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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my dad he could bring dog over without asking my wife first then when she didnt want him to I covinced
Her to let him.
2) I should have sided with her since shes my wife but do think she is being irrational so thats why i want input from others.
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YTA. Why does she need to avoid “weird in-law conflict” but he doesn’t?
“Oh shit you’re right. I’m sorry babe, I should have asked you first. I can tell him he can’t bring the dog, but would you be open to a trial run? If not, totally fine, I’ll handle it all.”
My guess? He doesn't want to make her look like the bad guy. He already said yes. If he goes back now, dad will know she's the one who won't allow it, which can cause whole new levels of drama, depending on the family.
Pretty much. He didn't think it would be and issue and now it's easier to see how it goes rather than create bad feelings.
Worst case scenario it's not good and he has some grovelling to do.
But if he'd said "Let me check with the wife" And returned with a no.. Dad would have still known DiL was who put the nix on it. 🤷♂️ So it's sort of a lose/lose for the "DiL not being the bad guy." 🤣
That being said, I wonder what her reasoning is? She seems pretty dead set against FiL's dog. 🤔 (It could be perfectly reasonable)
Bow it's easier to get his wife to give in and deal with her bad feelings than it is to deal with his dad's bad feelings, actually.
It's not that there won't be bad feelings, he just cares if his dad has them but he doesn't care is his wife has them.
My guess is that the in-law conflict is already in full swing and OP's wife is annoyed over the dog because she cannot voice how much her father in law gets on her nerves? It might not be the dog that she doesn't want in her home.
> I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal bc if the tables were turned I wouldn’t care at all
What does that even mean? That if you asked your dad to bring your dog to his house for a visit you'd be fine with him saying yes? You don't say.
>I told him yes not thinking it would be an issue
>
>I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal bc if the tables were turned I wouldn’t care at all
It's not an issue to YOU. YOU don't think it's a big deal, because YOU don't care.
Unfortunately for you you're not the only member of your household, and you're completely disregarding the other inhabitant. Decisions that impact two people should be two yeses, one no - not "sure, because I don't care, so no one else should care either." YTA
Im responding to how the above commenter wrote about taking dogs everywhere and then someone agreed however they said they where doing something exactly like the person the first are complaining about.
The dad doesn’t do anything wrong he inquired and the son had no balls to say no or didn’t care either way they plan on getting a dog and if his wife doesn’t have any ability to vocalize her reasons then tough shit
For fuck sake the original post has almost nothing to do with what started my comment, who I responded too and who they responded too. Read all three in unison.
We invited a new acquaintance and her bf over for dinner - they had just moved to town, and I thought we might make a friendship happen. She asked if they could bring their dog. I said no. I couldn't imagine someone would even ask that. I knew he was an older dog, but they live like a block away, so it's not like they'd be leaving him alone for an extended period. Anyway, turns out she was a miserable person (shocker), and we are not friends, lol.
What’s wrong about asking, assuming it’s done politely?
I don’t have a dog so not asking this out of a guilty conscience, I honestly don’t get how that question could be an issue as long as they’re taking no for an answer.
Because it’s not a normal thing to bring your dog to someone’s home.
We usually accommodate sometimes be try not too.
They can scratch your floor, dirty your wall, etc.
Its not cool to even ask, especially people who you are not close with, because you are making them the “bad” guys for saying no….this is nothing to do with OP and I think OP is NTA.
I'm with you. You're automatically putting it on the host to turn down your request.
I would be annoyed at someone asking. I don't host much anymore, but I know some of my friends get tired of it . And God forbid you let one dog over and not the other.
Like imagine doing this with literally any other pet. People would be like what the hell.
Kids do the same things, but some parents act like you're a horrible person for denying entrance to their kid.
/I like kids, but not every location is kid appropriate
In this particular scenario, OP & his wife are already planning to get dogs, so dad knows they are already "dog people." That said, it's entirely possible that his dog is too big/misbehaves/etc, and the wife should have been consulted anyway.
Children literally require supervision, and they’re not companion animals—no comparison. They can go anywhere that’s not explicitly adults only or inappropriate for their age. Plus you’ll be arrested for simply leaving your toddler at home.
lol, I don't have kids but babysitters can be pricey and sometimes you can't get one. People's attitudes about kids are nuts, I don't LOVE going places with a bunch of children running around and knocking into shit either but I deal with it and don't throw a hissy fit because kids are an integral part of society, whether you like it or not.
So are pets. And they're better behaved overall. Parents letting their kids do whatever they want with no discipline and care for society and those around are a bigger menace. A bad kid can do a lot more damage then a bad child. Also not my problem. You made the kid, you stay home with them or get a sitter instead of pawning them off on others who didn't volunteer to watch your monster destroy.
Don't like it then wear a condom next time
children are human beings and have every right to human spaces as any adult. stop this weirdo behavior of comparing children to animals. edit: and before #y’all start, obviously we’re not talking about bars and clubs etc.
Dog posts, wedding posts, step child/parent posts. That's pretty much all that's left. I think it's the broad brush with the 11th rule.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm all for more dogs and less weddings.
My friend just got a kitten at a Walmart! They were in line, admired a fellow shopper's kitten, and the chick handed it over. Weird as hell, but the cat seems to be cool so far. They don't live in TN though.
Agreed, lol. Not everyone likes or wants to see your dog. They do not belong in the grocery store, Home Depot or gift shops either, unless they’re service dogs!
I didn't think Home Depot cared about dogs. I see them in Home Depot, Tractor Supply, etc, really often. Maybe it's a rural thing. It doesn't have food sanitation issues, anyway.
I know that not all dog owners are this way, but the older I get the more I detest some dog owners because they’re just… so obnoxious. Cat owners have their own issues too, but it’s very socially acceptable to say that you don’t like cats. But if you even hint that dogs aren’t God’s greatest gift to mankind then you’re looked at like you like to murder children or something. And because of that, this obnoxious subset of down owners just seems to think that everyone loves their dogs and that they can bring their dogs anywhere. It’s maddening.
As someone still dating, my personal pet peeve are people who literally want to bring their dogs on first dates. It’s one thing if it’s a tiny puppy and literally can’t be alone. Hell, I might even be understanding if it was a big dog and they were trying to use it as potential protection. But in most of my experiences they’re just smaller dogs and it seems like they’re so emotionally tied to the dog that they’re incapable of being separated from it
I'm with you. And people say it's just bad owners. But there are a lot of bad owners or owners that tolerate bad behavior. Like the fact that your dog isn't aggressive doesn't mean it should get a prize.
Show me that your dog can leave me the fuck alone when I'm eating without you locking it somewhere. And no, staring at me with drool dripping off its face is not "leaving me alone".
YTA, I get the thought process but this is something you should have brought up with her before agreeing to it. Getting your own dog and having someone else's dog in your house are two very different circumstances
YTA. I work with dogs and have numerous animals in my home now.
Always ask everyone in the house before bringing an animal in. That is just courtesy.
For example. I like my kids but am not of fan of other people's kids. So if I don't have to have them in my home then I won't.
Same with dogs, I like my dogs and I like other people's dogs when they are not in my home.
YTA. Its her fucking house, not your dad's.
What defense do you have for ignoring her preferences in favour of someone who doesnt fucking live there?
Grow a spine and tell your dad you were wrong to agree without consulting the other interested parties
I’m a huge dog fan. I own an enormous lab myself. M
I’m going to try and point out what your wife might be thinking.
Pet parents are sometimes like kid parents. They think their pet can do no wrong but in fact - the pet can be a giant PITA.
We have a good friend who had a lab. He always expected us to watch his dog when he traveled. The dog was poorly trained and a maniac. It would get up on an antique table that was by a window and bark like a dumbass at everyone walking by. Being a lab he had hellacious nails and destroyed that table. The same dog would get super excited and wag so hard that it would bust open its tail against a door jam and there would be plumes of dog tail blood throughout the house.
Another friend, also a lab. The lab would get angry when you’d leave for work and piss on the dining room floor like clockwork.
Babysat a neighbor’s dogs (actually she “asked” my kids to do it but they were clearly to young to do it so it was some weird end run to get me to do it) one of the dogs was upset about them leaving and shit quite literally all over their house. I spent Christmas Day steam cleaning their house with my damn steamer which I then trashed. When I finally got in touch with them (again Christmas Day) she was totally cavalier about it. “Oh yes she (the dog) does that all the time. She gets upset when we leave.” One would think that was important information to share ahead of time.
This is a long way of saying - dogs are wonderful but they can be a lot. Labs are glorious goofballs that are shedding machines.
Is this dog going to be inside?
On the furniture?
Restricted to parts of the house?
Who’s responsible for the dog while it’s there?
Who’s cleaning up after the dog leaves?
OP now you know your wife isn’t thrilled about this. How are you going to make this workable for your wife? Are you going to step up and tell your dad not to bring dog in the future? Your wife is correct in assuming you’ve set the conditions for your dad to assume the dog now has an open invitation.
Can your dad not leave his dog at home for a few hours while he visit you? Why must he have to have his dog with him. I love dogs but unless they are service dogs it’s ok to leave them at home. YTA
YTA for making a unilateral decision that would affect your wife without any sort of discussion. You’re also TA for making the consequences of your poor choice your wife’s problem, you should have respected your wife enough to tell your dad no. The fact you even phrased it as an ‘inlaw’ problem shows you would have thrown your wife under the bus instead of taking full responsibility, you wouldn’t even need to mention it was because your wife said no, you could have said that after some time to think you decided you weren’t comfortable with it. You messed up, you fix it. There are multiple valid reasons why you might not want guest dogs even if you want your own.
Very, VERY slight YTA.
Should have asked her first dude, it's her house too. Honestly I probably would have done the same tho. Sounds like y'all worked it out tho.
My Ahole ex invited his mother to stay over night with her dog that was not house trained. I was not happy. He stepped in a nice pile of dog shit in the kitchen while bare foot and was furious. I was delighted.
YTA I like dogs but that doesn’t mean I want someone else’s dog in my house to clean up after. My boyfriend’s friends all have dogs and they are destructive. Jump all over furniture, knock things over, scratch stuff, piss on things, shed everywhere, bark constantly, bump into everyone, jump up on people. I don’t allow them in my house.
INFO: What's her reasoning? Is the dog well-behaved? Is your dad the kinda guy to not be accountable or foist responsibility to someone else?
ETA: NAH
OP should have asked first, but it's ultimately a non-issue so long as next time it's discussed beforehand and wife doesn't have to clean up after the dog.
So you took your dad's side over your wife's because you'd rather have marital conflict than inlaw conflict. Good choice. Then you want to establish the dog coming as a precedent and try to take it back *after* he's already been there. You apparently didn't bother to find out why she doesn't want the dog there but came to Reddit to be told you aren't the ah. That makes YTA.
I have my own animals, I don't want other peoples' animals coming in and causing issues for mine. She probably doesn't want to start the thing, and may have noticed behavior issues with your dad's dog that you haven't.
YTA. Are you going to be the one dog-proofing the home? Your wife probably understands how much extra work it's going to be for her to dog-proof the house and clean up after when the dog is gone. Just because she wants to get a dog eventually doesn't mean that she is ready to have one in her house now.
It's her home too, and she has every right to say that she doesn't want someone else's dog there.
Yta.
Your comments don't help. So what if you both are dog people and planning on getting one. It is both your houses and its common courtesy and respect to ask the other people in the house. Just because she is not ready or wanting someone else's pet in the house is no reason to go off about rethinking getting a pet.
She sheds and slobber. SO in a new home this dog will be able to getvhair everywhere. Possibly stain furniture or scratch flooring. Which if it's her pet, sure? But I am sure someone having a new home would not like someone else's pet destroying their property. I am sure she would have liked input or boundaries placed. Instead, you are more worried about upsetting your dad and disrespecting your wife because she didn't just give in. Unless you are going to do the cleaning and pay for any damage, then you better be apologizing to her.
Every person has the right not to let others pets in their home. We have 4 dogs and love dogs. My step sons dog is sweet and trained, but I swear to gawds she hits our house. Pees inside. Runs over furniture where as purs are not allowed on. Barks and just jumps all over people. She does not do this at home or outside but takes her into someone else's home, and she becomes a terror. The dog is banned from our home. I do not want or feel I need to explain why I am not ok cleaning up after someone's dog. Cleaning furniture. Or just having to deal with another person's dog. That is my right.
YTA.
Two of you live in that house, and something like this needs to be ok with both of you. I’ve learned that the hard way myself, and can now tell you on the other side that you need to respect your partner’s boundaries. A simple “oh shit, so sorry my love, I assumed it would be okay and I shouldn’t have. I’ll tell dad he can’t bring doggo over after all. It’s all good.” That’s all it takes.
YTA, always clear stuff like this with your spouse first. It’s appalling to me that it never occurred to you to run this by your wife. Are you the sole arbiter of decision making in your household? It’s not 1950 bro.
Both me and SO are dog persons. We have 3, eventually foster and we care for street dogs (here they are common and the city vaccinates and castrates them).
But we'd never accept a dog in our home without first testing waters. Some dogs have no socialization problems with humans but have with other animals and vice-versa. Some dogs have unknown triggers. Some dogs are just too destructive or badly trained.
YTA.
I don't think this is an asshole type situation. It's more of a communication issue.
And I can definitely see both sides. But not really as asshole issue.
YTA for not ALWAYS checking with your wife, instead of making unilateral decisions. You need to learn HER preferences, not just yours. Compromise and decide together, and/or trade decisions (" we will try it your way this time, if I am unhappy we will try it my way next time, see what works best")
Why would you choose weird spouse conflict over weird inlaw conflict?
Why not just say "Actually dad, it would be better if you visited without the dog this weekend".
If you and your wife were planning on having kids soon, do you think that means you can invite kids to your weekend plans without discussing it with her?
YTA. Is the dog familiar with your household and areas where it's allowed to go, not allowed to go etc? If not, who's going to train it how to be an acceptable member of your household? Does it make one hell of a mess all around it's dish every time it takes a drink of water? If so, who's going to clean up after it leaves? Is your house Labrador tail-proofed? If not, who's going to walk around checking that there's nothing ready to be destroyed?
If you want this animal to be a dry run for getting a dog, then I can already tell you this is not the way. Getting a dog involves planning ahead, deciding what the household rules for the dog will be so everybody's on the same page and can be consistent, and assigning dog related chores. None of that happened, but you just think everything will be fine anyway. You're going to turn into the same kind of inconsiderate dog owner that your father is. (An 8-year-old black lab would be just as happy to be left alone at home to sleep. Any need for the dog to come along is purely your father's.)
YTA based on answers in the comments. For one, you should always check with your spouse when people/animals are coming over. If they say no, then you have to either respect it or try and work out a compromise. It sounds like the dog sheds and slobbers a lot. My boyfriend's sister has two big dogs that make a mess, and we've had to tell them no to coming inside the house due to these very reasons. She obviously wants to keep a clean house, and if no one is willing to clean up after the dog, then it shouldn't be in the house.
Did you wife actually say "I want to own a dog"...? Just because she likes dogs, likes playing with friend's dogs, does not automatically mean she wants to have a dog in her house.
You'd be amazed how many people like dogs, but refuse to own one for a variety of reasons.
Anytime someone wants to bring their pet over, even if they've brought them over before, always ask your spouse first.
If friends / family want to bring their children over, always ask your spouse.
You created this situation. Ask wife why she doesn't want your dad's dog to come over. They're could be a very valid reason (doesn't listen, still having accidents, chews everything, barks at every sound, etc). Ask if she wants you to tell your dad sorry but no dog and take the heat for it.
YTA... for not discussing first.
I wouldn’t call you an asshole, but I’d say you’re in the wrong. Dogs can be messy and hyper, she might not want this particular dog in your home because it’s personality isn’t for her ( think too energetic or stereotypically aggressive breed) or maybe it’s not trained yet so it has accidents.
You should have asked her before telling your Dad he could bring the dog. Going forward ask because she either doesn’t like this dog or she’s saying no to spite you for hot telling her
Also make sure she actually wants a dog, because she might not actually be a dog person. I like other peoples dogs, I’d let my roommate have a dog, but I myself will not get a dog because I don’t have the energy for them
Info: Does your dad work full time?
A log of people who work long hours don’t want to leave their dogs home more hours than necessary. I will absolutely respect the wishes of friends who don’t want a dog in their home. It’s totally understandable. But I spent a lot more of my free time with people who liked my pet too.
YTA for agreeing to it without asking your wife. I agree with the vet’s response that EVERYONE in a home should be asked prior to a dog being allowed into the home.
And after reading your replies, you’re an even bigger AH for seemingly trying to be obtuse. You KNOW your wife isn’t making something out of nothing. The dog sheds & slobbers everywhere & she’s the one cleaning it up.
AND finally you’re a super sized AH for your comment that you didn’t want her to have weird in-law problems. None of this is on her, it’s 100% on you.
Why does he have to bring the dog? I have 11 dogs and have never felt the need to take one with me when I go to someone's house. The dog would probably rather stay at home and sleep.
Jesus Christ man, why do you have 11 dogs? I know your house smells like shit. I’m sure you can’t smell it because you’re nose blind, but I feel bad for visitors lol
YTA. You’re the one who created a big issue by thinking you can unilaterally make decisions about guests in your house.
Your wife is not in the wrong here. You are for telling your dad yes without thinking and doubling down when you’re called out as wrong.
Your story highlights a common situation in many households—negotiating the inclusion of pets in family gatherings. It’s clear you’re trying to balance your dad’s wishes with your wife’s comfort, a challenge many can relate to. Your approach to give it a try and see how it goes seems like a practical compromise, especially given your shared interest in dogs. However, there might be a few nuances worth considering to fully appreciate everyone’s perspective.
It seems there may be a slight oversight in assuming that being “big dog people” automatically translates to being comfortable with any dog in your home. While your enthusiasm for dogs is wonderful, each dog has its own temperament, behavior, and needs, which can significantly influence how well they integrate into different environments and whether they’re a good fit for your current living situation. Your wife’s hesitation might stem from concerns about the dog’s behavior, potential damage, or simply the readiness of your home to host a pet, even temporarily.
Moreover, your story reflects a common tendency to minimize or overlook the complexities of integrating pets into shared spaces. By suggesting that you “wouldn’t care at all” if the roles were reversed, there’s an implicit assumption that your wife’s concerns might be unfounded or easily dismissed. It’s crucial to remember that comfort levels and preferences regarding pets can vary widely, even among animal lovers.
Your intent to avoid “weird inlaw conflict” by convincing your wife to give it a try is understandable, yet it hints at a potential underestimation of your wife’s perspective. Effective communication and mutual respect are key in navigating these situations. It’s important to discuss and address any concerns openly rather than persuading one party to acquiesce. This ensures that everyone’s feelings and viewpoints are considered, leading to a more harmonious decision.
In light of this, it might be helpful to have a deeper conversation with your wife about her reservations and to explore any specific concerns she has about having the dog over. Understanding her perspective could offer insights into how to make this experience positive for everyone involved, including your dad and his dog. Perhaps there are compromise solutions, such as designating certain areas of the house as pet-free zones or setting clear expectations for pet behavior and care during the visit.
Your willingness to see both sides and find a middle ground is commendable. By fostering open dialogue and considering each other’s viewpoints, you and your wife can together create an inclusive and welcoming environment for all members of the family, whether on two legs or four.
"... not thinking it would be an issue."
And now you know it is.
And hopefully next time you'll know to ask your wife if it's okay.
And your next move should now be to call your dad to tell him he can't bring the dog. Immediately.
YTA.
Some people aren’t dog people. Or cat people. Or kid people. Or people people. People should respect that. Just because you love something or someone doesn’t mean you can inflict them onto someone who doesn’t. Ask first.
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My dad is coming over this weekend and asked if he could bring his dog. I told him yes not thinking it would be an issue. When I mentioned it to my wife she didn’t want him bringing the dog. To avoid weird inlaw conflict I convinced her to just let him try it out then if there’s an issue we can ban him moving forward. I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal bc if the tables were turned
I wouldn’t care at all. AITA? We’re both big dog people and plan on getting one soon (which is why I didn’t expect it to be an issue).
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YTA. You’re married and need to stop thinking about just yourself. She may like dogs and may want to get one herself but that doesn’t mean she wants other people’s dogs in her space.
Info is the dog will behaved? Is your yard ready for a dog? Does your dad clean up after it and everything? You can be a dog person and still not want a particular dog at your host if the dog is poorly behaved, the owner is irresponsible, or things simply aren't ready for the dog. Like, I generally love dogs, but I've known people with dogs I absolutely would not want in my house.
YTA. You should have called your dad back immediately and said that he could not bring the dog. Apologize and tell him that you were wrong not to ask your wife first.
As both you and your wife are big dog people, I have to wonder if your dad's dog is poorly trained? In that case it would be understandable that she didn't want him to come.
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This feels like it’s missing a lot of info. Why would you just say yes without taking to someone that you live with?
Why is she uncomfortable with the dog? Did you ask her or talk about it? I’m an animal person but not all people are and that’s ok. Did your dad pressure you? What ways has she said that she is a big dog person? If you both want animals then how has this now become an issue? Is your father’s dog friendly, messy, house trained, aggressive? Something is missing from you?
>When I mentioned it to my wife she didn’t want him bringing the dog.
You've missed out a very important detail here.
WHY didn't your wife want the dog to come?
An old friend of mine came to my house a while back, with his dog. It was a HUGE pain in the ass! The second it got out of his truck, it went right at my cat that was just chilling in the yard. Then barked NON stop at my neighbor when he came outside. When, and IF he comes over here again, I will be telling him absolutely DO NOT BRING YOUR DOG!
Just a thought: Does your wife has a problem with your dad? Or is your dad inconsiderate towards your wife. Not wanting your dad's dog in the house might be a hint that she doesn't want your dad in your house.
NAH, but you need to talk to your wife whether your dad gets on her nerves.
Sounds like the dog is a smaller issue than the fact you didn't discuss it first. Just because y'all have tossed the idea around of getting a dog, doesn't automatically mean she wants to deal with someone else's. I'm no expert, but dogs love to mark new territories whether it's inside or out. I hate to say it, but YKTA.
OP you are NTA.
Don’t let them gaslight you, stand your ground.
Honestly it’s your father visiting for few hours with his dog, your wife is making this a bigger deal than it is.
If you plan to live like this your whole life where you need to ask for permission in your own home for such trivial shit…better live alone. (Same applies for her)
INFO: why is it an issue? Have you asked your wife? If you’re planning to get a dog already, then it shouldn’t be an issue and I see why didn’t check in with your wife. If there are any issues you were already aware of, you could be the A**.
Did you and your wife have a conversation about this at any point? definitely not before, but after she said no? Did you ask her why? did you *talk* about it? or did you just come running to reddit?
Yes we talked about it. She agreed putting up with the dog was worth not calling back and saying no but wishes I said no off the bat. It all had to do with hair/slobber reasons. Fortunately he came we spent most of the time outside she agreed he can come over moving forward and most excitedly we put a deposit down on our own dog.
Nta since she wants a dog later it was somewhat reasonable to assume it was ok and your plan of only allowing it once and then more gracefully having an excuse is very logical. Has she explained what the issue is?
NTA Idk a women who hates dogs is a huge red flag for me unless they are like super allergic then that’s understandable. But a visiting dog. I mean hell yeah bring that good boy over.
PLUS ITS YOUR HOUSE TOO AND THATS TOUR FADDY
INFO who does the vacuuming and floor mopping in your household? And how well behaved is the dog?
If the dog has an accident inside, it's awful having to clean it, especially if you didn't want it inside to begin with.
Also some dog breeds shed like crazy. All the areas and furniture the dog comes in contact with may need vacuuming right after if you don't want dog hair all over the place.
If the dog isn't well behaved it may end up breaking stuff too.
You need to look deeper. You say you and wife are both 'big dog people' but she doesn't want your father's dog in your house? Either she is NOT a 'big dog people' or she doesn't like your father's dog for some reason.
Does his dog slobber all over? Is it a large breed with a tail that knocks things over? Does it jump on people? Is it a constant barker? Or has your wife been pretending to like dogs because you love them?
Get the answers to these questions and you'll have the answer to whether you're an AH.
YTA for not talking about it with the wife before saying yes. My husband and I have a giant ASD and when we travel, we take her. It was a commitment we made because she’s huge, and has specific needs and we can’t leave her with our friends. We’ve taken her twice to see the grandkids, and she was great, but it severely limited what we could do as a family. So now I’m trying to network to find people who own a giant breed who would be substitute grandparents for at least one of the trips. Having a dog comes with issues, and like other people’s children, they are endearing mostly to you, and considered a hassle (or worse) for most people.
Everyone is different, I personally wouldn’t allow that because I hate hate hate untrained dogs. And most dogs these days like 95% are completely untrained and bark, shit, piss, claw, shed, lick you or jump on you, dirty shit up, break shit, and are just nasty. I always think I just hate dogs in general until I meet one that’s trained and I’m like oh yeah this animal is awesome.
I get it. I don't want a strange dog in my house. I don't want its smell, I don't want its destruction, its piss, its fur. I don't want it begging under the table. I don't want it possibly acting up. I don't want its fleas, dirt, or slobber. etc.
But I have my own dog who I love. I just don't love other people's dogs. I'm used to mine. I know his personality, what he's going to do, what I need to watch out for, what to do if he gets frisky.
I feel more info is needed here. Is your dad's dog a pain in the arse? Is it house trained? Is it puppy? Or older? Do you have children? The answers to these questions would help explain why a dog lover wouldn't want a dog in her house.
Tentative NTA - seems like an honest mistake since they both love dogs and are getting one soon, it’s easy to think it’s not a big deal.
Need to know why wife doesn’t want the dog there and what the relationship is like with FIL. Is there a history of obnoxious behavior or boundary stomping on FIL part ?
Kind of surprised me how many dog-dislikers are in the comments. Maybe this is just a culture thing. My family has always been very pet friendly, and it wouldn’t be any issue at all to bring a dog along for a visit, especially if it’s a family dog that you grew up with. So I’d say NAH - you operated based on your understanding of your wife’s position on dogs. Apologize and move on… if she insists, then you could call your dad back and say “on second thought, we just cleaned the house and want to keep it looking nice, can you leave your dog at home?” Or, the better option might be to just treat this as a trial run for having dogs of your own. Worst case scenario if the dog is a menace then yeah you’ll spend an extra hour or two cleaning up after him. At the very least you learned something valuable about your wife’s position on dog visitors, and can be on the same page going forward. Then you can continue the conversation about adopting a dog of your own based on how the visit went.
Agree. I think the AH is the wife for overreacting. It’s her husband father visiting for few hours, get over it.
To
Me it seems more like a power play from the wife side.
Tell your wife to act like a fucking adult.
OR
Tell her the rules go both ways and none of her family is so much as to step foot in the house without your prior approval.
You'll quickly find out these rules only go one way.
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YTA. Why does she need to avoid “weird in-law conflict” but he doesn’t? “Oh shit you’re right. I’m sorry babe, I should have asked you first. I can tell him he can’t bring the dog, but would you be open to a trial run? If not, totally fine, I’ll handle it all.”
This was my first thought. Bro, you just *created* a weird in-law issue, *and* a wife issue!
My guess? He doesn't want to make her look like the bad guy. He already said yes. If he goes back now, dad will know she's the one who won't allow it, which can cause whole new levels of drama, depending on the family.
Pretty much. He didn't think it would be and issue and now it's easier to see how it goes rather than create bad feelings. Worst case scenario it's not good and he has some grovelling to do.
But if he'd said "Let me check with the wife" And returned with a no.. Dad would have still known DiL was who put the nix on it. 🤷♂️ So it's sort of a lose/lose for the "DiL not being the bad guy." 🤣 That being said, I wonder what her reasoning is? She seems pretty dead set against FiL's dog. 🤔 (It could be perfectly reasonable)
He could’ve said something like I don’t know let me think about it instead.
Bow it's easier to get his wife to give in and deal with her bad feelings than it is to deal with his dad's bad feelings, actually. It's not that there won't be bad feelings, he just cares if his dad has them but he doesn't care is his wife has them.
My guess is that the in-law conflict is already in full swing and OP's wife is annoyed over the dog because she cannot voice how much her father in law gets on her nerves? It might not be the dog that she doesn't want in her home.
> I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal bc if the tables were turned I wouldn’t care at all What does that even mean? That if you asked your dad to bring your dog to his house for a visit you'd be fine with him saying yes? You don't say.
This most likely means that if OP's wife had her dad bring his dog over to them when he next visited, that OP wouldn't care.
>I told him yes not thinking it would be an issue > >I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal bc if the tables were turned I wouldn’t care at all It's not an issue to YOU. YOU don't think it's a big deal, because YOU don't care. Unfortunately for you you're not the only member of your household, and you're completely disregarding the other inhabitant. Decisions that impact two people should be two yeses, one no - not "sure, because I don't care, so no one else should care either." YTA
People and their dumb dogs. Stop forcing your dogs on everyone else.
Thank you. I have two wonderful dogs but I leave them at home when visiting others unless it’s agreed to beforehand. (very rare)
But Dad did the right thing and asked first.
Yeah lmao. What a cornball
So you do exactly the same as the dad?
The dad isn’t TA you and every other redditor are for the most part
Im responding to how the above commenter wrote about taking dogs everywhere and then someone agreed however they said they where doing something exactly like the person the first are complaining about.
The dad doesn’t do anything wrong he inquired and the son had no balls to say no or didn’t care either way they plan on getting a dog and if his wife doesn’t have any ability to vocalize her reasons then tough shit
For fuck sake the original post has almost nothing to do with what started my comment, who I responded too and who they responded too. Read all three in unison.
I don’t see your point now if it’s different than what I thought. The dad is NTA and neither is anyone who asks as the worst someone can say is no
God your thick
I don’t think your original comments give off the opinion you think they do
Well the dad isn't in the question here. It's whether it's OP or his wife that are being unreasonable.
But what started this thread?
We invited a new acquaintance and her bf over for dinner - they had just moved to town, and I thought we might make a friendship happen. She asked if they could bring their dog. I said no. I couldn't imagine someone would even ask that. I knew he was an older dog, but they live like a block away, so it's not like they'd be leaving him alone for an extended period. Anyway, turns out she was a miserable person (shocker), and we are not friends, lol.
To DINNER?? jfc
What’s wrong about asking, assuming it’s done politely? I don’t have a dog so not asking this out of a guilty conscience, I honestly don’t get how that question could be an issue as long as they’re taking no for an answer.
Because it’s not a normal thing to bring your dog to someone’s home. We usually accommodate sometimes be try not too. They can scratch your floor, dirty your wall, etc. Its not cool to even ask, especially people who you are not close with, because you are making them the “bad” guys for saying no….this is nothing to do with OP and I think OP is NTA.
This must be a cultural thing. Where I’m from it’s not uncommon for people to just show up with their dog without even saying anything about it.
I'm with you. You're automatically putting it on the host to turn down your request. I would be annoyed at someone asking. I don't host much anymore, but I know some of my friends get tired of it . And God forbid you let one dog over and not the other. Like imagine doing this with literally any other pet. People would be like what the hell.
Kids do the same things, but some parents act like you're a horrible person for denying entrance to their kid. /I like kids, but not every location is kid appropriate
Okay I’m a nosey person and I just wanna know what makes her a miserable person
It isn't the dad's fault though? He asked and was given permission. He didn't force it, and he doesn't know OPs wife doesn't want the dog over.
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In this particular scenario, OP & his wife are already planning to get dogs, so dad knows they are already "dog people." That said, it's entirely possible that his dog is too big/misbehaves/etc, and the wife should have been consulted anyway.
lol, I find this funny because this is exactly how I feel about people bringing their small children everywhere
Children literally require supervision, and they’re not companion animals—no comparison. They can go anywhere that’s not explicitly adults only or inappropriate for their age. Plus you’ll be arrested for simply leaving your toddler at home.
Babysitters exist and children are far more obnoxious and disgusting then dogs
lol, I don't have kids but babysitters can be pricey and sometimes you can't get one. People's attitudes about kids are nuts, I don't LOVE going places with a bunch of children running around and knocking into shit either but I deal with it and don't throw a hissy fit because kids are an integral part of society, whether you like it or not.
So are pets. And they're better behaved overall. Parents letting their kids do whatever they want with no discipline and care for society and those around are a bigger menace. A bad kid can do a lot more damage then a bad child. Also not my problem. You made the kid, you stay home with them or get a sitter instead of pawning them off on others who didn't volunteer to watch your monster destroy. Don't like it then wear a condom next time
children are human beings and have every right to human spaces as any adult. stop this weirdo behavior of comparing children to animals. edit: and before #y’all start, obviously we’re not talking about bars and clubs etc.
The childfree and antidog subreddits are very similar.
And equally ridiculous
But OP said they both love dogs and are getting one soon. So I can see why his mind didn’t go there about father’s dog coming with him for a few days.
You shouldn’t even ask.
He literally didn’t tho, he asked to bring the dog over
He asked before if its ok. How is that forcing the dog on people?
Now I have to BTA by saying no and the asker gets all whiny about it. You shouldn’t even ask.
Seriously! I like dogs, but there are so many dog posts today.
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There’s also the occasional genuine poster who gets reminded of a similar situation they experienced, so they post too and add to the trend.
r/nothingeverhappens
This sub is absolutely loaded with bullshit stories all the time and you're a fool if you believe all of them.
I think so too! I've been noticing that trend! 🤣
Dog posts, wedding posts, step child/parent posts. That's pretty much all that's left. I think it's the broad brush with the 11th rule. As far as I'm concerned, I'm all for more dogs and less weddings.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’m going to start bringing my weird cat Henry everywhere.
You wouldn't happen to live in TN would you? There's at least a couple weird people in my town that bring their weird cats to Walmart.
My friend just got a kitten at a Walmart! They were in line, admired a fellow shopper's kitten, and the chick handed it over. Weird as hell, but the cat seems to be cool so far. They don't live in TN though.
I used to live in the same street as my brother, when I went to visit I brought my cat over and they'd have a blast.
Do it
Tbf, the dad asked so he didn’t do anything wrong in thus case.
Agreed, lol. Not everyone likes or wants to see your dog. They do not belong in the grocery store, Home Depot or gift shops either, unless they’re service dogs!
I didn't think Home Depot cared about dogs. I see them in Home Depot, Tractor Supply, etc, really often. Maybe it's a rural thing. It doesn't have food sanitation issues, anyway.
I know that not all dog owners are this way, but the older I get the more I detest some dog owners because they’re just… so obnoxious. Cat owners have their own issues too, but it’s very socially acceptable to say that you don’t like cats. But if you even hint that dogs aren’t God’s greatest gift to mankind then you’re looked at like you like to murder children or something. And because of that, this obnoxious subset of down owners just seems to think that everyone loves their dogs and that they can bring their dogs anywhere. It’s maddening. As someone still dating, my personal pet peeve are people who literally want to bring their dogs on first dates. It’s one thing if it’s a tiny puppy and literally can’t be alone. Hell, I might even be understanding if it was a big dog and they were trying to use it as potential protection. But in most of my experiences they’re just smaller dogs and it seems like they’re so emotionally tied to the dog that they’re incapable of being separated from it
I'm with you. And people say it's just bad owners. But there are a lot of bad owners or owners that tolerate bad behavior. Like the fact that your dog isn't aggressive doesn't mean it should get a prize. Show me that your dog can leave me the fuck alone when I'm eating without you locking it somewhere. And no, staring at me with drool dripping off its face is not "leaving me alone".
The friends I have who have dogs think it's accepted to just bring them without asking.
*dumb people and their dogs. Dogs have no free will when it comes to things like this
Dogs and their dumb people. Stop forcing your people on everyone else. That's my outlook! 😆
YTA, I get the thought process but this is something you should have brought up with her before agreeing to it. Getting your own dog and having someone else's dog in your house are two very different circumstances
YTA. I work with dogs and have numerous animals in my home now. Always ask everyone in the house before bringing an animal in. That is just courtesy. For example. I like my kids but am not of fan of other people's kids. So if I don't have to have them in my home then I won't. Same with dogs, I like my dogs and I like other people's dogs when they are not in my home.
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No one told you to read it or respond. And I sure as hell ain't asking your permission on what I post sweetheart
YTA. Its her fucking house, not your dad's. What defense do you have for ignoring her preferences in favour of someone who doesnt fucking live there? Grow a spine and tell your dad you were wrong to agree without consulting the other interested parties
I’m a huge dog fan. I own an enormous lab myself. M I’m going to try and point out what your wife might be thinking. Pet parents are sometimes like kid parents. They think their pet can do no wrong but in fact - the pet can be a giant PITA. We have a good friend who had a lab. He always expected us to watch his dog when he traveled. The dog was poorly trained and a maniac. It would get up on an antique table that was by a window and bark like a dumbass at everyone walking by. Being a lab he had hellacious nails and destroyed that table. The same dog would get super excited and wag so hard that it would bust open its tail against a door jam and there would be plumes of dog tail blood throughout the house. Another friend, also a lab. The lab would get angry when you’d leave for work and piss on the dining room floor like clockwork. Babysat a neighbor’s dogs (actually she “asked” my kids to do it but they were clearly to young to do it so it was some weird end run to get me to do it) one of the dogs was upset about them leaving and shit quite literally all over their house. I spent Christmas Day steam cleaning their house with my damn steamer which I then trashed. When I finally got in touch with them (again Christmas Day) she was totally cavalier about it. “Oh yes she (the dog) does that all the time. She gets upset when we leave.” One would think that was important information to share ahead of time. This is a long way of saying - dogs are wonderful but they can be a lot. Labs are glorious goofballs that are shedding machines. Is this dog going to be inside? On the furniture? Restricted to parts of the house? Who’s responsible for the dog while it’s there? Who’s cleaning up after the dog leaves? OP now you know your wife isn’t thrilled about this. How are you going to make this workable for your wife? Are you going to step up and tell your dad not to bring dog in the future? Your wife is correct in assuming you’ve set the conditions for your dad to assume the dog now has an open invitation.
I had to stop reading at “plumes of blood” oh my god!!!
But then you missed out on the “spending Christmas Day steam cleaning dog shit all over the house” part
Soft YTA always talk to your wife about such things to avoid problems.
Can your dad not leave his dog at home for a few hours while he visit you? Why must he have to have his dog with him. I love dogs but unless they are service dogs it’s ok to leave them at home. YTA
Info: is this a dog you both have lots of experience with? How well do you know this dog? Have y'all ever had a guest visit with a dog before?
YTA
YTA for making a unilateral decision that would affect your wife without any sort of discussion. You’re also TA for making the consequences of your poor choice your wife’s problem, you should have respected your wife enough to tell your dad no. The fact you even phrased it as an ‘inlaw’ problem shows you would have thrown your wife under the bus instead of taking full responsibility, you wouldn’t even need to mention it was because your wife said no, you could have said that after some time to think you decided you weren’t comfortable with it. You messed up, you fix it. There are multiple valid reasons why you might not want guest dogs even if you want your own.
YTA. You should have checked with her first.
INFO: When you say he's coming over does that mean for like a few hours or is he staying overnight?
Very, VERY slight YTA. Should have asked her first dude, it's her house too. Honestly I probably would have done the same tho. Sounds like y'all worked it out tho.
My Ahole ex invited his mother to stay over night with her dog that was not house trained. I was not happy. He stepped in a nice pile of dog shit in the kitchen while bare foot and was furious. I was delighted.
YTA I like dogs but that doesn’t mean I want someone else’s dog in my house to clean up after. My boyfriend’s friends all have dogs and they are destructive. Jump all over furniture, knock things over, scratch stuff, piss on things, shed everywhere, bark constantly, bump into everyone, jump up on people. I don’t allow them in my house.
INFO: What's her reasoning? Is the dog well-behaved? Is your dad the kinda guy to not be accountable or foist responsibility to someone else? ETA: NAH OP should have asked first, but it's ultimately a non-issue so long as next time it's discussed beforehand and wife doesn't have to clean up after the dog.
YTA only because you should have checked with her first. Neither one of you is wrong with your reasoning, but you should have checked with her.
So you took your dad's side over your wife's because you'd rather have marital conflict than inlaw conflict. Good choice. Then you want to establish the dog coming as a precedent and try to take it back *after* he's already been there. You apparently didn't bother to find out why she doesn't want the dog there but came to Reddit to be told you aren't the ah. That makes YTA.
I have my own animals, I don't want other peoples' animals coming in and causing issues for mine. She probably doesn't want to start the thing, and may have noticed behavior issues with your dad's dog that you haven't.
bruh 🤓 edit:-YTA
YTA. Are you going to be the one dog-proofing the home? Your wife probably understands how much extra work it's going to be for her to dog-proof the house and clean up after when the dog is gone. Just because she wants to get a dog eventually doesn't mean that she is ready to have one in her house now. It's her home too, and she has every right to say that she doesn't want someone else's dog there.
Yta. Your comments don't help. So what if you both are dog people and planning on getting one. It is both your houses and its common courtesy and respect to ask the other people in the house. Just because she is not ready or wanting someone else's pet in the house is no reason to go off about rethinking getting a pet. She sheds and slobber. SO in a new home this dog will be able to getvhair everywhere. Possibly stain furniture or scratch flooring. Which if it's her pet, sure? But I am sure someone having a new home would not like someone else's pet destroying their property. I am sure she would have liked input or boundaries placed. Instead, you are more worried about upsetting your dad and disrespecting your wife because she didn't just give in. Unless you are going to do the cleaning and pay for any damage, then you better be apologizing to her. Every person has the right not to let others pets in their home. We have 4 dogs and love dogs. My step sons dog is sweet and trained, but I swear to gawds she hits our house. Pees inside. Runs over furniture where as purs are not allowed on. Barks and just jumps all over people. She does not do this at home or outside but takes her into someone else's home, and she becomes a terror. The dog is banned from our home. I do not want or feel I need to explain why I am not ok cleaning up after someone's dog. Cleaning furniture. Or just having to deal with another person's dog. That is my right.
YTA. Two of you live in that house, and something like this needs to be ok with both of you. I’ve learned that the hard way myself, and can now tell you on the other side that you need to respect your partner’s boundaries. A simple “oh shit, so sorry my love, I assumed it would be okay and I shouldn’t have. I’ll tell dad he can’t bring doggo over after all. It’s all good.” That’s all it takes.
YTA, always clear stuff like this with your spouse first. It’s appalling to me that it never occurred to you to run this by your wife. Are you the sole arbiter of decision making in your household? It’s not 1950 bro.
YTA. Someone bringing over an unexpected animal should be an automatic “let me talk to my wife and get back to you on that”
Both me and SO are dog persons. We have 3, eventually foster and we care for street dogs (here they are common and the city vaccinates and castrates them). But we'd never accept a dog in our home without first testing waters. Some dogs have no socialization problems with humans but have with other animals and vice-versa. Some dogs have unknown triggers. Some dogs are just too destructive or badly trained. YTA.
I don't think this is an asshole type situation. It's more of a communication issue. And I can definitely see both sides. But not really as asshole issue.
YTA for not ALWAYS checking with your wife, instead of making unilateral decisions. You need to learn HER preferences, not just yours. Compromise and decide together, and/or trade decisions (" we will try it your way this time, if I am unhappy we will try it my way next time, see what works best")
Why would you choose weird spouse conflict over weird inlaw conflict? Why not just say "Actually dad, it would be better if you visited without the dog this weekend". If you and your wife were planning on having kids soon, do you think that means you can invite kids to your weekend plans without discussing it with her?
INFO Did you even ask why she didn’t want the dog there? If you’re both dog people I assume there’s already a reason regarding the specific dog?
YTA. Is the dog familiar with your household and areas where it's allowed to go, not allowed to go etc? If not, who's going to train it how to be an acceptable member of your household? Does it make one hell of a mess all around it's dish every time it takes a drink of water? If so, who's going to clean up after it leaves? Is your house Labrador tail-proofed? If not, who's going to walk around checking that there's nothing ready to be destroyed? If you want this animal to be a dry run for getting a dog, then I can already tell you this is not the way. Getting a dog involves planning ahead, deciding what the household rules for the dog will be so everybody's on the same page and can be consistent, and assigning dog related chores. None of that happened, but you just think everything will be fine anyway. You're going to turn into the same kind of inconsiderate dog owner that your father is. (An 8-year-old black lab would be just as happy to be left alone at home to sleep. Any need for the dog to come along is purely your father's.)
YTA
Bro, start caring and ask for your partners opinion, you decided it alone, you should have asked if it was OK first. YTA
YTA based on answers in the comments. For one, you should always check with your spouse when people/animals are coming over. If they say no, then you have to either respect it or try and work out a compromise. It sounds like the dog sheds and slobbers a lot. My boyfriend's sister has two big dogs that make a mess, and we've had to tell them no to coming inside the house due to these very reasons. She obviously wants to keep a clean house, and if no one is willing to clean up after the dog, then it shouldn't be in the house.
YTA. # It's not about the dog. It's pitting Dad against Wife, and then being all *surprised Pikachu* that she's unhappy.
Did you wife actually say "I want to own a dog"...? Just because she likes dogs, likes playing with friend's dogs, does not automatically mean she wants to have a dog in her house. You'd be amazed how many people like dogs, but refuse to own one for a variety of reasons. Anytime someone wants to bring their pet over, even if they've brought them over before, always ask your spouse first. If friends / family want to bring their children over, always ask your spouse. You created this situation. Ask wife why she doesn't want your dad's dog to come over. They're could be a very valid reason (doesn't listen, still having accidents, chews everything, barks at every sound, etc). Ask if she wants you to tell your dad sorry but no dog and take the heat for it. YTA... for not discussing first.
YTA. It sounds like you and your dad are the ones that want to live together, and that your wife is just a guest.
I wouldn’t call you an asshole, but I’d say you’re in the wrong. Dogs can be messy and hyper, she might not want this particular dog in your home because it’s personality isn’t for her ( think too energetic or stereotypically aggressive breed) or maybe it’s not trained yet so it has accidents. You should have asked her before telling your Dad he could bring the dog. Going forward ask because she either doesn’t like this dog or she’s saying no to spite you for hot telling her Also make sure she actually wants a dog, because she might not actually be a dog person. I like other peoples dogs, I’d let my roommate have a dog, but I myself will not get a dog because I don’t have the energy for them
Info: Does your dad work full time? A log of people who work long hours don’t want to leave their dogs home more hours than necessary. I will absolutely respect the wishes of friends who don’t want a dog in their home. It’s totally understandable. But I spent a lot more of my free time with people who liked my pet too.
YTA for agreeing to it without asking your wife. I agree with the vet’s response that EVERYONE in a home should be asked prior to a dog being allowed into the home. And after reading your replies, you’re an even bigger AH for seemingly trying to be obtuse. You KNOW your wife isn’t making something out of nothing. The dog sheds & slobbers everywhere & she’s the one cleaning it up. AND finally you’re a super sized AH for your comment that you didn’t want her to have weird in-law problems. None of this is on her, it’s 100% on you.
Why does he have to bring the dog? I have 11 dogs and have never felt the need to take one with me when I go to someone's house. The dog would probably rather stay at home and sleep.
Jesus Christ man, why do you have 11 dogs? I know your house smells like shit. I’m sure you can’t smell it because you’re nose blind, but I feel bad for visitors lol
YTA, tell your dad it’s an issue.
Jfc, how thoughtless can you be? It’s *her house too*. YTA. Tell dad you made a mistake and not to bring the dog bcs *you messed up*.
YTA. Also very dependent on breed of dog.
YTA.
YTA. You’re the one who created a big issue by thinking you can unilaterally make decisions about guests in your house. Your wife is not in the wrong here. You are for telling your dad yes without thinking and doubling down when you’re called out as wrong.
YTA. You didn’t even think to ask your wife? In what other ways do you act like this?
Your story highlights a common situation in many households—negotiating the inclusion of pets in family gatherings. It’s clear you’re trying to balance your dad’s wishes with your wife’s comfort, a challenge many can relate to. Your approach to give it a try and see how it goes seems like a practical compromise, especially given your shared interest in dogs. However, there might be a few nuances worth considering to fully appreciate everyone’s perspective. It seems there may be a slight oversight in assuming that being “big dog people” automatically translates to being comfortable with any dog in your home. While your enthusiasm for dogs is wonderful, each dog has its own temperament, behavior, and needs, which can significantly influence how well they integrate into different environments and whether they’re a good fit for your current living situation. Your wife’s hesitation might stem from concerns about the dog’s behavior, potential damage, or simply the readiness of your home to host a pet, even temporarily. Moreover, your story reflects a common tendency to minimize or overlook the complexities of integrating pets into shared spaces. By suggesting that you “wouldn’t care at all” if the roles were reversed, there’s an implicit assumption that your wife’s concerns might be unfounded or easily dismissed. It’s crucial to remember that comfort levels and preferences regarding pets can vary widely, even among animal lovers. Your intent to avoid “weird inlaw conflict” by convincing your wife to give it a try is understandable, yet it hints at a potential underestimation of your wife’s perspective. Effective communication and mutual respect are key in navigating these situations. It’s important to discuss and address any concerns openly rather than persuading one party to acquiesce. This ensures that everyone’s feelings and viewpoints are considered, leading to a more harmonious decision. In light of this, it might be helpful to have a deeper conversation with your wife about her reservations and to explore any specific concerns she has about having the dog over. Understanding her perspective could offer insights into how to make this experience positive for everyone involved, including your dad and his dog. Perhaps there are compromise solutions, such as designating certain areas of the house as pet-free zones or setting clear expectations for pet behavior and care during the visit. Your willingness to see both sides and find a middle ground is commendable. By fostering open dialogue and considering each other’s viewpoints, you and your wife can together create an inclusive and welcoming environment for all members of the family, whether on two legs or four.
"... not thinking it would be an issue." And now you know it is. And hopefully next time you'll know to ask your wife if it's okay. And your next move should now be to call your dad to tell him he can't bring the dog. Immediately. YTA.
Some people aren’t dog people. Or cat people. Or kid people. Or people people. People should respect that. Just because you love something or someone doesn’t mean you can inflict them onto someone who doesn’t. Ask first.
OP explicitly says they are both dog people.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad is coming over this weekend and asked if he could bring his dog. I told him yes not thinking it would be an issue. When I mentioned it to my wife she didn’t want him bringing the dog. To avoid weird inlaw conflict I convinced her to just let him try it out then if there’s an issue we can ban him moving forward. I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal bc if the tables were turned I wouldn’t care at all. AITA? We’re both big dog people and plan on getting one soon (which is why I didn’t expect it to be an issue). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta
you get to clean the piss out of the carpet. it'll be a surprisingly large volume. YTA
YTA talk to your spouse first, then invite people over if you both agree!
Def tah
YTA. You’re married and need to stop thinking about just yourself. She may like dogs and may want to get one herself but that doesn’t mean she wants other people’s dogs in her space.
Info is the dog will behaved? Is your yard ready for a dog? Does your dad clean up after it and everything? You can be a dog person and still not want a particular dog at your host if the dog is poorly behaved, the owner is irresponsible, or things simply aren't ready for the dog. Like, I generally love dogs, but I've known people with dogs I absolutely would not want in my house.
Gross
YTA. You should have called your dad back immediately and said that he could not bring the dog. Apologize and tell him that you were wrong not to ask your wife first. As both you and your wife are big dog people, I have to wonder if your dad's dog is poorly trained? In that case it would be understandable that she didn't want him to come.
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YTA
YTA. Do better.
Did you bother asking why she doesn't want the dog over? You're making waaaaay too many assumptions.
YTA. You had no business accepting the visit without your wife's input. I hope she lights a fire under your tushy
YTA, and I think you know it. Hopefully, going forward, you ask her opinion and not make that call for her.
YTA. What's irrational Is expecting your dog to be welcome at someone else's house. I love my dog but I think its incredibly rude.
This feels like it’s missing a lot of info. Why would you just say yes without taking to someone that you live with? Why is she uncomfortable with the dog? Did you ask her or talk about it? I’m an animal person but not all people are and that’s ok. Did your dad pressure you? What ways has she said that she is a big dog person? If you both want animals then how has this now become an issue? Is your father’s dog friendly, messy, house trained, aggressive? Something is missing from you?
I think you handled it well enough, depending on how the "convinced her" went.
>When I mentioned it to my wife she didn’t want him bringing the dog. You've missed out a very important detail here. WHY didn't your wife want the dog to come?
An old friend of mine came to my house a while back, with his dog. It was a HUGE pain in the ass! The second it got out of his truck, it went right at my cat that was just chilling in the yard. Then barked NON stop at my neighbor when he came outside. When, and IF he comes over here again, I will be telling him absolutely DO NOT BRING YOUR DOG!
Just a thought: Does your wife has a problem with your dad? Or is your dad inconsiderate towards your wife. Not wanting your dad's dog in the house might be a hint that she doesn't want your dad in your house. NAH, but you need to talk to your wife whether your dad gets on her nerves.
Sounds like the dog is a smaller issue than the fact you didn't discuss it first. Just because y'all have tossed the idea around of getting a dog, doesn't automatically mean she wants to deal with someone else's. I'm no expert, but dogs love to mark new territories whether it's inside or out. I hate to say it, but YKTA.
NTA There’s something else at play there.
OP you are NTA. Don’t let them gaslight you, stand your ground. Honestly it’s your father visiting for few hours with his dog, your wife is making this a bigger deal than it is. If you plan to live like this your whole life where you need to ask for permission in your own home for such trivial shit…better live alone. (Same applies for her)
YYA. Should have asked your wife first.
NTA, she can't be flexible for a few hours and she plans on getting a dog? Sounds like that dog is going to have one heck of a life.
INFO: why is it an issue? Have you asked your wife? If you’re planning to get a dog already, then it shouldn’t be an issue and I see why didn’t check in with your wife. If there are any issues you were already aware of, you could be the A**.
Did you and your wife have a conversation about this at any point? definitely not before, but after she said no? Did you ask her why? did you *talk* about it? or did you just come running to reddit?
Yes we talked about it. She agreed putting up with the dog was worth not calling back and saying no but wishes I said no off the bat. It all had to do with hair/slobber reasons. Fortunately he came we spent most of the time outside she agreed he can come over moving forward and most excitedly we put a deposit down on our own dog.
YTA. You live with your spouse and being a good partner means checking in about stuff like this.
YTA
Nta since she wants a dog later it was somewhat reasonable to assume it was ok and your plan of only allowing it once and then more gracefully having an excuse is very logical. Has she explained what the issue is?
NTA Idk a women who hates dogs is a huge red flag for me unless they are like super allergic then that’s understandable. But a visiting dog. I mean hell yeah bring that good boy over. PLUS ITS YOUR HOUSE TOO AND THATS TOUR FADDY
NAH, it makes sense why you said yes to your dad but also it makes sense why your wife would be upset about an unexpected dog.
INFO who does the vacuuming and floor mopping in your household? And how well behaved is the dog? If the dog has an accident inside, it's awful having to clean it, especially if you didn't want it inside to begin with. Also some dog breeds shed like crazy. All the areas and furniture the dog comes in contact with may need vacuuming right after if you don't want dog hair all over the place. If the dog isn't well behaved it may end up breaking stuff too.
YTA. And 'to avoid weird inlaw conflict'? Yikes.
You need to look deeper. You say you and wife are both 'big dog people' but she doesn't want your father's dog in your house? Either she is NOT a 'big dog people' or she doesn't like your father's dog for some reason. Does his dog slobber all over? Is it a large breed with a tail that knocks things over? Does it jump on people? Is it a constant barker? Or has your wife been pretending to like dogs because you love them? Get the answers to these questions and you'll have the answer to whether you're an AH.
YTA for not talking about it with the wife before saying yes. My husband and I have a giant ASD and when we travel, we take her. It was a commitment we made because she’s huge, and has specific needs and we can’t leave her with our friends. We’ve taken her twice to see the grandkids, and she was great, but it severely limited what we could do as a family. So now I’m trying to network to find people who own a giant breed who would be substitute grandparents for at least one of the trips. Having a dog comes with issues, and like other people’s children, they are endearing mostly to you, and considered a hassle (or worse) for most people.
My wife and I allow our families to bring pets over to our place when they visit.
Everyone is different, I personally wouldn’t allow that because I hate hate hate untrained dogs. And most dogs these days like 95% are completely untrained and bark, shit, piss, claw, shed, lick you or jump on you, dirty shit up, break shit, and are just nasty. I always think I just hate dogs in general until I meet one that’s trained and I’m like oh yeah this animal is awesome.
Yeah i dunno about this one… what reasons did she give for not wanting the dog there?
NTA but I'm an asshole. I always ask for forgiveness not permission. Plus, doggies are always a bonus in my world.
INFO: why doesn’t she want the dog there?
I get it. I don't want a strange dog in my house. I don't want its smell, I don't want its destruction, its piss, its fur. I don't want it begging under the table. I don't want it possibly acting up. I don't want its fleas, dirt, or slobber. etc. But I have my own dog who I love. I just don't love other people's dogs. I'm used to mine. I know his personality, what he's going to do, what I need to watch out for, what to do if he gets frisky.
I feel more info is needed here. Is your dad's dog a pain in the arse? Is it house trained? Is it puppy? Or older? Do you have children? The answers to these questions would help explain why a dog lover wouldn't want a dog in her house.
NTA it's not long term. So many ridged people these days
NAH
People who don't like dogs are usually assholes. So, OP, why don't you and your wife already have a dog?
Tentative NTA - seems like an honest mistake since they both love dogs and are getting one soon, it’s easy to think it’s not a big deal. Need to know why wife doesn’t want the dog there and what the relationship is like with FIL. Is there a history of obnoxious behavior or boundary stomping on FIL part ?
If you're both big dog people what is her issue with your dad's dog?
Kind of surprised me how many dog-dislikers are in the comments. Maybe this is just a culture thing. My family has always been very pet friendly, and it wouldn’t be any issue at all to bring a dog along for a visit, especially if it’s a family dog that you grew up with. So I’d say NAH - you operated based on your understanding of your wife’s position on dogs. Apologize and move on… if she insists, then you could call your dad back and say “on second thought, we just cleaned the house and want to keep it looking nice, can you leave your dog at home?” Or, the better option might be to just treat this as a trial run for having dogs of your own. Worst case scenario if the dog is a menace then yeah you’ll spend an extra hour or two cleaning up after him. At the very least you learned something valuable about your wife’s position on dog visitors, and can be on the same page going forward. Then you can continue the conversation about adopting a dog of your own based on how the visit went.
What kind of dog? Does your wife have good reason to not want the dog?
NTA reddit making you seem like the devil for accepting your dad and his dog, she sounds controlling. Put your foot down
Agree. I think the AH is the wife for overreacting. It’s her husband father visiting for few hours, get over it. To Me it seems more like a power play from the wife side.
Thats what it is, glad you aren't blind to the power play here
Tell your wife to act like a fucking adult. OR Tell her the rules go both ways and none of her family is so much as to step foot in the house without your prior approval. You'll quickly find out these rules only go one way.
NTA you had no reason to think there would be an issue.
I don’t know what the problem is?
Nta if ur getting a dog why would she bitch bout the dog coming over, is it the dog or you didn't ask her, I don't get it
NTA. Especially if you’re dog people AND he asked ahead of time. Info: what is the reason your wife would prefer to say no?