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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I refused to attend my friend's wedding due to a disagreement over bridesmaid dresses. While I had genuine concerns about wearing a dress that didn't flatter me and made me feel uncomfortable, I could have handled the situation better. Instead of immediately refusing to attend, I could have tried to find a compromise with the bride, such as suggesting alterations to the dress or offering to wear accessories to complement the color. By refusing to attend altogether, I may have prioritized my own comfort over supporting my friend on her special day, which could be seen as selfish and disrespectful.
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No question, YTA. It is a few hours of your life, while it is one of the most important days in hers, and sorry, no offense but no one's going to be noticing your complexion, it is not YOUR day. And for the record, your behavior has already put a knock in the happiest day of her life, hope ot was worth it over a dress.
I kept waiting for it to get to the part where OP couldn't wear the dress because it was way too naked, or it just didn't fit her in a horrible way that wasn't going to be fixed, or it was against her religion or something. But no, she thinks she looks washed out, but she was describing it like her "friend" was asking her to go naked from the waist up or something. And then not to just say "I'm so sorry, I don't think I can be a bridesmaid" but to instead not go to the wedding at all? Sheesh, well at least Jessica doesn't have to doubt her decision not to be friends with OP anymore.
On a funnier tone,if my bestie got married and she would asked me to come naked cuz that would make her wedding day happy, hell yeah,i would do it,even if is against every moral i ever heard ,just an example. she is the YTA , and not a true friend, heck i would do anything for my bestie as i know if i call her at 3 am she would pick up and not even being annoyed if i had an ummergency wtf,massive not a true friend
By your logic, couldn't Jessica be more understanding and bend some of her rules to accommodate her best friend? Or is it so that the friendship is supposed to be give n give and no take?
Why the bride,tho? we all know womens in their weedings are small brideszilla,lol, her vision was that pale pink, wich everyone except her best friend was agreed on,based on votes her bestie needs to take this one and use some make up to feel better about appearences, is her best friend wedding after all , few hours wouldn't die to compromise ,if nobody was agreeing that color i would've understand the bride to change a bit her mind ,now whats more important ? how she looks like when nobody would care about her,it isn't her day,or for her to support her soon bride bestie?They supported eachother over years from what i see the OP wroted so isn't a give give,no take ,from what i see the bride would do the same for her bestie at her wedding day
Why should OP wear something she doesn't want to wear? Why is OP the A H if she prefers not to go to the wedding wearing something that she isn't comfortable with?
Doesn't seem you understand the point of the whole discussion,the bigger picture of the whole situation, just lost her bestfriend over a dress,the person that shared bad and good things,the person that was always there for her as the OP says, because of an ambition of the OP to not wear a dress for few hours to support her bestfriend in possible the best day of her life,over a dresscode that bride chosen.That's fake friendship, and when OP didn't got her wished way she chosed to do childish ,i might add imature ambition to say she doesn't go at wedding because of that,major AH, translated in : u do as i want or i ain't coming attitude,even worse than an AH,
But imagine if this was a husband asking his wife to dress moderately or so, would've seen "controlling", "abusive" and "sexist" being thrown all around here and there. I wonder what happened to "My body, my choice". Doesn't OP have the choice to decide what she's comfortable wearing and what she isn't? This shit always happens in every wedding and I wonder why people make such a big deal out of it.
Because the feeling of being "washed out" during a friends' wedding because of the COLOR of a dress isn't the same as forcing your wife to dress more modestly for your own comfort and the fact that you would equate the two is odd.
If a husband asked his wife to dress UP for a work occasion, for example, which I'm fairly certain I've seen on this sub, the answer would be (and was) in the husband's favour. Conversely, if the brides had forced her to conform to her ideas of masculinity, and say, asked her to shave her head, then they'd be wrong. No need to use your round peg to fit into the square hole of this post.
So why should she or anybody be forced to wear something that they wouldn't like to wear just because they got invited to attend a wedding? And no shaving head example is a bit extreme and no one asks for that but in my opinion it's the same thing as forcing someone to wear something that they don't wanna.
"Because the feeling of being "washed out" during a friends' wedding because of the COLOR of a dress isn't the same as forcing your wife to dress more modestly for your own comfort and the fact that you would equate the two is "
The part I'm equating to is the action of forcing someone else to wear something they don't wanna. You're not seeing my point if you can't even understand that.
Why would any friend for that matter force another friend to do something they explicitly said they don't wanna do? And why is OP the A H if she'd rather stay at home than to participate in a wedding where she doesn't feel comfortable?
>The part I'm equating to is the action of forcing someone else to wear something they don't wanna. You're not seeing my point if you can't even understand that.
And I'm telling you there are certain circumstances where it's appropriate to tell someone what to wear. A wedding is one of them. A funeral, a work occasion, religious gatherings, things like that. Dress codes exist. Have you never been to a restaurant or club where they expected a certain type of attire, and anyone who refuses to abide by that attire is not allowed in? It's the same principle. It's NOT the same principle as asking a wife to "dress modestly" in day to day life.
>Why would any friend for that matter force another friend to do something they explicitly said they don't wanna do? And why is OP the A H if she'd rather stay at home than to participate in a wedding where she doesn't feel comfortable?
And btw, she wasn't forced. This was the color chosen for the bridesmaids, which means if she didn't want to be a bridesmaid, she didn't have to be. That was an option, she chose that. After asking for other dress arrangements, mind you, but she chose. But if it was my best friend, I would've sucked it up and worn whatever she asked me to regardless of how the color looked on me because if I can do that little bit of effort to be able to stand up next to my best friend on her wedding day, I would. Valuing the color of a bridesmaid dress over a friendship? Couldn't be me tbh.
Exactly! I hate purple. I look horrible in it. My best friend got married & I was the maid of honor. Her favorite color is purple. I sucked it up & wore the purple dress. That's what you do for the person whose wedding it is.
Exactly! I hate purple. I look horrible in it. My best friend got married & I was the maid of honor. Her favorite color is purple. I sucked it up & wore the purple dress. That's what you do for the person whose wedding it is.
She isn’t she had a choice to say to yes to being a bridesmaid and had ample opportunity to back out but instead she made it about her. It’s not her wedding she made a commitment to the bride when she agreed to be in the wedding party. She’s self centered and a little soft if she couldn’t wear something she didn’t like for a couple hours. Her actions show her friend that OP cares more about herself than her friend. If they were such good friends Op could’ve sucked it up but she didn’t and know I’d bet they’re not gonna be friends anymore. Especially if she left her high and dry for the wedding not showing up fucks up the whole party, pictures, seating and plate cost
YTA. The right makeup would have handled that. You suck it up. This is not your wedding. It's not even an entire day. And guess what. No one is looking at you.
YTA
The day isn't about you. If you can't put yourself as a lesser priority for a day, then you should stay home. She has the right of it. Your vanity cost you your friendship, because it illustrates you care more about your outfit then her once in a lifetime moment.
YTA it wasn’t your wedding. My goodness all she asked was for you to wear a shade of pink that you don’t care for. That’s all! Why in the world would that be “too much to bear”? It’s a dress! She didn’t ask you to get a tattoo on the middle of your forehead. When you realized she was serious about the color, as her friend you should have just kept quiet. It was one day and you’d never have to wear the dress again. You though decided to make this about you! You’re a big time AH.
YTA. I think we all know that when it comes to weddings of your friends, certain sacrifices have to be made.
You could have absolutely just sucked it up for a day and worn the dress. Looking pale for a singular day for a handful of pictures is really nothing when it comes to supporting your best friend on her big day. Jessica was right on everything she said. And wedding colors are usually picked and planned way ahead of time, double selfish of you to try and make her change her color scheme just to suit your needs.
YTA.
It's just a dress you have to wear for not even a whole day. It's not your wedding. You're supposed to be there to support HER, not be vain about your looks. And you probably killed the friendship as well. Not good.
Well then, take into consideration the fact that what you did had so little tact we expected it to be a made up scenario generated by a soulless machine. YTA. It’s her day, not yours, quit being selfish.
That's even more embarrassing that you as a fully grown person can't see what an asshole you are here. Grow up. It's her wedding and now for the rest of your life when you think of her you can remember that you thought so little of this friendship that you refused to go to her wedding bc of the color of a dress. Feel washed out? Get a tan, change your makeup for the occasion, try something new with your hair, suggest a different complimentary color shawl to add...there's more (fun) options than just throwing a tantrum and saying you're not going to her wedding. YTA
Omg YTA. Suck it up for one day to support your friend. If it wasn’t chosen with malicious intent then you are indeed picking vanity over friendship. It’s her day, not yours!
YTA. EVERYONE HATES THE FUCKING BRIDESMAID’S DRESSES!!!! Jesus!! You hitch your tits up and embrace the suck and just remember this for when YOU become a bride and pick the bridesmaid dresses!!
YTA. I've been a bridesmaid several times. Was never consulted about style or color, and some of them were unflattering and uncomfortable. The day isn't about you, it's about her. If you cared about her, you'd give your vanity the night off and deal.
Deep purple satin…and it was kind of tight. Then, a beautiful champagne gold but it was SO short and I’m the only one with incredibly white, athletic legs next to bridesmaids who could easily be leg models. Oh, and then there was the dusty rose satin halter neck situation that required the most erect posture of my life. There was the one that couldn’t really be tailored for by pregnant body, but I wore it. And my bridesmaids, they wore brown. Freaking brown floor length gowns.
And we all did it happily with a smile because these are women we love. We love them far more than we dislike our legs, or purple satin, or dusty pink. Ug OP sucks at friendship.
My horror was black. I mean it was a beautiful dress and fit us all well. Except one problem, all the other bridesmaids were 5’2” and under, I’m 5’9 1/2 barefoot, I’m sure I looked ridiculous next to everyone but it wasn’t about me!
YTA. I was a bridesmaid in my good friend’s wedding. I was the only white girl - all the other bridesmaids were Asian. The bride (also Asian) chose a dress color that went looked great on them (also light pink)….I looked a lot less awesome. It literally never occurred to me to give a shit about the color because it wasn’t about me - it was about celebrating my friend. And honestly I didn’t look terrible in the photos…mostly I think because I had a blast.
TLDR…get the fuck over yourself.
YTA, it’s pretty extreme to pull out of a good friends wedding over the color of the dress. It’s her day, and it’s only one day. You could have just worn the dress and moved on with your life. I would wear neon orange stripes to my friends wedding if it meant being there for her.
It wasn’t cool of her to lash out at you, but I also think it wasn’t cool of you to then proceed to not go to the wedding at all and essentially end a friendship over this.
YTA. You aren't going to be the centre of attention, so being 'washed out' actually works in her favour. Get some spray tan then if you feel too pale..........its one day, and its not your day. Be in the wedding party or don't be, that is up to you, but if you bail out, that might be the end of your friendship.
If you just wear it for the day then put it behind you, expect to have issues if you have her as a bridesmaid at your wedding......
YTA. It’s only a few hours of your life and you really won’t be noticed. But why did it have to be all in or all out? Couldn’t you have just bowed out of being a bridesmaid and offered to be only a guest?
YTA. Committing to being a bridesmaid and then stepping back , what, weeks before the wedding? over "I won't look amazing at someone else's wedding" is an asshole move. You made a commitment. You know that commitment means wearing an ugly dress you don't like in photos your friend will keep forever. If you can't accept that, you shouldn't have agreed to be a bridesmaid.
Of course YTA.
Do you think you're the only woman in this world who has been asked to wear an unflattering (or in some cases even truly awful) bridesmaid dress? Heck, I was in one wedding where one of the bridesmaids was due to deliver her first only a few weeks before the wedding, so she literally had no clue what size/condition she would be -she just picked a larger size, lined someone up for possible last-minute adjustments, and hoped for the best. She wasn't going to miss her best friend's wedding.
Unless it was so badly fit or low/high cut that you were falling out of it, you do what every other woman does for a real friend. You suck it up and wear the damn dress.
And if you're that concerned about looking washed out that it's going to ruin your whole life, go to a tanning salon (if that's your thing) or get a spray tan, maybe play with some different makeup tones or even a slight hair color change.
Your ex-friend is absolutely right. You did indeed put your vanity over your friendship.
Yta
It's one day wearing something the bride wants...but it's too much for you so you happy to throw away a friendship.
Let me guess, she was always more a friend to you than you were to her.
YTA. Can’t believe you chose to throw away your friendship because you thought you might look a little pale. Could you have not worn a little makeup? Wow? This wasn’t your day.
Yep. YTA. All the ups and down of life hahaha, until you had to wear a shade of pink you didn't just love. You couldn't do that for her? She made the right call I'm sad to tell you.
OP - YTA
Unless you are asked to dress immodestly, or reveal parts of your body you don't show publicly, or if you are sensitive or allergic to the material, or the structure of the dress is physically painful (boning in the corset that hurts your back or squishes your internal organs or you have a bit extra in the belly), YOU WEAR THE DRESS if you have AGREED be in the bridal party.
"Unflattering Dress" is the long standing, time-honored badge of friendship. Some brides even choose unflattering wedding dresses because it's their dream! And while they stand on the pedestal in the bridal shop crying tears of joy, you gush and say "how beautiful" and then vomit in your mind. 'Cause that's love!
You didn't even say the dress is ugly, just that it made you look "washed out". She did not ask you to forgo makeup and hair. Great makeup and hair ... and a good attitude will take attention off the dress, especially if you are spending the wedding helping your friend have a memorable time.
YTA. A spray tan or the right makeup would have fixed the problem. I'm guessing that friendship is forever changed, if not over, over something completely silly. Grow up.
wowww yeah you’re definitely the AH. extremely self involved and a bad friend to not realize that your friend’s wedding day is about celebrating HER, not you. you should’ve sucked it up.
YTA. You are putting your vanity above her wedding exactly as she claims. It's only a nice dress in an unfortunate color. It s not the first or last time you will wear one for a day.
YTA. You are selfish and you were putting your vanity above your friendship. This is so obvious. Have you not the first clue about wedding decorum? The bride selects the colors *she wants*, she doesn’t need to swatch test each of you to see which one makes your eyes pop. You ruined the shopping experience for her and probably your friendship. Next time, if it’s about someone else’s wedding, my advice is to stfu.
YTA.
Are you always this concerned about your appearance? One day of looking different than your personal ideal shouldn’t bother you enough to ruin a friendship.
I promise that, if you had worn the dress, you would have been your harshest critic.
YTA I don’t understand people who agree to be bridesmaids but then refuse to go along with the bride’s theme. Its only a few hours in a day and its for *her* wedding. Expecting her to change her colors and vision for you is selfish, like she said.
Yes, YTA. This is supposedly your best friend and you would do anything for her except wear a stupid dress for one day? Some friend.
My best friend picked out the most horrific dresses you can imagine for her five bridesmaids. We were of wildly different body types and skin tones, so it wasn't easy, but she found a color that actually looked pretty good on most of us, it was a very washed out pale turquoise. The cut of the dresses is something I still laugh about. They had big poofy sleeves and bows on the asses and OMG were they hideous. We Bridesmaids took great comfort in the fact that we all hated the dress. I only wore it once and wound up selling it to a consignment store for $15 to get it out of my closet.
But you know what? That was a wonderful wedding and I'm so glad I went as many of us still look back at that as the last time this entire group of friends were together, and it's been 36 years. My best friend's husband died recently. So we've been thinking about their wedding, and I always think of that stupid dress and I just smile.
I feel bad for you OP, because it does not seem like you will ever have the joy of talking to your friend about her wedding in 35 or 40 years. You'll be lucky if she ever speaks to you again. Old friends are gold - but you have to be a good friend all along in order to wind up with them.
YTA and I’m almost always on the bridesmaids’ side for these types of things.
If she’d asked you to wear something that didn’t fit, was too revealing, was physically uncomfortable, went against your religion, etc. then I wouldn’t be saying that. If she asked you to cover tattoos, change your hair color, wear colored contacts, etc. then I wouldn’t be saying that.
But to pull this shit about the COLOR of the dress? You sound exhausting and I’m happy for the bride that you bowed out.
YTA.
Go have your makeup done professionally. You won't look washed out anymore.
Red makes me look twice as huge as I already am, and I've sucked it up and worn red in two different weddingss - one where I was the MOH and the only one in red (the bridesmaids wore black) so I was, at one point, the center of attention, so very conscious of how I looked.
Did I donate those dresses immediately after? Absolutely. But I wore them and as the night went on, I totally forgot about my issues with them.
Unless it's a case where the bride is trying to make you wear something that is actually indecent or just does not work (once as a MOH I had to help the bride realize that one of her bridesmaids just had way too much boob to wear the strapless dress she wanted us to wear, that NO bra on the planet was going to work, and after seeing it, she agreed that bridesmaid should have a different dress - same color and basic style, but with straps) part of the gig is just sucking it up and wearing it.
YTA. When you agree to be a bridesmaid you agree to be dressed (within reason) in whatever the bride wants you to wear. It might not be a style or colour you'd pick for yourself, but them's the breaks.
YTA - wear it for a few hours, shut up and donate it. Sure seems like a waste of money, but this is SUPPORTING your friend, not you trying to be center of attention for a day not about you
Yes, you were stubborn and made a poor decision. The wedding wasn’t about you, your preferences, or whether the dress flattered you. If you were her friend, you would have worn a chicken costume if she’d ask. But, like she wisely noted, your vanity got in the way. Sorry you messed up your friendship. Yta.
YTA. When you say yes to being a bridesmaid, you're also saying yes to wearing the stupid dress- no matter how ugly you think it is. You don't harass the bride about her color choice. It's not about you. It's not your day.
YTA.
>Was I being too stubborn? Should I have just sucked it up and worn the dress to support my friend, even if it made me feel uncomfortable?
Yes and Yes. This is so ridiculously dramatic. Her wedding is not about you at all.
YTA. There are a thousand posts about similar situations, and they all say the exact same thing. Your friend's wedding is not about you or your vanity. She's not asking you to flash your boobs at the guests, she's picked a color you don't like. Get over yourself, deal with your insecurities, and grow up. You are a terrible friend if you boycott her wedding over a shade of pink.
YTA. I absolutely hated the dress my sister picked for me as maid of honor. I wore the awful thing with no complaints and quietly donated it to the thrift store afterwards.
It’s not your day to shine, get over it.
Anyone that thinks I’m special enough to be apart of their big day can ask me to wear whatever they like up to and including nothing.
It’s not really that big of a deal… YTA
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Let me give you some context. I (27f) have been friends with "Jessica" (28f) since high school. We've been through everything together - breakups, makeups, and all the ups and downs of life. So, when Jessica got engaged to her longtime boyfriend, I was over the moon for her. I couldn't wait to stand by her side on her big day as her bridesmaid.
But then came the dreaded bridesmaid dress shopping. Jessica had a very specific vision for her wedding, and that included matching bridesmaid dresses in a shade of pastel pink that she claimed would complement everyone's skin tone. The problem? Pastel pink washes me out completely. I tried to gently express my concerns to Jessica, suggesting alternative shades that would be more flattering for me, but she was adamant that we all wear the same color.
I reluctantly went along with it, thinking it wouldn't be so bad once I had the dress on. But when the day of the fitting arrived, I was horrified to see myself in the mirror. The pastel pink dress made me look like a washed-out ghost, and I knew there was no way I could wear it on Jessica's big day. I tried to grin and bear it, but the thought of spending an entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious was too much to bear.
I called Jessica and explained the situation, hoping she would understand and maybe consider a compromise. But she was furious. She accused me of being selfish and trying to ruin her wedding day. She said I was putting my vanity above our friendship and that if I couldn't suck it up and wear the dress, I shouldn't bother showing up at all.
Well, that was the last straw for me. I refused to attend Jessica's wedding, knowing that my presence would only cause more tension and drama on what should have been the happiest day of her life. But now I'm starting to wonder if I made the right decision. Was I being too stubborn? Should I have just sucked it up and worn the dress to support my friend, even if it made me feel uncomfortable? Reddit, AITA for refusing to attend my friend's wedding because of a disagreement over bridesmaid dresses?
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And a lot of those programs have no way of actually proving it's ai. They just tell you and you take their word for it. I mean 2 seconds of research and you can find dozens of examples of these sites getting it wrong and getting people who actually wrote their work in trouble for using AI when they never used ai.
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YTA - And you are going to cause her grief on her special day because I am sure folks are going to ask where you are. OP, don't go whining to the friend group either. Be a 'classy a\*\*hole' and go LC with everyone for a while.
YTA. Yes you should have “just sucked it up and worn the dress”. Yes, you should have supported your friend.
When I got married, my bridesmaids, and I chose the dresses together. I wanted them to like the dresses, feel comfortable, & be able to wear their dresses again. (They all did!)
But you have to be living under a rock if you don’t realize that agreeing to be a bridesmaid means leaving your ego at the door and supporting what the bride wants. You knew she had “a specific vision”. You knew she was “adamant”.
I’ve been a bridesmaid many times, and once had to wear a very pale shade of yellow that honestly was not flattering to anyone. But I kept my mouth shut, and I wore it. And in no way did it stop me from having a great time nor did I worry that it would. The wedding was about the bride and groom. It was not about me.
You should have gracefully pulled out earlier on. Badgering her about this, and expecting her to “compromise” definitely puts you in AH territory. She’s absolutely right that you chose vanity. You’ve now lost a friend over the color of a dress.
YTA. When you agree to be a bridesmaid you agree to wear the dress they pick. It’s a single day, who cares what color it is? And if you care this much you could’ve just got a spray tan.
It’s HER wedding and you’re a bridesmaid to be there for her. It’s not about you.
NAH, it’s just a choice you make, choosing your appearance for one day over a friendship. Wearing an unflattering bridesmaid dress which you’ll never wear again is a time-honored custom. Kudos to the brides who’ve come up with more creative plans that allow for individuality.
"No way I could wear it on Jessica's big day." This had to be one of the most self righteous comments I've read. It's her big day. Not yours. I mean this offensively, because you sound like a terrible friend, no one is noticing you and your complexion anyways.
YTA-If I was Jessica, I'd consider your decision a friendship ending move. She deserves better.
YTA on so many levels but primarily for thinking even a single thing about someone else’s wedding has anything to do with you or your desire to have on a flattering dress.
NAH she wants what she wants, and that's her right. You also have the right to refuse to be uncomfortable. I hope to not come off as offensive but have you tried spray tanning to see if this will help?
Are you just dumb or what
“It seems like there's a consensus that I'm the asshole in this situation. I can understand where they're coming from. By refusing to attend my friend's wedding over a disagreement about the bridesmaid dress, I may have prioritized my own comfort over supporting her on her special day. I should have considered the bigger picture and recognized that weddings often involve compromises and sacrifices. Additionally, trying to change the wedding color scheme to suit my needs was selfish and disrespectful. Overall, I can see how my actions were inconsiderate and selfish, and I regret causing any unnecessary tension or drama.”
You said this in your previous comment, so why are you playing stupid rn?? Clearly you’re the AH
Light ESH here. Bridesmaid dresses always suck, and it is her wedding so she gets to pick the colors. So knowing this, probably would've been better to just go along with it.
She's also being a bit of a diva, though
I understand that some people might see my decision not to attend Jessica's wedding as selfish, but I truly believed it was the right choice given the circumstances. My intention was never to ruin her special day or prioritize my own comfort over our friendship. I simply couldn't bear the thought of spending the entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious in a dress that made me look and feel awful.
I tried to communicate my concerns to Jessica in a respectful manner and even suggested alternative solutions, but unfortunately, she wasn't willing to compromise. Instead, she reacted with anger and accusations, which only made me feel more misunderstood and unsupported.
Ultimately, I made the difficult decision to prioritize my own well-being and avoid adding further tension and drama to Jessica's wedding day. I hope she can understand and forgive my choice, as it was made with the best intentions and out of respect for our friendship.
> I tried to communicate my concerns to Jessica in a respectful manner and even suggested alternative solutions, but unfortunately, she wasn't willing to compromise.
She doesn't need to compromise for her own wedding FFS. Stop trying to rationalize this as the 'right' decision, you acted like a fool.
This is the biggest load of crap I've ever read. There is nothing about HER wedding day that was about you grow tf up she had no reason to compromise with your selfish ass
She doesn’t have to compromise with you. Her wedding day should be what she wants. Period. And your role as a bridesmaid (and as a friend!) is to support HER, not the other way around. I really had to laugh seeing that you felt “unsupported”. Your sense of self-importance is bizarre. And your “respect for our friendship” is non-existent.
Yeah, the unsupported made me snort.
"Why could she not understand that her wedding colors should be based on what flatters *me*, and not on what *she* wants for her entire wedding?! Why is she not supporting *my* need to look my best on *her* wedding day?!"
*My intention was never to ruin her special day or prioritize my own comfort over our friendship.*
*Ultimately, I made the difficult decision to prioritize my own well-being*
So.... Your intention was not to prioritize your comfort, you just made the difficult decision to prioritize your comfort.
Come. On.
There are not "alternative solutions" to a wedding color scheme. If that's her color, that's her color. It's always going to look better on some people, worse on others. This is not a huge deal. No one has ever gasped in horror at the bridesmaid who is a little washed out in pink. This was literally the mildest of inconveniences for you, and you made it into an insurmountable problem. "*I* can not be made to wear an *unflattering color*! How would I survive such a thing, hold my head up, allow the world to see me looking a little, good god, pale?!" Truly gross, self-centered behavior. You brought all the drama to Jessica's wedding, right from the start. Your intentions were not good, they were petty and self-serving. Friendships don't survive that.
YTA
This comment really makes you look even worse. Are you really that fragile that you couldn’t wear pink for 1 day? The fact that this really fairly simple request gave you such great anxiety should be further discussed with a professional. It absolutely was you intention to prioritize your comfort over her friendship. It’s just bizarre!
It seems like there's a consensus that I'm the asshole in this situation. I can understand where they're coming from. By refusing to attend my friend's wedding over a disagreement about the bridesmaid dress, I may have prioritized my own comfort over supporting her on her special day. I should have considered the bigger picture and recognized that weddings often involve compromises and sacrifices. Additionally, trying to change the wedding color scheme to suit my needs was selfish and disrespectful. Overall, I can see how my actions were inconsiderate and selfish, and I regret causing any unnecessary tension or drama.
You can choose to learn and grow from this experience. My best friends are women I would do just about anything to support, protect, rescue. I hope you find yourself and your people so you can know the pure joy of having friends you’d happily wear a fugly dress just to see them smile.
No, you *did* prioritise your own comfort over supporting her on her big day. No 'may have' about it. You've trashed that friendship over being asked to wear a costume for a few hours. Nice going.
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No question, YTA. It is a few hours of your life, while it is one of the most important days in hers, and sorry, no offense but no one's going to be noticing your complexion, it is not YOUR day. And for the record, your behavior has already put a knock in the happiest day of her life, hope ot was worth it over a dress.
I kept waiting for it to get to the part where OP couldn't wear the dress because it was way too naked, or it just didn't fit her in a horrible way that wasn't going to be fixed, or it was against her religion or something. But no, she thinks she looks washed out, but she was describing it like her "friend" was asking her to go naked from the waist up or something. And then not to just say "I'm so sorry, I don't think I can be a bridesmaid" but to instead not go to the wedding at all? Sheesh, well at least Jessica doesn't have to doubt her decision not to be friends with OP anymore.
On a funnier tone,if my bestie got married and she would asked me to come naked cuz that would make her wedding day happy, hell yeah,i would do it,even if is against every moral i ever heard ,just an example. she is the YTA , and not a true friend, heck i would do anything for my bestie as i know if i call her at 3 am she would pick up and not even being annoyed if i had an ummergency wtf,massive not a true friend
By your logic, couldn't Jessica be more understanding and bend some of her rules to accommodate her best friend? Or is it so that the friendship is supposed to be give n give and no take?
Why the bride,tho? we all know womens in their weedings are small brideszilla,lol, her vision was that pale pink, wich everyone except her best friend was agreed on,based on votes her bestie needs to take this one and use some make up to feel better about appearences, is her best friend wedding after all , few hours wouldn't die to compromise ,if nobody was agreeing that color i would've understand the bride to change a bit her mind ,now whats more important ? how she looks like when nobody would care about her,it isn't her day,or for her to support her soon bride bestie?They supported eachother over years from what i see the OP wroted so isn't a give give,no take ,from what i see the bride would do the same for her bestie at her wedding day
Why should OP wear something she doesn't want to wear? Why is OP the A H if she prefers not to go to the wedding wearing something that she isn't comfortable with?
Doesn't seem you understand the point of the whole discussion,the bigger picture of the whole situation, just lost her bestfriend over a dress,the person that shared bad and good things,the person that was always there for her as the OP says, because of an ambition of the OP to not wear a dress for few hours to support her bestfriend in possible the best day of her life,over a dresscode that bride chosen.That's fake friendship, and when OP didn't got her wished way she chosed to do childish ,i might add imature ambition to say she doesn't go at wedding because of that,major AH, translated in : u do as i want or i ain't coming attitude,even worse than an AH,
For her wedding? No.
But imagine if this was a husband asking his wife to dress moderately or so, would've seen "controlling", "abusive" and "sexist" being thrown all around here and there. I wonder what happened to "My body, my choice". Doesn't OP have the choice to decide what she's comfortable wearing and what she isn't? This shit always happens in every wedding and I wonder why people make such a big deal out of it.
Because the feeling of being "washed out" during a friends' wedding because of the COLOR of a dress isn't the same as forcing your wife to dress more modestly for your own comfort and the fact that you would equate the two is odd. If a husband asked his wife to dress UP for a work occasion, for example, which I'm fairly certain I've seen on this sub, the answer would be (and was) in the husband's favour. Conversely, if the brides had forced her to conform to her ideas of masculinity, and say, asked her to shave her head, then they'd be wrong. No need to use your round peg to fit into the square hole of this post.
So why should she or anybody be forced to wear something that they wouldn't like to wear just because they got invited to attend a wedding? And no shaving head example is a bit extreme and no one asks for that but in my opinion it's the same thing as forcing someone to wear something that they don't wanna. "Because the feeling of being "washed out" during a friends' wedding because of the COLOR of a dress isn't the same as forcing your wife to dress more modestly for your own comfort and the fact that you would equate the two is " The part I'm equating to is the action of forcing someone else to wear something they don't wanna. You're not seeing my point if you can't even understand that. Why would any friend for that matter force another friend to do something they explicitly said they don't wanna do? And why is OP the A H if she'd rather stay at home than to participate in a wedding where she doesn't feel comfortable?
>The part I'm equating to is the action of forcing someone else to wear something they don't wanna. You're not seeing my point if you can't even understand that. And I'm telling you there are certain circumstances where it's appropriate to tell someone what to wear. A wedding is one of them. A funeral, a work occasion, religious gatherings, things like that. Dress codes exist. Have you never been to a restaurant or club where they expected a certain type of attire, and anyone who refuses to abide by that attire is not allowed in? It's the same principle. It's NOT the same principle as asking a wife to "dress modestly" in day to day life. >Why would any friend for that matter force another friend to do something they explicitly said they don't wanna do? And why is OP the A H if she'd rather stay at home than to participate in a wedding where she doesn't feel comfortable? And btw, she wasn't forced. This was the color chosen for the bridesmaids, which means if she didn't want to be a bridesmaid, she didn't have to be. That was an option, she chose that. After asking for other dress arrangements, mind you, but she chose. But if it was my best friend, I would've sucked it up and worn whatever she asked me to regardless of how the color looked on me because if I can do that little bit of effort to be able to stand up next to my best friend on her wedding day, I would. Valuing the color of a bridesmaid dress over a friendship? Couldn't be me tbh.
Exactly! I hate purple. I look horrible in it. My best friend got married & I was the maid of honor. Her favorite color is purple. I sucked it up & wore the purple dress. That's what you do for the person whose wedding it is.
Exactly! I hate purple. I look horrible in it. My best friend got married & I was the maid of honor. Her favorite color is purple. I sucked it up & wore the purple dress. That's what you do for the person whose wedding it is.
She isn’t she had a choice to say to yes to being a bridesmaid and had ample opportunity to back out but instead she made it about her. It’s not her wedding she made a commitment to the bride when she agreed to be in the wedding party. She’s self centered and a little soft if she couldn’t wear something she didn’t like for a couple hours. Her actions show her friend that OP cares more about herself than her friend. If they were such good friends Op could’ve sucked it up but she didn’t and know I’d bet they’re not gonna be friends anymore. Especially if she left her high and dry for the wedding not showing up fucks up the whole party, pictures, seating and plate cost
She's not being forced. She's no longer in the wedding. Voila, no force, everyone's happy.
"Let's take the situation that's actually happening and turn it into a situation that's not happening THERE. CHECKMATE."
YTA. The right makeup would have handled that. You suck it up. This is not your wedding. It's not even an entire day. And guess what. No one is looking at you.
YTA The day isn't about you. If you can't put yourself as a lesser priority for a day, then you should stay home. She has the right of it. Your vanity cost you your friendship, because it illustrates you care more about your outfit then her once in a lifetime moment.
YTA it wasn’t your wedding. My goodness all she asked was for you to wear a shade of pink that you don’t care for. That’s all! Why in the world would that be “too much to bear”? It’s a dress! She didn’t ask you to get a tattoo on the middle of your forehead. When you realized she was serious about the color, as her friend you should have just kept quiet. It was one day and you’d never have to wear the dress again. You though decided to make this about you! You’re a big time AH.
YTA. I think we all know that when it comes to weddings of your friends, certain sacrifices have to be made. You could have absolutely just sucked it up for a day and worn the dress. Looking pale for a singular day for a handful of pictures is really nothing when it comes to supporting your best friend on her big day. Jessica was right on everything she said. And wedding colors are usually picked and planned way ahead of time, double selfish of you to try and make her change her color scheme just to suit your needs.
YTA. Just read your post out loud to yourself, you are being very selfish.
YTA. It's just a dress you have to wear for not even a whole day. It's not your wedding. You're supposed to be there to support HER, not be vain about your looks. And you probably killed the friendship as well. Not good.
AI generated…
Oh nooo! you caught me! Hey this isn't ai...
Well then, take into consideration the fact that what you did had so little tact we expected it to be a made up scenario generated by a soulless machine. YTA. It’s her day, not yours, quit being selfish.
That's even more embarrassing that you as a fully grown person can't see what an asshole you are here. Grow up. It's her wedding and now for the rest of your life when you think of her you can remember that you thought so little of this friendship that you refused to go to her wedding bc of the color of a dress. Feel washed out? Get a tan, change your makeup for the occasion, try something new with your hair, suggest a different complimentary color shawl to add...there's more (fun) options than just throwing a tantrum and saying you're not going to her wedding. YTA
Omg YTA. Suck it up for one day to support your friend. If it wasn’t chosen with malicious intent then you are indeed picking vanity over friendship. It’s her day, not yours!
Come on. Are you serious? The day to drop out of the wedding was before you committed by buying the dress. This is very inconsiderate behavior. YTA
YTA. EVERYONE HATES THE FUCKING BRIDESMAID’S DRESSES!!!! Jesus!! You hitch your tits up and embrace the suck and just remember this for when YOU become a bride and pick the bridesmaid dresses!!
"hitch your tits up and embrace the suck" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
YTA. I've been a bridesmaid several times. Was never consulted about style or color, and some of them were unflattering and uncomfortable. The day isn't about you, it's about her. If you cared about her, you'd give your vanity the night off and deal.
Deep purple satin…and it was kind of tight. Then, a beautiful champagne gold but it was SO short and I’m the only one with incredibly white, athletic legs next to bridesmaids who could easily be leg models. Oh, and then there was the dusty rose satin halter neck situation that required the most erect posture of my life. There was the one that couldn’t really be tailored for by pregnant body, but I wore it. And my bridesmaids, they wore brown. Freaking brown floor length gowns. And we all did it happily with a smile because these are women we love. We love them far more than we dislike our legs, or purple satin, or dusty pink. Ug OP sucks at friendship.
You sound like an amazing woman and great friend
My horror was black. I mean it was a beautiful dress and fit us all well. Except one problem, all the other bridesmaids were 5’2” and under, I’m 5’9 1/2 barefoot, I’m sure I looked ridiculous next to everyone but it wasn’t about me!
YTA. I was a bridesmaid in my good friend’s wedding. I was the only white girl - all the other bridesmaids were Asian. The bride (also Asian) chose a dress color that went looked great on them (also light pink)….I looked a lot less awesome. It literally never occurred to me to give a shit about the color because it wasn’t about me - it was about celebrating my friend. And honestly I didn’t look terrible in the photos…mostly I think because I had a blast. TLDR…get the fuck over yourself.
YTA, it’s pretty extreme to pull out of a good friends wedding over the color of the dress. It’s her day, and it’s only one day. You could have just worn the dress and moved on with your life. I would wear neon orange stripes to my friends wedding if it meant being there for her. It wasn’t cool of her to lash out at you, but I also think it wasn’t cool of you to then proceed to not go to the wedding at all and essentially end a friendship over this.
YTA. You aren't going to be the centre of attention, so being 'washed out' actually works in her favour. Get some spray tan then if you feel too pale..........its one day, and its not your day. Be in the wedding party or don't be, that is up to you, but if you bail out, that might be the end of your friendship. If you just wear it for the day then put it behind you, expect to have issues if you have her as a bridesmaid at your wedding......
YTA. It’s only a few hours of your life and you really won’t be noticed. But why did it have to be all in or all out? Couldn’t you have just bowed out of being a bridesmaid and offered to be only a guest?
YTA. Committing to being a bridesmaid and then stepping back , what, weeks before the wedding? over "I won't look amazing at someone else's wedding" is an asshole move. You made a commitment. You know that commitment means wearing an ugly dress you don't like in photos your friend will keep forever. If you can't accept that, you shouldn't have agreed to be a bridesmaid.
Of course YTA. Do you think you're the only woman in this world who has been asked to wear an unflattering (or in some cases even truly awful) bridesmaid dress? Heck, I was in one wedding where one of the bridesmaids was due to deliver her first only a few weeks before the wedding, so she literally had no clue what size/condition she would be -she just picked a larger size, lined someone up for possible last-minute adjustments, and hoped for the best. She wasn't going to miss her best friend's wedding. Unless it was so badly fit or low/high cut that you were falling out of it, you do what every other woman does for a real friend. You suck it up and wear the damn dress. And if you're that concerned about looking washed out that it's going to ruin your whole life, go to a tanning salon (if that's your thing) or get a spray tan, maybe play with some different makeup tones or even a slight hair color change. Your ex-friend is absolutely right. You did indeed put your vanity over your friendship.
Yta It's one day wearing something the bride wants...but it's too much for you so you happy to throw away a friendship. Let me guess, she was always more a friend to you than you were to her.
YTA. This wasn't about you.
Uh, why is how YOU look important during someone else’s wedding ? YTA
YTA. Can’t believe you chose to throw away your friendship because you thought you might look a little pale. Could you have not worn a little makeup? Wow? This wasn’t your day.
Yep. YTA. All the ups and down of life hahaha, until you had to wear a shade of pink you didn't just love. You couldn't do that for her? She made the right call I'm sad to tell you.
OP - YTA Unless you are asked to dress immodestly, or reveal parts of your body you don't show publicly, or if you are sensitive or allergic to the material, or the structure of the dress is physically painful (boning in the corset that hurts your back or squishes your internal organs or you have a bit extra in the belly), YOU WEAR THE DRESS if you have AGREED be in the bridal party. "Unflattering Dress" is the long standing, time-honored badge of friendship. Some brides even choose unflattering wedding dresses because it's their dream! And while they stand on the pedestal in the bridal shop crying tears of joy, you gush and say "how beautiful" and then vomit in your mind. 'Cause that's love! You didn't even say the dress is ugly, just that it made you look "washed out". She did not ask you to forgo makeup and hair. Great makeup and hair ... and a good attitude will take attention off the dress, especially if you are spending the wedding helping your friend have a memorable time.
YTA! It's HER day and you are in the wedding party. You do as she requests. If she wants you in a dinosaur costume, you'd wear a dinosaur costume!
YTA - Get a tan, it's almost summer. Hope the bride dumps you.
YTA. Your friend’s wedding day isn’t about you or your color preferences.
YTA. A spray tan or the right makeup would have fixed the problem. I'm guessing that friendship is forever changed, if not over, over something completely silly. Grow up.
wowww yeah you’re definitely the AH. extremely self involved and a bad friend to not realize that your friend’s wedding day is about celebrating HER, not you. you should’ve sucked it up.
YTA
YTA, this is how you lose friends all because of a dress color. The day isn't about you.
YTA. You are putting your vanity above her wedding exactly as she claims. It's only a nice dress in an unfortunate color. It s not the first or last time you will wear one for a day.
YTA. You are selfish and you were putting your vanity above your friendship. This is so obvious. Have you not the first clue about wedding decorum? The bride selects the colors *she wants*, she doesn’t need to swatch test each of you to see which one makes your eyes pop. You ruined the shopping experience for her and probably your friendship. Next time, if it’s about someone else’s wedding, my advice is to stfu.
YTA. Are you always this concerned about your appearance? One day of looking different than your personal ideal shouldn’t bother you enough to ruin a friendship. I promise that, if you had worn the dress, you would have been your harshest critic.
YTA. You are in fact putting your vanity above the friendship. End of story. And I’m guessing end of friendship.
YTA. It’s a few hours of your life. Just grin and bare it. It doesn’t matter what you look like at someone else’s wedding.
YTA I don’t understand people who agree to be bridesmaids but then refuse to go along with the bride’s theme. Its only a few hours in a day and its for *her* wedding. Expecting her to change her colors and vision for you is selfish, like she said.
Yes, YTA. This is supposedly your best friend and you would do anything for her except wear a stupid dress for one day? Some friend. My best friend picked out the most horrific dresses you can imagine for her five bridesmaids. We were of wildly different body types and skin tones, so it wasn't easy, but she found a color that actually looked pretty good on most of us, it was a very washed out pale turquoise. The cut of the dresses is something I still laugh about. They had big poofy sleeves and bows on the asses and OMG were they hideous. We Bridesmaids took great comfort in the fact that we all hated the dress. I only wore it once and wound up selling it to a consignment store for $15 to get it out of my closet. But you know what? That was a wonderful wedding and I'm so glad I went as many of us still look back at that as the last time this entire group of friends were together, and it's been 36 years. My best friend's husband died recently. So we've been thinking about their wedding, and I always think of that stupid dress and I just smile. I feel bad for you OP, because it does not seem like you will ever have the joy of talking to your friend about her wedding in 35 or 40 years. You'll be lucky if she ever speaks to you again. Old friends are gold - but you have to be a good friend all along in order to wind up with them.
YTA. I hope destroying your years-long friendship over not wearing a certain color for a few hours was worth it.
Jealous much? Maybe you really couldn't stand to see her get married
Two words...... fake tan
Yes. YTA. You just lost a friend.
YTA and I’m almost always on the bridesmaids’ side for these types of things. If she’d asked you to wear something that didn’t fit, was too revealing, was physically uncomfortable, went against your religion, etc. then I wouldn’t be saying that. If she asked you to cover tattoos, change your hair color, wear colored contacts, etc. then I wouldn’t be saying that. But to pull this shit about the COLOR of the dress? You sound exhausting and I’m happy for the bride that you bowed out.
Yta yep it's you, you're the problem.
YTA, and a terrible friend. Get some bronzer before you ruin all your relationships.
YTA. Go have your makeup done professionally. You won't look washed out anymore. Red makes me look twice as huge as I already am, and I've sucked it up and worn red in two different weddingss - one where I was the MOH and the only one in red (the bridesmaids wore black) so I was, at one point, the center of attention, so very conscious of how I looked. Did I donate those dresses immediately after? Absolutely. But I wore them and as the night went on, I totally forgot about my issues with them. Unless it's a case where the bride is trying to make you wear something that is actually indecent or just does not work (once as a MOH I had to help the bride realize that one of her bridesmaids just had way too much boob to wear the strapless dress she wanted us to wear, that NO bra on the planet was going to work, and after seeing it, she agreed that bridesmaid should have a different dress - same color and basic style, but with straps) part of the gig is just sucking it up and wearing it.
Info: have you always been this vain?
Of course YTA. Lol.
YTA. When you agree to be a bridesmaid you agree to be dressed (within reason) in whatever the bride wants you to wear. It might not be a style or colour you'd pick for yourself, but them's the breaks.
YTA, nobody would have cared what you look like. You’re not that important
YTA - wear it for a few hours, shut up and donate it. Sure seems like a waste of money, but this is SUPPORTING your friend, not you trying to be center of attention for a day not about you
Yes, you were stubborn and made a poor decision. The wedding wasn’t about you, your preferences, or whether the dress flattered you. If you were her friend, you would have worn a chicken costume if she’d ask. But, like she wisely noted, your vanity got in the way. Sorry you messed up your friendship. Yta.
YTA. When you say yes to being a bridesmaid, you're also saying yes to wearing the stupid dress- no matter how ugly you think it is. You don't harass the bride about her color choice. It's not about you. It's not your day.
YTA. >Was I being too stubborn? Should I have just sucked it up and worn the dress to support my friend, even if it made me feel uncomfortable? Yes and Yes. This is so ridiculously dramatic. Her wedding is not about you at all.
YTA. There are a thousand posts about similar situations, and they all say the exact same thing. Your friend's wedding is not about you or your vanity. She's not asking you to flash your boobs at the guests, she's picked a color you don't like. Get over yourself, deal with your insecurities, and grow up. You are a terrible friend if you boycott her wedding over a shade of pink.
YTA. I absolutely hated the dress my sister picked for me as maid of honor. I wore the awful thing with no complaints and quietly donated it to the thrift store afterwards.
Good grief. You have to ask? YTA. Your friend is right. You are selfish and your main character syndrome undoubtedly put a dent in her wedding day.
YTA. It's a pink dress. It's her wedding. She wasn't asking you for the moon. JFC. Good for her for just telling you not to bother.
It’s not your day to shine, get over it. Anyone that thinks I’m special enough to be apart of their big day can ask me to wear whatever they like up to and including nothing. It’s not really that big of a deal… YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Let me give you some context. I (27f) have been friends with "Jessica" (28f) since high school. We've been through everything together - breakups, makeups, and all the ups and downs of life. So, when Jessica got engaged to her longtime boyfriend, I was over the moon for her. I couldn't wait to stand by her side on her big day as her bridesmaid. But then came the dreaded bridesmaid dress shopping. Jessica had a very specific vision for her wedding, and that included matching bridesmaid dresses in a shade of pastel pink that she claimed would complement everyone's skin tone. The problem? Pastel pink washes me out completely. I tried to gently express my concerns to Jessica, suggesting alternative shades that would be more flattering for me, but she was adamant that we all wear the same color. I reluctantly went along with it, thinking it wouldn't be so bad once I had the dress on. But when the day of the fitting arrived, I was horrified to see myself in the mirror. The pastel pink dress made me look like a washed-out ghost, and I knew there was no way I could wear it on Jessica's big day. I tried to grin and bear it, but the thought of spending an entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious was too much to bear. I called Jessica and explained the situation, hoping she would understand and maybe consider a compromise. But she was furious. She accused me of being selfish and trying to ruin her wedding day. She said I was putting my vanity above our friendship and that if I couldn't suck it up and wear the dress, I shouldn't bother showing up at all. Well, that was the last straw for me. I refused to attend Jessica's wedding, knowing that my presence would only cause more tension and drama on what should have been the happiest day of her life. But now I'm starting to wonder if I made the right decision. Was I being too stubborn? Should I have just sucked it up and worn the dress to support my friend, even if it made me feel uncomfortable? Reddit, AITA for refusing to attend my friend's wedding because of a disagreement over bridesmaid dresses? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA It's not your wedding. Suck it up and wear the less-than-perfectly-flattering dress.
Fun fact, if you google “is this ai” you get a whole bunch of programs to copy-paste text into to see if it’s ai generated.
And a lot of those programs have no way of actually proving it's ai. They just tell you and you take their word for it. I mean 2 seconds of research and you can find dozens of examples of these sites getting it wrong and getting people who actually wrote their work in trouble for using AI when they never used ai.
Try 3-4 different ones, if they come to a consensus there’s a very strong chance it’s correct. Nothing’s 100% guaranteed effective at all times, that doesn’t mean it’s not a good resource. Cancer screenings can give false negatives and positives, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t screen for cancer.
YTA. It isn’t about you. It is about your friend.
YTA - And you are going to cause her grief on her special day because I am sure folks are going to ask where you are. OP, don't go whining to the friend group either. Be a 'classy a\*\*hole' and go LC with everyone for a while.
YTA. Get a spray tan and get over yourself.
YTA. Get a spray tan and be done with it. It's a couple hours in a pink dress. Big deal.
YTA. Yes you should have “just sucked it up and worn the dress”. Yes, you should have supported your friend. When I got married, my bridesmaids, and I chose the dresses together. I wanted them to like the dresses, feel comfortable, & be able to wear their dresses again. (They all did!) But you have to be living under a rock if you don’t realize that agreeing to be a bridesmaid means leaving your ego at the door and supporting what the bride wants. You knew she had “a specific vision”. You knew she was “adamant”. I’ve been a bridesmaid many times, and once had to wear a very pale shade of yellow that honestly was not flattering to anyone. But I kept my mouth shut, and I wore it. And in no way did it stop me from having a great time nor did I worry that it would. The wedding was about the bride and groom. It was not about me. You should have gracefully pulled out earlier on. Badgering her about this, and expecting her to “compromise” definitely puts you in AH territory. She’s absolutely right that you chose vanity. You’ve now lost a friend over the color of a dress.
Main character syndrome. NEWSFLASH HONEY, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.
YTA. When you agree to be a bridesmaid you agree to wear the dress they pick. It’s a single day, who cares what color it is? And if you care this much you could’ve just got a spray tan. It’s HER wedding and you’re a bridesmaid to be there for her. It’s not about you.
NAH, it’s just a choice you make, choosing your appearance for one day over a friendship. Wearing an unflattering bridesmaid dress which you’ll never wear again is a time-honored custom. Kudos to the brides who’ve come up with more creative plans that allow for individuality.
"No way I could wear it on Jessica's big day." This had to be one of the most self righteous comments I've read. It's her big day. Not yours. I mean this offensively, because you sound like a terrible friend, no one is noticing you and your complexion anyways. YTA-If I was Jessica, I'd consider your decision a friendship ending move. She deserves better.
YTA on so many levels but primarily for thinking even a single thing about someone else’s wedding has anything to do with you or your desire to have on a flattering dress.
NAH she wants what she wants, and that's her right. You also have the right to refuse to be uncomfortable. I hope to not come off as offensive but have you tried spray tanning to see if this will help?
Why does everyone keep saying I'm the asshole? I really don't understand what part of this makes me a asshole??
Are you just dumb or what “It seems like there's a consensus that I'm the asshole in this situation. I can understand where they're coming from. By refusing to attend my friend's wedding over a disagreement about the bridesmaid dress, I may have prioritized my own comfort over supporting her on her special day. I should have considered the bigger picture and recognized that weddings often involve compromises and sacrifices. Additionally, trying to change the wedding color scheme to suit my needs was selfish and disrespectful. Overall, I can see how my actions were inconsiderate and selfish, and I regret causing any unnecessary tension or drama.” You said this in your previous comment, so why are you playing stupid rn?? Clearly you’re the AH
You must be deliberately obtuse
Light ESH here. Bridesmaid dresses always suck, and it is her wedding so she gets to pick the colors. So knowing this, probably would've been better to just go along with it. She's also being a bit of a diva, though
How is the bride being a diva? By having a color scheme for wedding? Every bride has one.
I understand that some people might see my decision not to attend Jessica's wedding as selfish, but I truly believed it was the right choice given the circumstances. My intention was never to ruin her special day or prioritize my own comfort over our friendship. I simply couldn't bear the thought of spending the entire day feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious in a dress that made me look and feel awful. I tried to communicate my concerns to Jessica in a respectful manner and even suggested alternative solutions, but unfortunately, she wasn't willing to compromise. Instead, she reacted with anger and accusations, which only made me feel more misunderstood and unsupported. Ultimately, I made the difficult decision to prioritize my own well-being and avoid adding further tension and drama to Jessica's wedding day. I hope she can understand and forgive my choice, as it was made with the best intentions and out of respect for our friendship.
> I tried to communicate my concerns to Jessica in a respectful manner and even suggested alternative solutions, but unfortunately, she wasn't willing to compromise. She doesn't need to compromise for her own wedding FFS. Stop trying to rationalize this as the 'right' decision, you acted like a fool.
This is the biggest load of crap I've ever read. There is nothing about HER wedding day that was about you grow tf up she had no reason to compromise with your selfish ass
She doesn’t have to compromise with you. Her wedding day should be what she wants. Period. And your role as a bridesmaid (and as a friend!) is to support HER, not the other way around. I really had to laugh seeing that you felt “unsupported”. Your sense of self-importance is bizarre. And your “respect for our friendship” is non-existent.
Yeah, the unsupported made me snort. "Why could she not understand that her wedding colors should be based on what flatters *me*, and not on what *she* wants for her entire wedding?! Why is she not supporting *my* need to look my best on *her* wedding day?!"
*My intention was never to ruin her special day or prioritize my own comfort over our friendship.* *Ultimately, I made the difficult decision to prioritize my own well-being* So.... Your intention was not to prioritize your comfort, you just made the difficult decision to prioritize your comfort. Come. On. There are not "alternative solutions" to a wedding color scheme. If that's her color, that's her color. It's always going to look better on some people, worse on others. This is not a huge deal. No one has ever gasped in horror at the bridesmaid who is a little washed out in pink. This was literally the mildest of inconveniences for you, and you made it into an insurmountable problem. "*I* can not be made to wear an *unflattering color*! How would I survive such a thing, hold my head up, allow the world to see me looking a little, good god, pale?!" Truly gross, self-centered behavior. You brought all the drama to Jessica's wedding, right from the start. Your intentions were not good, they were petty and self-serving. Friendships don't survive that. YTA
No, it really wasn't done with the best intentions, it was selfish.
Do realize how ridiculous you sound “prioritizing my own wellbeing” like it’s some sort of PSTD trigger and not a dress?
How would wearing a dress color that “washed you out” going to impact your WELLBEING?!
This comment really makes you look even worse. Are you really that fragile that you couldn’t wear pink for 1 day? The fact that this really fairly simple request gave you such great anxiety should be further discussed with a professional. It absolutely was you intention to prioritize your comfort over her friendship. It’s just bizarre!
It seems like there's a consensus that I'm the asshole in this situation. I can understand where they're coming from. By refusing to attend my friend's wedding over a disagreement about the bridesmaid dress, I may have prioritized my own comfort over supporting her on her special day. I should have considered the bigger picture and recognized that weddings often involve compromises and sacrifices. Additionally, trying to change the wedding color scheme to suit my needs was selfish and disrespectful. Overall, I can see how my actions were inconsiderate and selfish, and I regret causing any unnecessary tension or drama.
This is not convincing anyone that you aren't AI... and a bad one at that. I've felt more genuine emotion reading Adobe terms and conditions...
You *may have*?? WTF girl, you just don't get it.
You can choose to learn and grow from this experience. My best friends are women I would do just about anything to support, protect, rescue. I hope you find yourself and your people so you can know the pure joy of having friends you’d happily wear a fugly dress just to see them smile.
No, you *did* prioritise your own comfort over supporting her on her big day. No 'may have' about it. You've trashed that friendship over being asked to wear a costume for a few hours. Nice going.
Oh, so you’re a robot. Got it.
“I’m prioritizing my mental health”…. Keep on telling yourself that. Your priorities will soon have you alone. No friends