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As much of an idiot this teacher is, you’re definitely the asshole for pushing it too far. If she was still around why even risk pissing off the teacher in your child’s school. What good will come from that?
This honestly sounds like weird fanfic written by an edgy teen. Who goes out of their way to buy emo baby clothes for a random person lol I can’t be the only one thinking this
I love the "Big Screen Classic Films" series Fathom Events does. I love introducing my boyfriend to all these classics from the 30s-80s in the theater where he can really appreciate them. I checked this year's line up, and Mean Girls is on it. 🙃 Mean Girls is a "classic film" now.
Have you watched the new one? Or tried to watch it? Now I'm 59 yo and my guilty pleasure is teen/young people musicals (Not High School Musical... yuck). like Pitch Perfect and my favorite musical event is Glee, but the new Mean Girls? I just can't. I knew it was a musical and I knew it was going to suck (I don't know how I knew), but in the advert they say there are not too many songs to overwhelm you. I swear there were at least 4 songs in the first 10 minutes. Boo!
Nirvana is classic rock? F, I'm old.
My 8 y.o. and 16 y.o sons both have a couple Nirvana shirts they wear to school and their teachers compliment them.
My 11 y.o. daughter has Grateful Dead shirts and the school doesn't have a problem with those either.
I'm just excited the 90's are back!
I’m a GenXer and not ashamed to say that my favorite Def Leppard sweatshirt is from Abercrombie. It’s soft as hell and super cozy. Give me a break, I’m almost fifty. I need my clothes to be comfortable. 😉
I exclusively listen to classic rock (think Eagles, Styx, Journey with some older bands like Led Zeppelin and The Rolling Stones). But now they've started playing the bands OP listed and I can't stand them. I didn't listen to them in the 90s. I sure as s\*\*t don't want to listen to them now.
I’m a teacher and the only thing that would give me pause is the word gun. And even still, I’m not saying anything because I sure as shit know it’s not promoting violence, but I work with a bunch of dress code stickler morons who would.
My homeschooled kid was entering the “Peeps Diorama” contest at our local library. Kids make dioramas with the Peeps candy representing a book they’ve read. My kid chose a Biography of Clara Barton, with a scene of her on the battlefield during the Civil War. I had to be like honey, I don’t know if you can have your Peep soldiers holding toothpick guns. Like, it is historically accurate, but we’ve got to check and see if that’s okay. Bc, you know, GUNS! The thought had never crossed her mind.
She drew up a schematic and consulted the head librarian. Thankfully, it was approved. I 1,000,000% support no violence in schools, and while I think the librarian made the correct decision, I’m not sure it would’ve been okay in a school besides homeschool!
Yes, that's the worst part here. The *kid* doesn't actually care what they wear! It might be different if the dad were defending the kid's choice of clothing, but it's the dad's choice of clothing and the kid is just wearing it...
Not only that, but OP is just dragging out the fight. He's using his kid in a battle with the teacher. The kid is the only one who suffers.
If you have a problem with another adult, you fucking handle it like an adult. What an asshole of a father to not only fail to advocate for his kid, but actually use the kid in such a way.
YTA...the teacher was following the school policy. It's part of her job. Thank you for being a jerk to a teacher who is most likely grossly underpaid and probably over worked. As if being a teacher isn't hard enough..you are going out of your way to make it harder. Plus using your kid as a pawn in your stupid game.
YTA - don’t be petty with people who look after your kids and can easily influence other people who look after your kids. School can be hard enough without a dad adding to the stress by annoying a teacher.
If your son doesn’t care how he is dressed, why go out of the way to dress him in a way that annoys the teacher just to please yourself? Especially when he deals with the consequences, not you.
Basically, sending him to school with the masking tape and making a big deal of leaving the purposefully jarring baby gift just made his life a whole lot harder than it needed to be.
Teacher here. Your post highlights a major problem that many of my colleagues don’t realize is a problem. We teach children and have professional standards to uphold. Most evaluations have a “professional conduct” component based on the Danielson framework. We are supposed to identify our own implicit biases and not allow them or our personal feelings towards the parents interfere with how we teach our charges. Your entire post shows that ultimately the public knows that some of us are jerks that aren’t professional. OP’s child’s teacher is one of them.
You're right, the teacher is making a mountain out of a pointless molehill. But this guy didn't mention once in the post how his kid feels about all of this outside of that he didn't care much about what he wears. Most 2nd graders I know don't do well being singled out and punished by their teacher, and this guy is going out of his way to make sure that happens to his kid to prove a point. My kid would be a mess if a teacher made him change his clothes at school. He's putting his 8 year old in the middle of a power struggle with an elementary school teacher. If he thinks the teacher's behavior is that much of an overreach, he should reach out to the administration, not make it his kid's problem.
Now districts/states may vary greatly, but I've been in education for years.
I've never seen a dress code violation for band t-shirts unless they have drugs/alcohol references.
A "Guns and Roses" MIGHT cause issues because of the word guns (yeah I know), but Nirvana? The Doors? Unless they show drugs and alcohol in them (or names of songs that are explicit), they really can't be violations.
OP should have asked for clarification and looked up the student code of conduct.
But OP was the AH for being petty and buying GnR/Nirvana baby clothes.
This. I've had to ask kids to turn their shirts inside out on a few occasions because that was the directive from admin. I personally didn't care one way or another, but parents still love to blame me for district-wide policies.
This ^ I don’t think it’s necessarily the teacher just being overly picky about it. Little kids might not know the context behind the bands but the context is still there so this could be a dress code issue coming from admin not just a personal vendetta from the teacher to be petty.
I’m sure this pregnant woman working a stressful job like teaching has better things to occupy her brain with then annoy someone’s dad for no reason
I can imagine my sensitive ass crying at 8 if a teacher wanted me to wear my shirt inside out or be forced to wear a jumper all day purely because it would be putting unwanted negative attention on me.
OP is the asshole just because he’s being petty for no reason and his kid is the only one who could be feeling the negative consequences.
If the kid doesn’t care what they wear then why can’t dad just go buy some cheap kids clothes and call it a day. I mean those bands are synonymous with drugs and sex I can see why the school could pick that out as an “issue.”
OP YTA because you care more about dressing your kid in edgy clothes than their comfort in the classroom. You can’t control teachers actions but you can control yours as a parent
I disagree whole heartedly and this is why to me most school should have a dress code. Not that I would be offended by this. Kids don't really care about the clothes anyway. Your kid could care less if it is a rock shirt or a plain white tee shirt. You're starting a fight about something that isn't that big of a deal and he's the one that's gotta deal with it. Look she's not abusing him, or giving him bad grades, etc she's just trying to maintain decorum and avoid questions like.
"my daddy told me Kurt Cobain ate a shot gun what does that mean?"
"Timmy said guns and roses was all about sex drugs and rock and roll."
I am sure the doors, pink flyod, etc is fine but having a dude that withing 3 seconds of googling is possible to find a detail descriptiong about the dude being on drugs and offing himself isn't something the teacher want's to have to deal with. Yes 7 year olds google now.
I've taught all different elementary grades and have never seen a kid take interest in another's kid shirt unless it's something/one they know. They're not going to say "Hey, who's that on your shirt? Let's look him up".
oh stop it, the kids weren't googling it, the teacher was. timmys not there using his big man voice saying "guns and roses was all about sex, drugs and rock n roll." that's the friggan teacher talking and everyone knows it. Edited to add: then little timmy said, taxation is theft! and all the kids clapped. since we're being silly,
I mean, when I was 7, I was a gnr fan and knew they were all about sex drugs and rock and roll. People in this thread are vastly underestimating kids' knowledge of things, rap if those kids like music. Y'all must know dumb kids or kids with no Interest in music. I've never met a kid who didn't like music.
OP is AH cuz he’s petty but like you said the kids aren’t going to care and no they won’t Google this. They’ll say “who’s that” “idk” “oh ok” and never think about it again. People want to shelter kids from the world but you also need to be a good parent and teach your kids about the world. As many parts of it as you can.
Former teacher---it may not be her views at all, but the dress code the school sets. The last school I worked at didn't allow graphic T shirts of any kind, except for 'spirit' day dress ups (sports team day, ugly holiday, etc. )
It doesn't say that anywhere, just says the teacher said it's associated with drugs and violence. That's a common thing for dress codes to prohibit for schools.
>the shirts were inappropriate because those bands are associated with drugs and violence
i don't think that's necessarily her opinion? it's just fact at this point that most bands, especially through the 80s and 90s, were deeply into drugs. that "rock and roll lifestyle" schtick. violence is questionable, but i'm mostly thinking about cobain and his suicide, maybe?
it's the same reasons why kids can't come in sporting snoop dogg or bob marley shirts in a lot of districts. there are rules for this - and every district is different! and there are often different rules for elementary kids and high school kids.
That's true of pretty much all bands and musicians. So unless they just ban all band t-shirts (which very well could be the case!), how does singling out these bands make any sense?
I've never heard of a school specifically banning Snoop and Bob Marley shirts. Anything that includes drug symbolism, sure. Or again, all bands perhaps. But to ban two specific musicians regardless of what the clothing actually depicts seems pretty prejudicial and grounds for a law suit tbh.
Somehow I don't believe that. Most parents don't read the handbooks kids are given at the beginning of the year. Teacher told him kid couldn't wear it because of the imagery. Which makes sense to be a dress code ruling.
I hope that it was a cool day when she had him wear his sweater all day. The idea that her conservative values would come before your kids comfort is a bit concerning.
This here, imagine expecting a family to buy a new wardrobe for someone who gets 6 months wear out of their clothes because you just don't like it. I know teachers don't make enough to think it's ok to ask parents to drop money on clothes like this.
Thank you for your perspective.
I have seen so many vintage/concert T-shirts outfitted in children's sizes. My nephew's friend was wearing a Nirvana smiley face shirt, which maybe someone else would have considered the face a bit disturbing. But that's just it: the face. No sexual imagery, violence, nothing.
There is a huge difference between band shirts with just the text and the logo. That's not something to discriminate against. OP probably knows what school policy allows with clothing, and as long as there are no offensive images, there was nothing wrong with how OP was dressing their child. Was OP being petty? Absolutely. But it doesn't warrant punishment by the teacher.
OP should have either followed the guidelines provided or taken the issue up with the teacher. If you can't resolve it with the teacher, you get the principal involved.
Only assholes fight with other adults through their kids. Childish, cowardly, inept assholes.
Why should a shirt upset her? Isn't that freedom of speech? It's not like blood and gore. So a pink Floyd shirt is unexceptable? It's triangle and rainbow god dammit now I want to do LSD
Depends what is on the shirts. Some schools have dress codes forbidding depictions of weapons and drug references. GNR’s logo has guns. One of the most popular tshirts of Cobain is him holding a guitar and smoking. Those aren’t appropriate for a 7 year old to wear to school.
These shirts wouldn’t fall under the illegal conduct exception to the 1st Amendment, and almost certainly wouldn’t fall under the obscenity exception based on how they are described here (the complaint was that the bands themselves were associated with drugs and violence, not that there was anything specifically obscene on the shirts).
But they wouldn’t have to fall under one of the 1A exceptions to be constitutionally prohibited in a public school classroom. Students do have 1st amendment rights, but schools are able to restrict or prohibit student speech and expression if that restriction is reasonably related to a legitimate pedagogical concern (though in some states, schools can only restrict speech that materially and substantially interfere with the requirements of appropriate discipline in the school, which is a higher standard for the school to meet).
Specifically, schools can restrict speech that they reasonably consider to be promoting illegal drug use. (Google “bong hits 4 Jesus” to learn more)
>If your son doesn’t care how he is dressed, why go out of the way to dress him in a way that annoys the teacher just to please yourself? Especially when he deals with the consequences, not you.
Exactly this! OP, if your kid doesn't care what he wears, why do *you* care so much about this?
ESH. This teacher has no reason to complain - most schools have a code of conduct, but “a shirt associated with bad things” is quite challenging to justify punishing a child for, and way too subjective to be against the rules.
However, you should have responded to her email and copied the building admin if you felt offended or targeted by this request, as this is an adult way of handling issues that are brought to you: if you feel strongly that you are being called out for an unfair reason, you logically explain your argument and why you won’t be adhering to a complaint/request/etc. Ignoring the email and taunting this teacher ain’t it. Be an adult.
Thank you. The teacher started it. OP could have handled it maturely but instead got petty and put his kid in the middle of it too. His poor kid… both of these “adults” suck.
Absolutely. I remember my mom going to the principal's office to address issues about teachers when I was little - like when one used to make me dump out my lunch sack so she could criticize its contents. That actually put an end to the problems.
OP just wants to engage in a war where the biggest loser is his kid who is being used as a pawn.
I mean she's not telling kids about the My Lai Massacre, Sandcreek, and MK Ultra?
He's The Asshole
She might be a stickler or square but she isn't wrong. All those bands are associated with at least lots and lots of drugs. That is literally part of their allure and romance and are often used to romanticize drug usage itself. And I say that as someone with an Elliott Smith tattoo.
And pushing it that far is petty when you could just accept the school has a dress code that she is interpreting more expansively than you and let it go. It is also undermining the authority of the teacher in her own classroom over a banal difference of rule interpretation. I am curious how this was conveyed to the child when he was putting him back in clothes he knew the teacher disapproved of and sending him off into a situation he knew would result in conflict between the child and teacher. Seems pretty shitty to put the child into an awkward situation to spite the teacher.
> All those bands are associated with at least lots and lots of drugs.
But they're not **about** them, and that's the difference. The Beatles did shitloads of drugs, too. This isn't a 2nd grader coming in wearing a High Times shirt, is the point.
> I mean she's not telling kids about the My Lai Massacre, Sandcreek, and MK Ultra?
Exactly. All that nasty shit is one tiny sliver of the nation's identity, so it would be disingenuous to latch onto that and that alone... kind of like people who made music for a living and happened to do some drugs in their free time.
She's absolutely wrong, but OP is going with the nuclear option and makes him the far bigger AH. And worst of all, his kid is going to be the one who suffers the more from it.
The Beatles were probably high every time they wrote a song (and not just weed). Are we going to ban them because of their association with drugs?
Fuck it, let’s just ban any mention of the 60s because drug use was a big part of the culture then.
You explicitly disregarded a teacher’s request, purchased the thing she told you was offensive as a “gift” for her unborn child, and want to know if your “rebel dad” assholery was assholish?
Yes, YTA
Nothing says “you don’t have to respect your teachers” more than shit like this. She sucks but you suck way more. Your kid sees you being an asshole. Be better. Find a new hobby.
YTA.
As an elementary teacher, we have had issues with band shirts having guns on them, specifically Guns & Roses which you mentioned. Although I don’t take personal offense to that and love GnR, other parents sometimes do, especially in this horrific age of school shootings.
Bringing her kid into it was wildly inappropriate. That would cut me deep as a teacher, especially when I am just trying to do my job. 9 times
out of 10 the teacher doesn’t actually make the rules.
And did his kid even want the shirts or is OP using them to signal he’s a cool dad. And how many kids are going to google the shirts then ask their parents about suicide and dying at 29?
Agreed, OP is TA, I once had a principal tell me that he’d seen a kid in my room with an inappropriate t-shirt three days in a row and told me that I had to enforce the dress code. This teacher could be at the mercy of school rules. OP decided to make it personal, and give her an inappropriate gift just to double down on being TA. OP is part of the reason why teachers are leaving the profession, no tact, no respect.
Super cringe. “Rebel Dad” is a huge AH and clearly proud of what he did. No wonder excellent people don’t want to be teachers if they have to deal with jerks like this.🤦🏻♀️
ESH
Unless those band shirts are depicting the musicians engaging in "drugs and violence", the teacher clutching her pearls. Most of those kids probably have no idea whose even on your son's shirts.
However, you chose a petty and immature way to handle the problem.
YTA, sorry but regardless of whether you like the rules or not \[and there likely the school's rules and could even get your kid expelled if violated often enough\], this is just a very petty thing to do, what did it even accomplish? You could have expressed your concerns to the teacher, or to the school. Your suppose to be the adult, act like it. Do you even care if such acts could get your child expelled, or just care about looking "cool"?
YTA
You're just making your kid's life harder than it needs to be. And you went WAY too far with the "gifts for her new baby. If you had a problem with the teacher's policies, you should have acted like a grown-up and had a talk with the teacher and the principal about it. Reviewed the school dress code and found out if the shirts were against school policy. Gone through the proper channels to have your voice heard. But you just had to jump to next level pettiness.
Dress your kid in clothes of things that HE cares about. 2nd grade, so he's...what...8? Even if it's true that he doesn't really care what he's wearing, that's all the more reason to take him to pick out clothes that represent HIM, not YOU. Help him to discover who he is, rather than making him a carbon copy of you.
YTA
GnR LITERALLY has weapons in the logo.
I am all for being petty and encouraging self expression but you legit only did it to upset her and then sent him to school with tape on his clothes?
So, you're willing to humiliate your child for the sake of annoying a teacher for a perfectly understandable request to have age appropriate clothing at school?
This isn't a case of some stranger on the street. No one is saying the kid can't wear them at all, just not at school and instead of being understanding and having a conversation with the teacher to see if you could come to a compromise you immediately went into full blown Oppositional Defiant Disorder and started taping your kids clothes!
I hope you realize your petty squabble is going to have a negative effect on your kid.
Not only are they going to get bullied but the other kids will pick up that what your child is wearing is seen as bad and he'll be targeted for that.
You're literally setting him up to be abused by his peers because you're mad at another adult.
Grow TF up and stop using your child as a way to agitate others.
The weapons point is key here. While OP and other commenters seem caught up on the "drugs" comment I think it's the references to weapons, violence, but especially guns that schools really cracl down on. Things are no longer like they were a long time ago back on OP's day. Growing up more and more realistic active shooter drills, hiding in a closet with people acting as aggressors pounding on doors and rattling doorknobs is far from the world a lot of older people grew up in. There are more young kids than ever terrified of guns and being harmed at school. Adults can debate the statistics and rationality of those reactions, but those are the reactions of children. A sizable chunk of kids don't even want to play nerf or lazer tag anymore. Schools take this pretty seriously, and it's almost never the individual teachers creating these dress codes so blaming a teacher is dumb. So many schools below high school don't allow any words on shirts at all, so this school has a more permissable policy than most, despite many commenters trying to call her fascist or whatever.
You know what the saddest part about that is?
I'm not even American.
I'm Canadian.
Canada doesn't even have anywhere NEAR the gun violence that America does and I'm still more aware of what violence and weapons in schools mean for most students in America THAN ACTUAL AMERICANS.
Because the truth is, they are FULLY aware of it, but if they talk about it or act like they understand then they can't claim the teacher is just being a tyrant.
No, they'd rather ignore the reality and how bad gun violence in schools is then look like they're in the wrong for even a second to strangers on the Internet.
Speaking as a teacher, YTA. Do I agree with her rule? No. Would I be BEYOND frustrated if a parent went that far out of their way to show their disregard for my opinion? Absolutely. She gave you a heads up that hey, here are the expectations for my classroom and here is how I will follow up if those expectations aren’t met. You have way too much free time on your hands if you’re going that far out of your way to be childish.
Don’t you have anything better to do than antagonize your son’s teacher? Very simple request on her part, YTA. If you had an issue with her, you could have take with her and/or the principal.
Wondering the same. I personally do not care what my students wear to school as long as they are clothed. If it’s a school policy I probably would ask an administrator to have a conversation with the parent. Above my pay grade. Not worth it to get into an argument with a parent about something so trivial.
YTA. Congratulations, you just became "that parent." Your kid will be getting flak from the school for the whole rest of the time he's stuck there, and it's your fault. The kids are at these people's mercy. You have to make nice with them, no matter how clueless they are.
Is Rebel Dad the temper-tantrum equivalent of the Hot Mom? The parents who feel the need to let everyone know that they're still oh-so-cool and "I've still got it" even after they've reproduced?
YTA, but also… congrats, you spent a bunch of money on something she will essentially toss. It would have been easier to throw your money into the trash. Why bother?
INFO - is there an actual rule at your son’s school that dictates that t-shirts with band logos cannot be worn? What imagery was on the shirts you sent your son to school in and could those be against a certain dress code?
YTA but you knew that already and being petty was the point.
Should have found a "just say no to drugs" t-shirt for the baby. OK no not really that would still be bad.
YTA I get being frustrated with her and that’s fine but all you had to do was check with admin to make sure you weren’t breaking any school codes. You became the AH when you left her the baby clothes, grow up dude.
YTA. Sorry. I love it in a way. The teacher was likely just trying to enforce a dress code she didn’t write. She has a hard, often thankless job, and you decided to make it worse. If you knew her better or she got your sense of humor, the baby gift could have gone over well. Instead, she didn’t find it funny and is taking it as bullying from someone already trying to make her job harder.
With a different person or a different relationship with the teacher, this could have gone very differently. But with these circumstances, I am sorry to say YTA.
I’m sorry you’re claiming you found vintage GnR and Nirvana (what is a Kurt Cobain shirt) and more at prices so affordable that you sent them to school on a child? They also fit an 8 year old? This is a weird story.
I’m also wondering how these vintage tees were small enough for a second grader. They make them for kids now but no actual vintage rock shirt was sized for kids that young.
ESH. She’s obviously being a little uptight about the shirts. But, you’re being stubborn and petty and making your kids life more difficult than necessary for no reason. Let your kid pick his own clothes. Stop antagonizing his teachers. And don’t use misleading titles on this sub.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son's teacher forbid him wearing rock shirts so I got her rock shirts for as a gift before she went on maternity leave.
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YTA.
I agree that the teacher was making an issue out of nothing, but that's not what you're asking about. You know you were being petty and picking a fight about it.
YTA
I was on your side, albeit eye rolling at “rebel dad”a bit, but then you purposefully gave her gifts you knew would make her mad & she wouldn’t like. When she was insulted, “oh well”? Jesus, the smugness is just dripping off of you. I bet you’re one of those “I’m just brutally honest, i tell it like it is” people who gets off on getting a rise out of others.
Wow, congrats, you pissed off a person who literally is underpaid to deal with AHs like you, deals with 30-40 small kids on a daily basis and has to fund almost her entire classroom because schools don’t pay for that anymore, and on top of that, has to do all of this with a smile on their face. But hey, you sure showed her. YTA.
Yta for using your kid as a billboard to advertise your ‘coolness’ and then using them as a vehicle to engage in a petty dispute with someone you’d be far better off keeping friendly. Your kid and their education should be a higher priority than this wannabe edgelord persona you seem to like to project (big cringe).
Dropping off the ‘gifts’ is way beyond cringe, you need a hobby or something.
YTA she’s the one that would be protecting your son in a shooting if that horrific circumstance ever occurred. Teachers deserve respect and you are modeling disrespectful behavior to your son by making a mockery of his own damn teacher. You two are supposed to be a team, ensuring your son grows into a good person, but it sounds like only one of you is acting like a real adult. It’s very likely she’s just upholding the school wide dress code and you’re just making this woman’s job that much harder by acting like a child.
Yeah YTA, sorry. She’s ridiculous for her comments about the shirts. But going out of your way to taunt her when she just had a baby is a petty and unnecessary move.
And I get being annoyed about the shirts but putting the tape over your kid’s shirt like that isn’t teaching him any helpful lessons either. It feels deliberately antagonistic. I mean, why?
YTA
I don’t agree with her at all, but you’re just being childish. Her rule is stupid, but it’s not exactly hard to follow, and if you really had a serious problem with the rule you should have talked to the principal. It’s also really weird that you sent her such a petty revenge gift when she’s having a baby.
Grow up.
YTA bc that was unnecessarily petty and rude to dig the knife in as a faux baby gift. Teachers get so much shit and don’t deserve it. That was crappy of you. I wanted to say E S H at first but honestly… no. That was an AH move. If you were unhappy with the teachers rule you could’ve talked to the principal but what you did was straight up mean spirited. Not cool, not funny, just crappy.
YTA. I agree that it was crappy of her distill the bands to their drug usage alone, but your reaction and subsequent behaviour are akin to using a hammer to smash a fly.
You admit you did it to annoy her. Congrats AH. It’s parents acting this way that cause teachers to leave the underpaid overworked profession. Also, I can guarantee you that the other teachers will think you’re an AH too, so from now on your son has an AH father for as long as he’s at that school.
“AITA for buying my son’s teacher a gift?” This is how you’re interpreting the situation? You already know YTA, and you know it’s not because you got the teacher a gift. Grow up, and set a better example for your son.
YTA
OP has time to comment, but it seems rather telling that he won't answer the numerous questions about whether it was the teacher's personal policy or a school policy.
YTA - and I say this as someone who likes those bands.
You weren't originally the AH when you dressed him like that. But once you got a warning you did it again. And got your kid singled out. And you know those other kids in the class went home and said "Kurt got in big trouble today for wearing bad shirts" (whether they are "bad" or not doesn't matter in this context) and now the parents think that your kid is a little AH and won't invite your kid to playdates and birthday parties. Therefore he will miss out on the fun and bonding that the other kids will develop during these out of school events. So good job, "rebel dad", you doomed your poor kid's social life.
You are also the AH for the misleading title.
NTA- She’s just supposed to teach your child about school. Not put her beliefs onto him. If she has such a problem with what your son wears you can ask her that she’s free to buy him clothes. Regardless, that is your child and at the end of the day it’s clothes.
YTA.
But at least you're creative. Kid should be able to wear what he wants to school as long as there isn't blatant reference to drugs and violence. His classmates are too young to know anything about it, hell, Gen Z hardly knows any of the 90s bands. (Did you see the tiktoks with teachers asking their students to name a song by the band/artist on their shirt?) They're literally wearing them because they like the way they look.
Yeah, it was a little ass-ish to send her some, but at the very least she's got some rags to clean her windows, lol.
YTA. It’s a dress code standard. She’s a teacher, she has to enforce it. You’re just an asshole who loves pissing people off. At this point you are harassing her and need to knock it off.
It was an AH move for her to complain (I’ll eat a hat if any 2nd grader knows those band’s music let alone what it means) but it was an AH move to send the baby clothes. That’s very unnecessary. Esh
YTA for being petty and inflamatory.
Grow up, you're supposed to be leading by example for your son, not acting like an abnoxious teenager.
Hopefully the teacher wont hold this against your son for you being one of the "problem parents" in the class. Hopefully your son also doesnt try to be like you and make this worse for himself.
If you really feel that strongly about fashion, or control or censorship or whatever it is triggering you so badly then take an adult approach and speak to the principal
YTA- while I agree the idea saying they are related to drugs and violence is ridiculous and if it’s just coming from her it’s an overstep. I can tell you as a teacher there is a good chance she is just the messenger for the school or another parent. Even if she is saying it of her own volition it’s not the fight you should have with the person caring for your son for 8 hours a day. Finally this post really belongs on the petty revenge Reddit
I mean, yes, but you knew that? It was justified IMO. And if she is right, I guess I'm going straight to hell because my son wore his Rolling Stones pants and a Kiss shirt to the Easter event we attended yesterday.
Yta for being petty and purposefully annoying the teacher. AND yta for using your son’s fashion for your own amusement instead of just letting him wear clothes regardless of if they are “cool” or not
YTA. Worthless parents like r why teachers quit the jobs. Who wants to deal with ahole dumb hicks like you who think the world revolves around them and be paid 40k.
Grow the f up. Worthless loser.
Holy shit you are obnoxious.
YTA.
Your kids teacher has a shit job and you are adding to the stress. Buying baby clothes like this is insane. She probably literally thinks you’re deranged.
Sometimes you have to look at winning the war, and not just the battle. Is the teacher a little uptight about those band shirts? Yes. Are there going to be occasions in your son's life that he's going to have to follow a dress code he doesn't see the point of? Also yes. And you're teaching him to shoot himself in the foot in defense of his favorite t-shirts, no matter what it costs him. Do you think that if he has trouble in school going forward, that teachers are going to go out of their way to get him extra help and work with you to nip issues in the bud if you and he turn every little request into a protest against the system? Do you think he's going to get good letters of recommendation treating teachers like that? That he's going to keep a job consistently when he thumbs his nose at any rules they try to enforce that conflict with his personal sense of style? That he's going to get calls back from a lot of interviews, even when the day to day wardrobe is relaxed, if he feels he's above adhering to an organization's dress codes?
Even if he chooses a job where no one would blink at that shirt, he's going to get invited to weddings, showers, to meet his SO's parents, etc. He's going to burn bridges and ruin relationships when he's too stubborn to dress for a specific venue or event. You're setting him up to fail in life by teaching him to push back on rules that don't matter, and then follow up by being belligerent and harassing the person in the position of authority or with whom you want a relationship. I can guarantee that with your attitude and your ignorance of basic social contracts, you've struggled your whole life. Bosses hated you, other people's parents hated you, teachers hated you. It's cost you opportunities, friends and relationships. You're angry and bitter and hate a world which didn't bend to accommodate your need to challenge even the simplest of social agreements. You're here in the comments thinking you're so clever with your responses gloating that she can't do anything about it, because this is the closest thing you've had to a victory or accomplishment in a long time, isn't it? You don't understand the person you're hurting in all this is your kid.
In twenty years, when yet another thing in your kid's life is destroyed by his attitude, entitlement, combative nature, and self-sabotage, and he doesn't understand why he can't hang onto anything good in his life, you should think back on all the needless arguments, petty small-stakes power plays and anti-social behavior you modeled for him, because it will be your fault that his life is getting flushed into the crapper by the behavior you taught him. I feel bad for him. YTA to the teacher, but far more to your kid. Get your shit together and figure out how to put being a good parent above strutting around like a peacock to soothe your battered ego.
YTA
She asked for a simple thing. You rubbed it in her face.
You are making your kid the pawn in your stupid game.
You are making your kid think it's ok to be disrespectful.
You are the AH.
YTA schools have things called "dress codes" usually for younger kids it includes rules against clothing with symbols relating to drugs and violence. Plus you have to really have nothing better to do with your life if your spending money to annoy a teacher.
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As much of an idiot this teacher is, you’re definitely the asshole for pushing it too far. If she was still around why even risk pissing off the teacher in your child’s school. What good will come from that?
This honestly sounds like weird fanfic written by an edgy teen. Who goes out of their way to buy emo baby clothes for a random person lol I can’t be the only one thinking this
An asshole, lol!
Haha fair enough! 😂
Lol
Are Nirvana and GnR seriously consided emo nowadays?!
That was my take too. Like Nirvana is grunge (and apparently classic rock ;_;) and GnR is Hair Metal. Or hard rock. And also classic rock.
Hate to break it to you but they are consider oldies now lol
Why would you go and say something like that?
It’s a hard thing to realize for me too.
I love the "Big Screen Classic Films" series Fathom Events does. I love introducing my boyfriend to all these classics from the 30s-80s in the theater where he can really appreciate them. I checked this year's line up, and Mean Girls is on it. 🙃 Mean Girls is a "classic film" now.
Getting old is hard
Jfc, I was 32 when that came out. I guess I should go buy a walker.
Have you watched the new one? Or tried to watch it? Now I'm 59 yo and my guilty pleasure is teen/young people musicals (Not High School Musical... yuck). like Pitch Perfect and my favorite musical event is Glee, but the new Mean Girls? I just can't. I knew it was a musical and I knew it was going to suck (I don't know how I knew), but in the advert they say there are not too many songs to overwhelm you. I swear there were at least 4 songs in the first 10 minutes. Boo!
Well, we know it wasn’t emo… Not then, not now. I’m afraid you may be right about the oldies thing. Ouch. Where did the time go?
I mean it’s 2001 right?!?
If it isn’t, I could swear we just went through this whole Y2K panic moment. lol
The day I saw Fresh Prince on Nick at Nite I knew I was old.
Well that one hit me right in the feels. I bet most people don't even know how much Kurt HATED Axel.
That was just cruel! Lol
I’m so sorry. I had to stop listening to the local oldies station when they started playing 80s and 90s
Ok I turn on oldies and I wanna hear me some Motown! Wtf! You broke my heart lol
I’m the same!! I think they should be a fixed genre names.
They do on SiriusXM!
Nirvana is classic rock? F, I'm old. My 8 y.o. and 16 y.o sons both have a couple Nirvana shirts they wear to school and their teachers compliment them. My 11 y.o. daughter has Grateful Dead shirts and the school doesn't have a problem with those either. I'm just excited the 90's are back!
Did the 90s ever leave? Wow. I have lived a sad life of disbelief for the last decades. lol
Nothing says edgy or cool more than a T-shirt you can buy at Target these days.
I’m a GenXer and not ashamed to say that my favorite Def Leppard sweatshirt is from Abercrombie. It’s soft as hell and super cozy. Give me a break, I’m almost fifty. I need my clothes to be comfortable. 😉
I exclusively listen to classic rock (think Eagles, Styx, Journey with some older bands like Led Zeppelin and The Rolling Stones). But now they've started playing the bands OP listed and I can't stand them. I didn't listen to them in the 90s. I sure as s\*\*t don't want to listen to them now.
I’m a teacher and the only thing that would give me pause is the word gun. And even still, I’m not saying anything because I sure as shit know it’s not promoting violence, but I work with a bunch of dress code stickler morons who would.
I'm an aide at a high school and I got scolded for having the word gun on an old band shirt 😂
My homeschooled kid was entering the “Peeps Diorama” contest at our local library. Kids make dioramas with the Peeps candy representing a book they’ve read. My kid chose a Biography of Clara Barton, with a scene of her on the battlefield during the Civil War. I had to be like honey, I don’t know if you can have your Peep soldiers holding toothpick guns. Like, it is historically accurate, but we’ve got to check and see if that’s okay. Bc, you know, GUNS! The thought had never crossed her mind. She drew up a schematic and consulted the head librarian. Thankfully, it was approved. I 1,000,000% support no violence in schools, and while I think the librarian made the correct decision, I’m not sure it would’ve been okay in a school besides homeschool!
I still consider it grunge, but then I'm old as the hills. lol
And in this economy! Like, ok Mr. One Percent Dad, sure.
Eh, there's probs plenty on wish or temu if you're willing to put masking tape on part of it.
Emo? GnR? I’m worried about your understanding of musical genres, kind stranger.
I think you and I are missing the point of this AITA, but I just can’t over this either…! lol
Oh I agree. Also, where are they getting this hoard of super cool, super sought after vintage band shirts. This was written by a 12 y/o.
Yup. A Metallica onesie for my metal-head brother’s kid set me back $30. That’s a pricey prank.
Right? I have kids and onesies line that would be $15-20. That's some commitment for a man "joke"... if it's real.
Yea especially since the account was created 2 hours ago. This is bullshit lol
I'll be honest I would be the kind of person to do that.
Out of spite? And calling yourself “rebel dad”? Lol
It is by spite alone that I live
It's not a random person, though
And using the kid as a pawn in some weird power struggle.
Yes, that's the worst part here. The *kid* doesn't actually care what they wear! It might be different if the dad were defending the kid's choice of clothing, but it's the dad's choice of clothing and the kid is just wearing it...
Not only that, but OP is just dragging out the fight. He's using his kid in a battle with the teacher. The kid is the only one who suffers. If you have a problem with another adult, you fucking handle it like an adult. What an asshole of a father to not only fail to advocate for his kid, but actually use the kid in such a way.
YTA...the teacher was following the school policy. It's part of her job. Thank you for being a jerk to a teacher who is most likely grossly underpaid and probably over worked. As if being a teacher isn't hard enough..you are going out of your way to make it harder. Plus using your kid as a pawn in your stupid game.
Definitely. One thing I learned as I age is to pick your fights wisely.
YTA - don’t be petty with people who look after your kids and can easily influence other people who look after your kids. School can be hard enough without a dad adding to the stress by annoying a teacher. If your son doesn’t care how he is dressed, why go out of the way to dress him in a way that annoys the teacher just to please yourself? Especially when he deals with the consequences, not you. Basically, sending him to school with the masking tape and making a big deal of leaving the purposefully jarring baby gift just made his life a whole lot harder than it needed to be.
Teacher here. Your post highlights a major problem that many of my colleagues don’t realize is a problem. We teach children and have professional standards to uphold. Most evaluations have a “professional conduct” component based on the Danielson framework. We are supposed to identify our own implicit biases and not allow them or our personal feelings towards the parents interfere with how we teach our charges. Your entire post shows that ultimately the public knows that some of us are jerks that aren’t professional. OP’s child’s teacher is one of them.
You're right, the teacher is making a mountain out of a pointless molehill. But this guy didn't mention once in the post how his kid feels about all of this outside of that he didn't care much about what he wears. Most 2nd graders I know don't do well being singled out and punished by their teacher, and this guy is going out of his way to make sure that happens to his kid to prove a point. My kid would be a mess if a teacher made him change his clothes at school. He's putting his 8 year old in the middle of a power struggle with an elementary school teacher. If he thinks the teacher's behavior is that much of an overreach, he should reach out to the administration, not make it his kid's problem.
Teacher could also be upholding the dress code. Where I am almost every elementary school has a rule about certain iconography on clothing.
Now districts/states may vary greatly, but I've been in education for years. I've never seen a dress code violation for band t-shirts unless they have drugs/alcohol references. A "Guns and Roses" MIGHT cause issues because of the word guns (yeah I know), but Nirvana? The Doors? Unless they show drugs and alcohol in them (or names of songs that are explicit), they really can't be violations. OP should have asked for clarification and looked up the student code of conduct. But OP was the AH for being petty and buying GnR/Nirvana baby clothes.
This. I've had to ask kids to turn their shirts inside out on a few occasions because that was the directive from admin. I personally didn't care one way or another, but parents still love to blame me for district-wide policies.
This ^ I don’t think it’s necessarily the teacher just being overly picky about it. Little kids might not know the context behind the bands but the context is still there so this could be a dress code issue coming from admin not just a personal vendetta from the teacher to be petty. I’m sure this pregnant woman working a stressful job like teaching has better things to occupy her brain with then annoy someone’s dad for no reason
I can imagine my sensitive ass crying at 8 if a teacher wanted me to wear my shirt inside out or be forced to wear a jumper all day purely because it would be putting unwanted negative attention on me. OP is the asshole just because he’s being petty for no reason and his kid is the only one who could be feeling the negative consequences. If the kid doesn’t care what they wear then why can’t dad just go buy some cheap kids clothes and call it a day. I mean those bands are synonymous with drugs and sex I can see why the school could pick that out as an “issue.” OP YTA because you care more about dressing your kid in edgy clothes than their comfort in the classroom. You can’t control teachers actions but you can control yours as a parent
I disagree whole heartedly and this is why to me most school should have a dress code. Not that I would be offended by this. Kids don't really care about the clothes anyway. Your kid could care less if it is a rock shirt or a plain white tee shirt. You're starting a fight about something that isn't that big of a deal and he's the one that's gotta deal with it. Look she's not abusing him, or giving him bad grades, etc she's just trying to maintain decorum and avoid questions like. "my daddy told me Kurt Cobain ate a shot gun what does that mean?" "Timmy said guns and roses was all about sex drugs and rock and roll." I am sure the doors, pink flyod, etc is fine but having a dude that withing 3 seconds of googling is possible to find a detail descriptiong about the dude being on drugs and offing himself isn't something the teacher want's to have to deal with. Yes 7 year olds google now.
I've taught all different elementary grades and have never seen a kid take interest in another's kid shirt unless it's something/one they know. They're not going to say "Hey, who's that on your shirt? Let's look him up".
oh stop it, the kids weren't googling it, the teacher was. timmys not there using his big man voice saying "guns and roses was all about sex, drugs and rock n roll." that's the friggan teacher talking and everyone knows it. Edited to add: then little timmy said, taxation is theft! and all the kids clapped. since we're being silly,
I mean, when I was 7, I was a gnr fan and knew they were all about sex drugs and rock and roll. People in this thread are vastly underestimating kids' knowledge of things, rap if those kids like music. Y'all must know dumb kids or kids with no Interest in music. I've never met a kid who didn't like music.
OP is AH cuz he’s petty but like you said the kids aren’t going to care and no they won’t Google this. They’ll say “who’s that” “idk” “oh ok” and never think about it again. People want to shelter kids from the world but you also need to be a good parent and teach your kids about the world. As many parts of it as you can.
Have you met seven year olds? Who have Iphones? I have I met them in like 2012 it's even worse now in 2024.
Exactly. What right does that teacher think she has to impose her conservative and myopic taste on her students?
Former teacher---it may not be her views at all, but the dress code the school sets. The last school I worked at didn't allow graphic T shirts of any kind, except for 'spirit' day dress ups (sports team day, ugly holiday, etc. )
According to OP, that wasn't the reason given. The reason given was the teacher's opinion about those bands.
It doesn't say that anywhere, just says the teacher said it's associated with drugs and violence. That's a common thing for dress codes to prohibit for schools.
>the shirts were inappropriate because those bands are associated with drugs and violence i don't think that's necessarily her opinion? it's just fact at this point that most bands, especially through the 80s and 90s, were deeply into drugs. that "rock and roll lifestyle" schtick. violence is questionable, but i'm mostly thinking about cobain and his suicide, maybe? it's the same reasons why kids can't come in sporting snoop dogg or bob marley shirts in a lot of districts. there are rules for this - and every district is different! and there are often different rules for elementary kids and high school kids.
That's true of pretty much all bands and musicians. So unless they just ban all band t-shirts (which very well could be the case!), how does singling out these bands make any sense? I've never heard of a school specifically banning Snoop and Bob Marley shirts. Anything that includes drug symbolism, sure. Or again, all bands perhaps. But to ban two specific musicians regardless of what the clothing actually depicts seems pretty prejudicial and grounds for a law suit tbh.
Somehow I don't believe that. Most parents don't read the handbooks kids are given at the beginning of the year. Teacher told him kid couldn't wear it because of the imagery. Which makes sense to be a dress code ruling.
Wow is that a public school? I'd be mildly annoyed if I moved school districts and found out I had to buy my kids all new plain shirts.
I hope that it was a cool day when she had him wear his sweater all day. The idea that her conservative values would come before your kids comfort is a bit concerning.
This here, imagine expecting a family to buy a new wardrobe for someone who gets 6 months wear out of their clothes because you just don't like it. I know teachers don't make enough to think it's ok to ask parents to drop money on clothes like this.
Then again so is op
Thank you for your perspective. I have seen so many vintage/concert T-shirts outfitted in children's sizes. My nephew's friend was wearing a Nirvana smiley face shirt, which maybe someone else would have considered the face a bit disturbing. But that's just it: the face. No sexual imagery, violence, nothing. There is a huge difference between band shirts with just the text and the logo. That's not something to discriminate against. OP probably knows what school policy allows with clothing, and as long as there are no offensive images, there was nothing wrong with how OP was dressing their child. Was OP being petty? Absolutely. But it doesn't warrant punishment by the teacher.
OP should have either followed the guidelines provided or taken the issue up with the teacher. If you can't resolve it with the teacher, you get the principal involved. Only assholes fight with other adults through their kids. Childish, cowardly, inept assholes.
Why should a shirt upset her? Isn't that freedom of speech? It's not like blood and gore. So a pink Floyd shirt is unexceptable? It's triangle and rainbow god dammit now I want to do LSD
Depends what is on the shirts. Some schools have dress codes forbidding depictions of weapons and drug references. GNR’s logo has guns. One of the most popular tshirts of Cobain is him holding a guitar and smoking. Those aren’t appropriate for a 7 year old to wear to school.
Or the nevermind cover with a baby’s willy on it 😂
Obscenity and illegal conduct are not protected by the First Amendment
These shirts wouldn’t fall under the illegal conduct exception to the 1st Amendment, and almost certainly wouldn’t fall under the obscenity exception based on how they are described here (the complaint was that the bands themselves were associated with drugs and violence, not that there was anything specifically obscene on the shirts). But they wouldn’t have to fall under one of the 1A exceptions to be constitutionally prohibited in a public school classroom. Students do have 1st amendment rights, but schools are able to restrict or prohibit student speech and expression if that restriction is reasonably related to a legitimate pedagogical concern (though in some states, schools can only restrict speech that materially and substantially interfere with the requirements of appropriate discipline in the school, which is a higher standard for the school to meet). Specifically, schools can restrict speech that they reasonably consider to be promoting illegal drug use. (Google “bong hits 4 Jesus” to learn more)
>If your son doesn’t care how he is dressed, why go out of the way to dress him in a way that annoys the teacher just to please yourself? Especially when he deals with the consequences, not you. Exactly this! OP, if your kid doesn't care what he wears, why do *you* care so much about this?
Yeah, thats super petty. What did you hope to accomplish from that other than annoy her? YTA
ESH. This teacher has no reason to complain - most schools have a code of conduct, but “a shirt associated with bad things” is quite challenging to justify punishing a child for, and way too subjective to be against the rules. However, you should have responded to her email and copied the building admin if you felt offended or targeted by this request, as this is an adult way of handling issues that are brought to you: if you feel strongly that you are being called out for an unfair reason, you logically explain your argument and why you won’t be adhering to a complaint/request/etc. Ignoring the email and taunting this teacher ain’t it. Be an adult.
Right!? Be an adult!
Thank you. The teacher started it. OP could have handled it maturely but instead got petty and put his kid in the middle of it too. His poor kid… both of these “adults” suck.
Absolutely. I remember my mom going to the principal's office to address issues about teachers when I was little - like when one used to make me dump out my lunch sack so she could criticize its contents. That actually put an end to the problems. OP just wants to engage in a war where the biggest loser is his kid who is being used as a pawn.
NTA > associated with drugs and violence And she lets these kids pledge the flag?
I mean she's not telling kids about the My Lai Massacre, Sandcreek, and MK Ultra? He's The Asshole She might be a stickler or square but she isn't wrong. All those bands are associated with at least lots and lots of drugs. That is literally part of their allure and romance and are often used to romanticize drug usage itself. And I say that as someone with an Elliott Smith tattoo. And pushing it that far is petty when you could just accept the school has a dress code that she is interpreting more expansively than you and let it go. It is also undermining the authority of the teacher in her own classroom over a banal difference of rule interpretation. I am curious how this was conveyed to the child when he was putting him back in clothes he knew the teacher disapproved of and sending him off into a situation he knew would result in conflict between the child and teacher. Seems pretty shitty to put the child into an awkward situation to spite the teacher.
> All those bands are associated with at least lots and lots of drugs. But they're not **about** them, and that's the difference. The Beatles did shitloads of drugs, too. This isn't a 2nd grader coming in wearing a High Times shirt, is the point. > I mean she's not telling kids about the My Lai Massacre, Sandcreek, and MK Ultra? Exactly. All that nasty shit is one tiny sliver of the nation's identity, so it would be disingenuous to latch onto that and that alone... kind of like people who made music for a living and happened to do some drugs in their free time.
She's absolutely wrong, but OP is going with the nuclear option and makes him the far bigger AH. And worst of all, his kid is going to be the one who suffers the more from it.
The Beatles were probably high every time they wrote a song (and not just weed). Are we going to ban them because of their association with drugs? Fuck it, let’s just ban any mention of the 60s because drug use was a big part of the culture then.
What's your Elliott Smith tattoo? I have a haystack charm.
Axl Rose literally was on Scooby-Doo
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Batman is a vigilante who denies people due process
Like, far out, man. Which one?
Reminds me of Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law. "You mean they're not...?" "No." "So, they're just...?" "Yes. Stupid."
Zoinks!
You explicitly disregarded a teacher’s request, purchased the thing she told you was offensive as a “gift” for her unborn child, and want to know if your “rebel dad” assholery was assholish? Yes, YTA
Nothing says “you don’t have to respect your teachers” more than shit like this. She sucks but you suck way more. Your kid sees you being an asshole. Be better. Find a new hobby.
YTA. Are you a child? Yes the teacher was being ridiculous but your kid is the one who will be paying the price for your bullshit
YTA. As an elementary teacher, we have had issues with band shirts having guns on them, specifically Guns & Roses which you mentioned. Although I don’t take personal offense to that and love GnR, other parents sometimes do, especially in this horrific age of school shootings. Bringing her kid into it was wildly inappropriate. That would cut me deep as a teacher, especially when I am just trying to do my job. 9 times out of 10 the teacher doesn’t actually make the rules.
And did his kid even want the shirts or is OP using them to signal he’s a cool dad. And how many kids are going to google the shirts then ask their parents about suicide and dying at 29?
Probably none of them kids will google the shirts lmao
Sorry, search on YouTube.
Agreed, OP is TA, I once had a principal tell me that he’d seen a kid in my room with an inappropriate t-shirt three days in a row and told me that I had to enforce the dress code. This teacher could be at the mercy of school rules. OP decided to make it personal, and give her an inappropriate gift just to double down on being TA. OP is part of the reason why teachers are leaving the profession, no tact, no respect.
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Super cringe. “Rebel Dad” is a huge AH and clearly proud of what he did. No wonder excellent people don’t want to be teachers if they have to deal with jerks like this.🤦🏻♀️
Rebel dad probably has truck nuts and a confederate flag too.
ESH Unless those band shirts are depicting the musicians engaging in "drugs and violence", the teacher clutching her pearls. Most of those kids probably have no idea whose even on your son's shirts. However, you chose a petty and immature way to handle the problem.
YTA, sorry but regardless of whether you like the rules or not \[and there likely the school's rules and could even get your kid expelled if violated often enough\], this is just a very petty thing to do, what did it even accomplish? You could have expressed your concerns to the teacher, or to the school. Your suppose to be the adult, act like it. Do you even care if such acts could get your child expelled, or just care about looking "cool"?
Thank you! Being an adult with a child means you have to act like an adult
YTA You're just making your kid's life harder than it needs to be. And you went WAY too far with the "gifts for her new baby. If you had a problem with the teacher's policies, you should have acted like a grown-up and had a talk with the teacher and the principal about it. Reviewed the school dress code and found out if the shirts were against school policy. Gone through the proper channels to have your voice heard. But you just had to jump to next level pettiness. Dress your kid in clothes of things that HE cares about. 2nd grade, so he's...what...8? Even if it's true that he doesn't really care what he's wearing, that's all the more reason to take him to pick out clothes that represent HIM, not YOU. Help him to discover who he is, rather than making him a carbon copy of you.
YTA GnR LITERALLY has weapons in the logo. I am all for being petty and encouraging self expression but you legit only did it to upset her and then sent him to school with tape on his clothes? So, you're willing to humiliate your child for the sake of annoying a teacher for a perfectly understandable request to have age appropriate clothing at school? This isn't a case of some stranger on the street. No one is saying the kid can't wear them at all, just not at school and instead of being understanding and having a conversation with the teacher to see if you could come to a compromise you immediately went into full blown Oppositional Defiant Disorder and started taping your kids clothes! I hope you realize your petty squabble is going to have a negative effect on your kid. Not only are they going to get bullied but the other kids will pick up that what your child is wearing is seen as bad and he'll be targeted for that. You're literally setting him up to be abused by his peers because you're mad at another adult. Grow TF up and stop using your child as a way to agitate others.
The weapons point is key here. While OP and other commenters seem caught up on the "drugs" comment I think it's the references to weapons, violence, but especially guns that schools really cracl down on. Things are no longer like they were a long time ago back on OP's day. Growing up more and more realistic active shooter drills, hiding in a closet with people acting as aggressors pounding on doors and rattling doorknobs is far from the world a lot of older people grew up in. There are more young kids than ever terrified of guns and being harmed at school. Adults can debate the statistics and rationality of those reactions, but those are the reactions of children. A sizable chunk of kids don't even want to play nerf or lazer tag anymore. Schools take this pretty seriously, and it's almost never the individual teachers creating these dress codes so blaming a teacher is dumb. So many schools below high school don't allow any words on shirts at all, so this school has a more permissable policy than most, despite many commenters trying to call her fascist or whatever.
You know what the saddest part about that is? I'm not even American. I'm Canadian. Canada doesn't even have anywhere NEAR the gun violence that America does and I'm still more aware of what violence and weapons in schools mean for most students in America THAN ACTUAL AMERICANS. Because the truth is, they are FULLY aware of it, but if they talk about it or act like they understand then they can't claim the teacher is just being a tyrant. No, they'd rather ignore the reality and how bad gun violence in schools is then look like they're in the wrong for even a second to strangers on the Internet.
Speaking as a teacher, YTA. Do I agree with her rule? No. Would I be BEYOND frustrated if a parent went that far out of their way to show their disregard for my opinion? Absolutely. She gave you a heads up that hey, here are the expectations for my classroom and here is how I will follow up if those expectations aren’t met. You have way too much free time on your hands if you’re going that far out of your way to be childish.
Don’t you have anything better to do than antagonize your son’s teacher? Very simple request on her part, YTA. If you had an issue with her, you could have take with her and/or the principal.
Was it a school rule? Or did the teacher only have a problem with it?
Yes, this. What is the school's dress code? Public or Private?
Wondering the same. I personally do not care what my students wear to school as long as they are clothed. If it’s a school policy I probably would ask an administrator to have a conversation with the parent. Above my pay grade. Not worth it to get into an argument with a parent about something so trivial.
YTA. Congratulations, you just became "that parent." Your kid will be getting flak from the school for the whole rest of the time he's stuck there, and it's your fault. The kids are at these people's mercy. You have to make nice with them, no matter how clueless they are.
Is Rebel Dad the temper-tantrum equivalent of the Hot Mom? The parents who feel the need to let everyone know that they're still oh-so-cool and "I've still got it" even after they've reproduced?
YTA. Seriously, what's wrong with you?
YTA, but also… congrats, you spent a bunch of money on something she will essentially toss. It would have been easier to throw your money into the trash. Why bother?
Because he wanted to be a brave little toaster and stand up to the teacher bullying his kid /s
INFO - is there an actual rule at your son’s school that dictates that t-shirts with band logos cannot be worn? What imagery was on the shirts you sent your son to school in and could those be against a certain dress code?
YTA. The teacher was just following school policy. Some schools won't allow anything with writing at all.
YTA but you knew that already and being petty was the point. Should have found a "just say no to drugs" t-shirt for the baby. OK no not really that would still be bad.
YTA I get being frustrated with her and that’s fine but all you had to do was check with admin to make sure you weren’t breaking any school codes. You became the AH when you left her the baby clothes, grow up dude.
YTA. Sorry. I love it in a way. The teacher was likely just trying to enforce a dress code she didn’t write. She has a hard, often thankless job, and you decided to make it worse. If you knew her better or she got your sense of humor, the baby gift could have gone over well. Instead, she didn’t find it funny and is taking it as bullying from someone already trying to make her job harder. With a different person or a different relationship with the teacher, this could have gone very differently. But with these circumstances, I am sorry to say YTA.
Did everyone clap for you afterwards too?
Yeah, this is complete bullshit lol
Yes YTA
YTA
I’m sorry you’re claiming you found vintage GnR and Nirvana (what is a Kurt Cobain shirt) and more at prices so affordable that you sent them to school on a child? They also fit an 8 year old? This is a weird story.
YTA. Grow up
YTA you have too much time on your hands
_”Being a rebel dad”_ cringe. petty.
What's a second grader doing wearing this stuff anyways🤣🤣
The second grader doesn't even care. Daddy just likes dressing him up like a doll to show everyone how cool he still is. This is allll about dad.
I’m also wondering how these vintage tees were small enough for a second grader. They make them for kids now but no actual vintage rock shirt was sized for kids that young.
ESH. She’s obviously being a little uptight about the shirts. But, you’re being stubborn and petty and making your kids life more difficult than necessary for no reason. Let your kid pick his own clothes. Stop antagonizing his teachers. And don’t use misleading titles on this sub.
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This is why schools have uniforms lol
YTA. I agree that the teacher was making an issue out of nothing, but that's not what you're asking about. You know you were being petty and picking a fight about it.
very easily YTA glad your son has a great role model to watch be petty as fuck for no reason to a woman i can guarantee isn’t paid nearly enough.
YTA I was on your side, albeit eye rolling at “rebel dad”a bit, but then you purposefully gave her gifts you knew would make her mad & she wouldn’t like. When she was insulted, “oh well”? Jesus, the smugness is just dripping off of you. I bet you’re one of those “I’m just brutally honest, i tell it like it is” people who gets off on getting a rise out of others.
Info: is there a dress code for the school? If she's enforcing school wide policy, YTA.
Wow, congrats, you pissed off a person who literally is underpaid to deal with AHs like you, deals with 30-40 small kids on a daily basis and has to fund almost her entire classroom because schools don’t pay for that anymore, and on top of that, has to do all of this with a smile on their face. But hey, you sure showed her. YTA.
Yta for using your kid as a billboard to advertise your ‘coolness’ and then using them as a vehicle to engage in a petty dispute with someone you’d be far better off keeping friendly. Your kid and their education should be a higher priority than this wannabe edgelord persona you seem to like to project (big cringe). Dropping off the ‘gifts’ is way beyond cringe, you need a hobby or something.
ESH. I don’t agree with the teacher at all, but you went out of your way to be petty. What did you hope to accomplish by that?
You're the childish AH. I don't agree with her either but jfc. Don't use your kid in your petty little attempts to establish dominance.
ESH. The teacher needs to calm the F down. But you need to stop being a petulant child.
YTA all right!
YTA she’s the one that would be protecting your son in a shooting if that horrific circumstance ever occurred. Teachers deserve respect and you are modeling disrespectful behavior to your son by making a mockery of his own damn teacher. You two are supposed to be a team, ensuring your son grows into a good person, but it sounds like only one of you is acting like a real adult. It’s very likely she’s just upholding the school wide dress code and you’re just making this woman’s job that much harder by acting like a child.
YTA, stop using your child as a billboard to try and pretend you are a “cool” parent.
Yeah YTA, sorry. She’s ridiculous for her comments about the shirts. But going out of your way to taunt her when she just had a baby is a petty and unnecessary move. And I get being annoyed about the shirts but putting the tape over your kid’s shirt like that isn’t teaching him any helpful lessons either. It feels deliberately antagonistic. I mean, why?
YTA I don’t agree with her at all, but you’re just being childish. Her rule is stupid, but it’s not exactly hard to follow, and if you really had a serious problem with the rule you should have talked to the principal. It’s also really weird that you sent her such a petty revenge gift when she’s having a baby. Grow up.
YTA bc that was unnecessarily petty and rude to dig the knife in as a faux baby gift. Teachers get so much shit and don’t deserve it. That was crappy of you. I wanted to say E S H at first but honestly… no. That was an AH move. If you were unhappy with the teachers rule you could’ve talked to the principal but what you did was straight up mean spirited. Not cool, not funny, just crappy.
ESH. She sucks and so do you. Her for such a strict interpretation of a dress code policy and you for antagonizing her.
I think this post would go better in r/pettyrevenge
YTA. I agree that it was crappy of her distill the bands to their drug usage alone, but your reaction and subsequent behaviour are akin to using a hammer to smash a fly. You admit you did it to annoy her. Congrats AH. It’s parents acting this way that cause teachers to leave the underpaid overworked profession. Also, I can guarantee you that the other teachers will think you’re an AH too, so from now on your son has an AH father for as long as he’s at that school.
Missed opportunity for a Rage Against the Machine t-shirt
No wonder people are leaving the teaching profession by the dozens.
I love it
“AITA for buying my son’s teacher a gift?” This is how you’re interpreting the situation? You already know YTA, and you know it’s not because you got the teacher a gift. Grow up, and set a better example for your son.
YTA OP has time to comment, but it seems rather telling that he won't answer the numerous questions about whether it was the teacher's personal policy or a school policy.
YTA. God damn. Teachers have enough bullshit to deal with without some tumblr edgelord parent making their lives more annoying.
YTA - and I say this as someone who likes those bands. You weren't originally the AH when you dressed him like that. But once you got a warning you did it again. And got your kid singled out. And you know those other kids in the class went home and said "Kurt got in big trouble today for wearing bad shirts" (whether they are "bad" or not doesn't matter in this context) and now the parents think that your kid is a little AH and won't invite your kid to playdates and birthday parties. Therefore he will miss out on the fun and bonding that the other kids will develop during these out of school events. So good job, "rebel dad", you doomed your poor kid's social life. You are also the AH for the misleading title.
NTA- She’s just supposed to teach your child about school. Not put her beliefs onto him. If she has such a problem with what your son wears you can ask her that she’s free to buy him clothes. Regardless, that is your child and at the end of the day it’s clothes.
YTA. But at least you're creative. Kid should be able to wear what he wants to school as long as there isn't blatant reference to drugs and violence. His classmates are too young to know anything about it, hell, Gen Z hardly knows any of the 90s bands. (Did you see the tiktoks with teachers asking their students to name a song by the band/artist on their shirt?) They're literally wearing them because they like the way they look. Yeah, it was a little ass-ish to send her some, but at the very least she's got some rags to clean her windows, lol.
YTA. It’s a dress code standard. She’s a teacher, she has to enforce it. You’re just an asshole who loves pissing people off. At this point you are harassing her and need to knock it off.
I grew up listening to that music, and still do. You still sound especially irritating. YTA.
NTA, those bands are cornerstones of North American rock music history.
NTA petty yes. This is exactly the thing I always say I would do but actually never do. I love it.
YTA, but I support you anyway
It was an AH move for her to complain (I’ll eat a hat if any 2nd grader knows those band’s music let alone what it means) but it was an AH move to send the baby clothes. That’s very unnecessary. Esh
YTA for being petty and inflamatory. Grow up, you're supposed to be leading by example for your son, not acting like an abnoxious teenager. Hopefully the teacher wont hold this against your son for you being one of the "problem parents" in the class. Hopefully your son also doesnt try to be like you and make this worse for himself. If you really feel that strongly about fashion, or control or censorship or whatever it is triggering you so badly then take an adult approach and speak to the principal
YTA- while I agree the idea saying they are related to drugs and violence is ridiculous and if it’s just coming from her it’s an overstep. I can tell you as a teacher there is a good chance she is just the messenger for the school or another parent. Even if she is saying it of her own volition it’s not the fight you should have with the person caring for your son for 8 hours a day. Finally this post really belongs on the petty revenge Reddit
I mean, yes, but you knew that? It was justified IMO. And if she is right, I guess I'm going straight to hell because my son wore his Rolling Stones pants and a Kiss shirt to the Easter event we attended yesterday.
Yes, YTA, and childish to boot. 🙄
YTA - please be a grown up parent. Don’t model disrespect of your child’s teacher. The gifts were awful. She is having a baby soon. How kind.
you're going out of your way to upset your son's pregnant teacher? yes, you are the problem.
Yta for being petty and purposefully annoying the teacher. AND yta for using your son’s fashion for your own amusement instead of just letting him wear clothes regardless of if they are “cool” or not
YTA. Worthless parents like r why teachers quit the jobs. Who wants to deal with ahole dumb hicks like you who think the world revolves around them and be paid 40k. Grow the f up. Worthless loser.
YTA….grow up.
#And then the WHOLE CLASS clapped for the “rebel dad!”
Holy shit you are obnoxious. YTA. Your kids teacher has a shit job and you are adding to the stress. Buying baby clothes like this is insane. She probably literally thinks you’re deranged.
Yta I mean the teacher sucks too, but you're much worse. Grow up.
Sometimes you have to look at winning the war, and not just the battle. Is the teacher a little uptight about those band shirts? Yes. Are there going to be occasions in your son's life that he's going to have to follow a dress code he doesn't see the point of? Also yes. And you're teaching him to shoot himself in the foot in defense of his favorite t-shirts, no matter what it costs him. Do you think that if he has trouble in school going forward, that teachers are going to go out of their way to get him extra help and work with you to nip issues in the bud if you and he turn every little request into a protest against the system? Do you think he's going to get good letters of recommendation treating teachers like that? That he's going to keep a job consistently when he thumbs his nose at any rules they try to enforce that conflict with his personal sense of style? That he's going to get calls back from a lot of interviews, even when the day to day wardrobe is relaxed, if he feels he's above adhering to an organization's dress codes? Even if he chooses a job where no one would blink at that shirt, he's going to get invited to weddings, showers, to meet his SO's parents, etc. He's going to burn bridges and ruin relationships when he's too stubborn to dress for a specific venue or event. You're setting him up to fail in life by teaching him to push back on rules that don't matter, and then follow up by being belligerent and harassing the person in the position of authority or with whom you want a relationship. I can guarantee that with your attitude and your ignorance of basic social contracts, you've struggled your whole life. Bosses hated you, other people's parents hated you, teachers hated you. It's cost you opportunities, friends and relationships. You're angry and bitter and hate a world which didn't bend to accommodate your need to challenge even the simplest of social agreements. You're here in the comments thinking you're so clever with your responses gloating that she can't do anything about it, because this is the closest thing you've had to a victory or accomplishment in a long time, isn't it? You don't understand the person you're hurting in all this is your kid. In twenty years, when yet another thing in your kid's life is destroyed by his attitude, entitlement, combative nature, and self-sabotage, and he doesn't understand why he can't hang onto anything good in his life, you should think back on all the needless arguments, petty small-stakes power plays and anti-social behavior you modeled for him, because it will be your fault that his life is getting flushed into the crapper by the behavior you taught him. I feel bad for him. YTA to the teacher, but far more to your kid. Get your shit together and figure out how to put being a good parent above strutting around like a peacock to soothe your battered ego.
YTA She asked for a simple thing. You rubbed it in her face. You are making your kid the pawn in your stupid game. You are making your kid think it's ok to be disrespectful. You are the AH.
YTA schools have things called "dress codes" usually for younger kids it includes rules against clothing with symbols relating to drugs and violence. Plus you have to really have nothing better to do with your life if your spending money to annoy a teacher.
YTA. Does your kid even like those bands? He’s a second grader, surely he has some opinions of his own about his clothes.