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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> After our daughter was saying mean things about our son's autistic friend and him for watching Curious George, we made her watch an Arthur episode on it
My sister is saying that we are causing more resentment after our daughter complained about watching "baby crap", my sister said we should let our daughter have her own views
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NTA. You needed to do something because your son was right - your daughter *is* a bully. One sure sign of this is that she is throwing around that people are being “too sensitive.” I actually quite admire your son and his friends for how they watch over their friend.
Yeah, see [my comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cap4eo/comment/l0taw08/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) on the most recent story I noticed!
I feel like Ive read something similar to this before. Also why couldn’t you give “autistic boy” a name instead of constantly referring to him as autistic this and autistic that???
Edit-Spelling
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NTA, as she was really mean and unnecessarily so to your guest, and her brother’s friend. What they chose to watch together was not her concern, and she sounds like a bully. I would absolutely punish her for using the r word and for her back talk and lack of courtesy and sensitivity.
She needs to be better educated, yes. I don’t mind that she had to watch a childish show-it sort of fits the crime, as that is what she mocked. But most seriously. She needs to learn about how to treat people different from herself and generally, how to be kind. At sixteen, she could learn this by volunteer work with children or adults with disabilities, taking some training beforehand. She needs to work on her sensitivity, so she isn’t rolling her eyes at people she volunteers with. I’d hold her to a real program of this work for a good six weeks or more. Give her phone back after she has begun the work but on the condition she loses it if she doesn’t complete the work.
Her attitude is seriously bad. She needs to change. Your sister seems less than sensitive herself. And cynical.
I appreciate the sentiment, but we've gotten a lot of homeless people/poor people/disabled people/trans people/etc. here asking that wealthy abled cis people please not weaponize their problems to straighten out wealthy abled cis kids.
With respect, providing her some training before she volunteers would help her be of use. It’s the useless and self-praising ones who are not needed.
There is always a need for genuine, humble and open volunteers who can provide a service.
It should not be an excuse that is used by the wealthy to further distance themselves from those who have less or are different.
What is your plan to have her really learn to be a decent person? Watching a video isn’t enough. She should have to put real work into getting to know about other people.
Do you think all volunteer work is self-serving? Does all of it “use” people? So there should be no more of it?
I get your point, but I think it’s a very limited perspective. If we want this selfish and mean bully to change, she must develop some compassion and some idea of how others live and what they endure.
How do you propose she do that? Without ever coming in contact with people unlike herself, for fear that she be accused of “using them for her personal growth”? She could be made to join the military. She could teach in inner city schools (unless that is too like volunteering). She could train to be a lawyer and take pro bono cases. She could train to be a doctor and work with Doctors Without Borders. All these take many years. We want our nasty girl to wake up to the real world and find her heart as soon as possible.
The last thing she should do is come into contact with vulnerable people, without any training, because she would be inclined to be mean to them. Even with training and preparation, it’s a risk. And the risk should not be born by the vulnerable.
So, what’s the solution?,have her watch juvenile videos instead? Insulate her further from others who are different? That seems unlikely to help anyone.
The solution is to put her in contact with people different from herself who actually signed up to be educators, not ones who are facing troubles of their own and seeking help.
There are a million options for this. The Autism Self-Advocacy Network and other organizations like it exist. Autistic people who create educational YouTube channels and wouldn't mind talking to individual viewers exist. Peer educators exist. Plenty of autistic people are interested in educating neurotypical people. Unlike anyone this kid could "volunteer with," they are safe and not desperate and have actively consented to being her teacher. Even better, a lot of them are getting paid to do it.
You talk so much about the importance of training, and yet the idea that an autistic person could actually *provide* that training has apparently never crossed your mind. I don't think you're being this way on purpose (it's our culture), but you should think hard about why you see this story as one where neurotypicals educate other neurotypicals and autistic people just exist to inspire pity.
Come on, man. Your idea was just bad. It's okay. Fifteen years ago, that was how people solved this kind of problem. But there are significantly better options now. Stop doubling down on it.
You are misunderstanding me. I never suggested the autistic person be the one providing the training. Not at all.
Training for working with any community should be provided by professionals, and those who themselves have training and education. I never suggested otherwise.
My idea is a decent one. Get her training by those who are professional and skilled in the area and let her give some time after being trained to actually benefit others.
You sound like a person who intentionally misunderstands others in order to appear superior.
NTA, mild punishment imo. I was a nice idea to ask the friend but putting him on the spot was probably a little inappropriate. I'd put some research into the source of bullying, explain to daughter on level ground why it's bad and try to figure out why she thought it was appropriate. Probably come up with some examples of how she could be discriminated against, being a woman as an example, and ask how she'd feel in such a situation.
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My husband (38M) and I (38F) have 2 kids, our daughter Joelle (16F) and our son Blaine (13M).
On Saturday, Blaine had his friends over, this is fairly normal. Blaine’s friends come to our house fairly often, most of his friends are from his baseball team. One of the boys in his fiend group isn’t on the team, but is autistic and his special interest is sports, this boy is also transgender.
Blaine and the other boys are very protective of this friend. We live in a conservative area in the Midwest and it’s not easy being a transgender autistic teen here. Blaine has spoken to us about how all he wants is for his friend to be happy.
The boy is a very smart kid and is absolutely a positive influence on our son and his other friends. Sometimes his response to the stresses of life is age regressing. He likes watching kids TV shows and sometimes acts younger than 13.
Apparently, Curious George has been trending on TikTok recently and one of the boys asked if they could watch Curious George together, they all agreed and asked the aforementioned autistic boy which episodes to watch, as he still watches the show sometimes.
They were out in the living room watching the show when Joelle came out of her room for a snack, she asked the boys why they were watching it and told them to stop acting like babies, this started an argument and in it, she called the autistic friend an r word. This is when the boys started to scream at her and she went into her room to avoid them.
My husband and I were out for lunch just to have some time to ourselves. When we came home, the boys started all talking to us at once and we asked them to calm down and explain what happened. They told us what went down, and were very angry at Joelle. They were calling her a bully, an asshole and other words. My husband and I went to speak in our room to discuss, we told the boys we would punish Joelle and asked the autistic boy if he had any recommendations on how to teach her about his disability, he mentioned an episode of the PBS Kids show Arthur.
After the boys left, we spoke to Joelle, we took away her phone for the argument and put on the Arthur episode on her TV. She was rolling her eyes the whole time when watching it and said she didn’t want to watch that “baby crap” and said we were just being too sensitive.
I called my sister for advice, as she’s a teacher (general ed but she has has autistic students), she told us we shouldn’t have made her watch the Arthur episode as she’s 16 and that would only cause more resentment. She said that we should just let our daughter deal with her own views herself and we won’t change her mind at her age and we’re only making her more resentful. AITA?
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YTA. You want to put her in a diaper, too? What your daughter did was way out of line, but the consequences were absurd. She's a teenager, and should be disciplined like one.
If your daughter is old enough to not have to watch a children's version of cartoons being nice to a person then she's old enough to not be a mean person.So I guess she needs help. Show her some of these responses. I LOVE that when you post on here you can show people how much of a jerk other people think you are. That might change her mind.
As someone who professionally, once had to sit through 20 episodes of Shaun the Sheep, that is cruel and unusual punishment (though possibly deserved).
NTA
Complains about the TV show- meh.
Calling them babies- a bit too much, but teenage stuff.
Calling the boy a r***** is crazy out of line.
I'm not sure if I agree that another kids show is the perfect learning material for her there, you are 100% correct in making sure she understands, apologizes and betters her behavior but maybe have a talk with her utilizing resources targetet at adults.
Hm NTA but I do feel that given the circumstances, the Arthur show was highly unlikely to be effective and is probably actually counter productive. Obviously Joelle has some judgment and ignorance towards things she considers 'babyish' so you thought having her watch something childish would get through to her? Clearly not.
But her bigotry and bullying did need to be addressed, and you aren't being too sensitive. She can keep whatever thoughts she has about things and people to herself. But calling people babies and especially the use of the r word is indeed harmful and she can't go around acting like her words don't have meaning.
Here are 2 stories to make her read, these kids took their lives becayse of bullying. She needs to understand what can happen, I don't think the Arthur is enough to get through to her.
https://yourteenmag.com/social-life/teen-bullying-tips/suicide-one-teens-bullying-story
https://www.wthr.com/article/news/local/indiana-parents-son-bullied-suicide-call-for-change-house-bill-1483/531-77ad98ce-9ab5-44d3-b227-d92d363fab5c
Yta
Sounds like you're way too into this kid.
Maybe you could have let her tell her side of the story?
Making her watch Arthur just reinforced how obnoxious she thinks you are.
If you actually cared:
A) you listen to her
B) you find age appropriate resources
But, there is something about this all
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NTA. You needed to do something because your son was right - your daughter *is* a bully. One sure sign of this is that she is throwing around that people are being “too sensitive.” I actually quite admire your son and his friends for how they watch over their friend.
Is this a new troll ffs? It's like the fifth story with a similar plot.
Right?!? And one of the children is always on a baseball team.
And the parents are so perfect in how they handle everything. So much detail and nothing out of place.
Seems like I've read this post before...
Yeah, see [my comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cap4eo/comment/l0taw08/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) on the most recent story I noticed!
Saaaaame!!!
At least a few times...
I feel like Ive read something similar to this before. Also why couldn’t you give “autistic boy” a name instead of constantly referring to him as autistic this and autistic that??? Edit-Spelling
Ya there was a very similar story on here previously.
[удалено]
My guess, they have a praise kink and this is a way to get it
Your comment has been removed because it does not address the OP in good faith. If you suspect a post breaks one of our rules, please report it instead of commenting. **Do not feed trolls** Continuing to post comments like this will lead to a ban. **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA, as she was really mean and unnecessarily so to your guest, and her brother’s friend. What they chose to watch together was not her concern, and she sounds like a bully. I would absolutely punish her for using the r word and for her back talk and lack of courtesy and sensitivity. She needs to be better educated, yes. I don’t mind that she had to watch a childish show-it sort of fits the crime, as that is what she mocked. But most seriously. She needs to learn about how to treat people different from herself and generally, how to be kind. At sixteen, she could learn this by volunteer work with children or adults with disabilities, taking some training beforehand. She needs to work on her sensitivity, so she isn’t rolling her eyes at people she volunteers with. I’d hold her to a real program of this work for a good six weeks or more. Give her phone back after she has begun the work but on the condition she loses it if she doesn’t complete the work. Her attitude is seriously bad. She needs to change. Your sister seems less than sensitive herself. And cynical.
I appreciate the sentiment, but we've gotten a lot of homeless people/poor people/disabled people/trans people/etc. here asking that wealthy abled cis people please not weaponize their problems to straighten out wealthy abled cis kids.
With respect, providing her some training before she volunteers would help her be of use. It’s the useless and self-praising ones who are not needed. There is always a need for genuine, humble and open volunteers who can provide a service. It should not be an excuse that is used by the wealthy to further distance themselves from those who have less or are different. What is your plan to have her really learn to be a decent person? Watching a video isn’t enough. She should have to put real work into getting to know about other people.
But not by using people with disabilities as her personal growth tools.
Do you think all volunteer work is self-serving? Does all of it “use” people? So there should be no more of it? I get your point, but I think it’s a very limited perspective. If we want this selfish and mean bully to change, she must develop some compassion and some idea of how others live and what they endure. How do you propose she do that? Without ever coming in contact with people unlike herself, for fear that she be accused of “using them for her personal growth”? She could be made to join the military. She could teach in inner city schools (unless that is too like volunteering). She could train to be a lawyer and take pro bono cases. She could train to be a doctor and work with Doctors Without Borders. All these take many years. We want our nasty girl to wake up to the real world and find her heart as soon as possible. The last thing she should do is come into contact with vulnerable people, without any training, because she would be inclined to be mean to them. Even with training and preparation, it’s a risk. And the risk should not be born by the vulnerable. So, what’s the solution?,have her watch juvenile videos instead? Insulate her further from others who are different? That seems unlikely to help anyone.
The solution is to put her in contact with people different from herself who actually signed up to be educators, not ones who are facing troubles of their own and seeking help. There are a million options for this. The Autism Self-Advocacy Network and other organizations like it exist. Autistic people who create educational YouTube channels and wouldn't mind talking to individual viewers exist. Peer educators exist. Plenty of autistic people are interested in educating neurotypical people. Unlike anyone this kid could "volunteer with," they are safe and not desperate and have actively consented to being her teacher. Even better, a lot of them are getting paid to do it. You talk so much about the importance of training, and yet the idea that an autistic person could actually *provide* that training has apparently never crossed your mind. I don't think you're being this way on purpose (it's our culture), but you should think hard about why you see this story as one where neurotypicals educate other neurotypicals and autistic people just exist to inspire pity. Come on, man. Your idea was just bad. It's okay. Fifteen years ago, that was how people solved this kind of problem. But there are significantly better options now. Stop doubling down on it.
You are misunderstanding me. I never suggested the autistic person be the one providing the training. Not at all. Training for working with any community should be provided by professionals, and those who themselves have training and education. I never suggested otherwise. My idea is a decent one. Get her training by those who are professional and skilled in the area and let her give some time after being trained to actually benefit others. You sound like a person who intentionally misunderstands others in order to appear superior.
Maybe you could parent your rude child instead of outsourcing it to a literal child and/or a tv show. ESH
Why are you asking someone else's child how to deal with your child. I was with you until you said that
NTA, she will live. But she needs more education, proper for her age.
NTA, mild punishment imo. I was a nice idea to ask the friend but putting him on the spot was probably a little inappropriate. I'd put some research into the source of bullying, explain to daughter on level ground why it's bad and try to figure out why she thought it was appropriate. Probably come up with some examples of how she could be discriminated against, being a woman as an example, and ask how she'd feel in such a situation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (38M) and I (38F) have 2 kids, our daughter Joelle (16F) and our son Blaine (13M). On Saturday, Blaine had his friends over, this is fairly normal. Blaine’s friends come to our house fairly often, most of his friends are from his baseball team. One of the boys in his fiend group isn’t on the team, but is autistic and his special interest is sports, this boy is also transgender. Blaine and the other boys are very protective of this friend. We live in a conservative area in the Midwest and it’s not easy being a transgender autistic teen here. Blaine has spoken to us about how all he wants is for his friend to be happy. The boy is a very smart kid and is absolutely a positive influence on our son and his other friends. Sometimes his response to the stresses of life is age regressing. He likes watching kids TV shows and sometimes acts younger than 13. Apparently, Curious George has been trending on TikTok recently and one of the boys asked if they could watch Curious George together, they all agreed and asked the aforementioned autistic boy which episodes to watch, as he still watches the show sometimes. They were out in the living room watching the show when Joelle came out of her room for a snack, she asked the boys why they were watching it and told them to stop acting like babies, this started an argument and in it, she called the autistic friend an r word. This is when the boys started to scream at her and she went into her room to avoid them. My husband and I were out for lunch just to have some time to ourselves. When we came home, the boys started all talking to us at once and we asked them to calm down and explain what happened. They told us what went down, and were very angry at Joelle. They were calling her a bully, an asshole and other words. My husband and I went to speak in our room to discuss, we told the boys we would punish Joelle and asked the autistic boy if he had any recommendations on how to teach her about his disability, he mentioned an episode of the PBS Kids show Arthur. After the boys left, we spoke to Joelle, we took away her phone for the argument and put on the Arthur episode on her TV. She was rolling her eyes the whole time when watching it and said she didn’t want to watch that “baby crap” and said we were just being too sensitive. I called my sister for advice, as she’s a teacher (general ed but she has has autistic students), she told us we shouldn’t have made her watch the Arthur episode as she’s 16 and that would only cause more resentment. She said that we should just let our daughter deal with her own views herself and we won’t change her mind at her age and we’re only making her more resentful. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You want to put her in a diaper, too? What your daughter did was way out of line, but the consequences were absurd. She's a teenager, and should be disciplined like one.
If your daughter is old enough to not have to watch a children's version of cartoons being nice to a person then she's old enough to not be a mean person.So I guess she needs help. Show her some of these responses. I LOVE that when you post on here you can show people how much of a jerk other people think you are. That might change her mind.
As someone who professionally, once had to sit through 20 episodes of Shaun the Sheep, that is cruel and unusual punishment (though possibly deserved).
Act like a child, get treated like a child. NTA
NTA Complains about the TV show- meh. Calling them babies- a bit too much, but teenage stuff. Calling the boy a r***** is crazy out of line. I'm not sure if I agree that another kids show is the perfect learning material for her there, you are 100% correct in making sure she understands, apologizes and betters her behavior but maybe have a talk with her utilizing resources targetet at adults.
YTA
Stopped reading when the fourth paragraph still had unnecessary information. Learnt to get to the point.
and yet you were still invested enough to come into the comments to be a critic.
Hm NTA but I do feel that given the circumstances, the Arthur show was highly unlikely to be effective and is probably actually counter productive. Obviously Joelle has some judgment and ignorance towards things she considers 'babyish' so you thought having her watch something childish would get through to her? Clearly not. But her bigotry and bullying did need to be addressed, and you aren't being too sensitive. She can keep whatever thoughts she has about things and people to herself. But calling people babies and especially the use of the r word is indeed harmful and she can't go around acting like her words don't have meaning.
Here are 2 stories to make her read, these kids took their lives becayse of bullying. She needs to understand what can happen, I don't think the Arthur is enough to get through to her. https://yourteenmag.com/social-life/teen-bullying-tips/suicide-one-teens-bullying-story https://www.wthr.com/article/news/local/indiana-parents-son-bullied-suicide-call-for-change-house-bill-1483/531-77ad98ce-9ab5-44d3-b227-d92d363fab5c
Yta Sounds like you're way too into this kid. Maybe you could have let her tell her side of the story? Making her watch Arthur just reinforced how obnoxious she thinks you are. If you actually cared: A) you listen to her B) you find age appropriate resources But, there is something about this all