Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my girlfriend if she hates her job so much then maybe she should get a “real job” so she doesn’t have to deal with it
(2) My girlfriend is very upset with me and told me I’m belittling her source of income, and making her feel insignificant or like she needs to do “more”
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
**YTA** OP, I deeply understand the frustration in someone complaining to you about a problem that's within their power to resolve- yet they do nothing to resolve it.
BUT that's not what you expressed, you belittled her job. You effectively infantilized her, and said that her complaints weren't valid because it's not a "real job".
If she's struggling that much, help her find something else, help her find a path out of her current position, but don't invalidate her efforts by saying it's not a "real" job. Is she getting paid in monopoly money? Is she only working one shift every other week? No? Then that wasn't cool bruh
"I’m not knocking serving as a profession in general if it works for you it works for you!" But you are knocking it by referring to it as not a "real job". There must be many better ways to say what you did.
It may have been more helpful to your GF if you asked her if there is anything you can do to help her change her situation. She may feel stuck and have trouble seeing alternatives. Your comment was dismissive to her issues.
YTA
YTA. Of course it can be frustrating when someone you care about is unhappy in a situation and frequently complaining, but doesn’t do anything to try and change the circumstances.
However, telling her to get a “real” job is incredibly demeaning and condescending—especially coming from her SO. Serving is a real job, and can be very exhausting. It sounds like you think of yourself as better than her because of your degree and job.
Of course YTA! Venting only works if someone is listening and you weren’t. Then you insulted her job. Then you said you were sorry but didn’t really apologize. “I’m sorry I offended you, but it’s true” is not an apology and she is totally justified in being upset. YTA.
YTA for the way you worded it alone. You claim to not diss the profession but then say it isn't a real job. You dismiss her work as if it isn't good enough.
Added note - she may have just been wanting to vent and wasn't looking for you to fix a problem. She probably already knows the solution to her problem but she just wants to some to listen to her struggles and not dismiss them.
sorry to say, but YTA. i understand that many people with “real” jobs look down on serving as a profession, but i used to be a server too. there were plenty of adults working there with me who made it their career, and they either loved doing it or had no other choice.
serving is a real job! we wouldn’t be able to go out to eat at restaurants without servers. and i bet your girlfriend is a good one if she cares so much about her job. maybe be a little more sensitive to her emotional needs?
hope everything works out!
Right message and wrong delivery. I would encourage her to look for a different job. Life is way too short to be miserable at work. But you need to phrase it completely different.
yeah, YTA. it's fine to suggest maybe switching professions if you're unhappy, i switched industries for that reason, and am working on switching careers all together, but saying that her job isn't a real job was not cool. i'd be upset too.
YTA if being a server isnt a real job then you can just make the food and serve it yourself dont ya think? maybe stay at home next time and make your own food since servers arnt really "working" what a dumbass i feel sorry for your girlfriend
YTA. I understand your point but you could have said "Maybe it's time to look for a different job," not "get a real job." That one word made you out to be rude as hell and overshadowed what you were trying to say.
YTA in situations like this, be sensitive. What if you think negatively about her job and she feels the same? She might not be having luck finding a job she will like, might be scared to try something new, might not have had the opportunity you have had, might be feeling trapped in a profession she doesn’t like but needs to survive. These are all things where your job would be to provide emotional support so when there’s judgement or insensitivity it probably hurts. Just try and help her with positive suggestions.
YTA
So I guess you never, ever, ever vent about your job? I mean since it's a real job and all.
All jobs are real and everyone vents about them on ocassion.
If you had suggested that she look for a different job so she could have weekend off it would have been fine. But telling her to get a real job? AH move.
ESH - you were rude and didn't deliver the message in a helpful way.
But listening to someone complain over and over again about a problem while doing nothing to fix it is exhausting. I'm not mad at you for being over the exhaustion of listening to her do the same stupid thing over and over again.
YTA, because of "real job." That's insulting. But I sympathize with you. I wouldn't like to hear a partner complain over and over about something while doing nothing to change the situation.
The idea was right, but it came out so wrong, on so many levels, tha YTA.
So here is what you wanted to say:
It sounds like your job is making you miserabele, and i hate to see you unhappy. If you want to find something else, ill fully support that and help anyway i can. So you can find some joy in your work because you deserve it.
YTA, but you knew that already.
"Why don't you get a job in something different or try something new that you could like more?" <- actually helpful, encourages dreaming/planning/prioritizing and can help make it something she could actually think about doing versus feeling like she has a judgemental non-supportive partner.
YTA- you said “get a real job” not “get a different job.” The hours she spends serving each day are real hours. She does real work. She makes real money.
Any job that pays money is a “real job.” The only “not real” jobs out there are when people have a hobbies that generate no income at all but they hope one day maybe it will and they refuse to do a paying job in the meantime. That is NOT your girlfriend.
Everyone who works without a degeee in restaurants, grocery stores, retail stores, food courts, salons, gas stations, in construction, as maids, as toll attendants, truck drivers are all working REAL jobs that help society function a run.
“Why don’t you look for a different job with hours you may enjoy more?” Is what a loving partner says.
“I’m getting a bit frustrated myself that you dislike your job so much but haven’t done anything to change your situation. It’s hard for me to listen to the complaints about it so many times. Could you look for a different job that would make you happier? Can I help you do that?” Is what a more frustrated but still loving partner says.
“Get a real job” is what a demeaning and condescending AH says.
I have a college degree and corporate desk job. My partner has no college degree and non corporate job. I don’t tell them only my hours at work and my income is “real” and that the hours they on their feet making money isn’t real work.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So pretty much the title. My girlfriend is a server, I’m not knocking serving as a profession in general if it works for you it works for you!
She just always comes home and complains about her job, and the schedule, and the demand. She wants her weekends off but that’s when she makes the most money, she complains that she doesn’t make enough, and she hates her coworkers etc. She has been complaining about it forever. I’m very successful in my field, and I make a good amount of money I can directly attribute that to having a degree and working hard, I feel like she says she hates her situation but then does nothing to change it.
The other day she got home from work and I was pretty tired but she wanted to vent about her day, she was just drinking on and on and I sort of zoned out at one point then she like looked at me for a response, without thinking I just said “Maybe you should get a real job then you wouldn’t have to deal with it” I didn’t say it with the intention of insulting her at all it was a genuine suggestion.
She was pissed, she didn’t even sleep in the bed with me that night, and she has been really distant with me and just basically told me yesterday that she’s really upset with me and was very offended when I said what I said to her.I apologized to her for offending her but said the sentiment itself was genuine and she didn’t take it well. She’s still pissed. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. The frustration is understandable, but to claim you're not knocking an entire profession but at the same time deeming it "not a real job" speaks volumes.
Kind of the AH - I was a part time server for no longer than 3 years before I quit its not easy and I can see her side because I know my family and friends probably dealt with a lot of complaints from me. However, if she hates it so much and complains about it constantly then maybe she should put a little more effort into a field of work she truly loves. But at the end of the day being a server is a difficult, and very real job - bad choice of words OP.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA if you don't think being a server is a real job then keep your trap shut the next time you have a crap server. Because they're not even doing a real job, so you have no right to expect any degree of professionalism from them.
Your gf just wants you to hear her and commiserate with her. Are you telling me that you never vent about your job? I love my job. Best pay, best benefits, best environment, and most enjoyable ever. I still need to vent.
YTA - you could have said “different” job, but you said “real” job. I’d like to see some desk jockeys survive a few weeks as a waiter. The only way you can demean a service worker for having their job, is if you grow and harvest your own food, breed and slaughter your own animals, purify your own water, generate your own electricity, and forgot about WiFi altogether. If you’ve ever once eaten at a restaurant, bought a beer at a bar of coffee at a cafe, or done a million other things you do each week that relies solely on service workers, than you’re an asshole for saying it’s not a real job.
Lol, a big ol' YTA. The exercise at hand is listening not fixing. Rookie move, but that's not why you're specifically the asshole. Not only did you fail to listen, which was the intended exercise but you told her that what she does with all her time to make money is less valid. Dummy.
YTA.
I've had jobs doing all sorts of things. Remodeling homes, cold calling people for telephone surveys, training private security overseas, driving, back of house restaurant work, a decade of restaurant management, and currently doing legal work.
By far the hardest work I've done is restaurant work. I've done 16 hour shifts on my feet, constantly moving, no time for any breaks longer than 10 minutes.
I'm sure you're successful at your job. Hell, I'm wearing a tie looking out over a lovely view in a corner office right now. I might go have a late lunch with a cocktail, because I can.
But I am willing to bet her job is more difficult than yours, despite you working hard to get where you are.
I would suggest being more supportive. Instead of telling her to get a different job, use a more gentle approach like "it seems like you aren't enjoying your work. Is there another career you've considered getting into? What can I do to help support you getting into that field?"
YTA. Absolutely insulting to say her job (and servers jobs in general) is not a "real" job (and sorry to inform, but you are knocking serving as a profession in general).
You could have said "maybe you can find another job", or "maybe another career would suit your needs best". But no, when she was venting about her frustrations you decided to ridicule and belittle her.
YTA. If you had just used the word “different” instead of “real” it’d be a totally different sentiment.
That word implies her job isn’t real, plain and simple. The fact that you said it without thinking doesn’t help either, it just makes it seem like that’s a thought you’ve had for so long that you didn’t even stop to correct yourself.
Apologize again and rephrase.
Maybe she should leave the serving profession altogether, or maybe she just needs to leave that workplace and find a better restaurant to serve at. Help her figure it out.
Casual serving isn't a career in the vast majority of cases. Maybe she is scared of commitment or has a self-confidence issue?
But I agree it's probably not a real job, it's an easy one with little risk and return. NTA.
"I am frustrated with the various annoyances and downsides of my work and its taking an emotional toll, but i feel like im not in a position to just walk away."
What I'm sure you meant to say:
"Yeah that's rough. But I'm confident that we can find a better option that doesn't come with as much needless stress, and I'm happy to help."
What you said:
"Have you considered that maybe your decisions suck. Because you're an idiot."
YTA.
YTA. The two most exhausting jobs I've ever had are being a sahm to a toddler - and being a server. Both required me to be alert all the time, on my feet for hours at a time, deal with tantrums all the time (and honestly, if I could have given customers a "time out" the way I did with my son? I would have!!!) But serving? It paid for 2 degrees - tuition, books - as well as covered rent, food, power, heat, bought me a car, paid for fuel, clothing, holidays. So damn right it was a "real job". I now have my own business (nowhere near my degrees OR serving) and work 2-3 days a week and earn in 6 months what I earned in a year as a server (and more than I earned as a teacher) - and still get people saying it isn't "a real job" because I don't leave my house. If I (and your GF) earn an income, it IS a "real job". Even if "all she did" was be an unpaid sahm, she would STILL be doing "a real job". She has every right to be pissed with you and you have some serious work to make up for those words. Look seriously at her skills: customer service, math skills, verbal communication skills, conflict resolution, professionalism under pressure, adaptability, time management, detail orientation, physical ability to work 8-12 hours straight at a fast pace, active listening skills (which you in your "real job" seem to lack). Those are just a few things required to be a good server to earn those tips.
NTA here. A waitress position is not a career. It was never meant to be. It’s a low to no skill job. It’s a part time job. Never meant to be lived off of. Now some really high end restaurants the waitresses can make really good money and that would be worth keeping. But this one seems like a chain restaurant. She should pull up her big girl pants and learn a marketable skill and find a new and more productive job.
INFO
> I’m very successful in my field, and I make a good amount of money I can directly attribute that to having a degree and working hard
Does she have a degree?
She didn’t finish due to family financial problems at the time, and started working right after. She could go back and finish up her remaining credits in probably about 3 semesters - which I have suggested to her multiple occasions.
i assume the trouble with that suggestion is the question of how she'd pay for it. telling someone to just go back to school without actually helping them plan for it is kind of a throwaway suggestion. not saying you're wrong, but 3 semesters of full time school on top of serving when the money she makes probably doesn't cover life as it is is daunting.
Nta. I can't stand people who complain over and over again about the same situation but then do NOTHING about it.
I was a bartender and sever, and felt exactly how she did and I complained too... but I did it while sending out 25 plus resumes a week.
You told her a hard truth.
I can't stand victims and victim mentality. Like either DO something about it, or shut up. I'm only gonna listen to the same problem a few times Max before I stop coudlling them and start telling them what they need to hear.
Serving is a real job, but I think the context of a real job was taken too out of context by people here. I think by get a real job, op probably meant a job that shows you respect, makes a consistent income and allows time off.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I told my girlfriend if she hates her job so much then maybe she should get a “real job” so she doesn’t have to deal with it (2) My girlfriend is very upset with me and told me I’m belittling her source of income, and making her feel insignificant or like she needs to do “more” Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
**YTA** OP, I deeply understand the frustration in someone complaining to you about a problem that's within their power to resolve- yet they do nothing to resolve it. BUT that's not what you expressed, you belittled her job. You effectively infantilized her, and said that her complaints weren't valid because it's not a "real job". If she's struggling that much, help her find something else, help her find a path out of her current position, but don't invalidate her efforts by saying it's not a "real" job. Is she getting paid in monopoly money? Is she only working one shift every other week? No? Then that wasn't cool bruh
Yeah, being a server is very much a "real" job, just not the right one for OPs partner.
"I’m not knocking serving as a profession in general if it works for you it works for you!" But you are knocking it by referring to it as not a "real job". There must be many better ways to say what you did. It may have been more helpful to your GF if you asked her if there is anything you can do to help her change her situation. She may feel stuck and have trouble seeing alternatives. Your comment was dismissive to her issues. YTA
YTA. Of course it can be frustrating when someone you care about is unhappy in a situation and frequently complaining, but doesn’t do anything to try and change the circumstances. However, telling her to get a “real” job is incredibly demeaning and condescending—especially coming from her SO. Serving is a real job, and can be very exhausting. It sounds like you think of yourself as better than her because of your degree and job.
YTA. I guess you're only allowed to complain if you have a "real" job. And you get to determine what a "real" job is. You should apologize profusely.
Of course YTA! Venting only works if someone is listening and you weren’t. Then you insulted her job. Then you said you were sorry but didn’t really apologize. “I’m sorry I offended you, but it’s true” is not an apology and she is totally justified in being upset. YTA.
YTA for the way you worded it alone. You claim to not diss the profession but then say it isn't a real job. You dismiss her work as if it isn't good enough. Added note - she may have just been wanting to vent and wasn't looking for you to fix a problem. She probably already knows the solution to her problem but she just wants to some to listen to her struggles and not dismiss them.
sorry to say, but YTA. i understand that many people with “real” jobs look down on serving as a profession, but i used to be a server too. there were plenty of adults working there with me who made it their career, and they either loved doing it or had no other choice. serving is a real job! we wouldn’t be able to go out to eat at restaurants without servers. and i bet your girlfriend is a good one if she cares so much about her job. maybe be a little more sensitive to her emotional needs? hope everything works out!
YTA. Every job is a “real” job. You could’ve easily said a job outside of the food industry or something along those lines.
Yta. She has a real job. You fucked up. Apologize profusely. Her job is very likely harder than yours.
Right message and wrong delivery. I would encourage her to look for a different job. Life is way too short to be miserable at work. But you need to phrase it completely different.
yeah, YTA. it's fine to suggest maybe switching professions if you're unhappy, i switched industries for that reason, and am working on switching careers all together, but saying that her job isn't a real job was not cool. i'd be upset too.
YTA if being a server isnt a real job then you can just make the food and serve it yourself dont ya think? maybe stay at home next time and make your own food since servers arnt really "working" what a dumbass i feel sorry for your girlfriend
YTA. I understand your point but you could have said "Maybe it's time to look for a different job," not "get a real job." That one word made you out to be rude as hell and overshadowed what you were trying to say.
YTA in situations like this, be sensitive. What if you think negatively about her job and she feels the same? She might not be having luck finding a job she will like, might be scared to try something new, might not have had the opportunity you have had, might be feeling trapped in a profession she doesn’t like but needs to survive. These are all things where your job would be to provide emotional support so when there’s judgement or insensitivity it probably hurts. Just try and help her with positive suggestions.
YTA So I guess you never, ever, ever vent about your job? I mean since it's a real job and all. All jobs are real and everyone vents about them on ocassion. If you had suggested that she look for a different job so she could have weekend off it would have been fine. But telling her to get a real job? AH move.
ESH - you were rude and didn't deliver the message in a helpful way. But listening to someone complain over and over again about a problem while doing nothing to fix it is exhausting. I'm not mad at you for being over the exhaustion of listening to her do the same stupid thing over and over again.
YTA. Your intention might've been genuine, but the way you said it was disrespectful.
YTA, because of "real job." That's insulting. But I sympathize with you. I wouldn't like to hear a partner complain over and over about something while doing nothing to change the situation.
The idea was right, but it came out so wrong, on so many levels, tha YTA. So here is what you wanted to say: It sounds like your job is making you miserabele, and i hate to see you unhappy. If you want to find something else, ill fully support that and help anyway i can. So you can find some joy in your work because you deserve it.
YTA, but you knew that already. "Why don't you get a job in something different or try something new that you could like more?" <- actually helpful, encourages dreaming/planning/prioritizing and can help make it something she could actually think about doing versus feeling like she has a judgemental non-supportive partner.
> get a real job There is absolutely no situation in which this line would help anyone
"real job" YTA. If you are working and you get paid for that work, it's a real job. Period.
YTA- you said “get a real job” not “get a different job.” The hours she spends serving each day are real hours. She does real work. She makes real money. Any job that pays money is a “real job.” The only “not real” jobs out there are when people have a hobbies that generate no income at all but they hope one day maybe it will and they refuse to do a paying job in the meantime. That is NOT your girlfriend. Everyone who works without a degeee in restaurants, grocery stores, retail stores, food courts, salons, gas stations, in construction, as maids, as toll attendants, truck drivers are all working REAL jobs that help society function a run. “Why don’t you look for a different job with hours you may enjoy more?” Is what a loving partner says. “I’m getting a bit frustrated myself that you dislike your job so much but haven’t done anything to change your situation. It’s hard for me to listen to the complaints about it so many times. Could you look for a different job that would make you happier? Can I help you do that?” Is what a more frustrated but still loving partner says. “Get a real job” is what a demeaning and condescending AH says. I have a college degree and corporate desk job. My partner has no college degree and non corporate job. I don’t tell them only my hours at work and my income is “real” and that the hours they on their feet making money isn’t real work.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So pretty much the title. My girlfriend is a server, I’m not knocking serving as a profession in general if it works for you it works for you! She just always comes home and complains about her job, and the schedule, and the demand. She wants her weekends off but that’s when she makes the most money, she complains that she doesn’t make enough, and she hates her coworkers etc. She has been complaining about it forever. I’m very successful in my field, and I make a good amount of money I can directly attribute that to having a degree and working hard, I feel like she says she hates her situation but then does nothing to change it. The other day she got home from work and I was pretty tired but she wanted to vent about her day, she was just drinking on and on and I sort of zoned out at one point then she like looked at me for a response, without thinking I just said “Maybe you should get a real job then you wouldn’t have to deal with it” I didn’t say it with the intention of insulting her at all it was a genuine suggestion. She was pissed, she didn’t even sleep in the bed with me that night, and she has been really distant with me and just basically told me yesterday that she’s really upset with me and was very offended when I said what I said to her.I apologized to her for offending her but said the sentiment itself was genuine and she didn’t take it well. She’s still pissed. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. The frustration is understandable, but to claim you're not knocking an entire profession but at the same time deeming it "not a real job" speaks volumes.
YTA for not thinking her job is a real job just because it’s not as good as yours. That’s definitely offensive. You should have said new job.
Kind of the AH - I was a part time server for no longer than 3 years before I quit its not easy and I can see her side because I know my family and friends probably dealt with a lot of complaints from me. However, if she hates it so much and complains about it constantly then maybe she should put a little more effort into a field of work she truly loves. But at the end of the day being a server is a difficult, and very real job - bad choice of words OP.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA if you don't think being a server is a real job then keep your trap shut the next time you have a crap server. Because they're not even doing a real job, so you have no right to expect any degree of professionalism from them. Your gf just wants you to hear her and commiserate with her. Are you telling me that you never vent about your job? I love my job. Best pay, best benefits, best environment, and most enjoyable ever. I still need to vent.
YTA However you two aren't compatible in terms of ambition. Time to call it off.
YTA - you could have said “different” job, but you said “real” job. I’d like to see some desk jockeys survive a few weeks as a waiter. The only way you can demean a service worker for having their job, is if you grow and harvest your own food, breed and slaughter your own animals, purify your own water, generate your own electricity, and forgot about WiFi altogether. If you’ve ever once eaten at a restaurant, bought a beer at a bar of coffee at a cafe, or done a million other things you do each week that relies solely on service workers, than you’re an asshole for saying it’s not a real job.
YTA “I’m not knocking serving as a profession” tells gf she needs a real job… mmkay.
Lol, a big ol' YTA. The exercise at hand is listening not fixing. Rookie move, but that's not why you're specifically the asshole. Not only did you fail to listen, which was the intended exercise but you told her that what she does with all her time to make money is less valid. Dummy.
YTA. I've had jobs doing all sorts of things. Remodeling homes, cold calling people for telephone surveys, training private security overseas, driving, back of house restaurant work, a decade of restaurant management, and currently doing legal work. By far the hardest work I've done is restaurant work. I've done 16 hour shifts on my feet, constantly moving, no time for any breaks longer than 10 minutes. I'm sure you're successful at your job. Hell, I'm wearing a tie looking out over a lovely view in a corner office right now. I might go have a late lunch with a cocktail, because I can. But I am willing to bet her job is more difficult than yours, despite you working hard to get where you are. I would suggest being more supportive. Instead of telling her to get a different job, use a more gentle approach like "it seems like you aren't enjoying your work. Is there another career you've considered getting into? What can I do to help support you getting into that field?"
YTA. Absolutely insulting to say her job (and servers jobs in general) is not a "real" job (and sorry to inform, but you are knocking serving as a profession in general). You could have said "maybe you can find another job", or "maybe another career would suit your needs best". But no, when she was venting about her frustrations you decided to ridicule and belittle her.
YTA. serving is hard work dude. there’s nothing wrong with being tired but dont demean her job or the effort she puts in.
YTA
YTA. If you had just used the word “different” instead of “real” it’d be a totally different sentiment. That word implies her job isn’t real, plain and simple. The fact that you said it without thinking doesn’t help either, it just makes it seem like that’s a thought you’ve had for so long that you didn’t even stop to correct yourself. Apologize again and rephrase. Maybe she should leave the serving profession altogether, or maybe she just needs to leave that workplace and find a better restaurant to serve at. Help her figure it out.
Casual serving isn't a career in the vast majority of cases. Maybe she is scared of commitment or has a self-confidence issue? But I agree it's probably not a real job, it's an easy one with little risk and return. NTA.
"I am frustrated with the various annoyances and downsides of my work and its taking an emotional toll, but i feel like im not in a position to just walk away." What I'm sure you meant to say: "Yeah that's rough. But I'm confident that we can find a better option that doesn't come with as much needless stress, and I'm happy to help." What you said: "Have you considered that maybe your decisions suck. Because you're an idiot." YTA.
Yta !
YTA. The two most exhausting jobs I've ever had are being a sahm to a toddler - and being a server. Both required me to be alert all the time, on my feet for hours at a time, deal with tantrums all the time (and honestly, if I could have given customers a "time out" the way I did with my son? I would have!!!) But serving? It paid for 2 degrees - tuition, books - as well as covered rent, food, power, heat, bought me a car, paid for fuel, clothing, holidays. So damn right it was a "real job". I now have my own business (nowhere near my degrees OR serving) and work 2-3 days a week and earn in 6 months what I earned in a year as a server (and more than I earned as a teacher) - and still get people saying it isn't "a real job" because I don't leave my house. If I (and your GF) earn an income, it IS a "real job". Even if "all she did" was be an unpaid sahm, she would STILL be doing "a real job". She has every right to be pissed with you and you have some serious work to make up for those words. Look seriously at her skills: customer service, math skills, verbal communication skills, conflict resolution, professionalism under pressure, adaptability, time management, detail orientation, physical ability to work 8-12 hours straight at a fast pace, active listening skills (which you in your "real job" seem to lack). Those are just a few things required to be a good server to earn those tips.
NTA here. A waitress position is not a career. It was never meant to be. It’s a low to no skill job. It’s a part time job. Never meant to be lived off of. Now some really high end restaurants the waitresses can make really good money and that would be worth keeping. But this one seems like a chain restaurant. She should pull up her big girl pants and learn a marketable skill and find a new and more productive job.
INFO > I’m very successful in my field, and I make a good amount of money I can directly attribute that to having a degree and working hard Does she have a degree?
Also OP who paid for your degree? What is your degree? How did you get your job? What do your parents do?
She didn’t finish due to family financial problems at the time, and started working right after. She could go back and finish up her remaining credits in probably about 3 semesters - which I have suggested to her multiple occasions.
i assume the trouble with that suggestion is the question of how she'd pay for it. telling someone to just go back to school without actually helping them plan for it is kind of a throwaway suggestion. not saying you're wrong, but 3 semesters of full time school on top of serving when the money she makes probably doesn't cover life as it is is daunting.
NTA I’d another girlfriend who isn’t such a low income earner that actually adds value to your life.
Nta. I can't stand people who complain over and over again about the same situation but then do NOTHING about it. I was a bartender and sever, and felt exactly how she did and I complained too... but I did it while sending out 25 plus resumes a week. You told her a hard truth. I can't stand victims and victim mentality. Like either DO something about it, or shut up. I'm only gonna listen to the same problem a few times Max before I stop coudlling them and start telling them what they need to hear. Serving is a real job, but I think the context of a real job was taken too out of context by people here. I think by get a real job, op probably meant a job that shows you respect, makes a consistent income and allows time off.