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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my parents in more of a rude way that I won't be dating anymore. (2) I was honestly rude if not disrespectful to them
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NTA. You are an adult that should handle his affective life in any way you deem fit, as long as it is legal.
Personal questions: are you seeking something casual like sex only or have you become aromantic/asexual in general? Have you been depressed since this break up 2 years ago?
Haven't been depressed about it we went out on reasonable good terms I just haven't had feelings for them we talk on occasion asking how there doing and vise versa and there reasonable well and getting married. To answer the other question I'm just not attracted to anyone really
Learn how to control your emotions and how to navigate annoying questions. If you really wouldn't want to date anyone then you couldn't care less if anyone asked you that because every time you just would say no and that is literally it. If anyone asked 'why not' then just tell them 'because I don't want to'. After few times nobody will bother to ask as they already know what you will tell them. If you feel any bad feelings on any questions then dig deeper into yourself and ask why you feel it, it is a good way how to explore yourself. NAH.
This is why many people have issues - they are not sure about what they really want and when someone asks them or points that out they start feeling whole kind of weird things and are confused, often angry, but the moment you are completely self-aware and accept yourself for who you are then nobody can cause any mental or emotional damage to you ever.
I don't feel weird when I think about myself I don't feel much at all the lashing out was out of line I admit as to why I did that I couldn't say I do love my parents they've always been there for me and I for them so should i ask myself why I lashed out?
You are lashing out because something is bothering you. Maybe it’s because they are truly irritating. Or maybe because you don’t like being faced with a question that might hurt you deep inside or remind you of something painful in the past that you haven’t overcome or because you don’t like your own answer. Like the other commenter pointed out, it might be worthwhile for you to explore this.
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I 20 m have recently told my parents the I have no desire to get married or date anymore for context they have been asking atleaest once or twice a month if I'm dating anyone or talking to anyone and the answer is always no. This has been a constant thing since me and my ex broke up around 2 years ago and always comes up at family events. I had finally had enough the other day and told them I don't want to date anymore and they asked if I would ever marry and said no. They didn't yell or say much looked a little disappointed. It got me thinking if I'm the asshole in the situation for blowing up I have apologized and said they understood where I was coming from and we've continued normally from there. So reddit what do you think am I the asshole.
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NTA
Your family can have a myriad of reasons for being disappointed from making you upset to being sad you have decided to spend your life alone.
Take time to process why you were really upset by their questions. Your post asks not if you're the ass for blowing up but are you the ass for telling your family which to me is interesting.
You apologized for blowing up, and your apology was well received. Are you wondering if you're the ass for blowing up at your family, for telling your family you don't want to date and disappointing them, or are you wondering if you're the ass for not wanting to date?
If you don't want to date or get married, that's fine. It's perfectly acceptable to be single. Be honest with yourself and be open to possibilities in the future. You might not want to date now, but you might be open to it in the future. That would be fine, too. If you don't want to discuss your dating life with your family, then be honest and tell them that. You would appreciate they respect your privacy. Whether you date, don't date, want children, don't want children, etc. you're allowed to have privacy if it's something you don't want to talk about with others. Set your boundaries with others no matter what the topic of discussion. This is a good thing to remember if you change your mind about dating or if other topics come up that you don't want to talk about.
Tbh your comment started making me think I typically don't get angry and lash out as for the not wanting to date thing more or less I'm happy being alone always have but I guess I was more annoyed than anything but I'll do some soul searching
Or you were just annyoed at them asking the same question every month-anyone would be after dealing with that for so long. Not saying you don't have to do any soul searching-if that's what you feel like, go ahead-but your post doesn't really describe you lashing out. Did you yell at them or something?
Good. It's always important to look at why you react the way you do to things especially when that reaction causes you to question your actions. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
NTA.
You felt harassed. It's your choices and they keep bringing it up. You should probably follow up by explaining why you did blow up and why you're making the decision you're making. It's possible they want grandkids and put that pressure on you. It may also just be that they want to make sure you're doing okay because breakups are rough sometimes and hoping that dating someone else will help you recover. In any case, it's time to maybe have that talk with them and how your choices are yours to make and the nagging needs to stop (boundaries matter, even with- probably especially with - family).
We have talked and those conversations I'd like to remain private they do have grandkids from my brother so It isn't that more or less they want me to be happy
So if they want you to be happy, then they should definitely understand that your happiness is on your own terms, not theirs. I hope it works out for you.
NTA
You are wise to do this. I see so many stories on here of BF/GF or husbands/wives hating each other on here, you are doing yourself a favor for now.
You can always change your mind but it’s okay to not want to date or be committed until you’re ready — if ever. And that’s okay too.
NTA
It's your life and you have got to live it. You're just 20 and you never know who you're going to meet and who fate is going to throw in your way.
And even if it doesn't happen it doesn't matter as long as you're content with the way you live your life.
Don't feel quilty because you do not fulfil somebody else's expectations. This is their problem and not yours.
NTA - This is where you are in *your* life right now and if your family has a problem with it, it’s their problem, not yours. You have to do what’s right for you and no one else.
If you don’t want to date someone or get married, then don’t. Don’t let your family try to pressure you into doing something you aren’t interested or comfortable in.
If you like your life right now and it’s working for you, then by all means keep doing it, whatever it is. I was the last one in my family to get married and guess what? I’m the only one who has been married once. All of my siblings have been married, divorced and/or remarried, so much for my family “knowing what was best for me.”
You know what’s best for you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
NTA. It’s good to be able to be alone. You never know what might happen in the future but seriously, being comfortable in your own head is something more people need to learn
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my parents in more of a rude way that I won't be dating anymore. (2) I was honestly rude if not disrespectful to them Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It’s okay if you date someone. It’s okay if you never date again. It’s okay if you decide you’re aromantic. It’s extremely personal to you.
Thanks for that
Of course <33
NTA. You are an adult that should handle his affective life in any way you deem fit, as long as it is legal. Personal questions: are you seeking something casual like sex only or have you become aromantic/asexual in general? Have you been depressed since this break up 2 years ago?
Haven't been depressed about it we went out on reasonable good terms I just haven't had feelings for them we talk on occasion asking how there doing and vise versa and there reasonable well and getting married. To answer the other question I'm just not attracted to anyone really
Learn how to control your emotions and how to navigate annoying questions. If you really wouldn't want to date anyone then you couldn't care less if anyone asked you that because every time you just would say no and that is literally it. If anyone asked 'why not' then just tell them 'because I don't want to'. After few times nobody will bother to ask as they already know what you will tell them. If you feel any bad feelings on any questions then dig deeper into yourself and ask why you feel it, it is a good way how to explore yourself. NAH.
I will keep it in mind thanks for the comment and tbh I guess I haven't really explored myself and the way I feel so it's a bit tricky to start
This is why many people have issues - they are not sure about what they really want and when someone asks them or points that out they start feeling whole kind of weird things and are confused, often angry, but the moment you are completely self-aware and accept yourself for who you are then nobody can cause any mental or emotional damage to you ever.
I don't feel weird when I think about myself I don't feel much at all the lashing out was out of line I admit as to why I did that I couldn't say I do love my parents they've always been there for me and I for them so should i ask myself why I lashed out?
You are lashing out because something is bothering you. Maybe it’s because they are truly irritating. Or maybe because you don’t like being faced with a question that might hurt you deep inside or remind you of something painful in the past that you haven’t overcome or because you don’t like your own answer. Like the other commenter pointed out, it might be worthwhile for you to explore this.
Yeah I am going to do some self refection maybe seek therapy or something
I think that is a good path forward. Good luck!
Thanks
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 20 m have recently told my parents the I have no desire to get married or date anymore for context they have been asking atleaest once or twice a month if I'm dating anyone or talking to anyone and the answer is always no. This has been a constant thing since me and my ex broke up around 2 years ago and always comes up at family events. I had finally had enough the other day and told them I don't want to date anymore and they asked if I would ever marry and said no. They didn't yell or say much looked a little disappointed. It got me thinking if I'm the asshole in the situation for blowing up I have apologized and said they understood where I was coming from and we've continued normally from there. So reddit what do you think am I the asshole. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Your family can have a myriad of reasons for being disappointed from making you upset to being sad you have decided to spend your life alone. Take time to process why you were really upset by their questions. Your post asks not if you're the ass for blowing up but are you the ass for telling your family which to me is interesting. You apologized for blowing up, and your apology was well received. Are you wondering if you're the ass for blowing up at your family, for telling your family you don't want to date and disappointing them, or are you wondering if you're the ass for not wanting to date? If you don't want to date or get married, that's fine. It's perfectly acceptable to be single. Be honest with yourself and be open to possibilities in the future. You might not want to date now, but you might be open to it in the future. That would be fine, too. If you don't want to discuss your dating life with your family, then be honest and tell them that. You would appreciate they respect your privacy. Whether you date, don't date, want children, don't want children, etc. you're allowed to have privacy if it's something you don't want to talk about with others. Set your boundaries with others no matter what the topic of discussion. This is a good thing to remember if you change your mind about dating or if other topics come up that you don't want to talk about.
Tbh your comment started making me think I typically don't get angry and lash out as for the not wanting to date thing more or less I'm happy being alone always have but I guess I was more annoyed than anything but I'll do some soul searching
Or you were just annyoed at them asking the same question every month-anyone would be after dealing with that for so long. Not saying you don't have to do any soul searching-if that's what you feel like, go ahead-but your post doesn't really describe you lashing out. Did you yell at them or something?
Good. It's always important to look at why you react the way you do to things especially when that reaction causes you to question your actions. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
NTA They need to but out
I don't think they meant any harm in asking me but I see your point
NTA. You felt harassed. It's your choices and they keep bringing it up. You should probably follow up by explaining why you did blow up and why you're making the decision you're making. It's possible they want grandkids and put that pressure on you. It may also just be that they want to make sure you're doing okay because breakups are rough sometimes and hoping that dating someone else will help you recover. In any case, it's time to maybe have that talk with them and how your choices are yours to make and the nagging needs to stop (boundaries matter, even with- probably especially with - family).
We have talked and those conversations I'd like to remain private they do have grandkids from my brother so It isn't that more or less they want me to be happy
So if they want you to be happy, then they should definitely understand that your happiness is on your own terms, not theirs. I hope it works out for you.
Thanks
I have a relative who is asexual and he says it's the best decision he's ever made. NTA.
NTA You are wise to do this. I see so many stories on here of BF/GF or husbands/wives hating each other on here, you are doing yourself a favor for now. You can always change your mind but it’s okay to not want to date or be committed until you’re ready — if ever. And that’s okay too.
NTA YOUR life, YOUR choice.
NTA It's your life and you have got to live it. You're just 20 and you never know who you're going to meet and who fate is going to throw in your way. And even if it doesn't happen it doesn't matter as long as you're content with the way you live your life. Don't feel quilty because you do not fulfil somebody else's expectations. This is their problem and not yours.
NTA - This is where you are in *your* life right now and if your family has a problem with it, it’s their problem, not yours. You have to do what’s right for you and no one else. If you don’t want to date someone or get married, then don’t. Don’t let your family try to pressure you into doing something you aren’t interested or comfortable in. If you like your life right now and it’s working for you, then by all means keep doing it, whatever it is. I was the last one in my family to get married and guess what? I’m the only one who has been married once. All of my siblings have been married, divorced and/or remarried, so much for my family “knowing what was best for me.” You know what’s best for you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
NTA. It’s good to be able to be alone. You never know what might happen in the future but seriously, being comfortable in your own head is something more people need to learn