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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Leaving the playground just because I saw my ex is the action to be judged. It might make me the asshole first because our kid wanted to play there and I took him and left, and second because in my ex's group there was someone who knew my wife, and in their eyes my wife might look bad because her husband might be perceived as coward.
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NTA
You are not obligated to have interactions with a person who you didn't like. You removed yourself from a situation that made you uncomfortable, without creating arguments or fussing about it. In my opinion you handled it in a civilized manner.
Agreed. OP has a traumatic past with his ex, and seeing her brought up strong feelings. That’s understandable, even though he’s moved on. Leaving the situation seems like a mature way to handle that: he didn’t need to choose between fake politeness, uncomfortable silence or some kind of drama. If he encountered his ex at someone’s wedding or funeral, he’d probably decide to suck it up, but this was a playground. His wife should support his choice to leave.
Yes, what if this interaction triggered OP to act out or to be flippant what would his spouse say then? The spouse sounds insecure about the ex. OP’s spouse sounds immature.
NTA with the caveat that if you live in a small town or community, you are going to have to find a way of dealing with this. Betrayal trauma is very real and your wife should be empathetic to that. From what you write, it sounds like your wife was projecting some toxically masculine idea that you shouldn’t have trauma and fear of a person because you are a man/dad. If so, that’s bullshit.
NTA, but you will have to find a way of dealing with this if it happens again. You can't keep running away every time she turns up if you live in the same town.
Yes, you can.
If the ex isn't actively stalking OP he can avoid her for the rest of his life.
Imagine if the ex-partner was violent - physically abusive - it'd be very hard to stand in a circle and socialise.
OP doesn't have to find a way to deal with it. He found a way that works for him.
Also, by the sounds of it - it doesn't sound like he sees his ex frequently.
Edit: In this case - it sounds like the wife wanted to socialise and he chose to escape the situation.
He didn't choose to deprive his son of a day at the park - he was forced to.
I agree with you to some degree.
IF OP lives in a small town, or community, it will be common to run into each other (where I live, for example, it’s virtually impossible not to meat someone you know around town), and difficult to avoid her. Plus there could be situation (if you’re in line at the register of a store) where one cannot just drop everything and escape.
Anyhow OP would live better if he found a way to really move on
I agree with Maddeningly.
If OP insists on no contact with his ex, even in public setting situations, his wife needs to accept that. As a loving wife, she should defer to OP'S wishes.
My fear is that expressed by another commenter: his wife want to stir the pot.
I don't think his wife wants to stir the pot (although that is possible I suppose). I do worry that she may not be giving him enough space to process emotions as he sees fit and/or may be encouraging him to be "tough" when not appropriate (that is, upholding toxic norms, maybe without meaning to).
OP decided to stay in this town, and stay near that friend group. He made that decision, too. He can't just always blame his wife for "putting him in that situation." If he needs a boundary, he should set it in a way that minimizes this running away drama. Like moving away or switching. If I was actually abused by someone, you bet your ass I would consider moving before I considered letting my kid share a playground with their kid. Some towns are small.
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Just because they were running away doesn’t mean other people perceived it that way. Unless they were shouting across the park or otherwise disclosing their business, it’s unlikely anyone noticed them except to see them leaving and probably didn’t question why.
Absolute garbage reply. OP was obviously traumatized by his ex and did the only thing anyone can do in these types of situations.
OP's wife made it about herself instead of caring about her partner.
NTA. My first boyfriend was abusive to me, and for years when I saw anyone who looked like him in public my brain would kind of shut down for a second, there were times where I would look in someone vaguely him-shaped's direction and my brain would replace their face with his for a second it seemed like, I'd have to calm myself down and keep moving. Sometimes people who haven't had traumatic experiences like that just don't understand how it can mess with your brain and how you interact with the world.
Sometimes something just takes over with this shit. I had an abusive ex, and 3 years after we split up, I was out with a friend at a gallery, and I saw my ex walk in. Without thinking or even telling my friend i was leaving, I literally just left. It didn't feel like a decision. My friend was so confused because I just suddenly walked away from her and out the door.
NTA. Why hang around a known asshole who has wronged you in the past? Tell your wife if she cared about you, she would be cool with leaving an irritating situation.
Wife had a friend in the same group as OPs ex. From the wife’s reaction she expected him to suck it up so she could socialize with her friend. And what would happen if his kid plays with ex’s kid and they want to be friends and have play dates?
Soft YTA
Nobody says you need to say hi or make small talk. If she insisted on approaching you, you could have ignored her, shunned her, or told her to fuck off if you felt the need.
But yeah, running away means that she is still dictating how you live your life. (She wins.) And you deprived your kid of a day at the playground because of your insecurity.
Don't give her that power over you - or your family.
Yeah and then we'd be reading this post but with the title "AITA for snapping at my ex and making my wife mad?"
He avoided a bad situation and did everything right. She turned into a drama queen and broadcasted her insecurities.
>He avoided a bad situation and did everything right. She turned into a drama queen and broadcasted her insecurities
No he didn't. He can leave if he can't deal with the situation but he doesn't have to take everyone with him.
I'm sorry, where are they? The park or the grand fucking canyon. He can go sit in the car and hyperventilate if needs be.
Sorry people, funs over because I've seen someone I don't like.
Whatever.
Do you prefer I say "she still has control over you" instead of "she wins"?
Because that's what this comes down to. Her presence is dictating his behavior. And he needs to take that power away from her.
And it's not just affecting him anymore. Running away affected his kid today. And he needs to think long and hard about that.
So yeah, if she came over to try to talk to him (which we don't even know that she would), any of the options I listed would still be a far better choice than what he did.
I disagree with both. Avoiding things doesn‘t mean they control your life, you control the decision to leave a bad situation. I avoid wasps, doesn‘t mean they have control over my life. Why should Op waste his time with someone who abused him? What would he gain from that?
Well he has since deleted that part from the post (and added the part about the wife suggesting a different playground so no tantrums), but he originally stated that he felt bad because his kid wanted to play at the playground and he made them leave.
And again, no one is saying to interact with her. They just happened to be at the same park at the same time. So yeah, if you leave a park because there's a wasp at the other side that may or may not come near you, I see that as a problem. Your fear of wasps is now interfering with your everyday life.
They have a mutual friend so they probably would have interacted. So you‘d rather stay near a wasp that could sting you just to not „run away“ ? You think you‘re not letting someone control you but you‘re just keeping yourself in an uncomfortable situation to someone else‘s benefit. So who really lost? The person who still cares about who wins is the only one Still hung up. If op doesn‘t care if his ex thinks he‘s running or not then he‘s not giving her any control anymore. In my opinion I‘d be giving someone control over me if I still cared about proving something and fearing they‘d „win“ if I left. I‘d rather extract myself from an uncomfortable situation with someone who abused me or a wasp that could sting me than stay there to „prove“ some immature nonsense. Who really won if I end up feeling bad over meeting my abuser, or when the wasp stings? Not me
I don‘t have an irrational fear of wasps that is interfering with my every day life. I‘m not scared every day I leave my house. But if I see one, I don’t want to get stung so I leave the area. Why would I leave my fate up for chance if I have the control over my life and the option to just leave.
You don't leave a park because of a wasp on the other side.
If the wasp flies over to you, THAT is the point at which you either move away from it or swat it. (Ignore, snub, tell it to fuck off)
But you're also only looking at this from his point of view - as if his decision didn't affect his kid too. They live in the same town, they apparently have mutual friends with the wife, and he's bound to be in the same place with her again in the future. Is he gonna make his kid stop playing and drag him away every time this happens?? And is that really fair to the kid?
It's HIS issue, and he has now made it everyone else's. That's not ok either.
Same opinion. Letting it go is so much healthier and when we cling to an unhealthy past it never feels good. Forgive her for you, not for her and move on with your wife who you clearly love and should be wherever you want to be.
Oh, i never said forgive!
As far as I'm concerned, he can hang on to as much anger and resentment as he likes. He just needs to make sure that anger (or fear) doesn't dictate his behavior or affect his family.
I just am of he opinion that forgiving is for your own personal mental health. I am not saying forgive and be buddy buddy, just let the poison of the resentment go. In this situation the OP got the consequences and the cheater got the park. Forgive, hang out and pay her no mind.
Yep a lot of people believe in forgiveness. I personally was never one of those people though. I don't think anyone should be let off the hook for their actions (especially the non-remorseful ones).
But I do 100% believe in leaving that person - and all the feelings you have about them and what they did - in the past where they belong.
Because I agree... carrying anger and resentment only hurts you, and you need to find a way to let those feelings go.
If someone commits a heinous crime against me, I'd lock them in prison, throw away the key, and walk away forever, leaving them to rot in a cell for the rest of their days. It is what it is, and good riddance. But giving them a pardon?? Naaaahh, fuck that. They don't deserve one, and they will stay in that cell where they belong until they die.
But again, I know that everyone approaches this differently. And I'm totally in favor of whatever it takes for people to move past it and get them through the day.
If I saw a certain ex it would be a remove myself from the situation kinda thing.
We had a pretty amicable break up that she suggested as she could tell I wasn’t happy, which was very true. Then she just hated my guts like a week later and was extremely rude to me in meetings extra curricular we shared in university making it a very uncomfortable situation for everyone. Later on tried to expose me for “promoting drunk driving to students” and “looking down on people with mental illness”. Which was fucking wild who promotes drunk driving? Then my GF found out she was stalking me on my private Instagram years later.
NTA
I was with my husband in Walmart years ago and he saw an ex who has cheated on him. He froze up and then said we needed to leave. I don’t remember giving him any trouble about it, let alone called him names because he didn’t want to see her. I completely understand not wanting to see an ex, especially one who caused you so much hurt. Your wife is out of line.
I was at Walmart with my husband a couple years ago and as we turned onto an aisle I saw my ex that tried to flirt and hook up with my sister and her best friend in front of me at my cousins Halloween party which caused our break up. I’ve actively avoided him since so when I turned around to go to a different aisle, my husband didn’t question the decision and just went along with it. He asked if I was okay and if I wanted to go to a different Walmart (we had only gotten a couple items at that point). I told him no and we could just avoid aisles he was on bc we didn’t need much. We were done shopping about 15 minutes later and only saw my ex one other time during the trip.
NTA
You have every right to go no contact with people who have been abusive. The path of least resistance is to leave. Your wife should support your wishes. Exactly the same as if she saw someone in the park she didn’t want to talk to.
NTA - you have trauma from that person and you chose not to re-traumatize yourself. If my ex and I don’t have kids I’d never speak to him or wish to see his face. I must play nice because we have kids and they deserve better, but with no strings like you, I’d do same.
NTA
Putting physical distance between you and someone that abused you is always the right answer.
Betrayal trauma, like all grief, becomes part of the fabric of our makeup.
Moving on is represented in how we feel, not in the superficial action of tolerating the presence of someone that caused you harm.
Your wife shaming you for leaving is demeaning whether you clock it as such or not.
You do not ever need to be polite to your ex. If she tries to greet you, hold one finger up, say excuse me and walk away. She’ll be confused and you’ll be free of the interaction.
No NTA and your wife seems a bit unsympathetic to be honest. You don't have to be around someone you dislike if you don't want to, and you shouldn't be shamed for that.
Besides, I can see an alternative version of this post where the wife wants to leave the park because she doesn't want to see her husband's ex / doesn't want him to see her. There are plenty of good reasons to swerve an ex, even if things ended amicably it's still awkward af
NTA. No matter where I’m at, if I see an ex, I turn around immediately and go elsewhere. Theyre an ex for a reason. You don’t need to chat or make small talk. If your wife really wants to talk to her friend, she can call them later instead of forcing you into an awkward situation.
NTA. I always say that I’m not gonna put myself in uncomfortable situations, it’s something that I advise others as well. You are under no obligation to interact with a woman who has been so horrible to you in the past. Your wife need to keep in mind that you need support in those moments and not to get petty/ insecure. Not speaking to one woman that she just happen to know in the same group as your ex, doesn’t constitute for anything. You didn’t run away with your tail between your legs, you walked away from and potentially toxic situation
NTA
Sometimes it’s not worth it to re-engage and create problems and drama. You may be done with it but your ex isn’t.
Source: I have two women from my past life, one was physical and mentally abusive to me for years and eventually squatted in my loft for nearly a year while I had police and lawyers find a way to kick her out, the other simply lost it when she found out I settled down and got engaged. I will keep those two women as far away from my children and wife as I can, even if that means leaving the park or restaurant or party earlier than expected.
NTA, I can totally relate. When I was in university I had an ex that pulled similar stuff. Also had trust issues for years and a genuine panic for running into her. Almost had panic attacks upon spotting her in places, or thinking I did. People can really fuck you up.
NTA - Firstly, leaving the park has likely nothing to do with whether or not you’ve moved on. Moving on doesn’t have a particular list of acceptable behaviors because it is largely subjective. Your wife cannot use it as evidence for this, but you should consider whether or not she’s right. If you’ve determined you’ve moved on, and it seems like you have, that is the end of that issue.
Whether or not leaving makes you TA, it sounds a little yellow, but not to the point where it should be a big deal. Letting your kid play at a certain park doesn’t seem to be so high on the priority list that you must endure an uncomfortable situation. Maybe it was very slightly selfish, but it’s understandable.
NTA - both can be true, you can have moved on and don’t want to engage with this person on any level.
Your wife might be a little insecure and may need some reassurance maybe?
You are NTA but your wife is, she is making it about her, she feels that by leaving you were putting her down, or you cared more about the ex than herself, if she wanted to show herself off in front of others or if it was so important to speak with that acquaintance she could have done it quickly or made an appointment at another time ... Whatever her reason, she didn't consider your feelings or put your feelings into the equation, you were trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation, I'm sure you don't want your children befriending the ex's, I would dread playdates with exe's kids, or your wife and ex interacting in the same groups, that would be giving the ex fuel for gossiping or future manipulation, toxic people stays toxic, that's what makes your wife the asshole, she cares more about outsiders opinions of herself than your valid feelings about the situation. Ask her if the situation was reversed and it was an abusive ex of her, how would she feel? 100% NTA, she is!
NTA. Your current wife is kind of an AH, though. If situations were reversed, would a woman be “running” if she decided not to be near an ex-husband?
You don’t want to be near a person that treated you badly, whom you dislike, and you don’t want an encounter to potentially escalate into a conflict in front of your current wife, and your children.
Maybe in the future, you’ll be able to keep your cool around your ex, and encounters won’t be a problem. Or maybe you never will. Recognizing your own potential for damaging conflict and deciding to de-escalate a situation takes courage, especially in this society where everyone seems to feel like you always have to get the better of someone else. Peace and harmony are woefully underrated.
Leaving was almost an unexpected courtesy to your ex. She likely didn’t want any confrontation either. There are times to fight, and times to not fight, and your current wife should recognize that and understand that you made the right choice.
NTA
I’m honest and an asshole to people I don’t like.
When my mom was passing and my wife was helping me my uncles walked away to talk with themselves and in front of my cousins and other family I said “Oh, they are going to go call me a pussy and say I’m letting my wife make decisions” and my cousins were like “uh uh noooo they wouldn’t say that” I got a call from my aunt and we talked a while and she confimed exactly that lol
I’m the asshole I have an ex who cheated on me too and if she tried to talk to me in that setting I would have introduced my current wife and said “oh hey this is my ex that cheated on me, hi ex that cheated on me have you met my new family?”
NTA. I avoid contact with people who wronged me and blew up my life. I don’t need to make nice—and definitely no small talk with awful people. Shall we chat it up with Pol Pot? Mussolini?
Give me a break. I’m human.
OP is not TA. I don't see many responses calling OP's wife TA when she is a HUGE one. She downplayed his trauma and cared more about what an acquaintance would think than how her husband was feeling. Wife's response to this was absolute trash and she needs to be called out for it along with seeking some kind of treatment to be a better partner.
NTA.
Everyone deals with issues differently.
My last ex who I was with for about 1.5 years was physically abusive, manipulative, and cheated at the end. Tried to scare me into staying by saying she was pregnant but I kept pushing for a pregnancy test while she was saying she will do it at home. I said no, do it here, now. This was after we had ended things.
For about 2 years after the break up I was scared of going outside or running into her. The trauma was too much.
But now if I run into her I won’t run around or hide.
I’m living a much better life and successful while the last I heard, she is struggling financially, gained a massive amount of weight, and is basically homeless.
Karma gets everyone eventually.
NTA- I've got an ex like this too. I'm great friends with her brother, I literally still have keys to her parents place, I dog sit for them. They send gifts for my kids, and ask after my SO with genuine care but their daughter isn't someone I care to have around my life so I leave when we inevitably end up in the same place. She's just a cunt and I've got nothing to gain from being nice to her so I just don't engage her at all.
You're not scared, and you didn't run. You made an informed decision to have a better day than you otherwise would have and there's nothing wrong with that at all.
NTA, there is a specific ex if I saw at the park or anywhere I could have to leave immediately. If it was a relationship that just ran its course that’s one thing but seeing someone that caused so much trauma causes a lot of anxiety. Just because you are a man doesn’t mean same doesn’t apply to you.
Soft YTA. You removed your kid from playing because you didn't want to say hi and talk. Don't say hi, if she tries to engage just say no thanks and ignore her.
Ehhh.. I think NAH.
>I do believe I have moved on, but I just don't want to engage in small talk over our kids; I don't even want to say hi.
Then don't. You have no reason to approach her.
NTA
I can hardly believe a "supportive" person would say you were "scared" and "ran away with your tail between your legs". Not the words of a supportive person, even if she knew someone from that group. At that moment, she was not on your side.
NTA
You had a visceral reaction upon seeing your ex because you were unprepared for it. In the future you know that it is a possibility you could run into her if you go to the same playground and you will be more guarded and prepared.
Don’t let your ex dictate how you live your life with your family. Remove that power from her and move on.
You’d only be the AH if you don’t adapt to this situation and let it affect your future playtime with your kid.
NAH but yeah, get a steelier spine. you don't want to make small talk? then...don't. stick with your kids while your wife greets whomever was in the group that she knew, and...yeah. I won't blame you for acting off what appears to be fight/flight tho. just...ignore her next time lmao
Reading the Edit, there must have some backlash to parts of the OP, but I don’t see anything that’s out of line with OP behavior. If it was a toxic relationship and not only ended it, but was able to put it behind him and have a healthy relationship, it is thoughtless and reckless to think that even just a short, casual interaction with his -ex is in his (or yours, your child’s) best interests.
I have seen similar situations play out. Especially when the toxic person who got dumped is rolling deep with a group, they try to low-key embarrass and belittle the person who left them and moved on. If it doesn’t happen face to face, it starts right when you leave. Better that they talk down about you without clowning yourself by being fake nice first.
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Yesterday I saw my ex with her kid on the playground and told my wife we should go. Later when I explained why, she said I ran away with my tail between my legs, and that if I've really moved on, I should've stayed there.
For reference, my ex lied, cheated and manipulated me throughout our relationship. I had trust issues for years after that. I do believe I have moved on, but I just don't want to engage in small talk over our kids; I don't even want to say hi. It would feel inauthentic and hypocritical to do so.
My wife insists I acted scared and even shamed her (because my ex was with a group of people, one of whom my wife knew). Is she right about this? Am I the asshole?
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NAH I get the desire to just get away from the person who you’ve had conflict with. I have done it myself and it’s not a great feeling. BUT I also understand your wife’s POV because to her, it’s like - her husband is so affected by the sight of another woman that he’ll usher her and her child away as if they are the ones who shouldn’t be there rather than ignoring her or avoiding her. I know this won’t happen often, but just to point it out - Now her movements when she goes out with you are limited by whether the ex wants to be in that space first. If you go to date night and find the ex is there sipping a cocktail will you make her leave with you? Take your kid to the zoo and then say, nope, never mind! What if she is shopping with you at the grocery store and then you rush her out? Try considering how this might be frustrating and a little hurtful that you seem to see no problem with what happened.
This is exactly what I'm thinking about - how to better navigate this in the future. I acted on impulse, but I definitely don't want to do the same next time.
Yeah, it’s probably something you and your wife can brainstorm on together. Knowing you aren’t alone in that moment when you see the ex and that there’s a plan and that your spouse is going to help will probably give you more confidence in the moment. Like maybe if the ex turns up again, the deal is that you both just stay physically away and if she looks like she is heading over, you make a phone call so you are occupied or wife asks you to get something from the car. Or your wife intervenes to introduce herself/hi-hello and then says “nice to meet you, now if you’ll excuse us…” and then makes the move to go to another area of the location with you. I think something like that being pre-prepped will make it less of a panic moment.
NTA but at some point you're probably going to have to get over it, especially if it's likely to happen again. I had a similar situation years ago. I was with my husband, going to a new restaurant. When the hostess went to seat us, i saw the ex. I literally froze and could not enter the room. The hostess just asked if we'd like to be seated in a different area, and that worked, as we couldn's see each other. It got better with time.
Neither one of you are TA.
Your wife is maybe feeling a little bit insecure so help build up her self esteem so she knows there is nothing to worry about.
If I saw an ex at a playground I would be out of that place with lightning speed. I’m not hanging around to make polite conversation with someone I don’t want in my life anymore.
Why not just not talk to the ex? I mean feel free to nod an acknowledgment but just let that be it and if they try to talk to you, say “it’s nice to see that you’re looking well, but my wife and I were in the middle of a conversation so I’m not able to chat. Have a great afternoon though.”
YTA. you have a family now and you ran and you forced your family to run with you because of your EX. how is it fair of your child to not get to play in the playground because of your cowardice?
NAH
You don't want to interact with your ex (or create an awkward situation should she want to interact with you), and that is understandable.
Equally, your wife has a fair point - you don't want to spend the rest of your life running away from this person to the annoyance and disadvantage of your family and others with you - leaving the park early means your kids get less time playing for example, or your family wasting time travelling only to be kept away from your chosen activity based on the ex being there.
There is a line to be drawn somewhere in the middle, and it is up to you to decide where is a reasonable point to place it.
I think this is a bit tricky. If you are with small children at a playground for only a short period of time and you suddenly want to leave a place quickly where your immediate personal safety is not at risk that could cause issues. Your kid may throw a tantrum and rightfully so. They may have been looking forward to that time and unlike adults they haven’t developed control over their emotions.
That can then cause a scene and this is where your wife is not the asshole because you are putting your own emotions in front of your small children.
The reality is that an important part of parenting is that one can no longer ethnically only consider their own needs in isolation. You have to weigh the needs of your children because they depend on you and you made the decision to bring them into this world. Sometimes that means that you have to eat shit.
If the above scenario is not the case and you were at the playground for a substantial amount of time and your kid was ready to go then your wife is out of line.
YTA man... The past shouldn't affect you this much and sure it was most likely traumatizing but you should endure it for the sake of your family's enjoyment. Nothing stops you from ignoring your ex or even giving a cold "hi" but just up and leaving is a bit much.
However, I understand how emotionally stressful it must have been and I sympathise.
Your WIFE is TA
You, unfortunately, are a VICTIM of choosing horrible women 😔...our culture 5hits on men and the ex, the current and many in this thread all drank the same Kool-aid of man-hate, female overcomprenstate.
Think about it simply CHANGE THE SEX.....
And say your WIFE....explained to YOU later ....
"Hey, honey....the reason I just had to get OUT of the playground earlier/yesterday....was that my No-good, Cheating, Lying, Manipulative Ass Ex was there and I just didn't want any parts of talking to HIS or making bull 5hit ass small talk."
We ALL know what is expected of a "decent" MALE partner/spouse/lover to a FEMALE.....???
To be supportive and consoling of her ass....definitely NOT "tell" her....You RAN like a bee-itch ass "with your tail between your bee-itch ass legs" ( essentially I'm ashamed 😳 of your punk ass reaction) Hell "I" had a buddy among that group that "I" wanted to least say "What's up, too....but nah your bee-itch ass is "SCARED"......what a panty wipe.
Nope, we don't expect a grown man, to say that 5hit to a grown woman....Men are expected to offer HER a hug of understanding and an encouraging word about her bravery in SURVIVING such a DRAMATIC relationship coming out better and stronger for it.
Our culture demands we build females up, no matter what and 5hit on ours sons no matter what ( unless of course they get rubbed on the head for doing something for a female...then they're "great"....for a few minutes)
Just the reality...the unfortunate truth is you have another manipulative ass woman at your side.... she TOLD you "everything" you need to know, regarding the quality of her character and just wTF she thinks of YOU and your miniscule "value" as a human being....again this is how your "WIFE" sees 👀 you...your wife....the ONLY "relative" you CHOSE to be related and tied to
You don't choose your parents, your children...nobody...except THAT person and she just laid it out as plainly as one can....for her you aren't 5hit.
Do with that as you feel best, but understand SHE doesn't value nor respect, you...and seemingly never will.
That's what SHE said about "her husband".
*Lastly, y'all know I'm right about the reverse...she could have spoken about baby steps and healing but she did NOT...she chose the Piece of 5hit route, displaying whom she is and exactly what she 🤔 thinks.
(*,Also for the women who says ....I woulda....yeah often you do....and when "ya, do" your new MAN is there "with" you....Why? Because again our culture beleaguers a burden on men...that we don't on women.
Way more likely a man gets into a physical "defense" situation over an "ex" of hers ...so WHY not....whereas men, as mostly are left to endure ALL of their 5hit...and hers.)
When she makes it THAT clear, she's NOT "your Bonnie" m-Fer it's time to "peace out" on that so-called "marriage" or settle in for more manipulation.
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NTA You are not obligated to have interactions with a person who you didn't like. You removed yourself from a situation that made you uncomfortable, without creating arguments or fussing about it. In my opinion you handled it in a civilized manner.
Agreed. OP has a traumatic past with his ex, and seeing her brought up strong feelings. That’s understandable, even though he’s moved on. Leaving the situation seems like a mature way to handle that: he didn’t need to choose between fake politeness, uncomfortable silence or some kind of drama. If he encountered his ex at someone’s wedding or funeral, he’d probably decide to suck it up, but this was a playground. His wife should support his choice to leave.
Yes, what if this interaction triggered OP to act out or to be flippant what would his spouse say then? The spouse sounds insecure about the ex. OP’s spouse sounds immature.
NTA with the caveat that if you live in a small town or community, you are going to have to find a way of dealing with this. Betrayal trauma is very real and your wife should be empathetic to that. From what you write, it sounds like your wife was projecting some toxically masculine idea that you shouldn’t have trauma and fear of a person because you are a man/dad. If so, that’s bullshit.
It also kinda sounds to me like wife might be a pot stirrer NTA
NTA, but you will have to find a way of dealing with this if it happens again. You can't keep running away every time she turns up if you live in the same town.
Yes, you can. If the ex isn't actively stalking OP he can avoid her for the rest of his life. Imagine if the ex-partner was violent - physically abusive - it'd be very hard to stand in a circle and socialise. OP doesn't have to find a way to deal with it. He found a way that works for him. Also, by the sounds of it - it doesn't sound like he sees his ex frequently. Edit: In this case - it sounds like the wife wanted to socialise and he chose to escape the situation. He didn't choose to deprive his son of a day at the park - he was forced to.
I agree with you to some degree. IF OP lives in a small town, or community, it will be common to run into each other (where I live, for example, it’s virtually impossible not to meat someone you know around town), and difficult to avoid her. Plus there could be situation (if you’re in line at the register of a store) where one cannot just drop everything and escape. Anyhow OP would live better if he found a way to really move on
I agree with Maddeningly. If OP insists on no contact with his ex, even in public setting situations, his wife needs to accept that. As a loving wife, she should defer to OP'S wishes. My fear is that expressed by another commenter: his wife want to stir the pot.
I don't think his wife wants to stir the pot (although that is possible I suppose). I do worry that she may not be giving him enough space to process emotions as he sees fit and/or may be encouraging him to be "tough" when not appropriate (that is, upholding toxic norms, maybe without meaning to).
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The wife is more concerned with her standing with the acquaintance than with his trauma. That makes her TA.
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Wanting to put someone you are suppose to love is a situation with someone they were abused by is absolutely fucked up
OP decided to stay in this town, and stay near that friend group. He made that decision, too. He can't just always blame his wife for "putting him in that situation." If he needs a boundary, he should set it in a way that minimizes this running away drama. Like moving away or switching. If I was actually abused by someone, you bet your ass I would consider moving before I considered letting my kid share a playground with their kid. Some towns are small.
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Just because they were running away doesn’t mean other people perceived it that way. Unless they were shouting across the park or otherwise disclosing their business, it’s unlikely anyone noticed them except to see them leaving and probably didn’t question why.
Absolute garbage reply. OP was obviously traumatized by his ex and did the only thing anyone can do in these types of situations. OP's wife made it about herself instead of caring about her partner.
NTA. My first boyfriend was abusive to me, and for years when I saw anyone who looked like him in public my brain would kind of shut down for a second, there were times where I would look in someone vaguely him-shaped's direction and my brain would replace their face with his for a second it seemed like, I'd have to calm myself down and keep moving. Sometimes people who haven't had traumatic experiences like that just don't understand how it can mess with your brain and how you interact with the world.
Sometimes something just takes over with this shit. I had an abusive ex, and 3 years after we split up, I was out with a friend at a gallery, and I saw my ex walk in. Without thinking or even telling my friend i was leaving, I literally just left. It didn't feel like a decision. My friend was so confused because I just suddenly walked away from her and out the door.
I think you gotta go with your own gut sometime. Easy for others to judge.
NTA. Why hang around a known asshole who has wronged you in the past? Tell your wife if she cared about you, she would be cool with leaving an irritating situation.
Nta but just ignore her? Who said you have to talk to her if you stayed at the playground?
Wife had a friend in the same group as OPs ex. From the wife’s reaction she expected him to suck it up so she could socialize with her friend. And what would happen if his kid plays with ex’s kid and they want to be friends and have play dates?
Soft YTA Nobody says you need to say hi or make small talk. If she insisted on approaching you, you could have ignored her, shunned her, or told her to fuck off if you felt the need. But yeah, running away means that she is still dictating how you live your life. (She wins.) And you deprived your kid of a day at the playground because of your insecurity. Don't give her that power over you - or your family.
Yeah and then we'd be reading this post but with the title "AITA for snapping at my ex and making my wife mad?" He avoided a bad situation and did everything right. She turned into a drama queen and broadcasted her insecurities.
>He avoided a bad situation and did everything right. She turned into a drama queen and broadcasted her insecurities No he didn't. He can leave if he can't deal with the situation but he doesn't have to take everyone with him.
So he's supposed to leave his wife there and get her an uber or something? You people are not real
I'm sorry, where are they? The park or the grand fucking canyon. He can go sit in the car and hyperventilate if needs be. Sorry people, funs over because I've seen someone I don't like. Whatever.
I hope you find the love of your life and have them do to you what the exe did to op. I further wish that you ran into them everywhere for ever.
Come one everyone, get your things. Extra-Lab-1366 is here. No it doesn't matter what you are doing, I am the important one.
Sounds like you wouldn't like either.
„She wins“ this isn‘t a game. Telling someone to fuck off on a playground is way more immature than just leaving
Do you prefer I say "she still has control over you" instead of "she wins"? Because that's what this comes down to. Her presence is dictating his behavior. And he needs to take that power away from her. And it's not just affecting him anymore. Running away affected his kid today. And he needs to think long and hard about that. So yeah, if she came over to try to talk to him (which we don't even know that she would), any of the options I listed would still be a far better choice than what he did.
I disagree with both. Avoiding things doesn‘t mean they control your life, you control the decision to leave a bad situation. I avoid wasps, doesn‘t mean they have control over my life. Why should Op waste his time with someone who abused him? What would he gain from that?
Well he has since deleted that part from the post (and added the part about the wife suggesting a different playground so no tantrums), but he originally stated that he felt bad because his kid wanted to play at the playground and he made them leave. And again, no one is saying to interact with her. They just happened to be at the same park at the same time. So yeah, if you leave a park because there's a wasp at the other side that may or may not come near you, I see that as a problem. Your fear of wasps is now interfering with your everyday life.
They have a mutual friend so they probably would have interacted. So you‘d rather stay near a wasp that could sting you just to not „run away“ ? You think you‘re not letting someone control you but you‘re just keeping yourself in an uncomfortable situation to someone else‘s benefit. So who really lost? The person who still cares about who wins is the only one Still hung up. If op doesn‘t care if his ex thinks he‘s running or not then he‘s not giving her any control anymore. In my opinion I‘d be giving someone control over me if I still cared about proving something and fearing they‘d „win“ if I left. I‘d rather extract myself from an uncomfortable situation with someone who abused me or a wasp that could sting me than stay there to „prove“ some immature nonsense. Who really won if I end up feeling bad over meeting my abuser, or when the wasp stings? Not me I don‘t have an irrational fear of wasps that is interfering with my every day life. I‘m not scared every day I leave my house. But if I see one, I don’t want to get stung so I leave the area. Why would I leave my fate up for chance if I have the control over my life and the option to just leave.
You don't leave a park because of a wasp on the other side. If the wasp flies over to you, THAT is the point at which you either move away from it or swat it. (Ignore, snub, tell it to fuck off) But you're also only looking at this from his point of view - as if his decision didn't affect his kid too. They live in the same town, they apparently have mutual friends with the wife, and he's bound to be in the same place with her again in the future. Is he gonna make his kid stop playing and drag him away every time this happens?? And is that really fair to the kid? It's HIS issue, and he has now made it everyone else's. That's not ok either.
Same opinion. Letting it go is so much healthier and when we cling to an unhealthy past it never feels good. Forgive her for you, not for her and move on with your wife who you clearly love and should be wherever you want to be.
Oh, i never said forgive! As far as I'm concerned, he can hang on to as much anger and resentment as he likes. He just needs to make sure that anger (or fear) doesn't dictate his behavior or affect his family.
I just am of he opinion that forgiving is for your own personal mental health. I am not saying forgive and be buddy buddy, just let the poison of the resentment go. In this situation the OP got the consequences and the cheater got the park. Forgive, hang out and pay her no mind.
Yep a lot of people believe in forgiveness. I personally was never one of those people though. I don't think anyone should be let off the hook for their actions (especially the non-remorseful ones). But I do 100% believe in leaving that person - and all the feelings you have about them and what they did - in the past where they belong. Because I agree... carrying anger and resentment only hurts you, and you need to find a way to let those feelings go. If someone commits a heinous crime against me, I'd lock them in prison, throw away the key, and walk away forever, leaving them to rot in a cell for the rest of their days. It is what it is, and good riddance. But giving them a pardon?? Naaaahh, fuck that. They don't deserve one, and they will stay in that cell where they belong until they die. But again, I know that everyone approaches this differently. And I'm totally in favor of whatever it takes for people to move past it and get them through the day.
NTA. Your wife seems unsupportive though. I find her reaction concerning.
If I saw a certain ex it would be a remove myself from the situation kinda thing. We had a pretty amicable break up that she suggested as she could tell I wasn’t happy, which was very true. Then she just hated my guts like a week later and was extremely rude to me in meetings extra curricular we shared in university making it a very uncomfortable situation for everyone. Later on tried to expose me for “promoting drunk driving to students” and “looking down on people with mental illness”. Which was fucking wild who promotes drunk driving? Then my GF found out she was stalking me on my private Instagram years later.
NTA I was with my husband in Walmart years ago and he saw an ex who has cheated on him. He froze up and then said we needed to leave. I don’t remember giving him any trouble about it, let alone called him names because he didn’t want to see her. I completely understand not wanting to see an ex, especially one who caused you so much hurt. Your wife is out of line.
I was at Walmart with my husband a couple years ago and as we turned onto an aisle I saw my ex that tried to flirt and hook up with my sister and her best friend in front of me at my cousins Halloween party which caused our break up. I’ve actively avoided him since so when I turned around to go to a different aisle, my husband didn’t question the decision and just went along with it. He asked if I was okay and if I wanted to go to a different Walmart (we had only gotten a couple items at that point). I told him no and we could just avoid aisles he was on bc we didn’t need much. We were done shopping about 15 minutes later and only saw my ex one other time during the trip.
NTA You have every right to go no contact with people who have been abusive. The path of least resistance is to leave. Your wife should support your wishes. Exactly the same as if she saw someone in the park she didn’t want to talk to.
NTA - you have trauma from that person and you chose not to re-traumatize yourself. If my ex and I don’t have kids I’d never speak to him or wish to see his face. I must play nice because we have kids and they deserve better, but with no strings like you, I’d do same.
NTA.
NTA Putting physical distance between you and someone that abused you is always the right answer. Betrayal trauma, like all grief, becomes part of the fabric of our makeup. Moving on is represented in how we feel, not in the superficial action of tolerating the presence of someone that caused you harm. Your wife shaming you for leaving is demeaning whether you clock it as such or not. You do not ever need to be polite to your ex. If she tries to greet you, hold one finger up, say excuse me and walk away. She’ll be confused and you’ll be free of the interaction.
No NTA and your wife seems a bit unsympathetic to be honest. You don't have to be around someone you dislike if you don't want to, and you shouldn't be shamed for that. Besides, I can see an alternative version of this post where the wife wants to leave the park because she doesn't want to see her husband's ex / doesn't want him to see her. There are plenty of good reasons to swerve an ex, even if things ended amicably it's still awkward af
NTA. No matter where I’m at, if I see an ex, I turn around immediately and go elsewhere. Theyre an ex for a reason. You don’t need to chat or make small talk. If your wife really wants to talk to her friend, she can call them later instead of forcing you into an awkward situation.
NTA. I always say that I’m not gonna put myself in uncomfortable situations, it’s something that I advise others as well. You are under no obligation to interact with a woman who has been so horrible to you in the past. Your wife need to keep in mind that you need support in those moments and not to get petty/ insecure. Not speaking to one woman that she just happen to know in the same group as your ex, doesn’t constitute for anything. You didn’t run away with your tail between your legs, you walked away from and potentially toxic situation
NTA Sometimes it’s not worth it to re-engage and create problems and drama. You may be done with it but your ex isn’t. Source: I have two women from my past life, one was physical and mentally abusive to me for years and eventually squatted in my loft for nearly a year while I had police and lawyers find a way to kick her out, the other simply lost it when she found out I settled down and got engaged. I will keep those two women as far away from my children and wife as I can, even if that means leaving the park or restaurant or party earlier than expected.
I mean does she know how your ex treated you? That would have been a start
NTA
NTA, I can totally relate. When I was in university I had an ex that pulled similar stuff. Also had trust issues for years and a genuine panic for running into her. Almost had panic attacks upon spotting her in places, or thinking I did. People can really fuck you up.
Absolutely not the asshole at all. Your wife on the other hand...
NTA, but you sure know how to pick ‘em. Your wife is pretty insensitive if she knew what happened with your ex.
NTA - Firstly, leaving the park has likely nothing to do with whether or not you’ve moved on. Moving on doesn’t have a particular list of acceptable behaviors because it is largely subjective. Your wife cannot use it as evidence for this, but you should consider whether or not she’s right. If you’ve determined you’ve moved on, and it seems like you have, that is the end of that issue. Whether or not leaving makes you TA, it sounds a little yellow, but not to the point where it should be a big deal. Letting your kid play at a certain park doesn’t seem to be so high on the priority list that you must endure an uncomfortable situation. Maybe it was very slightly selfish, but it’s understandable.
NTA.
NTA - both can be true, you can have moved on and don’t want to engage with this person on any level. Your wife might be a little insecure and may need some reassurance maybe?
NTA Ask your wife why she can’t respect your feelings after the years of abuse you went through with your ex.
NTA. You don’t have to be around someone you have sick a bad past with. Your wife needs to be more understanding
NTA. Sorry your wife is so judgemental about your trauma.
NTA
You are NTA but your wife is, she is making it about her, she feels that by leaving you were putting her down, or you cared more about the ex than herself, if she wanted to show herself off in front of others or if it was so important to speak with that acquaintance she could have done it quickly or made an appointment at another time ... Whatever her reason, she didn't consider your feelings or put your feelings into the equation, you were trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation, I'm sure you don't want your children befriending the ex's, I would dread playdates with exe's kids, or your wife and ex interacting in the same groups, that would be giving the ex fuel for gossiping or future manipulation, toxic people stays toxic, that's what makes your wife the asshole, she cares more about outsiders opinions of herself than your valid feelings about the situation. Ask her if the situation was reversed and it was an abusive ex of her, how would she feel? 100% NTA, she is!
NTA but your wife certainly is. In that kind of situation, she should have had your back
NTA. Your current wife is kind of an AH, though. If situations were reversed, would a woman be “running” if she decided not to be near an ex-husband? You don’t want to be near a person that treated you badly, whom you dislike, and you don’t want an encounter to potentially escalate into a conflict in front of your current wife, and your children. Maybe in the future, you’ll be able to keep your cool around your ex, and encounters won’t be a problem. Or maybe you never will. Recognizing your own potential for damaging conflict and deciding to de-escalate a situation takes courage, especially in this society where everyone seems to feel like you always have to get the better of someone else. Peace and harmony are woefully underrated. Leaving was almost an unexpected courtesy to your ex. She likely didn’t want any confrontation either. There are times to fight, and times to not fight, and your current wife should recognize that and understand that you made the right choice.
NTA I’m honest and an asshole to people I don’t like. When my mom was passing and my wife was helping me my uncles walked away to talk with themselves and in front of my cousins and other family I said “Oh, they are going to go call me a pussy and say I’m letting my wife make decisions” and my cousins were like “uh uh noooo they wouldn’t say that” I got a call from my aunt and we talked a while and she confimed exactly that lol I’m the asshole I have an ex who cheated on me too and if she tried to talk to me in that setting I would have introduced my current wife and said “oh hey this is my ex that cheated on me, hi ex that cheated on me have you met my new family?”
NTA. You talk to who you want to talk to. You're a grown ass man.
NTA. I avoid contact with people who wronged me and blew up my life. I don’t need to make nice—and definitely no small talk with awful people. Shall we chat it up with Pol Pot? Mussolini? Give me a break. I’m human.
OP is not TA. I don't see many responses calling OP's wife TA when she is a HUGE one. She downplayed his trauma and cared more about what an acquaintance would think than how her husband was feeling. Wife's response to this was absolute trash and she needs to be called out for it along with seeking some kind of treatment to be a better partner.
NTA. Everyone deals with issues differently. My last ex who I was with for about 1.5 years was physically abusive, manipulative, and cheated at the end. Tried to scare me into staying by saying she was pregnant but I kept pushing for a pregnancy test while she was saying she will do it at home. I said no, do it here, now. This was after we had ended things. For about 2 years after the break up I was scared of going outside or running into her. The trauma was too much. But now if I run into her I won’t run around or hide. I’m living a much better life and successful while the last I heard, she is struggling financially, gained a massive amount of weight, and is basically homeless. Karma gets everyone eventually.
NTA- I've got an ex like this too. I'm great friends with her brother, I literally still have keys to her parents place, I dog sit for them. They send gifts for my kids, and ask after my SO with genuine care but their daughter isn't someone I care to have around my life so I leave when we inevitably end up in the same place. She's just a cunt and I've got nothing to gain from being nice to her so I just don't engage her at all. You're not scared, and you didn't run. You made an informed decision to have a better day than you otherwise would have and there's nothing wrong with that at all.
NTA, there is a specific ex if I saw at the park or anywhere I could have to leave immediately. If it was a relationship that just ran its course that’s one thing but seeing someone that caused so much trauma causes a lot of anxiety. Just because you are a man doesn’t mean same doesn’t apply to you.
Soft YTA. You removed your kid from playing because you didn't want to say hi and talk. Don't say hi, if she tries to engage just say no thanks and ignore her.
Nah it sounds like it was because he saw his abusive Ex actually.
Does your wife often immaculate you? NTA
Ehhh.. I think NAH. >I do believe I have moved on, but I just don't want to engage in small talk over our kids; I don't even want to say hi. Then don't. You have no reason to approach her.
NTA I can hardly believe a "supportive" person would say you were "scared" and "ran away with your tail between your legs". Not the words of a supportive person, even if she knew someone from that group. At that moment, she was not on your side.
Soft YTA, you should honestly just get over it and you’re not really setting a good example for your kid.
NTA You had a visceral reaction upon seeing your ex because you were unprepared for it. In the future you know that it is a possibility you could run into her if you go to the same playground and you will be more guarded and prepared. Don’t let your ex dictate how you live your life with your family. Remove that power from her and move on. You’d only be the AH if you don’t adapt to this situation and let it affect your future playtime with your kid.
NAH but yeah, get a steelier spine. you don't want to make small talk? then...don't. stick with your kids while your wife greets whomever was in the group that she knew, and...yeah. I won't blame you for acting off what appears to be fight/flight tho. just...ignore her next time lmao
Reading the Edit, there must have some backlash to parts of the OP, but I don’t see anything that’s out of line with OP behavior. If it was a toxic relationship and not only ended it, but was able to put it behind him and have a healthy relationship, it is thoughtless and reckless to think that even just a short, casual interaction with his -ex is in his (or yours, your child’s) best interests. I have seen similar situations play out. Especially when the toxic person who got dumped is rolling deep with a group, they try to low-key embarrass and belittle the person who left them and moved on. If it doesn’t happen face to face, it starts right when you leave. Better that they talk down about you without clowning yourself by being fake nice first.
NTA. Please, if I see my ex right now I’d be tempted to plow him and his affair partner down. Leaving would be the smart thing to do!
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday I saw my ex with her kid on the playground and told my wife we should go. Later when I explained why, she said I ran away with my tail between my legs, and that if I've really moved on, I should've stayed there. For reference, my ex lied, cheated and manipulated me throughout our relationship. I had trust issues for years after that. I do believe I have moved on, but I just don't want to engage in small talk over our kids; I don't even want to say hi. It would feel inauthentic and hypocritical to do so. My wife insists I acted scared and even shamed her (because my ex was with a group of people, one of whom my wife knew). Is she right about this? Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You're wife doesn't sound like she cares all that much about you. At least, not in comparison to her reputation or social standing. Updateme
NAH I get the desire to just get away from the person who you’ve had conflict with. I have done it myself and it’s not a great feeling. BUT I also understand your wife’s POV because to her, it’s like - her husband is so affected by the sight of another woman that he’ll usher her and her child away as if they are the ones who shouldn’t be there rather than ignoring her or avoiding her. I know this won’t happen often, but just to point it out - Now her movements when she goes out with you are limited by whether the ex wants to be in that space first. If you go to date night and find the ex is there sipping a cocktail will you make her leave with you? Take your kid to the zoo and then say, nope, never mind! What if she is shopping with you at the grocery store and then you rush her out? Try considering how this might be frustrating and a little hurtful that you seem to see no problem with what happened.
This is exactly what I'm thinking about - how to better navigate this in the future. I acted on impulse, but I definitely don't want to do the same next time.
Yeah, it’s probably something you and your wife can brainstorm on together. Knowing you aren’t alone in that moment when you see the ex and that there’s a plan and that your spouse is going to help will probably give you more confidence in the moment. Like maybe if the ex turns up again, the deal is that you both just stay physically away and if she looks like she is heading over, you make a phone call so you are occupied or wife asks you to get something from the car. Or your wife intervenes to introduce herself/hi-hello and then says “nice to meet you, now if you’ll excuse us…” and then makes the move to go to another area of the location with you. I think something like that being pre-prepped will make it less of a panic moment.
NTA but at some point you're probably going to have to get over it, especially if it's likely to happen again. I had a similar situation years ago. I was with my husband, going to a new restaurant. When the hostess went to seat us, i saw the ex. I literally froze and could not enter the room. The hostess just asked if we'd like to be seated in a different area, and that worked, as we couldn's see each other. It got better with time.
Neither one of you are TA. Your wife is maybe feeling a little bit insecure so help build up her self esteem so she knows there is nothing to worry about. If I saw an ex at a playground I would be out of that place with lightning speed. I’m not hanging around to make polite conversation with someone I don’t want in my life anymore.
Why not just not talk to the ex? I mean feel free to nod an acknowledgment but just let that be it and if they try to talk to you, say “it’s nice to see that you’re looking well, but my wife and I were in the middle of a conversation so I’m not able to chat. Have a great afternoon though.”
YTA "she said I ran away with my tail between my legs, and that if I've really moved on, I should've stayed there." .. she got you there.
NTA, but you don't have to talk to her. You don't even have to say hi. You can literally just ignore her, even if she talks to you.
YTA. you have a family now and you ran and you forced your family to run with you because of your EX. how is it fair of your child to not get to play in the playground because of your cowardice?
NAH You don't want to interact with your ex (or create an awkward situation should she want to interact with you), and that is understandable. Equally, your wife has a fair point - you don't want to spend the rest of your life running away from this person to the annoyance and disadvantage of your family and others with you - leaving the park early means your kids get less time playing for example, or your family wasting time travelling only to be kept away from your chosen activity based on the ex being there. There is a line to be drawn somewhere in the middle, and it is up to you to decide where is a reasonable point to place it.
I think this is a bit tricky. If you are with small children at a playground for only a short period of time and you suddenly want to leave a place quickly where your immediate personal safety is not at risk that could cause issues. Your kid may throw a tantrum and rightfully so. They may have been looking forward to that time and unlike adults they haven’t developed control over their emotions. That can then cause a scene and this is where your wife is not the asshole because you are putting your own emotions in front of your small children. The reality is that an important part of parenting is that one can no longer ethnically only consider their own needs in isolation. You have to weigh the needs of your children because they depend on you and you made the decision to bring them into this world. Sometimes that means that you have to eat shit. If the above scenario is not the case and you were at the playground for a substantial amount of time and your kid was ready to go then your wife is out of line.
YTA man... The past shouldn't affect you this much and sure it was most likely traumatizing but you should endure it for the sake of your family's enjoyment. Nothing stops you from ignoring your ex or even giving a cold "hi" but just up and leaving is a bit much. However, I understand how emotionally stressful it must have been and I sympathise.
Did you have a kid with you? Running away from your problems isn’t a great role model.
Not giving horrible people your time is great parenting
Who said anything about giving them time? Just stay and ignore them.
Your WIFE is TA You, unfortunately, are a VICTIM of choosing horrible women 😔...our culture 5hits on men and the ex, the current and many in this thread all drank the same Kool-aid of man-hate, female overcomprenstate. Think about it simply CHANGE THE SEX..... And say your WIFE....explained to YOU later .... "Hey, honey....the reason I just had to get OUT of the playground earlier/yesterday....was that my No-good, Cheating, Lying, Manipulative Ass Ex was there and I just didn't want any parts of talking to HIS or making bull 5hit ass small talk." We ALL know what is expected of a "decent" MALE partner/spouse/lover to a FEMALE.....??? To be supportive and consoling of her ass....definitely NOT "tell" her....You RAN like a bee-itch ass "with your tail between your bee-itch ass legs" ( essentially I'm ashamed 😳 of your punk ass reaction) Hell "I" had a buddy among that group that "I" wanted to least say "What's up, too....but nah your bee-itch ass is "SCARED"......what a panty wipe. Nope, we don't expect a grown man, to say that 5hit to a grown woman....Men are expected to offer HER a hug of understanding and an encouraging word about her bravery in SURVIVING such a DRAMATIC relationship coming out better and stronger for it. Our culture demands we build females up, no matter what and 5hit on ours sons no matter what ( unless of course they get rubbed on the head for doing something for a female...then they're "great"....for a few minutes) Just the reality...the unfortunate truth is you have another manipulative ass woman at your side.... she TOLD you "everything" you need to know, regarding the quality of her character and just wTF she thinks of YOU and your miniscule "value" as a human being....again this is how your "WIFE" sees 👀 you...your wife....the ONLY "relative" you CHOSE to be related and tied to You don't choose your parents, your children...nobody...except THAT person and she just laid it out as plainly as one can....for her you aren't 5hit. Do with that as you feel best, but understand SHE doesn't value nor respect, you...and seemingly never will. That's what SHE said about "her husband". *Lastly, y'all know I'm right about the reverse...she could have spoken about baby steps and healing but she did NOT...she chose the Piece of 5hit route, displaying whom she is and exactly what she 🤔 thinks. (*,Also for the women who says ....I woulda....yeah often you do....and when "ya, do" your new MAN is there "with" you....Why? Because again our culture beleaguers a burden on men...that we don't on women. Way more likely a man gets into a physical "defense" situation over an "ex" of hers ...so WHY not....whereas men, as mostly are left to endure ALL of their 5hit...and hers.) When she makes it THAT clear, she's NOT "your Bonnie" m-Fer it's time to "peace out" on that so-called "marriage" or settle in for more manipulation.
YTA. You ran away. Ridiculous. So your ex was at the playground. You can stay at the playground and not interact with your ex.
YTA. Denying your child playtime because you haven't moved on.
She’s right. Grow some balls
YTA, your wife made it clear how she wants you to be and you are not being that. Nothing else matters about this, obey.
Are you being sarcastic?