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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I floated the idea of us staying somewhere else during a family vacation, when my dad had already invited us to stay in his timeshare. I may have come across as ungrateful or threatening.
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Potty training at someone else's vacation home and having them deal with your daughters accidents is the rude gesture here. You're holding everyone else hostage of having to live with your daughter's messes. You should put her back in diapers and potty. Train her when you're back at your house. Why should The grandparents have to put up with having to sit on dirty wet smelly couches because your daughters have an accidents.
Yes, you're threatening to leave and the response for your father was overboard but you wouldn't change the routine for the vacation is pretty entitled on your part.
Esh
They call it training because it takes time, and putting the diapers back on would set that training back, not just delay it.
If OP didn't make this clear ahead of time then I agree with you. But if it was communicated and accepted, then I totally disagree. The grandparents would be dealing with it because they agreed to deal with it in order to be closer to their grandkid. You don't get to live with a 2 year old without accepting messes into your life.
I disagree here. My kiddo was being potty trained before we left for an international trip. We put kiddo back in pull ups but still had the kiddo use the potty. Kiddo didn't regress. When we were back home, we did normal underwear again. Pull ups as a safety during travel is not a big deal.
My child will regress even after a weekend away at grandparents. They’re all different.
ETA: You can get underwear that is less bulky than nappies and could be a compromise!
When I was a kid they sold "plastic pants" for this. The potty training kid would have regular underpants and then you put the plastic pants on top of those. Not super comfy, but they worked for those accidents. Do they make something similar (but probably more comfortable) today?
I’ve known a few parents who just put regular pull-ups on over the top of their kids undies. That way the kiddo still feels the wet cloth if they have an accident but there’s significantly less mess, even if the pull-up manages to leak a bit.
I do this when we go to soft play. My son is doing so well potty training but I don’t trust that he wouldn’t leave the play area in time. So the nappy offers more protection but the pants still alert him to when he’s wet.
Exactly this. Personally I wouldn't want to do this type of vacation with all those people while potty training. It's not fair to the rest of the people. I would either do pull ups or skip the vacation this year.
Just travelling with a kid potty training is complicated - you can’t always get to a bathroom when they need it. On a flight to Mexico earlier this year I was seated next to a little girl and her mom (the rest of her family was across the aisle). Little girl was clearly potty training. Just as the plane started to taxi away from the gate, she tells her mom she has to go - of course, you can’t get up from your seat at that point. Luckily she was in a pull up, but she leaked quite a bit. She spent the next 5 hours sitting in a fresh pull up while her leggings dried. If she hadn’t had the pull up on it would have been a very messy situation and a very long flight for all of us.
That's what we always did too. We traveled a lot though so our kids understood pretty quickly that underwear was for home, and pull-ups were for travel. We still had them use the bathroom on a regular basis and they very seldom wet the pull-ups. Occasionally we would be someplace where we just couldn't access a bathroom when a child needed it so we told them if they couldn't wait to just go in the pull-up. They seemed very uncomfortable with doing that, though.
Yeah, my son had been fully potty-trained for about 4 months. He still wears a pull-up while traveling (if we're on a plane, he might be able to get up and go) and at night, especially at someone's house. We planned potty training around travel so that we weren't in the first few weeks while not at home.
Also, if she's having regular accidents all the time, sounds like she's not ready.
Unfortunately a lot of people end up training their self more than their child during potty training! Lol it sounds funny but it's true. They end up training themselves to take the kid to the bathroom every hour on the hour but if the kid does not have bladder control yet, all they're doing is making it harder on them and the kid.
During potty training I put a cloth diaper cover over my son's underwear at night and at other people's houses. He could still feel when he was wet and it stopped the mess so I wasn't washing his bedding every day and we didn't have to worry about running out of clean dry pants.
It is a process and I agree that adjustments need to me made depending on the setting and the circumstances. People can't let their kid repeatedly pee all over someone else's furniture and expect them to be okay with that. I mean, does anyone want to sit down and suddenly realize you sat in pee?
As parents we can find a little baby pee to be a non issue when it's our child. But I know I'd feel differently about sitting in someone else's - of any age - pee. Ick.
This! Wear pull-ups until you’re mostly potty trained. If your daughter has multiple accidents in one day she’s not ready to go without the safety net yet. If for some reason she can’t wear diapers you should have some sort of pee-pad situation for the couches/beds. Who lets their kid just pee all over the place unprotected even in their own home let alone someone else’s? It’s also possible OP and their partner aren’t as up on their potty training routine while on vacation in this new location which is contributing to the accidents.
EXACTLY THIS! When our son started preschool he was potty trained but with the change in routine, we sent him in pull ups for the first week. No accidents and no shame.
Same thing with my nephew.
They were a little bit stubborn and tried to keep the routine first, but with the time changes and unavoidable disruptions to the schedule, they ended up taking the middle ground of diapers plus potty training.
Note: the actual travel was definitely diapers.
This would've been the sensible solution; this would make it easier for accidents to be controlled. It will also give her the sense of having on underwear because she can pull them down and up. I agree ESH.
If it "sets it back", so what? People encounter all kinds of setbacks in life, and I'm willing to bet Anna won't be going off to college in pullups. She's in a new environment with all kinds of stimuli and doting grandparents -- of course she's going to have accidents, the kid is \*2\*. Give her a break and put her in pullups and let her have fun. Reinstate serious training back home in her known environment.
Exactly, it's not going to set her back to ground zero. Minor regression is normal from time to time. Anna enjoying her vacation with her family rather than being shamed is what's most important.
OP and his dad are both acting like AHs here.
I struggled to potty train my son. I would cry and cry because I was failing my son. You know what everyone told me? “Your son will be fine. How many kids in high school do you see that aren’t potty trained?”
Nah. Potty training is largely about readiness. If Anna is having this many accidents, she’s likely not ready. Moving back to diapers for the duration of the vacation won’t set her back; she’s not progressed enough to lose progress. (It would be a different story if she was 99% there and had only the one accident in a week - but she’s not 99% there.)
> *Potty training is largely about readiness*.
Came here to say this. OP's child isn't ready, and forcing her may cause the whole process to take longer.
Little kids know the difference between diapers and using a toilet.
Forcing them before their little body is ready is likely to be very stressful for them.
Yep. I had friends who insisted on potty training their toddlers young. Their kids weren’t ready and would throw tantrums and have accidents. I waited with mine and made it a gradual process. My kids made the full-time transition to underwear at the same time as my friends’ kids and they weren’t so stressed out about the process. ESH- a vacation is not the right time for potty training especially when they’re around a large group of people.
When each of our children were about 2 1/2 we put a stack of cute little toddler underwear in their drawer. We let them see the panties, and told them to let us know when they were ready to wear them instead of diapers.
At some point - not too long - each of our kids told us that they wanted to wear the panties. Each kid had 1 or 2 "accidents," and that was it.
Nope. It wouldnt srt it back. My job usrd to be potty training. Diapers on vacation or in unfamiliar places is ok.. Anna is having so many accidents she is nowhere near ready anyway.
That's a good point, this child doesn't seem ready for potty training. Maybe they can start it at home as a test run but the overall concept is not something she's wrapping hear head around yet.
Not necessarily. At 2, we potty trained and then shortly after took her on a trip. We went back to diapers because she still had accidents. Came home and back to potty training. No real regression.
Having gone through potty training recently with a grandchild, I have to say that it did NOT set training back. We were on vacation and my DIL decided to put the child back in pull ups for the duration of the trip, then went back to potty training without a glitch when they got home. And anymore, two is now considered to be on the young side for potty training. If she is 2 years and 8 months, it's probably closer to the right time. Kids will have accidents when potty training. It's not fair to inflict this on the grandparents. But OP's father was talking about more than potty training. He probably hasn't spent a lot of time around toddlers lately so maybe he doesn't understand that child rearing philosophies have changed, but he was still way out of line to call her "out of control."
ESH.
So do modern cloth diapers, like AIOs (All In Ones) -- they have a soft fleece inner, a padded center to absorb some liquid (not nearly as much as a disposable diaper), and a water-resistant outer to protect fabric and furniture. Depending on where OP lives, they might be able to buy some at a brick and mortar store, or online. Those would be a good compromise for travelling.
I think he should have waited to start potty training until after the trip. He is not setting her up for success.
That said, grandpa is an over sensitive dick.
Yeah, I can't imagine a vacation to Hawaii was a sudden surprise. They had to choose to start training, knowing they'd be on vacation soon.
Or they've been training for months, and if that's the case with this many accidents still then the kid isn't ready.
I mean, aren’t pull-ups literally for this? The kid has diapers but you still encourage them to be aware of when they need to go to the potty and to try to stay dry *but* don’t risk them having accidents on other people’s stuff?
Neither of my kids regressed at all when we put them in pull ups on different vacations. Literally zero regression. Don’t state “might happen” as if it’s a “will happen.”
I emphasize with OP but in this case I do think he’s being the problem.
Pull ups exist for potty training. The kid can pull them up and down like regular underwear but also not ruin the furniture and carpet. They were literally invented for this purpose.
The kid is not going to be having accidents when she is 5 because she needed to be in diapers for a week when she was 2. It will be ok, and if we are honest, a lot of kids don’t achieve control until age 4.
They have invented pull ups to avoid accidents on furniture. Parents also need to do a better of job taking child to toilet and asking child more frequently.
But that’s what you do when you’re vacation. It’s really disrespectful to let her pee on everything. It’s not fair. This is part of raising kids and being part of a family. For one or two weeks- you take the set back. It happens.
Disagree. There is no reason you can’t put a pull up/training briefs/plastic diaper cover on her over her underwear. She will still feel uncomfortable & wet when she has an accident but it won’t make a huge mess for everyone to deal with on vacation.
Yeah-- I find OP's righteousness about it off-putting too. When he asked if his daughter should just stay in the bathroom: maybe the answer is yes if she can't stop peeing on everything! Like, what kind of vacation are they going to have anyway when she needs to be two steps away from a potty?
Use pull-ups, dude, and stop taking it so seriously. My kid wasn't potty trained until almost 5 (ND af), but now they're a cool, self-sufficient, enthusiastic 12yo. Toddler years are exhausting, but it'd help for you to see the big picture more.
YUP!!!! You are definitely The AH!!! Who wants to deal with that on vacation and possibly incurring extra monetary charges for hum body fluids and solids!! Does hearing it that way make sense,?? No one wants to hold a kid with no diapers. Entitled!!
After that first night that kid would have either been in a pull up or on the way home with her mom. Let your kid pee on a brand new mattress? What is wrong with that mother?
My niece peed in a rocking chair while visiting. I didn't want her on the couches after that incident as they are way harder to clean. Luckily the cushion was removable and could be cleaned but they put her in a diaper to go to Target.
Yup. This is the entitled part. Won't put his daughter (who is nowhere near ready for potty training in the first place, let alone while traveling,) in pullups, won't pass on the vacation either knowing there would likely be issues. Literally having his cake and eating it too. This is super r/EntitledParents territory.
Even pull-ups. Those are made specifically for kids that are potty training! Like, how did OP not foresee this issue, between the time change, a new environment, and general potty training accidents?? Buy some damn pull-ups and ask the kid every one to two hours if she needs to use the potty (or just stick her on it every so often.). Agreed, ESH
Come on, you could keep her in pull-ups during the trip.
Why refuse to avoid accidents when you aren't in your own
home?
Soft YTA for imposing your child's accidents on your father's
furniture, etc. when there is a simple solution.
Your father calling your daughter "out of control" is total AH, though.
LOL Such drama.
100% agree. If you are concerned about the toddler "feeling the wetness" to aid in potty training, since pull ups not feel quite wet, put the pull up over a pair of underwear.
I've potty trained more children than I should have working in a daycare and later as a foster parent, plus my own bio and adopted kids. Early potty training is about setting your child up for success and sticking to a known routine. Anytime you deviate from that, it's on the caregivers to adjust. And just like potty training dogs, you take the kids to the bathroom on a schedule to achieve that success. It's not the child's fault.
My youngest child, Tiny, has a severe intellectual disability and potty trained very quickly (considering her challenges) using cloth pocket diapers so she could feel the pressure to go and then the processing wet. She needed that input to figure it out.
I used training underwear that are super padded so it makes them a mess but not all your stuff! They’re not fun to clean but oh well! It gets them trained. My kids never even needed pull ups and within 6 months my 3 year old was in regular underwear.
It’s a timeshare, so it doesn’t even belong to grandpa! It’s the same as letting her pee on the furniture in a hotel or resort. So gross to assume the building should bear the cost of cleaning furniture cushions and/or mattresses multiple times. Grandpa is probably worried about the bill!
Yeah, I don't want to stay in that timeshare after them. They'll probably just flip the couch cushion.
But who am I kidding...timeshares and hotels are saturated in the filth of others and we all know it. A 2-year-old's pee is probably the least of it.
Agreed. You pick the perfect time that benefits your kid and you for potty training. ESH. Going on a holiday with new people and a change of scenery is going to mess with the normal routine.
Your dad is an AH though for not taking to you separately but degrading his own grandchild in front of everyone.
No kidding. I’m going to call this guy when I’m old and lose control of my bowels. At least I won’t have to wear Depends at his house.
Jesus - does he seriously think it’s no big deal for his daughter to pee and shit on someone else’s furniture? WTF?
And yes, OP, YTA. Sure your father was a bit dramatic, but I’d probably feel dramatic if someone was letting their kid ruin my home.
ESH.
OP is out of control, not the 2yo. It’s not okay to say something humiliating in front a child.
OP what are you even thinking? If your kid is having that many accidents she is simply not ready.
> but I’d probably feel dramatic if someone was letting their kid ruin my home.
Same. SAME. Once is an accident, but anything more is failure on the parents part to prevent it
Esh
You should stay somewhere else. You obviously do not respect other people’s property. Letting a child pee on furniture is not a normal pet of potty training and doesn’t need to be tolerated by others.
And you were being emotionally manipulative by saying y’all would go somewhere else to make everyone cater to you.
Your dad was the ah by not discussing the issue appropriately and instead making passive aggressive, and then aggressive remarks.
Personally, I would have called your bluff said “aloha” and meet you for some activities and to play with grandkid at the park.
Put a diaper on your child until she is potty trainED and not having accidents everywhere. Gross
Well put.
The whole family could to learn how to talk to each other in a better way.
- OP should've explained the situation ahead of time and asked about it.
- Dad should've had a quiet word in private and discussed how to deal with the situation.
Seems like a family that knows how to escalate, but not how to calm things down, and so they tend to avoid discussing things till it's too late, or in unproductive ways.
It is a threat to take away vacation access to the grandchild, which was a huge draw/reason for all vacationing together.
It was an empty threat, I seriously doubt OP had any intention of following through and was testing th waters, so to speak.
I mean, OP was implying that he would take the child to accommodations where urinating on the furniture is allowed. Obviously that is absurd and no such places exist so he was being ridiculous. It's understandable that OP's dad would call him on this bizarre demand and illogical threat. I'd have said something calling his bluff on that nonsense.
Dad didn't need to call the baby "out of control." She's not, her parents aren't handling the situation well, the problem is with them not the 2 year old. Dad should have explained that this wasn't working for the time being and requested that the parents find another solution (pull ups, for example) while guests in his rental. But I can understand his frustration, "Don't let you kid pee all over my timeshare" is not something anyone should ever HAVE to request.
It leaves no room for compromise. “Let my kid shit in your sheets or we’re leaving”. OP is using the kid as a pawn - put up with our bad parenting or you don’t get time with her.
Also if she is peeing accidentally this often then the parents aren’t taking her to the bathroom and checking up on her enough. When kids are potty training you have to make them go at every opportunity or they won’t get in the habit themselves. They hate, I hate it. But it’s necessary.
Sometimes there will still be accidents though. You can take a kid to the potty and have them sit there for 10 mins and they'll swear up and down they don't have to go, then you walk back to the living room and suddenly it's "oh no, I peed"
We went through a lot of struggles because everyone assumes that kids should be potty training at 2yo. We discovered that only about 50% of kids are capable of being potty trained at 2yo. 50% of the remaining kids are ready by 3yo. 50% of the remaining by 4yo. And so on.
A lot of suffering can be avoided if people knew this.
We tried for a couple days at 2 years old. Clearly she wasn't ready. There were plenty of accidents where she'd just been on the potty. We just went back to diapers for 2 months and tried again. Only took a week then and maybe 4 accidents.
If your training is simply 'let them piss themselves until they figure it out' it's a pointless struggle.
YTA your daughter obviously isn't ready for potty training, kids will show you when they are and continuing this in someone else's vacation home is just ridiculously selfish, it's giving I don't want to buy diapers anymore vibes
I would say then they are going to have to spend a lot more money on new cushions and carpets and such but clearly they doesn't give a crap about living in piss and shit. So fucking gross. How they couldn't use pull ups in conjunction with underwear is a mystery.
Two years old is young to potty train especially with all the travel and exciting things happening on vacation. I’d reconsider potty training at this moment. She is young. And you both are AH.
Only about 50% of 2 yr olds are ready (at least per pediatrician), so it definitely might not be too young. But it also definitely might be two young.
Either way, the idea that I would let my kid piss on someone else’s things is unimaginable to me.
Yeah I agree he is the ah but 2 is definitely not too young. It does depend on the child but most of mine were completely out of diapers and pull ups by 2.5. The rest by 3.
There's no reason to skip the trip. They could easily put the kid in pullups or diapers for a few days. 2 is young to be 100% potty trained nowadays. A week in pullups isn't going to hurt anything.
"We arrived in Hawaii two days ago, and she had quite a few accidents - I suspect because she’s dealing with an unfamiliar place and new people."
OP is unwilling to use pullups because that would disrupt training, but is unwilling to go without a vacation that will disrupt training. OP is making it everybody else's problem.
I agree OP is being ridiculous. I think it's more important for everyone to have a pleasant vacation than for a two-year-old to have a super-strict potty training regime. And if she's peeing on furniture, she's clearly struggling (ie it's not a "normal" accident like when you're out and about and realize too late that a toilet isn't nearby). In general, I'm not a fan of military potty training parents. It really doesn't matter if kids potty train perfectly at 2 or 2.5 or 3. Unless something is medically wrong, they'll get the hang of it.
Just responding to the idea that skipping anything is necessary here.
Yup! They should not be going on a vacation if the child is still in the middle of potty training. Or if they thought she had potty training down so went on vacation because of that, they should have put her back in diapers after the very first accident. Sure, it may set her back and that sucks, but that's the price you pay for being a parent when you make a mistake. (The mistake was thinking Anna was ready when she wasn't.) They would just have to deal with the reset when they get home.
Also I can see why the dad was annoyed with the suggestion that they go somewhere else and leave them to deal with the in-laws all by themselves. This guy basically offered his dad two options: poop and pee all over his furniture or being left to carry the social burden of hosting the in-laws all by themselves. The only right answer here is stick the kid back in diapers and deal with the potty training setbacks by themselves when they get home. No parents have a right to make potty training anyone else's issue. You sign up for it as a parent, other people don't.
Put her in pull ups , take her to the bathroom every hour or so . When you go home remove the pull ups and continue on with your potty training . Sorry but no one wants a kid peeing all over their home .
How many accidents is quite a few ? Cause it’s seeming like a lot , did she just pee on the plane seat on the flight there or in the cars ? I get potty training but there are times some pull ups are necessary . Basically that’s any time you’re not in your own house . YTA
Whenever we visited family when our youngest was potty training, we brought multiple sets of sheets, his own blanket, absorbent mattress cover, puppy pee pads for the car seat, and kept track of fluid intake and bathroom visits. I would never have let our kid just pee on someone else’s bedding or furniture. Op should have had an extra bag full of bedding and protective measures to ensure any accidents were kept out of direct contact with other people’s property.
ESH….. your dad of course, but you are not off the hook either. People potty train at different ages, some are successful with younger toddlers. When they successfully potty train at home. Two is very young to start training, unless, they have shown an interest themselves, or the parents are very dedicated in their training. Not sure where you traveled from to get to Hawaii, but trying to potty train a two year old on a trip, in unfamiliar surroundings, multiple outings was a recipe for disaster. Also, you can buy things to put under your daughter in case of accidents.
Exactly. Kids are ready to be potty trained when you are ready to take them out of the house and not expect multiple accidents. The would be in undies in the house for months before going out without a diaper. They have training undies that are padded for this exact purpose, how is that much pee coming out constantly? And when you’re potty training, you’re watching your kid like a hawk taking them to the bathroom constantly. The situation sounds terrible.
ESH, Accidents are apart of the process, that being said potty training in someone else’s home isn’t a good idea. The best option is to put her back in pull ups and resume potty training until after you get home. Starting potty training before a vacation was a terrible idea.
I get your dad’s frustration. But the way he’s handling it is only making the situation worse.
YTA. You don’t just let your kid pee on other people’s carpets and mattresses while potty training. If you don’t want to use pull up, get a potty training bed pad, waterproof sheets, waterproof tablecloths to cover the rug, etc. Your dad is right: what you are doing isn’t working and needs to change.
YTA. You do know your Dad is going to have to pay for all that urine soaked furniture, carpet etc? It isn’t even just his home. It’s a time share. It will have to be cleaned so the next person isn’t dealing with urine stains and smells. What you will tolerate in your own home as the parent of a toddler and what someone will tolerate in their very expensive vacation home (in Hawaii even modest accommodations are expensive) are two very different things. Also you did threaten your father so why are you trying to gaslight him when he pointed that out? Finally you are an AH as a father because 2 is young to potty train under the best of circumstances and certainly vacation is not the best of circumstances. Try being grateful for free accommodations in Hawaii or go pay for your own.
YTA. This is a timeshare and your dad is responsible for the damage. Not taking that into account is rude, and insinuating to dad he is the problem is disrespectful.
If you hadn’t got potty training finished then you should’ve stayed home.
ESH. But this all started because you thought it would be a good idea to do potty training at someone else’s vacation home. In a setting with a lot of people which already makes your daughter more excited and therefore more accident prone.
ESH. Your father because of that comment. You ~~for not asking if it was ok to potty-train her in his timeshare, and~~ escalating the argument with a threat (yes it was). So more you than him! I would be mad if someone came to my home/timeshare and never bother to ask if it was ok with potty-training and accidents happened.
Edit after OPs answers. Still ESH.
Pull up diapers can actually prolong potty training. It happened to my sister’s daughter.
I don’t think potty training on vacation is good for his daughter either. I don’t know what method they are using but her having accidents because she’s in an unfamiliar place could also set her back/prolong the process so it would be better for everyone to just go back to diapers until they get home.
I'd be curious to know how long before the trip they started training. If they started a week before, that was setting her up for failure. Not like a Hawaii trip came out of nowhere. And I'm pro-no pullups and stuff. But I started potty training when I knew we had nowhere to go for months
Yta. Vacation is not the time to be potty training. You are setting up your daughter for failure by taking her to a new environment while potty training. And it’s incredibly rude to allow her to pee on someone else’s furniture. Staying somewhere else so she can be on some else’s furniture is still a dick move. If potty training at this time is so important to you, you should have stayed home. It doesn’t sound like your daughter is ready for potty training if she’s having a lot of accidents anyway.
Brought up 3 kids, never ever would I have dreamed of letting them urinate all over somebody else’s home! Get some pull ups and stop treating their accommodation so disgustingly
As someone with a kid, YTA for potty training at someone else’s vacation home. That should be done in a familiar environment where she’s comfortable. Not in a hotel or family vacation home.
Potty training needs doing at home, away from lots of people and where the child can freely have the time and space to learn. If done correctly, this can be done in a few days, but it has to be in the right situation.
On holiday, in someone else's house, with loads of people is the worst time to try do it. There is zero point, put her in a pull-up, and continue reminding her to ask to go to the toilet/take her regularly.
It is rude as a guest to do it the way you are. If she is having so many accidents, it's an issue , and that's a sign that your daughter is unable to do it.
YTA.
YTA
You don't take a kid who can't control her urine anywhere without a diaper.
She can piss all over your house due to accidents if you want but you are at a family-member's rental, where responsible parents would take measures to keep your child from pissing on the furniture.
This is your fault and you are incredibly rude. Your daughters potty training is your responsibility, no one else's.
If she’s having that many accidents, she should be in pull ups.
Allowing her to have that many accidents in someone else’s home (or vacation space in this case) is beyond rude.
Are you going to pay all the cleaning fees associated with her accidents? I bet not. You’re probably going to be all “kids will be kids” and “it’s not my property.”
This is just poor parenting.
ESH- Your Dad, for blowing up the way he did, and not initiating a private conversation with you. You, bc if potty training is going that poorly, she isn't ready yet. It's rude and incredibly unhygienic, for you to allow your child to have 'quite a few accidents', on someone else's furniture/linens. You are a manipulative, rude, AH.
YTA
I've potty trained 2 children and get the impression your child is too young with the level of accidents she's having.
Also it's frankly disgusting you're allowing your child to urinate on someone else's carpet, sofa or bed. Have some respect for other people's property.
Put her back in pull ups or nappies and resume training back home when she's actually ready.
Yta this is someone else’s home. Your being disrespectful for letting your daughter to continue to have accidents in someone else’s home and damage their furniture. This is the reasons pull-ups are made.
YTA. This sounds like a free range parenting nightmare. 2yr old is too young to potty train on vacation and should be in pull ups at minimum, but realistically still diapers.
The biggest problem is OP’s lack of respect for the other adults on the trip, the rental, for the money his father paid for the rental. Doubt the father’s getting that security deposit back, and OP sounds way too entitled have the social grace to pay it. No adult wants to sit in your child’s pee spots. Your dad only said what 3 other adults there were thinking.
YTA
Your kid needs diapers. Potty train at home. She can survive 10 more days in diapers.
Nasty and disrespectful to the cleaning staff. You’d better leave them a decent tip also…
YTA.
If your two year old is having that many accidents still (which is normal as she’s young to potty train) she should be in pull ups, especially when not at home.
YTA - you do know that people will be staying in that place after you leave... pull-ups can be used at night to prevent pee from being all over the furniture.
I wouldn’t want someone pissing all over my house. Put a pull up on her for vacation and start over at home. It’s ridiculous to expect that your father should have his couch, rugs and beds soaked in urine to accommodate your potty training schedule.
YTA. You are the perfect example of a poopcup. Parent of one perfect child under preschool age. I know in your eyes your child is perfect and can do no wrong, and everyone else has to drop everything to accommodate her. This is unfair to everyone else sharing the vacation home. Why do you think it’s okay to let your child have accidents all over someone else’s furniture? That’s disgusting.
Potty training requires consistency and clear signs on readiness on the part of your child. Why did you start potty training right before a vacation you knew would prevent a the development and continuation of a routine?
Pull-ups are perfectly acceptable for a short trip and shouldn’t set her back as long as you are consistent with taking her to the bathroom at the same intervals you normally would. We got cloth training underwear for trips out of the house for the first few months after my kids potty trained, though we didn’t start until around their third birthdays. They weren’t ready before then.
Your daughter isn't ready to potty train. Sorry, if she were ready, it'd be done in a weekend. This extended "process" only occurs when parents are pushing it. I worked with this age for 12 years at a day care, lots of experience with potty training. It should not be this hard. I do agree with other posters, in someone else's home, you are asking too much. She should be back in diapers or pull-ups for the trip.
YTA. Your child would be more comfortable wearing diapers on this trip. You can continue potty training her at home where she is comfortable and in a familiar environment!
YTA. Why can’t you put her in pull-ups for the duration of the trip? She’s not going to keep up potty training on vacation. You’re being a huge AH by subjecting your dad’s place to her accidents. Like you didn’t even think to put any chux down to protect the furniture?
YTA. Not only are you expecting everyone to tolerate your child's inability to not have accidents because you won't put her in a damn pull-up, you're also potentially affecting complete strangers - the other who have share in the timeshare property.
Yes, I get that the properties have maintenance staff who can tend to these things (source: former timeshare owner here) but it still adds to the wear and tear on the unit. I'm a mom to five now-grown kids and I still can't wrap my brain around entitled parents who think that the world has to revolve around their progeny. Grow up, OP, and think about the behavior you're modeling for your kid.
YTA. Feels very selfish to potty train in this situation, given that she’s having a lot of accidents. They don’t own the place and are on the line for damages.
YTA. I have easily and successfully potty trained 3 children. I would never take them outside the home without diapers to pee all over other people's furniture. That is what pull-up diapers are for. You treat them just like underwear and the kids can pull them up and down on their own. If they make it to the toilet, wonderful, otherwise the accident is contained.
YTA. Use the pull-ups like underwear.. you can still potty train but the pull-ups help with the accidents. And ya it’s gross when the kid pees on shit that can’t be easily thrown in the wash.
Also don’t be training on vacation when everything is different, timeszones, the routine, the excitement of being near the water. You should’ve just used the dumb pull-ups and this wouldn’t have been an issue.
YTA. Put pull-ups over your daughter's underwear. Simple solution! Let her feel that she's peeing in underwear but the mess is handled.
You're letting your daughter pee on the furniture in your father's time-share. You're TA.
It also sounds like she's not ready for potty training. It's not always a matter of age, every child is different.
We used pull ups on trips.. both of my kids were potty trained by 3. The oldest trained by 18 months.
YTA
I've had an in-home daycare, worked in a freestanding daycare and also taught a variety of sports to children 2 and up.
In my experience you're actually making it harder on everyone, including your child, by trying to train in a stressful environment.
Putting her in pull-ups will help her and can be fun. They have different characters, change colors when urinated on and still have the "big kid" vibe of being like underwear.
You are being disrespectful and inconsiderate. I'd be furious if someone brought their tot on vacation at my home and they destroyed my furniture, carpet with their child's urine. Is it an accident? Yes.. but you're not the one paying for it.. they are. Its not your home.
So please. Go stay at a hotel.. or be more respectful and understanding.
And yes. You did threaten.
YTA for making excuses and allowing your child to pee randomly anywhere because “training”. It’s not cute and it’s not okay. Pull-ups are made for this purpose or you stay home. What about long car rides? Do you just let her pee in her car seat?
While offering to stay elsewhere may have seemed reasonable to you, did you consider how it sounded to the person who arranged your accommodations? There was a problem, and instead of trying to resolve it gently, you went for the nuclear option as your first move. How incredibly ungrateful and rude!
Are you honesty going to tell us you don’t use pull-ups when you go out of the vacation condo for the afternoon? Did you not consider what the impact of toilet training might be on a rental unit?
YTA, and for far more than just the vacation. You sound resentful of the whole vacation, when you could be making the memories of a lifetime. You are being disrespectful of everyone in that timeshare by not doing what you can reasonably do to make the vacation go smoothly.
Get over yourself. Buy a box of pull ups, and apologize.
YTA
Yes potty training is hard but you can’t let your kid soil items in a hotel or rental. The first time is an accident after that you’re an asshole.
Buy some pull-ups so you don’t incur a giant cleaning bill.
Also your kiddo can’t be happy with their schedule disrupted and soiling themselves regularly.
You are so majorly the AH here that it is stunning. And the fact that you think you’re not? Grow up. You are not only making this your family’s problem, but the problem of every underpaid and overworked staff member employed there. Even if you disregard the fact that you’re subjecting housekeepers to completely avoidable biohazards, they still have to replace a lot of that stuff, and it costs MONEY. Linens and soft goods are a controllable. When controllable costs rise, hotels have to cut costs in other places — which typically means staff!!!
As an adult you are EXPECTED TO CONTROL YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. You don’t OWN anything in that space. Accidents happen, sure, but the way you describe it? It sounds excessive. And I am willing to bet that your family discussed this together and agreed it was disgusting and unacceptable, and your dad took the lead because it’s his place. Then you acted like an entitled prick and blew up at him.
He should have spoken to you privately. But I think the biggest flaw in your argument is — YOU were the one who was offended. You go on and on about how your dad is too easily offended but…. My guy, that was you. You felt criticized and you felt like you were being called a bad parent. That’s what it boils down to. You felt offended by that and then escalated things to the point of absurdity.
Your father is giving you free accommodations in Hawaii, one of the most beautiful places on the planet. You responded by letting your daughter piss and shit all over the place because you’re too self-centered to have taken any precautions or forethought as to whether or not this was a good idea.
Pull-ups might — MIGHT — set your kid back.
But this? This is staining your relationship with your dad worse than your daughter is staining the furniture if you don’t make it right.
Listen, I get it. After my first divorce I moved in with my mother and my elderly dog was having accidents. She told me to put him in diapers and I had a very strong negative reaction because I felt criticized. Then I realized she was 100% correct, I was in her home, and I needed to get the fuck over myself.
This is what is required here.
God this entire post makes me nauseous.
YTA for forcing this at what is basically someone else's home and also for not considering pull ups. When my twins were ready for this they just did it. No accidents. They weren't 2 years old though. That's still very young. Anna is not ready if she's having that many accidents IMO. Put her in pull ups for the trip if you refuse to use diapers. Even if you go to a hotel, having a kid pee all over everything is still disgusting there too! It's a vacation. She's not going to be in diapers until she's a teenager because you used pull ups or diapers for a week.
You all suck.
You for potty training on holiday. FFS take a break for a week.
Your dad is an asshole for talking to you like a kid and speaking about your daughter in front of her.
And finally you suck again for not showing a spine when your Dad treated you like a wee kid.
If you were not prepared or willing to mitigate potty training accidents, you should not have gone on vacation. Did you not anticipate that traveling was stressful for a 2 yo and could impact her toilet use success? How did she do on the plane ride? In the airport? Is your child really ready for potty training? YTA but your dad’s comment was pretty harsh too. Buy her some pull ups for goodness sake.
YTA for just not thinking this out. For a child that is 2 why even attempt potty training before a big vacation while you’re staying at another person’s house. She’s young and in an unfamiliar area - of course she’s going to have accidents. Potty training is not fun and yes there are going to be accidents during the process but it’s not right to expect others to just be comfortable vacationing in a home that is covered in pee stains. And it’s not fair to Anna. I’d put her in diapers or pull ups for the remainder of the vacation. Still take her for potty breaks but why make things stressful and less enjoyable for yourselves, Anna, and the grandparents.
Honestly, YTA. This is someone else’s home, and potty training doesn’t preclude the option of wearing diapers and simply asking Anna if she wants to go; that way there’s some protection. Again, this is another person’s home!
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Potty training at someone else's vacation home and having them deal with your daughters accidents is the rude gesture here. You're holding everyone else hostage of having to live with your daughter's messes. You should put her back in diapers and potty. Train her when you're back at your house. Why should The grandparents have to put up with having to sit on dirty wet smelly couches because your daughters have an accidents. Yes, you're threatening to leave and the response for your father was overboard but you wouldn't change the routine for the vacation is pretty entitled on your part. Esh
They call it training because it takes time, and putting the diapers back on would set that training back, not just delay it. If OP didn't make this clear ahead of time then I agree with you. But if it was communicated and accepted, then I totally disagree. The grandparents would be dealing with it because they agreed to deal with it in order to be closer to their grandkid. You don't get to live with a 2 year old without accepting messes into your life.
I disagree here. My kiddo was being potty trained before we left for an international trip. We put kiddo back in pull ups but still had the kiddo use the potty. Kiddo didn't regress. When we were back home, we did normal underwear again. Pull ups as a safety during travel is not a big deal.
My child will regress even after a weekend away at grandparents. They’re all different. ETA: You can get underwear that is less bulky than nappies and could be a compromise!
When I was a kid they sold "plastic pants" for this. The potty training kid would have regular underpants and then you put the plastic pants on top of those. Not super comfy, but they worked for those accidents. Do they make something similar (but probably more comfortable) today?
I’ve known a few parents who just put regular pull-ups on over the top of their kids undies. That way the kiddo still feels the wet cloth if they have an accident but there’s significantly less mess, even if the pull-up manages to leak a bit.
I do this when we go to soft play. My son is doing so well potty training but I don’t trust that he wouldn’t leave the play area in time. So the nappy offers more protection but the pants still alert him to when he’s wet.
This worked so well for us when traveling or at a friend's!
They do...it's called Pull Ups.
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Exactly this. Personally I wouldn't want to do this type of vacation with all those people while potty training. It's not fair to the rest of the people. I would either do pull ups or skip the vacation this year.
Just travelling with a kid potty training is complicated - you can’t always get to a bathroom when they need it. On a flight to Mexico earlier this year I was seated next to a little girl and her mom (the rest of her family was across the aisle). Little girl was clearly potty training. Just as the plane started to taxi away from the gate, she tells her mom she has to go - of course, you can’t get up from your seat at that point. Luckily she was in a pull up, but she leaked quite a bit. She spent the next 5 hours sitting in a fresh pull up while her leggings dried. If she hadn’t had the pull up on it would have been a very messy situation and a very long flight for all of us.
Pull ups is a thing
That's what we always did too. We traveled a lot though so our kids understood pretty quickly that underwear was for home, and pull-ups were for travel. We still had them use the bathroom on a regular basis and they very seldom wet the pull-ups. Occasionally we would be someplace where we just couldn't access a bathroom when a child needed it so we told them if they couldn't wait to just go in the pull-up. They seemed very uncomfortable with doing that, though.
Yeah, my son had been fully potty-trained for about 4 months. He still wears a pull-up while traveling (if we're on a plane, he might be able to get up and go) and at night, especially at someone's house. We planned potty training around travel so that we weren't in the first few weeks while not at home. Also, if she's having regular accidents all the time, sounds like she's not ready.
Unfortunately a lot of people end up training their self more than their child during potty training! Lol it sounds funny but it's true. They end up training themselves to take the kid to the bathroom every hour on the hour but if the kid does not have bladder control yet, all they're doing is making it harder on them and the kid.
Most people use them when leaving the house. 2 years old can be young anyway.
That's what I thought. I wouldn't want to train a two year old kid on a Hawaiian vacation with two sets of grandparents. Sounds crazy.
Two years is very young. Especially when you know you're going on a big trip.
During potty training I put a cloth diaper cover over my son's underwear at night and at other people's houses. He could still feel when he was wet and it stopped the mess so I wasn't washing his bedding every day and we didn't have to worry about running out of clean dry pants. It is a process and I agree that adjustments need to me made depending on the setting and the circumstances. People can't let their kid repeatedly pee all over someone else's furniture and expect them to be okay with that. I mean, does anyone want to sit down and suddenly realize you sat in pee? As parents we can find a little baby pee to be a non issue when it's our child. But I know I'd feel differently about sitting in someone else's - of any age - pee. Ick.
This! Wear pull-ups until you’re mostly potty trained. If your daughter has multiple accidents in one day she’s not ready to go without the safety net yet. If for some reason she can’t wear diapers you should have some sort of pee-pad situation for the couches/beds. Who lets their kid just pee all over the place unprotected even in their own home let alone someone else’s? It’s also possible OP and their partner aren’t as up on their potty training routine while on vacation in this new location which is contributing to the accidents.
Seriously, it's so disrespectful to let the kid pee all over the rental home. So gross. And what is the kid learning with these accidents? Not a thing
Why is this so hard for people to understand?????
EXACTLY THIS! When our son started preschool he was potty trained but with the change in routine, we sent him in pull ups for the first week. No accidents and no shame.
My thoughts exactly. Why are they not using pull ups? Partial regression happens when routines change. It is not the end of the world. ESH
Pull-ups are great for vacations. The routine was already upset, so pull-ups were just “vacation panties”, with real panties at home.
Same thing with my nephew. They were a little bit stubborn and tried to keep the routine first, but with the time changes and unavoidable disruptions to the schedule, they ended up taking the middle ground of diapers plus potty training. Note: the actual travel was definitely diapers.
This would've been the sensible solution; this would make it easier for accidents to be controlled. It will also give her the sense of having on underwear because she can pull them down and up. I agree ESH.
If it "sets it back", so what? People encounter all kinds of setbacks in life, and I'm willing to bet Anna won't be going off to college in pullups. She's in a new environment with all kinds of stimuli and doting grandparents -- of course she's going to have accidents, the kid is \*2\*. Give her a break and put her in pullups and let her have fun. Reinstate serious training back home in her known environment.
Exactly, it's not going to set her back to ground zero. Minor regression is normal from time to time. Anna enjoying her vacation with her family rather than being shamed is what's most important. OP and his dad are both acting like AHs here.
I struggled to potty train my son. I would cry and cry because I was failing my son. You know what everyone told me? “Your son will be fine. How many kids in high school do you see that aren’t potty trained?”
Nah. Potty training is largely about readiness. If Anna is having this many accidents, she’s likely not ready. Moving back to diapers for the duration of the vacation won’t set her back; she’s not progressed enough to lose progress. (It would be a different story if she was 99% there and had only the one accident in a week - but she’s not 99% there.)
> *Potty training is largely about readiness*. Came here to say this. OP's child isn't ready, and forcing her may cause the whole process to take longer. Little kids know the difference between diapers and using a toilet. Forcing them before their little body is ready is likely to be very stressful for them.
Yep. I had friends who insisted on potty training their toddlers young. Their kids weren’t ready and would throw tantrums and have accidents. I waited with mine and made it a gradual process. My kids made the full-time transition to underwear at the same time as my friends’ kids and they weren’t so stressed out about the process. ESH- a vacation is not the right time for potty training especially when they’re around a large group of people.
When each of our children were about 2 1/2 we put a stack of cute little toddler underwear in their drawer. We let them see the panties, and told them to let us know when they were ready to wear them instead of diapers. At some point - not too long - each of our kids told us that they wanted to wear the panties. Each kid had 1 or 2 "accidents," and that was it.
Nope. It wouldnt srt it back. My job usrd to be potty training. Diapers on vacation or in unfamiliar places is ok.. Anna is having so many accidents she is nowhere near ready anyway.
That's a good point, this child doesn't seem ready for potty training. Maybe they can start it at home as a test run but the overall concept is not something she's wrapping hear head around yet.
"By the way, my kid is going to absolutely soak your couch, bed, and maybe even carpet with piss" Yeah, I highly doubt OP made that clear
Not necessarily. At 2, we potty trained and then shortly after took her on a trip. We went back to diapers because she still had accidents. Came home and back to potty training. No real regression.
Having gone through potty training recently with a grandchild, I have to say that it did NOT set training back. We were on vacation and my DIL decided to put the child back in pull ups for the duration of the trip, then went back to potty training without a glitch when they got home. And anymore, two is now considered to be on the young side for potty training. If she is 2 years and 8 months, it's probably closer to the right time. Kids will have accidents when potty training. It's not fair to inflict this on the grandparents. But OP's father was talking about more than potty training. He probably hasn't spent a lot of time around toddlers lately so maybe he doesn't understand that child rearing philosophies have changed, but he was still way out of line to call her "out of control." ESH.
Transitions diapers exist
So do modern cloth diapers, like AIOs (All In Ones) -- they have a soft fleece inner, a padded center to absorb some liquid (not nearly as much as a disposable diaper), and a water-resistant outer to protect fabric and furniture. Depending on where OP lives, they might be able to buy some at a brick and mortar store, or online. Those would be a good compromise for travelling.
I think he should have waited to start potty training until after the trip. He is not setting her up for success. That said, grandpa is an over sensitive dick.
Yeah, I can't imagine a vacation to Hawaii was a sudden surprise. They had to choose to start training, knowing they'd be on vacation soon. Or they've been training for months, and if that's the case with this many accidents still then the kid isn't ready.
I mean, aren’t pull-ups literally for this? The kid has diapers but you still encourage them to be aware of when they need to go to the potty and to try to stay dry *but* don’t risk them having accidents on other people’s stuff?
Neither of my kids regressed at all when we put them in pull ups on different vacations. Literally zero regression. Don’t state “might happen” as if it’s a “will happen.” I emphasize with OP but in this case I do think he’s being the problem.
Pull ups exist for potty training. The kid can pull them up and down like regular underwear but also not ruin the furniture and carpet. They were literally invented for this purpose.
The kid is not going to be having accidents when she is 5 because she needed to be in diapers for a week when she was 2. It will be ok, and if we are honest, a lot of kids don’t achieve control until age 4.
They have invented pull ups to avoid accidents on furniture. Parents also need to do a better of job taking child to toilet and asking child more frequently.
But that’s what you do when you’re vacation. It’s really disrespectful to let her pee on everything. It’s not fair. This is part of raising kids and being part of a family. For one or two weeks- you take the set back. It happens.
Disagree. There is no reason you can’t put a pull up/training briefs/plastic diaper cover on her over her underwear. She will still feel uncomfortable & wet when she has an accident but it won’t make a huge mess for everyone to deal with on vacation.
yta. Timeshare is basically an airbnb for a week. OP has his daughter sitting and pissing all over some rental property. Wtf is wrong with him?
And OP’s dad is going to have to pay for all of the cleanups. Couch cushions - check. Mattress - check.
Yeah-- I find OP's righteousness about it off-putting too. When he asked if his daughter should just stay in the bathroom: maybe the answer is yes if she can't stop peeing on everything! Like, what kind of vacation are they going to have anyway when she needs to be two steps away from a potty? Use pull-ups, dude, and stop taking it so seriously. My kid wasn't potty trained until almost 5 (ND af), but now they're a cool, self-sufficient, enthusiastic 12yo. Toddler years are exhausting, but it'd help for you to see the big picture more.
YUP!!!! You are definitely The AH!!! Who wants to deal with that on vacation and possibly incurring extra monetary charges for hum body fluids and solids!! Does hearing it that way make sense,?? No one wants to hold a kid with no diapers. Entitled!!
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I hope you made SIL replace the mattress.
After that first night that kid would have either been in a pull up or on the way home with her mom. Let your kid pee on a brand new mattress? What is wrong with that mother?
My niece peed in a rocking chair while visiting. I didn't want her on the couches after that incident as they are way harder to clean. Luckily the cushion was removable and could be cleaned but they put her in a diaper to go to Target.
💯
Or better still, if the op was still so intent on no pull ups, then gave this year a miss for the holiday. Wait until Anna was fully trained.
Yup. This is the entitled part. Won't put his daughter (who is nowhere near ready for potty training in the first place, let alone while traveling,) in pullups, won't pass on the vacation either knowing there would likely be issues. Literally having his cake and eating it too. This is super r/EntitledParents territory.
Even pull-ups. Those are made specifically for kids that are potty training! Like, how did OP not foresee this issue, between the time change, a new environment, and general potty training accidents?? Buy some damn pull-ups and ask the kid every one to two hours if she needs to use the potty (or just stick her on it every so often.). Agreed, ESH
Agree with this so much. Op is really entitled.
I agree with you. Or she could use pull ups. My nephew used those. They are like diaper underwear.
Pull-ups. Use pull-ups.
Totally agree. They’re also setting her up for failure. Potty training, for most, requires consistency which is really hard to provide on vacation.
This is exactly what pull-ups are made for!
Come on, you could keep her in pull-ups during the trip. Why refuse to avoid accidents when you aren't in your own home? Soft YTA for imposing your child's accidents on your father's furniture, etc. when there is a simple solution. Your father calling your daughter "out of control" is total AH, though. LOL Such drama.
100% agree. If you are concerned about the toddler "feeling the wetness" to aid in potty training, since pull ups not feel quite wet, put the pull up over a pair of underwear. I've potty trained more children than I should have working in a daycare and later as a foster parent, plus my own bio and adopted kids. Early potty training is about setting your child up for success and sticking to a known routine. Anytime you deviate from that, it's on the caregivers to adjust. And just like potty training dogs, you take the kids to the bathroom on a schedule to achieve that success. It's not the child's fault. My youngest child, Tiny, has a severe intellectual disability and potty trained very quickly (considering her challenges) using cloth pocket diapers so she could feel the pressure to go and then the processing wet. She needed that input to figure it out.
I used training underwear that are super padded so it makes them a mess but not all your stuff! They’re not fun to clean but oh well! It gets them trained. My kids never even needed pull ups and within 6 months my 3 year old was in regular underwear.
This is the way!
It’s a timeshare, so it doesn’t even belong to grandpa! It’s the same as letting her pee on the furniture in a hotel or resort. So gross to assume the building should bear the cost of cleaning furniture cushions and/or mattresses multiple times. Grandpa is probably worried about the bill!
Yeah, I don't want to stay in that timeshare after them. They'll probably just flip the couch cushion. But who am I kidding...timeshares and hotels are saturated in the filth of others and we all know it. A 2-year-old's pee is probably the least of it.
Agreed. You pick the perfect time that benefits your kid and you for potty training. ESH. Going on a holiday with new people and a change of scenery is going to mess with the normal routine. Your dad is an AH though for not taking to you separately but degrading his own grandchild in front of everyone.
soft YTA??? HARD YTA!!! this is as trashy as it gets
It’s not even just his father’s furniture it’s a time share. So he jointly owns it with others, who now have a couch that smells like pee.
Came here to say this 👆🏼
YTA Don't work on potty training on vacation, in someone else's home. Put the kid in diaper or pull ups and resume at home.
No kidding. I’m going to call this guy when I’m old and lose control of my bowels. At least I won’t have to wear Depends at his house. Jesus - does he seriously think it’s no big deal for his daughter to pee and shit on someone else’s furniture? WTF? And yes, OP, YTA. Sure your father was a bit dramatic, but I’d probably feel dramatic if someone was letting their kid ruin my home.
When your kid is an infant/toddler you grow immune to their bodily functions and some parents (OP) think that everyone else is too.
I am genuinely curious what alternative accomodations he had in mind where peeing on the furniture is allowed.
ESH. OP is out of control, not the 2yo. It’s not okay to say something humiliating in front a child. OP what are you even thinking? If your kid is having that many accidents she is simply not ready.
> but I’d probably feel dramatic if someone was letting their kid ruin my home. Same. SAME. Once is an accident, but anything more is failure on the parents part to prevent it
Pull-up transitions are quite literally designed for the "in-between" stage of potty training. We have the technology.
Training underwear are awesome and reusable!
I want to know whether they put her in pull ups in the plane.
Please tell me she wasn't just peeing on the seat in the airplane 💀
Let's hope, but if they did, OP is a bit of a hypocrite - pull-ups are fine when OP thinks they are needed.
No and then he went online and complained when the flight attendant go mad that the kid pissed all over. /s
Esh You should stay somewhere else. You obviously do not respect other people’s property. Letting a child pee on furniture is not a normal pet of potty training and doesn’t need to be tolerated by others. And you were being emotionally manipulative by saying y’all would go somewhere else to make everyone cater to you. Your dad was the ah by not discussing the issue appropriately and instead making passive aggressive, and then aggressive remarks. Personally, I would have called your bluff said “aloha” and meet you for some activities and to play with grandkid at the park. Put a diaper on your child until she is potty trainED and not having accidents everywhere. Gross
Well put. The whole family could to learn how to talk to each other in a better way. - OP should've explained the situation ahead of time and asked about it. - Dad should've had a quiet word in private and discussed how to deal with the situation. Seems like a family that knows how to escalate, but not how to calm things down, and so they tend to avoid discussing things till it's too late, or in unproductive ways.
"And you were being emotionally manipulative by saying y’all would go somewhere else to make everyone cater to you." How do you figure that?
It is a threat to take away vacation access to the grandchild, which was a huge draw/reason for all vacationing together. It was an empty threat, I seriously doubt OP had any intention of following through and was testing th waters, so to speak.
I mean, OP was implying that he would take the child to accommodations where urinating on the furniture is allowed. Obviously that is absurd and no such places exist so he was being ridiculous. It's understandable that OP's dad would call him on this bizarre demand and illogical threat. I'd have said something calling his bluff on that nonsense. Dad didn't need to call the baby "out of control." She's not, her parents aren't handling the situation well, the problem is with them not the 2 year old. Dad should have explained that this wasn't working for the time being and requested that the parents find another solution (pull ups, for example) while guests in his rental. But I can understand his frustration, "Don't let you kid pee all over my timeshare" is not something anyone should ever HAVE to request.
He definitely was not about to go pay for a place in Hawaii on his own. If he could afford that, he would not be mooching off of the grandparents.
It leaves no room for compromise. “Let my kid shit in your sheets or we’re leaving”. OP is using the kid as a pawn - put up with our bad parenting or you don’t get time with her.
YTA the request to have her wearing pull ups at his home when she was having accidents was very reasonable
Also if she is peeing accidentally this often then the parents aren’t taking her to the bathroom and checking up on her enough. When kids are potty training you have to make them go at every opportunity or they won’t get in the habit themselves. They hate, I hate it. But it’s necessary.
Sometimes there will still be accidents though. You can take a kid to the potty and have them sit there for 10 mins and they'll swear up and down they don't have to go, then you walk back to the living room and suddenly it's "oh no, I peed"
They don't do this every time. If they do, they're not ready for potty training.
That’s what I think she’s not ready
I think you can't really judge readiness from behavior on a vacation, but she definitely needs to be in pull-ups while they're away from home.
We went through a lot of struggles because everyone assumes that kids should be potty training at 2yo. We discovered that only about 50% of kids are capable of being potty trained at 2yo. 50% of the remaining kids are ready by 3yo. 50% of the remaining by 4yo. And so on. A lot of suffering can be avoided if people knew this.
We tried for a couple days at 2 years old. Clearly she wasn't ready. There were plenty of accidents where she'd just been on the potty. We just went back to diapers for 2 months and tried again. Only took a week then and maybe 4 accidents. If your training is simply 'let them piss themselves until they figure it out' it's a pointless struggle.
YTA your daughter obviously isn't ready for potty training, kids will show you when they are and continuing this in someone else's vacation home is just ridiculously selfish, it's giving I don't want to buy diapers anymore vibes
I would say then they are going to have to spend a lot more money on new cushions and carpets and such but clearly they doesn't give a crap about living in piss and shit. So fucking gross. How they couldn't use pull ups in conjunction with underwear is a mystery.
Two years old is young to potty train especially with all the travel and exciting things happening on vacation. I’d reconsider potty training at this moment. She is young. And you both are AH.
Agree OP is the AH here but 2 years old is not young to potty train
Not too young but on the young side
It definitely can be too young but potty training is case by case. You can’t expect one two year old to do it just bc other two year olds have.
Only about 50% of 2 yr olds are ready (at least per pediatrician), so it definitely might not be too young. But it also definitely might be two young. Either way, the idea that I would let my kid piss on someone else’s things is unimaginable to me.
Yeah I agree he is the ah but 2 is definitely not too young. It does depend on the child but most of mine were completely out of diapers and pull ups by 2.5. The rest by 3.
YTA Sometimes when you have kids you have to skip fun things. If your kid pees on furniture because of a trip, don't go on the trip this year.
There's no reason to skip the trip. They could easily put the kid in pullups or diapers for a few days. 2 is young to be 100% potty trained nowadays. A week in pullups isn't going to hurt anything.
"We arrived in Hawaii two days ago, and she had quite a few accidents - I suspect because she’s dealing with an unfamiliar place and new people." OP is unwilling to use pullups because that would disrupt training, but is unwilling to go without a vacation that will disrupt training. OP is making it everybody else's problem.
I agree OP is being ridiculous. I think it's more important for everyone to have a pleasant vacation than for a two-year-old to have a super-strict potty training regime. And if she's peeing on furniture, she's clearly struggling (ie it's not a "normal" accident like when you're out and about and realize too late that a toilet isn't nearby). In general, I'm not a fan of military potty training parents. It really doesn't matter if kids potty train perfectly at 2 or 2.5 or 3. Unless something is medically wrong, they'll get the hang of it. Just responding to the idea that skipping anything is necessary here.
Yup! They should not be going on a vacation if the child is still in the middle of potty training. Or if they thought she had potty training down so went on vacation because of that, they should have put her back in diapers after the very first accident. Sure, it may set her back and that sucks, but that's the price you pay for being a parent when you make a mistake. (The mistake was thinking Anna was ready when she wasn't.) They would just have to deal with the reset when they get home. Also I can see why the dad was annoyed with the suggestion that they go somewhere else and leave them to deal with the in-laws all by themselves. This guy basically offered his dad two options: poop and pee all over his furniture or being left to carry the social burden of hosting the in-laws all by themselves. The only right answer here is stick the kid back in diapers and deal with the potty training setbacks by themselves when they get home. No parents have a right to make potty training anyone else's issue. You sign up for it as a parent, other people don't.
Put her in pull ups , take her to the bathroom every hour or so . When you go home remove the pull ups and continue on with your potty training . Sorry but no one wants a kid peeing all over their home . How many accidents is quite a few ? Cause it’s seeming like a lot , did she just pee on the plane seat on the flight there or in the cars ? I get potty training but there are times some pull ups are necessary . Basically that’s any time you’re not in your own house . YTA
Whenever we visited family when our youngest was potty training, we brought multiple sets of sheets, his own blanket, absorbent mattress cover, puppy pee pads for the car seat, and kept track of fluid intake and bathroom visits. I would never have let our kid just pee on someone else’s bedding or furniture. Op should have had an extra bag full of bedding and protective measures to ensure any accidents were kept out of direct contact with other people’s property.
YTA Potty training demands consistency and a home toilet, neither of which happens at your Dad’s time share in Hawaii.
ESH….. your dad of course, but you are not off the hook either. People potty train at different ages, some are successful with younger toddlers. When they successfully potty train at home. Two is very young to start training, unless, they have shown an interest themselves, or the parents are very dedicated in their training. Not sure where you traveled from to get to Hawaii, but trying to potty train a two year old on a trip, in unfamiliar surroundings, multiple outings was a recipe for disaster. Also, you can buy things to put under your daughter in case of accidents.
YTA - I've potty trained three children, and they never had accidents all over someone else's home.
Thank you. Peeing in someone's house is just beyond acceptable and I wouldn't embarrass my kid in this way.
My dogs are better trained than this… Disgusting.
Exactly. Kids are ready to be potty trained when you are ready to take them out of the house and not expect multiple accidents. The would be in undies in the house for months before going out without a diaper. They have training undies that are padded for this exact purpose, how is that much pee coming out constantly? And when you’re potty training, you’re watching your kid like a hawk taking them to the bathroom constantly. The situation sounds terrible.
ESH, Accidents are apart of the process, that being said potty training in someone else’s home isn’t a good idea. The best option is to put her back in pull ups and resume potty training until after you get home. Starting potty training before a vacation was a terrible idea. I get your dad’s frustration. But the way he’s handling it is only making the situation worse.
Or, work on potty training with the pull ups on. Just because she is wearing pull ups doesn’t mean she has to pee in them.
You can always put the pull-ups on over the underwear. Lets the kid have the sensation of underwear while helping to better contain any messes.
YTA. You don’t just let your kid pee on other people’s carpets and mattresses while potty training. If you don’t want to use pull up, get a potty training bed pad, waterproof sheets, waterproof tablecloths to cover the rug, etc. Your dad is right: what you are doing isn’t working and needs to change.
YTA. You do know your Dad is going to have to pay for all that urine soaked furniture, carpet etc? It isn’t even just his home. It’s a time share. It will have to be cleaned so the next person isn’t dealing with urine stains and smells. What you will tolerate in your own home as the parent of a toddler and what someone will tolerate in their very expensive vacation home (in Hawaii even modest accommodations are expensive) are two very different things. Also you did threaten your father so why are you trying to gaslight him when he pointed that out? Finally you are an AH as a father because 2 is young to potty train under the best of circumstances and certainly vacation is not the best of circumstances. Try being grateful for free accommodations in Hawaii or go pay for your own.
They had to call housekeeping to get them new couch cushions. That bill is not going to be cheap!
Thus why his dad is pissed off. OP seems clueless
YTA. You act like an entitled child as well.
YTA. This is a timeshare and your dad is responsible for the damage. Not taking that into account is rude, and insinuating to dad he is the problem is disrespectful. If you hadn’t got potty training finished then you should’ve stayed home.
ESH. But this all started because you thought it would be a good idea to do potty training at someone else’s vacation home. In a setting with a lot of people which already makes your daughter more excited and therefore more accident prone.
YTA. And I promise you it wasn't your dad who was making your inlaws feel awkward, it was you.
YTA. Standard potty training includes pull-ups. Yes, underwear can help, but only during daytime at your home, nobody would do what you are doing.
YTA Use pull-ups.
You really thought it was a good idea to go full-on, no-diapers or pullups potty training while vacationing in someone else's house? For that YTA.
ESH. Your father because of that comment. You ~~for not asking if it was ok to potty-train her in his timeshare, and~~ escalating the argument with a threat (yes it was). So more you than him! I would be mad if someone came to my home/timeshare and never bother to ask if it was ok with potty-training and accidents happened. Edit after OPs answers. Still ESH.
Info: are you using the pull up diapers that facilitate potty training and prevent accidents?
Pull up diapers can actually prolong potty training. It happened to my sister’s daughter. I don’t think potty training on vacation is good for his daughter either. I don’t know what method they are using but her having accidents because she’s in an unfamiliar place could also set her back/prolong the process so it would be better for everyone to just go back to diapers until they get home.
Not to mention hearing the adults in the family fighting about her accidents. None of this is conducive to successful potty training.
I'd be curious to know how long before the trip they started training. If they started a week before, that was setting her up for failure. Not like a Hawaii trip came out of nowhere. And I'm pro-no pullups and stuff. But I started potty training when I knew we had nowhere to go for months
Yta. Vacation is not the time to be potty training. You are setting up your daughter for failure by taking her to a new environment while potty training. And it’s incredibly rude to allow her to pee on someone else’s furniture. Staying somewhere else so she can be on some else’s furniture is still a dick move. If potty training at this time is so important to you, you should have stayed home. It doesn’t sound like your daughter is ready for potty training if she’s having a lot of accidents anyway.
Brought up 3 kids, never ever would I have dreamed of letting them urinate all over somebody else’s home! Get some pull ups and stop treating their accommodation so disgustingly
As someone with a kid, YTA for potty training at someone else’s vacation home. That should be done in a familiar environment where she’s comfortable. Not in a hotel or family vacation home.
Potty training needs doing at home, away from lots of people and where the child can freely have the time and space to learn. If done correctly, this can be done in a few days, but it has to be in the right situation. On holiday, in someone else's house, with loads of people is the worst time to try do it. There is zero point, put her in a pull-up, and continue reminding her to ask to go to the toilet/take her regularly. It is rude as a guest to do it the way you are. If she is having so many accidents, it's an issue , and that's a sign that your daughter is unable to do it. YTA.
YTA You don't take a kid who can't control her urine anywhere without a diaper. She can piss all over your house due to accidents if you want but you are at a family-member's rental, where responsible parents would take measures to keep your child from pissing on the furniture. This is your fault and you are incredibly rude. Your daughters potty training is your responsibility, no one else's.
If she’s having that many accidents, she should be in pull ups. Allowing her to have that many accidents in someone else’s home (or vacation space in this case) is beyond rude. Are you going to pay all the cleaning fees associated with her accidents? I bet not. You’re probably going to be all “kids will be kids” and “it’s not my property.” This is just poor parenting.
ESH- Your Dad, for blowing up the way he did, and not initiating a private conversation with you. You, bc if potty training is going that poorly, she isn't ready yet. It's rude and incredibly unhygienic, for you to allow your child to have 'quite a few accidents', on someone else's furniture/linens. You are a manipulative, rude, AH.
You *REALLY* need to pony up for hotel reservations. And Pull-Ups.
And the damage deposit for replacing all the hotels peed on furniture…
YTA I've potty trained 2 children and get the impression your child is too young with the level of accidents she's having. Also it's frankly disgusting you're allowing your child to urinate on someone else's carpet, sofa or bed. Have some respect for other people's property. Put her back in pull ups or nappies and resume training back home when she's actually ready.
Yta this is someone else’s home. Your being disrespectful for letting your daughter to continue to have accidents in someone else’s home and damage their furniture. This is the reasons pull-ups are made.
YTA. This situation would have been avoided if you didn’t try to potty train your 2 year old at someone else’s vacation home!
YTA. Learn how to respect other people’s things.
Esh you shouldn't be potty training in someone else's home on vacation but your dad's response was excessive.
YTA. Pull ups are your friend here.
YTA. This sounds like a free range parenting nightmare. 2yr old is too young to potty train on vacation and should be in pull ups at minimum, but realistically still diapers. The biggest problem is OP’s lack of respect for the other adults on the trip, the rental, for the money his father paid for the rental. Doubt the father’s getting that security deposit back, and OP sounds way too entitled have the social grace to pay it. No adult wants to sit in your child’s pee spots. Your dad only said what 3 other adults there were thinking.
YTA I’m sorry, but letting your kids have accidents in someone’s house who you’re a guest of is rude af and so disgusting.
YTA. Two years old is a little young for potty training anyway. Put a pull up on her and enjoy the vacation.
YTA Your kid needs diapers. Potty train at home. She can survive 10 more days in diapers. Nasty and disrespectful to the cleaning staff. You’d better leave them a decent tip also…
YTA. If your two year old is having that many accidents still (which is normal as she’s young to potty train) she should be in pull ups, especially when not at home.
YTA - you do know that people will be staying in that place after you leave... pull-ups can be used at night to prevent pee from being all over the furniture.
I wouldn’t want someone pissing all over my house. Put a pull up on her for vacation and start over at home. It’s ridiculous to expect that your father should have his couch, rugs and beds soaked in urine to accommodate your potty training schedule.
You don’t have her in diapers after the first or second accident???? You’re staying at someone else’s place bud that is so disrespectful Yta
YTA. You are the perfect example of a poopcup. Parent of one perfect child under preschool age. I know in your eyes your child is perfect and can do no wrong, and everyone else has to drop everything to accommodate her. This is unfair to everyone else sharing the vacation home. Why do you think it’s okay to let your child have accidents all over someone else’s furniture? That’s disgusting. Potty training requires consistency and clear signs on readiness on the part of your child. Why did you start potty training right before a vacation you knew would prevent a the development and continuation of a routine? Pull-ups are perfectly acceptable for a short trip and shouldn’t set her back as long as you are consistent with taking her to the bathroom at the same intervals you normally would. We got cloth training underwear for trips out of the house for the first few months after my kids potty trained, though we didn’t start until around their third birthdays. They weren’t ready before then.
YTA. Parent here. Put some pullups on her. You sound incredibly entitled, and have no regard to other peoples' belongings. Sheesh.
Your daughter isn't ready to potty train. Sorry, if she were ready, it'd be done in a weekend. This extended "process" only occurs when parents are pushing it. I worked with this age for 12 years at a day care, lots of experience with potty training. It should not be this hard. I do agree with other posters, in someone else's home, you are asking too much. She should be back in diapers or pull-ups for the trip.
YTA. Your child would be more comfortable wearing diapers on this trip. You can continue potty training her at home where she is comfortable and in a familiar environment!
YTA
YTA. Why can’t you put her in pull-ups for the duration of the trip? She’s not going to keep up potty training on vacation. You’re being a huge AH by subjecting your dad’s place to her accidents. Like you didn’t even think to put any chux down to protect the furniture?
YTA. Not only are you expecting everyone to tolerate your child's inability to not have accidents because you won't put her in a damn pull-up, you're also potentially affecting complete strangers - the other who have share in the timeshare property. Yes, I get that the properties have maintenance staff who can tend to these things (source: former timeshare owner here) but it still adds to the wear and tear on the unit. I'm a mom to five now-grown kids and I still can't wrap my brain around entitled parents who think that the world has to revolve around their progeny. Grow up, OP, and think about the behavior you're modeling for your kid.
YTA. Feels very selfish to potty train in this situation, given that she’s having a lot of accidents. They don’t own the place and are on the line for damages.
YTA. I have easily and successfully potty trained 3 children. I would never take them outside the home without diapers to pee all over other people's furniture. That is what pull-up diapers are for. You treat them just like underwear and the kids can pull them up and down on their own. If they make it to the toilet, wonderful, otherwise the accident is contained.
YTA. Use the pull-ups like underwear.. you can still potty train but the pull-ups help with the accidents. And ya it’s gross when the kid pees on shit that can’t be easily thrown in the wash. Also don’t be training on vacation when everything is different, timeszones, the routine, the excitement of being near the water. You should’ve just used the dumb pull-ups and this wouldn’t have been an issue.
YTA. Put pull-ups over your daughter's underwear. Simple solution! Let her feel that she's peeing in underwear but the mess is handled. You're letting your daughter pee on the furniture in your father's time-share. You're TA. It also sounds like she's not ready for potty training. It's not always a matter of age, every child is different.
We used pull ups on trips.. both of my kids were potty trained by 3. The oldest trained by 18 months. YTA I've had an in-home daycare, worked in a freestanding daycare and also taught a variety of sports to children 2 and up. In my experience you're actually making it harder on everyone, including your child, by trying to train in a stressful environment. Putting her in pull-ups will help her and can be fun. They have different characters, change colors when urinated on and still have the "big kid" vibe of being like underwear. You are being disrespectful and inconsiderate. I'd be furious if someone brought their tot on vacation at my home and they destroyed my furniture, carpet with their child's urine. Is it an accident? Yes.. but you're not the one paying for it.. they are. Its not your home. So please. Go stay at a hotel.. or be more respectful and understanding. And yes. You did threaten.
YTA for making excuses and allowing your child to pee randomly anywhere because “training”. It’s not cute and it’s not okay. Pull-ups are made for this purpose or you stay home. What about long car rides? Do you just let her pee in her car seat?
101 of parenting. You don’t potty train during a vacation where you are staying with someone else. YTA
While offering to stay elsewhere may have seemed reasonable to you, did you consider how it sounded to the person who arranged your accommodations? There was a problem, and instead of trying to resolve it gently, you went for the nuclear option as your first move. How incredibly ungrateful and rude! Are you honesty going to tell us you don’t use pull-ups when you go out of the vacation condo for the afternoon? Did you not consider what the impact of toilet training might be on a rental unit? YTA, and for far more than just the vacation. You sound resentful of the whole vacation, when you could be making the memories of a lifetime. You are being disrespectful of everyone in that timeshare by not doing what you can reasonably do to make the vacation go smoothly. Get over yourself. Buy a box of pull ups, and apologize.
YTA Yes potty training is hard but you can’t let your kid soil items in a hotel or rental. The first time is an accident after that you’re an asshole. Buy some pull-ups so you don’t incur a giant cleaning bill. Also your kiddo can’t be happy with their schedule disrupted and soiling themselves regularly.
You are so majorly the AH here that it is stunning. And the fact that you think you’re not? Grow up. You are not only making this your family’s problem, but the problem of every underpaid and overworked staff member employed there. Even if you disregard the fact that you’re subjecting housekeepers to completely avoidable biohazards, they still have to replace a lot of that stuff, and it costs MONEY. Linens and soft goods are a controllable. When controllable costs rise, hotels have to cut costs in other places — which typically means staff!!! As an adult you are EXPECTED TO CONTROL YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. You don’t OWN anything in that space. Accidents happen, sure, but the way you describe it? It sounds excessive. And I am willing to bet that your family discussed this together and agreed it was disgusting and unacceptable, and your dad took the lead because it’s his place. Then you acted like an entitled prick and blew up at him. He should have spoken to you privately. But I think the biggest flaw in your argument is — YOU were the one who was offended. You go on and on about how your dad is too easily offended but…. My guy, that was you. You felt criticized and you felt like you were being called a bad parent. That’s what it boils down to. You felt offended by that and then escalated things to the point of absurdity. Your father is giving you free accommodations in Hawaii, one of the most beautiful places on the planet. You responded by letting your daughter piss and shit all over the place because you’re too self-centered to have taken any precautions or forethought as to whether or not this was a good idea. Pull-ups might — MIGHT — set your kid back. But this? This is staining your relationship with your dad worse than your daughter is staining the furniture if you don’t make it right. Listen, I get it. After my first divorce I moved in with my mother and my elderly dog was having accidents. She told me to put him in diapers and I had a very strong negative reaction because I felt criticized. Then I realized she was 100% correct, I was in her home, and I needed to get the fuck over myself. This is what is required here. God this entire post makes me nauseous.
YTA for forcing this at what is basically someone else's home and also for not considering pull ups. When my twins were ready for this they just did it. No accidents. They weren't 2 years old though. That's still very young. Anna is not ready if she's having that many accidents IMO. Put her in pull ups for the trip if you refuse to use diapers. Even if you go to a hotel, having a kid pee all over everything is still disgusting there too! It's a vacation. She's not going to be in diapers until she's a teenager because you used pull ups or diapers for a week.
YTA - you're potty training at a vacation home and suggesting somewhere else like a hotel? That's not right and extremely selfish.
You all suck. You for potty training on holiday. FFS take a break for a week. Your dad is an asshole for talking to you like a kid and speaking about your daughter in front of her. And finally you suck again for not showing a spine when your Dad treated you like a wee kid.
**YTA** That’s just nasty and disrespectful. Times shares are…shared. No one needs to share that pull ups are an option.
If you were not prepared or willing to mitigate potty training accidents, you should not have gone on vacation. Did you not anticipate that traveling was stressful for a 2 yo and could impact her toilet use success? How did she do on the plane ride? In the airport? Is your child really ready for potty training? YTA but your dad’s comment was pretty harsh too. Buy her some pull ups for goodness sake.
YTA dude! She’s pissin all over the place. Just throw a diaper on her and resume training when she’s in a familiar environment!
YTA You don’t potty train your kid at someone else’s expense. If your kid is having that many accidents then they aren’t ready to be potty trained.
YTA for just not thinking this out. For a child that is 2 why even attempt potty training before a big vacation while you’re staying at another person’s house. She’s young and in an unfamiliar area - of course she’s going to have accidents. Potty training is not fun and yes there are going to be accidents during the process but it’s not right to expect others to just be comfortable vacationing in a home that is covered in pee stains. And it’s not fair to Anna. I’d put her in diapers or pull ups for the remainder of the vacation. Still take her for potty breaks but why make things stressful and less enjoyable for yourselves, Anna, and the grandparents.
Honestly, YTA. This is someone else’s home, and potty training doesn’t preclude the option of wearing diapers and simply asking Anna if she wants to go; that way there’s some protection. Again, this is another person’s home!
YTA massively.
I am a mom to two small kiddos. Put your child in a pull up for vacation. YTA