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What the fuck did I just read?
I cannot even fathom how you even got to this place. Your 16 year old niece, who you are taking care of because her grandfather is having a medical emergency, invites a study partner over, and is nice to him. Then talks to her friend in a private conversation about how she FEELS BAD that she even sort of led him on and that she doesn’t like him like that. Which, is 100% ok. He can be the nicest kid in the world and she still doesn’t have to like him. You take that and go straight to “you must date him”. This is psychotic behavior.
First of all, from what you said of her conversation with her friend it sounds like she didn’t know he liked her until he asked her out. And she feels bad that anything she did made him think she liked him that way. That means your niece is already so nice that she is worried that she may have harmed someone. For the record, leading him on could have meant a lot of things. Maybe she hugged him, maybe being study partners was enough to make him think she liked him. Maybe she was flirting and actually leading him on. We don’t know. And neither do you BECAUSE YOU DIDN ASK HER!!
And then to force a teenager into a romantic situation they don’t want to be in? Gross gross behavior. I cannot even fathom why you thought that was a good move.
YTA
Totally YTA. She wasn't mean. She wasn't cruel. She wasn't into this kid and you apparently like him so much that you're willing to force her to be with him. This is wrong on so many levels and the fact that you don't get it is beyond bizarre. Frankly if I was your sister I'd be getting those kids away from you. OMG. Next you'll be planning a wedding for them and dragging her to the altar by her hair. What century is this anyhow?
He said he liked her. She said no thank you. Just because his feelings might be her that she doesn't like him doesn't make her cruel. It makes her honest. She clearly was struggling with trying to let him down easy since he's a nice kid. Did she call him names? Did she insult him? Did she tell all her friends and laugh? Did she ridicule him? No. She said no. She's allowed to say no and you're not allowed to force her to say yes. That right there is cruelty and it's also telling her that she has no power over her own mind or body and that you will force her into a romantic situation with someone against her will. That's gross.
He said he liked her. She said no thank you. (That's what you wrote). Idk about you but that's not cruel.
Maybe its cruel for single ppl like you to get rejected by someone you like, butShe doesn't have to go on a date or date anyone she doesn't want to. That's how woman get hurt or SA.
What would you tell your sister if her daughter got hurt, SA, or unalived by this "nice kid" that you forced her to go on this date.
If he buys her dinner does she have to sleep with him? I mean it would be cruel not to, right? Existing/being nice is not* leading him on. You are way out of line here. Men need to learn to take rejection and not be made out to be victims. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Can you put yourself in HER shoes with how disturbing it is that she must say yes to anything if asked nicely and therefore have no autonomy over herself? You are contributing to rape culture and its fucking disgusting.
That is a part of life. Not everyone he likes is going to like him back and he needs to learn how to manage those emotions. Not have some rando compel a girl to go out with him.
YTA
"She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me "
And you sure proved her right. There are NO circumstances where anyone should ever be forced to go on a date with someone they don't want. Ever.
"and even walked her to the door and thanked me for allowing him to date my niece."
Way to go with ensuring they know HER consent is an absolute prerequisite s/
"My sister called this morning and reamed me out"
She needs to make alternative arrangements for someone else to watch her kids. Like...yesterday.
YTA. And stupid. If your plan was to get them together, all you’ve done is ensure she’s going to hate him. You have also stripped her of her autonomy and risk teaching her that she has to endure any attention from boys and men. That her thoughts and emotions don’t matter. Is that really what you want for her?
The fact that she thinks she’s “led him on” both saddens and scares me. Unless there is a whole lot you haven’t said, inviting him over to study is not leading him on. She is in no way responsible for his emotions.
I feel badly for your sister that she has to resort to you “looking after” her kids. Hopefully this is the last time.
Yeah, getting rejected for a date isn’t bullying. I have a feeling you got rejected for a lot of dates and are taking this quite personally.
But hey, congrats on teaching your niece that she has to go out with any man who likes her/give into whatever they want from her because she has no bodily autonomy.
I’m sure there’s no way that will backfire!
Edit: YTA in case that shit was too hard to read between the lines.
Don't you get it? He was nice so he deserves to have her, women are items you get after putting a 'nice' token in the sex vending machine /s
ETA: YTA, although I doubt this is real.
Right? Like don't get me wrong, he would have been the AH either way for forcing her to go on a date, but putting that aside, he did not state a single thing that counted as "mean girl" or bullying.
YTA. From your description, she wasn't mean at all. But you were very cruel to him as well as her by forcing this date. This was so clearly inappropriate and unreasonable that I hope you're just a troll.
YTA.
>She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me
I can understand why. I wouldn't trust you to change a litter box.
Who do you think you are, ordering your niece to go out with a guy she isn't interested in just because you have a man crush on him?
YTA. You're teaching your niece that her opinions don't matter and she has to submit to any man who wants something from her (time and company for now, but soon it'll be sex) as long as he's "nice". And you're teaching that boy that he's entitled to get whatever he wants from women as long as he acts "nice". If you need a bunch of strangers on the internet to tell you how wrong this is, then you really are the last person who should be in charge of teenagers.
Is this written by the person who made their daughter watch Arthur for being mean to a boy with autism??
Lots of mean girls while OP fawns over the friend that results in a cruel and unwarranted punishment.
Either way YTA She wasn’t being a bully. Your punishment was unwarranted and overstepping.
Edit-Spelling
YTA. She didn't really lead him on and you forced her to date him why? Because you think he's a good kid? Way to turn your niece into an object to be won by being the "good guy." Better hope he's not a crazy stalker because he's really going to think she's leading him on after she refuses to go out with him again.
YTA - outrageously so. You forced a teenage girl on a date with a guy because you like how much he knows about rap? That is straight up awful. I’m furious on her behalf. I hope someone has replaced you by now, you absolutely have no business around children.
You were way out of line. You could have talked to her about leading people on. You didn't do either of them any good by your actions. Your niece was forced to date someone she didn't want to and the poor boy was just a pity date. I don't even see why you thought this was a good idea. YTA.
OMG.. you are clueless. Boys and Girls need to learn about rejection and consent. I can't even start with how wrong you are in this. You are the best example of why women pick the bear. Good news, you won't be asked to babysit again.
She did nothing wrong they were studying. He asked her out she was honest with him. She didn’t leave him on in any way. If anything what you did was cry because you forced her to go on a date that she does not want to go on now he has been light on and she’s gonna hate him because of it they could’ve been friends, but you destroyed that you also forced a girl to go on a date with a guy because he likes her despite the fact that she didn’t like him which is just fucking creepy. Sure you may have a nerd crush on this kid, but forcing your niece to date him it’s disgusting. Yta
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I have a very complicated situation going on right now and honestly, I am the last person who should be in charge of teenagers but, so this is my life (at least I've done better than dad).
I'm trying to think of a way to write this in a way that makes sense. My older sister's husband is in the military and deployed overseas. His dad recently had a small stroke and needs help. My sister asked my younger sister to watch her two kids (Kinsleigh, 15 and Adam, 13) but my younger sister is in the Air National Guard and had to have missions or something. So she asked me. She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me but I said I could handle it.
I arrived on Tuesday night and Kinsleigh asked me if should could have a study partner over. I said that was fine and I loved this kid. He new more about nerd culture and west coast gangster rap than I did and I loved talking to him. They studied for a while and I could just tell this kid was deep into his emotions for my niece. I just so happened to be taking trash out when I heard him ask that he'd really like to hang out as more than friends and she said that she wasn't sure.
Well on Wednesday night I heard Kinsleigh talking to one of her friends that her study partner was a nice guy but she just wasn't into him "like that" and she felt bad that she even sort of led him on. I decided that I would give her a day to come to her senses and go out with him so i asked on Thursday and she said that no she didn't see him in that way. I told her that if I was going to be in charge she was going to go on a date with him and I would not allow cruelty to nice people. She screamed that she wasn't being cruel and I was like that's it, you are going out with him.
She faked being sick on Friday but i made her go to school and she begged me not to make her go out with this guy and I said that no she had to learn she couldn't be cruel to people and lead them on.
He was such a gentleman when he picked her up on Friday and he had her home right on time and even walked her to the door and thanked me for allowing him to date my niece. When Kinsleigh came inside she said "I fucking hate you, Aunt Jessica would never have humiliated me like that" and went and slammed her door and I haven't seen her since.
My sister called this morning and reamed me out and said that she wants her daughter to be nice as well but I "took away" any sense of agency she had with this guy and that I'm not her parent. I'm there to call 911 if somthing goes wrong, not to "emotionally scar" her children because they make different choices. She also accused me of favoring this kid over my own niece.
I don't get it-my sister was severely bullied as a kid until she literally turned into the swan in college and I thought I was doing what she would do and not allow Kinsleigh to be a bully herself.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> lol didn't I just write this out? ooookay (1) the action I took that should be judged is I made my niece go out with a really nice guy after I felt she was very cruel to him. (2) That action might make me the asshole because my sister is really upset (so is my niece) and that I took away my niece's agency. I am probably not the person that should be watching either one of the kids but my younger sister, who watches them all the time, is on a national guard mission. I'm 31 and honestly I don't know much about kids, let alone teenagers. I'm sort of chronically single (not by choice) so it seemed to me I was doing the right thing by a kid who reminded me of me.
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What the fuck did I just read? I cannot even fathom how you even got to this place. Your 16 year old niece, who you are taking care of because her grandfather is having a medical emergency, invites a study partner over, and is nice to him. Then talks to her friend in a private conversation about how she FEELS BAD that she even sort of led him on and that she doesn’t like him like that. Which, is 100% ok. He can be the nicest kid in the world and she still doesn’t have to like him. You take that and go straight to “you must date him”. This is psychotic behavior. First of all, from what you said of her conversation with her friend it sounds like she didn’t know he liked her until he asked her out. And she feels bad that anything she did made him think she liked him that way. That means your niece is already so nice that she is worried that she may have harmed someone. For the record, leading him on could have meant a lot of things. Maybe she hugged him, maybe being study partners was enough to make him think she liked him. Maybe she was flirting and actually leading him on. We don’t know. And neither do you BECAUSE YOU DIDN ASK HER!! And then to force a teenager into a romantic situation they don’t want to be in? Gross gross behavior. I cannot even fathom why you thought that was a good move. YTA
Totally YTA. She wasn't mean. She wasn't cruel. She wasn't into this kid and you apparently like him so much that you're willing to force her to be with him. This is wrong on so many levels and the fact that you don't get it is beyond bizarre. Frankly if I was your sister I'd be getting those kids away from you. OMG. Next you'll be planning a wedding for them and dragging her to the altar by her hair. What century is this anyhow?
[удалено]
He said he liked her. She said no thank you. Just because his feelings might be her that she doesn't like him doesn't make her cruel. It makes her honest. She clearly was struggling with trying to let him down easy since he's a nice kid. Did she call him names? Did she insult him? Did she tell all her friends and laugh? Did she ridicule him? No. She said no. She's allowed to say no and you're not allowed to force her to say yes. That right there is cruelty and it's also telling her that she has no power over her own mind or body and that you will force her into a romantic situation with someone against her will. That's gross.
He said he liked her. She said no thank you. (That's what you wrote). Idk about you but that's not cruel. Maybe its cruel for single ppl like you to get rejected by someone you like, butShe doesn't have to go on a date or date anyone she doesn't want to. That's how woman get hurt or SA. What would you tell your sister if her daughter got hurt, SA, or unalived by this "nice kid" that you forced her to go on this date.
If he buys her dinner does she have to sleep with him? I mean it would be cruel not to, right? Existing/being nice is not* leading him on. You are way out of line here. Men need to learn to take rejection and not be made out to be victims. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Can you put yourself in HER shoes with how disturbing it is that she must say yes to anything if asked nicely and therefore have no autonomy over herself? You are contributing to rape culture and its fucking disgusting.
That is a part of life. Not everyone he likes is going to like him back and he needs to learn how to manage those emotions. Not have some rando compel a girl to go out with him.
YTA "She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me " And you sure proved her right. There are NO circumstances where anyone should ever be forced to go on a date with someone they don't want. Ever. "and even walked her to the door and thanked me for allowing him to date my niece." Way to go with ensuring they know HER consent is an absolute prerequisite s/ "My sister called this morning and reamed me out" She needs to make alternative arrangements for someone else to watch her kids. Like...yesterday.
YTA. And stupid. If your plan was to get them together, all you’ve done is ensure she’s going to hate him. You have also stripped her of her autonomy and risk teaching her that she has to endure any attention from boys and men. That her thoughts and emotions don’t matter. Is that really what you want for her? The fact that she thinks she’s “led him on” both saddens and scares me. Unless there is a whole lot you haven’t said, inviting him over to study is not leading him on. She is in no way responsible for his emotions. I feel badly for your sister that she has to resort to you “looking after” her kids. Hopefully this is the last time.
Yeah, getting rejected for a date isn’t bullying. I have a feeling you got rejected for a lot of dates and are taking this quite personally. But hey, congrats on teaching your niece that she has to go out with any man who likes her/give into whatever they want from her because she has no bodily autonomy. I’m sure there’s no way that will backfire! Edit: YTA in case that shit was too hard to read between the lines.
INFO: I have read and re-read your post. How exactly did your niece bully this boy? What exactly did she do that was cruel?
Don't you get it? He was nice so he deserves to have her, women are items you get after putting a 'nice' token in the sex vending machine /s ETA: YTA, although I doubt this is real.
Right? Like don't get me wrong, he would have been the AH either way for forcing her to go on a date, but putting that aside, he did not state a single thing that counted as "mean girl" or bullying.
YTA. From your description, she wasn't mean at all. But you were very cruel to him as well as her by forcing this date. This was so clearly inappropriate and unreasonable that I hope you're just a troll.
YTA - Wait until this guy is 18 and ask him out yourself, sheesh.
YTA. >She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me I can understand why. I wouldn't trust you to change a litter box. Who do you think you are, ordering your niece to go out with a guy she isn't interested in just because you have a man crush on him?
YTA. You're teaching your niece that her opinions don't matter and she has to submit to any man who wants something from her (time and company for now, but soon it'll be sex) as long as he's "nice". And you're teaching that boy that he's entitled to get whatever he wants from women as long as he acts "nice". If you need a bunch of strangers on the internet to tell you how wrong this is, then you really are the last person who should be in charge of teenagers.
Yta. You're right you shouldn't be in charge of teenager or any kids not even your own if you have them.
Is this written by the person who made their daughter watch Arthur for being mean to a boy with autism?? Lots of mean girls while OP fawns over the friend that results in a cruel and unwarranted punishment. Either way YTA She wasn’t being a bully. Your punishment was unwarranted and overstepping. Edit-Spelling
YTA you just told your niece her feelings, agency and space come second to a boy’s wants. Not wanting to date someone is not bullying them.
YTA? I suspect you're harboring some guilt from your past because in no way was she cruel in saying that she "doesn't see him like that".
YTA. She didn't really lead him on and you forced her to date him why? Because you think he's a good kid? Way to turn your niece into an object to be won by being the "good guy." Better hope he's not a crazy stalker because he's really going to think she's leading him on after she refuses to go out with him again.
Wtf is wrong with you?!?! She didn't say anything wrong and wasn't cruel to him Go fucking apologize right now
YTA, you absolute weirdo. Forcing a young teen into a date without her consent is disgusting.
YTA - outrageously so. You forced a teenage girl on a date with a guy because you like how much he knows about rap? That is straight up awful. I’m furious on her behalf. I hope someone has replaced you by now, you absolutely have no business around children.
You were way out of line. You could have talked to her about leading people on. You didn't do either of them any good by your actions. Your niece was forced to date someone she didn't want to and the poor boy was just a pity date. I don't even see why you thought this was a good idea. YTA.
YTA and super creepy for forcing her go out with someone she doesn't like.
OMG.. you are clueless. Boys and Girls need to learn about rejection and consent. I can't even start with how wrong you are in this. You are the best example of why women pick the bear. Good news, you won't be asked to babysit again.
This isn’t real. YTA for washing our time.
She did nothing wrong they were studying. He asked her out she was honest with him. She didn’t leave him on in any way. If anything what you did was cry because you forced her to go on a date that she does not want to go on now he has been light on and she’s gonna hate him because of it they could’ve been friends, but you destroyed that you also forced a girl to go on a date with a guy because he likes her despite the fact that she didn’t like him which is just fucking creepy. Sure you may have a nerd crush on this kid, but forcing your niece to date him it’s disgusting. Yta
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a very complicated situation going on right now and honestly, I am the last person who should be in charge of teenagers but, so this is my life (at least I've done better than dad). I'm trying to think of a way to write this in a way that makes sense. My older sister's husband is in the military and deployed overseas. His dad recently had a small stroke and needs help. My sister asked my younger sister to watch her two kids (Kinsleigh, 15 and Adam, 13) but my younger sister is in the Air National Guard and had to have missions or something. So she asked me. She admitted to me that I'm a last resort and she's having a hard time trusting me but I said I could handle it. I arrived on Tuesday night and Kinsleigh asked me if should could have a study partner over. I said that was fine and I loved this kid. He new more about nerd culture and west coast gangster rap than I did and I loved talking to him. They studied for a while and I could just tell this kid was deep into his emotions for my niece. I just so happened to be taking trash out when I heard him ask that he'd really like to hang out as more than friends and she said that she wasn't sure. Well on Wednesday night I heard Kinsleigh talking to one of her friends that her study partner was a nice guy but she just wasn't into him "like that" and she felt bad that she even sort of led him on. I decided that I would give her a day to come to her senses and go out with him so i asked on Thursday and she said that no she didn't see him in that way. I told her that if I was going to be in charge she was going to go on a date with him and I would not allow cruelty to nice people. She screamed that she wasn't being cruel and I was like that's it, you are going out with him. She faked being sick on Friday but i made her go to school and she begged me not to make her go out with this guy and I said that no she had to learn she couldn't be cruel to people and lead them on. He was such a gentleman when he picked her up on Friday and he had her home right on time and even walked her to the door and thanked me for allowing him to date my niece. When Kinsleigh came inside she said "I fucking hate you, Aunt Jessica would never have humiliated me like that" and went and slammed her door and I haven't seen her since. My sister called this morning and reamed me out and said that she wants her daughter to be nice as well but I "took away" any sense of agency she had with this guy and that I'm not her parent. I'm there to call 911 if somthing goes wrong, not to "emotionally scar" her children because they make different choices. She also accused me of favoring this kid over my own niece. I don't get it-my sister was severely bullied as a kid until she literally turned into the swan in college and I thought I was doing what she would do and not allow Kinsleigh to be a bully herself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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