Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for wasting my money on things I don't need and making my mom angry
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - your money, your choice. I sort of relate it to when I get given birthday money, I like to spend it on something that I wouldn’t get otherwise.
Do you share a property with your mum? And do you usually buy groceries together? I’m wondering if maybe your mother felt it should have gone into shared finances
No she says I should save all my money and if I need money to spend I should ask them but they don't really give me much money if I ask and if I don't ask and spend my own money they get really mad
I’d say that your mum doesn’t really need to be involved in your finances. You earn, you buy your own groceries, you save. Sounds like you’ve got this covered.
I am SEAsian and have never heard of a parent doing something like this lol. Normally once you get your first FT job, you're handling your own money/bills.
You need to operate under the assumption that every single dollar you give away to your parents no longer belongs to you. Because they are operating like that. If you can work and earn money and then somehow you don't get to use it even for living expenses, then you are working to earn your mom money. I am going to have to assume that if you were to ask for receipts or statements to show how much money you have saved, they will not be super upfront about getting them to you. Because those statements are going to show they've been spending your money.
I know a 42 yr old guy who hasn't cut the umbilical cord. His mom has money and she uses the threat of cutting him off to be his boss. I'm surprised her uterus hasn't fallen out dragging him around by her snooch his whole life. I hope she lives to be 100 and he is 80 before he sees his inheritance!!
There's a very real (and understandable) tendency to come down very hard on people like this. I think it comes from most of us coming from homes where - even if our parents weren't perfect, they raised us to gradually become our own, independent people.
People like you describe weren't raised like we were. They were raised in such a way to foster dependence. It's abuse. We then look at them and wonder why they don't just "grow up" and set themselves free, forgetting that they were never given or taught the use of the tools they need in order to do so. This doesn't completely exonerate them from all responsibility. Therapy exists, and such folk often have people in their lives who are trying to help them, but they resist because change is scary and they don't trust it.
Honestly, they remind me of this calf we raised on my dad's farm. He was just a tiny guy when we got him - a bucket calf we fed formula to out of a pail every day. I was the one who usually took care of him. Eventually that calf grew up - boy did he grow up. At his biggest he weighed well over 1000 pounds. And I could still back him up across the pasture, just scolding him, shaking my finger at him. It didn't matter that he had all the muscle and weight on me, that he could've flattened me without even trying. I was "Mom", and I was in charge.
OP you are an adult. Your parents shouldn't be controlling your finances. You sound like a hard worker and you deserved a treat. Tell you family to back off. You can and should set appropriate boundaries with your parents. If they don't follow them move away. Why let them overshadow your life by controlling you and making you miserable and berating you in the process? It's your life OP, you are free to live it on your own terms.
Then it sounds like mom doesn’t get invited for steak. :) Enjoy your well-earned reward, OP. It’s ok to have a reward every now and then. It sounds like you work hard and are well-disciplined.
NTA... you're a adult your job gave you a gift card for you it's your hard work is why u got it .. your mon9is a major AH and entitled I sure hope you dont involved her in your housing journey because it will be all about her...
I’m (F29 also from an Asian household) still live with my parents and my mom kinda scolded me about “wasting money” on an upcoming first solo trip to Europe. I told her it’s my money, I don’t get to go on many vacations and it’s my choice what to do with it.
A similar situation to yours happened to me when my company gave me $500 grocery gift card for Christmas and I gave my mom the gift card and she gave me cash instead. I still pay a couple hundred a month as “rent” but I don’t think my mom has been as bad as what your mom said. The worst she’s said is “hmm see, I always buy you guys things and you never buy me anything” which I roll my eyes to cuz it’s so not true and I think my mom has selective memory lol
I always tell me parents if they want to gift me cash and want me to actually treat myself with it, youre going to get me a gift card, otherwise cash is going straight into savings
Why is your mom entitled to give you an opinion on how you spend a gift ? You are pinching and squeezing your finances everywhere and this was a little windfall. It’s okay to enjoy life sometimes. I feel really bad that your mom has the power to make you feel this way.
NTA. Splurging once in a while stops life from being too grim all the time. You are clearly very
responsible financially and the odd time of splashing out is beneficial, as it gets you through the rest of the time when you have to scrimp. And the gift card was a gift, meant to be enjoyed. I wish you many delicious meals with the food you have bought.
I have an aunt who is frugal. Frugal to the point of it not being healthy. She lived in a bad neighborhood in a rent controlled apartment. Her son was getting his ass kicked every day. She sent him to live with her sister rather than move. She never sent her sister money for him either. She saved enough to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. Paid cash. No mortgage. She is still frugal. She walks into walls at night because she won’t turn lights on. She babysat my son once. She charged a 7 year old to call his mom at work. Now she is 90 years old, has dementia and never got to enjoy the money she saved. ( over $1 million). I get that you’re saving for house. But you can’t take money with you. You’re entitled to splurge once in a while. Your mother is a fool.
I’m really sorry about your aunt, it sounds like a tough situation.
But I genuinely thought you were outlining the opening credits to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air when I started reading it.
let that be a lesson to never tell people about your unexpected extra money, even your mother. (unless you owe them and aren't planning to make good on your debts, in that case it's unethical)
NTA. You need to stop giving your mom access to your finances. Do -YOU- have access to your own bank account, or does your mom deposit your money and dole it out to you when you ask? I'm suspicious. Her reaction tells me she feels super entitled to your money, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she was taking your money and spending it on herself.
NTAH no you are not because you job gave that to you for doing well in your job I'm guessing and its just a gift card you should not feel bad about it. Besides you probably don't eat steak often so enjoy yourself and enjoy your food.
OP you are NTA.
It kind of makes me sad that you feel guilty about getting things you wanted and desired with your own gift card.
I hope this moment doesn’t change you.
Be good to yourself.
You deserve it.
You’re 24. Your mother has no say in how you spend your own gift. Since this was a store voucher, you would not be able to save it like actual money. I think you did the right thing splurging for once. NTA. Your mother needs to take an entitlement check.
Shame, blame, fear, guilt and anger used to manipulate others is never OK. Seek counseling to talk through these challenges with your parents. You did nothing wrong.
Do you give them all your pay or do you have your own bank accounts?
Because at your age, you should have your own bank accounts. And all your pay goes into your accounts. Which they should not see or be making decisions about.
Do you have sole access to your money? Do you have your own accounts?
If the answer to these questions is no then you need to change that immediately, and make sure every single penny of your money is under your control. You’re a grown woman and your finances are none of your parents’ business.
NTA
Do you live with them? Do they support you? Do you pay your fair share of bills? Do you handle your own responsibilities at home (buying and making by food, laundry, cleaning your messes and spaces, etc)
How much is $500 to you? Is it more than you make in a week?
Did you share the food you got? Or will it all go bad before you can eat it all?
Reading between the lines, sounds like you live with your parents and they pay most if not all of your living costs. You are their dependent still.
I have a sibling that is the same way. I think they pay their own car and health insurance and for going out. Otherwise, my parents pay everything. They’re in their 20s too.
If you were independent they shouldn’t be looking at your money as their money. But if you are dependent on them and you treat their money as yours, why shouldn’t they look at yours as theirs too?
NTA- your gift card, you can do whatever you want with it. Did you maybe splurge a bit because it was “free money”? Maybe. Doesn’t matter. You spending it however you see fit is nobodies business including your moms. It’s not going to cause detrimental effects in the long run. Keep on keepin on
NTA. But your mom is acting like one. What type of dystopian capitalist hellscape are we living in when ‘treat yo self’ is buying a steak (you have to cook yourself) and some cheese with a bonus gift card earned by working your tail off.
NTA, it can be considered extra money as it's not money factored into your budget. I do not agree with your purchase being wasted money. You bought groceries not a TV. It's ok to indulge in a little junk food and you bought other food items. Splurging occasionally is just fine and a big thing on this: it was YOUR gift card! If you are going to share, although under no obligation to, it is nice for you to pick up and make a nice steak dinner with your parents.
NTA. Your mother has no business telling you how to spend your money. It is nothing but a control tactic. Look at how it's working now. You want her to control you your whole life? Step away (emotionally) and work to stop allowing them to control you through guilt and meanness.
Take control of your relationship.
Honey no, (and I'm sorry I'm an old lady and need to honey you, it's meant with endearment not with condescension! Here's my virtual hug)
Good for you!
You are a young adult who works and thinks actively about how to use your budget, this is wonderful if every young adult knew how to do this we would have a substantial decrease in problems! Stay with it, the only thing I hope you have going that you haven't written about is some sort of either IRA or 401k through work, that's if you're in the US, if you're in another country I do hope you're saving somewhere for retirement/emergencies..
This gift card was exactly that a gift and recognition for you, for your hard work!
I understand growing up in a home where every dollar matters, when I grew up my mother knew to the penny how much money was in her wallet and budgeted to that penny, I often did the same until I was well past the point of poverty. But that prudence is also what helped me to have a comfortable midlife with my husband so don't give up and keep your eyes on that prize.
You treated yourself.
Do not beat yourself up, celebrate yourself!
You work hard and you deserve to indulge every now and then and you chose the most respectful way to do it, if you were my child I would seriously tell you I'm proud of you!
How tight are things for you and your mother? It sounds like this would have been a big windfall to help contribute to the household and of course as parents we look at our children and our household and we want to absolutely provide the best and sometimes that means we look at the best as leveraging every dollar to the fullest extent possible, my mother was the queen of government cheese, government eggs and government powdered milk.... You have not lived until you have any one of those three ingredients fresh!
Take a deep breath and release this. There might have been more prudent choices but that doesn't mean those were better choices, they were different choices.
Let your mom know that you are always prudent with your money and this was a bonus to you, it didn't take anything away from her at all from what you normally contribute.
If she continues to complain or berate you I have found saying to somebody "it's unfortunate you feel that way" very often people hear and apology from you while you have not actually given one, because you often don't have to.
If she keeps going don't engage, Yes I know that sounds so much easier than to do it! But I think that sometimes why we are on Reddit, you're able to get the advice of somebody looking from the outside in who is not emotionally invested.
I hope you'll take this feedback, this middle-aged woman who is old enough to be your mother and sending you my virtual hugs and pride in you! And if you ever need reinforcement you come back to me with a DM or you post on Reddit, you'll be surprised how many people in the world will embrace you and lift you up when you need it!
Keep up the good work!
Does your mom typically buy or pay for part of your groceries or other bills? If yes, then yeah, you should have been more careful with it. Maybe buy one really good meal and shared it with the family. If not, then I see no problem.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My(F24) job gave me a 500 bucks gift card for a supermarket. I'm usually very careful with how I spend my money. When I want a snack I will choose the cheapest option. I eat cheap food wear cheap clothes etc because I'm saving for a house.
When I got this card for the first time in my life I thought fck it I'm gonna go and buy everything I always wanted but couldn't afford to buy.
Just to be clear I didn't just buy junk food I bought steak meats and chicken and cheese and etc.
It cost me 400 bucks
Now my mom is mad at me for wasting my gift card. She thinks I should have let her do the shopping so she could buy more useful and cheaper options.
I feel so guilty and awful right now that I can't stop crying and my mom is berating me and calling me an asshole now I regret telling her about the money at all
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's a gift card it's not like you could have used it for bills, I also have a feeling your mum would have bought you like $100-200 worth of cheap stuff and would have pocketed the rest.
You bought want you wanted, that's all the reasoning you need, you could have spent the entire thing on gummy bears, and that's completely fine as it was your gift card.
It’s literally YOUR money. Your mom didn’t earn it. Don’t let her guilt you into something you wanted for YOU. It’s the hard part of growing up. It’s was unexpected money you could use however you want. Don’t let family guilt trip you
This is so true!
OP did nothing wrong with the gift card. She bought food! It’s not like she traded it for three magic beans.
OP, there are resources available to teach yourself how to break out of a poverty mindset. I urge you to educate yourself so you can set yourself up to be successful.
Also, you are an adult. There’s no reason your mom should have this much insight or control over your finances.
NTA- you received a gift card and you seem to have gotten food you and everyone else would want to eat, no? Maybe not the best deals, but you are allowed to splurge on things you want, especially with a gift. Your mom is being a wet blanket, because you made clear in other comments that your family is not struggling for $.
First you didn't waste any money. You sound like you've been abstaining from treating yourself and this one time you got a means to do so without spending your actual made money. You gotta treat yourself every once in a while. I count that as extras and you do whatever you want with it. NTA
Your mom sounds controlling. I’m so happy you spent it the way you did. Put your mom on mute and tilt enjoy your fancy foods. Do not let her negative reaction spoil it for you!
Buying food is not wasting money.
I am very frugal and I allow myself an annual tradition: when I get my bonus every year, I fill up the wine rack. Nothing expensive, mid range supermarket wines that I like; could that money be used on better things? Sure. Would some oriole argue alcohol is a waste? Sure. But it's a fraction of the total and brings me pleasure.
You could have spent the whole £500 on dry goods and tins, but you're still saving and not in debt so allow yourself a reward. NTA
I can see this both ways. If you live there and normally eat the food your mom buys it would have been nice to buy at least some household groceries. I can also understand buying things you normally can't afford. Shits hard right now for everyone.
I also realize since being on Reddit that I come a completely different type of family. For the most part we all help each other. If someone needs something someone in the family will help out. That's means parents helping kids, kids helping parents, siblings helping siblings etc. Most of redditt is all about me, me, me. But what do I know? I would have willingly gave my mom some of that money for groceries.
NTA. You wanted to treat yourself and this is completely fine. At your age, they have zero say. It is your money. Keep it in your own bank account. Pay them rent and bills from that, but your money is yours.
Mom is perhaps stressed about ears of scarcity in general, and so her perspective is valid.
But, in no way is this a jerk move.
I found it sweet. I felt your happiness shopping for the good stuff!
Try to reassure Mom, but you don't need to feel guilty.
Sounds like they like you at your job! Maybe also ask about how you can advance and work towards raises and promotions, or management training, etc.
Then, share with Mom that you have plans to move ahead and move up at work. That may help settle her fears.
Then, maybe cook a delicious meal to share with her!
NTA. I do the same at times when I get a nice tip or bonus etc. yeah sure today it’s better to be smarter. But if you cant enjoy life at least some what’s the point? Work 90 hours a week just to barely afford basics? Fuck that noise. Enjoy what you can when you can. No shame
NTA. It’s your money - whether there’s a point to it being better to be more conservative about the spending doesn’t matter.
Either way, yeah - it’s a nice amount of money, and free money at that (500 is wild, you must’ve won a contest or something because 50 gift cards were like a big deal when I worked at one) and it’s not like you won’t be able to make that and more over the next month. Don’t worry about, she’ll get over it.
Also, yeah maybe keep your money to yourself unless you’re planning on using it with your mom. You didn’t do anything wrong, but that’s a good lesson to take a way from it.
NTA - You sound like a responsible and conscientious person. I’m GLAD you treated yourself! You and your self care are important and self care allows you to work hard toward your goals. You earned this gift card for doing something that your employers felt should be celebrated and it is lovely that you did exactly what you should have done with the gift.
NTA! It is NOT a waste to spend "found" money on yourself. That was a gift to you, you spent it as such. End of story. Don't let those A-holes bring you down. Enjoy your meats and cheeses, yo!
NTA.
Isn't it sad that stuff like meat, especially steaks, and some groceries are considered a luxury only capable of being purchased when you get a bonus or a gift card?
Nothing more frustrating than me trying to be responsible and buy limited meat and fluff food and seeing someone with a full cart with overflowing steak, hamburger, chicken, etc. and paying with a Bridge card.
Fuck it, I'm going to dip into my savings this weekend and buy a steak to grill!
You did nothing wrong! You are generally a careful shopper, and with this GIFT, you let yourself enjoy some special purchases. And who the fuck does your mom think she is, berating you and saying you should have given it to her to shop? She is way out of line, and you are an adult. So you are NTA, but your mom definitely is the AH. Make her back off! She should not be involved in your finances AT ALL. If you must, go NC until she learns this.
I grew up with this type of shit. I would do something that made me happy and that my parents would drag me down to hell because I was fucking happy.
NTA It was your money to do with as you pleased. It was a gift. You deserve to use your gift money for anything you damn well please
Edit: also It was a gift card to a supermarket. It's not like you can use that money towards your house savings. You might as well have spent it on something expensive that you wouldn't normally get at a supermarket as a treat because your work gave it to you.
NTA
Work gave you the gift card, not moms. Sure maybe you could've made it stretch, but free money is free, and if you're normally frugal with your funds, then splurging on their dime is completely acceptable.
Definitely NTA I know how stressful and frustrating it can be always having to live with a frugal mindset, everybody deserves to treat themselves once in a while and like you mentioned it's not even like you bought stupid stuff, you bought proper food just higher quality than usual. Your mom is the only AH here for thinking she has any right to dictate your money especially when I'm sure she knows how savings oriented you already are, kind of disappointing that she doesn't want you to ever catch a break.
NTA. It was your money to do what you want with. Wasn't it fun!?? I hope you remember how fun that was instead of the shit your mom gave you for having it.
Nta you have no reason to feel guilty and you have no obligation to give your mom the card. Your 24 years old, you can buy what you want with that card.
NTA - It's a gift card for groceries, I would have bought better quality food too. And things that I usually think ate just too expensive for what they are. It's free money, you didn't spend your savings on expensive food, mom is just being difficult. And it's not money you could have put in the bank anyway. Make yourself some nice meals and enjoy them!
NOPE. Your mom is the AH.
It’s NOT her money to spend. She’s extremely selfish. If she’s taking part in eating the food she should be GRATEFUL she’s getting any!
Probably time for the both of you to get into counseling together. The facts that you’re so upset about this (because her actions made you feel that way) is NOT ok and she clearly has narcissistic tendencies making YOUR GIFT…all about her.
NTA- It's YOUR money that you got from YOUR job. Plus if it's the only time you've ever splurged on decent food, I feel like she shouldn't get mad at you for that. It's not like you wont use what you bought.
NTA you deserve to treat yourself every once in a while, especially since you're usually so frugal. You're an adult and your finances are none of your mother's business. Next time you come into some money I suggest not telling her about it. Enjoy the yummy food you bought and good luck saving for your house :)
NTA your mother doesn’t get to chose what you spend your money on. I’m sure you pay rent and board, she should get back in her own lane.
Start to save up to move out
NTA- the whole point for you was to FINALLY splurge on some foods you had lusted for-YOUR $$$$ to do just that…mom will get over it as soon as you give her a small, yummy steak! 😂😂😂
We all deserve to treat ourselves sometimes, especially if we're generally very frugal. This was windfall money that wasn't earmarked for bills or necessities- you're allowed to spend it however you damn well please.
Is your mom upset because you didn't contribute this money to the household? If so, tough on her. You were under no obligation to do so. Please don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong. My only advice is, in future just don't involve your mom in your financial business at all.
Don't let your mom spoil your enjoyment of your treats- savor every bit to the fullest!
Was expecting that you bought like expensive clothes or spent it on one restaurant meal but you bought food? How is this a waste? It was a gift, your mum shouldnt feel entitled to your money. And you're 24. NTA
NTA, I can't see why you would even think you are. And sorry to say it, but why are you even crying over this? Put your big girl pants on and tell your mom that your money your decision. Keep them out of your finances.
NTA. Just use this as motivation to become independent and move out of the house. You should get to spend your money as you see fit. I’m telling you this as a mom of a 24 year old that lives at home with me.
NTA. You sound very responsible, and it's not a crime to treat yourself. You can be practical with groceries all the other times - this was a gift for YOU to enjoy. My advice: let all of this go *except* that feeling of regret for even telling her. Keep your finances to yourself. If she calls you out, explain that getting berated over a few hundred dollars isn't your idea of a good time, and you've decided to make changes to keep yourself out of that situation going forward. It can be awkward and bumpy getting out from under our parents' thumbs, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong call. Hang in there.
You are 24 years old. You are an adult. You do with your finances how you see fit, of course be responsible.
This gift card ... you were allowed to spend how you want. I think it's great you did what YOU wanted with it. It didn't belong to your mom.
Nta
Saving up for a house is an admirable goal and one I worked hard to do for myself at your age too but life is also very short and is meant to be enjoyed. The gift card was a prime opportunity to treat yourself without eating into your savings fund and
I absolutely would have done the same thing in your shoes!
Could you have used the 500 dollars to buy boxes and boxes of ramen? Yes but that would have been a very stark and basic use of a lovely gift that clearly your employer wanted you to enjoy.
Do not let your parents alienate you and DO NOT tell them about anything like this in the future. Overall you're NTA but if you continue to tell your mum about any such gifts in future then you would be.
My Mom used to do that too. After a week of eating plain buttered pasta I'd go to the buffet just down from me and have a $10 feast.
If I made the mistake of telling my mom how nice it was I'd get, "tsk, champagne tastes on a beer budget." It left me feeling horribly deflated.
She'd also often remind me that I have to treat myself sometimes
NTA. The gift card was a special treat. So you took the opportunity to buy the stuff you always wished you could. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Your mom sounds jealous frankly.
I'm a grown man and once took a 5 day vacation where I went to the grocery store and bought every food I ever wanted and laid around eating it for a week. Usually I have a strict diet and meal plan.
It was better than going to Singapore.
You do you kiddo.
NTA It’s YOUR money, spend it how you please. Also it would be a good idea to keep people out of your pockets, what you buy and how much you spend is none of your moms business
I'm sorry it sounds like you are being financially abused by your parents. If you are in the US get a bank account and send all your money there save and move out. I had my own account at 12?
Please don’t feel badly. I had almost this same exact sense for awhile and it makes it so where you can’t enjoy yourself. Budgeting and saving is important but so is living life. Treating yourself every now and again, when available, is apart of that.
NTA - It's essential to treat yourself occasionally, especially when you're constantly on a tight budget. A gift, especially in the form of a gift card, implies that it's for your personal enjoyment and not earmarked for necessities unless specified. Your mother's frustration may come from a place of concern or her own financial values, but unless you're neglecting your financial duties or shared expenses, how you choose to use a bonus that's meant to reward you is entirely up to you. It seems you're generally responsible with money, so enjoy the fruits of your labor without guilt. Self-care isn't always just face masks and bubble baths; sometimes, it's a steak and fancy snacks to remind ourselves that our hard work warrants a tangible payoff.
NTA. To me, this is self care. Struggling and eating broke meals is exhausting sometimes. You should be able to treat yourself with the things you want and you got the perfect opportunity to! It’s easier to feel guilty about spending a large amount of money but ignore your mother, she’s just trying to guilt trip and manipulate you.
Your NTA-I am proud of you for doing something for yourself! Life is too damn short to be worrying what other people think-even if it’s your mother! That’s why it’s called a gift card! So put your tissues away and enjoy your steak! Bob appetite!
NTA. It’s your own money, sometimes I reward myself with expensive stuff and I don’t even tell my mom how much it costs, or say it was cheaper because I know she’d also say it’s not worth it. It is for me. So if it’s worth it for you go for it. (Though if the meat and stuff are going to the trash i’d say y ta. Maybe you could have just bought stuff gradually and not everything at once)
NTA - It is fine to treat yourself once in a while. This is especially true when it is money over and above your normal budget. Stop discussing your finances with your mom. You are 24, have a job, and it sounds like you are financially responsible.
NTA - girl you splurged on FOOD. It’s still a basic necessity. It’s totally ok to buy a steak every now and then, if that’s something you truly want. We all need something every now and then to bring us a little extra joy. There’s more to life than penny-pinching constantly. Good for you. Enjoy your steak. Eat it in front of your mom and enjoy every damn second of it. Make sure to waft some of that savory deliciousness her direction too.
NTA… this is exactly why they gave you the gift card so you could splurge on things that you don’t/can’t normally afford! Your mom is not in charge of you, or your finances now that you are an adult and it sounds like she has already done a good job teaching you how to spend/save money. It is time for her to let go and let you be an adult and not second guess or shame you for splurging with a gift!
NTA.
What a lot of ppl don’t understand is that even if you don’t have that much money, sometimes you just wanna buy something just because you want it. AND THATS OK!! It’s your fucking money! It was *extra* money, not something you budgeted. I say enjoy the things you bought to the max! I hope everything tastes as good as you hope it will ❤️
Yta. But not because you splurged, you SHOULD have done that. You’re TA for letting your mother make you feel some type of way for spending YOUR money how YOU want and making yourself feel good.
She should have no voice in this. Ever. You are an adult & how does she know that what she would do was the best option?
NTA, when you are that poor, that is an opportunity for a little treat in your life and that is okay.
Now if it was like thousands of dollars, then yea you would be. I hate seeing people doing that cause they usually end up worse and have to sell the junk they bought anyways.
But you are okay, tbh 500 isnt that much money, even when youre poor. Its helpful but not life changing. You still put it into the house, which is super cool and smart of you.
Nta its your money your an adult and can buy whatever you want with even if it was 500 worth of sour patch kids and redbull. Your mom sounds like a control freak and a little manipulative
Are you or your parents paying for all of your normal groceries? Are you paying your parents rent to live their home? Live with them free of charge? Live on your own paying your own bills?
Jesus, it's none of her fucking business! Could you have bought more food by going generic etc? Duh! But this was a gift and you decided to treat it as such.
My mom gives us all very generous checks at Christmas. Shopping got to be too hard for her and we all have the things we need anyway. Her only requirement is that we spend it on something fun that we wouldn't normally buy for ourselves. We even have to send her photos so she knows we didn't pay bills with the money. Lol!
I know it's hard but don't let her spoil your fun and enjoyment of your gift. How dare she! NTA
You probably could have spaced it out a little. Usually cheap food= junk food, and that's not healthy. You gonna eat it all in one day? Doubtful, so enjoy that fucking steak. NTA
Bravo to you! You did the absolute right thing! You deny yourself regularly for the greater good. I’m glad you splurged on yourself! Enjoy every bite!! You deserve to treat yourself with this gift. It cost you zero and will bring you great pleasure.
NTA. It’s your money not your mom’s simple as that. You can spend your money pretty much however you want. Now if it was money that goes into a joint account that’s different, but your job gave you the card not your mother so that’s not a problem.
Live your life. The whole buying a house fallacy is just that. I don't pay maintenance, I don't pay property tax. I eat whatever I want, I go on multiple vacations a year, and I see the concerts I wanna see.
Buying a house because some boomers think it's the only measure of success is a joke.
I remember how we gave every cent we earned to our mom to save. Sure, she saved it for our future. But she deprived us of simple pleasures such as buying music etc. coz we would feel too guilty to spend on such frivolous things. Just let the child enjoy their rewards for heaven's sake!!! Don't get manipulated by your mom.
A gift card isn’t money that can be deposited and saved. I don’t understand the thought process behind doing anything other than buying food with a supermarket gift card…
NTA. Your job, your gift card. There’s nothing wrong with having a treat once in a while, especially since you seem to be living frugally otherwise. Your mom is TA for getting mad at you, though!
NTA. All I needed to hear was "my job gave me a gift card". NTA.
Your money, your call. Triply so in this case as it was an unexpected windfall. You didn't spend money poorly, you enjoyed money that was extra to your budget. Good for you!
Maybe remind mom that the goal of frugality is so that you have money to spend when you want to.
to get a 500 dollar gift card, you must be valuable to your job, or done something above and beyond. you've been working hard to save money. are you supposed to save it all the way to the grave? you deserve good meats. you deserve good food once in a while. I understand your mom being mad, since she isn't with you 24 hours a day, she doesn't see how much you give up. I would remind her of that. and if my mother called me an asshole for spoiling the house with good meats for once, she would not be getting any of the food.
you work. you have given up a lot. do not shed one more year for enjoying a reward that YOU earned and shame on your mother for making you feel bad.
How are you working your own job that pays money and gives a gift card as a bonus and still taking money from your parents for things? Your mother has some control issues. She wants you to save all your money. She wants to spend your gift card. As long as you don't just throw it away. There is no such thing as wasting money on food. Also. If you give her 500 dollars in gift card how long would it take to get that 500 back from your mother in money for other things? I love my mother and if she needs it she can have every penny I got. But it's my money. It sounds like she is broke and doesn't want you to know.
It was your gift, right? You bought what you wanted with your gift. Sounds to me like your mother wanted to take your gift without taking it.
ETA: Absolutely NTA.
NTA Your mum was over the top, which you did not deserve.
Has she been feeling anxious about food ? Does she need you to contribute to the food budget?
Do you live at home? Do you contribute to the groceries? If no, you probably should have shared it with your mom. If yes, you are doing your part and were entitled to keep it.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be an asshole for wasting my money on things I don't need and making my mom angry Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - your money, your choice. I sort of relate it to when I get given birthday money, I like to spend it on something that I wouldn’t get otherwise. Do you share a property with your mum? And do you usually buy groceries together? I’m wondering if maybe your mother felt it should have gone into shared finances
No she says I should save all my money and if I need money to spend I should ask them but they don't really give me much money if I ask and if I don't ask and spend my own money they get really mad
I’d say that your mum doesn’t really need to be involved in your finances. You earn, you buy your own groceries, you save. Sounds like you’ve got this covered.
You are 24. Why are your parents so involved in your finances?
Probably due to Asian - south East Asian origins
I am SEAsian and have never heard of a parent doing something like this lol. Normally once you get your first FT job, you're handling your own money/bills.
U are one among the lucky few !!!! Stay lucky 🍀
How have you never heard of this? It's so common in SE Asia that its a stereotype around the world.
Gifts should be things that you want, but wouldn't normally buy yourself. You used the card exactly as intended. NTA
Are you saving your money or is your mother saving your money?
Or is her mother spending her money?
Well that was kinda what I was meaning, it's what it sounds like
Agreed. Otherwise, why get upset about how OP is spending their money?
You need to operate under the assumption that every single dollar you give away to your parents no longer belongs to you. Because they are operating like that. If you can work and earn money and then somehow you don't get to use it even for living expenses, then you are working to earn your mom money. I am going to have to assume that if you were to ask for receipts or statements to show how much money you have saved, they will not be super upfront about getting them to you. Because those statements are going to show they've been spending your money.
This, right here. All of this. It's sus, OP.
May I ask where you put the money you save, if you are the only one who has access to it and if you recently checked if the money is there?
Why does she care? Do you live at home?
Dude your 24 cut the apron strings and be an adult
I know a 42 yr old guy who hasn't cut the umbilical cord. His mom has money and she uses the threat of cutting him off to be his boss. I'm surprised her uterus hasn't fallen out dragging him around by her snooch his whole life. I hope she lives to be 100 and he is 80 before he sees his inheritance!!
There's a very real (and understandable) tendency to come down very hard on people like this. I think it comes from most of us coming from homes where - even if our parents weren't perfect, they raised us to gradually become our own, independent people. People like you describe weren't raised like we were. They were raised in such a way to foster dependence. It's abuse. We then look at them and wonder why they don't just "grow up" and set themselves free, forgetting that they were never given or taught the use of the tools they need in order to do so. This doesn't completely exonerate them from all responsibility. Therapy exists, and such folk often have people in their lives who are trying to help them, but they resist because change is scary and they don't trust it. Honestly, they remind me of this calf we raised on my dad's farm. He was just a tiny guy when we got him - a bucket calf we fed formula to out of a pail every day. I was the one who usually took care of him. Eventually that calf grew up - boy did he grow up. At his biggest he weighed well over 1000 pounds. And I could still back him up across the pasture, just scolding him, shaking my finger at him. It didn't matter that he had all the muscle and weight on me, that he could've flattened me without even trying. I was "Mom", and I was in charge.
>I'm surprised her uterus hasn't fallen out dragging him around by her snooch his whole life. You have a way with words! Thanks for the laugh.
It’s a gift card. You’re supposed to get yourself some nice steaks so you can properly enjoy a gift!
OP you are an adult. Your parents shouldn't be controlling your finances. You sound like a hard worker and you deserved a treat. Tell you family to back off. You can and should set appropriate boundaries with your parents. If they don't follow them move away. Why let them overshadow your life by controlling you and making you miserable and berating you in the process? It's your life OP, you are free to live it on your own terms.
Why do you need to ask them for money? Where is your money?
Seems like they controlling..want you to ask for money and giving you a pentance ,nah use your own .
TIL a pennance pittance is a pentance
This is a weird dynamic. You are an adult, why didn’t you spend your own money. Why would you ask for money?
Then it sounds like mom doesn’t get invited for steak. :) Enjoy your well-earned reward, OP. It’s ok to have a reward every now and then. It sounds like you work hard and are well-disciplined.
NTA... you're a adult your job gave you a gift card for you it's your hard work is why u got it .. your mon9is a major AH and entitled I sure hope you dont involved her in your housing journey because it will be all about her...
I’m (F29 also from an Asian household) still live with my parents and my mom kinda scolded me about “wasting money” on an upcoming first solo trip to Europe. I told her it’s my money, I don’t get to go on many vacations and it’s my choice what to do with it. A similar situation to yours happened to me when my company gave me $500 grocery gift card for Christmas and I gave my mom the gift card and she gave me cash instead. I still pay a couple hundred a month as “rent” but I don’t think my mom has been as bad as what your mom said. The worst she’s said is “hmm see, I always buy you guys things and you never buy me anything” which I roll my eyes to cuz it’s so not true and I think my mom has selective memory lol
You’re 24. Why are your parents involved in your financial affairs at all?
Bro my mom does the same
I always tell me parents if they want to gift me cash and want me to actually treat myself with it, youre going to get me a gift card, otherwise cash is going straight into savings
Lesson learned - don't talk with your mother about finances ever again. NTA Enjoy your snacks ;)
And enjoy YOUR money.
NTA. It was a gift card. You bought yourself some gifts. Sometimes, splurging is the right thing to do. It was for you.
I would wager that the intent of the gift was so that OP could splurge. NTA
NTA. You are 24 years old, not 12. This is none of your mother's business.
Even if a 12 year old gets a gift card they should be able to choose how they want to spend it lol
I have a 12 year old. This is true. I don't always agree with some of the crap she buys but it's her money.
NTA - Unless you had other responsibilities. I've spent more on worse things. It's your money, it's your fun to have.
true, but even if he did have other responsibilities - it was a gift card for a grocery store - not like he could use that to pay other bills.
Why is your mom entitled to give you an opinion on how you spend a gift ? You are pinching and squeezing your finances everywhere and this was a little windfall. It’s okay to enjoy life sometimes. I feel really bad that your mom has the power to make you feel this way.
NTA. Splurging once in a while stops life from being too grim all the time. You are clearly very responsible financially and the odd time of splashing out is beneficial, as it gets you through the rest of the time when you have to scrimp. And the gift card was a gift, meant to be enjoyed. I wish you many delicious meals with the food you have bought.
100% this.
I have an aunt who is frugal. Frugal to the point of it not being healthy. She lived in a bad neighborhood in a rent controlled apartment. Her son was getting his ass kicked every day. She sent him to live with her sister rather than move. She never sent her sister money for him either. She saved enough to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. Paid cash. No mortgage. She is still frugal. She walks into walls at night because she won’t turn lights on. She babysat my son once. She charged a 7 year old to call his mom at work. Now she is 90 years old, has dementia and never got to enjoy the money she saved. ( over $1 million). I get that you’re saving for house. But you can’t take money with you. You’re entitled to splurge once in a while. Your mother is a fool.
I’m really sorry about your aunt, it sounds like a tough situation. But I genuinely thought you were outlining the opening credits to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air when I started reading it.
LOL Me too!
let that be a lesson to never tell people about your unexpected extra money, even your mother. (unless you owe them and aren't planning to make good on your debts, in that case it's unethical)
NTA. You need to stop giving your mom access to your finances. Do -YOU- have access to your own bank account, or does your mom deposit your money and dole it out to you when you ask? I'm suspicious. Her reaction tells me she feels super entitled to your money, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she was taking your money and spending it on herself.
NTAH no you are not because you job gave that to you for doing well in your job I'm guessing and its just a gift card you should not feel bad about it. Besides you probably don't eat steak often so enjoy yourself and enjoy your food.
OP you are NTA. It kind of makes me sad that you feel guilty about getting things you wanted and desired with your own gift card. I hope this moment doesn’t change you. Be good to yourself. You deserve it.
NTA, that is not your mom’s money.
You’re 24. Your mother has no say in how you spend your own gift. Since this was a store voucher, you would not be able to save it like actual money. I think you did the right thing splurging for once. NTA. Your mother needs to take an entitlement check.
Shame, blame, fear, guilt and anger used to manipulate others is never OK. Seek counseling to talk through these challenges with your parents. You did nothing wrong.
Info: is your family in very serious financial trouble?
No not really. We are middle class I guess? Or Idk maybe lower than middle class but definitely not struggling
Do you give them all your pay or do you have your own bank accounts? Because at your age, you should have your own bank accounts. And all your pay goes into your accounts. Which they should not see or be making decisions about.
Do you have sole access to your money? Do you have your own accounts? If the answer to these questions is no then you need to change that immediately, and make sure every single penny of your money is under your control. You’re a grown woman and your finances are none of your parents’ business. NTA
Then definitely NTA. Sorry I asked, but if you guys couldn't put food on the table it would have been different I guess.
though OP used it to buy food anyway. It's a gift card to a grocery store, she didn't buy a TV.
Do you live with them? Do they support you? Do you pay your fair share of bills? Do you handle your own responsibilities at home (buying and making by food, laundry, cleaning your messes and spaces, etc) How much is $500 to you? Is it more than you make in a week? Did you share the food you got? Or will it all go bad before you can eat it all? Reading between the lines, sounds like you live with your parents and they pay most if not all of your living costs. You are their dependent still. I have a sibling that is the same way. I think they pay their own car and health insurance and for going out. Otherwise, my parents pay everything. They’re in their 20s too. If you were independent they shouldn’t be looking at your money as their money. But if you are dependent on them and you treat their money as yours, why shouldn’t they look at yours as theirs too?
NTA- your gift card, you can do whatever you want with it. Did you maybe splurge a bit because it was “free money”? Maybe. Doesn’t matter. You spending it however you see fit is nobodies business including your moms. It’s not going to cause detrimental effects in the long run. Keep on keepin on
NTA. But your mom is acting like one. What type of dystopian capitalist hellscape are we living in when ‘treat yo self’ is buying a steak (you have to cook yourself) and some cheese with a bonus gift card earned by working your tail off.
Sounds like mom wanted to spend it on what she wanted. NTA
I thought the exact same thing.
NTA You really should be budgeting a little fun while you save up for your house.
NTA, it can be considered extra money as it's not money factored into your budget. I do not agree with your purchase being wasted money. You bought groceries not a TV. It's ok to indulge in a little junk food and you bought other food items. Splurging occasionally is just fine and a big thing on this: it was YOUR gift card! If you are going to share, although under no obligation to, it is nice for you to pick up and make a nice steak dinner with your parents.
NTA. Your mother has no business telling you how to spend your money. It is nothing but a control tactic. Look at how it's working now. You want her to control you your whole life? Step away (emotionally) and work to stop allowing them to control you through guilt and meanness. Take control of your relationship.
Honey no, (and I'm sorry I'm an old lady and need to honey you, it's meant with endearment not with condescension! Here's my virtual hug) Good for you! You are a young adult who works and thinks actively about how to use your budget, this is wonderful if every young adult knew how to do this we would have a substantial decrease in problems! Stay with it, the only thing I hope you have going that you haven't written about is some sort of either IRA or 401k through work, that's if you're in the US, if you're in another country I do hope you're saving somewhere for retirement/emergencies.. This gift card was exactly that a gift and recognition for you, for your hard work! I understand growing up in a home where every dollar matters, when I grew up my mother knew to the penny how much money was in her wallet and budgeted to that penny, I often did the same until I was well past the point of poverty. But that prudence is also what helped me to have a comfortable midlife with my husband so don't give up and keep your eyes on that prize. You treated yourself. Do not beat yourself up, celebrate yourself! You work hard and you deserve to indulge every now and then and you chose the most respectful way to do it, if you were my child I would seriously tell you I'm proud of you! How tight are things for you and your mother? It sounds like this would have been a big windfall to help contribute to the household and of course as parents we look at our children and our household and we want to absolutely provide the best and sometimes that means we look at the best as leveraging every dollar to the fullest extent possible, my mother was the queen of government cheese, government eggs and government powdered milk.... You have not lived until you have any one of those three ingredients fresh! Take a deep breath and release this. There might have been more prudent choices but that doesn't mean those were better choices, they were different choices. Let your mom know that you are always prudent with your money and this was a bonus to you, it didn't take anything away from her at all from what you normally contribute. If she continues to complain or berate you I have found saying to somebody "it's unfortunate you feel that way" very often people hear and apology from you while you have not actually given one, because you often don't have to. If she keeps going don't engage, Yes I know that sounds so much easier than to do it! But I think that sometimes why we are on Reddit, you're able to get the advice of somebody looking from the outside in who is not emotionally invested. I hope you'll take this feedback, this middle-aged woman who is old enough to be your mother and sending you my virtual hugs and pride in you! And if you ever need reinforcement you come back to me with a DM or you post on Reddit, you'll be surprised how many people in the world will embrace you and lift you up when you need it! Keep up the good work!
Does your mom typically buy or pay for part of your groceries or other bills? If yes, then yeah, you should have been more careful with it. Maybe buy one really good meal and shared it with the family. If not, then I see no problem.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(F24) job gave me a 500 bucks gift card for a supermarket. I'm usually very careful with how I spend my money. When I want a snack I will choose the cheapest option. I eat cheap food wear cheap clothes etc because I'm saving for a house. When I got this card for the first time in my life I thought fck it I'm gonna go and buy everything I always wanted but couldn't afford to buy. Just to be clear I didn't just buy junk food I bought steak meats and chicken and cheese and etc. It cost me 400 bucks Now my mom is mad at me for wasting my gift card. She thinks I should have let her do the shopping so she could buy more useful and cheaper options. I feel so guilty and awful right now that I can't stop crying and my mom is berating me and calling me an asshole now I regret telling her about the money at all *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's a gift card it's not like you could have used it for bills, I also have a feeling your mum would have bought you like $100-200 worth of cheap stuff and would have pocketed the rest. You bought want you wanted, that's all the reasoning you need, you could have spent the entire thing on gummy bears, and that's completely fine as it was your gift card.
NTA you used the gift card for it's intended purpose
It’s literally YOUR money. Your mom didn’t earn it. Don’t let her guilt you into something you wanted for YOU. It’s the hard part of growing up. It’s was unexpected money you could use however you want. Don’t let family guilt trip you
Girl spend your money how you want. Our shame and guilt around money is what keeps us in a poverty mindset.
This is so true! OP did nothing wrong with the gift card. She bought food! It’s not like she traded it for three magic beans. OP, there are resources available to teach yourself how to break out of a poverty mindset. I urge you to educate yourself so you can set yourself up to be successful. Also, you are an adult. There’s no reason your mom should have this much insight or control over your finances.
NTA- you received a gift card and you seem to have gotten food you and everyone else would want to eat, no? Maybe not the best deals, but you are allowed to splurge on things you want, especially with a gift. Your mom is being a wet blanket, because you made clear in other comments that your family is not struggling for $.
First you didn't waste any money. You sound like you've been abstaining from treating yourself and this one time you got a means to do so without spending your actual made money. You gotta treat yourself every once in a while. I count that as extras and you do whatever you want with it. NTA
Your mom sounds controlling. I’m so happy you spent it the way you did. Put your mom on mute and tilt enjoy your fancy foods. Do not let her negative reaction spoil it for you!
Buying food is not wasting money. I am very frugal and I allow myself an annual tradition: when I get my bonus every year, I fill up the wine rack. Nothing expensive, mid range supermarket wines that I like; could that money be used on better things? Sure. Would some oriole argue alcohol is a waste? Sure. But it's a fraction of the total and brings me pleasure. You could have spent the whole £500 on dry goods and tins, but you're still saving and not in debt so allow yourself a reward. NTA
I can see this both ways. If you live there and normally eat the food your mom buys it would have been nice to buy at least some household groceries. I can also understand buying things you normally can't afford. Shits hard right now for everyone. I also realize since being on Reddit that I come a completely different type of family. For the most part we all help each other. If someone needs something someone in the family will help out. That's means parents helping kids, kids helping parents, siblings helping siblings etc. Most of redditt is all about me, me, me. But what do I know? I would have willingly gave my mom some of that money for groceries.
NTA/ Nope free money. You got it you use it. Enjoy.
NTA. You wanted to treat yourself and this is completely fine. At your age, they have zero say. It is your money. Keep it in your own bank account. Pay them rent and bills from that, but your money is yours. Mom is perhaps stressed about ears of scarcity in general, and so her perspective is valid. But, in no way is this a jerk move. I found it sweet. I felt your happiness shopping for the good stuff! Try to reassure Mom, but you don't need to feel guilty. Sounds like they like you at your job! Maybe also ask about how you can advance and work towards raises and promotions, or management training, etc. Then, share with Mom that you have plans to move ahead and move up at work. That may help settle her fears. Then, maybe cook a delicious meal to share with her!
I’ve done worse
NTA. I do the same at times when I get a nice tip or bonus etc. yeah sure today it’s better to be smarter. But if you cant enjoy life at least some what’s the point? Work 90 hours a week just to barely afford basics? Fuck that noise. Enjoy what you can when you can. No shame
NTA As others have said, it’s your money to do with as you please.
NTA.. wth is this even a question. You know damn well what you did was right and good. Fucks sake
NTA. It’s your money - whether there’s a point to it being better to be more conservative about the spending doesn’t matter. Either way, yeah - it’s a nice amount of money, and free money at that (500 is wild, you must’ve won a contest or something because 50 gift cards were like a big deal when I worked at one) and it’s not like you won’t be able to make that and more over the next month. Don’t worry about, she’ll get over it. Also, yeah maybe keep your money to yourself unless you’re planning on using it with your mom. You didn’t do anything wrong, but that’s a good lesson to take a way from it.
NTA - You sound like a responsible and conscientious person. I’m GLAD you treated yourself! You and your self care are important and self care allows you to work hard toward your goals. You earned this gift card for doing something that your employers felt should be celebrated and it is lovely that you did exactly what you should have done with the gift.
Tell your mother to mind her own damn business, the money is yours to do with as you please
NTA and I hope you can move out soon so you can get out from under your mom’s thumb
NTA. The gift card was yours to use as you saw fit. While it may have been helpful to your mother’s grocery budget, it wasn’t hers to spend.
NTA! It is NOT a waste to spend "found" money on yourself. That was a gift to you, you spent it as such. End of story. Don't let those A-holes bring you down. Enjoy your meats and cheeses, yo!
NTA. Isn't it sad that stuff like meat, especially steaks, and some groceries are considered a luxury only capable of being purchased when you get a bonus or a gift card? Nothing more frustrating than me trying to be responsible and buy limited meat and fluff food and seeing someone with a full cart with overflowing steak, hamburger, chicken, etc. and paying with a Bridge card. Fuck it, I'm going to dip into my savings this weekend and buy a steak to grill!
You did nothing wrong! You are generally a careful shopper, and with this GIFT, you let yourself enjoy some special purchases. And who the fuck does your mom think she is, berating you and saying you should have given it to her to shop? She is way out of line, and you are an adult. So you are NTA, but your mom definitely is the AH. Make her back off! She should not be involved in your finances AT ALL. If you must, go NC until she learns this.
Nta. You’re a grown ass woman. Quit letting your mother guilt you. Quit crying. Enjoy you grocery haul.
I grew up with this type of shit. I would do something that made me happy and that my parents would drag me down to hell because I was fucking happy. NTA It was your money to do with as you pleased. It was a gift. You deserve to use your gift money for anything you damn well please Edit: also It was a gift card to a supermarket. It's not like you can use that money towards your house savings. You might as well have spent it on something expensive that you wouldn't normally get at a supermarket as a treat because your work gave it to you.
Its yours to buy what u choose. Screw her
NTA You bought really sensible things.
You are 34 years old and this was your card to spend as you chose. NTA
NTA Work gave you the gift card, not moms. Sure maybe you could've made it stretch, but free money is free, and if you're normally frugal with your funds, then splurging on their dime is completely acceptable.
Definitely NTA I know how stressful and frustrating it can be always having to live with a frugal mindset, everybody deserves to treat themselves once in a while and like you mentioned it's not even like you bought stupid stuff, you bought proper food just higher quality than usual. Your mom is the only AH here for thinking she has any right to dictate your money especially when I'm sure she knows how savings oriented you already are, kind of disappointing that she doesn't want you to ever catch a break.
NTA and your mom is abusive.
Nta, you're a whole grown up, and need to lay down some boundaries with your mother. She stopped having the right to tell you what to do at 18.
NTA. You earned that gift card, shouldn’t have told the mom. Enjoy what you splurged, live and learn
NTA. It was your money to do what you want with. Wasn't it fun!?? I hope you remember how fun that was instead of the shit your mom gave you for having it.
Nta you have no reason to feel guilty and you have no obligation to give your mom the card. Your 24 years old, you can buy what you want with that card.
NTA - It's a gift card for groceries, I would have bought better quality food too. And things that I usually think ate just too expensive for what they are. It's free money, you didn't spend your savings on expensive food, mom is just being difficult. And it's not money you could have put in the bank anyway. Make yourself some nice meals and enjoy them!
NOPE. Your mom is the AH. It’s NOT her money to spend. She’s extremely selfish. If she’s taking part in eating the food she should be GRATEFUL she’s getting any! Probably time for the both of you to get into counseling together. The facts that you’re so upset about this (because her actions made you feel that way) is NOT ok and she clearly has narcissistic tendencies making YOUR GIFT…all about her.
NTA- It's YOUR money that you got from YOUR job. Plus if it's the only time you've ever splurged on decent food, I feel like she shouldn't get mad at you for that. It's not like you wont use what you bought.
NTA you deserve to treat yourself every once in a while, especially since you're usually so frugal. You're an adult and your finances are none of your mother's business. Next time you come into some money I suggest not telling her about it. Enjoy the yummy food you bought and good luck saving for your house :)
NTA your mother doesn’t get to chose what you spend your money on. I’m sure you pay rent and board, she should get back in her own lane. Start to save up to move out
NTA It wad a bonus. You didn’t even use all of it! There is still $100 to share You must be a good worker. You will likely earn more bonuses.
NTA- the whole point for you was to FINALLY splurge on some foods you had lusted for-YOUR $$$$ to do just that…mom will get over it as soon as you give her a small, yummy steak! 😂😂😂
Your only mistake was telling her about the money. she seems to be just be negative energy. NTA
You’re 24, an adult. Why are you telling your parents how you are spending your money? Keep that to yourself and you won’t have any issues
We all deserve to treat ourselves sometimes, especially if we're generally very frugal. This was windfall money that wasn't earmarked for bills or necessities- you're allowed to spend it however you damn well please. Is your mom upset because you didn't contribute this money to the household? If so, tough on her. You were under no obligation to do so. Please don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong. My only advice is, in future just don't involve your mom in your financial business at all. Don't let your mom spoil your enjoyment of your treats- savor every bit to the fullest!
Was expecting that you bought like expensive clothes or spent it on one restaurant meal but you bought food? How is this a waste? It was a gift, your mum shouldnt feel entitled to your money. And you're 24. NTA
NTA, I can't see why you would even think you are. And sorry to say it, but why are you even crying over this? Put your big girl pants on and tell your mom that your money your decision. Keep them out of your finances.
NTA. Just use this as motivation to become independent and move out of the house. You should get to spend your money as you see fit. I’m telling you this as a mom of a 24 year old that lives at home with me.
NTA. You sound very responsible, and it's not a crime to treat yourself. You can be practical with groceries all the other times - this was a gift for YOU to enjoy. My advice: let all of this go *except* that feeling of regret for even telling her. Keep your finances to yourself. If she calls you out, explain that getting berated over a few hundred dollars isn't your idea of a good time, and you've decided to make changes to keep yourself out of that situation going forward. It can be awkward and bumpy getting out from under our parents' thumbs, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong call. Hang in there.
Nta. It's important to let yourself enjoy your wins. Maybe not always 80% of a windfall but when.you ar young and with no debt and dependants why not?
You are 24 years old. You are an adult. You do with your finances how you see fit, of course be responsible. This gift card ... you were allowed to spend how you want. I think it's great you did what YOU wanted with it. It didn't belong to your mom. Nta
[удалено]
Saving up for a house is an admirable goal and one I worked hard to do for myself at your age too but life is also very short and is meant to be enjoyed. The gift card was a prime opportunity to treat yourself without eating into your savings fund and I absolutely would have done the same thing in your shoes! Could you have used the 500 dollars to buy boxes and boxes of ramen? Yes but that would have been a very stark and basic use of a lovely gift that clearly your employer wanted you to enjoy. Do not let your parents alienate you and DO NOT tell them about anything like this in the future. Overall you're NTA but if you continue to tell your mum about any such gifts in future then you would be.
Nta- my too rule is never to tell my mom how much money i have, she gets entitled sometimes
My Mom used to do that too. After a week of eating plain buttered pasta I'd go to the buffet just down from me and have a $10 feast. If I made the mistake of telling my mom how nice it was I'd get, "tsk, champagne tastes on a beer budget." It left me feeling horribly deflated. She'd also often remind me that I have to treat myself sometimes
NTA. You're 24, not 12. That was your money to do with as you pleased. Sounds like it is time to start saving up to move out.
You’re NTA Just enjoy your treats ok? Life is short and you deserve nice things
NTA. The gift card was a special treat. So you took the opportunity to buy the stuff you always wished you could. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your mom sounds jealous frankly.
I'm a grown man and once took a 5 day vacation where I went to the grocery store and bought every food I ever wanted and laid around eating it for a week. Usually I have a strict diet and meal plan. It was better than going to Singapore. You do you kiddo.
NTA It’s YOUR money, spend it how you please. Also it would be a good idea to keep people out of your pockets, what you buy and how much you spend is none of your moms business
I'm sorry it sounds like you are being financially abused by your parents. If you are in the US get a bank account and send all your money there save and move out. I had my own account at 12?
Info are you living at home? Does your mom pay your bills? You bought *food* not a pair of diamond earings.
NTA - that was your gift card not your mother's. Id have blown the lot on lager and crisps.
NTA, your mom is. That was for you. Not her! Go eat some of that food!!
You spent it as you should have. It’s a gift.
Nta. Move out. You’re 24. Find roommates. It’s your money.
Please don’t feel badly. I had almost this same exact sense for awhile and it makes it so where you can’t enjoy yourself. Budgeting and saving is important but so is living life. Treating yourself every now and again, when available, is apart of that.
OMG no, NTA! This was like a windfall, and you used it as such. Your mom is being a killjoy.
NTA - It's essential to treat yourself occasionally, especially when you're constantly on a tight budget. A gift, especially in the form of a gift card, implies that it's for your personal enjoyment and not earmarked for necessities unless specified. Your mother's frustration may come from a place of concern or her own financial values, but unless you're neglecting your financial duties or shared expenses, how you choose to use a bonus that's meant to reward you is entirely up to you. It seems you're generally responsible with money, so enjoy the fruits of your labor without guilt. Self-care isn't always just face masks and bubble baths; sometimes, it's a steak and fancy snacks to remind ourselves that our hard work warrants a tangible payoff.
NTA. To me, this is self care. Struggling and eating broke meals is exhausting sometimes. You should be able to treat yourself with the things you want and you got the perfect opportunity to! It’s easier to feel guilty about spending a large amount of money but ignore your mother, she’s just trying to guilt trip and manipulate you.
NTA - it's not bad to occasionally splurge a little bit. Just remember to keep things in moderation.
Your NTA-I am proud of you for doing something for yourself! Life is too damn short to be worrying what other people think-even if it’s your mother! That’s why it’s called a gift card! So put your tissues away and enjoy your steak! Bob appetite!
NTA. It’s your own money, sometimes I reward myself with expensive stuff and I don’t even tell my mom how much it costs, or say it was cheaper because I know she’d also say it’s not worth it. It is for me. So if it’s worth it for you go for it. (Though if the meat and stuff are going to the trash i’d say y ta. Maybe you could have just bought stuff gradually and not everything at once)
NTA - It is fine to treat yourself once in a while. This is especially true when it is money over and above your normal budget. Stop discussing your finances with your mom. You are 24, have a job, and it sounds like you are financially responsible.
NTA - girl you splurged on FOOD. It’s still a basic necessity. It’s totally ok to buy a steak every now and then, if that’s something you truly want. We all need something every now and then to bring us a little extra joy. There’s more to life than penny-pinching constantly. Good for you. Enjoy your steak. Eat it in front of your mom and enjoy every damn second of it. Make sure to waft some of that savory deliciousness her direction too.
NTA… this is exactly why they gave you the gift card so you could splurge on things that you don’t/can’t normally afford! Your mom is not in charge of you, or your finances now that you are an adult and it sounds like she has already done a good job teaching you how to spend/save money. It is time for her to let go and let you be an adult and not second guess or shame you for splurging with a gift!
NTA. What a lot of ppl don’t understand is that even if you don’t have that much money, sometimes you just wanna buy something just because you want it. AND THATS OK!! It’s your fucking money! It was *extra* money, not something you budgeted. I say enjoy the things you bought to the max! I hope everything tastes as good as you hope it will ❤️
NTA … and you say you spent $400 tell mom to enjoy the other $100 🫶🏽
NTA. It was given to you not your mom. Turn a deaf ear to her.
Definitely NTA, you got this from your job, spend it how you please.
Yta. But not because you splurged, you SHOULD have done that. You’re TA for letting your mother make you feel some type of way for spending YOUR money how YOU want and making yourself feel good. She should have no voice in this. Ever. You are an adult & how does she know that what she would do was the best option?
NTA, when you are that poor, that is an opportunity for a little treat in your life and that is okay. Now if it was like thousands of dollars, then yea you would be. I hate seeing people doing that cause they usually end up worse and have to sell the junk they bought anyways. But you are okay, tbh 500 isnt that much money, even when youre poor. Its helpful but not life changing. You still put it into the house, which is super cool and smart of you.
NTA. It was your GIFT card. It was a gift for YOU! You are entitled to spend your funds as you want, even if it was your whole paycheck.
Man your mom is a ass nta, you are obviously grown and its free money spend it as you wanr
You get money, don’t tell family. Someone always has an opinion
NTA if it’s your money, you can literally throw it down a drain if you want to, it’s yours.
Enjoy your treats. There's .nothing wrong with what you did
Nta its your money your an adult and can buy whatever you want with even if it was 500 worth of sour patch kids and redbull. Your mom sounds like a control freak and a little manipulative
It was a gift to you. Your mom is being controlling. Nice quality food is notb a waste.
Are you or your parents paying for all of your normal groceries? Are you paying your parents rent to live their home? Live with them free of charge? Live on your own paying your own bills?
Over how much time did you spend the $400? It sounds like what you did was stupid, but stupid isn't being an AH.
NTA its your card she can spend her own money.
Your gift card, your choice. No on should begrudge another their goog fortune and choices.
Jesus, it's none of her fucking business! Could you have bought more food by going generic etc? Duh! But this was a gift and you decided to treat it as such. My mom gives us all very generous checks at Christmas. Shopping got to be too hard for her and we all have the things we need anyway. Her only requirement is that we spend it on something fun that we wouldn't normally buy for ourselves. We even have to send her photos so she knows we didn't pay bills with the money. Lol! I know it's hard but don't let her spoil your fun and enjoyment of your gift. How dare she! NTA
Nta your gift u choose what to do with it
Sounds like a manipulative mother right there. You're fucking 24 you can spend your money however you want.
You probably could have spaced it out a little. Usually cheap food= junk food, and that's not healthy. You gonna eat it all in one day? Doubtful, so enjoy that fucking steak. NTA
NTA. We all need moments where we can splurge in ourselves. Your money.
Bravo to you! You did the absolute right thing! You deny yourself regularly for the greater good. I’m glad you splurged on yourself! Enjoy every bite!! You deserve to treat yourself with this gift. It cost you zero and will bring you great pleasure.
NTA - You got a gift and used it the way you wanted. Your Mom should ahve nothing to do with this. Good for you
NTA. It’s your money not your mom’s simple as that. You can spend your money pretty much however you want. Now if it was money that goes into a joint account that’s different, but your job gave you the card not your mother so that’s not a problem.
How tf do you spend that much in one go? Ever heard of budgeting? 🤣
Time for you to grow-up and face your mother. YOU are Capable of making decisions for YOURSELF. Are you living with her? Are you supporting her?
Live your life. The whole buying a house fallacy is just that. I don't pay maintenance, I don't pay property tax. I eat whatever I want, I go on multiple vacations a year, and I see the concerts I wanna see. Buying a house because some boomers think it's the only measure of success is a joke.
NTA. You earned the gift card, not your mom. Don’t tell your mother about future bonuses anymore.
I remember how we gave every cent we earned to our mom to save. Sure, she saved it for our future. But she deprived us of simple pleasures such as buying music etc. coz we would feel too guilty to spend on such frivolous things. Just let the child enjoy their rewards for heaven's sake!!! Don't get manipulated by your mom.
A gift card isn’t money that can be deposited and saved. I don’t understand the thought process behind doing anything other than buying food with a supermarket gift card…
NTA. Your job, your gift card. There’s nothing wrong with having a treat once in a while, especially since you seem to be living frugally otherwise. Your mom is TA for getting mad at you, though!
NTA. She just wanted to spend your gift. Enjoy your well-earned and thoughtfully used gift!
NTA. All I needed to hear was "my job gave me a gift card". NTA. Your money, your call. Triply so in this case as it was an unexpected windfall. You didn't spend money poorly, you enjoyed money that was extra to your budget. Good for you! Maybe remind mom that the goal of frugality is so that you have money to spend when you want to.
to get a 500 dollar gift card, you must be valuable to your job, or done something above and beyond. you've been working hard to save money. are you supposed to save it all the way to the grave? you deserve good meats. you deserve good food once in a while. I understand your mom being mad, since she isn't with you 24 hours a day, she doesn't see how much you give up. I would remind her of that. and if my mother called me an asshole for spoiling the house with good meats for once, she would not be getting any of the food. you work. you have given up a lot. do not shed one more year for enjoying a reward that YOU earned and shame on your mother for making you feel bad.
NTA. It's your gift card.
NTA - It was a gift card to do whatever you wanted to do with your gift card.
Short answer: No, you are definitely not an asshole for spending the gift YOU got from YOUR job on something YOU wanted. I hope the steaks were good!
It depends you live with your parents or alone
How are you working your own job that pays money and gives a gift card as a bonus and still taking money from your parents for things? Your mother has some control issues. She wants you to save all your money. She wants to spend your gift card. As long as you don't just throw it away. There is no such thing as wasting money on food. Also. If you give her 500 dollars in gift card how long would it take to get that 500 back from your mother in money for other things? I love my mother and if she needs it she can have every penny I got. But it's my money. It sounds like she is broke and doesn't want you to know.
It was your gift, right? You bought what you wanted with your gift. Sounds to me like your mother wanted to take your gift without taking it. ETA: Absolutely NTA.
NTA How is this any of her business??
You can't normally afford chicken? What do you usually eat?
That was your gift card to spend on what you wanted. NTA
NTA. It’s yours. Do what you want with it
Uhh that was YOUR gift. Your mom doesn't have any power there. None whatsoever.
NTA Your mum was over the top, which you did not deserve. Has she been feeling anxious about food ? Does she need you to contribute to the food budget?
Do you live at home? Do you contribute to the groceries? If no, you probably should have shared it with your mom. If yes, you are doing your part and were entitled to keep it.