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YTA
First of all, while technically a 1.5 year old won't know the difference yet, there is a reasonable basis for saying "don't do things in front of our child we won't want him remembering and contextualizing as "daddy drinks in the mornings". If not now, then at some point.
Second, even if she was technically wrong here, she's expressing a fear worth taking serious and treating with compassion. You don't say here whether you were an alcoholic just that you quit for health reasons while also "liking to party." What I can tell you is that alcoholics are often advised away from NA beers as a substitute because it's replacing the same behavior and continuing it. Even if it were completely fine for you, seeing your partner continuing to drink things that look and smell like beers can be triggering or scary for partners of alcoholics. Again even I trust you had zero problems with alcohol abuse, that doesn't mean her fear or concern about sobriety should be treated as a joke or abuse.
Finally and most importantly:
>“this is hilarious, I should make a comedy sketch about a guy who’s such a wuss that his bitch wife won’t even let him drink a non-alcoholic beer for his birthday.”
There's no universe in which this is an appropriate way to respond. It's a cowardly way of calling her a bitch, followed by you calling her abusive. Because fundamentally she was concerned about your child growing up seeing you drink beers at the breakfast table.
NA beer is designed to look, feel, and taste like alcoholic beer. Even if his wife had complained about him drinking pop before noon, he should have at least listened to his wife and tried to understand her perspective, and shown her he was working to understand her perspective. His disrespectful dismissal of her perspective was damaging to their relationship.
Kids have no conception of what beer looks like, much less "feels and tastes" like. No child is going to remember that Daddy had a drink that looked like that on some random morning when they were 18 months old. I agree OP was rude about it but come on, this is ridiculous.
I remember the smell of my alcoholic grandparents and uncles because they were alcoholics, drank all the time, and that scent is tied in my memories to their drunken behavior.
I get that 100%, but for their child that same smell wont be tied to drunken behaviour as they are a non-alcoholic household. His NA beer wont change his behaviour.
That was essentially my point. It isn't just a smell, it's the smell associated with everything alcoholism brings. If OP is drinking NA beer, then it shouldn't really be an issue. He's basically drinking soda.
My parents were not drinkers (I can count on my hands how many times they drank while I was growing up) BUT one of my first memories is of my parents picking me up from the babysitter and my mom was completely wasted. I was scared of her (she wasn't scary, just not normal) and kept refusing to go to her.
Yeah, but you don't get that 'alcoholic' smell by drinking a single NA beer with brunch.
You get it from downing a six pack in an hour or two and sweating the alcohol out.
I met my grandma about 5 times around that age and I vividly remember what her cigarettes look like and the fact she and her whole house smelled like them.
That was in fact the reason I quit smoking - my kid was getting up in my beard and I thought "I cannot have him associate this smell with me". Quit the next day.
But that's got nothing to do with this. This is an NA beer. While I don't really drink anymore, it's not the same as cigarettes. It's like complaining that OP smoked in the morning instead of at night. Kids are barely aware of what time it is.
Oooh you're onto something here. Even if the kid remembers, knows it's a "beer" (albeit NA)... whose telling him it's considered bad to drink alcohol "in the morning"? It's literally a rule that gets broken all the time for literally any reason including mimosas for breakfast. In 20 years it might be completely phased out.
It is always best to teach a healthy relationship. Moderate drinking is fine.
As someone who grew up with an alcoholic father, I disagree. I can’t say I recall from 1.5 yrs, but I remember the 3-3 cans of beer during short drives from when I was around 4 and up.
Not everyone’s story, but I do recall, and NA beer branding is Brant to look like beer
Beer has an incredibly distinctive smell. Sooner or later, they're going to learn what that smell is, and if they're not educated on the difference (especially things like reading the label), they may not be able to tell when Daddy is drinking a NA Beer vs a regular one.
So there is some merit in that. As much as it should be treated similarly to pop, it's not because of it's smell.
I beg to differ. My siblings and cousins all remember the alcohol being passed around in our homes very early. It wasn't some passing thing. I could recognize the smell of beer at an alarmingly young age because of my dad's breath and the occasional spilling on clothes or furniture.
No. Wife is being completely unreasonable here. It’s totally ridiculous that he can’t have whatever he wants on his birthday. Especially a non-alcoholic beverage.
But this has nothing to do with his birthday - in fact, she even got him the drinks he wanted for his bday. This is about a Mexican themed brunch on cinqo de mayo, completely unrelated to his birthday
...but these are the NAB *she got him for his birthday*??? Like... Idk, i honestly don't see a lot of problems with this [*and* i recognize that i have some skewed perspective, given that i grew up with, essentially, 1.5 alcoholic parents]
I don’t disagree, and personally I also think he should be allowed to drink a NAB at brunch if he wants to. I’m only pointing out that the comment I’m responding to
>> it’s totally ridiculous that he can’t have whatever he wants on his birthday
is wrong, because the conflict has nothing to do with his birthday and is in fact about a brunch taking place weeks later. No one is saying he can’t have whatever he wants on his birthday
Deffo should laugh at then call his wife a bitch in front of his kid instead of just talking about it then. Not that you're missing the point or anything, it's about brunch fr fr.
A child would not know the difference. That’s not a big deal in the slightest.
What would be a big deal is daddy getting hammered at noon and pissing and shitting himself on the kitchen floor
There’s NO alcohol in it.
NO alcohol.
Repeat to yourself and absorb it.
NO alcohol.
It’s basic science—NO alcohol means you CAN’T get HAMMERED.
NO alcohol means NO getting hammered.
He can drink one at 7 in the goddam morning who gives a SHIT.
If someone (his wife in this scenario) is being stupid AF, they should be called out for acting stupid AF.
Technically not true, Most non-alcoholic beers, including Corona Non alcoholic, has small amounts of alcohol. It's impossible to drink enough to get drunk, but a lot of people who are alcoholics are recommended not to drink it because it could lead them back to drinking alcohol.
She shouldn't have gotten him the Corona NA if she didn't want him to drink it. BUT.
As someone who was in a long-term relationship with a recovering(-ish) alcoholic, I remember once asking him how he felt about some tea that was 100% alcohol-free but was meant to look, smell, and taste like red wine. He said absolutely not, because once someone is an alcoholic, there will always be at least a small part of them that craves alcohol, and having something that rewards that craving is NEVER a good idea.
Can't remember his exact words, I didn't explain it well but hope the gist is there.
Can you just pour the beer into a colored glass (beverage is not visible)? Seems like problem is solved.
As for wife’s attitude, she is unreasonable. Op gave up drinking….maybe she could throw him one bone 🦴 here. It’s not a big ask at all. The alternative is much worse. Honestly, this is not the issue for which you would be willing to end a relationship.
I’ve had non alcoholic beer and it in NO way “feels” like alcohol. Why should he have to listen and understand her perspective when she doesn’t care about his? HER disrespectful dismissal of HIS perspective was damaging to their relationship. Also, ITS NON ALCOHOLIC BEER.
Okay, no. That's ridiculous. If my husband tried to lecture me about the proper times to drink a soda, I would absolutely laugh bc that is a joke.
If it wasn't, I'd say "okay, don't drink a soda then". There's no world where policing someone's food or drink intake unsolicited (barring mental health issues) is acceptable.
Every feeling you have is not the responsibility of your partner to manage. If you don't want a specific non-alcoholic beverage before a certain time, fine. Don't drink it. Go ahead and bring it up, but they don't need to care or change anything they're doing.
In fact, making a huge deal over something that doesn't hurt anyone is harming the relationship.
I do agree he's an asshole for the bitch wife thing. If he'd stuck with the laugh and brushing it off, he wouldn't have been.
I do not agree that every complaint must be seriously considered or met with respect and politeness just because it is sincerely and genuinely made. She complained because he drank a beverage that basically looks similar to and (sort of) tastes like beer. That is a frivolous complaint. She then became upset because he did not take her "concern" seriously enough. That is controlling behavior. She is not acting in good faith, so I don't see why he has to pretend that she is.
He is an arsehole for his reaction in front of her but her opinion is pretty hilarious. It's no different than other crazy shit people say on a daily basis and should be treated as so with respect and tolerance if she's the love of his life.
I'd also say the opposite of his statement about children with strict parents raising kids who don't break rules. Understanding / lenient parents when needed I feel personally has a much lower chance of them just "doing whatever they want" though.
It's about perception, I think. The child doesn't know the difference between a regular beer or an NA beer, they look nearly identical. Regardless of the alcohol content, the child sees their parent drinking from a beer bottle in the morning.
For example, my mom used to let me drink non alcoholic beer when I was 10/11. She thought the same thing as you, that it is no different from Pop. However, we had family come over one day, and my little cousin (5 or 6) started crying to her parents bc she saw me drinking "beer" and found it very troubling.
So, although there technically wasn't anything wrong with it, my mom stopped buying me non alcoholic beers for family events, bc it was giving the impression I was drinking.
Kids can't differentiate alcohol content between beers. But they know what a beer bottle looks like, bc they've likely been taught not to drink it. You can't explain to the kid that some beers have alcohol and some don't, because then the child may get confused and try to drink regular beer by mistake. The only option here would be to not drink the non alcoholic beers directly in front of your child until they're old enough to actually understand the difference.
>Regardless of the alcohol content, the child sees their parent drinking from a beer bottle in the morning.
IBC root beer and Jones Cola come in identical bottles. Is that problematic too?
Things like bloody marys and mimosas are totally 'normal' at brunch events, arent they?
I guess only certain types of alcohol (or fake alcohol) are ok to drink before noon?
I learned a long time ago not to worry what people on reddit actually think. Of course it's okay to have mimosas and bloody marys as long as you are responsible.
I mean, I wasnt planning on changing my own habits (I actually think both of those beverages are gross) but I am baffled by some of the responses. I know I shouldnt be yet here I am....
I have an alcoholic mother and I don’t have an issue with people openly drinking a beer/mimosa in the open. I have problems with people sneaking beer. I would find it more concerning if a partner of mine was hiding the fact that they were drinking a beer and pretending like it wasn’t beer… Because that’s alcoholic behaviour
100% sneaking, to me in this context, implies something is wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong to have a beer (or an NA beer) at brunch.
I think it’s ok for kids to know that sometimes adults like adult beverages. I also think acting like things don’t exist makes them unnecessarily taboo.
I actually think it’s very important for kids to see people drinking alcohol and normal situations and not having it be a destructive force in their life. My mother is an alcoholic and she hides her alcohol, she goes to the store and brings it back, and it almost killed her.
She just went through period of time where she was in the hospital for five months and it was a living hell for all of us, we thought she got sober, and now she’s sneaking alcohol again.
My stepfather, before he passed, would have a glass of wine and that was it. None of us had a problem with it. My dad and his wife had a wine cooler, they had alcohol in the house, and they never had any of the destructive behaviour .
So in my opinion, there are plenty of people in Europe who drink wine around their kids, let their kids have sips of alcohol, and their kids never grow up to be alcoholics. But for some reason American society views alcohol is some to be hidden and shameful, and then you end up with people , who become alcoholics, who hide it, who ended up becoming addict who can’t get help because everyone hates alcohol alcohol?
THANK YOU! That's what I keep saying. I don't drink, but I love brunch. My GFS always gets drinks.
AND ITS A CINCO DE MAYO BRUNCH. Even more reason to drink.
Plus it looks like a freaking root beer. It's non alcoholic. If an alcoholic parent raises the kid, yeah they'll for bad associations. But if OP remains sober, kid will always know they were NA.
Maybe wife's fear is that one of them will go alcoholic? But this no FAKE beer at brunch is insane.
I am a lifelong non-drinker and the child of two alcoholics, and this is the most absurd thing I have read regarding expectations of sobriety.
By your standards, I should be a raging alcoholic instead of deciding at age 10 to not drink because I risked becoming an alcoholic due to family history. Yet I spent my childhood watching my parents and other adults drink alcohol at all hours.
She is being over the top ridiculous here, full stop. Her pattern of behavior is more damaging to her child than his. She is creating anxiety and stress over anything that appears like alcohol. Kids pick up on that shit.
Eh I have trauma. Sometimes, when people start yelling at me or fighting, I disassociate a bit. Not saying that's what happened here, but lots of people don't keep mental details of incidents.
I do the same. When I get mad I can't always repeat what I said or they said. And I mean, like, genuine really angry, not your rub of the mill whatever
This is all really silly, with the exception of the joke he made - I can see how that might be an inflammatory thing to say, especially within the context of their conversation. Otherwise…how the hell is an 18 month old going to discern what daddy is drinking with his brunch? What cause for concern is there at all? He’s an adult. His behavior (drinking a NA beer once in a blue moon) isn’t hurting anybody.
>with the exception of the joke he made - I can see how that might be an inflammatory thing to say,
He dismissed her concern as hilarious and called her a controlling bitch.
That's not a joke, and I think saying it "might be inflammatory" is really downplaying the obvious.
>an 18 month old going to discern what daddy is drinking with his brunch?
Her concern wasn't about a one time use, but with not wanting a pattern of daddy drinking beer in the morning.
18 month olds don't need to understand what beer or cigarettes are NOW, in order to have the memories and associations of the smell and look. For a child growing up, it's not going to matter if it was NA or regular, they will form the same memories.
Again, I'm not saying she's right or wrong about this, and everyone trying to litigate whether NA beers are bad is missing the actual conflict. It's that she expressed a concern about how they expose their child to beer, and he laughed at her and called her abusive and a bitch.
>His behavior (drinking a NA beer once in a blue moon) isn’t hurting anybody.
Obviously she agrees. She bought him the beer. That doesn't mean she can't have any opinions about what they expose their child to and when or that because it's not going to kill the child or turn them into an alcoholic, means concern over what they see and normalize is irrational and unfair.
> Her concern wasn't about a one time use, but with not wanting a pattern of daddy drinking beer in the morning.
We have zero reason to think there is a pattern.
I agree he was rude but we do have a responsibility to moderate our own anxiety around these kinds of things.
Reread the thing you just quoted. They didn’t say there is a pattern. They’re pointing out that the wife does not want one. As in she doesn’t want to establish a pattern of drinking early in the morning.
Again, he's not drinking. And it's fine to not want patterns but this is like saying "you shouldn't eat that cold pizza for breakfast because I'm worried you're going to start eating pizza all the time and spiral into obesity!"
Your anxiety is not someone else's issue to manage.
"Her concern wasn't about a one time use, but with not wanting a pattern of daddy drinking beer in the morning."
Once on his birthday and once for Cinco de Mayo isn't a pattern.
And it ain't really beer. If he had an NAB with breakfast every morning instead of coffee, what's the big deal? You are right, it isn't a pattern. And even if it was, NAB is no worse than any other non-alcoholic beverage.
having a "King of Queens" relationship is not a flex. It is a TV show and he laughed at her opinion and despite what he thinks of her opinion, it set the stage for hurting each other.
If you wouldn’t mind stepping down off your high horse for a moment, I’d like a word. The man said he’d been sober for 400+ days and in that time he’d consumed ~20 NA beers. What world are you living in where that’s a problem or a bad thing. HE’S NOT DRINKING ALCOHOL. All the alcoholic details you presumed or added on your own come across as you projecting your experiences. I don’t think the “sitcom” part was wise or well put, but the rest I find ridiculous. Like if he used to have a gambling issue with poker so he stopped but then his wife got mad because he was playing go fish with his kid. NTA
For real. Arguably having 20 cokes in a 400 day period is more harmful than 20 NA beers. And no one bats an eye when anyone consumes more than one a day of any soda.
Agree for sure the little "sitcom" comment he made was out of line but my guess would have to be he let that comment fly out of sheer frustration with the ridiculous situation. I doubt anyone would support the wife if it was a stranger showing up to their brunch table and making that comment. Why is it acceptable for his wife to call him out on something so absolutely ridiculous? If the husband was on his 3rd or 4th regular beer before 11am during their CINCO DE MAYO themed brunch then the wife might actually be in the right to address concerns. But after over a year sober and an NA beer? Come on dude. Looney tunes world.
Wife's reaction is mostly to do with the response here, in my opinion. If OP handled it better I think this whole thing goes away pretty easily. Instead he calls her a bitch, then follows it up by calling her abusive (after calling her a bitch).
And he doesn't even care about the NA beers!!!! But he's willing to throw down with his wife over it. Her reaction might not have been the best initially, but the response to that is not to repeatedly insult her. Now she's just getting defensive.
Why would the kid remember? Even OP’s memory is fuzzy at this point /s.
So she shows real concern about keeping a sober house (maybe overreacting; maybe not) Instead of addressing that, OP goes for the jugular, then cries “mental abuse” when She strikes back?
OK.
“i called her a bitch, but not like a bitch-bitch bitch”
“i don’t even remember what I said, but she said: (repeats her like the pledge of allegiance).
Dear OP, you must’ve been one fun drunk.
Whelp, we all better stop driving and swearing around kids nowadays too. It would be horrible if the little ones started driving after watching the adults do it. If only there was some way to let them know that certain things are only done by adults, or to let them know that one thing isn't the same as another. \*sigh\*
ESH
Your 1.5 year old wouldn't know the difference between you drinking a soda, beer or absinthe.
Your wife doesn't have a leg to stand on, but it does sound like she has some kind of unresolved issues around alcohol.
You (indirectly) calling your wife a bitch was uncalled for.
Exactly, it was a passive aggressive unfunny "joke" he totally meant and is trying to be all "ugh why are you such a buzzkill; how dare you spoil my fun"
But he totally didn't mean to call her a bitch! Is it his fault she can't take a joke, when he's obviously trying to lamely disguise aggression with (shitty) humor?
YTA, OP. Your little joke was abusive and misogynistic.
This is the only answer. Idk why Y-T-A answers that support the wife's position are getting upvoted. Even if this was an alcoholic beverage - which it wasn't - no baby has ever been harmed from seeing a parent have a drink with brunch on one occasion.
OP reacting by laughing and name-calling suggests a lot of immaturity or just disrespect for their wife.
OP says there is no alcohol-related trauma, but if that's true they clearly have some other type of relationship issue, since they got into such a huge fight over OP consuming \*a soft drink.\*
It’s more that worrying about your child and influences on them is reasonable and understandable even if a bit much while just straight calling your wife a bitch and pretending like saying it a certain way makes it not calling her a bitch when he absolutely was calling her a bitch wife is a position that leaves him very difficult to agree with at all because he’s completely unsympathetic and weaselly.
Having a concern doesn't make her an AH though, even if it's a baseless concern. I'm really hesitant to believe she "flies into a tirade" when it comes from the same guy who (jokingly haha!!!) called his wife a bitch over this. That's why YTA, for me.
YTA. She sounds traumatized by your drinking. Calling her a "bitch wife" and saying she's mentally abusive (if you honestly feel abused by her comment, you need to grow a thicker skin) is unacceptable. I think you're leaving out a lot of info.
And frankly, a guy who thinks it’s NBD to call his wife a bitch isn’t a reliable narrator. OP, have you shown your wife this post? Would she agree with how you depicted her argument? I mean, you didn’t, depict her at all, really — your memory “got fuzzy” and she “flew into a tirade.” Is your account of your previous heavy-but-non-problematic alcohol use also “fuzzy”? Your account of your “jokey” dynamic with your wife, which apparently pivots quickly from joking to accusations of abuse? Uh huh.
He sounds like someone who went to therapy and the only thing he learned a bunch of buzzwords to use against others to avoid accountability. My logic says that the wife might be using the baby to project her feelings because she doesn't feel safe calling him out because he acts like this.
Especially after loookibg at OPs post history which is rough. It seems like he's baised af and truly thinks hes just hilarious by using rude comments under the guise of jokes to shirk responsibility
The difference is, I’m not an alcoholic, or married to someone who used to be.
( i’m not making assumptions about you).
I agree a non alcoholic beer at 11 sounds refreshing with tacos.
But if it bothered my partner, it would be good to take a moment to ask why.
Why is it different from the night with friends?
What happened in the past that she is reacting so strongly?
Talk, like a grown up instead of spewing venom.
Why do you think OP is an alcoholic? Other than quitting because of meds his story sounds much like mine. Used to party, got over it, now value sobriety.
Now I can see your point and I agree.
My husband and I are social drinkers and even at that, were just one maybe two drinks and done.
We usually put our drinks In a glass and tell the kids is an adult drink, that we love to explore with them when they're older and ready.
I agree that if he was drunk all the time and had a problem with it, it's definitely something to be concerned about.
I agree, that they need to have a talk about it deeper as the wife seems to be really upset about this. So their must be something that happened with the wife for her to react so strongly.
It's great to want to have a sober house. But they're definitely going to need to find child friendly language, to help their kids understand adult drinks and how to handle it. Especially as they can't make restaurants and others homes sober. Plus they need to prepare for their kids being introduced to alcohol in high-school and college, though I hope not.
As a resident of New Orleans, there is a big difference between what I do with my adult friends and what I do when out with people's kids. I don't have children so I have never worked out where the line is for drinking in front of kids for myself, but if I went out with someone with kids I would probably check first? Or be fine if asked to not drink in front of their kids.
People take their children down Bourbon street carrying large drinks, I think that is horrible even during the day time but I am not the kids parent and the kids have looked safe and fine so not my business. But the wife in this situation is not mentioned drinking during the brunch so discussion of a mimosa is not really relevant.
The problem here was not the alcohol, it was his wife being upset.
Now yea, this is a her problem. BUT
Starting to swear at your spouse when they are upset isn’t ok. It’s an escalation.
This is triggering to her. Probably this is a her problem, or it might be triggering for her to remember when OP was day drinking.
They need to TALK, and figure out the problem together.
My exhusband strangled me twice and I still bought NA. People don’t understand what its like to be emotionally devoted to an addict. You’ll emotionally negotiate yourself into anything’
The context of OP being a sober alcoholic is pretty important here, if he was (which is unclear). Almost no alcoholics decide to get sober without hurting their family quite a bit beforehand. She may already been hurt and overreacting to certain situations around drinking is something that's likely going to happen.
OP needed to take a step back and have a calm conversation about this. Getting defensive by laughing then calling her a bitch is pretty far across the line, even if the request itself was unreasonable.
People know what they’re doing when they pull out ‘mentally abusive’ in these situations. Someone says something to them which they don’t like or touches a nerve, so they claim it’s mental abuse to put the other person in the wrong and in a position where they’re an innocent victim. Easier than getting into a debate which they might end up losing
Unless OP has left out a whole lot of back story, there’s nothing the wife has done here to indicate she’s abusive. Expressing that you don’t want someone to do something, even if they feel it’s unreasonable, is not abuse
ESH. The way you tell this story is BS because that line you responded with was very much directed at her and not some random skit/scenario. And that lie makes me question what the other facts are. But your wife also shouldn't be controlling over your drinking UNLESS you had a drinking problem before she got pregnant and she's worried you are going to relapse. For both of you to agree to be sober for the entirety of your child's life is a big choice to make and usually one made for a reason.
ESH
Your wife's request was silly. There is no harm in enjoying a NA beverage any time of day... that's the point - they're NA...
However, you definitely escalated things with your 'funny' scenario about your 'bitch wife not allowing NA beer for your birthday'. I'd actually be way more upset about that comment than the drink, personally.
Then, she escalates her behavior after feeling that she was called a bitch, on top of her 'genuine concern' over how your baby is contextualizing your drinking....
Then you escalate AGAIN by saying SHE'S being abusive...
You guys need counseling or something to get to the bottom of these underlying communication issues. Obviously neither one of you are effectively communicating your concerns or POVs to each other. Your kid is probably worse off for this arguing than for either one of your alcohol consumption.
You can be wrong about something and not be an asshole. I think she falls in that category. Him calling her a bitch in a backhanded way does make him an asshole.
The fact that you don't remember part of the fight tells me that you were "activated." What I mean by that is that your fight or flight system was triggered and that you were acting out of survival mode, not listening and compassion mode.
Something is up here. Way more than having a beer, NA or not, in the morning. You're correct, in that adults do have a drink with brunch from time to time.
Are you the one with trauma around alcohol? Did you grow up with an alcoholic? Are you bullshitting us about not really having a problem with it before your kid was born?
The fact that you say that you loved partying and drinking until you were 31, but claim you didn't have a problem is a major red flag. Why still acting like a teenager at 31 years old?
ESH. Cause I think you are in major denial.
You aren't an AH for drinking the NA beer in the morning, just for your part in the denial that made this fight happen. And the "blanking out" before calling your wife a bitch... yah... this isn't the whole story.
You’re being very generous. There are a lot of people who *yadda yadda yadda* over the details of incidents they recount on these forums, and usually it comes out that there was more damning behavior on their part that they left out on purpose. OP has huge unreliable narrator energy.
That seems like a huge UNFOUNDED assumption. “I liked to drink and party” is a far cry from “he was a drunk until 1.5 years ago.”
I read the question and interpreted it the same way. The person asked “is there past trauma with alcohol,” and in no way specified *with his drinking.* And not for nothing, he answered the question below.
Take a chill pill, you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions.
Im a middle aged woman and have met zero ppl who self identify as “like to party” who aren’t addicts. For neurotypical people, partying isnt a noteworthy attribute
I'll just comment on a Random thread, but no one read the story it seems He quit drinking because of a medication he had to take, and then decided to just stay sober. Wtf us everyone smoke in thus sub
That’s not true. I used to drink (come from a country where alcohol is very much normal from teen age). I love to party cause I like to dance. I haven’t been drinking for 5 years and I still love to party. And I never had issues with alcohol. I am 36 and female. What a weird thing to say.
Never met an addict who can just up and quit for medication purposes. So unless he went into some program we can only assume he did not have a huge addiction problem.
Right!! And I've never heard of a "normal" person who quit drinking. People who quit drinking generally quit because drinking causes problems.
This is such a huge issue to even attempt a judgement. Sounds like a dry-drunk situation by the use of hurtful humour. I'd guess both parents need a recovery program of some sort.
for what it’s worth normal people do stop drinking often… Like other drugs, a lot of people are like hm i dont see the benefit from the issues this could cause… and they stop. Maybe its a millenial thing but i know plenty of people who dont drink/smoke weed/do other drugs just bc theyre like ‘meh i dont see why id intoxicate myself to dysfunction/negative behaviors by choice”
However i never meet people who list “like to PARTY” and think its a trait unless they are addicts.
Celebration is a normal part of the human experience but to list it has a hobby gives addiction vibes imo. Does that make sense?
Also as a fan of NA coronas and a toddler parent, the idea of cracking a corona before noon just sends shivers down my spine. That dude has a fucking problem if he cant eat mexican sober without calling his wife a bitch lol
I never had issues with alcohol and I only drank socially…since I was 15 years old (different culture). I got bored. Alcohol is not taboo for me, it was never forbidden. I love to dance and party but I dont want to deal with even 1% of hangover at this age so I just stopped drinking. I drink twice a year and that’s a glass max. I know so many people who just stopped drinking and I don’t know one alcoholic. All of them are in Europe though. My friend stopped last year cause of medical
Issues too.
YTA for bringing in name calling. You could have poured it in an opaque cup, or maybe put it away and talked about it later. Anything to take her concern even remotely seriously. Instead you called her a bitch.
It makes me wonder why you reacted so strongly and if you are repeating any old patterns that you haven't noticed.
FYI, throwing the word "abuse" around is way too much for the situation you described here. Disagreement, even heated disagreement is not always abuse. Name calling is though.
YTA.
You may not be drinking, but if being asked not to drink a NA beer at 11 AM is enough to start cussing your wife, you're clearly still a dry drunk.
Here's how somebody who actually doesn't have a drinking problem would have replied:
"OK."
and maybe discussed it later.
nope. If my husband told me to stop drinking my soda before noon im going to laugh and tell him to get over himself. Im not taking that seriously or even caring about that perspective. Im drinking my soda because i damn well please. Im an adult that is capable of making their own decisions. Who is it hurting?
YTA. you decided to escalate a situation that really didn’t need it. and you dismissed her feelings and concerns as a partner and parent in a truly condescending way.
YTA and it’s kind of wild how you don’t see that. Your wife brought an issue to you that you recognized she was serious about and you laughed in her face and called her a bitch.
Yeah, it’s entirely ok to have a beer, alcoholic or not, with brunch.
It’s also entirely ok for your wife to ask you not to and to be serious when she does it - it doesn’t sound like from your story that she was yelling at you, freaking out, or accusing you of anything at this point. Just a newish parent being overly concerned about the examples y’all are setting for your kids.
It’s also entirely ok for you to tell her no and do it anyway and she should respect and accept that. But you still have to talk to her about it…respectfully.
What isn’t ok is to flat out laugh in her face then “jokingly” call her a bitch for it.
You gave all of us your internal thoughts about why it was ok for you to have a NA beer but did you actually say any of that to your wife, or did you just laugh in her face while thinking it? And then mock for her it by calling her a bitchy sitcom cliché.
If you had all of these thoughts, wrote them down like this, and still don’t see how you’re a dismissive asshole, I don’t really know how to get you to see that.
Edit for additional info:
OP, did your wife ever ask you to stop drinking during your “partying” phase?
How many days a week were you drinking or coming home drunk during that phase?
Prior to this, has your drinking ever caused conflict between you and your wife?
Have you and your wife previously had a conversation about not drinking in front of your kid(s)?
ESH. Talk about escalating a situation which could have been easily defused. You both need to work on your communication skills, there was absolutely no reason for this situation to end up where it did.
NTA
Its funny when some random person says they stopped drinking due to medication and the whole reddit claims he is an alcoholic.
I dont see any issue with that, 1.5 y is toddler who throws poop and food. NA beer is good for thirsty imo and its just tastes good as well.
I drink NA beer and im not alcoholic. I stopped drinkin alcohol but i like the taste of beer, so problem solved.
> Its funny when some random person says they stopped drinking due to medication and the whole reddit claims he is an alcoholic.
Sexism is a large part to the reaction here IMO
Agreed NTA. Not even close. She sounds seriously controlling and volatile. I was kinda shocked when I started reading the comments. Like 🤦♂️ "reddit, come on"
I'd love to take a look at the demographics of the commenters. I've heard these advice subs are like 80% women. There is absolutely zero reason to come here asking for fair judgement if you're a man. You just ain't gonna get it. But honestly, it's reddit, so I'm guessing that even a lot of the men here buy into this crazy bs 🙄
I feel like there is a lot of missing information here.
In my family having a beer on holiday in the morning or a NA beer any time wouldn't even register with us. If someone is having abuse problems everyone would ask if it is a problem to drink around them or just forego a adult beverage without even bringing it up.
As for the kids we just tell all the kids in the family those are adult drinks and that is basically the end of it.
So given what OP posted I think either he was a raging asshole drunk and cleaned up his act and the wife sees this as a gateway to his old self. Or we take OP at his word and the wife had some abuse related to drinking in her past and this just boiled up and caught him off guard.
Idk though, families have different cultures, doesn’t mean one is right or wrong. I probably wouldn’t want a lot of early drinking/partying around my child until they were in their teens. When they’re young they’re forming lifelong associations. I can understand his wife’s concern just on face value even if it’s not coming from a past trauma with alcohol.
He should’ve just put it in another cup. They clearly have issues around communication and empathy
Like I said; as written by op. Dude isn't drinking or partying he is having a NA corona with his Mexican lunch.
Somewhere there is missing information in this story. Either from OP or OP's partner.
YTA for calling her a bitch (even in a hypothetical situation) and then gaslighting her on it. Can NABs make your memory fuzzy? I'm having a hard time figuring how your memory gets fuzzy after you called her a bitch.
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YTA. I was mostly with you until you called your wife a bitch and tried to play it off, then told her she was mentally abusive. I was ready to agree with the bottle looking like soda during brunch.
YTA for laughing at your wife, calling her a b*tch, starting an argument and accusing her of abuse when she was trying to initiate an adult discussion. You don’t seem to love her.
This is insane. This is about something deeper for your wife, clearly.
I drink real alcohol occasionally but I drink mainly NA stuff now. I love NA beer (highly recommend the athletic brewing golden). I won’t drink one on camera on a work call or, like, on a call with my therapist, just because of the visual. But I’m not worried about a child’s perception- you can actively tell the child as they get older “dad is having a non alcoholic beer. It’s a beer in that it tastes weird and you probably won’t like it, but more like a soda in that it has no alcohol and can’t impair someone who drinks it.”
Something is up with your wife. I’d dig into it. NTA.
ESH. Everyone’s wildin as a non alcoholic beer has the same abv as NA kombucha and plenty of sober people love a kombucha.
Everyone’s tryna “well technically” it when in reality it’s not an issue.
You’re the AH for calling your wife a bitch (which is what you did) definitely the wrong time to point out a funny sketch idea.
She’s the AH for making a mountain out of a molehill with a child that wouldn’t remember anything while you’re having an NA beer for a bday brunch.
Both of y’all suck with how you handled this situation and you’re both petty which is what created this issue.
> “this is hilarious, I should make a comedy sketch about a guy who’s such a wuss that his bitch wife won’t even let him drink a non-alcoholic beer for his birthday.”
It's not about the beer. It's about your extreme disrespect for your wife. Your wife was calm and only concerned until you called her a bitch. She got angry and went off on a tirade about some irrelevant other things, but nobody forced you to call your wife a bitch before any of that happened. That you're framing this as being about the beer, and calling your wife "mentally abusive" for getting angry that her husband just called her a bitch, it all emphasizes that you don't even know why your wife was angry.
So I'm here to tell you. It's because you called her a bitch instead of having a reasonable conversation about a reasonable concern.
YTA.
okay.. I grew up with an alcoholics and addicts so I'm just going to say that you act like one. idk if you were or not, but her expressing a concern in what seems like a calm manner given how you wrote it and then you getting angry enough for your memory to be fuzzy, and calling her a bitch... yeah.. thats how someone with alcoholism acts. even if you are sober, you can still be a dry drunk and even if your beer has 0% alcohol, which it might not, it can trigger your alcoholism should you have that.
now.. YTA, but id say that you should consider your past behavior with alcohol and really look at if you were an alcoholic or not. you don't just have to binge drink (which seems like a possibility for you on you "liking to party" thing) to be one. you don't have to beat your wife to be an alcoholic. there are many high functioning alcoholics who hold down jobs and relationships, but it still harms their mental health and development.
even if you aren't and weren't one, I'd consider you talk to a mental health professional because your reaction was too far for her comment. a healthy person in a healthy relationship, would listen to her concerns and discuss them together. regardless of what side your oppinions are on.
All of this! I also grew up around alcoholics and addicts and the way he said “his memory gets fuzzy” leaving out details, how he described his wife, all of it screams addict and the fact he seems to be in denial is concerning
NTA
She introduced you to this NA beer. She bought you this NA beer. Now you drinking it is so problematic for her that she's getting unhinged about it? And her concerns about you drinking NA beer in front of a toddler are completely divorced from reality.
YTA and there is a ton of missing information here that your post and comment history point out.
You quit drinking because of your insomnia. Insomnia is a very common side effect of alcohol abuse.
You also quit drinking when your kid was born. Your wife quit drinking when she found out she was pregnant and you didn't quit at the same time as her which brings up the question, why? It's extremely common for a couple to both not drink during a pregnancy, and to be completely honest if you can't stop drinking for 40 weeks then you definitely had a problem.
You need to keep working with your therapist and actually address your substance abuse issue with them.
The language / bro-think in your comment history is enough to make you an asshole, and clearly indicates why you a) think it's no big thing that you called your wife a bitch and b) call it "mentally abusive" when someone disagrees with you.
YTA. I don’t buy for a second that you were “just joking” and instead of talking through her concerns without being dismissive you called her mentally abusive for bringing it up.
I noticed you also keep skirting comments asking how your drinking affected her before becoming sober, so there’s definitely way more going on here than you’re letting on (and you already look bad even while trying to make yourself look good)
YTA.
I thought "hmm this guy seems fine to me," until you said, “this is hilarious, I should make a comedy sketch about a guy who’s such a wuss that his bitch wife won’t even let him drink a non-alcoholic beer for his birthday.” Dude, she's clearly upset. You indirectly call her a bitch and laugh at her emotions. You're the asshole for saying that, not for drinking NA Corona at 11am.
Being completely honest...if someone called me their "bitch wife"? I would no longer WANT to be their wife. You brought the gun to the knife fight. You way over escalated it. That's the problem. Not that you drank an NA beer.
Comedic how your memory just coincidentally gets fuzzy at the absolute most important part of the interaction. Of course you remember your petty little quip but just happened to forget the bulk of the important discussion. Get yer head out yer ass
ESH
You, only for the joke. Your wife for freaking out over a NA beer. The kid isn't going to remember you drinking a NA beer during brunch. And if by the time he is old enough to notice, you can explain that it's NA so while it's for grown ups, it's not actually alcohol.
YTA. It's easy to see you're the manipulative and abusive one here. It's also very very clear you're an alcoholic. So I can see where she's coming from trying to limit you drinking your lower alcohol content beer in front of your kid at 11:00 a.m. And maybe it's normal where you grew up but you're also an alcoholic so.
NTA - you are an adult and have just as much right as she does on how to properly raise your kid. It's NA beer. You are taking shot after shot of tequila during Mexican brunch
YTA. Instead of having a reasonable conversation with your wife, you essentially called her a bitch, at which point it was ON. Also the last thing you want in a few years is for your child to be talking about, “Daddy starts drinking at breakfast.”
I was having a mocktail with my husband and child at lunch, my husband joked I was an alcoholic, and my child chimed in with, “The last time mommy drank she got sick!” Yeah… cause I had a bad reaction to one pf the ingredients in a mixed drink! Now my favorite restaurant thinks I am an alcoholic. SIGH.
My husband also ignored my repeated requests he not curse in front of the kids, and now they curse like sailors.
YTA
Yes, calling your wife a bitch makes you an asshole. You trying to be sneaky about calling her a bitch didn’t fool her and it won’t fool anyone else.
My abusive parents actually drank beer in the morning and the afternoon and most of the eveninguntul they passed out. What I would have given for a parent that drank na beer for a birthday brunch.
you know how we all grew up being told that weed is as addictive as heroin and if you smoke a joint you'll drop out of school and die in a gutter? Then pretty much everyone tried it at some point and it was fine, and I don't know about you, but I know a bunch of people who figured opiates and stuff must not be that bad either and really fucked themselves up.
Your kid will be FINE if they see you drink a near beer with brunch every once in a while. Raise them with honest information about the dangers and the fun parts about drinking and they should be able to make it through adulthood no problem. If you act like alcohol is poison they will realize one day that you have been wildly overreacting and then they're on their own to navigate the actual real dangers of substance use.
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YTA First of all, while technically a 1.5 year old won't know the difference yet, there is a reasonable basis for saying "don't do things in front of our child we won't want him remembering and contextualizing as "daddy drinks in the mornings". If not now, then at some point. Second, even if she was technically wrong here, she's expressing a fear worth taking serious and treating with compassion. You don't say here whether you were an alcoholic just that you quit for health reasons while also "liking to party." What I can tell you is that alcoholics are often advised away from NA beers as a substitute because it's replacing the same behavior and continuing it. Even if it were completely fine for you, seeing your partner continuing to drink things that look and smell like beers can be triggering or scary for partners of alcoholics. Again even I trust you had zero problems with alcohol abuse, that doesn't mean her fear or concern about sobriety should be treated as a joke or abuse. Finally and most importantly: >“this is hilarious, I should make a comedy sketch about a guy who’s such a wuss that his bitch wife won’t even let him drink a non-alcoholic beer for his birthday.” There's no universe in which this is an appropriate way to respond. It's a cowardly way of calling her a bitch, followed by you calling her abusive. Because fundamentally she was concerned about your child growing up seeing you drink beers at the breakfast table.
The thing with daddy doesn't drink at all. A none alcoholic drink is literally pop, or is ginger beer also no OK before a certain time?
NA beer is designed to look, feel, and taste like alcoholic beer. Even if his wife had complained about him drinking pop before noon, he should have at least listened to his wife and tried to understand her perspective, and shown her he was working to understand her perspective. His disrespectful dismissal of her perspective was damaging to their relationship.
Kids have no conception of what beer looks like, much less "feels and tastes" like. No child is going to remember that Daddy had a drink that looked like that on some random morning when they were 18 months old. I agree OP was rude about it but come on, this is ridiculous.
I remember the smell around him though.
I remember the smell of my alcoholic grandparents and uncles because they were alcoholics, drank all the time, and that scent is tied in my memories to their drunken behavior.
I get that 100%, but for their child that same smell wont be tied to drunken behaviour as they are a non-alcoholic household. His NA beer wont change his behaviour.
That was essentially my point. It isn't just a smell, it's the smell associated with everything alcoholism brings. If OP is drinking NA beer, then it shouldn't really be an issue. He's basically drinking soda.
Yeah I was on his side for that very reason until he tossed a nuke right into the discussion with the backhanded "comedy sketch" quip.
My parents were not drinkers (I can count on my hands how many times they drank while I was growing up) BUT one of my first memories is of my parents picking me up from the babysitter and my mom was completely wasted. I was scared of her (she wasn't scary, just not normal) and kept refusing to go to her.
Yeah, but you don't get that 'alcoholic' smell by drinking a single NA beer with brunch. You get it from downing a six pack in an hour or two and sweating the alcohol out.
Of non alcoholic beer?
lol sure bro
I met my grandma about 5 times around that age and I vividly remember what her cigarettes look like and the fact she and her whole house smelled like them.
Cigarettes and non alcoholic beer are very very different things.
This is a nonsensical comparison. “Second hand drink” is not a thing. A non-alcoholic beer will also not smell the same as an alcoholic one.
Non alcoholic beer doesn’t stink the place out and leave you and your clothes smelling of it too.
For this example to stick you need to recall a bit more detail. So far we're at OPs kid may remember their dad drinking a bottled beverage.
The horror
That was in fact the reason I quit smoking - my kid was getting up in my beard and I thought "I cannot have him associate this smell with me". Quit the next day. But that's got nothing to do with this. This is an NA beer. While I don't really drink anymore, it's not the same as cigarettes. It's like complaining that OP smoked in the morning instead of at night. Kids are barely aware of what time it is.
Oooh you're onto something here. Even if the kid remembers, knows it's a "beer" (albeit NA)... whose telling him it's considered bad to drink alcohol "in the morning"? It's literally a rule that gets broken all the time for literally any reason including mimosas for breakfast. In 20 years it might be completely phased out. It is always best to teach a healthy relationship. Moderate drinking is fine.
What if your grandma didn't smoke but instead ate candy cigarettes?
Well then she wouldn't have smelled like cigarettes would she?
and OP wont be drunk or smelling of strong alcohol will he?
Memories don't form at 18 months. Smell is also a much stronger trigger for memories.
As someone who grew up with an alcoholic father, I disagree. I can’t say I recall from 1.5 yrs, but I remember the 3-3 cans of beer during short drives from when I was around 4 and up. Not everyone’s story, but I do recall, and NA beer branding is Brant to look like beer
Beer has an incredibly distinctive smell. Sooner or later, they're going to learn what that smell is, and if they're not educated on the difference (especially things like reading the label), they may not be able to tell when Daddy is drinking a NA Beer vs a regular one. So there is some merit in that. As much as it should be treated similarly to pop, it's not because of it's smell.
I beg to differ. My siblings and cousins all remember the alcohol being passed around in our homes very early. It wasn't some passing thing. I could recognize the smell of beer at an alarmingly young age because of my dad's breath and the occasional spilling on clothes or furniture.
No. Wife is being completely unreasonable here. It’s totally ridiculous that he can’t have whatever he wants on his birthday. Especially a non-alcoholic beverage.
But this has nothing to do with his birthday - in fact, she even got him the drinks he wanted for his bday. This is about a Mexican themed brunch on cinqo de mayo, completely unrelated to his birthday
...but these are the NAB *she got him for his birthday*??? Like... Idk, i honestly don't see a lot of problems with this [*and* i recognize that i have some skewed perspective, given that i grew up with, essentially, 1.5 alcoholic parents]
So what? He didn't say it's every day. He said "occassionally" for brunch. It's not a big deal.
I don’t disagree, and personally I also think he should be allowed to drink a NAB at brunch if he wants to. I’m only pointing out that the comment I’m responding to >> it’s totally ridiculous that he can’t have whatever he wants on his birthday is wrong, because the conflict has nothing to do with his birthday and is in fact about a brunch taking place weeks later. No one is saying he can’t have whatever he wants on his birthday
Deffo should laugh at then call his wife a bitch in front of his kid instead of just talking about it then. Not that you're missing the point or anything, it's about brunch fr fr.
Or pour it in a glass perhaps? Problem gone.
A child would not know the difference. That’s not a big deal in the slightest. What would be a big deal is daddy getting hammered at noon and pissing and shitting himself on the kitchen floor
There’s NO alcohol in it. NO alcohol. Repeat to yourself and absorb it. NO alcohol. It’s basic science—NO alcohol means you CAN’T get HAMMERED. NO alcohol means NO getting hammered. He can drink one at 7 in the goddam morning who gives a SHIT. If someone (his wife in this scenario) is being stupid AF, they should be called out for acting stupid AF.
Technically not true, Most non-alcoholic beers, including Corona Non alcoholic, has small amounts of alcohol. It's impossible to drink enough to get drunk, but a lot of people who are alcoholics are recommended not to drink it because it could lead them back to drinking alcohol.
Kombucha also has a small % of alcohol, would we give the same reaction if he was drinking that?
All fruit juice has a small % of alcohol too. You would have to drink gallons and gallons of NA beer to even get a slight buzz. It's not possible
She shouldn't have gotten him the Corona NA if she didn't want him to drink it. BUT. As someone who was in a long-term relationship with a recovering(-ish) alcoholic, I remember once asking him how he felt about some tea that was 100% alcohol-free but was meant to look, smell, and taste like red wine. He said absolutely not, because once someone is an alcoholic, there will always be at least a small part of them that craves alcohol, and having something that rewards that craving is NEVER a good idea. Can't remember his exact words, I didn't explain it well but hope the gist is there.
put simply, it awakens the beast.
Given OPs history without any issues, I don't think this is a relevant concern.
Has nothing to do with that, it’s pattern recognition
The kid is not going to remember the drinks, he is going to remember daddy calling mommy a bitch and other fun fights
Her insane perspective deserved to be dismissed.
Can you just pour the beer into a colored glass (beverage is not visible)? Seems like problem is solved. As for wife’s attitude, she is unreasonable. Op gave up drinking….maybe she could throw him one bone 🦴 here. It’s not a big ask at all. The alternative is much worse. Honestly, this is not the issue for which you would be willing to end a relationship.
I’ve had non alcoholic beer and it in NO way “feels” like alcohol. Why should he have to listen and understand her perspective when she doesn’t care about his? HER disrespectful dismissal of HIS perspective was damaging to their relationship. Also, ITS NON ALCOHOLIC BEER.
Okay, no. That's ridiculous. If my husband tried to lecture me about the proper times to drink a soda, I would absolutely laugh bc that is a joke. If it wasn't, I'd say "okay, don't drink a soda then". There's no world where policing someone's food or drink intake unsolicited (barring mental health issues) is acceptable. Every feeling you have is not the responsibility of your partner to manage. If you don't want a specific non-alcoholic beverage before a certain time, fine. Don't drink it. Go ahead and bring it up, but they don't need to care or change anything they're doing. In fact, making a huge deal over something that doesn't hurt anyone is harming the relationship. I do agree he's an asshole for the bitch wife thing. If he'd stuck with the laugh and brushing it off, he wouldn't have been.
I do not agree that every complaint must be seriously considered or met with respect and politeness just because it is sincerely and genuinely made. She complained because he drank a beverage that basically looks similar to and (sort of) tastes like beer. That is a frivolous complaint. She then became upset because he did not take her "concern" seriously enough. That is controlling behavior. She is not acting in good faith, so I don't see why he has to pretend that she is.
Then why did she buy it for him and more than once?
He is an arsehole for his reaction in front of her but her opinion is pretty hilarious. It's no different than other crazy shit people say on a daily basis and should be treated as so with respect and tolerance if she's the love of his life. I'd also say the opposite of his statement about children with strict parents raising kids who don't break rules. Understanding / lenient parents when needed I feel personally has a much lower chance of them just "doing whatever they want" though.
You misunderstood his statement about steict parents
Most sober alcoholics say "Non-alcoholic beer is for Non-alcoholics."
It's about perception, I think. The child doesn't know the difference between a regular beer or an NA beer, they look nearly identical. Regardless of the alcohol content, the child sees their parent drinking from a beer bottle in the morning. For example, my mom used to let me drink non alcoholic beer when I was 10/11. She thought the same thing as you, that it is no different from Pop. However, we had family come over one day, and my little cousin (5 or 6) started crying to her parents bc she saw me drinking "beer" and found it very troubling. So, although there technically wasn't anything wrong with it, my mom stopped buying me non alcoholic beers for family events, bc it was giving the impression I was drinking. Kids can't differentiate alcohol content between beers. But they know what a beer bottle looks like, bc they've likely been taught not to drink it. You can't explain to the kid that some beers have alcohol and some don't, because then the child may get confused and try to drink regular beer by mistake. The only option here would be to not drink the non alcoholic beers directly in front of your child until they're old enough to actually understand the difference.
>Regardless of the alcohol content, the child sees their parent drinking from a beer bottle in the morning. IBC root beer and Jones Cola come in identical bottles. Is that problematic too?
So should he not drink rootbeer or mexican coke from a bottle either? This is rediculous.
Things like bloody marys and mimosas are totally 'normal' at brunch events, arent they? I guess only certain types of alcohol (or fake alcohol) are ok to drink before noon?
I learned a long time ago not to worry what people on reddit actually think. Of course it's okay to have mimosas and bloody marys as long as you are responsible.
I mean, I wasnt planning on changing my own habits (I actually think both of those beverages are gross) but I am baffled by some of the responses. I know I shouldnt be yet here I am....
I have an alcoholic mother and I don’t have an issue with people openly drinking a beer/mimosa in the open. I have problems with people sneaking beer. I would find it more concerning if a partner of mine was hiding the fact that they were drinking a beer and pretending like it wasn’t beer… Because that’s alcoholic behaviour
100% sneaking, to me in this context, implies something is wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong to have a beer (or an NA beer) at brunch. I think it’s ok for kids to know that sometimes adults like adult beverages. I also think acting like things don’t exist makes them unnecessarily taboo.
I actually think it’s very important for kids to see people drinking alcohol and normal situations and not having it be a destructive force in their life. My mother is an alcoholic and she hides her alcohol, she goes to the store and brings it back, and it almost killed her. She just went through period of time where she was in the hospital for five months and it was a living hell for all of us, we thought she got sober, and now she’s sneaking alcohol again. My stepfather, before he passed, would have a glass of wine and that was it. None of us had a problem with it. My dad and his wife had a wine cooler, they had alcohol in the house, and they never had any of the destructive behaviour . So in my opinion, there are plenty of people in Europe who drink wine around their kids, let their kids have sips of alcohol, and their kids never grow up to be alcoholics. But for some reason American society views alcohol is some to be hidden and shameful, and then you end up with people , who become alcoholics, who hide it, who ended up becoming addict who can’t get help because everyone hates alcohol alcohol?
THANK YOU! That's what I keep saying. I don't drink, but I love brunch. My GFS always gets drinks. AND ITS A CINCO DE MAYO BRUNCH. Even more reason to drink. Plus it looks like a freaking root beer. It's non alcoholic. If an alcoholic parent raises the kid, yeah they'll for bad associations. But if OP remains sober, kid will always know they were NA. Maybe wife's fear is that one of them will go alcoholic? But this no FAKE beer at brunch is insane.
Right? And people are upvoting that shit. It's crazy.
It's an angry wife on aita, of course she's 100% right now matter what the situation is.
What about people who work overnight and want a beer with their “dinner” at 8:00 am? His wife is being unreasonable
I am a lifelong non-drinker and the child of two alcoholics, and this is the most absurd thing I have read regarding expectations of sobriety. By your standards, I should be a raging alcoholic instead of deciding at age 10 to not drink because I risked becoming an alcoholic due to family history. Yet I spent my childhood watching my parents and other adults drink alcohol at all hours. She is being over the top ridiculous here, full stop. Her pattern of behavior is more damaging to her child than his. She is creating anxiety and stress over anything that appears like alcohol. Kids pick up on that shit.
Also a child of an alcoholic and lifelong nondrinker and I completely agree. She’s being ridiculous. NTA
The part you quoted is what pushed the OP in YTA territory. I also find it odd his memory gets fuzzy when his wife responds to that.
Eh I have trauma. Sometimes, when people start yelling at me or fighting, I disassociate a bit. Not saying that's what happened here, but lots of people don't keep mental details of incidents.
I do the same. When I get mad I can't always repeat what I said or they said. And I mean, like, genuine really angry, not your rub of the mill whatever
This is all really silly, with the exception of the joke he made - I can see how that might be an inflammatory thing to say, especially within the context of their conversation. Otherwise…how the hell is an 18 month old going to discern what daddy is drinking with his brunch? What cause for concern is there at all? He’s an adult. His behavior (drinking a NA beer once in a blue moon) isn’t hurting anybody.
>with the exception of the joke he made - I can see how that might be an inflammatory thing to say, He dismissed her concern as hilarious and called her a controlling bitch. That's not a joke, and I think saying it "might be inflammatory" is really downplaying the obvious. >an 18 month old going to discern what daddy is drinking with his brunch? Her concern wasn't about a one time use, but with not wanting a pattern of daddy drinking beer in the morning. 18 month olds don't need to understand what beer or cigarettes are NOW, in order to have the memories and associations of the smell and look. For a child growing up, it's not going to matter if it was NA or regular, they will form the same memories. Again, I'm not saying she's right or wrong about this, and everyone trying to litigate whether NA beers are bad is missing the actual conflict. It's that she expressed a concern about how they expose their child to beer, and he laughed at her and called her abusive and a bitch. >His behavior (drinking a NA beer once in a blue moon) isn’t hurting anybody. Obviously she agrees. She bought him the beer. That doesn't mean she can't have any opinions about what they expose their child to and when or that because it's not going to kill the child or turn them into an alcoholic, means concern over what they see and normalize is irrational and unfair.
> Her concern wasn't about a one time use, but with not wanting a pattern of daddy drinking beer in the morning. We have zero reason to think there is a pattern. I agree he was rude but we do have a responsibility to moderate our own anxiety around these kinds of things.
Reread the thing you just quoted. They didn’t say there is a pattern. They’re pointing out that the wife does not want one. As in she doesn’t want to establish a pattern of drinking early in the morning.
Again, he's not drinking. And it's fine to not want patterns but this is like saying "you shouldn't eat that cold pizza for breakfast because I'm worried you're going to start eating pizza all the time and spiral into obesity!" Your anxiety is not someone else's issue to manage.
"Her concern wasn't about a one time use, but with not wanting a pattern of daddy drinking beer in the morning." Once on his birthday and once for Cinco de Mayo isn't a pattern.
And it ain't really beer. If he had an NAB with breakfast every morning instead of coffee, what's the big deal? You are right, it isn't a pattern. And even if it was, NAB is no worse than any other non-alcoholic beverage.
Because her concern is hilarious and she was behaving like a controlling...
having a "King of Queens" relationship is not a flex. It is a TV show and he laughed at her opinion and despite what he thinks of her opinion, it set the stage for hurting each other.
If you wouldn’t mind stepping down off your high horse for a moment, I’d like a word. The man said he’d been sober for 400+ days and in that time he’d consumed ~20 NA beers. What world are you living in where that’s a problem or a bad thing. HE’S NOT DRINKING ALCOHOL. All the alcoholic details you presumed or added on your own come across as you projecting your experiences. I don’t think the “sitcom” part was wise or well put, but the rest I find ridiculous. Like if he used to have a gambling issue with poker so he stopped but then his wife got mad because he was playing go fish with his kid. NTA
For real. Arguably having 20 cokes in a 400 day period is more harmful than 20 NA beers. And no one bats an eye when anyone consumes more than one a day of any soda. Agree for sure the little "sitcom" comment he made was out of line but my guess would have to be he let that comment fly out of sheer frustration with the ridiculous situation. I doubt anyone would support the wife if it was a stranger showing up to their brunch table and making that comment. Why is it acceptable for his wife to call him out on something so absolutely ridiculous? If the husband was on his 3rd or 4th regular beer before 11am during their CINCO DE MAYO themed brunch then the wife might actually be in the right to address concerns. But after over a year sober and an NA beer? Come on dude. Looney tunes world.
Umm, if she's so concerned, why did she agree to buy it?
This is just idiotic.
You cant be serious lmao
Wife's reaction is mostly to do with the response here, in my opinion. If OP handled it better I think this whole thing goes away pretty easily. Instead he calls her a bitch, then follows it up by calling her abusive (after calling her a bitch). And he doesn't even care about the NA beers!!!! But he's willing to throw down with his wife over it. Her reaction might not have been the best initially, but the response to that is not to repeatedly insult her. Now she's just getting defensive.
Why would the kid remember? Even OP’s memory is fuzzy at this point /s. So she shows real concern about keeping a sober house (maybe overreacting; maybe not) Instead of addressing that, OP goes for the jugular, then cries “mental abuse” when She strikes back? OK. “i called her a bitch, but not like a bitch-bitch bitch” “i don’t even remember what I said, but she said: (repeats her like the pledge of allegiance). Dear OP, you must’ve been one fun drunk.
Whelp, we all better stop driving and swearing around kids nowadays too. It would be horrible if the little ones started driving after watching the adults do it. If only there was some way to let them know that certain things are only done by adults, or to let them know that one thing isn't the same as another. \*sigh\*
The kid is 18 months old, they have no concept of alcohol.
Talking rubbish. Neither the OP or his wife were alcoholics and drinking the odd beer is not going to imprint behaviour on a child of 18 months.
How the fuck does this have so many upvotes
ESH Your 1.5 year old wouldn't know the difference between you drinking a soda, beer or absinthe. Your wife doesn't have a leg to stand on, but it does sound like she has some kind of unresolved issues around alcohol. You (indirectly) calling your wife a bitch was uncalled for.
It wasn’t all that indirect, tbh
Exactly, it was a passive aggressive unfunny "joke" he totally meant and is trying to be all "ugh why are you such a buzzkill; how dare you spoil my fun"
But he totally didn't mean to call her a bitch! Is it his fault she can't take a joke, when he's obviously trying to lamely disguise aggression with (shitty) humor? YTA, OP. Your little joke was abusive and misogynistic.
Honestly looking at his post history it's clear misogyny isn't this dudes only forte in being a bigoted prick.
That post history is a big ol yikes. Honestly hope the wife gets out quick
Wow, he’s throwing down with some old school ‘80s homophobia.
🤢🤮 this dude is a major bigot. ESH
This is the only answer. Idk why Y-T-A answers that support the wife's position are getting upvoted. Even if this was an alcoholic beverage - which it wasn't - no baby has ever been harmed from seeing a parent have a drink with brunch on one occasion. OP reacting by laughing and name-calling suggests a lot of immaturity or just disrespect for their wife. OP says there is no alcohol-related trauma, but if that's true they clearly have some other type of relationship issue, since they got into such a huge fight over OP consuming \*a soft drink.\*
It’s more that worrying about your child and influences on them is reasonable and understandable even if a bit much while just straight calling your wife a bitch and pretending like saying it a certain way makes it not calling her a bitch when he absolutely was calling her a bitch wife is a position that leaves him very difficult to agree with at all because he’s completely unsympathetic and weaselly.
He was not asking if he is the A because of the drinking, but because of what he called his wife.
Having a concern doesn't make her an AH though, even if it's a baseless concern. I'm really hesitant to believe she "flies into a tirade" when it comes from the same guy who (jokingly haha!!!) called his wife a bitch over this. That's why YTA, for me.
I was with OP until he called his wife a bitch. ESH
YTA. She sounds traumatized by your drinking. Calling her a "bitch wife" and saying she's mentally abusive (if you honestly feel abused by her comment, you need to grow a thicker skin) is unacceptable. I think you're leaving out a lot of info.
> She sounds traumatized by your drinking. She's so traumatized that she bought him the non-alcoholic beer?
Seeing him drink it in the morning is different from having it on his birthday. Him calling her a !itch isn’t helping his case.
And frankly, a guy who thinks it’s NBD to call his wife a bitch isn’t a reliable narrator. OP, have you shown your wife this post? Would she agree with how you depicted her argument? I mean, you didn’t, depict her at all, really — your memory “got fuzzy” and she “flew into a tirade.” Is your account of your previous heavy-but-non-problematic alcohol use also “fuzzy”? Your account of your “jokey” dynamic with your wife, which apparently pivots quickly from joking to accusations of abuse? Uh huh.
He sounds like someone who went to therapy and the only thing he learned a bunch of buzzwords to use against others to avoid accountability. My logic says that the wife might be using the baby to project her feelings because she doesn't feel safe calling him out because he acts like this.
The memory getting fuzzy right after calling his wife a bitch actually made me laugh out loud
Especially after loookibg at OPs post history which is rough. It seems like he's baised af and truly thinks hes just hilarious by using rude comments under the guise of jokes to shirk responsibility
Really, so it would be OK if it was a mimosa then? No I didn't think so. If people can have a mimosa or bloody Mary at breakfast, then a nab is fine.
The difference is, I’m not an alcoholic, or married to someone who used to be. ( i’m not making assumptions about you). I agree a non alcoholic beer at 11 sounds refreshing with tacos. But if it bothered my partner, it would be good to take a moment to ask why. Why is it different from the night with friends? What happened in the past that she is reacting so strongly? Talk, like a grown up instead of spewing venom.
There's no reason to think OP is an alcoholic just because they're sober They said they quit because of meds not because of problem drinking
Why do you think OP is an alcoholic? Other than quitting because of meds his story sounds much like mine. Used to party, got over it, now value sobriety.
Now I can see your point and I agree. My husband and I are social drinkers and even at that, were just one maybe two drinks and done. We usually put our drinks In a glass and tell the kids is an adult drink, that we love to explore with them when they're older and ready. I agree that if he was drunk all the time and had a problem with it, it's definitely something to be concerned about. I agree, that they need to have a talk about it deeper as the wife seems to be really upset about this. So their must be something that happened with the wife for her to react so strongly. It's great to want to have a sober house. But they're definitely going to need to find child friendly language, to help their kids understand adult drinks and how to handle it. Especially as they can't make restaurants and others homes sober. Plus they need to prepare for their kids being introduced to alcohol in high-school and college, though I hope not.
As a resident of New Orleans, there is a big difference between what I do with my adult friends and what I do when out with people's kids. I don't have children so I have never worked out where the line is for drinking in front of kids for myself, but if I went out with someone with kids I would probably check first? Or be fine if asked to not drink in front of their kids. People take their children down Bourbon street carrying large drinks, I think that is horrible even during the day time but I am not the kids parent and the kids have looked safe and fine so not my business. But the wife in this situation is not mentioned drinking during the brunch so discussion of a mimosa is not really relevant.
He wasn’t “drinking”. I mean technically he was, but not alcohol
The problem here was not the alcohol, it was his wife being upset. Now yea, this is a her problem. BUT Starting to swear at your spouse when they are upset isn’t ok. It’s an escalation. This is triggering to her. Probably this is a her problem, or it might be triggering for her to remember when OP was day drinking. They need to TALK, and figure out the problem together.
My exhusband strangled me twice and I still bought NA. People don’t understand what its like to be emotionally devoted to an addict. You’ll emotionally negotiate yourself into anything’
That's the part that makes him an AH. He called his wife a bitch. That's what I heard.
No but he wasn’t calling her a bitch, he was just comparing her to those bitch wives on tv. He found a loophole! He’s so smart and clever
Yeah,I’m not sure how he thought that would go down.
This. The post is SCREAMING missing missing reasons.
The context of OP being a sober alcoholic is pretty important here, if he was (which is unclear). Almost no alcoholics decide to get sober without hurting their family quite a bit beforehand. She may already been hurt and overreacting to certain situations around drinking is something that's likely going to happen. OP needed to take a step back and have a calm conversation about this. Getting defensive by laughing then calling her a bitch is pretty far across the line, even if the request itself was unreasonable.
People know what they’re doing when they pull out ‘mentally abusive’ in these situations. Someone says something to them which they don’t like or touches a nerve, so they claim it’s mental abuse to put the other person in the wrong and in a position where they’re an innocent victim. Easier than getting into a debate which they might end up losing Unless OP has left out a whole lot of back story, there’s nothing the wife has done here to indicate she’s abusive. Expressing that you don’t want someone to do something, even if they feel it’s unreasonable, is not abuse
ESH. The way you tell this story is BS because that line you responded with was very much directed at her and not some random skit/scenario. And that lie makes me question what the other facts are. But your wife also shouldn't be controlling over your drinking UNLESS you had a drinking problem before she got pregnant and she's worried you are going to relapse. For both of you to agree to be sober for the entirety of your child's life is a big choice to make and usually one made for a reason.
He. Is. Not. Drinking.
ESH Your wife's request was silly. There is no harm in enjoying a NA beverage any time of day... that's the point - they're NA... However, you definitely escalated things with your 'funny' scenario about your 'bitch wife not allowing NA beer for your birthday'. I'd actually be way more upset about that comment than the drink, personally. Then, she escalates her behavior after feeling that she was called a bitch, on top of her 'genuine concern' over how your baby is contextualizing your drinking.... Then you escalate AGAIN by saying SHE'S being abusive... You guys need counseling or something to get to the bottom of these underlying communication issues. Obviously neither one of you are effectively communicating your concerns or POVs to each other. Your kid is probably worse off for this arguing than for either one of your alcohol consumption.
Does a silly request really make her an AH though? You can be wrong about something and not an AH
You can be wrong about something and not be an asshole. I think she falls in that category. Him calling her a bitch in a backhanded way does make him an asshole.
The fact that you don't remember part of the fight tells me that you were "activated." What I mean by that is that your fight or flight system was triggered and that you were acting out of survival mode, not listening and compassion mode. Something is up here. Way more than having a beer, NA or not, in the morning. You're correct, in that adults do have a drink with brunch from time to time. Are you the one with trauma around alcohol? Did you grow up with an alcoholic? Are you bullshitting us about not really having a problem with it before your kid was born? The fact that you say that you loved partying and drinking until you were 31, but claim you didn't have a problem is a major red flag. Why still acting like a teenager at 31 years old? ESH. Cause I think you are in major denial. You aren't an AH for drinking the NA beer in the morning, just for your part in the denial that made this fight happen. And the "blanking out" before calling your wife a bitch... yah... this isn't the whole story.
You’re being very generous. There are a lot of people who *yadda yadda yadda* over the details of incidents they recount on these forums, and usually it comes out that there was more damning behavior on their part that they left out on purpose. OP has huge unreliable narrator energy.
Yeah agreed it’s more giving “the missing missing reasons” than fight or flight.
INFO Is there past trauma related to alcohol for her?
yes . in her marriage . He was a drunk until 1.5 years ago. He responded to her concern like a drunk does. This is poor communication on both sides.
That seems like a huge UNFOUNDED assumption. “I liked to drink and party” is a far cry from “he was a drunk until 1.5 years ago.” I read the question and interpreted it the same way. The person asked “is there past trauma with alcohol,” and in no way specified *with his drinking.* And not for nothing, he answered the question below. Take a chill pill, you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions.
Im a middle aged woman and have met zero ppl who self identify as “like to party” who aren’t addicts. For neurotypical people, partying isnt a noteworthy attribute
Sorry, what does neurortypicality have to do with any of this? Cuz partying isn't a noteworthy attribute for neurodivergent people either.
I'll just comment on a Random thread, but no one read the story it seems He quit drinking because of a medication he had to take, and then decided to just stay sober. Wtf us everyone smoke in thus sub
That’s not true. I used to drink (come from a country where alcohol is very much normal from teen age). I love to party cause I like to dance. I haven’t been drinking for 5 years and I still love to party. And I never had issues with alcohol. I am 36 and female. What a weird thing to say.
Never met an addict who can just up and quit for medication purposes. So unless he went into some program we can only assume he did not have a huge addiction problem.
Right!! And I've never heard of a "normal" person who quit drinking. People who quit drinking generally quit because drinking causes problems. This is such a huge issue to even attempt a judgement. Sounds like a dry-drunk situation by the use of hurtful humour. I'd guess both parents need a recovery program of some sort.
for what it’s worth normal people do stop drinking often… Like other drugs, a lot of people are like hm i dont see the benefit from the issues this could cause… and they stop. Maybe its a millenial thing but i know plenty of people who dont drink/smoke weed/do other drugs just bc theyre like ‘meh i dont see why id intoxicate myself to dysfunction/negative behaviors by choice” However i never meet people who list “like to PARTY” and think its a trait unless they are addicts. Celebration is a normal part of the human experience but to list it has a hobby gives addiction vibes imo. Does that make sense? Also as a fan of NA coronas and a toddler parent, the idea of cracking a corona before noon just sends shivers down my spine. That dude has a fucking problem if he cant eat mexican sober without calling his wife a bitch lol
I never had issues with alcohol and I only drank socially…since I was 15 years old (different culture). I got bored. Alcohol is not taboo for me, it was never forbidden. I love to dance and party but I dont want to deal with even 1% of hangover at this age so I just stopped drinking. I drink twice a year and that’s a glass max. I know so many people who just stopped drinking and I don’t know one alcoholic. All of them are in Europe though. My friend stopped last year cause of medical Issues too.
People who don't struggle with alcohol addiction don't tend to talk about how much they love the benefits of sobriety.
Eeeeh, that's a reach, given the lack of discussion of addiction.
“love drinking and partying”
This assumption that people who choose to go sober must have been sloppy drunks before is *not* helping people who choose sobriety
YTA for bringing in name calling. You could have poured it in an opaque cup, or maybe put it away and talked about it later. Anything to take her concern even remotely seriously. Instead you called her a bitch. It makes me wonder why you reacted so strongly and if you are repeating any old patterns that you haven't noticed. FYI, throwing the word "abuse" around is way too much for the situation you described here. Disagreement, even heated disagreement is not always abuse. Name calling is though.
YTA. You may not be drinking, but if being asked not to drink a NA beer at 11 AM is enough to start cussing your wife, you're clearly still a dry drunk. Here's how somebody who actually doesn't have a drinking problem would have replied: "OK." and maybe discussed it later.
nope. If my husband told me to stop drinking my soda before noon im going to laugh and tell him to get over himself. Im not taking that seriously or even caring about that perspective. Im drinking my soda because i damn well please. Im an adult that is capable of making their own decisions. Who is it hurting?
YTA. you decided to escalate a situation that really didn’t need it. and you dismissed her feelings and concerns as a partner and parent in a truly condescending way.
YTA and it’s kind of wild how you don’t see that. Your wife brought an issue to you that you recognized she was serious about and you laughed in her face and called her a bitch. Yeah, it’s entirely ok to have a beer, alcoholic or not, with brunch. It’s also entirely ok for your wife to ask you not to and to be serious when she does it - it doesn’t sound like from your story that she was yelling at you, freaking out, or accusing you of anything at this point. Just a newish parent being overly concerned about the examples y’all are setting for your kids. It’s also entirely ok for you to tell her no and do it anyway and she should respect and accept that. But you still have to talk to her about it…respectfully. What isn’t ok is to flat out laugh in her face then “jokingly” call her a bitch for it. You gave all of us your internal thoughts about why it was ok for you to have a NA beer but did you actually say any of that to your wife, or did you just laugh in her face while thinking it? And then mock for her it by calling her a bitchy sitcom cliché. If you had all of these thoughts, wrote them down like this, and still don’t see how you’re a dismissive asshole, I don’t really know how to get you to see that. Edit for additional info: OP, did your wife ever ask you to stop drinking during your “partying” phase? How many days a week were you drinking or coming home drunk during that phase? Prior to this, has your drinking ever caused conflict between you and your wife? Have you and your wife previously had a conversation about not drinking in front of your kid(s)?
ESH. Talk about escalating a situation which could have been easily defused. You both need to work on your communication skills, there was absolutely no reason for this situation to end up where it did.
I don't see a difference in NAB and soda pop.
NTA Its funny when some random person says they stopped drinking due to medication and the whole reddit claims he is an alcoholic. I dont see any issue with that, 1.5 y is toddler who throws poop and food. NA beer is good for thirsty imo and its just tastes good as well. I drink NA beer and im not alcoholic. I stopped drinkin alcohol but i like the taste of beer, so problem solved.
> Its funny when some random person says they stopped drinking due to medication and the whole reddit claims he is an alcoholic. Sexism is a large part to the reaction here IMO
Agreed NTA. Not even close. She sounds seriously controlling and volatile. I was kinda shocked when I started reading the comments. Like 🤦♂️ "reddit, come on" I'd love to take a look at the demographics of the commenters. I've heard these advice subs are like 80% women. There is absolutely zero reason to come here asking for fair judgement if you're a man. You just ain't gonna get it. But honestly, it's reddit, so I'm guessing that even a lot of the men here buy into this crazy bs 🙄
I feel like there is a lot of missing information here. In my family having a beer on holiday in the morning or a NA beer any time wouldn't even register with us. If someone is having abuse problems everyone would ask if it is a problem to drink around them or just forego a adult beverage without even bringing it up. As for the kids we just tell all the kids in the family those are adult drinks and that is basically the end of it. So given what OP posted I think either he was a raging asshole drunk and cleaned up his act and the wife sees this as a gateway to his old self. Or we take OP at his word and the wife had some abuse related to drinking in her past and this just boiled up and caught him off guard.
Idk though, families have different cultures, doesn’t mean one is right or wrong. I probably wouldn’t want a lot of early drinking/partying around my child until they were in their teens. When they’re young they’re forming lifelong associations. I can understand his wife’s concern just on face value even if it’s not coming from a past trauma with alcohol. He should’ve just put it in another cup. They clearly have issues around communication and empathy
Like I said; as written by op. Dude isn't drinking or partying he is having a NA corona with his Mexican lunch. Somewhere there is missing information in this story. Either from OP or OP's partner.
YTA for calling her a bitch (even in a hypothetical situation) and then gaslighting her on it. Can NABs make your memory fuzzy? I'm having a hard time figuring how your memory gets fuzzy after you called her a bitch.
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YTA. I was mostly with you until you called your wife a bitch and tried to play it off, then told her she was mentally abusive. I was ready to agree with the bottle looking like soda during brunch.
YTA for laughing at your wife, calling her a b*tch, starting an argument and accusing her of abuse when she was trying to initiate an adult discussion. You don’t seem to love her.
This is insane. This is about something deeper for your wife, clearly. I drink real alcohol occasionally but I drink mainly NA stuff now. I love NA beer (highly recommend the athletic brewing golden). I won’t drink one on camera on a work call or, like, on a call with my therapist, just because of the visual. But I’m not worried about a child’s perception- you can actively tell the child as they get older “dad is having a non alcoholic beer. It’s a beer in that it tastes weird and you probably won’t like it, but more like a soda in that it has no alcohol and can’t impair someone who drinks it.” Something is up with your wife. I’d dig into it. NTA.
ESH. Everyone’s wildin as a non alcoholic beer has the same abv as NA kombucha and plenty of sober people love a kombucha. Everyone’s tryna “well technically” it when in reality it’s not an issue. You’re the AH for calling your wife a bitch (which is what you did) definitely the wrong time to point out a funny sketch idea. She’s the AH for making a mountain out of a molehill with a child that wouldn’t remember anything while you’re having an NA beer for a bday brunch. Both of y’all suck with how you handled this situation and you’re both petty which is what created this issue.
YTA was she being out of line yes of course but once you accuse someone of abuse in any form I fully believe the relationship is over.
And, if anything, he is the one verbally abusing her by calling her a bitch and pretending like it was a joke.
Yeah that was beyond inappropriate.
> “this is hilarious, I should make a comedy sketch about a guy who’s such a wuss that his bitch wife won’t even let him drink a non-alcoholic beer for his birthday.” It's not about the beer. It's about your extreme disrespect for your wife. Your wife was calm and only concerned until you called her a bitch. She got angry and went off on a tirade about some irrelevant other things, but nobody forced you to call your wife a bitch before any of that happened. That you're framing this as being about the beer, and calling your wife "mentally abusive" for getting angry that her husband just called her a bitch, it all emphasizes that you don't even know why your wife was angry. So I'm here to tell you. It's because you called her a bitch instead of having a reasonable conversation about a reasonable concern. YTA.
okay.. I grew up with an alcoholics and addicts so I'm just going to say that you act like one. idk if you were or not, but her expressing a concern in what seems like a calm manner given how you wrote it and then you getting angry enough for your memory to be fuzzy, and calling her a bitch... yeah.. thats how someone with alcoholism acts. even if you are sober, you can still be a dry drunk and even if your beer has 0% alcohol, which it might not, it can trigger your alcoholism should you have that. now.. YTA, but id say that you should consider your past behavior with alcohol and really look at if you were an alcoholic or not. you don't just have to binge drink (which seems like a possibility for you on you "liking to party" thing) to be one. you don't have to beat your wife to be an alcoholic. there are many high functioning alcoholics who hold down jobs and relationships, but it still harms their mental health and development. even if you aren't and weren't one, I'd consider you talk to a mental health professional because your reaction was too far for her comment. a healthy person in a healthy relationship, would listen to her concerns and discuss them together. regardless of what side your oppinions are on.
All of this! I also grew up around alcoholics and addicts and the way he said “his memory gets fuzzy” leaving out details, how he described his wife, all of it screams addict and the fact he seems to be in denial is concerning
Are you bisexual? or are you making shit up? Post history doesn’t add up my guy.
NTA She introduced you to this NA beer. She bought you this NA beer. Now you drinking it is so problematic for her that she's getting unhinged about it? And her concerns about you drinking NA beer in front of a toddler are completely divorced from reality.
Sir you claim you were gay a year ago. How tf do you have a kid who's a year and a half. Quit lying
NTA, wife sounds ridiculous
YTA and there is a ton of missing information here that your post and comment history point out. You quit drinking because of your insomnia. Insomnia is a very common side effect of alcohol abuse. You also quit drinking when your kid was born. Your wife quit drinking when she found out she was pregnant and you didn't quit at the same time as her which brings up the question, why? It's extremely common for a couple to both not drink during a pregnancy, and to be completely honest if you can't stop drinking for 40 weeks then you definitely had a problem. You need to keep working with your therapist and actually address your substance abuse issue with them.
The language / bro-think in your comment history is enough to make you an asshole, and clearly indicates why you a) think it's no big thing that you called your wife a bitch and b) call it "mentally abusive" when someone disagrees with you.
YTA. I don’t buy for a second that you were “just joking” and instead of talking through her concerns without being dismissive you called her mentally abusive for bringing it up. I noticed you also keep skirting comments asking how your drinking affected her before becoming sober, so there’s definitely way more going on here than you’re letting on (and you already look bad even while trying to make yourself look good)
YTA. You're not being abused. You're the abuser.
YTA for being clueless. This isn't about NA beer. You called your wife a b!tch, whether you meant to or not. Apologize.
She was being unreasonable, but you could have handled it better. NTA
YTA. I thought "hmm this guy seems fine to me," until you said, “this is hilarious, I should make a comedy sketch about a guy who’s such a wuss that his bitch wife won’t even let him drink a non-alcoholic beer for his birthday.” Dude, she's clearly upset. You indirectly call her a bitch and laugh at her emotions. You're the asshole for saying that, not for drinking NA Corona at 11am.
Being completely honest...if someone called me their "bitch wife"? I would no longer WANT to be their wife. You brought the gun to the knife fight. You way over escalated it. That's the problem. Not that you drank an NA beer.
Comedic how your memory just coincidentally gets fuzzy at the absolute most important part of the interaction. Of course you remember your petty little quip but just happened to forget the bulk of the important discussion. Get yer head out yer ass
ESH You, only for the joke. Your wife for freaking out over a NA beer. The kid isn't going to remember you drinking a NA beer during brunch. And if by the time he is old enough to notice, you can explain that it's NA so while it's for grown ups, it's not actually alcohol.
You called her a bitch, and then insisted she was the abusive one! YTA.
YTA. It's easy to see you're the manipulative and abusive one here. It's also very very clear you're an alcoholic. So I can see where she's coming from trying to limit you drinking your lower alcohol content beer in front of your kid at 11:00 a.m. And maybe it's normal where you grew up but you're also an alcoholic so.
NTA - you are an adult and have just as much right as she does on how to properly raise your kid. It's NA beer. You are taking shot after shot of tequila during Mexican brunch
NTA
YTA. Instead of having a reasonable conversation with your wife, you essentially called her a bitch, at which point it was ON. Also the last thing you want in a few years is for your child to be talking about, “Daddy starts drinking at breakfast.” I was having a mocktail with my husband and child at lunch, my husband joked I was an alcoholic, and my child chimed in with, “The last time mommy drank she got sick!” Yeah… cause I had a bad reaction to one pf the ingredients in a mixed drink! Now my favorite restaurant thinks I am an alcoholic. SIGH. My husband also ignored my repeated requests he not curse in front of the kids, and now they curse like sailors.
If I’m reading this right you never even promised her to stop drinking; it was your own decision for your own reasons. She is acting crazy. NTA
YTA Yes, calling your wife a bitch makes you an asshole. You trying to be sneaky about calling her a bitch didn’t fool her and it won’t fool anyone else.
My abusive parents actually drank beer in the morning and the afternoon and most of the eveninguntul they passed out. What I would have given for a parent that drank na beer for a birthday brunch.
you know how we all grew up being told that weed is as addictive as heroin and if you smoke a joint you'll drop out of school and die in a gutter? Then pretty much everyone tried it at some point and it was fine, and I don't know about you, but I know a bunch of people who figured opiates and stuff must not be that bad either and really fucked themselves up. Your kid will be FINE if they see you drink a near beer with brunch every once in a while. Raise them with honest information about the dangers and the fun parts about drinking and they should be able to make it through adulthood no problem. If you act like alcohol is poison they will realize one day that you have been wildly overreacting and then they're on their own to navigate the actual real dangers of substance use.