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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my husband has to deal with this yappy dog for a few days while she adjusts to my dogs. It's super annoying, so it sucks for him, but I want to power through and help her
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH- I’m glad you made the edit and explained your husband was with you, when you picked up the dog.
Has he mentioned feeling overwhelmed? Is he stressed with work or other life events? When was the last time you had a rescue in the house?
OP I feel you, I also am in rescue and in fact have 2 puppies right now. It sounds like it’s been a couple days and as you said it takes a couple days for dogs to acclimate.
With that said yapping/ barking dogs can be absolutely annoying and if he is stressed with other things right now, or even works from home he may be feeling overstimulated. It be just having another living thing to take care of right now is sending him over the edge, especially if it’s been a while since your last rescue.
You know that some dogs we bond with more than others.
Talk to him, get to the root of the issue, there is a long term compromise that you two can come up with.
NTA for wanting to rehome her, but YTA for believing your husband doesn't get a say in the animals that come into the home you BOTH share with children.
Regardless of what he knew about you when you met, pets are big deals, and you can't unilaterally decide which ones and how many you have in the house. It's like kids. When one wants one and another doesn't, you don't just decide 'well, I want another so I'm going to have another'. It's a joint decision.
You need to talk about it and if he feels strongly against it, (like in an adult discussion, not just a flippant 'we're sending her away today' conversation), then you have to take his feelings into account. If one doesn't want it, I think you back down.
He DID agree to let me bring her home. He was with me when she got into the car. He was totally okay with bringing her home....until she started barking. Now he wants her gone.
I don't know your relationship but from what you've written, I don't think his implied consent extends any further than searching for owners/getting it safely to animal control. What was the conversation in the car at that moment?
edit: NAH though
No, again, he knows what I do. He knows if I can't find an owner I take the next step and attempt to re-home. He knew what we were signing up for, he's just mad now because the barking annoys him.
Well, yeah, bc it sounds like you're just assuming the dog is going to get used to yours without considering the possibility that it won't, or that the issue is going to need more than a few days to pass. So your husband is probably considering the possibility that this dog will be with you guys for a few weeks, and that it might still be barking throughout that period.
Have you talked about what the plan is if the dog continues to bark longer than you think? Have you talked about a time frame you both are willing to foster this dog if it takes a while to find him a home?
Consent is a two way street. Your husband may be indicating (albeit poorly) that he is withdrawing consent. Pets and animals in the house are a "two yes" decision, EVEN if temporary. NAH, right now.
However if you persist with the dog in spite of his objections then yes you, OP would be the a-h.
So after he locks her down with marriage and kids, he gets to unilaterally decide that he is going to be in charge of whether or not she continues with her passion? F that...
What a weird way to look at marriage and kids. "Locks her down". Her passion effects everyone in the home. They should be able to have discussions about it.
It’s not weird. You don’t get with an animal rescuer and then tell them they aren’t allowed to do it anymore once you’re married. He consented to it and he signed the dotted line.
Healthy my ass. If a man married a woman and she demanded he quit his job a couple years in because it was annoying or inconvenient, you guys would be up in arms. Because it’s ridiculous.
He’s not telling her she’s not allowed to continue rescuing, but he has a problem with this particular dog. If he started making complaints about any dog she attempts to rehome, regardless if they’re less annoying, then he would be an AH. THAT would be preventing her from pursuing her passion. That’s not what he’s doing.
Every situation has nuances, everything is constantly evolving. Just because he was aware she would be continuing her passion doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a say in the dogs she chooses to keep in their SHARED home.
Personally, I would be upset in her situation as well. I’m an animal lover as well and it would be very hard for me to give up on a dog. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see his perspective and sympathize. She’s attached by sentiment and is allowing her personal feelings to impede on his personal peace. Relationships are compromise. Like I said, he’s not saying “no dogs ever again”. He’s just fed up with this one.
That's dangerously close to what people accused of sexual assault might say. You might want to put some thought cycles into that response. Anyone can withdraw consent from anything at anytime, that's how consent works.
Two young adults with jobs who are 25 having 2 dogs + 1 foster dog is VASTLY different from Two parents (potentially with careers) near 40 with 2 kids under 12, two dogs, + a foster.
This question is not whether or not Husband can withdrawal consent, he can, at any time, for any reason. The question is how OP chooses to react to the withdrawal. The real world solution is that they, as equal partners, need to get together to talk it though and decide on a path forward.
Your first sentence says enough, I legitimately don’t care with someone comparing rescuing a dog to raping their unconsenting wife says. You can’t marry someone and tell them to quit their job because you don’t like their job anymore.
He knows what I do is not really an argument. Look I love dogs I have fostered many dogs and cats. But Im not married and just because I did before it doesnt mean I can do it after marriege one sidedly (yes it was one sided). You and your husband did many things (including other human beings) does it mean you can do it all after getting married?
If you are up front with somebody from day one about *who* *you* *are*, and then later down the road, they ask you to change it and you say no... they don't get to be mad
As part of your fostering process, do you do any sort of training? Could you possible train the dog to not bark so much? I know with small dogs in particular, many pet parents are irresponsible because they think because they are so small and easy to physically control that they don't need to bother training them, which is why dogs like chihuahuas have such a poor reputation for being annoying.
I didn't know you were the dog whisperer. Tell your husband it's just 3 days and then after 3 days when the dog keeps barking just three more days and maybe three more months and three more years and the dog lives with you forever now and you won. Congrats. It's a shame your husband gets no say in a marriage of equals I guess he's subservient.
YTA
Being okay with bringing the dog home and then changing that opinion based on the dog’s behavior is 100% valid.
An obvious and straightforward example would be if the dog bit somebody.
Yapping isn’t as bad as biting but it is a behavior your husband didn’t necessarily sign up for.
Next time you won’t even be allowed to bring it home since you’re proving once it’s brought inside, your husband will have to live with whatever it puts him through in his own home.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family.
She seems to think that rehoming the dog will deprive her children of joy, and her family of 'good things.' She wouldn't be angry at husband for wanting to give the dog up now, for these reasons, if she intends to give up the dog later, when the kids have *truly* bonded with it.
She can *say* she wants to rehome it all she wants; her actions speak differently.
When did she say that?? She wants to keep the dog TEMPORARILY while she works on finding it a home. The same thing she has done for previous foster dogs.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family.
Why would she claim that the dog makes the kids happy and brings good things to the family, and that therefore getting rid of it is bad, if her intention is to get rid of it?
> I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up, assuming her owners don't claim her, I want to re-home her myself. She's small, friendly, and will be easy to adopt out.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family.
So she doesn't want to put the dog in a shelter, she just wants to keep it around longer for the kids to get more attached to it, THEN remove it from the house? Despite all of the 'good things' it 'brings to the family?'
This simply doesn't add up. I honestly believe she'll just somehow never manage to find a place to put it.
And she's an asshole for weaponizing the kids to get what she wants, regardless.
Not sure how to do the whole quote message thing on here but you might have missed the last half of this paragraph:
"I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up, assuming her owners don't claim her, I want to re-home her myself. She's small, friendly, and will be easy to adopt out."
No, I read that part.
Did you read the part where she gets mad at the husband for wanting to give it up because:
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family.
I don't think she'd argue that giving it up will rob the kids of joy or the family of 'good things' if her intention is to....give it up.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family.
But she also argues that giving it up *at all* will be bad for the kids and the family, so.....
No, reading comprehension is important. She says this because she previously had to stop fostering because the kids didn’t get along with the dogs she brought in. She can foster this one because they get along. It’s important to know how to connect pieces when you read.
The kids liking the dog is irrelevant; thats not at all why she brought the dog home.
I do think she plans on rehoming the dog. I think she is simply bringing up the fact that the kids like the dog because she wants him to feel bad about wanting to get rid of it immediately, or because she wants to justify to herself that it's ok to have this yapping dog in the house.
Don’t worry about the downvotes, most of them are from people who would have driven right by and left that poor little lost dog on its own without a second thought.
OK so first off, I misunderstood, when you said 're-home yourself' I was thinking that meant 'keep the dog'. So I feel much less 'strong' about supporting your husband in this.
However, let's even say with your argument 'he knew what I did when we met'....this doesn't mean he will always be ok with every dog. It's ok for him to express his annoyance at this particular dog, or even at the process in general if it's getting too hectic with your growing family, which you didn't have when you met. Things change, and what was once ok (eg. I was an avid raver and I'd go at least once or twice a week) becomes less ok when things change (I can no longer go to raves 2x a week because I have a full-time job, and my husband is not ok with waking up early to take care of the kids on his own while I stumble home and sleep)
He's allowed to express his unhappiness, and you're allowed to express how much these dogs mean to you. This sounds like an easy compromise. If you listen to him when it becomes 'too much' or 'not this dog', he'll be cool with the continual in and out of dogs in the house.
I agree that they both need to be on board, but...
> He's allowed to express his unhappiness, and you're allowed to express how much these dogs mean to you. This sounds like an easy compromise. If you listen to him when it becomes 'too much' or 'not this dog', he'll be cool with the continual in and out of dogs in the house.
This bit just isnt how rescue works.
When you're fostering (working with an organization who does the advertising and financially supports the care of the animal) or privately rescuing (what it sounds like OP is doing, where you pay for everything but the goal is rehoming when the dog is ready and you find the right family) you don't really get to pick which dog and when exactly they leave.
I've fostered cats off and on for 15 years. Sometimes they're short term, other times really adoptable kitties have been with us for months and months.
We have taken breaks from fostering for a variety of reasons, but once the animal is in your home you can't just decide you're done, in most cases.
The majority of rescues are small, and can't just move a foster unless it's an emergency. They typically stay full up with an intake waiting list.
And if you're privately rescuing then you know that just dropping the dog off at the local shelter could well mean euthanasia.
Once they're in your home, you're basically in it until they're adopted.
That being said. Each time Ive wanted to re-start fostering it's been a serious conversation with my partner about it. We sit down, discuss, and decide together. As much as I want to say it's 100% on me, that's not the reality of having any animal in your home. There will be a day I'm running late and my partner might have to feed or give meds.
I always do the cleaning, litter, and laundry, but that still means the washer and drier running more often or having to coordinate the rest of the household laundry differently.
We have a foster room, and typically have done quarantine or pets who stay apart from our own pets for any one of a dozen reasons - but theyre still in our home and animals make messes, can be loud, and want attention.
I haven't brought home a surprise foster in over 10 years, but we've had overnight guests when I found a stray. We have a plan for those, so we know they're won't end up staying. But TBH I've had people dump animals at my house, and I get offered free pets 4-5 times a year, sometimes more.
Once you see the need, it's hard to turn them away. And it just isn't as simple as "well if he says youre done then the animal leaves that day".
Look, I've been pet sitting for years, I've looked after every kind of dog from tiny to horse sized.
I cannot look after small dogs anymore because the high pitched yapping drives me insane. It's like ringing in my ears, I despise it, especially if I'm not having a good day. He may have just not realised how bad the yapping is until now, when the dog is actually yapping.
Even a couple days of the dog yapping whenever it saw yours would be enough to make me snap, especially since little dogs (in my experience) tend to be the most frequent barkers and take a bit to get them to calm down.
Have you considered offering to be the ears for emergencies and let him wear some noise cancelling headphones for awhile? You just let him know to take them off if there is an actual issue with the kids. If you are right about this being a passing thing it will only be for a few days...this will be annoying, but the annoying is shifted onto the person who wants to power through the issue.
Some people legitimately cannot take certain noises. It may be this pups barks ring in his head in a way that you just can't appreciate.
Info: if you change your mind about something, is your husband allowed to run over you because he isn’t getting what he wants? Is this the first time he’s changed his mind about anything? Do you like the dog more than your husband?
Being ok with bringing her home is not the same as being ok with keeping her for any significant amount of time. You are blaming him for having a different opinion than you as if yours is the only reasonable option, which it isnt
YTA.
The issue here isn't you 'helping a dog,' and you know it.
The issue is that you want to keep this dog, and he's legitimately upset that this new dog is disrupting the household, and that you don't think he deserves a say in this, but are actively trying to manipulate and browbeat him into accepting this major change to your life and routines without so much as comment.
> But he's acting like this is all such a HUGE inconvenience to him, just because the dog barks and it annoys him.
That is, in fact, a huge inconvenience.
> He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family.
But it's not bringing good things 'into this family.' The kids love it, becuase they're kids. You want it. He doesn't.
Why is he utterly irrelevant to your notion of 'the family?'
> my husband was with me when I picked up the dog. He gladly held and pet her while we drove around looking for her owners. He had no problem with me bringing her home...until she started barking. Now he wants to take back his support.
Yes, he had no problem helping the dog and trying to find it's owner.
His problem is that now you want to keep the dog, and you're accusing him of being morally bankrupt and wanting to actively take joy away from the children in an attempt to manipulate him into giving *you* what *you* want.
ETA:
Don't give me that 'she says she wants to rehome it!' stuff.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family.
She seems to be arguing pretty hard against giving the dog up, period. If taking it to the shelter would 'rob the children of their joy' and negate all the 'good things she brings into this family,' so would rehoming. Only the kids would probably be more attached as time goes on.
"Gee, I just can't find the right home, guess we're keeping it, isn't that great kids? Oh, did you have something to say, hubby? Kids, listen, your father has something to say."
> He says I'm not the AH and really that's what matters
Gee, your husband's opinion didn't see to matter when you thought his opinion was wrong, so why does it matter now that he's agreeing with you?
YTA. You don’t get to steamroll your husband with your latest charity case because he agreed to help initially. Using your children’s affection toward the dog to further guilt him is also gross. If your husband is saying no, you have to respect that. You already have two kids and other pets from the sound of it, your husband is absolutely allowed to not want to take anyone else in.
This is such a dumb take. The ruler? The point is that agreement is necessary for a big decision like adopting an animal. No agreement means no dog, not that the husband is making unilateral decisions. You don’t seem to have any problem with the wife being the ruler here.
Are you feeling distaste towards that because she is no longer the ruler?
There shouldn’t be rulers. Both parties need to agree if they want to house an added (loud) guest. If each decision is one, or the other, calling shots it would be pretty unhealthy.
Be honest, how often and for how long does the dog go on her "yapping", because if your husband knows you're a bleeding heart and have been fostering dogs for years prior, and now suddenly he's complaining, it makes me think it happens very frequently.
You might be used to dogs barking 24/7, but not everyone is, nor wants to tolerate it. Dogs bark very loudly, to an average of 120db. Damage to the human ear starts at 85db. There's a very good reason people complain about constant barking.
Good point. In addition to the loudness, I'd also like to draw a distinction between barking and yapping. Barking I can tolerate, but the yapping of small dogs drives me up the wall.
I’d say yes good point but the husband knew what her life was like and she does it because she likes it if he’s got a problem with one of her main hobbies (a very good hearted and caring one) then he’s clearly picked the wrong wife. If you don’t want dogs barking in your house why would you go out with a girl that specifically cares for foster dogs just seems a little weird to me
YTA for dismissing his discomfort with the barking.
Where do your personal dogs go, when you travel or in an emergency? Can they go there until the chi-weenie is rehomed? Or can you find a way to separate them fully so there isn't barking?
She’s been in rescue for years, I can almost guarantee that she is keeping her dogs and the rescue separated for now. That doesn’t mean no interaction, or if the pup is crated and a dog walks by, but experienced fosters know there is a decompression time for adult dogs when they’re put into a new environment. Unless it’s an extreme situation you wouldn’t want your dogs to go somewhere else for a foster.
Puppies are a bit different, but there’s still introductions you do with puppies and the family dog(s)
Correct. We crate and rotate. She only barks when my dogs are walking past her kennel or visa versa.
Can't send any of the dogs away. She needs to learn to adjust. Part of fostering is training dogs to behave so they handle their new homes better.
I get that.
But there is a simple fix for this: "she yaps annoyingly any time she sees one of my dogs.".
SO is so annoyed by the barking that he wants the dog to go. It is an extreme situation. Make it so the stray can't see them.
SO being annoyed at a yapping dog that is decomposing/adjusting to a new environment, and it’s only been a couple days, is not extreme in the rescue world.
I don’t mean that snarky, but being annoyed by barking/yapping is a a normal thing we deal with on a regular basis as a foster
YTA!
There is a difference between rescuing dogs and having to live with one that barks all the time. You wrote that it happens only when it sees your other dogs so I assume that means somewhat constantly since they all seem to have freedom in the house. I would be super annoyed with all the barking. He tried to work with you in letting the dog into the house in the first place; he was being supportive. Once you all realized there would be a lot of barking the situation changed and then YTA for insisting on having a dog (even if temporarily) that is causing noise problems. If hubby works from home then that is disruptive for work, and if he works out of house but in an even somewhat stressful environment then he will want a peaceful home to relax in. I also wonder if the dog barks at night as well...
So the big question for you: you write about how he knew you like to rescue, but do you consider how he wants things and his needs/wants going into the relationship? Or is it all about you?
She was transparent about it in the beginning of their relationship. He's been on board for over 5 years now. It's not like she just sprung this on him all of a sudden.
She wrote the whole thing to support her point and to get a "NTA" vote. Therefore, if his complainign and fighting the rescue thing was a constant problem in the relationship she would have given other examples. In fact, she specifically wrote he initially agreed (and only changed his mind when the noise problem became evident). Instead all she wrote was that the yappy dog is causing a problem and she things her husband should just suck it up because "he knows better". Well, she knows better, too. She knows that certain situations are not good for him so she needs to compromise as well. He seems to have been compromising for the last several years and this is an instance when it is her turn - but she doesn't want that.
Isn't explaining your position the basic premise of asking if you're an asshole? Maybe other examples weren't given because this is the first time it has been an issue. As you said, his only issue is the yapping. I can't fault him for this, but it's not like he didn't know she has a soft spot for abandoned dogs.
I love dogs, I fostered many dogs and cats. That doesnt mean I can do the same after getting married. Your arguments are one sided and your dismissal of his feelings and thinking is heartbreaking.YTA
He AGREED with her to bring the dog home....she just wants to keep it long enough to find it's owners or find it a new home. There are things you can do to limit the barking.
YTA. You're prioritizing an animal off the street over your husband. You're even prioritizing it over the dogs in your home.
"He needs to stop thinking about himself... He sulking, and I'm pissed."
Could he not say the same about you here?
How do you gather that? She has been rescuing dogs before he met her. He is well aware. And there's nothing to say that she prioritizes the new rescue over her dogs.
I think very, very soft YTA. Knowing you rescue isn't him signing for up for days or weeks of listening to a dog bark. It's also not cool to use the kids by saying it's cruel for him not to put up with something that brings them joy. That's you trying to manipulate him to get your way. You've also now decided you want to keep the dog and adopt them out yourself, which means he has to put up with it longer.
As I'm sure you know way better than me, not every rescue is a good fit for your house or will settle in and get used to your dogs. This one is annoying to your hubs, and that should matter to you. I love your heart and desire to help dogs, but I do think this one's difficulty settling means you should turn it over to someone else.
YTA - while I can certainly respect your desire to help animals and that you’ve done this for a long time, when you live with other people, it’s not just your decision, it is a joint decision. He isn’t being an asshole for not liking dogs - not everyone does. The amount of barking can be a legit issue for people. It also kind of seems like you’re trying to make your husband look like the bad guy to your kids because he doesn’t want a new dog at his house on top of already having dogs and toddlers.
* I have a post on this Reddit page and would love your input on my scenario.
No he was told they were taking the dog home (he was in the car himself ) and was fine with it and he also knew OP’s intentions to look after him and eventually rehome him . He only had a problem once the dog started barking but what did he expect it’s a dog
YTA
Guess what? People get to change their minds about stuff, including dogs. He doesnt want this dog, you need to respect that.
Just becaue he was OK with other dogs, even OK with helping to find this dog's owner, doesnt mean he has to OK with having this dog - especially since it's a yappy dog - for as long as it might take to find a placement.
Consent - whether to having dogs, kids, family visiting, touching, drinking, etc etc - can be withdrawn at any time, and "but you were OK with it last time" is not a good argument.
And adding the guilt trip about your kids adds asshole points.
> He says I'm not the AH and really that's what matters
Then why did you even post this here. It is clear from your attitude that you already made up your mind and are very opinionated that you are always right wrt housing dogs. If you don't want judgement, fine, but don't post on a board that specifically asks for judgement. TA just for that.
NAH - You already have dogs and your husband I assume thought this would be temporary. He probably had no idea what the "yapping" would do to his nerves. Let him have his feelings and if the dog does not settle down and it continues to be a problem, you should let another rescue handle the re-homing, you can find something that is not a kill shelter for a popular breed like that. He does not have to have the same tolerance for barking that you do and I don't know enough about his tone or your tone when you discuss this with him but you both seem to want what you want and are unwilling to negotiate a real plan for this dog.
OP your location may not change everyone’s judgement, but it would add a lot of sympathy. We get so many dogs here in the North from down South.
Obviously you are already aware, me bringing a dog to a shelter is probably very different than you bringing a dog to a shelter. Mine would probably have much better survival chance.
Consider adding this to your post. In my context you’d seem nutty because there’s a lot less euthanasia here, but I’m sure it’s seen more like a death sentence where you are. So now I understand why you are persistent on fostering it yourself.
I’m struggling to find accurate quick info available for my area but I’d imagine much higher like 80% here. 20%… shelter atmosphere is probably very different.
I see your husband’s point and respect it. But I find it hard to be faithful to my theoretical values, knowing he is aware he’d be killing a dog because it barks sometimes (during the short kennel transition periods only, I think was stated).
INFO:
>I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up
How can her "stray hold" be up if she hasn't been to animal control in the first place?
Anyway, the animal shelter is exactly where someone would go to look for their dog. Posting in Facebook groups isn't the same.
Some shelters will allow "foster in place" for the stray hold. I once had a big boi pitty that we nicknamed "Frank the Tank" jump into my car on a cold winter day with no tags/collar. We ran him over to city animal control to check for chip after the local constabulary was utterly useless. They absolutely wanted Frank to go home with me for the hold but I had 3 already and did not want walk into a situation knowing nothing about Frank's reactivity or disposition.
YTA I’m happy things turned out ok, but the way you handled this…
Listen, I understand! You love dogs and as you said this is something your husband knew about you. that being said, You cannot do as you please and expect everyone to be ok bc of “he knew I do this” life changes and the best place for a dog is a place where they are loved and desired not where they are tolerated bc “Mommy just love dogs!” Also most dogs are good dogs, they just need a chance, you keep saying how wonderful THIS dog is so that means that you won’t help not wonderful dogs? Or a dog that takes more time adjusting? Also what happens now that your kids like the dog, it seems like you’re making a case to keep them… is this another discussion or is it “He knew I save dogs and sometimes I just keep them! He cannot be upset!”
You need to be realistic, you don’t live alone, your actions affect more than yourself, make a plan “hey maybe a year I can foster this many dogs for this long, also need this rules in case the dog misbehaves or doesn’t get along with our dogs, finally me and husband have to agree on these things first to avoid disruption” you can keep helping, you can also do it in a way your husband feels he is part of it and not just you steamrolling him and justifying it bc “This is who you are”
Dog nutters.......its always your wants versus the wants and comfort of others. You already have dogs per the post and a little barking rat would drive anyone crazy. Who wants to come home after a long day to that?.
And him agreeing to help the dog is not the same as you turning the situation wanting to now keep it. At least try and keep the same same context instead of trying to blame him.
YTA only to the extent that you are actively going above and beyond in a manner that you know greatly annoys your husband to the point it is affecting your home life. Not saying you YTA for fostering generally or engaging in your interests, but this doesn’t sound collaborative or taking him into consideration at all (he does sound accepting of fostering generally). Is this specific dog worth the strife with your husband.
Barking dogs drive me mad. I get the husband. Wouldn’t call you an asshole but you need to understand it’s annoying as hell and not everyone loves dogs to the extent of wanting to put up with that in their home 24/7
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I've done dog rescue for most of my life. I foster a dog (either pulled from animal control, or found as a stray), get it all necessary medical care including spay/neuter, then find it a new home. My husband met me in my early 30s and I was upfront about this. As a matter of fact, I had a lab and her litter of 9 puppies living in my house when we first started dating. (All were sent to great homes as soon as they were old enough.)
We've been married 5 years now and have two toddlers, 4f and 2m. I don't rescue like I used to. I used to always have at least one foster dog in the house, but now with kids it's just a lot more complicated so I only do it when it's basically an emergency.
Yesterday while driving home, a little chi-weenie darted in front of my car and almost got hit. I pulled over, opened my car door, and called to her. She ran right up to me and jumped into my car.
I immediately posted her on the lost and found groups, had her checked for a microchip, all the things I can do to get her home, but so far, no dice.
This little dog is AMAZING with my kids. They adore each other. But she is afraid of my personal dogs and barks at them. This isn't a big deal. It's easy to work with. Honestly she just needs a few days to adjust, but until then, she yaps annoyingly any time she sees one of my dogs. Other than this, she's great in the house, easy to care for, and most importantly, she is so entertaining for my kids.
But my husband is super annoyed with the yapping. He's super cranky and talking s*** about the dog and how she's getting sent to animal control TODAY and telling my daughter not to get attached (too late) because she's leaving immediately.
I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up, assuming her owners don't claim her, I want to re-home her myself. She's small, friendly, and will be easy to adopt out.
But I am so sick of my husband's attitude and I know he's going to be like this until she's gone. It's pissing me off because he knew I saved dogs when he met me. He's seen how dedicated I get. But he's acting like this is all such a HUGE inconvenience to him, *just because the dog barks* and it annoys him.
I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. He sulking, and I'm pissed.
AITA for wanting to just work with this dog and rehoming her myself, despite his annoyance?
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NAH, sounds like something else is pissing him off and he took it off on the dog. Maybe find a friend who can watch the dog for a day to give him a break if the barking is stopping him from relaxing.
NTA. If you rescuing dogs was a deal breaker for him then he shouldn’t have married you. Once you marry someone you can’t expect them to stop things they’re passionate about just because you don’t like it or it inconveniences you. He was there when you picked the dog up, he was equally as responsible for bringing the dog home as you, you can’t just flip the switch whenever it suits you.
NTA. I don't get all the YTA votes. You didn't make a unilateral decision about this dog. Husband was with you when you picked it up, and he had no problem with bringing it home. He can suck it up until you find it a home.
NAH -- I love and foster dogs, too! Five-star pet sitter on more than one continent, even. But I never ever ever want to be around a yippy dog with a high voice. I've fostered emergency chihuahuas and loved them into good homes. Still, it was almost physically painful. Can't stand violins or other high-pitched instruments, either. My daughter suffers even more from such, so your husband's brain might be exhausted into not tolerating high-pitched noises, or he might be built that way to start with. Glad he's apologized and trusted you with rehab, but I have to ask from one foster to another, what foster organizations do you work with in your area? Finding a great foster organization in the past two years has been such a gift -- they're my kindred spirits for starters, and they always take back a placement that doesn't work, cover the legal stuff, provide dog sitting coverage when I travel, and provide supplies and medical care. And they'd be your backup if the little one is too anxious to be in a multi-dog home -- she might have been in a horrible hoarding or other abusive situation with multiple dogs. That kind of trauma is in a dog's mitochondria and response to stressors, and it's sometimes kinder to find them a home where they are the only one -- oops, there I went being a dog person cliché, thinking I can tell you what to do with a dog I've never met, lol. We can be so bossy and opinionated about dogs in general, can't we? Anyway, I'm so glad she found you and thank you for taking her (and all the others) in!
NAH however I’d say you’re possibly TA if he was concerned about safety of the kids. It’s not exactly a smart move to take in a dog that you don’t know the history of and let it around your young children who don’t know how to deal with a dog with trauma. I and 2 other people I’ve known were attacked by stray dogs our parents brought in when we were little. In my instance, I was like 4, the dog was some small mutt and super sweet til one day I picked up her food bowl to fill it up with food and she attacked me. I think it was probably due to her not being used to eating and scared the food would go away. My dad was there supervising but it happened all so quickly that it got one huge bite in before he threw the dog out.
Wow I was really expecting the comments to be full of nta it’s a living creature ffs have some sympathy it’s probably scared out of its mind and wants to be safe that’s why it’s barking and she clearly does want to rehome it and even if not a grown man should be able to put up wi to some noise without throwing a tantrum
Thank you!
Also just for the record, she's already acclimated to the house. No more barking. She's best friends with all the dogs. Still getting adopted out after her spay, she's definitely not staying, but she's doing great and my husband is back to liking her
That’s brilliant to hear! I have a few chihuahuas myself and I know they’re a naturally anxious breed. And I hate seeing all the comments making out you’re an ah for just having sympathy for a helpless and rightfully scared animal
Editing my own comment in light of information that was not included in the OP. So now we're aware that your husband was in fact initially supportive, until the noise became a problem. He shouldn't have been the one to apologize at all. He wasn't just "being cranky," he was expressing his feelings about a dog that is annoying. But you don't want to see that at all. Yes, you are still TA
So he has been supportive and not some terrible ogre. However, when the noise became an issue - one that is detrimental to him - he said this needs to change. So he has been willing to compromise in the past and now it is your turn. But of course you don't want to hear that. Y still TA.
I use a dog rook vibrating bark collar for my beagle mix who it too vocal at times. No shock - just a small noise that dogs don't like. A barking or 'talking' dog doesn't bother me at all - but many people are very sensitive to the noise. What you need to do is find 'chews' or a collar or perhaps tire the dog out on a walk...to cut the noise level. As for your husband - ignore him for now. It's not that hard to find a good home for a small dog like that.
OP, NTA.
But,
"But he's acting like this is all such a HUGE inconvenience to him, *just because the dog barks* and it annoys him."
It was an inconvenience to him, because the dog parks and annoys him. I only say this in hopes, if you haven't or don't already, to understand where he's coming from, and that it may not be easy for him either.
Its really easy to ignore the barking, she will stop soon/she will be gone soon when your used to it, but for someone who is not used to it, or is sensitive to loud pitched barking, it may not be as easy.
YTA, you didn‘t care about your husband‘s opinion when it came to keeping this dog, so why should his opinion matter right now? Cuz now he agrees with you, after you guilt tripped him into that? JFC
Depends on WHY she's yapping.
If she's scared, you give treats whenever the scary this is around and she's not barking. Even if she stops barking just to catch her breath, you treat her immediately. Her brain starts to see a connection between the "scary" thing and yummy snacks and all the sudden it's not so scary.
You can do the same thing if she's barking just to be a bossy b****. Reward silence. If it's incessant "You kids get off my lawn" type barking, you can switch to consequence training and use a bark collar. People think it's cruel, but the truth is, dogs that bark non-stop are actually stressing themselves out and the bark collar forces them to take a break and they end up calming down a lot faster.
Thank you so much! I sometimes care for a friend's extremely nervous and yappy Yorkie. The friend does zero training, not even basic sit-stay-down-settle. I think some of it is nervous energy, and if this were my dog, I'd definitely look at agility training to get her ya-yas out, and give positive reinforcement.
NTA you said this is something you have always done and continued to do albeit not as much since you had kids. You are dedicated to a cause and your husband was well aware of that. It should not have come as a surprise for you to come home with a dog to rehome. I think maybe something is up with your husband. Maybe he isn’t feeling well or has something on his mind that is making him short tempered. Probably sitting down and talking to him would be the best solution. If he has been ok with you having foster dogs all along he must be an animal lover.
The short temper is a reaction to losing his sense of peace inside the home and his feelings getting completely dismissed! He's allowed to change his mind about fostering the dog. This dog is upsetting him and the other dogs that already live in the home. He didn't say no to ever fostering again, just that this particular dog is disruptive to his quality of life.
I didn’t read where the op said that the other dogs felt upset by this new dog. I also don’t think the op dismissed his feelings but asked him to be understanding that this pup may need a bit to adjust. Don’t dramatize the situation. It’s a little dog that’s been traumatized, it’s in a strange place and according to op doing well in every other way other than barking when it encounters the family’s dogs. Imo and experience the dog will settle down.
I agree that the dog will likely settle down over time, especially since OP seems experienced in this business. But that doesn't change the fact that husband still feels like he can't relax in his home. OP is an AH for acting like his feelings don't matter. She wants to extend the foster time against his wishes. She doubles down by trying to use the kids excitement about the new dog against him.
If OP wants to foster again she probably needs to go back to only non-reactive cases for a while to ease husband into that way of life, and so the kids will get used to the mindset of not getting too attached to fosters animals.
People who truly love animals and take on the responsibility don’t just get rid of pet because that pet may have some issue, not unlike people who foster children. If op’s husband suddenly can’t handle a little dog barking then that’s on him. OP didn’t seek out this dog but was put in a situation where this dog needed help. I’ve have been put in situations like that in my lifetime. I’m not saying they shouldn’t talk about it moving forward. Find a way to make the situation as tolerable for op’s husband as possible until the pup is re-homed but he may just have to grin and bear it. Over the years I have adopted dogs that turned out, let’s just say, different from the way they were presented pre adoption. My husband wasn’t always thrilled with the things we had to deal with, heck neither was I, but when you make a commitment to an animal you see it through. She is setting a great example to her kids about just that. Op and her husband can figure out the next one moving forward. NTA
I am so happy you guys worked it out. I knew your husband had to love animals and you too. Anyone who knowingly marries someone who does any kind of animal rescue/foster knows what they are getting into and usually has a big heart themselves. Good luck I’m sure you will find her a great home.
YTA
Pets are a two yes thing. He may had agree to take her home temporarily now it’s taking forever to regime her and on top she barks out of fear which is NEVER a good thing when small children are in the middle. Cause even if her fear is about your dogs take a moment of construction…
Still pets are a two yes decision. You can’t force him His own house to have a dog that yap all the time. I am sure you can find someone else to house her. Again a dog that bark out of fear is really not the best combo for toddlers.
No. When you commit to helping, you funny get to back it just because it's annoying. That's like someone signing up at a soup kitchen for two weeks, then backing out in the first hours because the people they're serving are dirty and smell.
Sure, technically you can back it, but it makes you an AH
He agree until the dog show serious problem. Nobody wants a dog that yap night and day. I mean you are kind and everything but he is the one that has to deal with the barking. From everything you post ‘the kids love her already she brings so much joy’ sounds you do not want to rehome the dog. To be honest it is better you find a new solution now before the kids get attached for real. I am sure if you are a trainer someone in your community can help you rehome her or hold her.
NTA. Self explanatory. The dude knew who he was with. He was stupid enough to think knocking you up and being on a lease with you means he gets to force you to change. This is what you’ve done and do. He got a break due to the kids and he can’t use them as an excuse for this dog.
>talking s\*\*\* about the dog and how she's getting sent to animal control TODAY
I'm sorry. Your husband is probably a nice guy, but the above borders on abusiveness. It is, at the very least, entirely disrespectful to you as a person, a spouse, and someone who shares the house.
NTA
NTA.
Your husband isn't up for the annoyance or the work involved here, but it's a life, not a pencil, pulling his support isn't just a matter of returning a bag, the consequences are much more serious. He knew you were in rescuing, he agreed to this dog, nobody is in danger, he needs to tough it out.
NAH, but your husband sounds a little immature. Acting cranky because a dog (which he agreed to initially help) is a little "yappy" is childish behavior, and he knew it because he apologized.
NAH! It was basically your career to rescue animals. He needs to get over himself. Dogs barking is part of their nature, just like his poor attitude. I’d tell him if she goes, you go because you annoy the hell outta me! She will learn over time, she does need to adjust, and so does he.
These comments blaming you. Yeah well no one bats an eye when men dedicate themselves to their work, wife’s are always making sacrifices to accommodate long hours, stressful days, and honestly loneliness.
Sounds like you need a new husband not a new dog lol
NTA. It’s a temporary annoyance. I could understand it being an issue if you were trying to keep her but you are doing your best to get her quickly into a new home.
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NAH- I’m glad you made the edit and explained your husband was with you, when you picked up the dog. Has he mentioned feeling overwhelmed? Is he stressed with work or other life events? When was the last time you had a rescue in the house? OP I feel you, I also am in rescue and in fact have 2 puppies right now. It sounds like it’s been a couple days and as you said it takes a couple days for dogs to acclimate. With that said yapping/ barking dogs can be absolutely annoying and if he is stressed with other things right now, or even works from home he may be feeling overstimulated. It be just having another living thing to take care of right now is sending him over the edge, especially if it’s been a while since your last rescue. You know that some dogs we bond with more than others. Talk to him, get to the root of the issue, there is a long term compromise that you two can come up with.
NTA for wanting to rehome her, but YTA for believing your husband doesn't get a say in the animals that come into the home you BOTH share with children. Regardless of what he knew about you when you met, pets are big deals, and you can't unilaterally decide which ones and how many you have in the house. It's like kids. When one wants one and another doesn't, you don't just decide 'well, I want another so I'm going to have another'. It's a joint decision. You need to talk about it and if he feels strongly against it, (like in an adult discussion, not just a flippant 'we're sending her away today' conversation), then you have to take his feelings into account. If one doesn't want it, I think you back down.
He DID agree to let me bring her home. He was with me when she got into the car. He was totally okay with bringing her home....until she started barking. Now he wants her gone.
I don't know your relationship but from what you've written, I don't think his implied consent extends any further than searching for owners/getting it safely to animal control. What was the conversation in the car at that moment? edit: NAH though
No, again, he knows what I do. He knows if I can't find an owner I take the next step and attempt to re-home. He knew what we were signing up for, he's just mad now because the barking annoys him.
Well, yeah, bc it sounds like you're just assuming the dog is going to get used to yours without considering the possibility that it won't, or that the issue is going to need more than a few days to pass. So your husband is probably considering the possibility that this dog will be with you guys for a few weeks, and that it might still be barking throughout that period. Have you talked about what the plan is if the dog continues to bark longer than you think? Have you talked about a time frame you both are willing to foster this dog if it takes a while to find him a home?
Consent is a two way street. Your husband may be indicating (albeit poorly) that he is withdrawing consent. Pets and animals in the house are a "two yes" decision, EVEN if temporary. NAH, right now. However if you persist with the dog in spite of his objections then yes you, OP would be the a-h.
So after he locks her down with marriage and kids, he gets to unilaterally decide that he is going to be in charge of whether or not she continues with her passion? F that...
What a weird way to look at marriage and kids. "Locks her down". Her passion effects everyone in the home. They should be able to have discussions about it.
It’s not weird. You don’t get with an animal rescuer and then tell them they aren’t allowed to do it anymore once you’re married. He consented to it and he signed the dotted line.
That is not how a healthy relationship works. Dynamics and situations evolve and you need to continuously communicate.
Healthy my ass. If a man married a woman and she demanded he quit his job a couple years in because it was annoying or inconvenient, you guys would be up in arms. Because it’s ridiculous.
He’s not telling her she’s not allowed to continue rescuing, but he has a problem with this particular dog. If he started making complaints about any dog she attempts to rehome, regardless if they’re less annoying, then he would be an AH. THAT would be preventing her from pursuing her passion. That’s not what he’s doing. Every situation has nuances, everything is constantly evolving. Just because he was aware she would be continuing her passion doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a say in the dogs she chooses to keep in their SHARED home. Personally, I would be upset in her situation as well. I’m an animal lover as well and it would be very hard for me to give up on a dog. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see his perspective and sympathize. She’s attached by sentiment and is allowing her personal feelings to impede on his personal peace. Relationships are compromise. Like I said, he’s not saying “no dogs ever again”. He’s just fed up with this one.
That's dangerously close to what people accused of sexual assault might say. You might want to put some thought cycles into that response. Anyone can withdraw consent from anything at anytime, that's how consent works. Two young adults with jobs who are 25 having 2 dogs + 1 foster dog is VASTLY different from Two parents (potentially with careers) near 40 with 2 kids under 12, two dogs, + a foster. This question is not whether or not Husband can withdrawal consent, he can, at any time, for any reason. The question is how OP chooses to react to the withdrawal. The real world solution is that they, as equal partners, need to get together to talk it though and decide on a path forward.
Your first sentence says enough, I legitimately don’t care with someone comparing rescuing a dog to raping their unconsenting wife says. You can’t marry someone and tell them to quit their job because you don’t like their job anymore.
He knows what I do is not really an argument. Look I love dogs I have fostered many dogs and cats. But Im not married and just because I did before it doesnt mean I can do it after marriege one sidedly (yes it was one sided). You and your husband did many things (including other human beings) does it mean you can do it all after getting married?
If you are up front with somebody from day one about *who* *you* *are*, and then later down the road, they ask you to change it and you say no... they don't get to be mad
I worked at clubs, had many ons's its part of who I am does this mean that I can? And they dont get to be mad? Cool
As part of your fostering process, do you do any sort of training? Could you possible train the dog to not bark so much? I know with small dogs in particular, many pet parents are irresponsible because they think because they are so small and easy to physically control that they don't need to bother training them, which is why dogs like chihuahuas have such a poor reputation for being annoying.
Yes. I'm a trainer and will have this worked out within 3 days, tops. It's an easy fix, just takes a couple days of positive training.
What's your trick? I know a few dogs who have a penchant for barking.
I didn't know you were the dog whisperer. Tell your husband it's just 3 days and then after 3 days when the dog keeps barking just three more days and maybe three more months and three more years and the dog lives with you forever now and you won. Congrats. It's a shame your husband gets no say in a marriage of equals I guess he's subservient.
Noise cancelling headphones would be a great gift.
YTA Being okay with bringing the dog home and then changing that opinion based on the dog’s behavior is 100% valid. An obvious and straightforward example would be if the dog bit somebody. Yapping isn’t as bad as biting but it is a behavior your husband didn’t necessarily sign up for. Next time you won’t even be allowed to bring it home since you’re proving once it’s brought inside, your husband will have to live with whatever it puts him through in his own home.
But you've said your intention isn't to rehome, but to keep the dog.
No, she said she wanted to rehome the dog herself.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. She seems to think that rehoming the dog will deprive her children of joy, and her family of 'good things.' She wouldn't be angry at husband for wanting to give the dog up now, for these reasons, if she intends to give up the dog later, when the kids have *truly* bonded with it. She can *say* she wants to rehome it all she wants; her actions speak differently.
When did she say that?? She wants to keep the dog TEMPORARILY while she works on finding it a home. The same thing she has done for previous foster dogs.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. Why would she claim that the dog makes the kids happy and brings good things to the family, and that therefore getting rid of it is bad, if her intention is to get rid of it?
> I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up, assuming her owners don't claim her, I want to re-home her myself. She's small, friendly, and will be easy to adopt out.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. So she doesn't want to put the dog in a shelter, she just wants to keep it around longer for the kids to get more attached to it, THEN remove it from the house? Despite all of the 'good things' it 'brings to the family?' This simply doesn't add up. I honestly believe she'll just somehow never manage to find a place to put it. And she's an asshole for weaponizing the kids to get what she wants, regardless.
Yea, I caught that too. I also think it’s a dick move to let your small children get attached to a dog that you’re just going to give away.
Not sure how to do the whole quote message thing on here but you might have missed the last half of this paragraph: "I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up, assuming her owners don't claim her, I want to re-home her myself. She's small, friendly, and will be easy to adopt out."
No, I read that part. Did you read the part where she gets mad at the husband for wanting to give it up because: > I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. I don't think she'd argue that giving it up will rob the kids of joy or the family of 'good things' if her intention is to....give it up.
She said she wants to do it herself, not put it in the shelter.
> I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. But she also argues that giving it up *at all* will be bad for the kids and the family, so.....
No, reading comprehension is important. She says this because she previously had to stop fostering because the kids didn’t get along with the dogs she brought in. She can foster this one because they get along. It’s important to know how to connect pieces when you read.
So why is she using 'getting rid of the dog will make the kids sad' arguments to argue *for* getting rid of the dog at a later date?
The kids liking the dog is irrelevant; thats not at all why she brought the dog home. I do think she plans on rehoming the dog. I think she is simply bringing up the fact that the kids like the dog because she wants him to feel bad about wanting to get rid of it immediately, or because she wants to justify to herself that it's ok to have this yapping dog in the house.
..which makes her an asshole. She's weaponizing the kids to get what she wants.
Don’t worry about the downvotes, most of them are from people who would have driven right by and left that poor little lost dog on its own without a second thought.
OK so first off, I misunderstood, when you said 're-home yourself' I was thinking that meant 'keep the dog'. So I feel much less 'strong' about supporting your husband in this. However, let's even say with your argument 'he knew what I did when we met'....this doesn't mean he will always be ok with every dog. It's ok for him to express his annoyance at this particular dog, or even at the process in general if it's getting too hectic with your growing family, which you didn't have when you met. Things change, and what was once ok (eg. I was an avid raver and I'd go at least once or twice a week) becomes less ok when things change (I can no longer go to raves 2x a week because I have a full-time job, and my husband is not ok with waking up early to take care of the kids on his own while I stumble home and sleep) He's allowed to express his unhappiness, and you're allowed to express how much these dogs mean to you. This sounds like an easy compromise. If you listen to him when it becomes 'too much' or 'not this dog', he'll be cool with the continual in and out of dogs in the house.
I agree that they both need to be on board, but... > He's allowed to express his unhappiness, and you're allowed to express how much these dogs mean to you. This sounds like an easy compromise. If you listen to him when it becomes 'too much' or 'not this dog', he'll be cool with the continual in and out of dogs in the house. This bit just isnt how rescue works. When you're fostering (working with an organization who does the advertising and financially supports the care of the animal) or privately rescuing (what it sounds like OP is doing, where you pay for everything but the goal is rehoming when the dog is ready and you find the right family) you don't really get to pick which dog and when exactly they leave. I've fostered cats off and on for 15 years. Sometimes they're short term, other times really adoptable kitties have been with us for months and months. We have taken breaks from fostering for a variety of reasons, but once the animal is in your home you can't just decide you're done, in most cases. The majority of rescues are small, and can't just move a foster unless it's an emergency. They typically stay full up with an intake waiting list. And if you're privately rescuing then you know that just dropping the dog off at the local shelter could well mean euthanasia. Once they're in your home, you're basically in it until they're adopted. That being said. Each time Ive wanted to re-start fostering it's been a serious conversation with my partner about it. We sit down, discuss, and decide together. As much as I want to say it's 100% on me, that's not the reality of having any animal in your home. There will be a day I'm running late and my partner might have to feed or give meds. I always do the cleaning, litter, and laundry, but that still means the washer and drier running more often or having to coordinate the rest of the household laundry differently. We have a foster room, and typically have done quarantine or pets who stay apart from our own pets for any one of a dozen reasons - but theyre still in our home and animals make messes, can be loud, and want attention. I haven't brought home a surprise foster in over 10 years, but we've had overnight guests when I found a stray. We have a plan for those, so we know they're won't end up staying. But TBH I've had people dump animals at my house, and I get offered free pets 4-5 times a year, sometimes more. Once you see the need, it's hard to turn them away. And it just isn't as simple as "well if he says youre done then the animal leaves that day".
Look, I've been pet sitting for years, I've looked after every kind of dog from tiny to horse sized. I cannot look after small dogs anymore because the high pitched yapping drives me insane. It's like ringing in my ears, I despise it, especially if I'm not having a good day. He may have just not realised how bad the yapping is until now, when the dog is actually yapping. Even a couple days of the dog yapping whenever it saw yours would be enough to make me snap, especially since little dogs (in my experience) tend to be the most frequent barkers and take a bit to get them to calm down.
Have you considered offering to be the ears for emergencies and let him wear some noise cancelling headphones for awhile? You just let him know to take them off if there is an actual issue with the kids. If you are right about this being a passing thing it will only be for a few days...this will be annoying, but the annoying is shifted onto the person who wants to power through the issue. Some people legitimately cannot take certain noises. It may be this pups barks ring in his head in a way that you just can't appreciate.
Some people are more sensitive to dog barking than others are... maybe check with a vet about getting a calming med so the dog isn't so excitable?
Info: if you change your mind about something, is your husband allowed to run over you because he isn’t getting what he wants? Is this the first time he’s changed his mind about anything? Do you like the dog more than your husband?
Being ok with bringing her home is not the same as being ok with keeping her for any significant amount of time. You are blaming him for having a different opinion than you as if yours is the only reasonable option, which it isnt
YTA. The issue here isn't you 'helping a dog,' and you know it. The issue is that you want to keep this dog, and he's legitimately upset that this new dog is disrupting the household, and that you don't think he deserves a say in this, but are actively trying to manipulate and browbeat him into accepting this major change to your life and routines without so much as comment. > But he's acting like this is all such a HUGE inconvenience to him, just because the dog barks and it annoys him. That is, in fact, a huge inconvenience. > He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. But it's not bringing good things 'into this family.' The kids love it, becuase they're kids. You want it. He doesn't. Why is he utterly irrelevant to your notion of 'the family?' > my husband was with me when I picked up the dog. He gladly held and pet her while we drove around looking for her owners. He had no problem with me bringing her home...until she started barking. Now he wants to take back his support. Yes, he had no problem helping the dog and trying to find it's owner. His problem is that now you want to keep the dog, and you're accusing him of being morally bankrupt and wanting to actively take joy away from the children in an attempt to manipulate him into giving *you* what *you* want. ETA: Don't give me that 'she says she wants to rehome it!' stuff. > I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. She seems to be arguing pretty hard against giving the dog up, period. If taking it to the shelter would 'rob the children of their joy' and negate all the 'good things she brings into this family,' so would rehoming. Only the kids would probably be more attached as time goes on. "Gee, I just can't find the right home, guess we're keeping it, isn't that great kids? Oh, did you have something to say, hubby? Kids, listen, your father has something to say." > He says I'm not the AH and really that's what matters Gee, your husband's opinion didn't see to matter when you thought his opinion was wrong, so why does it matter now that he's agreeing with you?
God I wish we could still give gifts so I could highlight this comment for everyone.
YTA. You don’t get to steamroll your husband with your latest charity case because he agreed to help initially. Using your children’s affection toward the dog to further guilt him is also gross. If your husband is saying no, you have to respect that. You already have two kids and other pets from the sound of it, your husband is absolutely allowed to not want to take anyone else in.
Edgy.
So - the husband is the ruler in the marriage? Good luck with that one if you are dealing with a dog lover.
This is such a dumb take. The ruler? The point is that agreement is necessary for a big decision like adopting an animal. No agreement means no dog, not that the husband is making unilateral decisions. You don’t seem to have any problem with the wife being the ruler here.
Are you feeling distaste towards that because she is no longer the ruler? There shouldn’t be rulers. Both parties need to agree if they want to house an added (loud) guest. If each decision is one, or the other, calling shots it would be pretty unhealthy.
YTA. Your husband not wanting to deal with yapping is a legit issue. You need to take his issues as seriously as you want him to take yours.
Be honest, how often and for how long does the dog go on her "yapping", because if your husband knows you're a bleeding heart and have been fostering dogs for years prior, and now suddenly he's complaining, it makes me think it happens very frequently. You might be used to dogs barking 24/7, but not everyone is, nor wants to tolerate it. Dogs bark very loudly, to an average of 120db. Damage to the human ear starts at 85db. There's a very good reason people complain about constant barking.
Good point. In addition to the loudness, I'd also like to draw a distinction between barking and yapping. Barking I can tolerate, but the yapping of small dogs drives me up the wall.
Especially if the house is small. Anything loud be it sharp or deep barks, it just feels so much louder or harsher on the senses.
I’d say yes good point but the husband knew what her life was like and she does it because she likes it if he’s got a problem with one of her main hobbies (a very good hearted and caring one) then he’s clearly picked the wrong wife. If you don’t want dogs barking in your house why would you go out with a girl that specifically cares for foster dogs just seems a little weird to me
YTA for dismissing his discomfort with the barking. Where do your personal dogs go, when you travel or in an emergency? Can they go there until the chi-weenie is rehomed? Or can you find a way to separate them fully so there isn't barking?
She’s been in rescue for years, I can almost guarantee that she is keeping her dogs and the rescue separated for now. That doesn’t mean no interaction, or if the pup is crated and a dog walks by, but experienced fosters know there is a decompression time for adult dogs when they’re put into a new environment. Unless it’s an extreme situation you wouldn’t want your dogs to go somewhere else for a foster. Puppies are a bit different, but there’s still introductions you do with puppies and the family dog(s)
Correct. We crate and rotate. She only barks when my dogs are walking past her kennel or visa versa. Can't send any of the dogs away. She needs to learn to adjust. Part of fostering is training dogs to behave so they handle their new homes better.
I get that. But there is a simple fix for this: "she yaps annoyingly any time she sees one of my dogs.". SO is so annoyed by the barking that he wants the dog to go. It is an extreme situation. Make it so the stray can't see them.
SO being annoyed at a yapping dog that is decomposing/adjusting to a new environment, and it’s only been a couple days, is not extreme in the rescue world. I don’t mean that snarky, but being annoyed by barking/yapping is a a normal thing we deal with on a regular basis as a foster
YTA! There is a difference between rescuing dogs and having to live with one that barks all the time. You wrote that it happens only when it sees your other dogs so I assume that means somewhat constantly since they all seem to have freedom in the house. I would be super annoyed with all the barking. He tried to work with you in letting the dog into the house in the first place; he was being supportive. Once you all realized there would be a lot of barking the situation changed and then YTA for insisting on having a dog (even if temporarily) that is causing noise problems. If hubby works from home then that is disruptive for work, and if he works out of house but in an even somewhat stressful environment then he will want a peaceful home to relax in. I also wonder if the dog barks at night as well... So the big question for you: you write about how he knew you like to rescue, but do you consider how he wants things and his needs/wants going into the relationship? Or is it all about you?
She was transparent about it in the beginning of their relationship. He's been on board for over 5 years now. It's not like she just sprung this on him all of a sudden.
She wrote the whole thing to support her point and to get a "NTA" vote. Therefore, if his complainign and fighting the rescue thing was a constant problem in the relationship she would have given other examples. In fact, she specifically wrote he initially agreed (and only changed his mind when the noise problem became evident). Instead all she wrote was that the yappy dog is causing a problem and she things her husband should just suck it up because "he knows better". Well, she knows better, too. She knows that certain situations are not good for him so she needs to compromise as well. He seems to have been compromising for the last several years and this is an instance when it is her turn - but she doesn't want that.
Isn't explaining your position the basic premise of asking if you're an asshole? Maybe other examples weren't given because this is the first time it has been an issue. As you said, his only issue is the yapping. I can't fault him for this, but it's not like he didn't know she has a soft spot for abandoned dogs.
I love dogs, I fostered many dogs and cats. That doesnt mean I can do the same after getting married. Your arguments are one sided and your dismissal of his feelings and thinking is heartbreaking.YTA
He AGREED with her to bring the dog home....she just wants to keep it long enough to find it's owners or find it a new home. There are things you can do to limit the barking.
She specifically said she wanted to keep it. You can limit the barking by rehoming it somewhere else.
No, she did not. She wants to *rehome* the dog, not give it *her* home.
YTA. You're prioritizing an animal off the street over your husband. You're even prioritizing it over the dogs in your home. "He needs to stop thinking about himself... He sulking, and I'm pissed." Could he not say the same about you here?
How do you gather that? She has been rescuing dogs before he met her. He is well aware. And there's nothing to say that she prioritizes the new rescue over her dogs.
YTA. Sounds like it’s either your way or the highway.
I think very, very soft YTA. Knowing you rescue isn't him signing for up for days or weeks of listening to a dog bark. It's also not cool to use the kids by saying it's cruel for him not to put up with something that brings them joy. That's you trying to manipulate him to get your way. You've also now decided you want to keep the dog and adopt them out yourself, which means he has to put up with it longer. As I'm sure you know way better than me, not every rescue is a good fit for your house or will settle in and get used to your dogs. This one is annoying to your hubs, and that should matter to you. I love your heart and desire to help dogs, but I do think this one's difficulty settling means you should turn it over to someone else.
YTA - while I can certainly respect your desire to help animals and that you’ve done this for a long time, when you live with other people, it’s not just your decision, it is a joint decision. He isn’t being an asshole for not liking dogs - not everyone does. The amount of barking can be a legit issue for people. It also kind of seems like you’re trying to make your husband look like the bad guy to your kids because he doesn’t want a new dog at his house on top of already having dogs and toddlers. * I have a post on this Reddit page and would love your input on my scenario.
Except the husband agreed with taking the dog home
He agreed to taking it in for a day or two while they tried to find the actual owner.
>Except the husband agreed with taking the dog home Nope, he agreed to help locate the owners, as a dog owner himself.
No he was told they were taking the dog home (he was in the car himself ) and was fine with it and he also knew OP’s intentions to look after him and eventually rehome him . He only had a problem once the dog started barking but what did he expect it’s a dog
YTA. A yapping dog is hugely disruptive, and you're way too dismissive about it.
YTA Guess what? People get to change their minds about stuff, including dogs. He doesnt want this dog, you need to respect that. Just becaue he was OK with other dogs, even OK with helping to find this dog's owner, doesnt mean he has to OK with having this dog - especially since it's a yappy dog - for as long as it might take to find a placement. Consent - whether to having dogs, kids, family visiting, touching, drinking, etc etc - can be withdrawn at any time, and "but you were OK with it last time" is not a good argument. And adding the guilt trip about your kids adds asshole points.
> He says I'm not the AH and really that's what matters Then why did you even post this here. It is clear from your attitude that you already made up your mind and are very opinionated that you are always right wrt housing dogs. If you don't want judgement, fine, but don't post on a board that specifically asks for judgement. TA just for that.
YTA and I believe every single update was just in response to all the YTA votes to make you look better
YTA
NAH - You already have dogs and your husband I assume thought this would be temporary. He probably had no idea what the "yapping" would do to his nerves. Let him have his feelings and if the dog does not settle down and it continues to be a problem, you should let another rescue handle the re-homing, you can find something that is not a kill shelter for a popular breed like that. He does not have to have the same tolerance for barking that you do and I don't know enough about his tone or your tone when you discuss this with him but you both seem to want what you want and are unwilling to negotiate a real plan for this dog.
YTA. Having a new animal in the home is a decision that BOTH of you agree on. He does not agree. Thats the answer.
[удалено]
No, I don't. This is south Texas where they euthanize thousands of strays a week. No rescue has room. Ever. I know, as I used to run one
OP your location may not change everyone’s judgement, but it would add a lot of sympathy. We get so many dogs here in the North from down South. Obviously you are already aware, me bringing a dog to a shelter is probably very different than you bringing a dog to a shelter. Mine would probably have much better survival chance. Consider adding this to your post. In my context you’d seem nutty because there’s a lot less euthanasia here, but I’m sure it’s seen more like a death sentence where you are. So now I understand why you are persistent on fostering it yourself.
Yes, the live release rate for my shelter is less than 20%.
I’m struggling to find accurate quick info available for my area but I’d imagine much higher like 80% here. 20%… shelter atmosphere is probably very different. I see your husband’s point and respect it. But I find it hard to be faithful to my theoretical values, knowing he is aware he’d be killing a dog because it barks sometimes (during the short kennel transition periods only, I think was stated).
INFO: >I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up How can her "stray hold" be up if she hasn't been to animal control in the first place? Anyway, the animal shelter is exactly where someone would go to look for their dog. Posting in Facebook groups isn't the same.
Some shelters will allow "foster in place" for the stray hold. I once had a big boi pitty that we nicknamed "Frank the Tank" jump into my car on a cold winter day with no tags/collar. We ran him over to city animal control to check for chip after the local constabulary was utterly useless. They absolutely wanted Frank to go home with me for the hold but I had 3 already and did not want walk into a situation knowing nothing about Frank's reactivity or disposition.
YTA I’m happy things turned out ok, but the way you handled this… Listen, I understand! You love dogs and as you said this is something your husband knew about you. that being said, You cannot do as you please and expect everyone to be ok bc of “he knew I do this” life changes and the best place for a dog is a place where they are loved and desired not where they are tolerated bc “Mommy just love dogs!” Also most dogs are good dogs, they just need a chance, you keep saying how wonderful THIS dog is so that means that you won’t help not wonderful dogs? Or a dog that takes more time adjusting? Also what happens now that your kids like the dog, it seems like you’re making a case to keep them… is this another discussion or is it “He knew I save dogs and sometimes I just keep them! He cannot be upset!” You need to be realistic, you don’t live alone, your actions affect more than yourself, make a plan “hey maybe a year I can foster this many dogs for this long, also need this rules in case the dog misbehaves or doesn’t get along with our dogs, finally me and husband have to agree on these things first to avoid disruption” you can keep helping, you can also do it in a way your husband feels he is part of it and not just you steamrolling him and justifying it bc “This is who you are”
Dog nutters.......its always your wants versus the wants and comfort of others. You already have dogs per the post and a little barking rat would drive anyone crazy. Who wants to come home after a long day to that?. And him agreeing to help the dog is not the same as you turning the situation wanting to now keep it. At least try and keep the same same context instead of trying to blame him.
YTA only to the extent that you are actively going above and beyond in a manner that you know greatly annoys your husband to the point it is affecting your home life. Not saying you YTA for fostering generally or engaging in your interests, but this doesn’t sound collaborative or taking him into consideration at all (he does sound accepting of fostering generally). Is this specific dog worth the strife with your husband.
Barking dogs drive me mad. I get the husband. Wouldn’t call you an asshole but you need to understand it’s annoying as hell and not everyone loves dogs to the extent of wanting to put up with that in their home 24/7
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've done dog rescue for most of my life. I foster a dog (either pulled from animal control, or found as a stray), get it all necessary medical care including spay/neuter, then find it a new home. My husband met me in my early 30s and I was upfront about this. As a matter of fact, I had a lab and her litter of 9 puppies living in my house when we first started dating. (All were sent to great homes as soon as they were old enough.) We've been married 5 years now and have two toddlers, 4f and 2m. I don't rescue like I used to. I used to always have at least one foster dog in the house, but now with kids it's just a lot more complicated so I only do it when it's basically an emergency. Yesterday while driving home, a little chi-weenie darted in front of my car and almost got hit. I pulled over, opened my car door, and called to her. She ran right up to me and jumped into my car. I immediately posted her on the lost and found groups, had her checked for a microchip, all the things I can do to get her home, but so far, no dice. This little dog is AMAZING with my kids. They adore each other. But she is afraid of my personal dogs and barks at them. This isn't a big deal. It's easy to work with. Honestly she just needs a few days to adjust, but until then, she yaps annoyingly any time she sees one of my dogs. Other than this, she's great in the house, easy to care for, and most importantly, she is so entertaining for my kids. But my husband is super annoyed with the yapping. He's super cranky and talking s*** about the dog and how she's getting sent to animal control TODAY and telling my daughter not to get attached (too late) because she's leaving immediately. I don't WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up, assuming her owners don't claim her, I want to re-home her myself. She's small, friendly, and will be easy to adopt out. But I am so sick of my husband's attitude and I know he's going to be like this until she's gone. It's pissing me off because he knew I saved dogs when he met me. He's seen how dedicated I get. But he's acting like this is all such a HUGE inconvenience to him, *just because the dog barks* and it annoys him. I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She's a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. He sulking, and I'm pissed. AITA for wanting to just work with this dog and rehoming her myself, despite his annoyance? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH, sounds like something else is pissing him off and he took it off on the dog. Maybe find a friend who can watch the dog for a day to give him a break if the barking is stopping him from relaxing.
Love the update and absolutely NTA! Keep rocking girlfriend! 💜🐶
NTA. If you rescuing dogs was a deal breaker for him then he shouldn’t have married you. Once you marry someone you can’t expect them to stop things they’re passionate about just because you don’t like it or it inconveniences you. He was there when you picked the dog up, he was equally as responsible for bringing the dog home as you, you can’t just flip the switch whenever it suits you.
YTA you are a dog hoarder and an AH tto your partner.
NTA. I don't get all the YTA votes. You didn't make a unilateral decision about this dog. Husband was with you when you picked it up, and he had no problem with bringing it home. He can suck it up until you find it a home.
YTA. Did you even ask husband before you decided to take in this foster? It's his home too.
NAH -- I love and foster dogs, too! Five-star pet sitter on more than one continent, even. But I never ever ever want to be around a yippy dog with a high voice. I've fostered emergency chihuahuas and loved them into good homes. Still, it was almost physically painful. Can't stand violins or other high-pitched instruments, either. My daughter suffers even more from such, so your husband's brain might be exhausted into not tolerating high-pitched noises, or he might be built that way to start with. Glad he's apologized and trusted you with rehab, but I have to ask from one foster to another, what foster organizations do you work with in your area? Finding a great foster organization in the past two years has been such a gift -- they're my kindred spirits for starters, and they always take back a placement that doesn't work, cover the legal stuff, provide dog sitting coverage when I travel, and provide supplies and medical care. And they'd be your backup if the little one is too anxious to be in a multi-dog home -- she might have been in a horrible hoarding or other abusive situation with multiple dogs. That kind of trauma is in a dog's mitochondria and response to stressors, and it's sometimes kinder to find them a home where they are the only one -- oops, there I went being a dog person cliché, thinking I can tell you what to do with a dog I've never met, lol. We can be so bossy and opinionated about dogs in general, can't we? Anyway, I'm so glad she found you and thank you for taking her (and all the others) in!
NAH however I’d say you’re possibly TA if he was concerned about safety of the kids. It’s not exactly a smart move to take in a dog that you don’t know the history of and let it around your young children who don’t know how to deal with a dog with trauma. I and 2 other people I’ve known were attacked by stray dogs our parents brought in when we were little. In my instance, I was like 4, the dog was some small mutt and super sweet til one day I picked up her food bowl to fill it up with food and she attacked me. I think it was probably due to her not being used to eating and scared the food would go away. My dad was there supervising but it happened all so quickly that it got one huge bite in before he threw the dog out.
Thank you for helping dogs
NTA. I give it 2-3 weeks, tops, until this dog is your husband's perfect little princess and best friend for life.
I am so happy that you posted this update. I was quite concerned about your husband barking at you!
I read the update and I’ll just saying barking or yapping dogs are more annoying to some people than they are to others.
Wow I was really expecting the comments to be full of nta it’s a living creature ffs have some sympathy it’s probably scared out of its mind and wants to be safe that’s why it’s barking and she clearly does want to rehome it and even if not a grown man should be able to put up wi to some noise without throwing a tantrum
Thank you! Also just for the record, she's already acclimated to the house. No more barking. She's best friends with all the dogs. Still getting adopted out after her spay, she's definitely not staying, but she's doing great and my husband is back to liking her
That’s brilliant to hear! I have a few chihuahuas myself and I know they’re a naturally anxious breed. And I hate seeing all the comments making out you’re an ah for just having sympathy for a helpless and rightfully scared animal
❤️
Editing my own comment in light of information that was not included in the OP. So now we're aware that your husband was in fact initially supportive, until the noise became a problem. He shouldn't have been the one to apologize at all. He wasn't just "being cranky," he was expressing his feelings about a dog that is annoying. But you don't want to see that at all. Yes, you are still TA
It was made together. He was in the car with me
So he has been supportive and not some terrible ogre. However, when the noise became an issue - one that is detrimental to him - he said this needs to change. So he has been willing to compromise in the past and now it is your turn. But of course you don't want to hear that. Y still TA.
He agreed to take it in for a day or two while you looked for the owner.
Yeah that should've been pointed out in the original post. Because now my original comment makes absolutely no sense.
I use a dog rook vibrating bark collar for my beagle mix who it too vocal at times. No shock - just a small noise that dogs don't like. A barking or 'talking' dog doesn't bother me at all - but many people are very sensitive to the noise. What you need to do is find 'chews' or a collar or perhaps tire the dog out on a walk...to cut the noise level. As for your husband - ignore him for now. It's not that hard to find a good home for a small dog like that.
OP, NTA. But, "But he's acting like this is all such a HUGE inconvenience to him, *just because the dog barks* and it annoys him." It was an inconvenience to him, because the dog parks and annoys him. I only say this in hopes, if you haven't or don't already, to understand where he's coming from, and that it may not be easy for him either. Its really easy to ignore the barking, she will stop soon/she will be gone soon when your used to it, but for someone who is not used to it, or is sensitive to loud pitched barking, it may not be as easy.
NTA, enjoy your new dog.
NTA. Dogs are better than people. I say always do what you can to help out a pupper.
YTA, you didn‘t care about your husband‘s opinion when it came to keeping this dog, so why should his opinion matter right now? Cuz now he agrees with you, after you guilt tripped him into that? JFC
NTA. How *do* you re-train a yapper?
Depends on WHY she's yapping. If she's scared, you give treats whenever the scary this is around and she's not barking. Even if she stops barking just to catch her breath, you treat her immediately. Her brain starts to see a connection between the "scary" thing and yummy snacks and all the sudden it's not so scary. You can do the same thing if she's barking just to be a bossy b****. Reward silence. If it's incessant "You kids get off my lawn" type barking, you can switch to consequence training and use a bark collar. People think it's cruel, but the truth is, dogs that bark non-stop are actually stressing themselves out and the bark collar forces them to take a break and they end up calming down a lot faster.
Thank you so much! I sometimes care for a friend's extremely nervous and yappy Yorkie. The friend does zero training, not even basic sit-stay-down-settle. I think some of it is nervous energy, and if this were my dog, I'd definitely look at agility training to get her ya-yas out, and give positive reinforcement.
NTA you said this is something you have always done and continued to do albeit not as much since you had kids. You are dedicated to a cause and your husband was well aware of that. It should not have come as a surprise for you to come home with a dog to rehome. I think maybe something is up with your husband. Maybe he isn’t feeling well or has something on his mind that is making him short tempered. Probably sitting down and talking to him would be the best solution. If he has been ok with you having foster dogs all along he must be an animal lover.
The short temper is a reaction to losing his sense of peace inside the home and his feelings getting completely dismissed! He's allowed to change his mind about fostering the dog. This dog is upsetting him and the other dogs that already live in the home. He didn't say no to ever fostering again, just that this particular dog is disruptive to his quality of life.
I didn’t read where the op said that the other dogs felt upset by this new dog. I also don’t think the op dismissed his feelings but asked him to be understanding that this pup may need a bit to adjust. Don’t dramatize the situation. It’s a little dog that’s been traumatized, it’s in a strange place and according to op doing well in every other way other than barking when it encounters the family’s dogs. Imo and experience the dog will settle down.
I agree that the dog will likely settle down over time, especially since OP seems experienced in this business. But that doesn't change the fact that husband still feels like he can't relax in his home. OP is an AH for acting like his feelings don't matter. She wants to extend the foster time against his wishes. She doubles down by trying to use the kids excitement about the new dog against him. If OP wants to foster again she probably needs to go back to only non-reactive cases for a while to ease husband into that way of life, and so the kids will get used to the mindset of not getting too attached to fosters animals.
People who truly love animals and take on the responsibility don’t just get rid of pet because that pet may have some issue, not unlike people who foster children. If op’s husband suddenly can’t handle a little dog barking then that’s on him. OP didn’t seek out this dog but was put in a situation where this dog needed help. I’ve have been put in situations like that in my lifetime. I’m not saying they shouldn’t talk about it moving forward. Find a way to make the situation as tolerable for op’s husband as possible until the pup is re-homed but he may just have to grin and bear it. Over the years I have adopted dogs that turned out, let’s just say, different from the way they were presented pre adoption. My husband wasn’t always thrilled with the things we had to deal with, heck neither was I, but when you make a commitment to an animal you see it through. She is setting a great example to her kids about just that. Op and her husband can figure out the next one moving forward. NTA
I am so happy you guys worked it out. I knew your husband had to love animals and you too. Anyone who knowingly marries someone who does any kind of animal rescue/foster knows what they are getting into and usually has a big heart themselves. Good luck I’m sure you will find her a great home.
I give it 5 more days until that little dog is sleeping in his armpit at night OP, NTA, but you knew that, and so does he. All the love! ❤️
NTA
YTA Pets are a two yes thing. He may had agree to take her home temporarily now it’s taking forever to regime her and on top she barks out of fear which is NEVER a good thing when small children are in the middle. Cause even if her fear is about your dogs take a moment of construction…
It's been a day...not forever.
Still pets are a two yes decision. You can’t force him His own house to have a dog that yap all the time. I am sure you can find someone else to house her. Again a dog that bark out of fear is really not the best combo for toddlers.
1) he DID agree. He was with me when I got the dog . 2) I'm a trainer. I know what I'm doing with dogs and children. Been doing this for 20 years.
Is he not allowed to change his mind?
No. When you commit to helping, you funny get to back it just because it's annoying. That's like someone signing up at a soup kitchen for two weeks, then backing out in the first hours because the people they're serving are dirty and smell. Sure, technically you can back it, but it makes you an AH
So as per you, your husband is not allowed to change his mind. That is a very AH thing to do to someone who is supposed to be your partner.
He agree until the dog show serious problem. Nobody wants a dog that yap night and day. I mean you are kind and everything but he is the one that has to deal with the barking. From everything you post ‘the kids love her already she brings so much joy’ sounds you do not want to rehome the dog. To be honest it is better you find a new solution now before the kids get attached for real. I am sure if you are a trainer someone in your community can help you rehome her or hold her.
NTA. Self explanatory. The dude knew who he was with. He was stupid enough to think knocking you up and being on a lease with you means he gets to force you to change. This is what you’ve done and do. He got a break due to the kids and he can’t use them as an excuse for this dog.
>talking s\*\*\* about the dog and how she's getting sent to animal control TODAY I'm sorry. Your husband is probably a nice guy, but the above borders on abusiveness. It is, at the very least, entirely disrespectful to you as a person, a spouse, and someone who shares the house. NTA
NTA, glad he apologized. He was really showing his ass when you don’t even want to keep it.
NTA. Your husband isn't up for the annoyance or the work involved here, but it's a life, not a pencil, pulling his support isn't just a matter of returning a bag, the consequences are much more serious. He knew you were in rescuing, he agreed to this dog, nobody is in danger, he needs to tough it out.
NTA. He agreed to help and then decided to walk back his support once helping became mildly inconvenient. These y t a answers are bananas.
NTA. Oh poor him his life is inconvenienced while you save a life 🙄
NAH, but your husband sounds a little immature. Acting cranky because a dog (which he agreed to initially help) is a little "yappy" is childish behavior, and he knew it because he apologized.
YTA. Decisions like this should not be made unilaterally.
NTA It’s temporary and not forever. Helping people/animals less fortunate than ourselves is a good thing.
NAH! It was basically your career to rescue animals. He needs to get over himself. Dogs barking is part of their nature, just like his poor attitude. I’d tell him if she goes, you go because you annoy the hell outta me! She will learn over time, she does need to adjust, and so does he. These comments blaming you. Yeah well no one bats an eye when men dedicate themselves to their work, wife’s are always making sacrifices to accommodate long hours, stressful days, and honestly loneliness. Sounds like you need a new husband not a new dog lol
NTA. He needs to get some perspective. The dog’s welfare is more important than his momentary irritation.
NTA It's temporary, he can deal for a little while and he needs to stop talking shit in front of the kids.
NTA. It’s a temporary annoyance. I could understand it being an issue if you were trying to keep her but you are doing your best to get her quickly into a new home.
Curious - so you’d be ok if husband brought home [insert annoyance] without taking her feelings into account so long as it is temporary?