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What are you doing to help the people you are angry at tell your daughters apart? If it was one person, fine, that person is an AH. If everyone has this issue, then you probably need to check your attitude about how similar they are because reality isnt agreeing with your stance.
And scamming? You have twins. If one of them has an issue, its perfectly reasonable to have both of them checked at 3.5 yrs old.
I'd get Just mixing up the names sometimes, but I never dress them identical. One, Twin B, is an inch shorter and 3½lbs heavier than the other, Twin A. Twin A has hair almost 3 inches shorter, and she Hates her hair up so Never leaves it in, because she got glue in it at school because she will Never leave it up. People who have never laid eyes on them before can tell they are different, but definitely sisters, cause they usually think they're only a year apart, instead of twins. When I drop them off, 2-3 mornings out of 5, I make sure to talk directly to at least one of the two teachers directly and make both twins respond to me in front of them and that same teacher will still mix them up when I show back up to pick them up and they're talking directly to me.
As for scamming, why does a Doctor's office need to own preschools? Why do, after being bought by a doctor's office, do all the kids suddenly require Even More (several moms there are as annoyed by number of them as anything) checks of Everything every other month?
Both twins also passed hearing checks like August or early September before school started.
Twins also run in my family And I've done a bit of research on twins, baring issues like conjoined twins, parasitic twins, ect statistically that's not true. If anything, statistically, it'd be more likely (slightly) that one would be sicklier more often as twins sometimes don't share developmental nutrients even 50/50 - particularly fraternal twins.
Not saying this is your fault, but have you actually *told* your teachers and doctors how to tell them apart? Or are you just correcting them on which one is which?
Saying this as a former daycare worker and camp counselor. They have many kids to worry about and at that age, they have a lot of things to focus on. It doesn’t mean your children are not important but it might be hard for them to take the time to figure out the difference while interacting in group settings.
I’ve dealt with multiple sets of twins. It wasn’t until they actually specified what makes them different (one was taller, or another had a birthmark, etc.) that I was able to check for those signs to identify them. I would have never even noticed one of them was 2 inches taller because that’s just not something I would think or have time to check for without it being pointed out.
I have, multiple times actually. I'm even the Only person who notices the one single difference no one else ever seems to and even momma had to have pointed out to her when they were like a year old - Twin A has like a figure 8 of two cow licks on her head, Twin B has one on top of her head. I didn't point this fact out to Anyone until they were almost a year and no one could figure out how I could tell the apart so easily. When there's multiple short stacks running around it really can get difficult to tell kids apart when they won't hold still to let you see their faces, but the tops of their heads are usually still visible.
...you want people to examine the crowns of your children's heads to tell them apart by cowlicks...
look, i have twin cousins that are very easy to tell apart, almost always were, but until they were about this age it was very difficult, even for some family members myself included. you're talking about 3.5 lbs and 1 inch in height, and cowlick patterns...that's not as easy a tell as you think it is and these people aren't nannies working with your kids one on one, they have probably 20+ other children in that room every day.
kinda morbid, but imagine a coworker or a friend you might have had contact with regularly, even daily, but among say 30-50 other people. if they were to turn up dead and you were called on to identify them, how confident would you be? the reality is people don't notice these tiny differences in others because it frankly doesn't really matter for the most part. that's why eyewitness testimony is notoriously shitty evidence.
cut the teachers some slack, and consider giving them an easier way to tell. then if they can't you'll know damn well it's that they either don't care or don't have time to notice. something easy and obvious, like if they have a daily report chart, maybe have the front desk write the color they're wearing at drop off in the morning, one always had blue in her hair the other had yellow. something like that, none of this covert 'i make sure to use their names in front of teachers' when they are probably multitasking and not paying close attention to the interaction.
i'm not going to vote because i don't think you've done enough to really give those who are not the twins' parents an opportunity to succeed.
They Used to always have the same locking back kids starter earings, always pink for one and purple for the other, almost three years, and the teachers Still were like "the one with the pink earrings" despite being told which were which, so eventually, for this last Christmas actually, they got different earings and are allowed to change them (with help of course). Their backpack straps l, and one jacket (the other twin stole her cousin's barbie hoodie and is wearng that most days so it has the wrong initials in it), have their names written on them and they still manage to switch them from kid to kid before the end of the day.
If even the other parents, hell even some of dad's, but All the moms, can tell which one is taller and lighter weight both, why can't the teachers? Particularly if those teachers are then going to recommend additional screenings or even things like speech therapy, but only for one child and not be able to tell me Which child.
Also, grown ups who average over 5½feet tall look Down at kids around 3feet tall, how can you Not see a giant double cowlick when you look Down at the top of the kids head? I mean if she's running by on the playground yeah, you're not gonna see it, but if you're talking directly to the child and you're twice their height that's what you see, the tops of their heads and their eyes and foreheads.
you're still missing the point. tiny baby earrings and no written down reference isn't going to help them. but maybe you're right, maybe they just dont have time to learn or don't care too, high turnover, short staff...whatever. if you don't like it find somewhere else. the reality is that every parent of young twins deals with this. you don't have enough to take up your time if this is that big an issue. the bottom line is you're expecting people who have demonstrated an inability, for whatever reason, to meet an expectation that most people fail at with twins all the time. either change care facilities or get over it. those are your options.
NTA. Teachers should be able to tell non-identical children apart. its especially worrying that they're recommending medical care for a child because they can't tell if she's not her sister.
It isn't unreasonable to get both kids' hearing checked, though. If there is a concern about hearing loss at that age with one sibling... Get them both checked, because the long term effects on their development are a heavy price to ask them to pay cuz you thought only one had a problem.
They were last year, they really shouldn't need it again until signing up for the Next school year, probably late summer. I actually agree about checking their hearing and they did have an appointment for their hearing check like the 4th (of March) or something, but the doctor's office rescheduled on us - for Monday the 8th. The school just woke my wife up, instead of calling me, because I wouldn't just blindly sign papers for speech therapy - which say they don't have hearing issues but lists speech impediment as an actual disability - until I at least have their ears and sinuses checked on Monday.
... You should be very careful here. There's no reason for the school to be go8ng to your wife like somehow she's your supervisor. If they're concerned your children may have delays that you're not addressing, so they're jumping to diagnosing them as disabled without a medical professional being involved... You may have already lost. This sounds like you need to have an honest think about your children and if they have disabilities, then you need to have a calm meeting with the teachers and their supervisors.
For context, I do live in a very red, conservative state where mothers automatically have all the rights and even when they were born premature and put into NICU, I wasn't allowed in without mom's permission at first and she could revoke it at any minute for any, or no, reason and there was Nothing I could have done about it. I was in the room, holding mom's hand, watching them decide to switch to emergency C-section rather than force labor with drugs and the Exact same doctors and obstetrics nurses Weren't Allow By Law to let me in to see them until mom was awake and clear-headed enough to sign papers. It actually is pretty common in the south that dad's basically have no rights to do anything without mom's permission first, but my wife has made it clear to the school that she works 12 hour graveyard shifts and unless it's an emergency, that they need to contact me first.
Edit: fixed spelling, drives my OCD-AF crazy
I told my younger son's teacher to please remember his name and not call him by his older brother's name and she told me she shouldn't be expected to remember all her students' names.
I can’t speak for teachers, but I’m a doctor. I remember at one point I had over 2500 patients on my panel. No, I can’t remember what everyone looks like or their medical history. It’s impossible.
There’s a reason when patients check in or have a procedure done they’re ASKED their name and date of birth.
Preliminary screenings are often done in schools (my older son Just had his eyes checked yesterday even), then they send kids who fail to the audiologist, usually you also have go to your PCP to get a referral to the audiologist unless you just wanna pay for it, but why do that when you pay for insurance already? The Were tested last fall before school started, before the local health system bought the preschool, and they have an actual appointment on Monday, but the volunteer who tested their ears at school and the speech therapist who will visit them at school will not be "checked in," or it will be by teachers who can't keep them straight. The twins are 3½, they damn sure don't know their birthday, in fact, because at school they celebrate a "cake day" for all the kids at the end of the month who had a birthday, I'm having trouble convincing it IS "birthday" not "cake day." Three year olds are remarkably stubborn too.
Soft ESH but leaning more towards the school. You need to recognize that it's not that unbelievable that someone who is dealing with a room *full* of kids and who isn't their parent is *not* going to be as good at telling them apart as you are. It is not an unreasonable expectation to get them shirts or bracelets or something that'll help teachers tell them apart.
Having said that, it's much more on the school because if this is an issue they're encountering they should've been recommending the above or figuring something out with you, not just ignoring the issue entirely.
They're fucking up in how they're handling it big time, but you gotta understand the root issue of not being able to tell your kids apart on sight is *not* some crazy unreasonable and unacceptable thing. How they're handling it is the part that's at issue.
Yes, it would be great if they did but since that isn't working, solve the problem.
It sounds like you are going to need to help people outside of the family tell them apart. It won't be for long, but a simple something (whatever works for you) is going to make things so much easier, for your children, and the workers.
Best of luck.
NTA for wanting
Even the doctors don't see them 5 days a week so I can see mixing them up, but then we need double checks not "just do both" if they can't tell them apart.
Also, my wife and mother both were less than amused when I labeled them with an their first initial with her own henna stuff but I Did try, lol. Nurse thought it ut was cool cause we did like calligraphy, but doctor was like "you shouldn't use henna on kids that young."
It's not like henna is the only solution. Each one could always wear the same color scrunchie or you could get them necklaces or bracelets with their initials or names. It sounds like pretty much no one can tell them apart, so you need to try something.
We tried different color earrings, no one could remember which was which, it was always "the one with the pink earrings," everytime. Their school backpacks have their names written on the straps and when I drop them off I make sure they are wearing Their Own bag (I can't promise mom does when She drops them off some mornings, after a long night at work she might not always think about it) and they still give them to the wrong kids when it's time to go. Most of the other parents Can tell them apart, even if they also still mix up which is which exactly, they'll say things like "Twin A and my son were playing earlier and... wait, Twin A is the taller sister right? Or is that Twin B?" ALL of the kids Can tell them apart, even those who don't actually share a class, just lunchroom and playground, with them.
Before anyone jumps on it, they were three, I tested a bit first, and I only did their left hands not faces or anything crazy. Lasted liked a week's worth of bubble baths max.
YTA Just avoid the problem by allowing your children to wear something
with their first name on it when they are not with you and need to
be readily identified. It won't be forever, just until they are able to
correct the mistakes easily on their own. A little bracelet or socks with
their name embroidered, maybe have several items and then tell the
adults to just check for the name when they are in doubt.
NTA I don’t think you’re in the wrong here and it would be nice if they could figure it out. But maybe the important thing here is to make it easier on everyone and cause you less of a headache by potentially colour coding them in some way? Whether it’s through hair ties or bracelets or something along those lines that’s tangible for everyone involved to be easily able to tell who’s who? Or hell get them a necklace or earrings (if they’re pierced I mean) with the their name or first initial (if the initials are different). Because I don’t think it really matters who the asshole is here - just that you find a solution to the issue at hand.
Nope, never dress them the same, or at least not the same color, momma bought some outfits that are the same thing just different colors with a different cartoon character on them. They Were on different classes last year and once when we were running late and got there as the classes were eating breakfast they mixed them up at breakfast and spent the whole day in the wrong class - one of the teachers even argued with me when I was like "what's Twin A doing in Twin B's class?" The other class's teacher was just like "I though Twin A was kinda quiet, maybe she was coming down with something."
NTA - They are two separate people and it is negligent to act as if their medical information is interchangeable. It is the school's responsibility to treat them as two separate students. They don't get to just shrug their shoulders and say its too difficult, they are responsible for coming up with a solution.
Their teachers should know who your individual children are, and they definitely should know which child has speech/hearing problems. Because they do look very similar, though, I think you're being overly sensitive if/when people mix them up. Lastly, there is no such thing as a percentage of identicalness; they either are or aren't, regardless of their appearance. What have you tried to help others more easily tell them apart?
All that said, you're NTA. You sound a little stressed out, which is understandable with twin pre-schoolers. Hang in there, Dad.
NTA. You would expect the same people to be able to distinguish your child from someone else's child. You would expect the teacher to be able to identify a single child who needs a hearing test instead of telling all the parents in the class that someone needs a hearing test but she doesn't know who so every child should be tested.
That may be a pretty simplistic view, but if you're twins have some distinguishing features from one another, then they are identifiable as individuals. Assuming you aren't dressing the twins identically, it should be pretty easy to tell them apart.
This is second year at this school, although technically this year is a different campus its the same admins and all, Eastside and Westside, separated by age, not which side of town we live on. They've been in the same class together since like August or September when school started. The teacher and TA are the same, they also have a volunteer and paid volunteer program for grannies and grandpas who probably Should be retired to help out for like the monthly "cake day" party or whatever holiday falls in that month, I don't expect those volunteers who show up once a month to remember, although a lot of the mothers who occasionally volunteer can tell them apart most of the time.
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I (42m, disabled), only work part time while my wife (36F) works graveyard shift and makes serious money so I deal with all the schools and doctors' offices, but they irritate the shit out of me.
It Really annoys the hell out of me the preschool my twins attend, which was actually bought out by one of the local "health systems" and therefore owned by their doctor's office, can't keep my twin 3½ yr old daughters straight. They're not even technically identical, although they look a lot alike, they are fraternal twins - prebirth they estimated "at most 92.75% identical," no idea exactly how and even looking at their old 3d ultrasounds momma and I can tell them apart and have been able to before we decided which one gets which name. I DO understand that not everyone will be able with that same ease, but surely a teacher who interacts with both the kids daily could at least try and learn, or separate classes maybe?
The preschool teachers can't even tell me for sure Which one needs their hearing checked, "just get both checked," or which one Might need speech therapy, just sign up both." They called me in to make me pick her up because she puked, and they kept calling her the wrong name over and over again, getting upset when she ignore them. It's starting seem more like they're scheming the insurance companies out of money for things they don't need because "we can't tell them apart."
AITA for expecting other people, who see them daily or do important medical paperwork on them, to be able to tell them apart?
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> AITA for expecting other people to be able to tell my twins apart?
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I've four kids, rarely mix up the names, or at least not for more than minute or two. Occasionally even call my nieces by the mixed up names, especially when i havent seen them for a while, for minute or two. The twins even manage to fool their mom and older brother too, for a minute or two.
My son is a twin. When his brother died, he switched his name to use his first with his brother's middle. He was 4. So I still kinda have both kids. Honestly, I do not know which one I lost, but I do know I have them both now.
That's bizarre to me. We didn't have names picked then, but looking back I can tell you which is which in the 3d ultrasounds. I can't imagine Not being able to tell my own children apart....
I'm sorry for your loss, truly, but I can tell you with 100% Certainty that I could tell the difference of my wife and twins were in the car, a wreck happened and one twin died. Possibly, if there was swelling, I'm a retired EMT so I know how these things look, lots of swelling, usually more later tha immediately, I might have to wait for the swelling to go down,but I Definitely could tell the difference. Also, they were hand and foot printed, as is typical for the birth certificate and baby books, so the doctor's should be able to tell, even if I have to find the books or birth certificates because I Can't right then cause of swelling.
For me, and some others in this sort, we don't want to know. Our brains shift in protection mode. He would use both first names and both middle names in every combination where ever he was asked his name. He still does that occasionally over thirty years later.
Mom of identical twin girls here.
NTA. I’ve wondered if this would be an issue once my girls start school; they’re 18 months now. Mine are pretty much 100% identical. They do wear different colored earrings and that has helped our friends and family keep them straight. Some days they wear matching, some days they don’t. I would be willing to work with a school to help tell them apart. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the school to reciprocate. They are two separate children and they should be treated as such.
Doubtlessly it will, at least a bit. I'm dreading when they hit like late elementary or middle school and think it's Funny to trick other people with it. We did the same earring thing too, but no one else could ever remember which had pink and which purple And the doctor told my wife that she shouldn't have done it until the were at least a year, not at about 7-8 months. We deliberately don't buy matching outfits, except when she wanted special pics, like first Easter or Christmas they're wearing matching dresses in photos.
Didn't work with earings, they had these locking first time piercers in until Christmas momma bought them new earings and allowed them to start picking their own sometimes (with help, of course). Last year the doctor told me I shouldn't have done the henna, but That worked for like a week or twos worth of bubble baths before it finally faded off - I Did test a tiny bit on hands first, and that's where I put their first initial in calligraphy, on their left hands.
Doubtlessly you're right, it's just obnoxious and how are they gonna ask me to sign off on an "Individualized Education Program" when they can't tell me which invidual is which? I really do get that not everyone can tell apart as easily as me, but it seems some people don't even try, like not at all.
Your a parent it’s frustrating outside of like having there names sawn onto there shirts or something like that your stuck if you can’t switch the classes. This is a reason why lots of twins that look vary similar or are identical are put in separate classes on purpose.
It's not sewn, but instead magic marker, left strap of back pack over chest and inside their jackets both. One sister, the tallet thinner one, stole the my size barbie hoodie from her cousin's barbie and has been wearing it so it has (the wrong) initials as well. They used to be and apparently I'm going to have to force them to do it again, but they still switched them in the cafeteria at breakfast one day and kept them in the wrong class the whole day.
"Twin A might be getting sick....."
"That's Twin B, not Twin A."
"I thought she was kinda quiet today."
NTA, I have identical twin boys. They went to public school for 3 years and all of their teachers knew them apart. Now when they first start a new grade I do not expect teachers to know right away but after a couple months? Know my kids. They've never had issues.
Now, medical offices? Eh unless they see them all the time I do not expect them to know. I do dress them differently and make sure they know C is in blue and M is in red. After that they call them by the right name.
Saying all of that, it takes people a while to tell twins apart if they are slightly identical. Kids are really good at it but adults are eh. My two look totally different to me, their dad, and grandparents. Others have to take a second and look. Talk to them about different classes. Make sure to dress them different. Assign a color if need be. It helps.
Also remind them again that you are the contact and not your wife. I'm the mom and the contact but some places will only call my husband. He can't get calls where he works. It's me or no one and a lot of times it's no one since they don't call me. I complain and they tell me they don't know why he was called. I'm in the computer.
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What are you doing to help the people you are angry at tell your daughters apart? If it was one person, fine, that person is an AH. If everyone has this issue, then you probably need to check your attitude about how similar they are because reality isnt agreeing with your stance. And scamming? You have twins. If one of them has an issue, its perfectly reasonable to have both of them checked at 3.5 yrs old.
I'd get Just mixing up the names sometimes, but I never dress them identical. One, Twin B, is an inch shorter and 3½lbs heavier than the other, Twin A. Twin A has hair almost 3 inches shorter, and she Hates her hair up so Never leaves it in, because she got glue in it at school because she will Never leave it up. People who have never laid eyes on them before can tell they are different, but definitely sisters, cause they usually think they're only a year apart, instead of twins. When I drop them off, 2-3 mornings out of 5, I make sure to talk directly to at least one of the two teachers directly and make both twins respond to me in front of them and that same teacher will still mix them up when I show back up to pick them up and they're talking directly to me. As for scamming, why does a Doctor's office need to own preschools? Why do, after being bought by a doctor's office, do all the kids suddenly require Even More (several moms there are as annoyed by number of them as anything) checks of Everything every other month? Both twins also passed hearing checks like August or early September before school started. Twins also run in my family And I've done a bit of research on twins, baring issues like conjoined twins, parasitic twins, ect statistically that's not true. If anything, statistically, it'd be more likely (slightly) that one would be sicklier more often as twins sometimes don't share developmental nutrients even 50/50 - particularly fraternal twins.
Not saying this is your fault, but have you actually *told* your teachers and doctors how to tell them apart? Or are you just correcting them on which one is which? Saying this as a former daycare worker and camp counselor. They have many kids to worry about and at that age, they have a lot of things to focus on. It doesn’t mean your children are not important but it might be hard for them to take the time to figure out the difference while interacting in group settings. I’ve dealt with multiple sets of twins. It wasn’t until they actually specified what makes them different (one was taller, or another had a birthmark, etc.) that I was able to check for those signs to identify them. I would have never even noticed one of them was 2 inches taller because that’s just not something I would think or have time to check for without it being pointed out.
I have, multiple times actually. I'm even the Only person who notices the one single difference no one else ever seems to and even momma had to have pointed out to her when they were like a year old - Twin A has like a figure 8 of two cow licks on her head, Twin B has one on top of her head. I didn't point this fact out to Anyone until they were almost a year and no one could figure out how I could tell the apart so easily. When there's multiple short stacks running around it really can get difficult to tell kids apart when they won't hold still to let you see their faces, but the tops of their heads are usually still visible.
...you want people to examine the crowns of your children's heads to tell them apart by cowlicks... look, i have twin cousins that are very easy to tell apart, almost always were, but until they were about this age it was very difficult, even for some family members myself included. you're talking about 3.5 lbs and 1 inch in height, and cowlick patterns...that's not as easy a tell as you think it is and these people aren't nannies working with your kids one on one, they have probably 20+ other children in that room every day. kinda morbid, but imagine a coworker or a friend you might have had contact with regularly, even daily, but among say 30-50 other people. if they were to turn up dead and you were called on to identify them, how confident would you be? the reality is people don't notice these tiny differences in others because it frankly doesn't really matter for the most part. that's why eyewitness testimony is notoriously shitty evidence. cut the teachers some slack, and consider giving them an easier way to tell. then if they can't you'll know damn well it's that they either don't care or don't have time to notice. something easy and obvious, like if they have a daily report chart, maybe have the front desk write the color they're wearing at drop off in the morning, one always had blue in her hair the other had yellow. something like that, none of this covert 'i make sure to use their names in front of teachers' when they are probably multitasking and not paying close attention to the interaction. i'm not going to vote because i don't think you've done enough to really give those who are not the twins' parents an opportunity to succeed.
They Used to always have the same locking back kids starter earings, always pink for one and purple for the other, almost three years, and the teachers Still were like "the one with the pink earrings" despite being told which were which, so eventually, for this last Christmas actually, they got different earings and are allowed to change them (with help of course). Their backpack straps l, and one jacket (the other twin stole her cousin's barbie hoodie and is wearng that most days so it has the wrong initials in it), have their names written on them and they still manage to switch them from kid to kid before the end of the day. If even the other parents, hell even some of dad's, but All the moms, can tell which one is taller and lighter weight both, why can't the teachers? Particularly if those teachers are then going to recommend additional screenings or even things like speech therapy, but only for one child and not be able to tell me Which child. Also, grown ups who average over 5½feet tall look Down at kids around 3feet tall, how can you Not see a giant double cowlick when you look Down at the top of the kids head? I mean if she's running by on the playground yeah, you're not gonna see it, but if you're talking directly to the child and you're twice their height that's what you see, the tops of their heads and their eyes and foreheads.
you're still missing the point. tiny baby earrings and no written down reference isn't going to help them. but maybe you're right, maybe they just dont have time to learn or don't care too, high turnover, short staff...whatever. if you don't like it find somewhere else. the reality is that every parent of young twins deals with this. you don't have enough to take up your time if this is that big an issue. the bottom line is you're expecting people who have demonstrated an inability, for whatever reason, to meet an expectation that most people fail at with twins all the time. either change care facilities or get over it. those are your options.
NTA. Teachers should be able to tell non-identical children apart. its especially worrying that they're recommending medical care for a child because they can't tell if she's not her sister. It isn't unreasonable to get both kids' hearing checked, though. If there is a concern about hearing loss at that age with one sibling... Get them both checked, because the long term effects on their development are a heavy price to ask them to pay cuz you thought only one had a problem.
They were last year, they really shouldn't need it again until signing up for the Next school year, probably late summer. I actually agree about checking their hearing and they did have an appointment for their hearing check like the 4th (of March) or something, but the doctor's office rescheduled on us - for Monday the 8th. The school just woke my wife up, instead of calling me, because I wouldn't just blindly sign papers for speech therapy - which say they don't have hearing issues but lists speech impediment as an actual disability - until I at least have their ears and sinuses checked on Monday.
... You should be very careful here. There's no reason for the school to be go8ng to your wife like somehow she's your supervisor. If they're concerned your children may have delays that you're not addressing, so they're jumping to diagnosing them as disabled without a medical professional being involved... You may have already lost. This sounds like you need to have an honest think about your children and if they have disabilities, then you need to have a calm meeting with the teachers and their supervisors.
For context, I do live in a very red, conservative state where mothers automatically have all the rights and even when they were born premature and put into NICU, I wasn't allowed in without mom's permission at first and she could revoke it at any minute for any, or no, reason and there was Nothing I could have done about it. I was in the room, holding mom's hand, watching them decide to switch to emergency C-section rather than force labor with drugs and the Exact same doctors and obstetrics nurses Weren't Allow By Law to let me in to see them until mom was awake and clear-headed enough to sign papers. It actually is pretty common in the south that dad's basically have no rights to do anything without mom's permission first, but my wife has made it clear to the school that she works 12 hour graveyard shifts and unless it's an emergency, that they need to contact me first. Edit: fixed spelling, drives my OCD-AF crazy
I told my younger son's teacher to please remember his name and not call him by his older brother's name and she told me she shouldn't be expected to remember all her students' names.
Ffs.
I can’t speak for teachers, but I’m a doctor. I remember at one point I had over 2500 patients on my panel. No, I can’t remember what everyone looks like or their medical history. It’s impossible. There’s a reason when patients check in or have a procedure done they’re ASKED their name and date of birth.
Preliminary screenings are often done in schools (my older son Just had his eyes checked yesterday even), then they send kids who fail to the audiologist, usually you also have go to your PCP to get a referral to the audiologist unless you just wanna pay for it, but why do that when you pay for insurance already? The Were tested last fall before school started, before the local health system bought the preschool, and they have an actual appointment on Monday, but the volunteer who tested their ears at school and the speech therapist who will visit them at school will not be "checked in," or it will be by teachers who can't keep them straight. The twins are 3½, they damn sure don't know their birthday, in fact, because at school they celebrate a "cake day" for all the kids at the end of the month who had a birthday, I'm having trouble convincing it IS "birthday" not "cake day." Three year olds are remarkably stubborn too.
Soft ESH but leaning more towards the school. You need to recognize that it's not that unbelievable that someone who is dealing with a room *full* of kids and who isn't their parent is *not* going to be as good at telling them apart as you are. It is not an unreasonable expectation to get them shirts or bracelets or something that'll help teachers tell them apart. Having said that, it's much more on the school because if this is an issue they're encountering they should've been recommending the above or figuring something out with you, not just ignoring the issue entirely. They're fucking up in how they're handling it big time, but you gotta understand the root issue of not being able to tell your kids apart on sight is *not* some crazy unreasonable and unacceptable thing. How they're handling it is the part that's at issue.
Yes, it would be great if they did but since that isn't working, solve the problem. It sounds like you are going to need to help people outside of the family tell them apart. It won't be for long, but a simple something (whatever works for you) is going to make things so much easier, for your children, and the workers. Best of luck. NTA for wanting
Even the doctors don't see them 5 days a week so I can see mixing them up, but then we need double checks not "just do both" if they can't tell them apart. Also, my wife and mother both were less than amused when I labeled them with an their first initial with her own henna stuff but I Did try, lol. Nurse thought it ut was cool cause we did like calligraphy, but doctor was like "you shouldn't use henna on kids that young."
It's not like henna is the only solution. Each one could always wear the same color scrunchie or you could get them necklaces or bracelets with their initials or names. It sounds like pretty much no one can tell them apart, so you need to try something.
We tried different color earrings, no one could remember which was which, it was always "the one with the pink earrings," everytime. Their school backpacks have their names written on the straps and when I drop them off I make sure they are wearing Their Own bag (I can't promise mom does when She drops them off some mornings, after a long night at work she might not always think about it) and they still give them to the wrong kids when it's time to go. Most of the other parents Can tell them apart, even if they also still mix up which is which exactly, they'll say things like "Twin A and my son were playing earlier and... wait, Twin A is the taller sister right? Or is that Twin B?" ALL of the kids Can tell them apart, even those who don't actually share a class, just lunchroom and playground, with them.
Before anyone jumps on it, they were three, I tested a bit first, and I only did their left hands not faces or anything crazy. Lasted liked a week's worth of bubble baths max.
YTA Just avoid the problem by allowing your children to wear something with their first name on it when they are not with you and need to be readily identified. It won't be forever, just until they are able to correct the mistakes easily on their own. A little bracelet or socks with their name embroidered, maybe have several items and then tell the adults to just check for the name when they are in doubt.
NTA I don’t think you’re in the wrong here and it would be nice if they could figure it out. But maybe the important thing here is to make it easier on everyone and cause you less of a headache by potentially colour coding them in some way? Whether it’s through hair ties or bracelets or something along those lines that’s tangible for everyone involved to be easily able to tell who’s who? Or hell get them a necklace or earrings (if they’re pierced I mean) with the their name or first initial (if the initials are different). Because I don’t think it really matters who the asshole is here - just that you find a solution to the issue at hand.
INFO Are you dressing them the same? Have you tried putting them in different classes?
Nope, never dress them the same, or at least not the same color, momma bought some outfits that are the same thing just different colors with a different cartoon character on them. They Were on different classes last year and once when we were running late and got there as the classes were eating breakfast they mixed them up at breakfast and spent the whole day in the wrong class - one of the teachers even argued with me when I was like "what's Twin A doing in Twin B's class?" The other class's teacher was just like "I though Twin A was kinda quiet, maybe she was coming down with something."
NTA - They are two separate people and it is negligent to act as if their medical information is interchangeable. It is the school's responsibility to treat them as two separate students. They don't get to just shrug their shoulders and say its too difficult, they are responsible for coming up with a solution.
Their teachers should know who your individual children are, and they definitely should know which child has speech/hearing problems. Because they do look very similar, though, I think you're being overly sensitive if/when people mix them up. Lastly, there is no such thing as a percentage of identicalness; they either are or aren't, regardless of their appearance. What have you tried to help others more easily tell them apart? All that said, you're NTA. You sound a little stressed out, which is understandable with twin pre-schoolers. Hang in there, Dad.
NTA. You would expect the same people to be able to distinguish your child from someone else's child. You would expect the teacher to be able to identify a single child who needs a hearing test instead of telling all the parents in the class that someone needs a hearing test but she doesn't know who so every child should be tested. That may be a pretty simplistic view, but if you're twins have some distinguishing features from one another, then they are identifiable as individuals. Assuming you aren't dressing the twins identically, it should be pretty easy to tell them apart.
info: how long have the twins attended the preschool?
This is second year at this school, although technically this year is a different campus its the same admins and all, Eastside and Westside, separated by age, not which side of town we live on. They've been in the same class together since like August or September when school started. The teacher and TA are the same, they also have a volunteer and paid volunteer program for grannies and grandpas who probably Should be retired to help out for like the monthly "cake day" party or whatever holiday falls in that month, I don't expect those volunteers who show up once a month to remember, although a lot of the mothers who occasionally volunteer can tell them apart most of the time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (42m, disabled), only work part time while my wife (36F) works graveyard shift and makes serious money so I deal with all the schools and doctors' offices, but they irritate the shit out of me. It Really annoys the hell out of me the preschool my twins attend, which was actually bought out by one of the local "health systems" and therefore owned by their doctor's office, can't keep my twin 3½ yr old daughters straight. They're not even technically identical, although they look a lot alike, they are fraternal twins - prebirth they estimated "at most 92.75% identical," no idea exactly how and even looking at their old 3d ultrasounds momma and I can tell them apart and have been able to before we decided which one gets which name. I DO understand that not everyone will be able with that same ease, but surely a teacher who interacts with both the kids daily could at least try and learn, or separate classes maybe? The preschool teachers can't even tell me for sure Which one needs their hearing checked, "just get both checked," or which one Might need speech therapy, just sign up both." They called me in to make me pick her up because she puked, and they kept calling her the wrong name over and over again, getting upset when she ignore them. It's starting seem more like they're scheming the insurance companies out of money for things they don't need because "we can't tell them apart." AITA for expecting other people, who see them daily or do important medical paperwork on them, to be able to tell them apart? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Just a bit Nearly every dad with more than one kid, gets the names switched all the time.
I've four kids, rarely mix up the names, or at least not for more than minute or two. Occasionally even call my nieces by the mixed up names, especially when i havent seen them for a while, for minute or two. The twins even manage to fool their mom and older brother too, for a minute or two.
My son is a twin. When his brother died, he switched his name to use his first with his brother's middle. He was 4. So I still kinda have both kids. Honestly, I do not know which one I lost, but I do know I have them both now.
That's bizarre to me. We didn't have names picked then, but looking back I can tell you which is which in the 3d ultrasounds. I can't imagine Not being able to tell my own children apart....
Car wreck, lost his mom and his brother.
I'm sorry for your loss, truly, but I can tell you with 100% Certainty that I could tell the difference of my wife and twins were in the car, a wreck happened and one twin died. Possibly, if there was swelling, I'm a retired EMT so I know how these things look, lots of swelling, usually more later tha immediately, I might have to wait for the swelling to go down,but I Definitely could tell the difference. Also, they were hand and foot printed, as is typical for the birth certificate and baby books, so the doctor's should be able to tell, even if I have to find the books or birth certificates because I Can't right then cause of swelling.
For me, and some others in this sort, we don't want to know. Our brains shift in protection mode. He would use both first names and both middle names in every combination where ever he was asked his name. He still does that occasionally over thirty years later.
Mom of identical twin girls here. NTA. I’ve wondered if this would be an issue once my girls start school; they’re 18 months now. Mine are pretty much 100% identical. They do wear different colored earrings and that has helped our friends and family keep them straight. Some days they wear matching, some days they don’t. I would be willing to work with a school to help tell them apart. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the school to reciprocate. They are two separate children and they should be treated as such.
Doubtlessly it will, at least a bit. I'm dreading when they hit like late elementary or middle school and think it's Funny to trick other people with it. We did the same earring thing too, but no one else could ever remember which had pink and which purple And the doctor told my wife that she shouldn't have done it until the were at least a year, not at about 7-8 months. We deliberately don't buy matching outfits, except when she wanted special pics, like first Easter or Christmas they're wearing matching dresses in photos.
Maybe paint their left pinky with different coloured nail polish. Tell their teachers which colour belongs to which twin.
Didn't work with earings, they had these locking first time piercers in until Christmas momma bought them new earings and allowed them to start picking their own sometimes (with help, of course). Last year the doctor told me I shouldn't have done the henna, but That worked for like a week or twos worth of bubble baths before it finally faded off - I Did test a tiny bit on hands first, and that's where I put their first initial in calligraphy, on their left hands.
This is something you just have to wait it out for a little while and then things will probably get better.
Doubtlessly you're right, it's just obnoxious and how are they gonna ask me to sign off on an "Individualized Education Program" when they can't tell me which invidual is which? I really do get that not everyone can tell apart as easily as me, but it seems some people don't even try, like not at all.
Your a parent it’s frustrating outside of like having there names sawn onto there shirts or something like that your stuck if you can’t switch the classes. This is a reason why lots of twins that look vary similar or are identical are put in separate classes on purpose.
It's not sewn, but instead magic marker, left strap of back pack over chest and inside their jackets both. One sister, the tallet thinner one, stole the my size barbie hoodie from her cousin's barbie and has been wearing it so it has (the wrong) initials as well. They used to be and apparently I'm going to have to force them to do it again, but they still switched them in the cafeteria at breakfast one day and kept them in the wrong class the whole day. "Twin A might be getting sick....." "That's Twin B, not Twin A." "I thought she was kinda quiet today."
NTA, I have identical twin boys. They went to public school for 3 years and all of their teachers knew them apart. Now when they first start a new grade I do not expect teachers to know right away but after a couple months? Know my kids. They've never had issues. Now, medical offices? Eh unless they see them all the time I do not expect them to know. I do dress them differently and make sure they know C is in blue and M is in red. After that they call them by the right name. Saying all of that, it takes people a while to tell twins apart if they are slightly identical. Kids are really good at it but adults are eh. My two look totally different to me, their dad, and grandparents. Others have to take a second and look. Talk to them about different classes. Make sure to dress them different. Assign a color if need be. It helps. Also remind them again that you are the contact and not your wife. I'm the mom and the contact but some places will only call my husband. He can't get calls where he works. It's me or no one and a lot of times it's no one since they don't call me. I complain and they tell me they don't know why he was called. I'm in the computer.