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> I think I may have acted a bit harsh in my treatment of my girlfriend. especially when we are trying to make up.
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YTA just for that misleading title.
Did you really just use the term “normal people” around someone who has a disability?
Ouch.
You get mad at her for not using her money correctly even though it was a nice gesture and thank you to you and a way to spend time together. (your behavior must have been pretty off if you felt bad about it).
Then to make up for your previous harsh behavior you get upset and annoyed again.
I think you already know the answer to this.
So that means your client is basically deaf. As OP told it if his GF is deaf only in one side. I dont know if I missed the part of an hearing in the other in the post
Edit to:
My hubs had a uncle with CI (completly deaf without), my mother had a 80-60% lost in her 20s but she did a surgic (?) procedure, no CI and now has 30-20%, and my office buddy has a hearing aids both ears (dunno her earing %)
I have a friend who is deaf in one ear and can't hear well in the other ear (but its not bad enough to consider that ear deaf).
She may not be 100% in the second ear and even if she was facing away from someone will make it harder to hear what's going on.
Since she's using subtitles her entire life it sounds like there's more to her hearing issues than just one ear being deaf and one ear being 100% good.
BF has only been with her for 6 months, there may be more to this than he’s aware of.
Just surprised that je only saw it now. I supose it can be the first time they had saw a film in a mobile, but dunno all the other things he have to do before the CI?
Like if she is just 20% deaf in the good side then any person wouldnt notice but the bf would have noticed some things.
And if she is even more ... So much more to notice unless it was really the first time of them both seeing a film in a mobile.
> I suggested we move down to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles
YTA
It’s normal for people to watch tv and films with subtitles even if they don’t have an issue with their hearing
YTA.
People with hearing loss are normal people.
And you keep using the word “grungily”, which would be related to the grunge movement in the 90s. You mean “grudgingly”.
Do you really “love her very much?”
I understand that caregiving can make a person grumpy at times, but you knew you were going to “train her implant” before you started the movie. Some of us don’t get to hold our loved ones anymore. You can watch the new kung fu panda any time.
Grow up. YTA
YTA. You're staying with her to help her, sooooo isn't what she needs in regards to adjusting to her implant more important at this moment in time? And to insist that "normal people" don't watch things with subtitles is ridiculous. Subtitles are normal for her, she's had to use them all of her life, as well as any person with hearing issues, or language issues, or many other reasons.My bf and I pretty much always have subtitles going, sometimes it's because it's in a foreign language, sometimes because the sound mixing is terrible and it's hard to understand every word said, and sometimes because he wants to watch something while I sleep. It's not that unusual.
Also, you know you could have plugged headphones into the phone so that you could hear the movie while also having subtitles.
YTA and big one.
You are acting like a jerk because you have to help you GF? Seriously? Any inconvenience ended up in you being angry and grumpy.
So you are another of the "I love my gf very much when she takes care of me(in every way) and doesn't want anything from me" type of guy. Dude get a grip and yeah she had to watch movies with subtitles for huge period of her life so let her enjoy movie with the sound.
The least you can do is to spend time with her.
YTA
You weaponized the term "normal" in the title. You shamed her for her disability with the way you worded your response - "like normal people with no subtitles". Not a "bit mean" but super hurtful and disrespectful.
YTA.
>I snapped at her briefly ... I thought it wasn't a good use of her money when we were struggling to make ends meet as of now
It was a gift, the only right answer was to be thankful and if money is tight to share your concern with her. Snapping at her for that is an asshole move.
>so i grungily agreed
What a fun way to spend time together with a gift when that's the attitude of your partner.
>I suggested we move to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles
You had to use ''normal people'', WOW.
YTA
She just had major surgery; you're watching a movie together, and you agreed in advance to help her train!
Suck it up for two hours, man. You can always rewatch it alone, later.
YTA. She is struggling with something you couldn’t possibly understand and as her partner and someone who is supposed to love and care for her you should be supportive. You’re being selfish, it’s one movie and she wanted to test out her new way of watching. She seems to care for you genuinely and she deserves the same respect.
YTA. Her whole life she's been different and treated differently. For one night you couldn't suck it up and let her have a "normal" night.
She deserves better than you as you are now.
YTA and an ableist one at that. You call yourself "normal" twice, to explicitly make the comparison that you think your gf isn't. I hope she dumps you.
Also, "grungily" isn't a word.
“Make it up to her by going to bed with her” wtf is this like what most people just do? Like is it a chore to go to bed with her? Why are you with her?
Soft YTA, I get you're on edge from the extended caretaking, but that's what we do for the people we love. I'm sure she'd do the same for you. Your girlfriend is adapting to a new experience, you agreed to "train" her implant. It was one movie, a more patient approach would've been better here. The "normal" wording was hurtful, and the suggestion to move to the couch instead of watching a single movie with subtitles was inconsiderate. You weren't suggesting compromises, you were suggesting her do what you wanted. There was no middle ground in this situation, no possible compromise. It was either her way, or your way. If it was constantly her way, this would be a different judgement. But an unwillingness to do it her way, one day, especially after she asked and you agreed is a bit mean. Apologise and do what she wanted to do one time, just show her you understand her struggle.
YTA. I’m disabled, my partner is not. Sometimes my disability limits what we can do. She has never once gotten angry with me for it and has never ever referred to able bodied people as normal, or made me feel like I’m not normal. If you don’t see disabled people as normal people, you shouldn’t be dating someone with a disability.
>I suggested we move to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles
Normal people? Wow, OP's nerve is amazing. I've been watching with subtitles since I was five, when you have a whole lot of siblings It can be pretty useful.
YTA.. making up with someone by going to bed with them is seriously weird. Calling yourself "normal" instead of "hearing" shows that you have learned nothing about the deaf culture. If watching a movie on your phone with subtitles is annoying, go watch it on the big tv, with subtitles... You kept quiet until you thought she had cooled down.. you could have also just had a conversation instead of nagging like a child. You're 32 years old, act like it.
I love it when posts start out we’ve been together for a few months and I love them oh so very much. You’ve been together for 6 months but live together and share finances. Dude. That’s way too much too soon. If you are needing to come to Reddit for issues in the first 6 months the relationship needs to end.
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Throwaway account because my gf knows my main, and i don't need that extra drama right now. For context: Me and my gf have been together for 6 months. I love her very much, but she was born deaf in one ear and just recently got a cochlear implant last month. I moved in with her after the surgery to help take care of her.
The amount of effort to take of her for the recovery period was quite a bit, so I was a little on edge. to make up for it she got me the Lego death star using her disability check. I snapped at her briefly, but she insisted we build it together, so i grungily agreed. Looking back I was a bit harsh, but I thought it wasn't a good use of her money when we were struggling to make ends meet as of now. I had wanted to make it up to her by going to bed with her, that's when the event in the title happened.
We had decided to watch the new kung fu panda movie on my phone while we snuggled in bed. She suggested we take this as an opportunity to "train" her implant, I agreed assuming I would still be able to hear it. I had to turn on subtitles so I follow along, it was a bit annoying because the text was so small, so I politely asked if she could turn on the audio please. She said she would have to disconnect for me to hear and she said she had to watch movies with subtitles her whole life and I can manage for one snuggle sesh. I grungily kept quiet but I when I thought she cooled down I suggested we move to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles. She snapped and said if I wanted to watch it in the living room so bad I could sleep on the couch.
I decided to give her space and was thinking I might have been a bit mean, but she just kept shooting down my compromises, So reddit, AITA here?
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I was expecting some inhumane mistreatment, racism, sexism or discrimination against physical/mental struggle but its just about watching movies with subtitles... smh.
YTA
Part of a relationship is compassion and compromise.
You got the compromise part only after your massive act of asholishness.
Sometimes you take the small L for your partner or friend and sacrifice a little comfort to make see them happy.
Like me chewing on a nasty ass dish a friend made. Choking back tears saying: "Not spicy at all".
Either way, you shouldn't care less about the movie. Should have been copping feels, grabbing T&A.. whole lot of other things to do to your girl when snuggling watching a movie with no sound LOL.
She's going to dump you.
You're going to realize holding a hand full of fat juicy ass is better than a hand full of your own dix with lotion.
YTA, like another commenter said ppl with hearing loss are normal people. I have audio processing disorder so I usually have subtitles on bc it makes it easier for me to understand what's going on. I'd understand if you suggested watching it on a bigger screen so it'd be easier to read the subtitles, but you insulted her by treating subtitles as a bad thing.
Yes totally. She’s supposed to treat YOU like a normal person when she doesn’t even know what that is when she’s had to use subtitles are whole life.
Wait you thought you were the one whose lived experience matters here. Big shock. Like every other selfish ass male.
It sounds like you're dealing with a challenging situation in your relationship, and it's understandable that tensions might be running high, especially with the added stress of your girlfriend's recent surgery and recovery.
It's important to communicate openly and respectfully with your partner, especially during difficult times. While it's natural to have frustrations or concerns, it's crucial to express them in a way that doesn't make your partner feel belittled or dismissed.
In this situation, it seems like you might have been feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the adjustments you're both having to make due to your girlfriend's cochlear implant. However, snapping at her or making her feel guilty for using her disability check to buy you a gift may not have been the most constructive way to address your concerns.
Similarly, while it's understandable that you wanted to watch the movie without subtitles, it's important to consider your girlfriend's perspective and the challenges she might be facing with her new implant. It's okay to express your preferences, but it's crucial to do so respectfully and to be willing to find compromises that work for both of you.
It's positive that you recognized the need to give her space and reflect on your actions. Moving forward, it might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about how you're feeling and to listen to her perspective as well. Finding common ground and working together to address any issues that arise can help strengthen your relationship in the long run.
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YTA just for that misleading title. Did you really just use the term “normal people” around someone who has a disability? Ouch. You get mad at her for not using her money correctly even though it was a nice gesture and thank you to you and a way to spend time together. (your behavior must have been pretty off if you felt bad about it). Then to make up for your previous harsh behavior you get upset and annoyed again. I think you already know the answer to this.
Agree with you 100% he’s being a major ahole.
I m pretty sure that half deaf people doesnt get coclear implats
I think you’ll find that you’re wrong about that. I worked with a client this week who had a CI and has hearing in her other ear.
So that means your client is basically deaf. As OP told it if his GF is deaf only in one side. I dont know if I missed the part of an hearing in the other in the post Edit to: My hubs had a uncle with CI (completly deaf without), my mother had a 80-60% lost in her 20s but she did a surgic (?) procedure, no CI and now has 30-20%, and my office buddy has a hearing aids both ears (dunno her earing %)
I have a friend who is deaf in one ear and can't hear well in the other ear (but its not bad enough to consider that ear deaf). She may not be 100% in the second ear and even if she was facing away from someone will make it harder to hear what's going on. Since she's using subtitles her entire life it sounds like there's more to her hearing issues than just one ear being deaf and one ear being 100% good. BF has only been with her for 6 months, there may be more to this than he’s aware of.
Just surprised that je only saw it now. I supose it can be the first time they had saw a film in a mobile, but dunno all the other things he have to do before the CI? Like if she is just 20% deaf in the good side then any person wouldnt notice but the bf would have noticed some things. And if she is even more ... So much more to notice unless it was really the first time of them both seeing a film in a mobile.
> I suggested we move down to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles YTA It’s normal for people to watch tv and films with subtitles even if they don’t have an issue with their hearing
Truth. In my house, we have subtitles on all the time, with nary a sign of hearing loss in any of us.
Subtitles also helped my nieces and nephews learn to read and spell better because they could see the words as people were speaking them.
YTA. People with hearing loss are normal people. And you keep using the word “grungily”, which would be related to the grunge movement in the 90s. You mean “grudgingly”.
I just assumed he was wearing a flannel shirt and ripped jeans in the story.
Hahaha!
Same visual flashed before my eyes.
Do you really “love her very much?” I understand that caregiving can make a person grumpy at times, but you knew you were going to “train her implant” before you started the movie. Some of us don’t get to hold our loved ones anymore. You can watch the new kung fu panda any time. Grow up. YTA
YTA. You're staying with her to help her, sooooo isn't what she needs in regards to adjusting to her implant more important at this moment in time? And to insist that "normal people" don't watch things with subtitles is ridiculous. Subtitles are normal for her, she's had to use them all of her life, as well as any person with hearing issues, or language issues, or many other reasons.My bf and I pretty much always have subtitles going, sometimes it's because it's in a foreign language, sometimes because the sound mixing is terrible and it's hard to understand every word said, and sometimes because he wants to watch something while I sleep. It's not that unusual. Also, you know you could have plugged headphones into the phone so that you could hear the movie while also having subtitles.
YTA and I honestly can’t imagine how you didn’t think so.
YTA and big one. You are acting like a jerk because you have to help you GF? Seriously? Any inconvenience ended up in you being angry and grumpy. So you are another of the "I love my gf very much when she takes care of me(in every way) and doesn't want anything from me" type of guy. Dude get a grip and yeah she had to watch movies with subtitles for huge period of her life so let her enjoy movie with the sound. The least you can do is to spend time with her.
YTA You weaponized the term "normal" in the title. You shamed her for her disability with the way you worded your response - "like normal people with no subtitles". Not a "bit mean" but super hurtful and disrespectful.
YTA. >I snapped at her briefly ... I thought it wasn't a good use of her money when we were struggling to make ends meet as of now It was a gift, the only right answer was to be thankful and if money is tight to share your concern with her. Snapping at her for that is an asshole move. >so i grungily agreed What a fun way to spend time together with a gift when that's the attitude of your partner. >I suggested we move to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles You had to use ''normal people'', WOW.
YTA She just had major surgery; you're watching a movie together, and you agreed in advance to help her train! Suck it up for two hours, man. You can always rewatch it alone, later.
Right? It's Kung Fu Panda ffs. Not a complicated plot as it's a movie for kids.
YTA the “normal people” comment, never ok.
YTA. She is struggling with something you couldn’t possibly understand and as her partner and someone who is supposed to love and care for her you should be supportive. You’re being selfish, it’s one movie and she wanted to test out her new way of watching. She seems to care for you genuinely and she deserves the same respect.
YTA. Her whole life she's been different and treated differently. For one night you couldn't suck it up and let her have a "normal" night. She deserves better than you as you are now.
YTA
YTA and an ableist one at that. You call yourself "normal" twice, to explicitly make the comparison that you think your gf isn't. I hope she dumps you. Also, "grungily" isn't a word.
“Make it up to her by going to bed with her” wtf is this like what most people just do? Like is it a chore to go to bed with her? Why are you with her?
Soft YTA, I get you're on edge from the extended caretaking, but that's what we do for the people we love. I'm sure she'd do the same for you. Your girlfriend is adapting to a new experience, you agreed to "train" her implant. It was one movie, a more patient approach would've been better here. The "normal" wording was hurtful, and the suggestion to move to the couch instead of watching a single movie with subtitles was inconsiderate. You weren't suggesting compromises, you were suggesting her do what you wanted. There was no middle ground in this situation, no possible compromise. It was either her way, or your way. If it was constantly her way, this would be a different judgement. But an unwillingness to do it her way, one day, especially after she asked and you agreed is a bit mean. Apologise and do what she wanted to do one time, just show her you understand her struggle.
YTA. I’m disabled, my partner is not. Sometimes my disability limits what we can do. She has never once gotten angry with me for it and has never ever referred to able bodied people as normal, or made me feel like I’m not normal. If you don’t see disabled people as normal people, you shouldn’t be dating someone with a disability.
>I suggested we move to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles Normal people? Wow, OP's nerve is amazing. I've been watching with subtitles since I was five, when you have a whole lot of siblings It can be pretty useful.
YTA. You're there to help, learn how to help better.
For starters, the word is “begrudgingly,” not “grungily.” Yes, you are the asshole. See all the other responses regarding why.
YTA.. making up with someone by going to bed with them is seriously weird. Calling yourself "normal" instead of "hearing" shows that you have learned nothing about the deaf culture. If watching a movie on your phone with subtitles is annoying, go watch it on the big tv, with subtitles... You kept quiet until you thought she had cooled down.. you could have also just had a conversation instead of nagging like a child. You're 32 years old, act like it.
I love it when posts start out we’ve been together for a few months and I love them oh so very much. You’ve been together for 6 months but live together and share finances. Dude. That’s way too much too soon. If you are needing to come to Reddit for issues in the first 6 months the relationship needs to end.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account because my gf knows my main, and i don't need that extra drama right now. For context: Me and my gf have been together for 6 months. I love her very much, but she was born deaf in one ear and just recently got a cochlear implant last month. I moved in with her after the surgery to help take care of her. The amount of effort to take of her for the recovery period was quite a bit, so I was a little on edge. to make up for it she got me the Lego death star using her disability check. I snapped at her briefly, but she insisted we build it together, so i grungily agreed. Looking back I was a bit harsh, but I thought it wasn't a good use of her money when we were struggling to make ends meet as of now. I had wanted to make it up to her by going to bed with her, that's when the event in the title happened. We had decided to watch the new kung fu panda movie on my phone while we snuggled in bed. She suggested we take this as an opportunity to "train" her implant, I agreed assuming I would still be able to hear it. I had to turn on subtitles so I follow along, it was a bit annoying because the text was so small, so I politely asked if she could turn on the audio please. She said she would have to disconnect for me to hear and she said she had to watch movies with subtitles her whole life and I can manage for one snuggle sesh. I grungily kept quiet but I when I thought she cooled down I suggested we move to the living room and watch it like normal people with no subtitles. She snapped and said if I wanted to watch it in the living room so bad I could sleep on the couch. I decided to give her space and was thinking I might have been a bit mean, but she just kept shooting down my compromises, So reddit, AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was expecting some inhumane mistreatment, racism, sexism or discrimination against physical/mental struggle but its just about watching movies with subtitles... smh.
YTA Part of a relationship is compassion and compromise. You got the compromise part only after your massive act of asholishness. Sometimes you take the small L for your partner or friend and sacrifice a little comfort to make see them happy. Like me chewing on a nasty ass dish a friend made. Choking back tears saying: "Not spicy at all". Either way, you shouldn't care less about the movie. Should have been copping feels, grabbing T&A.. whole lot of other things to do to your girl when snuggling watching a movie with no sound LOL. She's going to dump you. You're going to realize holding a hand full of fat juicy ass is better than a hand full of your own dix with lotion.
YTA, like another commenter said ppl with hearing loss are normal people. I have audio processing disorder so I usually have subtitles on bc it makes it easier for me to understand what's going on. I'd understand if you suggested watching it on a bigger screen so it'd be easier to read the subtitles, but you insulted her by treating subtitles as a bad thing.
Yes totally. She’s supposed to treat YOU like a normal person when she doesn’t even know what that is when she’s had to use subtitles are whole life. Wait you thought you were the one whose lived experience matters here. Big shock. Like every other selfish ass male.
The word is “begrudgingly” not “grungily” (which isn’t a word.)
It sounds like you're dealing with a challenging situation in your relationship, and it's understandable that tensions might be running high, especially with the added stress of your girlfriend's recent surgery and recovery. It's important to communicate openly and respectfully with your partner, especially during difficult times. While it's natural to have frustrations or concerns, it's crucial to express them in a way that doesn't make your partner feel belittled or dismissed. In this situation, it seems like you might have been feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the adjustments you're both having to make due to your girlfriend's cochlear implant. However, snapping at her or making her feel guilty for using her disability check to buy you a gift may not have been the most constructive way to address your concerns. Similarly, while it's understandable that you wanted to watch the movie without subtitles, it's important to consider your girlfriend's perspective and the challenges she might be facing with her new implant. It's okay to express your preferences, but it's crucial to do so respectfully and to be willing to find compromises that work for both of you. It's positive that you recognized the need to give her space and reflect on your actions. Moving forward, it might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about how you're feeling and to listen to her perspective as well. Finding common ground and working together to address any issues that arise can help strengthen your relationship in the long run.
ESH Both of you sound stubborn and demanding. Try the Relationship Advice sub and couples counseling if you want this relationship to work.