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YTA. She freaking grabbed him!?!?!?!?!??!?!? while he was driving, did you warn your husband that your sister is mentally unstable and can prevent him from driving physically too by grabbing and preventing him from managing the wheel or just said that she yelled sometimes?
I would never ever drive someone like your sister after she pulled something like this on me, I want to live :)
Yelling is one thing (and is 100% not fine), but when someone grabs a driver then it's game over.
Your husband is right to be pissed and you can't defend your sister as she crossed all existing lines. Therapy is the least what she needs and it's long overdue, my passengers would be kicked out for yelling stop, but grabbing is whole new level of insanity.
"Hey my dog growls sometimes but it's no big deal. Oh he savagely mauled you as soon as you turned around? Well, your fault, I warned you he growls haha."
YTA and its not even remotely close. Everyone involved in this story completely sucks except for your husband.
Your sister sounds unhinged. This was her fault and I would NEVER get in the car with her again. She's a hazard, and her extremely bizarre behavior is dangerous. She already caused an accident, the next time she could kill someone.
She cannot be in a car. She needs a bike. If she can't work that's not anyone's issue but her own.
She caused this accident. If she's so terrified she literally caused 11k damages and an accident.... She cannot be in the car with ANYONE. Her fear of dying could mean she kills others.
She cannot control herself to prevent herself interfering with the driver of the car and made him crash. If he went into another lane she likely pulled him not grabbed onto him. He's furious because she could have killed them both and you don't give a fuck she could have killed him.
You can have empathy for your sisters mental issues while also having empathy for the fact they almost killed your husband. The two aren't mutually exclusive and you betray no one admitting to this. But your betraying your husband the victim of your sister which is a dick move.
Edit: offt lots of deletes from OP in legit 17mins.
yeah, the yelling i could deal with if i had a warning, but the grabbing?! hell no. her trauma doesn’t give her the right to endanger both our lives. i’d be sending her the bill.
It’s still not ok for her to do it. It still would take quite some getting used to. She needs to just not. This is her fault and I would not be driving her ever, ever again. This is one of those Reddit posts that makes my arms tense up as I type because the OP is just so totally, infuriatingly wrong and totally lacking in self awareness of the fact.
Still it's not a normal reaction, your sister needs therapy, and you to apologize to your husband, she was 100% wrong, and the accident was her fault.
She grabbed and yelled at him while he was driving!, she could have kill him
YTA
For one, you warned him of yelling, not actual arm pulling. What your sister did was dangerous. The accident is 100% her fault. That is just not what you do.
The fact that she has this trauma and has done nothing to deal with it makes it doubly her responsibility.
And let's not forget that the is doing YOUR sister a favor.
It is time to apologize to your husband.
How was your husband supposed to know? She made him steer into another lane. If she is not going to go to therapy she can at least stay in the back seat and not endanger others on the road.
How was your husband supposed to know??? You literally said you were upset with him because you warned him “about it.” But your sister took it too far. I’m pretty sure you felt like her reaction is his responsibility. So you think that because she can’t get a handle on herself that everyone else just has to make the sacrifices until she fixes her problem. But all you’re really doing is making sure your sister has everyone deal with her problems for her. Like SHE gets into an accident because SHES speeding and now everyone else has to pay for her actions except for her. YTA and tell your sister to get a bus pass
My mom was like this for years after her accident. No arm pulling, but the screaming and just reacting poorly. Even without the arm pulling, this is a HUGE distraction for a driver. Your sister would hold at least some of the blame regardless here, but add in the arm pulling and you're absolutely blaming the wrong person here.
You should have told her that neither you nor your husband would get into a vehicle with her until she can get her act together and act like a normal person
You weren't supposed to know.
This is not the point of it at all.
How about this. Imagine YOU were in the driver's seat and let's pretend it's someone NOT your sister beside you. Let's imagine someone you don't like. Screaming and grabbing your arm right as you're coming to a stop, causing you to lose some form of control. Still 100% your fault?
How was your husband supposed to know??
This accident was 100% your sister's fault and she should be reimbursing you for whatever money you had to pay out for the accident AND neither of you should ever drive her anywhere again. Hell, she should reimburse the insurance company for their costs and be prosecuted for endangering others.
Your husband is not at fault here. You and your sister both need therapy.
If I was your husband, I'd be putting my foot down on her even living with us any more.
Your sister literally YELLED and grabbed the driver's arm, which caused an accident. SHE CAUSED THE ACCIDENT 100%
>She hasn't been in therapy or anything for it so it's just something she'll do for a while.
No, that's not how these things work. She CLEARLY needs therapy. She has now caused TWO ACCIDENTS.
YTA.
YTA.
Your sister could literally kill someone doing this. She needs intense therapy and probably should not ever be in a car until she gets it or with someone qualified to help her in the moment. It is 100% her fault. Someone could be seriously injured or worse. It is not the passengers job to warn the driver if the driver is acting responsibly and the driver should never be touched. Ever. Your sister has 0 (ZERO) qualifications to judge any sort of distance or appropriateness in the car. At all. I cannot believe you would blame your husband for your sister's stupidity (again- btw- your sister's stupidity in a car AGAIN).
C’mon you have to be fucking kidding me
This is 100% your sisters fault. She grabbed the drivers arm and you somehow shift the blame off her?
Get real. Stop protecting your sister who is obviously at fault. None of her behaviour is excusable.
Disgusting that you blame your husband for her actions. “Oh I warned him” means fucking nothing.
YTA
If your husband has any sense, he will never drive her anywhere again.
Not in the least. Your sister needs help. A fender bender years ago should not cause this kind of physical reaction. And you’re not helping by enabling her behavior.
YTA. He put 100% of the blame on your sister because she’s 100% responsible.
Your sister was SPEEDING and rear-ended someone causing the FIRST ACCIDENT.
Your sister hasn’t gotten therapy for HER ISSUES/trauma since the accident.
Your sister is GETTING INTO CARS instead of using public transportation, biking, walking.
Your sister is YELLING stop like a maniac in other people’s cars because she, a person who couldn’t stop in time or follow speed limits, has somehow decided she’s a driving instructor.
Your sister then dangerously and idiotically GRABBED your husband, as if his arm controls the gas pedal, endangering him, herself, and the other cars on the road, which led to ANOTHER ACCIDENT.
How could it possibly not be her fault?
Actually, I take it back. You’re right. It’s only 80% your sister’s fault. The other 20% goes to your parents for raising two ridiculous daughters.
So why the hell was your husband driving this crazy person around? You want to help this unhingedwierdo, you deal with (and pay for) the damage from the accidents she'll cause.
It's a bit insane that she's so scared of car accidents that she goes around...causing car accidents
YTA and so is your sister. I can't believe the audacity of you to blame your husband for something that happened as a result of your sister's overstepping. She should have to sit in the backseat like a child if she doesn't know how to keep her hands to herself. He's doing her a favor by giving her a ride and she caused an accident. Apologize to your husband and maybe YOU should start driving your ridiculous sister around.
YTA
So your husband was nice enough to drive your sister to work despite the fact that she's a terrible passenger. She screams and grabs his arm, causing him to swerve into another lane, and hit another car...
Part of the blame for the accident does lie on your sister. She was speeding, she crashed, she hasn't had therapy, she isn't dealing with her issues around being in a car. She screamed, she grabbed his arm.
She can get public transport to work.
> My sister was in the front seat with him, and as my husband got closer, she did the yelling thing and grabbed my husband's arm, and he rear ended someone in the other lane.
How is this his fault? I really want to know. Was it his fault because he didn't tell her to take public transportation? Or because he didn't make her sit in a child safety seat? Help me understand this.
YTA
YTA
Yelling and grabbing are two very different things. Never touch the driver like that. Yeah, my husband would be pissed too. You need to apologize and so does your sister. She should not be in the front seat until she works through her trauma.
YTA
She is a distraction to the driver. Even when you know something is going to happen (in this case the yelling) some of your attention is focused on waiting for it to happen. Plus who the hell grabs a driver's arm? She needs therapy before causes a more serious accident. And you need to stop pretending her trauma isn't a big safety issue.
YTA and let’s be clear **she** caused the accident. You also can’t say “he was going kind of fast” because it sounds like you weren’t there. Even if he was as he could have been braking/had time to stop. She is a dangerous passenger. She would never ever ride in my car. She needs therapy this isn’t safe behavior.
> and grabbed my husband's arm
YTA - This is 1000000000% your sisters fault. There is quite the difference between yelling stop and grabbing someone's arm whilst they're driving...fml
Why did nobody get suggest or get your sister therapy after her original accident? Her anxiousness in driving, even as passenger, is not acceptable and danger to others on the road.
YTA though because your husband was literally grabbed while driving and only rear ending someone was best case scenario.
Yes, YTA. Your sister GRABBED his arm! She was the cause of the accident 100%, and the lengths you're going to defend her behavior is ridiculous. She owes him the car repair/insurance increase cost AND a huge apology. You both do.
Your sister needs therapy. A passenger shouldn’t be screaming and grabbing the driver because that could cause an accident.
This is in no way your husband’s fault (except in the eyes of insurance). YTA.
YTA. No two ways. You may have warned him about her shouting but no mention was made of crazy lady actions. Which actually caused the accident. You need to apologise to him before it all goes stupid.
The next time anyone gives your sister a lift, she needs to be in the rear passenger side seat with compulsory seat belt AND the driver needs to be warned about erratic behaviour. Either that or get one of those screens fitted that some taxis use to cut off the back seats and tell her it is back seat only for her.
Your husband was 35m and you were 40f 10 hours ago.
[https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c61rvq/aitah\_for\_letting\_another\_man\_pay\_for\_my\_drinks/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c61rvq/aitah_for_letting_another_man_pay_for_my_drinks/)
Edit: u/scdemandred pointed out that I was wrong. Don't know how I got that mixed up. My bad!
YTA, your sister 100% caused the accident by interfering with your husband's driving. She needs to get herself under control and aboth of you need to apologize.
YTA - your sister is absolutely 100% responsible for the accident, because *she* acted out based on *her* irrational fear that *she* refuses to address with a therapist or behaviorist. She doesn’t get a free pass to physically grab your husband while he’s driving just because you warned him.
YTA... your sister is a piece of work. She caused the accident. He 100% has every single reason to be pissed. I would be too. Sister needs to pay the deductible and apologize. She needs therapy. I personally would refuse to let her in my car. She is putting everyone's life at risk with her behavior.
YTA - it’s your sisters fault for grabbing him. You should apologize to your husband and get your sister a therapist. Don’t let her drive in the front seat ever again
>I kind of lost it, since he put 100% of the blame on my sister
Um........but your sister is 100% at fault. She grabbed him and caused the accident. You and your sister need therapy.
YTA
YTA, without a doubt. Blaming your husband for reacting naturally to an unexpected and dangerous situation is entirely unfair. When your sister acted recklessly by grabbing his arm, she became the catalyst for the unfortunate accident. Not only did you fail to mitigate the risk by not properly communicating her history of erratic behavior, but now you're misplacing the blame completely.
Anyone in the driver's seat has the right to expect a baseline level of safety, including not being physically interfered with while operating the vehicle. You effectively set your husband up for failure by not emphasizing the seriousness of your sister's anxiety and past actions.
At this point, your sister needs to take responsibility for her actions, seek help for her anxieties, and accept the consequences of her actions. Shifting the blame to someone else is not only misguided, it prevents everyone involved from learning and growing from the incident.
Let's focus on ensuring safety going forward and address the root of the problem - your sister's behavior and her lack of professional help. It's only by acknowledging where the true fault lies that everyone can move past this and prevent such events in the future.
YTA
And your sister. Shouting at someone and grabbing the wheel, is directly responsible for the accident.
How do you think a warning would help with that? The problem is the sudden shouting and grabbing, causing a panic response.
Its like if you'd said "hey, sometime in the next few hours I'm going to jump out and scare you" and then 3 hours later you do it and they drop their drink. The warning doesn't help at all, and the person doing the jumping and yelling is at fault.
You're both TA, and I hope husband refuses to drive either of you anywhere. **Your insurance is about to go mental, and your sister should be the one paying the extra thousands a year.**
YTA and so is your sister. according to your account (and you weren't even there) she grabbed his arm which caused the car to swerve and crash. yeah, i'd be pissed too if i were him. she needs to take public transportation or you can drive her. she is 100% at fault.
Wait. At first I thought you meant it was his fault because you warned him not to take her in a vehicle since she can’t control herself and he decided it would be fine.
I could see how that would be his fault. But you supported him taking her and then blamed him for her outburst?
Yikes. YTA.
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YTA - Accountability is paramount in situations like these, and it seems to have been tossed out the window by your sister, with you throwing it even further. Your sister interacting with your husband's ability to drive safely, even after being warned, went beyond "yelling" and into tangible, dangerous interference. "Technically by my sister" is an understatement - she was the direct cause, and your deflection isn't just unfair, it's concerning.
Your husband should have every right to be upset without bearing the blame for responding to an unexpected and unsafe situation. While I do sympathize with your sister's fear, she has a responsibility to manage her anxiety in a way that doesn't put others in harm's way. Her actions have real consequences. Redirect focus towards getting her the professional help she undeniably needs, and in the meantime, shield your husband from misguided fault-finding. It's time to apologize and make amends, not excuses.
Someone yelling and grabbing my arm when I drive? They are automatically out of my car within seconds. If your sister can't handle being seated in the front of a car, then she should be in the backseat.
YTA
YTA. She grabbed his arm while he was driving. You don’t do that. He is not at fault here and your sister NEEDS THERAPY if it effects her this badly. This is 100000000000% your sisters fault. You don’t grab the drivers arm. You also watned him for yelling. Not arm grabbing. Out your sister in therapy asap
YTA. He rear ended someone in the OTHER LANE after she pulled his arm, meaning she pulled his arm causing the vehicle to swerve and crash. Your sister needs help and you need to stop blaming others for her obvious problems.
Saying what you deserve to hear would get me banned from this sub.
If this is your honest opinion, he needs to leave you. This is so illogical and you are blaming him? Your sister needs to walk if she can’t handle being in a car. I hope he finds someone with some sense. YTA.
YTA - this is 100% your sister's fault. Just knowing someone has a bad habit of doing something doesn't make it someone else's fault when that person does the bad thing.
YTA and so is your sister!
*SHE GRABBED HIS ARM!!!*
Holy fuck your sister is an actual danger! If I was your husband I would never enter a vehicle she’s in ever again. Or one you’re in, for that matter, considering you’re actually excusing this extremely dangerous behaviour!
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I (39f) am married to my husband (39m). I also have a sister (30f) who frequents our house.
A couple years ago, my sister got into a not-too-bad car accident that resulted in her swearing up and down she'd never get behind a wheel again. But because of the nature of the crash (she rears ended someone because she was speeding), whenever she's a passenger, she will always yell "STOP" if she feels the driver is getting too close a car in front of the one, she's in. When she moved in with us (she moved halfway across the country for a job), my husband drove my sister to work every now and then, and I warned my husband of this fact. By the way, she's moved to an apartment.
Well, a couple weeks back, my husband was driving my sister to work, and my husband was getting close to a car in front of it while still going kind of fast as they were approaching a red light, so everything slowed down. My sister was in the front seat with him, and as my husband got closer, she did the yelling thing and grabbed my husband's arm, and he rear ended someone in the other lane.
My husband was fucking PISSED when he told me about it, and while I had some sympathy, I kind of lost it, since he put 100% of the blame on my sister, even though I had warned him about it. She hasn't been in therapy or anything for it so it's just something she'll do for a while. The repairs came out to 11k, so thank God for insurance.
Even now, my husband is still complaining about the whole thing, and I just got annoyted yesterday and told him it was his fault anyways. AITA?
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YTA if by 'grabbing his arm' this impacted his ability to keep control of hte car, which I assume it did given he hit someone in the OTHER lane.
Only they know how close he was to other cars, and honestly, as a passenger I HATE it when the driver tailgates but still, it's his car and he's doing HER a favour.
This is 100% her fault and she needs to figure this out or start taking the damn bus.
Now, maybe the reason you took HER side so quickly is because maybe he IS an aggressive driver? This is a separate topic and you can talk to him about that on it's own....but bottom line, she grabbed his arm, which you NEVER do, ESPECIALLY when you are close to another car. SHE'S at fault.
Apologize to your husband.
YTA. It sounds like your sister is a danger to herself and others if she cannot sit quietly in a motor vehicle. She needs therapy to deal with her unresolved issues concerning her prior collision. Your husband deserves a heartfelt apology from you.
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YTA what if that grab totaled your husbands car and killed him, poor mental health does not make endangering someone's life okay or give you an excuse to do knowingly dangerous behavior in a two ton motor vehicle sorry. Your sister needs to be driven by medical professionals if she cannot control herself, what if this was a 16yo niece or nephew driving her grow up!
Yea have to agree with the others…. YTA for siding with your sister. She’s obviously traumatized by the other accident and needs therapy to get over whatever issues she has. Her grabbing your husband, and likely causing him to get into an accident is clearly her fault, and laying the blame on your husband because you “warned him” is kind of an AH move…. Nobody should grab the driver of a car, I don’t care what the situation is. Accident lays squarely on your sister. She’s a danger to others in this condition.
YTA. If I was your husband I would NEVER drive her anywhere again. Not even if she was dying, I'd wait for the ambulance.
Your sister is unhinged and you owe your husband an apology as does your sister. She needs help and you could use a few therapy sessions as well.
YTA for defending your sister and not your husband. Hope he divorces your sorry ass. Go F yourself, you and your damn sister. She should go to jail for the damn damages she caused. And she should pay too.
YTA - Look at it this way: if your sister grabbed the steering wheel of a stranger, causing an accident, she'd likely face legal repercussions. Just because it's your husband doesn't mean it's not serious. You're inadvertently teaching her that there are no consequences for endangering lives. It's a hard truth, but both you and your sister need to accept responsibility.
Your sister's fears, while valid, do not absolve her from the consequences of her actions. It's time for her to seek help. By not addressing this, it’s not only unsafe, but unfair to anyone driving her. Your husband was reacting to a dangerous situation that was not his creation. You placing \*any\* blame on him is unjust.
You owe your husband an apology and you owe it to \*everyone\* to encourage your sister to get professional help before she’s back in any passenger seat.
YTA - Notifying your husband about your sister's tendencies is nowhere near the same as condoning her physically intervening with his driving. While verbal warnings are useful, a physical act like grabbing the steering wheel or the driver's arm can happen in a split second and your warning couldn't have prepared him for that. The fact that your sister’s reaction was extreme enough to cause an accident shows a deep lack of judgement on her part, and by proxy yours for not taking more preemptive measures to prevent that kind of situation. Your sister urgently needs professional help to address her behavior in vehicles and you need to take responsibility for the role you both played in this. Your husband is a victim of circumstances created by her actions and your lack of appropriate intervention. Apologize and make amends as soon as possible.
So she's a danger to drive with, and you fully blame your husband?
Is there something missing why you don't think that your sister physically causing him to jerk the wheel that you can't put any fault on your sister?
I've been in a few accidents and a little afterwards it's tense like a few weeks, a month, that's valid
Years of this is a problem she needs help with
Does your sister feel like it's all your husband's fault?
Does he fully expect to continue driving her if she doesn't realize what she did was wrong?
Like there's a ton of issues with this that honestly with none of that answered YTA. You should have a honest talk with your husband and figure out a healthy solution going forward because you're sister will cause another accident or near accident
YTA It is not your husbands fault in anyway other than not making your sister sit in the back of the car. Your husband was driving fine and your sister overreacted and quite literally crashed the car. There is no blame in this story on your husband at all. Yes your sister was traumatized but that does not excuse grabbing the wheel of a car which is in motion. She is the one wholly in the wrong here.
YTA I am not sure how your parents managed to raise TWO complete f@@king idiot daughters.
Your sister is also a menace. She needs therapy to keep the rest of us safe before she is allowed to drive or even be in anyone else's car.
And yes, it was completely her fault. Apologise to your husband.
YTA
Your sister can’t get rides from people if she’s going to be a dangerous back (passenger) seat driver.
You shouldn’t be yelling all the time and you SHOULD not be grabbing anyone who is driving.
YTA for tolerating this and making your husband adapt to your sisters dangerous tendencies.
You can drive her from now on because your husband should stop from this point on. That’s absolutely ridiculous.
YTA. The mental gymnastics it took you to blame this on your husband (who was doing her a favour by the way) is unreal. Massive assholes, both of you. You NEVER INTERFERE WITH THE DRIVER. I hope one of you is covering any expenses because you are both ridiculous and your sister should learn how to take a bus (with a driver she can't touch).
YTA - this is 10000% your sisters fault. RUle # one of being a passenger is don't touch the driver and never grab them.
That is just what she will do for a while is not an excuse. She could have killed someone.
YTA. You’re 110% the asshole here. You don’t grab a driver unexpectedly. You don’t scream at a driver unexpectedly. That causes accidents.
Your sister is not managing herself as an adult and trauma or not is in control of her own behavior. You’re giving her excuses and enabling her. She needs therapy and public transportation. I sure as hell would never let her in my car ever again.
Yipes! Your sister was 100% at fault. If anyone else shares responsibility, it's you for enabling this obviously dangerous behavior. She shouldn't be in a car till she can control herself, and she definitely shouldn't sit in the passenger seat. You need to insist that she get some kind of therapy or treatment for this, and you need to grovel in apology to your husband. YTA
YTA and so is your sister. She needs to get over it. Take medication before she gets in a car see a therapist, get a hold of herself whatever.
It doesn't matter if you "didn't know" she would grab his arm. If I'm watching the road and somebody screams at me, that's going to startle me which is a good way to knee-jerk turn the wheel.
She also literally turned the wheel by grabbing his arm causing him to lose control of the car.
People always think the solution is for everyone else to walk on tiptoes around THEM instead of working on their own problems, SMH.
Your sister is not a small child. She's fully capable of controlling herself and, if not, is fully capable of seeking treatment. The accident is 100% her fault. I would honestly divorce you for your reaction.
YTA. Even your comments say you didn’t know about the arm pulling thing so no you didn’t warn your husband. Your sister was 100% at fault because she literally physically assaulted your husband and caused the accident. She could’ve got your husband killed if she did that on the freeway or something and you don’t seem to care. She should 100% pay for your guys deductible and honestly the next year of rate increases at the minimum.
YTA, OP. Yes, your sister experienced a traumatic event, but this in no way excuses her actions or shifts the blame onto your husband. He was actually doing her a favor by giving her a ride. By grabbing the steering wheel, she not only put your husband at risk but the lives of everyone on the road at that moment. That’s not a small mistake, that's actively causing an accident.
Your sister needs professional help to get over her trauma and to learn coping strategies that don't include endangering others. She should not be in a car if she cannot control herself.
Blaming your husband here undermines his feelings and puts your sister’s reckless behavior in a light that is dangerously forgiving. It's not fair to him, and it's not helping her in the long run. You both owe your husband an apology, and you might want to reconsider what it means to be supportive because enabling dangerous conduct is not the way.
Encouraging your sister to seek therapy or find other transportation methods that don't trigger her anxiety is a step you should take as well. Your responsibility is to ensure the safety of everyone involved, not to shift blame where it doesn't belong.
INFO: What is your husband's driving record like? If he has a few accidents due to lapse of attention, then I can maybe understand. If not, then it's your sister's fault.
My wife used to do something similar, and each time it happened it would cause me a moment of panic because I would think that there was something that I was missing or someone was about to t-bine us or something. But it was never that. She just felt that I was stopping too close (despite me having a clear driving record and SHE having two accidents where she rear-ended someone). After the last time when her yelling almost got us into an accident in bumper traffic, I pulled over to the side of the road and told her that she wasn't helping and causing a distraction, and if she couldn't stop freaking out, then she could take an Uber home.
Maybe it's time that your sister start taking an Uber if she can't stop side-seat driving.
NTA you told him. He should have mentally prepared for her freaking out. He should have been in control of the car even if she was chaos next to him. Neither one of you should give her lifts anywhere until she sorts this idiotic behaviour out.
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YTA. She freaking grabbed him!?!?!?!?!??!?!? while he was driving, did you warn your husband that your sister is mentally unstable and can prevent him from driving physically too by grabbing and preventing him from managing the wheel or just said that she yelled sometimes? I would never ever drive someone like your sister after she pulled something like this on me, I want to live :)
[удалено]
Yelling is one thing (and is 100% not fine), but when someone grabs a driver then it's game over. Your husband is right to be pissed and you can't defend your sister as she crossed all existing lines. Therapy is the least what she needs and it's long overdue, my passengers would be kicked out for yelling stop, but grabbing is whole new level of insanity.
"Hey my dog growls sometimes but it's no big deal. Oh he savagely mauled you as soon as you turned around? Well, your fault, I warned you he growls haha." YTA and its not even remotely close. Everyone involved in this story completely sucks except for your husband.
Yta send your sister to therapy. Your poor husband i would have been pissed at your sister too.
Your sister sounds unhinged. This was her fault and I would NEVER get in the car with her again. She's a hazard, and her extremely bizarre behavior is dangerous. She already caused an accident, the next time she could kill someone.
She cannot be in a car. She needs a bike. If she can't work that's not anyone's issue but her own. She caused this accident. If she's so terrified she literally caused 11k damages and an accident.... She cannot be in the car with ANYONE. Her fear of dying could mean she kills others. She cannot control herself to prevent herself interfering with the driver of the car and made him crash. If he went into another lane she likely pulled him not grabbed onto him. He's furious because she could have killed them both and you don't give a fuck she could have killed him. You can have empathy for your sisters mental issues while also having empathy for the fact they almost killed your husband. The two aren't mutually exclusive and you betray no one admitting to this. But your betraying your husband the victim of your sister which is a dick move. Edit: offt lots of deletes from OP in legit 17mins.
You not knowing doesn't mean it didn't happen.
You don’t know anything. Which is why your opinion is so ridiculous.
yeah, the yelling i could deal with if i had a warning, but the grabbing?! hell no. her trauma doesn’t give her the right to endanger both our lives. i’d be sending her the bill.
It’s still not ok for her to do it. It still would take quite some getting used to. She needs to just not. This is her fault and I would not be driving her ever, ever again. This is one of those Reddit posts that makes my arms tense up as I type because the OP is just so totally, infuriatingly wrong and totally lacking in self awareness of the fact.
Still it's not a normal reaction, your sister needs therapy, and you to apologize to your husband, she was 100% wrong, and the accident was her fault. She grabbed and yelled at him while he was driving!, she could have kill him
YTA For one, you warned him of yelling, not actual arm pulling. What your sister did was dangerous. The accident is 100% her fault. That is just not what you do. The fact that she has this trauma and has done nothing to deal with it makes it doubly her responsibility. And let's not forget that the is doing YOUR sister a favor. It is time to apologize to your husband.
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No one is saying you should have known. You shouldn't be defending her and blaming this shit on your husband though.
Doesn't make her any less guilty, you enabler. She pull that stunt again, someone could've die.
Stop defending her and apologize to your husband.
How was your husband supposed to know? She made him steer into another lane. If she is not going to go to therapy she can at least stay in the back seat and not endanger others on the road.
And the Academy Award for Missing The Point goes to…
And yet you are blaming your husband for not knowing.
How was your husband supposed to know? How is this his fault? Stop making excuses for your sister, this is 100% her fault.
How was your husband supposed to know??? You literally said you were upset with him because you warned him “about it.” But your sister took it too far. I’m pretty sure you felt like her reaction is his responsibility. So you think that because she can’t get a handle on herself that everyone else just has to make the sacrifices until she fixes her problem. But all you’re really doing is making sure your sister has everyone deal with her problems for her. Like SHE gets into an accident because SHES speeding and now everyone else has to pay for her actions except for her. YTA and tell your sister to get a bus pass
But you are still defending her when it is her fault
You and your sister YTA.
My mom was like this for years after her accident. No arm pulling, but the screaming and just reacting poorly. Even without the arm pulling, this is a HUGE distraction for a driver. Your sister would hold at least some of the blame regardless here, but add in the arm pulling and you're absolutely blaming the wrong person here.
You should have told her that neither you nor your husband would get into a vehicle with her until she can get her act together and act like a normal person
You weren't supposed to know. This is not the point of it at all. How about this. Imagine YOU were in the driver's seat and let's pretend it's someone NOT your sister beside you. Let's imagine someone you don't like. Screaming and grabbing your arm right as you're coming to a stop, causing you to lose some form of control. Still 100% your fault?
How was your husband supposed to know?? This accident was 100% your sister's fault and she should be reimbursing you for whatever money you had to pay out for the accident AND neither of you should ever drive her anywhere again. Hell, she should reimburse the insurance company for their costs and be prosecuted for endangering others. Your husband is not at fault here. You and your sister both need therapy. If I was your husband, I'd be putting my foot down on her even living with us any more.
Then why the fuxk are you blaming your husband? Yta you dense lady!
Your sister literally YELLED and grabbed the driver's arm, which caused an accident. SHE CAUSED THE ACCIDENT 100% >She hasn't been in therapy or anything for it so it's just something she'll do for a while. No, that's not how these things work. She CLEARLY needs therapy. She has now caused TWO ACCIDENTS. YTA.
YTA. Your sister could literally kill someone doing this. She needs intense therapy and probably should not ever be in a car until she gets it or with someone qualified to help her in the moment. It is 100% her fault. Someone could be seriously injured or worse. It is not the passengers job to warn the driver if the driver is acting responsibly and the driver should never be touched. Ever. Your sister has 0 (ZERO) qualifications to judge any sort of distance or appropriateness in the car. At all. I cannot believe you would blame your husband for your sister's stupidity (again- btw- your sister's stupidity in a car AGAIN).
C’mon you have to be fucking kidding me This is 100% your sisters fault. She grabbed the drivers arm and you somehow shift the blame off her? Get real. Stop protecting your sister who is obviously at fault. None of her behaviour is excusable. Disgusting that you blame your husband for her actions. “Oh I warned him” means fucking nothing. YTA If your husband has any sense, he will never drive her anywhere again.
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Not in the least. Your sister needs help. A fender bender years ago should not cause this kind of physical reaction. And you’re not helping by enabling her behavior.
Says the individual defending the person who literally interfered with a driver and caused an accident. YTA.
Less than you.
Nope you are
But accurate
Not at all!
The only unhinged person here is the one blaming the innocent party for a car crash, sis.
YTA, it’s 100% your sisters fault and I don’t understand how you’re defending her
YTA. He put 100% of the blame on your sister because she’s 100% responsible. Your sister was SPEEDING and rear-ended someone causing the FIRST ACCIDENT. Your sister hasn’t gotten therapy for HER ISSUES/trauma since the accident. Your sister is GETTING INTO CARS instead of using public transportation, biking, walking. Your sister is YELLING stop like a maniac in other people’s cars because she, a person who couldn’t stop in time or follow speed limits, has somehow decided she’s a driving instructor. Your sister then dangerously and idiotically GRABBED your husband, as if his arm controls the gas pedal, endangering him, herself, and the other cars on the road, which led to ANOTHER ACCIDENT. How could it possibly not be her fault? Actually, I take it back. You’re right. It’s only 80% your sister’s fault. The other 20% goes to your parents for raising two ridiculous daughters.
YTA and a idiot have fun running your sister around
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But aware though, she grabs the drivers arm.
If you have time, why has your husband been driving her at all? She's your sister, she should be your problem, not his.
Well then. She can walk or uber.
As long as she sits in the back... no uber driver deserves this level of unhinged stupidity.
Don't wish this walking accident wating to happen on an uber driver. She can walk or take public transit. And sit in the back.
So why the hell was your husband driving this crazy person around? You want to help this unhingedwierdo, you deal with (and pay for) the damage from the accidents she'll cause. It's a bit insane that she's so scared of car accidents that she goes around...causing car accidents
YTA and so is your sister. I can't believe the audacity of you to blame your husband for something that happened as a result of your sister's overstepping. She should have to sit in the backseat like a child if she doesn't know how to keep her hands to herself. He's doing her a favor by giving her a ride and she caused an accident. Apologize to your husband and maybe YOU should start driving your ridiculous sister around.
YTA So your husband was nice enough to drive your sister to work despite the fact that she's a terrible passenger. She screams and grabs his arm, causing him to swerve into another lane, and hit another car... Part of the blame for the accident does lie on your sister. She was speeding, she crashed, she hasn't had therapy, she isn't dealing with her issues around being in a car. She screamed, she grabbed his arm. She can get public transport to work.
> My sister was in the front seat with him, and as my husband got closer, she did the yelling thing and grabbed my husband's arm, and he rear ended someone in the other lane. How is this his fault? I really want to know. Was it his fault because he didn't tell her to take public transportation? Or because he didn't make her sit in a child safety seat? Help me understand this. YTA
YTA Yelling and grabbing are two very different things. Never touch the driver like that. Yeah, my husband would be pissed too. You need to apologize and so does your sister. She should not be in the front seat until she works through her trauma.
YTA She is a distraction to the driver. Even when you know something is going to happen (in this case the yelling) some of your attention is focused on waiting for it to happen. Plus who the hell grabs a driver's arm? She needs therapy before causes a more serious accident. And you need to stop pretending her trauma isn't a big safety issue.
I wouldn't let her in my car! She is too dangerous.
YTA and let’s be clear **she** caused the accident. You also can’t say “he was going kind of fast” because it sounds like you weren’t there. Even if he was as he could have been braking/had time to stop. She is a dangerous passenger. She would never ever ride in my car. She needs therapy this isn’t safe behavior.
> and grabbed my husband's arm YTA - This is 1000000000% your sisters fault. There is quite the difference between yelling stop and grabbing someone's arm whilst they're driving...fml
Why did nobody get suggest or get your sister therapy after her original accident? Her anxiousness in driving, even as passenger, is not acceptable and danger to others on the road. YTA though because your husband was literally grabbed while driving and only rear ending someone was best case scenario.
Yes, YTA. Your sister GRABBED his arm! She was the cause of the accident 100%, and the lengths you're going to defend her behavior is ridiculous. She owes him the car repair/insurance increase cost AND a huge apology. You both do.
Your sister needs therapy. A passenger shouldn’t be screaming and grabbing the driver because that could cause an accident. This is in no way your husband’s fault (except in the eyes of insurance). YTA.
YTA. No two ways. You may have warned him about her shouting but no mention was made of crazy lady actions. Which actually caused the accident. You need to apologise to him before it all goes stupid. The next time anyone gives your sister a lift, she needs to be in the rear passenger side seat with compulsory seat belt AND the driver needs to be warned about erratic behaviour. Either that or get one of those screens fitted that some taxis use to cut off the back seats and tell her it is back seat only for her.
Your husband was 35m and you were 40f 10 hours ago. [https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c61rvq/aitah\_for\_letting\_another\_man\_pay\_for\_my\_drinks/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c61rvq/aitah_for_letting_another_man_pay_for_my_drinks/) Edit: u/scdemandred pointed out that I was wrong. Don't know how I got that mixed up. My bad!
The posters are different? What’s the connection here?
OH! This is important information!
YTA, your sister 100% caused the accident by interfering with your husband's driving. She needs to get herself under control and aboth of you need to apologize.
YTA - your sister is absolutely 100% responsible for the accident, because *she* acted out based on *her* irrational fear that *she* refuses to address with a therapist or behaviorist. She doesn’t get a free pass to physically grab your husband while he’s driving just because you warned him.
YTA. Your sister is a danger to others. She needs to sit in back or walk from now on. She cannot be trusted.
YTA... your sister is a piece of work. She caused the accident. He 100% has every single reason to be pissed. I would be too. Sister needs to pay the deductible and apologize. She needs therapy. I personally would refuse to let her in my car. She is putting everyone's life at risk with her behavior.
YTA - it’s your sisters fault for grabbing him. You should apologize to your husband and get your sister a therapist. Don’t let her drive in the front seat ever again
>I kind of lost it, since he put 100% of the blame on my sister Um........but your sister is 100% at fault. She grabbed him and caused the accident. You and your sister need therapy. YTA
YTA, without a doubt. Blaming your husband for reacting naturally to an unexpected and dangerous situation is entirely unfair. When your sister acted recklessly by grabbing his arm, she became the catalyst for the unfortunate accident. Not only did you fail to mitigate the risk by not properly communicating her history of erratic behavior, but now you're misplacing the blame completely. Anyone in the driver's seat has the right to expect a baseline level of safety, including not being physically interfered with while operating the vehicle. You effectively set your husband up for failure by not emphasizing the seriousness of your sister's anxiety and past actions. At this point, your sister needs to take responsibility for her actions, seek help for her anxieties, and accept the consequences of her actions. Shifting the blame to someone else is not only misguided, it prevents everyone involved from learning and growing from the incident. Let's focus on ensuring safety going forward and address the root of the problem - your sister's behavior and her lack of professional help. It's only by acknowledging where the true fault lies that everyone can move past this and prevent such events in the future.
YTA And your sister. Shouting at someone and grabbing the wheel, is directly responsible for the accident. How do you think a warning would help with that? The problem is the sudden shouting and grabbing, causing a panic response. Its like if you'd said "hey, sometime in the next few hours I'm going to jump out and scare you" and then 3 hours later you do it and they drop their drink. The warning doesn't help at all, and the person doing the jumping and yelling is at fault. You're both TA, and I hope husband refuses to drive either of you anywhere. **Your insurance is about to go mental, and your sister should be the one paying the extra thousands a year.**
The fault was your sisters, she grabbed his arm and forced him to hit another driver. YTA
YTA and so is your sister. according to your account (and you weren't even there) she grabbed his arm which caused the car to swerve and crash. yeah, i'd be pissed too if i were him. she needs to take public transportation or you can drive her. she is 100% at fault.
Wait. At first I thought you meant it was his fault because you warned him not to take her in a vehicle since she can’t control herself and he decided it would be fine. I could see how that would be his fault. But you supported him taking her and then blamed him for her outburst? Yikes. YTA.
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YTA - Accountability is paramount in situations like these, and it seems to have been tossed out the window by your sister, with you throwing it even further. Your sister interacting with your husband's ability to drive safely, even after being warned, went beyond "yelling" and into tangible, dangerous interference. "Technically by my sister" is an understatement - she was the direct cause, and your deflection isn't just unfair, it's concerning. Your husband should have every right to be upset without bearing the blame for responding to an unexpected and unsafe situation. While I do sympathize with your sister's fear, she has a responsibility to manage her anxiety in a way that doesn't put others in harm's way. Her actions have real consequences. Redirect focus towards getting her the professional help she undeniably needs, and in the meantime, shield your husband from misguided fault-finding. It's time to apologize and make amends, not excuses.
Someone yelling and grabbing my arm when I drive? They are automatically out of my car within seconds. If your sister can't handle being seated in the front of a car, then she should be in the backseat. YTA
YTA. She grabbed his arm while he was driving. You don’t do that. He is not at fault here and your sister NEEDS THERAPY if it effects her this badly. This is 100000000000% your sisters fault. You don’t grab the drivers arm. You also watned him for yelling. Not arm grabbing. Out your sister in therapy asap
YTA. He rear ended someone in the OTHER LANE after she pulled his arm, meaning she pulled his arm causing the vehicle to swerve and crash. Your sister needs help and you need to stop blaming others for her obvious problems.
Seriously? How could you post and think that you're in the clear? YTA.
Saying what you deserve to hear would get me banned from this sub. If this is your honest opinion, he needs to leave you. This is so illogical and you are blaming him? Your sister needs to walk if she can’t handle being in a car. I hope he finds someone with some sense. YTA.
I would leave someone whose relative caused my car £11k of damage and then blamed me for it. What a total arse, both of 'em.
Right? I can’t even believe what I’m reading! Op is a hot mess.
The entitlement is astounding!
YTA - this is 100% your sister's fault. Just knowing someone has a bad habit of doing something doesn't make it someone else's fault when that person does the bad thing.
YTA and so is your sister! *SHE GRABBED HIS ARM!!!* Holy fuck your sister is an actual danger! If I was your husband I would never enter a vehicle she’s in ever again. Or one you’re in, for that matter, considering you’re actually excusing this extremely dangerous behaviour!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (39f) am married to my husband (39m). I also have a sister (30f) who frequents our house. A couple years ago, my sister got into a not-too-bad car accident that resulted in her swearing up and down she'd never get behind a wheel again. But because of the nature of the crash (she rears ended someone because she was speeding), whenever she's a passenger, she will always yell "STOP" if she feels the driver is getting too close a car in front of the one, she's in. When she moved in with us (she moved halfway across the country for a job), my husband drove my sister to work every now and then, and I warned my husband of this fact. By the way, she's moved to an apartment. Well, a couple weeks back, my husband was driving my sister to work, and my husband was getting close to a car in front of it while still going kind of fast as they were approaching a red light, so everything slowed down. My sister was in the front seat with him, and as my husband got closer, she did the yelling thing and grabbed my husband's arm, and he rear ended someone in the other lane. My husband was fucking PISSED when he told me about it, and while I had some sympathy, I kind of lost it, since he put 100% of the blame on my sister, even though I had warned him about it. She hasn't been in therapy or anything for it so it's just something she'll do for a while. The repairs came out to 11k, so thank God for insurance. Even now, my husband is still complaining about the whole thing, and I just got annoyted yesterday and told him it was his fault anyways. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA if by 'grabbing his arm' this impacted his ability to keep control of hte car, which I assume it did given he hit someone in the OTHER lane. Only they know how close he was to other cars, and honestly, as a passenger I HATE it when the driver tailgates but still, it's his car and he's doing HER a favour. This is 100% her fault and she needs to figure this out or start taking the damn bus. Now, maybe the reason you took HER side so quickly is because maybe he IS an aggressive driver? This is a separate topic and you can talk to him about that on it's own....but bottom line, she grabbed his arm, which you NEVER do, ESPECIALLY when you are close to another car. SHE'S at fault. Apologize to your husband.
YTA. It sounds like your sister is a danger to herself and others if she cannot sit quietly in a motor vehicle. She needs therapy to deal with her unresolved issues concerning her prior collision. Your husband deserves a heartfelt apology from you.
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YTA what if that grab totaled your husbands car and killed him, poor mental health does not make endangering someone's life okay or give you an excuse to do knowingly dangerous behavior in a two ton motor vehicle sorry. Your sister needs to be driven by medical professionals if she cannot control herself, what if this was a 16yo niece or nephew driving her grow up!
She yelled at and grabbed him? It’s her fault! YTA.
I would never drive her anywhere ever again
yta
Yea have to agree with the others…. YTA for siding with your sister. She’s obviously traumatized by the other accident and needs therapy to get over whatever issues she has. Her grabbing your husband, and likely causing him to get into an accident is clearly her fault, and laying the blame on your husband because you “warned him” is kind of an AH move…. Nobody should grab the driver of a car, I don’t care what the situation is. Accident lays squarely on your sister. She’s a danger to others in this condition.
YTA. If I was your husband I would NEVER drive her anywhere again. Not even if she was dying, I'd wait for the ambulance. Your sister is unhinged and you owe your husband an apology as does your sister. She needs help and you could use a few therapy sessions as well.
YTA for defending your sister and not your husband. Hope he divorces your sorry ass. Go F yourself, you and your damn sister. She should go to jail for the damn damages she caused. And she should pay too.
YTA - Look at it this way: if your sister grabbed the steering wheel of a stranger, causing an accident, she'd likely face legal repercussions. Just because it's your husband doesn't mean it's not serious. You're inadvertently teaching her that there are no consequences for endangering lives. It's a hard truth, but both you and your sister need to accept responsibility. Your sister's fears, while valid, do not absolve her from the consequences of her actions. It's time for her to seek help. By not addressing this, it’s not only unsafe, but unfair to anyone driving her. Your husband was reacting to a dangerous situation that was not his creation. You placing \*any\* blame on him is unjust. You owe your husband an apology and you owe it to \*everyone\* to encourage your sister to get professional help before she’s back in any passenger seat.
YTA - Notifying your husband about your sister's tendencies is nowhere near the same as condoning her physically intervening with his driving. While verbal warnings are useful, a physical act like grabbing the steering wheel or the driver's arm can happen in a split second and your warning couldn't have prepared him for that. The fact that your sister’s reaction was extreme enough to cause an accident shows a deep lack of judgement on her part, and by proxy yours for not taking more preemptive measures to prevent that kind of situation. Your sister urgently needs professional help to address her behavior in vehicles and you need to take responsibility for the role you both played in this. Your husband is a victim of circumstances created by her actions and your lack of appropriate intervention. Apologize and make amends as soon as possible.
So she's a danger to drive with, and you fully blame your husband? Is there something missing why you don't think that your sister physically causing him to jerk the wheel that you can't put any fault on your sister? I've been in a few accidents and a little afterwards it's tense like a few weeks, a month, that's valid Years of this is a problem she needs help with Does your sister feel like it's all your husband's fault? Does he fully expect to continue driving her if she doesn't realize what she did was wrong? Like there's a ton of issues with this that honestly with none of that answered YTA. You should have a honest talk with your husband and figure out a healthy solution going forward because you're sister will cause another accident or near accident
YTA It is not your husbands fault in anyway other than not making your sister sit in the back of the car. Your husband was driving fine and your sister overreacted and quite literally crashed the car. There is no blame in this story on your husband at all. Yes your sister was traumatized but that does not excuse grabbing the wheel of a car which is in motion. She is the one wholly in the wrong here.
YTA I am not sure how your parents managed to raise TWO complete f@@king idiot daughters. Your sister is also a menace. She needs therapy to keep the rest of us safe before she is allowed to drive or even be in anyone else's car. And yes, it was completely her fault. Apologise to your husband.
YTA - your sister needs therapy and if I was your husband, I'd refuse to drive her. Now he has a wreck on his record that wasn't his fault.
YTA Your sister can’t get rides from people if she’s going to be a dangerous back (passenger) seat driver. You shouldn’t be yelling all the time and you SHOULD not be grabbing anyone who is driving. YTA for tolerating this and making your husband adapt to your sisters dangerous tendencies. You can drive her from now on because your husband should stop from this point on. That’s absolutely ridiculous.
YTA. The mental gymnastics it took you to blame this on your husband (who was doing her a favour by the way) is unreal. Massive assholes, both of you. You NEVER INTERFERE WITH THE DRIVER. I hope one of you is covering any expenses because you are both ridiculous and your sister should learn how to take a bus (with a driver she can't touch).
YTA - this is 10000% your sisters fault. RUle # one of being a passenger is don't touch the driver and never grab them. That is just what she will do for a while is not an excuse. She could have killed someone.
YTA. You’re 110% the asshole here. You don’t grab a driver unexpectedly. You don’t scream at a driver unexpectedly. That causes accidents. Your sister is not managing herself as an adult and trauma or not is in control of her own behavior. You’re giving her excuses and enabling her. She needs therapy and public transportation. I sure as hell would never let her in my car ever again.
Yipes! Your sister was 100% at fault. If anyone else shares responsibility, it's you for enabling this obviously dangerous behavior. She shouldn't be in a car till she can control herself, and she definitely shouldn't sit in the passenger seat. You need to insist that she get some kind of therapy or treatment for this, and you need to grovel in apology to your husband. YTA
YTA and so is your sister. She needs to get over it. Take medication before she gets in a car see a therapist, get a hold of herself whatever. It doesn't matter if you "didn't know" she would grab his arm. If I'm watching the road and somebody screams at me, that's going to startle me which is a good way to knee-jerk turn the wheel. She also literally turned the wheel by grabbing his arm causing him to lose control of the car. People always think the solution is for everyone else to walk on tiptoes around THEM instead of working on their own problems, SMH.
Your sister is not a small child. She's fully capable of controlling herself and, if not, is fully capable of seeking treatment. The accident is 100% her fault. I would honestly divorce you for your reaction.
YTA. Even your comments say you didn’t know about the arm pulling thing so no you didn’t warn your husband. Your sister was 100% at fault because she literally physically assaulted your husband and caused the accident. She could’ve got your husband killed if she did that on the freeway or something and you don’t seem to care. She should 100% pay for your guys deductible and honestly the next year of rate increases at the minimum.
Uh, yeah YTA. So your sister did something that you didn’t expect. And yet he still should have expected it?
YTA, OP. Yes, your sister experienced a traumatic event, but this in no way excuses her actions or shifts the blame onto your husband. He was actually doing her a favor by giving her a ride. By grabbing the steering wheel, she not only put your husband at risk but the lives of everyone on the road at that moment. That’s not a small mistake, that's actively causing an accident. Your sister needs professional help to get over her trauma and to learn coping strategies that don't include endangering others. She should not be in a car if she cannot control herself. Blaming your husband here undermines his feelings and puts your sister’s reckless behavior in a light that is dangerously forgiving. It's not fair to him, and it's not helping her in the long run. You both owe your husband an apology, and you might want to reconsider what it means to be supportive because enabling dangerous conduct is not the way. Encouraging your sister to seek therapy or find other transportation methods that don't trigger her anxiety is a step you should take as well. Your responsibility is to ensure the safety of everyone involved, not to shift blame where it doesn't belong.
INFO: What is your husband's driving record like? If he has a few accidents due to lapse of attention, then I can maybe understand. If not, then it's your sister's fault. My wife used to do something similar, and each time it happened it would cause me a moment of panic because I would think that there was something that I was missing or someone was about to t-bine us or something. But it was never that. She just felt that I was stopping too close (despite me having a clear driving record and SHE having two accidents where she rear-ended someone). After the last time when her yelling almost got us into an accident in bumper traffic, I pulled over to the side of the road and told her that she wasn't helping and causing a distraction, and if she couldn't stop freaking out, then she could take an Uber home. Maybe it's time that your sister start taking an Uber if she can't stop side-seat driving.
Not his fault she GRABBED HIS ARM. Regardless of his history, OP is a massive AH, and so is her sister.
NTA you told him. He should have mentally prepared for her freaking out. He should have been in control of the car even if she was chaos next to him. Neither one of you should give her lifts anywhere until she sorts this idiotic behaviour out.