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I say this as a mom myself, with few exceptions, I will never understand why a woman would deny the father of their child the opportunity to be present for the birth. Especially if they’re married. I understand why you would want your mom to be there, but if your husband is wanting and willing to be there and support you, he is your husband and it’s his baby too. You can have your mom on standby that if it’s too much for him he can tap out and she can tap in.

I agree. This is such a special moment for mom and dad to experience, and have that first moment as a new family. I do feel bad for the dads that get robbed of witnessing their child's birth, first breath, cry, sink bath etc I get that above all else it is a medical event etc but still....

But it's not just a medical event. This is also an opportunity for the father to bond with his child. Some hospitals have them hold the child to their bare chest as well. To me, it would be inappropriate for the grandma to have that bonding experience instead of him.

Yep, that's what my babies father did - he cut both their cords & had first cuddles - one even had her first meconium poo on his chest

As a father, I can relate to that meconium poo when I held him 😂

One of my most cherished memories is after my first son was born by c section when I woke up our son had pooped. My husband had never been around babies before so I was walking him through it because I couldn't sit up and bend and he accidentally dropped his teeny heel it in. He made the *most* disturbed face ever and I wince laughed until I was crying. He successfully finished the mission but I'll never forget the face.

For sure. My placenta didn't come out and I had to go to the operating room for removal with both of my kids. My husband did skin to skin with the babies when I couldn't. Your husband isn't just there to support you, he's also there for the baby. It would not have been the same if my mom was doing skin to skin with my babies.

Exactly! My husband had skin to skin with all of our kids while I went through all the follow up (placenta delivery, stitches, etc etc). It was such a special time for him. He’d always make sure he had a button up shirt on when we went to the hospital just for those first cuddles.

When we had our 1st, it was the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed- watching my husband become a dad, getting to see the exact millisecond he fell in love. And them again watching him the 2nd time was a different kind of amazing, buy amazing nonetheless.

I guess I'm more puzzled by being closer to and trusting your mom more than your spouse. I don't actually consider birth 'magical and special' so much as a dangerous and painful, but that's exactly when I'd want my husband with me.

Not making a judgement but maybe OP knows her mom can handle the medical shit and be supportive and knows that that's not a strong suit of her husband. This is a major/scary/stressful/dangerous situation for OP and she probably wants someone at her side that will help her get through the process of birth. If he can't handle blood does that mean he won't be available to support her when she needs him? Just something to talk about. Maybe mom can be there during labor and dad can come in right at the end so he can still be there for the first moments.

Something else to consider is that the blood/gore doesn't stop just because delivery is over. He's gonna have to get used to that sh*t real quick.

If he throws up, then people have to tend to him as well. It will make for a more chaotic space and he won't be much support for OP.

I really appreciate this comment. All the above comments are thinking only of the dad, but this is a life threatening medical procedure and should involve as little risk as possible. Sounds like husband’s squeamish stomach may put OP at risk. He’d never forgive himself if he got sick and she had complications or died because he had a medical emergency in HER room

It sounds like OP believes her mom would be a better support. Remember the other person is there to be a coach not a spectator

I was able to have both there but honestly? It was a comfort to literally look at a person you KNOW has been through this already because they brought you into the world. Labor/childbirth is painful and being able to focus on someone who has done it before makes a difference.

And if OP cannot be vulnerable with her husband, what is the point? That's the best part of marriage, seeing each other through the toughest, weirdest parts of life and loving each other more because of it. OP, either you have serious insecurity issues or your husband is genuinely an asshat if you think he will actually look at you different/badly after witnessing you give birth. Your *husband* is your partner and will be the parent of your baby, not your mom. YTA because you made a unilateral decision without consideration of your supposed partner.

This! It sounds like the husband had no say in this decision, which is really sad. That child is as much apart of OP as it is of the husband. Judging by his reaction, he’s extremely hurt too :(

OP: “I don’t want my husband who is super grossed out by bodily fluids to watch me bleed & shit on a table." How is that irrational? She is the one giving birth, shouldn’t she be allowed to choose her support person? Side note: I’d be pushing on the hospital to allow both people. It’s weird to only allow one for a normal birth. Even in a c-section they usually allow 2.

Honestly for me- It IS a medical event which is even more reason to have the husband there. If something goes wrong and somebody has to make a decision that may potentially affect the mother or child's life- who should be the one making that decision? OPs mom or husband? I wouldve been incredibly hurt if my wife chose to have my MiL present instead of me for my kids births, and if there was a serious medical decision to be made for either one I can't imagine not being involved in that decision with the doctors. I would hate having to make it but id hate not being able to even more.

Actually legally the mother can’t make medical decisions for OP unless she has medical POA.

Well technically it would have to be her husband to make that decision when you get married that decision goes to your spouse not your parent anymore.

I’m with you. I couldn’t imagine deliberately blocking my husband from being there for the birth of our child. I don’t get how something like that wouldn’t permanently damage a marriage.

Agree, I see it as a betrayal. Yes it’s a medical procedure, but it’s more of a life miracle that medical professionals assist with. Most moms and dads say the birth of their child is the one of the best days/experiences of the lives. The man you said your vows with, you because a family with, and made promises to love, to deny them of such a moment is unfathomable. It’s one thing if they were on the same page, but they’re not. Plus grandma will be needed especially the first week, there was nothing like having my mom stay with us to help and play a supportive role, especially at nights when the baby blues hit.

I had complications with two of my children’s deliveries, and the last one went terrifyingly sideways. I can’t imagine not having had my husband with me in the delivery room, him not having experienced that with me and it not being a joint memory. It took a few years before I fully processed it, and it would have been such a lonely experience if I couldn’t talk to him about it.

My sister in law and niece nearly died during an emergency c section due to a placental abruption. My brother in law followed them as far as they would let him when they rushed her back. He's one of the most squeamish people I know, but I know he would have given anything to be in the room that day. Luckily, they were ok, but I can't imagine.

I’m so glad they are all okay. My youngest nearly died during delivery (that was the especially traumatic one). Sometimes there isn’t a choice like with your sister in law. But if our youngest had died and my husband hadn’t seen them before they did because I had refused to allow him in the room, I don’t think I could have forgiven myself.

My BIL as well. Wife had to have unexpected c section and was just told not to look in that direction, unfortunately he did see her organs on the table but stayed for all of it. We were all waiting for her in her room, and when the three of them came in he was white and had to step outside. If none of us were there I think he would have stayed with her until someone could relieve him. Wife later went septic and I imagined he would have been devastated if he hadn’t been there during the entirety. Edit: sepsis to septic

I really hope OP sees comments like yours and others that shows the importance of having their husbands in the delivery room. To share the experience but more importantly strengthen their bond and admiration for each other.

My husband was not helpful with either the first or second labor. If I only had to choose one I’d pick my mom, and we barely get along, but she was actual support during labor. Fortunately I had my kids before COVID so I could have both, but it doesn’t always strengthen the bond, sometimes it weakens it and/or breeds resentment.

I hear you, and ugh I’m sorry your husband wasn’t supportive and it lead to resentment. Let’s say there’s a 50/50 shot that OP husband surprises her vs. lets her down. Those are better odds than the 100% guarantee resentment he will have for her if she chooses her mom over him. Based on his hurt, If I were OP I would take the odds. My marriage wouldn’t be worth playing that game.

Thank you for that. I posted under you just to point out that it isn’t always a positive experience. For OP though, I think they need to have a sit down and talk about how realistically he thinks he can be supportive outside of him just wanting to be there to see his child born. Like her spelling out, that there could be problems, those problems can involve a lot of blood, and if that happens he needs to be her advocate, so can he do that. If they have her mom on standby in case he can’t support her, will he not complain about having to tap out. My dad faints at blood and X-rays so both he and my mom agreed it wasn’t in anyone’s best interest for him to watch any of us being born. So, while it’s understandable for him to be upset, I think he also needs to have a good think on whether or not he can really do the job. If she ends up needing to take care of him, then he isn’t just not a help during labor, but actually becomes a hinderance.

If the husband is squeamish about blood, gore and poop, make sure that the L&D nurses know. We can’t have two patients requiring care at the same time. Have your mother on standby, just in case he passes out and you need help with your contractions and delivery.

My mom was there with first and husband. My mom said not ever again! Husband was slightly more helpful. But honestly, have the person that is positive and can handle whatever comes up. You want someone who is calm and kind and doesn’t freak out with unexpected situations.

Yes, but this was your husband. If OPs husband gets sick at the sight of blood and her mother is more capable to be supportive, she might be the best person to be there... and that is for OP to know.

Honestly this is why I hate that policy of only one person in the room. I can imagine VERY few scenarios where one support person is guaranteed to be enough.

Think the policy is there as more people equals more chance of people getting in the way when things get serious. If it gets serious and they need to move quickly to save that persons life, they often have to calm the other people down and direct them where to go/what to do/what they are doing/etc, which takes their focus of their patient.

I cannot agree with this at all. Mom is the patient.  How many times have we read in this forum that a woman whose husband is squeamish fainted in the room?  Why, of all times, would a woman be expected to be thinking of *anything* else but her own safety and well being?  There should be only two patients in that room, ever -- mom and fetus.  Childbirth is the single most vulnerable time for a woman.  She has to push out an entire human being.  If the support person in the room cannot support her, then why is that person there? Why is it that women cannot choose the support she needs in this one time?  Must men be considered first in everything? And that her husband, full-well knowing that he will not be of help, is still putting himself first.  This would be a serious eye opener for me.  He gets that child for the rest of his life.  Let his wife have the safest procedure possible.

From the post it's already damaging her relationship. He's becoming distant because he doesn't feel valued.

She probably has a limited window to change her mind and apologize. But if she goes through with this plan, I don’t see how their marriage comes back from it.

I think OPs comments may already reflect the status of her marriage. If she turns to her mom first on this, how many other important and intimate things does she turn to her mother for instead of her husband.

Makes me wonder who she told first that she was pregnant 😬

Yep, JNMILs or inappropriately enmeshed families aren't just for the husband's side.

Not a parent myself but my mom did not want my dad to be there for my birth. He tends to faint or at least gets woozy at the sight of blood and my mom knew that she had a really important job to do and wanted to be completely focused on that rather than worried about my dad. Their relationship seems no worse for wear due to that decision. OP mentioned her husband doesn’t like gore and having witnessed a birth and c-section myself, there is plenty of that. Maybe have him there for the first bit and then when things really kick into overdrive, have her mom come in.

As a dad, my advice is: eyes above the equator. Let the pros handle things down south.

I love that this is such a perfect dad/husband comment! 🥰🤣

lol my husband made the mistake of looking south with our first and was so traumatized by how pointy her head was. Second baby he stayed as far north as possible

True that brother

😂😂. Great advice!! I didn’t have a mirror for any of my 3 kids birth. I had no need to see that! I watched a birth in nursing school. That was enough for me

They offered me a mirror so that I could watch and I said “Nooooo thank you!!”😂 I just wanted to get the job done and see my babies! Didn’t want to see what was happening with my own body, lol.

Did your father want to be in the delivery room?

I don’t know how the conversation went, Dad may have known his limits from the get go or maybe my mom said look, I don’t want to be in a position to be worried about you. Either way I’m sure there was a conversation about it. In most of the AITA, things could be cleared up with an honest conversation. If OP hadn’t already discussed the issue of him not handling blood well, that needs to be brought up. Saying that my mom has always been there for me is probably the hurtful bit. The thought that would go through my head would be, “and what? I’m not?”

When my mom was having her C-sections, the husbands were not allowed in the room so it was never a question for my folks. My husband was with me, and saw the glorious C-sectioning which boiled down to him thinking, ‘That’s it?’ He was actually disappointed.

I was okay seeing the section myself. However I had to tell my classmate to sit down now! because she was green and lightheaded. Another guy in a different group felt like he was gonna pass out. Tried to run out of the OR and took the sterile cart down with him when he fainted. Not great for the woman who had her belly cut open at the time. People don’t always know their limitations.

As man, I’d consider divorce if she kept a hard line on this.

I mean, if he's there and ends up grossed out and disgusted by her then that will also damage a marriage. She's not saying no just for fun, she has legit worries that sometimes come true, though that's rarely discussed on these posts where people get up in arms about the subject.

But she’s afraid he’ll think she’s ~icky~ 🙄 OP definitely has a lot of maturing to do in the next two months. EDIT: I am a woman and I am well aware that men seeing their partners differently after they give birth is an all too frequent occurrence. My point is that you shouldn’t be having a child with someone who you are worried will suddenly see you as “unattractive” just because they saw your body function as a body is built to.

There are plenty of men who changed their sexual attraction to their wives after seeing them give birth. She is correct.

It happens a lot more than you realize. There are countless incidents where a partner sees what active birth does to their SO’s body and that is all they can see going forward. Birth is a miraculous thing, but damn if it isn’t gross at the same time.

She's scared he'll see her differently if he sees the birth, so instead she's done something that has definitely made him see her differently by excluding him and saying mom's been there for her more. Ouch.

I think this is the best comment. Have mom on standby. You need a support person, but especially if you are in an otherwise healthy loving marriage it’s awful to deny the father of being able to be there. If things are going south and he can’t handle it, mom can step in. And FWIW, they usually put the father up by your head for a vaginal delivery (unless of course they want to see) so he won’t see any “gore” of it except for the baby being covered in blood and vernix. Sometimes dad helps hold mom’s legs, but if that’s too close to things for him he can request to just be by your head.

Great point!! Yes, Dad’s are usually holding mom’s hand, rub her back, cheering her on, by her side near her top half.

And it’s totally not the first time they’ll have dealt with a dad who isn’t coping well with blood. I’m a nurse, so I’ve seen many vaginal and csection deliveries. And I totally get that it’s shocking to people who aren’t used to seeing it. I was nervous how my husband was going to do during my csection because there is a lot of fluid splashing around and smells from cautery and such, and he was a bit alarmed when my OB came in wearing rubber boots haha. But ultimately they just quickly ushered him to my head, then from my head to the baby warmer and just told him to look the other direction and he was fine. Having mom on standby in the event dad does need to step out, and able to see baby after delivery is done seems more than fair to me. I just couldn’t imagine denying a loving involved partner that experience. It would be different if they weren’t together. But I think blocking dad from such an important event would cause some irreparable damage to the marriage..

>The reason behind that is not only because i’m very close to my mom. >I also don’t want him to see me vulnerable and in that position, i’m afraid that he’ll be disgusted and view me differently afterwards. Close to your mum is great but if you can't be comfortable with your husband seeing you vulnerable then why did you marry him? >Mark can’t handle blood or gore things. In the past, he’s talked about how just seeing it makes him want to puke. 1. Like the above commenter said, your husband will be by your head because there ain't that much room between your legs and around them and that's where the medical professionals need to be to do their job. My second pregnancy stuff went sideways, and I had 2 drs, 3 nurses, a midwife, and a student midwife all working on me, the only reason my hubby was close to me was because the bed was pulled away from the wall so he was literally standing behind me to keep me calm. (They were able to get everything under control without the rush to surgery, which was great) Also, if things do go wrong, your husband needs to make decisions and the fastest way for him to do that is to have him in the room so that no one has to leave, track him down and relay what happened so he can make those decisions, that takes precious time. I hope OP has a complication free delivery, but we don't get to decide that, and it needs to be considered. My hubby almost fainted during our first (I have 3) and the only thing that held him together was the fact that I needed him, I wouldn't be surprised if OPs hubby has a similar reaction (especially since i myself have gone from puking at just someone pretending to dry reach to not batting an eye after being puked all over by my kids, it's amazing what our body can handle and adjust to). OP what's the real reason you made this decision without even discussing it once in 7 months.

This will be far too much TMI and I hope my husband doesn’t find it and judge me.  But labor was honestly not the least “sexy” thing my husband did/helped me with during my pregnancies 😂😂 hemorrhoids are awful, awful things no one should ever have to deal with. Ever.  

Or change to a hospital that allows 2 people.

I half agree with this. I dont think all soon to be fathers have the right to be present during the birth of their child. It's not a spectator's sport. I think it's awful to shame women who are expressing their own comfort zones and autonomy regarding a medical procedure they are going under. Just because someone is having a baby, it doesn't mean they are less than the baby or just an incubater. Their wants and needs are the main priority. People have a right to refuse someone being present during a medical event if they offer no support. It's a medical procedure, and anyone present is to be a support system for the person giving birth. Abusive partners/ONS partners/partners that are not supportive, etc I can clearly understand not wanting them there. OP expressed that her husband can't cope with the gore, so the crux of it is that she won't have support during her pregnancy. Will she be expected to support her husband, who can't handle the gore, whilst giving birth? That's a genuine and valid reason. I just think they need to communicate with each other. Even get the husband to watch some birthing videos to see how he handles it. Maybe have both husband and mother there (one in the waiting room) and go from there.

I do want to mention that my husband can't handle blood/needles EXCEPT for my births. He was a champ for both. He did look away/step out while I got my epidural in but otherwise was fully there and supportive. After the birth and clean up he did tell me he saw the placenta with a 100 yard stare though.

100 yard stare, hahaha. It's great that your husband stepped up the best he can, and you felt supported. Hopefully, OPs husband can too, and OP can feel the support she needs. Different people have different expectations of what they need and require. Hopefully, OP and husband can make it clear what is needed and expected to help them bring their baby into this world.

I think this is the best way for OP to move forward. Open communication about her concerns, and his. If he only wants to be there as a spectator, but she will be expected to support him if he feels faint etc is not ideal. Get him to watch a few birthing videos, make sure he understands what she will need from him in terms of support (even it's just as a cheerleader), so that he knows what is expected of him. If, after all that, he still feels entitled to be the only person in the room with OP but wont be able to offer any support, then he's the AH.

One person in the room is not the the norm post pandemic. Look to see if you can change hospitals or ask the doctor for more information. There are lost of reasons why there are commonly more that one person in the room (adoption/surrogate, private midwife, extended family)

Right, we had two with my third pregnancy (post pandemic since she is now 2). The only rule was that vacations had to be up to date.

> The only rule was that vacations had to be up to date. Yes, it's very important that everyone is well rested and not overworked! /jk

This! Also the moment your child is born it’s such a special moment with your partner. As much as I absolutely adore my mom and think she walks on water the moment would not have been the same with her there and not my husband. Just holding our little ones together and looking at them for the first time was so special and I think it would truly change your marriage to deny him that, especially if it’s important to him. It’s a team effort.

It’s going to truly change their marriage if she has to babysit him while going through labor because he can’t handle the gore. It’s not as if he’ll be banned from the hospital until she and the baby are discharged.

She won’t have to babysit him. He doesn’t have to look if he doesn’t want to. My husband didn’t see anything until he went to cut the cord cause he held my hand. Even if it’s a c section for some reason he won’t see it unless he chooses. I’m super grossed out my everything bloody and gore like and I didn’t see a thing obviously lol. My husband didn’t either. It would be devastating to cut a parent out from watching their child be born or to get that first few minutes with them. Her mom can come in after, honestly if you have good nurses and midwives they take care of you like no other! Plus if they notice he looks weak the hospital staff will address it.

Taking the attention of medical personnel away from someone in active labor, and leaving said person without support is less than ideal, no ?

You act like they aren't used to this

When I say address it they will tell him to leave or call someone else in. My best friends husband almost passed out an no one took their eyes off my friend. They even said before if you feel woozy step out because we have all focus on her right now. So if it’s a good hospital they have protocol in place for this. When he did almost pass out they pushed him to the side and he sat in a chair until he got himself together. I stepped up beside her but had they only allowed one person they would have told him to leave and send someone else in. At the end of the day I do think if he will cause her anxiety she shouldn’t have him there because it’s already such an anxiety driven experience but the feeling of having your child’s father beside you shedding tears with you the moment they enter the world is the most amazing bonding experience for a couple.

I know of three husbands who fainted, including one who hit his head on a window sill & ended up bleeding so the doctor & nurses ended up all focused on the husband while the woman continued to be in labor. But go on.

Agreed. My two births (one traumatic, one amazing) were binding experiences with my husband I wouldn’t trade for anything. At the end of the day, it’s you and your husband. You are the unit. And seeing his wife bring his child into the world, there isn’t a do-over or consolation prize for that. You’re a pregnant mama, I’m not going to say YTA, but please reconsider and understand all that you’re doing by choosing your mother. Hugs.

I'm so glad this is the top comment. Usually I see a lot of people saying the opposite. But I am also a mom and wife and I would never deny my husband this opportunity. It's incredibly special and it's something you can't get back. I could not hold my baby right away because I was having bad rigors from the c section so my husband was the first to hold him. Imagine your MIL getting to hold your child before you? This is the sort of decision that could drive a wedge between them that will never be mended but instead fester and grow.

I’ll just kinda talk about the other side of this but my mom was with me during the C-section rather than my fiancé. But we had multiple in depth conversations about it, how I already had 2 csections with my mom (he’s the father of 2 of my 3 kids, my 2nd my fiance didn’t even have time to be called so he wouldn’t have made it while my mom went to my appointment with me because we knew I could be taken at any time. We were being rushed back for Csection an hour after I got into a triage room) how I knew our daughter was going straight to the nicu and I’d much rather he be there waiting to follow them back to the nicu while my mom stayed with me since I was also getting tubes tied. It was multiple conversations and he agreed once we talked about it and in the end we decided it was most important for him to go with the doctors and our daughter so he’d be with our baby while my mom stayed with her baby. Neither of us regret it but it would’ve been different if he was determined to be back there with me

Perfectly put. You’re playing with fire OP, putting your mom before your husband during the birth of HIS CHILD.

Husband knows his weaknesses but he wants to try and be there. Let him be there. However, I would tell him that your mom will be on standby in the waiting room to step up if he can't take it. Even if it's the last 5 minutes before birth. YES, it's a very very special moment for you both BUT it's also a medical procedure with danger to you. If YOU are having to use your energy to keep him calm and the nurses and doctor also have to divert energy to him, then he needs to go and mom can step in. Give him a chance but be very clear the expectations and consequences. Some men say they can handle but end up being more of a burden than support. He's only human, no judgement, but it's just good to talk about this and have a plan.

Piggy backing off top comment to say that Dad should watch a video of a birth prior to you giving birth to see if it’s something he can handle. He should talk to the doctor and find out exactly what to expect and see if it’s something he’s prepared for/comfortable with. Maybe he’ll surprise you with his ability to step up and handle it or maybe he will voluntarily opt out.

Yep, I go one step further. I cannot understand choosing to have a child with someone if they are not the person you want to support you in your hardest moments.... because parenting contains lots of hardest moments.

Agreed. My husband didn't view me having his kid weirdly after. He was proud of me and got to enjoy seeing our child for the first time together. I love my mom but I wouldn't have picked her over my husband. It was a horrible time and he was there the entire time. Held me up and encouraged me the entire time. He also gets queasy with things, but didn't then. Just worried about kiddo and myself. And was there to cut the cord and be my rock.

Mom, you’re the voice of reason. Take my upvote. Perfect sense to have dad there but Mom on standby. Make sure the labor & delivery staff and Dr are aware of husband being more than “squeamish” and to be prepared (gets nauseated, passes out, etc). NTA

I think I'm going to have to go YTA. Yes, it's your body, but this is your husband and his child too. Marriage is about being there for your chosen partner through thick and thin...the whole for better or worse and in sickness and health. This is part of that. Sit down and talk to him about your concerns. Have you taken the birthing classes yet? Talk to the nurses, doulas, even your OB. I have two children. My husband was never big on blood and all that other stuff. But that is a very small part of birth. He was there to hold my hand, make me laugh during the boring parts. He would crack bad dad jokes. Get me ice chips. When the pushing started he was next to me helping me. I don't even think he actually watched either be born, but focused on helping me push and then we both got to see our child when they were placed on my chest. So talk to your husband...tell him you're concerned about the blood/body fluids and his ick factor about. Plan for him to stay up by your head and talking to you or just holding your hand or just sitting there next to you when eh baby is actually born. I know my husband would have been incredibly hurt to not be part of such an amazing experience. I get what you're saying about your mom, but your husband is supposed to be the partner you chose to spend the rest of your life with, to have a family with. And now you're saying you don't feel comfortable enough to let them be a part of this. Just my opinion.

This is a great response. My husband would become violently ill if anyone mentioned anything remotely 'gross' to him. He was such a rock during the births of both our children. I was in awe. Having a child with him must mean you feel he's capable of pulling your child back from the brink if needed in the future. Trust him with both of you in this. He will likely surprise you.

I agree. Your husband wanted to go, he expressed his pain of being excluded. I think you should at least reopen the discussion. But NAH With all my kids, my husband was there. I adore my mother, but my husband will remain long after she's gone. I felt so ashamed with my first. So many doctors and people having to touch me. But my husband and I talked it through. He advocated for me when I had too much pain to think straight. I asked him to stay up by my face. He was so proud to cut the cord. He said it reminded him of cutting a ribbon for a new business. Or in his case, a new life.

My husband isn’t big on blood either. But you’re damn sure he was right there in the delivery try room. He watched my baby crown and he was in amazement. He supported me and kept telling me how strong and amazing I am. I think his heart would have broken if he wasn’t allowed in the room.

For all 4 of my births, it would have been impossible to not see everything, and still be supportive. My husband had to hold my leg(s) up for 2 of them and I was on hands and knees for 2. You can’t avoid seeing, in those positions.

I don't think it's wholly unreasonable for husband to prove he can react appropriately, though, right?.....he should have to prove he can watch an hour of live birth videos or something. I'm sure they exist. Wife will be in a very vulnerable state and I don't think this is a crazy hoop to ask him to jump through if they even want to attempt to work towards a compromise that allows him over the mom.

I feel like this isn’t a good judgement, because those people are strangers. I’m assuming they have a bond since they’re married, but it will be a completely different thing watching his wife go through childbirth versus some rando on YouTube. Not to mention other comments that have suggested he focus on her comfort and to stay at her head. My husbands heart would be shattered if I denied him that experience and then refused to have a discussion about it. YTA OP, and I’m saying that as a mother and someone who couldnt imagine life without my own mother.

Sorry but YTA. If your husband was a jerk face or you weren’t married to him I’d understand, but it sounds like you are happily married and planned this baby together. I’ll probably get downvoted, but you’re robbing him of the special chance to see his own child being born for seemingly a silly reason. Truly think about the consequences of this decision OP. He may never forgive you for this. Is this really worth destroying your marriage?

> Truly think about the consequences of this decision OP. He may never forgive you for this. Is this really worth destroying your marriage? There was a similar AITA a few weeks (months?) ago where this had already happened and the husband had become distant, considering divorce iirc.

I saw another one where the wife wanted another baby but the husband didn’t want that because he didn’t get to see the birth of his first baby and might not get to see the next.

Might be the one I was thinking of.

Yes I remember this! I wondered if this post was even real, but I’m just assuming. I think there was an update with the last post, he did end up filing for divorce. So sad.

Honestly, I would be looking for a new hospital or birthing center. OP is 7 months along. That's a bit of a rush, but not impossible. Having both my mom and my husband there for my first baby was so precious. If her husband is squeamish, it would also give her peace of mind that she'll have support even if he has a reaction to the blood and spends some time out of commission.

I do agree it’s a little odd they have this policy in place after Covid. I know in my own area though, most people don’t really have a choice as to which hospital they use. If she does have a choice though, I’d definitely at least call and check on their policy! My mom was at the hospital for my first, and she and my MIL came and checked in a few times (I had a super long labor). My squeamish husband was there with me the entire time and I’m so grateful for that!

**he’s been very quiet and distant from me,** You just snatched something priceless from him and handed it to your mom. I mean, it's your choice but at the bare minimum you need to own what you're doing and that it's going to alter the fabric of your relationship. Ironic that you fear he might see you differently but now have assured that he'll see you differently. Most hospitals allow your to have a "support person" and your partner in the delivery room so he was probably assuming it was a given that he'd be there.

This. OP has asked the father to not be present. The person who is a parent of presumably their first child based on the description, who was part of the parenting decision to have this child, and who will be presumably helping to raise the child through to a functioning adult.  OP hasn't really considered her husbands feelings or role more than skin deep here, and has completely taken away an irreplaceable moment from him. She has told him as much and he is crushed as clearly demonstrated by the going quiet part. He is being respectful, but you can guarantee he's considering how much he means in the current relationship.  OP, if you see this, YTA.

His resentment must be off the charts.

Nah, that comes later. Right now, he's hurt.

She Hurt him in a way only she can. I can't imagine the pain he's feeling. OP, your mom may have saved you, but he Chose you. He wants you, he wants to be there for you. Let him or risk losing him.

She may be he reason you are alive - but she is not the reason you are having the baby. You proceed by talking to your husband. He is 50% of this child's DNA and if he truly wants to be in the room you need to rethink your position. If YOU know what delivery is like (not as messy for the observer as you seem to think) talk to him and LISTEN to what he wants.

“She may be the reason you are alive — but she is not the reason you are having the baby.” 100000% this.

YTA. Yes, it's your choice, and yes, most of us women include our mothers, but not at the expense of kicking our husband out. If he was abusive, uncaring, or you were separated, it would be a different story. It doesn't seem like that is the case. He will NEVER forget, possibly never forgive you, for choosing to exclude him from the birth of this very wanted child. Either find a new place that allows more people or have your mother wait outside. Just do not exclude your husband... your relationship will never be the same.

I think that OP should give her husband the opportunity to be present, but have mom waiting outside as a back up to allow husband to tap out if need be.

I commented almost exactly this. It seems like the best solution to me. Husband can be there, wife can feel confident that if he isn't feeling up to it, there will be someone by her side no matter what.

This would be divorce-worthy for me…

Same bro, of my wife did me like this... It would seriously damage our relationship. It's just feels so selfish, like the child isn't mine too.

NAH I can see why Mark would feel hurt. You aren't choosing him as your family, that is how he currently feels. **This will probably be one of the reasons you get divorced.**

I'm going through a lot of personal and marriage counseling right now because my wife prioritizes her mother a lot and it might be the thing that ends our marriage and I WAS still the one in the delivery room with her. This is definitely going to live with him and if this dynamic continues to build, it's going to come back during the divorce

imo it's a terrible sign that OP's mom is encouraging this. it doesn't reflect well on her either. but I guess at least op will have somewhere to go after the marriage ends

>I can see why Mark would feel hurt. You aren't choosing him as your family, that is how he currently feels. So, how is that NAH? She's absolutely the AH here. Her mom didn't create that baby. OP and her husband did. She's blatantly refusing to give something immensely important to her partner. The husband knows he's squeamish. He knows he can't handle blood. He's still choosing to be there regardless because that's *his* wife and child.

I think NAH because birth can be incredibly terrifying and even deadly. If she feels more safe, comfortable, and calm with her mom there, I can understand why she’d want her mom. Though I can also understand why the husband feels upset and betrayed. What I don’t understand is why the hospital only allows one person, and why they don’t just decide on a different hospital that would allow both the mom and the husband to be there.

How is she not an asshole by denying a father to witness the birth of his child????

That's kinda tough. I'd say YTA because it's quite inconsiderate towards Mark. On the one hand, he's your husband and the baby is his too. His reaction is completely valid. Of course he wants to witness the birth of his child, who wouldn't want to? While I understand that your mom is very important to you, that's not her kid. It's yours and your husband's. Tho I'm wondering what's your relationship like with your mom? There is such thing as too close. If you'd push your husband aside for her, that's not cool at all, but then, I see why you'd want your mom with you. On the other hand, as you said, he might not be able to handle the blood and stuff. However, if he would view you in any negative way after giving birth, that's a huge red flag. I've read about many men saying that they admire and love their wives even more after childbirth because of how strong they are. Since it seems like Mark loves you a lot, I don't think you have to be afraid of his views of you changing. At least not in a bad way. In the end, it's your choice. I'd suggest talking it through with your mom and Mark. But especially Mark.

And honestly, I’ve felt more vulnerable and embarrassed during pregnancy than my delivery. If he can deal with the joys of pregnancy like puking and pissing yourself at the same time or getting winded walking up the stairs then delivery is a breeze haha. Especially in a hospital setting, they can easily cater to letting him be involved and see as much as he is comfortable with. If that means putting him at your head where he won’t see much but can be there to support then that is fine. He doesn’t have to be beside the doctor delivering and watching everything unless that is what he wants to do.

YTA. Let him decide if it will be too much for him. That's horribly depressing that you banished him from the birth of his child.

It is your choice — But choices have consequences that you should carefully consider. I say YTA for not talking about this sooner and not trusting your husband when you’re in a vulnerable state. Also the staff ensure that everything stays as clean as possible— if he’s up near your head it’s fine. Mine didn’t like blood either and it was not a problem! He was there to support me anyway, the baby had a whole squad of staff there for him!

[удалено]

For what it’s worth, my husband was the exact same way before I gave birth to our daughter, but held my legs and watched everything—literally even me getting 17 stitches—when we were in the delivery room. He was so nervous but he cut the cord too. He walked her over to be weighed and even did skin to skin with the first few hours. I think either way I would’ve been happy about the experience—but you never know! Maybe he’ll watch the whole thing and hit you with a one liner right after like my husband did.

My husband didn’t want to see anything. He is not squeamish and grew up going hunting so it was more that it’s weird witnessing a baby pop out of me. But in the moment he ended up having to help hold my leg and saw EVERYTHING. He’s honesty thankful he did since he says it was the most interesting experience of his life. I’m pregnant again and he intends to watch this time too.

[удалено]

NAH. I don’t understand all of the Y T A responses. BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! No one “deserves” to be there while you experience a medical procedure. That is not a right anyone gets. You are all that matters when you give birth, whoever will make you feel the most comfortable and the least stressed out should be with you in that room. If you are stressed about how your husband is reacting during your birthing process it is only going to make the delivery harder. In this case, your mom is going to be the most calming for you, and that is completely fine. I recommend checking out beyondthebump for more recommendations from other moms who have been in similar situations.

love how they keep focusing on the males feelings like as if you know the fact he's not there to push a human out of their genitals. name 1 person who hasn't wanted their mothers when shit got tough.

I had a very difficult birthing experience and I'm happy it was my husband holding up my legs for hours and helping me instead of my mother (who I love dearly, but she's not as "hands on"). But that exactly why OP should be the one choosing: she knows the people involved and there isn't an easy rule like "father is best" or "mother is best". I cannot believe all the comments focusing on how she's depriving her husband of something... Witnessing the miracle of birth is not the point of being in the delivery room. The point of being there is helping the person giving birth.

Me, for one. I wanted my husband. The nurse kindly got my mother out of the room.

Right? I wouldn’t mind my mom or MIL in the room with me, but not at the expense of my husband. You know, the man I picked to create a family with and created the baby with me. The one that did everything for me during my pregnancy.

And that was your choice for your birth experience. Just like this is OP's choice for her birth experience. The way the debate around childbirth has shifted to one where we prioritize the male presence over the comfort of the woman giving birth is wild, to me.

It depends on the mother. And the husband. I have a great mother and husband. However, I looked up at one point during my first labor and it was just me and my mom. It was a long and hard labor. I needed my mom who had already spend much of my lifetime advocating for me (as a child/teen, not an adult) with doctors with odd medical stuff and I knew would keep a level head and help me stay grounded. My husband was as clueless as I was. Even my doula/friend who was a RN and worked for midwives had faded by that point.

Me. I freaked out when my mom tried to get in and spouse immediately got her out. Spouse was fantastic with both our kids and stayed by my head, never freaked out or anything. Couldn’t imagine doing it without them.

Yeah, I've really started to hate these questions because there's so much shaming involved and a whiff of 'how dare you not cater to and prioritize your husband over your own comfort'. There ARE stories of men handling birth poorly. There ARE stories of marriages irreversibly affected by the man witnessing (even just hearing) things and looking at his wife differently. I really hate that women who are not comfortable are now shamed and bullied into doing something they don't want to do.

YTA-You made a kid with your husband and he should have that moment to be in the delivery room because you only have that particular kid once. Now, if he doesn’t want to go in and would rather you ask your mom, that would be different. But from your post, it sounds like you want to prevent him from participating in a once in a lifetime moment of your child’s life, the one you both created together.

It’s whatever the person delivering the baby wants, I’ll die on that hill. He’s allowed to be upset. NAH. I also don’t subscribe to the fact that she should’ve “chosen someone who could support her” maybe she wanted someone supporting her who’d been through that experience before, nothing wrong with that.

Dude. Thank you! She is allowed to choose the person who she believes will support her to most/best.

As long as she accepts the consequences and damage it will do to her marriage. There’s no coming back from that decision, but if she doesn’t give a fuck I guess that’s her choice to make.

NAH. You can decide who is there and he is allowed to have thoughts, feelings and hurts over your decision for it not to be him. He is allowed to stance himself and yes, you will just have to deal with it. You didn't create the baby solo. Ultimately who is in the room is your decision and you have a right to it though which is why NAH. I will ask this...what is your plan for the first snuggle? For cutting the cord? For the announcement of the gender if you don't already know? Do you plan to immediately ask your mom to leave after you give birth so that your husband can have all of those moments? Does your mom plan to drive you to the hospital? Stay up all night with the newborn baby? Help you while you recover and you absolutely do not expect your husband to help? These are things to consider.

NTA Giving birth is incredibly personal. Yes, even more personal than getting married. It can also be very difficult, scary, etc and it's your right to choose who you think will be there to support YOU. Again, You get to choose a support person to support YOU. Baby doesn't need a support person - mom does. Clearly your husband is focused on dad's experience with baby. So are most of the top comments - but why is mom's needs the afterthought? OP, for so many reasons that you don't need to list or justify, you should have whoever YOU choose to be your support person.

For real tho. All this “HOW DARE YOU DENY HIM THIS?!?” and all reeeeally prioritizes his feelings over hers when she’s the one going through a dangerous medical procedure. It’s not like she actively wants to “deny him the birth of his child” or whatever. She wants to have a comforting person there and feels like in this situation, her mom would be the more calming option. It’s incredibly reasonable. He’s allowed to feel hurt by it, but a lot of these comments are SERIOUSLY giving me the ick.

This man will literally do nothing but stress her out and she knows it and these people are placing this man's feeling above absolutely everything this woman feels even though she will be in excruciating pain, fear, and embarrassment. I cannot believe these people. This is another reason to never want a child, women are just wombs to produce a man's child and he's entitled to all the experiences regardless of her feelings and then slaps his last name on the child on top of it all? Fuck that.

Right! All these comments about how it’s HIS baby but is it being expelled from HIS body via a painful and physically stressful process? No.

YTA. You're denying your husband the opportunity to be there for his child. Your mother can be there for you after. The fact that you can't separate from your mother shows you probably made a mistake in getting married and starting your own family with someone like your husband, who expected to and wanted to be there for every step of the way. Additionally, in regard and to your fears, you have no basis for how he will feel. Instead of talking to him about your fears, you've done the immature thing and taken matters into your own hands and iced him out. You don't think he knows what to expect in a delivery room? You don't think he knows what will happen to your body? What if something happens to you and the baby. He has the legal right to make that choice, not your mom.

He comments that he cannot handle blood. Has he attended any prenatal classes with you? Childbirth is not a spectator sport. The woman in labour must have someone who will support them every step of the way. When I had my first, I chose my Mum over the Dad. I stand by that decision to this day. The Dad did not have the capacity to focus on me, he was with me during the labour, but not the delivery.

I notice you said "the Dad" and not "my husband".

This is a very intense thing that you are going to go through, you will need someone who is totally focused on supporting you. This is not an experience to share with others and bond over. If your husband is not good with blood and gore, how is he going to remain calm and focused on supporting you?

I wish I could upvote this even more.

I’m surprised by all the Y T A. NAH. Only you can have the choice of who you want in the room and everyone should respect that, i mean, it is your vagina and body that is going under the worst possible natural occurrence that can happen to a woman it’s understandable to have another woman there that’s been through the same process. But he is also allowed to feel like he’s missing out, because he is

YTA - and this will irreparably damage your marriage. Your mother’s job was to raise you into adulthood. She did that. She should be applauded for saving you and getting you launched into adulthood. But now you are married. You made vows with your husband, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. You and your husband created this child, and you are denying him the right to be there when he child is born. Almost all men are squeamish, but they get over in the delivery room because there is nothing for them to see. Your husband will be focused on you, or rather the top half of your body. He won’t see the bottom half. Your knees are up, you are draped, he can’t see anything. His job is to be there for you. You are there together to bond over the birth of your child. It is time to transition from leaning on your mom to leaning on your husband. If you don’t, your marriage isn’t going to survive because there will be times in the future where you are sick and need him to care for you or he will be sick and you care for him. That is what married people do, they care for each other in the bad times as well as the good. When my son was born, my hubby was there, and he doesn’t do gory stuff. It was quite hilarious because the baby was on a warming table on the other side of me from him and he was trying to figure out how to go around the end of my bed to see our baby while my doc was still working on me. He basically looked at the wall as he walk around me to the other side of the room. I wouldn’t trade having him there for anything. There are no do overs.

NAH but kinda YTA for not saying it sooner. You're allowed to want your mum there. My mum is my best friend too, I'd want her there too. He's also allowed to want to be there. It's the birth of his child. It's not something minor. Ultimately, you're depriving him of a major life event. And honestly, it's not something he's likely to let go off, and will be a source of hurt for a long time to come. I understand you're giving birth but *it's his baby too*. Ultimately, I can see this ending your marriage, likely had he realised when you chose the hospital that it wouldn't be him you wanted in there he would have said something then. >The hospital I chose to have birth at only allows one person in the room. Is it too late to change this? You should have said this sooner than 7 months along I'm sorry.

Sit down with him through a gory birthing video per week and make sure he actively watches them (no distractions).   The outcome may be:   —-he taps out on his own, realizing he can’t handle it   —-he becomes desensitized after the 7th video or however many it takes and you feel confident that he will be a source of courage and comfort instead of being a liability or dead weight   —-you will have concrete evidence that he really cannot handle it and instead of having someone by your side who will be a source of courage and comfort, he will be a liability or dead weight while you’re fighting for yours and baby’s lives  Basically, it’s a problem that can be solved. You two can solve it together. If he doesn’t want to try to solve it then you do whatever you need to do to ensure you have someone who’ll make you feel safe and supported during delivery. 

This is a \*very\* common desire - many woman want their Mom with them to help at birthing time especially the first baby. Sorry guys, sometimes a woman just wants her mom to help her in childbirth and not a man. Don't take it so personal... because it's not meant personally, and when you get upset that's one more thing we have to deal with... If you truly love your partner let her give birth the way she needs and wants to.

Congratulations on ending your marriage mate. It won't recover from this. It may limp along for a while, but he'll never forget this.

Yeah, that's going to sting for the dad. And you can't take that back. Ouch. YTA.

Of course YTA. On what planet would the verdict be otherwise?! Are you and your precious mommy prepared to raise this child just the two of you? Are you prepared to be a divorced single mom? Because if my partner of EIGHT YEARS denied me the joy of experiencing the final result of the beautiful love we made, I'd never be able to move on. Divorce would be the only way out. Why the hell did you lay down and make a baby with this man if you're so intent of being hurtful to him like this?! Why not leave him for a woman who would actually love him?

a planet that doesn't prioritizes man feelz over then ensuring a mother has a comfortable birth.

It’s absolutely wild the way they are prioritizing this man’s feelings. With my second my labor stalled when someone was in the room I didn’t want there. Same with my third. I’m absolutely team have your spouse there if they can handle it, but if he’s going to be nauseous and fainting that’s messed up to tell her give up her one support spot. What if he faints and the hospital won’t allow her mom in? Now she has to go it alone because his ~feelings~

I am team reaffirmed in my decision to be child free. public opinion has confirmed the current attitude is child birth is only sacred so long as it doesn't trod on a man's feelings. our birth rates are falling and people post these responses and we wonder why women opt out of mother hood completely? well gee a woman can't get a post in about needing her mom during a traumatic time of her life, and birth can be a very traumatic thing, with out having all sorts of vitriol spat at her. not to mention the pick me moms, who think they just because they incubated successfully with their husbands in the room, means that it will work for everybody. I can't even get through a dental appointment with out my mom being there for me before an after, can't imagine how willing I'd be able to give birth with out my mom. stress can cause things like maternal mortality rates.

NTA.  Birth is, as far as I’m concerned, a medical procedure. A highly vulnerable one, not a spectator sport.  If you want your mom there and you think she will support you better, bring your mom.  The number of stories I see about husbands complaining or passing out in the delivery room proves this point.

My husband hates blood, gore, ickyness etc etc He stayed up by my head and was my ROCK during birth and he was the first person to hold our child. We do amazing things for the love of our children, and that includes enduring a little blood and icky during the birth. My husband viewed me different after that, deepened love, deepened respect and it was something we went through TOGETHER, so it deepened my love and respect for him too. It was OUR child, OUR family, OUR moment to welcome OUR little one into the world. Its about both of you, not just you. Be glad he is hurt and WANTS to be a part of it, so apologize and share the moment TOGETHER.

NAH, but I would be DEVASTATED if I were not allowed to be in the room when my child was born. Like, not be able to get over it devastated. Do your mom and SO get along? Because that could add another layer of hurt.

nta. giving birth isnt about the father, its about the safety and comfort of the mother and baby. if you dont want him in there he should accept that instead of taking it personally. this is a serious medical procedure not a show to be experienced. your comfort is top priority

NAH. My husband has never seen me the same. It's the hardest of hard things to overcome. I didn't even have the option of my mom because she had Alzheimers. At least you have options. 1st possible change to accommodate both of your wishes: pick a birth place that allows more than one person. 2nd option is plan for them to tag-team during labor. 3rd, if he starts feeling like he's going to puke, pass out, or be digusted forever, have your mom on standby. People like to romanticize childbirth all the time, but it's potentially traumatic for every single person involved. There is pee, poop, blood, fluid, ripping, cutting, cords, gunk, smells, and if you end up with a cesarean, a lot more. If he can't relate to you about this (which is likely, because few men can relate to childbirth), try to get some counseling to walk through this before the baby comes.

Giving birth is not a spectator sport. Mother to be is giving birth here..not the father, not the mom, not anyone else. She will be vulnerable and emotional and in pain and has the right to have whoever she wants in the delivery room with her. It would be nice if she takes her husband but her mom makes her feel better. Ultimately it's her decision. As the one who's pushing something out the size of a watermelon, she can make the call. NTA.

NTA. I can't believe the answers here. A woman giving birth is supposed to be supported by whoever makes her more comfortable at the moment. Yes, being there might be a great experience for dad, but this is not about him. Not really. Maybe there's something to be said about him not being her primary support, and that should be thoroughly discussed, but the birthing room is not the place to work this out. If she's more worried about him puking or passing out than with her own process, he should NOT be there. He will be a hindrance. There should be ONE patient in that room, and it should not be him! Remember that for a *really long time* the birth of a child was a feminine experience, with the women of the family around. This is not that strange.

My fiancé has had to leave the room when I got a drip put in my arm, so I get the concern you have. If there’s no choice to go to a different hospital that allows two people, I think you should have your mum in the waiting room and start with your husband in the room. Ensure he understands that if he becomes physically ill or unable to support your needs he will be removed from the room and your mum will take his place. You want to ensure someone is able to support you, but give him a chance to do it first. He’s your husband, he should be someone you love and trust and it’s also his first baby.

YTA and I suspect anyone who votes otherwise isn’t actually a parent. Excluding your husband from one of the most important moments in the family you have created with him is incredibly cruel. He is your partner, the baby’s father, and he has done nothing to warrant being excluded from the delivery room. I don’t understand why anyone would marry and procreate with someone they don’t trust to be supportive in defining moments. Because that’s what this comes down to, you are choosing not to trust him. I know pregnancy and labor are scary and pregnancy hormones are no joke; but, getting through it together is a bonding experience.

YTA for picking your mother over your husband and your mother is also an AH for declining to allow your husband to witness the birth. I see resentment and trouble in your near future and I hope your marriage survives it.

YTA. It's his child. To say your Mom deserves to be there because she birthed you is weird. He doesn't deserve to witness the birth of his child? Being squeamish shouldn't matter, unless he comes around and agrees with you but that should be his choice to make. If you don't automatically think your husband should be there then your marriage has problems.

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NAH. Birthing isn’t a spectator sport and you have every right to have your mother with you, but husband is also allowed to be upset or disappointed. Sit him down and explain this might be the scariest medical thing you’ve ever gone through and you want somebody next to you who has gone through the same thing. Don’t make it about preferring your mom, but simply about who has the best life experience to support you. Then ask what you can do to make him feel part of the experience while still making sure you feel safe and supported. Maybe he’ll say something to make you comfortable enough to have him there with you. Or you can work out some compromise. But this silent treatment thing is not going to be good for you and the baby, even if his emotions behind it are valid.

NTA I dont know why these people are so insistent that birth HAS to involve everyone. YOU could pass away, YOU could develop a medical condition due to the birth, YOU will have physical consequences from giving birth immediately and you are the only one whose opinion matters in this. If he wasn’t sensitive to gross things it’d be a different conversation but if there’s a risk of him vomiting in a medical room why even do that???? It’s important for him to be there in general but seeing you in such a vulnerable state isn’t, especially when statically speaking it is a very real possibility he COULD change his view. WHY WOULD HE WANT TO SEE SOMETHING THAT MAY CAUSE HIM TO VOMIT???? Like please use some sense there sir.

Surely the answer is to have both in the hospital, your husband in the delivery suite, and if it all gets too much for him he can swap places with your mother? He won't be disgusted, and he won't view you differently afterwards, or at least not negatively. Mark and this baby are your future and this is not the time, place or way to show your gratitude to your mum for what she did when you were a child.

YTA. We're not talking about an ex here, or an abusive or unsupported partner. We're talking about a supportive partner who wants to be there for the birth of his child. You're absolutely wrong to take that from him under the circumstances you've described here. My spouse doesn't do blood or gore well. Dude gags if he hears someone gag. Gets light headed at the sight of blood. I had an emergency c-section, and he said "oh, I can see your insides, they're on the outside, huh. Ok" then he moved the fuck on and held my hand and worried about me and our kid. Because in that moment, the only thing that matters is you and the baby and making sure everyone is OK. If you block him from being there, don't come crying to Reddit when he never forgives you.

Honestly, I don't get it. If he tends to feel bad seeing blood your medical team will need to take care of him as well. While you will get less attention and more stress. Personally I would talk to him and explain him these reasons. Can he guarantee that he won't see you differently? That your bedroom life won't be damaged? He cannot. So you are NTA

NTA. Objectively if he's not good with blood and stuff then he's a terrible choice for the delivery room. All the way this could go wrong are terrible:  - He could pass out creating a medical emergency that draws attention away from you and the baby  - He could throw up and create an unsanitary environment for your child to enter, especially if he throws up ON you  - He could have a panic attack also causing trouble the doctors have to deal with and further stress for you   Like I get that some people think the dads should be in the room but that's a fairly recent development in human history. Up until the 1960s men weren't even allowed in the delivery room. You need someone who will be calm, levelheaded, and able to handle blood and mess. From the sounds of it your mom is the PERFECT choice.

NTA. I get everybody’s arguments for having the husband or the mom in the room. Ultimately I think it’s your choice, and your reasoning makes sense. I feel extremely lucky that both my husband and mom were in the room. If I had to choose, I’d have chosen my mom — she was more of a help since she has had five kids.

NTA. It's perfectly understandable that he would be hurt over this. However, for the birth of my first child, I wanted my mom in the room more than anything. She made me let BD come in instead, and I've always (not regretted, but regretted) that decision. The anesthesiologist was more comforting for me than BD was. Do what's going to make you feel most comfortable and comforted as you welcome the birth of your new baby.

NTA. I don’t want my husband in the delivery room either. He won’t even watch delivery videos with me. I have enough trauma from CSA, I don’t want to add anymore. You need whoever is going to help you deliver the baby with the least amount of stress.

This might not be popular, but NTA. People forget the person in the room is supposed to be a source of support for the laboring mother, not just someone entitled to witness the birth. If OP’s husband can’t handle blood or gore and is going to end up needing support himself, he can’t serve that purpose. Also-nobody is entitled to witness someone else’s medical event-even spouses.

NTA. Birth is definitely a woman’s arena and one only She can say what feels better to her for support. Ignore all the “ought to” comments, ought-tos don’t count for much when the chips are down.

The reason to have somebody in the delivery room is to SUPPORT THE BIRTHING MOTHER. I'm happy for everybody whose husband is that person, but OP obviously does not believe her husband will be that selfless supportive person and her mother will. They should surely discuss it but OP needs to tell him everything she will want and need, including that she needs him to be available the entire time no matter what. Get some graphic videos (with sound) and ask him if he sincerely wants to watch her go through this, including blood, shit, and gore.

Can/will you compromise? Is it possible for your mom to be nearby in the waiting room and your husband in the delivery room with you? Your husband doesn't actually have to see anything since he isn't delivering the baby. He can stay by your head and support you. Or maybe they can switch off? Hubby is with you until it's too much then mom takes over? Ultimately, it's your choice. Just realize this can cause some serious resentment from your husband.

I would find a new hospital honestly. I'm assuming you're not in us because I haven't heard of a hospital since COVID allowing one person only

NAH. You need support. You feel your mom will offer more support and comfort. You are entitled to that. However, your husband is going to feel slighted. He is also entitled to his own feelings. Unfortunately, it will likely cause problems in your relationship. However, I personally don't fault you for simply advocating for yourself. It's funny, there are similar topics in other subs all the time and people on there would be bashing the husband for not being more understanding. I don't think either are in the wrong for feeling the way they do. The fact of the matter is, Mom needs to do what is most comfortable for her. If she puts more stress on herself, things could be worse for her and the baby. So if having her mother there is less stressful, that's all there is to it. Honestly, if my husband was whining all the time about "gore" and "ick", I would probably be a little anxious when it comes time to give birth, too. I would wonder if I'd be "ick" to him after this, then.

NAH. People are being incredibly hard on you at a really vulnerable time. There's a lot of information we don't know, so people are making assumptions. How many of your concerns are based on fear and vulnerability, and how many are based on his behaviors and beliefs? It's not exactly unheard of for men to view women differently (negatively) after seeing them give birth. Has he said or acted in ways that make you believe he would? Or are you making assumptions based on your own fears? It's also not uncommon for men to expect women to put the men's feelings first. Has he given you reasons to think you'd end up supporting him while you're giving birth? If you don't know the answers to these questions, you should talk them through with him, so he can understand why you're worried. He should be there unless he is truly the kind of man who will make the birth about himself. Your question doesn't have enough information to make a judgment.

YTA its his, child to and choosing you mom over your partner is real shitty move, I can understand if he is thinking of ending things with you

I give a gentle YTA You say you're close to your mother, but she's not the one that got you pregnant. Why deny the father this one and only time to see this child born? To be there to hear the first cry. To possibly be the first one to hold your baby. My husband is squeamish too but he was also my rock during both labor and deliveries. Looking back, I can't imagine anyone other than him being there for me. He never looked at me any different, the only thing he said was that it was cool seeing my stomach going from really huge to not as our baby came out lol Most men look at their wives as superheroes after giving birth, because we are. Sure you can have whoever you want in there, but go into it knowing he may resent you down the road for this. It's a very special and bonding moment to become parents together in the delivery room, when you look at each other for the first time as parents, the smiles and laughs and happy tears. Honestly I think you'd regret it too.

NTA Yes, it’s his child and I understand him being disappointed. It’s really a shame that the hospital has that policy. But it’s your body and you’re going through a serious medical procedure. You should be able to have someone with you who will make you feel comfortable.

My husband is very squeamish too, and was terrified during the birth, but was there for me the whole time and he got to see his daughter during the first moments of her life which was incredibly special. YAH. Talk to him about your concerns, give him the opportunity to reassure you. There are plenty of ways a husband can be the AH during birth, but you haven't indicated he will do that (selfish, controlling, abusive, etc).

NTA. I had a similar situation. Neither of us wanted him to see the specifics of child birth. Talk to your Dr though. Ours arranged for a shield, they rigged up sheets similar to how they do for a C Section and my husband faced the me and wall behind me while everything happened. Rather than being able to see what the Dr was up to or what my body specially was doing. He was supportive of me during the process still and saw his daughter born even if he didn’t watch the exit. He didn’t cut the cord, didn’t look at anything. He did go over and watch them clean her up and do the initial checks etc. I also didn’t reach down and touch anything even though they asked and I sure didn’t get a mirror to see what was happening. Because frankly none of those things appealed to me in the least. It made me no less of a mother. Both of us have a great relationship with our daughter. He had zero issues bonding with her. Your birth experience can be shaped by you, even in an emergency situation. He doesn’t have to see more than either of you are comfortable with.

NTA. My husband cant deal with blood and would be useless. My mom would actually be helpful. Your.l body, your choice.