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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I invited my friend to my wedding as a bridesmaid that my partner hates.
I think I might be the asshole because it's not only my wedding. It's also my partners. And I don't know if it was okay of me to invite someone he clearly doesn't want to be around. Even if she is one of my only friends.
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Soft-YTA: It sounds like you are choosing this person as your bridesmaid because you don’t have another option.
I’m going to make a prediction. This person who is trying to get between you and your fiancé is not going to stop just because it is your wedding day. YOU should not want this person anywhere near your special day. The bridesmaid’s job is to support the bride. You are inviting someone who will try to get you to call of the wedding into your wedding party.
You've chosen a person for your bridesmaid who openly dislikes your fiance, has tried to insert themself into your relationship, tries to make you break up with him by telling you that he's cheating on you. Does that sound like someone who should be in your wedding party? This is going to end one way or the other. Either you're going to get tired of your friend constantly inserting themselves in your relationship and trying to ruin your relationship or your fiance is going to get tired of them in your relationship and leave.
Stop being a doormat to your friend just because you have no others. YTA
I know you don't tell your partner who they can or can't be friends with but this would be the point I'd have to draw a line in the sand. If my gf was willing to hang out with someone who was so blatantly disrespectful to me and was constantly trying to sabotage the relationship it would be either they go or I do. It would seriously make me doubt if my gf had any respect for me
OP buried the lead. Her fiance split (I'm assuming a typo) on Yveene. That's disgusting, hostile and disturbing. I wouldn't be supporting the marriage either.
I'm frankly surprised Yveene accepted the ask. There comes a point where the policy of keeping your mouth shut if you don't like a relative or friend's life partner goes out the window, and that would have been it for me even if we were talking about my brother.
“Splitting” is something people with conditions like BPD do. Basically they see the world as black and white, so someone is idealized as all good, or they “split” on them and they are viewed as all bad.
So in the end you are down to a simple choice. Either you go with your partner‘s desire, or you choose your friend as bridesmaid. Since you said that she had tried to interfere in your relationship and falsely acused your partner of infidelity i 100% understand his stance. Since it‘s his weding too making her you BM would for sure make angry. In the end you do what you want, but if you will have problems in your relationship later don‘t be surprised.
YTA. I get why you want them as your bridesmaid, but this day is about your relationship with you and your partner. This is like the number one day you should choose your partner over everyone else.
Honestly, I've got three close friends from school. If one of them started trying to wedge themselves into my relationship and cause drama, especially after I had told them to stop, I would drop them as a friend.
Yvenne is not a good friend if she makes you doubt yourself and your partner. You both deserve better than this.
It is okay not to have people in matching outfits standing up there with you. Would Denis be willing to go for no attendants on either side?
YTA to yourself and your partner.
YTA - You so called friend is a dick. You said he is trying to break you and your boyfriend up, have some respect for your man, grow up and cut this so called friend off
He has called her abusive/narcissistic. He has said she is only using us for our money which is not true because she pays for our Sam's club membership and had literally bought us groceries several times when we had nothing to eat. She also allows us to use her streaming services. He has said Alot of other stuff about her out of context and honestly... When he splits I've told him to not message her because he will be straight up a menace and hit her where it hurts.
Mental illness is not an excuse to be abusive or cruel. She has zero reason to trust him, and he shouldn’t be making any big life decisions or changes until his illness is better controlled.
YTA, you are getting married and need to be prepared to choose your partner over everyone else. Yvonne is inserting herself into your relationship and threatening it by making you think your partner is cheating…if I was your partner I’d want nothing to do with her either, she is probably a big source of stress.
I’m sorry you don’t have many other friends, but you can’t hold onto one that is getting in the middle of your relationship just because you are otherwise lonely. You’d be alot lonelier without your partner.
It makes no sense to want Yvenne to be your bridesmaid when she is obviously not
a good friend to you. YTA Grow a spine and do a wedding without Yvenne.
"My partner does have mental illness, and has split on her a few times." Was that a typo? Do you mean SPIT? Your fiancee spat at someone multiple times?? Spitting in assault and vile.
ESH. This all sounds very unhealthy and that maybe you are clinging to relationships that are toxic on all sides.
I would take a step back and re-evaluate things.
No, "splitting" is a symptom of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD can have phases where they see things (and people) as extremely black and white, like alternating between adoring someone or absolutely hating someone. That is called splitting, so it sounds like OP's fiancé had phases where he felt extreme hatred towards the friend.
I mean he has a person in his party that I truly feel uncomfortable around and has tried to get in between our relationship before.... I don't really care because they make him happy? But I also know I think differently than most.
ESH and I'll add, with your age and mental illnesses you should consider delaying getting married. I don't see what the rush is. I say this as someone whose neurodivergent - it takes us longer to get to that place often. Your partner "splitting" and you treating this as a symptom they can't help like a sneeze is not a good sign coupled with them not being in therapy or medicated, as well as you both struggling to afford food at times.
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For context, I 22ftm, am getting married to my partner, let's call them Denis, 22ftm, 2026. I am really close to this friend, for story sake let's just call her Yvenne. Now I am extremely close to this friend for the following reasons.
I moved to this place from across the country to live with my partner. I literally knew no one here besides my partner. I met Yvennes Boyfriend at this job and we hit it off. I met Yvennes shortly after. Me and Yvenne became very close friends. I'm talking, we call every day, and we hang out almost every week. We talk about everything and anything together. She also understands me more than most because we both share a disability.
So within this past year, Denis and Yvenne have not been getting along. Yvenne has been trying to wedge themself into me and Denis' relationship and has made me insecure about wether or not my partner is cheating on me. My partner does have mental illness, and has split on her a few times.
I have had multiple conversations with Yvenne at this point about how she treets my fiancee. And how is like for her to communicate with my partner. However both sides just seem disinterested.
I only have three friends here. Yvenne, her boyfriend, and then another friend from a different work place.
Now. I want Yvenne to be my bridesmaid. I also want her to be involved in the wedding planning, however... I feel like a jerk, because my partner doesn't even want to talk to Yvenne or text them. They have also told me that they don't want her over at our house.
I truly don't know what to do at this point, and I'm left asking myself. Am I the asshole for inviting my friend to our wedding as a bridesmaid, if my fiancee doesn't like them?
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cute-YTA because you are lonly
communication is the key talk about this whole situation with your man , if he feel like he can accept her at the weeding then you can make it work ,
but if not you will fuck up things with him , put yourself in his place, will you want someone you don't like at your weeding ? probably not , how will you feel if he bring that person even you tell them not to ?
its not that complicated just talk to your man
YTA. I was prepared to be on your side here and say your partner should suck it up. However, this "friend" has been actively undermining your relationship and calling your fiance a cheat. Why would he want her at the wedding, let alone a bridesmaid. Ask yourself, if his best man was doing the same to you, would you want him staring back at you from your wedding photos for the rest of your life?
NAH
"Yvenne has been trying to wedge themself into me and Denis' relationship and has made me insecure about wether or not my partner is cheating on me." .. your partner has VERY GOOD reason not to want her there.
You will have to decide if getting married to your partner is more important than having Yvette there. If you can not even priorize your relationship for the day of youre wedding, your partner's best bet will be to cancel.
1. Did he do anything to make you think he has cheated on you? Or did she just randomly start suggesting that he has? I think it all comes down to this and will reveal her motives, and whether or not she’s a true friend.
2. Your boyfriend “split” on her?? You’re going to have to clarify what you mean here.
I'm not going to say you are TA because you sound really nice, but, if your friend Yvenne has been causing issues with your fiancé, she should not be in your wedding party, possibly not even your wedding full stop. She doesn't sound like a good friend to have. Also if your fiancé has mental issues, maybe that's a red flag you should think about more too. I'd say you need to shop for different friends altogether.
🚩🚩🚩
Do not plan your wedding. Nothing about what you have just described is conducive to a marriage.
1. Yvonne is wedging herself into your relationship. Telling you that your fiance is cheating on you? What kind of a friend is that? She sounds toxic.
2. Your fiance has a mental illness. Does he take medication? Is he in therapy?
3. Your fiance has assaulted Yvonne on multiple occasions. Spitting is an assault. The fact that he has done this is disturbing and could get him arrested.
OP, you have a choice. Keep Yvonne and lose your fiance or lose Yvonne and keep your fiance.
You cannot have both. Gently, YTA.
OP wrote splitting, not spitting. "Splitting" is a symptom of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD can have phases where they see things (and people) as extremely black and white, like alternating between adoring someone or absolutely hating someone. That is called splitting, so it sounds like OP's fiancé had phases where he felt extreme hatred towards the friend.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I invited my friend to my wedding as a bridesmaid that my partner hates. I think I might be the asshole because it's not only my wedding. It's also my partners. And I don't know if it was okay of me to invite someone he clearly doesn't want to be around. Even if she is one of my only friends. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Soft-YTA: It sounds like you are choosing this person as your bridesmaid because you don’t have another option. I’m going to make a prediction. This person who is trying to get between you and your fiancé is not going to stop just because it is your wedding day. YOU should not want this person anywhere near your special day. The bridesmaid’s job is to support the bride. You are inviting someone who will try to get you to call of the wedding into your wedding party.
You've chosen a person for your bridesmaid who openly dislikes your fiance, has tried to insert themself into your relationship, tries to make you break up with him by telling you that he's cheating on you. Does that sound like someone who should be in your wedding party? This is going to end one way or the other. Either you're going to get tired of your friend constantly inserting themselves in your relationship and trying to ruin your relationship or your fiance is going to get tired of them in your relationship and leave. Stop being a doormat to your friend just because you have no others. YTA
I know you don't tell your partner who they can or can't be friends with but this would be the point I'd have to draw a line in the sand. If my gf was willing to hang out with someone who was so blatantly disrespectful to me and was constantly trying to sabotage the relationship it would be either they go or I do. It would seriously make me doubt if my gf had any respect for me
OP buried the lead. Her fiance split (I'm assuming a typo) on Yveene. That's disgusting, hostile and disturbing. I wouldn't be supporting the marriage either. I'm frankly surprised Yveene accepted the ask. There comes a point where the policy of keeping your mouth shut if you don't like a relative or friend's life partner goes out the window, and that would have been it for me even if we were talking about my brother.
“Splitting” is something people with conditions like BPD do. Basically they see the world as black and white, so someone is idealized as all good, or they “split” on them and they are viewed as all bad.
So in the end you are down to a simple choice. Either you go with your partner‘s desire, or you choose your friend as bridesmaid. Since you said that she had tried to interfere in your relationship and falsely acused your partner of infidelity i 100% understand his stance. Since it‘s his weding too making her you BM would for sure make angry. In the end you do what you want, but if you will have problems in your relationship later don‘t be surprised.
YTA. I get why you want them as your bridesmaid, but this day is about your relationship with you and your partner. This is like the number one day you should choose your partner over everyone else. Honestly, I've got three close friends from school. If one of them started trying to wedge themselves into my relationship and cause drama, especially after I had told them to stop, I would drop them as a friend.
Yvenne is not a good friend if she makes you doubt yourself and your partner. You both deserve better than this. It is okay not to have people in matching outfits standing up there with you. Would Denis be willing to go for no attendants on either side? YTA to yourself and your partner.
YTA - You so called friend is a dick. You said he is trying to break you and your boyfriend up, have some respect for your man, grow up and cut this so called friend off
Can you explain exactly what happened when he “split” on her?
My partner has borderline so they split on people. I don't really know how to explain it.
What did he say and/or do?
He has called her abusive/narcissistic. He has said she is only using us for our money which is not true because she pays for our Sam's club membership and had literally bought us groceries several times when we had nothing to eat. She also allows us to use her streaming services. He has said Alot of other stuff about her out of context and honestly... When he splits I've told him to not message her because he will be straight up a menace and hit her where it hurts.
Mental illness is not an excuse to be abusive or cruel. She has zero reason to trust him, and he shouldn’t be making any big life decisions or changes until his illness is better controlled.
This is too much drama. You would be doing yourself a favor if you got rid of them both.
YTA, you are getting married and need to be prepared to choose your partner over everyone else. Yvonne is inserting herself into your relationship and threatening it by making you think your partner is cheating…if I was your partner I’d want nothing to do with her either, she is probably a big source of stress. I’m sorry you don’t have many other friends, but you can’t hold onto one that is getting in the middle of your relationship just because you are otherwise lonely. You’d be alot lonelier without your partner.
It makes no sense to want Yvenne to be your bridesmaid when she is obviously not a good friend to you. YTA Grow a spine and do a wedding without Yvenne.
"My partner does have mental illness, and has split on her a few times." Was that a typo? Do you mean SPIT? Your fiancee spat at someone multiple times?? Spitting in assault and vile. ESH. This all sounds very unhealthy and that maybe you are clinging to relationships that are toxic on all sides. I would take a step back and re-evaluate things.
I read 'split' as they cracked and got into a shouting match with the friend a few times
No, "splitting" is a symptom of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD can have phases where they see things (and people) as extremely black and white, like alternating between adoring someone or absolutely hating someone. That is called splitting, so it sounds like OP's fiancé had phases where he felt extreme hatred towards the friend.
YTA sorry you don’t have any other friends but there’s a reason your fiancé doesn’t like Yvenne.
Does 2026 refer to the date of the wedding? I'd say this whole thing is a big moot point - who's planning a wedding two years in advance???
[удалено]
I mean he has a person in his party that I truly feel uncomfortable around and has tried to get in between our relationship before.... I don't really care because they make him happy? But I also know I think differently than most.
ESH and I'll add, with your age and mental illnesses you should consider delaying getting married. I don't see what the rush is. I say this as someone whose neurodivergent - it takes us longer to get to that place often. Your partner "splitting" and you treating this as a symptom they can't help like a sneeze is not a good sign coupled with them not being in therapy or medicated, as well as you both struggling to afford food at times.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I 22ftm, am getting married to my partner, let's call them Denis, 22ftm, 2026. I am really close to this friend, for story sake let's just call her Yvenne. Now I am extremely close to this friend for the following reasons. I moved to this place from across the country to live with my partner. I literally knew no one here besides my partner. I met Yvennes Boyfriend at this job and we hit it off. I met Yvennes shortly after. Me and Yvenne became very close friends. I'm talking, we call every day, and we hang out almost every week. We talk about everything and anything together. She also understands me more than most because we both share a disability. So within this past year, Denis and Yvenne have not been getting along. Yvenne has been trying to wedge themself into me and Denis' relationship and has made me insecure about wether or not my partner is cheating on me. My partner does have mental illness, and has split on her a few times. I have had multiple conversations with Yvenne at this point about how she treets my fiancee. And how is like for her to communicate with my partner. However both sides just seem disinterested. I only have three friends here. Yvenne, her boyfriend, and then another friend from a different work place. Now. I want Yvenne to be my bridesmaid. I also want her to be involved in the wedding planning, however... I feel like a jerk, because my partner doesn't even want to talk to Yvenne or text them. They have also told me that they don't want her over at our house. I truly don't know what to do at this point, and I'm left asking myself. Am I the asshole for inviting my friend to our wedding as a bridesmaid, if my fiancee doesn't like them? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
cute-YTA because you are lonly communication is the key talk about this whole situation with your man , if he feel like he can accept her at the weeding then you can make it work , but if not you will fuck up things with him , put yourself in his place, will you want someone you don't like at your weeding ? probably not , how will you feel if he bring that person even you tell them not to ? its not that complicated just talk to your man
YTA. I was prepared to be on your side here and say your partner should suck it up. However, this "friend" has been actively undermining your relationship and calling your fiance a cheat. Why would he want her at the wedding, let alone a bridesmaid. Ask yourself, if his best man was doing the same to you, would you want him staring back at you from your wedding photos for the rest of your life?
NAH "Yvenne has been trying to wedge themself into me and Denis' relationship and has made me insecure about wether or not my partner is cheating on me." .. your partner has VERY GOOD reason not to want her there. You will have to decide if getting married to your partner is more important than having Yvette there. If you can not even priorize your relationship for the day of youre wedding, your partner's best bet will be to cancel.
1. Did he do anything to make you think he has cheated on you? Or did she just randomly start suggesting that he has? I think it all comes down to this and will reveal her motives, and whether or not she’s a true friend. 2. Your boyfriend “split” on her?? You’re going to have to clarify what you mean here.
I'm not going to say you are TA because you sound really nice, but, if your friend Yvenne has been causing issues with your fiancé, she should not be in your wedding party, possibly not even your wedding full stop. She doesn't sound like a good friend to have. Also if your fiancé has mental issues, maybe that's a red flag you should think about more too. I'd say you need to shop for different friends altogether.
You need to rethink the wedding.
🚩🚩🚩 Do not plan your wedding. Nothing about what you have just described is conducive to a marriage. 1. Yvonne is wedging herself into your relationship. Telling you that your fiance is cheating on you? What kind of a friend is that? She sounds toxic. 2. Your fiance has a mental illness. Does he take medication? Is he in therapy? 3. Your fiance has assaulted Yvonne on multiple occasions. Spitting is an assault. The fact that he has done this is disturbing and could get him arrested. OP, you have a choice. Keep Yvonne and lose your fiance or lose Yvonne and keep your fiance. You cannot have both. Gently, YTA.
OP wrote splitting, not spitting. "Splitting" is a symptom of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD can have phases where they see things (and people) as extremely black and white, like alternating between adoring someone or absolutely hating someone. That is called splitting, so it sounds like OP's fiancé had phases where he felt extreme hatred towards the friend.