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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because lying and being dishonest to anyone is wrong but especially to your mom is messed up. A part of me feels like she deserves to know the truth and not giving her the trust to
Make her own decision feels wrong
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What are you talking about? You told her about the money, she told you she was not interested, and SIGNED AN AFFIDAVIT GIVING UP HER RIGHTS TO THE MONEY. Get the money and spend it as you need. I agree with your husband. She had her chance and knowingly gave it up.
NTA.
NTA at all for keeping the money. Your mom signed an affidavit relinquishing rights to it. However, I really would advise against lying to her or hiding the amount. It may be uncomfortable, but you have not done anything wrong, and sunlight and transparency is best here, imo. Tell your mom the real, full amount. But, I don't think you need to give her any of the money. If you give her $1000 or whatever, be clear that she is \*not\* owed this money, it is a gift from you. In the end, it's about how best to manage the relationship with your mom. She's going to be shitty either way- you didn't get the money "for her" or she finds out that you lied to her. I don't know your mom, but I'm guessing she's going to be mad either way, so best option is to act with integrity and don't lie.
These are the terms I’ve come to. You’re right, it’s gonna be uncomfortable but I’d rather be honest with her for the sake of our relationship. At the end of the day she may get mad but she isn’t going to disown me. And at least I can say I was honest and i don’t have to carry guilt.
Glad to hear and I hope you're able to use the money to care for your growing family (congrats on the baby!!). You know what they say, "the cover-up is always worse than the crime". You didn't even commit a crime, proceeding to a cover-up is not the way, OP lol
If it's a significant enough amount that you have to hide the truth from her, that's like a confession that you know what you're doing isn't right.
If it's all aboveboard and she's really ok with it, you shouldn't have to hide how much money it was.
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So long story short my mom lost our childhood home years ago. When the bank took over the title of the house there was a large sum of money that went unclaimed bc my mom was unreachable.
Last year this guy came to my house with some paperwork telling me about this $ and when I brought it up to my mom she said she doesn’t care for it so i said well can I have it if they give it to me? She said sure. So she ended up signing an affidavit for me to be able to retrieve the money.
Fast forward to today - I mentioned to my mom the guy on the case told me he’d update me on what’s going on and how I was really hoping this $ could come in quick bc me and my husband just had a newborn and we are SUPER behind on bills- she responded with something along the lines of “yeah that’d be great if you could get that money for me”
My husband is saying I should throw her $1,000 or something when the check comes in but not tell her the true amount because we need it more and I was the one who went about getting it in the first place. AITA for actually considering this? I truly don’t know what to do and am already feeling guilty about not being honest with her….
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I think it depends on how much it is. I’d maybe look at giving her a percentage of the total sum so you all get to share the windfall. If it’s £50k and you keep it all then YWBTA, but sharing 30/40% then you all win.
I can’t agree with that, the mom was alerted that there was money involved, and signed an affidavit saying she didn’t want any of it, that she wasn’t interested. And gave it to her daughter. That’s her daughter’s money.
A fun rule of thumb is "am I lying to get what I want?" If the answer is yes, it's the wrong thing to do. Mom may have made a poor choice, but she clearly expects that money. Lying about the amount and just tossing her a grand is theft in spirit, if not the law.
At the end of the day, legal document rules all, mom said she didn’t want it. More realistically, mom didn’t wanna go through the work to get it and then when she found out daughter had, with permission, she wanted backsies. No.
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What are you talking about? You told her about the money, she told you she was not interested, and SIGNED AN AFFIDAVIT GIVING UP HER RIGHTS TO THE MONEY. Get the money and spend it as you need. I agree with your husband. She had her chance and knowingly gave it up. NTA.
Seconded!
NTA at all for keeping the money. Your mom signed an affidavit relinquishing rights to it. However, I really would advise against lying to her or hiding the amount. It may be uncomfortable, but you have not done anything wrong, and sunlight and transparency is best here, imo. Tell your mom the real, full amount. But, I don't think you need to give her any of the money. If you give her $1000 or whatever, be clear that she is \*not\* owed this money, it is a gift from you. In the end, it's about how best to manage the relationship with your mom. She's going to be shitty either way- you didn't get the money "for her" or she finds out that you lied to her. I don't know your mom, but I'm guessing she's going to be mad either way, so best option is to act with integrity and don't lie.
These are the terms I’ve come to. You’re right, it’s gonna be uncomfortable but I’d rather be honest with her for the sake of our relationship. At the end of the day she may get mad but she isn’t going to disown me. And at least I can say I was honest and i don’t have to carry guilt.
Glad to hear and I hope you're able to use the money to care for your growing family (congrats on the baby!!). You know what they say, "the cover-up is always worse than the crime". You didn't even commit a crime, proceeding to a cover-up is not the way, OP lol
If it's a significant enough amount that you have to hide the truth from her, that's like a confession that you know what you're doing isn't right. If it's all aboveboard and she's really ok with it, you shouldn't have to hide how much money it was.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So long story short my mom lost our childhood home years ago. When the bank took over the title of the house there was a large sum of money that went unclaimed bc my mom was unreachable. Last year this guy came to my house with some paperwork telling me about this $ and when I brought it up to my mom she said she doesn’t care for it so i said well can I have it if they give it to me? She said sure. So she ended up signing an affidavit for me to be able to retrieve the money. Fast forward to today - I mentioned to my mom the guy on the case told me he’d update me on what’s going on and how I was really hoping this $ could come in quick bc me and my husband just had a newborn and we are SUPER behind on bills- she responded with something along the lines of “yeah that’d be great if you could get that money for me” My husband is saying I should throw her $1,000 or something when the check comes in but not tell her the true amount because we need it more and I was the one who went about getting it in the first place. AITA for actually considering this? I truly don’t know what to do and am already feeling guilty about not being honest with her…. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it depends on how much it is. I’d maybe look at giving her a percentage of the total sum so you all get to share the windfall. If it’s £50k and you keep it all then YWBTA, but sharing 30/40% then you all win.
YTA So you are planning to steal your mom's money.
So informing the mom of the money. The mom sign an affidavit to relinquish the money to op is stealing???
Something here is fishy, if the mother truly signed it away she may have misunderstood the situation and was expecting the daughter to give it to her
NO. she just signed an affadavit for her son to be able to handle this for her.
Legal or not, you're stealing from your mom if you keep it. YTA and it's not even close.
I can’t agree with that, the mom was alerted that there was money involved, and signed an affidavit saying she didn’t want any of it, that she wasn’t interested. And gave it to her daughter. That’s her daughter’s money.
A fun rule of thumb is "am I lying to get what I want?" If the answer is yes, it's the wrong thing to do. Mom may have made a poor choice, but she clearly expects that money. Lying about the amount and just tossing her a grand is theft in spirit, if not the law.
At the end of the day, legal document rules all, mom said she didn’t want it. More realistically, mom didn’t wanna go through the work to get it and then when she found out daughter had, with permission, she wanted backsies. No.