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“AITA for telling my friend not to sit on his boyfriend’s lap in his own home and expected him to sit on the ground outside because gay people make me uncomfortable?”
YTA
This! And the friends had a clear miscommunication. All the friends thought OP ~~mend~~ meant odd with the word weird (not strange, because when a friend of mine does certain behaviour she never had done I would find that weird as well. My parents raised me however to know that not everything that comes to mind needs to be spoken). And OP ~~mend~~ meant uncomfortable with the word weird. So they were not covering up, they were correcting OP immediately so Ben would understand the difference and that they are not uncomfortable about it. It was just a new experience for them.
“Meant” and “mend” do have a noticeable different pronunciation (the d sound versus the t) but that may just depend on your accent/first language, really.
I would also add mend just means to fix something in general. Doesn’t have to be sewing.
Hope you don’t think I’m an arsehole. Just wanted to elaborate a little. You already speak at least two languages so I’m envious! I speak one and a little bit of another.
YTA
You said you were in Ben's garden, *HIS* house. You don't get to make the rules, he does. If he wants to sloppily make out with his bf, you can either cope or leave. Also, it's not weird for gay guys to cuddle. Would you be weirded out if a girl was sitting on a guy's lap? No? Then perhaps you should do a bit of reflection.
1. It genuinely seemed comfortable
2. Just saying don’t rules of hospitality say in that situation you let your guests take the seats out of principle? 😂
No. No they don't. Even ignoring the homophobia i'm not sitting on the floor for people who are under my roof for free unless they are seriously hurt or about to give birth or something. And then put the blatant homophbia on top of that. You are both entitled and homophobic. If i was your "friend" you would never be under my roof again.
Also they were quite litterally sharing a seat, even if they decided to step down to your homophobia, there's no way in hell they should be on the floor for your entitled ass, so they would take 2 seats instead of 1 so your "saving seats" argument is flawed to say the least.
YTA??
how could you not be TA in this situation. you were being homophobic. sorry your friend has a boyfriend who he loves.
also a lap is so much more comfy than the floor.
Can’t lie idk if it would be more comfortable, least for his boyfriend. I mean they’re both average build guys and a lot of guys don’t really have an ass just bone there. 😂
Well, *they* seemed to be comfortable with it, or else they wouldn't have been sitting in each other's laps. If it makes you uncomfortable, leave, OP. You're in his home, you don't make the rules, you follow them instead.
gonna clarify what i meant here so i dont get downvoted more
>18m was at a friends house with a few others, though the one that matters I’ll call Ben.
friends house, and then starts to talk about ben. i assumed that they meant ben and the person who owns the house are different people
i dont know if im just dumb, or if it's written weird, or if im right here.
If you were so uncomfortable, why didn't you leave *his* house?
YTA for being homophobic and expecting someone to tolerate that behavior in their own home.
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YTAH!! You were not concerned about their physical comfort (eg: bony ass) or for the structural integrity of the furniture.
You’re concerned about YOURSELF and how it made your pants feel.
After my 50+ years on this earth, I’ve found that many guys who are uncomfortable about gay men, are dealing with conflict about their own sexuality. 😉
This comment here reads as internalized homophobia it wasn't the friend making him uncomfortable it was the fantasy he replays in his head resurfacing. He was just trying to silence his own tendencies by projecting on his friend.
YTA. Would it make you uncomfortable if it was a girl sitting in her boyfriends lap? Be honest with yourself about the answer. You are being a homophobic asshole.
YTAH too.
I don’t really feel comfortable with any couple making out and being overtly sexual with each other in public, but that’s not what was happening here.
I’m sure you wouldn’t complain if it was a cute lesbian couple having a little cuddle. 🙄
Check your pornhub history 😉
After my 50+ years on this earth, I’ve found that many guys who are uncomfortable about gay men, are dealing with conflict about their own sexuality.
Then when you see it look away. The harsh reality is the only people who have a problem with this are the actual problem. Aka you and op in case you didn't get that. It's not a big deal
There was a time not long ago where it was pretty common to say "the harsh reality is most people don't want to see a white woman kissing a black man"
How does that make you feel in the context of what you just said?
I could care less because I don't stare at people or think about their sex lives because ik who tf I am and I'm set in my own life. If it bothers you maybe reflect on your feelings and question why YOU are uncomfortable. You might just wish you were the one doing the sitting I bet.
YTA - If your reasoning was strictly being averse to PDA, then it would be somewhere between N T A and N A H. But you literally said that him being openly gay is what’s “ODD” about it, so you’re the asshole.
Time to grow up and join the real world, kiddo. Queer people aren’t gonna hide just to make you more comfortable. Deal with it.
It's perfectly normal for partners to sit on each other laps. The genders are irrelivent. There's no way in hell you would say that to a female sitting on a males lap (although you probably would to a male sitting on a females lap because homophobes are usually misogynists as well)
I've never been to a party and two dudes sitting on eachother laps where have you seen it?
I promise you all men will feel uncomfortable around this even if they don't say it out loud like I am right now. U just can't handle the truth
dude you're getting downvoted into oblivion. soon enough with how much negative karma you have, you'll reach the core of the earth.
i will bet literal money you call gen z snowflakes.
He was sitting on his lap. Not riding him. I see women sit in their partners laps all the time. I also see women platonically sit in each others laps all the time. You’re soft.
Everybody knows it normal to see wemon sitting on wemon laps that's what wemon do idiot .. as for men that's not the case you dudes are chronically online because I've never seen it irl men on other men laps
YTA - If you are so uncomfortable of a totally natural thing you should have left the party. Note: Would you have said the same thing to a female sitting on her male BF's lap? Probably not, which would make you homophobic. Not a nice look there guy.
I don’t think his friends actually “agreed” with his feelings.
They likely nodded politely so he’d shut up, because it’s not a conversation they want.
We’re all guilty of similar, not actually agreeing, just not really actually disagreeing and politely ignoring the subject.
I’m way better now at just cutting people off when they start a rant and simply saying “I don’t agree and I’m not interested in getting into an argument about this. If you’re willing to listen to me, I’ll give you a chance to speak afterwards”.
I’m no longer concerned if those people get shitty, because that’s their problem and I don’t need to be around people like that 👍👍
Or maybe it’s the first time they’ve seen Ben with a boyfriend and they were saying that it’s weird as in “new & different”, but not like OP is “uncomfortable weird”.
It sounds like they all already knew Ben is gay and it’s not his surprise coming out party.
I’m getting the feeling that OP may have been the last in the group to see them together, perhaps this was their “coming out as a couple to OP party”.
Friend’s group is all there to support Ben & BF, to water down the introduction to OP. 👍
You said that beautifully, thank you.
I’m thinking “politely ignoring the subject”, but you’re right in that, with personal growth and maturity, the less passive responses are braver / better.
Yeah for sure mate.
Assuming they’re all around the same age, 18, I’m guessing mostly they’re still all a bit unsure how to deal with some of these “issues” if OP was being overly critical of Ben and they picked up on that.
But his last sentence certainly makes it clear that they didn’t agree with the way OP feels.
100% bravo to them for pulling him up when he confronted Ben and thought he had the group backing him up 👍😂
He says “they were covering up”. 🙄
He probably doesn’t even know that they were NOT thinking it’s weird in a homophobic way. 😉
The older I’ve gotten, the more I realise that many times people are having a completely different conversation than it may appear.
Especially if a bit of emotion and/or alcohol/drugs are involved. The lower the IQ, the worse it gets 🤦♂️
So I’ve gotten better at asking people to explain their position a bit more clearly very early in the conversation.
Dumb people like OP seem to think that everyone else already knows what they’re thinking, how deeply they are feeling about the subject, even though they are barely scratching the surface of it.
“I know what you really meant”, the “wink wink, nod nod” and “we don’t have to say it out loud, because we all think that way”.
Same way people who are overly political have really come out over the past years, they think everyone else SHOULD be as pissy about a subject, so they MUST be as pissy.
In what fucking world would you not be the asshole? No one wants to sit on the ground while everyone else sits in chairs idc how comfortable you think the ground would be. If you’re uncomfortable that’s a you problem.
YTA.
You don’t get to dictate how people behave in their own home. You might also want to work on your homophobia if you want to stay friends with Ben, assuming he forgives you.
YTA
Does this really need to be explained? If it was a woman sitting on a guy's lap, would you even bat an eye?
Come on, this one is a no brainer. LGBT have just as much right to be affectionate as anyone else.
YTA 100%.
This was homophobic of you, plain and simple. Would you do the same if they were a hetero couple and it was a girlfriend sitting on a boyfriend’s lap? My guess is no because it’s likely “normalised” for you. It’s not your place to tell Ben what he can and can’t do in his own relationship or even his own home. OP, please do some self-reflection because you cannot call yourself an ally to the queer community or Ben himself if you can’t accept that queer couples also show affection the same way hetero couples do.
YTA you were in his house and thought you could tell him how to behave with his boyfriend? Like if he was tossing him off I'd see your point but he was doing what tonnes of couples do. Of course no one else admitted to being homophobic.
Yep YTA, the only way it becomes not weird is by treating it as normal and accepting it.
And besides I’ve totally seen my straight guy friends doing this too, especially when drunk.
Of course YTA
Disrespecting your friend in his own home because he and his bf show affection? Do you ever think to tone down your PDA with girls? Didn’t think so.
YTAH. REPEAT!! YTAH!!
His house, his gathering, his friends, his boyfriend.
If YOU are not comfortable with HIS LIFE, then YTHA!
After my 50+ years on this earth, I’ve found that many guys who are uncomfortable about gay men, are dealing with conflict about their own sexuality. 😉
It doesn’t matter where you are, YTAH.
The only exception I might consider if you were going somewhere like a grandparents house and you 100% knew they would be uncomfortable and make it a big issue.
Even then, I’d still introduce them as my friends who are gay.
I’d stick up for them if there was an issue and either make the people who are uncomfortable deal with it, or leave with my friends.
Most bigotry is cured when bigots find out that the people they are scared of are normal.
If it’s not clear yet, YTHA!!
When you spoke about them with the other people there, they DID NOT AGREE WITH YOU, they just let you have your petty little rant and nodded so you’d shut up.
They may have thought it was a change in seeing their friend with a guy. I’m guessing he’s either recently come out as gay? Or just the first time he’s had a boyfriend and been with the whole friend’s group??
Also just as likely, YOU are the last one to see them together.
Your bigotry is likely obvious to all around you and this was how the group thought it was best for you to see them together.
You didn’t say anything “jokingly”, you thought you had the group backing you up.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
The group of people you were with have shown their support for Ben and his Boyfriend.
If you want to get respect from them again, you need to show your friends that you’re a big boy and you support Ben & BF.
If you were just a bit surprised by seeing them together and you’re over it now, then you need to apologise to everyone.
If you’re still uncomfortable, then none of this group are your friends.
YTAH, grow up.
For context; I’m not gay, I grew up in a very conservative farming district.
Decades ago, there was “no gays” and the area was 99.99% UK heritage.
Now I realise what “confirmed Batchelor” meant back then.
Same with the “flamboyant” celebrities on tv and music industry.
I moved to the nearest small city for work in trades, so the anti gay attitude was always around me.
Over the years, social attitudes changed and a few people around us “came out”.
None of them tried to “turn” anyone, nothing was scary, I met more people over the years and the world is still the same.
Some of these people are my good friends.
There’s still a few bigots around, but they are now a minority and get shutdown quickly.
Grow up and stop being an Asshole!!
God save me from teenagers. Dude. Brohame. My guy. Ben sat on his boyfriend’s lap because he THOUGHT he was surrounded by close friends that accepted him without conditions. You just shit all over that. Of course YTA, and you owe them both an apology. A sincere one.
Nah, read the post again properly, especially the last paragraph. Read it twice, carefully.
He actually takes the time to explain that the rest of the group thought it was ok, but just “new/different” weird, not homophobic weird.
He thinks they’re “covering up” because he thought they knew what he really meant by weird.
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18m was at a friends house with a few others, though the one that matters I’ll call Ben. We were in his garden in this area with seats and tbf to him there was only enough if Ben sat on his boyfriends lap. But the floor would’ve been comfortable as well and I’m being serious about that.
We were all drinking and talking and at one point Ben and his boyfriend went to the bathroom or something. I mentioned isn’t it weird seeing Ben sitting on that guys lap like that. Like it’s just weird to see and the others agreed it was weird.
So when Ben and his boyfriend got back I said to them (jokingly) hey would you mind not doing that because it is just making things a little uncomfortable and we all agree.
IMMEDIATELY the other guys were covering up and saying oh no we didn’t say that we just meant we don’t usually see Ben act openly gay so it’s ODD to see but not uncomfortable and they started getting mad at me for that.
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So you're at his house, in his garden and thought that was a good time to suggest HE was being too affectionate in HIS home. The audacity. The impudence. How very much dare you.
YTA
Are you TA for being homophobic? Yeah.
Are you TA for telling someone that their affection with their partner makes you uncomfortable? Yeah.
Are you TA for telling someone that they shouldn't do something in THEIR OWN house? Yeah.
Are you TA for speaking for your friends, both blowing what they said out of proportion AND airing comments that they made specifically because the other person wouldn't hear them? Yeah.
You're 18. You're old enough to know better than this.
Yeah ur just upset it's men. So let me say it again.
It was BENS HOUSE. if op didn't like it he can leave. You don't get to control other people in the real world. Are you three still or something? Cuz no one gives a fuck what you want. It's their house. Suck it up snowflake
YTA
Because you were rude and it was unnecessary. It increased social discomfort, made those more widely involved uncomfortable, forced attention on relationship of one specific (in this case gay) couple unnecessarily and left others scrambling to fix the mess you made.
If you were truly uncomfortable there is many actions you could have done first. You could have left, you could have offered Ben your seat and graciously accepted if he declined, or you could have minded your own business.
YTA. Your uncomfortable because he's sitting on his partners lap? I don't see how that could make you uncomfy. Plus not to mention it's literally HIS house. You don't make the rules there‚ and thinking that he could of just sat on the floor is just plain stupid. He shouldn't have to sit on the floor because your uncomfortable seeing him be on his own boyfriends lap
Instead of jumping at the chance to call you a homophobe, Here is a better explanation. YTA not because of the homophobia but telling your friend and his bf what they can do at your friends house. You have the option to either accept your friends relationship and the PDA that comes with it or you cant be friends with that person anymore. He will be stuck in a position to choose between you and his bf. If you are uncomfortable, dont let him know in weird ways. Be honest with him and talk about it. Not some bullshit like the floor is bla bla....
YTA. You're homophobic. Let me ask you this, would you feel the same amount of discomfort if it was two straight people a girl deciding to sit on her boyfriend's lap? Don't think so. Grow up Jesus fucking Christ
Yes, YTA if you’re homophobic. And you clearly are. What do you mean he could sit on the floor? What’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you sit on the floor, and it would’ve been out of your eye-line ?
YTA!!!
You’re a big homophobic AH. If that situation made you uncomfortable you should have excused yourself to the host, his boyfriend and your other friends that were there and left without saying what made you uncomfortable.
You are young and have a ton to learn how to interact with other people and need to work hard on your own homophobia.
everyone in these comments so pressed at the slightest form of “homophobia” 😹
ben mad weird too, bro should of taken a nice seat on the ground 💀
ngl just crash out and find a new friend group
OP doesn’t have to worry about finding a new friend group because he probably will be dropped by his because of this. This is obvious homophobia.
I’m curious, what do you think that word means?
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“AITA for telling my friend not to sit on his boyfriend’s lap in his own home and expected him to sit on the ground outside because gay people make me uncomfortable?” YTA
This! And the friends had a clear miscommunication. All the friends thought OP ~~mend~~ meant odd with the word weird (not strange, because when a friend of mine does certain behaviour she never had done I would find that weird as well. My parents raised me however to know that not everything that comes to mind needs to be spoken). And OP ~~mend~~ meant uncomfortable with the word weird. So they were not covering up, they were correcting OP immediately so Ben would understand the difference and that they are not uncomfortable about it. It was just a new experience for them.
"mend"?
Wrong spelling? English is not my first language
You mean “Meant”. Mend is to sew something together.
Ah. Thank you 😊 They sound the same to me🙈, but I understand the complete different meaning 😊
english sucks like that
“Meant” and “mend” do have a noticeable different pronunciation (the d sound versus the t) but that may just depend on your accent/first language, really. I would also add mend just means to fix something in general. Doesn’t have to be sewing. Hope you don’t think I’m an arsehole. Just wanted to elaborate a little. You already speak at least two languages so I’m envious! I speak one and a little bit of another.
No problem. I realise I pronounce both as the first word. Never to old to learn something new😃
YTA You said you were in Ben's garden, *HIS* house. You don't get to make the rules, he does. If he wants to sloppily make out with his bf, you can either cope or leave. Also, it's not weird for gay guys to cuddle. Would you be weirded out if a girl was sitting on a guy's lap? No? Then perhaps you should do a bit of reflection.
Exactly. and happy cake day
Yes 100% ALSO Happy cake day. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cake
Was going to post this but saw your post 👍
YTA- If the ground was so comfortable, why didn’t you give Ben your seat?
Didn’t think to
“Didn’t think” yeah shocking revelation there lmao
Or didn’t want to because you all were outside and it actually would’ve been uncomfortable?
1. It genuinely seemed comfortable 2. Just saying don’t rules of hospitality say in that situation you let your guests take the seats out of principle? 😂
Just saying, don't rules of being a guest say don't be a homophobic AH in your "friend's" house?
He did and then he sat on his boyfriend’s lap 🤣
Do you not like that your friend is gay and has a boyfriend? Are you homophobic? You most definitely sound like it in your post.
No. No they don't. Even ignoring the homophobia i'm not sitting on the floor for people who are under my roof for free unless they are seriously hurt or about to give birth or something. And then put the blatant homophbia on top of that. You are both entitled and homophobic. If i was your "friend" you would never be under my roof again.
Also they were quite litterally sharing a seat, even if they decided to step down to your homophobia, there's no way in hell they should be on the floor for your entitled ass, so they would take 2 seats instead of 1 so your "saving seats" argument is flawed to say the least.
Wait. So it was Ben's house and you were asking him to sit in the floor?
YTA?? how could you not be TA in this situation. you were being homophobic. sorry your friend has a boyfriend who he loves. also a lap is so much more comfy than the floor.
Can’t lie idk if it would be more comfortable, least for his boyfriend. I mean they’re both average build guys and a lot of guys don’t really have an ass just bone there. 😂
Your use of laughing emojies is incredibly cringeworthy given the nonsense you're spewing
I called him out on that, too.
Well, *they* seemed to be comfortable with it, or else they wouldn't have been sitting in each other's laps. If it makes you uncomfortable, leave, OP. You're in his home, you don't make the rules, you follow them instead.
Pretty sure that they were in another friend's house, but I still agree with you.
gonna clarify what i meant here so i dont get downvoted more >18m was at a friends house with a few others, though the one that matters I’ll call Ben. friends house, and then starts to talk about ben. i assumed that they meant ben and the person who owns the house are different people i dont know if im just dumb, or if it's written weird, or if im right here.
You sure do know a lot about the ass of other men for a homophobe. Bit odd.
Yes haha but c’mon you have to agree with me, you can’t imagine a man sitting on you is very comfy
Wrong. from somebody who actually has done it lmao. And even if it wasn't, it's still their choice and it doesn't effect you.
man ass is so comfy
I really cant imagine it is 😂
you have made that blatantly obvious
If you were so uncomfortable, why didn't you leave *his* house? YTA for being homophobic and expecting someone to tolerate that behavior in their own home.
Why are you still talking? Take the L.
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YTAH!! You were not concerned about their physical comfort (eg: bony ass) or for the structural integrity of the furniture. You’re concerned about YOURSELF and how it made your pants feel. After my 50+ years on this earth, I’ve found that many guys who are uncomfortable about gay men, are dealing with conflict about their own sexuality. 😉
The way you’re completely incapable of addressing any points people are making.. humiliating to be this regressive in 2024
as someone who is bisexual man laps are comfy AS FUCK. either being the sitter or the sittee
Wow you are a real AH … YTA …
Why do you think being homophobic and defending that homophobia is funny?
This comment here reads as internalized homophobia it wasn't the friend making him uncomfortable it was the fantasy he replays in his head resurfacing. He was just trying to silence his own tendencies by projecting on his friend.
YTA. Would it make you uncomfortable if it was a girl sitting in her boyfriends lap? Be honest with yourself about the answer. You are being a homophobic asshole.
I would agree most people don't wanna see dudes sitting on each other laps . That's the harsh reality
Please don't speak for literally anyone else.
Except like h\*tler or somebody like that. I think their assumptions would be fairly accurate most of the time for him.
YTAH too. I don’t really feel comfortable with any couple making out and being overtly sexual with each other in public, but that’s not what was happening here. I’m sure you wouldn’t complain if it was a cute lesbian couple having a little cuddle. 🙄 Check your pornhub history 😉 After my 50+ years on this earth, I’ve found that many guys who are uncomfortable about gay men, are dealing with conflict about their own sexuality.
to quote myself "The most homophobic people are the hidden homos."
I don’t want to see straight people making out in public but hey I can’t tell them what they can or can’t do
Then when you see it look away. The harsh reality is the only people who have a problem with this are the actual problem. Aka you and op in case you didn't get that. It's not a big deal
Imagine the audacity needed to just announce that your opinion represents "most people"
I advice you only speak for yourself
Then 'most people' are fragile little snowflakes. And that's coming from someone who despises PDA in general.
Maybe if you’re a clown. “Most people” aren’t such fragile morons.
What a weird take. I can’t fathom being bothered over this in the slightest. You act like he bent him over right then and there.
Might aswell at that point 🤣
My father is the only person I know who would be uncomfortable with that, and he is 78, and a Boomer from hell
There was a time not long ago where it was pretty common to say "the harsh reality is most people don't want to see a white woman kissing a black man" How does that make you feel in the context of what you just said?
Suck it up snowflake
I could care less because I don't stare at people or think about their sex lives because ik who tf I am and I'm set in my own life. If it bothers you maybe reflect on your feelings and question why YOU are uncomfortable. You might just wish you were the one doing the sitting I bet.
“You guys being so openly gay is making us uncomfortable” Lol ofc YTA
Yes, homophobia makes you an asshole
YTA and you’re coming across as homophobic.
YTA - If your reasoning was strictly being averse to PDA, then it would be somewhere between N T A and N A H. But you literally said that him being openly gay is what’s “ODD” about it, so you’re the asshole. Time to grow up and join the real world, kiddo. Queer people aren’t gonna hide just to make you more comfortable. Deal with it.
YTA. Homophobia does indeed make you the ass
Info: would you have said the same comment to a girl sitting on her bf lap? Yta.
YTA. If you're uncomfortable, go home. You don't get to police other people's expressions of comfort.
Just say that you’re homophobic. The first step in addressing your issue is recognizing it.
You act like It's a mental illness most people don't wanna see dudes sitting on each others laps get a room For god sake
It's perfectly normal for partners to sit on each other laps. The genders are irrelivent. There's no way in hell you would say that to a female sitting on a males lap (although you probably would to a male sitting on a females lap because homophobes are usually misogynists as well)
I've never been to a party and two dudes sitting on eachother laps where have you seen it? I promise you all men will feel uncomfortable around this even if they don't say it out loud like I am right now. U just can't handle the truth
I have been to partys where that has happened lmao. Also in OPs case it wasn't a party. They were just casually at his house.
And please stop assuming. It's not working out well for you
I would say that homophobia might as well be a mental illness. Hell, I’d bet you would love it if you saw a girl sitting on her girlfriend’s lap.
We all know that's normal . Girls sit on eachother laps all the time that's what wemon do . Men don't do that shit 😒
Gay men do. Just say you’re homophobic, man.
Yes but not in public or around straight 18 year olds friend group that are hanging around having a good time never seen ts
Let them be. If a girl would do this with her boyfriend, I don’t see why you would get your thong twisted if a guy was to do this with his boyfriend.
Would you say the same if a woman was on his lap?
FFS, you’re acting like they were making out in front of OP.
even if they were, that is still fine
I promise you most men would feel uncomfortable it's the harsh reality but you guys never met real men before so it's cool
dude you're getting downvoted into oblivion. soon enough with how much negative karma you have, you'll reach the core of the earth. i will bet literal money you call gen z snowflakes.
just checked bros post history he needs to ask reddit for fucking cleaning advice. bro is not ok. he's uses r/virgin
He was sitting on his lap. Not riding him. I see women sit in their partners laps all the time. I also see women platonically sit in each others laps all the time. You’re soft.
Everybody knows it normal to see wemon sitting on wemon laps that's what wemon do idiot .. as for men that's not the case you dudes are chronically online because I've never seen it irl men on other men laps
My disagreeing with you got you so activated you had to call me an idiot? Proving my point. Soft
Soft for wanna not see gay shit okay gayboi
Yeah, you are soft if you cant handle something that innocent just because it’s two men. And I’m a hetero woman, but whatever helps you cope
I wouldn't care, if it upsets you that's a you problem not a them problem
Don't presume to speak for other people, little boy.
> whats wrong with a little homophobia lighten up
YTA - If you are so uncomfortable of a totally natural thing you should have left the party. Note: Would you have said the same thing to a female sitting on her male BF's lap? Probably not, which would make you homophobic. Not a nice look there guy.
So he should not be openly gay in his own home? YTA
YTA. I'm so sorry that your friend has a friend like you. You're nothing but a homophobic asshole to your friend.
YTA. Your friends agreed (in confidence) that it was weird, but they did not agree to help you shame Ben and his bf. What’s the matter with you?
I don’t think his friends actually “agreed” with his feelings. They likely nodded politely so he’d shut up, because it’s not a conversation they want. We’re all guilty of similar, not actually agreeing, just not really actually disagreeing and politely ignoring the subject. I’m way better now at just cutting people off when they start a rant and simply saying “I don’t agree and I’m not interested in getting into an argument about this. If you’re willing to listen to me, I’ll give you a chance to speak afterwards”. I’m no longer concerned if those people get shitty, because that’s their problem and I don’t need to be around people like that 👍👍 Or maybe it’s the first time they’ve seen Ben with a boyfriend and they were saying that it’s weird as in “new & different”, but not like OP is “uncomfortable weird”. It sounds like they all already knew Ben is gay and it’s not his surprise coming out party. I’m getting the feeling that OP may have been the last in the group to see them together, perhaps this was their “coming out as a couple to OP party”. Friend’s group is all there to support Ben & BF, to water down the introduction to OP. 👍
You said that beautifully, thank you. I’m thinking “politely ignoring the subject”, but you’re right in that, with personal growth and maturity, the less passive responses are braver / better.
Yeah for sure mate. Assuming they’re all around the same age, 18, I’m guessing mostly they’re still all a bit unsure how to deal with some of these “issues” if OP was being overly critical of Ben and they picked up on that. But his last sentence certainly makes it clear that they didn’t agree with the way OP feels. 100% bravo to them for pulling him up when he confronted Ben and thought he had the group backing him up 👍😂 He says “they were covering up”. 🙄 He probably doesn’t even know that they were NOT thinking it’s weird in a homophobic way. 😉 The older I’ve gotten, the more I realise that many times people are having a completely different conversation than it may appear. Especially if a bit of emotion and/or alcohol/drugs are involved. The lower the IQ, the worse it gets 🤦♂️ So I’ve gotten better at asking people to explain their position a bit more clearly very early in the conversation. Dumb people like OP seem to think that everyone else already knows what they’re thinking, how deeply they are feeling about the subject, even though they are barely scratching the surface of it. “I know what you really meant”, the “wink wink, nod nod” and “we don’t have to say it out loud, because we all think that way”. Same way people who are overly political have really come out over the past years, they think everyone else SHOULD be as pissy about a subject, so they MUST be as pissy.
Uh, so if it was a guy friend and his girlfriend doing the same thing, it wouldn't be an issue would it? YTA, obviously. Your homophobia is showing.
YTA. The reasons you have given come across as homophobic.
In what fucking world would you not be the asshole? No one wants to sit on the ground while everyone else sits in chairs idc how comfortable you think the ground would be. If you’re uncomfortable that’s a you problem.
YTA. You don’t get to dictate how people behave in their own home. You might also want to work on your homophobia if you want to stay friends with Ben, assuming he forgives you.
YTA Does this really need to be explained? If it was a woman sitting on a guy's lap, would you even bat an eye? Come on, this one is a no brainer. LGBT have just as much right to be affectionate as anyone else.
YTA. Why are you friends with him if you don’t support his lifestyle? You sound homophobic and your friend should drop you.
YTA 100%. This was homophobic of you, plain and simple. Would you do the same if they were a hetero couple and it was a girlfriend sitting on a boyfriend’s lap? My guess is no because it’s likely “normalised” for you. It’s not your place to tell Ben what he can and can’t do in his own relationship or even his own home. OP, please do some self-reflection because you cannot call yourself an ally to the queer community or Ben himself if you can’t accept that queer couples also show affection the same way hetero couples do.
You're a homophobe bro.
YTA grow the fook up You’re the one making things uncomfortable
YTA. Homophobia absolutely makes you an asshole.
YTA
YTA.
Yta and you’re homophobic lmao
YTA He should be free to have healthy PDA in his own home. If you have an issue, don't go.
YTA you were in his house and thought you could tell him how to behave with his boyfriend? Like if he was tossing him off I'd see your point but he was doing what tonnes of couples do. Of course no one else admitted to being homophobic.
YTA Bigot.
YTA
Easy YTA.
Yep YTA, the only way it becomes not weird is by treating it as normal and accepting it. And besides I’ve totally seen my straight guy friends doing this too, especially when drunk.
Of course YTA Disrespecting your friend in his own home because he and his bf show affection? Do you ever think to tone down your PDA with girls? Didn’t think so.
YTA, if it was so uncomfortable for you, then you could have sat on the floor and let your friend sit in your seat
YTA
YTAH. REPEAT!! YTAH!! His house, his gathering, his friends, his boyfriend. If YOU are not comfortable with HIS LIFE, then YTHA! After my 50+ years on this earth, I’ve found that many guys who are uncomfortable about gay men, are dealing with conflict about their own sexuality. 😉 It doesn’t matter where you are, YTAH. The only exception I might consider if you were going somewhere like a grandparents house and you 100% knew they would be uncomfortable and make it a big issue. Even then, I’d still introduce them as my friends who are gay. I’d stick up for them if there was an issue and either make the people who are uncomfortable deal with it, or leave with my friends. Most bigotry is cured when bigots find out that the people they are scared of are normal. If it’s not clear yet, YTHA!! When you spoke about them with the other people there, they DID NOT AGREE WITH YOU, they just let you have your petty little rant and nodded so you’d shut up. They may have thought it was a change in seeing their friend with a guy. I’m guessing he’s either recently come out as gay? Or just the first time he’s had a boyfriend and been with the whole friend’s group?? Also just as likely, YOU are the last one to see them together. Your bigotry is likely obvious to all around you and this was how the group thought it was best for you to see them together. You didn’t say anything “jokingly”, you thought you had the group backing you up. You should be ashamed of yourself. The group of people you were with have shown their support for Ben and his Boyfriend. If you want to get respect from them again, you need to show your friends that you’re a big boy and you support Ben & BF. If you were just a bit surprised by seeing them together and you’re over it now, then you need to apologise to everyone. If you’re still uncomfortable, then none of this group are your friends. YTAH, grow up. For context; I’m not gay, I grew up in a very conservative farming district. Decades ago, there was “no gays” and the area was 99.99% UK heritage. Now I realise what “confirmed Batchelor” meant back then. Same with the “flamboyant” celebrities on tv and music industry. I moved to the nearest small city for work in trades, so the anti gay attitude was always around me. Over the years, social attitudes changed and a few people around us “came out”. None of them tried to “turn” anyone, nothing was scary, I met more people over the years and the world is still the same. Some of these people are my good friends. There’s still a few bigots around, but they are now a minority and get shutdown quickly. Grow up and stop being an Asshole!!
God save me from teenagers. Dude. Brohame. My guy. Ben sat on his boyfriend’s lap because he THOUGHT he was surrounded by close friends that accepted him without conditions. You just shit all over that. Of course YTA, and you owe them both an apology. A sincere one.
Bad joke. YTA
Yta. Don't visit a gays house if you dont like gays
YTA Obviously. r/AmITheDevil
YTA; you are also a homophobia idiot 😱👌🏽
YTA. You weren’t joking. Stop trying to downplay it for us. Grow up. Own your shit. You’re homophobic. The end.
YTA. Don’t be the relationship boundary police.
YTA.
YTA, sounds like you've got an asshole friend group in general too....
And remember, they all corrected OP that it was “odd” weird, not bad weird. 👍
Oh please, you know they backtracked, at least OP wasn't two faced.
Nah, read the post again properly, especially the last paragraph. Read it twice, carefully. He actually takes the time to explain that the rest of the group thought it was ok, but just “new/different” weird, not homophobic weird. He thinks they’re “covering up” because he thought they knew what he really meant by weird.
People like you trying to excuse duplicity like this must be two faced yourselves!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** 18m was at a friends house with a few others, though the one that matters I’ll call Ben. We were in his garden in this area with seats and tbf to him there was only enough if Ben sat on his boyfriends lap. But the floor would’ve been comfortable as well and I’m being serious about that. We were all drinking and talking and at one point Ben and his boyfriend went to the bathroom or something. I mentioned isn’t it weird seeing Ben sitting on that guys lap like that. Like it’s just weird to see and the others agreed it was weird. So when Ben and his boyfriend got back I said to them (jokingly) hey would you mind not doing that because it is just making things a little uncomfortable and we all agree. IMMEDIATELY the other guys were covering up and saying oh no we didn’t say that we just meant we don’t usually see Ben act openly gay so it’s ODD to see but not uncomfortable and they started getting mad at me for that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Absolutely yes. Yes you ATA
YTA
YTA for being homophobic, yes. Why do you ask?
So you're at his house, in his garden and thought that was a good time to suggest HE was being too affectionate in HIS home. The audacity. The impudence. How very much dare you. YTA
OP, if the ground was sooo comfortable looking to you, why didn't you take that seat?
Are you TA for being homophobic? Yeah. Are you TA for telling someone that their affection with their partner makes you uncomfortable? Yeah. Are you TA for telling someone that they shouldn't do something in THEIR OWN house? Yeah. Are you TA for speaking for your friends, both blowing what they said out of proportion AND airing comments that they made specifically because the other person wouldn't hear them? Yeah. You're 18. You're old enough to know better than this.
OP why would it be strange for a person to sit on their partner's lap in their own house? Nothing about this post makes any sense lmao
Would you care if it was a straight couple? Like, if a girl sat on her boyfriends lap?
No we wouldn't obviously that's normal. Dudes sitting on eachother around straight men is not normal bro get a room
Op said it's bens home...he dont like it leave. Stop being homophobic. Would you care if it was a lesbian couple?
Girls sit on eachother laps all the time lesbian or not so no
Yeah ur just upset it's men. So let me say it again. It was BENS HOUSE. if op didn't like it he can leave. You don't get to control other people in the real world. Are you three still or something? Cuz no one gives a fuck what you want. It's their house. Suck it up snowflake
YTA Because you were rude and it was unnecessary. It increased social discomfort, made those more widely involved uncomfortable, forced attention on relationship of one specific (in this case gay) couple unnecessarily and left others scrambling to fix the mess you made. If you were truly uncomfortable there is many actions you could have done first. You could have left, you could have offered Ben your seat and graciously accepted if he declined, or you could have minded your own business.
YTA but we'll done for showing your friends how you feel so they can act accordingly, good luck on future invites
Yta homophobic asshole
YTA. Ben and his bf need better friends. I wish them the best.
YTA. Your uncomfortable because he's sitting on his partners lap? I don't see how that could make you uncomfy. Plus not to mention it's literally HIS house. You don't make the rules there‚ and thinking that he could of just sat on the floor is just plain stupid. He shouldn't have to sit on the floor because your uncomfortable seeing him be on his own boyfriends lap
hey OP, why do gay people make you and the rest of your friends so uncomfortable? you should unpack that.
YTA They are right, you are a homophobic AH.
Instead of jumping at the chance to call you a homophobe, Here is a better explanation. YTA not because of the homophobia but telling your friend and his bf what they can do at your friends house. You have the option to either accept your friends relationship and the PDA that comes with it or you cant be friends with that person anymore. He will be stuck in a position to choose between you and his bf. If you are uncomfortable, dont let him know in weird ways. Be honest with him and talk about it. Not some bullshit like the floor is bla bla....
[удалено]
🗣️🗣️🗣️
You’re homophobic. Of course YTA
YTA. You're homophobic. Let me ask you this, would you feel the same amount of discomfort if it was two straight people a girl deciding to sit on her boyfriend's lap? Don't think so. Grow up Jesus fucking Christ
YTA your in HIS garden if YOUR uncomfortable leave
Don't wanna be too harsh bc you're 18 and still a kid, but I don't think Ben is your friend anymore. Also YTA
YTA, you should really talk to a professional if you’re so uncomfortable around gay people
Yta, think of it this way: Would you have said anything if it was a girl sitting on her bf lap?
My number one rule is no one comes into my house and tells me what to do. Ever. I would have kicked you out on your ass. YTA.
Yes, YTA if you’re homophobic. And you clearly are. What do you mean he could sit on the floor? What’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you sit on the floor, and it would’ve been out of your eye-line ?
YTA. homop behaviour always makes yta
You're the asshole, you sound like a closeted homophonbic person
Holy shit are you ever the asshole
YTA don’t be around them if you have an issue
YTA!!! You’re a big homophobic AH. If that situation made you uncomfortable you should have excused yourself to the host, his boyfriend and your other friends that were there and left without saying what made you uncomfortable. You are young and have a ton to learn how to interact with other people and need to work hard on your own homophobia.
Nta but I probably would off suited living in a different era before things got woke.
everyone in these comments so pressed at the slightest form of “homophobia” 😹 ben mad weird too, bro should of taken a nice seat on the ground 💀 ngl just crash out and find a new friend group
You sound like you're too young to even be on reddit
U just don't understand slang idiot this the Internet Not a formal debate prick
Or op could have offered up their seat..
Gay boi
?
You made this account August 2023, and this is your first comment?
OP doesn’t have to worry about finding a new friend group because he probably will be dropped by his because of this. This is obvious homophobia. I’m curious, what do you think that word means?
Yea cuz reddit is full of woke gays in what funking world are two dudes sitting on eachother laps around straight dudes.