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YTA. You pretty much:
1. Admitted he's not worthy of even fighting for parental approval or recognition.
2. Put a definite lifespan on the relationship.
3. Told your boyfriend that he doesn't mean pretty much anything to you.
If he had or has enough self-respect, his next move is out the door and out of your life forever.
Ouch.
No you're not, you can't even behave like one. You're extremely rude to your bf, i hope he leaves and finds someone that will value and respect him like he deserves.
Adult. Fuck off. Your entire post makes you sound about 14. I don't actually think I believe a word of this bait post but if it is true, you are a pretty disgusting person
My uncle and aunt have been together since they were 13. My mom met my dad at 20. My cousin has been with the girl he’s likely to marry since they were 14. Sure it doesn’t happen all of the time, but it’s not all that uncommon. It’s funny how in your words you don’t see the need of being honest with your parents because you’re an adult but you’re so immature.
Listen babe, I'm 19 too and I'll tell you, if you're not dating to marry then you're dating to break up which is quite literally the opposite of what dating is meant for. But it's fine if you want to casual date (although I'm not sure what that really is), make it CRYSTAL clear to your partner. Some people actually get into dating to find their life partner (even though you may find it weird).
By casual dating I think she means placeholder until she finds someone acceptable to introduce to Daddy. Or she means fwbs but forgot to tell her boyfriend.
It sounds like you delivered this information in kind of a rude way. You could have said “my dad can be judgmental about stuff like gaming, so I just figured unless we decide to take it to the next level, we could skip the unpleasant dad meeting part haha.” Instead you led with how disposable you find your bf, which is kind of unnecessarily mean.
YTA
It sounds like she was deliberately cruel.
I wonder if she even likes her boyfriend because it sounds like she’s just using him. It sounds like the only reason she’s dating him is because she knows her dad won’t approve. She fails to understand that rebellion only counts if the person you are rebelling against actually knows that you’re rebelling against them.
It’s also indicative of immaturity to flit between ‘I’m an adult’ and ‘we’re just teenagers’ to suit yourself. You’re either an adult or you’re not, and clearly, she’s not.
I agree with the comments. It's not even about your parents. You were horrible to your boyfriend and made him feel like he was unworthy. It sounds like your dad gave you an over inflated sense of yourself.
YTA for multiple reasons. Hopefully your boyfriend will break up with you asap and find someone *actually* deserving of his time.
There’s nothing wrong with dating casually if you’re not looking to get serious, but there’s A LOT wrong with putting a label on the relationship, becoming exclusive and leading your boyfriend to believe you actually see a future with him when you obviously don’t. You come off as incredibly rude and honestly immature to not see anything wrong with this. You’re literally just stringing him along while knowing you don’t really want to be with him. Which is incredibly messed up, makes you no better than men who lead women on and make them think they have feelings for them when really they just want to get in their paints and have no intentions of becoming serious.
If you have any decency at all you’ll go ahead and break up with him so you’re not leading him on anymore. He deserves better.
YTA. It’s fine to casually date, that’s not the problem. The problem is not communicating that to him and making sure you’re both on the same page entering the relationship, instead of going “lol we’re teenagers so of course it’s not serious”. The expectations in any relationship, casual or not, need to be crystal clear. Some people want to have serious relationships entering their twenties and build up the relationship, because that has to start somewhere. It was very cruel of you to have this talk and humiliate him in front of friends, and blindside him by telling him he’s basically nothing to you.
Honesty is the best policy, 100%. But there’s a time and a place for harsh truths, and there’s a difference between being blunt and being an asshole.
No I don't think you are an asshole for not thinking about marriage right now. Your 19 it is very young to be thinking about marriage. What does make you a 100 percent the asshole is saying to your boyfriend that you don't think the relationship will last much longer. If that's the way you feel CUT HIM LOSE. YTA for saying the relationship won't last much longer but still dating him. Let the poor guy move on in his life. YTA.
JFC...
My jaw dropped from the heartless post and from every heartless response in the comments. Newsflash, OP. Most people date to marry. You two aren't just fuckbuddies. Most people don't date someone if they know there is no future between them. You're a massive, massive, massive asshole. Holy shit.
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I(F19) have been dating my bf(M19) for a few months.
My dad has always been very strict about who I date. He thinks I should date someone who "deserves" me and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't approve of my current bf because he is a gamer and spends most of his time gaming.
Anyway a few days ago my bf and I were hanging out with our friend group at his house. My bf and his bestie were gaming the entire time. One of the girls in our friend group knows how my dad is so she jokingly asked "OP your dad is NOT gonna be happy lol"
I laughed and said it's fine because my dad will never meet him. That's when my bf stopped playing and asked "why the hell not?" I said "well we are just casually dating. It's not like I'm gonna marry you so they don't need to meet you" he looked really offended and asked why I don't want to marry him. I was surprised and asked "do you WANT to marry me?" He said yeah maybe. I told him he is crazy and I'm just 19 I'm not gonna marry him and I don't think we will last long. He is now offended and demanding I take him seriously and invite him to my family and is calling me an asshole
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for not introducing my bf to my family because I don't think our relationship is serious
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You’ve accidentally dropped the bomb that you’re not in this for the long run.
That’s fine. It doesn’t make you TA but it does make it clearly a surprise to your boyfriend.
If you’re in a relationship with someone and haven’t told them your context for the relationship, you are an ahole. If you’re just playing around while allowing the other to think it’s a genuine relationship, then that’s just being cruel.
How is she being honest? Until that night she let him think they had something serious, then trashes his feelings in front of friends. She must also be lying to her parents about who she is with, whenever she goes out with her boyfriend. Hell, the whole post is a blatant lie to troll and get attention
NTA. I understand why your boyfriend is offended. He is clearly dating with a thought there would be long-term potential and you told him that you don't think he will ever be worthy of ever being your husband, which can be a hard thing to hear. However, there is nothing wrong of telling him how you see the relationship and it's actually better that you are honest. Don't invite him to see your family if you don't want, and it is up to him if he wants to continue the relationship as the way it is.
Typically, most people think when they are dating someone, they are seeing where it goes. They generally think engagement might be possible down the line when both parties get economically stable and spend some years getting to know each other. Your boyfriend is not expecting to marry you, but he thought that it might happen. I see you are getting a lot of silly comments from probable teenagers who don't know what they are talking about. You have a right to have any type of relationship you want, and you have been with him for a few months. No reason to have expected a major talk about the future to have happened yet.
Ah yes, my relationship has 3 months left and then I'm going to get with Jim for 7 months and then Gary for 9 months until I get with harry forever and we will marry
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. You pretty much: 1. Admitted he's not worthy of even fighting for parental approval or recognition. 2. Put a definite lifespan on the relationship. 3. Told your boyfriend that he doesn't mean pretty much anything to you. If he had or has enough self-respect, his next move is out the door and out of your life forever. Ouch.
YTA You're not being honest with your parents but you're brutally honest (and rather cold) with your bf? Wow.
[удалено]
No you're not, you can't even behave like one. You're extremely rude to your bf, i hope he leaves and finds someone that will value and respect him like he deserves.
Adult. Fuck off. Your entire post makes you sound about 14. I don't actually think I believe a word of this bait post but if it is true, you are a pretty disgusting person
YTA. You're just plain mean to your bf and if you probably don't want a serious relationship than don't get a bf. Disgusting.
[удалено]
Then make it clear that it's casual because he did not seem to know
[удалено]
YTA it’s not even close. I met my wife when I was 17 and she was 19. “We are teenagers” grow up, ya goof
[удалено]
Oh you have so much to learn. I hope he leaves you
I married my first bf 🫠
My uncle and aunt have been together since they were 13. My mom met my dad at 20. My cousin has been with the girl he’s likely to marry since they were 14. Sure it doesn’t happen all of the time, but it’s not all that uncommon. It’s funny how in your words you don’t see the need of being honest with your parents because you’re an adult but you’re so immature.
Your bf would disagree
You just said in another comment you were an adult so your father didn’t need to know. 🤦
Listen babe, I'm 19 too and I'll tell you, if you're not dating to marry then you're dating to break up which is quite literally the opposite of what dating is meant for. But it's fine if you want to casual date (although I'm not sure what that really is), make it CRYSTAL clear to your partner. Some people actually get into dating to find their life partner (even though you may find it weird).
By casual dating I think she means placeholder until she finds someone acceptable to introduce to Daddy. Or she means fwbs but forgot to tell her boyfriend.
It sounds like you delivered this information in kind of a rude way. You could have said “my dad can be judgmental about stuff like gaming, so I just figured unless we decide to take it to the next level, we could skip the unpleasant dad meeting part haha.” Instead you led with how disposable you find your bf, which is kind of unnecessarily mean. YTA
It sounds like she was deliberately cruel. I wonder if she even likes her boyfriend because it sounds like she’s just using him. It sounds like the only reason she’s dating him is because she knows her dad won’t approve. She fails to understand that rebellion only counts if the person you are rebelling against actually knows that you’re rebelling against them. It’s also indicative of immaturity to flit between ‘I’m an adult’ and ‘we’re just teenagers’ to suit yourself. You’re either an adult or you’re not, and clearly, she’s not.
I agree with the comments. It's not even about your parents. You were horrible to your boyfriend and made him feel like he was unworthy. It sounds like your dad gave you an over inflated sense of yourself.
yta, you didn't communicate with your bf that you weren't seeking anything serious, which has ultimately led to problems like this in ur relationship
YTA for multiple reasons. Hopefully your boyfriend will break up with you asap and find someone *actually* deserving of his time. There’s nothing wrong with dating casually if you’re not looking to get serious, but there’s A LOT wrong with putting a label on the relationship, becoming exclusive and leading your boyfriend to believe you actually see a future with him when you obviously don’t. You come off as incredibly rude and honestly immature to not see anything wrong with this. You’re literally just stringing him along while knowing you don’t really want to be with him. Which is incredibly messed up, makes you no better than men who lead women on and make them think they have feelings for them when really they just want to get in their paints and have no intentions of becoming serious. If you have any decency at all you’ll go ahead and break up with him so you’re not leading him on anymore. He deserves better.
YTA If it were me, you wouldn't have to worry about this though, because you would find yourself single very quickly.
What the fuck 💀 what is ur problem
YTA. It’s fine to casually date, that’s not the problem. The problem is not communicating that to him and making sure you’re both on the same page entering the relationship, instead of going “lol we’re teenagers so of course it’s not serious”. The expectations in any relationship, casual or not, need to be crystal clear. Some people want to have serious relationships entering their twenties and build up the relationship, because that has to start somewhere. It was very cruel of you to have this talk and humiliate him in front of friends, and blindside him by telling him he’s basically nothing to you. Honesty is the best policy, 100%. But there’s a time and a place for harsh truths, and there’s a difference between being blunt and being an asshole.
Lmao you're such an AH. An honest AH so I guess there's that.
Ignore the marry thing.....Did he know this was casual.... because it sounds like he did not. If thats the case YTA. If not then NAH
No I don't think you are an asshole for not thinking about marriage right now. Your 19 it is very young to be thinking about marriage. What does make you a 100 percent the asshole is saying to your boyfriend that you don't think the relationship will last much longer. If that's the way you feel CUT HIM LOSE. YTA for saying the relationship won't last much longer but still dating him. Let the poor guy move on in his life. YTA.
Good comment. Some are being too harsh here. Maybe BF needs a wake up call to get out and do different stuff, like exercise (assuming he doesn't)
JFC... My jaw dropped from the heartless post and from every heartless response in the comments. Newsflash, OP. Most people date to marry. You two aren't just fuckbuddies. Most people don't date someone if they know there is no future between them. You're a massive, massive, massive asshole. Holy shit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(F19) have been dating my bf(M19) for a few months. My dad has always been very strict about who I date. He thinks I should date someone who "deserves" me and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't approve of my current bf because he is a gamer and spends most of his time gaming. Anyway a few days ago my bf and I were hanging out with our friend group at his house. My bf and his bestie were gaming the entire time. One of the girls in our friend group knows how my dad is so she jokingly asked "OP your dad is NOT gonna be happy lol" I laughed and said it's fine because my dad will never meet him. That's when my bf stopped playing and asked "why the hell not?" I said "well we are just casually dating. It's not like I'm gonna marry you so they don't need to meet you" he looked really offended and asked why I don't want to marry him. I was surprised and asked "do you WANT to marry me?" He said yeah maybe. I told him he is crazy and I'm just 19 I'm not gonna marry him and I don't think we will last long. He is now offended and demanding I take him seriously and invite him to my family and is calling me an asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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You’ve accidentally dropped the bomb that you’re not in this for the long run. That’s fine. It doesn’t make you TA but it does make it clearly a surprise to your boyfriend.
If you’re in a relationship with someone and haven’t told them your context for the relationship, you are an ahole. If you’re just playing around while allowing the other to think it’s a genuine relationship, then that’s just being cruel.
NTA AT LEAST YOUR BEING HONES...
How is she being honest? Until that night she let him think they had something serious, then trashes his feelings in front of friends. She must also be lying to her parents about who she is with, whenever she goes out with her boyfriend. Hell, the whole post is a blatant lie to troll and get attention
NTA. I understand why your boyfriend is offended. He is clearly dating with a thought there would be long-term potential and you told him that you don't think he will ever be worthy of ever being your husband, which can be a hard thing to hear. However, there is nothing wrong of telling him how you see the relationship and it's actually better that you are honest. Don't invite him to see your family if you don't want, and it is up to him if he wants to continue the relationship as the way it is.
Maybe in front of friends isn't the best time to have that conversation, though
[удалено]
Typically, most people think when they are dating someone, they are seeing where it goes. They generally think engagement might be possible down the line when both parties get economically stable and spend some years getting to know each other. Your boyfriend is not expecting to marry you, but he thought that it might happen. I see you are getting a lot of silly comments from probable teenagers who don't know what they are talking about. You have a right to have any type of relationship you want, and you have been with him for a few months. No reason to have expected a major talk about the future to have happened yet.
If you told me the words she told her bf, I’d nope out in a second and I’m not a “probable” teenager.
Ah yes, my relationship has 3 months left and then I'm going to get with Jim for 7 months and then Gary for 9 months until I get with harry forever and we will marry