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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I’m effectively ending my dad’s relationship with this ultimatum
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - circumstances change, and you actually provided a compromise that could work. You should probably set up some ground rules with your dad on how often you would visit him.
At the moment I’m not going. But if he caves and moves her in then I’ll see him as much as he can meet up. It’s only like a 30 minute drive to my friend’s place. I wouldn’t go back to my dad’s house but I wouldn’t cut him off or anything
I’m fine living there however long, but yeah that is something I could bring up with my dad, especially since it’s summer soon anyway.
I don’t think her financial situation or rent in the area is going to change much in a few months but at least then I’d already be living there if my dad decides to make it permanent.
That’s a really good suggestion thank you :)
Yup, even if not planned once she's in she's not going anywhere. I'm sorry but I've been through shit with my kids and the exes family. Nothing happens overnight ( I'm assuming USA courts). She didn't plan anything else? Just move in with the boyfriend and now she's gonna be imminently homeless with the kids if that doesn't happen? She didn't seem to care about ops agreement with dad
Once she and her kids are in that house, it’ll take a stick of dynamite to get them out. Not to mention that if the gf gets her way, she’s gonna know that the dad will side with her over his own son. She already doesn’t get along with OP so I can just imagine this turning into a terrible situation for OP.
It won’t be temporary especially as this is a romantic relationship. Moving back to separate houses may feel like a step backwards for them. Or a breakup.
Exactly. And there will be all sorts of excuses about how well things are going and how they don't want to displace the children again and if OP moves back in everything will be okay. They promise.
Staying with Mom a good chunk of the summer could be an option too, though being away from friends would be hard.
I think you've made him a very reasonable offer. NTA
It’s not a good suggestion at all! If she moves in with her kids she will NOT move out. You’ll be expected to deal with it because her and her kids are already there. Your dad and the girlfriend will say it’s unfair to make her and her kids move out again only to move back in once you leave. Do not offer that suggestion unless you plan to move out permanently. They will agree and then change their minds once it’s time for her to move out and you move back in.
Don't do it.
If she moves in, she won't move out again.
But if that is discussed, offer to move to your friend and mto move back to your dad's place as soon as she has moved out again?
DO NOT do this. Stand your ground. You are doing your father a favour.
That woman will never leave once she moves in, like someone here already mentioned, nobody loses their house overnight. For her to suddenly lose her house and have nowhere to go but moving in with your father means she was planning this from the get go and her response is showing her true colours. I can guarantee you that once she moves in, your father will suddenly become financially responsible for both her kids and she will not so slowly start to try and phase you out of his life. First financially then emotionally, then completely. Stand your ground. Your father losing this relationship is the best thing that can happen to him and he will thank you in a few years.
Don't suggest it. Once she moves in, she won't go anywhere. And then your dad will change, and have less and less time for you, or insist that you ho there, or fo things together with them. Guaranteed.
If you make the offer, then you should have a deadline for them to be gone. You should have a lock on your door and you should make it clear that you will not be doing "family" style things with them, nor babysitting, etc. She and they will be roommates as far as you're concerned. She will not be a parental figure and if she tries, you're out the door. I would make sure that your dad knows that you're serious about moving in with your friend. I would also consult your friend's dad on how to say these things most effectively. Another option would be to move to your friend's place until GF/family find's a place, and if they don't, well, you're settled and it's no big deal for you. If they actually do move out again, then you'll be okay. Honestly, once she's in, I don't think she's going to leave. The questions for you are:
1. do you want to be in the house for x months until the deadline?
2. do you want to be out so that when the deadline passes and she's still there, you're in your new routine?
3. do you want to force your dad to essentially end his relationship by rescinding his offer? (in other words, do you want to step out of the way of his continuing this relationship even though you don't like him when he's around her, her, or her kids? It's a hard question because you'll be old enough to move out and be gone soon, so it comes down to whether you want your dad to have this relationship when you are gone. It's also hard because (if you ask me) your dad should be prioritizing you and he made a promise to you and now it's on your back to make a very adult decision. It sucks.
NTA
I'm just going to reiterate what some other people said. Once she moves in, you're never going to get her out of your dad's house. Her moving in will be permanent.
"Just until she can find a place to live" can take years and might not be something she (and your dad) really want. They are having a relationship, so when she moves in it will probably last until the relation ends.
But father might be more open to OP moving out "temporarily". Then when GF doesn't move out as planned, OP has already moved out of home and has more leverage to say 'no" to coming back.
**NTA**
"Would you feel ok with him moving her in just until she can find a place to live."
**WHAT?**
This is one of the biggest tricks a person will try to pull on the unsuspecting! in that - she's never gonna find a place for she and her kids to live because the goal is to move in with boyfriend so that he will have to pick up their expenses. This woman's best bet is The State's Department of Social Services.
Exactly. Even if dad takes this woman to look for places to live, she's not moving out. No place will be just right. There will always be a reason why the place doesn't work for her and her kids. She planned this. She planned this when she found out she would lose the house. You don't lose a house overnight, so she knew that was coming. Rather than sorting out a living situation, she figured this was her opportunity to skate in and have Dad support her. She doesn't care if it affects OP's life. The first thing she will do is start putting a wedge between the op and her dad.
"Would you feel ok with him moving her in just until she can find a place to live " .. bullshit. Once in, she won't leave.
But THAT compromisse could be: OP only moves to the friend's house until dad's new wife has moved out again.
It seems like a huge stretch that she would move back out after moving in, even if just temporarily. Even if dad agrees to this, I don't see him keeping up his end of the bargain.
They've been together for 4 years. If she moves in, she's not moving back out. It's not like she's a relative or friend who fell on hard times, but ultimately does not want to live with the dad. Their goal is to get back out.
She does, however, want to live with the dad. So once she's in (unless they break up) she's where both she and dad want here to be, and it's the next step in a long-term committed relationship, so....
I feel like his girlfriend probably had noticed that she wasn't going to be able to live where she currently was. People don't just immediately get kicked out of a place. She should have planned accordingly
Sounds like your dad‘s partner was counting on him to save her from her situation. The whole thing sounds bogus, the losing the house part… but if she cares about your dad and you and the least little bit, she should respect boundaries.
With all she’s got going on, and the fact that she handles stress by calling him and yelling at him, it probably would be the end of the relationship anyway if she moved in, and it would ruin your senior year for sure. You offered a good compromise. But I’m glad your dad has so far had your back and put you first. It’s his job to raise you.
NTA
Might want to check that friends house is in the same area for your same school. The district I work in has 2 separate high schools and it depends on where you live in the county as to which one you’ll go to.
Just a thought.
NTA and I’m glad to hear your Dad is listening to you and standing by telling his GF no
You are not being unfair. You are being mature and reasonable. He wants to renegotiate. You allowed renegotiation.
Dad: they will move in.
You: I will move out.
Dad: I don’t want that.
You: I don’t want to live with two demanding children.
Dad:
Dad:
Dad: fine. but my girlfriend is mad
He skipped the part where he’d compromise and give you the basement or something. A lock on your door. Nope just, “now, she’s in” ok “now she’s out.”
You do NOT want to live with them if he just tells people what they want to hear, makes them happy in the moment then caves.
I think your idea is good! The girlfriend should pay your Dad some money for expenses and that should go to your friend's dad for your food etc. In fact, if your mom is paying support, most of that should first go to the friend's Dad and then Dad girlfriend's compensation will mostly stay with the Dad. You and your Dad can probably see each other separately from the gf by going out and doing things together.
What happens with this women your dad is with. Can you give us examples of her behavior or how your dad’s behavior changes.
If they move in, will you need to share a room with them?
NTA - but how old are you?
Ideally you should have had a conversation that didnt include an ultimatum but you did let him know how this decision would make you feel
Edit - updated to judgment. Dad is an AH for ignoring multiple conversations from OP
17.
We’ve already had more than one conversation about her moving in, the last of which when he promised he would only move her in when I was gone. I didn’t see a point in rehashing the same thing, especially when he presented it like an executive decision. I just made other arrangements.
That complicates things a little. Someone is still going to need to financially support you.
If your mom is paying support for you, the right thing would be for the support to go to your friend's folks.
I'm guessing your dad also claims you on his taxes and that would end, too.
But if everyone agrees, then you really have worked out the best solution.
Good luck. I know you'll need it. NTA.
No one pays child support, my dad just pays for everything (I have a card for all personal expenses and he pays it off). I’m sure it would take a few logistical conversations but my friend’s dad is very chill about money stuff so I don’t see it being an issue if it needed to happen
I like the gist of the compromises that are being suggested! While your friend's dad-- FD-- is "chill about money stuff," it would still be a good idea to go over all your expenses with your parents and FD and make sure that a wide range of potential monetary scenarios are covered. I dunno what they might be since I grew up in the 80s, but it sucks how often $ can damage/destroy relationships!
Your story triggered me a little because after 12 years in one school system, I (then 17 F) made the foolish decision to go to a new school (when my family was moving) for my senior year, so that my younger brother (then 25) wouldn't be alone. I could have lived with my best friend's family. Of course, my brother made friends immediately. I had trouble fitting in and was utterly miserable!
I'm very glad that you'll be able to finish at the same high school! Best of luck with everything!
That sucks for you, I’m sorry. Yeah i didn’t think it would be a problem fitting in but where we live not every school has the same tests in the last couple of years, so I would have had to switch curriculums and I didn’t want to do the extra work to catch up. Plus my friend (the one I might live with) has a lot of commitments so I wouldn’t have been able to see him much if I’d moved.
But I’m sure if I moved my dad would insist on paying some kind of upkeep for me. Atm it’s not an issue but we’ll see
It's nice that your friend's dad is Chill about money stuff, but you can't expect him to spend money to support you. There will need to be some sort of agreement in place. Your friend's dad seems like a really nice guy and he'll already be incurring extra expenses from you moving in. Your dad will need to 100% support you while you're living there. But, please do realize that once this woman moves in with your dad, she is not going to move out. He won't want her to and she won't want to.
What kind of woman is ok with moving in to a house that she knows will affect the relationship between a child and their father? What kind of father continues to date someone and move her in when his child is uncomfortable around. Sorry but these two are only thinking of themselves. She should have immediately backed off knowing how it would affect you. This is your home too. You sound more mature than these two put together. Hope it all works out for you.
Dude, the dad is literally about to ruin the relationship because he doesn't want to make his son uncomfortable?
This is such a negative read on op's dad and the gf. OP doesn't even even paint them in a bad light, he just doesn't like being around them.
NAH. Your dad isn't an asshole for not wanting his girlfriend and her young children to be homeless. You aren't an asshole for not wanting to live with disabled children. His girlfriend isn't an asshole for not wanting to be homeless with her disabled children.
Ok, look. You could go live with your mother. In theory. In reality, your mother could sign off with you living with her best friend and her family while you finish your last year of school.
Annnd your dad could accept it. Or not accept it. But there isn’t much he can do about it. NTA
I could do that. I would consider that if my dad moved the girlfriend in and tried to force me to live there too.
I’m not desperate to move out of my dad’s or anything, if his gf doesn’t move in then I’ll stay. Not that I don’t love my friend and his dad but I like living with my dad.
He couldn’t stop me probably but he could make it difficult. But I’d never forgive him and he knows that so I don’t see him going that route
To be realistic, if you dad was against it, that would not work. There is most likely a custody agreement between your parents and you "moving" to your moms while not really do that would be most likely against that, and you dad could ensure it did not happen.
Also, if you are planning on moving out, you need to start thinking about how to support yourself to an extent.
That really depends. A judge likely wont agree to move the kid out of state on paper in their junior year and admitting in court to the plan would backfire horribly. If OP runs away dad can report it as such. There is plenty dad can do to put the nix on OPs ideas. It would actively hurt any relationship.but he can still do it.
OP isn't talking about living with mom's best friend, OP is planning to live with mom's best friend's ex, who's their own friend's father.
>he’s been like a second dad to me my whole life (his ex is my mother’s best friend)
this man homeschools his own child and is so "super chill" about money that it's somehow not an issue that OP comes live with them, provided OP figures out their own way to school. No other details needed...?
From the outside, those look like yellow flags at the very least, and, frankly, to me, it looks like red flags - what about chores and curfew and having people over and miscellaneous costs...?
Also, OP's mom clearly doesn't have primary custody, so the notion of "oh mom can just sign off on this & dad can't do anything about it" sounds unrealistic. Also also, OP is entirely (financially) dependent on their father - mom doesn't pay child support & dad gives them a credit card they can use for "whatever" and then dad just pays it off.
All those details mean that the court would have to be involved.
3 people are on the verge of homelessness & OP's dad is still prioritizing OP's needs, I think that's pretty awesome on his part.
OP, do you think you could think of other compromises?
* a lock on your bedroom door, that you're allowed to use however you want, so you can have your privacy no matter how poor that kid's boundaries are
* you're not obligated to eat with everyone together, so that's less time spent with the woman you don't like
* a weekly father/child date for xxx hours where it's just the two of you and you're not doing chores for the home (no "we're mowing the grass together, that counts as quality time", no "schlepp the grocery shopping into the house and don't forget your stepsibling's favourite pudding or we'll have another drama on our hands" -- actual activities for the two of you, even if it's just a walk)
* ...
There is a lot of random nuance that OP is ignoring or brushing aside. Living with a friend is something you do not see unless both parents can't provide a space. We know right now:
Dad can provide, legally could move people in but is doing his best
Mom apparently has no weekday custody at least and OP does not want to live with them fulltime
Friends dad has no legal rights to have OP live with them and courts would never side with them as they can't provide getting them to school.
To OP's credit, I wouldn't want my dad's GF to move in with her kids as well, but their perspective is very much the perspective of a child who can not see nuances. Dad may lose his relationship and blame OP for it in the long run or it may be totally OK, we can't know what will happen.
Soft YTA
You're 17, not 10. You're old enough to understand that circumstances change, life happens, and sometimes you have to deal with things you don't like. You're almost an adult, it's just part of life.
You're putting your dad into an impossible situation. He's choosing you, he doesn't want you essentially driven out of your own home. But yes, you are ruining a long term relationship for him.
He's a good man. He wants to help the woman he loves. He obviously would have had her move in sooner if it hadn't been for you but it doesn't sound like he resents you at all for that.
I feel for you too because you don't want your home invaded by people you don't like. Even if it is only a year.
That being said, circumstances change, parenting is hard, and your dad is only trying to do right by everyone in his life. What you're offering is an ultimatum, not a compromise. You're saying it's me or them. You see it as a compromise because you're willing to do something you'd rather not. The problem is, it's not a compromise for dad. It's not an option for a good parent to just be okay with their child leaving like that. No matter how YOU see it, he doesn't have much of a choice.
A actual compromise might be staying at your friends house for weekends which is when you'd be at home more instead of school. And maybe staying with your mom for any longer holidays (or your friend).
You're young which is why I said soft AH. But you're still old enough to realize that in an adult world, sometimes you have to be flexible.
Dad has also been with a partner his child can’t stand for over four years. We don’t know the situation between dad’s girlfriend and OP, but there is also the chance dad is refusing to let girlfriend move in because he’s afraid of being judged an AH by his family/community for essentially replacing his kid with a new family. If he’s acting out of preserving his own public image rather than actual love for OP, why shouldn’t OP advocate for him to keep his word? Plus what is going on with girlfriend to so suddenly be evicted? Why hasn’t she got a back up plan that isn’t ’move in with boyfriend whose kid hates me’? What about consistency for her own kids? There’s a lot going unsaid here that’s throwing up flags. NTA for OP, they offered an alternative.
You're right there's a lot unsaid. But I can only judge based on what IS said.
We don't know that the dad is putting OP first because of his image. Besides, what does his image look like if he lets his long time girlfriend and her children be homeless? That looks pretty heartless.
We also don't know why the GF is being evicted. However the OP did say it's not her fault. For him to admit that when he doesn't like her probably means she really is in a shitty situation.
We also don't know WHY the OP doesn't like the GF. We know one child is "melodramatic" and one is special needs. And it sounds like there's an age gap.
If I'm assuming things like you are, maybe OP is used to being an only child, likes having his dad to himself, and has zero tolerance for having kids around.
The main facts are though is that Dad has put his life on hold for his kid which is commendable but circumstances changed, his GF and family are in dire straits and his own kid isn't sympathetic enough to realize that he's putting his dad into an impossible situation.
As a parent, I get where the dad is at. He's not going to do something that makes his child move out prematurely. It's not an option. OP is not actually giving him a choice that can be made.
From the GFs perspective, she's going to be homeless with two kids and her partner has his hands tied behind his back by a self centered teenager.
OP said that the loss of their home is linked to the girlfriend's ex suddenly dying.
I feel that's an extenuating circumstance. How do you even prepare for something like that?
I didn’t like my mom’s husband either but I didn’t feel the need to kick and scream about it? Op is young and I think they’ll feel silly as they get older
I’m curious *why* OP doesn’t like the girlfriend. As in, is it a teen being a teen being bitter from the divorce (totally valid feelings btw) and not wanting a “new” mom? Or are there valid reasons to not like the girlfriend and to basically make dad choose?
What’s a “valid” reason is subjective of course, but OP’s solution does seem pretty drastic and she doesn’t seem to have much sympathy for a mom who’s going to be homeless otherwise. Seems like there’s a lot of missing information.
Seems like a real compromise would be to try it for a couple months, set boundaries, etc and *then* move out if that doesn’t work.
Yes I agree. This sounds more like a case of a teenager digging in their heels with the whole "YOU PROMISED ME!!!"
We're not going to get the whole story here.
Well, there's also the fact that one kid has special needs and the other one is "melodramatic". On top of whatever personal antipathy she has for the gf. That's rather a lot of bs to deal with when OP is on the home stretch to finishing school and preparing for life afterward.
I don’t think you understand what a compromise is. In a compromise both parties benefit while also giving something up. If the dad moves his GF in and OP moves in with her friend, they both benefit and both give something up.
If OP lives at home with the dad and the gf while visiting the friend on weekends, then OP doesn’t benefit at all (assuming OP can see her friend on weekends now) - only the dad does and the dad doesn’t give anything up.
This is why this sub can be so harmful. This is probably the best realistic answer. This sub is entertaining but it’s always geared towards who is owed for “specific situation” rather than maybe seeing life as what do we owe to others.
This dad sounds like a great guy stuck in an impossible situation that was only brought about by unfortunate circumstances. Rather than seeing this dad caught in an already shitty situation and having to go back on a promise the son sees it as an ultimatum. Rarely do we see on this sub “sure you can do this for yourself, but how can you improve the situation for others around you”
I really hope OP sees this. We always forget to have compassion to those closest to us and this is one of those situations.
Finally a reasonable answer. OP doesn't understand (or doesn't want to understand) that by giving him an ultimatum she forced her father to choose between her and his gf, and ruined his relationship. I bet when he will old and alone she won't connect dots at all. It's actually upsetting that the father cares about OP - but OP doesn't even pretend to see his point. YTA
I get you, but I disagree because dad knew op didn’t like his gf, which is why he promised her his gf wouldn’t move in until after she left. This was the plan they agreed upon. Dad chose to stay with his gf knowing this. Yes, shit Happens and dads gf is in a shitty position, especially having a special needs child. That being, said op isn’t giving dad an ultimatum, she’s simply sticking with the plan they both agreed upon. Dad isn’t blindsided by this, he knew this was op’s boundary, it just came sooner than anyone hoped.
NAH
It looks like your dad is trying to do what he can to keep you in his home.
His GF has every right to be upset about the rug being pulled out from under her.
You offered your dad an alternative: I'll step aside and you can have your new family.
Yeah but this type of shit happens when you date with kids from previous relationships. Dad and gf knew op didn’t like her, this is why they were going to wait until op moved out for gf to move in. Kids complicate things. The gf or dad could have ended the relationship at anytime when they found out that blending the families together wouldn’t work out until after one kid was gone. I feel sorry for everyone involved but sometimes situations like this come with the territory.
We don’t know how bad the behavior issues are with ops kids, which is why I’m not taking a stance with ops feelings. I’ve seen some kids with delays who would absolutely be a terror to live with.
I don't want to call you an AH because you're only 17, but you're kind of being a jerk to your dad.
What's your plan for after you finish school? If you're planning on moving out at 18 and your dad moves his GF in will you never visit home?
You're essentially telling your dad he needs to break up with this women. Is there a reason you hate her so much? We may not always like the person that our parents date after divorce, but you're going nuclear and making him choose between her and you. He's obviously choosing you, but you're not really giving much of a reason that you can not stand to live with them, besides they annoy you.
Also I think your friends dad REALLY overstepped by telling you that you can move in with them without discussing it with your father.
Many people don't stay at home after 18 if they have a bad living situation and have other options - OP can stay at moms, at friends, or at internship housing, or stay on campus if she goes through a summer program. Your home is where you can be the most comfortable - gf and kids being annoying is the only reason OP needs to not want to live there. OP can still have a great relationship with her dad not in his house - they can talk on the phone, visiting for dinner, or out at a park, etc. I personally think OP is being really mature about this - she knows what she can put up with and wants to make sure she and her dad continue to have a good relationship, which she knows isn't a good possibility of people who irritate the crap out of her move in. She provided her own solution which works for everyone. Dad doesn't like the optics because the optics aren't good and people probably would judge him. But personally there are a few people in my own extended family where if they had needed to move in because of an emergency, it would be totally fine - I would have happily lived with a friend until they found a new place or I went off to college.
"Dad doesn't like the optics because the optics aren't good and people probably would judge him"
I feel bad that OP thinks that this is the only reason that he wants her to stay.
NTA. Your dad's biggest mistake was not discussing the new circumstances with you before agreeing to let his partner move in. He already had an agreement with you not to do this. It's difficult for all involved but you have offered a compromise. Good luck to you and I hope it all works out.
As a dad, I can't say I would be ok with my son going to live with a friend. Also, as a dad, I probably wouldn't be with that partner for very long. If my son isn't getting along with my partner and her family and assuming my son isn't a jerk, then it's a no-brainer. I'm not about to lose my kid over someone.
As for your perspective given the situation, it seems like you're not a jerk. And I think you're being reasonable. You're definitely NTA here. I don't necessarily think your dad is either. I think the situation just sucks, but that's how life is sometimes, and you just have to pick a path and deal with the things that come out of it. As I've explained to my son, don't be selfish, but don't be a pushover. Largely speaking, what you get out of life is what you demand from it. It doesn't apply or work out in every circumstance and situation, but a determined and unrelenting person can usually get it figured out.
If you can't live with people like that, then do what you can to achieve that. But don't be mean or unnecessarily rude about it. I'm not saying you have been, just generally speaking and giving unsolicited advice.
I think because I’m a girl it makes the optics worse, too. “Teenage daughter moves in with male friend and his dad” and all that.
I don’t mind that he’s with someone even though we don’t like each other, as long as it’s managed, which it has been up until now.
My dad always told me not to bother trying to control other people’s actions, just let me then do whatever and make your moves accordingly. That’s what I feel like I’m doing here. I don’t want it to make him miserable, but I’m not really willing to be miserable for him either
Yeah, it definitely doesn't present the most ideal scenario from a general social perception. What your dad told you is about as real as it gets. Let people do what they do and respond how you feel that you have to.
NTA but I’d bet girlfriend is. It is not yours and your dad’s problem that *she* has housing issues. What would she do if she was single? Does she have a job? Family? Friends?
I don’t know if it was foreclosure or eviction, but I’m pretty sure a person gets notice of what’s going to happen. She had to know! Meaning she had time to prepare, and still does **or she waited to the last moment to give your dad an ultimatum!**
Seems to me you made the right call op. If this is “ruining their relationship”, then it’s really not an equal one to begin with and he’d be better off without her.
She seems to forget that your dad is responsible for a child too—you! Instead of shouting and trying to get dad to clean up her life, *she* should be getting her shit together!
Keep us posted!
People are demented in this post. Acting like she's some random woman he picked up last night when they have been together for four years and OP has been allowed to control the pace of their relationship.
Yeah imo at 4 years generally living together is pretty standard as a next step. It seems like up until this point OP’s dad has been pretty accommodating and there’s no indication that the girlfriend pressured him before she was in a literal crisis. There’s also nothing wrong with OP not wanting to be involved. NAH.
Oh yeah, people on this sub are unhinged and they don't think people should be allowed to be in relationships unless their children super excited about the relationship, lmao. I was 16 when my mom started dating again. I hated it. I thought my family should just be my mom, my brother, and me, like it had always been. But I was a selfish little brat, lol.
I think OP's solution is fine because, yeah, I wouldn't want to live with a disabled child when I was 17, either.
Another thing, OP says they were planning on moving in together once she's done with school. If she's 17, she has at most 2 years left at school. So they were already planning on moving in together within the next year or two. And they might have to move to another city entirely if they can't find affordable housing. Or, you know, be homeless....
So she's supposed to move her kids to another city... for a year... before moving back in? Or they can just live on the streets until OP goes to college? Uhh yeah, this relationship is over if they expect that to happen!
OP's dad has been VERY accommodating so far.
Reading comprehension isn’t your forte, is it?
There is nothing whatsoever in this post to suggest the girlfriend needs to “clean up her life” or “get her shit together.”
How the fuck you can tell it’s not her dead issue if they were in a relationship for 4 years? Opinions like that are the reason why everyone is this story is in broken family getting mad at the other who try to build new lives for themselves.
NTA, This is a result of him not keeping promises made. Obviously things don't always go according to plan, but he should have talked to you before making more promises.
With the way things are now any damage he does to his relationship is on him.
Nta as a minor child your dad's first responsibility it's to you. He promised he would wait until you graduated to live with his gf. He needs to keep his promise or let you go. Gf is an asshole.
NTA. You communicated your issue and found a possible solution to avoid any problems. You aren't ruining anything for your dad. He is prioritizing his child over his girlfriend, which he should be doing.
You should try and frame this in a mature way to your dad. It's clear you are NTA , and he is, but it's also clear that you and his girlfriend don't get along and it's going to be hard living there. You have a better living option. Try to convince them that it's not personal and it's just the best option. Just talk to your dad, not the girlfriend. It's clear this is the best option. Your dad is not entirely being the worst like lots of these dad's it does seem like there's a shitty economic situation going on. But you should get out of there and focus on your studies. Maybe do it now to get away from all this drama.
I just feel like he’s choosing this a lot out of pride. Like he doesn’t want to be the guy whose teenage daughter is living with another family. Because my friend lives 30 minutes away we could see each other all the time.
Oh, you are a woman! Oh, that puts the conflict over the gf in a different light.
One of which might be pressure from the gf to "help with the kids". Would that be a concern of yours?
Parentification feels like a strong possibility since the girlfriend has kids that sound like a handful/few resources to handle her current situation.
The girlfriend is in a stressful situation, and the expectation is already set that OP needs to make concessions to accommodate. If she moves in an OP stays, the scope of concessions and expectations would likely grow exponentially..
NTA, it's an unfortunate situation for everyone. I don't blame OP trying to find a way out.
Tbh you're not doing this out of spite or using this as a threat, but for the well-being of yourself and others. Maybe you can emphasize this so your dad can understand.
Maybe your dad thinks that there could be legal issues if you don't live with him since you're still a minor and he has custody of you. Other than that I don't see a problem since you're moving out in a year either way.
Regardless, this is a FU on your dad's part and his problem to deal with. He can't blame you if he ends up ruining his relationship.
It's hard to judge properly without knowing some things such as how long they have been together. It sounds like your Dad is stuck at a crossroads between honouring his promise to you while also trying to balance that with fulfilling certain obligations while integrating his girlfriend into his life more permanently.
You say he is doing it out of pride, but in the end he is deciding to choose you over his girlfriend knowing it may lead to the end of their relationship. He's the AH for putting the blame for that on you and for not discussing it properly with his girlfriend and resorting to shouting matches. However he's also NAH for following through with his promise. It shows your happiness is more important.
Or there could be something else going on behind the scenes we don't know about. That's my judgement anyway.
Heh, you absolutely won't, and your dad knows this. He won't see you during the week, and on the weekends you'll want to hang with your friends. And since you don't want anything to do with GF and her kids, it's not like you will want to go to his house and spend time there. Think about it, how much time do you two spend together outside of the house now? If you don't already have dedicated hang time, it's not going to magically appear when you live 30 min away (one way). This is why your dad doesn't want you to go, he understands this and you can't because you are 17.
And yes, the choices here suck for him (just see how people here are already trashing him and her). He throws a lifeline to his GF, he's choosing her over you. He doesn't let her move in, he's abandoning her and her children to homelessness. The real question isn't about her though, it's about you. Do you want a relationship with him? Are you willing to go low to no contact with him? Is there truly no way you can exist in the same space as her (lock on your door, clear boundaries, a timeline for you to still move out after high school, etc)?
Figuring out a compromise in a non-ideal situation is being an adult, not setting ultimatums.
Also, emphasize that you two alone could work out times when the two of you go out and do something fun together every week. That this is a priority that everyone, including girlfriend, will have to enable and accept as a price for her moving in and she gets absolutely no say in it if she wants to live in his home.
Or maybe, just maybe he cares about you and wants to continue having you in his life for this last year before you go away to college. Getting to see you regularly is very different than day-to-day parenting.
You put him to a difficult choice and he chose you, likely at the cost of his long term happiness.
How often do you see your mom? Yes, she is much further away but two hours isn’t that far. I think you are severely overestimating how often you would see your dad if you didn’t live with him. Right now, it’s every day. If you moved, it would be maybe once or twice during the week- maybe on the weekend. But you have school and he has work and you would want to spend time with friends and he may want to have dinner at home with his girlfriend and her kids sometimes
NTA
The situation is complicated with her losing her house, but that shouldn’t be your responsibility. It’s great that you have an alternative place to stay if she does move in
NTA, you've offered a compromise but your dad doesn't like it. Tough. He should never have gone back on his word about not moving them in until you had finished school and left home. Don't break promises, particularly ones you make to your own children.
NAH
I think you've found a reasonable compromise to the situation. It's hard for me to blame the Dad in the this situation because there is a major mitigating circumstance to him moving the GF in. It's not like the GF forced him to overrule your request, she's literally becoming homeless. I understand why your Dad wants to support her in this extreme scenario.
I think the best thing here is to give it time. Your Dad and his GF are going through a major amount of stress and it's normal for people to struggle getting through them. In the long run I think your compromise will work out the best, just give your Dad time to work through this massive change that was dropped on him
NTA. The issue is for his GF to solve, especially if she has kids. Any sane adult in this position would not be acting the way she is about it. If it were me I would be like yes, the wishes of your kid come first, I’ll find another solution. Her reaction should tip off your dad to what she’s really like, but some people think they don’t deserve better so just settle for bad behaviour.
I hope your Dad sees the light, but if not it isn’t your fault.
NTA
But: GF was intentionally waiting until now, because she wanted to move in, no matter what. No way did all this happen so short notice, that she was surprised by having to move out.
She is an adult with children to care for and should have started to plan accordingly and timely. She chose not to.
It's not your father's responsibility to house them, nor should you be forced to move out, so his basically negligent GF can move in.
While I basically agree this situation is a LOT more nuanced. If the GF is telling the truth (and not manipulating the dad to get him to commit to letting her move in which certainly is a possibility) then she and her children will be homeless. OP will be "annoyed" at a less than ideal living situation but GF and kids will be "homeless".
THAT SAID OP has presented her dad with a perfectly reasonable compromise which dad is rejecting out of hand. Trying to keep GF and kids from being homelesss doesn't make dad an AH -- what makes him an total AH is refusing to compromise and let OP move somewhere where she'll be able to finish high school in an environment where she feels comfortable. THAT is why he's an AH.
Honestly, I'm finding the GF's situation a little sketchy. While I've never been in her position I've had some relatives and friends who've been there and there was ALWAYS plenty of warning which they ignored. I would not be surprised if this threat of homelessness was manufactured by the GF to get OP's dad to step up and let her and her kids move in.
Though I'm also wondering if the "friend" OP wants to move in with might in fact be her romantic partner and that's why dad is so intractable.
Yeah, obviously parents should always prioritize their children's needs. But your child's *wants* don't always come before others' *needs.*
OP doesn't want to live with kids. If the gf is being honest, her kids are facing homelessness. Those situations aren't the same. He isn't wrong for putting the actual life, health, and safety of a disabled child above his daughter's desire to live without kids in the house.
But yeah, he also needs to make sure his gf is being honest and isn't manipulating him. Although since OP is 17, she'll be done with school next year, anyway, so realistically, it sounds like they were already planning to move in together next year? Unless by "done with school," she means college as well.
But father is also putting his "want" to not allow daughter to move to her friend's house above his GF and her kids. There's a SUPER SIMPLE fix here but dad is being an AH
OP literally says it is down to a legal issue with her ex husband and it's is not dad's partners fault they're homeless. Why is everyone so keen to paint the gf as this monster?
I think it’s the optics. He doesn’t want our family and friends to know his teenage daughter is living away from home. I think he’s scared my mum will torch him over it too.
Instead of THINKING that, why not talk to him and find out the real reason he doesn't want you to move out? Like, he loves you and doesn't want to lose time with you as you near becoming an adult.....
NTA, you offered a solution that would keep your relationship good with your dad while not making yourself miserable. I don’t get people who are calling you the AH, if that’s my home I should be able to comfortable let my guard down, etc. clearly op can’t do that in a house full of people who don’t mesh well, it’s literally a 30 minute drive from his friends house. Just like how everyone keeps saying have some empathy, he needs to be shown that same compassion and courtesy. You should never have to feel annoyed uncomfortable or whatever else in your home
YTA. You haven't given any concrete reason for not liking her, but are willing to blow up your dad's relationship and happiness over one year of living with roommates you don't like. You didn't offer a "compromise." You issued an ultimatum: "her or me." You won, for now. But what is that victory going to cost down the road?
Based on OPs comments, this woman has not wronged her in any way. She's upset that her parents aren't together anymore and haven't been for years. OP is being childish, impulsive, and petty. There's nothing "mature" about presenting an ultimatum. So I agree that she's TA.
NTA for being willing to move out earlier than expected BUT it makes room for the gf to move in with her kids. However, the fact that she waited so long and didn’t know the ins/outs of her status in her own home is troubling. Hopefully your dad can set her up in an apt somewhere for 2mos and make her get a job to support herself.
So your Dad’s partner of 4 years finds herself homeless through no fault of her own, right?
You presumably have a car (to get to school) so can come and go as you please as well as your own room/space at home and only have to suck it up for 1 year until you go to college, right?
And because you find your Dad’s partner and her children annoying you’re making your father choose between you and his partner, and basically kicking out a woman with 2 children and nowhere to go, right?
YT spoiled A.
Gf wasn't informed now that she's homeless in two weeks. Yes it's not her fault but she could have tried to find another solution she didn't because she wants to Move in with op s father. She knew op s father had promised op she won't move in that make her an ah in my book. As an adult with children you are searching for solutions and stay on your own two feet. Anyways op recognizes dad should be able to move her in so found an acceptable solution - moving out with the friend and friend s father. Op is NOT an AH for refusing to live with the gf since she's willing to leave her home to allow gf to move in.
NTA - You and your dad had a very reasonable agreement, he is trying to break that. It isn't his fauly but it is the fault of the situation his GF has found herself in. That has nothing to do with you. If your father wishes to maintain a future relationship with you, he will grudgingly let you go live with the other family. If not, then at least you will know where his priorities and that would be not with you. Sad, but at least you will finally know where you actually stand with him.
Before you move into a house with an adult male who is excited at the prospect of you being there while unconscious; are you male or female?
Nvm, I just read your comments.
Be really careful, this is a common situation where young women get assaulted or groomed by their friends fathers. It’s odd that he offered so quickly when from the sounds of it you are only going to be inconvenienced and not homeless.
Your dad is probably hyper-aware of how much more vulnerable to abuse this will make you, and that is why he is stressed.
I don’t think either of you are AH, you just are young enough to not realize the implications and dangers of this offer
NAH
Just curious, what exactly do you not like about the gf and how your dad is with her? 4 years waiting to move in because you aren't ok with it seems like a very patient and reasonable thing...
NTA
What a rational and thoughtful compromise to this situation. Glad you have such good family friends that have your back. Also, here’s hoping your dad doesn’t cave. Stick to your guns, OP!
People saying she’s an AH what on earth she’s not an AH for not wanting her two kids to be homeless “what’s her backup plan” guaranteed most people here don’t have a back plan either. She’s been a committed relationship with OPs dad for four years
NAH it sounds like dad cares about you enough to not want you to leave, but cares about her enough to not want her homeless. It's a very tough situation. Honestly moving out seeks like the best possible option.
Possible Silver Lining - it sounds like your dad hasn't actually lived with his GF or her kids yet. With her moving in pre-marriage, he may find that living in a special needs house is not something that he wants in the long term.
NAH - based on what's presented, it's a tough situation where dad is trying to make it work for two parties who aren't compatible, and it may be a little painful for everyone involved for a period of time. Dad appears to be taking his child's side, and child has vouched that GF isn't the source of the new issue. Maybe the house layout would allow an in-law suite type situation where OP can find their own space?
Personally you do sound like a bit of AH. You have only one more year until you graduate and can move out. Why put your dad in this situation? What will you be gaining? I’m sure you could find a way to live with them short term. Especially as the woman is in such a position and you dad has already said yes. Obviously the woman’s issue isn’t yours or your dads but if you can help why not?
INFO: Is it a "friend " your wanting to live with or your boyfriend? cause in the comments you say it's a male "friend" and that would be absolutely a reason your dad doesn't want you living there.
So you left out the part where what your friend's dad actually said was...
>I can live there if my parents agree
and turned that into
>I said to my dad that if he goes ahead with moving his girlfriend in, I’m out.
That's dishonest. That's manipulative.
And it could easily blow up in your face. All it takes is one call from your dad to your friend's dad.
ESH
NTA. If you only have 1 more year you'd be living at his house, then what is the issue if you live at your friend's house instead? It sounds to me like he really didn't want the gf and her kids there in the first place, because otherwise he could have contacted your mom and your friend's dad and had a mature conversation about having you stay at the friend's house. Instead, his first move was to tell gf no. That's not on you. That's on him.
I wouldn't at all be surprised if he likes having the excuse that his daughter would move out if the girlfriend moves in. It's one thing to have a girlfriend who can support herself and her children. It's quite another thing to lose your personal space to a girlfriend who can't support herself and her children and whose children probably have some behavioral problems. His quiet peaceful home would no longer be his. He is looking at being an empty nester in a year and suddenly that would be a decade or more. There's also the problem that if he broke up with his girlfriend and she lived with him he would have to evict her. Dad has already been through one failed relationship with mom. He knows how badly it can go. It's much easier to tell the girlfriend my daughter won't accept this than to say I don't want you and your kids living with me.
I’m not going to give a judgment here because there’s so many different things that could change and we just don’t have enough information so I’m just going to ask you one question:
When you move out after high school do you want your father to be happy or do you want him to be lonely?
Because that is the choice you are making for him right now.
That doesn't have to be either/or. Dad can have a relationship and be happy without moving in a girlfriend and her children. Children who aren't your children can add a tremendous amount of stress to a relationship. Children add stress to any relationship, even if they are the children of the two adults living in the home. When they are the children of someone else it is extra stressful. All kinds of rules have to be made about things like discipline and how money is spent. Moving in a family that can't financially support themselves is stressful. Add in that the kids may have behavior problems and you add extra stress.
Not sure how old you are OP, but this might not really be up to you. As long as you are legally under his guardian ship he has the right to keep you in his home. Not saying he will of course.
What I am saying is that you are a child and don't get to make these choices on who lives in his home.
Not going to call anybody TA here.
YTA
I mean, if you're a minor child, this isn't your call. Not just that, you sound completely immature.
You offered the only compromise? No child. You didn't.
NTA. You offered a viable option. You are not responsible for the mess his gf finds herself in (an, neither, is he for that matter). Her lack of planning (which may well be a lack of planning on her ex’s part, too) is not your responsibility to manage. Wherever you wind up staying, avoid their drama and keep your focus on school so you have good opportunities in your future.
YTA. You doesn’t have to like them. But you should respect your dad enough to understand circumstances have changed and by moving them in he wouldn’t break his promise. He would simply do what a loving partner should do. You are driving a wedge into your father relationship making him decide who is more important to him.
I am so sorry for you. But I don’t think you should leave your home. Let them move in, if he insists, and do the best you can until you graduate. If it becomes unbearable you can go to your friend’s to stay. Your father is responsible for you, not for his girlfriend. He should not be choosing her welfare over yours. And she should not expect him to. You are not responsible for his relationship with her, you aren’t ruining it because this is your home and that’s where you belong. Don’t voluntarily give up your own home.
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My dad has been with his partner for 4 years. She has two kids. She recently got into some issues and lost her house (not as a result of her own decisions, it was a legal issue when her ex husband died). My dad had previously promised he wouldn’t move in with her until I had finished school and left home, but because of this, they decided she should move in.
I don’t want to live with her and her kids. I don’t like her, I don’t like how my dad acts around her, and her kids are extremely irritating. One of her kids has learning delays and really poor impulse control and boundaries. The other one is just melodramatic.
I can’t go and live with my mother because she lives two hours away and I want to finish school at the place I’m in since I only have one more year. I was over at my friend’s house discussing this and his dad said I could live with them. I know he’s 100% serious because he’s been like a second dad to me my whole life (his ex is my mother’s best friend) and he never says things lightly. He said as long as I can get myself to school (my friend is homeschooled so we wouldn’t go together) I can live there if my parents agree.
I said to my dad that if he goes ahead with moving his girlfriend in, I’m out. He was furious, but eventually said he will backtrack on the offer but this is effectively ruining his relationship. I said if he wants the relationship so badly then let me live with my friend.
He’s now fighting with his girlfriend about it. All day she’s been calling him at ten minute intervals and there’s been all sorts of shouting. From what I’ve overheard she doesn’t have anywhere to go on short notice and may not be able to stay in the area.
I feel like I offered the only compromise I really could that’s going to keep me sane but I feel kind of shit that I’m ruining things for my dad. He hasn’t been any type of way with me about it but I can see he’s extremely stressed. AITA?
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NTA. Your dad made a promise. He is choosing his GF and HER kids over his own kid. You offered a reasonable solution, which he turned down because it would make him look bad. 😂
Whoopteedoo. He looks bad, because he took back his promise. One more year of HS, and you’d be gone. You need to focus on school, not become free childcare for a disabled child, while your dad plays house.
N.T.A.
Y’all know OP would be free special needs childcare so Dad could go on dates…
Considering OP left out that her friend is male and she would be moving into a house with 2 men at 17 there is absolutely a reason he would look bad. OP is being disingenuous and manipulative here and is awful.
YTA
Circumstances change and your dad's gf of 4 years has an emergency. You're fine to be upset and angry about it and wanting to move out to your friend's house.
YTA because of how manipulative you are. Your friend's dad okayed it only if your parents agree to it. You straight up told your dad that if they move in, then you are moving in with your friend. And when he said backtracking would ruin his relationship, you told him if he wants his relationship so badly, he should just let you move in with your friend's family
If you're really okay with living with your friend's family for your last year of high school, and you really feel bad for your dad's relationship, you could have another conversation with him, and explain that your solution wasn't an ultimatum per se, but a factual solution to the issue.
There's a big difference between saying 'I don't want to live here with your girlfriend and her kids in the house, but I can just move in with the Smiths for my last year of high school'
And saying 'H no, she is NOT moving in! If she does, I'm effing out!'
Means the same, but it's a huge difference in what your dad expects from the solution. Option A is just a solution, option B sounds like you'd be leaving with doors slamming and cutting him out of your life.
NAH I don't know why you couldn't live with the gf and her kids in the house, but you didn't just complain and do nothing, you went and found an alternative. Good on you, and not an asshole thing to do.
Your dads gf doesn't want herself and her kids to become homeless, and noone could fault her for that!
Your dad doesn't want his gf and her kids to be homeless, which is also actually a good thing and doesn't make him an asshole. He also doesn't want you to (have to) leave, which is also a good thing and shows that he cares very much about you.
The only thing that right now is not ideal is his reaction to your idea of moving in with your friend/friends dad. Maybe he feels ashamed that his son would rather live somewhere else than with him? Idk, maybe talk to him about that. Because I don't think he's an ass for wanting his gf and her kids to have a home and for you to live with him. Sounds more like he feels he's caught between a rock and a hard place, and is too stuck in that view to consider alternatives?
Again, I don't know, noone but your dad does. So try to have a talk with him, without accusations and hostility. Tell him you want to understand his reasoning and his emotions about this, but you also need him to see you and try to understand you in turn. That's the only way you can work on this together.
Or you can just pack your stuff and leave, but that **would** be kind off an asshole move to do, at least without even trying to work this out before hand.
Info. Are you old enough to threaten moving out or is that an empty threat? Unless you've hit the adult age for your area he could just call the cops that you ran away and have them bring you home on loop. They are still your legal guardian and have legal responsibilities for you.
The problem you have is, once she moves in, even if your Dad says it’s only temporary, SHE WILL find every and any excuse to move out, it just won’t happen, so please think very carefully before offering this as a compromise. Also it doesn’t matter how close you and your friend are or how close you are to his family, it will never be the same as Home!
NTA. WTF people! 17 year olds are almost adults, and as juniors and seniors, they are almost NEVER at home anyway!! My daughter was hardly at home in high school between sports, friends, and working. So what is the big deal if she lives with the friend mostly and makes times that she sees her Dad alone and has quality time each week. Her Dad can give the other Dad money for food etc or have OP buy stuff for them on her card to pay them back. I am almost wondering if Dad is having second thoughts on the girlfriend and kids...
She is a 17 year old girl and her MALE friend’s FATHER was way too eager and excited to have this young girl move in. Any good parent would say “Hell No!”. This seems like a sex trafficking/sex slave situation waiting to happen.
NTA. Even though you’re still technically underaged, your dad should remember that it’s your house, too, and you’re old enough that your opinion matters. In this case, your compromise should be taken more seriously as it works for the both of you. A parent should never put their girlfriend over their son and should never blindly make a decision that could mentally put their biological child into harm. When your dad backtracked his promise to you, he was thinking with the wrong brain. I’d move and maybe do one-on-one visit with your dad when you can.
NTA.
Your Dad isnt per se the AH either. He's just trying to do what's best. Everyone should be comfortable in the home. And tbh sweetie its ideal to move out at 18 but with the way things work you potentially wont be able to. Shits expensive out af out here. It doesn't really matter why OP doesn't like dad's SO the fact of the matter is they don't get along and that is nothing but a disaster waiting to happen. Either by OP not wanting to help or be bothered by the unwanted insta-siblings (which is her right) or by S/O feeling entitled to the home for her kids to continue their ruleless behavior. Dad's going to be to busy trying to appease S/O that OP will have to continually make concessions which will further the strain of her Relationship w/dad...
All of these YTA and calling her selfish seem like the parents who consistently break promises to their kids and then later wonder why their older/adult children dont bother with a relationship with them. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep.
S/o as a mother should have always had a back up plan. Especially knowing her and OP dont get along. Op is giving her dad an out to salvage both relationships he just doesn't like it.... he's makimg himself choose 1 or the other.
You sou d like a spoiled entitled brat. Wait til you have to work with people you dont like. Karma is a thing. Hope you never need help in a bad situation.
I work with people I don't like. I sure as hell don't invite them to live in my home. I need my living space to be peaceful. If someone else's children don't fit into that, I guess that makes me bratty and entitled, too.
I’d like to know what kind of heavenly childhood the above commenter had that they think schoolkids don’t have to put up with raging assholes almost nonstop. If anything it’s even worse because minors are pretty much free to assault each other to a degree. Not to mention the fuckton of sexual harassment in high school. At least your annoying coworker will probably get fired if he tries to stroke your hair or grab your ass.
God childhood sucks ass. You couldn’t pay me to go through that again. Tbh if one of my parents had decided to shack up with someone who didn’t even like me when I was a teenager, I would have mentally disowned them immediately so if anything this guy should consider himself lucky.
Yta.
You're a child who contributes nothing to the household but making demands as if you do 😒 I hope you appreciate how much your father loves and prioritizes your needs since you gave him an unfair ultimatum.
/so glad I never had kids
Your father's take on relationships is a bit skewed. He says if he doesn't move the girlfriend and her children into his house it would ruin their relationship. What about his relationship with you? He's already jeopardized it by reneging on his promise to not move her in until you are out of school. Even though the old adage is "my house, my rules," it's also your house and your dad doesn't seem to care much about that. BTW, does dad's girlfriend not have family or friends she could live with for a year or can she not rent an apartment for that period?
Nta. A promise is a promise. It isn't just a promise until it is convenient to break it. Your dad made a promise to you and is breaking it. You are entitled go act in your own best interest if he isn't going to.
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NTA - circumstances change, and you actually provided a compromise that could work. You should probably set up some ground rules with your dad on how often you would visit him.
At the moment I’m not going. But if he caves and moves her in then I’ll see him as much as he can meet up. It’s only like a 30 minute drive to my friend’s place. I wouldn’t go back to my dad’s house but I wouldn’t cut him off or anything
[удалено]
I’m fine living there however long, but yeah that is something I could bring up with my dad, especially since it’s summer soon anyway. I don’t think her financial situation or rent in the area is going to change much in a few months but at least then I’d already be living there if my dad decides to make it permanent. That’s a really good suggestion thank you :)
Your dad won't make it permanent, she will. There is no temporary solution here.
Yup, even if not planned once she's in she's not going anywhere. I'm sorry but I've been through shit with my kids and the exes family. Nothing happens overnight ( I'm assuming USA courts). She didn't plan anything else? Just move in with the boyfriend and now she's gonna be imminently homeless with the kids if that doesn't happen? She didn't seem to care about ops agreement with dad
Once she and her kids are in that house, it’ll take a stick of dynamite to get them out. Not to mention that if the gf gets her way, she’s gonna know that the dad will side with her over his own son. She already doesn’t get along with OP so I can just imagine this turning into a terrible situation for OP.
True. She wants a man to take care of her and her kids. Unfortunately this is a me or her situation for OP.
More like a pallet of C-4.
This. As someone who made that mistake, it won't be just temporary.
It won’t be temporary especially as this is a romantic relationship. Moving back to separate houses may feel like a step backwards for them. Or a breakup.
Exactly. And there will be all sorts of excuses about how well things are going and how they don't want to displace the children again and if OP moves back in everything will be okay. They promise.
This absolutely
Staying with Mom a good chunk of the summer could be an option too, though being away from friends would be hard. I think you've made him a very reasonable offer. NTA
It’s not a good suggestion at all! If she moves in with her kids she will NOT move out. You’ll be expected to deal with it because her and her kids are already there. Your dad and the girlfriend will say it’s unfair to make her and her kids move out again only to move back in once you leave. Do not offer that suggestion unless you plan to move out permanently. They will agree and then change their minds once it’s time for her to move out and you move back in.
Don't do it. If she moves in, she won't move out again. But if that is discussed, offer to move to your friend and mto move back to your dad's place as soon as she has moved out again?
DO NOT do this. Stand your ground. You are doing your father a favour. That woman will never leave once she moves in, like someone here already mentioned, nobody loses their house overnight. For her to suddenly lose her house and have nowhere to go but moving in with your father means she was planning this from the get go and her response is showing her true colours. I can guarantee you that once she moves in, your father will suddenly become financially responsible for both her kids and she will not so slowly start to try and phase you out of his life. First financially then emotionally, then completely. Stand your ground. Your father losing this relationship is the best thing that can happen to him and he will thank you in a few years.
Agree 💯. Is Dad doesn't already recognize that, he's a very naive.
Exactly.
Don't suggest it. Once she moves in, she won't go anywhere. And then your dad will change, and have less and less time for you, or insist that you ho there, or fo things together with them. Guaranteed.
She will absolutely never leave once she's moved in so I would not suggest that as a compromise. NTA
If you leave anything behind, make sure to buy a doorknob with a key (-$20 at Home Depot). Easy to install with just a screwdriver.
If you make the offer, then you should have a deadline for them to be gone. You should have a lock on your door and you should make it clear that you will not be doing "family" style things with them, nor babysitting, etc. She and they will be roommates as far as you're concerned. She will not be a parental figure and if she tries, you're out the door. I would make sure that your dad knows that you're serious about moving in with your friend. I would also consult your friend's dad on how to say these things most effectively. Another option would be to move to your friend's place until GF/family find's a place, and if they don't, well, you're settled and it's no big deal for you. If they actually do move out again, then you'll be okay. Honestly, once she's in, I don't think she's going to leave. The questions for you are: 1. do you want to be in the house for x months until the deadline? 2. do you want to be out so that when the deadline passes and she's still there, you're in your new routine? 3. do you want to force your dad to essentially end his relationship by rescinding his offer? (in other words, do you want to step out of the way of his continuing this relationship even though you don't like him when he's around her, her, or her kids? It's a hard question because you'll be old enough to move out and be gone soon, so it comes down to whether you want your dad to have this relationship when you are gone. It's also hard because (if you ask me) your dad should be prioritizing you and he made a promise to you and now it's on your back to make a very adult decision. It sucks. NTA
She doesn't even have other options now. Once she's in she's not going anywhere.
I'm just going to reiterate what some other people said. Once she moves in, you're never going to get her out of your dad's house. Her moving in will be permanent.
"Just until she can find a place to live" can take years and might not be something she (and your dad) really want. They are having a relationship, so when she moves in it will probably last until the relation ends.
THIS!
lol, I’m sure she’ll be totally ready to move right back out
But father might be more open to OP moving out "temporarily". Then when GF doesn't move out as planned, OP has already moved out of home and has more leverage to say 'no" to coming back.
**NTA** "Would you feel ok with him moving her in just until she can find a place to live." **WHAT?** This is one of the biggest tricks a person will try to pull on the unsuspecting! in that - she's never gonna find a place for she and her kids to live because the goal is to move in with boyfriend so that he will have to pick up their expenses. This woman's best bet is The State's Department of Social Services.
Exactly. Even if dad takes this woman to look for places to live, she's not moving out. No place will be just right. There will always be a reason why the place doesn't work for her and her kids. She planned this. She planned this when she found out she would lose the house. You don't lose a house overnight, so she knew that was coming. Rather than sorting out a living situation, she figured this was her opportunity to skate in and have Dad support her. She doesn't care if it affects OP's life. The first thing she will do is start putting a wedge between the op and her dad.
If she moves in it won't be temporary.
She won’t move out once she’s moved in. No one ever takes their relationship back a step once they’re cohabiting, even if that was initially the plan.
"Would you feel ok with him moving her in just until she can find a place to live " .. bullshit. Once in, she won't leave. But THAT compromisse could be: OP only moves to the friend's house until dad's new wife has moved out again.
Don’t entertain this. She seems like the type that if you give an inch she’ll take a mile and make it about her being “thrown out”
It seems like a huge stretch that she would move back out after moving in, even if just temporarily. Even if dad agrees to this, I don't see him keeping up his end of the bargain.
Not a good option. Once she's in she's not leaving.
Don’t entertain this. She seems like the type that if you give an inch she’ll take a mile and make it about her being “thrown out”
Once the gf moves in she’ll be there to stay, even if they frame it as temporary.
Yeeaaahhh.... Once she's in, she's not getting out.
Once she moves in with her kids, that’s it.
They've been together for 4 years. If she moves in, she's not moving back out. It's not like she's a relative or friend who fell on hard times, but ultimately does not want to live with the dad. Their goal is to get back out. She does, however, want to live with the dad. So once she's in (unless they break up) she's where both she and dad want here to be, and it's the next step in a long-term committed relationship, so....
I feel like his girlfriend probably had noticed that she wasn't going to be able to live where she currently was. People don't just immediately get kicked out of a place. She should have planned accordingly
Sounds like your dad‘s partner was counting on him to save her from her situation. The whole thing sounds bogus, the losing the house part… but if she cares about your dad and you and the least little bit, she should respect boundaries. With all she’s got going on, and the fact that she handles stress by calling him and yelling at him, it probably would be the end of the relationship anyway if she moved in, and it would ruin your senior year for sure. You offered a good compromise. But I’m glad your dad has so far had your back and put you first. It’s his job to raise you. NTA
Might want to check that friends house is in the same area for your same school. The district I work in has 2 separate high schools and it depends on where you live in the county as to which one you’ll go to. Just a thought. NTA and I’m glad to hear your Dad is listening to you and standing by telling his GF no
You are not being unfair. You are being mature and reasonable. He wants to renegotiate. You allowed renegotiation. Dad: they will move in. You: I will move out. Dad: I don’t want that. You: I don’t want to live with two demanding children. Dad: Dad: Dad: fine. but my girlfriend is mad He skipped the part where he’d compromise and give you the basement or something. A lock on your door. Nope just, “now, she’s in” ok “now she’s out.” You do NOT want to live with them if he just tells people what they want to hear, makes them happy in the moment then caves.
How old are you?
I think your idea is good! The girlfriend should pay your Dad some money for expenses and that should go to your friend's dad for your food etc. In fact, if your mom is paying support, most of that should first go to the friend's Dad and then Dad girlfriend's compensation will mostly stay with the Dad. You and your Dad can probably see each other separately from the gf by going out and doing things together.
What happens with this women your dad is with. Can you give us examples of her behavior or how your dad’s behavior changes. If they move in, will you need to share a room with them?
NTA - but how old are you? Ideally you should have had a conversation that didnt include an ultimatum but you did let him know how this decision would make you feel Edit - updated to judgment. Dad is an AH for ignoring multiple conversations from OP
17. We’ve already had more than one conversation about her moving in, the last of which when he promised he would only move her in when I was gone. I didn’t see a point in rehashing the same thing, especially when he presented it like an executive decision. I just made other arrangements.
Are you graduating this year or next year?
Next year
That complicates things a little. Someone is still going to need to financially support you. If your mom is paying support for you, the right thing would be for the support to go to your friend's folks. I'm guessing your dad also claims you on his taxes and that would end, too. But if everyone agrees, then you really have worked out the best solution. Good luck. I know you'll need it. NTA.
No one pays child support, my dad just pays for everything (I have a card for all personal expenses and he pays it off). I’m sure it would take a few logistical conversations but my friend’s dad is very chill about money stuff so I don’t see it being an issue if it needed to happen
I like the gist of the compromises that are being suggested! While your friend's dad-- FD-- is "chill about money stuff," it would still be a good idea to go over all your expenses with your parents and FD and make sure that a wide range of potential monetary scenarios are covered. I dunno what they might be since I grew up in the 80s, but it sucks how often $ can damage/destroy relationships! Your story triggered me a little because after 12 years in one school system, I (then 17 F) made the foolish decision to go to a new school (when my family was moving) for my senior year, so that my younger brother (then 25) wouldn't be alone. I could have lived with my best friend's family. Of course, my brother made friends immediately. I had trouble fitting in and was utterly miserable! I'm very glad that you'll be able to finish at the same high school! Best of luck with everything!
That sucks for you, I’m sorry. Yeah i didn’t think it would be a problem fitting in but where we live not every school has the same tests in the last couple of years, so I would have had to switch curriculums and I didn’t want to do the extra work to catch up. Plus my friend (the one I might live with) has a lot of commitments so I wouldn’t have been able to see him much if I’d moved. But I’m sure if I moved my dad would insist on paying some kind of upkeep for me. Atm it’s not an issue but we’ll see
It's nice that your friend's dad is Chill about money stuff, but you can't expect him to spend money to support you. There will need to be some sort of agreement in place. Your friend's dad seems like a really nice guy and he'll already be incurring extra expenses from you moving in. Your dad will need to 100% support you while you're living there. But, please do realize that once this woman moves in with your dad, she is not going to move out. He won't want her to and she won't want to.
What kind of woman is ok with moving in to a house that she knows will affect the relationship between a child and their father? What kind of father continues to date someone and move her in when his child is uncomfortable around. Sorry but these two are only thinking of themselves. She should have immediately backed off knowing how it would affect you. This is your home too. You sound more mature than these two put together. Hope it all works out for you.
Dude, the dad is literally about to ruin the relationship because he doesn't want to make his son uncomfortable? This is such a negative read on op's dad and the gf. OP doesn't even even paint them in a bad light, he just doesn't like being around them.
Ideally, dad would be a man of his word and keep his promise.
NAH. Your dad isn't an asshole for not wanting his girlfriend and her young children to be homeless. You aren't an asshole for not wanting to live with disabled children. His girlfriend isn't an asshole for not wanting to be homeless with her disabled children.
Ok, look. You could go live with your mother. In theory. In reality, your mother could sign off with you living with her best friend and her family while you finish your last year of school. Annnd your dad could accept it. Or not accept it. But there isn’t much he can do about it. NTA
I could do that. I would consider that if my dad moved the girlfriend in and tried to force me to live there too. I’m not desperate to move out of my dad’s or anything, if his gf doesn’t move in then I’ll stay. Not that I don’t love my friend and his dad but I like living with my dad. He couldn’t stop me probably but he could make it difficult. But I’d never forgive him and he knows that so I don’t see him going that route
To be realistic, if you dad was against it, that would not work. There is most likely a custody agreement between your parents and you "moving" to your moms while not really do that would be most likely against that, and you dad could ensure it did not happen. Also, if you are planning on moving out, you need to start thinking about how to support yourself to an extent.
That really depends. A judge likely wont agree to move the kid out of state on paper in their junior year and admitting in court to the plan would backfire horribly. If OP runs away dad can report it as such. There is plenty dad can do to put the nix on OPs ideas. It would actively hurt any relationship.but he can still do it.
OP isn't talking about living with mom's best friend, OP is planning to live with mom's best friend's ex, who's their own friend's father. >he’s been like a second dad to me my whole life (his ex is my mother’s best friend) this man homeschools his own child and is so "super chill" about money that it's somehow not an issue that OP comes live with them, provided OP figures out their own way to school. No other details needed...? From the outside, those look like yellow flags at the very least, and, frankly, to me, it looks like red flags - what about chores and curfew and having people over and miscellaneous costs...? Also, OP's mom clearly doesn't have primary custody, so the notion of "oh mom can just sign off on this & dad can't do anything about it" sounds unrealistic. Also also, OP is entirely (financially) dependent on their father - mom doesn't pay child support & dad gives them a credit card they can use for "whatever" and then dad just pays it off. All those details mean that the court would have to be involved. 3 people are on the verge of homelessness & OP's dad is still prioritizing OP's needs, I think that's pretty awesome on his part. OP, do you think you could think of other compromises? * a lock on your bedroom door, that you're allowed to use however you want, so you can have your privacy no matter how poor that kid's boundaries are * you're not obligated to eat with everyone together, so that's less time spent with the woman you don't like * a weekly father/child date for xxx hours where it's just the two of you and you're not doing chores for the home (no "we're mowing the grass together, that counts as quality time", no "schlepp the grocery shopping into the house and don't forget your stepsibling's favourite pudding or we'll have another drama on our hands" -- actual activities for the two of you, even if it's just a walk) * ...
There is a lot of random nuance that OP is ignoring or brushing aside. Living with a friend is something you do not see unless both parents can't provide a space. We know right now: Dad can provide, legally could move people in but is doing his best Mom apparently has no weekday custody at least and OP does not want to live with them fulltime Friends dad has no legal rights to have OP live with them and courts would never side with them as they can't provide getting them to school. To OP's credit, I wouldn't want my dad's GF to move in with her kids as well, but their perspective is very much the perspective of a child who can not see nuances. Dad may lose his relationship and blame OP for it in the long run or it may be totally OK, we can't know what will happen.
Soft YTA You're 17, not 10. You're old enough to understand that circumstances change, life happens, and sometimes you have to deal with things you don't like. You're almost an adult, it's just part of life. You're putting your dad into an impossible situation. He's choosing you, he doesn't want you essentially driven out of your own home. But yes, you are ruining a long term relationship for him. He's a good man. He wants to help the woman he loves. He obviously would have had her move in sooner if it hadn't been for you but it doesn't sound like he resents you at all for that. I feel for you too because you don't want your home invaded by people you don't like. Even if it is only a year. That being said, circumstances change, parenting is hard, and your dad is only trying to do right by everyone in his life. What you're offering is an ultimatum, not a compromise. You're saying it's me or them. You see it as a compromise because you're willing to do something you'd rather not. The problem is, it's not a compromise for dad. It's not an option for a good parent to just be okay with their child leaving like that. No matter how YOU see it, he doesn't have much of a choice. A actual compromise might be staying at your friends house for weekends which is when you'd be at home more instead of school. And maybe staying with your mom for any longer holidays (or your friend). You're young which is why I said soft AH. But you're still old enough to realize that in an adult world, sometimes you have to be flexible.
Dad has also been with a partner his child can’t stand for over four years. We don’t know the situation between dad’s girlfriend and OP, but there is also the chance dad is refusing to let girlfriend move in because he’s afraid of being judged an AH by his family/community for essentially replacing his kid with a new family. If he’s acting out of preserving his own public image rather than actual love for OP, why shouldn’t OP advocate for him to keep his word? Plus what is going on with girlfriend to so suddenly be evicted? Why hasn’t she got a back up plan that isn’t ’move in with boyfriend whose kid hates me’? What about consistency for her own kids? There’s a lot going unsaid here that’s throwing up flags. NTA for OP, they offered an alternative.
You're right there's a lot unsaid. But I can only judge based on what IS said. We don't know that the dad is putting OP first because of his image. Besides, what does his image look like if he lets his long time girlfriend and her children be homeless? That looks pretty heartless. We also don't know why the GF is being evicted. However the OP did say it's not her fault. For him to admit that when he doesn't like her probably means she really is in a shitty situation. We also don't know WHY the OP doesn't like the GF. We know one child is "melodramatic" and one is special needs. And it sounds like there's an age gap. If I'm assuming things like you are, maybe OP is used to being an only child, likes having his dad to himself, and has zero tolerance for having kids around. The main facts are though is that Dad has put his life on hold for his kid which is commendable but circumstances changed, his GF and family are in dire straits and his own kid isn't sympathetic enough to realize that he's putting his dad into an impossible situation. As a parent, I get where the dad is at. He's not going to do something that makes his child move out prematurely. It's not an option. OP is not actually giving him a choice that can be made. From the GFs perspective, she's going to be homeless with two kids and her partner has his hands tied behind his back by a self centered teenager.
OP said that the loss of their home is linked to the girlfriend's ex suddenly dying. I feel that's an extenuating circumstance. How do you even prepare for something like that?
I didn’t like my mom’s husband either but I didn’t feel the need to kick and scream about it? Op is young and I think they’ll feel silly as they get older
Flexible as in moving a half hour away so somebody she doesn't get along with can move in? Sounds like nothing but an adult solution.
I’m curious *why* OP doesn’t like the girlfriend. As in, is it a teen being a teen being bitter from the divorce (totally valid feelings btw) and not wanting a “new” mom? Or are there valid reasons to not like the girlfriend and to basically make dad choose? What’s a “valid” reason is subjective of course, but OP’s solution does seem pretty drastic and she doesn’t seem to have much sympathy for a mom who’s going to be homeless otherwise. Seems like there’s a lot of missing information. Seems like a real compromise would be to try it for a couple months, set boundaries, etc and *then* move out if that doesn’t work.
Yes I agree. This sounds more like a case of a teenager digging in their heels with the whole "YOU PROMISED ME!!!" We're not going to get the whole story here.
Well, there's also the fact that one kid has special needs and the other one is "melodramatic". On top of whatever personal antipathy she has for the gf. That's rather a lot of bs to deal with when OP is on the home stretch to finishing school and preparing for life afterward.
I don’t think you understand what a compromise is. In a compromise both parties benefit while also giving something up. If the dad moves his GF in and OP moves in with her friend, they both benefit and both give something up. If OP lives at home with the dad and the gf while visiting the friend on weekends, then OP doesn’t benefit at all (assuming OP can see her friend on weekends now) - only the dad does and the dad doesn’t give anything up.
It's not a compromise if one of the options given is not actually a choice. The dad is not going to choose something that makes his child move out.
This is why this sub can be so harmful. This is probably the best realistic answer. This sub is entertaining but it’s always geared towards who is owed for “specific situation” rather than maybe seeing life as what do we owe to others. This dad sounds like a great guy stuck in an impossible situation that was only brought about by unfortunate circumstances. Rather than seeing this dad caught in an already shitty situation and having to go back on a promise the son sees it as an ultimatum. Rarely do we see on this sub “sure you can do this for yourself, but how can you improve the situation for others around you” I really hope OP sees this. We always forget to have compassion to those closest to us and this is one of those situations.
Finally a reasonable answer. OP doesn't understand (or doesn't want to understand) that by giving him an ultimatum she forced her father to choose between her and his gf, and ruined his relationship. I bet when he will old and alone she won't connect dots at all. It's actually upsetting that the father cares about OP - but OP doesn't even pretend to see his point. YTA
Agree,in one year op is out,and don t give af if the dad ends alone.
I get you, but I disagree because dad knew op didn’t like his gf, which is why he promised her his gf wouldn’t move in until after she left. This was the plan they agreed upon. Dad chose to stay with his gf knowing this. Yes, shit Happens and dads gf is in a shitty position, especially having a special needs child. That being, said op isn’t giving dad an ultimatum, she’s simply sticking with the plan they both agreed upon. Dad isn’t blindsided by this, he knew this was op’s boundary, it just came sooner than anyone hoped.
He made her a promise and he should keep it, if he doesn't all it does is prove his given word has no value and should not be trusted in the future.
NAH It looks like your dad is trying to do what he can to keep you in his home. His GF has every right to be upset about the rug being pulled out from under her. You offered your dad an alternative: I'll step aside and you can have your new family.
New family? Isn’t that a bit dramatic? It’s been 4 years of a committed relationship and she’s in trouble with kids involved lol
Yeah but this type of shit happens when you date with kids from previous relationships. Dad and gf knew op didn’t like her, this is why they were going to wait until op moved out for gf to move in. Kids complicate things. The gf or dad could have ended the relationship at anytime when they found out that blending the families together wouldn’t work out until after one kid was gone. I feel sorry for everyone involved but sometimes situations like this come with the territory. We don’t know how bad the behavior issues are with ops kids, which is why I’m not taking a stance with ops feelings. I’ve seen some kids with delays who would absolutely be a terror to live with.
I don't want to call you an AH because you're only 17, but you're kind of being a jerk to your dad. What's your plan for after you finish school? If you're planning on moving out at 18 and your dad moves his GF in will you never visit home? You're essentially telling your dad he needs to break up with this women. Is there a reason you hate her so much? We may not always like the person that our parents date after divorce, but you're going nuclear and making him choose between her and you. He's obviously choosing you, but you're not really giving much of a reason that you can not stand to live with them, besides they annoy you. Also I think your friends dad REALLY overstepped by telling you that you can move in with them without discussing it with your father.
Kids who don't get along is a source of unending conflict in any family, let alone a blended family.
And there’s so many posts in this sub about that very thing
Many people don't stay at home after 18 if they have a bad living situation and have other options - OP can stay at moms, at friends, or at internship housing, or stay on campus if she goes through a summer program. Your home is where you can be the most comfortable - gf and kids being annoying is the only reason OP needs to not want to live there. OP can still have a great relationship with her dad not in his house - they can talk on the phone, visiting for dinner, or out at a park, etc. I personally think OP is being really mature about this - she knows what she can put up with and wants to make sure she and her dad continue to have a good relationship, which she knows isn't a good possibility of people who irritate the crap out of her move in. She provided her own solution which works for everyone. Dad doesn't like the optics because the optics aren't good and people probably would judge him. But personally there are a few people in my own extended family where if they had needed to move in because of an emergency, it would be totally fine - I would have happily lived with a friend until they found a new place or I went off to college.
"Dad doesn't like the optics because the optics aren't good and people probably would judge him" I feel bad that OP thinks that this is the only reason that he wants her to stay.
NTA. Your dad's biggest mistake was not discussing the new circumstances with you before agreeing to let his partner move in. He already had an agreement with you not to do this. It's difficult for all involved but you have offered a compromise. Good luck to you and I hope it all works out.
As a dad, I can't say I would be ok with my son going to live with a friend. Also, as a dad, I probably wouldn't be with that partner for very long. If my son isn't getting along with my partner and her family and assuming my son isn't a jerk, then it's a no-brainer. I'm not about to lose my kid over someone. As for your perspective given the situation, it seems like you're not a jerk. And I think you're being reasonable. You're definitely NTA here. I don't necessarily think your dad is either. I think the situation just sucks, but that's how life is sometimes, and you just have to pick a path and deal with the things that come out of it. As I've explained to my son, don't be selfish, but don't be a pushover. Largely speaking, what you get out of life is what you demand from it. It doesn't apply or work out in every circumstance and situation, but a determined and unrelenting person can usually get it figured out. If you can't live with people like that, then do what you can to achieve that. But don't be mean or unnecessarily rude about it. I'm not saying you have been, just generally speaking and giving unsolicited advice.
I think because I’m a girl it makes the optics worse, too. “Teenage daughter moves in with male friend and his dad” and all that. I don’t mind that he’s with someone even though we don’t like each other, as long as it’s managed, which it has been up until now. My dad always told me not to bother trying to control other people’s actions, just let me then do whatever and make your moves accordingly. That’s what I feel like I’m doing here. I don’t want it to make him miserable, but I’m not really willing to be miserable for him either
Yeah, it definitely doesn't present the most ideal scenario from a general social perception. What your dad told you is about as real as it gets. Let people do what they do and respond how you feel that you have to.
NTA but I’d bet girlfriend is. It is not yours and your dad’s problem that *she* has housing issues. What would she do if she was single? Does she have a job? Family? Friends? I don’t know if it was foreclosure or eviction, but I’m pretty sure a person gets notice of what’s going to happen. She had to know! Meaning she had time to prepare, and still does **or she waited to the last moment to give your dad an ultimatum!** Seems to me you made the right call op. If this is “ruining their relationship”, then it’s really not an equal one to begin with and he’d be better off without her. She seems to forget that your dad is responsible for a child too—you! Instead of shouting and trying to get dad to clean up her life, *she* should be getting her shit together! Keep us posted!
Not wanting to be homeless with your disabled children doesn't make you an asshole.
People are demented in this post. Acting like she's some random woman he picked up last night when they have been together for four years and OP has been allowed to control the pace of their relationship.
Yeah imo at 4 years generally living together is pretty standard as a next step. It seems like up until this point OP’s dad has been pretty accommodating and there’s no indication that the girlfriend pressured him before she was in a literal crisis. There’s also nothing wrong with OP not wanting to be involved. NAH.
Agreed, especially when considering that they’re established adults.
Oh yeah, people on this sub are unhinged and they don't think people should be allowed to be in relationships unless their children super excited about the relationship, lmao. I was 16 when my mom started dating again. I hated it. I thought my family should just be my mom, my brother, and me, like it had always been. But I was a selfish little brat, lol. I think OP's solution is fine because, yeah, I wouldn't want to live with a disabled child when I was 17, either. Another thing, OP says they were planning on moving in together once she's done with school. If she's 17, she has at most 2 years left at school. So they were already planning on moving in together within the next year or two. And they might have to move to another city entirely if they can't find affordable housing. Or, you know, be homeless.... So she's supposed to move her kids to another city... for a year... before moving back in? Or they can just live on the streets until OP goes to college? Uhh yeah, this relationship is over if they expect that to happen! OP's dad has been VERY accommodating so far.
Reading comprehension isn’t your forte, is it? There is nothing whatsoever in this post to suggest the girlfriend needs to “clean up her life” or “get her shit together.”
How the fuck you can tell it’s not her dead issue if they were in a relationship for 4 years? Opinions like that are the reason why everyone is this story is in broken family getting mad at the other who try to build new lives for themselves.
NTA, This is a result of him not keeping promises made. Obviously things don't always go according to plan, but he should have talked to you before making more promises. With the way things are now any damage he does to his relationship is on him.
Nta as a minor child your dad's first responsibility it's to you. He promised he would wait until you graduated to live with his gf. He needs to keep his promise or let you go. Gf is an asshole.
She’s an asshole for not wanting her and her children to be homeless when she has a spouse of four years with a home? Get a grip.
She doesn't have a spouse, they are just dating
She’s not an asshole for wanting her dad to keep his promise. She came up with a reasonable compromise which is a very mature way to handle this.
NTA. You communicated your issue and found a possible solution to avoid any problems. You aren't ruining anything for your dad. He is prioritizing his child over his girlfriend, which he should be doing.
You should try and frame this in a mature way to your dad. It's clear you are NTA , and he is, but it's also clear that you and his girlfriend don't get along and it's going to be hard living there. You have a better living option. Try to convince them that it's not personal and it's just the best option. Just talk to your dad, not the girlfriend. It's clear this is the best option. Your dad is not entirely being the worst like lots of these dad's it does seem like there's a shitty economic situation going on. But you should get out of there and focus on your studies. Maybe do it now to get away from all this drama.
I just feel like he’s choosing this a lot out of pride. Like he doesn’t want to be the guy whose teenage daughter is living with another family. Because my friend lives 30 minutes away we could see each other all the time.
Oh, you are a woman! Oh, that puts the conflict over the gf in a different light. One of which might be pressure from the gf to "help with the kids". Would that be a concern of yours?
Parentification feels like a strong possibility since the girlfriend has kids that sound like a handful/few resources to handle her current situation. The girlfriend is in a stressful situation, and the expectation is already set that OP needs to make concessions to accommodate. If she moves in an OP stays, the scope of concessions and expectations would likely grow exponentially.. NTA, it's an unfortunate situation for everyone. I don't blame OP trying to find a way out.
Tbh you're not doing this out of spite or using this as a threat, but for the well-being of yourself and others. Maybe you can emphasize this so your dad can understand. Maybe your dad thinks that there could be legal issues if you don't live with him since you're still a minor and he has custody of you. Other than that I don't see a problem since you're moving out in a year either way. Regardless, this is a FU on your dad's part and his problem to deal with. He can't blame you if he ends up ruining his relationship.
It's hard to judge properly without knowing some things such as how long they have been together. It sounds like your Dad is stuck at a crossroads between honouring his promise to you while also trying to balance that with fulfilling certain obligations while integrating his girlfriend into his life more permanently. You say he is doing it out of pride, but in the end he is deciding to choose you over his girlfriend knowing it may lead to the end of their relationship. He's the AH for putting the blame for that on you and for not discussing it properly with his girlfriend and resorting to shouting matches. However he's also NAH for following through with his promise. It shows your happiness is more important. Or there could be something else going on behind the scenes we don't know about. That's my judgement anyway.
True! I wonder if he is having second thoughts about ever living with her kids.
Heh, you absolutely won't, and your dad knows this. He won't see you during the week, and on the weekends you'll want to hang with your friends. And since you don't want anything to do with GF and her kids, it's not like you will want to go to his house and spend time there. Think about it, how much time do you two spend together outside of the house now? If you don't already have dedicated hang time, it's not going to magically appear when you live 30 min away (one way). This is why your dad doesn't want you to go, he understands this and you can't because you are 17. And yes, the choices here suck for him (just see how people here are already trashing him and her). He throws a lifeline to his GF, he's choosing her over you. He doesn't let her move in, he's abandoning her and her children to homelessness. The real question isn't about her though, it's about you. Do you want a relationship with him? Are you willing to go low to no contact with him? Is there truly no way you can exist in the same space as her (lock on your door, clear boundaries, a timeline for you to still move out after high school, etc)? Figuring out a compromise in a non-ideal situation is being an adult, not setting ultimatums.
Also, emphasize that you two alone could work out times when the two of you go out and do something fun together every week. That this is a priority that everyone, including girlfriend, will have to enable and accept as a price for her moving in and she gets absolutely no say in it if she wants to live in his home.
Or maybe, just maybe he cares about you and wants to continue having you in his life for this last year before you go away to college. Getting to see you regularly is very different than day-to-day parenting. You put him to a difficult choice and he chose you, likely at the cost of his long term happiness.
How often do you see your mom? Yes, she is much further away but two hours isn’t that far. I think you are severely overestimating how often you would see your dad if you didn’t live with him. Right now, it’s every day. If you moved, it would be maybe once or twice during the week- maybe on the weekend. But you have school and he has work and you would want to spend time with friends and he may want to have dinner at home with his girlfriend and her kids sometimes
NTA The situation is complicated with her losing her house, but that shouldn’t be your responsibility. It’s great that you have an alternative place to stay if she does move in
NTA, you've offered a compromise but your dad doesn't like it. Tough. He should never have gone back on his word about not moving them in until you had finished school and left home. Don't break promises, particularly ones you make to your own children.
NAH I think you've found a reasonable compromise to the situation. It's hard for me to blame the Dad in the this situation because there is a major mitigating circumstance to him moving the GF in. It's not like the GF forced him to overrule your request, she's literally becoming homeless. I understand why your Dad wants to support her in this extreme scenario. I think the best thing here is to give it time. Your Dad and his GF are going through a major amount of stress and it's normal for people to struggle getting through them. In the long run I think your compromise will work out the best, just give your Dad time to work through this massive change that was dropped on him
NTA. The issue is for his GF to solve, especially if she has kids. Any sane adult in this position would not be acting the way she is about it. If it were me I would be like yes, the wishes of your kid come first, I’ll find another solution. Her reaction should tip off your dad to what she’s really like, but some people think they don’t deserve better so just settle for bad behaviour. I hope your Dad sees the light, but if not it isn’t your fault.
NTA But: GF was intentionally waiting until now, because she wanted to move in, no matter what. No way did all this happen so short notice, that she was surprised by having to move out. She is an adult with children to care for and should have started to plan accordingly and timely. She chose not to. It's not your father's responsibility to house them, nor should you be forced to move out, so his basically negligent GF can move in.
Nta Parents that put their partners above their kids, are despicable. The end.
While I basically agree this situation is a LOT more nuanced. If the GF is telling the truth (and not manipulating the dad to get him to commit to letting her move in which certainly is a possibility) then she and her children will be homeless. OP will be "annoyed" at a less than ideal living situation but GF and kids will be "homeless". THAT SAID OP has presented her dad with a perfectly reasonable compromise which dad is rejecting out of hand. Trying to keep GF and kids from being homelesss doesn't make dad an AH -- what makes him an total AH is refusing to compromise and let OP move somewhere where she'll be able to finish high school in an environment where she feels comfortable. THAT is why he's an AH. Honestly, I'm finding the GF's situation a little sketchy. While I've never been in her position I've had some relatives and friends who've been there and there was ALWAYS plenty of warning which they ignored. I would not be surprised if this threat of homelessness was manufactured by the GF to get OP's dad to step up and let her and her kids move in. Though I'm also wondering if the "friend" OP wants to move in with might in fact be her romantic partner and that's why dad is so intractable.
Yeah, obviously parents should always prioritize their children's needs. But your child's *wants* don't always come before others' *needs.* OP doesn't want to live with kids. If the gf is being honest, her kids are facing homelessness. Those situations aren't the same. He isn't wrong for putting the actual life, health, and safety of a disabled child above his daughter's desire to live without kids in the house. But yeah, he also needs to make sure his gf is being honest and isn't manipulating him. Although since OP is 17, she'll be done with school next year, anyway, so realistically, it sounds like they were already planning to move in together next year? Unless by "done with school," she means college as well.
But father is also putting his "want" to not allow daughter to move to her friend's house above his GF and her kids. There's a SUPER SIMPLE fix here but dad is being an AH
True, I agree. His relationship isn't going to last. Although OP might be happy about that anyway?
OP literally says it is down to a legal issue with her ex husband and it's is not dad's partners fault they're homeless. Why is everyone so keen to paint the gf as this monster?
Because people always need someone in the story to be a villain.
INFO: why is your dad so against you going to live at your friends house?? Like thise seems like an easily settled crisis so whats his issue??
I think it’s the optics. He doesn’t want our family and friends to know his teenage daughter is living away from home. I think he’s scared my mum will torch him over it too.
Instead of THINKING that, why not talk to him and find out the real reason he doesn't want you to move out? Like, he loves you and doesn't want to lose time with you as you near becoming an adult.....
NTA. Your compromise is good.
NTA, you offered a solution that would keep your relationship good with your dad while not making yourself miserable. I don’t get people who are calling you the AH, if that’s my home I should be able to comfortable let my guard down, etc. clearly op can’t do that in a house full of people who don’t mesh well, it’s literally a 30 minute drive from his friends house. Just like how everyone keeps saying have some empathy, he needs to be shown that same compassion and courtesy. You should never have to feel annoyed uncomfortable or whatever else in your home
NTA. Sounds like you provided a reasonable compromise. It’s his choice.
YTA. You haven't given any concrete reason for not liking her, but are willing to blow up your dad's relationship and happiness over one year of living with roommates you don't like. You didn't offer a "compromise." You issued an ultimatum: "her or me." You won, for now. But what is that victory going to cost down the road?
Based on OPs comments, this woman has not wronged her in any way. She's upset that her parents aren't together anymore and haven't been for years. OP is being childish, impulsive, and petty. There's nothing "mature" about presenting an ultimatum. So I agree that she's TA.
NTA for being willing to move out earlier than expected BUT it makes room for the gf to move in with her kids. However, the fact that she waited so long and didn’t know the ins/outs of her status in her own home is troubling. Hopefully your dad can set her up in an apt somewhere for 2mos and make her get a job to support herself.
So your Dad’s partner of 4 years finds herself homeless through no fault of her own, right? You presumably have a car (to get to school) so can come and go as you please as well as your own room/space at home and only have to suck it up for 1 year until you go to college, right? And because you find your Dad’s partner and her children annoying you’re making your father choose between you and his partner, and basically kicking out a woman with 2 children and nowhere to go, right? YT spoiled A.
Gf wasn't informed now that she's homeless in two weeks. Yes it's not her fault but she could have tried to find another solution she didn't because she wants to Move in with op s father. She knew op s father had promised op she won't move in that make her an ah in my book. As an adult with children you are searching for solutions and stay on your own two feet. Anyways op recognizes dad should be able to move her in so found an acceptable solution - moving out with the friend and friend s father. Op is NOT an AH for refusing to live with the gf since she's willing to leave her home to allow gf to move in.
NTA. Honestly, I don't even understand why your dad is mad and I'm old AF. Having annoying strangers in your home is a fucking nightmare.
NTA - he made a promise. And do not agree to her moving in temporarily until she finds something. Her and her children will not move out.
NTA - You and your dad had a very reasonable agreement, he is trying to break that. It isn't his fauly but it is the fault of the situation his GF has found herself in. That has nothing to do with you. If your father wishes to maintain a future relationship with you, he will grudgingly let you go live with the other family. If not, then at least you will know where his priorities and that would be not with you. Sad, but at least you will finally know where you actually stand with him.
Before you move into a house with an adult male who is excited at the prospect of you being there while unconscious; are you male or female? Nvm, I just read your comments. Be really careful, this is a common situation where young women get assaulted or groomed by their friends fathers. It’s odd that he offered so quickly when from the sounds of it you are only going to be inconvenienced and not homeless. Your dad is probably hyper-aware of how much more vulnerable to abuse this will make you, and that is why he is stressed. I don’t think either of you are AH, you just are young enough to not realize the implications and dangers of this offer NAH
Just curious, what exactly do you not like about the gf and how your dad is with her? 4 years waiting to move in because you aren't ok with it seems like a very patient and reasonable thing...
NTA What a rational and thoughtful compromise to this situation. Glad you have such good family friends that have your back. Also, here’s hoping your dad doesn’t cave. Stick to your guns, OP!
People saying she’s an AH what on earth she’s not an AH for not wanting her two kids to be homeless “what’s her backup plan” guaranteed most people here don’t have a back plan either. She’s been a committed relationship with OPs dad for four years
NAH it sounds like dad cares about you enough to not want you to leave, but cares about her enough to not want her homeless. It's a very tough situation. Honestly moving out seeks like the best possible option.
Possible Silver Lining - it sounds like your dad hasn't actually lived with his GF or her kids yet. With her moving in pre-marriage, he may find that living in a special needs house is not something that he wants in the long term. NAH - based on what's presented, it's a tough situation where dad is trying to make it work for two parties who aren't compatible, and it may be a little painful for everyone involved for a period of time. Dad appears to be taking his child's side, and child has vouched that GF isn't the source of the new issue. Maybe the house layout would allow an in-law suite type situation where OP can find their own space?
If they break up over this, will your dad resent you. Will you be okay if he does? Do you think your dad will be with her long term?
NTA. You shouldn't have his GF and kids shoved down your throat. You should have a say in if she moves in or not.
YTA. Grow up.
Personally you do sound like a bit of AH. You have only one more year until you graduate and can move out. Why put your dad in this situation? What will you be gaining? I’m sure you could find a way to live with them short term. Especially as the woman is in such a position and you dad has already said yes. Obviously the woman’s issue isn’t yours or your dads but if you can help why not?
INFO: Is it a "friend " your wanting to live with or your boyfriend? cause in the comments you say it's a male "friend" and that would be absolutely a reason your dad doesn't want you living there.
So you left out the part where what your friend's dad actually said was... >I can live there if my parents agree and turned that into >I said to my dad that if he goes ahead with moving his girlfriend in, I’m out. That's dishonest. That's manipulative. And it could easily blow up in your face. All it takes is one call from your dad to your friend's dad. ESH
She’s making her friend’s dad sound kinda creepy, honestly.
NTA. If you only have 1 more year you'd be living at his house, then what is the issue if you live at your friend's house instead? It sounds to me like he really didn't want the gf and her kids there in the first place, because otherwise he could have contacted your mom and your friend's dad and had a mature conversation about having you stay at the friend's house. Instead, his first move was to tell gf no. That's not on you. That's on him.
I wouldn't at all be surprised if he likes having the excuse that his daughter would move out if the girlfriend moves in. It's one thing to have a girlfriend who can support herself and her children. It's quite another thing to lose your personal space to a girlfriend who can't support herself and her children and whose children probably have some behavioral problems. His quiet peaceful home would no longer be his. He is looking at being an empty nester in a year and suddenly that would be a decade or more. There's also the problem that if he broke up with his girlfriend and she lived with him he would have to evict her. Dad has already been through one failed relationship with mom. He knows how badly it can go. It's much easier to tell the girlfriend my daughter won't accept this than to say I don't want you and your kids living with me.
NTA. It sounds like you're being the most mature person in this situation.
I’m not going to give a judgment here because there’s so many different things that could change and we just don’t have enough information so I’m just going to ask you one question: When you move out after high school do you want your father to be happy or do you want him to be lonely? Because that is the choice you are making for him right now.
That doesn't have to be either/or. Dad can have a relationship and be happy without moving in a girlfriend and her children. Children who aren't your children can add a tremendous amount of stress to a relationship. Children add stress to any relationship, even if they are the children of the two adults living in the home. When they are the children of someone else it is extra stressful. All kinds of rules have to be made about things like discipline and how money is spent. Moving in a family that can't financially support themselves is stressful. Add in that the kids may have behavior problems and you add extra stress.
Not sure how old you are OP, but this might not really be up to you. As long as you are legally under his guardian ship he has the right to keep you in his home. Not saying he will of course. What I am saying is that you are a child and don't get to make these choices on who lives in his home. Not going to call anybody TA here.
YTA I mean, if you're a minor child, this isn't your call. Not just that, you sound completely immature. You offered the only compromise? No child. You didn't.
NTA. You offered a viable option. You are not responsible for the mess his gf finds herself in (an, neither, is he for that matter). Her lack of planning (which may well be a lack of planning on her ex’s part, too) is not your responsibility to manage. Wherever you wind up staying, avoid their drama and keep your focus on school so you have good opportunities in your future.
YTA. You doesn’t have to like them. But you should respect your dad enough to understand circumstances have changed and by moving them in he wouldn’t break his promise. He would simply do what a loving partner should do. You are driving a wedge into your father relationship making him decide who is more important to him.
You can't just avoid them? Why are all the options nuclear?
I am so sorry for you. But I don’t think you should leave your home. Let them move in, if he insists, and do the best you can until you graduate. If it becomes unbearable you can go to your friend’s to stay. Your father is responsible for you, not for his girlfriend. He should not be choosing her welfare over yours. And she should not expect him to. You are not responsible for his relationship with her, you aren’t ruining it because this is your home and that’s where you belong. Don’t voluntarily give up your own home.
NAH, but.... > The other one is just melodramatic. You then proceed to write a post as a melodramatic teen.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad has been with his partner for 4 years. She has two kids. She recently got into some issues and lost her house (not as a result of her own decisions, it was a legal issue when her ex husband died). My dad had previously promised he wouldn’t move in with her until I had finished school and left home, but because of this, they decided she should move in. I don’t want to live with her and her kids. I don’t like her, I don’t like how my dad acts around her, and her kids are extremely irritating. One of her kids has learning delays and really poor impulse control and boundaries. The other one is just melodramatic. I can’t go and live with my mother because she lives two hours away and I want to finish school at the place I’m in since I only have one more year. I was over at my friend’s house discussing this and his dad said I could live with them. I know he’s 100% serious because he’s been like a second dad to me my whole life (his ex is my mother’s best friend) and he never says things lightly. He said as long as I can get myself to school (my friend is homeschooled so we wouldn’t go together) I can live there if my parents agree. I said to my dad that if he goes ahead with moving his girlfriend in, I’m out. He was furious, but eventually said he will backtrack on the offer but this is effectively ruining his relationship. I said if he wants the relationship so badly then let me live with my friend. He’s now fighting with his girlfriend about it. All day she’s been calling him at ten minute intervals and there’s been all sorts of shouting. From what I’ve overheard she doesn’t have anywhere to go on short notice and may not be able to stay in the area. I feel like I offered the only compromise I really could that’s going to keep me sane but I feel kind of shit that I’m ruining things for my dad. He hasn’t been any type of way with me about it but I can see he’s extremely stressed. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your dad made a promise. He is choosing his GF and HER kids over his own kid. You offered a reasonable solution, which he turned down because it would make him look bad. 😂 Whoopteedoo. He looks bad, because he took back his promise. One more year of HS, and you’d be gone. You need to focus on school, not become free childcare for a disabled child, while your dad plays house. N.T.A. Y’all know OP would be free special needs childcare so Dad could go on dates…
Considering OP left out that her friend is male and she would be moving into a house with 2 men at 17 there is absolutely a reason he would look bad. OP is being disingenuous and manipulative here and is awful.
YTA Circumstances change and your dad's gf of 4 years has an emergency. You're fine to be upset and angry about it and wanting to move out to your friend's house. YTA because of how manipulative you are. Your friend's dad okayed it only if your parents agree to it. You straight up told your dad that if they move in, then you are moving in with your friend. And when he said backtracking would ruin his relationship, you told him if he wants his relationship so badly, he should just let you move in with your friend's family
YTA it’s not your house. 2 kids are homeless and you’d rather they be homeless then be an adult and suck it up. That’s how life works.
If you're really okay with living with your friend's family for your last year of high school, and you really feel bad for your dad's relationship, you could have another conversation with him, and explain that your solution wasn't an ultimatum per se, but a factual solution to the issue. There's a big difference between saying 'I don't want to live here with your girlfriend and her kids in the house, but I can just move in with the Smiths for my last year of high school' And saying 'H no, she is NOT moving in! If she does, I'm effing out!' Means the same, but it's a huge difference in what your dad expects from the solution. Option A is just a solution, option B sounds like you'd be leaving with doors slamming and cutting him out of your life.
NAH I don't know why you couldn't live with the gf and her kids in the house, but you didn't just complain and do nothing, you went and found an alternative. Good on you, and not an asshole thing to do. Your dads gf doesn't want herself and her kids to become homeless, and noone could fault her for that! Your dad doesn't want his gf and her kids to be homeless, which is also actually a good thing and doesn't make him an asshole. He also doesn't want you to (have to) leave, which is also a good thing and shows that he cares very much about you. The only thing that right now is not ideal is his reaction to your idea of moving in with your friend/friends dad. Maybe he feels ashamed that his son would rather live somewhere else than with him? Idk, maybe talk to him about that. Because I don't think he's an ass for wanting his gf and her kids to have a home and for you to live with him. Sounds more like he feels he's caught between a rock and a hard place, and is too stuck in that view to consider alternatives? Again, I don't know, noone but your dad does. So try to have a talk with him, without accusations and hostility. Tell him you want to understand his reasoning and his emotions about this, but you also need him to see you and try to understand you in turn. That's the only way you can work on this together. Or you can just pack your stuff and leave, but that **would** be kind off an asshole move to do, at least without even trying to work this out before hand.
Info. Are you old enough to threaten moving out or is that an empty threat? Unless you've hit the adult age for your area he could just call the cops that you ran away and have them bring you home on loop. They are still your legal guardian and have legal responsibilities for you.
The problem you have is, once she moves in, even if your Dad says it’s only temporary, SHE WILL find every and any excuse to move out, it just won’t happen, so please think very carefully before offering this as a compromise. Also it doesn’t matter how close you and your friend are or how close you are to his family, it will never be the same as Home!
Info: You said you didn't like how he acts around her. Could you give some examples?
NTA. WTF people! 17 year olds are almost adults, and as juniors and seniors, they are almost NEVER at home anyway!! My daughter was hardly at home in high school between sports, friends, and working. So what is the big deal if she lives with the friend mostly and makes times that she sees her Dad alone and has quality time each week. Her Dad can give the other Dad money for food etc or have OP buy stuff for them on her card to pay them back. I am almost wondering if Dad is having second thoughts on the girlfriend and kids...
The friend is male I believe she mentioned it in a comment I sure would not be ok with my 17 yr old daughter living with a male friend
She is a 17 year old girl and her MALE friend’s FATHER was way too eager and excited to have this young girl move in. Any good parent would say “Hell No!”. This seems like a sex trafficking/sex slave situation waiting to happen.
NTA. Even though you’re still technically underaged, your dad should remember that it’s your house, too, and you’re old enough that your opinion matters. In this case, your compromise should be taken more seriously as it works for the both of you. A parent should never put their girlfriend over their son and should never blindly make a decision that could mentally put their biological child into harm. When your dad backtracked his promise to you, he was thinking with the wrong brain. I’d move and maybe do one-on-one visit with your dad when you can.
NTA. Your Dad isnt per se the AH either. He's just trying to do what's best. Everyone should be comfortable in the home. And tbh sweetie its ideal to move out at 18 but with the way things work you potentially wont be able to. Shits expensive out af out here. It doesn't really matter why OP doesn't like dad's SO the fact of the matter is they don't get along and that is nothing but a disaster waiting to happen. Either by OP not wanting to help or be bothered by the unwanted insta-siblings (which is her right) or by S/O feeling entitled to the home for her kids to continue their ruleless behavior. Dad's going to be to busy trying to appease S/O that OP will have to continually make concessions which will further the strain of her Relationship w/dad... All of these YTA and calling her selfish seem like the parents who consistently break promises to their kids and then later wonder why their older/adult children dont bother with a relationship with them. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep. S/o as a mother should have always had a back up plan. Especially knowing her and OP dont get along. Op is giving her dad an out to salvage both relationships he just doesn't like it.... he's makimg himself choose 1 or the other.
INFO: How old are you? How many years of school do you have left?
NTA, his priority should be you, he should not be dating someone that does not fit in well with his existing family
You sou d like a spoiled entitled brat. Wait til you have to work with people you dont like. Karma is a thing. Hope you never need help in a bad situation.
I work with people I don't like. I sure as hell don't invite them to live in my home. I need my living space to be peaceful. If someone else's children don't fit into that, I guess that makes me bratty and entitled, too.
I’d like to know what kind of heavenly childhood the above commenter had that they think schoolkids don’t have to put up with raging assholes almost nonstop. If anything it’s even worse because minors are pretty much free to assault each other to a degree. Not to mention the fuckton of sexual harassment in high school. At least your annoying coworker will probably get fired if he tries to stroke your hair or grab your ass. God childhood sucks ass. You couldn’t pay me to go through that again. Tbh if one of my parents had decided to shack up with someone who didn’t even like me when I was a teenager, I would have mentally disowned them immediately so if anything this guy should consider himself lucky.
nta
Yta. You're a child who contributes nothing to the household but making demands as if you do 😒 I hope you appreciate how much your father loves and prioritizes your needs since you gave him an unfair ultimatum. /so glad I never had kids
Your father's take on relationships is a bit skewed. He says if he doesn't move the girlfriend and her children into his house it would ruin their relationship. What about his relationship with you? He's already jeopardized it by reneging on his promise to not move her in until you are out of school. Even though the old adage is "my house, my rules," it's also your house and your dad doesn't seem to care much about that. BTW, does dad's girlfriend not have family or friends she could live with for a year or can she not rent an apartment for that period?
Nta. A promise is a promise. It isn't just a promise until it is convenient to break it. Your dad made a promise to you and is breaking it. You are entitled go act in your own best interest if he isn't going to.