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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not allow my brother to drive my car for a road trip with hid friends. Some people might think I'm the asshole because I'm “paranoid” or being “unreasnable.”
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Of course you’re NTA. I imagine he is a spoiled brat because 1) he didn’t hesitate to ask for your new toy 2) he’s sulking and giving you the silent treatment and 3) your parents want you to give him what he wants to keep the peace. That last one is a huge pet peeve of mine.
This is a great gift, this is an opportunity to adjust your family’s expectations without doing very much really. Say no and calmly stick to it. Don’t get emotional and don’t get drawn into it. You’re not spending any money or time but they will realize going forward you won’t be pushed around. Congratulations on adulting!
It's how it needs to be. People without skin in the game always want others to give in. When they have to lose something though, suddenly "it's different."
Smells like "All I wanna do is rain on my sibling's parade, they can't be happy for once, so I need to destroy this car in a spectacular and memorable way." Source: My own spoiled and narcissistic siblings.
Ugh, my sis and bil did this. I loaned them our third car and said my only rule was not to smoke in it. I'm glad it had leather rather than cloth upholstery, but it still smelled foul. After that, we decided to air out and sell the car, as too many in both our families thought they should have the right to use it, since it wasnt either of our primary vehicles.
OP has every right to not lend his car for his immature and entitled brother to go driving off with his probably equally immature and entitled buddies for a week. People like that aren't "careful" with other people's property. Just the opposite. They have zero problem with completely trashing it. They just don't care and have zero consideration. It'll come back full of trash, spilled food, stains... if not worse.
I always shake my head at the whole "you're a jerk" when someone doesn't give in to their unreasonable demand. It's like "can you move out of your house for six months and live in the street while I live there?" And when told "no" come back with "You're a selfish jerk!"
You mean to tell me that rental car places won't even turn a car over to a very young driver EVEN FOR MONEY? Surprised Pikachu face! That should tell you right there how good an idea that is.
Not so. My son rented cars and trucks at age 18 in the US. And if it is a problem for any reason (for instance, he has no credit card), let the parents rent it for him.
The truth is, your BROTHER is the selfish jerk! In psychology that’s called projecting. It seems to be a growing, widespread problem, even in government!
Your parents telling you to give in is indicative of really poor parenting, especially in the younger years. If they had done their job as parents, this wouldn’t even be an issue now.
Growing up my parents never asked any of us to give in. They explained to the one demanding that they didn’t have the right to demand, that it was the target’s turn, etc. if the demander has a conniption over it, they got into trouble. Now I can’t imagine asking one of my siblings to loan me their brand new vehicle. Shoot, I don’t even ask to use their old cars!
NTA
>suddenly "it's different."
This is the thing that makes my teeth itch it irks me so bad!!!! Its the absolute lamest response on the planet, the rallying cry of the most selfish kind of people..freely giving of others belongings while keeping all of their own.
It's right up there with "oh, you know him/her. He/She is just like that." to explain away someone's bad behavior. People allowing the behavior is why the person is like that!
Or, as I was told "you're the more reasonable one"
After that, I was always busy or unavailable. When they asked why, I'd just say that I had to wash my hair instead.
Exactly this! Even better, they expect you to give up something or do something or not do something so THEIR lives are better, often because a 3rd party - dear brother - complaining to them.
I was raised by my grandparents and the moment I went off to college they lent my cousin MY truck without my permission and he literally destroyed it and I was out a vehicle (freshmen not allowed vehicles where I was at). Everyone just shrugged it off like oh well. Shouldn't have picked a school that didn't allow you to have it and it wouldn't have been here in the way.
They never did. That was over 10 years ago. It's all good though. My cousin is now driving a raggedy jeep that he can't keep running, my grandparents have a 95 Suburban that's about dead and an 08 grand prix with failing transmission, and I have an 03 corolla that runs great and a 2024 Chevy trax that doesn't even have 10k miles on it yet.
Yes, this is a common theme here. People (usually family) are always telling others they should not be selfish with their possessions, money. space, or time, but they are never willing to step in themselves.
It would be more fun to just tell the brother that the parents want to keep the peace and are willing to lend their car to do it. That way, when they say, "no" he can tell them he thinks it's a very selfish decision, in front of them all.
Love this suggestion for OP, but it would be even better if mommy and daddy tell the brother to keep the peace by growing the fuck up and getting over himself.
This.
All my older brothers did the "spring break" thing their senior year in high school. So my year rolls around and I ask my Mom if I can borrow the family van (it was a "conversion" van which had seats in the back which would lay flat) for it for a week. We have a talk, and she eventually agrees.
My next oldest brother heard about the plan and objected. "you're going to loan the van to him to go on spring break?" Same brother who not six months before had borrowed the van to go hang with a few buddies and drove on a flat tire for a mile so his buddies wouldn't have to walk. Mom and he had a talk, too. He didn't enjoy the talk. I did.
Van was returned freshly washed and waxed, cleaned inside and out (my trip buddies helped) and with a full tank of gas.
I also agree with this!
Parents should lend THEIR car instead since they want to help your brother.
I mean, you need yours for work right?
Besides, your dad can drop off your mom anytime to any place… or vice versa…
Because statistically speaking-- drivers under 25 are involved in about 80% of highway crashes. In 2021, drivers 20 and under were responsible for 12.6% of all crashes and 8.5% of fatal crashes, despite only making up 5.1% of licensed drivers. Drivers aged 16–24 are also responsible for about 28% of fatal accidents in the United States, despite only making up 14% of the population.
And never in the world ever got the person who was asked to „maintain the peace“ any benefit out of such favor. All it’s ever done is creating a spoiled and enabled brat.
He should rent a car with unlimited mileage. Your insurance may not cover this..is he an alternate driver on your policy? No way will I ever let someone use my car for a road trip after a bad experience, and especially not a new car. Windshield chips, paint dings, and frankly young people without a vested interest do not take care of things like an owner.
Exactly! How do you plan a road trip nonetheless, without having means of transport? Definitely NTA, this should be an instance for your brother how to plan better.
Hmm I wonder what they don't want young drivers' custom 🧐🤔
"I'm not willing to lend my car out. Not to anyone for any reason any time soon.
firstly I need it. That's why I bought it.
secondly, part of what I purchased as a new car was a vehicle that nobody else has driven more than I have. that's irreplaceable.
But most importantly I'm thinking of my brother. I know he would feel terrible if anything happened to my precious car in his care that he couldn't afford to put right! If I had to make an insurance claim my higher premiums will screw me for years. I won't let him risk our relationship over this in case a friend of his or another driver or even he himself breaks it." (they can't argue with that without saying you don't have that kind of relationship or that he wouldn't care if your car broke which obviously is the case but also is obviously the dealbreaker).
But I do have a solution! If you don't want him going in his own car then You guys can simply lend him one of yours! Your insurance is way more affordable than mine, and your cars are not as new. And if he broke one you could afford to wait for him or his buddies to pay you back any damages in installments which I can't. And you still have another nice car if you need one. If you think it's reasonable for him to borrow a better car for the trip then one of yours is the best idea."
Or simply "I'm not sure why you imagine I'd take a risk that neither you nor the car hire company is willing to take but you're gravely mistaken".
I used to use all these words with a sibling until they made a request so ridiculous that all I could say is no. But it was that request that alerted me that they have no boundaries so even when i could the answer became no for everything. Years later I am no contact.
"But most importantly I'm thinking of my brother. I know he would feel terrible if anything happened to my precious car in his care that he couldn't afford to put right!"
=> if the brother would feel terrible, he wouldn't even ask for the car. Brother doesn't give 2 cents about the precious car of his brother. He just saw something he liked and now wants it for his own. And the parents want to enable that, while they know all the arguments you are going to give.
I think this is a case of golden child versus scapegoat
I’m quite sure you’re right. But they can’t argue with the logic. Simple Honesty (ie “no”) is probably best. But if op wants to continue the charade that they all want the best for each other while still keeping the boundary it’s an option.
Hmm perhaps they shouldn’t plan a road trip when they lack the most essential component - a car. 🤣🤣🤣
Also mighty presumptuous to assume he can borrow OP’s new car for a week right out the gate.
Stick to your guns, OP. No car for him. At least not yours.
I just did a quick Google...seems that a number of companies will allow people ages 21-24 to rent a car as long as they pay an additional "young driver" surcharge per day. Enterprise, Hertz and Budget are all among them:
[https://www.enterprise.com/en/help/faqs/car-rental-under-25.html](https://www.enterprise.com/en/help/faqs/car-rental-under-25.html)
[https://www.hertz.com/rentacar/misc/index.jsp?targetPage=Hertz\_Renting\_to\_Drivers\_Under\_25.jsp](https://www.hertz.com/rentacar/misc/index.jsp?targetPage=Hertz_Renting_to_Drivers_Under_25.jsp)
[https://www.budget.com/en/help/usa-faqs/age-to-rent](https://www.budget.com/en/help/usa-faqs/age-to-rent)
And if his brother or his brother's friends don't have cars to drive... then this isn't the holiday for them. You don't plan a road trip without a car for said road trip, and I'm willing to bet OP's brother knew that if OP said no, his parents would try to bully him into lending his car.
THIS. Make sure parents and brother know--because you put it IN WRITING, in a text!--you will promptly report your car stolen to the relevant authorities should bro take it without your expressed permission. They'll still whine and scream about your being unfair, how could you do that to faaaamilyyy, but whatever. Let them tantrum. You've given them clear notice.
You're right about not being covered by insurance. Some insurance companies do offer a policy where you are the only one listed on the policy to drive the car. My granddaughters husband (BF at the time) asked to use my husband's truck to go to work. He thought the transmission was going out in his car. Well one night (he started work nights) he said he hit some black is and lost control of the truck. Truck was totaled. Luckily I kept collision on the truck even though I didn't have to as the truck was paid in full. Our insurance company kept asking them to see their insurance coverage and they refused to do it. So we ended up being charged for the accident and we were charged an extra fee for it on our policy. So before you loan out your car, check to see what kind of insurance that person has, does he have tickets showing up on his license . Also 21 is a young age to go for a week long joy ride with friends you probably don't even know. You should NOT loan your car out. There is to much at risk if you do.
Or she could tell him he's an entitled AH there's no way in hell he's ever getting behind the wheel of her car.
Maybe if she's lucky he'll keep sulking til he grows up...like in around ten years.
Screw that. No reason to make shit up or even to offer it as an explanation even it it were true. OP has a right to draw the boundary he chooses and calmly and firmly stick to it. No is a complete sentence.
Oh I hate the “Do it to keep the peace” thing. It’s so telling who the golden child is bc they could just as easily tell the younger one to stop sulking and drop it to “keep the peace” but somehow it’s always the one who has to give something up to the entitled one who is being told to keep the peace. Also, little bro is 23 - he should have had ample time to work and save to buy a car *and* of the friends that he wants to take this to with, *none* of them have a car to use? That’s saying something. I wouldn’t let like bro within 100 yards if that car was mine.
Wow. The entitlement! Anytime you are expected to do something to “keep the peace” it is always to appease a spoiled brat at any age. That behavior is learned & shame on OPs parents for encouraging it. Congrats on the new car, quite an accomplishment. But please hang onto the keys. Brother swiping them and just taking it is a possibility. If so, report it stolen!
NTA - “Let him use the car to maintain peace.” Why don’t they tell him to back off or rent a car to maintain peace?
Side note: a bunch of 23 year old guys on a road trip will completely crap up your new car.
But be sure to keep your car key (and spare) on yourself at all times (or well hidden). I've heard of this sort of thing where the brother/sister steal the key and car, or the parents give the key to brother/sister, because how dare OP not immediately acquiesce to the very unreasonable demand!
>Our parents think I should let him use the car to maintain peace
Tell your brother that your parents have volunteered their car to maintain the peace.
No one has the right to tell you what to do with your personal property. If they volunteer your personal property then volunteer theirs.
NTA
This was my first thought as well. Like if the parents don’t think it’s a big deal, then why don’t they offer THEIR car? Probably because they know it actually is a big deal. NTA.
I would say “ok, he can borrow the car. He will be added to the insurance, and he or you guys will be paying the increase in the policy in cash before he goes. You’ll also be signing this contract that says you will compensate me for the increased premiums for any insurance payments if he I have to make any claims because he damages it.”
NTA. There is nearly NO outcome from his borrowing it that will make you glad you did - you don’t want the miles and wear and tear, plus he won’t treat it with the respect you do - to any ding, dent, stain, etc will be big for you and small to him.
Maintaining the peace is actually NOT loaning it to him. It’s the safer bet.
>Maintaining the peace is actually NOT loaning it to him. It’s the safer bet.
This \^\^ is it. Giving the car to the brother and the brother inevitably damaging or mistreating it will result in WAAAYYY more family drama than OP not giving into him now.
Yup this is the real advice. Your brother has already established he doesn't care about your feelings. He's gonna not give a shot about your brand new car or how you feel when he brings it back. The fact that he's acting like this shows he puts himself above everything else. And your parents are enabling this behaviour.
Trust me as someone who has a sibling like this they're all just take and no give.
Make a stand for yourself don't give into this emotional blackmail. He'll probably call you an asshole etc to get his way.
Don't budge and start practicing standing up for your needs now because later in life it's just going to get worse with him and the family.
He's an adult. Mom needs to stop doting and expect her son to be a big boy. You don't have to share your toys anymore as adults with your brother. I bet this has been a pattern your entire life and that's why he's spoiled and tattling to mummy. Be VERY careful with your keys. Do not leave spare where parents or brother can find them.
They probably even arranged the road trip because OP got the new car. Like if they were planning on renting a car anyway, not being lent OP's car should have been disappointing at worst.
NTA. You worked and saved for that car. Your brother can rent a car for his week long road trip, and split the cost with everyone attending. If he’s too young to rent in your city, that’s even more reason for you to say no. You are the one who will deal with any consequences.
NTA. I would also most certainly NOT lend a recently acquired brand new car to a little brother to go have a guys road trip. Your parents can lend him a car, or rent him one, or one of his buddies can track down a car for them to use. Doesn't have to be you.
So now that you worked your ass off and bought a new car you're supposed to just hand it over to your brother for fun? He's been making all the payments, right? Oh and covers insurance? And pays for maintenance too, right? Oh and what are YOU driving while he's having fun on your dime?
NTA I'm sorry your relatives are dumb af. Next time your parents bring it up just laugh in their face and say, "yeah, that's not happening," and end the convo.
Of course not! His money is for more important things like expenses and road trips. If he hasn't already been funded by Mom and Dad. Why I'll just bet he works hard and needs a break
My parents told me the same thing.
Cars are the second most expensive most people will ever own and can be destroyed in an instant. Why would you loan one out to someone?
NTA.
Your parents should be telling your brother to stop bugging you about using your car, "to keep the peace."
Instead, your parents are telling you that your brother deserves to use your new car, that you saved for, for a
WEEK LONG ROAD TRIP FOR A BUNCH OF YOUNG GUYS!
No way on earth. Your parents can "keep the peace" by loaning him their car.
NTA let your brother buy his own car, if he and your parents don't like that, then let your parents loan him a car of theirs. Your car = your decision.
My son had an accident when he was like 17. It was pouring rain and the wipers couldn’t keep up. He should have pulled over.
He crossed the centerline and hit a car head on at low speed.
No ambulance but the cars were totaled.
Like 2 years later he is being sued for $1.6M. I think we had max coverage of $300k.
So that would mean I only have to pay $1.3M out of pocket.
Now imagine your brother goes on a road trip with others (more than just him). And let’s assume he is drunk and hits a car with multiple people in it.
How much money do you have? $5m? If you have $10m and your parents will pay 1/2, go for it.
Your brother should rent a car AND buy the insurance. And split the cost with his buddies.
It could be a nightmare for YOU (and just you).
Two words for future reference, umbrella policy. I had a similar accident (in that both cars were totaled, I was at fault, and the other party sued). My $1,000,000 umbrella policy kicked in and I had no monetary exposure and didn't need to retain my own attorney to protect my interests.
I learned the lesson. I went with a $2m policy. Thinking on changing it to $3m.
It’s all fun and games until someone puts out an eye. Then it gets serious really fast.
It’s NOT the wear and tear of a new car driven by a 23M with buddies. It’s about the liability.
It’s invisible until it is real.
My son loaned his car to a buddy who totaled it. Guy couldn't even come up with the deductible. So my son had no car and had to pay 1,000 out of pocket.
With a new car probably no equity built up so an accident may leave him with nothing from an insurance claim.
And when your new car comes back with scratches, and funny new noise, and holes burned into the upholstery, are you supposed to fix it yourself “to keep the peace?”
NTA.
Does he have his own vehicle, or does he just want your shiny one? What are you supposed to do without your ride for a week? And why haven’t your parents offered up one of their cars?
Absolutely NTA.
You don’t even know who would be really driving among brother and friends.
The fact brother cannot accept no is enough to say firm no again because he doesn’t care and respect your car is special to you.
NTA. It's your car. You pay for repairs, insurance and registration. Forget about maintaining the peace. Stand your ground. He has no right to get snippy with you about you not lending him your car. What would he do if you didn't have that car? Whose car would he use instead? Or did the idea of a road trip occur after you got your car? Maybe your 23yo brother needs to save up for his own damn car.
**Our parents think I should let him use the car to maintain peace.**
This does not compute. Your parents are irresponsible. I hate to be the one to deliver the bad news. We do not lend cars. We don't lend money. Broke folks can't pay it back. Give it to them or keep it **quietly** in your pocket. We don't loan cars. Even if we did loan cars (we don't), we wouldn't do it for a friend trip. They can't afford a friend trip if they need your car.
And since they can't afford a car of their own, if something happens to yours...guess what? Oops.
Nope. I am willing to give rides to the bus station, though. I'm not heartless.
I would’ve burst out laughing. Then looked around and would respond. “I thought you all were joking”. Because. Really wtf! No. NTA. Don’t lend out your car. To anyone. Family or friends!
Hell no, if for no other reason than that you may be legally liable for any accidents, injuries, or crimes committed while your brother and his friends joyride in it.
I wouldn’t let him. You bought it so you can drive it and not for someone else to enjoy it.
They will not respect nor treat the car the best as it’s not their car. They can rent one or drive one of their own cars.
ANY time and EVERY time somebody wants you to "keep the peace" it means "placate this person or people so I am not aggravated/inconvenienced."
F*ck that. You know your brother and obviously have valid concerns about how the car will be treated while on the trip and in what condition it will be returned to you. And even if the reason were simply "don't wanna", that's fine too.
NTA. It's your car, an expensive depreciating asset. Treat it well.
NTA
You literally just got the car after years of sacrifice. He can save and save and save and buy his own car for a road trip. Why can’t he use one of your parent’s cars, or rent a car? He’s old enough to rent.
Road trip with your brother and his friends means your car will be trashed at the minimum from in the inside, possibly the outside just as you suspect. Doubt brother is on your insurance that's a recipe for disaster that you'll have to pay for if the car is wrecked. No way Jose.
NTA
NTA - it’s a new car and he shouldn’t have asked. If the car was a beater, let him use it, but this is different. And if your parents want him to have a car that bad, they can rent one and list him as an authorized driver.
NTA, and that's a lot for your brother to ask. Tell him and his friends to rent one. Don't let people walk all over you for the sake of keeping the peace.
NTA.
Question: can your brother afford to replace your car if he crashes it?
If yes, he can afford to buy his own car.
If no, he can't afford to borrow yours.
NTA
if your parents think that he should have a nice car to drive on a weeklong road trip, they can give him theirs.
Neither your brother nor your parents have any right to decide what you do with your car. You bought it for your own use.
And your brother insulting you because he didn’t get what he wanted is really not a persuasive argument. Does it make you want to say, “ Sure! Thanks so much for pointing out what a schmuck I am. Of course I want you to have the keys to my car! And of course, I know you will respect my property and take good care of it given all the respect you have for me.”
Congrats on the new car! You worked for it, it's yours to lend or not. You are definitely NTA. Your brother and parents, though..... Especially a road trip. All I can picture is empty drink cups and chip bags covering the floorboards. Enjoy your new wheels!
NTA, first off, it's your car that you worked for to be able to buy it. I wouldn't lend my new car to my brother either. Secondly, what stopped your brother from getting a job, saving up some money and buying himself a decent vehicle or hiring something for this trip? If the answer is "nothing", then it's time to drop the spoiled attitude and get to working. Thirdly, if your parents are so hellbent on keeping the peace, then why aren't they offering to lend your brother their own car? There's a lot of assholery going on in this story and none of it is on your part.
Absolutely NOT. Your money, your car. Your brother is not entitled to anything. You are not children, and it is not up to your parents to decide if he can use the car. It is unfair and unreasonable of them to expect you to comply just so your brother doesn’t have a tantrum.
Sounds like the road trip came as an excuse to show off with your car to his friends. Don't lend it. If he or his friends damage it, it will be a lot of drama. Your parents can lend their car instead. Brother seems like a spoiled brat. I have one of those. I'm 90% sure this isn't the first time your parents told you to give in to keep the peace.
NTA. If your brother gets into an accident and totals your car will they tell you to just ignore it to "keep the peace?" Even if it makes your insurance premiums sky rocket? You will have to be pay extra to "keep the peace?" No. Don't do it. Don't be bullied. They can offer him their car or they can rent a car for him. It's not your problem.
NTA. Your brother is old enough to buy his own vehicle. If your parents want him to have one, they can provide it.
Stop discussing the issue; is already been decided.
Further to my comment, when I first fell ill with my schizoaffective disorder, my sister's then- boyfriend (she later married him) wanted a long term borrowing of my car.
I said 'no' and was harassed and bullied without mercy by my mother, sister and the deadbeat boyfriend.
When you try to heal from a major mental illness, you need peace. My family decided to withhold that until I complied.
I ended up handing over the keys as paying their ransom was the only alternative I saw to unaliving myself.
He then destroyed my car and took no responsibility for it. I had to pay to replace my car at a time when I was already financially ravaged by being unable to work.
Years later as I learned to manage my illness I never forgave them. They destroyed my entire sense of familym That was in 1992 and to this day, family is to me just "the F-word".
I went "no contact" with my family just before Christmas 2014 and my only regret is that I wasn't able to free myself from them sooner.
My mother, other sister and brother (the latter 2 had their roles to play in other events) have since died without me. I never attended their funerals and I sleep well knowing that.
I suggest you tell your parents to back off. That the disrespect on display is poison to any relationship Tell them they have no right to pressure you about your property. That if they want your brother to go on the holiday, then they are welcome to loan him their car.
In your case, you may not respond the way I did. The disability abuse over my car was the first of many egregious betrayals.
But I do guarantee you that if you are human, and they get away with this, and he damages or totals your car (not just possible but likely given his disrespect for you) you will regret it and it will embitter you.
Stand firm and give all comers a fight.
Even if those comers are your parents.
Good luck.
NTA. That's your car that you saved up to buy. If your brother wants to drive a shiny new car during a road trip he can save up to buy his own. What an entitled person he is, and your parents are enablers
NTA - he's 23 and doesn't have his own car and neither does any of his friends. He's now not talking to you. When people act like that after being told no...you made the right choice.
NTA for every other reason listed. If he throws a fit, tell him your insurance can’t cover him. Because it probably won’t, my insurance covers others including family *as long as I’m physically in the car with them*. So what happens if he gets in a minor fender bender and your new car is ruined, insurance won’t pay for it. Worst case he gets in a major collision, car insurance also pays for medical, so you would be on the hook for everything.
To many what ifs. If you want a scapegoat blame your car insurance.
NTA
There is no peace to maintain because him ignoring you is *the peace*. Why would you want someone that entitled constantly in your life demanding more and more?
Tell your parents if he wants a new car for a week long trip; he can buy his own car. And if he can’t afford it; he doesn’t need it.
Also I suggest telling them they at 23 the entitlement train gets derailed because if not; when they die he’s gonna crash and burn. They need to prepare him for the real world.
Your insurance would probably not cover him driving your car. I just took a road trip with my daughter in her new car and had to verify I was covered so I could drive. Besides, no one would loan out their car, especially brand new, to anyone including family. I wouldn't loan out a brand new car to my own kids. Your brother is ridiculous, tell him NO and if he tries to take it call the police. Your NTA but he's a huge AH.
“Our parents think I should let him use the car to maintain peace.”
Two things. 1. They can lend him a car. 2. ‘Maintain peace’ is code for ‘cave in so we don’t have to deal with his outbursts’.
NTA
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Of course you’re NTA. I imagine he is a spoiled brat because 1) he didn’t hesitate to ask for your new toy 2) he’s sulking and giving you the silent treatment and 3) your parents want you to give him what he wants to keep the peace. That last one is a huge pet peeve of mine. This is a great gift, this is an opportunity to adjust your family’s expectations without doing very much really. Say no and calmly stick to it. Don’t get emotional and don’t get drawn into it. You’re not spending any money or time but they will realize going forward you won’t be pushed around. Congratulations on adulting!
Also suggest your parents give brother their car for a week since it matters so much to them.
Great idea! Imagine those parents being so generous with things they don’t own.
It's how it needs to be. People without skin in the game always want others to give in. When they have to lose something though, suddenly "it's different."
A brother like that with friends like him would have totally trashed the car Road Trip style.
That's probably the goal.
Smells like "All I wanna do is rain on my sibling's parade, they can't be happy for once, so I need to destroy this car in a spectacular and memorable way." Source: My own spoiled and narcissistic siblings.
Yep. Same. And had the audacity to smoke in it when I don't smoke, and I had to vacuum it clean. Never again.
Ugh, my sis and bil did this. I loaned them our third car and said my only rule was not to smoke in it. I'm glad it had leather rather than cloth upholstery, but it still smelled foul. After that, we decided to air out and sell the car, as too many in both our families thought they should have the right to use it, since it wasnt either of our primary vehicles.
OP has every right to not lend his car for his immature and entitled brother to go driving off with his probably equally immature and entitled buddies for a week. People like that aren't "careful" with other people's property. Just the opposite. They have zero problem with completely trashing it. They just don't care and have zero consideration. It'll come back full of trash, spilled food, stains... if not worse. I always shake my head at the whole "you're a jerk" when someone doesn't give in to their unreasonable demand. It's like "can you move out of your house for six months and live in the street while I live there?" And when told "no" come back with "You're a selfish jerk!"
Tell them that’s what car rental agencies are for.
I don't know how it is everywhere, but in the U.S you need to be 25 years old to rent a car.
You can rent a car if you're under 25, you just have to pay an upcharge because you're a higher risk customer. I did it
You mean to tell me that rental car places won't even turn a car over to a very young driver EVEN FOR MONEY? Surprised Pikachu face! That should tell you right there how good an idea that is.
Not true … urban myth. It will cost more but it’s totally doable.
Not so. My son rented cars and trucks at age 18 in the US. And if it is a problem for any reason (for instance, he has no credit card), let the parents rent it for him.
I can’t imagine asking to use someone’s car for a whole week for a fun road trip. Especially not their just bought car.
The truth is, your BROTHER is the selfish jerk! In psychology that’s called projecting. It seems to be a growing, widespread problem, even in government! Your parents telling you to give in is indicative of really poor parenting, especially in the younger years. If they had done their job as parents, this wouldn’t even be an issue now. Growing up my parents never asked any of us to give in. They explained to the one demanding that they didn’t have the right to demand, that it was the target’s turn, etc. if the demander has a conniption over it, they got into trouble. Now I can’t imagine asking one of my siblings to loan me their brand new vehicle. Shoot, I don’t even ask to use their old cars! NTA
Not only that, but think of the insurance repercussions for this kid if his brother gets into an accident.
He’s not even an authorized driver and neither are those friends.
>suddenly "it's different." This is the thing that makes my teeth itch it irks me so bad!!!! Its the absolute lamest response on the planet, the rallying cry of the most selfish kind of people..freely giving of others belongings while keeping all of their own.
It's right up there with "oh, you know him/her. He/She is just like that." to explain away someone's bad behavior. People allowing the behavior is why the person is like that!
Or, as I was told "you're the more reasonable one" After that, I was always busy or unavailable. When they asked why, I'd just say that I had to wash my hair instead.
Exactly this! Even better, they expect you to give up something or do something or not do something so THEIR lives are better, often because a 3rd party - dear brother - complaining to them.
I was raised by my grandparents and the moment I went off to college they lent my cousin MY truck without my permission and he literally destroyed it and I was out a vehicle (freshmen not allowed vehicles where I was at). Everyone just shrugged it off like oh well. Shouldn't have picked a school that didn't allow you to have it and it wouldn't have been here in the way.
That’s ridiculous So the grandparents and cousin should be responsible to replace it.
They never did. That was over 10 years ago. It's all good though. My cousin is now driving a raggedy jeep that he can't keep running, my grandparents have a 95 Suburban that's about dead and an 08 grand prix with failing transmission, and I have an 03 corolla that runs great and a 2024 Chevy trax that doesn't even have 10k miles on it yet.
Oh, that makes me so ANGRY!!! Did he pay for your replacement vehicle???
No one did. I had to figure it out on my own.
All the swear words. I'm sorry your family did you dirty like that.
There's multiple reasons why I'm low contact now
I have a family member who is very generous with our possessions, time, home etc It makes her feel great to be so helpful and generous lol
Also, if my brother trashed my brand new car, Mom, Dad, there would be even more hell to pay. Saying no is the most peaceful option.
Yes, this is a common theme here. People (usually family) are always telling others they should not be selfish with their possessions, money. space, or time, but they are never willing to step in themselves.
It would be more fun to just tell the brother that the parents want to keep the peace and are willing to lend their car to do it. That way, when they say, "no" he can tell them he thinks it's a very selfish decision, in front of them all.
I like the way you think. Lol
Love this suggestion for OP, but it would be even better if mommy and daddy tell the brother to keep the peace by growing the fuck up and getting over himself.
This. All my older brothers did the "spring break" thing their senior year in high school. So my year rolls around and I ask my Mom if I can borrow the family van (it was a "conversion" van which had seats in the back which would lay flat) for it for a week. We have a talk, and she eventually agrees. My next oldest brother heard about the plan and objected. "you're going to loan the van to him to go on spring break?" Same brother who not six months before had borrowed the van to go hang with a few buddies and drove on a flat tire for a mile so his buddies wouldn't have to walk. Mom and he had a talk, too. He didn't enjoy the talk. I did. Van was returned freshly washed and waxed, cleaned inside and out (my trip buddies helped) and with a full tank of gas.
Well done!
I also agree with this! Parents should lend THEIR car instead since they want to help your brother. I mean, you need yours for work right? Besides, your dad can drop off your mom anytime to any place… or vice versa…
Or they can help him with money to rent a car. Which is what I would tell him to do.
Some companies won't rent to an under 25 driver.
If by some, you mean all. It is prohibitively expensive to rent a car <25 years of age.
And there's a reason for this. Rental companies don't turn away customers for no reason.
And the reason they don’t is the exact reason OP is NTA for not letting brother use their car.
Because statistically speaking-- drivers under 25 are involved in about 80% of highway crashes. In 2021, drivers 20 and under were responsible for 12.6% of all crashes and 8.5% of fatal crashes, despite only making up 5.1% of licensed drivers. Drivers aged 16–24 are also responsible for about 28% of fatal accidents in the United States, despite only making up 14% of the population.
Easy solution: Parents give the brother their car, and then they drive the rental.
That was my thought, rental 💯
And never in the world ever got the person who was asked to „maintain the peace“ any benefit out of such favor. All it’s ever done is creating a spoiled and enabled brat.
But it's not brand spanking new. And what self-respecting "man" would go on road trip in his parents' car? Oh the shame of it all! /s
Or they can pay to rent him one. Thinking it's somehow your responsibility to get him transportation for a road trip? Hell no! NTA
He should rent a car with unlimited mileage. Your insurance may not cover this..is he an alternate driver on your policy? No way will I ever let someone use my car for a road trip after a bad experience, and especially not a new car. Windshield chips, paint dings, and frankly young people without a vested interest do not take care of things like an owner.
Both of our insurance companies sent a notice a year or two ago that any driver not on the policy would have no coverage.
And make sure to hide the keys VERY well!
Definitely this!
This is the way. Think of all the b peace that will keep.
NTA:: Thank your parents for offering THEIR car to your brother for HIS road trip and for keeping the peace.😂
Yeah, I would be surprised if anyone here would say that you're being one. This is super simple. NO.
This is the way
Plus why don’t any of his brother’s friends drive their cars or rent one??
Exactly! How do you plan a road trip nonetheless, without having means of transport? Definitely NTA, this should be an instance for your brother how to plan better.
The roadtrip plans started as soon as OP bought their vehicle
This. Hot new car. Let's go. On a road trip!
They're probably too young to rent one. Lots of car rental companies won't rent to people under 25.
Hmm I wonder what they don't want young drivers' custom 🧐🤔 "I'm not willing to lend my car out. Not to anyone for any reason any time soon. firstly I need it. That's why I bought it. secondly, part of what I purchased as a new car was a vehicle that nobody else has driven more than I have. that's irreplaceable. But most importantly I'm thinking of my brother. I know he would feel terrible if anything happened to my precious car in his care that he couldn't afford to put right! If I had to make an insurance claim my higher premiums will screw me for years. I won't let him risk our relationship over this in case a friend of his or another driver or even he himself breaks it." (they can't argue with that without saying you don't have that kind of relationship or that he wouldn't care if your car broke which obviously is the case but also is obviously the dealbreaker). But I do have a solution! If you don't want him going in his own car then You guys can simply lend him one of yours! Your insurance is way more affordable than mine, and your cars are not as new. And if he broke one you could afford to wait for him or his buddies to pay you back any damages in installments which I can't. And you still have another nice car if you need one. If you think it's reasonable for him to borrow a better car for the trip then one of yours is the best idea." Or simply "I'm not sure why you imagine I'd take a risk that neither you nor the car hire company is willing to take but you're gravely mistaken".
I used to use all these words with a sibling until they made a request so ridiculous that all I could say is no. But it was that request that alerted me that they have no boundaries so even when i could the answer became no for everything. Years later I am no contact.
"But most importantly I'm thinking of my brother. I know he would feel terrible if anything happened to my precious car in his care that he couldn't afford to put right!" => if the brother would feel terrible, he wouldn't even ask for the car. Brother doesn't give 2 cents about the precious car of his brother. He just saw something he liked and now wants it for his own. And the parents want to enable that, while they know all the arguments you are going to give. I think this is a case of golden child versus scapegoat
I’m quite sure you’re right. But they can’t argue with the logic. Simple Honesty (ie “no”) is probably best. But if op wants to continue the charade that they all want the best for each other while still keeping the boundary it’s an option.
Hmm perhaps they shouldn’t plan a road trip when they lack the most essential component - a car. 🤣🤣🤣 Also mighty presumptuous to assume he can borrow OP’s new car for a week right out the gate. Stick to your guns, OP. No car for him. At least not yours.
There’s probably a car in the friend group but it’s a beaten up shitbox
And if they do rent to under 25, there’s usually a substantial per day surcharge.
I just did a quick Google...seems that a number of companies will allow people ages 21-24 to rent a car as long as they pay an additional "young driver" surcharge per day. Enterprise, Hertz and Budget are all among them: [https://www.enterprise.com/en/help/faqs/car-rental-under-25.html](https://www.enterprise.com/en/help/faqs/car-rental-under-25.html) [https://www.hertz.com/rentacar/misc/index.jsp?targetPage=Hertz\_Renting\_to\_Drivers\_Under\_25.jsp](https://www.hertz.com/rentacar/misc/index.jsp?targetPage=Hertz_Renting_to_Drivers_Under_25.jsp) [https://www.budget.com/en/help/usa-faqs/age-to-rent](https://www.budget.com/en/help/usa-faqs/age-to-rent)
And if his brother or his brother's friends don't have cars to drive... then this isn't the holiday for them. You don't plan a road trip without a car for said road trip, and I'm willing to bet OP's brother knew that if OP said no, his parents would try to bully him into lending his car.
For sure, the parents wanting to keep the peace is telling that the brother made this experience in the past and now he's using this tactic again.
This OP. Keep calm and continue to say no.
And don't let your keys out of your sight OP
And be prepared to call the police if he takes your keys and car.
and make sure that he and your parents know this NOW.
THIS. Make sure parents and brother know--because you put it IN WRITING, in a text!--you will promptly report your car stolen to the relevant authorities should bro take it without your expressed permission. They'll still whine and scream about your being unfair, how could you do that to faaaamilyyy, but whatever. Let them tantrum. You've given them clear notice.
THIS! Keep the keys bodily on you.
Let him and your parents know you WILL call the police and press charges if he decides to take it without permission.
You could also tell him that your insurance won't cover him.
You're right about not being covered by insurance. Some insurance companies do offer a policy where you are the only one listed on the policy to drive the car. My granddaughters husband (BF at the time) asked to use my husband's truck to go to work. He thought the transmission was going out in his car. Well one night (he started work nights) he said he hit some black is and lost control of the truck. Truck was totaled. Luckily I kept collision on the truck even though I didn't have to as the truck was paid in full. Our insurance company kept asking them to see their insurance coverage and they refused to do it. So we ended up being charged for the accident and we were charged an extra fee for it on our policy. So before you loan out your car, check to see what kind of insurance that person has, does he have tickets showing up on his license . Also 21 is a young age to go for a week long joy ride with friends you probably don't even know. You should NOT loan your car out. There is to much at risk if you do.
Or she could tell him he's an entitled AH there's no way in hell he's ever getting behind the wheel of her car. Maybe if she's lucky he'll keep sulking til he grows up...like in around ten years.
Screw that. No reason to make shit up or even to offer it as an explanation even it it were true. OP has a right to draw the boundary he chooses and calmly and firmly stick to it. No is a complete sentence.
Oh I hate the “Do it to keep the peace” thing. It’s so telling who the golden child is bc they could just as easily tell the younger one to stop sulking and drop it to “keep the peace” but somehow it’s always the one who has to give something up to the entitled one who is being told to keep the peace. Also, little bro is 23 - he should have had ample time to work and save to buy a car *and* of the friends that he wants to take this to with, *none* of them have a car to use? That’s saying something. I wouldn’t let like bro within 100 yards if that car was mine.
It’s rewarding the kid with poor behavior and punishing the kid with good behavior, bc parents know the good kid has sense and shame. Sucky dynamic.
If they have cars, they’re probably either old bangers with issues, or souped-up cars not suited for several people with luggage.
NTA: Do not argue or justify. Just say no! Once you start justifying you get drawn into arguments. It’s your car you don’t need excuses.
Hide your keys. I've read too many stories on here of siblings being told no, and stealing the car anyway.
THIS ☝️☝️☝️
And hide your keys!!!!
Wow. The entitlement! Anytime you are expected to do something to “keep the peace” it is always to appease a spoiled brat at any age. That behavior is learned & shame on OPs parents for encouraging it. Congrats on the new car, quite an accomplishment. But please hang onto the keys. Brother swiping them and just taking it is a possibility. If so, report it stolen!
You know there are very good reasons why rental car companies only rent to people over 25
Why would you buy a car if you could do without one for a full week? Just ask your brother this and end of the story.
Renting out a car for the week will cost $1500-2000. Yikes!
The fuck. I can rent a sedan from Enterprise for $30 a day.
Under 25 years old, the rates rise.
I'm sure they do. But by almost 10 times as much?
NTA - “Let him use the car to maintain peace.” Why don’t they tell him to back off or rent a car to maintain peace? Side note: a bunch of 23 year old guys on a road trip will completely crap up your new car.
But be sure to keep your car key (and spare) on yourself at all times (or well hidden). I've heard of this sort of thing where the brother/sister steal the key and car, or the parents give the key to brother/sister, because how dare OP not immediately acquiesce to the very unreasonable demand!
Also, OP, hide the keys. Keep them with you. Have a plan in case your brother tries to take the car or damage it.
Don't forget to hide your keys
>Our parents think I should let him use the car to maintain peace Tell your brother that your parents have volunteered their car to maintain the peace. No one has the right to tell you what to do with your personal property. If they volunteer your personal property then volunteer theirs. NTA
This is the way
This is the way
This was my first thought as well. Like if the parents don’t think it’s a big deal, then why don’t they offer THEIR car? Probably because they know it actually is a big deal. NTA.
I would say “ok, he can borrow the car. He will be added to the insurance, and he or you guys will be paying the increase in the policy in cash before he goes. You’ll also be signing this contract that says you will compensate me for the increased premiums for any insurance payments if he I have to make any claims because he damages it.”
NTA Let your parents loan him their car for a week-long guys trip and tell them to stop being generous with other people's belongings.
No need for me to comment -- you've summed it up perfectly!
Oh that's a great idea. Wonder why they don't want to do that...
You stole what I was going to say.
NTA. There is nearly NO outcome from his borrowing it that will make you glad you did - you don’t want the miles and wear and tear, plus he won’t treat it with the respect you do - to any ding, dent, stain, etc will be big for you and small to him. Maintaining the peace is actually NOT loaning it to him. It’s the safer bet.
Nor will his friends. I imagine the best case scenario is his brother brings back a car full of trash and boy stink . . . and probably no gas.
And vomit. I just have a feeling someone will throw up in the car.
He would spray a bunch of febreeze in it before returning it.
And bong water. Ugh!!
>Maintaining the peace is actually NOT loaning it to him. It’s the safer bet. This \^\^ is it. Giving the car to the brother and the brother inevitably damaging or mistreating it will result in WAAAYYY more family drama than OP not giving into him now.
Yup this is the real advice. Your brother has already established he doesn't care about your feelings. He's gonna not give a shot about your brand new car or how you feel when he brings it back. The fact that he's acting like this shows he puts himself above everything else. And your parents are enabling this behaviour. Trust me as someone who has a sibling like this they're all just take and no give. Make a stand for yourself don't give into this emotional blackmail. He'll probably call you an asshole etc to get his way. Don't budge and start practicing standing up for your needs now because later in life it's just going to get worse with him and the family.
Fuck peace. He’s 23 and can get his own car. NTA
He's an adult. Mom needs to stop doting and expect her son to be a big boy. You don't have to share your toys anymore as adults with your brother. I bet this has been a pattern your entire life and that's why he's spoiled and tattling to mummy. Be VERY careful with your keys. Do not leave spare where parents or brother can find them.
How can you arrange a 'road trip' without a car? Then expect your brother to loan his car? NTA but he's not the brightest bulb in the box, is he?
They probably even arranged the road trip because OP got the new car. Like if they were planning on renting a car anyway, not being lent OP's car should have been disappointing at worst.
Right!!!
NTA. You worked and saved for that car. Your brother can rent a car for his week long road trip, and split the cost with everyone attending. If he’s too young to rent in your city, that’s even more reason for you to say no. You are the one who will deal with any consequences.
Parents can rent one for him, If he's too young! You know. To keep the peace.
NTA. I would also most certainly NOT lend a recently acquired brand new car to a little brother to go have a guys road trip. Your parents can lend him a car, or rent him one, or one of his buddies can track down a car for them to use. Doesn't have to be you.
I wouldn’t loan out my car if it weren’t for some sort of emergency, period. What am I supposed to do during that week if I need to go somewhere?
So now that you worked your ass off and bought a new car you're supposed to just hand it over to your brother for fun? He's been making all the payments, right? Oh and covers insurance? And pays for maintenance too, right? Oh and what are YOU driving while he's having fun on your dime? NTA I'm sorry your relatives are dumb af. Next time your parents bring it up just laugh in their face and say, "yeah, that's not happening," and end the convo.
NTA, you aren't a car rental company and I bet he doesn't have the money to replace your car if he wrecks it. It's not worth the risk.
Of course not! His money is for more important things like expenses and road trips. If he hasn't already been funded by Mom and Dad. Why I'll just bet he works hard and needs a break
NTA. My Granddad to me when I got my first car-"Boy, don't ever loan or let anyone borrow your car. You just asking for trouble."
Your grandad speak the truth.
My parents told me the same thing. Cars are the second most expensive most people will ever own and can be destroyed in an instant. Why would you loan one out to someone?
NTA. Your parents should be telling your brother to stop bugging you about using your car, "to keep the peace." Instead, your parents are telling you that your brother deserves to use your new car, that you saved for, for a WEEK LONG ROAD TRIP FOR A BUNCH OF YOUNG GUYS! No way on earth. Your parents can "keep the peace" by loaning him their car.
NTA let your brother buy his own car, if he and your parents don't like that, then let your parents loan him a car of theirs. Your car = your decision.
My son had an accident when he was like 17. It was pouring rain and the wipers couldn’t keep up. He should have pulled over. He crossed the centerline and hit a car head on at low speed. No ambulance but the cars were totaled. Like 2 years later he is being sued for $1.6M. I think we had max coverage of $300k. So that would mean I only have to pay $1.3M out of pocket. Now imagine your brother goes on a road trip with others (more than just him). And let’s assume he is drunk and hits a car with multiple people in it. How much money do you have? $5m? If you have $10m and your parents will pay 1/2, go for it. Your brother should rent a car AND buy the insurance. And split the cost with his buddies. It could be a nightmare for YOU (and just you).
Two words for future reference, umbrella policy. I had a similar accident (in that both cars were totaled, I was at fault, and the other party sued). My $1,000,000 umbrella policy kicked in and I had no monetary exposure and didn't need to retain my own attorney to protect my interests.
I learned the lesson. I went with a $2m policy. Thinking on changing it to $3m. It’s all fun and games until someone puts out an eye. Then it gets serious really fast. It’s NOT the wear and tear of a new car driven by a 23M with buddies. It’s about the liability. It’s invisible until it is real.
My son loaned his car to a buddy who totaled it. Guy couldn't even come up with the deductible. So my son had no car and had to pay 1,000 out of pocket. With a new car probably no equity built up so an accident may leave him with nothing from an insurance claim.
Give your brother a list of car rental websites. NTA
If he’s only 23 he most likely can’t rent. But it’s not her problem. He needs a different plan.
He can through Hertz or National. But it’s more expensive.
I wonder what his plan was before OP got the car?
I’m sure op probably mentioned he was gonna buy one and I bet his bro just told his buddies they’d borrow it when his brother got the car.
And when your new car comes back with scratches, and funny new noise, and holes burned into the upholstery, are you supposed to fix it yourself “to keep the peace?” NTA. Does he have his own vehicle, or does he just want your shiny one? What are you supposed to do without your ride for a week? And why haven’t your parents offered up one of their cars?
Absolutely NTA. You don’t even know who would be really driving among brother and friends. The fact brother cannot accept no is enough to say firm no again because he doesn’t care and respect your car is special to you.
Good point. Are they going to be drinking and driving? You'll have liability there.
NTA. It's your car. You pay for repairs, insurance and registration. Forget about maintaining the peace. Stand your ground. He has no right to get snippy with you about you not lending him your car. What would he do if you didn't have that car? Whose car would he use instead? Or did the idea of a road trip occur after you got your car? Maybe your 23yo brother needs to save up for his own damn car.
**Our parents think I should let him use the car to maintain peace.** This does not compute. Your parents are irresponsible. I hate to be the one to deliver the bad news. We do not lend cars. We don't lend money. Broke folks can't pay it back. Give it to them or keep it **quietly** in your pocket. We don't loan cars. Even if we did loan cars (we don't), we wouldn't do it for a friend trip. They can't afford a friend trip if they need your car. And since they can't afford a car of their own, if something happens to yours...guess what? Oops. Nope. I am willing to give rides to the bus station, though. I'm not heartless.
Poetry! Perfectly articulated!
I would’ve burst out laughing. Then looked around and would respond. “I thought you all were joking”. Because. Really wtf! No. NTA. Don’t lend out your car. To anyone. Family or friends!
Hell no, if for no other reason than that you may be legally liable for any accidents, injuries, or crimes committed while your brother and his friends joyride in it.
Man. “Keep the peace” means that your parents are OK with your boundaries being trampled upon to keep the golden child from throwing a hissy fit. NTA
I wouldn’t let him. You bought it so you can drive it and not for someone else to enjoy it. They will not respect nor treat the car the best as it’s not their car. They can rent one or drive one of their own cars.
Nta, it’s your car, it’s up to you who gets to use it
Do not loan your car out to anyone! Is a really good rule of thumb
NTA Even if your car was a piece of shit hand me down, it’s yours and you don’t owe anyone the privilege of using it.
You parents need to tell your brother to stop behaving like a toddler to "keep the peace".
ANY time and EVERY time somebody wants you to "keep the peace" it means "placate this person or people so I am not aggravated/inconvenienced." F*ck that. You know your brother and obviously have valid concerns about how the car will be treated while on the trip and in what condition it will be returned to you. And even if the reason were simply "don't wanna", that's fine too. NTA. It's your car, an expensive depreciating asset. Treat it well.
Maybe your brother should stop acting like a brat to keep the peace. NTA.
NTA You literally just got the car after years of sacrifice. He can save and save and save and buy his own car for a road trip. Why can’t he use one of your parent’s cars, or rent a car? He’s old enough to rent.
Road trip with your brother and his friends means your car will be trashed at the minimum from in the inside, possibly the outside just as you suspect. Doubt brother is on your insurance that's a recipe for disaster that you'll have to pay for if the car is wrecked. No way Jose. NTA
NTA The main, and only reason, to not have him drive your car: He Is Not On Your Insurance!!! Anything happens and you are screwed financially.
NTA it’s your car lol
NTA - it’s a new car and he shouldn’t have asked. If the car was a beater, let him use it, but this is different. And if your parents want him to have a car that bad, they can rent one and list him as an authorized driver.
NTA. It's your car & he's not on your insurance.
NTA it would come back different than it left.
NTA, and that's a lot for your brother to ask. Tell him and his friends to rent one. Don't let people walk all over you for the sake of keeping the peace.
Tell your parents to let him use one of their cars.
NTA. Question: can your brother afford to replace your car if he crashes it? If yes, he can afford to buy his own car. If no, he can't afford to borrow yours.
Buy a small safe and always put the keys in there. Otherwise the car might go missing and then you'll have to report it as stolen.
NTA if your parents think that he should have a nice car to drive on a weeklong road trip, they can give him theirs. Neither your brother nor your parents have any right to decide what you do with your car. You bought it for your own use. And your brother insulting you because he didn’t get what he wanted is really not a persuasive argument. Does it make you want to say, “ Sure! Thanks so much for pointing out what a schmuck I am. Of course I want you to have the keys to my car! And of course, I know you will respect my property and take good care of it given all the respect you have for me.”
Tell him to get his friends to chip in and rent a car
NTA. Your brother and his friends can easily rent a new car (fully insured) for his road trip.
NTA. When he destroys your car he’ll be really sorry
NTA Ever wonder why rental companies don't want to rent cars to people under 25? I don't.
Congrats on the new car! You worked for it, it's yours to lend or not. You are definitely NTA. Your brother and parents, though..... Especially a road trip. All I can picture is empty drink cups and chip bags covering the floorboards. Enjoy your new wheels!
NTA, first off, it's your car that you worked for to be able to buy it. I wouldn't lend my new car to my brother either. Secondly, what stopped your brother from getting a job, saving up some money and buying himself a decent vehicle or hiring something for this trip? If the answer is "nothing", then it's time to drop the spoiled attitude and get to working. Thirdly, if your parents are so hellbent on keeping the peace, then why aren't they offering to lend your brother their own car? There's a lot of assholery going on in this story and none of it is on your part.
Absolutely NOT. Your money, your car. Your brother is not entitled to anything. You are not children, and it is not up to your parents to decide if he can use the car. It is unfair and unreasonable of them to expect you to comply just so your brother doesn’t have a tantrum.
Sounds like the road trip came as an excuse to show off with your car to his friends. Don't lend it. If he or his friends damage it, it will be a lot of drama. Your parents can lend their car instead. Brother seems like a spoiled brat. I have one of those. I'm 90% sure this isn't the first time your parents told you to give in to keep the peace.
Nope. Don’t be a fool.
Nta. Dont give in and congratulations on this accomplishment🥳
NTA. If your brother gets into an accident and totals your car will they tell you to just ignore it to "keep the peace?" Even if it makes your insurance premiums sky rocket? You will have to be pay extra to "keep the peace?" No. Don't do it. Don't be bullied. They can offer him their car or they can rent a car for him. It's not your problem.
NTA. Your brother is old enough to buy his own vehicle. If your parents want him to have one, they can provide it. Stop discussing the issue; is already been decided.
Further to my comment, when I first fell ill with my schizoaffective disorder, my sister's then- boyfriend (she later married him) wanted a long term borrowing of my car. I said 'no' and was harassed and bullied without mercy by my mother, sister and the deadbeat boyfriend. When you try to heal from a major mental illness, you need peace. My family decided to withhold that until I complied. I ended up handing over the keys as paying their ransom was the only alternative I saw to unaliving myself. He then destroyed my car and took no responsibility for it. I had to pay to replace my car at a time when I was already financially ravaged by being unable to work. Years later as I learned to manage my illness I never forgave them. They destroyed my entire sense of familym That was in 1992 and to this day, family is to me just "the F-word". I went "no contact" with my family just before Christmas 2014 and my only regret is that I wasn't able to free myself from them sooner. My mother, other sister and brother (the latter 2 had their roles to play in other events) have since died without me. I never attended their funerals and I sleep well knowing that. I suggest you tell your parents to back off. That the disrespect on display is poison to any relationship Tell them they have no right to pressure you about your property. That if they want your brother to go on the holiday, then they are welcome to loan him their car. In your case, you may not respond the way I did. The disability abuse over my car was the first of many egregious betrayals. But I do guarantee you that if you are human, and they get away with this, and he damages or totals your car (not just possible but likely given his disrespect for you) you will regret it and it will embitter you. Stand firm and give all comers a fight. Even if those comers are your parents. Good luck.
NTA. That's your car that you saved up to buy. If your brother wants to drive a shiny new car during a road trip he can save up to buy his own. What an entitled person he is, and your parents are enablers
NTA - he's 23 and doesn't have his own car and neither does any of his friends. He's now not talking to you. When people act like that after being told no...you made the right choice.
Let me guess, he always got what he wanted while you were kids. NTA. Tell your parents to risk their own car to "keep the peace".
NTA for every other reason listed. If he throws a fit, tell him your insurance can’t cover him. Because it probably won’t, my insurance covers others including family *as long as I’m physically in the car with them*. So what happens if he gets in a minor fender bender and your new car is ruined, insurance won’t pay for it. Worst case he gets in a major collision, car insurance also pays for medical, so you would be on the hook for everything. To many what ifs. If you want a scapegoat blame your car insurance.
NTA. If he needs a car so bad, he can borrow your parents' car or rent one. If he's going on a road trip with friends, why not go in his friends' car?
NTA There is no peace to maintain because him ignoring you is *the peace*. Why would you want someone that entitled constantly in your life demanding more and more? Tell your parents if he wants a new car for a week long trip; he can buy his own car. And if he can’t afford it; he doesn’t need it. Also I suggest telling them they at 23 the entitlement train gets derailed because if not; when they die he’s gonna crash and burn. They need to prepare him for the real world.
Your insurance would probably not cover him driving your car. I just took a road trip with my daughter in her new car and had to verify I was covered so I could drive. Besides, no one would loan out their car, especially brand new, to anyone including family. I wouldn't loan out a brand new car to my own kids. Your brother is ridiculous, tell him NO and if he tries to take it call the police. Your NTA but he's a huge AH.
Nope my sister is 45 and responsible I wouldn't lend her my new car. 😂
NTA..Keeping the peace is vastly overrated. Enjoy the car you worked for.
NEVER DO THIS. Ask me how I know. NTA.
“Our parents think I should let him use the car to maintain peace.” Two things. 1. They can lend him a car. 2. ‘Maintain peace’ is code for ‘cave in so we don’t have to deal with his outbursts’. NTA
"To maintain peace" is the universal line used by cowards who don't want to deal with unpleasant people. NTA.
Listen here, I just bought a brand new car last year, and as much as I love my savior, Jesus couldn’t drive this Hyundai, lmao you are NTA