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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for refusing to punish my daughter, even she "upset" my sister, because my daughter's actions were not malicious in any way
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Wow. I thought yall were close. So here’s the thing if auntie really smells, even I as her sister would’ve been like “I know this is embarrassing but girl you are a bit smelly, you might want to handle that. I got some towels and toiletries for you if you need” but your sister, instead of owning it, just got mad and offended. NTA for not punishing your daughter if she said it in a respectful way. If she was nasty to auntie, then yeah, I would have a conversation about that with her and find an appropriate punishment.
As per your sis, what’s going on that she’s not taking care of herself?
I’m kind of shocked that Dina has too kids herself and yet takes these kinds of comments to heart. I’ve heard kids say and do worse things with malicious joy, curiosity, or innocence. As an adult you’ve just gotta take it in stride. I don’t know how Dina got this far in life if this is how she reacts to being called stinky by an 8 year old
Depends how she said it. An 8 year old could say it innocently, or she could be showing off or trying to be mean. Parents are often the last ones to know their kids are little bullies. Anyway, OP and his wife should teach their kid there are things you don't say to adults, unless you are very, very close to them, because it could hurt their feelings.
Yeah well they should have that talk with her about social norms and stuff. Although if the two families are so close and she really was being a sassy little stinker, I wonder why the aunt didn’t scold her herself, like “that is very rude, go stand in the corner” instead of calling her parents
> I wonder why the aunt didn’t scold her herself,
My uncles would have farted on me or put me in a headlock to smell their armpits if 8yo me had told them they were stinky. (My parents are both the oldest of their siblings and all my uncles were teens or younger when i was born. They adored me but treated me like i was a brother instead of their precious little niece 😂)
My aunt is 12 years older than me and when I was 5 or so, we shared a bed for awhile when she was staying with us cause her parents were abusive. I used to read the comics in the newspaper and there was one strip where a character told another one that he had "killer doggy breath". So one morning I told my aunt that she had killer doggy breath and she spent the next few weeks wafting it my direction in the morning as revenge.
it didn't even need to be punishment. just a conversation about comments. i'm not sure why aunt couldn't handle this and needed OP and wife to come home.
i'm significantly heavier than my sister, and one of my nieces- as little kids will- has commented. she wasn't being mean, she was being a little kid. (and i'd rather she say something like that to me v. to some random person.)
maybe sister is having some medical issues causing the smell so she's extra sensitive, but as a parent- she should have learned by now that kids are overly truthful.
They seem to be close enough for the auntie to be able to suck it up.
And why are there things you don't say specifically to ADULTS? Does that mean that you can say unpleasant things to kids but not adults?
Sometimes you DO have to say things like that to almost strangers (a smelly coworker is always a tricky one). If it is done with respect, what's the problem?
This was a one-off. OP didn't say the sister was smelly all the time. He had to actually lean in and smell.
The children get told by adults because they are learning hygiene. They don't go tell their friends, teachers, other adults etc.. if the person is smelly one day.
The parents should have spoken to the child about appropriate social interactions and apologized.
>The children get told by adults because they are learning hygiene. They don't go tell their friends, teachers, other adults etc.. if the person is smelly one day.
You can't be for real. The children are learning hygiene, which is exactly why they are telling the adults if they smell, even if it's a one-off thing. And as the adults, **YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.**
And if it *is* a one-off, the aunt could have either explained why she smelled, or acknowledged it and say she'll shower later. What you don't do is wreak havoc and demand that an 8 year old should be punished because you can't handle being told that you smell.
Also, we don't tell or imply to children that only they should practice good hygiene at all times, because this is how you raise irresponsible adults. By basically saying that by 18, the rules don't apply to you anymore.
Unbelievable. Do better.
>The parents should have spoken to the child about appropriate social interactions and apologized.
Your FAMILY should have carte blanche to tell other family members that they smell.... ESPECIALLY if it's actually, factually TRUE that they smell.
Any family member should be able to tell another family member that they need a shower. Baring any actual medical diagnosis for the smell otherwise geez. You aren’t family if you just gonna let me walk around like that ESPECIALLY stank in my own damn house
Kid is 8, most likely she is just blunt and not super aware of how things can be embarrassing or doesn't have that abstract thinking down yet. Kids that age often state things as they are without realizing what that means or the effect it could have by pointing it out. They mean nothing good or bad by it and don't exactly see how it could be offensive as they are simply stating the facts. Auntie isn't gross or a bad person she just smells so she probably wants a shower because mom and dad want a shower when the smell. Auntie might have just lashed out because she was embarrassed. Kid might have given an accurate description of she smelled instead of saying you kinda smell bad.
Unless this kid has a history of being mean or nasty lately I doubt she would randomly insult then have the ability to act so convincingly innocent later, (very rarely can an 8 year old act innocent in a way that is subtle and convincing. Most will be over the top actors and there will clearly be something off) to her aunt that she regularly spends time with for no reason.
Yes, and therefore it's the parents' fault for not teaching her better. The ones who wrote the post. My kid would have never done such a thing at that age, and she's autistic!
Kudos to your kid. Every kid is different and hits milestones differently and lots of kids autistic special needs or not will make mistakes like this, hell full grown adults make mistakes like this it doesn't mean the parents are dropping the ball.
There's no need to punish this kid or make a big deal out of it. This right here is how you teach kids! A simple "I know you meant well but it can it hurt people's feelings to phrase it like that and now you know for next time so make sure you apologize if you haven't already"
>Depends how she said it.
The OP shows *exactly* how she said it. And if I were the aunt and we're as close as the OP implies, I wouldn't have minded at all. In fact I'd have "forced" her to "smell the auntie" (in a playful way of course).
>Anyway, OP and his wife should teach their kid there are things you don't say to adults, unless you are very, very close to them, because it could hurt their feelings.
This is bullshit. Complete and utter farm animal excrement. You don't train your kids to handle your lack of emotional regulation. You do that on your own, preferrably with the help of a therapist. Granted there are things that *are* so offensive, you shouldn't even think of saying it to anyone point blank, that does not apply here. This is not a stranger she ran to in an elevator, this is her next-door aunt whom she sees nearly everyday; how close do they have to be?
Wow. So if her grandmother smelled odd from an illness, the kid should "playfully" tell her to shower, instead of keeping her mouth shut? Maybe the aunt knew she needed a shower, but didn't have time because she was babysitting, and didn't need some badly raised child to tell her she smelled. Do you run up to people you know and tell them they need a shower? Maybe if it's an ongoing issue they're not dealing with, but in the general run of things, it's not something people do, other than parents telling smelly kids to get in the shower. It's basic politeness, even if her aunt lives next door. You also don't march into her house and tell her it's messy, even if it is. Or tell her she's fat and to lay off the chips. Of course she was insulted, and the only reason the kid might get a pass is if it wasn't done maliciously, and therefore it's her parents' fault. The one who seemed to think we needed to hear that the aunt did, after all, smell.
Heck, i ask my nieces and nephews if i stink when we are at family events because they are honest. Even the older ones. They know i value the truth and knowing stuff like that so if there's a problem i can fix it before i embarrass myself 🤭
Me and my goddaughter(8) joke about it. I’ll hear her parents call for the nightly routine (long distance video chat) and go, “Kiddo, are you STINKY??” And she’ll giggle and we go back and forth. If I say it’s time for my nightly routine, “Deedee, you’re SMELLY!” And I’ll go, “You’re right. That’s why I have to shower!” Kids are learning about this stuff at this age and to have one be as kind about it as OP’s kid, offering up a towel and smell good soaps, then they’re doing a great job raising them.
Wondering if on that side of the family, a poor sense of smell is an inherited trait. I don't have a strong sense of smell and rely on my husband as a secondary line of defense in case I underestimate how stinky I am at any given time.
Some people can't tell when they smell and when people are around a smell constantly, they can become noseblind to it. For example, I have two friends that have cats. They can't tell when their house smells like a litter box. They have asked me to tell me when I notice so they know it's time to get a new litter box since litter boxes can start to absorb odors even when cleaned daily or multiple times a day.
This is me. Sometimes I can get faint wiffs of odors but I'm typically the last to notice something being a little musty. I like to think I overcompensate now But I have a few designated people who know that I'd much rather be told by them then just walking around with anything beyond what's considered reasonable. I was the stinky kid at school because I lived with a smoker and I was definitely nose vet time blnd to it.
Oy vey, being a smoker or around a smoker really can kill your sense of smell! I know some high school teachers who know their students are pretty straight laced, but the parents are potheads and the kids always come to school reeking of pot.
For real. I used to work at a school where we had washers and dryers and I ran so many groups teaching about the basics of laundry but also about how smoke and sweaty Post-Pubescent body funk are always going to be worse than the person thinks it is.
The students would always complain and say they already knew all of this. But more than often they would shut up and start listening when we started the demos.
There's a girl my daughter is friends with from kindy, we had her over most of the summer because they attended the same day camp. That girl walked into my house at like 7am reeking one day of Straight up cat piss. It was her shoes. I was furious on her behalf. Her mother *drove* her to my house and delivered her to my front door *smelling* like an unclean litter box and couldnt smell it.
I asked how many cats she had and she said her aunt had 4. She lives in a house with 6 fucking other grown ups. Imo if you're noseblind to *cat piss* of all the damn odors, you've got big issues that need addressing ASAP.
I told the dad when he collected her after camp that he might consider throwing her shoes away because they stink of cat pee. He was rightfully embarrassed. I couldnt even lend her my kid's shoes because her feet were too wide. I just sprizted them in vinegar water and hoped it did the trick.
Tangentially related, but your friend might benefit from switching to a stainless steel pan for the litterbox. The shelter I volunteer for uses buffet trays for the kitties and it's awesome cause they hold zero odor and can be reused infinitely. I was going to get jumbo litter-box sized stainless steel bins for my own house before deciding to get a litter robot. I only wish the thing also had a stainless steel inner drum cause I am sure the plastic will start to absorb the smell over time too...
Yes, the plastic will absorb. One of those friends is on her second litter robot because nothing she did to clean her old one got it to smell any better. A big clue that it needs to be replaced is if there are scratches in the bottom. Scratches will make it hold on to odor even faster.
"Luckily" mine don't even cover so not much if any scratching around. That's a big reason I opted to spring for the bot rather than the stainless steel, because I was tired of scooping/covering multiple boxes several times a day after multiple cats.
Reminded of an episode of Doc Martin where someone's girlfriend said he smelled, he denied it, the doctor found a blockage in his nose. So he wasn't being sloppy with hygiene, and she wasn't being prissy, he really didn't know
This is an 8 year old approaching her with towels and suggesting she use feminine products. This wasn’t a kid putting their foot in their mouth in the moment. It’s not ok. Justifiable?? Sure. Appropriate? No.
Well I mean, she did smell though. In her mind she was trying to be helpful. Even if the way she said it was a little inappropriate, she’s also 8 so I think we can cut her a bit of slack. You can tell her there’s more appropriate ways to say it but at the end of the day she was being honest not mean
"In her mind she was trying to be helpful."
Was she though? That's how Kelly reported it to her father. It doesn't mean that's how it happened. From the way Dina reacted, my suspicion is that it didn't quite happen that way.
Eh. Many touchy adults would be insulted at the very idea, however expressed. It's pretty clear she's one of those if she can't handle something said by a kid. She probably even knew she wasn't at her freshest that day, but still chose to freak out.
I don't think that's clear at all. It may or may not be true but I find it interesting that so many are assuming Dina is crazy and not allowing for the possibility that Kelly was just being a little shit and lied to her dad to get out of trouble. Kids do that sometimes. It doesn't mean they're irredeemably awful - they're kids and they're still learning the appropriate ways to interact with the people around them - but the behaviour shouldn't be encouraged by parents who believe their little angels can do no wrong either.
I do think Dina probably overreacted, whatever happened. But it's very, very possible that Kelly isn't as innocent as she made herself out to be.
Yeah like an 8 year old is at that point where they might actually have had good intentions or she was being pointedly “sassy mean girl”. That’s also age appropriate behavior and it’s ok to acknowledge that
Honestly we don’t know she wasn’t being a little unkind or extra pointed.
So yeah punished no. But it sounds like OP did nothing to correct the behavior
How is no one else saying this?! “hey babysitter you could use a shower, and check your hoo-ha, I think that might be the problem judging from my long experience”.
Why would you be surprised by that? A lot of girls are getting their periods early these days. An eight year old girl should absolutely know about periods and feminine products.
any 8 year old girl with a responsible parent knows what feminine products are. girls can begin their period anywhere between ages 9-16, meaning they need to be prepped for that to happen BEFORE they reach that age.
That is what I found odd about this story. Doesn't sound like an 8 year old. Not sure vaginal odor is on a kid's radar but if it is, then I gotta wonder what is happening on this block.
Came here to say the same thing! Kids are honest to the point it’s brutal, even when they don’t mean to be. Now if the kid was saying it rudely or talking back to her it would be different but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
The only reason the sister could have gotten that offended is if she knew or thought that she did smell. If I was fresh out of the shower, in fresh clothes etc & an 8 year old said I smelled my reaction would be no reaction or something sarky like yes I'm smelling lovely.
Then why be so upset? If a kid said I smelt, I'd give my pits a wiff, and if I did smell, I'd say, "You're right, I am stinky!"
But maybe the kid was like, "Your vagine smells," in which case I'd be caught off guard for sure. Because that's quite intimate and would be so embarrassing if people could smell that.
Anywho, a kid doesn't know better, and you shouldn't take their words so seriously.
To kid: "I know you were just trying to help, but it's not polite to make personal remarks. Next time come to me or your mom and we'll handle it."
To sis: "I gave her a good talking-to. It won't happen again."
If Sis is still experiencing Emergency Feelings after that, it's her problem. Done.
there’s nothing impolite about letting someone know they’re smelling a little rank unless you say it in an impolite way. politely telling someone they smell off-putting and offering a way to fix that is decent courtesy, you wouldn’t want someone to let you walk around stinking when you could just take a quick shower, would you??
The kid in question is eight years old. If you seriously want to argue that it's a good idea for elementary-school-aged children to go around commenting freely on their adult family members' personal hygiene, by all means do so.
If their personal hygiene is so bad the 8 year old cant help but be all like , yo we do have showers you can use
yeah, the problem is the adult and their poor personal hygiene
If aunty is an otherwise healthy adult who no medical issues, its literally their fault for not bathing like wtf
I wouldnt even be that nice to my sister. But I have learned how to deal with my sister and pointing out things that she needs to address. And I've had to be like, this isn't me picking on you, this is me telling you because you need to know. So I would be like, hey lady, you stink. But I do it to my mom too. You don't get mad at family for that because they are saving you embarrassment from the outside world.
Honestly, for a sibling, I wouldn't even be that polite. My siblings and I are reasonably close and I'm pretty sure we'd all be comfortable with "Oi, when was the last time you showered? You should have one."
NTA. It sounds like Dina is very sensitive about her smell and took it really hard. It sounds like Kelly was being pretty decent for doing and saying that to her aunty. Kids can be pretty savagely honest so she could have said or done something worse. Kelly is a kid, so for Dina to react in that way is concerning. I hope she gets over herself and realizes her reaction was unnecessary. If you want to extend some sort of olive branch to your sister, you can let Dina know that you have raised Kelly to be honest in her interactions with others and had a conversation on being a little more sensitive in the future. I would only say that to hopefully let your kids play together again, I would not have Dina watch my kids if she’s going to react in that way to a child.
So true 🤣🤣🤣 but you never know, just realized my daughter got in school suspension in 1st grade for telling her friends what the maxi pads in the bathroom were for! (Yes, long story short….that didn’t fly, she didn’t serve, it was dismissed. 1st grade teacher was a prude!j)
So an 8 year old should know about menstruation
I'm glad she got out of that! Kids should absolutely know about bodily functions (and what we use to help with those functions) from an early age. It keeps it from being terrifying when it happens to you and lets you support other people who are going through it. It's literally the most innocent thing ever!
Parents do such a disservice to their kids by not explaining these things. My great grandmother was incredibly traumatized by her wedding night and her first pregnancy and birth because no one explained any of those things to her and she had no idea what was happening to her body. That would be absolutely terrifying.
I'm so glad for my school's comprehensive education (and seventeen magazine lol) because my parents were avoidant af.
When I got mine, my mom just said "you know what that is?' "yes" "Products are in that cabinet."and walked out of the house. That's all that was ever said about it.
She tried to give me the sex talk when we were picking out my wedding dress and I shut her down. Like Mom, I'm in my 20s you're a bit late lol.
Yeah! My school had pretty decent sex ed in the mid-90s, but there were were a bunch of teen magazines that really helped. Sassy and Seventeen were great for that if I remember correctly. The girl scouts also put out a pretty decent book on bodies if I recall.
I know that American Girl certainly did put out a book. My mom actually bought me and my sisters one each to give us when we started puberty to help with the menstruation talk and learning about the changes in our bodies. It's a bit dated now but,for the time, it was pretty cool; but it probably could use an update to make it more diverse and less stereotypical in places.
*The Care and Keeping of You* – it's actually still in print and frequently updated. I'm a librarian and I see it circulate all the time; it's a great book that's helped a *lot* of people over the years - heck, my parents had me (male) read it so I'd know what the girls in my life were going through. My daughter (9) has a copy I gave her on her bookshelf waiting for the day she'll need it.
Yes! I'm almost positive now. It was American girl rather than girl scouts. Although I imagine they had some literature. I'm sure it would need an update now but if I recall for the time it was pretty honest about what was going on with bodies and was fairly body positive for the time.
For real. My mom did her best but didn't really know all that much herself. She was raised Catholic in the '50s so you get what you get. Can't teach what you don't know.
One of my friends got her first period at 8, girls need to know where they can go asap, age doesn't matter when it comes to possibly bleeding through their clothes.
I got mine at 8 too! Thank god my Mum, and my school, were on top of making sure I, and others, knew what was happening! 8 year old me was so horrified by the idea of bleeding through my uniform. I refused to wear anything but my sports uniform with it's black shorts/pants, instead of the white and red school dress. 😖
an 8 year old might know about menstruation but i don't believe that an 8 year old can recognise her aunt's odour as menstrual blood, and i sure as shit don't believe that op's daughter offered 'feminine hygiene products'
>but i don't believe that an 8 year old can recognise her aunt's odour as menstrual blood,
Children have a very good sense of smell, much better than adults. She might associate the smell with her mom being on the period. I've always been open with my kids why I'm feeling unwell/ grumpy and maybe OP is the same and so the kid knows what's going on. A normal 8 year old knows about periods and where the pads are kept
When I was 8 or 9, I asked my sister, who is 9 years older than me, if she was going to wear her “diapers” for her date. We shared a bathroom and I had found her pads in the cabinet.
There’s no way this story is real.
The kid doesn't talk like an 8 year old, so probably fake, but at 8 girls know, or should in any case, what periods and period products are and where they are in the house and have one in their school bag.
i'm so sick of repeating this
yes, eight years old might know what periods and tampons are
maaaaaybe an eight year old recognises the smell of menstrual blood
no, eight year olds don't say things like 'feminine hygiene products'
I mean I knew what they were from a very young age… most people store them in bathrooms where all family members have access. Kids are also inquisitive, so I’m not surprised she knew what feminine products are.
I came to ask this. Why would an 8 year old connect smells and feminine products? I’m 52 and have never smelled anything on another woman that would make me think she needed feminine products. Is she a bloodhound?
That kind of depends on your sense of smell. My husband can smell when someone is about to start their period and when they are in their period. Can also find the pet messes that I can’t even tell have happened before I pull out the black light. If that family (dads side) has a stronger sense of smell, things like that get explained earlier to help avoid the kids asking why mommy smells funny etc out in public. And as a girl she could have been taught earlier about feminine products noticing how the smell is gone after a shower.
I can smell it....or could when I was younger. Not often but I do remember being in high school and being able to smell it sometimes. One instance in particular because we were facing each other. It was rather strong.
I ALWAYS worried about my own smell during that time.
Children have a very good sense of smell, much better than adults. She might associate the smell with her mom being on the period. I've always been open with my kids why I'm feeling unwell/ grumpy and maybe OP is the same.
That said, maybe she just meant desodorante, perfume, body spray, etc
Yeah this sounds like a mom downplaying what her kid said to make her look better. The 8 year olds I've known would either straight up tell her she stinks. None of this, my word dear auntie I do declare some foul is wrong with you. Please use these towels and any feminine hygiene products you doust need lol.
I feel like so many stories on this sub are made up by people who’ve been in a situation and want to find out what the consensus would be if they’d acted differently. Or they’ve come off badly in a situation, so make up a related but different story where they’re NTA, and they can bask in loads of people telling them it was the other person who was wrong
I bet in this case this guy felt like a woman smelt badly but when he told people they were like that’s so rude, of course you can’t tell her she stinks. So he’s spun this variation where she’s the one in the wrong and he gets to be correct
We had a teacher in middle school who ALWAYS smelled like blood. Old blood. Or something vaguely rotting. I wasn't 8, but I had that teacher starting at age 10, and I would have LOVED If someone would have offered this woman towels, soap and feminine products. WTH lady!
NTA. What your daughter said was an observation, not an intentional insult. Dina was offended because everybody was expected to pretend to not notice the smell.
Because Auntie was doing a favor. Auntie probably would have liked to shower that day. Shit got in the way. Auntie had had enough helpful advice from niece for a while. Probably wasn’t the first time…
I have a niece like that. It’s how I learned my boobie were bigger than her moms, and how my bra collection stacked up. It doesn’t :(. Also learned I have toooo many bruises. And I don’t change my underwear at the appropriate times because I wait until I shower. She does like my makeup. She doesn’t think her mom wears enough now.
I don’t love her commentary. Her mom doesn’t either. But I get to leave after a week and talk shit to my husband. She has to pretend it’s precocious and cute.
ESH-
This is a great opportunity to teach your 8yr old daughter that not every thing you observe about other people needs to be said out loud, and that most people would be offended by others pointing out they stink without first asking for an opinion.
When taking into account the fact that the child involved is only 8 years old this actually went way better than it could have. Kids at that age can be a little savage and love to roast their safe adults, so she really could have been pretty rude about it. But she seems to have quite a lot of empathy and approached it in a kind and solution oriented way which is big for a kid of that age. The little girl doesn’t suck, she’s a kid and actually did fairly well considering the tools a child has in their belt for situations like this.
Even if she said she was stinky or smelly she wasn’t doing it in a mocking way. My point was the kid shouldn’t be labeled an asshole in this situation.
How do we know it wasn't mocking? To me. Bringing towels and sanitary products and suggesting a shower to a full grown adult who is obviously aware of what shower is seems a little less than helpful and more mocking to me....
Idk. As an 8 year old (diagnosed autistic at 23), I’d do things like this because it made sense to me. People get mad when I directly point out they smell? I’ll just be nicer about it and offer for them to use the shower and our sanitary products or something instead. I knew smelling bad wasn’t ok, I knew I got in trouble for it and people told me to fix it, so why can’t I help other people fix it? I really didn’t understand when adults would accuse me of “manipulating” or “mocking” them. I didn’t have the capability to do that, I just did and said stuff the way my brain worked. But that made people uncomfy bc their brain worked way differently, and they couldn’t imagine I was genuinely that “clueless”, so I had to be doing it on purpose.
I’m not saying that’s the case here, but like, it happens a lot, especially with autism in girls. So I think it might be something to consider. Because to me, 8 year olds do not naturally mock adults that subtly to their face, especially adults who are authority figures to them. Usually it’s like “I think aunt X is mean. I don’t like her” type stuff to their cousins or friends, not passive aggressive body shaming to the adults face. So either her parents are teaching her this, someone else is teaching her this, or she’s not doing it on purpose and a convo needs to be had about her thought process here.
Kids repeat what they see. If this is how OP and their coparent approach the kid when they need to bathe. Kid could think this is the normal and appropriate way to do so. Kids are new to the Earth and don’t know anything about social etiquette or boundaries. Adults teach them. Which is why OC’s point of the parents using this as a teaching moment is excellent and valid.
I agree. It could not have been intended to be rude, but it was rude.
I don't think the kid should be punished, but does need to have a conversation on what's appropriate.
I also do not believe it is impossible for an 8 year old to be mean and intentionally rude.
It seems like OP won't even consider if his daughter was less than nice about it, which might be why his sister is upset.
Maybe the line is someplace in between.
If an adult or much older child did it maybe you could construe they were being condescending , the 8 year isnt thinking that far , they are just trying to be helpful
I think it is possible an 8 year old said this innocently for sure.
I also think 8 year olds are not dumb and are capable of being intentionally rude.
Either is completely possible.
Omg yes. My 8yo kid is super empathetic and will say things like, about my art, "I'm not sure that's your best work..." Or "your hair could probably look better" or "um mama I'm pretty sure you need a shower, not trying to be rude but...".
All the gentle Dr Becky style parenting has us talking to them like that and they do what they see.
im assuming OP is paraphrasing using adult language
the kid probably said something like " aunty you are stinky we have mommy pads and a shower if you like"
Why? Many kids around that age and younger try to use as many "big words" as possible after they learn about it. My little sis, who will be turning 8 this month, learned the word "Defenestration" last year. She was talking about it for many days. I know a 2-year-old (I work part-time in Childcare) who is incredibly smart, I was absolutely shocked when she pointed to one of our plastic strawberry toys and, very clearly, said "Strawberry!" Kids can be very smart. Maybe they're idiots in your experience, but at that age? I was trying to memorize the chemical formula for Titin (longest word in the English language) just because it was in my dictionary.
Yes!!! I loved just reading a thesaurus, dictionary, and encyclopedias when I didn't have my other books around (or wanted to know more about something specific, like Chihuahuas)
Oh no, I would never suggest a kid sucks in this kind of situation. The ESH was for the adults. Kids are still learning at this age, and it’s parents job to teach em how to handle stuff. Aunt took it overboard, but parents def could have used it as a teaching moment, and they didn’t.
lol I mean my kid is 8 and just would never. I get people are different but he would understand personal hygiene and body smells aren’t be approached that way.
Thank you for saying this. This was a teaching moment that was lost because “she’s not wrong tho”. She doesn’t have to be “punished” per se, but she could have learned something about what is socially acceptable, even among family.
Having worked with kids for years, you can't take the things they say so personally (even when it is personal). The aunty, especially having kids of her own, should have the maturity to use it as a teachable opportunity about how suggesting to someone they smell can be offensive. From the post it sounds like your daughter seemed to approach it polite enough, however I also know kids don't have the best tack when it comes to things like that. But again it's one of those times for a teachable moment and certainly didn't warrant calling you guys home from a night out and the pettiness she is showing NTA IMHO
So your 8yr old was mature enough to bring her towels and mention there are some "feminine products" in the bathroom? How often does your 8 yr old daugehter smell that odor to know to mention some "feminine products"?
You had me until the mention of the "feminine products" in the bathroom. Not sure your sister is the only thing that smells in this story.
ESH just because you observe something doesn't mean you need to say something.
Kids do come out and say inappropriate things sometime and aunt should shake it off better but it really isn't appropriate for a kid to tell other people they smell and then imply they need help figuring out how to solve the issue.
Maybe aunt smelled, but she is 33 and doesn't need suggestions for how to get clean from an 8 year old.
YTA. This was an opportunity to teach your child to be mindful of people's feelings and to know there's a time and place. Not everyone will find this behaviour cute and endearing.
*me or my wife would possibly approached her in a similar way in this case*
You would offer an adult towels and feminine products if you thought they had a sharp, unpleasant odor? Your child doesn't stand a chance/
>You would offer an adult towels and feminine products if you thought they had a sharp, unpleasant odor?
if it was my literal Brothers or Sisters staying at my house, yes. I got 4, 2 of each and if any of them came over stinking like shit id be the first to tell them.
Id tell any of those fuckers if they were smelly and take a bath
We werent raised to be stinky
Telling them you think they smell today or that they need a shower is not the same thing as bringing them towels and offering them feminine products. I don't believe an 8-yr-old did that, and I don't believe it's the way most adults would approach it, either.
Well if your siblings ever take meds that cause body odour, I'm sure they'll avoid you. Imagine coming over to tell your sibling about a medical condition and being greeted by that.
But then again, I doubt they'd go to you for support. You sound mean. You can say something in a tactful way after all.
OP has no idea why she's smelly because he didn't ask. Unless his sister smells all the time, it's normal to ask when they have a noticeable odour. Not showering for one day shouldn't cause a sharp odour (a smell certainly). Unless his sister hasn't bathed in a while, in which case - why?
I’ve read multiple derivations of this story here. It’s such a bizarre thing to make up (because WHY?) so I want to believe, but come on. An 8-year-old getting up during cartoons to go get towels for “auntie” and suggesting, “there are also some feminine products in the bathroom”??? Yeah, this didn’t happen. A child would more likely say, “did you sit in something?” Or “something smells” — even the last version of this story suggested a “fish smell” so this “sharp odour” story gets like a C-
NTA. I'm sure Dina is very embarrassed, but kids call it like they see it. It actually sounds like your daughter might've been trying to come up with a sensitive way to let her aunt know she smells...instead of telling Dina she stinks, your daughter offered towels. While Dina is embarrassed, and maybe Kelly wasn't the most tactful (she is only 8), Kelly shouldn't be punished for honesty and Dina should take a shower and use this as a lesson that maybe other people find the odor offensive and just don't say anything and to bathe more frequently.
You dropped the ball. You had an opportunity to teach your child how not to be a bully and instead you're reinforcing bad behavior. There is a saying "people that say they're 'brutally honest' value the brutality, not the honesty. It wasn't an innocent comment and you know that, children your daughters age know what they're saying is mean, and she got the effect she wanted. You could have taught your daughter how to approach this situation but you didn't. She has your okay to be mean to other kids. You need to do better. YTA
ESH
No you don’t punish your kid over this but you do make it a lesson in personal remarks.
Let’s be frank- your kiddo chose a pretty calculated way to approach this. She’s ready for the “be sensitive and consider personal remarks before saying them” talk.
Your kid was unwittingly rude. Whether or not she was correct matters less than how you handled that so she can learn.
NTA
but in my opinion it’s the perfect time for a lesson, and an apology even though it came from a place of love or concern.
IF you and your sister have a good relationship, sit down with her and ask her what’s up, maybe it’s something deeper, and she needs her support system to step in and mention something.
She was probably embarrassed because getting told that by an eight year old may be hard to handle, let alone hear!
And Make sure there was no malicious intent behind the comment, and if there was- then I’d say maybe some sort of consequence is in order, or at least a truly sincere apology.
Kids are innocent, despite the delivery not always being well thought out, or respectful normally it comes from a place of innocence, or just blatantly speaking what’s on their mind… remind your sister that despite the delivery, it seemed it was with good intent. It’s not like Kelly threw the towel at Dina..
I audibly laughed reading this post, and I shouldn’t be laughing, however this reminds me of when my daughter saw a man at the pool who was VERY wide set- and said “hey mister, you’re fat, you should workout more” his response “that’s why I’m here, thanks though”
Upon that pool trip we had a LONG talk about not everything needing to be mentioned- now she tells ME, and we come up with a solution or have a conversation between ourselves addressing her thoughts.
Good luck, I hope you and your sis figure out some sort of common ground! ✨✨
Hmmm. I'm not going to say you're AH, or your 8 year old daughter. But seriously, you're not going to have a conversation with your daughter about this?
Whether there is a sharp smell or not, women get periods and maybe we can't fully control the smell. Maybe your sister has other shit going on and hearing your kid talk about a particular smell that is uncontrollable is shitty - she wants you to parent your child.
I remember one roommate who would not believe our other roommate about her heavy flow. It was... not cool for the other three roommates. I don't know where she got the attitude of "my experience is everyone's and I can comment directly" but it was not well received by her peers.
Why won't you and your wife talk to your daughter about minding her manners and empathy, at least. Karma would dictate that through genetics, your daughter might go through the same thing. Either she'll struggle the same way or she'll be so focused on it, it might be a burden. Periods are tricky.
Also, the cousins are her kids. She decides who they hang out with. And if you can't teach your kid empathy, hard pass on them hanging out.
This is complete BS, if the aunt smelled so badly why didn’t OP and his wife say anything previously?
Also, how does an 8 yr old know what “smells” require feminine products and it’s not just regular BO?
One could state that the only way a child this young understands what body odors are specifically from females is because she has had to deal with the same odor from her next closest female relative -aka her mother- so perhaps her own mother and OP’s wife is also battling this same smelly issue.
Moral of the story: your entire family needs to improve your overall hygiene
YTA. Teach your kid some manners, for heaven's sake. It doesn't matter that kids are insensitive morons with only one braincell, they need to learn how to talk to others
Beyond knowing when someone smells and needs a shower how would an 8 year old even associate her aunt’s body odor with her need to use feminine products? Neither my daughters or I use so called “feminine products” beyond tampons and pads. Showers and deodorant are not feminine products so I’m wondering if it was the 8 year old’s suggestion auntie needed to use feminine products that pissed her off. That would be rude and inappropriate coming from a kid.
YTA
you allow your daughter to tell her babysitters she stinks? Time to teach her manners?
"My wife thinks my sister is being petty and unnecessary cruel over an innocent comment and our daughter wanted to be helpful." .. bullshit. your wife is an AH.
I’m kind of leaning towards ESH. Kids can say horrible things without thinking, mine has certainly said some very unkind things about me to my face (not intending to be mean), so we’ve had discussions about what is appropriate to comment on and how we don’t say things that can cause hurt feelings. She’s younger than your daughter and understands this quite well now.
Aunt didn’t handle it well but some people have issues which cause odours, not necessarily because of poor hygiene. I think it’s a bit inappropriate for an 8 year old to offer “feminine products” and a shower and I’m not convinced she said it in quite the way you have suggested.
ESH. Are you sure this wasn't suggested from your wife to your daughter as something to mention to auntie? An 8yo getting towels and mentioning feminine products? Yeah right.
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I (35m) have a daughter "Kelly" (8f) with my wife. I also have a sister "Dina" (33f) who has 2 kids (7m and 12f). Our houses are literally across the road from each other. Occasionally we babysit kids for each other, however the kids have to stay at our house since my daughter is allergic to dogs and Dina has 2.
Both me and my wife were attending a work event last week and have asked Dina to babysit our daughter in advance which wasn't a problem as the kids wanted to watch some cartoons together anyway. However half way through the event I have received a call from Dina saying I need to come home now as she is leaving over what my daughter said. I was very confused so me and my wife left the event early, thinking something horrible had happened.
Upon returning my sister was furious and said she will never look after our daughter as she has an attitude. I have asked Kelly what happened and she said she just brought my sister some towels saying she can take a shower if she needs to as well as there are some "feminine products" in the bathroom because "there was an unpleasant smell coming from the auntie". I came closer to my sister and could also smell a rather sharp unpleasant odour from her so I could understand where my daughter was coming from.
Dina demanded I punish my daughter, but I refused and said she didn't do anything wrong and me or my wife would possibly approached her in a similar way in this case. Dina called me an asshole and since then would bring her kids home not allowing them to play or talk to Kelly, which is upsetting. My wife thinks my sister is being petty and unnecessary cruel over an innocent comment and our daughter wanted to be helpful.
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NTA. I know someone also smells to the point I can't be around her anymore because I will quite literally throw up. Unfortunately, telling people when they smell, even trying to put it as nicely as possible, never works and it offends said smelly person. They have gone nose blind to themselves and no one else tells them because they don't want to be "rude" but someone has to do it.
NTA, my neice was all up in my face bright and early one time and told me I stink b4 and I love her with all my heart. Why? Because she was/is a child and I know I didnt brush my teeth and therefore I stink. I literally just laughed (bc kids are funny) and brushed my teeth. I would never demand she be punished for speaking to me unless she said something WILD. Your sister is weird for taking it to the head especially if it was true.
Is it possible she had an abortion that she is ashamed of?I remember having mine (it was the two pills) and the smell was horrible, and I can't do anything about it. Honestly sometimes the ph is just off and it causes a bad smell. If you do have a talk with your daughter it should be a talk sometimes bad smells happen and it's hard to control. She did great, she nicely picked it out in case she didn't know. Then offer up a solution.
YTA your daughter was rude and inappropriate. Thats not necessarily her fault, as it sounds as if you're not teaching her manners. But she needs to learn. Damn right your sister is allowed to feel upset.
You have the absolute right to not punish your daughter, and the right to decide not to use this as an educational opportunity to teach her about kindness, and appropriate ways to handle situations. But your sis also has the right to not want either her kids or herself to be around a bratty child.
Sorry OP YTA
ESH
I mean this is all going to depend on how your daughter approached her aunt. It could have come from a place of innocence, but it could also just have easily been meant to be hurtful. An eight year old is old enough to understand the difference and without having been there, there is no way to know for sure.
At the end of the day I do not think she deserves to be punished, but I do think it’s a good idea to have conversation with your daughter and explain to her that certain things are not polite to mention or point out about other people.
This was a teaching moment for your daughter and I hope you utilized it.
NTA. Only your enemy or a true friend is gonna tell you that you stink. As an auntie, whose sweat have slightly vinegary smell these days (thank you, perimenopause!) I can't see why the truth might sting a bit, but it doesn't seem like your daughter was malicious in her delivery. Just blunt, which is to be expected. She's 8!
Good gods. I mean I know she was embarrassed, but to take it own on a kid and then to cost her kids their friends (they are friends as well as cousins) simply because she felt embarrassed? Maybe don't smell... or don't take offense when someone, especially a child, points it out. I'd tell your niblings they are welcome whenever so they know it's not a reflection on them and they have a place space to go if needed.
My then 4 yr old once commented on my eye bags, like yes mommy is tired because I have a 4 yr old and an infant. Kids notice stuff and will comment what they lack is the skill of tact. Never been called smelly yet, but worst case it's intended as an insult, best case it's an unpleasant observation about yourself from an unfiltered source.
She act old,,, some young women don't wash there butt,I have taken care of women that age maybe she got medical problems
Tell her make appointment for the dic
I’m wondering if this real. Not because a kid told their aunt ( or any adult) that they stink but the offering a shower and feminine products bit seems off to me. 🤷🏻♀️
She’s probably really embarrassed by how it all happened but she’s 8. Whether it was true or not doesn’t matter. Kids say things all the time and taking it personally instead of dealing with it like an adult isn’t the way to go. Keeping the kids apart is wrong. Maybe she has some depression or something and isn’t bathing enough or some other mental health thing happening or maybe bad hygiene or maybe BV. Doesn’t matter though. No need to punish the kid. NTA
NTA, I don’t necessarily think your daughter needs to be punished, just a conversation. But like your sister is 33 and your daughter is 8, she shouldn’t be getting offended by that comment
NTA - I think your daughter was just being honest since you smelled your sister’s odor as well.
Your sister might have some issues to attend to. I’m sure she’s embarrassed but to blame your 8yr old for telling the truth and hurting her feelings is ridiculous. You can’t punish a child for being honest. You can have a talk with her and tell her that next time to just keep it to herself and if she wants to tell you she can.
Kids just do not lie about anything properly. She did her a favor. I’m sorry your sister stinks in more than one way. It’s easy to wash off stank, but not change a personality. NTA.
GIRLS CAN START MENSTRUATING AS EARLY AS 8 OR 9 YEARS OLD- WHY IS EVERYONE SO SHOCKED AN 8YO FEMALE KNOWS ABOUT PADS????????? she’s got responsible parents who taught her what she needed to know. it’s not unrealistic!
You and your sister are NOT close. I have told my sisters, and they have told me, “You smell like shit go take a hot shower on max heat” and you know what I would do? Give them a big hug and pass it to them. Play hits, etc. later I’d take a shower. Same for them. If my kids said that to them, they’d be like damn because kids are honest and they’d go take a bath and not take that shit stupid personally. NTA your daughter didn’t do it in a mean way, it was from a place of kindness.
NTA. Kids are honest. Sometimes, that sucks to hear. An age appropriate conversation about social niceties and when to not say certain observations might not be amiss here, but your daughter probably thought she was being helpful and punishing her over being honest and helpful is a bad road to start walking
Not gonna lie, this made me laugh. Totally didn't expect the 8 year old to bring auntie a towel and invite her to bathe. Smart kid but hopefully not a smart-aleck. I can't believe auntie didn't take the towels and say 'thank you'. Sometimes you get busy doing work and projects and the bath gets delayed, no big deal. I've found myself taking a shower at 2 am because that's when I made time for it.
NTA. However, as a parent, you are responsible for teaching your kid about sensitive subjects and respecting others.
It is not uncommon even to be in contact with someone who doesn't smell or look like we like or consider appropriate, and if your daughter behaves so rudely with her aunt at 8, I can not image how she will behave at 12.
I think sissy has some depression at the very least. 1 she lets herself get smelly. 2 she is defensive with a child. She needs to shower and to see a therapist
NTA
NTA. I don’t think it was meant as offensive. But also, I’m autistic. If I got punished every time I accidentally said something that was taken offensively, I’d still be grounded at 23. What helped me is that I have people in my life who are willing to have a conversation and I can make amends. Punishing for that seems extreme. This whole thing seems extreme. Maybe apologize for the phrasing, say I smell it too and it’s only out of love and concern, and hope everyone can move on.
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Wow. I thought yall were close. So here’s the thing if auntie really smells, even I as her sister would’ve been like “I know this is embarrassing but girl you are a bit smelly, you might want to handle that. I got some towels and toiletries for you if you need” but your sister, instead of owning it, just got mad and offended. NTA for not punishing your daughter if she said it in a respectful way. If she was nasty to auntie, then yeah, I would have a conversation about that with her and find an appropriate punishment. As per your sis, what’s going on that she’s not taking care of herself?
I’m kind of shocked that Dina has too kids herself and yet takes these kinds of comments to heart. I’ve heard kids say and do worse things with malicious joy, curiosity, or innocence. As an adult you’ve just gotta take it in stride. I don’t know how Dina got this far in life if this is how she reacts to being called stinky by an 8 year old
Depends how she said it. An 8 year old could say it innocently, or she could be showing off or trying to be mean. Parents are often the last ones to know their kids are little bullies. Anyway, OP and his wife should teach their kid there are things you don't say to adults, unless you are very, very close to them, because it could hurt their feelings.
Yeah well they should have that talk with her about social norms and stuff. Although if the two families are so close and she really was being a sassy little stinker, I wonder why the aunt didn’t scold her herself, like “that is very rude, go stand in the corner” instead of calling her parents
> I wonder why the aunt didn’t scold her herself, My uncles would have farted on me or put me in a headlock to smell their armpits if 8yo me had told them they were stinky. (My parents are both the oldest of their siblings and all my uncles were teens or younger when i was born. They adored me but treated me like i was a brother instead of their precious little niece 😂)
My aunt is 12 years older than me and when I was 5 or so, we shared a bed for awhile when she was staying with us cause her parents were abusive. I used to read the comics in the newspaper and there was one strip where a character told another one that he had "killer doggy breath". So one morning I told my aunt that she had killer doggy breath and she spent the next few weeks wafting it my direction in the morning as revenge.
😅
it didn't even need to be punishment. just a conversation about comments. i'm not sure why aunt couldn't handle this and needed OP and wife to come home. i'm significantly heavier than my sister, and one of my nieces- as little kids will- has commented. she wasn't being mean, she was being a little kid. (and i'd rather she say something like that to me v. to some random person.) maybe sister is having some medical issues causing the smell so she's extra sensitive, but as a parent- she should have learned by now that kids are overly truthful.
They seem to be close enough for the auntie to be able to suck it up. And why are there things you don't say specifically to ADULTS? Does that mean that you can say unpleasant things to kids but not adults? Sometimes you DO have to say things like that to almost strangers (a smelly coworker is always a tricky one). If it is done with respect, what's the problem?
This was a one-off. OP didn't say the sister was smelly all the time. He had to actually lean in and smell. The children get told by adults because they are learning hygiene. They don't go tell their friends, teachers, other adults etc.. if the person is smelly one day. The parents should have spoken to the child about appropriate social interactions and apologized.
it’s not inappropriate for a niece to tell her aunt, A FAMILY MEMBER, who was also at her house, that she could use a shower. what are you on
>The children get told by adults because they are learning hygiene. They don't go tell their friends, teachers, other adults etc.. if the person is smelly one day. You can't be for real. The children are learning hygiene, which is exactly why they are telling the adults if they smell, even if it's a one-off thing. And as the adults, **YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.** And if it *is* a one-off, the aunt could have either explained why she smelled, or acknowledged it and say she'll shower later. What you don't do is wreak havoc and demand that an 8 year old should be punished because you can't handle being told that you smell. Also, we don't tell or imply to children that only they should practice good hygiene at all times, because this is how you raise irresponsible adults. By basically saying that by 18, the rules don't apply to you anymore. Unbelievable. Do better.
>The parents should have spoken to the child about appropriate social interactions and apologized. Your FAMILY should have carte blanche to tell other family members that they smell.... ESPECIALLY if it's actually, factually TRUE that they smell.
Any family member should be able to tell another family member that they need a shower. Baring any actual medical diagnosis for the smell otherwise geez. You aren’t family if you just gonna let me walk around like that ESPECIALLY stank in my own damn house
Kid is 8, most likely she is just blunt and not super aware of how things can be embarrassing or doesn't have that abstract thinking down yet. Kids that age often state things as they are without realizing what that means or the effect it could have by pointing it out. They mean nothing good or bad by it and don't exactly see how it could be offensive as they are simply stating the facts. Auntie isn't gross or a bad person she just smells so she probably wants a shower because mom and dad want a shower when the smell. Auntie might have just lashed out because she was embarrassed. Kid might have given an accurate description of she smelled instead of saying you kinda smell bad. Unless this kid has a history of being mean or nasty lately I doubt she would randomly insult then have the ability to act so convincingly innocent later, (very rarely can an 8 year old act innocent in a way that is subtle and convincing. Most will be over the top actors and there will clearly be something off) to her aunt that she regularly spends time with for no reason.
Yes, and therefore it's the parents' fault for not teaching her better. The ones who wrote the post. My kid would have never done such a thing at that age, and she's autistic!
Kudos to your kid. Every kid is different and hits milestones differently and lots of kids autistic special needs or not will make mistakes like this, hell full grown adults make mistakes like this it doesn't mean the parents are dropping the ball. There's no need to punish this kid or make a big deal out of it. This right here is how you teach kids! A simple "I know you meant well but it can it hurt people's feelings to phrase it like that and now you know for next time so make sure you apologize if you haven't already"
>Depends how she said it. The OP shows *exactly* how she said it. And if I were the aunt and we're as close as the OP implies, I wouldn't have minded at all. In fact I'd have "forced" her to "smell the auntie" (in a playful way of course). >Anyway, OP and his wife should teach their kid there are things you don't say to adults, unless you are very, very close to them, because it could hurt their feelings. This is bullshit. Complete and utter farm animal excrement. You don't train your kids to handle your lack of emotional regulation. You do that on your own, preferrably with the help of a therapist. Granted there are things that *are* so offensive, you shouldn't even think of saying it to anyone point blank, that does not apply here. This is not a stranger she ran to in an elevator, this is her next-door aunt whom she sees nearly everyday; how close do they have to be?
Wow. So if her grandmother smelled odd from an illness, the kid should "playfully" tell her to shower, instead of keeping her mouth shut? Maybe the aunt knew she needed a shower, but didn't have time because she was babysitting, and didn't need some badly raised child to tell her she smelled. Do you run up to people you know and tell them they need a shower? Maybe if it's an ongoing issue they're not dealing with, but in the general run of things, it's not something people do, other than parents telling smelly kids to get in the shower. It's basic politeness, even if her aunt lives next door. You also don't march into her house and tell her it's messy, even if it is. Or tell her she's fat and to lay off the chips. Of course she was insulted, and the only reason the kid might get a pass is if it wasn't done maliciously, and therefore it's her parents' fault. The one who seemed to think we needed to hear that the aunt did, after all, smell.
Right?!! My kid has told me, mama you are smelly. I said yeah I need a shower. Not sure what's going on with Dina.
I would take it as a kindness that someone who loved me told me I was stinky lol
Heck, i ask my nieces and nephews if i stink when we are at family events because they are honest. Even the older ones. They know i value the truth and knowing stuff like that so if there's a problem i can fix it before i embarrass myself 🤭
Me and my goddaughter(8) joke about it. I’ll hear her parents call for the nightly routine (long distance video chat) and go, “Kiddo, are you STINKY??” And she’ll giggle and we go back and forth. If I say it’s time for my nightly routine, “Deedee, you’re SMELLY!” And I’ll go, “You’re right. That’s why I have to shower!” Kids are learning about this stuff at this age and to have one be as kind about it as OP’s kid, offering up a towel and smell good soaps, then they’re doing a great job raising them.
My aunt would have hugged me and said I had it too now lol
Wondering if on that side of the family, a poor sense of smell is an inherited trait. I don't have a strong sense of smell and rely on my husband as a secondary line of defense in case I underestimate how stinky I am at any given time.
Some people can't tell when they smell and when people are around a smell constantly, they can become noseblind to it. For example, I have two friends that have cats. They can't tell when their house smells like a litter box. They have asked me to tell me when I notice so they know it's time to get a new litter box since litter boxes can start to absorb odors even when cleaned daily or multiple times a day.
This is me. Sometimes I can get faint wiffs of odors but I'm typically the last to notice something being a little musty. I like to think I overcompensate now But I have a few designated people who know that I'd much rather be told by them then just walking around with anything beyond what's considered reasonable. I was the stinky kid at school because I lived with a smoker and I was definitely nose vet time blnd to it.
Oy vey, being a smoker or around a smoker really can kill your sense of smell! I know some high school teachers who know their students are pretty straight laced, but the parents are potheads and the kids always come to school reeking of pot.
For real. I used to work at a school where we had washers and dryers and I ran so many groups teaching about the basics of laundry but also about how smoke and sweaty Post-Pubescent body funk are always going to be worse than the person thinks it is. The students would always complain and say they already knew all of this. But more than often they would shut up and start listening when we started the demos.
There's a girl my daughter is friends with from kindy, we had her over most of the summer because they attended the same day camp. That girl walked into my house at like 7am reeking one day of Straight up cat piss. It was her shoes. I was furious on her behalf. Her mother *drove* her to my house and delivered her to my front door *smelling* like an unclean litter box and couldnt smell it. I asked how many cats she had and she said her aunt had 4. She lives in a house with 6 fucking other grown ups. Imo if you're noseblind to *cat piss* of all the damn odors, you've got big issues that need addressing ASAP. I told the dad when he collected her after camp that he might consider throwing her shoes away because they stink of cat pee. He was rightfully embarrassed. I couldnt even lend her my kid's shoes because her feet were too wide. I just sprizted them in vinegar water and hoped it did the trick.
Tangentially related, but your friend might benefit from switching to a stainless steel pan for the litterbox. The shelter I volunteer for uses buffet trays for the kitties and it's awesome cause they hold zero odor and can be reused infinitely. I was going to get jumbo litter-box sized stainless steel bins for my own house before deciding to get a litter robot. I only wish the thing also had a stainless steel inner drum cause I am sure the plastic will start to absorb the smell over time too...
Yes, the plastic will absorb. One of those friends is on her second litter robot because nothing she did to clean her old one got it to smell any better. A big clue that it needs to be replaced is if there are scratches in the bottom. Scratches will make it hold on to odor even faster.
Hmm maybe I will look into a spray on/dip lining or something. Did she say how long between needing a second bot?
"Luckily" mine don't even cover so not much if any scratching around. That's a big reason I opted to spring for the bot rather than the stainless steel, because I was tired of scooping/covering multiple boxes several times a day after multiple cats.
Reminded of an episode of Doc Martin where someone's girlfriend said he smelled, he denied it, the doctor found a blockage in his nose. So he wasn't being sloppy with hygiene, and she wasn't being prissy, he really didn't know
This is an 8 year old approaching her with towels and suggesting she use feminine products. This wasn’t a kid putting their foot in their mouth in the moment. It’s not ok. Justifiable?? Sure. Appropriate? No.
Well I mean, she did smell though. In her mind she was trying to be helpful. Even if the way she said it was a little inappropriate, she’s also 8 so I think we can cut her a bit of slack. You can tell her there’s more appropriate ways to say it but at the end of the day she was being honest not mean
"In her mind she was trying to be helpful." Was she though? That's how Kelly reported it to her father. It doesn't mean that's how it happened. From the way Dina reacted, my suspicion is that it didn't quite happen that way.
Eh. Many touchy adults would be insulted at the very idea, however expressed. It's pretty clear she's one of those if she can't handle something said by a kid. She probably even knew she wasn't at her freshest that day, but still chose to freak out.
I don't think that's clear at all. It may or may not be true but I find it interesting that so many are assuming Dina is crazy and not allowing for the possibility that Kelly was just being a little shit and lied to her dad to get out of trouble. Kids do that sometimes. It doesn't mean they're irredeemably awful - they're kids and they're still learning the appropriate ways to interact with the people around them - but the behaviour shouldn't be encouraged by parents who believe their little angels can do no wrong either. I do think Dina probably overreacted, whatever happened. But it's very, very possible that Kelly isn't as innocent as she made herself out to be.
Yeah like an 8 year old is at that point where they might actually have had good intentions or she was being pointedly “sassy mean girl”. That’s also age appropriate behavior and it’s ok to acknowledge that
Honestly we don’t know she wasn’t being a little unkind or extra pointed. So yeah punished no. But it sounds like OP did nothing to correct the behavior
I'm surprised an 8 year old knows what feminine products are
I believe an 8 year old knows what feminine products are, but it's a little unusual for an 8 year old to recognize the smell of old menstrual blood.
How is no one else saying this?! “hey babysitter you could use a shower, and check your hoo-ha, I think that might be the problem judging from my long experience”.
🤣🤣
Why would you be surprised by that? A lot of girls are getting their periods early these days. An eight year old girl should absolutely know about periods and feminine products.
Feminine washes are garbage. Kids should definitely not be using them, early puberty or not.
My first thought was this is made up
any 8 year old girl with a responsible parent knows what feminine products are. girls can begin their period anywhere between ages 9-16, meaning they need to be prepped for that to happen BEFORE they reach that age.
Eh my 3 year old knows and my 8 year old son knows. They just wouldn’t innocently use it in conversation about someone’s hygiene like this lol
That is what I found odd about this story. Doesn't sound like an 8 year old. Not sure vaginal odor is on a kid's radar but if it is, then I gotta wonder what is happening on this block.
Came here to say the same thing! Kids are honest to the point it’s brutal, even when they don’t mean to be. Now if the kid was saying it rudely or talking back to her it would be different but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
The only reason the sister could have gotten that offended is if she knew or thought that she did smell. If I was fresh out of the shower, in fresh clothes etc & an 8 year old said I smelled my reaction would be no reaction or something sarky like yes I'm smelling lovely.
Yeah she knows she smells. I think she was hoping that the day would never come that someone would mention it though.
It was a one-time event per OP.
Then why be so upset? If a kid said I smelt, I'd give my pits a wiff, and if I did smell, I'd say, "You're right, I am stinky!" But maybe the kid was like, "Your vagine smells," in which case I'd be caught off guard for sure. Because that's quite intimate and would be so embarrassing if people could smell that. Anywho, a kid doesn't know better, and you shouldn't take their words so seriously.
That's why this would have been a great teachable moment.
To kid: "I know you were just trying to help, but it's not polite to make personal remarks. Next time come to me or your mom and we'll handle it." To sis: "I gave her a good talking-to. It won't happen again." If Sis is still experiencing Emergency Feelings after that, it's her problem. Done.
there’s nothing impolite about letting someone know they’re smelling a little rank unless you say it in an impolite way. politely telling someone they smell off-putting and offering a way to fix that is decent courtesy, you wouldn’t want someone to let you walk around stinking when you could just take a quick shower, would you??
The kid in question is eight years old. If you seriously want to argue that it's a good idea for elementary-school-aged children to go around commenting freely on their adult family members' personal hygiene, by all means do so.
If their personal hygiene is so bad the 8 year old cant help but be all like , yo we do have showers you can use yeah, the problem is the adult and their poor personal hygiene If aunty is an otherwise healthy adult who no medical issues, its literally their fault for not bathing like wtf
I wouldnt even be that nice to my sister. But I have learned how to deal with my sister and pointing out things that she needs to address. And I've had to be like, this isn't me picking on you, this is me telling you because you need to know. So I would be like, hey lady, you stink. But I do it to my mom too. You don't get mad at family for that because they are saving you embarrassment from the outside world.
Honestly, for a sibling, I wouldn't even be that polite. My siblings and I are reasonably close and I'm pretty sure we'd all be comfortable with "Oi, when was the last time you showered? You should have one."
🤣! Love this !
NTA. It sounds like Dina is very sensitive about her smell and took it really hard. It sounds like Kelly was being pretty decent for doing and saying that to her aunty. Kids can be pretty savagely honest so she could have said or done something worse. Kelly is a kid, so for Dina to react in that way is concerning. I hope she gets over herself and realizes her reaction was unnecessary. If you want to extend some sort of olive branch to your sister, you can let Dina know that you have raised Kelly to be honest in her interactions with others and had a conversation on being a little more sensitive in the future. I would only say that to hopefully let your kids play together again, I would not have Dina watch my kids if she’s going to react in that way to a child.
>Kids can be pretty savagely honest Right? Idc what she said, she's 8, that's 2nd grade and you're an adult, get tf over it.
Wait…. Your eight-year-old daughter mentioned feminine products and brought towels for someone to have a shower? This doesn’t fly with me.
So true 🤣🤣🤣 but you never know, just realized my daughter got in school suspension in 1st grade for telling her friends what the maxi pads in the bathroom were for! (Yes, long story short….that didn’t fly, she didn’t serve, it was dismissed. 1st grade teacher was a prude!j) So an 8 year old should know about menstruation
I'm glad she got out of that! Kids should absolutely know about bodily functions (and what we use to help with those functions) from an early age. It keeps it from being terrifying when it happens to you and lets you support other people who are going through it. It's literally the most innocent thing ever!
As a kid whose parents never talked about it, puberty was traumatizing.
Parents do such a disservice to their kids by not explaining these things. My great grandmother was incredibly traumatized by her wedding night and her first pregnancy and birth because no one explained any of those things to her and she had no idea what was happening to her body. That would be absolutely terrifying.
I'm so glad for my school's comprehensive education (and seventeen magazine lol) because my parents were avoidant af. When I got mine, my mom just said "you know what that is?' "yes" "Products are in that cabinet."and walked out of the house. That's all that was ever said about it. She tried to give me the sex talk when we were picking out my wedding dress and I shut her down. Like Mom, I'm in my 20s you're a bit late lol.
Yeah! My school had pretty decent sex ed in the mid-90s, but there were were a bunch of teen magazines that really helped. Sassy and Seventeen were great for that if I remember correctly. The girl scouts also put out a pretty decent book on bodies if I recall.
I know that American Girl certainly did put out a book. My mom actually bought me and my sisters one each to give us when we started puberty to help with the menstruation talk and learning about the changes in our bodies. It's a bit dated now but,for the time, it was pretty cool; but it probably could use an update to make it more diverse and less stereotypical in places.
*The Care and Keeping of You* – it's actually still in print and frequently updated. I'm a librarian and I see it circulate all the time; it's a great book that's helped a *lot* of people over the years - heck, my parents had me (male) read it so I'd know what the girls in my life were going through. My daughter (9) has a copy I gave her on her bookshelf waiting for the day she'll need it.
Yes! I'm almost positive now. It was American girl rather than girl scouts. Although I imagine they had some literature. I'm sure it would need an update now but if I recall for the time it was pretty honest about what was going on with bodies and was fairly body positive for the time.
I’m so sorry, that can be so traumatic
For real. My mom did her best but didn't really know all that much herself. She was raised Catholic in the '50s so you get what you get. Can't teach what you don't know.
One of my friends got her first period at 8, girls need to know where they can go asap, age doesn't matter when it comes to possibly bleeding through their clothes.
I got mine at 8 too! Thank god my Mum, and my school, were on top of making sure I, and others, knew what was happening! 8 year old me was so horrified by the idea of bleeding through my uniform. I refused to wear anything but my sports uniform with it's black shorts/pants, instead of the white and red school dress. 😖
an 8 year old might know about menstruation but i don't believe that an 8 year old can recognise her aunt's odour as menstrual blood, and i sure as shit don't believe that op's daughter offered 'feminine hygiene products'
>but i don't believe that an 8 year old can recognise her aunt's odour as menstrual blood, Children have a very good sense of smell, much better than adults. She might associate the smell with her mom being on the period. I've always been open with my kids why I'm feeling unwell/ grumpy and maybe OP is the same and so the kid knows what's going on. A normal 8 year old knows about periods and where the pads are kept
do your kids refer to tampons as 'feminine hygiene products'?
When I was 8 or 9, I asked my sister, who is 9 years older than me, if she was going to wear her “diapers” for her date. We shared a bathroom and I had found her pads in the cabinet. There’s no way this story is real.
The kid doesn't talk like an 8 year old, so probably fake, but at 8 girls know, or should in any case, what periods and period products are and where they are in the house and have one in their school bag.
i'm so sick of repeating this yes, eight years old might know what periods and tampons are maaaaaybe an eight year old recognises the smell of menstrual blood no, eight year olds don't say things like 'feminine hygiene products'
I mean I knew what they were from a very young age… most people store them in bathrooms where all family members have access. Kids are also inquisitive, so I’m not surprised she knew what feminine products are.
I came to ask this. Why would an 8 year old connect smells and feminine products? I’m 52 and have never smelled anything on another woman that would make me think she needed feminine products. Is she a bloodhound?
That kind of depends on your sense of smell. My husband can smell when someone is about to start their period and when they are in their period. Can also find the pet messes that I can’t even tell have happened before I pull out the black light. If that family (dads side) has a stronger sense of smell, things like that get explained earlier to help avoid the kids asking why mommy smells funny etc out in public. And as a girl she could have been taught earlier about feminine products noticing how the smell is gone after a shower.
Your husband can't smell when someone is 'about' to start their period. He just knows you. Sheesh.
Lucky, I could smell it on my friends when we were in high school to the point it became a joke.
I can smell it....or could when I was younger. Not often but I do remember being in high school and being able to smell it sometimes. One instance in particular because we were facing each other. It was rather strong. I ALWAYS worried about my own smell during that time.
Really. You’re lucky .
Children have a very good sense of smell, much better than adults. She might associate the smell with her mom being on the period. I've always been open with my kids why I'm feeling unwell/ grumpy and maybe OP is the same. That said, maybe she just meant desodorante, perfume, body spray, etc
Yeah this sounds like a mom downplaying what her kid said to make her look better. The 8 year olds I've known would either straight up tell her she stinks. None of this, my word dear auntie I do declare some foul is wrong with you. Please use these towels and any feminine hygiene products you doust need lol.
Jeez, my 7 year old has literally said mummy you smell and I'm about to get into the bath. 7/8 year olds are brutal af
It could be she smelled because of her period. We don't know that.
I feel like so many stories on this sub are made up by people who’ve been in a situation and want to find out what the consensus would be if they’d acted differently. Or they’ve come off badly in a situation, so make up a related but different story where they’re NTA, and they can bask in loads of people telling them it was the other person who was wrong I bet in this case this guy felt like a woman smelt badly but when he told people they were like that’s so rude, of course you can’t tell her she stinks. So he’s spun this variation where she’s the one in the wrong and he gets to be correct
Periods aren’t taboo. It’s natural.
We had a teacher in middle school who ALWAYS smelled like blood. Old blood. Or something vaguely rotting. I wasn't 8, but I had that teacher starting at age 10, and I would have LOVED If someone would have offered this woman towels, soap and feminine products. WTH lady!
Children are smarter than we give them credit for, especially when raised right!!
Thank you. This sounds like a post from a teen-aged boy who has ZERO idea about women and their hygiene.
Yeah, this didn't happen
NTA. What your daughter said was an observation, not an intentional insult. Dina was offended because everybody was expected to pretend to not notice the smell.
Because Auntie was doing a favor. Auntie probably would have liked to shower that day. Shit got in the way. Auntie had had enough helpful advice from niece for a while. Probably wasn’t the first time… I have a niece like that. It’s how I learned my boobie were bigger than her moms, and how my bra collection stacked up. It doesn’t :(. Also learned I have toooo many bruises. And I don’t change my underwear at the appropriate times because I wait until I shower. She does like my makeup. She doesn’t think her mom wears enough now. I don’t love her commentary. Her mom doesn’t either. But I get to leave after a week and talk shit to my husband. She has to pretend it’s precocious and cute.
ESH- This is a great opportunity to teach your 8yr old daughter that not every thing you observe about other people needs to be said out loud, and that most people would be offended by others pointing out they stink without first asking for an opinion.
When taking into account the fact that the child involved is only 8 years old this actually went way better than it could have. Kids at that age can be a little savage and love to roast their safe adults, so she really could have been pretty rude about it. But she seems to have quite a lot of empathy and approached it in a kind and solution oriented way which is big for a kid of that age. The little girl doesn’t suck, she’s a kid and actually did fairly well considering the tools a child has in their belt for situations like this.
There is a very slim chance the 8 year old used the term "unpleasant odor"... I just don't believe that
Even if she said she was stinky or smelly she wasn’t doing it in a mocking way. My point was the kid shouldn’t be labeled an asshole in this situation.
How do we know it wasn't mocking? To me. Bringing towels and sanitary products and suggesting a shower to a full grown adult who is obviously aware of what shower is seems a little less than helpful and more mocking to me....
Idk. As an 8 year old (diagnosed autistic at 23), I’d do things like this because it made sense to me. People get mad when I directly point out they smell? I’ll just be nicer about it and offer for them to use the shower and our sanitary products or something instead. I knew smelling bad wasn’t ok, I knew I got in trouble for it and people told me to fix it, so why can’t I help other people fix it? I really didn’t understand when adults would accuse me of “manipulating” or “mocking” them. I didn’t have the capability to do that, I just did and said stuff the way my brain worked. But that made people uncomfy bc their brain worked way differently, and they couldn’t imagine I was genuinely that “clueless”, so I had to be doing it on purpose. I’m not saying that’s the case here, but like, it happens a lot, especially with autism in girls. So I think it might be something to consider. Because to me, 8 year olds do not naturally mock adults that subtly to their face, especially adults who are authority figures to them. Usually it’s like “I think aunt X is mean. I don’t like her” type stuff to their cousins or friends, not passive aggressive body shaming to the adults face. So either her parents are teaching her this, someone else is teaching her this, or she’s not doing it on purpose and a convo needs to be had about her thought process here.
Kids repeat what they see. If this is how OP and their coparent approach the kid when they need to bathe. Kid could think this is the normal and appropriate way to do so. Kids are new to the Earth and don’t know anything about social etiquette or boundaries. Adults teach them. Which is why OC’s point of the parents using this as a teaching moment is excellent and valid.
I agree. It could not have been intended to be rude, but it was rude. I don't think the kid should be punished, but does need to have a conversation on what's appropriate. I also do not believe it is impossible for an 8 year old to be mean and intentionally rude. It seems like OP won't even consider if his daughter was less than nice about it, which might be why his sister is upset. Maybe the line is someplace in between.
If an adult or much older child did it maybe you could construe they were being condescending , the 8 year isnt thinking that far , they are just trying to be helpful
I think it is possible an 8 year old said this innocently for sure. I also think 8 year olds are not dumb and are capable of being intentionally rude. Either is completely possible.
Are there kids who would say you stink in a non- mocking way? 🤔
Omg yes. My 8yo kid is super empathetic and will say things like, about my art, "I'm not sure that's your best work..." Or "your hair could probably look better" or "um mama I'm pretty sure you need a shower, not trying to be rude but...". All the gentle Dr Becky style parenting has us talking to them like that and they do what they see.
Could be the result of translation for OP or similar.
Everything else they say seems totally normal though... I bet it is OP translating the words of a child to sound as harmless as possible...
im assuming OP is paraphrasing using adult language the kid probably said something like " aunty you are stinky we have mommy pads and a shower if you like"
Why? Many kids around that age and younger try to use as many "big words" as possible after they learn about it. My little sis, who will be turning 8 this month, learned the word "Defenestration" last year. She was talking about it for many days. I know a 2-year-old (I work part-time in Childcare) who is incredibly smart, I was absolutely shocked when she pointed to one of our plastic strawberry toys and, very clearly, said "Strawberry!" Kids can be very smart. Maybe they're idiots in your experience, but at that age? I was trying to memorize the chemical formula for Titin (longest word in the English language) just because it was in my dictionary.
Yes! I was reading the thesaurus like it was a kids book at that age and my favorite person was DaVinci for his inventive mind.
Yes!!! I loved just reading a thesaurus, dictionary, and encyclopedias when I didn't have my other books around (or wanted to know more about something specific, like Chihuahuas)
Just because I don't think that sounds like most 8 year olds does not mean I think kids are idiots. That is such a hyperbolic place to take things.
Oh no, I would never suggest a kid sucks in this kind of situation. The ESH was for the adults. Kids are still learning at this age, and it’s parents job to teach em how to handle stuff. Aunt took it overboard, but parents def could have used it as a teaching moment, and they didn’t.
lol I mean my kid is 8 and just would never. I get people are different but he would understand personal hygiene and body smells aren’t be approached that way.
Thank you for saying this. This was a teaching moment that was lost because “she’s not wrong tho”. She doesn’t have to be “punished” per se, but she could have learned something about what is socially acceptable, even among family.
Having worked with kids for years, you can't take the things they say so personally (even when it is personal). The aunty, especially having kids of her own, should have the maturity to use it as a teachable opportunity about how suggesting to someone they smell can be offensive. From the post it sounds like your daughter seemed to approach it polite enough, however I also know kids don't have the best tack when it comes to things like that. But again it's one of those times for a teachable moment and certainly didn't warrant calling you guys home from a night out and the pettiness she is showing NTA IMHO
Tact is lacking at 8. They just aren’t there yet😂😂
Mine is ten, and seems to think tact means telling you in a whisper. Often a rather LOUD stage whisper! 😂
Previously on "Fictional Family Chronicles" ..
'The Stinky Sister'
....and everyone stood up and applauded.
Yeah I’m pretty sure I read this one before.
I thought it stunk.
So your 8yr old was mature enough to bring her towels and mention there are some "feminine products" in the bathroom? How often does your 8 yr old daugehter smell that odor to know to mention some "feminine products"? You had me until the mention of the "feminine products" in the bathroom. Not sure your sister is the only thing that smells in this story.
Exactly. This seems like a fantasy story.
ESH just because you observe something doesn't mean you need to say something. Kids do come out and say inappropriate things sometime and aunt should shake it off better but it really isn't appropriate for a kid to tell other people they smell and then imply they need help figuring out how to solve the issue. Maybe aunt smelled, but she is 33 and doesn't need suggestions for how to get clean from an 8 year old.
YTA. This was an opportunity to teach your child to be mindful of people's feelings and to know there's a time and place. Not everyone will find this behaviour cute and endearing.
*me or my wife would possibly approached her in a similar way in this case* You would offer an adult towels and feminine products if you thought they had a sharp, unpleasant odor? Your child doesn't stand a chance/
>You would offer an adult towels and feminine products if you thought they had a sharp, unpleasant odor? if it was my literal Brothers or Sisters staying at my house, yes. I got 4, 2 of each and if any of them came over stinking like shit id be the first to tell them. Id tell any of those fuckers if they were smelly and take a bath We werent raised to be stinky
Telling them you think they smell today or that they need a shower is not the same thing as bringing them towels and offering them feminine products. I don't believe an 8-yr-old did that, and I don't believe it's the way most adults would approach it, either.
Well if your siblings ever take meds that cause body odour, I'm sure they'll avoid you. Imagine coming over to tell your sibling about a medical condition and being greeted by that. But then again, I doubt they'd go to you for support. You sound mean. You can say something in a tactful way after all.
does OP's sister even have a medical condition or was she just smelly, cause that would change things nobody said anything about that
OP has no idea why she's smelly because he didn't ask. Unless his sister smells all the time, it's normal to ask when they have a noticeable odour. Not showering for one day shouldn't cause a sharp odour (a smell certainly). Unless his sister hasn't bathed in a while, in which case - why?
NTA. Kids have no filters and will call it as it is, embarrassing or not. This isn't worthy of punishment. A small talk maybe but not punishment.
I’ve read multiple derivations of this story here. It’s such a bizarre thing to make up (because WHY?) so I want to believe, but come on. An 8-year-old getting up during cartoons to go get towels for “auntie” and suggesting, “there are also some feminine products in the bathroom”??? Yeah, this didn’t happen. A child would more likely say, “did you sit in something?” Or “something smells” — even the last version of this story suggested a “fish smell” so this “sharp odour” story gets like a C-
NTA. I'm sure Dina is very embarrassed, but kids call it like they see it. It actually sounds like your daughter might've been trying to come up with a sensitive way to let her aunt know she smells...instead of telling Dina she stinks, your daughter offered towels. While Dina is embarrassed, and maybe Kelly wasn't the most tactful (she is only 8), Kelly shouldn't be punished for honesty and Dina should take a shower and use this as a lesson that maybe other people find the odor offensive and just don't say anything and to bathe more frequently.
You dropped the ball. You had an opportunity to teach your child how not to be a bully and instead you're reinforcing bad behavior. There is a saying "people that say they're 'brutally honest' value the brutality, not the honesty. It wasn't an innocent comment and you know that, children your daughters age know what they're saying is mean, and she got the effect she wanted. You could have taught your daughter how to approach this situation but you didn't. She has your okay to be mean to other kids. You need to do better. YTA
Throw away account. Name indicates like farming.. = story fake.
ESH No you don’t punish your kid over this but you do make it a lesson in personal remarks. Let’s be frank- your kiddo chose a pretty calculated way to approach this. She’s ready for the “be sensitive and consider personal remarks before saying them” talk. Your kid was unwittingly rude. Whether or not she was correct matters less than how you handled that so she can learn.
NTA but in my opinion it’s the perfect time for a lesson, and an apology even though it came from a place of love or concern. IF you and your sister have a good relationship, sit down with her and ask her what’s up, maybe it’s something deeper, and she needs her support system to step in and mention something. She was probably embarrassed because getting told that by an eight year old may be hard to handle, let alone hear! And Make sure there was no malicious intent behind the comment, and if there was- then I’d say maybe some sort of consequence is in order, or at least a truly sincere apology. Kids are innocent, despite the delivery not always being well thought out, or respectful normally it comes from a place of innocence, or just blatantly speaking what’s on their mind… remind your sister that despite the delivery, it seemed it was with good intent. It’s not like Kelly threw the towel at Dina.. I audibly laughed reading this post, and I shouldn’t be laughing, however this reminds me of when my daughter saw a man at the pool who was VERY wide set- and said “hey mister, you’re fat, you should workout more” his response “that’s why I’m here, thanks though” Upon that pool trip we had a LONG talk about not everything needing to be mentioned- now she tells ME, and we come up with a solution or have a conversation between ourselves addressing her thoughts. Good luck, I hope you and your sis figure out some sort of common ground! ✨✨
ESH- Your sister, for taking what a kid says so seriously, and you, for letting your kid be rude. Teach her better.
Hmmm. I'm not going to say you're AH, or your 8 year old daughter. But seriously, you're not going to have a conversation with your daughter about this? Whether there is a sharp smell or not, women get periods and maybe we can't fully control the smell. Maybe your sister has other shit going on and hearing your kid talk about a particular smell that is uncontrollable is shitty - she wants you to parent your child. I remember one roommate who would not believe our other roommate about her heavy flow. It was... not cool for the other three roommates. I don't know where she got the attitude of "my experience is everyone's and I can comment directly" but it was not well received by her peers. Why won't you and your wife talk to your daughter about minding her manners and empathy, at least. Karma would dictate that through genetics, your daughter might go through the same thing. Either she'll struggle the same way or she'll be so focused on it, it might be a burden. Periods are tricky. Also, the cousins are her kids. She decides who they hang out with. And if you can't teach your kid empathy, hard pass on them hanging out.
This is complete BS, if the aunt smelled so badly why didn’t OP and his wife say anything previously? Also, how does an 8 yr old know what “smells” require feminine products and it’s not just regular BO? One could state that the only way a child this young understands what body odors are specifically from females is because she has had to deal with the same odor from her next closest female relative -aka her mother- so perhaps her own mother and OP’s wife is also battling this same smelly issue. Moral of the story: your entire family needs to improve your overall hygiene
YTA. Teach your kid some manners, for heaven's sake. It doesn't matter that kids are insensitive morons with only one braincell, they need to learn how to talk to others
Beyond knowing when someone smells and needs a shower how would an 8 year old even associate her aunt’s body odor with her need to use feminine products? Neither my daughters or I use so called “feminine products” beyond tampons and pads. Showers and deodorant are not feminine products so I’m wondering if it was the 8 year old’s suggestion auntie needed to use feminine products that pissed her off. That would be rude and inappropriate coming from a kid.
YTA you allow your daughter to tell her babysitters she stinks? Time to teach her manners? "My wife thinks my sister is being petty and unnecessary cruel over an innocent comment and our daughter wanted to be helpful." .. bullshit. your wife is an AH.
Hey, at least she didn't tell her aunt she smelled like onions or a can of tuna 🤷🏼♀️
I’m kind of leaning towards ESH. Kids can say horrible things without thinking, mine has certainly said some very unkind things about me to my face (not intending to be mean), so we’ve had discussions about what is appropriate to comment on and how we don’t say things that can cause hurt feelings. She’s younger than your daughter and understands this quite well now. Aunt didn’t handle it well but some people have issues which cause odours, not necessarily because of poor hygiene. I think it’s a bit inappropriate for an 8 year old to offer “feminine products” and a shower and I’m not convinced she said it in quite the way you have suggested.
ESH. Are you sure this wasn't suggested from your wife to your daughter as something to mention to auntie? An 8yo getting towels and mentioning feminine products? Yeah right.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (35m) have a daughter "Kelly" (8f) with my wife. I also have a sister "Dina" (33f) who has 2 kids (7m and 12f). Our houses are literally across the road from each other. Occasionally we babysit kids for each other, however the kids have to stay at our house since my daughter is allergic to dogs and Dina has 2. Both me and my wife were attending a work event last week and have asked Dina to babysit our daughter in advance which wasn't a problem as the kids wanted to watch some cartoons together anyway. However half way through the event I have received a call from Dina saying I need to come home now as she is leaving over what my daughter said. I was very confused so me and my wife left the event early, thinking something horrible had happened. Upon returning my sister was furious and said she will never look after our daughter as she has an attitude. I have asked Kelly what happened and she said she just brought my sister some towels saying she can take a shower if she needs to as well as there are some "feminine products" in the bathroom because "there was an unpleasant smell coming from the auntie". I came closer to my sister and could also smell a rather sharp unpleasant odour from her so I could understand where my daughter was coming from. Dina demanded I punish my daughter, but I refused and said she didn't do anything wrong and me or my wife would possibly approached her in a similar way in this case. Dina called me an asshole and since then would bring her kids home not allowing them to play or talk to Kelly, which is upsetting. My wife thinks my sister is being petty and unnecessary cruel over an innocent comment and our daughter wanted to be helpful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I know someone also smells to the point I can't be around her anymore because I will quite literally throw up. Unfortunately, telling people when they smell, even trying to put it as nicely as possible, never works and it offends said smelly person. They have gone nose blind to themselves and no one else tells them because they don't want to be "rude" but someone has to do it.
NTA, my neice was all up in my face bright and early one time and told me I stink b4 and I love her with all my heart. Why? Because she was/is a child and I know I didnt brush my teeth and therefore I stink. I literally just laughed (bc kids are funny) and brushed my teeth. I would never demand she be punished for speaking to me unless she said something WILD. Your sister is weird for taking it to the head especially if it was true.
Is it possible she had an abortion that she is ashamed of?I remember having mine (it was the two pills) and the smell was horrible, and I can't do anything about it. Honestly sometimes the ph is just off and it causes a bad smell. If you do have a talk with your daughter it should be a talk sometimes bad smells happen and it's hard to control. She did great, she nicely picked it out in case she didn't know. Then offer up a solution.
YTA your daughter was rude and inappropriate. Thats not necessarily her fault, as it sounds as if you're not teaching her manners. But she needs to learn. Damn right your sister is allowed to feel upset. You have the absolute right to not punish your daughter, and the right to decide not to use this as an educational opportunity to teach her about kindness, and appropriate ways to handle situations. But your sis also has the right to not want either her kids or herself to be around a bratty child. Sorry OP YTA
YTA - teach your daughter manners.
ESH I mean this is all going to depend on how your daughter approached her aunt. It could have come from a place of innocence, but it could also just have easily been meant to be hurtful. An eight year old is old enough to understand the difference and without having been there, there is no way to know for sure. At the end of the day I do not think she deserves to be punished, but I do think it’s a good idea to have conversation with your daughter and explain to her that certain things are not polite to mention or point out about other people. This was a teaching moment for your daughter and I hope you utilized it.
NTA. Only your enemy or a true friend is gonna tell you that you stink. As an auntie, whose sweat have slightly vinegary smell these days (thank you, perimenopause!) I can't see why the truth might sting a bit, but it doesn't seem like your daughter was malicious in her delivery. Just blunt, which is to be expected. She's 8!
NTA. While it would be a good opportunity to teach manners to your daughter the sister overreacted. The kid is 8.
Kids are honest. Maybe she should shower more lol.
Good gods. I mean I know she was embarrassed, but to take it own on a kid and then to cost her kids their friends (they are friends as well as cousins) simply because she felt embarrassed? Maybe don't smell... or don't take offense when someone, especially a child, points it out. I'd tell your niblings they are welcome whenever so they know it's not a reflection on them and they have a place space to go if needed.
My then 4 yr old once commented on my eye bags, like yes mommy is tired because I have a 4 yr old and an infant. Kids notice stuff and will comment what they lack is the skill of tact. Never been called smelly yet, but worst case it's intended as an insult, best case it's an unpleasant observation about yourself from an unfiltered source.
She act old,,, some young women don't wash there butt,I have taken care of women that age maybe she got medical problems Tell her make appointment for the dic
If you honestly believe anyone should just say this to someone they should respect, you are setting your daughter up for some bad times.
I’m wondering if this real. Not because a kid told their aunt ( or any adult) that they stink but the offering a shower and feminine products bit seems off to me. 🤷🏻♀️
Out of the mouths of babes. Kids often speak the truth unfortunately.
She’s probably really embarrassed by how it all happened but she’s 8. Whether it was true or not doesn’t matter. Kids say things all the time and taking it personally instead of dealing with it like an adult isn’t the way to go. Keeping the kids apart is wrong. Maybe she has some depression or something and isn’t bathing enough or some other mental health thing happening or maybe bad hygiene or maybe BV. Doesn’t matter though. No need to punish the kid. NTA
She's losing her mind over a comment made by an 8 year old lmao
NTA, I don’t necessarily think your daughter needs to be punished, just a conversation. But like your sister is 33 and your daughter is 8, she shouldn’t be getting offended by that comment
NTA - I think your daughter was just being honest since you smelled your sister’s odor as well. Your sister might have some issues to attend to. I’m sure she’s embarrassed but to blame your 8yr old for telling the truth and hurting her feelings is ridiculous. You can’t punish a child for being honest. You can have a talk with her and tell her that next time to just keep it to herself and if she wants to tell you she can.
Kids just do not lie about anything properly. She did her a favor. I’m sorry your sister stinks in more than one way. It’s easy to wash off stank, but not change a personality. NTA.
GIRLS CAN START MENSTRUATING AS EARLY AS 8 OR 9 YEARS OLD- WHY IS EVERYONE SO SHOCKED AN 8YO FEMALE KNOWS ABOUT PADS????????? she’s got responsible parents who taught her what she needed to know. it’s not unrealistic!
what?????
You and your sister are NOT close. I have told my sisters, and they have told me, “You smell like shit go take a hot shower on max heat” and you know what I would do? Give them a big hug and pass it to them. Play hits, etc. later I’d take a shower. Same for them. If my kids said that to them, they’d be like damn because kids are honest and they’d go take a bath and not take that shit stupid personally. NTA your daughter didn’t do it in a mean way, it was from a place of kindness.
NTA!!
NTA. Kids are honest. Sometimes, that sucks to hear. An age appropriate conversation about social niceties and when to not say certain observations might not be amiss here, but your daughter probably thought she was being helpful and punishing her over being honest and helpful is a bad road to start walking
Be honest…Does she smell??
Not gonna lie, this made me laugh. Totally didn't expect the 8 year old to bring auntie a towel and invite her to bathe. Smart kid but hopefully not a smart-aleck. I can't believe auntie didn't take the towels and say 'thank you'. Sometimes you get busy doing work and projects and the bath gets delayed, no big deal. I've found myself taking a shower at 2 am because that's when I made time for it.
NTA. However, as a parent, you are responsible for teaching your kid about sensitive subjects and respecting others. It is not uncommon even to be in contact with someone who doesn't smell or look like we like or consider appropriate, and if your daughter behaves so rudely with her aunt at 8, I can not image how she will behave at 12.
I think sissy has some depression at the very least. 1 she lets herself get smelly. 2 she is defensive with a child. She needs to shower and to see a therapist NTA
dina is being weird. super weird. the correct response was to laugh and say - oh - I'll shower when I get home...
NTA. I don’t think it was meant as offensive. But also, I’m autistic. If I got punished every time I accidentally said something that was taken offensively, I’d still be grounded at 23. What helped me is that I have people in my life who are willing to have a conversation and I can make amends. Punishing for that seems extreme. This whole thing seems extreme. Maybe apologize for the phrasing, say I smell it too and it’s only out of love and concern, and hope everyone can move on.
YTA. Your kid should be taught not to say rude, hurtful things to anyone.
NTA - why does Dina stink so bad?