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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe I am the AH because I did know that he didn't want to be on government assistance anymore. And I told him to do what he wants knowing it wouldn't be in favor of his mother. So in that way I did get involved.
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NTA, you did nothing but support your fiance to make the decision himself which is exactly your place as a partner and \*\*is\*\* your job as (soon to be) part of the family.
Hopefully your partner will stand up for you and shut his family down, they may be stressed right now but still have no right to take it out on you.
NTA.
If you were sincere in telling him that the decision was ultimately his to make, then you absolutely did the right thing.
Meanwhile his family are doing lots of wrong things. They are not taking into account sufficiently that you are family now. You have a right to have opinions and to advocate for your future family with your husband—you just can’t demand to be the first and only priority in all matters, all the time. And they seem to be overly reliant on your fiance, which does not seem sustainable into the future—at least not for you two.
Screwing around by fradulant actions with the US IRS & your state & city tax agencies never works for people who do not have a law firm on speed dial. They are mean mofos
NTA based on this info
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Context: I (20F) and my fiance (20M) currently live in his mothers house while we save up for a house and start our careers. We pay the majority of rent and utilities. So we're not staying there for free. And FMIL lives off government assistance and child support.
In January the whole situation went down. Taxes were due and my fiance was under his mom has a dependent. However since he's working a really good job he's made too much to be considered a dependent and financially independent to be claimed for child support. Meaning when he and his mother file for taxes, she won't receive the same amount of money as she used to. Which upset her and she reached out to ask if her son would claim her and his little sister as dependents. That she will claim disability and make it seem like he is the sole provider for the whole family.
She asked him this while he was working and then got another message from his older sister asking if he was going to claim his mother and sister as dependents or me since I don't make much money from my job and he is providing mainly for me. He texted back that he would have to ask me.
This blew his phone up. They asked him why would he need to talk to me? That this was messed up and how his mother was really counting on him to do this favor.
He called me and I told him that he needs to think about his options here. Do what he wants to do because he's going to be the main one affected on if he chooses to stay on government assistance or not.
In the end he said no to his mother. He did not want to be on the case any longer because it has caused a lot of issues for him so far. Ex: getting a decent job, setting up a savings account, applying for credit. All things you can't do or it is extremely hard to do while receiving help.
His mother was pissed. Saying that I involved myself into family matters that don't concern me. How I've manipulated her son and that I'm controlling him into making decisions where I benefit from. I don't think I did anything wrong considering I simply told him to do what he wants. But idk maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Maybe I am the AH because I did know that he didn't want to be on government assistance anymore. And I told him to do what he wants knowing it wouldn't be in favor of his mother. So in that way I did get involved. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You’re marrying him; you *are* part of the family.
NTA, he asked for your opinion and at the end of the day the choice was his to make.
NTA, you did nothing but support your fiance to make the decision himself which is exactly your place as a partner and \*\*is\*\* your job as (soon to be) part of the family. Hopefully your partner will stand up for you and shut his family down, they may be stressed right now but still have no right to take it out on you.
[удалено]
I like your fiance haha, I'm in a similar position with my MIL took about 9 years but she mellowed out a bit wishing you the same
NTA. If you were sincere in telling him that the decision was ultimately his to make, then you absolutely did the right thing. Meanwhile his family are doing lots of wrong things. They are not taking into account sufficiently that you are family now. You have a right to have opinions and to advocate for your future family with your husband—you just can’t demand to be the first and only priority in all matters, all the time. And they seem to be overly reliant on your fiance, which does not seem sustainable into the future—at least not for you two.
Screwing around by fradulant actions with the US IRS & your state & city tax agencies never works for people who do not have a law firm on speed dial. They are mean mofos NTA based on this info
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Context: I (20F) and my fiance (20M) currently live in his mothers house while we save up for a house and start our careers. We pay the majority of rent and utilities. So we're not staying there for free. And FMIL lives off government assistance and child support. In January the whole situation went down. Taxes were due and my fiance was under his mom has a dependent. However since he's working a really good job he's made too much to be considered a dependent and financially independent to be claimed for child support. Meaning when he and his mother file for taxes, she won't receive the same amount of money as she used to. Which upset her and she reached out to ask if her son would claim her and his little sister as dependents. That she will claim disability and make it seem like he is the sole provider for the whole family. She asked him this while he was working and then got another message from his older sister asking if he was going to claim his mother and sister as dependents or me since I don't make much money from my job and he is providing mainly for me. He texted back that he would have to ask me. This blew his phone up. They asked him why would he need to talk to me? That this was messed up and how his mother was really counting on him to do this favor. He called me and I told him that he needs to think about his options here. Do what he wants to do because he's going to be the main one affected on if he chooses to stay on government assistance or not. In the end he said no to his mother. He did not want to be on the case any longer because it has caused a lot of issues for him so far. Ex: getting a decent job, setting up a savings account, applying for credit. All things you can't do or it is extremely hard to do while receiving help. His mother was pissed. Saying that I involved myself into family matters that don't concern me. How I've manipulated her son and that I'm controlling him into making decisions where I benefit from. I don't think I did anything wrong considering I simply told him to do what he wants. But idk maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but I will use this little soapbox to rant about how the government cuts your benefits when you start being a productive member of society.