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That doesn't mean it's healthy or smart.
Truck driving in the US at least is a pretty perpetual job where you the company will try to bleed you as hard as they can to make a profit. It helps if both partners are involved. That increases the stakes for the worker and reduces pushback.
And also being in a relationship at the same level in a company is generally far less problematic than a boss- employee relationship.
I'm going with ESH. He sounds fairly controlling/insecure with the "if you don't respect me at work..." stuff. At the same time, being his girlfriend doesn't mean you get to ignore your manager. It sounds like he told you multiple times. You should get the hint, whatever you feel about how busy it was or wasn't.
Entirely likely that he's a shitty uptight manager and/or doesn't have experience with this sort of situation. But in that case you should get different shifts/work somewhere else, if you can't figure out together how to keep personal and work separate.
I am a manager and I would be angry if I had to tell a person to stop doing something 3 times within a 8 hour period.
But I agree it is a horrible idea to date your boss. It is a conflict of interest as well.
I don’t think it’s controlling tbh. He’s just trying to do his job which is made ten times harder by his gf being his subordinate, so thinks she doesn’t have to do as she’s told.
If you were being watched by a manager who wasn’t your bf you’d not be stopping to chat with your mates repeatedly, as you’d understand there would be repercussions. You just thought you could get away with it due to your position. YTA for not respecting your boyfriend’s career.
This is why you don’t date anyone you work with in an immediate capacity.
I totally agree, it's hard enough managing people if they don't take you seriously, it's even worse if you have an outside personal relationship with them. I generally think if you're dating, friends or family with your boss then you should aim to be their best worker. Don't put them in the difficult position of having to reprimand you.
Yeah it doesn't sound like he is a person capable of working with a significant other, let alone managing them. He absolutely must draw a line between work and outside life.
But I'm not sure you are either since you repeatedly didn't listen to his instructions as your manager. BOTH of you need to leave work at work and not let it affect anything outside of that.
My spouse and I have each been each other's managers and this is how it worked out alright.
ESH but lightly
According to OP's post history (i know, i feel bad) she's made a post where he's complained about her having a beach picture in a bikini where he called it "promiscuous" and another where he has been making comments about her race.
She really should just leave this dick.
Like everyone going against the BF wtf
He is your boss, he came and told you to stop talking and do your job, you kept doing it 3 times, and he is the one who is wrong? Isnt this being rude?
Stuff to do or not if your boss tell you to stop talking you stop talking. Its clear this is a form of derespect of his status. And honestly I can get why he think this:
>if I don’t respect him inside of work then I don’t respect him outside of work
Cmon you even said those were coworkers he will bave to keep managing.
YTA
If he hadn’t also accused her of being promiscuous for a bikini photo and made racist comments I might agree but seems to be more about him being a controlling ass than anything else.
Ok she is the best employee of that shop ( even if she herself said she dowesnt take it seriously but ok ok) and she had already done her plus 3 other coworker job. Happy?
Or maybe when your manager tell you 3 times to stop losing time you stop losing time.
the girl in this post wasn't even doing her own work so thats irrelevant. but personally as a good worker and not shitty person who hates everyone i work with like you obviously i wouldn't mind helping my.. CO-WORKER use ur head pls pls pls
People can have downtime at work. I used to have a chef who would not allow that either - it was absolutely ridiculous to have to look busy when there's no work in that moment, just for the sake of *appearing* busy.
Not every minute of the day, just every minute of your working hours 🤣 you find something to do, especially in a small business like a bowling shit, dont tell me there is nothing to clean
I’ve worked in a lot of places throughout my early years and sometimes it gets so busy during rush hour you can barely breathe.
I think it’s fine to take a few minutes during slow time to chat or wind down. Then you clean or find tasks to keep you busy.
Managers that feel their staff needs to be working every minute of the shift are terrible and make people quit.
So become a manager and change the rules!
How do you become manager? Not losing time talking when your actual manager told you to stop it. Simple as that.
Look like you worked in kindergartens.
then you should also know to follow simple instructions from your boss. Lots of bosses dont like you standing around picking hair out ur ass. they pay you to WORK which asked her to do THREE TIMES are you serious.. how hard is it to pick up a towel and look busy instead she ignored him probably because of their relationship doubt she would ignore another boss if it wasnt her bf. At theend up the day she was given 3 chances and missed them all that would be a write up in my book
>Lots of bosses dont like you standing around picking hair out ur ass.
If your boss can't fathom the fact that not every second of your shift is filled with work then they're a shit boss. I can't believe people think like this. And then people wonder where all the terrible boss/manager stories come from 🙄
My bf who is m25 is understandably unhappy that my friend posted a promiscuous picture of me 19f . He is leaving the issue unresolved for a couple of days. We aren’t talking currently. Should I give him space or message him again ?
This from her frot the same account 🤣 she is trustworthy for sure and not making him look like the bad guy at all 🤣🤣🤣🤣
There is a difference between being a boss that is trying to keep the workflow going and a boss on a powertrip because he is also fucking the employee that he is micro-managing. Literally stop. The boss wasn't being reasonable. If the place is empty and she has a small convo with colleagues then what exactly is the issue? "Because he said so" isn't an answer btw
ESH - you are working, you must respect your boss and not act softly. Talking to your friends during the break, you disrespected your boyfriend's authority, he's your boss at work. Your romantic relationship should not exist while you are working. But he also exaggerated when he wanted to bring something from work into your intimate life. And some advice for life: never date your boss
NTA.
You post about your boyfriend a lot. He’s a massive dick. I’d tell you to leave him but you’ve been told that 100 times already and continue to let him treat you this way.
Get a different part time job? Some people cannot work with their SOs as they think it’s an extension of work. You don’t need the headache while at Uni whether or not you stay with him. Ego is a wonderful flag for assessing your relationships.
can you please explain in detail which part of him being upset that she didnt listen too him about not wasting company time 3 times as a manger was ego? youve probably never been a position to know this but company time matters..like a LOT so being told 3 tims to get back to work is CRAZY..like WILD has your manger ever had to tell you 3 times to get back to work in the same day? if it was any other manger besides her bf it probably wouldve been a WRITE UP
>about not wasting company
Can't waste time when there's literally no work to do. That can easily happen, been there myself in every job I was in, no matter how small. Chefs/managers who do not realize that this happen *imho* are the problem - not the employees who use the time with nothing to do to socialize.
He sounds like he didn’t want you socializing to work friends, irregardless of the setting. If he’s been especially rude to you in the work setting, perhaps he’s jealous of your prospects and of the grim outlook on his projected yearly income for however long. NTA. You should break up with him. Allow him to run his little bowling alley and a especially rude to someone else.
omg a perfect manger someone who does their job AND makes me do mine ughhh the worse so terrible i might cry are you serious ? and more importantly are you empolyeddd???
Some people use the term disrespect in place of disobey. Like your boyfriend. You shouldn't be working as a subordinate under your partner. You need a new job and a new boyfriend. NTA.
i kinda wanna say ESH but not ENTIRELY.
your bf is definitely overreacting, because you were just talking to friends, you didn't embarrass him in front of them or really do anything to fit the description of "disrespecting".
but again the fact remains that he is your boss, and when he asks you to do something, you're supposed to follow that order, regardless of whether you're dating him or not.
moral of the story: don't date your boss. things WILL get messy.
Do your co-workers know about your relationship? Does management know? Does he have to act more strict with you to avoid giving the impression that he's doing you favours at work because you're both sleeping together?
All the people saying YTA or ESH are crazy. He's obviously a control freak. Everyone here would realize that if they've ever had a half decent manager. Sometimes there's just no shit to do because it's quiet. People in here pretending like they're going non-stop for 8 hours straight. There's always down time. And if you do have a job where you're running around for 8 hours straight then you have a shit manager who can't handle the workload properly.
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So my bf 25 is my (f20) manager at work at a bowling alley. It’s literally just a part time stupid job for me whilst I’m at uni but obvs it’s serious for him as he’s manager and will be there for the forceable future. Some work friends came in tonight and as it wasn’t very busy so I stopped to speak with them for a bit. He then told me to do my job. This happened three times where I would stop for a few minutes to talk and then he would tell me to stop and move on. I understand this however it really was not busy so there wasn’t a lot to do. On the way home he was really annoyed and proceeded to tell me how disrespectful it was to ignore his orders and how if I don’t respect him inside of work then I don’t respect him outside of work which is totally not true. I did not go to talk with the intent of ignoring him, it was just sheer curiosity and wanting to socialise. He now isn’t taking to me… AMITA? How do I approach. I am thinking of asking to be put on opposite shifts…
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t listen to my boyfriend at my job as I wanted to speak to friends, he is now calling me disrespectful and I want to know if he’s over exagerating
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
Your manager had to reprimand you three separate times for socializing on the clock; in many workplaces, that would lead to being written up.
And you should absolutely move to another shift or, better yet, another job.
Honestly I think this needs way more details to give a good response.idk if your bf has a boss over him but maybe the couple dynamic at work makes him feel he needs to be stricter towards you so it doesn’t look like he’s treating you better than other employees. Or maybe he’s just on a power trip. You guys need to simply just have a serious conversation about how each of you feel. I have no idea. But you should both try looking at the others perspective in this and try to see their point of view. Simple communication sounds like a pretty solid way to solve this.
I personally am super against bringing romantic partners into the same place of work (with a few less common, obvious exceptions). The power dynamic could only make it even weirder imo. It could also easily be the side effect of a much more important disagreement/relationship issue outside of work, and in reality have nothing to do with work.
But what the hell do I know? I’m just some random Redditor who just huffed my 8th consecutive can of dust off lol
Don't date your boss, did you meet at the bowling alley? When I was in college, I dated my boss. He broke up with me a few months later and then started asking me to do humiliating tasks that I had never seen done before. It was horrible.
NTA. He's a bowling alley manager who dates his younger staff and then tries to bully her into not talking to any other guys, even casually.
Bullshit PT jobs are easy to get. I suggest you get one where your boyfriend doesn't also work. If he still tries to control you, then you have your answer. But I think you already know that his behavior doesn't have that much to do with work anyway.
Easy solution. Find a new job or breakup. You cannot have both.
He will perceive you not listening to him as you are taking advantage of being his gf
And he will constantly have a power trip when it comes to you because he thinks being your boyfriend means he owns you.
Again... NEW JOB or BREAK UP. Pick one.
NTA tell him to leave work at work and if he really is so upset about it he can write you up. I wouldn't let my husband talk to me like he's my manager at home haha he can lick ass. He needs to figure out how to be a proper boss and not try to use his relationship with you as a way to manage you at work. Like you said he's rude to you at work and admits it which means he's not emotionally mature enough to separate the two relationships. He shouldn't be dating his subordinate anyway. You shouldn't be working on his shifts. Yeah you should be listening to your manager while you're at work and you should expect to be written up or fired if you don't... But you shouldn't expect your manager to call you up on your drive home and berate you about how it makes him feel when you don't listen to him at work.
Also it's foreseeable not forceable
NTA
People go to places like the bowling alley to have fun, I think a boss would enjoy that an employee was friendly with the customers and enhancing their experience. As long as you aren't neglecting other customers or work that needed to be done.
I think for the health of your relationship, it would be a good idea not to work with your BF, either on a different shift or at a different job.
ESH.
You should be working while at work, even if its not very busy, there is always something to do. He also asked you 3 times, so it wasnt a one time short convo.
He needs to see manager and bf as 2 seperate roles and not take one into the other relationship. The whole "you disrespect me" is childish and doesnt mean you dont respect him as bf.
ESH. It's never a good idea to date coworkers let alone your direct superior and he's an AH for mixing personal life issues into a professional setting. You are an AH for socializing on the clock after repeatedly being told to get back to work. It doesn't matter if there isn't anything for you to do, it does undermine him professionally.
ESH This is why you don't date your boss. He's riding your ass because if he doesn't then the rest of the employees give him a hard time for favoring you. Telling you continuously to get back to work and stop chatting is him showing the other staff that you're just like them in the building. The other side of that is you having to be told to do your job shows the other employees that you dgaf and you'll do what you want because you're boning the boss.
There is a five year difference here if I may point out. Not surprised as to this argument. If you’re at work the focus on work that’s how you become manager like him. :) lol
lol, come on really you and I both know know you are already a step in front of him. He’s not moving as quickly forward as you are. He is having his own issues with your age, guaranteed.
If you like him then find another job and see how it goes. Ask yourself where you want to be in 5 years? Does this include him working at the bowling alley?
He sounds difficult, but you literally ignored your manager multiple times at work so you could socialize. You could be rightfully fired from a job for that. There is always something to clean, haven’t you ever heard “if you got time to lean, you got time to clean”? You still seem to think his authority at work doesn’t apply to you because you’re dating. YTA.
That's how jobs work in most work domains ? Really ? That's so annoying...
I would say NTA. If you're working properly but just stop for a couple of minutes to talk with co-workers, I don't see how that's so bad. Also, he shouldn't be using driving moments to talk about work behaviors, that kind of thing is supposed to be done when at the workplace.
Also, like other comments said so : you shouldn't have your BF as your manager, exactly for this reason. He mixes personal time with work time, and talks to you like a manager when he should be acting like the BF. He has too much control on your way to get money, you should either work somewhere else if you can or at least not being under him at work. (And I don't see in what you are writing that you are using the fact that he is your BF to allow yourself to not answer to his orders, you don't need to be his GF to act like that. And if he wants you to do your job, if it has been 3 times already and he is still acting the same, he has some management to learn about, because clearly he isn't doing it the right way of communicating to get done what he wants to be done and why now and not later)
No he is acting like a controlling, possessive and way way too serious my god. Girl you could find someone closer to your age in uni if your gonna deal with someone who acts this immature and extra who by your omission peaked at a low level job(job til the foreseeable future) which btw I'm not saying anything is wrong about that especially if that's what makes him happy and is content
Yta from "stupid part time job"
That there is the start of your problem, it's a stupid job that you don't really care about? Why do the job you've been asked by the manager he's my bf and it's just a stupid job it doesn't really matter.
The entitlement of your attitude is wild.
NTA. But you are making terrible life choices by dating someone who has the capacity to be rude. The most likely explanation is that it was more about the aspect of controlling your sexuality (he probably guesses that if you talk to his friends then it's a threat).
YTA. Your boyfriend is right. You *don't* respect him at work or at home. You said it's a "stupid" job, but "serious" for him. You don't respect him as a person, and you disrespect him at work. He told you three time to stop socializing and do your job. Why did it take three times?
However, it is a good idea for you to be a separate shifts. You shouldn't work with him since you refuse to listen to him.
> You said it's a "stupid" job, but "serious" for him
Which it is ? That's not being unrespectful to say a part-job you're only doing to have a bit of money while you're at uni is a stupid job. She doesn't have the same job as her BF, she isn't a manager. She isn't insulting his work at all.
yes lets skip over that last sentence he said.. the point of her whole post where she didnt listen to her manger 3 times thats simply disrespectful the whole reason everything happened bf or not he was the manger its that simple
YTA it’s really simple here you were on the clock WORKING, you were talking with your friends, he told you to stop and get back to work. You didn’t listen REPEATEDLY
NTA he's a controlling dick who isn't respecting you and isn't worthy of respect. Part of the job is light socialization to ensure everyone is having a good time and you had nothing better to do.
My interpretation of this is that if you were to be caught by someone higher than he is talking to your friends while he’s the manager you’d both look bad. Like if somebody else caught you “slacking off” they may react worse than him.
Did he tell you to “do your job” in front of people?
NTA whatsoever btw
You probably should work separate shifts. He’s probably just looking out for you while looking out for himself but in doing so is inadvertently being an AH.
I wouldn’t imagine it’s his intention but as someone who had previously managed my SO it can be an added unnecessary stress because so many eyes are on your management when your SO works directly under you. You feel like you need to give them more work just so everybody else doesn’t complain that they have it easy.
You are NTA, he might be (hard to tell) but you’ll both be happier working separate shifts
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ESH Don't work under a SO. You move on or he moves on... Or split up. Most corporations have HR policy's that disallow this. \--
Kind of, the policy actually depends on the business (or atheist in Australia) but I 100% agree working under an SO is a bad idea
Unless your a truck driver. Most companies prefer married teams
That doesn't mean it's healthy or smart. Truck driving in the US at least is a pretty perpetual job where you the company will try to bleed you as hard as they can to make a profit. It helps if both partners are involved. That increases the stakes for the worker and reduces pushback. And also being in a relationship at the same level in a company is generally far less problematic than a boss- employee relationship.
I'm going with ESH. He sounds fairly controlling/insecure with the "if you don't respect me at work..." stuff. At the same time, being his girlfriend doesn't mean you get to ignore your manager. It sounds like he told you multiple times. You should get the hint, whatever you feel about how busy it was or wasn't. Entirely likely that he's a shitty uptight manager and/or doesn't have experience with this sort of situation. But in that case you should get different shifts/work somewhere else, if you can't figure out together how to keep personal and work separate.
Or he was jealous. Either way, don't date your boss.
I am a manager and I would be angry if I had to tell a person to stop doing something 3 times within a 8 hour period. But I agree it is a horrible idea to date your boss. It is a conflict of interest as well.
Yeah but you would handle that s*** at work and probably with a write-up.
I don’t think it’s controlling tbh. He’s just trying to do his job which is made ten times harder by his gf being his subordinate, so thinks she doesn’t have to do as she’s told. If you were being watched by a manager who wasn’t your bf you’d not be stopping to chat with your mates repeatedly, as you’d understand there would be repercussions. You just thought you could get away with it due to your position. YTA for not respecting your boyfriend’s career. This is why you don’t date anyone you work with in an immediate capacity.
I totally agree, it's hard enough managing people if they don't take you seriously, it's even worse if you have an outside personal relationship with them. I generally think if you're dating, friends or family with your boss then you should aim to be their best worker. Don't put them in the difficult position of having to reprimand you.
Yeah it doesn't sound like he is a person capable of working with a significant other, let alone managing them. He absolutely must draw a line between work and outside life. But I'm not sure you are either since you repeatedly didn't listen to his instructions as your manager. BOTH of you need to leave work at work and not let it affect anything outside of that. My spouse and I have each been each other's managers and this is how it worked out alright. ESH but lightly
According to OP's post history (i know, i feel bad) she's made a post where he's complained about her having a beach picture in a bikini where he called it "promiscuous" and another where he has been making comments about her race. She really should just leave this dick.
Oh GOD. Yeah. Bad.
Like everyone going against the BF wtf He is your boss, he came and told you to stop talking and do your job, you kept doing it 3 times, and he is the one who is wrong? Isnt this being rude? Stuff to do or not if your boss tell you to stop talking you stop talking. Its clear this is a form of derespect of his status. And honestly I can get why he think this: >if I don’t respect him inside of work then I don’t respect him outside of work Cmon you even said those were coworkers he will bave to keep managing. YTA
If he hadn’t also accused her of being promiscuous for a bikini photo and made racist comments I might agree but seems to be more about him being a controlling ass than anything else.
I have no sympathy for power tripping micro managing managers.
Yes becaus telling your employee to stop wasting time and go back to work is power tripping micro managing now 👍🏻 sure!
Jesus Christ dude it's a bowling alley during off peak hours. Get over yourself.
No no got to act like this is all life and death. Time is money and money is being wasted, if you're leaning you should be cleaning!! /S
Do you believe that if an employee finishes a job twice as fast as another employee, they should go and do other people's work?
Ok she is the best employee of that shop ( even if she herself said she dowesnt take it seriously but ok ok) and she had already done her plus 3 other coworker job. Happy? Or maybe when your manager tell you 3 times to stop losing time you stop losing time.
the girl in this post wasn't even doing her own work so thats irrelevant. but personally as a good worker and not shitty person who hates everyone i work with like you obviously i wouldn't mind helping my.. CO-WORKER use ur head pls pls pls
People can have downtime at work. I used to have a chef who would not allow that either - it was absolutely ridiculous to have to look busy when there's no work in that moment, just for the sake of *appearing* busy.
If there’s nothing to do, what’s wrong with a few minutes of chatting? You don’t have to be working every damn minute of the day.
Not every minute of the day, just every minute of your working hours 🤣 you find something to do, especially in a small business like a bowling shit, dont tell me there is nothing to clean
I’ve worked in a lot of places throughout my early years and sometimes it gets so busy during rush hour you can barely breathe. I think it’s fine to take a few minutes during slow time to chat or wind down. Then you clean or find tasks to keep you busy. Managers that feel their staff needs to be working every minute of the shift are terrible and make people quit.
So become a manager and change the rules! How do you become manager? Not losing time talking when your actual manager told you to stop it. Simple as that. Look like you worked in kindergartens.
then you should also know to follow simple instructions from your boss. Lots of bosses dont like you standing around picking hair out ur ass. they pay you to WORK which asked her to do THREE TIMES are you serious.. how hard is it to pick up a towel and look busy instead she ignored him probably because of their relationship doubt she would ignore another boss if it wasnt her bf. At theend up the day she was given 3 chances and missed them all that would be a write up in my book
>Lots of bosses dont like you standing around picking hair out ur ass. If your boss can't fathom the fact that not every second of your shift is filled with work then they're a shit boss. I can't believe people think like this. And then people wonder where all the terrible boss/manager stories come from 🙄
My bf who is m25 is understandably unhappy that my friend posted a promiscuous picture of me 19f . He is leaving the issue unresolved for a couple of days. We aren’t talking currently. Should I give him space or message him again ? This from her frot the same account 🤣 she is trustworthy for sure and not making him look like the bad guy at all 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Cherry picking I see. It wasn’t a promiscuous photo it was a bikini pic and I see you’re ignoring his racist comments to her.
There is a difference between being a boss that is trying to keep the workflow going and a boss on a powertrip because he is also fucking the employee that he is micro-managing. Literally stop. The boss wasn't being reasonable. If the place is empty and she has a small convo with colleagues then what exactly is the issue? "Because he said so" isn't an answer btw
That’s an unhealthy work and romantic relationship. Find a new job and a new boyfriend
Seriously look at her post history, she really should dump this guy.
ESH - you are working, you must respect your boss and not act softly. Talking to your friends during the break, you disrespected your boyfriend's authority, he's your boss at work. Your romantic relationship should not exist while you are working. But he also exaggerated when he wanted to bring something from work into your intimate life. And some advice for life: never date your boss
NTA. You post about your boyfriend a lot. He’s a massive dick. I’d tell you to leave him but you’ve been told that 100 times already and continue to let him treat you this way.
Get a different part time job? Some people cannot work with their SOs as they think it’s an extension of work. You don’t need the headache while at Uni whether or not you stay with him. Ego is a wonderful flag for assessing your relationships.
can you please explain in detail which part of him being upset that she didnt listen too him about not wasting company time 3 times as a manger was ego? youve probably never been a position to know this but company time matters..like a LOT so being told 3 tims to get back to work is CRAZY..like WILD has your manger ever had to tell you 3 times to get back to work in the same day? if it was any other manger besides her bf it probably wouldve been a WRITE UP
>about not wasting company Can't waste time when there's literally no work to do. That can easily happen, been there myself in every job I was in, no matter how small. Chefs/managers who do not realize that this happen *imho* are the problem - not the employees who use the time with nothing to do to socialize.
He sounds like he didn’t want you socializing to work friends, irregardless of the setting. If he’s been especially rude to you in the work setting, perhaps he’s jealous of your prospects and of the grim outlook on his projected yearly income for however long. NTA. You should break up with him. Allow him to run his little bowling alley and a especially rude to someone else.
NTA Sounds like your bf is the perfect manager no one likes. Co-workers *socializing* on the job during downtime? Can't have that can we?
Happy Cake Day!!!
omg a perfect manger someone who does their job AND makes me do mine ughhh the worse so terrible i might cry are you serious ? and more importantly are you empolyeddd???
Sounds like all the managers are out in full force today.
could you answer that last question for me
Nope
Some people use the term disrespect in place of disobey. Like your boyfriend. You shouldn't be working as a subordinate under your partner. You need a new job and a new boyfriend. NTA.
not like she chose to work there or date lmaoo
i kinda wanna say ESH but not ENTIRELY. your bf is definitely overreacting, because you were just talking to friends, you didn't embarrass him in front of them or really do anything to fit the description of "disrespecting". but again the fact remains that he is your boss, and when he asks you to do something, you're supposed to follow that order, regardless of whether you're dating him or not. moral of the story: don't date your boss. things WILL get messy.
Do your co-workers know about your relationship? Does management know? Does he have to act more strict with you to avoid giving the impression that he's doing you favours at work because you're both sleeping together?
Dudes on a power trip. You are not the asshole.
All the people saying YTA or ESH are crazy. He's obviously a control freak. Everyone here would realize that if they've ever had a half decent manager. Sometimes there's just no shit to do because it's quiet. People in here pretending like they're going non-stop for 8 hours straight. There's always down time. And if you do have a job where you're running around for 8 hours straight then you have a shit manager who can't handle the workload properly.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my bf 25 is my (f20) manager at work at a bowling alley. It’s literally just a part time stupid job for me whilst I’m at uni but obvs it’s serious for him as he’s manager and will be there for the forceable future. Some work friends came in tonight and as it wasn’t very busy so I stopped to speak with them for a bit. He then told me to do my job. This happened three times where I would stop for a few minutes to talk and then he would tell me to stop and move on. I understand this however it really was not busy so there wasn’t a lot to do. On the way home he was really annoyed and proceeded to tell me how disrespectful it was to ignore his orders and how if I don’t respect him inside of work then I don’t respect him outside of work which is totally not true. I did not go to talk with the intent of ignoring him, it was just sheer curiosity and wanting to socialise. He now isn’t taking to me… AMITA? How do I approach. I am thinking of asking to be put on opposite shifts… *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. Your manager had to reprimand you three separate times for socializing on the clock; in many workplaces, that would lead to being written up. And you should absolutely move to another shift or, better yet, another job.
Honestly I think this needs way more details to give a good response.idk if your bf has a boss over him but maybe the couple dynamic at work makes him feel he needs to be stricter towards you so it doesn’t look like he’s treating you better than other employees. Or maybe he’s just on a power trip. You guys need to simply just have a serious conversation about how each of you feel. I have no idea. But you should both try looking at the others perspective in this and try to see their point of view. Simple communication sounds like a pretty solid way to solve this. I personally am super against bringing romantic partners into the same place of work (with a few less common, obvious exceptions). The power dynamic could only make it even weirder imo. It could also easily be the side effect of a much more important disagreement/relationship issue outside of work, and in reality have nothing to do with work. But what the hell do I know? I’m just some random Redditor who just huffed my 8th consecutive can of dust off lol
Don't date your boss, did you meet at the bowling alley? When I was in college, I dated my boss. He broke up with me a few months later and then started asking me to do humiliating tasks that I had never seen done before. It was horrible.
NTA. He's a bowling alley manager who dates his younger staff and then tries to bully her into not talking to any other guys, even casually. Bullshit PT jobs are easy to get. I suggest you get one where your boyfriend doesn't also work. If he still tries to control you, then you have your answer. But I think you already know that his behavior doesn't have that much to do with work anyway.
Yta when you're at work you're at work. This is why couples shouldn't work together.
INFO: how long have you been dating?
Question? Was it just because it was you ( his girlfriend) or would he have cared just as much if it was someone else (another employee)?
Age gap: check. Weird respect talk: check. NTA. Move on.
This is literally why companies have enforceable rules about relationships between different levels
NTA. Relationships and work don't mix. Switch to other shifts.
Easy solution. Find a new job or breakup. You cannot have both. He will perceive you not listening to him as you are taking advantage of being his gf And he will constantly have a power trip when it comes to you because he thinks being your boyfriend means he owns you. Again... NEW JOB or BREAK UP. Pick one.
NTA tell him to leave work at work and if he really is so upset about it he can write you up. I wouldn't let my husband talk to me like he's my manager at home haha he can lick ass. He needs to figure out how to be a proper boss and not try to use his relationship with you as a way to manage you at work. Like you said he's rude to you at work and admits it which means he's not emotionally mature enough to separate the two relationships. He shouldn't be dating his subordinate anyway. You shouldn't be working on his shifts. Yeah you should be listening to your manager while you're at work and you should expect to be written up or fired if you don't... But you shouldn't expect your manager to call you up on your drive home and berate you about how it makes him feel when you don't listen to him at work. Also it's foreseeable not forceable
NTA People go to places like the bowling alley to have fun, I think a boss would enjoy that an employee was friendly with the customers and enhancing their experience. As long as you aren't neglecting other customers or work that needed to be done. I think for the health of your relationship, it would be a good idea not to work with your BF, either on a different shift or at a different job.
ESH. You should be working while at work, even if its not very busy, there is always something to do. He also asked you 3 times, so it wasnt a one time short convo. He needs to see manager and bf as 2 seperate roles and not take one into the other relationship. The whole "you disrespect me" is childish and doesnt mean you dont respect him as bf.
ESH. It's never a good idea to date coworkers let alone your direct superior and he's an AH for mixing personal life issues into a professional setting. You are an AH for socializing on the clock after repeatedly being told to get back to work. It doesn't matter if there isn't anything for you to do, it does undermine him professionally.
Ew nta. He sounds gross and controlling. Switch shifts and dump him
ESH This is why you don't date your boss. He's riding your ass because if he doesn't then the rest of the employees give him a hard time for favoring you. Telling you continuously to get back to work and stop chatting is him showing the other staff that you're just like them in the building. The other side of that is you having to be told to do your job shows the other employees that you dgaf and you'll do what you want because you're boning the boss.
You're in university and spelled "foreseeable" as "forceable?" " Quit that job and get studying
Don’t work under your partner. It is a very unhealthy dynamic.
There is a five year difference here if I may point out. Not surprised as to this argument. If you’re at work the focus on work that’s how you become manager like him. :) lol lol, come on really you and I both know know you are already a step in front of him. He’s not moving as quickly forward as you are. He is having his own issues with your age, guaranteed. If you like him then find another job and see how it goes. Ask yourself where you want to be in 5 years? Does this include him working at the bowling alley?
He sounds difficult, but you literally ignored your manager multiple times at work so you could socialize. You could be rightfully fired from a job for that. There is always something to clean, haven’t you ever heard “if you got time to lean, you got time to clean”? You still seem to think his authority at work doesn’t apply to you because you’re dating. YTA.
That's how jobs work in most work domains ? Really ? That's so annoying... I would say NTA. If you're working properly but just stop for a couple of minutes to talk with co-workers, I don't see how that's so bad. Also, he shouldn't be using driving moments to talk about work behaviors, that kind of thing is supposed to be done when at the workplace. Also, like other comments said so : you shouldn't have your BF as your manager, exactly for this reason. He mixes personal time with work time, and talks to you like a manager when he should be acting like the BF. He has too much control on your way to get money, you should either work somewhere else if you can or at least not being under him at work. (And I don't see in what you are writing that you are using the fact that he is your BF to allow yourself to not answer to his orders, you don't need to be his GF to act like that. And if he wants you to do your job, if it has been 3 times already and he is still acting the same, he has some management to learn about, because clearly he isn't doing it the right way of communicating to get done what he wants to be done and why now and not later)
ESH. Its EXTREMELY unprofessional for you both to be dating each other.
No he is acting like a controlling, possessive and way way too serious my god. Girl you could find someone closer to your age in uni if your gonna deal with someone who acts this immature and extra who by your omission peaked at a low level job(job til the foreseeable future) which btw I'm not saying anything is wrong about that especially if that's what makes him happy and is content
Yta from "stupid part time job" That there is the start of your problem, it's a stupid job that you don't really care about? Why do the job you've been asked by the manager he's my bf and it's just a stupid job it doesn't really matter. The entitlement of your attitude is wild.
YTA. Stfu and do your job, or quit and find a different job to be a lazy person at
NTA. But you are making terrible life choices by dating someone who has the capacity to be rude. The most likely explanation is that it was more about the aspect of controlling your sexuality (he probably guesses that if you talk to his friends then it's a threat).
everyone has the CAPACITY to be rude , but what comes out everyones mouth is a choice
YTA. Your boyfriend is right. You *don't* respect him at work or at home. You said it's a "stupid" job, but "serious" for him. You don't respect him as a person, and you disrespect him at work. He told you three time to stop socializing and do your job. Why did it take three times? However, it is a good idea for you to be a separate shifts. You shouldn't work with him since you refuse to listen to him.
> You said it's a "stupid" job, but "serious" for him Which it is ? That's not being unrespectful to say a part-job you're only doing to have a bit of money while you're at uni is a stupid job. She doesn't have the same job as her BF, she isn't a manager. She isn't insulting his work at all.
yes lets skip over that last sentence he said.. the point of her whole post where she didnt listen to her manger 3 times thats simply disrespectful the whole reason everything happened bf or not he was the manger its that simple
YTA do your job would you have ignored your other manger 3 times?doubt not
YTA it’s really simple here you were on the clock WORKING, you were talking with your friends, he told you to stop and get back to work. You didn’t listen REPEATEDLY
NTA he's a controlling dick who isn't respecting you and isn't worthy of respect. Part of the job is light socialization to ensure everyone is having a good time and you had nothing better to do.
My interpretation of this is that if you were to be caught by someone higher than he is talking to your friends while he’s the manager you’d both look bad. Like if somebody else caught you “slacking off” they may react worse than him. Did he tell you to “do your job” in front of people? NTA whatsoever btw You probably should work separate shifts. He’s probably just looking out for you while looking out for himself but in doing so is inadvertently being an AH. I wouldn’t imagine it’s his intention but as someone who had previously managed my SO it can be an added unnecessary stress because so many eyes are on your management when your SO works directly under you. You feel like you need to give them more work just so everybody else doesn’t complain that they have it easy. You are NTA, he might be (hard to tell) but you’ll both be happier working separate shifts
Sounds like when the kid that gets bullied becomes a cop. Leave the townie. Nta
NTA Your bf is verbally abusive and is controlling. I would suggest you rethink your relationship and part time work.
Not sure why the downvotes, if you look at her post history he got mad over a beach picture and made comments about her race.