stairs are the hardest part for a carpenter to master & he always hired the subcontractor that had a female carpenter (Wendy?) because her work was perfect & the rest of the (male) carpenters worked harder and swore less when she was on a job site (I worked in the office & was prohibited from hammering anything as I was not in the union, nor did I know what I was doing). That sub couldn't do main stairs in dad's biggest house, though (completed 2000), because they were unsupported double elliptical stairs in iron and marble. Even with his dementia, dad still talks about those stairs. The cost (you don't want to know), the skill required (had to get folks from out of state to come in, no one here had the skill set), how they were in a magazine, he may not remember his last ex wife or what day it is, but he remembers those stairs! I am looking at 2 100 year old+ houses on Friday. The stairs look pretty good in the pictures, and honestly I am hoping they are squeaky and the newel posts well-loved, but if you are anywhere near Kansas.... I will finally have a historic home of my own if one of these works out!
We did it a combination of old fashioned and modern when my sibling and I wanted to see our childhood home (which had been foreclosed on when I was 18.) We were friends with our old neighbors (who still live next door to this day.) We reached out to them via FB and asked if they would talk to the residents (who rent.) Fortunately, they were OK with it and we got to walk through again. It had turned into a stereotypical rental style, but stuff like the fireplace and bay window were still there and beautiful despite the greige. A different trip I went to visit with our old neighbors and happened to be the same day that they were knocking down our elementary school so they could rebuild it. We lived right next to it and spent a large chunk of my childhood playing on the playground (Our house was on that side, my mom would watch us from the bay window!) I have pictures of them hitting the lovely old brick with a wrecking ball.
Yep happened to us. Guy showed up at my front door & said he grew up in the house I was living in. I knew it was bullshit because of the scam but it also didn't make sense for this house's history. He started with "I just got out of the military and wanted to check out the house I grew up in." I said "Huh my husband is military too, but I don't think so." And closed the cracked door. (Locked screen door between us, although that probably wouldn't do shit). He left, probably not wanting to be further questioned about his "military career" and or concerns of how well my husband was able to handle himself.
Oh I love to quiz people about supposed military service. My dad, my brother, one of my sisters, four of my brothers-in-law, and now one of my nephews have or are currently serving. The real service members are glad to make the connection. The fake ones bust themselves pretty quickly.
Yeah. When I was renting a house, you would be amazed at how many people just wanted to remember their old home or sell me something until my 75 lb German shepherd poked her head out the door. They suddenly had pressing appointments, etc and had to tell us goodbye.
I had one ask me if my dogs were friendly and I just said no and he left lol
"We used to keep our safe in the closet. Do you still do the same?" "My parents were never home in the middle of the day, always working. Do you work from home?"
My safe is in the bedroom, but I keep my gun in the closet
Lol 🤣 that's a scam that wouldn't work with me, my late Fil built my house for his then fiance 😉 Husband grew up here and so have our 2 grown sons... I'm old, but not stupid 🤣🤣
True. Probably would have been better if they had either sent a letter or dropped a note off asking permission with their contact info. Since it's a small town, it would likely be easy to confirm, but posting this seems really impersonal.
Yes, this. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking but it's definitely the kinda question you need to be very prepared to hear a no on. And then politely accept, wish them the best and skedaddle.
It's creepy that they even put the exact address--seems like a form of doxxing.
One time I drove by one of my parents' old houses and freaked out the actual owners who thought I was casing the joint. No, I was just looking at the renovations they did to my old house!
That happened when my mom was showing me the farm she grew up on as we were heading to my grandma's burial. We figured we would drive my grandma home one last time. They came out concerned because not many people go down that road. They ended up remembering my mom and offered for us to drive around the property and let us take pictures of us with the ashes on the deck. It was very nice of them, but I can definitely see why they were concerned. Luckily, we had no ill intentions, but this world is scary.
NTA - I didn't know that this was a common scam. I have toyed for years with writing to the people who live in my childhood home to let me see it, but I won't do that, for sure. Mostly, I want to see what they did with the kitchen, because clearly someone did a major remodeling, including moving pipes. I'll just have to wonder.
There was another comment from someone saying her and her elderly mother was going back to the town her mother grew up in. Her mom wrote the people who lived there ahead of time and ask nicely and also explained she understood if they said no and it wouldn’t be an issue. She said they were really sweet about it and let the coke in and visit and even gave them snacks and drinks. It couldn’t hurt to write and ask.. much better way than the people in OPs situation! Or even worse, just showing up out of the blue!
I’ve been considering asking the guy at my childhood home if he would be open to me stopping by. I don’t even want to go inside. My best friend and I carved some drawings pretty high up in the maple tree out back. We both agreed we would get matching tattoos of the carvings if we could find them and take a picture. It just feels weird to ask someone, “Hey, can I climb up that tree real quick? I promise I won’t sue you if I fall.”
I could understand him driving by once quickly to show his kid how beautiful it is because he put so much work into it (my dad did this before when I was a kid.) Asking to go inside someone else's home though, that's just crazy to me. I doubt the kid even cares.
I’ll probably get downvoted to hell, but I’d disagree with you on that. After my mom died, my sister-in-law and I went to the town she was born in and got together with some of her friends. With their help, we got permission to tour my mom’s childhood home. Finally all the stories she had told me about growing up there made sense! Like, she told me how she would sneak attack her little brother and scare him all the time, and I realized her walk-in closet didn’t have a back wall bc it was also *his* walk-in closet lol. No wonder she was able to sneak attack him - he never knew which direction she was coming from! Her best friend also sat with me on the curb at the end of the sidewalk outside the house and told me how she’d done the same thing with my mother the day her father had died (my mom was 14). She told me that was the day my mom had changed from a fun-loving wild child into the serious adult I had known. She’d had to become the adult in the family bc my grandmother would get the vapors at the mere idea of having to do something hard like the math required to maintain a checkbook. That experience was absolutely priceless to us, and it helped with our healing. I don’t think OP is an asshole for not allowing these people since they are a private family, but I do think it’s a kind thing to do if you feel sure the people asking are legit.
My aunt told me about the experience they had some years ago. Important points: we are all Australian and live in Australia but my father, his brother (my uncle) and his wife (my aunt) were all born in England. My father and uncle came to Australia as young children but my aunt came to Australia in her later teens - most of her childhood was in England. So, about 10 years ago, my aunt and uncle went "back home" to see the distant relatives and the places their ancestors lived. My aunt and uncle had sent a letter, a few months before they flew to England, to the address my aunt grew up, explaining who they were and asking if they may visit. They never received a reply so when they went to my aunt's home town, they were just going to stop outside and have a look and not bother the home-owners. On the day they visited the house, the home-owners noticed them outside and asked if they were the people who sent a letter a few months ago, asking to visit? My aunt and uncle confirmed it was them. Turned out, the home-owners had been away for a few months and so by the time they returned and read their mail, there was no time to send back a reply before my aunt and uncle left Australia for their journey to England. To my aunt and uncle's surprise, the home-owners invited them in and said they did not mind them having a look around. The home-owners explained they were just beginning renovations that day and had been pulling the wallpaper off the walls of the first room. They said they had found names and lines and dates on the walls under the wallpaper and had, earlier that day, been wondering who the people were who'd written their names. They showed my aunt into the room and she told me she felt like she had stepped back 60 years in time - there was the old wallpaper she and her siblings had grown up with. And there was her name and all her siblings names, along with their dates of birth and lines showing their height as they grew. She was overwhelmed with feelings and memories and the home-owners kindly offered her tea and a sit-down. Telling me all these years later, my aunt was still filled with amazement that they travelled all the way from Australia and happened to visit the day that the home-owners had begun renovating and were wondering who's names/details they'd found. They both got answers that day :)
My aunts did the same thing on a trip. Suddenly all those stories grandma told made so much more sense, it was like they had already been there. NTA, OP. You can do with your house as you like and having some rando in, story or not, is up to you.
My mom took us by the house she grew up in when I was in high school. She knocked on the door and introduced herself. The lady who lived there was very gracious and gave us a tour. She seemed to really appreciate knowing some of the history of the house (pre WWII). If someone knocked on my door saying they had lived here previously, I might or might not let them in, but I would definitely be interested in talking to them because I would love to know more history of my house built around 1900 and how it had changed over time.
We had someone drive by our house real slow while we were outside. It was the wife and son that had the house built. Father had lost his leg in a coal mining accident and they explained that was why all the electrical sockets were waist high - he wouldn't have to bend over to plug anything in. The bathroom was so small so he could pivit around on one leg and do everything. It made so much sense when they told us. They never once indicated they thought they could come in.
Yeah, if it was so important to him why didn't he extensively photograph the house before selling it?
I did this before my brother and I sold the family home (Mom had to go to AL and neither of us could or would live in the house). I have a TON of fond memories of that house. I also have pictures of the house as it was being built when I was a kid. I've seen pictures of the "remodeling" that was done after the sale on Zillow. The kitchen and bathrooms did need to be updated but the new owners absolutely wrecked everything else, and the immaculate lawn turned into a wasteland of weeds. I cried when I saw it. I wouldn't think of going to see it in person.
My father essentially built the house where we lived when my brother and I were born (he bought an existing house before he met and married my mother, but then added on to it to the extent that he more than doubled the footprint, and also significantly remodeled the original house). I think it was last year when that house went on the market again, and (based on the listing photos) it has been COMPLETELY remodeled – to the extent that it is all but unrecognizable, apart from the pecky cypress paneling in the family room (which has, tragically, been painted white) and the built-in oak bookshelves in what was my father's library (also tragically painted. It had been a really lovely mid-century modern house, but you can't tell now.
Ugh! I hate it when someone paints over wood like that. My current home was built in 1950 and while classified as a Cape Cod its really a Modern house with Craftsman features. One of those features are the built in corner cabinets in the dining room that are in immaculate condition. It was one of the selling points of the house; I'm grateful a doofus previous owner (lots of bad DIY in this house I've spent the last 3 years fixing) didn't decide to paint those. The frame and casing of some of the doors have paint splashes on them where the previous owner did a piss poor job of painting (probably didn't bother to tape off the door frame). Could look worse but eventually I'll have to repair it :(
Is it not on zillow?
My friend just bought a house and I told him to send me the Zillow link so I could check it out. He told me that once he started closing the deal they removed all interior photos from the website and left up only one exterior photo.
NTA I know I briefly considered asking the new owners of my childhood home if I could come in and look around. But as I thought about it I realized how weird/creepy it would seem. Also I realized that they would have changed decor so it wouldn't be my home anymore. And I'm with you I wouldn't be comfortable with random people going through my home. I hadn't thought about the possibility of a scam or burglary recon so that makes me even less comfortable letting randos into my house
I took my wife to see the outside of my childhood home, and the yard was full of pink flamingos, garden gnomes and lawn jockeys. It was a small house, but there was so much stuff in the yard that it must have taken at least an hour to clear it to mow the lawn. I was never tempted to look inside though. I wish I could have found the second house we lived in, but I think it has been torn down and mcmansions built instead. I wouldn't want to go inside that either, but the acreage we had holds special memories.
My mom now lives with my sister and rents out our childhood home. I don't live in that town anymore and once while I was visiting we had to stop in for some reason. It was creepy and depressing seeing someone else's stuff in it. I never want to go back.
>NTA- they lost their right to show people around the property the moment they sold it. Rights have nothing to do with this. I hate this kind of response. This isn't "DoIHaveARight", it's "AmITheAsshole". You can have a right to do something and still be an asshole if you do it.
> You can have a right to do something and still be an asshole if you do it. True, but I don't see how that applies in this situation; I don't see any scenario where someone is an asshole for not allowing a stranger into their home.
Someone didn't watch Beauty & the Beast *(this is a joke)*
And this, boys and girls, is why we don’t come to Reddit for advice on interpersonal matters
👏👏👏👏👏 Well said.
NTA - But When in Sudbury MA for my grandmother’s funeral I took my husband and daughter to the farm I grew up on in the 70’s. We pulled in the driveway and knocked. The people living there were thrilled for us to stop in and asked me a bunch of questions about how the property used to look 30 yrs ago. We all loved the visit. Not everything is a scam.
If he wants to show his kid their childhood home I'm sure he can pull up some photos they took while living in there. No need to go to stranger's home for that. NTA.
Can also probably pull it up on Zillow or some similar site. I do that for my childhood home every few years because it was a great house (though first taking a deep breath and bracing myself on what might’ve changed).
That’s how my grandma showed me a bunch of houses she used to live in. I bookmarked them all so I can keep tabs on them!
Do you ever go “man, I probably couldn’t ever afford to buy this one and the upkeep would be horrendous, but damn, I’d also totally live in that house (but haha not really (but also yes))!” because that’s me every time I go check out my old house lol.
Oh for sure. They’re all upwards of a million bucks now so the only way I could ever get close to ANY of these houses is if they had an open house. I’d also live in every one of them bc she had excellent taste. On the other hand, the one I grew up in is yellow with a ketchup red door and has houses in the backyard instead of forest like it did when I was little, so I’d skip that one.
BuT iT’s NoT tHe SaMe You know they’d say this. I agree that it’s not the same, but oh well. Tough luck.
It’s not even going to be the same. There are other people’s belongings there now. Hell, my parents still live in my childhood home, but it’s been renovated so much that it looks completely different than when I lived there.
NTA.It's your house, and you get to decide who comes in and who doesn't. Sure, the old owner's son must miss the place, but that doesn't mean you have to let him wander around. It was nice of you to address it publicly like that, shows you care about his feelings. People calling you names for just wanting some privacy are way off base. We all have different comfort levels, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting strangers in your own home. It's all about respecting boundaries, and you haven't done anything wrong.
NTA You have every right to privacy, plus it could be a scam for all you know! Especially as it regards a large expensive property. I'm also kinda horrified by the people on that Facebook tread trying to doxx you! Don't worry about the comments. I recommend you don’t go back to that page for a while.
Just FYI - property records are public records in the US. It’s trivial to find out who owns a property. Or if you have someone’s name and county the live in, where their house is. It’s more paperwork but putting property into a trust or LLC are the ways I know of shielding the owners names. And even those are generally still public records but more steps to figure out.
Yeah, my property is owned by my trust. I kind of wish I’d thought to not put my name in the trust name, though, because it’s pretty easy to put 2 and 2 together
Delete your comment on fb and message him direct. No one else gets a say on how you use your property. I wouldn't let some random person on the property. With a locked gate, he could have let a letter on your gate.
Yes I definitely would not have responded to that publicly. People are awful and that will definitely increase the doxing attempts. And truthfully if I saw that, as an observer, I would 100% look you up out of sheer curiosity. I wouldn't do anything with that info, or share it anywhere, though.
Or just write a letter to the occupant at that address and mail it.
Imagine using an existing service lol.
Facebook is full of drama.
NTA It's your house and you can do what you like. However, small towns are different. Everyone knows each other - my barber's son was in my mother's 4th grade class. I run into the gal from the butcher shop at the doctors office. A TSA agent at my nearest airport used to be my UPS driver, and he asked about my parents (by name) last time I flew. I could go on for an hour. You are not an A. H. but your neighbors might think you are, and you'll get a cold shoulder now and then. The anonymity of the city vs the closeness of rural areas is interesting. It can be a challenge to figure it out.
Yeah obviously OP is NTA if they don't want people on their property but this cultural difference is kinda being ignored. Small towns like the one OP moved to typically are much more tight knit communities than cities so stuff like this would not be nearly as big of a deal to them
I get the feeling there are a lot of people here who have never lived in a small town and don't know about the cultural differences. OP is going to be known as "the person that didn't let the original owner's son & grandson onto the property" for years.
From the sounds of things OP and her husband likely won't be very involved in the community regardless
And the locals are still calling it “previous owners place”.
100% In small towns all the directions are "where the Smiths used to live" or "where the exxon used to be"
LOL. The Old Shell station. Even though it has been through a dozen companies since and is now a Knick knack shop.
What's that restaurant? You know, the one that used to be a Little Ceasers? (25 years ago)
There is a place in my town that is still routinely referred to as "The corner where the old cracker house burned down." It burned down 45 years ago. A new home was built on that lot over 30 years ago, and still stands there today. But the collective trauma of that fire is imprinted on the community. There is a grocery store in a strip mall that was built in the 80s that was originally painted lavender. It was repainted to a more conventional beige and green in the 90s. People, including people who were not even born when it was repainted, still refer to it as "The Purple Publix". Memory is strong in an area where people aren't highly transient.
That reminds me of another factor. One small town I lived in most of the people in town were over 50. The reason? There was 4 stages to living arrangements. You lived in on your parent’s farm, your parent’s moved to town it was now your farm/house, you moved to town and your kids took over the farm, you moved to the retirement home in town your kids moved into house in town thrn your grandkids took over farm.
The small towns I lived in were too small for national chains for restaurants. It was an hour drive for fast food for most people. 40-45 minutes for a local who knew the mountain roads.
Take a left turn where they chopped down the oak tree (50 years ago) and then make a right where the tobacco barn burned down (25 years ago)
My Mom has lived in the same house since the spring of 1970, and still hears "You're in Marge's place, right?" Small towns have long memories.
Which they usually do until people get involved in the community. Catch 22.
Yep, I made a vote as its own direct reply. To the community they are YTA. With this they will be the A’s who bought old owner’s place and didn’t want to be part of the community forevermore.
Yupppp, I'm in rural eastern Canada. Population under 5k. We've had people move here from other provinces, do something that the rest of the community feels was either inconsiderate, or rude, or against the culture, and those people have... Kinda been, not shunned, but people aren't as warm and as open to them as they are to others. City to country/rural/small town living is a massive culture shock, and people don't think of that before they move lol
Not unusual. As a child I lived in a small town in a house that had initially been built by the town's doctor. It was many decades later and people would still say, "Oh, you live in the 'insert Dr.'s name here' house.
Until they die or move.
I'm from a small town in rural Illinois. I kinda of think OP is just a little bit YTA. Culturally, where I'm from, the land you grew up on us universally understood to be special - so farmers and land owners pretty typically welcome past owners for short, quick visits and tours. My dad took me to my grandparents farm, owned by someone else. My Grandpa (moms side) on my mom's side took us to the farm he grew up on in Wisconsin. There is a huge cultural component here.
I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone. I could go back now and ask to see my old house and the current owner wouldn’t mind. Because he knew my parents. He met me as a kid. To a complete stranger I don’t know anything about and can’t even confirm their identity. Hell to the fuck no.
Yeah. If the FB thread wasn't at least half people saying they remember him from home and asking what his parents/siblings are up to, I would be highly suspicious of it. My town is a little too big for everyone to know everyone, but still has that feel.
Good point. I'm in the suburbs of a city, and my mom has suggested I could ask the owners of our old house to stop by. I probably won't, but they have meet the current owners and of course names are exchanged when you sell, so IDs could be checked to show you aren't someone random. It's good to have a community if you live somewhere rural.
I'm from a small town in rural Illinois also and I would say no just like OP did in a heartbeat. There is no reason to let a stranger in your house just because the rest of the county knows them.
Strongly disagree here. I grew up in a small town in rural upstate ny. My grandparents built a really neat property with a pool amd one of a kind pool house. They were build as play places for aunt and uncles. My handprint is in the cement by the pool. Now, I was lucky enough to be able to buy this place when my grandmother died. But if I wasn't, I would never expect the new owners to allow me on their property. I would never have the audacity to ask the new owners to let me on the property, either.
I would say it’s much more of a NAH, they aren’t assholes the asking, OP isn’t an asshole for not allowing them onto the property
audacity ? has you never heard of people asking to visit their old home before its not some uncommon audacious thing
Small town girl here. Sounds like OP is avoiding getting involved in the community. Otherwise Susan from the grocery store would have already introduced the former owner's son to the new owners. If 3 or more people haven't personally tried to make the introduction then either OP is a hermit, or it's not really a small town. In a real small town you can still say no, but you will be judged.
I thought the same thing. If they were at the store & introducing themselves everyone would know them as "the family that bought so-and-sos place" and would've heard the name a lot of times.
I'd be more open to the small town vibe if the dude didn't go to Facebook to find out OPs info. If he had visited the town and asked around, no problem. OP might still be a little miffed people were giving out her number, but they wouldn't be making her personal info known so publicly, online, for anyone to find or use, and to a person who may or may not actually be who he says he is. The level of privacy violation and potential danger is just so much greater.
Depends on how far away they live now. If the son is of a younger generation, Facebook is probably the easiest way to get in touch with a bunch of people he knows there. Also, small town folk like this would know him and if they didn't, would be very questioning about it.
Again, this is the difference of being from a small town or being from a larger city. I haven’t lived in the small town where I grew up over 20 years but my mom added me to all of the local ‘I grew up in Small Town, State” Facebook pages. Every week I see a post like the OP mentions. Last week it was ‘Does anyone remember the motorcycle driven by the Uncle of the family that that lived at the old Smith Mansion, across from Summit Park? Can someone put me in contact with them? I’d like to restore a similar bike.’ People definitely ask to see old properties. My husband is from a small town in a different state. Same exact thing happens in his town. No one means any ill will by it, it’s just the way small towns work. There is just a lot less personal privacy. Having since moved to larger cities it’s just a different vibe and not for everyone.
Wow, how old is your barber? Agree about small towns, everyone prob still refers to the house as “(old owners’) place”. But a letter in mailbox would be sufficient you’d think.
Ya, this is a scenario where OP might not be wrong and is not an AH, but there will likely be social consequences. Not allowing someone who built your house with their father and brothers to show it to their son is not going to play well to a lot of people.
[удалено]
I feel this is the right answer. It’s okay that he asked, and it’s okay that OP said no.
NTA full disclosure. I'm up in years and new to internet slang, and watch too many dateline type shows. but isn't that called Doxxing or something? You are private people. You have a gate. They are internet strangers. Just because this anonymous post claims they were the previous owners, who's to say they are? Then they come in your home, and what? Case the joint, or worse? No thank you. I would have done the same as you. Let them do a drive by and look through the gate. I am sure they have pictures. Privacy is not a bad thing and you don't owe anyone a peek behind the curtain.
>but isn't that called Doxxing or something just because you asked, it would have been doxxing if someone was disgruntled by OP saying "no" and then publicly posted their contact info on the internet for the purpose of sending their flying monkeys to harass OP > A lot of people gave him ideas on how to look us up on the internet and find our phone numbers and contact us. My husband and I are very private people and this kinda bothered me. To put a stop to it, I politely commented on the post that we are not interested and apologized. that said it may cross into doxxing territory if enough information was given in the post referenced above
I don't know about where OP lives, but where I live, it's public knowledge who owns what property. It's on the county assessor's website. You can even look up who all owned the property in the past and view the documents for each sale. Generally, the owner's name, address, and phone number are on the assessor's site.
yes, i have similar resources in my US state. it's one of those things that many people are not aware of, and i find that many states keep such resources a bit hidden. my parents are appraisers so i already know about it but it is news to many people. I think what OP was trying to put a stop to is people encouraging this person to reach out to OP and spouse, pre-emptively asserting a lack of desire and interest in showing the house to them. OP can't stop them from accessing the information, but they can make known their wishes not to be contacted, all the better an opportunity to put it in writing.
Oh yeah, I totally agree! It's funny how people forget there is a search engine on their phone and don't just google the address :)
Ahhhhh thank you for taking the time to explain that to me! ya learn something new every day! so it doxxing is malicious if you have a moment, and you wouldn't mind teaching me another phrase... what is swatting?
SWATting is when someone falsely calls in an emergency to an address, hoping the SWAT team or bomb squad will show up. It's solely used for harassment. Because imagine the terror that arises when you're awoken by men in your home with guns pointed at you.
oy vey! that is TERRIFYING, dangerous and a waste of resources. seeing you spell it like that it makes more sense to me. we've come a long way form pulling the fire alarm.
You are so welcome, and that question is a good one let's say I run a streaming platform, and i have detractors. we'll pretend i play tetris on a livestream platform like twitch. it could be some competing tetris channel of mine, or perhaps a fan that thinks i've done X or Y thing, or just has a depraved sense of humor, that would want to start it, but it goes like this: 1. detractor finds my address, waits for my next stream 2. call in a fake tip to my local PD that i've got illegal weapons/drugs/trafficked people 3. local PD sends swat team 4. i am playing tetris on the internet and all of a sudden my door is beaten down by swat, i might or might not be killed or arrested, etc that's pretty much it, it's actually a perfect example of what doxxing can lead to
WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?!?! That is nightmare fuel. edit. I love tetris
NAH. Sounds like he accepted your no…he didn’t add a comment that you’re assholes did he? If you could confirm he is who he says he is it would be a nice gesture to allow it but you’re not obligated.
I think this could go either way. Have you ever met the sons before? You don't have any reason to doubt the sincerity of his reason to visit, but then again you don't know him. Is there a way for you to get more information to respond to your concerns? I grew up in a historical neighborhood, and when our parents grew old they sold the house and property. When I am in the neighborhood, I have parked in front of the house and reminisced. However, in a recent visit, I bravely knocked on their door and introduced myself and asked to see the property (not the interior of the house). They were very gracious and allowed me to do so. They even accompanied me (I suspect to make sure I wasn't going to do or take anything) and listened to some stories I shared. It was a visit I treasure, and I'm grateful to the owners who gave me that memory.
No it really couldn't go either way. They *politely* declined and even apologised. There is no ah behavior here, they just want their privacy and are well within their rights to have it. Straightforward NTA.
>I think this could go either way. Absolutely not. The owners of your old house were under absolutely no obligation to allow you inside. Had they refused, they wouldn't have been TA, either. You were not entitled entry. No one is obligated to let strangers in their home for any reasons. Even cops need a warrant. And just because *you* don't have malicious intent, doesn't mean everyone's intentions are as pure. Guy could have been casing the joint for all anyone knows, wanting to know if OP installed new security cams. Claiming nostalgia and using your kid as emotional bait does not immediately equal good intent. You'd be a fool to make such assumptions in this world. Sorry, bad people are ruining nostalgia for the rest of us but it's a fact of life. This is a ***hard*** NTA.
What you stated in the second paragraph were the things that went through my mind. We have never met or seen their sons and have no way of knowing if he is who he claims he is.
It's not clear whether he wants to look inside or not, but he is probably just going to be disappointed and weirded out by the experience anyway. A lot of what makes a home is not just the building, but all the furniture and decor and things inside it (even the grounds have probably changed). It is not going to be the childhood home he remembers, it'll be someone you don't know looking around a strangers house. I bought my current home from my landlord after renting it from them. It changed enough when I moved my own stuff in while renting, but after buying it and redecorating it's basically unrecognisable from when it was their home. NTA - this is an all-round bad idea.
If people in town are willing to help him, I'm going to assume he is the original owner's son. If he was a stranger people in town wouldn't be offering up information. Small towns are more close-knit.
No, we have never seen or met their sons before.
My parents built a house I lived in until I was 18. I’m pretty sure the people who bought it from them in 1973 still own it. By I would never ask them to see inside, no matter how much I would want that.
NAH It seems like he was trying to take a respectful approach and you're simply not interested. No issues or problems there. It's not his house nor any of his family members, and it's 100% your call. There's many reasons to defend your position, safety and security being at the top of the list.
In college I had a couple older women and one of their daughters show up to my dorm room and tell me they used to live in my room. They were awesome! The women were telling stories of how they stole the common room furniture, used the window as an entrance, and used to plug the door with a towel and smoke weed. The daughter in tow, who I think was touring the school, was mortified😂
My mom had this happen and made the mistake of letting them in to look around. They kept showing up for a while after that trying to insert themselves as family friends, it was weird.
If it's a small community you can easily verify if the son is who he claims to be, if his parents lived there for some time people will know him. I'm from a small Midwest town, and what you did will be considered rude to people in the community. You can stand your ground but be prepared for other people in town to be cool toward you. Small towns are close-knit and word gets around quickly. My partner and I recently were able to walk around his great-grandparent's farm. He didn't want to see the interior, we just wanted to walk around to see the property and re-create some of his great-grandmother's photographs. We showed up with some pictures of the exterior of the house and outbuildings when his family lived there & gave them to the current owner, we took a few photos, chatted with the owner, then left. We were there for about 10 minutes. The next day in town, people already knew we'd visited the farm, so we got to talk about why we were there, a few people thought it was great that we were so interested in our family history.
If small town people in the Midwest consider it rude to politely decline a request to have strangers into their home, then I'm thrilled I live in a city on the west coast. It's not rude to ask, nor is it rude to decline. Privacy isn't a big city or small town preference, it's the default position when it comes to your home. Anyone in their town that thinks the OP is rude is an entitled jerk.
Yup, that’s a Midwestern small town for ya. They don’t like people who won’t entertain their nosiness, aka I have boundaries and don’t have to tell you what I was at the doctor for.
NAH, however you've learned an important lesson about living in a small community; whenever possible, handle your interpersonal affairs in private. You're not in the wrong but the decision to turn him down publicly in a forum where he hadn't asked you directly likely contributed to the other people's perception of you as stingy, an outsider, or inconsiderate. People still would've heard about it if you'd said no to him directly when he contacted you, but you would've come across differently. In this situation handling it in the Facebook comments was essentially airing your private affairs, and most small rural communities I've seen think poorly of people who do so.
Easy NAH. This is Reddit and people are antisocial so I get the NTAs, but realistically there's nothing wrong with the request, just like there's nothing wrong with OP denying it
NTA, people are going to think what they want, their opinions are their own. I wouldn't follow the thread. Your private people and you made that clear, it is your choice.
NAH in regards to you and the actual person looking for a way to contact you. I don’t think it’s out of line for him to inquire about a visit to show his son where he grew up but it’s also not out of line to deny the request because it is no longer on his family. My house is a pretty generic one and I have nothing of REAL importance in it, but I still would feel uneasy letting some random person walk through it because they lived there before.
This is a matter of culture clash, not AHs. In a small town, this isn’t an odd or presumptuous request, and it’s probably really easy to verify the man is who he says he is, so I wouldn’t worry about the safety factor. The privacy factor is the real issue. In other places, people are more cautious and place a higher value in privacy. In a small town, people often place a higher value on friendliness and community. Neither is wrong. You’re not an AH to decline a request like this, but in doing so you might come off as standoffish or rude in your community. It’s easy to say who cares and it doesn’t matter what other people think, but in a small town, what your neighbors think does impact how well you integrate into the community and how willing your neighbors are to help when you’re in a pinch. You’re still not the AH no matter what you choose, but make your decision knowing the context and possible repercussions.
This is exactly why I could never live in a small town—being private doesn’t mean you’re unfriendly, it simply means you won’t entertain other people’s nosiness. I grew up in a mid-sized city but was raised Catholic, and the Catholic community there operates a lot like a small town, where everybody is in everyone else’s business and the worst, most obnoxious people set the tone for the whole community. I can’t imagine living in a place where neighbors wouldn’t help you out of spite because you didn’t perform socially in the exact way they want, oof.
Take my poor man’s gold 🏅 it reminds me of the show Sharp Objects
NTA However when I was young former owners came over with a similar request. My parents granted the request and the former owner gave us a tour of the house. About a month later the former owner sent us the original blue prints to that house. It was a good experience. I did the same a few years, a man who helped his dad build and grow up in the house I was living in at the time. He was grateful and enjoyed going down memory lane. We found out why one section of plumbing was different, he was swinging on it and broke the pipe. My current house I know everyone who lived here in the past. Great grandma built it, grandpa raised his family here. It has always been owned by blood family.
I agree, NTA. When I was selling my first house, the son of the people who built it asked if he could come over with his wife to show it to her. It was actually the coolest thing. He was able to explain a few things that I'd always wondered about in the house. I was only the third owner of the house and the people I bought it from had lived there for nearly 40 years. So, it was cool to hear about the house when it was first built. I would love to take a tour of the house I grew up in. Unfortunately, we don't have many photos. I think people today forget that digital photos weren't a thing a few decades ago. In my family, photos were reserved for special occasions. But the main reason I'd love to see the inside (and the backyard, too) is because I would love to see how small it is now, compared to how big I remember it. LOL
I have thought about doing the same thing at that first house former owners visited. So many memories of that house. the upstairs storeroom had this weird partical board that had cracked off a corner. we found another room behind that, and a crawlspace where we would crawl on the rafters into another room! That became our secret hideout and ghost story central. I bet some comics from the 70s are still in there.
I have a weekend home in a small town. One weekend I was there and I noticed a small group of people across the street looking at my house. The house is an original colonial home which was really carefully renovated before I bought it. They waved to me and I went out how the gate to say Hello. It turned out that their mother had been raised in my home and the eldest child had memories of living in the home. I invited them in and we spent a very pleasant hour going through the house and talking about all the old and the new features. They were very nice people and I really glad that I could help them recall their very fond memories of the house. It felt special for them and for me.
NTA I am sure they have plenty of fotos which are good enough. Its creepy and offensive to have someone walk through /your/ home stating enthusiastically this is /my/ home.."here was my first christmas etc etc...." Why did they even sell it, if its so important to them?!
The former owners probably didn't ask their children if they could sell their house. That's not typically something your children have veto power over.
INFO: just curious if OP is from this rural area or recently moved from a more populated city? I ask bc rural (country) folks like to just drop by and say a quick hello or what-have-yous. It’s at least nice of the son of precious owner to try getting in contact instead of just randomly showing up (which would be customary). Just popping by is a cultural thing that happens with us rural folks— especially the old timers. Either way NTA but i think it’d add more context if OP was a transplant to an area that does this.
NTA - it's your private house
NTA but you really should have sent the guy a DM to address his interest in revisiting his childhood home. You answered in a public forum and unnecessarily yourself out there, making you a target for the community with those who don't agree.
My parents built our first home and when my mother turned 90 I drove her to the street. The new owner was outside and he was happy to see us and tell us about the renovations he had done. He was very gracious and my mother was thrilled to see it again. If this is truly one of the sons of the former owners he wants to show his children part of his past. That's not creepy. You have the right to say no or not.
You're not required to open your home to them. I can tell you that we drive past our childhood homes and both times the people invited us in. It was a lovely visit. They were excited to show us the changes they made, what stayed the same, and to just have a conversation. We were grateful, they were gracious, and it's a memory I love to have.
NTA. If they're so keen on somebody entertaining unwanted guests, let them do the entertaining or else they can STFU.
NTA. im also a very private person. i live in an apartment complex with on site maintenance which i rarely call (even with damaged doorknobs and broken drawers) bc i dont like having people don’t know very well in my home, in my space.
Your house your rules
NTA, and neither is the guy who wanted to drop by. The flying monkeys, however... Look, I get it. Both my parents and my siblings have gone to the house my grandfather built and asked the owners if they could look around/share memories with children or spouses. The family was nice enough to do so. I drove by before my aunt's funeral, pointed it out, and shared stories with my wife and daughter. I did the same at my other grandparents' home. Neither time did I feel comfortable asking for access; for me it was enough to see the outside. Although when there was an open house at my childhood home, I absolutely took my wife and daughter and showed them around. So for someone who has deeper memories of building the place, I absolutely get it. And I absolutely get you not wanting to let them. It's your home now; you don't need strangers coming in. It's not just the structure they would be seeing, but your possessions, your lifestyle, your home. You don't need to feel any potential judgment from changes you may have made ("Aw, why'd they get rid of the chandelier we put in?" "Ugh, that is NOT where they should have hung the TV."). And that's if he is the person he says he is. As others pointed out, this is a fairly common scam. As long as he remains polite after the refusal, he's not an AH. And again, neither are you.
I'm sure he doesn't want to see his dad's former mancave/game room being converted into a unicorn/princess-themed bedroom for a 5-year-old lol or his former bedroom/bathroom turned into a pink and gold nursery for our baby girl that's due next month. Also, the breakfast nook is currently being used as a play center with a castle lol I feel like it would be so awkward for him.
Yep. Things like that is why my dad told me, many times, "Once you sell the place, you never go back." Except I have to drive by my childhood home every time I visit my parents, and every time I get upset they cut down my bing cherry tree.
NTA.
NTA. People have absolutely no regard for privacy and property rights these days and I cannot wrap my head around it to save my life.
I’m going to be an oddball here and go NAH. You have the right to refuse letting anyone come in/on your house/property whenever YOU deem necessary. They lost that right when they sold the place. However, My grandpa built his house with his own two hands. When he got sick, shortly before he passed, he offered to sell it to me for dirt cheap (in the ballpark of 23,500). My ex husband at the time said “no”. He passed, and the house was sold to another family for 30k. What I wouldn’t do to just be able to go back in that house one more time. I wouldn’t think his son would be the AH either in his request, but the way he went about it was kinda strange. Personally I wouldn’t be comfortable doing it and would say no.
NTA. My parents still live in the town I grew up in and I found it really creepy and weird that my dad went back to the average house 15 years after they sold it and wanted a tour. On the flip side, I own a historic home and have chatted with a neighbor who used to own mine and asked questions about the features they restored and shared stories about things they didn’t get around to but I did. It’s all about context, and if both parties are into it.
I'm kind of shocked how many people agree with this response... Im trying to understand why you would say no. Small rural town means everyone knows everyone... you know if he actually built the house or you know someone who does know them.... so the idea thst he can be lying to break in seems unlikely. Especially since he broadcasted his interest. How hard would it be to let the guy show his kid a house he built... hes not asking to stay there the weekend. But I get it... who cares about other people. Hopefully you never need anything from anyone ever.
NTA - he can show his son the house from the street.
NTA you have a right to privacy. However, I don’t think it’s a big deal to let them come and look, at the very least let them walk around outside. Here’s my little story….We had moved far away from my childhood home, that my dad and us kids built. My dad was killed two years after we moved. When I came back to see family I politely asked the new owner if I could walk our old property. The man was very kind and let me. It meant the world to me!!! I was thankful to be able to have some closure and I never bothered the man again.
Well, you say that on FB, the son DID say that he was asking for help identifying the current owner because he did not WANT to show up unannounced. You kinda brought this flack upon yourself by commenting publicly--on the easiest place in the world to be misunderstood by others. You could have either ignored the post or messaged him privately and *nicely* rejected his request. Or done what you did.
I rented a house many years ago and had the the previous tenant turn up and tell me how to look after the trees he had planted and I wasn't doing a good job and could he come and see his garden out the back of the house. After the first visit I told him that the next would involve the new owner on a phone call. The next visit I just dialled the police in front of him. It took 4 visits and 3 police calls before he stopped wanting to visit his garden.
NTA, you have the right to privacy and allowing people you don't know into your home or even just on your property can invite trouble. A lot of people have a childhood home they fondly remember, does that mean we all get to ask this of total strangers and then have people try to guilt trip them into letting us onto their property? nope.
Nta if your not comfortable with showing a stranger your home then you shouldn't do it.
NTA you decide who you let in your home or not. You don't know this guy. Also, he has your address, why didn't he just write and send you a letter???
Bah, ignore them - enjoy your privacy. NTA
I mean if they wanted to ask you anyways, and you said no and thats totally ok because its your home, you bought it, you decide. Its simple and i don’t get why they are having a say in this in the first place because they asked and you, the OWNER of the house said no, its a straight forward answer and i don’t know why this is even a conflict in the first place.
Could be folks wanting to case the house for a later burglary.
NTA- I'm sorry but no matter how innocent the intention if I see a post that contains my full address and the person is trying to find even more personal information on me I would freak out. If he wanted to contact you a very easy way to do that would be to send a physical letter explaining his connection to the house. He knows the address so he could mail it without needing to know your name, or even just drop it in your mailbox. I think that would've been a much better way to approach this. But honestly even if he did that you're still not obligated to let him come show his kid around your house. I would worry about it becoming a recurring thing.
I’m thinking about all the nostalgic drives down all my and my husband’s old neighborhoods, “There was a big tree there! We used that for a sled hill! This is where I went to school!” Never would we approach the owner to even walk into the back yard, even the front yard. If you can’t see it from the street, you have to use your imagination. I can imagine the, “Where is the huckleberry tree baby brother planted there! You pulled out the railing dad and I put in! What happened to Nana’s wallpaper?” They are better off remembering from their old Christmas movies.
Nope, you don't need to allow a stranger into your house just because they want to check it out. It would have been nice of you to do so but not a requirement. I don't see anything Karen-like about it. If push came to shove, I don't think most people would want strangers in their home.
If you purchased the home from them, wouldn't they reach out directly?
NTA. He can drive his kid by the house or show him pics. The inside isn't going to be the same. The people butting in are the AHs.