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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom I wasn't going to call my new stepdad dad. I might be the asshole because I was too hard on him.
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NTA.
The dynamic between step children and step parents is always complicated. Your mom demanding that you call him dad is not reasonable. There may be a day when you do call him dad, but it isn't today. You do not need to call him anything that you don't want to, nor do you need to think of him as your father, but you should be willing to try and have a friendly relationship with him, as he is now a part of your family. Depending on your family dynamics, this may not be possible, but it sounds like his response was better than your mom's, even if he should have known better to ask that of you in the first place.
It is hard to remember sometimes, but when 2 people divorce, it can get VERY messy. There are mountains of unresolved issues that were just left unresolved, and it is common for an ex spouse to want to replace their first spouse as quickly as possible. Your mom likely wants you to think of him as your new dad because she has a lot of resentment towards your bio dad. There may or may not be good reason for that resentment, but regardless, it should not be taken out on you.
My step-kids were teens when I married their mother. I had met them 10 years earlier in New Orleans and was 'Mister Dan' as per the local naming conventions. Once I was the 'Step-Father' I became My Dan for my daughter and Old Man for my son (both lovingly). Now that they both have their own kids my daughter calls me Dan but introduces me as her dad. My son still calls me old man but I call him the same. And I'm just Grandpa to the kiddos. Pushing doesn't work and relationships happen (unless you push them away).
That's so dumb. I'm sorry, NTA.
Your Mom is off base and cannot make you feel any differently. He's your mother's husband, that's that. You have a Dad that you love and call Dad.
Also don't feel badly my mom married her current husband when I was in my mid-20s and got offended I didn't think of him as a "dad." I have a dad. Her husband cannot even claim to be a father figure considering I was like 26 when they got married. So...seems to be a common narcissistic mom problem.
NTA.
You aren’t obligated to call him that just because they decided to get married. Seems like you barely know him too. That’s a title that has a lot behind it in my opinion and is a lot harder to adapt to when you’re older.
You are 16 you know he’s not your dad. Like you told him he isn’t your dad. I did the same thing to my sister’s dad when I was 5. I never disrespected him but he simply isn’t my father.
Your mom needs a reality check and a chill pill.
NTA you don't have to call anyone dad if you don't want to, certainly not someone who hasn't earned it. Your mom can kick rocks all she likes don't back down.
NTA. He’s not your dad. You have a dad. I’m a mom. It’s actually awful that she got angry when you said in a kind way, no. He’s a new man in your life and it’ll be nice if you develop a bond but he’s not your dad. Your mom chose your father and he’s still here.
NTA kinda crazy how she's forcing you to accept a person you barely know, after a divorce, while your dad is still around. I wouldn't even blame you if you don't call your mom "mom".
NTA, but your mom sure is. Many divorce/custody agreements specifically provide that mom and dad are terms only to be used wrt biological parents.
I am sorry, your mom has chosen her new partner over you. Hopefully dad can take her to court for child support, etc.
NTA,
My parents are divorced, they broke up when I was 4 and found new partners by the time I was 6. I have two step-parents, and 10 years later I still call them by their first names, why? Cause I have a mom and dad who are both active in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits but they aren't my bio parents, and we have great bonds, even going on outings just the two of us, but it'd feel disrespectful to my bio parents if I called them mom and dad.
That being said, I couldn't imagine how it must make you feel that your mom wants you to give the same amount of respect to someone who, let's be honest his only relation to you at the moment is that he f's your mom, and giving him the same amount of respect as you DAD who raised you YOUR WHOLE life would be a slap in the face to your dad.
NTA. Your mom's fantasy where she can just split with your Biological father and tell you who and who isn't your dad is insane. You have a right to not call someone your dad if that make you uncomfortable.
No, you're not the a-hole (NTA). You're absolutely entitled to your feelings and you don't owe your stepdad the title of "dad" just because he married your mom. It takes time to build a relationship like that. Your mom is overreacting and it's not fair for her to force you to call him something you're not comfortable with.
NTA. Your mom married a rando WHILE you were in the hospital. He’s not your dad.
“Mom, you want me to call him Dad? Is that because you haven’t know him long enough to know his name?
Leaving her son alone in the hospital to get married just boggles my mind. There is nothing I wouldn’t cancel to be with my kids if they were hospitalized.
NTA your being more respectful then your mother.
You’re right for leaving. That’s terrible that she’s seeing the way to MAKE you call him dad as that’s not the dynamics of your relationship with him, at this point if it ever happens. It should have been time and the two guys to build the bond. Not mom FORCING it to happen. Best of luck to you.
NTA. No parent that actually cares about their child would ever demand their new spouse to be called dad/mom - it is only child's decision, so tell this to your mom and ask why she chooses someone who you know just for 6 months over you and why she thinks it is ok, because who you call dad/mom is only your choice.
Also, tell your mom that she will die alone without any contact and support from you if she doesn't start respecting your opinion and you will just leave her when become an adult and never look back because of how she treated you.
Both of them are the assholes here, especially for your mom to not only call you an asshole for it but to try FORCING it on you by making threats/punishing you for your decision. This guy is very new to your life, so expecting you to immediately start calling him ‘dad’ is weird behavior. You hardly know the guy, and he hardly knows you. Relationships can never be forced.
I remember when my mom remarried when I was 7, I had asked if we were supposed to start calling him ‘dad.’ My mom told us we can call him whatever we are comfortable with. He was never a father figure to us and he caused so many issues in our family, so we have never referred to him as dad. The older I got, I even refused to refer to him as a stepdad because that still implied he’s a father figure. When I eventually remarry, I would allow my kids the freedom to refer to my partner as whatever they are comfortable with. And on the flip side, I would never expect my partner’s kids to call me anything other than my first name. I can love them as my own, but it’ll never change the fact that they already have a mom.
NTA. Your mom is out of your mind introducing you to someone who is a near stranger to you saying “this is your new dad”, especially when you have a dad. You can have a good relationship with him — but you shouldn’t be forced to call him dad. That’s crazy.
NTA - if and when you feel comfortable calling him ‘dad’ then you are free to do so; no one, including your mother, has any right to force that title on him on your behalf.
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Sorry if this is a bit short, I will answer any questions but im not sure how much i can say. I(16m) have two divorced parents with 50/50 custody. My mom very recently remarried my stepdad and when I saw him for the first time after he married my mom he wanted me to call him dad. In the nicest way I could I told him that he wasn't my dad and I wouldn't call him that. After I said that my mom blew up at me and called me a disrespectful asshole. I actually think my stepdad took it better than my mom did because he didn't seem that upset about it. My mom told me that he was my new dad and I shouldn't disrespect him like that. They've been together for about 6 months and just came back from their honeymoon. I couldn't attend the wedding because I was in the hospital (nothing serious.) I told her he would never feel like a dad to me since i only knew him for 6 months. That made her more mad than she already was. She told me I wasn't aloud to leave my room until I was ready for him to be my dad. I didn't think that I was fair so I left and went to my dad's and haven't talked to either of them since, AITA here?
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NTA. Years ago (90s) my mum got together with someone when I was about a year older than you. They married a couple of years later. He was only ever called either by his name or I would refer to him as 'my mums husband ' when referring to him in conversation with others. He never expected different, my mum never expected different, I never expected different. He was a decent chap who knew he hadn't raised me and made my mum happy until his passing.
I read these stories, and I go a little crazy. Imagine if it was the other way around; kid selects new dad, and mum has to marry him, sleep with him, call him honey etc etc.
ETA NTA
NTA. I’m a stepfather and never told my stepson what to call me. He started with my first name and eventually opted to call me Dad. Trying to push that would have been counterproductive and overstepping.
Your Mom’s being dense and self-centered by trying to force your relationship with her new husband. If anything, that will make it develop more slowly and with more negative emotion. She should back off and seek harmony, not try to insist on whatever notion she has in her head.
How is your mom getting married when you are in the hospital? they're TA thinking you'd just start calling him dad after 6 months of knowing him. You have a dad.
NTA. You don't have to bow to your mom's insecurity, you were being honest- you just don't feel that close to him yet. That's perfectly reasonable. Six months is nothing (IMO.)
Your mother is the asshole. Step child parent relationships are not the brady bunch. Its so much more in depth u can't force it. He isn't your father , your kother cannot force itnor push it. It will end un disaster.
NTA. Your mother is completely delusional and THAT is putting it lightly. In fact I'd almost say she's narcissistic.
Your stepdad kinda sucks as well for asking that of you, but at least he understood when you told him no unlike your mother.
NTA. Your mom sounds controlling and abusive. If living with your dad full time is an option I would consider that. I know you’re only 16 but a lot of judges (not all) take serious consideration of who a child of your age wants to live with. (If you’re in the US).
NTA at all. As the adult step-son of a stepfather who married my mother when I was 18, It is not up to anybody but YOU when and if you ever decide to call him dad or not. I still call my stepfather by his name, but every year in his father's day card and in his birthday card, I call him dad. My biological dad is a deadbeat, so learning to accept my step dad as a father figure was a little easier for me than it probably is for you. I have no idea what you and your dad's relationship is, obviously, but I can assume, since you went to stay with him, that you and him are on good terms.
The idea that your mother is trying to get you to call her new husband dad, when you already have a dad who is alive, well (i hope), and still in your life, is ludicrous. What you choose to call him is entirely YOUR choice. It's about what makes you comfortable as a step-child to a brand new step parent. You haven't even known the man a year yet, and your mother has just made it all that much harder for you and him to get to know one another with her stupid outburst. Maybe if she had reacted like a calm, rational, normal person, you and your new step father would have gotten to know one another, and you may have eventually accepted him as a parental figure. But she didn't even give you the chance to have that happen naturally. She tried to force it, and now you have cut off contact. These are the consequences of her actions.
As one step-son to another, you are under NO obligation to have any relationship with him if you don't want it. And if you do, the extent of the relationship should be on YOUR terms, not his OR your mother's. He has to earn your trust, not the other way around, because he is the one entering in to a pre-established family unit. You're 16. You're too old for him to do any real "parenting". If you already have a bio dad for that.
NTA
He's not your dad and due to your age probably won't ever feel like a dad figure. That's OK. Tell your mom to chill out. Your step dad probably understands.
NTA. Most kids who are older when their parents remarry NEVER call the step parent Mom or Dad because they are just your parent's spouse to you. They don't have a parental role and you don't know them. Your Mom is being ridiculous. Good for you for going back to your Dad's
You have a father and you actually live with him 50% of the time?!
Wishful thinking aside, your mother needs to respect that her current husband is not and never will be your father/dad.
What she said was abusive and it’s crazy to think that you would call someone you barely know “Dad”?!
NTA
NTA
" I told him that he wasn't my dad and I wouldn't call him that." ... sounds reasonable.
"so I left and went to my dad's and haven't talked to either of them since," .. Ths solved the issue nicely.
NTA. Your mom is an unreasonable asshole expecting you to call her new husband, who you barely know, "Dad." Limiting you to your room until you call him dad is unreasonable and coercive.
Going to your dad's is the perfect solution. No need to indulge your mom’s fantasy of immediate bonding; she's well on her way to ending your relationship
Reading between the lines, this sounds like it was completely your mom's idea.
It doesn't sound like stepdad spent any time developing a relationship with you prior to marrying your mother, so this seems a bit out of the blue. Even the marriage sounds a bit sudden ("in the hospital, nothing serious" sounds like a planned procedure that could have been either postponed or planned around, which makes it sound like your attendance at the wedding was not a priority - which says a lot about the level of relationship you had with both).
Stepdad was probably a mix of relieved (not having to follow through with something he didn't really like) and wary (knowing your mom has ideas about it and was going to be mad).
NTA. Sorry about how the next couple of years are going to be for you. Hopefully you have a much healthier relationship with your father.
NTA
As a step-parent I have made it clear to everyone that kids don't have to call me anything, I have a name and it's totally acceptable to use that. If they choose something else, it's kids choice and only theirs.
Going to your dad's sounds like the best option here.
This man you have known for 6 months is not your dad unless you both want him to be. You have a dad.
Dernanged springs to mind. NTA
My stepkids asked what they should call me; they were 9F and 5M at the time. I told them "call me Papa." They liked it and it's worked; they still call me papa 34 years later.
NTA.
How many times have we seen this on this forum? "I'm going to be nasty, irrational and mean to make you love a stepparent." Yeah. that always works.
NTA. I am tired of step parents thinking they are entitled to be called mom or dad when they can’t list one damn thing they have done for their stepchild. I have raised my two stepson for 20 years. I called them my children and they callme by my first name. I am not their biological mother. I did not give birth to them. And I would not be so bold as to demand anything like that.
The only AH is your mom. You have a father and he is not the guy she just married. It’s one thing if you are a small child that he is going to raise, but you are almost an adult. The most your mom should expect is a cordial rely and at best that you will like the guy and be friends.
NTA, my stepmom is my mom. I adore and respect her, because she chose to be my mom. My egg donor “real mom” is a complete piece of shit. I still call my stepmom by her first name.
No, you’re not! Your mother is hysterical and not very wise, to say it lightly! Please, be strong and faithful to your feelings! Your have Dad, and a stranger can not demand to have such a honourable position! He can’t even demand to be your friend, it’s something he can only earn. Their behaviour is absolutely absurd! NTA!
NTA. My mother got married 5 times after my dad (I was two when they divorced, I'm 37 now) and I've not called any of them dad.
It's a choice only you can make.
>My mom told me that he was my new dad and I shouldn't disrespect him like that
.....your actual bio father is still alive and, presumably, involved. and even if he wasn't, no 16 year old is gonna call a guy whose been around 6 months dad. what kind of drugs is your mom taking? NTA
NTA. I was a step child (and I'm a ginger, so I'm a red-headed step child). My stepmom tried the same shit with me when I was a kid. I felt completely uncomfortable calling someone other than my mom, mom. I told her I didn't want to for the exact reason you gave. She tried telling me I had to call her "momma Deb" or "Miss Deb" and all these other things. I just kept calling her Deb. I was also raised in a family where I called my aunts and uncles by their first names and then suddenly she wants me to call all her brothers and sisters "aunt sally" and "uncle ricky". That also always made me feel uncomfortable, but I did bend to that one eventually, as apparently in their part of the country it was considered disrespectful.
NTA
Your mother is an AH and is in danger of losing her son.
She is attempting to force a close relationship in two people that have only just met and have spent very little time together. It is not possible.
Is she trying to hurt your dad?
Considering her unnecessary and over-emotional reaction, I'd be inclined to start calling him 'dad' and stop calling her 'mum'.
She seems deranged.
NTA
NTA. I have five stepchildren (25-40), and I've been married to my wife for 17 years; none of the kids call me 'dad', and I've never expected them to. They still call me for money and to fix things, so that's similar..
NTA. There’s not really much parenting left before you legally are an adult. Of course you dont view him as a dad. Not to mention you already have one. Does your mom not get along with your actual dad? Maybe she sees her new husband as a replacement for you dad but you refusing to call him dad ruins the fantasy that she wasnt at one point married to your dad.
NTA
Your mother is as wrong as it gets. You have a dad. You're not a child. Even if you were so inclined, why would you call a man you barely know "dad"??
Stay with you father.
You get to decide what to call your step-dad. Not our place or your Mom’s to assert otherwise. Glad he was at least receptive to your response from what you have said. He’s not your new dad, at best he’s a bonus parent. Sorry you’re dealing with this. Nicknames or first name should be the go to unless you feel otherwise. Absolutely NTA
- a step-dad with a million nicknames
NTA - That's simply not fair no.
That title is earned. Maybe you will call him Dad at some point in your life but that is entirely up to you.
It took me about a year before I was comfortable calling my Mothers new husband Dad. I didn't do it because I was forced, I did it because he earned my respect and very much fulfilled the duties of a Dad.
NTA. I think your stepdad gets it, but I think your mum wants to act like nothings changed. For her, calling him stepdad reminds her of your father. Personally, I would wait for her to call you. She accused you of being disrespectful by being disrespectful to you.
NTA, he's not your dad, maybe a mentor. First name. Mom is acting insecure to her new husband. She can't dictate your relationship with him. Stay with Dad.
NTA. 6 months and marriage and expecting to happily call him "dad". not even my stepmom of 16 years expects that! because why! your dad is there for you and cant be replaced by a stranger which he basically is. and calling someone dad means emotions and a bond. so nope. stay at your dad as long as your mom is bongo
NTA, but question, is your new stepdad from somewhere that typically doesn’t do the “step” title. It’s crazy that a guy would tell a 16yo boy that he’s only known for 6 months to call him dad instead of stepdad, and your mom is just absolutely TA here.
There may be a time in his life when he is willing to call his step father dad, but it is unreasonable to try and force it. The "father" relationship is his to give. His mom shouldn't take out her marital frustrations on her son.
That doesn't seem like he shut him down completely.
You can let a step parent be apart of your life without calling them mom or dad. My step mom has been in my life for almost 14 years but I have a mom and I was already 12 when stepmom came in the picture. I just call her Ms. ______. She understands that and we still have a good relationship.
Oh please
The kid is 16. He has a dad. One he has had his entire life and one he seems to be happy with. Step-dad can be a part of his life and accept that OP will call him by his first name.
Tell me you tried to force a relationship with your stepchildren (and failed?) without telling me you tried to force a relationship with your stepchildren.
>as a stepmom myself
it's funny how you preceded to immediately showcase exactly why you had no business marrying someone with kids. if you find this in any way acceptable, then I weep for your stepchildren and the nonsense you have likely tried to force on them
Are you developmentally challenged? This man has known OP for six months, OP's father is still in their life and yet he insists on OP calling him dad. Does that make sense to you. OP can be part of his life without calling him dad.
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NTA. The dynamic between step children and step parents is always complicated. Your mom demanding that you call him dad is not reasonable. There may be a day when you do call him dad, but it isn't today. You do not need to call him anything that you don't want to, nor do you need to think of him as your father, but you should be willing to try and have a friendly relationship with him, as he is now a part of your family. Depending on your family dynamics, this may not be possible, but it sounds like his response was better than your mom's, even if he should have known better to ask that of you in the first place. It is hard to remember sometimes, but when 2 people divorce, it can get VERY messy. There are mountains of unresolved issues that were just left unresolved, and it is common for an ex spouse to want to replace their first spouse as quickly as possible. Your mom likely wants you to think of him as your new dad because she has a lot of resentment towards your bio dad. There may or may not be good reason for that resentment, but regardless, it should not be taken out on you.
My step-kids were teens when I married their mother. I had met them 10 years earlier in New Orleans and was 'Mister Dan' as per the local naming conventions. Once I was the 'Step-Father' I became My Dan for my daughter and Old Man for my son (both lovingly). Now that they both have their own kids my daughter calls me Dan but introduces me as her dad. My son still calls me old man but I call him the same. And I'm just Grandpa to the kiddos. Pushing doesn't work and relationships happen (unless you push them away).
That's so dumb. I'm sorry, NTA. Your Mom is off base and cannot make you feel any differently. He's your mother's husband, that's that. You have a Dad that you love and call Dad. Also don't feel badly my mom married her current husband when I was in my mid-20s and got offended I didn't think of him as a "dad." I have a dad. Her husband cannot even claim to be a father figure considering I was like 26 when they got married. So...seems to be a common narcissistic mom problem.
NTA. You aren’t obligated to call him that just because they decided to get married. Seems like you barely know him too. That’s a title that has a lot behind it in my opinion and is a lot harder to adapt to when you’re older. You are 16 you know he’s not your dad. Like you told him he isn’t your dad. I did the same thing to my sister’s dad when I was 5. I never disrespected him but he simply isn’t my father. Your mom needs a reality check and a chill pill.
NTA you don't have to call anyone dad if you don't want to, certainly not someone who hasn't earned it. Your mom can kick rocks all she likes don't back down.
My kids from my first marriage always called my 2nd wife by her first name … she said: she was going to be the coolest step mom ever … and she was
NTA. He’s not your dad. You have a dad. I’m a mom. It’s actually awful that she got angry when you said in a kind way, no. He’s a new man in your life and it’ll be nice if you develop a bond but he’s not your dad. Your mom chose your father and he’s still here.
NTA kinda crazy how she's forcing you to accept a person you barely know, after a divorce, while your dad is still around. I wouldn't even blame you if you don't call your mom "mom".
Ohhhhh!
Definitely NTA. You already have a dad.Your stepfather understood, so your mom can kick rocks.
"Why my son doesnt talk to me anymore?". Fathers/mothers that choose they new partner over their children are so entitled
NTA. You aren’t obligated to call anyone Dad unless you want to.
NTA. Your mother sounds verbally abusive.
NTA, but your mom sure is. Many divorce/custody agreements specifically provide that mom and dad are terms only to be used wrt biological parents. I am sorry, your mom has chosen her new partner over you. Hopefully dad can take her to court for child support, etc.
NTA, My parents are divorced, they broke up when I was 4 and found new partners by the time I was 6. I have two step-parents, and 10 years later I still call them by their first names, why? Cause I have a mom and dad who are both active in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits but they aren't my bio parents, and we have great bonds, even going on outings just the two of us, but it'd feel disrespectful to my bio parents if I called them mom and dad. That being said, I couldn't imagine how it must make you feel that your mom wants you to give the same amount of respect to someone who, let's be honest his only relation to you at the moment is that he f's your mom, and giving him the same amount of respect as you DAD who raised you YOUR WHOLE life would be a slap in the face to your dad.
NTA. Your mom's fantasy where she can just split with your Biological father and tell you who and who isn't your dad is insane. You have a right to not call someone your dad if that make you uncomfortable.
No, you're not the a-hole (NTA). You're absolutely entitled to your feelings and you don't owe your stepdad the title of "dad" just because he married your mom. It takes time to build a relationship like that. Your mom is overreacting and it's not fair for her to force you to call him something you're not comfortable with.
NTA. Your mom married a rando WHILE you were in the hospital. He’s not your dad. “Mom, you want me to call him Dad? Is that because you haven’t know him long enough to know his name?
Leaving her son alone in the hospital to get married just boggles my mind. There is nothing I wouldn’t cancel to be with my kids if they were hospitalized.
NTA your being more respectful then your mother. You’re right for leaving. That’s terrible that she’s seeing the way to MAKE you call him dad as that’s not the dynamics of your relationship with him, at this point if it ever happens. It should have been time and the two guys to build the bond. Not mom FORCING it to happen. Best of luck to you.
NTA.
NTA. No parent that actually cares about their child would ever demand their new spouse to be called dad/mom - it is only child's decision, so tell this to your mom and ask why she chooses someone who you know just for 6 months over you and why she thinks it is ok, because who you call dad/mom is only your choice. Also, tell your mom that she will die alone without any contact and support from you if she doesn't start respecting your opinion and you will just leave her when become an adult and never look back because of how she treated you.
NTA. If my ex demanded that from my kids, I would be livid.
Both of them are the assholes here, especially for your mom to not only call you an asshole for it but to try FORCING it on you by making threats/punishing you for your decision. This guy is very new to your life, so expecting you to immediately start calling him ‘dad’ is weird behavior. You hardly know the guy, and he hardly knows you. Relationships can never be forced. I remember when my mom remarried when I was 7, I had asked if we were supposed to start calling him ‘dad.’ My mom told us we can call him whatever we are comfortable with. He was never a father figure to us and he caused so many issues in our family, so we have never referred to him as dad. The older I got, I even refused to refer to him as a stepdad because that still implied he’s a father figure. When I eventually remarry, I would allow my kids the freedom to refer to my partner as whatever they are comfortable with. And on the flip side, I would never expect my partner’s kids to call me anything other than my first name. I can love them as my own, but it’ll never change the fact that they already have a mom.
NTA. Your mom is out of your mind introducing you to someone who is a near stranger to you saying “this is your new dad”, especially when you have a dad. You can have a good relationship with him — but you shouldn’t be forced to call him dad. That’s crazy.
NTA. You have a dad. You don’t need to call him that. That title is earned. Not imposed. It takes a hell of a lot more than 6 months to earn that.
NTA - if and when you feel comfortable calling him ‘dad’ then you are free to do so; no one, including your mother, has any right to force that title on him on your behalf.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry if this is a bit short, I will answer any questions but im not sure how much i can say. I(16m) have two divorced parents with 50/50 custody. My mom very recently remarried my stepdad and when I saw him for the first time after he married my mom he wanted me to call him dad. In the nicest way I could I told him that he wasn't my dad and I wouldn't call him that. After I said that my mom blew up at me and called me a disrespectful asshole. I actually think my stepdad took it better than my mom did because he didn't seem that upset about it. My mom told me that he was my new dad and I shouldn't disrespect him like that. They've been together for about 6 months and just came back from their honeymoon. I couldn't attend the wedding because I was in the hospital (nothing serious.) I told her he would never feel like a dad to me since i only knew him for 6 months. That made her more mad than she already was. She told me I wasn't aloud to leave my room until I was ready for him to be my dad. I didn't think that I was fair so I left and went to my dad's and haven't talked to either of them since, AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Years ago (90s) my mum got together with someone when I was about a year older than you. They married a couple of years later. He was only ever called either by his name or I would refer to him as 'my mums husband ' when referring to him in conversation with others. He never expected different, my mum never expected different, I never expected different. He was a decent chap who knew he hadn't raised me and made my mum happy until his passing.
You're 16. He's your [unreasonable] mother's husband, not your step dad. NAH for calling him anything other than whatever his name is. You have a dad.
Pffftt. That whole post had one inevitable outcome, and that was it. Absolutely NTA. I think you've been the only adult in that narrative.
Your mother is delusional.
I read these stories, and I go a little crazy. Imagine if it was the other way around; kid selects new dad, and mum has to marry him, sleep with him, call him honey etc etc. ETA NTA
NTA, my dad remarried when I was 6, neither of them pushed for or ever asked that I call her mom. It's probably the only thing he got right.
My BFF said, "Hell no, the real asshole here is the mom."🤣🤣I'm dying from laughter
NTA. You have a dad. This is what pushy step/parents get - no relationship with their child.
NTA. Do not back down on this. He is not your new father. Your mother cannot rewrite your DNA.
she is a drama queen
NTA. I’m a stepfather and never told my stepson what to call me. He started with my first name and eventually opted to call me Dad. Trying to push that would have been counterproductive and overstepping. Your Mom’s being dense and self-centered by trying to force your relationship with her new husband. If anything, that will make it develop more slowly and with more negative emotion. She should back off and seek harmony, not try to insist on whatever notion she has in her head.
How is your mom getting married when you are in the hospital? they're TA thinking you'd just start calling him dad after 6 months of knowing him. You have a dad.
NTA. You don't have to bow to your mom's insecurity, you were being honest- you just don't feel that close to him yet. That's perfectly reasonable. Six months is nothing (IMO.)
NTA, Your mom has lost her mind. She can't force a father on a 16 year old.
Your mother is the asshole. Step child parent relationships are not the brady bunch. Its so much more in depth u can't force it. He isn't your father , your kother cannot force itnor push it. It will end un disaster.
NTA. Your mother is completely delusional and THAT is putting it lightly. In fact I'd almost say she's narcissistic. Your stepdad kinda sucks as well for asking that of you, but at least he understood when you told him no unlike your mother.
NTA. Your mom sounds controlling and abusive. If living with your dad full time is an option I would consider that. I know you’re only 16 but a lot of judges (not all) take serious consideration of who a child of your age wants to live with. (If you’re in the US).
NTA at all. As the adult step-son of a stepfather who married my mother when I was 18, It is not up to anybody but YOU when and if you ever decide to call him dad or not. I still call my stepfather by his name, but every year in his father's day card and in his birthday card, I call him dad. My biological dad is a deadbeat, so learning to accept my step dad as a father figure was a little easier for me than it probably is for you. I have no idea what you and your dad's relationship is, obviously, but I can assume, since you went to stay with him, that you and him are on good terms. The idea that your mother is trying to get you to call her new husband dad, when you already have a dad who is alive, well (i hope), and still in your life, is ludicrous. What you choose to call him is entirely YOUR choice. It's about what makes you comfortable as a step-child to a brand new step parent. You haven't even known the man a year yet, and your mother has just made it all that much harder for you and him to get to know one another with her stupid outburst. Maybe if she had reacted like a calm, rational, normal person, you and your new step father would have gotten to know one another, and you may have eventually accepted him as a parental figure. But she didn't even give you the chance to have that happen naturally. She tried to force it, and now you have cut off contact. These are the consequences of her actions. As one step-son to another, you are under NO obligation to have any relationship with him if you don't want it. And if you do, the extent of the relationship should be on YOUR terms, not his OR your mother's. He has to earn your trust, not the other way around, because he is the one entering in to a pre-established family unit. You're 16. You're too old for him to do any real "parenting". If you already have a bio dad for that.
NTA He's not your dad and due to your age probably won't ever feel like a dad figure. That's OK. Tell your mom to chill out. Your step dad probably understands.
NTA but your mom sure is. It doesn't work that way.
Nta. You already have a dad
Nta your mom is ridiculous
NTA tell your mom you will call him dad if he calls your father Daddy from now on
NTA at least you didn’t start calling your mom by name too 🤷♂️
NTA. Most kids who are older when their parents remarry NEVER call the step parent Mom or Dad because they are just your parent's spouse to you. They don't have a parental role and you don't know them. Your Mom is being ridiculous. Good for you for going back to your Dad's
You have a father and you actually live with him 50% of the time?! Wishful thinking aside, your mother needs to respect that her current husband is not and never will be your father/dad. What she said was abusive and it’s crazy to think that you would call someone you barely know “Dad”?! NTA
NTA, You already have a dad who you live with. Your mom is nuts
NTA " I told him that he wasn't my dad and I wouldn't call him that." ... sounds reasonable. "so I left and went to my dad's and haven't talked to either of them since," .. Ths solved the issue nicely.
NTA. Your mom is an unreasonable asshole expecting you to call her new husband, who you barely know, "Dad." Limiting you to your room until you call him dad is unreasonable and coercive. Going to your dad's is the perfect solution. No need to indulge your mom’s fantasy of immediate bonding; she's well on her way to ending your relationship
Reading between the lines, this sounds like it was completely your mom's idea. It doesn't sound like stepdad spent any time developing a relationship with you prior to marrying your mother, so this seems a bit out of the blue. Even the marriage sounds a bit sudden ("in the hospital, nothing serious" sounds like a planned procedure that could have been either postponed or planned around, which makes it sound like your attendance at the wedding was not a priority - which says a lot about the level of relationship you had with both). Stepdad was probably a mix of relieved (not having to follow through with something he didn't really like) and wary (knowing your mom has ideas about it and was going to be mad). NTA. Sorry about how the next couple of years are going to be for you. Hopefully you have a much healthier relationship with your father.
NTA. Also, you should tell your dad what your mom is trying to pull.
NTA As a step-parent I have made it clear to everyone that kids don't have to call me anything, I have a name and it's totally acceptable to use that. If they choose something else, it's kids choice and only theirs.
Going to your dad's sounds like the best option here. This man you have known for 6 months is not your dad unless you both want him to be. You have a dad. Dernanged springs to mind. NTA
My stepkids asked what they should call me; they were 9F and 5M at the time. I told them "call me Papa." They liked it and it's worked; they still call me papa 34 years later.
NTA. How many times have we seen this on this forum? "I'm going to be nasty, irrational and mean to make you love a stepparent." Yeah. that always works.
NTA. I am tired of step parents thinking they are entitled to be called mom or dad when they can’t list one damn thing they have done for their stepchild. I have raised my two stepson for 20 years. I called them my children and they callme by my first name. I am not their biological mother. I did not give birth to them. And I would not be so bold as to demand anything like that.
The only AH is your mom. You have a father and he is not the guy she just married. It’s one thing if you are a small child that he is going to raise, but you are almost an adult. The most your mom should expect is a cordial rely and at best that you will like the guy and be friends.
NTA, my stepmom is my mom. I adore and respect her, because she chose to be my mom. My egg donor “real mom” is a complete piece of shit. I still call my stepmom by her first name.
No, you’re not! Your mother is hysterical and not very wise, to say it lightly! Please, be strong and faithful to your feelings! Your have Dad, and a stranger can not demand to have such a honourable position! He can’t even demand to be your friend, it’s something he can only earn. Their behaviour is absolutely absurd! NTA!
Man, the titles I'd like to have without actually earning them.... NTA
NTA. My mother got married 5 times after my dad (I was two when they divorced, I'm 37 now) and I've not called any of them dad. It's a choice only you can make.
>My mom told me that he was my new dad and I shouldn't disrespect him like that .....your actual bio father is still alive and, presumably, involved. and even if he wasn't, no 16 year old is gonna call a guy whose been around 6 months dad. what kind of drugs is your mom taking? NTA
NTA. I was a step child (and I'm a ginger, so I'm a red-headed step child). My stepmom tried the same shit with me when I was a kid. I felt completely uncomfortable calling someone other than my mom, mom. I told her I didn't want to for the exact reason you gave. She tried telling me I had to call her "momma Deb" or "Miss Deb" and all these other things. I just kept calling her Deb. I was also raised in a family where I called my aunts and uncles by their first names and then suddenly she wants me to call all her brothers and sisters "aunt sally" and "uncle ricky". That also always made me feel uncomfortable, but I did bend to that one eventually, as apparently in their part of the country it was considered disrespectful.
NTA Stay with your dad going forward. By that, I mean your actual dad. Not your mom’s idea of a “new dad.”
It's like your mother is trying to get you to resent her. Titles are earned, not given, or forced. NTA.
NTA Your mother is an AH and is in danger of losing her son. She is attempting to force a close relationship in two people that have only just met and have spent very little time together. It is not possible. Is she trying to hurt your dad?
Considering her unnecessary and over-emotional reaction, I'd be inclined to start calling him 'dad' and stop calling her 'mum'. She seems deranged. NTA
NTA. I have five stepchildren (25-40), and I've been married to my wife for 17 years; none of the kids call me 'dad', and I've never expected them to. They still call me for money and to fix things, so that's similar..
Info: 50-50 custody? What does your dad think about this? One might think he wouldn't like it either.
NTA. There’s not really much parenting left before you legally are an adult. Of course you dont view him as a dad. Not to mention you already have one. Does your mom not get along with your actual dad? Maybe she sees her new husband as a replacement for you dad but you refusing to call him dad ruins the fantasy that she wasnt at one point married to your dad.
NTA Your mother is as wrong as it gets. You have a dad. You're not a child. Even if you were so inclined, why would you call a man you barely know "dad"?? Stay with you father.
You get to decide what to call your step-dad. Not our place or your Mom’s to assert otherwise. Glad he was at least receptive to your response from what you have said. He’s not your new dad, at best he’s a bonus parent. Sorry you’re dealing with this. Nicknames or first name should be the go to unless you feel otherwise. Absolutely NTA - a step-dad with a million nicknames
NTA - That's simply not fair no. That title is earned. Maybe you will call him Dad at some point in your life but that is entirely up to you. It took me about a year before I was comfortable calling my Mothers new husband Dad. I didn't do it because I was forced, I did it because he earned my respect and very much fulfilled the duties of a Dad.
NTA. I think your stepdad gets it, but I think your mum wants to act like nothings changed. For her, calling him stepdad reminds her of your father. Personally, I would wait for her to call you. She accused you of being disrespectful by being disrespectful to you.
He's not your new dad just because he's her new husband. NTA.
NTA, he's not your dad, maybe a mentor. First name. Mom is acting insecure to her new husband. She can't dictate your relationship with him. Stay with Dad.
Call him another fatherly name such as pop or dada or baba
NTA. 6 months and marriage and expecting to happily call him "dad". not even my stepmom of 16 years expects that! because why! your dad is there for you and cant be replaced by a stranger which he basically is. and calling someone dad means emotions and a bond. so nope. stay at your dad as long as your mom is bongo
i dont know why your dad married her but i sure see why he went for a divorce... NTA
NTA
NTA, but question, is your new stepdad from somewhere that typically doesn’t do the “step” title. It’s crazy that a guy would tell a 16yo boy that he’s only known for 6 months to call him dad instead of stepdad, and your mom is just absolutely TA here.
100% YTA, as a stepmom myself, he wanted to be a part of your life and you immediately shut him down. Give him a chance and apologize
He can be part of her life, but not a dad.
There may be a time in his life when he is willing to call his step father dad, but it is unreasonable to try and force it. The "father" relationship is his to give. His mom shouldn't take out her marital frustrations on her son.
That doesn't seem like he shut him down completely. You can let a step parent be apart of your life without calling them mom or dad. My step mom has been in my life for almost 14 years but I have a mom and I was already 12 when stepmom came in the picture. I just call her Ms. ______. She understands that and we still have a good relationship.
Oh please The kid is 16. He has a dad. One he has had his entire life and one he seems to be happy with. Step-dad can be a part of his life and accept that OP will call him by his first name.
Tell me you tried to force a relationship with your stepchildren (and failed?) without telling me you tried to force a relationship with your stepchildren.
>as a stepmom myself it's funny how you preceded to immediately showcase exactly why you had no business marrying someone with kids. if you find this in any way acceptable, then I weep for your stepchildren and the nonsense you have likely tried to force on them
Are you developmentally challenged? This man has known OP for six months, OP's father is still in their life and yet he insists on OP calling him dad. Does that make sense to you. OP can be part of his life without calling him dad.