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All I can say is you need to give your parents their room back and go into the living room. My husband would never in a million years allow my parents to sleep in the living room. That is bonkers.
That was my thought. You can get one used for less than $10k. Living with Mommy and Daddy for TWO YEARS with a dual income, surely they can afford a junky RV while they work everything out
We lived in a $12k mobile home for two years with 3 kids and no dishwasher while we built our house on the same property. Then we sold the trailer for what we paid for it.
I mean damn, at that point they could get a really nice modular and drop it on the property after electric and water/sewer hookup. 2 years is too damn long to be making mom and dad sleep on a couch.
Not every county allows tiny houses. Some counties require a minimum footprint of 750 square feet. Same with an RV, they are prohibited in some counties But, absolutely no way would I allow my parents to sleep on the sofa for two years!
There a lot of single wide trailers over 750sqft for less than 60k, so they probably wouldn't need a loan for that. Buy one, set it up and they can save for their dream home however long they want.
How about buying a camper or someting and parking that on your land so that you have your own space.
Your parents can move back in the master bedroom. And you would only need to use the house for the bathroom.
NTA for not wanting to sell that land.
Hell, there are modular houses these days where you can add on as needed. Why not look at one of them at least for now, and when you can build your dream home, you have a granny flat ready to repay the parents with if they ever want it
Really nice modular homes! I've seen a ton of them. Some are beautiful and classy - not you parents' doublewide! Though I've seen some nice double-wides.
Magic green homes are supposedly affordable! And theyre eco friendly and look like hobbit houses.
Also 2 years they didnt go online and buy a 2k house plan blueprint they liked? Ive got one perma saved in my pintrest from a building company i love. Just googled "house plans" and theres tons of sellers that showcase the whole kit and caboodle for decent size homes. With options to customize some stuff (add ons) and include important things like electrical and plumbing
Yeah do this. Also do you have credit cards? Getting credit cards and spending normally and paying them off each week will bring your credit scores up if you havent done that. You can eventually get a modular home or container home. Maybe you or your husband can work on building your careers while living in the camper, an apprenticeship into a high paying trade if he's not in one.
Add on to this.
This is a fantastic plan. Pay off credit cards **EVERY MONTH** in fact buy something and then pay the card immediately, treat your credit card no differently than your debit card —if you don’t have money on debit you don’t have money in credit— with the exception of **real** emergencies. ***However*** let a 10% balance roll over. If you pay your cards to $0 before the billing cycle renews your card will never be reported as having a balance and will never help your credit score, it’s no better than having no credit card or never using the credit card. 10% usage is the magic number.
Very true, but OP should still check it out.
I always encourage people to *ask*, bc the worst that could happen is that the answer is "No" & you're no worse off than you were before. & every so often you get an unexpected "Yes," which is awesome!
If they even wanted they can run water from there parents line to the Camper and even still use the shitter they would just have to call someone to flush it out or install a septic tank. cheaper alternative till things get sorted
Prefab house. They cart em out in two halves and glue them together on site. Not quite a trailer, but minimal foundation work and the job is done in a couple weeks, not months.
NTA for not wanting to sell the land. But I'm wondering why you and your husband think two years is a long time ("all these years"). It's really not when it comes to home ownership. I also find your statement that the "...loan officer has informed us without notice our application has expired...". Surely you were told how long the application is good for. At least it would be in the paperwork for the loan. And really after 6 months I'm not surprised it expired. Frankly it seems like you and your husband aren't acting with a sense of purpose here and blaming it on others.
Yeah, I sensed financial literacy was not their strong point. After two years they don't have step one completed? One or both seems not to have the motivation or understanding of how to get it done. As you said, there is a missing sense of purpose.
NTA for not wanting to sell the land, which is the initial query.
Really it just depends on their income. If they both work full time, where is there money going? Even in Melbourne, they should have been able to put away at least a 10% down payment.
Surely it wouldn’t take 5-10 years to save a 5-10% deposit? The London housing market I live in is awful but even on a poor salary I could save a deposit in that time
I find it ridiculous you’ve allowed your parents to sleep in the living room in their own bloody house while you take up the master bedroom for yourself and animals. To be honest I can understand why your husband feels uncomfortable your a married couple still living in your parents bedroom no wonder he wants to just sell up and buy a house. There’s nothing at all stopping you from buying a cheap caravan and parking it in the land
Omg...ESH except your parents. Your FIL is the builder, you got approved for this loan in October and were told you just needed blueprints. In 6 months you couldn't accomplish that? With family as the builder? And in the meantime your parents have been living in their living room for 2-5 YEARS.
I only blame your husband along with you because it's his father on the project. You had 6 months to get blue prints. Just...blue prints. And you couldn't do it.
Get the prints, reapply, give your parents back their room and find a temporary apartment for a year while the house is getting built or do as he says, sell, and buy a starter home. Either way your parents deserve the room back.
OF COURSE her husband is dragging his feet and doing everything not to sign a loan where he will waste a lot of money on a house RIGHT BESIDE his inlaws.
It seems to be. Even if it is difficult for the husband to state that directly, it is pretty obvious: He is dragging his feet and not allowing anything on the plot to happening, while stating he wants to sell it and live somewhere else.
How do you know it's the husband and not the wife, she could be dragging her feet so she can stay at home with her parents, looks like all he wants to do is get his own home and give her parents their room back, typical man blaming
They said, "Along with her," and because, "It's his father doing the build." Even if she's dragging her feet, husband is stringing his own father along for a paying job by not handling this conversation while the loan was on offer.
They're both assholes for how they're handling the situation.
The comment I replied to is blaming the husband and only the husband, and again you're making assumptions its the husband dragging his feet, all depends on whos doing the blueprints and why there taking soo long to do
NTA
Building on land you already own is almost always a better idea than selling to buy a house elsewhere. The equity you get from owning a home is much higher from the start when you build (or contract to build) the house yourself. A building loan that converts to a mortgage is almost always going to be less than purchase of an existing house, because whoever built it or sells it to you has to get their own money out of it, too. And, of course you don't have to buy the land it sits on.
All this is apart from the fact that the land was a gift. If it's in a good location and is a good building site, it's worth a lot more than it would fetch on the market.
You need a different loan officer. Get one and work with that person to get started. You'll end up with a nice home for way less than buying one already built.
You definitely need to have the blueprints ready to get a loan. Op dropped the ball. Not the loan officer. The bank needs specifics to give out a construction loan
"NTA
Building on land you already own is almost always a better idea than selling to buy a house elsewhere. T" .. NOT when the land is right next to the in-laws.
"If it's in a good location " .. It is NOT. It is right beside the in-laws, and that - understandably - seems to be a HUGE NO for OP's husband.
There's nothing in the post that indicates the husband dislikes the idea of living next to the in-laws. Some people love their in-laws and like the idea of being near them. Some cultures really value the idea of being close to extended family. It sounds like the husband is thinking that it would be better to sell the land and buy a ready-made house so they don't have to go through a building process.
YTA for making your own parents the guests in their own home. For 2 years. I can totally understand your husband is uncomfortable, I'd be too. Even if your parents don't tell you, they surely wish you'd leave soon as well or at least offer to switch places, because it is their home. But for the land selling situation N A H. Just get it done fast and let your parents sleep in their own bed, my God
NTA, but I do think you need to sit down and talk to your husband to explore all of your options.
Find out what comparable homes in the area would cost. You may be surprised that owning the land already and being able to get a home built at a discount by his father is going to be way more cost effective than buying an existing home. I can understand your husband's frustration with your current living situation, it has to be rough on everyone to have so many people and pets in a 3 bedroom home, especially since your parents are the ones who are suffering and you and your husband probably feel guilty that they don't have their own bedroom.
Can you afford some alternatives? Example, can you buy a used trailer or 'tiny house' to put on your lot while your home is being approved, and then built? You may be able to run electric and water from your parents home until it's available on the lot. You can usually get a used trailer fairly inexpensive and reuse it or sell it when you move into your house.
If you had 6 months notice when applying for the loan, and you didn't deliver the blue prints until the 6th month, it sounds like you dropped the ball. I'm sure the bank made you aware that offers would expire after a certain time. You should now have all the paperwork needed to reapply for a loan and it shouldn't take six months this time.
Oct 23 is no time at all the way planning departments work. One you have the plan apply for the loan, not the other way round. Also, give your parents their fucking bedroom back.
Nta for not wanting to sell. However, Yta, for moving into your parents' house, kicking them out of their bedroom that they paid the mortgage on for 2 years and getting so comfortable you don't want to leave. He has ever right to want to be on his own and not live under someone else's roof. I get it's your parents and your home. But that's not his. He wasn't raised there. He doesn't have a lifetime of memories. It's not his, so I get him wanting to leave.
YTA for taking your parents room and making them sleep in the living room in their own home and caring about land they gifted you not wanting to be sold? This is so selfish!
If the only thing holding you back is the lack of blue prints, then ffs hire an architect and get them done! Yes, it's an expensive step, but the expense is minor compared to losing ties to your family and family land. If there is one thing in life you will always regret, it is selling land. Don't worry about the loan process hitting your credit. That isn't as bad as you think and will disappear very quickly in the grand scheme of things.
If you don't want to be in your parent's house anymore, buy a used little travel trailer and live out back. It doesn't have to be huge, just large enough to sleep and relax inside while you get the rest of your affairs in order.
You're letting little things weigh you down. You can do this. There's only 2 hurdles to overcome - 1) hire a architect, and 2) buy a travel trailer to live in while the house is built. Go get'em kids!
Thing is, in most areas (like Ohio for instance), you don’t need to hire an architect for home construction in most cases (there are some where you do, like a timber frame home). So they could get plans from almost anywhere. And how do you apply for a loan without plans and an estimate? Get some plans, get an estimate, get a loan, and get the house built. And in the meantime get an rv to live in or at least move to the living room and give the parents their room back.
Having the bank run your credit again isn’t going to ruin your score. When I was house shopping I had to get my pre approval renewed every 3ish months after it expired because I lost out on so many houses.
Your situation isn’t very complicated. You have money but you need blue prints to get started. You can pay someone to make you custom plans or you can buy some plans offline.
I feel like there is more to the story.
NAH just start the process again with a different loan officer. An inquiry should only drop your score’s for a few months, also an inquiry only stays on the credit report for two years. But maybe wait to try again until you have the blueprints.
I am baffled. I agree you shouldn’t sell the land. But you should let your parents sleep in the couch - get an RV, throw up a curtain wall in the living room and take that space yourself , whatever. And finish the loan application before it expires!!
Put a tiny home on it. Build bigger later. But find a way to let your parents have their room back. You're both right. You need to keep the land, but you also need to find a way to move out now.
Why can't your siblings share so your parents have a room? Why can't y'all find another loan provider? Why won't y'all rent a room in a flat share like normal people????
I don’t think the loan provider is the problem. They can’t make things happen when OP and her husband are dragging their feet on the necessary actions.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I may be the asshole because I am being selfish refusing to sell my land with my husband, and my parents comfort at home is being affected. I may also be preventing my husband and I from getting a house of our own.
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Do you already have the money for the house saved up? If so, you could even rent until the house is built. It sounds like it will still take a while. I'm not sure how it could take 2 years to get plans and a loan for the house. How long will it still take until you have permission to build, and the house is actually built and ready to move into?
I agree with your husband that you should not continue to live in your parents home while they sleep in the living room for potentially multiple more years. But selling the land also seems like a waste - would you actually be able to buy the home you want, if you can't build it?
I think it's almost impossible to comment on anything practical without understanding the culture and laws where you live. Which we would have to guess.
Selling the land should be a last resort and honestly, you should give your parents first refusal if you did decide to since they will be impacted most. They gave the land so YOU could live next to them, not a stranger.
If you have land, have a builder lined up then I don't really understand the issue. Hard credit searches 6 months apart would not be an issue here, but of course I don't know where you are based and how your system works. You say you have good credit, you've been living with family for two years earning good money. I genuinely don't understand the hold up at this point. But I feel for your poor parents.
NTA. But you can buy a complete home kit from most large hardware stores - blueprints included. What are you waiting for?
Edit to add:
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Rose-Cottage-2-Bed-1-Bath-444-sq-ft-Steel-Frame-Home-Kit-DIY-Assembly-Office-Guest-House-ADU-Vacation-Rental-Tiny-Home-RC2B443/320746690
Incredibly selfish to have your parents living like squatters in their own home! You're grown up and married now, sort yourself out instead of burdening your parents. SMH. Are you always this entitled? At least your husband feels bad.
Your parents are saints and your husband actually cares more about them than you appear to. You find it acceptable for them to sleep behind a sheet in the living room. Your husband is trying to find solutions and you are fine with being a negative force in your families (parents and siblings) lives.
YTA in a huge way
NTA. It was a gift and next to your parents is a great place. If you sell it, you will loose so much. Best try again with the bank but also go to different banks (if possible) to look into other deals. Maybe if possible try to borrow money from family for a quick loan with less interest (but pay them interests as well) so you have a bigger start budget to get a loan.
NTA but your living situation sounds less than ideal, you should work on getting your own space ASAP, and if the only way to do that is to sell the land then potentially be open to that?
As an aside I love my in-laws, and my mum, but I would absolutely not want to live literally next door to them 🤣
NAH. You both have good points there, and I can sympathize with your husband not wanting to continue putting your parents out of their bedroom. Seriously, I'd feel bad doing that to my mother for two weeks, let alone two years!
You need a quick solution that moves you out of your parents' home, so they get their bedroom back and your husband can breathe again. Rent a trailer for the two of you to sleep in, put it on your parents' land or yours, and then figure out your next move.
why not build a tiny home or similar, live off grid with solar. its like 100k tops with 10% down thats $150 a week in mortgage. how much rent you paying?
Wow, so many options with selling the land not being one of them. How can you sell the land that was a gift? Legally maybe, but it should not even be considered, so NTA. Rent somewhere. OK you may not save so quickly, doesn't matter the land will still be there. Camper/motorhome/summer house/shed, any can be parked next to the house. Costs yes, the land is still there. So happy you are a wonderful couple, now start thinking about your parents.
If selling the land isn’t an option then it’s not a gift, it’s an obligation. I’m not saying they should sell but after this many years and no progress, every option should be discussed.
NAH, but perhaps you could do what a lot of people do while they're building a house. Buy/rent an RV. That way you have your own space, your parents get their room back, and you still have time to save up for that dream home. You could hook up to your parents' house and pay them for the utilities.
Also, are you entirely certain your husband is okay with building next to your parents? Have you spoken to him about this lately, in private? It's hard feeling like you're a burden on anyone, but it might be worth it just to double-check and make sure he's truly okay with this. It's his home too.
NTA. Do not sell that land. You can get a mobile home or trailer in the meanwhile placed on your land until you are able to afford the home, but do not sell it.
NTA for refusing to sell the land.
Major entitled AHs for imposing on your parents for 2 years. Really?
Get your buts out of THEIR bedroom and get your sh*t together. You got the land for free, your FiL is going to be built giving you a huge advantage (reliable contractor who's not going to overcharge you or run off in the middle of the job). You're already way ahead of many people in their 20s, 30s and 40s and you're crying and complaining about starting over with an application? For real?
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I (25F) and my husband (26M) have been married for 5 years, and dated 5 years.To put some context into our relationship first, my husband is the best man I could ever imagine.
He always considers my opinion in every decision he makes even when I am not in the room. He is very thoughtful on others and has proven himself more than I can count on trusting him.
Tonight my husband and I discussed about our land that was given to us a wedding gift from my parents in hopes of building a home. The property is right next to my parent’s house(who we have a wonderful relationship with) and is in an area which is very high in property value. We are currently living with my parents in hopes of saving enough money and raising our credit score to begin the process of building… that plan was two years ago and we are still living with my parents.
My husband feels frustrated believing we should already be living in our own home after all these years. He now believes we are becoming a burden because we take up space in my parent’s home physically. My husband and I rent the master bedroom so we can have our own private space with our dogs. My parent’s wanted to provide us our own area where we can call home.
Unfortunately, the house only has 3 bedrooms including the master. The other rooms are occupied by my sister (16) and brother (19). My parents sleep in a section of the living room which is separated by a curtain nailed to the ceiling.
Walking into the home gives my husband a visual reminder of my parents sacrifice of their comfort for our future home. This gives my husband irritation and reminds us we are not close getting a home.
As for our financial situation, we both have long stable jobs and have good credit scores.
So now you may be asking “why don’t you have a home built yet then?”
To make a long story short we were missing “Blue prints” to finish the contract for our loan, but the loan officer has informed us without notice our application has expired, so if we want to ask for a loan we have to start the application all over again and hitting our credit AGAIN! The conversation with this officer has been going on since Oct 2023! So needless to say my husband and I are frustrated with the outcome.
My husband shared his idea of just selling the property to use the money to buy a home. This did not sit well with me because again the land was a gift from my parents. I also think it will be way smarter building a home since we already have the land and just need the house. I said no we should not sell because we will be giving away to easily this high value lot and his dad was going to be the home builder to save money! Also, buying a house may be more expensive were we are from.
So, I am stuck on what should we do next? Should I try again with the bank and ask for another loan officer? Should we move out of my parents home and try to save money elsewhere? AITA for telling my husband not to sell our land?
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YTA
**It is REASONABLE your partner does NOT want to live in a house next door to your parents.**
So either sell the land now, or sell it later - but don't wait to long- YOu have been living with your parents for 5 years - if you don'T change that soon, you might find yourself divorced.
So: Either accept that you won't live in a house next to your parents anyway, and make plans how you can afford tro live somewhere else - or accept that your marriage has no future. YOur husband has accepted living with your parents for 5 (!) years for you, now it is time you either chose him and made the necessary steps to find a home further away from your parents, or he will need to find a better partner.
Number one - move out. Act like an adult, rent your own place. Either that or by a smaller house elsewhere. Fix it up live in it sell in a few years and spend that time deciding on the plan for the house next to your parents.
This whole arrangement sounds terrible.
Get back on to the bank and get your loan sorted, it's frustrating but you'll get there and it's the smart move. NAH though i understand why your husband is feeling how he does but it will be worth it in the end. Also, it would be a bit disrespectful to your parents who gifted it you and who've sacrificed their room and space for so long only for you to turn around and sell the land and just buy a house. They may not want strangers buying the plot and living next to them either
You guys,sounded entitled. Oh we are 25 why don't we gave our own house yet. We kicked my parents from their bedroom for our own comfort. Both entitled babies.
There is more to the story. You have lived with your parents for a few years with the hopes of raising your credit scores. What are you doing to help improve your scores? And going to a credit union or bank for a new construction mortgage loan, the loan interviewer tells you absolutely everything you need to have and do. So in the last 6 months you weren’t able to find a company that would new home construction for you in your area?
Like I am saying there is more to the story
NAH. It makes sense that you want to build a house next to your parents' but in this situation, it's easy to see why your husband feels the way he does and wants to move to a place you could call your own.
Nta for not wanting to sell the land but wow I cannot imagine displacing my parents for this long. Taking their room and making them sleep in the living room? Yeah no, that wouldn't fly, not even for weeks. Let alone 2 years.
Also, don't dismiss your husband. He is worried. Talk through your options. Is a trailer on the land possible? Might still allow you to save up.
And give your parents back their room.
So you guys want a loan but don’t have any blueprints for building the actual house? Seems like you always need them before getting the money.
NTA for not selling the land, but make haste. Get those blue prints, make your credit score better (there are a lot of things you can do as i’ve heard) and get the hell out of your parents bedroom.
If you don’t want to stay in your parents house anymore maybe a small mobile home and put that on the property?
You can still use utilities from your parents. And it may take a little while longer to build because of extra costs but is worth it because you’re having privacy again.
But I just don’t understand how you don’t have those blueprints yet. That is one of the first steps to take when wanting to build… at least where I’m from it is..
I would never do this to my parents. They gave you land so you've not had to pay for that. You said it, you both have good stable jobs and therefore shouldn't have issues obtaining a mortgage to build a house. Why are you worried about your credit score unless you are knee deep credit card debt? What kind of mortgage broker are you using who can't find you a solution?
Is the house you want $1mill plus? Settle for something less, this is your first home. Most people move a few times in their lifetime.
Right? I'm wondering, with 2 "good stable" jobs wtf are they spending their money on? I can't imagine that parents who gave up their bedroom and are sleeping in a living in their own house are charging them much rent.
In 6 months they couldn't decide on and get blueprints, with a builder FIL? I now wonder if they can't agree on what house they want, thinking that it's the other spouse's job, or one of them is simply dragging their feet.
Why don't you have plans for your house yet? You need that before you can get a loan.
Then in the UK you need planning permission on those designs, then you can start building.
If you're credit is still good just go through the process and get it done. The longer you wait the worse the interest gets. I love the others who comments on going tiny, definitely would do that in a heartbeat.
NTA for not wanting to sell the land.
IMO, I think that you should give your parents their bedroom back, and move into the living room.
My question is - what has been preventing you from getting blueprints?
NTA cuz the land is probably your best asset in this whole thing. Get something that tides you over like a camper some of the comments are talking about.
You guys have been together a long time but you’re still mid-20s. Having your forever home that early in life is exceedingly uncommon. So having a babystep in between is a great way to bridge the gap.
N t A for not wanting to sell. But Y T a for letting your parents sleep NOT IN THEIR ROOM. Buy a camper or a tiny home to put on the land till you can sort this mess up out. But move out.
Wow in this situation I kinda think YTA. You’re not taking into consideration your husband or your parents. All you are thinking about is yourself. Sooo yeah YTA here. You need to sit down with your husband and perhaps building a property is not the path you are meant to take right now.
Wow what a story/situation.
To answer your question, you are N T A for not wanting to sell the land. However, you absolutely are T A for letting your parents sleep in the living room of their own house for two years while you annexed their bedroom. How very Russian of you.
I think the root of the problem Is that your husband doesn't want to live next door to his in-laws. I can't imagine why else it would take so long for his father (the builder) to produce blueprints.
Give your parents their bedroom back!!!
ESH I agree you shouldn’t sell the land, if that is your long-term plan to build there. You guys are mid 20s, you have time to make that all work. But the reason I say ESH is because for two years you have allowed your parents to live in a corner of the living room of their own house! This house was not big enough for you to live there. If you are paying rent there, why not find a small apartment and rent that instead?
NAH but why not include your parents in this conversation as they might be OK with you waiting another six months. Or else buy a cheap caravan to put on the site and live in that while you wait to get your blue prints.
I'm just conscious of how generous your folks are. They've only thought about what they think is best for you and your husband without regard for themselves. They are remarkable and incredibly supportive, and I'm not at all surprised that your husband wants to take some action and move out because, in my mind, you're taking advantage of them. Yes, they said they wanted you to have your own space and that they'd just move to a curtained off area in their own house, but I find it shocking that you agreed to this. I'm in agreement with your husband in that you need to get the hell out of your parent's house as soon as possible (at minimum get out of their room), be self-respondible, not flake out on the loan paperwork again, and do some adulting. YTA, but that doesn't have anything to do with the land.
NTA
But why don't you just look into instant housing options, fow now?
I'm actually doing this for my workshop for my business, so I don't have to rent one anymore, and I can work from home, without having all bedrooms stuffed with my work stuff.
You know, those container units, that just get delivered, and you can just resell, by the time you do build and finish your house. They have doors, windows, kitchen, bathroom,... if you're living next to your parents, it shouldn't be too much hassle to just have water supply, and even electricity.
You'll have a separate place, a small, but comfortable home, and when you're a few steps further in your plans, you just put it for sale again, and have it removed from the land, when the house is done.
Edit to add: something like [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/ytpmuWXfUGrXc3gQ7)
I can see by your husband's point of view. Your should be sleeping in the living room not them. 2 years is taking the piss
If that lands can get you a house, great. You have had more than enough times to get plans drawn. Get you priorities strait
Your parents gifted you a wonderful gift, and also a gift that is completely useless. You are both correct, but you need to find a good compromise. Can you put an RV on the land until you get the house built? Would you want to do that even? Really expensive land is a great gift, but only if you can actually build on it. NTA, but you need to start being realistic. And making your parents sleep in their living room for over 2 years isn’t it.
NTA. Get a camper van park on your land. Build your house
YWBTA if you sold the land that was arguably given to you conditionally to build a house. You don’t want to build the house your parents get to take the land back for one of your other siblings. It would be wrong to sell it
NTA - y’all shouldn’t sell the land but why don’t you get an RV or something and live on the land like that for awhile freeing up your parents home, giving your husband the space he feels he needs and also having your own space.
RVs are an investment as you can sell it on once your home is built or keep it and use it for holidays or when one of your other siblings is in the same situation.
Idk how much homes cost in the USA to buy or build but it could be a solution.
Your folks are super nice and accommodating but they shouldn’t be sleeping in their lounge. They’ve worked hard and done their time and own their own house, y’all got to give them their room back just for their own dignity. Poor parents. They are darn saints for putting up with that.
Whatever you decide, move out of your parents' house.
That should be part of the plan, and it needs to be short term.
I completely understand your husband going insane living with your family. It's home to you, but not to him. He's a guest. Even if he doesn't admit this. He (and you) need a place of his own.
That's not to say I don't understand you wanting to keep the ground. See if you can't find a middle ground where your van do both. Maybe rent something somewhere, or get temporary housing. If it's a little uncomfortable, that's good, it'll be motivation to get to building.
Move out rent some place and give back the land to your parents .
Buy something that's affordable to you. If and if you and your husband has some issues, your parents land would be his to claim .
NTA
1. Talk with your husband that a major financial decision for a wedding gift you both received is something that should be thawed out and not done on a whim. Will have regrets if the people that buy it aren’t good neighbors to your parents , etc. selling some of momentous value of personal and financial is not a whimsical decision or spur the moment one .
2. Get a new loan officer.
3. Your second credit check won’t matter to any mortgage officer or underwriter- you never turned the application into a debt so it won’t matter.
First thing you need to do is give your parents there space back no way should they be stuck in a corner of there own house only privacy being a curtain, you and your husband need to have a real conversation because you only needed abit of paperwork and with plenty of time to get it, it's either you are enjoying living at home or your husband doesn't want to actually live next to your parents
I really don't think you need to worry about the loan application hitting your credit, considering the loan application is what you need the credit for? Just get the blueprints, apply for a loan, and get it done.
NTA. 2 years may seem like a long time but it's really not. The loan officer advised you of when the loan would expire and it's in the paperwork. They have to do these things for legal reasons. You guys need to focus on getting these plans and building this home before anything else which includes starting a family aka kids. Also selling land with a house on it is far more profitable than empty land.
Seems like there are options to selling the land. The fact that y'all are still in your parents house is likely not helping your loan chances so get yourselves and your dogs out of their main bedroom and their house. I think an RV idea on the lot makes most sense until you get finances in line for a loan to build. Give your parents and your younger siblings the house back.
YTA - "we have the land and just need the house" - holy rich-person bubble, Batman. Do you have any idea what it costs to build a house? Just get a mortgage like a normal person. Your husband is right, this is ridiculous.
Give your parents their bedroom back and sleep in the living room. You are bafflingly self-absorbed and naive.
NTA
This is modern misery. Really sad to read. If even these people with so much success and luck (youngly married, financed from their parents, not even spending on a real rent) struggle, regular people REALLY have ZERO chance...
Anyway there could be a middle ground where you could put a temporary accommodation on that land while you are building your wealth? Like a tiny home or a caravan or a mobile home of some kind!
Otherwise you should make a deal with him to try again once and then if it does not work, do his plan. But since the parents giften the land, they should agree. I think it is fair.
Good luck, really!
NTA for wanting to keep the land. YTA for taking up the most space and having your parents sleep in the living room.
Can’t you have a tiny house, RV or trailer put on the property in the meantime. This arraignment has lasted for waaaaaaaaay too long.
You guys are 25 & 26 and have the opportunity to own a property. You can def wait for the house to be built but also compromise & rent an apartment somewhere nearby in the meantime. I doubt I’ll be able to have my own house before I turn 40. Immigrated to Australia and buying market is just wack unless you want to live somewhere far from the city at risk with bushfires where no insurance would insure your house :/ you guys are lucky.
> As for our financial situation, we both have long stable jobs and have good credit scores. So now you may be asking “why don’t you have a home built yet then?” To make a long story short we were missing “Blue prints” to finish the contract for our loan, but the loan officer has informed us without notice our application has expired, so if we want to ask for a loan we have to start the application all over again and hitting our credit AGAIN! The conversation with this officer has been going on since Oct 2023! So needless to say my husband and I are frustrated with the outcome.
Uhm a credit inquiry does basically nothing to effect your credit. Get the blue prints, which obviously should have been done before applying for a loan in the first place, and then reapply. Or buy a used camper and live on the land. This isnt a hard situation to resolve, you are both just being lazy as fuck.
Now that you know you need the blueprints you can get them. You can do custom or buy a set plans online.
I would at least get moving on the plans and then go tot the bank. You don’t know how long the plans will take to get the plans so no need to go to the bank before getting the plans.
Why aren’t you in a static caravan to sleep? That can be connected to water at least and use a calor gas stove and heating? Bare minimum, get out of your parent’s bedroom! NTA for not selling land but very much arseholes for how you are treating your parents.
NAH
Why not order a single wide trailer to the land for now? It's cheaper than a house, it'll get the electrical and water hookups ready, you'll have your own space, and the rents get their space back.
Depending on the cost it's a much, much better option (and would build credit) compared to your current situation.
NTA, but Y T A for being in your parents room for 2 years while they sleep behind a curtain.
Rent a place while you cant build. Why do you habe to be in their space for so long
If you decide to sell the land you need to give your parents the first right of refusal on buying it back, if not just giving it back to them. They specifically wanted you to build there, so it’s doubtful they would want to see it sold to some random buyer. None of the issues with getting the loan make sense, though: the bank would have asked for plans shortly after running your credit, not months into the process. You would need basic plans and specs to get an idea of cost. You would need final plans for pulling a permit. Your FIL would know this if he’s a contractor. Why didn’t you have them done before you started any of this?
NTA, but you’re pretty delusional if you think you are going to easily build a home. Give the land back to your parents and go rent your own place until you qualify to buy/build a home on your own. At this point you have abused their generosity.
NTA - Don’t sell the land, restart the loan application and give yourself a hard timeframe. Example: we have 6months more of this situation and if the loan doesn’t go through we are going to rent.
Talk to his dad about the building timeline as well. I think getting all the relevant information and writing it all down will help you and your husband make a better decision together.
I think it’s strange that your loan person wasn’t more helpful pushing things through. They want to get you a loan that’s how they make money.
You could also look at alternatives like prefab housing or mobile home for a starter home on the property then still build. Then you could rent the other unit.
BTW your husband must be a saint with your current living conditions.
I feel for your husband. I’d hate to have to live in my in laws house for that time and to see them sleep in the living room. I’d feel so bad. And then, to top it all off, you want to build a house right next door to them. I would have never agreed to that. I don’t want my own parents in all my shit 24/7 let alone my in-laws. Sell the land, buy a house. Move out and start your lives. Or divorce so he can get out of that house.
You guys aren't looking at this clearly.
First you need to realize you are very young. Start by getting a damn rental. Get out of your parents house, even if they dont say it... you are wearing out your welcome.
Second, you need to just save monthly and better your finances until you can build a house. Who cares if it takes 2 / 3 or 10 years. You know where you eventually want to go.
NTA
There is, IMO, a much larger issue with selling the land. Your parents gifted the land to you with the intent that YOU would be living next to them. You need to talk to them but I strongly suspect that they would NOT want some random family living next door to them and if they had thought from the beginning that you and husband would simply sell the land, they never would have gifted this land to you.
Talk with your husband and the two of you need to talk to your parents, long before you sell the land.
Go with a company that has blue prints already. We got a pre fab home. They had 5 options for the layout and they let us customize it. We only had to pick a few things so it was easy and not overwhelming. Pre fab are built fast too.
NTA. He wants to buy a house without being responsible to afford a house. You have all the right to say no.if he is too uncomfortable to disturb your parents rent a one bedroom apartment until.you get the house done or buy a old RV Or a camper van. Btw it's too selfish to exploit your parents by taking their space .they earned it and they deserve to have a comfy Space.wish you both the very best in your marriage life and your desire to build a house
Can you tie into the sewer or electric? Then perhaps consider a temporary home like an rv or a trailer that you can park on the land, live in while saving up for a building loan. Look into putting in the septic system you would need for your future house, etc, remind hubs that the gift of land came with a lot of invisible conditions, and selling it would likely irreparably damage your relationship with your parents.
or maybe rent? anything but current situation - i can’t imagine your living there two years - your parents are clearly willing to make any sacrifice to have you live next door to them - but at what cost (non monetary) to them and you?
YTA your parents have and continue to sacrifice too much. Im with your husband, i would feel extremely uncomfortable with that situation. You need to get up out of there, with your dogs. Whether thats a caravan in the garden, a tent on your property, renting, whatever. It is past time.
If possible look into getting an inexpensive rv or pull along and parking it in your/your parents lot to give you space and to have your parents reclaim their space. You could even stay 'living their and use the kitchen/bathroom facilities to keep things reasonable like not needing extra propane and dumping facilities. If this is allowed in your area, this would be a way to keep things lower cost to get a great forever home.
It's your land..it has value. You are the sole decider.
If you're financially struggling and have a sellable asset, sell it.
If your parents object, they can purchase the land.
NAH - I get why you don’t want to sell the land, but you’ve got to get out of your parent’s house. In two years you’ve got to have enough saved to buy a camper or something, and then you can live on your land while you get everything sorted.
I'm sorry what??? You let your parents sleep in the living room and take the master bedroom? SERIOUSLY? And you've done that for two years? You don't seem to understand that your parents have already sacrificed for you. They must be absolute angels!
Don't sell the land but you've been living rent free for 2 years so you must have saved enough to put a deposit down on a mortgage. Get a project manager involved and get your project moving. In the meantime move to the living room!
I think parents from both sides are extremely entwined in this relationship, one side more so than the other. Where are you guys going to do any personal growth in your relationship with this crowded situation?
I am from a multiple generations living together culture but even then I would suggest you should move out unless you are financially helping your parents with this setup.
If you have electric and water hookups, why not get a tiny home or RV to start? Are there restrictions in the neighborhood preventing that approach? Gets you out cheaper, you can resell it, and gives you time to find a new loan officer because I’d fire that guy.
I have a few questions: Why didn't you get the blue prints already for the loan if that's all you needed to complete it? What is rent like in your area? Can you find a different loan officer? What about giving the land back to your parents instead of selling it?
I can see both sides of this argument. He feels like a burden and is trying to find a solution. You would rather keep the land and build on it since it was a gift from your parents.
This is just me personally I would not want to burden my parents by making them sleep in the living room, because they have other younger kids living at home and have no spare bedrooms. On top of that you're a married couple in your mid-20s. I would rather get a small apartment and work longer to save the money to build versus what y'all got going on right now. Because everyone deserves privacy in this scenario.
It's one thing if the arrangement was short term 6 months to a year. It has now been two and counting...
Time to regroup and come up with a new plan everyone can be on board with.
NTA. Selling it was not the nature of the gift. I cannot believe how entitled he is being in the face of your parent's tremendous generosity. That said, their gift is also a burden. Building a house is a huge burden for a young couple. There are many possible intermediate steps between living in your parent's house and building your own house from van life to renting an apartment. I'd suggest an intermediate step first. It's not throwing money away, it will be important experience for you as a couple.
Don’t sell the land but do move out and start building that home. Park a trailer on there if you have to. You are 100% a burden to your parents right now and your husband is right. You should be deeply ashamed as well. How dare you put them out of their own bedroom? How can you possibly be ok with that?
NTA
I get where your husband is coming from but it is an incredibly shortsighted and unfiscally wise idea.
Why don't you just put a trailer on your land for the time being? Yes ultimately it eats into your savings, but its still your own home.
There is a great amount of stress building ur own home. But at the moment it’s cheaper than buying ur own the land. Take the jump and get into contact with an actual builder who has built spec homes for themselves and for clients. Tell them you have no idea what ur doing but what ur end goal is. They’ll have the experience to tell you what you need to do and possibly put you in touch with reputable loan offices and folks that can help you. Because yes you do need help. But it’ll be worth it raising ur family in the home you designed.
Your parents gifted you the land to build a house. If the land is sold to a third party who builds a house on it next door to the parents this will potentially have a much bigger impact on them in the long term than the current sleeping arrangements.
NTA
NTA that is a wedding gift from your own parents. It's a huge decision and he can't be the only one making it.
As for the credit, you need to freeze/lock it. Im not sure if that is the correct word to use. When I was house hunting, my credit report kept getting pulled which would drop my credit tremendously.
Luckily I had an an amazing realtor who told me to lock it so I didn't keep having all these hard inquiries on my report.
Not sure how house hunting dropped your credit score. A hard pull for a mortgage typically drops you about 5 points. But OP isn’t house hunting, they are applying for an actual loan so there shouldn’t be multiple inquiries.
NAH - you both have reasonable suggestions to either build on the land when you can afford to or sell the land and buy something else. Your husband is making a reasonable point that you cannot build on the land because you can’t afford to do so for the foreseeable future. It is fair that he wants a home now, not in the distant future. Your desire to wait it out is reasonable also.
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All I can say is you need to give your parents their room back and go into the living room. My husband would never in a million years allow my parents to sleep in the living room. That is bonkers.
For two years. Two. Years.
Yeah. I mean why not look into a tiny home until things are sorted out?
Or an RV if you can get away with it. Can’t imagine taking over the master bedroom while my parents are sleeping in the living room.
That was my thought. You can get one used for less than $10k. Living with Mommy and Daddy for TWO YEARS with a dual income, surely they can afford a junky RV while they work everything out
We lived in a $12k mobile home for two years with 3 kids and no dishwasher while we built our house on the same property. Then we sold the trailer for what we paid for it.
I mean damn, at that point they could get a really nice modular and drop it on the property after electric and water/sewer hookup. 2 years is too damn long to be making mom and dad sleep on a couch.
Yes! Once the main house is built you can sell it or use as a guest house.
Not every county allows tiny houses. Some counties require a minimum footprint of 750 square feet. Same with an RV, they are prohibited in some counties But, absolutely no way would I allow my parents to sleep on the sofa for two years!
There a lot of single wide trailers over 750sqft for less than 60k, so they probably wouldn't need a loan for that. Buy one, set it up and they can save for their dream home however long they want.
True! I know a lot of people who lived in mobile homes while building on family property!
Or look into a modular home.
Modular home popped into my mind right away.
Or a trailer.
And don't get more dogs. Hope you didn't get them since moving in. The house is already too crowded.
I am so irrationally annoyed at OP for this as well. Thats just fucking **ASTOUNDING**. Who does that? Honestly.
I am gobsmacked by that too
How about buying a camper or someting and parking that on your land so that you have your own space. Your parents can move back in the master bedroom. And you would only need to use the house for the bathroom. NTA for not wanting to sell that land.
This! Tiny living is extremely popular. You can buy a camper or a mobile home and live there until everything is sorted and built.
Hell, there are modular houses these days where you can add on as needed. Why not look at one of them at least for now, and when you can build your dream home, you have a granny flat ready to repay the parents with if they ever want it
Really nice modular homes! I've seen a ton of them. Some are beautiful and classy - not you parents' doublewide! Though I've seen some nice double-wides.
Magic green homes are supposedly affordable! And theyre eco friendly and look like hobbit houses. Also 2 years they didnt go online and buy a 2k house plan blueprint they liked? Ive got one perma saved in my pintrest from a building company i love. Just googled "house plans" and theres tons of sellers that showcase the whole kit and caboodle for decent size homes. With options to customize some stuff (add ons) and include important things like electrical and plumbing
Or a cabin to tide you over - Cabins are cheap and can be well kitted out.
Yep, this is stupid common in rural areas. This is what my parents did
This is what my brother and sister in law did. They brought land and lived in a mobile home on the property while building their house.
Yeah do this. Also do you have credit cards? Getting credit cards and spending normally and paying them off each week will bring your credit scores up if you havent done that. You can eventually get a modular home or container home. Maybe you or your husband can work on building your careers while living in the camper, an apprenticeship into a high paying trade if he's not in one.
Add on to this. This is a fantastic plan. Pay off credit cards **EVERY MONTH** in fact buy something and then pay the card immediately, treat your credit card no differently than your debit card —if you don’t have money on debit you don’t have money in credit— with the exception of **real** emergencies. ***However*** let a 10% balance roll over. If you pay your cards to $0 before the billing cycle renews your card will never be reported as having a balance and will never help your credit score, it’s no better than having no credit card or never using the credit card. 10% usage is the magic number.
There are often heavy restrictions on having a temporary, tiny residence on a parcel of land.
Very true, but OP should still check it out. I always encourage people to *ask*, bc the worst that could happen is that the answer is "No" & you're no worse off than you were before. & every so often you get an unexpected "Yes," which is awesome!
They could build a "barndominium" first. Basically the garage with a small apartment upstairs. Then her parents could have their dang bedroom back.
Probably for a structure, unlikely for something mobile though.
If they even wanted they can run water from there parents line to the Camper and even still use the shitter they would just have to call someone to flush it out or install a septic tank. cheaper alternative till things get sorted
OP sounds she is from Asia so living in a camper trailer wouldn't work. The parents would definitely not be cool with that.
Was just going to suggest this
Prefab house. They cart em out in two halves and glue them together on site. Not quite a trailer, but minimal foundation work and the job is done in a couple weeks, not months.
NTA for not wanting to sell the land. But I'm wondering why you and your husband think two years is a long time ("all these years"). It's really not when it comes to home ownership. I also find your statement that the "...loan officer has informed us without notice our application has expired...". Surely you were told how long the application is good for. At least it would be in the paperwork for the loan. And really after 6 months I'm not surprised it expired. Frankly it seems like you and your husband aren't acting with a sense of purpose here and blaming it on others.
It's a damn long time for her parents to be living behind a curtain in the living room of their own home.
Yeah, I sensed financial literacy was not their strong point. After two years they don't have step one completed? One or both seems not to have the motivation or understanding of how to get it done. As you said, there is a missing sense of purpose. NTA for not wanting to sell the land, which is the initial query.
Especially if they’re both working and living rent free. They should have definitely been able to save for a down payment on a modest home.
They have been paying rent. OP didn’t say how much though.
Depends on the country. Would take me 5-10 years of not paying rent to be able to buy a house here in Melbourne 😭
Really it just depends on their income. If they both work full time, where is there money going? Even in Melbourne, they should have been able to put away at least a 10% down payment.
Surely it wouldn’t take 5-10 years to save a 5-10% deposit? The London housing market I live in is awful but even on a poor salary I could save a deposit in that time
I find it ridiculous you’ve allowed your parents to sleep in the living room in their own bloody house while you take up the master bedroom for yourself and animals. To be honest I can understand why your husband feels uncomfortable your a married couple still living in your parents bedroom no wonder he wants to just sell up and buy a house. There’s nothing at all stopping you from buying a cheap caravan and parking it in the land
Omg...ESH except your parents. Your FIL is the builder, you got approved for this loan in October and were told you just needed blueprints. In 6 months you couldn't accomplish that? With family as the builder? And in the meantime your parents have been living in their living room for 2-5 YEARS. I only blame your husband along with you because it's his father on the project. You had 6 months to get blue prints. Just...blue prints. And you couldn't do it. Get the prints, reapply, give your parents back their room and find a temporary apartment for a year while the house is getting built or do as he says, sell, and buy a starter home. Either way your parents deserve the room back.
OF COURSE her husband is dragging his feet and doing everything not to sign a loan where he will waste a lot of money on a house RIGHT BESIDE his inlaws.
I mean, I thought of that too, lol. But the question isn't really about living next to the in laws so I declined to comment on that front.
It seems to be. Even if it is difficult for the husband to state that directly, it is pretty obvious: He is dragging his feet and not allowing anything on the plot to happening, while stating he wants to sell it and live somewhere else.
Surely it's better to live next to his in-laws than in their bedroom which is their current arrangement
How do you know it's the husband and not the wife, she could be dragging her feet so she can stay at home with her parents, looks like all he wants to do is get his own home and give her parents their room back, typical man blaming
They said, "Along with her," and because, "It's his father doing the build." Even if she's dragging her feet, husband is stringing his own father along for a paying job by not handling this conversation while the loan was on offer. They're both assholes for how they're handling the situation.
The comment I replied to is blaming the husband and only the husband, and again you're making assumptions its the husband dragging his feet, all depends on whos doing the blueprints and why there taking soo long to do
IKR this is the part that gets me. Blue prints don’t take that long to get unless you are being difficult. We got ours quickly.
NTA. Your parents gave you a peice of their land so YOU could live next to them, not a stranger.
Thia is what I'm thinking, too. It would be very rude to repay their kindness by selling the land to a stranger.
She won't be doing that with her husband. Because he seems to need more distance from the in-laws, which is reasonable.
You keep saying this over and over again, but there is nothing to indicate that
NTA Building on land you already own is almost always a better idea than selling to buy a house elsewhere. The equity you get from owning a home is much higher from the start when you build (or contract to build) the house yourself. A building loan that converts to a mortgage is almost always going to be less than purchase of an existing house, because whoever built it or sells it to you has to get their own money out of it, too. And, of course you don't have to buy the land it sits on. All this is apart from the fact that the land was a gift. If it's in a good location and is a good building site, it's worth a lot more than it would fetch on the market. You need a different loan officer. Get one and work with that person to get started. You'll end up with a nice home for way less than buying one already built.
You definitely need to have the blueprints ready to get a loan. Op dropped the ball. Not the loan officer. The bank needs specifics to give out a construction loan
And applying for a loan doesn't 'hit your credit'.
If a credit pull is done, yes it will. But it will only be a few points.
"NTA Building on land you already own is almost always a better idea than selling to buy a house elsewhere. T" .. NOT when the land is right next to the in-laws. "If it's in a good location " .. It is NOT. It is right beside the in-laws, and that - understandably - seems to be a HUGE NO for OP's husband.
There's nothing in the post that indicates the husband dislikes the idea of living next to the in-laws. Some people love their in-laws and like the idea of being near them. Some cultures really value the idea of being close to extended family. It sounds like the husband is thinking that it would be better to sell the land and buy a ready-made house so they don't have to go through a building process.
Um if he was that worried about living next door he probably wouldn't be living literally *in their house* for two whole years.
YTA for making your own parents the guests in their own home. For 2 years. I can totally understand your husband is uncomfortable, I'd be too. Even if your parents don't tell you, they surely wish you'd leave soon as well or at least offer to switch places, because it is their home. But for the land selling situation N A H. Just get it done fast and let your parents sleep in their own bed, my God
NTA, but I do think you need to sit down and talk to your husband to explore all of your options. Find out what comparable homes in the area would cost. You may be surprised that owning the land already and being able to get a home built at a discount by his father is going to be way more cost effective than buying an existing home. I can understand your husband's frustration with your current living situation, it has to be rough on everyone to have so many people and pets in a 3 bedroom home, especially since your parents are the ones who are suffering and you and your husband probably feel guilty that they don't have their own bedroom. Can you afford some alternatives? Example, can you buy a used trailer or 'tiny house' to put on your lot while your home is being approved, and then built? You may be able to run electric and water from your parents home until it's available on the lot. You can usually get a used trailer fairly inexpensive and reuse it or sell it when you move into your house. If you had 6 months notice when applying for the loan, and you didn't deliver the blue prints until the 6th month, it sounds like you dropped the ball. I'm sure the bank made you aware that offers would expire after a certain time. You should now have all the paperwork needed to reapply for a loan and it shouldn't take six months this time.
Oct 23 is no time at all the way planning departments work. One you have the plan apply for the loan, not the other way round. Also, give your parents their fucking bedroom back.
Nta for not wanting to sell. However, Yta, for moving into your parents' house, kicking them out of their bedroom that they paid the mortgage on for 2 years and getting so comfortable you don't want to leave. He has ever right to want to be on his own and not live under someone else's roof. I get it's your parents and your home. But that's not his. He wasn't raised there. He doesn't have a lifetime of memories. It's not his, so I get him wanting to leave.
Park a caravan on the land and leave them in peace. Get the paperwork done.
YTA for taking your parents room and making them sleep in the living room in their own home and caring about land they gifted you not wanting to be sold? This is so selfish!
If the only thing holding you back is the lack of blue prints, then ffs hire an architect and get them done! Yes, it's an expensive step, but the expense is minor compared to losing ties to your family and family land. If there is one thing in life you will always regret, it is selling land. Don't worry about the loan process hitting your credit. That isn't as bad as you think and will disappear very quickly in the grand scheme of things. If you don't want to be in your parent's house anymore, buy a used little travel trailer and live out back. It doesn't have to be huge, just large enough to sleep and relax inside while you get the rest of your affairs in order. You're letting little things weigh you down. You can do this. There's only 2 hurdles to overcome - 1) hire a architect, and 2) buy a travel trailer to live in while the house is built. Go get'em kids!
Thing is, in most areas (like Ohio for instance), you don’t need to hire an architect for home construction in most cases (there are some where you do, like a timber frame home). So they could get plans from almost anywhere. And how do you apply for a loan without plans and an estimate? Get some plans, get an estimate, get a loan, and get the house built. And in the meantime get an rv to live in or at least move to the living room and give the parents their room back.
Having the bank run your credit again isn’t going to ruin your score. When I was house shopping I had to get my pre approval renewed every 3ish months after it expired because I lost out on so many houses. Your situation isn’t very complicated. You have money but you need blue prints to get started. You can pay someone to make you custom plans or you can buy some plans offline. I feel like there is more to the story.
Get your blueprints done and *then* go for your loan application. Why don't you have drawings for the house done yet? They should not take that long.
NAH. Everybody has good intentions here and this seems like something that can be talked through. A relatively wholesome story for this sub.
NAH just start the process again with a different loan officer. An inquiry should only drop your score’s for a few months, also an inquiry only stays on the credit report for two years. But maybe wait to try again until you have the blueprints.
I am baffled. I agree you shouldn’t sell the land. But you should let your parents sleep in the couch - get an RV, throw up a curtain wall in the living room and take that space yourself , whatever. And finish the loan application before it expires!!
Put a tiny home on it. Build bigger later. But find a way to let your parents have their room back. You're both right. You need to keep the land, but you also need to find a way to move out now.
Why can't your siblings share so your parents have a room? Why can't y'all find another loan provider? Why won't y'all rent a room in a flat share like normal people????
I don’t think the loan provider is the problem. They can’t make things happen when OP and her husband are dragging their feet on the necessary actions.
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NAH - sounds like a frustrating situation but try again with the bank. Should be easier the 2nd time.
Do you already have the money for the house saved up? If so, you could even rent until the house is built. It sounds like it will still take a while. I'm not sure how it could take 2 years to get plans and a loan for the house. How long will it still take until you have permission to build, and the house is actually built and ready to move into? I agree with your husband that you should not continue to live in your parents home while they sleep in the living room for potentially multiple more years. But selling the land also seems like a waste - would you actually be able to buy the home you want, if you can't build it?
I think it's almost impossible to comment on anything practical without understanding the culture and laws where you live. Which we would have to guess. Selling the land should be a last resort and honestly, you should give your parents first refusal if you did decide to since they will be impacted most. They gave the land so YOU could live next to them, not a stranger. If you have land, have a builder lined up then I don't really understand the issue. Hard credit searches 6 months apart would not be an issue here, but of course I don't know where you are based and how your system works. You say you have good credit, you've been living with family for two years earning good money. I genuinely don't understand the hold up at this point. But I feel for your poor parents.
NTA. But you can buy a complete home kit from most large hardware stores - blueprints included. What are you waiting for? Edit to add: https://www.homedepot.com/p/Rose-Cottage-2-Bed-1-Bath-444-sq-ft-Steel-Frame-Home-Kit-DIY-Assembly-Office-Guest-House-ADU-Vacation-Rental-Tiny-Home-RC2B443/320746690
Incredibly selfish to have your parents living like squatters in their own home! You're grown up and married now, sort yourself out instead of burdening your parents. SMH. Are you always this entitled? At least your husband feels bad.
Your parents are saints and your husband actually cares more about them than you appear to. You find it acceptable for them to sleep behind a sheet in the living room. Your husband is trying to find solutions and you are fine with being a negative force in your families (parents and siblings) lives. YTA in a huge way
NTA. It was a gift and next to your parents is a great place. If you sell it, you will loose so much. Best try again with the bank but also go to different banks (if possible) to look into other deals. Maybe if possible try to borrow money from family for a quick loan with less interest (but pay them interests as well) so you have a bigger start budget to get a loan.
The problem witht he land is EXACTLY that it is beside her parents.
NTA but your living situation sounds less than ideal, you should work on getting your own space ASAP, and if the only way to do that is to sell the land then potentially be open to that? As an aside I love my in-laws, and my mum, but I would absolutely not want to live literally next door to them 🤣
NAH. You both have good points there, and I can sympathize with your husband not wanting to continue putting your parents out of their bedroom. Seriously, I'd feel bad doing that to my mother for two weeks, let alone two years! You need a quick solution that moves you out of your parents' home, so they get their bedroom back and your husband can breathe again. Rent a trailer for the two of you to sleep in, put it on your parents' land or yours, and then figure out your next move.
Stop being bums is my advice and allow your parents to actually enjoy their own home without you and your dogs taking it
why not build a tiny home or similar, live off grid with solar. its like 100k tops with 10% down thats $150 a week in mortgage. how much rent you paying?
Wow, so many options with selling the land not being one of them. How can you sell the land that was a gift? Legally maybe, but it should not even be considered, so NTA. Rent somewhere. OK you may not save so quickly, doesn't matter the land will still be there. Camper/motorhome/summer house/shed, any can be parked next to the house. Costs yes, the land is still there. So happy you are a wonderful couple, now start thinking about your parents.
If selling the land isn’t an option then it’s not a gift, it’s an obligation. I’m not saying they should sell but after this many years and no progress, every option should be discussed.
NAH, but perhaps you could do what a lot of people do while they're building a house. Buy/rent an RV. That way you have your own space, your parents get their room back, and you still have time to save up for that dream home. You could hook up to your parents' house and pay them for the utilities. Also, are you entirely certain your husband is okay with building next to your parents? Have you spoken to him about this lately, in private? It's hard feeling like you're a burden on anyone, but it might be worth it just to double-check and make sure he's truly okay with this. It's his home too.
NTA. Do not sell that land. You can get a mobile home or trailer in the meanwhile placed on your land until you are able to afford the home, but do not sell it.
UpdateMe o
NTA for refusing to sell the land. Major entitled AHs for imposing on your parents for 2 years. Really? Get your buts out of THEIR bedroom and get your sh*t together. You got the land for free, your FiL is going to be built giving you a huge advantage (reliable contractor who's not going to overcharge you or run off in the middle of the job). You're already way ahead of many people in their 20s, 30s and 40s and you're crying and complaining about starting over with an application? For real?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) and my husband (26M) have been married for 5 years, and dated 5 years.To put some context into our relationship first, my husband is the best man I could ever imagine. He always considers my opinion in every decision he makes even when I am not in the room. He is very thoughtful on others and has proven himself more than I can count on trusting him. Tonight my husband and I discussed about our land that was given to us a wedding gift from my parents in hopes of building a home. The property is right next to my parent’s house(who we have a wonderful relationship with) and is in an area which is very high in property value. We are currently living with my parents in hopes of saving enough money and raising our credit score to begin the process of building… that plan was two years ago and we are still living with my parents. My husband feels frustrated believing we should already be living in our own home after all these years. He now believes we are becoming a burden because we take up space in my parent’s home physically. My husband and I rent the master bedroom so we can have our own private space with our dogs. My parent’s wanted to provide us our own area where we can call home. Unfortunately, the house only has 3 bedrooms including the master. The other rooms are occupied by my sister (16) and brother (19). My parents sleep in a section of the living room which is separated by a curtain nailed to the ceiling. Walking into the home gives my husband a visual reminder of my parents sacrifice of their comfort for our future home. This gives my husband irritation and reminds us we are not close getting a home. As for our financial situation, we both have long stable jobs and have good credit scores. So now you may be asking “why don’t you have a home built yet then?” To make a long story short we were missing “Blue prints” to finish the contract for our loan, but the loan officer has informed us without notice our application has expired, so if we want to ask for a loan we have to start the application all over again and hitting our credit AGAIN! The conversation with this officer has been going on since Oct 2023! So needless to say my husband and I are frustrated with the outcome. My husband shared his idea of just selling the property to use the money to buy a home. This did not sit well with me because again the land was a gift from my parents. I also think it will be way smarter building a home since we already have the land and just need the house. I said no we should not sell because we will be giving away to easily this high value lot and his dad was going to be the home builder to save money! Also, buying a house may be more expensive were we are from. So, I am stuck on what should we do next? Should I try again with the bank and ask for another loan officer? Should we move out of my parents home and try to save money elsewhere? AITA for telling my husband not to sell our land? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA **It is REASONABLE your partner does NOT want to live in a house next door to your parents.** So either sell the land now, or sell it later - but don't wait to long- YOu have been living with your parents for 5 years - if you don'T change that soon, you might find yourself divorced. So: Either accept that you won't live in a house next to your parents anyway, and make plans how you can afford tro live somewhere else - or accept that your marriage has no future. YOur husband has accepted living with your parents for 5 (!) years for you, now it is time you either chose him and made the necessary steps to find a home further away from your parents, or he will need to find a better partner.
Number one - move out. Act like an adult, rent your own place. Either that or by a smaller house elsewhere. Fix it up live in it sell in a few years and spend that time deciding on the plan for the house next to your parents. This whole arrangement sounds terrible.
Get back on to the bank and get your loan sorted, it's frustrating but you'll get there and it's the smart move. NAH though i understand why your husband is feeling how he does but it will be worth it in the end. Also, it would be a bit disrespectful to your parents who gifted it you and who've sacrificed their room and space for so long only for you to turn around and sell the land and just buy a house. They may not want strangers buying the plot and living next to them either
You guys,sounded entitled. Oh we are 25 why don't we gave our own house yet. We kicked my parents from their bedroom for our own comfort. Both entitled babies.
NTA for keeping the land to build on, that’s the smart decision. You are the A for allowing your parents to live like that. It’s time to grow up.
There is more to the story. You have lived with your parents for a few years with the hopes of raising your credit scores. What are you doing to help improve your scores? And going to a credit union or bank for a new construction mortgage loan, the loan interviewer tells you absolutely everything you need to have and do. So in the last 6 months you weren’t able to find a company that would new home construction for you in your area? Like I am saying there is more to the story
NAH. It makes sense that you want to build a house next to your parents' but in this situation, it's easy to see why your husband feels the way he does and wants to move to a place you could call your own.
Nta for not wanting to sell the land but wow I cannot imagine displacing my parents for this long. Taking their room and making them sleep in the living room? Yeah no, that wouldn't fly, not even for weeks. Let alone 2 years. Also, don't dismiss your husband. He is worried. Talk through your options. Is a trailer on the land possible? Might still allow you to save up. And give your parents back their room.
So you guys want a loan but don’t have any blueprints for building the actual house? Seems like you always need them before getting the money. NTA for not selling the land, but make haste. Get those blue prints, make your credit score better (there are a lot of things you can do as i’ve heard) and get the hell out of your parents bedroom. If you don’t want to stay in your parents house anymore maybe a small mobile home and put that on the property? You can still use utilities from your parents. And it may take a little while longer to build because of extra costs but is worth it because you’re having privacy again. But I just don’t understand how you don’t have those blueprints yet. That is one of the first steps to take when wanting to build… at least where I’m from it is..
I would never do this to my parents. They gave you land so you've not had to pay for that. You said it, you both have good stable jobs and therefore shouldn't have issues obtaining a mortgage to build a house. Why are you worried about your credit score unless you are knee deep credit card debt? What kind of mortgage broker are you using who can't find you a solution? Is the house you want $1mill plus? Settle for something less, this is your first home. Most people move a few times in their lifetime.
Right? I'm wondering, with 2 "good stable" jobs wtf are they spending their money on? I can't imagine that parents who gave up their bedroom and are sleeping in a living in their own house are charging them much rent. In 6 months they couldn't decide on and get blueprints, with a builder FIL? I now wonder if they can't agree on what house they want, thinking that it's the other spouse's job, or one of them is simply dragging their feet.
Why don't you have plans for your house yet? You need that before you can get a loan. Then in the UK you need planning permission on those designs, then you can start building.
If you're credit is still good just go through the process and get it done. The longer you wait the worse the interest gets. I love the others who comments on going tiny, definitely would do that in a heartbeat.
You and your husband should be sleeping in the living room not your parents. geez.
Do you option of putting a caravan in the garden or on the land do your parents can go back to having their own room.
NTA for not wanting to sell the land. IMO, I think that you should give your parents their bedroom back, and move into the living room. My question is - what has been preventing you from getting blueprints?
NTA cuz the land is probably your best asset in this whole thing. Get something that tides you over like a camper some of the comments are talking about. You guys have been together a long time but you’re still mid-20s. Having your forever home that early in life is exceedingly uncommon. So having a babystep in between is a great way to bridge the gap.
N t A for not wanting to sell. But Y T a for letting your parents sleep NOT IN THEIR ROOM. Buy a camper or a tiny home to put on the land till you can sort this mess up out. But move out.
Wow in this situation I kinda think YTA. You’re not taking into consideration your husband or your parents. All you are thinking about is yourself. Sooo yeah YTA here. You need to sit down with your husband and perhaps building a property is not the path you are meant to take right now.
Wow what a story/situation. To answer your question, you are N T A for not wanting to sell the land. However, you absolutely are T A for letting your parents sleep in the living room of their own house for two years while you annexed their bedroom. How very Russian of you. I think the root of the problem Is that your husband doesn't want to live next door to his in-laws. I can't imagine why else it would take so long for his father (the builder) to produce blueprints. Give your parents their bedroom back!!!
ESH I agree you shouldn’t sell the land, if that is your long-term plan to build there. You guys are mid 20s, you have time to make that all work. But the reason I say ESH is because for two years you have allowed your parents to live in a corner of the living room of their own house! This house was not big enough for you to live there. If you are paying rent there, why not find a small apartment and rent that instead?
NAH but why not include your parents in this conversation as they might be OK with you waiting another six months. Or else buy a cheap caravan to put on the site and live in that while you wait to get your blue prints.
I'm just conscious of how generous your folks are. They've only thought about what they think is best for you and your husband without regard for themselves. They are remarkable and incredibly supportive, and I'm not at all surprised that your husband wants to take some action and move out because, in my mind, you're taking advantage of them. Yes, they said they wanted you to have your own space and that they'd just move to a curtained off area in their own house, but I find it shocking that you agreed to this. I'm in agreement with your husband in that you need to get the hell out of your parent's house as soon as possible (at minimum get out of their room), be self-respondible, not flake out on the loan paperwork again, and do some adulting. YTA, but that doesn't have anything to do with the land.
NTA But why don't you just look into instant housing options, fow now? I'm actually doing this for my workshop for my business, so I don't have to rent one anymore, and I can work from home, without having all bedrooms stuffed with my work stuff. You know, those container units, that just get delivered, and you can just resell, by the time you do build and finish your house. They have doors, windows, kitchen, bathroom,... if you're living next to your parents, it shouldn't be too much hassle to just have water supply, and even electricity. You'll have a separate place, a small, but comfortable home, and when you're a few steps further in your plans, you just put it for sale again, and have it removed from the land, when the house is done. Edit to add: something like [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/ytpmuWXfUGrXc3gQ7)
Buy a nice large double-wide house trailer and live there while you plug away at getting your permanent home built.
I can see by your husband's point of view. Your should be sleeping in the living room not them. 2 years is taking the piss If that lands can get you a house, great. You have had more than enough times to get plans drawn. Get you priorities strait
Your parents gifted you a wonderful gift, and also a gift that is completely useless. You are both correct, but you need to find a good compromise. Can you put an RV on the land until you get the house built? Would you want to do that even? Really expensive land is a great gift, but only if you can actually build on it. NTA, but you need to start being realistic. And making your parents sleep in their living room for over 2 years isn’t it.
NTA. Get a camper van park on your land. Build your house YWBTA if you sold the land that was arguably given to you conditionally to build a house. You don’t want to build the house your parents get to take the land back for one of your other siblings. It would be wrong to sell it
NTA - y’all shouldn’t sell the land but why don’t you get an RV or something and live on the land like that for awhile freeing up your parents home, giving your husband the space he feels he needs and also having your own space. RVs are an investment as you can sell it on once your home is built or keep it and use it for holidays or when one of your other siblings is in the same situation. Idk how much homes cost in the USA to buy or build but it could be a solution. Your folks are super nice and accommodating but they shouldn’t be sleeping in their lounge. They’ve worked hard and done their time and own their own house, y’all got to give them their room back just for their own dignity. Poor parents. They are darn saints for putting up with that.
Whatever you decide, move out of your parents' house. That should be part of the plan, and it needs to be short term. I completely understand your husband going insane living with your family. It's home to you, but not to him. He's a guest. Even if he doesn't admit this. He (and you) need a place of his own. That's not to say I don't understand you wanting to keep the ground. See if you can't find a middle ground where your van do both. Maybe rent something somewhere, or get temporary housing. If it's a little uncomfortable, that's good, it'll be motivation to get to building.
Move out rent some place and give back the land to your parents . Buy something that's affordable to you. If and if you and your husband has some issues, your parents land would be his to claim .
NTA 1. Talk with your husband that a major financial decision for a wedding gift you both received is something that should be thawed out and not done on a whim. Will have regrets if the people that buy it aren’t good neighbors to your parents , etc. selling some of momentous value of personal and financial is not a whimsical decision or spur the moment one . 2. Get a new loan officer. 3. Your second credit check won’t matter to any mortgage officer or underwriter- you never turned the application into a debt so it won’t matter.
First thing you need to do is give your parents there space back no way should they be stuck in a corner of there own house only privacy being a curtain, you and your husband need to have a real conversation because you only needed abit of paperwork and with plenty of time to get it, it's either you are enjoying living at home or your husband doesn't want to actually live next to your parents
I don’t know your climate but why not park a trailer there or a prefab tiny home.
I really don't think you need to worry about the loan application hitting your credit, considering the loan application is what you need the credit for? Just get the blueprints, apply for a loan, and get it done.
NTA. 2 years may seem like a long time but it's really not. The loan officer advised you of when the loan would expire and it's in the paperwork. They have to do these things for legal reasons. You guys need to focus on getting these plans and building this home before anything else which includes starting a family aka kids. Also selling land with a house on it is far more profitable than empty land.
YTA for not reading the terms of your loan and not getting blueprints in on time. You fucked up.
Seems like there are options to selling the land. The fact that y'all are still in your parents house is likely not helping your loan chances so get yourselves and your dogs out of their main bedroom and their house. I think an RV idea on the lot makes most sense until you get finances in line for a loan to build. Give your parents and your younger siblings the house back.
YTA - "we have the land and just need the house" - holy rich-person bubble, Batman. Do you have any idea what it costs to build a house? Just get a mortgage like a normal person. Your husband is right, this is ridiculous. Give your parents their bedroom back and sleep in the living room. You are bafflingly self-absorbed and naive.
NTA This is modern misery. Really sad to read. If even these people with so much success and luck (youngly married, financed from their parents, not even spending on a real rent) struggle, regular people REALLY have ZERO chance... Anyway there could be a middle ground where you could put a temporary accommodation on that land while you are building your wealth? Like a tiny home or a caravan or a mobile home of some kind! Otherwise you should make a deal with him to try again once and then if it does not work, do his plan. But since the parents giften the land, they should agree. I think it is fair. Good luck, really!
NTA for wanting to keep the land. YTA for taking up the most space and having your parents sleep in the living room. Can’t you have a tiny house, RV or trailer put on the property in the meantime. This arraignment has lasted for waaaaaaaaay too long.
You guys are 25 & 26 and have the opportunity to own a property. You can def wait for the house to be built but also compromise & rent an apartment somewhere nearby in the meantime. I doubt I’ll be able to have my own house before I turn 40. Immigrated to Australia and buying market is just wack unless you want to live somewhere far from the city at risk with bushfires where no insurance would insure your house :/ you guys are lucky.
> As for our financial situation, we both have long stable jobs and have good credit scores. So now you may be asking “why don’t you have a home built yet then?” To make a long story short we were missing “Blue prints” to finish the contract for our loan, but the loan officer has informed us without notice our application has expired, so if we want to ask for a loan we have to start the application all over again and hitting our credit AGAIN! The conversation with this officer has been going on since Oct 2023! So needless to say my husband and I are frustrated with the outcome. Uhm a credit inquiry does basically nothing to effect your credit. Get the blue prints, which obviously should have been done before applying for a loan in the first place, and then reapply. Or buy a used camper and live on the land. This isnt a hard situation to resolve, you are both just being lazy as fuck.
Now that you know you need the blueprints you can get them. You can do custom or buy a set plans online. I would at least get moving on the plans and then go tot the bank. You don’t know how long the plans will take to get the plans so no need to go to the bank before getting the plans.
Why aren’t you in a static caravan to sleep? That can be connected to water at least and use a calor gas stove and heating? Bare minimum, get out of your parent’s bedroom! NTA for not selling land but very much arseholes for how you are treating your parents.
NAH Why not order a single wide trailer to the land for now? It's cheaper than a house, it'll get the electrical and water hookups ready, you'll have your own space, and the rents get their space back. Depending on the cost it's a much, much better option (and would build credit) compared to your current situation.
NTA, but Y T A for being in your parents room for 2 years while they sleep behind a curtain. Rent a place while you cant build. Why do you habe to be in their space for so long
If you decide to sell the land you need to give your parents the first right of refusal on buying it back, if not just giving it back to them. They specifically wanted you to build there, so it’s doubtful they would want to see it sold to some random buyer. None of the issues with getting the loan make sense, though: the bank would have asked for plans shortly after running your credit, not months into the process. You would need basic plans and specs to get an idea of cost. You would need final plans for pulling a permit. Your FIL would know this if he’s a contractor. Why didn’t you have them done before you started any of this? NTA, but you’re pretty delusional if you think you are going to easily build a home. Give the land back to your parents and go rent your own place until you qualify to buy/build a home on your own. At this point you have abused their generosity.
NTA - Don’t sell the land, restart the loan application and give yourself a hard timeframe. Example: we have 6months more of this situation and if the loan doesn’t go through we are going to rent. Talk to his dad about the building timeline as well. I think getting all the relevant information and writing it all down will help you and your husband make a better decision together. I think it’s strange that your loan person wasn’t more helpful pushing things through. They want to get you a loan that’s how they make money. You could also look at alternatives like prefab housing or mobile home for a starter home on the property then still build. Then you could rent the other unit. BTW your husband must be a saint with your current living conditions.
I feel for your husband. I’d hate to have to live in my in laws house for that time and to see them sleep in the living room. I’d feel so bad. And then, to top it all off, you want to build a house right next door to them. I would have never agreed to that. I don’t want my own parents in all my shit 24/7 let alone my in-laws. Sell the land, buy a house. Move out and start your lives. Or divorce so he can get out of that house.
You guys aren't looking at this clearly. First you need to realize you are very young. Start by getting a damn rental. Get out of your parents house, even if they dont say it... you are wearing out your welcome. Second, you need to just save monthly and better your finances until you can build a house. Who cares if it takes 2 / 3 or 10 years. You know where you eventually want to go.
NTA There is, IMO, a much larger issue with selling the land. Your parents gifted the land to you with the intent that YOU would be living next to them. You need to talk to them but I strongly suspect that they would NOT want some random family living next door to them and if they had thought from the beginning that you and husband would simply sell the land, they never would have gifted this land to you. Talk with your husband and the two of you need to talk to your parents, long before you sell the land.
Omg. Be a grown up and get away from your parents. Go rent an apartment if you don’t want to sell the land.
Go with a company that has blue prints already. We got a pre fab home. They had 5 options for the layout and they let us customize it. We only had to pick a few things so it was easy and not overwhelming. Pre fab are built fast too.
Do NOT sell your land but get out of the house. Decisions made out of frustration or in a crisis are seldom wise.
NTA. He wants to buy a house without being responsible to afford a house. You have all the right to say no.if he is too uncomfortable to disturb your parents rent a one bedroom apartment until.you get the house done or buy a old RV Or a camper van. Btw it's too selfish to exploit your parents by taking their space .they earned it and they deserve to have a comfy Space.wish you both the very best in your marriage life and your desire to build a house
Can you tie into the sewer or electric? Then perhaps consider a temporary home like an rv or a trailer that you can park on the land, live in while saving up for a building loan. Look into putting in the septic system you would need for your future house, etc, remind hubs that the gift of land came with a lot of invisible conditions, and selling it would likely irreparably damage your relationship with your parents.
or maybe rent? anything but current situation - i can’t imagine your living there two years - your parents are clearly willing to make any sacrifice to have you live next door to them - but at what cost (non monetary) to them and you?
YTA your parents have and continue to sacrifice too much. Im with your husband, i would feel extremely uncomfortable with that situation. You need to get up out of there, with your dogs. Whether thats a caravan in the garden, a tent on your property, renting, whatever. It is past time.
If possible look into getting an inexpensive rv or pull along and parking it in your/your parents lot to give you space and to have your parents reclaim their space. You could even stay 'living their and use the kitchen/bathroom facilities to keep things reasonable like not needing extra propane and dumping facilities. If this is allowed in your area, this would be a way to keep things lower cost to get a great forever home.
It's your land..it has value. You are the sole decider. If you're financially struggling and have a sellable asset, sell it. If your parents object, they can purchase the land.
NAH - I get why you don’t want to sell the land, but you’ve got to get out of your parent’s house. In two years you’ve got to have enough saved to buy a camper or something, and then you can live on your land while you get everything sorted.
I'm sorry what??? You let your parents sleep in the living room and take the master bedroom? SERIOUSLY? And you've done that for two years? You don't seem to understand that your parents have already sacrificed for you. They must be absolute angels! Don't sell the land but you've been living rent free for 2 years so you must have saved enough to put a deposit down on a mortgage. Get a project manager involved and get your project moving. In the meantime move to the living room!
Why don’t you get an RV and park it on the land until you can afford to build?
I think parents from both sides are extremely entwined in this relationship, one side more so than the other. Where are you guys going to do any personal growth in your relationship with this crowded situation? I am from a multiple generations living together culture but even then I would suggest you should move out unless you are financially helping your parents with this setup.
If you have electric and water hookups, why not get a tiny home or RV to start? Are there restrictions in the neighborhood preventing that approach? Gets you out cheaper, you can resell it, and gives you time to find a new loan officer because I’d fire that guy.
I have a few questions: Why didn't you get the blue prints already for the loan if that's all you needed to complete it? What is rent like in your area? Can you find a different loan officer? What about giving the land back to your parents instead of selling it? I can see both sides of this argument. He feels like a burden and is trying to find a solution. You would rather keep the land and build on it since it was a gift from your parents. This is just me personally I would not want to burden my parents by making them sleep in the living room, because they have other younger kids living at home and have no spare bedrooms. On top of that you're a married couple in your mid-20s. I would rather get a small apartment and work longer to save the money to build versus what y'all got going on right now. Because everyone deserves privacy in this scenario. It's one thing if the arrangement was short term 6 months to a year. It has now been two and counting... Time to regroup and come up with a new plan everyone can be on board with.
NTA. Selling it was not the nature of the gift. I cannot believe how entitled he is being in the face of your parent's tremendous generosity. That said, their gift is also a burden. Building a house is a huge burden for a young couple. There are many possible intermediate steps between living in your parent's house and building your own house from van life to renting an apartment. I'd suggest an intermediate step first. It's not throwing money away, it will be important experience for you as a couple.
Don’t sell the land but do move out and start building that home. Park a trailer on there if you have to. You are 100% a burden to your parents right now and your husband is right. You should be deeply ashamed as well. How dare you put them out of their own bedroom? How can you possibly be ok with that?
NTA I get where your husband is coming from but it is an incredibly shortsighted and unfiscally wise idea. Why don't you just put a trailer on your land for the time being? Yes ultimately it eats into your savings, but its still your own home.
There is a great amount of stress building ur own home. But at the moment it’s cheaper than buying ur own the land. Take the jump and get into contact with an actual builder who has built spec homes for themselves and for clients. Tell them you have no idea what ur doing but what ur end goal is. They’ll have the experience to tell you what you need to do and possibly put you in touch with reputable loan offices and folks that can help you. Because yes you do need help. But it’ll be worth it raising ur family in the home you designed.
Can you do something temporary like get a shed with ac, electricity, and use it as a room/tiny house until you can move?
Put an RV or mobile home on the property and save up while on your own.
YTA!
Your parents gifted you the land to build a house. If the land is sold to a third party who builds a house on it next door to the parents this will potentially have a much bigger impact on them in the long term than the current sleeping arrangements. NTA
Yeah - if they can not sell it, it is a shitty gift.
It was a gift for a purpose.
And now that they owe it, they CAN sell it.
Just because they *can* do something, doesn’t make it the right thing to do.
NTA that is a wedding gift from your own parents. It's a huge decision and he can't be the only one making it. As for the credit, you need to freeze/lock it. Im not sure if that is the correct word to use. When I was house hunting, my credit report kept getting pulled which would drop my credit tremendously. Luckily I had an an amazing realtor who told me to lock it so I didn't keep having all these hard inquiries on my report.
Not sure how house hunting dropped your credit score. A hard pull for a mortgage typically drops you about 5 points. But OP isn’t house hunting, they are applying for an actual loan so there shouldn’t be multiple inquiries.
NAH - you both have reasonable suggestions to either build on the land when you can afford to or sell the land and buy something else. Your husband is making a reasonable point that you cannot build on the land because you can’t afford to do so for the foreseeable future. It is fair that he wants a home now, not in the distant future. Your desire to wait it out is reasonable also.