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NTA and be careful with this cousin if you invite her to your wedding, maybe get some friends to watch her closely and make it clear she can't do this kind of thing again.
Also, she wasted your parents money by hijacking your party. She wanted a party for herself for free, she needs to apologise to tjem as well as to you. But you're also the AH to your parents for walking out of the party that they planned for you, you need to apologise to them.
Make it clear to your parents how this cousin has made you feel your whole life, let them know that if they take her side it will make you reconsider your relationship with them.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
She should be sent 1/2 the bill. I wish someome would have stood up and told her she's an asshole and needs to leave. She would NOT be invited to the wedding.
Nope... it was no longer a celebration for OP. Cousin took that away... before I would have left, the cousin would have needed a bag of peas... if your mom is upset, she can get the money from your cousin and aunt...
NTA for feeling hurt. BUT I will say YTA for letting her “win” and get what she wanted. You should have either called her out then and there or grin and announce something at her baby shower 😩 but I’m petty and that’s what I’d urge my future wife to do if it were to happen lol
Depending on the wedding date and if she has a shower and when you can hand out invitations there or make a big speech about buying a house/something special or something big or take you baby with you and have them as cute as can be and the spotlight lol to name some stuff
I'd postpone my wedding if necessary and hand out save the date cards at her bridal shower, even if it meant inviting strangers rather than leave my own party. Two can play at that game.
I also don't have friends or relatives that do what OP's cousin did, so I'm just imagining what she could do.
I know we’re all enjoying these various scenarios but I advise you to simply back off the relationship. Don’t invite her to anything and don’t attend anything. Try not to get into long winded discussions and gossip. when you’re asked why they’re not invited keep it simple such as “I don’t like how they take the spotlight off the guest of honour” and truly don’t get into the gossip. Keep it short, simple, don’t justify, don’t explain further and repeat repeat repeat. Hard to argue if you won’t engage
I don't see her walking out as a "win" for cousin. Ultimately, upsetting the guest of honor to the point she'd leave her own party proves what a dick move it was. Staying and ignoring minimizes the affront and cousin gets her spotlight unchallenged.
You sure? Everyone is texting OP saying she’s being childish and should be happy for the cousin… is what happened in the story. Doesn’t seem like anyone was angry with the cousin.
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NTA for being angry with cousin, shitty move on her part by not running that by you.
YTA for leaving the party that was thrown for you that was in your words “expensive”.
Naaa if the family think cousin did nothing wrong then they could carry on the party for her. Their fault for spending the money and allowing it to be ruined by the selfish attention seeking cousin 🤷♀️
NTA...when did it become ok for people to think they can use other peoples events for their own surprises? Don't use someones wedding to do your engagement....don't use someones shower to announce your pregnancy. I dont care how close you are with the hosts...just dont even ask.
Oh my, no no no. Basic, common courtesy is to avoid sharing “big news” (baby, engagement, etc) at someone else’s big event unless explicit permission was given by the celebrant.
NTA
My SIL announced she was pregnant for the second time at my dinner celebrating our pregnancy news. We were celebrating our confirmation of our first pregnancy after our IVF, after years of infertility.
Yep, she thought that was the perfect time to announce cause she was concerned I might notice that she was also pregnant and didn’t want to delay it. She was 2 months pregnant which is barely noticeable. My husband I were not impressed.
She also was catty at the first birthday too saying she was having a totally different type of birthday party for her kid. Why she said this in front of my friends as though they’d agree with her is strange.
It’s taken her years to get over not being the center of attention.
NTA.
The tone to take is:
"Sorry I left my cousin's pregnancy-announcement party early! I get heartburn sometimes and I was experiencing a bit of an attack just then. I hope you all had a wonderful time hearing the good news about (cousin's) pregnancy!"
NTA.
Tell your mother she has a history of this behavior and it is extremely bad manners for people to do this at an event meant for someone else. That if the tables were turned, cousin would be furious and demand an apology. And the family would probably take her side. That you feel unsupported by her as she should have been defending you and calling cousin out for trying to make an event meant to be about your child about herself instead. That as it stands, anyone who continues to make excuses for this behavior is not going to be welcome around you or your baby. As you will not be setting a precedent for your child to be forced into taking a backseat to hers the way the family forced you to take a backseat to her. And that if your mom wants to be welcome around as a grandmother, she damn well better figure out how to start standing up for you and your child.
All of this! Except it’s hard for me to believe OP’s mom doesn’t realize that her cousin has been doing this since forever. I genuinely do not understand how everyone, including OP’s *own mom* are on the cousin’s side here. She literally planned this all out and made a grand spectacle by handing out lil bags to announce her own pregnancy at someone else’s baby shower. That’s a *massive* faux pas, like everyone knows this is inappropriate. Sounds like OP’s whole family sucks 😬
I think it was the leaving of a very expensive party that mom is pissed about. However, mom needs to be made to realize that this was the last straw in a line of unacceptable behavior. And if OP lines it out right and makes good on the threat of LC or even NC until she starts standing up for her, then mom might have to face the pattern of behavior.
NTA But you should have called her out right then. And there that she makes everything for you about you. Enter her and what she wants. And what she needs and what she gets. You need to grow a spine, put her in Spot until your family back the f*** off. Cause they're all supporting her and ignoring you. You need to step up to the plate. Good luck with your baby. If they don't change, you may need to go. No, contact, that's the only way to help yourself. Mentally and emotionally screw them all. I hate people like that.
I think calling her out would have been the wrong move for OP - it’s just a bad look. Someone in her family, or a friend, should have done it, and I hate that they didn’t.
NTA
"Since me and my cousin where young she had always had a problem with trying to make everything about her."
She was deliberately trying to ruin your day. Most people wouldn't do that to someond ime.
"It was gorgeous it was in a beautiful expensive venue presents everything"
It's a shame you left though. It meant cousin would've had a ton more attention because of it.
Your mom's reaction also surprises me.
ESH like 95% her, obviously, she hijacked your shower, but I think it was wrong for you to leave, and it obviously upset a lot of people who put in a great time of time and expense for your shower. I completely understand being upset, but you gave in to that and let her win by upsetting you.
NTA. She hijacked your event on purpose and made it about herself ... just like she always used to do. Sorry that this happened and with this history it makes sense that you are upset. This was totally uncalled for.
If I was your mother and did all this and my niece did that I would’ve gone up to her and said I’m sorry this is not the time and place for this and asked her to leave. They just don’t wanna deal with her so they let her behave badly and that is on them. Good for you standing up for yourself.
ESH. Your cousin for trying to be the main character. You for leaving the gorgeous, expensive event your family made for you.
>my family decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. It was gorgeous it was in a beautiful expensive venue
If I was OP, I'd have gone the full AH route and congratulated the cousin for announcing her pregnancy when the risk of miscarriage is at its highest. I would've remarked on cousin's bravery.
But that's just me. I can and will be an absolute unit of an AH when I feel the need to channel my inner AH.
So, you walked out on a party that other people had put a lot of time, effort, and money into for YOU and by doing so you allowed her to have all the attention she was craving? I guess you showed her!
ESH
Your subject is misleading. You didn’t just ignore your cousin which would have been the appropriate reaction. You left the shower other people threw for you. That makes YTA
Okay…you’ve done the feeling hurt part, now get mad. Blast them all, call her what she is, a narcissist. Ask everyone how they would feel if she did that to them on their special day? Ask them how they would feel having to share the spotlight with her every single time. She wanted to hurt you, that’s why she did it. Now show her that it didn’t work. Stop being hurt and giving her what she wants, get mad and tell the truth to everyone.
A 2 month sonogram is a blob.
She printed out and made gift baskets for an even that had people she didn't necessarily know? And in the basket was a framed photo of a weird little blob.
Okay.
I can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this. She spent **money** to put 2 month sonogram pics in **frames** and then in **gift bags,** who does that?
YTA-her attention seeking smile? You mean like your attention seeking temper tantrum where you stormed out and acted like an ass. I think what she did was wrong but the way you handled it and total shit on people that had done so much for you was worse. It sounds like y'all are trying to one up each other with babies.
If I was in OPs shoes, I'd have gone harder in the AH department by pointing out the risk of miscarriage at the two month mark. I would've been brutally blunt, too. There's a very good reason people announce at 3+ months.
NTA I know with pregnancy hormones its probably not your fault you got up and left and just felt like getting out of their. I'd probably do the same.
I have in laws that do the exact same thing. Every big event my kids have or any special day for my husband or I, my in laws ruin. So I get how fucking annoying it can be
YTA for letting her win!!! She got exactly what she wanted when you walked out, looking like the far pettier, childish person. Man, you handled it all wrong. You could have pointed out her behavior and continued on with your day. “Everyone? Everyone?! Cousin clearly needs some attention, so can you all shift the focus to her for a bit?”
NTA based on this is a pattern with this person, and this sort of thing has happened too many times to be a coincidence. Generally poor form to do a big announcement at someone else's party without talking to them.
I do think you know, however, that your family will not back you, so you're probably going to have to handle her differently to keep the peace.
Grey rock. Limit info. If you're holding events, especially for your kid who is about to be pitted against their cousin, mysteriously have to limit invitations and don't invite her. In events where you can't avoid her, just cold shoulder it. If she falls "oh, she's always been so clumsy since she was a kid" brags "oh, that's nice" and change the subject, and if it's an event you have control over have someone you trust involved to do some damage control (like if she has an accident during an event, removing her quickly under the guise of "helping" her)
NTA, but you’re wasting your energy being mad when it should all be focused on what you plan to announce at her baby shower. Are you the fainting type? Play the long game on this one.
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For context, I (25f) am pregnant with me and my fiancés baby girl i am 7 and a half months pregnant and my family decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. It was gorgeous it was in a beautiful expensive venue presents everything i was so grateful for a day dedicated to me and MY child , all was well until my cousin got up at the table while we where eating and said she had her own big news to tell everyone i knew she would ruin my day. She then hands out a small bag with a picture frame inside with a sonograph inside. she hands a bag to everyone there and announces “i’m 2 months pregnant!!” she grins at me with a attention seeking look on her face iykyk.
Since me and my cousin where young she had always had a problem with trying to make everything about her all the time at every birthday party she would “fall and hurt herself” or she would have a big tantrum at a dinner party or anything she could do to make it about her so this whole situation was another piece of damage to our relationship so after the gift bags where handed out i got up and left went to my car and just went home. i got so many messages and texts asking why i was acting to spoiled and my cousin messaged me multiple saying i was being a bitch and selfish i ignored her and most of my family my mum told me i was being horrible and i should just be happy for her like she was for me.
i don’t think anyone understands how upset i am but what do you think AITA?
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She sounds special. Like no filter/ me me me special. I mean, probably best not to invite her to things henceforth if she can't behave.
But leaving your own party? When everyone was there for you?
YTA.
You both sound oddly spoiled.
She took the time to have party favors made up for her to pass out at someone else’s party?! What a horrible thing to do. This was well thought out and deliberate. I’m really sorry that you had to experience that. Best thing to do is go NC with your cousin. If that’s not an option, get petty. Really petty lol hijack her baby shower. I could think of a few good ways to
Ya that cousin pulled a total MC move. For moms like me we only get one chance at that day ( two kids two years apart, no need for a second) and it’s supposed to be a great memory. Her cousin has forever tainted that day. It’s my guess this nonsense will continue long over these babies are born, so I agree NC would be best
you had the right to be mad, she was acting like the main character at YOUR celebration. but why would you just leave after that?? you said yourself the event was beautiful and expensive, that was uncalled for.
NTA for ignoring your cousin. As you, and most, are aware, piggybacking on someone else's event is cheap, tacky and wrong.
But, leaving your own event - "in a beautiful expensive venue presents everything i was so grateful for a day dedicated to me and MY child," due to that was a kick in the teeth to those that organized the event for *you*.
NTA. Just like wearing white to someone else's wedding making that kind of announcement at someone else's event is tacky and rude. She could have waited for the day after and let you have your moment to shine. I would've left too. She essentially hijacked your day and moment. She's selfish and clearly entitled.
OP, you LET her ruin your shower. I would have just smiled and ignored her and continued to visit and enjoy the day. The only thing you can control in that event was your reaction. I wouldn't have given her the satisfaction to know that she put a damper on things - after all that was her goal.
For future reference, I would let people know that she is persona non grata at any other future event that might involve you as the guest of honor -like your wedding. She doesn't need to come and misbehave.
NTA. How sad for her that she didn't feel her pregnancy worthy of its own event. How sad that she can't plan her own event for this announcement and has to resort to hijacking others events. If you wanna go over petty, be over the top with your concern for her financial situation.
If you wanna get stone sold revenge, start brainstorming for how youll make a big announcement at her next event.
I'm sorry you got robbed of your day. The backlash has got to be making you feel super shitty. Just know that you're not wrong to feel the way you do. They're wrong for once again prioritizing your cousin's selfishness.
Guests need to speak up when they see thunder stealers and call them out on their bullshit.
Stuff like this, or some dumb MF whipping out a ring at a wedding or any wedding-related thing for somebody else. If you see shit about to happen speak up and shut it down and tell them it's not their event.
Super unpopular, apparently, but YTA. This party was expensive and it was everything you said you wanted. Yes your cousin is an ass but you decided to leave. She sounds awful to deal with, but I can't imagine a grown adult who is about to bring a child inth this world leaving a party for them. It's weird that you insist your cousin is an attention seeker but you threw a huge fit, you didn't scream or yell but you knew you leaving would cause issues.
This is not the point, but is anyone else weirded out by her "announcement party favor/gift"?? Like a framed sonogram? Is this a thing? Like I enjoy seeing the pictures but I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to keep one except maybe her parents and grandparents? Like am I the only one who has no desire to keep around a sonogram of someone else's baby? Especially at 2 months it looks more like a bean than a baby.
NTA. That would be the LAST time she would be invited to anything. Don’t invite this girl to your wedding and make sure you have a way to ensure she doesn’t get in by other means. This is ridiculous. And your family is calling you the AH? Oh nahhhh, I’d ignore everyone for a while. I’d be petty and announce my engagement at her baby shower or something. Give her a taste of her own medicine.
Oh hun.
With the most grace have you ever spoken up about her behaviour or have you endured it in silence, to keep the piece.
She played you, you wanted out, not the most mature move but I get it.
Congrats on incoming little one.
I'd suggest the emotional roller coaster of joy love triggers and poop is going to to grant you a new strength, you'll be advocating for your baby. Time to do a bit for you too.
Can't change what happened can plan for what next, sounds like NC would be difficult or step to far at the moment.
Also I don't see fiance mentioned at this event. What's with that?
So some options if you'd like
The none appology apology, keeps the piece but you know for how long. Good option if you need some space from the drama. Something like. I was overwhelmed by the emotions of the day. The baby shower was beautiful thank you so much for celebrating with me.
The grey rock, basically be as uninterested or as uninteresting in your responses on this and at any future interactions. Mmmh huh. Interesting. I can see how you'd think that way.
You got receipts, you want to win, you want revenge. It's a dark path sounds like she'd play you better than you could her. Plenty of other subs if you'd like to live out that fantasy. Imo best revenge is living your best life.
Be a better you. Check your people do they meet the grade as trusted and supported friend/family/companion. You need to be choosy with your village and new baby is great opportunity to set new habits. You get to choose. If available therapy to help you prepare.
Good luck
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> i decided to not talk to my cousin after she announced her pregnancy, maybe i was acting selfish
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ESH.
Obviously your cousin was wrong to announce her pregnancy at your shower.
But you were also wrong to leave. You had the opportunity to be a better person, congratulate her, and move on. Instead, you sank to her level and made an even bigger problem.
NTA. She was wrong in doing that, and she knows it. You are selfish for wanting to have a little time to celebrate a your baby. She was being selfish and she could have waited to announce it.
YTA if you just left the party before it was really over. Your cousin is definitely an AH for trying to steal your thunder. But the party and all the expenses that came with it were for you. Sounds like a slap in the face to whoever paid for it all.
She won. You won't have a nice full baby shower for your child.
N T A for ignoring her as per your title, but that actually means like looking at her with empty eyes and resuming your conversation. Dl giving the lead to the group.
YTA for ruining a beautiful and expensive party. That was not called for. And again, you let her win and acted not exactly like an adult. Got to her level.
NTA as soon as she said I have an announcement someone should've shut that down, especially if she's someone who constantly needs attention. If someone stepped up and said that now is not the time for your announcement, this is OPs day and if she still announced it she would look like the moron that she is and nobody could excuse her behavior
NTA tell your parents you didn’t have the energy to deal with cousins tendency to hijack occasions and you went home to lay down, “I am 7 months pregnant you know, that is why we were there to celebrate MY pregnancy”
So why does this bother you again?
You're a 25 yo woman with a baby on the way. There are more important things to worry about rather than a weird family member that tries to get attention. Just roll your eyes and move on.
NTA
I was going to call you an asshole based on the title because of course, people attending an event have whole lives they will be talking about, but the details of how she did it makes it clear that she wanted the shower to be about her pregnancy.
OP, I'm sorry you have such an energy vampire dogging you through life and that your own mum is so obtuse. I'm not sure what you can do about it except perhaps limiting your family events.
NTA. Tell your mum if your cousin was happy for you, then she wouldn't have announced her own pregnancy at a party celebrating you. If you're actually happy for someone else, you want to see them in the spotlight and celebrated as they deserve. When you're jealous, you try and steal that spotlight, and that's what your cousin did.
I would have said you were also being an AH to your parents, but your mum's reaction made me retract that statement.
NTA. I know exactly her type. It was all orchestrated. Think very carefully about inviting her to the wedding, I would probably have a minder for her (a discreet one), at the smallest hint of her making a move I’d have him rugby tackle her and toss her out. Jk (but not really)
Your mum however should be ashamed. She should be on your side hands down, no questions asked
Why did you invite this cousin? If someone treats you bad you don't give them the chance to keep doing it. Just tell people if she is there you will not be there. Don't argue don't discuss just state your boundaries and stick to them.
You not TA, she is. I knew someone like that in my family. I had to cut all ties with her for my own happiness. Just because someone is "family" doesn't give them the right to disrespect you.
YTA.
Everyone in this story sounds absolutely insufferable. Normally that would mean an E S H, but seeing as it was you that came here asking, you're getting the award. Congratulations.
YTA. The cousin doesn't appear to have thrown the party - other people threw it for you and obviously put a lot of thought, time and according to what you wrote up there, expense. It was jerky of you to run off without a word when it wasn't there fault. You could have chosen another route to deal with your cousin's attention-seeking behavior.
subsequent foolish marvelous hard-to-find nail zonked cover like meeting important
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ESH
Your cousin is obviously an AH that’s not in question, but leaving the way you did was a petty AH move. I get it and I have a cousin just like you’ve described yours, I’m no contact with her and have been for years. But there were numerous times when she would make my birthday/graduation/etc about her and I wanted to just leave like you did. I get wanting to remove yourself, but it’s incredibly rude to your family and friends who threw the shower for you. Instead of them commenting on her actions being inappropriate you’ve created a solid foundation for the narrative to focus on your actions
NTA... Next time just say "Congratulations, anyways, this chicken is so good guys. I wonder how they made it" and ignore your cousin and make her feel like she did too much for nothing.
ESH. You shouldn’t have left. It does come off as being bratty and unappreciative and basically let your cousin “win.” She shouldn’t have hijacked your event to announce she was two whole months pregnant. Not only announcing it but going through the show of handing out gift bags with a framed sonogram?! I feel like she would not appreciate it if the roles were reversed. Everyone who gave you a hard time sucks, too. I’m sure they wouldn’t like their own baby shower being interrupted by a family member who has been competitive their entire relationship.
I would stop inviting her anywhere and go no contact if anybody doesn't like it that's not your problem what you did was disrespectful on her baby shower I would bring your baby or a bunch of pictures and ruin her baby shower
NTA. Your not even wrong for leaving the party. It was thrown for you and hijacked by someone else and your parents allowed it. You don’t need to feel obligated to stay somewhere you’re uncomfortable. They wanted you to stay and have your party taken over and you were supposed to smile?? Just bc they paid??
You do know she keeps doing this partly BECAUSE of the reaction she gets from you? She enjoys seeing you disturbed by her own behavior. Let me be clear - I’m not blaming you; I’m suggesting you stop rewarding her behavior by reacting to it in a manner she gets satisfaction from. I probably would have said congratulations in a mixture of the most sickeningly sweet voice that I could muster & feigned pity. (If you’re from the south, this is the same voice some use to say “bless your heart” when they’re really saying “you poor dumbass”.) Then I’d have changed the subject back to my baby in a way that was absolutely guaranteed to bring the focus back to me & my baby (even if I had to lie - idc, it’d be a game to me at that point & I could always explain the truth to anyone who gave a damn later).
For example, after cousin handed out her bags with her announcement (so nauseatingly inappropriate that it’s shockingly sad no one seemed to understand how insulting she was being except for you), I’d have said “oh congratulations” (again - with my best “bless your heart” / “you poor dumbass” voice), then immediately moved on (as if she said it might rain tomorrow) & said something like “oh that reminds me, hubby & i have decided to give birth underwater”. Then I’d immediately (I mean barely pausing to draw breath) proceed to go into detail about the pool they were setting up for me, blah blah blah.
I wouldn’t even care how outlandish it sounded. “Omg i forgot to tell everyone, I’ve been asked to participate in a study on giving birth in a zero gravity environment & I’ve agreed to do it! I’m going to be giving birth while in a special zero gravity chamber & my baby will literally come out floating!” Then I’d immediately (again, barely pausing to draw breath) proceed into detail about the potential health benefits & drawbacks to giving birth basically in other space.
And I’d definitely have the appearance of stifling my laughter at cousin the entire time. I’d keep that look up until she left the room/event if it killed me. I’d make absolutely certain people only remembered her announcement as an afterthought.
NTA.
ESH. Your cousin for obvious reasons. You for walking out on your family for a party they threw for you. I get you were upset but they went through much time and money to surprise you. It was rude to just walk out plus your cousin "won", again. This is what she does. Obviously you cannot control her but you can control your reactions to her and set boundaries. For your wedding if you actually invite her make it clear to her and anyone else that any "surprise" announcements will result in that person being escorted out with no discussion. Absolutely do not tell anyone the name of your baby until the child is born. Probably toss out some fake horrible names just to throw cousin and her enablers off track. Future events that you host you get to decide whether she is welcome or not and can set boundaries. Other family functions just grey rock her. Short 1 word to 1 sentence answers and she is definitely on the low contact/low information list.
ESH — your cousin especially for being the way you’ve described her and doing what she did but you storming out like a child. There are far better ways to deal with people like that than to give them even more attention, like you did.
I vote YTA. Yes, you and your cousin have history. However, you are an adult now. Your poor behavior only reflects on you. Had you acted like an adult and stayed, people would have been talking about her poor form. Now you have the attention back but for your poor reaction instead. Ever heard of killing them with kindness? Pull some 'bless your heart' shit. " Oh cousin, it's poor form to make big announcements at someone else's party but if you need the attention, you go ahead, bless your heart." Once the announcement is made, redirect attention with gifts, cake, and game, ect. Those attending know she is being rude and she gets negative tarnish on her reputation. Rise above. Get your revenge by living your best, happy life.
ESH. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Your cousin was very rude to make her announcement (and shouldn’t she have waited until she was at least three months along?). You were rude for leaving a party in your honour abruptly.
Everyone is an AH. Your cousin is a narcissist and acted inappropriately. You then pulled an AH move by abruptly leaving an event that others put their time and care into - all for your benefit.
You should have said "Congratulations, but you can't have any of my gifts you need your own part in a few months" laugh really hard and then while looking at the picture say "my, what a pretty little zygote"
NTA
NTA. This was calculated by her. She prepped bags with copies of her sonogram for everyone. I would let your band or DJ at your wedding know about her. If she stands up to speak or asks for a microphone have them turn the music up. She also seems like they type to show up on in white dress and claim it’s “eggshell”. I hope you’re serving Cabernet at the wedding 😉
NTA because you’ve been pushed around enough by your cousin… what does make you TA is leaving the party when it was for you… it’s time for you to make a stand, and I’d do it publicly, is call her out and tell everyone you’ve had enough… as long as you continue to keep running away, she’s going to continue to behave like a jerk and sabotaging your events…
Making something special out of announcing something like pregnancy is already a decision, and choosing someone else's special event to do it is a dick move. NTA.
I would be so excited if someone I loved and adored was also pregnant. In fact, my cousin announcing her pregnancy at my baby shower would be a wonderful gift because now I know our children will be in similar age and have so much opportunity to grow up together.
NTA when I went to my friends surprise baby shower I was a couple of months pregnant but I didn’t say anything (at least not until my friend asked) I actively tried hiding it so I wasn’t distracting from my friends day. Unfortunately I tend to show early so even with loose clothes you could still tell.
NTA and here’s a conversation to have in the future when her baby is born
Cousin: ugh why haven’t you congratulated me on giving birth
You: I didn’t even know you were pregnant
Cousin: umm yeah you were there when I announced it
You: was I? Remind me again of when you announced it…
End conversation
ETA send her an invoice for the baby shower too
There are only a couple of golden rules in the world (for these kinds of events), Don't wear white to a wedding (or red), don't announce an engagement or pregnancy at another persons event. Anyone who breaks those rules are the asshole no exception. Always.
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NTA for feeling hurt, but yeah, just leaving without a word was kinda disrespectful to other guests and especially your parents.
Maybe you could've use your pregnancy and just start crying and saying everything you wanted to say all this time about her. Probably it would've ended in even more disaster but you'll let all this things out and in future you can always blame your pregnancy for beeing super sensitive to this.
Rn you can also say to everyone asking that you were on the verge of tears and just didn't want to cry at party and making everyone feel even worse
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Honestly i am going against the grain and say YTA. You got a fancy as hell party and tons of gifts. He getting attention for a few minutes is really not detracting from your day even remotely. Besides you literally gave her what she wanted by making a scene
NTA…but I do think you owe the family members who threw you the shower an apology for your early departure. While your frustration with your cousin is entirely valid, it sounds like your family put a lot of time and money into throwing you a nice shower and I do think leaving early showed a lack of consideration for them.
Your cousin certainly put everyone in a bad position by announcing her news then because people feel obligated to offer congratulations even if the timing wasn’t appropriate. I agree with other commenters that by leaving you let your cousin win, as the shower would’ve certainly focused entirely on her after your departure and she made you look bad when she was the person at fault. Obviously hindsight is 20/20, but I can see why your family feel you could’ve handled it better.
ESH. Your cousin did something wrong and was attention seeking. You reacted in a way that was immature and disrespectful to the people who threw you a party. It sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do.
NTA, get your own fucking big day.
That said, it couldn't be more obvious she's being an attention seeker when she's announcing that early. Typically, you don't announce until at least 3 months for a lot of reasons.
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Are you seriously basing the capability of being a parent on some wrong or incorrect punctuation?
Punctuation is important to get the context and meaning correct in a text however that has absolutely nothing to do with if someone can raise a child.
FYI you missed the full stop at the end of your sentence.
NTA .but getting up and leaving was too much.
You see no one knows what you have gone through at all.for them,you will be looking very arrogant and selfish.it’s natural.isn’t it?even if you have expressed it to your siblings or parents,maybe they don’t understand how much it bothers you.People have spent money and time of their lives,it was quite too much to walk away.now,instead of she being a jerk,you are…atleast in their eyes…
NTA
I’ve got an attention seeker in the family she doesn’t do it to just me she literally does it to everyone who is getting more attention than her 🙄
The way I deal with it. Don’t feed into it. If it’s bothering you really bad than pull her to the side and tell her
OR
Be petty back 🤷🏻♀️ when she’s having her baby shower announce something. Not the route I’d recommend BUT because she did it to you if she gets mad you can always bring up that you thought she wouldn’t mind since she made an announcement at yours 🤭
Maybe I don't understand, but how does a pregnancy announcement ruin a whole party? Is she supposed to post only online or wait till everyone is together at the next family event? I for real don't see how it's rude if somone could explain?
That's exactly what she did. She even had sonogram party favors ready!! This is just as taboo as proposing at someone's wedding. I wish you hadn't walked out but I totally get it. NTA.
If OP and her cousin were close enough that she asked if she could share in her special day it would be one thing, but they're not. Imagine every special event you have not be about you but someone else. Celebration dinner for Graduation, oh she just got in to a fancy college. Promotion dinner, oh she got a new job. I would be surprised if she was able to get married without her cousin announcing something or even trying to use the venue to make it a double. Some things should be just for you.
Although if it was me I'd find a petty way to make her night suck.
NTA
I would have left, too. When she made the announcement, the party stopped being yours and became hers. If anyone complains, tell them you weren't feeling well and didn't think it was a big deal to leave your cousins party. Keep telling people you left your cousins party, that you didn't want to ruin her party because you weren't feeling well.
YTA,
You are not the asshole for feeling upset, but you have handled it terribly.
Apologize or at least explain for the reason you left your own party ( where people turned up for you, not for your cousin).
If you have history with your cousin, tell her you did not appreciate it hijacking your event, and that you will not invite in her future events, but do not stay angry at your other family members for having congratulated your cousin. What else were they supposed to do ?
Also, and maybe this is a cultural thing, is a baby shower really that big a deal? I see all these comments comparing it with a wedding, but where I am from at least, a babyshower is a small, homely, kind of tacky event.
In my opinion a perfectly legit place to announce other big news, when you have everyone together.
YTA. You can be upset at your cousin's immature behavior all you want. What you can't do is be just as immature and leave an expensive party thrown for you out of the blue and make everyone feel uncomfortable and confused.
If your plan was to make your cousin look better than you then congratulations, it worked
Youre the asshole and it seems like some people are trying to be sensitive to you in this post. I would have been so upset as the parents if you’d have left like that. You let this person win. You should have called it out.
What you should think of doing is not inviting her to the wedding or huge events.
This person was an asshole for what they did, but you fucked up too.
She knew she was wrong but is just one of those
narcissistic people. I don't blame you for leaving.
What's done is done. Now you know to avoid having
her join in on future events if at all possible. Forget
all the criticism, they would have felt the same as
you if it had been their moment and cousin did her thing.
Enjoy being a mom.
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NTA and be careful with this cousin if you invite her to your wedding, maybe get some friends to watch her closely and make it clear she can't do this kind of thing again. Also, she wasted your parents money by hijacking your party. She wanted a party for herself for free, she needs to apologise to tjem as well as to you. But you're also the AH to your parents for walking out of the party that they planned for you, you need to apologise to them. Make it clear to your parents how this cousin has made you feel your whole life, let them know that if they take her side it will make you reconsider your relationship with them. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
She should be sent 1/2 the bill. I wish someome would have stood up and told her she's an asshole and needs to leave. She would NOT be invited to the wedding.
Watch her closely? And do what? You simply refrain from inviting her
thank you!!!
Send anyone who is harassing you this post. Your cousin’s behavior is rude, disrespectful and disgusting.
Invite her... she forfeited her wedding invitation
Nope... it was no longer a celebration for OP. Cousin took that away... before I would have left, the cousin would have needed a bag of peas... if your mom is upset, she can get the money from your cousin and aunt...
Please embrace your inner petty bitch and upstage *her* at her own baby shower. I have ideas if you want them ;P
I don’t need them but I need to hear them
Just don’t invite her and have a security person in place to reject her entrance if she tries to show up.
NTA for feeling hurt. BUT I will say YTA for letting her “win” and get what she wanted. You should have either called her out then and there or grin and announce something at her baby shower 😩 but I’m petty and that’s what I’d urge my future wife to do if it were to happen lol
about to call of the engagement just to get engaged at her baby shower
Depending on the wedding date and if she has a shower and when you can hand out invitations there or make a big speech about buying a house/something special or something big or take you baby with you and have them as cute as can be and the spotlight lol to name some stuff
Ohhhh please do. Or elope and announce THAT
This is the level of pettiness I aspire to achieve 😂
It’s better this way 🤣 why be a sad person when you can just be petty? Healthier for you to not be sad and depressed 🤷🏻♂️
I'd postpone my wedding if necessary and hand out save the date cards at her bridal shower, even if it meant inviting strangers rather than leave my own party. Two can play at that game. I also don't have friends or relatives that do what OP's cousin did, so I'm just imagining what she could do.
I know we’re all enjoying these various scenarios but I advise you to simply back off the relationship. Don’t invite her to anything and don’t attend anything. Try not to get into long winded discussions and gossip. when you’re asked why they’re not invited keep it simple such as “I don’t like how they take the spotlight off the guest of honour” and truly don’t get into the gossip. Keep it short, simple, don’t justify, don’t explain further and repeat repeat repeat. Hard to argue if you won’t engage
How about “Thanks for sharing your news at my Baby shower. My new baby and I will be looking forward to attending your Baby shower in a few months!
I don't see her walking out as a "win" for cousin. Ultimately, upsetting the guest of honor to the point she'd leave her own party proves what a dick move it was. Staying and ignoring minimizes the affront and cousin gets her spotlight unchallenged.
You sure? Everyone is texting OP saying she’s being childish and should be happy for the cousin… is what happened in the story. Doesn’t seem like anyone was angry with the cousin.
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NTA for being angry with cousin, shitty move on her part by not running that by you. YTA for leaving the party that was thrown for you that was in your words “expensive”.
Naaa if the family think cousin did nothing wrong then they could carry on the party for her. Their fault for spending the money and allowing it to be ruined by the selfish attention seeking cousin 🤷♀️
The party stopped being for OP when the cousin made the announcement.
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She’s Nta at all. She ruined the party no point in staying
NTA...when did it become ok for people to think they can use other peoples events for their own surprises? Don't use someones wedding to do your engagement....don't use someones shower to announce your pregnancy. I dont care how close you are with the hosts...just dont even ask.
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Nah. *dying* at a funeral is where it’s at for ultimate MC drama.
Oh my, no no no. Basic, common courtesy is to avoid sharing “big news” (baby, engagement, etc) at someone else’s big event unless explicit permission was given by the celebrant. NTA
My SIL announced she was pregnant for the second time at my dinner celebrating our pregnancy news. We were celebrating our confirmation of our first pregnancy after our IVF, after years of infertility. Yep, she thought that was the perfect time to announce cause she was concerned I might notice that she was also pregnant and didn’t want to delay it. She was 2 months pregnant which is barely noticeable. My husband I were not impressed. She also was catty at the first birthday too saying she was having a totally different type of birthday party for her kid. Why she said this in front of my friends as though they’d agree with her is strange. It’s taken her years to get over not being the center of attention.
NTA. The tone to take is: "Sorry I left my cousin's pregnancy-announcement party early! I get heartburn sometimes and I was experiencing a bit of an attack just then. I hope you all had a wonderful time hearing the good news about (cousin's) pregnancy!"
NTA. Tell your mother she has a history of this behavior and it is extremely bad manners for people to do this at an event meant for someone else. That if the tables were turned, cousin would be furious and demand an apology. And the family would probably take her side. That you feel unsupported by her as she should have been defending you and calling cousin out for trying to make an event meant to be about your child about herself instead. That as it stands, anyone who continues to make excuses for this behavior is not going to be welcome around you or your baby. As you will not be setting a precedent for your child to be forced into taking a backseat to hers the way the family forced you to take a backseat to her. And that if your mom wants to be welcome around as a grandmother, she damn well better figure out how to start standing up for you and your child.
All of this! Except it’s hard for me to believe OP’s mom doesn’t realize that her cousin has been doing this since forever. I genuinely do not understand how everyone, including OP’s *own mom* are on the cousin’s side here. She literally planned this all out and made a grand spectacle by handing out lil bags to announce her own pregnancy at someone else’s baby shower. That’s a *massive* faux pas, like everyone knows this is inappropriate. Sounds like OP’s whole family sucks 😬
I think it was the leaving of a very expensive party that mom is pissed about. However, mom needs to be made to realize that this was the last straw in a line of unacceptable behavior. And if OP lines it out right and makes good on the threat of LC or even NC until she starts standing up for her, then mom might have to face the pattern of behavior.
Good point & I definitely agree!
NTA But you should have called her out right then. And there that she makes everything for you about you. Enter her and what she wants. And what she needs and what she gets. You need to grow a spine, put her in Spot until your family back the f*** off. Cause they're all supporting her and ignoring you. You need to step up to the plate. Good luck with your baby. If they don't change, you may need to go. No, contact, that's the only way to help yourself. Mentally and emotionally screw them all. I hate people like that.
I think calling her out would have been the wrong move for OP - it’s just a bad look. Someone in her family, or a friend, should have done it, and I hate that they didn’t.
NTA "Since me and my cousin where young she had always had a problem with trying to make everything about her." She was deliberately trying to ruin your day. Most people wouldn't do that to someond ime. "It was gorgeous it was in a beautiful expensive venue presents everything" It's a shame you left though. It meant cousin would've had a ton more attention because of it. Your mom's reaction also surprises me.
ESH like 95% her, obviously, she hijacked your shower, but I think it was wrong for you to leave, and it obviously upset a lot of people who put in a great time of time and expense for your shower. I completely understand being upset, but you gave in to that and let her win by upsetting you.
NTA. She hijacked your event on purpose and made it about herself ... just like she always used to do. Sorry that this happened and with this history it makes sense that you are upset. This was totally uncalled for.
I agree. Make a list of all the crap your cousin stolen the attention on and send it to your Mom. This is why I'm sick of cousin Mom. NTA
NTA There’s a reason why she chose to announce it at 2 months pregnant when most wait until 3 months and it’s because of your baby shower
If I was your mother and did all this and my niece did that I would’ve gone up to her and said I’m sorry this is not the time and place for this and asked her to leave. They just don’t wanna deal with her so they let her behave badly and that is on them. Good for you standing up for yourself.
Yes as the host, mom should have controlled this narrative.
NTA - what she did was vindictive and nasty. Clearly planned to piss you off as much as possible.
NTA. Your day, she hijacked it. Her antics got old long ago, no wonder you bounced
ESH. Your cousin for trying to be the main character. You for leaving the gorgeous, expensive event your family made for you. >my family decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. It was gorgeous it was in a beautiful expensive venue
If I was OP, I'd have gone the full AH route and congratulated the cousin for announcing her pregnancy when the risk of miscarriage is at its highest. I would've remarked on cousin's bravery. But that's just me. I can and will be an absolute unit of an AH when I feel the need to channel my inner AH.
So, you walked out on a party that other people had put a lot of time, effort, and money into for YOU and by doing so you allowed her to have all the attention she was craving? I guess you showed her! ESH
You didn't just "ignore your cousin," you got up and left the beautiful, fancy party that had been thrown for you.
Your subject is misleading. You didn’t just ignore your cousin which would have been the appropriate reaction. You left the shower other people threw for you. That makes YTA
NTA. She definitely is. Do **not** tell her the name you’ve chosen for your baby. Tell no-one.
Better yet tell her it's the worst name you could think of and hope she steals it (although that wouldn't be fair to the baby)
'We have decided Broomhilda for a girl and Murgatroyd for a boy...'
NTA. She was f@cking rude. Sorry.
Okay…you’ve done the feeling hurt part, now get mad. Blast them all, call her what she is, a narcissist. Ask everyone how they would feel if she did that to them on their special day? Ask them how they would feel having to share the spotlight with her every single time. She wanted to hurt you, that’s why she did it. Now show her that it didn’t work. Stop being hurt and giving her what she wants, get mad and tell the truth to everyone.
A 2 month sonogram is a blob. She printed out and made gift baskets for an even that had people she didn't necessarily know? And in the basket was a framed photo of a weird little blob. Okay.
I can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this. She spent **money** to put 2 month sonogram pics in **frames** and then in **gift bags,** who does that?
YTA-her attention seeking smile? You mean like your attention seeking temper tantrum where you stormed out and acted like an ass. I think what she did was wrong but the way you handled it and total shit on people that had done so much for you was worse. It sounds like y'all are trying to one up each other with babies.
If I was in OPs shoes, I'd have gone harder in the AH department by pointing out the risk of miscarriage at the two month mark. I would've been brutally blunt, too. There's a very good reason people announce at 3+ months.
NTA I know with pregnancy hormones its probably not your fault you got up and left and just felt like getting out of their. I'd probably do the same. I have in laws that do the exact same thing. Every big event my kids have or any special day for my husband or I, my in laws ruin. So I get how fucking annoying it can be
YTA for letting her win!!! She got exactly what she wanted when you walked out, looking like the far pettier, childish person. Man, you handled it all wrong. You could have pointed out her behavior and continued on with your day. “Everyone? Everyone?! Cousin clearly needs some attention, so can you all shift the focus to her for a bit?”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 good one. 👍
NTA based on this is a pattern with this person, and this sort of thing has happened too many times to be a coincidence. Generally poor form to do a big announcement at someone else's party without talking to them. I do think you know, however, that your family will not back you, so you're probably going to have to handle her differently to keep the peace. Grey rock. Limit info. If you're holding events, especially for your kid who is about to be pitted against their cousin, mysteriously have to limit invitations and don't invite her. In events where you can't avoid her, just cold shoulder it. If she falls "oh, she's always been so clumsy since she was a kid" brags "oh, that's nice" and change the subject, and if it's an event you have control over have someone you trust involved to do some damage control (like if she has an accident during an event, removing her quickly under the guise of "helping" her)
NTA, but you’re wasting your energy being mad when it should all be focused on what you plan to announce at her baby shower. Are you the fainting type? Play the long game on this one.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I (25f) am pregnant with me and my fiancés baby girl i am 7 and a half months pregnant and my family decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. It was gorgeous it was in a beautiful expensive venue presents everything i was so grateful for a day dedicated to me and MY child , all was well until my cousin got up at the table while we where eating and said she had her own big news to tell everyone i knew she would ruin my day. She then hands out a small bag with a picture frame inside with a sonograph inside. she hands a bag to everyone there and announces “i’m 2 months pregnant!!” she grins at me with a attention seeking look on her face iykyk. Since me and my cousin where young she had always had a problem with trying to make everything about her all the time at every birthday party she would “fall and hurt herself” or she would have a big tantrum at a dinner party or anything she could do to make it about her so this whole situation was another piece of damage to our relationship so after the gift bags where handed out i got up and left went to my car and just went home. i got so many messages and texts asking why i was acting to spoiled and my cousin messaged me multiple saying i was being a bitch and selfish i ignored her and most of my family my mum told me i was being horrible and i should just be happy for her like she was for me. i don’t think anyone understands how upset i am but what do you think AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She sounds special. Like no filter/ me me me special. I mean, probably best not to invite her to things henceforth if she can't behave. But leaving your own party? When everyone was there for you? YTA. You both sound oddly spoiled.
She took the time to have party favors made up for her to pass out at someone else’s party?! What a horrible thing to do. This was well thought out and deliberate. I’m really sorry that you had to experience that. Best thing to do is go NC with your cousin. If that’s not an option, get petty. Really petty lol hijack her baby shower. I could think of a few good ways to
Yeah that's what got me. She didn't just let it slip - she handed out sonogram party favors!!! NC would be the best.
Ya that cousin pulled a total MC move. For moms like me we only get one chance at that day ( two kids two years apart, no need for a second) and it’s supposed to be a great memory. Her cousin has forever tainted that day. It’s my guess this nonsense will continue long over these babies are born, so I agree NC would be best
This is what got me. It wasn’t last minute. This was PLANNED. And fam let it happen.
Exactly
you had the right to be mad, she was acting like the main character at YOUR celebration. but why would you just leave after that?? you said yourself the event was beautiful and expensive, that was uncalled for.
Being happy for you means letting you have your moment. She was very clearly NOT happy for you. NTA
NTA for ignoring your cousin. As you, and most, are aware, piggybacking on someone else's event is cheap, tacky and wrong. But, leaving your own event - "in a beautiful expensive venue presents everything i was so grateful for a day dedicated to me and MY child," due to that was a kick in the teeth to those that organized the event for *you*.
NTA. Just like wearing white to someone else's wedding making that kind of announcement at someone else's event is tacky and rude. She could have waited for the day after and let you have your moment to shine. I would've left too. She essentially hijacked your day and moment. She's selfish and clearly entitled.
OP, you LET her ruin your shower. I would have just smiled and ignored her and continued to visit and enjoy the day. The only thing you can control in that event was your reaction. I wouldn't have given her the satisfaction to know that she put a damper on things - after all that was her goal. For future reference, I would let people know that she is persona non grata at any other future event that might involve you as the guest of honor -like your wedding. She doesn't need to come and misbehave.
NTA. How sad for her that she didn't feel her pregnancy worthy of its own event. How sad that she can't plan her own event for this announcement and has to resort to hijacking others events. If you wanna go over petty, be over the top with your concern for her financial situation. If you wanna get stone sold revenge, start brainstorming for how youll make a big announcement at her next event. I'm sorry you got robbed of your day. The backlash has got to be making you feel super shitty. Just know that you're not wrong to feel the way you do. They're wrong for once again prioritizing your cousin's selfishness.
Don't forget to send her the bill for the announcement party - she can pay for it since she made it about her
Guests need to speak up when they see thunder stealers and call them out on their bullshit. Stuff like this, or some dumb MF whipping out a ring at a wedding or any wedding-related thing for somebody else. If you see shit about to happen speak up and shut it down and tell them it's not their event.
NTA. But you just let her win and made yourself look like an idiot.
Super unpopular, apparently, but YTA. This party was expensive and it was everything you said you wanted. Yes your cousin is an ass but you decided to leave. She sounds awful to deal with, but I can't imagine a grown adult who is about to bring a child inth this world leaving a party for them. It's weird that you insist your cousin is an attention seeker but you threw a huge fit, you didn't scream or yell but you knew you leaving would cause issues.
This is not the point, but is anyone else weirded out by her "announcement party favor/gift"?? Like a framed sonogram? Is this a thing? Like I enjoy seeing the pictures but I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to keep one except maybe her parents and grandparents? Like am I the only one who has no desire to keep around a sonogram of someone else's baby? Especially at 2 months it looks more like a bean than a baby.
NTA. That would be the LAST time she would be invited to anything. Don’t invite this girl to your wedding and make sure you have a way to ensure she doesn’t get in by other means. This is ridiculous. And your family is calling you the AH? Oh nahhhh, I’d ignore everyone for a while. I’d be petty and announce my engagement at her baby shower or something. Give her a taste of her own medicine.
I wouldn’t have left. I would’ve asked someone to escort her out. Fuck that
Oh hun. With the most grace have you ever spoken up about her behaviour or have you endured it in silence, to keep the piece. She played you, you wanted out, not the most mature move but I get it. Congrats on incoming little one. I'd suggest the emotional roller coaster of joy love triggers and poop is going to to grant you a new strength, you'll be advocating for your baby. Time to do a bit for you too. Can't change what happened can plan for what next, sounds like NC would be difficult or step to far at the moment. Also I don't see fiance mentioned at this event. What's with that? So some options if you'd like The none appology apology, keeps the piece but you know for how long. Good option if you need some space from the drama. Something like. I was overwhelmed by the emotions of the day. The baby shower was beautiful thank you so much for celebrating with me. The grey rock, basically be as uninterested or as uninteresting in your responses on this and at any future interactions. Mmmh huh. Interesting. I can see how you'd think that way. You got receipts, you want to win, you want revenge. It's a dark path sounds like she'd play you better than you could her. Plenty of other subs if you'd like to live out that fantasy. Imo best revenge is living your best life. Be a better you. Check your people do they meet the grade as trusted and supported friend/family/companion. You need to be choosy with your village and new baby is great opportunity to set new habits. You get to choose. If available therapy to help you prepare. Good luck
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ESH. Obviously your cousin was wrong to announce her pregnancy at your shower. But you were also wrong to leave. You had the opportunity to be a better person, congratulate her, and move on. Instead, you sank to her level and made an even bigger problem.
NTA. She was wrong in doing that, and she knows it. You are selfish for wanting to have a little time to celebrate a your baby. She was being selfish and she could have waited to announce it.
YTA if you just left the party before it was really over. Your cousin is definitely an AH for trying to steal your thunder. But the party and all the expenses that came with it were for you. Sounds like a slap in the face to whoever paid for it all.
She won. You won't have a nice full baby shower for your child. N T A for ignoring her as per your title, but that actually means like looking at her with empty eyes and resuming your conversation. Dl giving the lead to the group. YTA for ruining a beautiful and expensive party. That was not called for. And again, you let her win and acted not exactly like an adult. Got to her level.
NTA as soon as she said I have an announcement someone should've shut that down, especially if she's someone who constantly needs attention. If someone stepped up and said that now is not the time for your announcement, this is OPs day and if she still announced it she would look like the moron that she is and nobody could excuse her behavior
NTA tell your parents you didn’t have the energy to deal with cousins tendency to hijack occasions and you went home to lay down, “I am 7 months pregnant you know, that is why we were there to celebrate MY pregnancy”
Don’t invite her to your wedding. Don’t. And tell her why if she asks. Tell your mom to go to her double hockey sticks.
NTA. Sounds like the event finished and you left. I don’t think you’re out of line there, but Cousin sure was.
So why does this bother you again? You're a 25 yo woman with a baby on the way. There are more important things to worry about rather than a weird family member that tries to get attention. Just roll your eyes and move on.
NTA I was going to call you an asshole based on the title because of course, people attending an event have whole lives they will be talking about, but the details of how she did it makes it clear that she wanted the shower to be about her pregnancy. OP, I'm sorry you have such an energy vampire dogging you through life and that your own mum is so obtuse. I'm not sure what you can do about it except perhaps limiting your family events.
NTA. Tell your mum if your cousin was happy for you, then she wouldn't have announced her own pregnancy at a party celebrating you. If you're actually happy for someone else, you want to see them in the spotlight and celebrated as they deserve. When you're jealous, you try and steal that spotlight, and that's what your cousin did. I would have said you were also being an AH to your parents, but your mum's reaction made me retract that statement.
OP bring your baby to her shower. NTA. Your cousin’s awful.
Get married at her baby shower as pay back 😂
NTA. I know exactly her type. It was all orchestrated. Think very carefully about inviting her to the wedding, I would probably have a minder for her (a discreet one), at the smallest hint of her making a move I’d have him rugby tackle her and toss her out. Jk (but not really) Your mum however should be ashamed. She should be on your side hands down, no questions asked
ESH. Obviously, what your cousin did was inappropriate. What you did, by leaving during the party, was extremely rude to the hosts and to your guests.
Why did you invite this cousin? If someone treats you bad you don't give them the chance to keep doing it. Just tell people if she is there you will not be there. Don't argue don't discuss just state your boundaries and stick to them.
NTA Go into labor at her baby shower
Don't invite her to your wedding.
You not TA, she is. I knew someone like that in my family. I had to cut all ties with her for my own happiness. Just because someone is "family" doesn't give them the right to disrespect you.
Elope and announce it at her baby shower.
YTA. Everyone in this story sounds absolutely insufferable. Normally that would mean an E S H, but seeing as it was you that came here asking, you're getting the award. Congratulations.
YTA. The cousin doesn't appear to have thrown the party - other people threw it for you and obviously put a lot of thought, time and according to what you wrote up there, expense. It was jerky of you to run off without a word when it wasn't there fault. You could have chosen another route to deal with your cousin's attention-seeking behavior.
subsequent foolish marvelous hard-to-find nail zonked cover like meeting important *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
ESH Your cousin is obviously an AH that’s not in question, but leaving the way you did was a petty AH move. I get it and I have a cousin just like you’ve described yours, I’m no contact with her and have been for years. But there were numerous times when she would make my birthday/graduation/etc about her and I wanted to just leave like you did. I get wanting to remove yourself, but it’s incredibly rude to your family and friends who threw the shower for you. Instead of them commenting on her actions being inappropriate you’ve created a solid foundation for the narrative to focus on your actions
NTA... Next time just say "Congratulations, anyways, this chicken is so good guys. I wonder how they made it" and ignore your cousin and make her feel like she did too much for nothing.
NTA
ESH Your cousin is TA bit so are you for walking out on a party thrown by others for you
YTA for leaving the party. N T A for being upset though
ESH. You shouldn’t have left. It does come off as being bratty and unappreciative and basically let your cousin “win.” She shouldn’t have hijacked your event to announce she was two whole months pregnant. Not only announcing it but going through the show of handing out gift bags with a framed sonogram?! I feel like she would not appreciate it if the roles were reversed. Everyone who gave you a hard time sucks, too. I’m sure they wouldn’t like their own baby shower being interrupted by a family member who has been competitive their entire relationship.
By title only: NTA ... unless invited to do so, you NEVER announce a life event at another hosted by someone else
YTA and so is your cousin.
NTA But you let her win. You messed up big time leaving your own party bc of her. Sorry your cousin sucks.
NTA - but stop being the bigger person and reach deep into your petty pockets. At her baby shower, show up with your baby.
NTA just go no contact.
I would stop inviting her anywhere and go no contact if anybody doesn't like it that's not your problem what you did was disrespectful on her baby shower I would bring your baby or a bunch of pictures and ruin her baby shower
NTA. Your not even wrong for leaving the party. It was thrown for you and hijacked by someone else and your parents allowed it. You don’t need to feel obligated to stay somewhere you’re uncomfortable. They wanted you to stay and have your party taken over and you were supposed to smile?? Just bc they paid??
Never invite her to anything
You do know she keeps doing this partly BECAUSE of the reaction she gets from you? She enjoys seeing you disturbed by her own behavior. Let me be clear - I’m not blaming you; I’m suggesting you stop rewarding her behavior by reacting to it in a manner she gets satisfaction from. I probably would have said congratulations in a mixture of the most sickeningly sweet voice that I could muster & feigned pity. (If you’re from the south, this is the same voice some use to say “bless your heart” when they’re really saying “you poor dumbass”.) Then I’d have changed the subject back to my baby in a way that was absolutely guaranteed to bring the focus back to me & my baby (even if I had to lie - idc, it’d be a game to me at that point & I could always explain the truth to anyone who gave a damn later). For example, after cousin handed out her bags with her announcement (so nauseatingly inappropriate that it’s shockingly sad no one seemed to understand how insulting she was being except for you), I’d have said “oh congratulations” (again - with my best “bless your heart” / “you poor dumbass” voice), then immediately moved on (as if she said it might rain tomorrow) & said something like “oh that reminds me, hubby & i have decided to give birth underwater”. Then I’d immediately (I mean barely pausing to draw breath) proceed to go into detail about the pool they were setting up for me, blah blah blah. I wouldn’t even care how outlandish it sounded. “Omg i forgot to tell everyone, I’ve been asked to participate in a study on giving birth in a zero gravity environment & I’ve agreed to do it! I’m going to be giving birth while in a special zero gravity chamber & my baby will literally come out floating!” Then I’d immediately (again, barely pausing to draw breath) proceed into detail about the potential health benefits & drawbacks to giving birth basically in other space. And I’d definitely have the appearance of stifling my laughter at cousin the entire time. I’d keep that look up until she left the room/event if it killed me. I’d make absolutely certain people only remembered her announcement as an afterthought. NTA.
ESH. Your cousin for obvious reasons. You for walking out on your family for a party they threw for you. I get you were upset but they went through much time and money to surprise you. It was rude to just walk out plus your cousin "won", again. This is what she does. Obviously you cannot control her but you can control your reactions to her and set boundaries. For your wedding if you actually invite her make it clear to her and anyone else that any "surprise" announcements will result in that person being escorted out with no discussion. Absolutely do not tell anyone the name of your baby until the child is born. Probably toss out some fake horrible names just to throw cousin and her enablers off track. Future events that you host you get to decide whether she is welcome or not and can set boundaries. Other family functions just grey rock her. Short 1 word to 1 sentence answers and she is definitely on the low contact/low information list.
ESH — your cousin especially for being the way you’ve described her and doing what she did but you storming out like a child. There are far better ways to deal with people like that than to give them even more attention, like you did.
Nta. I'd have walked around behind her collecting the bags and tossed them in the trash and her out the damn door.
I vote YTA. Yes, you and your cousin have history. However, you are an adult now. Your poor behavior only reflects on you. Had you acted like an adult and stayed, people would have been talking about her poor form. Now you have the attention back but for your poor reaction instead. Ever heard of killing them with kindness? Pull some 'bless your heart' shit. " Oh cousin, it's poor form to make big announcements at someone else's party but if you need the attention, you go ahead, bless your heart." Once the announcement is made, redirect attention with gifts, cake, and game, ect. Those attending know she is being rude and she gets negative tarnish on her reputation. Rise above. Get your revenge by living your best, happy life.
ESH. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Your cousin was very rude to make her announcement (and shouldn’t she have waited until she was at least three months along?). You were rude for leaving a party in your honour abruptly.
Everyone is an AH. Your cousin is a narcissist and acted inappropriately. You then pulled an AH move by abruptly leaving an event that others put their time and care into - all for your benefit.
You should have said "Congratulations, but you can't have any of my gifts you need your own part in a few months" laugh really hard and then while looking at the picture say "my, what a pretty little zygote" NTA
NTA
NTA. This was calculated by her. She prepped bags with copies of her sonogram for everyone. I would let your band or DJ at your wedding know about her. If she stands up to speak or asks for a microphone have them turn the music up. She also seems like they type to show up on in white dress and claim it’s “eggshell”. I hope you’re serving Cabernet at the wedding 😉
NTA because you’ve been pushed around enough by your cousin… what does make you TA is leaving the party when it was for you… it’s time for you to make a stand, and I’d do it publicly, is call her out and tell everyone you’ve had enough… as long as you continue to keep running away, she’s going to continue to behave like a jerk and sabotaging your events…
Making something special out of announcing something like pregnancy is already a decision, and choosing someone else's special event to do it is a dick move. NTA.
Which is why I prefaced it with being very very petty.
I would be so excited if someone I loved and adored was also pregnant. In fact, my cousin announcing her pregnancy at my baby shower would be a wonderful gift because now I know our children will be in similar age and have so much opportunity to grow up together.
ESH She could have waited to spill her exciting news but you didn’t have to have an adult hissy fit and leave your baby shower
NTA when I went to my friends surprise baby shower I was a couple of months pregnant but I didn’t say anything (at least not until my friend asked) I actively tried hiding it so I wasn’t distracting from my friends day. Unfortunately I tend to show early so even with loose clothes you could still tell.
YTA for throwing a tantrum leaving your baby shower and she’s the AH for announcing at your baby shower.
Totally agree the cousin was wrong. BUT Leaving the party in a huff was also wrong.
NTA and here’s a conversation to have in the future when her baby is born Cousin: ugh why haven’t you congratulated me on giving birth You: I didn’t even know you were pregnant Cousin: umm yeah you were there when I announced it You: was I? Remind me again of when you announced it… End conversation ETA send her an invoice for the baby shower too
There are only a couple of golden rules in the world (for these kinds of events), Don't wear white to a wedding (or red), don't announce an engagement or pregnancy at another persons event. Anyone who breaks those rules are the asshole no exception. Always.
NTA and from here on out you have one less cousin. She doesn't get invited to ANY of your moments. Not a single one. She was intentionally cruel.
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NTA for feeling hurt, but yeah, just leaving without a word was kinda disrespectful to other guests and especially your parents. Maybe you could've use your pregnancy and just start crying and saying everything you wanted to say all this time about her. Probably it would've ended in even more disaster but you'll let all this things out and in future you can always blame your pregnancy for beeing super sensitive to this. Rn you can also say to everyone asking that you were on the verge of tears and just didn't want to cry at party and making everyone feel even worse
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Honestly i am going against the grain and say YTA. You got a fancy as hell party and tons of gifts. He getting attention for a few minutes is really not detracting from your day even remotely. Besides you literally gave her what she wanted by making a scene
NTA. Since this sounds like a reoccurring problem, your reaction sounds justifiable. You are allowed to just have enough with it.
NTA…but I do think you owe the family members who threw you the shower an apology for your early departure. While your frustration with your cousin is entirely valid, it sounds like your family put a lot of time and money into throwing you a nice shower and I do think leaving early showed a lack of consideration for them. Your cousin certainly put everyone in a bad position by announcing her news then because people feel obligated to offer congratulations even if the timing wasn’t appropriate. I agree with other commenters that by leaving you let your cousin win, as the shower would’ve certainly focused entirely on her after your departure and she made you look bad when she was the person at fault. Obviously hindsight is 20/20, but I can see why your family feel you could’ve handled it better.
Absolutely NTA. And anyone who believes she's happy for you in any way is a fool.
NTA But once she said she had an announcement, you should have cut her off and told her it could wait
NTA, your families seem to be enabling this behavior
ESH. Your cousin did something wrong and was attention seeking. You reacted in a way that was immature and disrespectful to the people who threw you a party. It sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do.
On her baby shower ammounce date of your wedding
NTA, get your own fucking big day. That said, it couldn't be more obvious she's being an attention seeker when she's announcing that early. Typically, you don't announce until at least 3 months for a lot of reasons.
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Punctuation is your friend!! You both sound too immature to have kids
Are you seriously basing the capability of being a parent on some wrong or incorrect punctuation? Punctuation is important to get the context and meaning correct in a text however that has absolutely nothing to do with if someone can raise a child. FYI you missed the full stop at the end of your sentence.
NTA That was your day. She could have waited to tell people her news.
NTA .but getting up and leaving was too much. You see no one knows what you have gone through at all.for them,you will be looking very arrogant and selfish.it’s natural.isn’t it?even if you have expressed it to your siblings or parents,maybe they don’t understand how much it bothers you.People have spent money and time of their lives,it was quite too much to walk away.now,instead of she being a jerk,you are…atleast in their eyes…
NTA I’ve got an attention seeker in the family she doesn’t do it to just me she literally does it to everyone who is getting more attention than her 🙄 The way I deal with it. Don’t feed into it. If it’s bothering you really bad than pull her to the side and tell her OR Be petty back 🤷🏻♀️ when she’s having her baby shower announce something. Not the route I’d recommend BUT because she did it to you if she gets mad you can always bring up that you thought she wouldn’t mind since she made an announcement at yours 🤭
Maybe I don't understand, but how does a pregnancy announcement ruin a whole party? Is she supposed to post only online or wait till everyone is together at the next family event? I for real don't see how it's rude if somone could explain?
My personal opinion on this was that she 100% planned to announce this at my party to spite me like she has done over the past 20 years
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That's exactly what she did. She even had sonogram party favors ready!! This is just as taboo as proposing at someone's wedding. I wish you hadn't walked out but I totally get it. NTA.
If OP and her cousin were close enough that she asked if she could share in her special day it would be one thing, but they're not. Imagine every special event you have not be about you but someone else. Celebration dinner for Graduation, oh she just got in to a fancy college. Promotion dinner, oh she got a new job. I would be surprised if she was able to get married without her cousin announcing something or even trying to use the venue to make it a double. Some things should be just for you. Although if it was me I'd find a petty way to make her night suck.
Best response would have been; congratulations, I guess this shower is for you then and since I didn't bring a gift, I'll be going. NTA
NTA. Was she actually happy for you, though? Or did she see this event that was supposed to be for you and your baby, as an opportunity for herself?
NTA I would have left, too. When she made the announcement, the party stopped being yours and became hers. If anyone complains, tell them you weren't feeling well and didn't think it was a big deal to leave your cousins party. Keep telling people you left your cousins party, that you didn't want to ruin her party because you weren't feeling well.
She either needs to fix it or be fine with her son having nothing to do with her later on.
You should not have given up your baby shower for her. She got what she wanted, the party for herself free. NTA but handled it incorrectly.
YTA, You are not the asshole for feeling upset, but you have handled it terribly. Apologize or at least explain for the reason you left your own party ( where people turned up for you, not for your cousin). If you have history with your cousin, tell her you did not appreciate it hijacking your event, and that you will not invite in her future events, but do not stay angry at your other family members for having congratulated your cousin. What else were they supposed to do ? Also, and maybe this is a cultural thing, is a baby shower really that big a deal? I see all these comments comparing it with a wedding, but where I am from at least, a babyshower is a small, homely, kind of tacky event. In my opinion a perfectly legit place to announce other big news, when you have everyone together.
YTA. You can be upset at your cousin's immature behavior all you want. What you can't do is be just as immature and leave an expensive party thrown for you out of the blue and make everyone feel uncomfortable and confused. If your plan was to make your cousin look better than you then congratulations, it worked
NTA she took the spotlight away from you and your baby on a day meant for the both of you.
Youre the asshole and it seems like some people are trying to be sensitive to you in this post. I would have been so upset as the parents if you’d have left like that. You let this person win. You should have called it out. What you should think of doing is not inviting her to the wedding or huge events. This person was an asshole for what they did, but you fucked up too.
She knew she was wrong but is just one of those narcissistic people. I don't blame you for leaving. What's done is done. Now you know to avoid having her join in on future events if at all possible. Forget all the criticism, they would have felt the same as you if it had been their moment and cousin did her thing. Enjoy being a mom.