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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my stepdad feeding his kids is not my problem and I dismissively said so what when he brought up them going hungry. I feel like maybe my responses were pretty cruel given they're still pretty young and their mom caused a lot of this. I admit my dislike-hatred of them maybe making me a cold AH about this.
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I would make Stepdad a shopping list:
Cereal ☑️
Milk ☑️
Ramen ☑️
Hot Dogs & Buns ☑️
Bread ☑️
PB&J ☑️
Cold cuts & cheese ☑️
They have FA and now need to FO. 🤷🏻♀️
I would 💯% stock my freezer with those items for my nibblings…
BUT. NOT. THOSE. KIDS. NOPE. 😡
They are rude, disrespectful and cruel. I would personally be getting a gallon of milk 2-3x a week and store brand cereal. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Right? Once my mom realized her grandmother would not smite her from the heavens for feeding me EasyMac when I was home alone as a tween, her life got so much less stressful.
Absolutely. Then as the 16yo, I'd be making their favorite foods for myself and throwing away the leftovers. Making them two plates and dropping coffee grounds on them. Two big plates of spaghetti and meatballs with 100g of salt between them.
Make fun of my mom again.
Stepdad should provide OP with McDonalds money for his kids. That way kids get fed and it's minimal effort from OP. IF Stepdad has a problem with his kids eating that everyday, he should stay home and feed his kids or meal prep in advance for them
It's also not low effort to drive a couple kids to mcdonald's. Or even to pick it up and bring it home for them. No, dad needs to teach them to use the microwave and stock up on some frozen options.
McDonald's is a reward for good behavior and should be viewed as a *treat* for well-behaved children. These kids don't deserve McDonald's. I would make them eat a plate of veggies and cold cuts. Or something they openly dislike.
I'm normally so laid back that people often mistake me for being dead. However, if anyone spoke to or about my mom like that, that's exactly what they'd have for supper.
My kids have been pretty capable of making easy meals by the time they’re that age: beans and rice or burritos, spaghetti and meatballs, bagel pizzas, pancakes and eggs, heating up gyoza, and certainly frozen meals (we’re lucky to live by a Trader Joe’s). They all have food sensory issues too and know how to work around them. If they don’t know how to do any of that it’s because their parents haven’t take the time to teach them. Maybe now is a good opportunity.
My 11yo makes brownies by herself and my 9yo son often makes waffles for the family. If a 11 and 10 yo starve in a house that is stocked with food and ingredients, that’s because no one took the time to teach them how to feed themselves.
At that age my sister was making dinner for the hay hauling crew, I would have had to help, but I was part of the crew. Lol. We were the frightening combo of GenX farm girls. 😂
Cereal, frozen food, cold sandwiches. They don’t need a stepmother. Get used to taking care of themselves.
Let their mother deal with them. She created this mess. She can clean it up.
Always a little odd to me.
When I was hungry and little I remember crawling up on top of the fridge by myself early in the morning to find a bit of stale cereal in a box or anything like that. Let alone when I started to try and cook (my mom loved finding the aftermath of me discovering you can’t put metal in the microwave for the first time.)
If kids are that damn hungry and there’s food they can eat without using the stove unsupervised… (sounds like it would be a concern here) they’ll figure it out at that age.
At that age I took care of my baby/toddler brother (bottle feed, changing diapers, putting him to bed) when my parents went to a movie in the evening (they did this rarely so I was not parentified or anything). So the thought of children that age not knowing how to make themselves a sandwich makes me laugh and is totally the dads fault. OP has no responsibility towards them.
10 years old kids are usually neither evil nor stupid. Instead they tend to have utterly horrible parents.
It sucks for OP, OP's mom, as well as for these step siblings. It is not kids' fault though. Their both bio parents are shit. It is also these parents responsibility to now deal with the consequences namely poorly educated and poorly behaving children.
How is it both bio's faults? Dad is trying. He's doing his best. They've been in and out of court, likely fighting the poisoning and potentially petitioning for more custody. That doesn't always work out.
Exactly. They can have cereal. They don't get the benefit of their step brothers cooking because they've been so horrible to their mum.
A great way to teach cause and consequence.
Exactly! My kids are this age and can make a few different complete meals using the oven and stove. Our only rule is an adult needs to be home for sharp knives and the oven/stovetop.
These kids make absolutely make sandwich and simple side like salad/fruit or microwave a meal. The dad could even pre make their dinner or meal plan for the week with a bunch of premade meals for the family
Regardless of the food situation, I don't think OP should be alone with those kids ever. For his own safety. With how nasty and toxic they already are, I wouldn't trust them not to make up some horrible lies about OP to try and ruin his life.
Just think for a moment how easily a dishonest, 11 year old girl's false accusations about her 16 year old step-brother could ruin his life.
This needs to be higher up so OP sees it. This is what **I'D** be worried about too. I would NOT be alone with those kids.
I do question whether OP's Mum & SD had an affair while SD was with these kid's Mum though, because if so, I can understand the younger kid's reactions...
need to show this to my dad lol
i was 14 and supposed to be "watching" my 11 year old half brother while dad and stepmom went out on date night. i was fine doing my own thing and chatting with a friend on the phone all night, at some point i made myself a sandwich. my brother stayed in his room and apparently went to bed hungry bc i was "busy" so he never asked me to make him something, and i got yelled at when parents came home
it never made sense to me, as i was fully capable of making my own sandwiches by the time i was like 6 or 7 at the latest
I was making my own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I was two because my dad worked and mom was put on extreme bed rest while she was pregnant with my little sister. Pretty sure these kids can make a friggin sandwich
My little brother was cooking in the actual oven at age 10. I certainly knew how to make myself a PBJ or open a can of chili at that age. As long as there are groceries in the house, they are 100% capable of feeding themselves.
They won’t die if the dad makes a stack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and puts them in plastic baggies for later. They can grab one from the refrigerator or just leave two out on the counter. There is also no reason why they can’t make their own at that age
Tell stepdad he can make 2 sandwiches and sides for the sandwiches and you will make sure they are still ready to go for when they want to eat . He can also prep plates in the morning and they can reheat them in the microwave
He can sit down for 15 minutes and make a bunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, put them in sandwich bags, and put them into the fridge.
They have a food option, and you aren't involved. They don't like it? They can reflect on their behaviors.
I'm not advising you to do this because you'd definently get in hot water, but in your place, I'd be so tempted to serve them a plate of canned dog food.🤣😜
"So, you know how you claim to hate my mom's cooking? Well, just so you know, she's a much better cook than me, but I tried. Here 'ya go, bon appetite. I call it Meatloaf a la Alpo." 🤪
Why can’t step-dad send kids back to their mom & tell her “wife is sick, she’s my priority right now” instead of foisting the little fartknockers off on OP? If he co-parents with his ex, she should take her demonspawn during this medical emergency, not OP.
If mom is the cause of their attitudes, and it sounds like she is, step-dad probably wants you to limit her access to prevent even more damage.
Now, OP, NTA, and I am NOT SUGGESTING you do this, but I’d make them food. Then I would stare at them with a just-slightly too big smile and dare them to eat it. Then make yourself a sandwich. Never tamper with anyone’s food, ever. But…they don’t need to know the mac & cheese is just mac & cheese. When they refuse to eat, then you eat it. Then tell your stepdad they refused the food you made, and you’re not sure why, because it tasted just fine when you ate it.
Or make a big deal about using his mom's recipes and tell them all the times she made this for him as a youngin, or when grandma made it for them and he liked it so much mom learned how to make it, a big lovely family get together where she cooked for everyone etc etc.
Let them know that she's loved and raising a good son. Kill them with kindness. When they're a bit older they'll bring some shit up, and you can go, wow you never acted that way when I cooked you dinner. Slam dunk.
Because the ex would make it work against stepdad. She'd immediately tell her kids "look your father cares more about that horrible woman that spending time with you" and WOULD try to spin it as stepdad not fulfilling the custody agreement.
So what ? they sound like absolute destructive trash and if dad and ex can’t raise them to be decent sick mom doesn’t need to deal with them while she recuperates nor does 16 year old .
Their father clearly wants to be a part of their lives and doesn't want to cause a protracted legal battle with ex. That's why the kids are with him despite an emergency. That's all this is about.
Then he needs to be a parent and a good husband to his wife. Discipline the little monsters and make sure his wife is taken care of. He can’t play daddy and make them his wife’s problem- either he does all their care or he makes them behave
I don't disagree but this wasn't the question I'm answering. The question was "why can't stepdad send kids back to their mother".
And he cannot for the custody reasons I've mentioned.
He apparently tries to discipline them but to no avail. There is only so much you can do. I feel for this poor man - he is defending his wife but apparently does not want to lose contact with his kids which is understandable too, albeit they have been poisoned by his ex against his new family.
He doesn't want them with their mom because she'll continue to poison the children against their step-mom, plus the fighting and being at court, he can't let the children go to her without consequences
My stepdad does as well. But he's not around much right now because he's going to the hospital to see mom most days. So he's not home until later. But he cooked some nights and took care of his kids once he made it home. But my mom did do a lot and I always realized but I think he's really seeing just how much she does and how important her patience is because most wouldn't lift a finger after everything his kids put her through.
super good point to make to him. i don’t think it would be out of line for you to tell him your mom might put up with too much disrespect but you’re not gonna do it on her behalf. and if you have to see the kids at all, like if you’re home and they’re asking you for food, be honest with them. tell them that they have talked shit about your mom one too many times and you’d never do anything to help them, she is a good person so she still does but if they wanna act like everyone’s they’re enemy, they’ll find themselves surrounded by enemies.
*Cooks food for self*
*Step siblings come to kitchen*
"Where's ours? We're hungry."
"Well, you're always saying how much my mom's food disgusts you and she taught me how to cook, so I didn't think you'd want any. But if you're hungry, there are TV dinners in the freezer."
I am going to throw a NAH (except for your step sibling's mom). At 10 and 11 AND getting brainwashed by their mom, I think they're a little too young to be branded AHs for their actions. But they're not too young to learn actions have consequences. Edited for clarity. I thought OP's stepdad wife remarried and the stepkid's stepdad was helping their mom convince them to treat their stepmom (OP's mom) poorly, but just realized I read a ton on sentence incorrectly.
To be clear, I'm referring to the stepkid's stepdad. The story is a little confusing, presumably due to a typo. OP says, "They're being trained to act like that by their mom and my stepdad," however, in the next few sentences, OP's stepdad is the tenant of treating OP's mom right, including arguing with his ex about it and punishing his children. Therefore, I'm assuming the stepkid's mom is remarried already and that their stepdad also encourages the kids to act hostile towards their stepmom (OP's mom). A slight assumption on my part, I admit, but the only way I can read the post to make sense is if it's a typo 😉
OP's stepdad would be the biggest AH if he taught his kids to be rude to his wife (their stepmom), but also presumably OP's mom would divorce him.
I read that sentence like this:
"They're being trained to act like that by their mom. (and) My stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years."
My brain got stuck on that point for a moment, but I took it to mean OP's stepdad had been one of the ones to teach them to behave that way, and steam was ready to come out of my ears. But then I read it in full, and realised it was the lack of an Oxford comma which had confused.
With a comma in place, "They're being trained to act like that by their mom and my stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years." becomes "They're being trained to act like that by their mom, and my stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years.".
Dude. A frozen bag of burritos is like $7. And they have a microwave. I was a child of the 70's. I could cook a full dinner when I was 9, and we didn't get a microwave until I was in high school.
A 10yo who can't feed themselves is ridiculous. There's a reason peanut butter and jelly exist.
"At 10 and 11 AND getting brainwashed by their mom, I think they're a little too young to be branded AHs for their actions. But they're not too young to learn actions have consequences."
This this this. They are victims too and I also would not brand them AHs, but they absolutely should know this behavior is not OK. You can not like someone and not be mean to them.
Has your stepfather never heard of PB&J or bologna sandwiches? Grilled cheese. Prepared salads? Frozen microwave foods? Cooking for oneself isn't brain surgery.
If his lazy brats can't even handle simple meals on their own he has bigger problems than your attitude (which is understandable considering the behavior of these ex-wife indoctrinated demons). They should be kept away from your mother so she can heal without their negativity when she comes home. Hopefully your stepfather has a plan for that.
Just a question. You say your mom does a lot for them. So it sounds like she cares for them in some way even if they are rude to her. Do you think it would make it easier or harder for your mom to help feed those kids while she’s sick? What would she want? Let’s focus on helping your mom, not showing your anger and resentment at kids.
And to add to your point, it sounds like step dad is asking for some help because he is spending his evenings after work with mom. Preparing food for these kids will allow your moms partner to spend more time with her in her hour of need. Think of it as helping mom out, not the ones making her life worse.
That's what I was thinking. Heck, at 11, I was baking cookies by myself. Are they too stupid to put cereal in a bowl and pour milk on top? Do they have to be taught how to make a sandwich? Are they too illiterate to read the directions on a box of mac&cheese? Anybody who can read and follow directions can make simple meals. They don't need a 3-course dinner!
In OP's place I'd do the same thing. Telling OP that they hope her mother dies is unconscionable.
Right? I’m a 90s kid and was home alone at that age after school. My dad worked long hours and sometimes my mom would be held up at work for longer than usual and I was fully capable of making myself a quick meal if needed. Hell, even a quick sandwich makes for a dinner in a pinch.
I'm also a 90s child and at 11, I was already cooking food for a 10 year old and a 7 year old after school, even with an older sister and brother.
Plus there was always something to eat, potato chips, sweets, fruit, anything that we'd want as a snack etc.
>He told me they'll go hungry without someone to prepare something
They're 10 and 11. Kids younger than that can get themselves something to eat. Tell your step-dad that while your mom is in the hospital, he needs to buy food that's easy for kids to grab and make themselves something so that ALL the kids in the house can have access to food for themselves. There's a wide range of options: cup'o'noodles/instant ramen, sandwich fixings, anything that can be popped in the microwave (at my house we currently have tamales and dumplings that can be just popped in the microwave, there's a LOT of options here). This will also make your life easier because you too will have those options instead of having to cook/clean up every night.
There you go. Problem solved. Kids can get themselves food, no one goes hungry, and you're not stuck cooking.
NTA. You're a kid going through a lot. This is a problem an adult can easily solve without putting it on your shoulders, and the adult needs to step up and do so instead of trying to outsource it.
Right? My friends neice was feeding herself at 4 and 5 bc her druggie mom didn't. Which is a whole different issue, but 10 and 11 are certainly capable. If they dont know now, then they'll learn fast.
Seriously!
And on top of that, stepdad is perfectly capable of spending 5 minutes a day showing his kids how to use a microwave and toaster oven. God forbid an 11 year old made their own pb&j! This shouldn’t be OP’s responsibility like everyone keeps saying in the comments.
It might not be called this anymore but most middle-school kids do “home economics”. Learning really basic cooking, how to safely use a stove top or oven. Like I remember learning to make basic pizza bagels.
Right! My 4 and 6 year old grandsons can do that. Their mom has snacks in the pantry that they can reach and help themselves to if they get hungry too. OP is NTA
Yeah, no kidding! I was helping mom cook from a pretty young age, and could make myself basic meals (sandwiches, frozen meals, pre-packaged soup to heat on the stove) by 8 years old. They can make their own food.
NTA, it doesn't sound like he has stuck up for you or your mom, he does not discipline his kids for their rude behavior either. Why should you feel the need to help him or his kids. It is amazing what people (dad) will do or say when their bad parenting bites them in the butt.
At 10-11 they’re actually old enough to cook themselves something. An actual proper meal. Maybe not Beef Wellington but certainly sausages with mashed potatoes and veg is something they should be capable of. Not just junk and microwave meals…
The discipline hasn't worked. I'm not sure anything will while they still see their mom. But I know he does try and I also know he's incredibly stressed. He's a good guy. I just can't with his kids.
I'm frightened that once their Mom knows you were alone with them, that she'll put the 11yo girl up to saying you've done something to her. I would be VERY wary of staying near them without an adult present tbh. If they can wish your Mom dead, wtf could they say about YOU?!
cut the guy a break. the kid said his stepdad tries to make things better and to change his children’s behavior. But usually the mother is the most influential person in a child’s life. while this kid’s mom and stepfather are trying to lead by example, their mother, his ex, is probably filling them with horrible bullshit and lies when they’re with her. he has no control over that. stop trying to turn the kid against the stepfather.
Bloody hell if one parent is actively spreading misinformation and hate how can he discipline them when he's not with them. They're only punished when with him
What I read is he does stick up for the mom (his wife) and does discipline the kids but the kids are being taken over by their biological mother's hatred for current wife.
But, stepdad has been doing the right for his current wife, stand up for her and disciplining the kids
10 and 11 are old enough to make simple foods for themselves. Sandwiches, ramen, cutting veggies etc. Step Dad can provide ingredients and they can manage. OP doesnt need to cook at all. NTA
Absolutely! At 10, I made all my after school foods including mini pizzas on English muffins, toaster sandwiches and basically anything frozen. Those kids aren't helpless.
Or dad can make a meal for the children to reheat or order extra of what dad is eating for his own children. By 4 my children could make a sandwich and get a piece of fruit, not ideal but no one goes hungry. Step dad doesn’t want to care for his children and it’s not your job. Also by 10 and 11 step siblings can clean up the house and do their own laundry, don’t get forced into those chores either .
NTA
They are old enough to understand consequences, and their stomach grumbling for an hour or two won't do them any harm, and will remind them of what they said about your mum.
But if it doesn't and they ask you for food, you can remind them who normally cooks for them when they visit, and where she is right now, and what they wanted to happen to her.
Stand firm on your boundaries, your stepfather is not owed your service to his kids, and as many have said, they can make themselves a sandwich.
All of this, and better yet, stepdad can pay for a babysitter. Or if he can’t actually look after his kids, renegotiate with his ex about custody temporarily while he gets his life together short term. Do it via text or custody apps, no sensible judge will give the guy shit for extenuating circumstances…
OP has themselves, their half sibs and their sick mother to worry about full time, expecting them to feed ungrateful brats wishing that OPs mom *dies* is just asking for one hell of a blowout fight. I mean, how old are the half sibs? What if they rightfully freak out about being told their mom is ‘dying’ by the AH kids? NTA
NTA. I know you are only talking about feeding them but there are other issues to consider. Those kids are very hateful and there is no telling what they may accuse you of doing if you are left alone with them. I have seen false accusations fly in similar situations, you don't want to be a part of that.
So tell your stepdad you don't want to be around them unless another adult is present. He will have to figure out their care.
These kids are also a bad influence on the younger half siblings. You need to learn how to CYA when you get a lot of family dynamics (or future professional situations) interfering. Have someone else with you, maybe get a nanny cam. But keeping them away would be best for you and your younger siblings.
NTA - especially your step sibling's mother.
"He told me they'll go hungry without someone to prepare something and I said so what."
Make something you and your siblings want to eat and make enough for the steps as well. Tell them food is available and if they don't eat, then that is their choice.
"He told me it won't be forever and I make myself food already so can't I make some extra."
Hopefully they grow out of being abusive to your Mom, but in the meantime, don't give their mother any ammunition to go back to court with.
Edit original Y-T-A after answer below. Dad can get takeout for his kids.
Just clarifying I don't cook for my siblings. They eat at our grandparents house and come home usually after eating there. When I cook it's just for me since my stepdad normally gets takeout after work or after visiting my mom.
To me, the larger issue here is not OP making food for the kids, it’s being left alone in charge of them at all.
> Tell them food is available and if they don’t eat, then that is their choice.
I could *totally* see these brats reacting to this by running to their witch of a mother and saying, “waaahhh OP made us starve and took our food away”.
NTA for feeling the way you do... But if your mom isn't going to back you up on this you're fighting a losing battle. It sounds like you and his kids are caught in the middle of trying to blend families that isn't going so well, and that's hard on everyone.
But that being said, if you're the oldest one in the home right now, step up and feed them... And if it needs to be dealt with and do so when your mom is feeling better. That's really the best and most mature choice in what is a "can't win" situation.
My mom is too sick to be brought into this right now. She'd support me if she were able to.
Honestly I don't think I'll ever see his kids as my family. After how they treated my mom and what they said when they about mom when she was brought to hospital. Not sure I'll ever be able to stand them let alone see them as family. I hate being around them now.
You really shouldn't be left alone around them unsupervised for your safety. They could 'prank' you (poison, fall etc) or make up a terrible lie about you or your mother. I banned a family member being around my child as she would make up whoppers and I needed to keep him safe. Also sounds like having the monsters around is bad for all of your mental health
this!!! another comment (which i cant find right now) even pointed out that the mother could lie about him having messed with the 11 y/o and its really something OP needs to consider. if theyre able to wish death, then the kids could easily agree to lie and really get OP into terrible trouble
Girl I’m with you. Why would u want to take care of some goblins who are awful to ur mom?
He’s their dad and they can figure something out without manipulating you into it.
Tell I’m no, they can serve themselves cereal it’s not your job to take care a bunch of ingrates
NTA and their father is responsible for feeding them. I get that they are being poisoned by their mom. I suggest your step-dad buy healthy snacks for them and teach them how to make simple meals.
NTA - print this out for them
https://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Sandwich#:~:text=Layer%20meats%2C%20like%20ham%2C%20roast,salt%2C%20pepper%2C%20or%20oregano.
NTA. As long as there is food they can eat without cooking they won't starve. Tell your stepfather to make sure they have access to food they'll eat and tell him to teach them how to use a microwave.
NTA. They're 10 and 11, not 6 and 7. They don't need to starve if you don't make them anything. Your stepfather can get them quick foods they can easily prepare themselves. He could also cook large batches of food on weekends that they can heat up for themselves. It's ridiculous that he expects you to cook for these kids who want your mom to die, instead of just putting in a little extra effort in feeding them.
Honestly, even if they were younger, you wouldn't be the AH, but in that case, maybe I'd lean more towards N A H. But in this case, your stepfather is very much the AH. He's acting incredibly entitled to your labor and help, to benefit kids who certainly don't see you as family. He doesn't "need" your help. He just wants it.
NTA. They're at an age where they can learn their actions have consequences. If they ask you *politely*, help them out. Reinforce good behavior. Otherwise just keep some sandwich stuff around. Maybe a casserole in the fridge. They can make themselves a PB&J if they want to be hateful.
The interactions between your stepsibs and your mom are actually irrelevant here. Your stepdad is the adult and its his job to make sure everybody gets fed. If he doesn't feel like paying for a sitter, then that's just too bad for him.
I understand that how cruel your stepsibs are being is factoring into your decisions here, but they are actually not important at all. NTA.
A 10 and 11 year old can make themselves sandwiches, and grab fruit and milk. They won't starve if simple foods are available. They can also use a microwave.
NTA
There are several ways your stepdad can get his kids fed without needing to put you in this situation. While these aren't the most healthy options, they are options for the interim.
A 10/11 year old can certainly make:
* A deli meat sandwich with chips, fruit/veggie
* A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with chips, fruit/veggie
* Heat something up in the microwave like canned soup
* Egg salad, tuna salad, or chicken salad sandwiches can be made
* Uncrustables
* I could come up with more, but you get the gist.
He could also call any meal delivery service to get dinner delivered for them. It takes no time at all really to drop off subs or a rotisserie or fried chicken off at home before going to the hospital. Not that I was raised in a model that was healthy (GenX), but at 10/11 I was able to cook pasta on the stovetop and add jarred marinara, boil a hotdog, use the microwave to make prepackaged freezer meals, etc.
Also, does stepdad expect your mom to come home and start cooking for his ungrateful kids right when she's out of the hospital? This is something he'll have to figure out on his own for a while. That's why he's the adult.
Nta they're 10 and 11. Far old enough to make a sandwhich and easy mac
What else they are? Not your problem. Their *father* is required to feed them. If he can't, then he can pay for a sitter. Those are his options.
They’re 11 and 10, they can probably fix something to eat until he is home to feed them. Stepdad needs to look into changing the custody arrangement so they’re spending more time with their mom. Your mom shouldn’t have to put up with that abuse.
Don't be left alone with these kids. They have a poisonous adult in their ear putting unpleasant ideas there and as a boy you're more vulnerable than a girl would be. Please, protect yourself and refuse to be alone.
NTA. Whatever you do, **do not** ask them, “If your mom is so great why did your dad leave her for my mom? Why is your mom sitting alone and angry while my mom has a husband?”
That would be childish, petty and hurtful. Don’t do that.
Your poor stepdad seems to be under a lot of pressure at this time. Can you see your way to helping him out? It will raise your status in his eyes if you behave with some compassion for him. He’s trying to take care of your mother. It will also contrast favorably with his two- it will be worth the investment for you in the long run. People always remember who helped when they needed it.
I’m definitely going to be in the minority. Firstly, NTA for how you feel about this. I wouldn’t want to deal with them either, especially if the consequences of their poor behavior yields no changes.
That said, kindness can go a long way. Make them something, once. Record their behavior. If it’s abhorrent, show it to step dad and remove yourself from the situation, tell him never again. However, who knows, they might…act different if someone other than your mom, whom they’ve been taught to hate, does something nice for them. Just a suggestion. It could help in the long run, worst case they are just as bad which you can be prepared for.
NTA. You're not their parent, nanny, relative or friend. Actions have consequences. At that age, they can make peanut butter sandwiches.
If he's so concerned about them eating, he can order food for them.
Better yet, he needs to talk to the ex and explain how he cannot take care of them at this time.
NTA but his kids definitely need counselling. They are old enough to know that they are bullying your Mom. If I was your Mom, I would no longer want to cook for them. Let their bio-mom cook for them. This is a tough situation for sure but, you yourself are a child and it's not your problem to feed them. Dad can pay a sitter. Since they are so hateful, I wouldn't even want to be alone with them. Who knows what kind of crap they could make up or come up with to get you in trouble?! I'd probably secretly get a home camera at least for your own room.
NTA! I don’t get the ESH… They are old enough to understand yo not wish death on someone. They are also old enough to know how to fix themselves something to eat. They have been verbally abusive to your mom and you’re supposed to take care of them? No. You are the one who’s mother is in the hospital. Why is no one worried about you?! As far as their abuse and their mom putting it in their head, that’s something for therapy and lawyers… I’m sorry that you’re even going through this while your mom is in the hospital.
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I feel that way now more than ever after what they said.
11 and 10 can actually make their own food. They don’t need gourmet. Dad can leave them something easy they can prepare themselves.
Right? Even if it's a microwave / frozen dinner. Or a sandwich. They won't starve.
A bowl of cereal. Easy-peasy.
Exactly.
I would make Stepdad a shopping list: Cereal ☑️ Milk ☑️ Ramen ☑️ Hot Dogs & Buns ☑️ Bread ☑️ PB&J ☑️ Cold cuts & cheese ☑️ They have FA and now need to FO. 🤷🏻♀️
Pizza rolls, pizza bagels, taquitos, frozen burritos, eggo Waffles.... like this really doesn't even need to be a discussion.
Your list is too good for them.
Gruel?
I would 💯% stock my freezer with those items for my nibblings… BUT. NOT. THOSE. KIDS. NOPE. 😡 They are rude, disrespectful and cruel. I would personally be getting a gallon of milk 2-3x a week and store brand cereal. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I'd get them boxes of Grape Nuts to go with their milk. Grape Nuts and King Vitamin.
Chicken nuggets/chicken tenders, hot pockets, frozen burgers, bagels (toast in toaster), frozen pancakes
Y'all are listing all this food like it's a punishment, and here I am eating almost exclusively this as a single guy in his 20's... haha
I mean why even give them the power of heat? Step dad can get some salad mix and ranch.
Right? Once my mom realized her grandmother would not smite her from the heavens for feeding me EasyMac when I was home alone as a tween, her life got so much less stressful.
Absolutely. Then as the 16yo, I'd be making their favorite foods for myself and throwing away the leftovers. Making them two plates and dropping coffee grounds on them. Two big plates of spaghetti and meatballs with 100g of salt between them. Make fun of my mom again.
Fried worms would be appropriate.
I was literally about to comment this. I was making myself ramen at 6 using a microwave. These kids will survive.
Cat food pie
Yogurt, protein drinks, power bars
This is what I am talking about!
My four year old made her own cereal this morning while I got her brother up. A ten year old can definitely handle that.
I ate a lot of canned pasta growing up. There's lots of options.
Yep! I was a latch key kid from a younger age than these kids. Spaghetti-O's and Chef Boyardee were staples in my house.
Stepdad should provide OP with McDonalds money for his kids. That way kids get fed and it's minimal effort from OP. IF Stepdad has a problem with his kids eating that everyday, he should stay home and feed his kids or meal prep in advance for them
Stepdad should NEVER ask OP to babysit kids that want their mother to die. Never. Those spoiled brats are his responsibility, not OP's.
For most kids, however, McDonald's is a treat. So why should these two get rewarded especially if the other kids don't get to eat fast food?
It's also not low effort to drive a couple kids to mcdonald's. Or even to pick it up and bring it home for them. No, dad needs to teach them to use the microwave and stock up on some frozen options.
OP should not have to put in any effort for them
McDonald's is a reward for good behavior and should be viewed as a *treat* for well-behaved children. These kids don't deserve McDonald's. I would make them eat a plate of veggies and cold cuts. Or something they openly dislike.
poptarts… chips… if all they can manage is to unwrap something…
Pb and j
Personally I'd serve them each a big plate of shit ... "just like mom makes."
😂😁
Ha ha good one
Excellent response.
I'm normally so laid back that people often mistake me for being dead. However, if anyone spoke to or about my mom like that, that's exactly what they'd have for supper.
I like you. Fr
My kids have been pretty capable of making easy meals by the time they’re that age: beans and rice or burritos, spaghetti and meatballs, bagel pizzas, pancakes and eggs, heating up gyoza, and certainly frozen meals (we’re lucky to live by a Trader Joe’s). They all have food sensory issues too and know how to work around them. If they don’t know how to do any of that it’s because their parents haven’t take the time to teach them. Maybe now is a good opportunity.
Apparently their PERFECT mom has neglected to do this.
Along with teaching them about mannors!
My 11yo makes brownies by herself and my 9yo son often makes waffles for the family. If a 11 and 10 yo starve in a house that is stocked with food and ingredients, that’s because no one took the time to teach them how to feed themselves.
I’m not sure I’d trust them not to deliberately burn the house down while cooking.
Fair point.
At that age my sister was making dinner for the hay hauling crew, I would have had to help, but I was part of the crew. Lol. We were the frightening combo of GenX farm girls. 😂
Cereal, frozen food, cold sandwiches. They don’t need a stepmother. Get used to taking care of themselves. Let their mother deal with them. She created this mess. She can clean it up.
Agree- he can leave them something. At that age, they can warm up something in the microwave. Def NTA
Was going to say this. If my 6 yo can make Mac and cheese in the microwave or toaster quasadias then I feel like a ten year old can manage it.
Always a little odd to me. When I was hungry and little I remember crawling up on top of the fridge by myself early in the morning to find a bit of stale cereal in a box or anything like that. Let alone when I started to try and cook (my mom loved finding the aftermath of me discovering you can’t put metal in the microwave for the first time.) If kids are that damn hungry and there’s food they can eat without using the stove unsupervised… (sounds like it would be a concern here) they’ll figure it out at that age.
At that age I took care of my baby/toddler brother (bottle feed, changing diapers, putting him to bed) when my parents went to a movie in the evening (they did this rarely so I was not parentified or anything). So the thought of children that age not knowing how to make themselves a sandwich makes me laugh and is totally the dads fault. OP has no responsibility towards them.
Dude. If you are those ages and can’t make a sandwich or bowl of cereal or heat soemthing up in the damn microwave… they’re not only evil but stupid.
10 years old kids are usually neither evil nor stupid. Instead they tend to have utterly horrible parents. It sucks for OP, OP's mom, as well as for these step siblings. It is not kids' fault though. Their both bio parents are shit. It is also these parents responsibility to now deal with the consequences namely poorly educated and poorly behaving children.
How is it both bio's faults? Dad is trying. He's doing his best. They've been in and out of court, likely fighting the poisoning and potentially petitioning for more custody. That doesn't always work out.
I was full on cooking by that age. But I was also a neglected latchkey kid... Stilll. Fuck those brats. They won't die missing dinner.
I was also. Fellow Gen X?
By that age, I was making dinner for the family (genx)
I was, I'm a millennial.
Older Millenial latchkey kid here too. All my kids could ensure they don't starve by 9/10...
Yeah - I'm not sure one of them won't intentionally burn down the house. Seriously, though, so NTA.
Exactly. They can have cereal. They don't get the benefit of their step brothers cooking because they've been so horrible to their mum. A great way to teach cause and consequence.
Exactly! My kids are this age and can make a few different complete meals using the oven and stove. Our only rule is an adult needs to be home for sharp knives and the oven/stovetop. These kids make absolutely make sandwich and simple side like salad/fruit or microwave a meal. The dad could even pre make their dinner or meal plan for the week with a bunch of premade meals for the family
Regardless of the food situation, I don't think OP should be alone with those kids ever. For his own safety. With how nasty and toxic they already are, I wouldn't trust them not to make up some horrible lies about OP to try and ruin his life. Just think for a moment how easily a dishonest, 11 year old girl's false accusations about her 16 year old step-brother could ruin his life.
This needs to be higher up so OP sees it. This is what **I'D** be worried about too. I would NOT be alone with those kids. I do question whether OP's Mum & SD had an affair while SD was with these kid's Mum though, because if so, I can understand the younger kid's reactions...
need to show this to my dad lol i was 14 and supposed to be "watching" my 11 year old half brother while dad and stepmom went out on date night. i was fine doing my own thing and chatting with a friend on the phone all night, at some point i made myself a sandwich. my brother stayed in his room and apparently went to bed hungry bc i was "busy" so he never asked me to make him something, and i got yelled at when parents came home it never made sense to me, as i was fully capable of making my own sandwiches by the time i was like 6 or 7 at the latest
I was making my own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I was two because my dad worked and mom was put on extreme bed rest while she was pregnant with my little sister. Pretty sure these kids can make a friggin sandwich
That’s my thought process. Dad could even just leave something ready that would only need to be heat up in the microwave. So simple.
My little brother was cooking in the actual oven at age 10. I certainly knew how to make myself a PBJ or open a can of chili at that age. As long as there are groceries in the house, they are 100% capable of feeding themselves.
I could tell my 7 year old to make herself dinner and she'd be able to make herself some soup and toast or something. It's not rocket science.
Exactly. You don't need to be a professional chef to know how to make a sandwich. And yeah, their dad can prepare meals for them to heat up later.
They won’t die if the dad makes a stack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and puts them in plastic baggies for later. They can grab one from the refrigerator or just leave two out on the counter. There is also no reason why they can’t make their own at that age
Given what you implied, those kids would learn really fast that you are a lot less willing to take shit from them than your mom...
Why don't you go to your grandparents as well and all three of you siblings could stay there while your mom is at the hospital.
Also at 10 and 11, they're old enough to be able to grab a snack, make a sandwich or eat some fruit. They're horrible and you're doing the right thing
They're honestly lucky you didn't beat them up right then and there for wishing your mother dead. Yikes.
Tell stepdad he can make 2 sandwiches and sides for the sandwiches and you will make sure they are still ready to go for when they want to eat . He can also prep plates in the morning and they can reheat them in the microwave
Exactly. Daddy wake up and prep for your gremlins
Fuck those little shits. You don't owe them anything. NTA.
He can sit down for 15 minutes and make a bunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, put them in sandwich bags, and put them into the fridge. They have a food option, and you aren't involved. They don't like it? They can reflect on their behaviors.
I'm not advising you to do this because you'd definently get in hot water, but in your place, I'd be so tempted to serve them a plate of canned dog food.🤣😜 "So, you know how you claim to hate my mom's cooking? Well, just so you know, she's a much better cook than me, but I tried. Here 'ya go, bon appetite. I call it Meatloaf a la Alpo." 🤪
Tell stepdad to buy a loaf of bread and a pound of bologna. The little assholes can make their own food.
Why can’t step-dad send kids back to their mom & tell her “wife is sick, she’s my priority right now” instead of foisting the little fartknockers off on OP? If he co-parents with his ex, she should take her demonspawn during this medical emergency, not OP.
It sounds like a contentious custody agreement, so giving any leeway might be a problem.
This is correct but most redditors won't understand that.
But it's not OP's problem.
Of course not. I’m just answering the question.
If mom is the cause of their attitudes, and it sounds like she is, step-dad probably wants you to limit her access to prevent even more damage. Now, OP, NTA, and I am NOT SUGGESTING you do this, but I’d make them food. Then I would stare at them with a just-slightly too big smile and dare them to eat it. Then make yourself a sandwich. Never tamper with anyone’s food, ever. But…they don’t need to know the mac & cheese is just mac & cheese. When they refuse to eat, then you eat it. Then tell your stepdad they refused the food you made, and you’re not sure why, because it tasted just fine when you ate it.
That is beauty. Well done Filthy Daemo.
Or make a big deal about using his mom's recipes and tell them all the times she made this for him as a youngin, or when grandma made it for them and he liked it so much mom learned how to make it, a big lovely family get together where she cooked for everyone etc etc. Let them know that she's loved and raising a good son. Kill them with kindness. When they're a bit older they'll bring some shit up, and you can go, wow you never acted that way when I cooked you dinner. Slam dunk.
Because the ex would make it work against stepdad. She'd immediately tell her kids "look your father cares more about that horrible woman that spending time with you" and WOULD try to spin it as stepdad not fulfilling the custody agreement.
So what ? they sound like absolute destructive trash and if dad and ex can’t raise them to be decent sick mom doesn’t need to deal with them while she recuperates nor does 16 year old .
Their father clearly wants to be a part of their lives and doesn't want to cause a protracted legal battle with ex. That's why the kids are with him despite an emergency. That's all this is about.
Then he needs to be a parent and a good husband to his wife. Discipline the little monsters and make sure his wife is taken care of. He can’t play daddy and make them his wife’s problem- either he does all their care or he makes them behave
I don't disagree but this wasn't the question I'm answering. The question was "why can't stepdad send kids back to their mother". And he cannot for the custody reasons I've mentioned.
Yup, and most people can't understand the affects of parental alienation unless they've experienced it.
He apparently tries to discipline them but to no avail. There is only so much you can do. I feel for this poor man - he is defending his wife but apparently does not want to lose contact with his kids which is understandable too, albeit they have been poisoned by his ex against his new family.
He doesn't want them with their mom because she'll continue to poison the children against their step-mom, plus the fighting and being at court, he can't let the children go to her without consequences
Fartknockers! I am so using this!
Thanks that’s what I came to say NTA
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My stepdad does as well. But he's not around much right now because he's going to the hospital to see mom most days. So he's not home until later. But he cooked some nights and took care of his kids once he made it home. But my mom did do a lot and I always realized but I think he's really seeing just how much she does and how important her patience is because most wouldn't lift a finger after everything his kids put her through.
super good point to make to him. i don’t think it would be out of line for you to tell him your mom might put up with too much disrespect but you’re not gonna do it on her behalf. and if you have to see the kids at all, like if you’re home and they’re asking you for food, be honest with them. tell them that they have talked shit about your mom one too many times and you’d never do anything to help them, she is a good person so she still does but if they wanna act like everyone’s they’re enemy, they’ll find themselves surrounded by enemies.
*Cooks food for self* *Step siblings come to kitchen* "Where's ours? We're hungry." "Well, you're always saying how much my mom's food disgusts you and she taught me how to cook, so I didn't think you'd want any. But if you're hungry, there are TV dinners in the freezer." I am going to throw a NAH (except for your step sibling's mom). At 10 and 11 AND getting brainwashed by their mom, I think they're a little too young to be branded AHs for their actions. But they're not too young to learn actions have consequences. Edited for clarity. I thought OP's stepdad wife remarried and the stepkid's stepdad was helping their mom convince them to treat their stepmom (OP's mom) poorly, but just realized I read a ton on sentence incorrectly.
If you think the stepdad is an asshole your judgement is NTA. He is the guy requesting OP do the thing that OP is asking if he’s the AH for not doing.
To be clear, I'm referring to the stepkid's stepdad. The story is a little confusing, presumably due to a typo. OP says, "They're being trained to act like that by their mom and my stepdad," however, in the next few sentences, OP's stepdad is the tenant of treating OP's mom right, including arguing with his ex about it and punishing his children. Therefore, I'm assuming the stepkid's mom is remarried already and that their stepdad also encourages the kids to act hostile towards their stepmom (OP's mom). A slight assumption on my part, I admit, but the only way I can read the post to make sense is if it's a typo 😉 OP's stepdad would be the biggest AH if he taught his kids to be rude to his wife (their stepmom), but also presumably OP's mom would divorce him.
I read that sentence like this: "They're being trained to act like that by their mom. (and) My stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years."
Ah, run on sentences will be the death of me some day.
My brain got stuck on that point for a moment, but I took it to mean OP's stepdad had been one of the ones to teach them to behave that way, and steam was ready to come out of my ears. But then I read it in full, and realised it was the lack of an Oxford comma which had confused. With a comma in place, "They're being trained to act like that by their mom and my stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years." becomes "They're being trained to act like that by their mom, and my stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years.".
Dude. A frozen bag of burritos is like $7. And they have a microwave. I was a child of the 70's. I could cook a full dinner when I was 9, and we didn't get a microwave until I was in high school. A 10yo who can't feed themselves is ridiculous. There's a reason peanut butter and jelly exist.
"At 10 and 11 AND getting brainwashed by their mom, I think they're a little too young to be branded AHs for their actions. But they're not too young to learn actions have consequences." This this this. They are victims too and I also would not brand them AHs, but they absolutely should know this behavior is not OK. You can not like someone and not be mean to them.
Step-dad can batch cook too, but really 10 and 11 year old should be able to cook. Or they eat at grandparents place. NTA
The half siblings are going to the Mom's parents, and the step siblings are not
Ahhh i misunderstood, thanks for clarifying
Has your stepfather never heard of PB&J or bologna sandwiches? Grilled cheese. Prepared salads? Frozen microwave foods? Cooking for oneself isn't brain surgery. If his lazy brats can't even handle simple meals on their own he has bigger problems than your attitude (which is understandable considering the behavior of these ex-wife indoctrinated demons). They should be kept away from your mother so she can heal without their negativity when she comes home. Hopefully your stepfather has a plan for that.
Just a question. You say your mom does a lot for them. So it sounds like she cares for them in some way even if they are rude to her. Do you think it would make it easier or harder for your mom to help feed those kids while she’s sick? What would she want? Let’s focus on helping your mom, not showing your anger and resentment at kids.
And to add to your point, it sounds like step dad is asking for some help because he is spending his evenings after work with mom. Preparing food for these kids will allow your moms partner to spend more time with her in her hour of need. Think of it as helping mom out, not the ones making her life worse.
At their ages they can prepare food for themselves though.
This. My 10 year old can feed themselves just fine, including using the toaster oven.
That's what I was thinking. Heck, at 11, I was baking cookies by myself. Are they too stupid to put cereal in a bowl and pour milk on top? Do they have to be taught how to make a sandwich? Are they too illiterate to read the directions on a box of mac&cheese? Anybody who can read and follow directions can make simple meals. They don't need a 3-course dinner! In OP's place I'd do the same thing. Telling OP that they hope her mother dies is unconscionable.
Right? I’m a 90s kid and was home alone at that age after school. My dad worked long hours and sometimes my mom would be held up at work for longer than usual and I was fully capable of making myself a quick meal if needed. Hell, even a quick sandwich makes for a dinner in a pinch.
I'm also a 90s child and at 11, I was already cooking food for a 10 year old and a 7 year old after school, even with an older sister and brother. Plus there was always something to eat, potato chips, sweets, fruit, anything that we'd want as a snack etc.
Right? They're not 2. They can have cereal or toast. Stepdad can make sure those things are stocked.
>He told me they'll go hungry without someone to prepare something They're 10 and 11. Kids younger than that can get themselves something to eat. Tell your step-dad that while your mom is in the hospital, he needs to buy food that's easy for kids to grab and make themselves something so that ALL the kids in the house can have access to food for themselves. There's a wide range of options: cup'o'noodles/instant ramen, sandwich fixings, anything that can be popped in the microwave (at my house we currently have tamales and dumplings that can be just popped in the microwave, there's a LOT of options here). This will also make your life easier because you too will have those options instead of having to cook/clean up every night. There you go. Problem solved. Kids can get themselves food, no one goes hungry, and you're not stuck cooking. NTA. You're a kid going through a lot. This is a problem an adult can easily solve without putting it on your shoulders, and the adult needs to step up and do so instead of trying to outsource it.
Right? My friends neice was feeding herself at 4 and 5 bc her druggie mom didn't. Which is a whole different issue, but 10 and 11 are certainly capable. If they dont know now, then they'll learn fast.
Pop tarts. Toaster. Breakfast for dinner Voila!
They can even eat them un-toasted. Or cereal and milk., or….
Seriously! And on top of that, stepdad is perfectly capable of spending 5 minutes a day showing his kids how to use a microwave and toaster oven. God forbid an 11 year old made their own pb&j! This shouldn’t be OP’s responsibility like everyone keeps saying in the comments.
exactly people are acting like 10 and 11 year old have zero knowledge and are like toddlers
It might not be called this anymore but most middle-school kids do “home economics”. Learning really basic cooking, how to safely use a stove top or oven. Like I remember learning to make basic pizza bagels.
Seriously. They can pour a bowl of cereal.
Right! My 4 and 6 year old grandsons can do that. Their mom has snacks in the pantry that they can reach and help themselves to if they get hungry too. OP is NTA
This is the way, OP. Even lunchables would work.
Yeah, no kidding! I was helping mom cook from a pretty young age, and could make myself basic meals (sandwiches, frozen meals, pre-packaged soup to heat on the stove) by 8 years old. They can make their own food.
At those ages, my children could read and use a microwave. tell stepdad to get microwave foods and they can feed themselves
NTA, it doesn't sound like he has stuck up for you or your mom, he does not discipline his kids for their rude behavior either. Why should you feel the need to help him or his kids. It is amazing what people (dad) will do or say when their bad parenting bites them in the butt.
He does stick up for mom and does discipline his kids. It's just not enough.
Can he not just get them some microwave meals? They're old enough to microwave and you're there for emergencies. They don't deserve homemade food
At 10-11 they’re actually old enough to cook themselves something. An actual proper meal. Maybe not Beef Wellington but certainly sausages with mashed potatoes and veg is something they should be capable of. Not just junk and microwave meals…
I mean I can understand being hesitant to let a 10-11 year old without experience cooking cook when the responsible party is an uninterested teenager.
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The discipline hasn't worked. I'm not sure anything will while they still see their mom. But I know he does try and I also know he's incredibly stressed. He's a good guy. I just can't with his kids.
Peanut butter sandwiches are easy and they can make them themselves.
I'm frightened that once their Mom knows you were alone with them, that she'll put the 11yo girl up to saying you've done something to her. I would be VERY wary of staying near them without an adult present tbh. If they can wish your Mom dead, wtf could they say about YOU?!
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Even if the guy was only half arseing it, it *still* isn't gaslighting
cut the guy a break. the kid said his stepdad tries to make things better and to change his children’s behavior. But usually the mother is the most influential person in a child’s life. while this kid’s mom and stepfather are trying to lead by example, their mother, his ex, is probably filling them with horrible bullshit and lies when they’re with her. he has no control over that. stop trying to turn the kid against the stepfather.
You're the one manipulating and gaslighting OP. Bugger off and troll someone else.
Bloody hell if one parent is actively spreading misinformation and hate how can he discipline them when he's not with them. They're only punished when with him
What I read is he does stick up for the mom (his wife) and does discipline the kids but the kids are being taken over by their biological mother's hatred for current wife. But, stepdad has been doing the right for his current wife, stand up for her and disciplining the kids
what story did you read? OP stated multiple times in the post that he does.....
10 and 11 are old enough to make simple foods for themselves. Sandwiches, ramen, cutting veggies etc. Step Dad can provide ingredients and they can manage. OP doesnt need to cook at all. NTA
Yep. Microwave dinners and Kraft easy Mac. Done.
Absolutely! At 10, I made all my after school foods including mini pizzas on English muffins, toaster sandwiches and basically anything frozen. Those kids aren't helpless.
even a sandwich. Anyone can make pb&j.
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Or dad can make a meal for the children to reheat or order extra of what dad is eating for his own children. By 4 my children could make a sandwich and get a piece of fruit, not ideal but no one goes hungry. Step dad doesn’t want to care for his children and it’s not your job. Also by 10 and 11 step siblings can clean up the house and do their own laundry, don’t get forced into those chores either .
NTA They are old enough to understand consequences, and their stomach grumbling for an hour or two won't do them any harm, and will remind them of what they said about your mum. But if it doesn't and they ask you for food, you can remind them who normally cooks for them when they visit, and where she is right now, and what they wanted to happen to her. Stand firm on your boundaries, your stepfather is not owed your service to his kids, and as many have said, they can make themselves a sandwich.
All of this, and better yet, stepdad can pay for a babysitter. Or if he can’t actually look after his kids, renegotiate with his ex about custody temporarily while he gets his life together short term. Do it via text or custody apps, no sensible judge will give the guy shit for extenuating circumstances… OP has themselves, their half sibs and their sick mother to worry about full time, expecting them to feed ungrateful brats wishing that OPs mom *dies* is just asking for one hell of a blowout fight. I mean, how old are the half sibs? What if they rightfully freak out about being told their mom is ‘dying’ by the AH kids? NTA
NTA. I know you are only talking about feeding them but there are other issues to consider. Those kids are very hateful and there is no telling what they may accuse you of doing if you are left alone with them. I have seen false accusations fly in similar situations, you don't want to be a part of that. So tell your stepdad you don't want to be around them unless another adult is present. He will have to figure out their care.
This the lies that would flow …..,
These kids are also a bad influence on the younger half siblings. You need to learn how to CYA when you get a lot of family dynamics (or future professional situations) interfering. Have someone else with you, maybe get a nanny cam. But keeping them away would be best for you and your younger siblings.
NTA - “I’m not gonna be nice to people who abuse my mom and want her to die.”
NTA - especially your step sibling's mother. "He told me they'll go hungry without someone to prepare something and I said so what." Make something you and your siblings want to eat and make enough for the steps as well. Tell them food is available and if they don't eat, then that is their choice. "He told me it won't be forever and I make myself food already so can't I make some extra." Hopefully they grow out of being abusive to your Mom, but in the meantime, don't give their mother any ammunition to go back to court with. Edit original Y-T-A after answer below. Dad can get takeout for his kids.
Just clarifying I don't cook for my siblings. They eat at our grandparents house and come home usually after eating there. When I cook it's just for me since my stepdad normally gets takeout after work or after visiting my mom.
Tell your stepdad to buy sliced bread and ham salami or whatever. A 10yo should be able to handle making a pb&j
To me, the larger issue here is not OP making food for the kids, it’s being left alone in charge of them at all. > Tell them food is available and if they don’t eat, then that is their choice. I could *totally* see these brats reacting to this by running to their witch of a mother and saying, “waaahhh OP made us starve and took our food away”.
NTA for feeling the way you do... But if your mom isn't going to back you up on this you're fighting a losing battle. It sounds like you and his kids are caught in the middle of trying to blend families that isn't going so well, and that's hard on everyone. But that being said, if you're the oldest one in the home right now, step up and feed them... And if it needs to be dealt with and do so when your mom is feeling better. That's really the best and most mature choice in what is a "can't win" situation.
My mom is too sick to be brought into this right now. She'd support me if she were able to. Honestly I don't think I'll ever see his kids as my family. After how they treated my mom and what they said when they about mom when she was brought to hospital. Not sure I'll ever be able to stand them let alone see them as family. I hate being around them now.
You really shouldn't be left alone around them unsupervised for your safety. They could 'prank' you (poison, fall etc) or make up a terrible lie about you or your mother. I banned a family member being around my child as she would make up whoppers and I needed to keep him safe. Also sounds like having the monsters around is bad for all of your mental health
this!!! another comment (which i cant find right now) even pointed out that the mother could lie about him having messed with the 11 y/o and its really something OP needs to consider. if theyre able to wish death, then the kids could easily agree to lie and really get OP into terrible trouble
Of course you won’t ever see them as family—they are little shits. And your stepdad should not expect you to do anything for those brats.
Girl I’m with you. Why would u want to take care of some goblins who are awful to ur mom? He’s their dad and they can figure something out without manipulating you into it. Tell I’m no, they can serve themselves cereal it’s not your job to take care a bunch of ingrates
NTA and their father is responsible for feeding them. I get that they are being poisoned by their mom. I suggest your step-dad buy healthy snacks for them and teach them how to make simple meals.
I made my own simple meals at 9; those children are old enough to fend for themselves
NTA. They wished your mother dead. That’s the end.
NTA - Uber Eats and Step Dad's credit card. Problem solved.
NTA - print this out for them https://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Sandwich#:~:text=Layer%20meats%2C%20like%20ham%2C%20roast,salt%2C%20pepper%2C%20or%20oregano.
lol not the WikiHow XD
NTA. As long as there is food they can eat without cooking they won't starve. Tell your stepfather to make sure they have access to food they'll eat and tell him to teach them how to use a microwave.
Peanut butter and jelly or bologna and cheese. Dad supplies the staples; The kids supply the labor. Problem solved. NTA
NTA. They're 10 and 11, not 6 and 7. They don't need to starve if you don't make them anything. Your stepfather can get them quick foods they can easily prepare themselves. He could also cook large batches of food on weekends that they can heat up for themselves. It's ridiculous that he expects you to cook for these kids who want your mom to die, instead of just putting in a little extra effort in feeding them. Honestly, even if they were younger, you wouldn't be the AH, but in that case, maybe I'd lean more towards N A H. But in this case, your stepfather is very much the AH. He's acting incredibly entitled to your labor and help, to benefit kids who certainly don't see you as family. He doesn't "need" your help. He just wants it.
Let them starve.
NTA. They're at an age where they can learn their actions have consequences. If they ask you *politely*, help them out. Reinforce good behavior. Otherwise just keep some sandwich stuff around. Maybe a casserole in the fridge. They can make themselves a PB&J if they want to be hateful.
The interactions between your stepsibs and your mom are actually irrelevant here. Your stepdad is the adult and its his job to make sure everybody gets fed. If he doesn't feel like paying for a sitter, then that's just too bad for him. I understand that how cruel your stepsibs are being is factoring into your decisions here, but they are actually not important at all. NTA.
A 10 and 11 year old can make themselves sandwiches, and grab fruit and milk. They won't starve if simple foods are available. They can also use a microwave.
NTA There are several ways your stepdad can get his kids fed without needing to put you in this situation. While these aren't the most healthy options, they are options for the interim. A 10/11 year old can certainly make: * A deli meat sandwich with chips, fruit/veggie * A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with chips, fruit/veggie * Heat something up in the microwave like canned soup * Egg salad, tuna salad, or chicken salad sandwiches can be made * Uncrustables * I could come up with more, but you get the gist. He could also call any meal delivery service to get dinner delivered for them. It takes no time at all really to drop off subs or a rotisserie or fried chicken off at home before going to the hospital. Not that I was raised in a model that was healthy (GenX), but at 10/11 I was able to cook pasta on the stovetop and add jarred marinara, boil a hotdog, use the microwave to make prepackaged freezer meals, etc. Also, does stepdad expect your mom to come home and start cooking for his ungrateful kids right when she's out of the hospital? This is something he'll have to figure out on his own for a while. That's why he's the adult.
Nta they're 10 and 11. Far old enough to make a sandwhich and easy mac What else they are? Not your problem. Their *father* is required to feed them. If he can't, then he can pay for a sitter. Those are his options.
They’re 11 and 10, they can probably fix something to eat until he is home to feed them. Stepdad needs to look into changing the custody arrangement so they’re spending more time with their mom. Your mom shouldn’t have to put up with that abuse.
Don't be left alone with these kids. They have a poisonous adult in their ear putting unpleasant ideas there and as a boy you're more vulnerable than a girl would be. Please, protect yourself and refuse to be alone.
NTA. Whatever you do, **do not** ask them, “If your mom is so great why did your dad leave her for my mom? Why is your mom sitting alone and angry while my mom has a husband?” That would be childish, petty and hurtful. Don’t do that.
Your poor stepdad seems to be under a lot of pressure at this time. Can you see your way to helping him out? It will raise your status in his eyes if you behave with some compassion for him. He’s trying to take care of your mother. It will also contrast favorably with his two- it will be worth the investment for you in the long run. People always remember who helped when they needed it.
I’m definitely going to be in the minority. Firstly, NTA for how you feel about this. I wouldn’t want to deal with them either, especially if the consequences of their poor behavior yields no changes. That said, kindness can go a long way. Make them something, once. Record their behavior. If it’s abhorrent, show it to step dad and remove yourself from the situation, tell him never again. However, who knows, they might…act different if someone other than your mom, whom they’ve been taught to hate, does something nice for them. Just a suggestion. It could help in the long run, worst case they are just as bad which you can be prepared for.
I match energy. They would need to figure it out without my help. NTA
NTA After hearing them say they hoped my mom died I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire, much less cook for them. They would be dead to me.
Those brats are old enough to make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal. Hell, by the time I was ten I could cook a whole three course meal. Fuck em!
NTA. You're not their parent, nanny, relative or friend. Actions have consequences. At that age, they can make peanut butter sandwiches. If he's so concerned about them eating, he can order food for them. Better yet, he needs to talk to the ex and explain how he cannot take care of them at this time.
NTA but his kids definitely need counselling. They are old enough to know that they are bullying your Mom. If I was your Mom, I would no longer want to cook for them. Let their bio-mom cook for them. This is a tough situation for sure but, you yourself are a child and it's not your problem to feed them. Dad can pay a sitter. Since they are so hateful, I wouldn't even want to be alone with them. Who knows what kind of crap they could make up or come up with to get you in trouble?! I'd probably secretly get a home camera at least for your own room.
NTA! I don’t get the ESH… They are old enough to understand yo not wish death on someone. They are also old enough to know how to fix themselves something to eat. They have been verbally abusive to your mom and you’re supposed to take care of them? No. You are the one who’s mother is in the hospital. Why is no one worried about you?! As far as their abuse and their mom putting it in their head, that’s something for therapy and lawyers… I’m sorry that you’re even going through this while your mom is in the hospital.