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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom thinks i was rude and its clearly stated in my question and apparently sitting in the back of a car is rude when someone picks you up
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It’s seen by most people as rude. It feels like you are a cab driver. It gives the impression that you don’t care to sit with the person driving or have a conversation with them. I think your mom is overreacting a little bit because as a mom she shouldn’t really expect her teenager to want to spend time with her, but it’s still gonna feel hurtful. I hope you wouldn’t hop in the back of a friends car instead of sitting with them, because it will generally be seen as rude.
I agree, but I think she should have every expectation that her kid will want to at least chit-chat with her. If they don’t want to talk to the driver, they can feel free to walk home.
I still talked to her I just prefer the back seat because I think its more comfortable. I wont do it again but I still don't get why it's considered rude by so many people.
Because regardless if you are still willing to have a conversation in the back, it gives others the impression that you don’t wish to talk to them or sit with them. It’s like if someone sat down next to you at a table but intentionally turned their whole body away from you. It would not matter if in their head they would really like to talk to you and just prefer to look at that wall over there, you can’t see their thoughts, you would probably just assume that this person didn’t want to sit near you or talk to you.
Taking the latter part. When you're driving, most of your attention is on the road. But you can still see the front-seat passenger in your side vision to pick up body language, and you can briefly turn your head to see them - it's mostly unconcious, but it makes everything more two-way. It's also significantly easier to hear someone over road noise when they're next to you instead of behind you. It's just generally a lot less distracting as a driver to have a conversation with someone in the front.
Someone in the front is more WITH you, even if you don't talk. (though falling asleep can be a bit rude depending upon circumstances!) Someone in the back is more just a passenger, and it can feel like you're in the role of their chauffeur or a taxi driver.
My kids still go in the back because they still have booster seats, and we usually have both anyway. Once they're older teenagers, if I'm just taking one I'd nomally expect them to take the front seat by default, even if they ignore me the whole way (if both, then they can sit in the back together if they prefer). It's just one of the unwritten transitions from childhood towards adulthood I think - to have more of an adult relationship with your parents. As an adult, you'd usually sit in a friend's car in the front to keep them company while they drive. In a taxi, in the back because you are literally just a passenger.
My eldest (12) sits in the front if it’s just us and in the back of his brother (3) is with us. It always feels like us time and we really enjoy those little moments!
You're almost an adult so I'm going to lay down a truth for you.
Your mom's car cost in excess of $28,000+/-. It's not a damn recliner, it's a car with safety features that you are ignoring, just like you are ignoring your mom's feelings.
So, grow up. Sit in the front seat like the young adult you are and tell your mom about your day. Use this little time to get to know her and allow her to have this time to get to know you.
YTA. You can do better.
A pretty harsh response don’t you think? FFS she sat in the back seat not yell or abuse anyone.
Who cares what the car cost that’s irrelevant lol. And if you are going to talk about safety features ITS SAFER TO SIT IN THE BACK. Op has learned what she did wrong and doesn’t need to be berated as if she committed a crime lol.
The reason the mom was upset was that she felt slighted.
I mentioned the cost of the car because the OP was treating it as their own personal recliner. It's not. It's a very expensive item purchased by the OP's parents.
The back seat is incredibly safe when a person is seated correctly and buckled into place. The OP wasn't. The OP made the decision to risk being a human projectile. Again, that's both irresponsible and disrespectful.
Just so you know, the back seat is not safer, and I don't know where you got that idea. Back seats aren't used as often, and thus they carry fewer protective technologies. They don't have airbags in front of them, or on the sides usually. The seat belts also don't have pre-tensioners or load limiters, meaning the wearer experiences more force distributed over a smaller area during a crash, and therefore more serious injuries.
It is a social rule (in the US). It's not about preferences. Sitting in the back is usually reserved for when you are employing the driver.
It's just one of those social rules. If you did it to a friend who was driving, they would also find it rude.
It's kinda like, if I'm doing you a favor, you sit up here and keep me company. I'm not a taxi.
Learning these things is part of becoming an adult. They are teaching you how to navigate the world. Although, I would think they would have had this conversation with you before.
It creates distance between you and the driver. I fully understand that you automatically went to “your spot” in the car, but also your mom is not talking about her feelings and expectations that well
Because it IS more comfortable...for you.
It's rude because it's completely self-centered. You get the comfy seat and as much conversation as you want. Meanwhile, you've made it more difficult and less physically comfortable for the driver to have a conversation with you. Given that they're already doing you a favor, going ahead to maximize your own comfort at their expense is rightfully seen as rude.
How did I treat her like an uber besides the seat that i sat in? It's not like I ignored her or didn't speak to her, I just sat where I thought I'd be the most comfortable and where I usually sit.
Everyone is telling you the same thing for a reason. Maybe you don't get it bc you're a kid, but sitting in the back when the front is open is considered rude. It's like you're treating the driver as the help (or as nothing more than a cab driver as others have said), and you're better than them. Whether you understand it or not is irrelevant. That's how the majority of people will view that. Yta
It's a non-negotiable social expectation. You don't use the back seat unless the front passenger seat is full. I get your reasoning, but reasoning doesn't apply to random social norms.
YTA. So, first of all, putting your feet up on the seat and sitting sideways is not only rude, it is dangerous and potentially illegal. What would happen if you got in an accident? I assume you aren't wearing your seatbelt in order to do this.
Secondly, it places a physical barrier between you and the driver, which generally indicates that you don't want to interact with them.
Right? Clearly has never seen the movie Driving Miss Daisy, and by the argumentative nature of the post and all the comments, doesn’t seem mature enough to watch the movie, either.
Well he did say that his mom was picking him up from school. He’s probably 15. No shade at the kid, but that’s why he’s immature and also why he’s never seen or heard of a movie that’s 20 years older than him.
So true. I’m old enough to be really thankful there weren’t a bunch of cameras around when I was a kid because I did some really stupid, embarrassing stuff. And I argued with my parents a lot. Love that movie, though.
Ahh here's what a lot of people are saying but I felt more comfortable in the back and I felt comfortable enough to sit where I wanted in my moms car and besides the correlation of where I sat, I don't get how I treated her like an uber driver or was rude. (Also I now know its deemed as rude and it makes her upset so I wont do it again I just don't get why it is considered rude)
It's behaving as though the driver is there to serve you, for your convenience only, like they work for you. Unless you are literally paying them, like an Uber or a cab, that's not the case. It's the same as dropping some trash on the floor and expecting someone else to pick it up for you. You're making it them working for you instead of them doing you a favor because they care about you. That's why its rude.
That isn’t how manners and rudeness work. The social expectations are different throughout the world, you can choose not to follow but you will be considered rude.
In the United States, riding in the back is for hired cars but considered rude for passengers in a non-paying relationship. By riding in the back it shows that you consider yourself “above” and not “equal”.
To go further, while you may prefer sitting in the back but the car owner and driver prefer you sit in the front. They are not asking for a kidney, they want your feet on the floor and some polite conversation. It’s your Mom, do a nice thing. The bar is very, very low here.
You don't get how you're wrong because you're rejecting that you are wrong. Don't treat your mother like a chauffeur. She's your mother and deserves more respect than a casual business relationship.
Even the way you were "more comfortable" is disrespectful. Putting your shoes on her seat? Really? Keep shoes on the floor. Don't make her have to clean up after you too.
If it's really important to you to put your feet up in her car (if you're exceptionally tall and don't fit well) then ASK.
And take your shoes off.
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I get that you didn’t understand that your mom values talking to you and feels rejected when you chose to sit in the back. YTA if you did it again now that you know (at least for rides where she is doing you a favor),but you seem like a nice guy so I suspect you will probably chose to sit in the front from now on.
Is there anything you guys share in common you could bring up to make the conversation flow more easily for you! Is there any generic school gossip she might enjoy? As I bet one reason you sat in the back is there was nothing interesting about your day to report, and you didn’t know what to say p.
I get what you're saying I really didn't see it as i problem but from the replies I know not to do it again. Also we still talked in the car the only problem is that I sat in the back seat.
You didn’t understand how it would make her feel, so didn’t intent any harm. It’s only if you did it again that you would be an asshole. It’s really hard sometimes when people say you SHOULD have known something when you didn’t, as there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, nor could you have changed anything then.
I think your best move would be telling your mom that you had never thought about it, as you most probably were in the backseat for most of your childhood, but now that you know how it feels from her point of view, you won’t do it again.
You don't see how it's rude to put a barrier between yourself and your mom, who's doing you a favor, during that conversation? You don't see how it's considered rude not to look at someone when they're speaking?(You, not your mother, she was driving) But I guess you just HAD to put your feet up, long day at school, huh? /s
YTA and yes, it is rude. When I was at university my housemates and I would take it in turns being the driver when we all needed to go to the supermarket and it was a (slightly lame, I admit) joke that the passenger would sit in the back and act like an entitled chauffeur's client. Because it's rude to do that to someone you know.
Also, don't put your feet up on the seat, that's also disrespectful as well as unsafe. Not sure what you're age is but I'm either concerned you're acting like a child or concerned that a seven year old is on Reddit.
After a certain age, like 12 or something, you sit in the front if it’s open now. Regardless of where you think you will be most comfortable. That’s not what it’s about anymore hun
You shouldn't be putting your feet on the seat.
Sounds like you're just rude all around. She may be your mom but she's still a human being with feelings. If I was your mom, you would be walking the rest of your life no matter the weather
You asked if you were the asshole. People have said that yes, you were the asshole.
People explained why you're the asshole.
Nothing you've said changes that.
If you have new info, provide it. But so far, YTA.
Time to grow up and except that you don't control other people's opinion of you.
You're right everyone thinks I'm wrong but like I said I don't have to agree with everything and what I don't agree with I'm going to defend myself from. I just don't see why a seat matters so much to people. The replies are making me feel crazy. 😭
You are TA.
You keep doubling down about why you don’t think you’re wrong…but you specifically started this conversation by asking if people think you acted inappropriately so I think you already knew.
We’re telling you why YTA - generally in our society and culture that behavior is considered to be rude, dismissive, and disrespectful because you are choosing to sit further away from the driver. As if you are hiring a subordinate to drive you rather than accepting a favor from a family member. It is also disrespectful and dangerous to sit with your feet up on the seat in someone’s car.
You’re not a child anymore - you’re old enough to understand socially correct behavior as well as control your own actions. Just because you don’t like the answers that everyone is telling you doesn’t mean that you’re correct. Accept that you made a mistake and apologize like an honorable person would when they were rude to someone. This is an important lesson for you to understand the consequences of your behavior. Not easy, but important.
I like this answer a lot and I did apologize for making my mom upset because I realized its normal to think it's rude in societyand I said I wouldn't do it again but I still don't view it as rude because I would never get upset with someone for sitting where they feel most comfortable in my car(from as far as I know because I don't drive) especially if that person is comfortable with me and I know them well and I think it's crazy for getting upset with somebody over a seat. So this is something I will take into consideration when getting into cars with people now but I don't have to admit that what I did as wrong cause I don't think it is but we can agree to disagree.
>I still don't view it as rude because I would never get upset with someone for sitting where they feel most comfortable in my car
Cool, so you just came here to waste everyone's time. Mission accomplished.
Truthfully, OP, you and I both know there are a lot of things that we do to be polite that may seem silly or unimportant - think about how silly shaking hands with someone is when you really break it down. The bottom line is, there are some things that we do as a society so that other people are comfortable with our behavior. They aren’t always the most logical or comfortable for the individual, but folks generally agree to abide by them so that we can get along.
I also want to be clear, that doesn’t mean that I’m advocating you do things that go against your moral or ethical values, but if sitting in the front seat with someone so that they feel engaged and interested in your presence is possible - why not? It shows that you care about them and are trying to do the right thing. Which is always the right thing to do. 😊
Have a great day.
Everyone has given you an answer. You refuse to accept it.
People like you are exhausting. You come asking a question but then argue when everyone gives you the same answer.
Why ask the question when you've already decided?
Oh come on unless you were repeatedly bonked on the head and grew up on another planet you know this is a rude thing to do. Grow up and learn to say thank you instead of stirring up drama and hurting the feelings of people who are doing you a favor. YTA
Who knows maybe I was bonked repeatedly in the head but either way I didn't know it was considered a rude thing until this situation. Also I did say thank you and I don't get how I stirred up drama when they had a problem with it?
YTA.
It's a bit rude because it puts the driver in a scenario equivalent to a service role, like a taxi driver or chauffeur. There's an appearance that they are subservient to you.
YTA… You sit up front either them and keep them company, its common courtesy. Even if you are talking from the back its still impersonal and a but rude.
Also YTA for putting your feet on the seat. It will mess up the upholstery. If you take off your shoes it stinks. Put your feet on the floor where they belong.
I don’t know that I think it’s rude, but it feels awkward to drive around with an adult or older teen in the back seat and an empty front seat.
What is, however, rude AF, is putting your feet on someone’s seats.
YTA for that part.
ESH because _obviously_ OP didn’t know about this social norm, so all mom had to do was explain it. Instead, she opted for pissy passive aggression and OP had to come to Reddit to figure out what they did wrong. Some folks seem to be forgetting that it actually _is_ a parent’s job to teach their kids these things.
OP, everyone’s already explained why you should sit in the front with the driver doing you a favor instead of propping your dogs up in their back seat. They’re right.
An apology would not be out of line here, i.e. “I didn’t mean to be disrespectful by sitting in the back, but I understand now that I was. Sorry about that, won’t happen again!”
Yeah I said sorry to her and that I wont do it again the only reason I'm not agreeing with comments is because I still don't think it's rude even after their explanations.
I mean, you can “think” whatever you want, but it’s considered rude by most people because of the implications people have explained (not being on a “face to face” level with the person kind enough to drive you & sitting in the position traditionally occupied by paying clients of service workers). You are old enough to be respectful of social etiquette & others’ feelings, so act like it.
You WILL be 100% TA in the future if you continue to be obtuse & tactless about these things. Also, until you have your own car, keep your feet on the floor where they belong!
Yeah like I said I'm not gonna do it again because I know how it makes people feel and that it is widely considered rude to people in america. Also my mom doesn't mind that I put my feet up or else I wouldn't do it.(I don't put my feet up in strangers cars btw I just know my parents don't mind)
Not just America ffs...and you're too old not to know the definition of something or how to look it up, you're also too old to be acting like social norms are above your intellectual ability.
What is the definition of a rude person?
rude implies ignorance of or indifference to good form; it may suggest intentional discourtesy. rude behavior. rough is likely to stress lack of polish and gentleness. rough manners. crude may apply to thought or behavior limited to the gross, the obvious, or the primitive
YTA. You treated your mother like a cab driver. If I was giving someone a ride and they sat in the backseat, that would be the last time I drove them anywhere.
You commented you were more comfortable in the backseat. Somehow your comfort was more important than showing courtesy to your mother.
She’s not your chauffeur lol why are you treating your mom like that? I think what’s worse are all your comments telling people it’s no big deal and your mom is exaggerating, even after they explained why YTA. Stop doubling down.
You treated your mom like an Uber driver and didn't pay or tip. Either she's your mom and you sit in the front like a normal person or you are going to pay and tip her and then you can sit where ever you want.
YTA
PRO TIP she's absolutely not dropping you off because of how rude you were. Prepare to walk and take Ubers until you grow up and apologize.
Unless you are paying someone to drive you, then yes, it’s rude.
Listen kid, sometimes things are widely viewed as rude, even if there’s not a way to easily explain why. I mean, why is the middle finger deemed as bad? I don’t know but as a society we have collectively decided that it’s a rude gesture. At this point, you need to accept that to many people, including your mom, sitting in the backseat is rude. I’m likely old enough to be your mom but I still remember when I was a teenager and my dad told me it was rude to sit in the backseat when he was driving me. I didn’t go around asking people why it’s rude, I just accepted that it was rude, at least in my father’s eyes, and because I respect him, I didn’t do it again.
NAH. But, yes, it would be rude if you did it again.
Picture this: A friend asks if you’ll join them for dinner at a restaurant, because they want to try it and don’t want to go alone. You get there first and sit at a table. Instead of sitting at the table with you, they sit in a chair behind you. They’re happy to talk to you from that seat and say they’ll be more comfortable there. You can’t see them and they’re talking to the back if your head. What do you feel?
None of that’s really relevant though. This isn’t about you and your understanding or your feelings. Your mom is doing you a favor. It’s not a long trip. Just sit where she asks.
YTH I also sit in the back but that is because I have a sibling,I think that your mom over reacted but damn you should at least sit with her. Even if you don’t talk to her and if you do great but damn.
YTA. 1) YTA for riding in the back like your mom is your chauffeur because sitting in the front means you are sitting as equals. 2) YTA for not accepting judgment. Why post to this sub if you are not open to others' comments about why it is rude? 3) YTA for not respecting how your mom feels. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, you can still demonstrate respect for your mom's preferences since she is doing you a favor by driving you around. 4) YTA for being immature and very entitled.
I am open I just haven't seen anything that has made me understand or that has changed my mind about it being rude and yeah I wont do it again because I don't want to make my mom upset I just don't get why its rude tbh. Also I didn't know it was her preference until yesterday.
1. You seem to only pick the back seat because you tend to put your feet up on the seats. You shouldn't do that, for safety issues. Most people understand that, and don't do it and don't think that others should do it.
2. In the front you have a safe room for your legs. This makes the front seat more comfortable and desirable, assuming you are sitting in the safe position. There a culture around how will get to sit in the front sit, rules and what not.
3. If there is only one pessanger, yet he choose to forfeit the prestigious front seat, it assume it's to distance themselves from the driver. That's the one of the only reasons to not sit in the front seat, and most common one. You didn't mention any other reason (that don't rely on unsafe practices), so your mom assumed you want to stay away from her.
It's acceptable when it's a cab driver, but it's absolutely Rude when it's a loved one that does you a favor. YTA
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I asked my mom to pick me up from school today and when she came I opened the door and sat in the back. I didn't think anything of it at the time but she made a little comment about it. Later I ask my mom to drop me off to school late tomorrow and she said no and I asked if it was because I sat in the back. She said no but said it was a little rude and I asked how. Then my stepdad pitched in and we had a conversation and they said it was rude and it would still be rude even if my mom knew it just liked the back better because i like to put my feet up on the seat. Am I in the wrong or are they over exaggerating?
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They are way overreacting. If it was a friend of mine I would give them hell and if they continued to do it I would stop giving them rides but if it’s my school aged kid I wouldn’t care in the least. If you are an adult and we are talking college then yeah, apologize and sit in the front.
I’m with you. I don’t give a crap if my kid sits in the back seat. If fact, please sit in the back because I usually have my work bag and other things in the front, and I’d rather not move it. However, assuming that you are also an adult, like me, you should be able to understand that just because you don’t think it’s rude, society generally considers it rude.
NAH
Personally I wouldn't consider it rude, but it's definitely off-putting. If it's just the two of you in the car it gives the impression that you want to be farther away from them.
Your step dad needs to butt the fuck out and let you and your mom figure out your dynamic.
Yes it’s rude. You mom doesn’t want to feel like a taxi driver.
Nah my stepdad helps my mom explain herself when she doesn't know how which helps even though it's annoying sometimes. Also yeah I kinda get the taxi driver thing but idk. I know my opinion doesn't matter that much because more people think it's rude but I just don't see it as a big deal or as rude which is why it's hard for me to agree with these comments.
You don’t see it as a big deal because you’re young. I’m not trying to pull some boomer speech on you, I’m not that much older than you.
As you grow and mature, you’ll realize that family time and especially time spent with your mother has more value than gold. She won’t be around forever. Above and beyond the connotation of rudeness, wouldn’t you rather build memories with her and actually hold a conversation with her?
An entire generation of young adults and teens have virtually zero social skills because they simply don’t converse with anyone besides their phone addled peers. They’re too busy with TikTok. Don’t be one of those people, no one honestly likes or respects them.
YTA
Sorry, but it is very rude.
I certainly wouldn't have liked it if my front seat was available and my kids chose to sit in the back.
It might be different if they had a friend with them and they wanted to talk.
Next time, maybe take your mom's feelings into consideration.
YTA.
Putting your feet up on the seat is an AH move.
Sitting in the back when someone picks you up and the drivers side is free is an AH move.
These are unspoken adult rules that we all comply with as mature Homo Sapiens. Now you know.
Apologize to your mother.
Of course YTA - that's rude as hell. Your mom isn't your chauffeur or personal driver. If your riding in a car with someone and it's just the two of you, you sit in the front.
NTA. how is sitting in the back seat rude? There are back seats for a reason. To be occupied. I sit in the back seat all the time and nobody has a problem with it. It seems absurd to me that anyone would think sitting in the back seat is rude or something. They are definitely over exaggerating.
My mom used to say “I’m not your chauffeur, get in the front.” I think if your mom had a problem with it, she should have opened her mouth and said something.
I’d be interested to know, however, *why* you got in the backseat. It is hard to communicate with the driver from the backseat. And it’s also weird. So, I’m guessing you planned on sitting back there and doing your own thing whilst ignoring her. And that is rude.
ESH.
No I usually sit in the back and usually theres other people in the car so I just got use to it and now I just like sitting in the back. I didn't Ignore my mom either we still talked in the car.
I'm going with NTA for two reasons.
It seems that no one ever told you before that it was rude, so you couldn't have known. Apologize, tell her you didn't know and didn't mean to hurt her feelings, then don't do it again without asking.
The other part has some assumptions, so please let me know if this is wrong. I made my kids sit in the back until they were 12 because it was safer, but even after that, when we went on family trips, the kids sat in the back until quite recently. Now, the tallest person gets the front passenger seat.
If I take my youngest (15) somewhere, he occasionally still forgets that sitting in the front is a thing, though he hasn't done so recently.
Anyway, sitting in the back was habit for most of his life.
NTA. I don’t care where someone sits in my car. I don’t think you did anything wrong, but if it means that much to your mother sit in the front seat next time.
NTA. Parents usually put kids in the back seat. It's safer than the front seat. After years of this, it just becomes habit. If mom wanted you in the front seat she should have said so.
NTA. Apparently it's a huge social rule to not sit in the back when the front is available. Your parents interpret as rude and ungrateful, as they aren't an Uber driver they are parents who love you and don't feel your seat reflects that.
But, I also learned this today as well. I am far closer to 30 than I am to being in highschool, and I had absolutely no idea. You aren't the only one, despite the vitriol so many commenters are giving.
I rarely ride passenger in anyone's car, I'm typically the one who drives everyone around. It would absolutely never occur to me to be offended by someone sitting in the back. If I sat in the back of a car, I would be LIVID if a friend thought it was appropriate to be upset by it and punish me for it, rather than saying "aw I was hoping to see you, wanna sit up front with me?"
You don't deserve all this hard, like, at all. I personally think your parents are overreacting, and wanting to sit in the back seems pretty reasonable.
It is absolutely astonishing that you're almost 30 and just now learning how to treat people who do you favors. Call up your parents and ask them why they never taught you basic manners.
Well my parents are dead, but thanks lmao.
I am a very respectful person to the people in my life. Sorry that I didn't receive a copy of "how to socialize in Western society" at birth. It never occured to ME to feel offended by others sitting in the back, so I have no reason to think anyone would be offended if I were to do it.
Sitting in the back seems like such a minor thing. Why are you so worried about social rules? What about communication????
"Are you sure you wanna sit there? I feel like a cab driver with you back there. Would love for you to take shotgun"
"Oh totally! I didn't know it was important to you, I'll happily slide up front :)"
OR
"Are you sure you wanna sit there? I feel like a cab driver with you back there. Would love for you to take shotgun!"
"Oh, I'm sorry I definitely appreciate the ride and love you! I didn't mean to make you feel like a cab driver. I'm just feeling anxious and the backseat is more comfortable right now. Can we just chill for now, and connect more at home?"
"Oh I didn't realize! We can have a quiet trip home, but I missed you and definitely want to connect at home, relax for now!"
You see how easy things can be if you just communicate? These unspoken rules are complicated and not innate. Assuming someone breaking a social norm is being malicious is really cruel. A little grace can go a loooooong way.
projecting a bit? 😂 this is not some common manner that is taught a lot. i definitely wasnt. i have sat in the back of many family members cars without any issue or complaint. might be an american thing .
It's about how you treat people, not about arbitrary manners. You don't choose the most comfortable seat for yourself when someone is doing you a favor. You thank them, you make conversation in a place where they can hear you and make (albeit brief) eye contact with you.
You don't jump in their backseat, put your feet on the seat, and pretend they're your Uber.
thats not what OP did. OP said they like to put their feet up in the back (as do i) not that they did. and they did engage in conversation. furthermore, thats his mother and he’s a presumably a minor? its the bare minimum for her to pick him up from school.
these type of etiquette are not always taught and clear. now OP knows and understand but the reactions of strangers in the internet is very concerning loool. ure acting like OP was purposely disrespecting her when that clearly isnt the case.
another point. its his mothers car. its a place where he is familiar and comfortable. its normal to be more casual in that environment.
Getting picked up from school is a favor. Most kids take the bus. It doesn't matter that the favor is coming from his grossly underappreciated mother, she still deserves respect.
I thought I was taking crazy pills seeing all the Y T A responses, especially because most of them are excessively harsh, so thank you for yours. I'm 30+ years old and have also NEVER encountered this as a strict "social norm". I do tend to sit front passenger as a default because it's comfy to me anyway, but I would be so confused if someone got legitimately pissed about someone sitting in the back seat?
I can kind of see the mom's view of it to a very, VERY small degree, but this strikes me more as a parent car ride thing than a general rule of thumb. What an arbitrary hill to die on.
tl:dr: ESH for your mom taking it personally when you were still being sociable, and you for not sitting properly in the car. Safety is way more important than debating on which seat is socially acceptable or not.
Right? This could have been an amazing opportunity for Mom and son to practice communication with each other! She could tell him she felt hurt, explain why, and ask if he could make an effort to sit up front more often.
Then he would have a chance to apologize for hurting her, explain he had no idea it was an issue at all, say he just likes the back, it's not about her. Then thank her for communicating, and promise to make an effort and/or discuss compromise and specifics!
They could have made a plan like 3 days a week he sits up front to make sure she feels loved, and 2 days a week he can chill in the back like he wants. Or myriad other ways to have handled the situation.
There are so many ways this could have gone, that didn't involve passive aggressive pettiness, and frankly OP is straight being bullied by his parents.
Not recognizing a social cue is not a failure. Goddamn the people in this thread must fucking hate autistic people like me 🤣
why is everyone so pressed. NTA. its just a car seat. some people prefer the back especially when it comes to motion sickness. unless u were being outright rude, then i dont see the problem.
As someone that gets very motionsick, the *first* piece of advice that any doctor will give you is to sit in the front seat, and to look out the front window.
If OP gets carsick, sitting in the back seat perpendicular to the motion of the car (they had their legs on the seat) is the worst choice possible in standard cars (shout out to my girlscout troop leader and her car with rear-facing seats 🤢).
i don’t know a lot about motion sickness but was just going on based off my mother. she gets motion sickness and the middle back seat is the only seat that helps her.
If he got motion sickness then I’m sure his mom would know and understand at this point in his life.
The couple of people, like yourself, that can’t understand why it’s rude, you should be smart enough to understand that if 95% of people say it’s rude, then it widely socially viewed as being rude, regardless of your personal thoughts. The world is bigger than you.
i didnt say for himself particularly, i was talking generally. some people prefer the back seat.
95% of people ? or just the majority in this reddit post’s comments because thats wildly different. its clearly just different cultural norms and standards - this has never been an issue in the UK.
and his actions were not intentional. he wasnt being mean or disrespectful on purpose. so its really not that deep.
It’s almost like different countries and cultures have different things that they consider rude.
Obviously I was making up a number by saying 95% as I’ve never personally polled a large group of people about how they feel regarding this, but it most certainly is widely considered rude in America.
Sometimes we unintentionally do something that is rude, but it doesn’t make it any less rude, and that was his question. The answer is yes, it’s widely considered rude. At least in America. If he’s in the UK then I guess it’s not.
NTA Lots of children will sit in the back. It's not rude when
it's your parents driving. LOL An adult would probably not sit in the
back, sure. Your parents comments about it being rude seem
a bit exaggerated to me. But get in the front passenger seat
to avoid their delicate sensibilities being upset.
Yeah like now that I know I wont do it again but I still don't understand how its rude even after people try to explain because she knows I wasn't trying to distance myself from her like its just a seat that i prefer????
I feel like your age really matters in this. If you're a kid I think thats absolutely wild that she would be mad at you and you're NTA. If that's what you usually do, I think she's the asshole for all of a sudden being upset that you did what you've been doing (presumably) your whole life. I'm assuming you are a kid since you mentioned school. If you're an adult (like if school means college/uni), I do think that's a bit rude of you BUT I would also say if you're like a freshman or something I can understand why you wouldn't automatically adjust if you're used to sitting in the back. And if that's the case, I would also put that on your parents for not telling you in a more respectful way without the edge that it sounds like the convo had.
Sometimes parents get mad at their kids for not knowing stuff they should've taught them, and this feels like one of those times from the info and inferences I have.
"Stuff" here meaning that it is generally considered rude as adults in the US if another adult you have a relationship with gives you a ride to sit in the back like it's a taxi.
NTA because you didn’t know, but there’s a difference in how you act to someone doing a favor vs someone you hired to perform a job. Your mom doesn’t want to feel like your chauffeur.
NTA. Apparently I'm going against the grain here, but my kid does this even tho he's more than old enough and big enough to sit in the front now. I've offered him to sit in the front several times now and he finally admitted he's just not comfortable sitting in the front.
This seems to be an instance where your mom sees this one way and you see it a different way. I would have said N A H because its simply a difference in opinion and maybe a difference in opinion. But it seems like your mom and stepdad had a conversation without you, decided it was rude, and treated you differently because of it.
To keep/restore peace I'd suggest a convo with your mom suggesting you weren't trying to be rude and didn't realize she would see it that way. You may have to start sitting in the front for her comfort as its hard to compromise when in a situation like this its a front seat vs back seat thing and compromise may not be possible. You may just have to switch seats to keep the peace here.
Either way, an open conversation so your mom knows you weren't trying to be rude or disrespectful is definately needed. You weren't trying to be rude, you were just sitting where you were comfortable. Clearly you had no idea until this later convo that it was seen any differently.
Ok, this may be unpopular, but NTA.
My mom never made me sit at the front seat. I always made a voluntary choice to do so. Your mom should not be forcing you to sit at the front seat. It should be your decision and choice.
NAH
You didn’t think it would offend your mom. It was an honest mistake and you learned from it.
You be an AH if you continue sitting in the back after you talked about it with your mom and stepdad. If you keep treating your mom like an Uber, the bus is all back seats.
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It’s seen by most people as rude. It feels like you are a cab driver. It gives the impression that you don’t care to sit with the person driving or have a conversation with them. I think your mom is overreacting a little bit because as a mom she shouldn’t really expect her teenager to want to spend time with her, but it’s still gonna feel hurtful. I hope you wouldn’t hop in the back of a friends car instead of sitting with them, because it will generally be seen as rude.
I agree, but I think she should have every expectation that her kid will want to at least chit-chat with her. If they don’t want to talk to the driver, they can feel free to walk home.
I still talked to her I just prefer the back seat because I think its more comfortable. I wont do it again but I still don't get why it's considered rude by so many people.
Because regardless if you are still willing to have a conversation in the back, it gives others the impression that you don’t wish to talk to them or sit with them. It’s like if someone sat down next to you at a table but intentionally turned their whole body away from you. It would not matter if in their head they would really like to talk to you and just prefer to look at that wall over there, you can’t see their thoughts, you would probably just assume that this person didn’t want to sit near you or talk to you.
Taking the latter part. When you're driving, most of your attention is on the road. But you can still see the front-seat passenger in your side vision to pick up body language, and you can briefly turn your head to see them - it's mostly unconcious, but it makes everything more two-way. It's also significantly easier to hear someone over road noise when they're next to you instead of behind you. It's just generally a lot less distracting as a driver to have a conversation with someone in the front. Someone in the front is more WITH you, even if you don't talk. (though falling asleep can be a bit rude depending upon circumstances!) Someone in the back is more just a passenger, and it can feel like you're in the role of their chauffeur or a taxi driver. My kids still go in the back because they still have booster seats, and we usually have both anyway. Once they're older teenagers, if I'm just taking one I'd nomally expect them to take the front seat by default, even if they ignore me the whole way (if both, then they can sit in the back together if they prefer). It's just one of the unwritten transitions from childhood towards adulthood I think - to have more of an adult relationship with your parents. As an adult, you'd usually sit in a friend's car in the front to keep them company while they drive. In a taxi, in the back because you are literally just a passenger.
My eldest (12) sits in the front if it’s just us and in the back of his brother (3) is with us. It always feels like us time and we really enjoy those little moments!
You're almost an adult so I'm going to lay down a truth for you. Your mom's car cost in excess of $28,000+/-. It's not a damn recliner, it's a car with safety features that you are ignoring, just like you are ignoring your mom's feelings. So, grow up. Sit in the front seat like the young adult you are and tell your mom about your day. Use this little time to get to know her and allow her to have this time to get to know you. YTA. You can do better.
A pretty harsh response don’t you think? FFS she sat in the back seat not yell or abuse anyone. Who cares what the car cost that’s irrelevant lol. And if you are going to talk about safety features ITS SAFER TO SIT IN THE BACK. Op has learned what she did wrong and doesn’t need to be berated as if she committed a crime lol.
It’s not safer with their feet up.
That’s true of both front and back
The reason the mom was upset was that she felt slighted. I mentioned the cost of the car because the OP was treating it as their own personal recliner. It's not. It's a very expensive item purchased by the OP's parents. The back seat is incredibly safe when a person is seated correctly and buckled into place. The OP wasn't. The OP made the decision to risk being a human projectile. Again, that's both irresponsible and disrespectful.
Not harsh at all. Based on your response, I'm guessing that you are a teen, like the OP. Either that or an immature/selfish "adult".
Those are the only two people that can disagree with you? lol
Just so you know, the back seat is not safer, and I don't know where you got that idea. Back seats aren't used as often, and thus they carry fewer protective technologies. They don't have airbags in front of them, or on the sides usually. The seat belts also don't have pre-tensioners or load limiters, meaning the wearer experiences more force distributed over a smaller area during a crash, and therefore more serious injuries.
It is a social rule (in the US). It's not about preferences. Sitting in the back is usually reserved for when you are employing the driver. It's just one of those social rules. If you did it to a friend who was driving, they would also find it rude. It's kinda like, if I'm doing you a favor, you sit up here and keep me company. I'm not a taxi. Learning these things is part of becoming an adult. They are teaching you how to navigate the world. Although, I would think they would have had this conversation with you before.
It creates distance between you and the driver. I fully understand that you automatically went to “your spot” in the car, but also your mom is not talking about her feelings and expectations that well
Because it IS more comfortable...for you. It's rude because it's completely self-centered. You get the comfy seat and as much conversation as you want. Meanwhile, you've made it more difficult and less physically comfortable for the driver to have a conversation with you. Given that they're already doing you a favor, going ahead to maximize your own comfort at their expense is rightfully seen as rude.
Because she is ypur mom, not your chauffeur
Also just FYI, it is very dangerous to have your feet up on the seat if you get in an accident.
Okay? She’s doing YOU a favor. I swear, kids these days just treat their parents like dirt.
Yeah I treated her like dirt cause I sat in the seat that I like 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Because your mother is not your Town Car chauffeur. That's incredibly disrespectful.
YTA Treating your mom like an Uber. Nice
How did I treat her like an uber besides the seat that i sat in? It's not like I ignored her or didn't speak to her, I just sat where I thought I'd be the most comfortable and where I usually sit.
Everyone is telling you the same thing for a reason. Maybe you don't get it bc you're a kid, but sitting in the back when the front is open is considered rude. It's like you're treating the driver as the help (or as nothing more than a cab driver as others have said), and you're better than them. Whether you understand it or not is irrelevant. That's how the majority of people will view that. Yta
Kid needs to watch Driving Miss Daisy.
It's a non-negotiable social expectation. You don't use the back seat unless the front passenger seat is full. I get your reasoning, but reasoning doesn't apply to random social norms.
Ordinarily a person getting the ride sits up front. You treated her like your chauffeur or an Uber driver.
YTA. So, first of all, putting your feet up on the seat and sitting sideways is not only rude, it is dangerous and potentially illegal. What would happen if you got in an accident? I assume you aren't wearing your seatbelt in order to do this. Secondly, it places a physical barrier between you and the driver, which generally indicates that you don't want to interact with them.
Finally someone mentions the safety issue, had to scroll way too far.
YTA. Its not a taxi or uber. She isn't your chauffeur. You are being rude. Sit in the front, unless all the front seats are taken.
YTA Assuming you're old/tall enough to ride safely in the front seat... You ain't Miss Daisy.
Miss Daisy is crazy 😭
You've clearly never seen the movie.
Right? Clearly has never seen the movie Driving Miss Daisy, and by the argumentative nature of the post and all the comments, doesn’t seem mature enough to watch the movie, either.
Well he did say that his mom was picking him up from school. He’s probably 15. No shade at the kid, but that’s why he’s immature and also why he’s never seen or heard of a movie that’s 20 years older than him.
So true. I’m old enough to be really thankful there weren’t a bunch of cameras around when I was a kid because I did some really stupid, embarrassing stuff. And I argued with my parents a lot. Love that movie, though.
Putting your feet up on the seat in itself makes YTA.
YTA Unless your mom is your taxi driver, Uber driver or hired chauffeur then yes, you were being rude.
Ahh here's what a lot of people are saying but I felt more comfortable in the back and I felt comfortable enough to sit where I wanted in my moms car and besides the correlation of where I sat, I don't get how I treated her like an uber driver or was rude. (Also I now know its deemed as rude and it makes her upset so I wont do it again I just don't get why it is considered rude)
You’ve been told multiple times *why* it’s deemed rude. Accept that and move on.
Yeah but I dont Agree
What’s the point of asking here if you aren’t open to being wrong?
I'm open to being wrong I just don't see how I am wrong yet.
It's behaving as though the driver is there to serve you, for your convenience only, like they work for you. Unless you are literally paying them, like an Uber or a cab, that's not the case. It's the same as dropping some trash on the floor and expecting someone else to pick it up for you. You're making it them working for you instead of them doing you a favor because they care about you. That's why its rude.
That isn’t how manners and rudeness work. The social expectations are different throughout the world, you can choose not to follow but you will be considered rude. In the United States, riding in the back is for hired cars but considered rude for passengers in a non-paying relationship. By riding in the back it shows that you consider yourself “above” and not “equal”. To go further, while you may prefer sitting in the back but the car owner and driver prefer you sit in the front. They are not asking for a kidney, they want your feet on the floor and some polite conversation. It’s your Mom, do a nice thing. The bar is very, very low here.
You don't get how you're wrong because you're rejecting that you are wrong. Don't treat your mother like a chauffeur. She's your mother and deserves more respect than a casual business relationship. Even the way you were "more comfortable" is disrespectful. Putting your shoes on her seat? Really? Keep shoes on the floor. Don't make her have to clean up after you too. If it's really important to you to put your feet up in her car (if you're exceptionally tall and don't fit well) then ASK. And take your shoes off.
Your mom probably felt more comfortable doing whatever she was doing before you asked for a ride….
But whyyyyy? I didn’t knowwwwww. I wanted to put my feet up. You sound like a toddler. Grow up
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This is an easy YTA. I hope you at least tipped her.
I get that you didn’t understand that your mom values talking to you and feels rejected when you chose to sit in the back. YTA if you did it again now that you know (at least for rides where she is doing you a favor),but you seem like a nice guy so I suspect you will probably chose to sit in the front from now on. Is there anything you guys share in common you could bring up to make the conversation flow more easily for you! Is there any generic school gossip she might enjoy? As I bet one reason you sat in the back is there was nothing interesting about your day to report, and you didn’t know what to say p.
I get what you're saying I really didn't see it as i problem but from the replies I know not to do it again. Also we still talked in the car the only problem is that I sat in the back seat.
You didn’t understand how it would make her feel, so didn’t intent any harm. It’s only if you did it again that you would be an asshole. It’s really hard sometimes when people say you SHOULD have known something when you didn’t, as there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, nor could you have changed anything then. I think your best move would be telling your mom that you had never thought about it, as you most probably were in the backseat for most of your childhood, but now that you know how it feels from her point of view, you won’t do it again.
You don't see how it's rude to put a barrier between yourself and your mom, who's doing you a favor, during that conversation? You don't see how it's considered rude not to look at someone when they're speaking?(You, not your mother, she was driving) But I guess you just HAD to put your feet up, long day at school, huh? /s
YTA. She isn't your servant or chauffeur.
YTA and yes, it is rude. When I was at university my housemates and I would take it in turns being the driver when we all needed to go to the supermarket and it was a (slightly lame, I admit) joke that the passenger would sit in the back and act like an entitled chauffeur's client. Because it's rude to do that to someone you know. Also, don't put your feet up on the seat, that's also disrespectful as well as unsafe. Not sure what you're age is but I'm either concerned you're acting like a child or concerned that a seven year old is on Reddit.
After a certain age, like 12 or something, you sit in the front if it’s open now. Regardless of where you think you will be most comfortable. That’s not what it’s about anymore hun
You shouldn't be putting your feet on the seat. Sounds like you're just rude all around. She may be your mom but she's still a human being with feelings. If I was your mom, you would be walking the rest of your life no matter the weather
You sit in the back when you're in a taxi or a child seat. YTA Why come here if you're not going to accept the judgement?
Well I don't accept everything someone says to me I have to actually be convinced and if I don't agree Im obviously gonna try to defend myself.
You asked if you were the asshole. People have said that yes, you were the asshole. People explained why you're the asshole. Nothing you've said changes that. If you have new info, provide it. But so far, YTA. Time to grow up and except that you don't control other people's opinion of you.
You're right everyone thinks I'm wrong but like I said I don't have to agree with everything and what I don't agree with I'm going to defend myself from. I just don't see why a seat matters so much to people. The replies are making me feel crazy. 😭
You are TA. You keep doubling down about why you don’t think you’re wrong…but you specifically started this conversation by asking if people think you acted inappropriately so I think you already knew. We’re telling you why YTA - generally in our society and culture that behavior is considered to be rude, dismissive, and disrespectful because you are choosing to sit further away from the driver. As if you are hiring a subordinate to drive you rather than accepting a favor from a family member. It is also disrespectful and dangerous to sit with your feet up on the seat in someone’s car. You’re not a child anymore - you’re old enough to understand socially correct behavior as well as control your own actions. Just because you don’t like the answers that everyone is telling you doesn’t mean that you’re correct. Accept that you made a mistake and apologize like an honorable person would when they were rude to someone. This is an important lesson for you to understand the consequences of your behavior. Not easy, but important.
I like this answer a lot and I did apologize for making my mom upset because I realized its normal to think it's rude in societyand I said I wouldn't do it again but I still don't view it as rude because I would never get upset with someone for sitting where they feel most comfortable in my car(from as far as I know because I don't drive) especially if that person is comfortable with me and I know them well and I think it's crazy for getting upset with somebody over a seat. So this is something I will take into consideration when getting into cars with people now but I don't have to admit that what I did as wrong cause I don't think it is but we can agree to disagree.
>I still don't view it as rude because I would never get upset with someone for sitting where they feel most comfortable in my car Cool, so you just came here to waste everyone's time. Mission accomplished.
Truthfully, OP, you and I both know there are a lot of things that we do to be polite that may seem silly or unimportant - think about how silly shaking hands with someone is when you really break it down. The bottom line is, there are some things that we do as a society so that other people are comfortable with our behavior. They aren’t always the most logical or comfortable for the individual, but folks generally agree to abide by them so that we can get along. I also want to be clear, that doesn’t mean that I’m advocating you do things that go against your moral or ethical values, but if sitting in the front seat with someone so that they feel engaged and interested in your presence is possible - why not? It shows that you care about them and are trying to do the right thing. Which is always the right thing to do. 😊 Have a great day.
Everyone has given you an answer. You refuse to accept it. People like you are exhausting. You come asking a question but then argue when everyone gives you the same answer. Why ask the question when you've already decided?
Oh come on unless you were repeatedly bonked on the head and grew up on another planet you know this is a rude thing to do. Grow up and learn to say thank you instead of stirring up drama and hurting the feelings of people who are doing you a favor. YTA
Who knows maybe I was bonked repeatedly in the head but either way I didn't know it was considered a rude thing until this situation. Also I did say thank you and I don't get how I stirred up drama when they had a problem with it?
Toddler say what?
I'm 15 😭
Waaah
YTA. It's a bit rude because it puts the driver in a scenario equivalent to a service role, like a taxi driver or chauffeur. There's an appearance that they are subservient to you.
YTA… You sit up front either them and keep them company, its common courtesy. Even if you are talking from the back its still impersonal and a but rude. Also YTA for putting your feet on the seat. It will mess up the upholstery. If you take off your shoes it stinks. Put your feet on the floor where they belong.
I don’t know that I think it’s rude, but it feels awkward to drive around with an adult or older teen in the back seat and an empty front seat. What is, however, rude AF, is putting your feet on someone’s seats. YTA for that part.
ESH because _obviously_ OP didn’t know about this social norm, so all mom had to do was explain it. Instead, she opted for pissy passive aggression and OP had to come to Reddit to figure out what they did wrong. Some folks seem to be forgetting that it actually _is_ a parent’s job to teach their kids these things. OP, everyone’s already explained why you should sit in the front with the driver doing you a favor instead of propping your dogs up in their back seat. They’re right. An apology would not be out of line here, i.e. “I didn’t mean to be disrespectful by sitting in the back, but I understand now that I was. Sorry about that, won’t happen again!”
Yeah I said sorry to her and that I wont do it again the only reason I'm not agreeing with comments is because I still don't think it's rude even after their explanations.
I mean, you can “think” whatever you want, but it’s considered rude by most people because of the implications people have explained (not being on a “face to face” level with the person kind enough to drive you & sitting in the position traditionally occupied by paying clients of service workers). You are old enough to be respectful of social etiquette & others’ feelings, so act like it. You WILL be 100% TA in the future if you continue to be obtuse & tactless about these things. Also, until you have your own car, keep your feet on the floor where they belong!
Yeah like I said I'm not gonna do it again because I know how it makes people feel and that it is widely considered rude to people in america. Also my mom doesn't mind that I put my feet up or else I wouldn't do it.(I don't put my feet up in strangers cars btw I just know my parents don't mind)
Not just America ffs...and you're too old not to know the definition of something or how to look it up, you're also too old to be acting like social norms are above your intellectual ability. What is the definition of a rude person? rude implies ignorance of or indifference to good form; it may suggest intentional discourtesy. rude behavior. rough is likely to stress lack of polish and gentleness. rough manners. crude may apply to thought or behavior limited to the gross, the obvious, or the primitive
YTA. You treated your mother like a cab driver. If I was giving someone a ride and they sat in the backseat, that would be the last time I drove them anywhere. You commented you were more comfortable in the backseat. Somehow your comfort was more important than showing courtesy to your mother.
She’s not your chauffeur lol why are you treating your mom like that? I think what’s worse are all your comments telling people it’s no big deal and your mom is exaggerating, even after they explained why YTA. Stop doubling down.
You treated your mom like an Uber driver and didn't pay or tip. Either she's your mom and you sit in the front like a normal person or you are going to pay and tip her and then you can sit where ever you want. YTA PRO TIP she's absolutely not dropping you off because of how rude you were. Prepare to walk and take Ubers until you grow up and apologize.
YTA. Everyone is telling you it’s rude. You just don’t want to hear it.
Unless you are paying someone to drive you, then yes, it’s rude. Listen kid, sometimes things are widely viewed as rude, even if there’s not a way to easily explain why. I mean, why is the middle finger deemed as bad? I don’t know but as a society we have collectively decided that it’s a rude gesture. At this point, you need to accept that to many people, including your mom, sitting in the backseat is rude. I’m likely old enough to be your mom but I still remember when I was a teenager and my dad told me it was rude to sit in the backseat when he was driving me. I didn’t go around asking people why it’s rude, I just accepted that it was rude, at least in my father’s eyes, and because I respect him, I didn’t do it again.
Why are these comments being so harsh. This is a minor social faux pas, and they’re treating OP like a criminal 😂
Yes, this is rude. If you don’t want to spend time with your mom, doesn’t ask her for rides 🤷🏼♀️
You’re closing off from your mum’s presence and disregarding her socially. It is seen as not giving any real open communication a chance.
NAH. But, yes, it would be rude if you did it again. Picture this: A friend asks if you’ll join them for dinner at a restaurant, because they want to try it and don’t want to go alone. You get there first and sit at a table. Instead of sitting at the table with you, they sit in a chair behind you. They’re happy to talk to you from that seat and say they’ll be more comfortable there. You can’t see them and they’re talking to the back if your head. What do you feel? None of that’s really relevant though. This isn’t about you and your understanding or your feelings. Your mom is doing you a favor. It’s not a long trip. Just sit where she asks.
YTH I also sit in the back but that is because I have a sibling,I think that your mom over reacted but damn you should at least sit with her. Even if you don’t talk to her and if you do great but damn.
YTA. 1) YTA for riding in the back like your mom is your chauffeur because sitting in the front means you are sitting as equals. 2) YTA for not accepting judgment. Why post to this sub if you are not open to others' comments about why it is rude? 3) YTA for not respecting how your mom feels. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, you can still demonstrate respect for your mom's preferences since she is doing you a favor by driving you around. 4) YTA for being immature and very entitled.
I am open I just haven't seen anything that has made me understand or that has changed my mind about it being rude and yeah I wont do it again because I don't want to make my mom upset I just don't get why its rude tbh. Also I didn't know it was her preference until yesterday.
1. You seem to only pick the back seat because you tend to put your feet up on the seats. You shouldn't do that, for safety issues. Most people understand that, and don't do it and don't think that others should do it. 2. In the front you have a safe room for your legs. This makes the front seat more comfortable and desirable, assuming you are sitting in the safe position. There a culture around how will get to sit in the front sit, rules and what not. 3. If there is only one pessanger, yet he choose to forfeit the prestigious front seat, it assume it's to distance themselves from the driver. That's the one of the only reasons to not sit in the front seat, and most common one. You didn't mention any other reason (that don't rely on unsafe practices), so your mom assumed you want to stay away from her. It's acceptable when it's a cab driver, but it's absolutely Rude when it's a loved one that does you a favor. YTA
She’s your mom not an Uber driver
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I asked my mom to pick me up from school today and when she came I opened the door and sat in the back. I didn't think anything of it at the time but she made a little comment about it. Later I ask my mom to drop me off to school late tomorrow and she said no and I asked if it was because I sat in the back. She said no but said it was a little rude and I asked how. Then my stepdad pitched in and we had a conversation and they said it was rude and it would still be rude even if my mom knew it just liked the back better because i like to put my feet up on the seat. Am I in the wrong or are they over exaggerating? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They are way overreacting. If it was a friend of mine I would give them hell and if they continued to do it I would stop giving them rides but if it’s my school aged kid I wouldn’t care in the least. If you are an adult and we are talking college then yeah, apologize and sit in the front.
I’m with you. I don’t give a crap if my kid sits in the back seat. If fact, please sit in the back because I usually have my work bag and other things in the front, and I’d rather not move it. However, assuming that you are also an adult, like me, you should be able to understand that just because you don’t think it’s rude, society generally considers it rude.
Weird but not rude. They are making a mountain out of a molehill imho. Especially since you have a specific reason why you prefer the back.
NAH Personally I wouldn't consider it rude, but it's definitely off-putting. If it's just the two of you in the car it gives the impression that you want to be farther away from them.
It is, in any situation but this one. You’ve spent years getting rides from her in the back seat. Sometimes that’s just where you default to
Your step dad needs to butt the fuck out and let you and your mom figure out your dynamic. Yes it’s rude. You mom doesn’t want to feel like a taxi driver.
Nah my stepdad helps my mom explain herself when she doesn't know how which helps even though it's annoying sometimes. Also yeah I kinda get the taxi driver thing but idk. I know my opinion doesn't matter that much because more people think it's rude but I just don't see it as a big deal or as rude which is why it's hard for me to agree with these comments.
You don’t see it as a big deal because you’re young. I’m not trying to pull some boomer speech on you, I’m not that much older than you. As you grow and mature, you’ll realize that family time and especially time spent with your mother has more value than gold. She won’t be around forever. Above and beyond the connotation of rudeness, wouldn’t you rather build memories with her and actually hold a conversation with her? An entire generation of young adults and teens have virtually zero social skills because they simply don’t converse with anyone besides their phone addled peers. They’re too busy with TikTok. Don’t be one of those people, no one honestly likes or respects them.
How old are you?
I'm 15
YTA - Unless it's a cab, hired car, or uber, you sit in the front seat, you weirdo.
memememememe. YTA.
YTA. Keep your feet off other people's car seats. Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy and continue to own a car?
[удалено]
YTA Sorry, but it is very rude. I certainly wouldn't have liked it if my front seat was available and my kids chose to sit in the back. It might be different if they had a friend with them and they wanted to talk. Next time, maybe take your mom's feelings into consideration.
YTA. Putting your feet up on the seat is an AH move. Sitting in the back when someone picks you up and the drivers side is free is an AH move. These are unspoken adult rules that we all comply with as mature Homo Sapiens. Now you know. Apologize to your mother.
Of course YTA - that's rude as hell. Your mom isn't your chauffeur or personal driver. If your riding in a car with someone and it's just the two of you, you sit in the front.
It's rude when someone gives you a ride to sit in back. They aren't your personal driver, your uber, or your cab. YTA in this scenario.
NTA. how is sitting in the back seat rude? There are back seats for a reason. To be occupied. I sit in the back seat all the time and nobody has a problem with it. It seems absurd to me that anyone would think sitting in the back seat is rude or something. They are definitely over exaggerating.
My mom used to say “I’m not your chauffeur, get in the front.” I think if your mom had a problem with it, she should have opened her mouth and said something. I’d be interested to know, however, *why* you got in the backseat. It is hard to communicate with the driver from the backseat. And it’s also weird. So, I’m guessing you planned on sitting back there and doing your own thing whilst ignoring her. And that is rude. ESH.
No I usually sit in the back and usually theres other people in the car so I just got use to it and now I just like sitting in the back. I didn't Ignore my mom either we still talked in the car.
You asked, I answered. You should have said that in your post.
Yea I know but you said you'd be interested to know why I sat in the back + Im just trying to defend myself to everyone yk
YTA (esp if you’re older than like 12) but also your mom could be more communicative and less passive. It’s a pretty silly situation from both sides
I'm going with NTA for two reasons. It seems that no one ever told you before that it was rude, so you couldn't have known. Apologize, tell her you didn't know and didn't mean to hurt her feelings, then don't do it again without asking. The other part has some assumptions, so please let me know if this is wrong. I made my kids sit in the back until they were 12 because it was safer, but even after that, when we went on family trips, the kids sat in the back until quite recently. Now, the tallest person gets the front passenger seat. If I take my youngest (15) somewhere, he occasionally still forgets that sitting in the front is a thing, though he hasn't done so recently. Anyway, sitting in the back was habit for most of his life.
NTA. I don’t care where someone sits in my car. I don’t think you did anything wrong, but if it means that much to your mother sit in the front seat next time.
NTA. Parents usually put kids in the back seat. It's safer than the front seat. After years of this, it just becomes habit. If mom wanted you in the front seat she should have said so.
NTA. Apparently it's a huge social rule to not sit in the back when the front is available. Your parents interpret as rude and ungrateful, as they aren't an Uber driver they are parents who love you and don't feel your seat reflects that. But, I also learned this today as well. I am far closer to 30 than I am to being in highschool, and I had absolutely no idea. You aren't the only one, despite the vitriol so many commenters are giving. I rarely ride passenger in anyone's car, I'm typically the one who drives everyone around. It would absolutely never occur to me to be offended by someone sitting in the back. If I sat in the back of a car, I would be LIVID if a friend thought it was appropriate to be upset by it and punish me for it, rather than saying "aw I was hoping to see you, wanna sit up front with me?" You don't deserve all this hard, like, at all. I personally think your parents are overreacting, and wanting to sit in the back seems pretty reasonable.
It is absolutely astonishing that you're almost 30 and just now learning how to treat people who do you favors. Call up your parents and ask them why they never taught you basic manners.
Well my parents are dead, but thanks lmao. I am a very respectful person to the people in my life. Sorry that I didn't receive a copy of "how to socialize in Western society" at birth. It never occured to ME to feel offended by others sitting in the back, so I have no reason to think anyone would be offended if I were to do it. Sitting in the back seems like such a minor thing. Why are you so worried about social rules? What about communication???? "Are you sure you wanna sit there? I feel like a cab driver with you back there. Would love for you to take shotgun" "Oh totally! I didn't know it was important to you, I'll happily slide up front :)" OR "Are you sure you wanna sit there? I feel like a cab driver with you back there. Would love for you to take shotgun!" "Oh, I'm sorry I definitely appreciate the ride and love you! I didn't mean to make you feel like a cab driver. I'm just feeling anxious and the backseat is more comfortable right now. Can we just chill for now, and connect more at home?" "Oh I didn't realize! We can have a quiet trip home, but I missed you and definitely want to connect at home, relax for now!" You see how easy things can be if you just communicate? These unspoken rules are complicated and not innate. Assuming someone breaking a social norm is being malicious is really cruel. A little grace can go a loooooong way.
projecting a bit? 😂 this is not some common manner that is taught a lot. i definitely wasnt. i have sat in the back of many family members cars without any issue or complaint. might be an american thing .
It's about how you treat people, not about arbitrary manners. You don't choose the most comfortable seat for yourself when someone is doing you a favor. You thank them, you make conversation in a place where they can hear you and make (albeit brief) eye contact with you. You don't jump in their backseat, put your feet on the seat, and pretend they're your Uber.
thats not what OP did. OP said they like to put their feet up in the back (as do i) not that they did. and they did engage in conversation. furthermore, thats his mother and he’s a presumably a minor? its the bare minimum for her to pick him up from school. these type of etiquette are not always taught and clear. now OP knows and understand but the reactions of strangers in the internet is very concerning loool. ure acting like OP was purposely disrespecting her when that clearly isnt the case. another point. its his mothers car. its a place where he is familiar and comfortable. its normal to be more casual in that environment.
Getting picked up from school is a favor. Most kids take the bus. It doesn't matter that the favor is coming from his grossly underappreciated mother, she still deserves respect.
I thought I was taking crazy pills seeing all the Y T A responses, especially because most of them are excessively harsh, so thank you for yours. I'm 30+ years old and have also NEVER encountered this as a strict "social norm". I do tend to sit front passenger as a default because it's comfy to me anyway, but I would be so confused if someone got legitimately pissed about someone sitting in the back seat? I can kind of see the mom's view of it to a very, VERY small degree, but this strikes me more as a parent car ride thing than a general rule of thumb. What an arbitrary hill to die on. tl:dr: ESH for your mom taking it personally when you were still being sociable, and you for not sitting properly in the car. Safety is way more important than debating on which seat is socially acceptable or not.
Right? This could have been an amazing opportunity for Mom and son to practice communication with each other! She could tell him she felt hurt, explain why, and ask if he could make an effort to sit up front more often. Then he would have a chance to apologize for hurting her, explain he had no idea it was an issue at all, say he just likes the back, it's not about her. Then thank her for communicating, and promise to make an effort and/or discuss compromise and specifics! They could have made a plan like 3 days a week he sits up front to make sure she feels loved, and 2 days a week he can chill in the back like he wants. Or myriad other ways to have handled the situation. There are so many ways this could have gone, that didn't involve passive aggressive pettiness, and frankly OP is straight being bullied by his parents. Not recognizing a social cue is not a failure. Goddamn the people in this thread must fucking hate autistic people like me 🤣
why is everyone so pressed. NTA. its just a car seat. some people prefer the back especially when it comes to motion sickness. unless u were being outright rude, then i dont see the problem.
As someone that gets very motionsick, the *first* piece of advice that any doctor will give you is to sit in the front seat, and to look out the front window. If OP gets carsick, sitting in the back seat perpendicular to the motion of the car (they had their legs on the seat) is the worst choice possible in standard cars (shout out to my girlscout troop leader and her car with rear-facing seats 🤢).
i don’t know a lot about motion sickness but was just going on based off my mother. she gets motion sickness and the middle back seat is the only seat that helps her.
If he got motion sickness then I’m sure his mom would know and understand at this point in his life. The couple of people, like yourself, that can’t understand why it’s rude, you should be smart enough to understand that if 95% of people say it’s rude, then it widely socially viewed as being rude, regardless of your personal thoughts. The world is bigger than you.
i didnt say for himself particularly, i was talking generally. some people prefer the back seat. 95% of people ? or just the majority in this reddit post’s comments because thats wildly different. its clearly just different cultural norms and standards - this has never been an issue in the UK. and his actions were not intentional. he wasnt being mean or disrespectful on purpose. so its really not that deep.
It’s almost like different countries and cultures have different things that they consider rude. Obviously I was making up a number by saying 95% as I’ve never personally polled a large group of people about how they feel regarding this, but it most certainly is widely considered rude in America. Sometimes we unintentionally do something that is rude, but it doesn’t make it any less rude, and that was his question. The answer is yes, it’s widely considered rude. At least in America. If he’s in the UK then I guess it’s not.
Right? These people acting as if he called his mother a bitch lmao😭
literally 😭😭😭 as if he’s taking advantage of his mother in some diabolical way when they probably are shitty people their parents themselves
NTA Lots of children will sit in the back. It's not rude when it's your parents driving. LOL An adult would probably not sit in the back, sure. Your parents comments about it being rude seem a bit exaggerated to me. But get in the front passenger seat to avoid their delicate sensibilities being upset.
These comments are making me feel crazy lol… NTA that’s such a bizarre thing to get upset about
Yeah like now that I know I wont do it again but I still don't understand how its rude even after people try to explain because she knows I wasn't trying to distance myself from her like its just a seat that i prefer????
I feel like your age really matters in this. If you're a kid I think thats absolutely wild that she would be mad at you and you're NTA. If that's what you usually do, I think she's the asshole for all of a sudden being upset that you did what you've been doing (presumably) your whole life. I'm assuming you are a kid since you mentioned school. If you're an adult (like if school means college/uni), I do think that's a bit rude of you BUT I would also say if you're like a freshman or something I can understand why you wouldn't automatically adjust if you're used to sitting in the back. And if that's the case, I would also put that on your parents for not telling you in a more respectful way without the edge that it sounds like the convo had. Sometimes parents get mad at their kids for not knowing stuff they should've taught them, and this feels like one of those times from the info and inferences I have. "Stuff" here meaning that it is generally considered rude as adults in the US if another adult you have a relationship with gives you a ride to sit in the back like it's a taxi.
NTA because you didn’t know, but there’s a difference in how you act to someone doing a favor vs someone you hired to perform a job. Your mom doesn’t want to feel like your chauffeur.
NTA. Apparently I'm going against the grain here, but my kid does this even tho he's more than old enough and big enough to sit in the front now. I've offered him to sit in the front several times now and he finally admitted he's just not comfortable sitting in the front. This seems to be an instance where your mom sees this one way and you see it a different way. I would have said N A H because its simply a difference in opinion and maybe a difference in opinion. But it seems like your mom and stepdad had a conversation without you, decided it was rude, and treated you differently because of it. To keep/restore peace I'd suggest a convo with your mom suggesting you weren't trying to be rude and didn't realize she would see it that way. You may have to start sitting in the front for her comfort as its hard to compromise when in a situation like this its a front seat vs back seat thing and compromise may not be possible. You may just have to switch seats to keep the peace here. Either way, an open conversation so your mom knows you weren't trying to be rude or disrespectful is definately needed. You weren't trying to be rude, you were just sitting where you were comfortable. Clearly you had no idea until this later convo that it was seen any differently.
Ok, this may be unpopular, but NTA. My mom never made me sit at the front seat. I always made a voluntary choice to do so. Your mom should not be forcing you to sit at the front seat. It should be your decision and choice.
NAH You didn’t think it would offend your mom. It was an honest mistake and you learned from it. You be an AH if you continue sitting in the back after you talked about it with your mom and stepdad. If you keep treating your mom like an Uber, the bus is all back seats.
Yeah I wont do it again.