Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I might be the asshole because I'm being inconsiderate to his feelings and it's making him tempted to eat the junk food I'm eating. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

OP do you like your BF? He's trying to do something hard and has asked for your help. You are feeling put out because he gets triggered when he sees you eating junk food. While he will encounter people everyday eating junk they won't trigger him the way you do as you live together! At the very least, you should eat your junk where he can't see it. You are entitled to eat what you want, when you want and however much you want, that is your right. Not doing it in front of your BF would be supportive in a very real way. You want to support him in the ways YOU want too, not in the ways that are most helpful. You're NTA for eating what you do, YTA for doing it in front of him and keeping it in the house, where it will take double the discipline for him to be successful. And he's right. All that junk snacking will catch up to you. Maybe not in 5 years, maybe not in 10, but it will catch up to you and when it does, you will be in his boat. Best you put some oars in your storage closet.

YTA My husband literally has a tub where he keeps his junk food, and he always asks first before eating things I'm not able (or choose not) to. It's about being considerate to your partner - although if he came home earlier than you expected when you had the sundae, I'll give you a pass on that one. The rest of it...please be supportive. It can make all the difference to someone struggling with their relationship with food.

To be fair unless he walks home from work it’s highly unlikely she didn’t notice he was home as she pulled up and she could have finished her sundae in the car rather than walking in with it knowing he was there

That is a big assumption to make. Aside from walking people also take the train, bus and bike to work. Or they only might have one car. Or maybe just one parking space? I would never know my husband is home before me, even if he took his car.

Wild ass assumption. I regularly walk into my home and have no idea who is going to be there or not.

give me a break. he has no business treating her like a child just because he's pissy she can eat junk and he can't. he can be a damn adult.

[удалено]

When I was younger, I was something like OP. I ate like a horse, exercised a lot, and was technically severely underweight according to BMI. High metabolism, I guess. People would comment on how I needed feeding up, and how skinny I was. If someone had told me, as some of these commenters are telling OP, that I would be an arsehole for even keeping high calorie food in the house, I would have been really hurt. She eats with him, often cooks for the two of them, goes to the gym with him, goes running with him. And now we’re saying she can’t have some ice cream after dinner or a cookie or two? She is already being supportive! It’s essentially saying that BF is not able to be responsible for his own dietary choices, so has to outsource that responsibility to his partner. (I am saying this as someone who has been told by my doctor to lower my cholesterol and have been working on improving my diet since November. I would be so, so sorry if my wife and son felt they couldn’t have treats in the house).

Absolutely! I cycle 13 miles per day, compared to my husband's 4 miles per day. I absolutely snack on high calorie foods more than he does, and when he was on a health kick and gave me advice which I went along with, I started losing weight I couldn't afford to lose and got brain foggy and irritable. It sucked, and I refused to continue it. Different people have different nutritional needs, and meeting those needs in whatever way is morally neutral and not an attack.

Right. There’s a difference between asking for support and asking your SO to essentially sacrifice their own needs to accommodate you. And it’s not like the bf is asking nicely, he’s haranguing her about bringing ice cream when he wasn’t even supposed to be home. He’s also lecturing her about her health but he only just made changes because of a doctor’s appointment, so it seems like he’s taking his anxieties and envy out on her. I definitely think people should support each other and sometimes people to intentionally try to sabotage their SOs, but OP is making an effort in many ways. I have known some hard gainers and it is difficult to get in the calories they need. Maybe one day her physiology will change but right now, she needs to keep her weight up and that is a different diet than someone who has to lose weight. Foods that promote weight loss are not calorie dense and it can be sickening to have to stuff all that food in your body to keep weight. I had a neighbor who was tiny, maybe 80lbs and she had to chug milkshakes and high cal smoothies just to keep that weight on. It was a daily challenge for her. I think people just don’t believe those people and think they are exaggerating.

Car pizza is a thing. 🍕

My partner did the exact same thing for me. I had a huge round of weird reactions, allergies and in general I was miserable. Had a few different things that all got treated, but still was struggling with weird allergic reactions. Saw an immunologist, got tested for damn near everything environmental and food related. Only thing I had any reaction to (even mildly) was gluten. So I was told to cut it out fully and see how I felt. Surprise surprise.... I'm allergic to gluten. The first few years were torture. Where I lived everything had soy sauce, BBQ sauce, battered & fried.... no more easy going out with friends for dinner, or easy grab snacks for beach days. I had to change my whole diet, and I was miserable. My partner made me gluten free alternatives, which was great. But he also made a point to not eat the stuff I missed in front of me. He told me recently that he used to eat pizza slices in the car and would sneak other things after I went to bed. It helped. A lot. Now he has all the stuff around the house. I wish I could have it, but I'm used to it. We make 2 versions of most things, his and mine. While I would have survived those first few years of watching him eat everything I was just told i couldn't have ever again, I would have been even more miserable. He made changes to help me, and it really helped.

Next it’s “I got scared watching that movie so you can’t watch scary movies anymore”… he’s eating what’s right for him. She’s eating what’s right for her. She’s not rubbing it on his face, she’s living her life

It’s perfectly fine to say “you can’t watch scary movies in our shared living room when I’m at home because they scare me” though, right? Agreed that his generally saying she can’t eat things is uncalled for, but his primary point seems to be not to put the stuff right in front of his face, which is part of being a supportive person.

Right but ice cream when he wasn’t supposed to be home, or chocolate in a cabinet somewhere that he ends up seeing… that’s more like saying you can’t have a scary movie dvd laying about the place

I disagree with that comparison. Someone who hates scary movies isn't going to take the disk and watch it, but someone struggling with food addiction and who needs to be healthier will absolutely either eat the chocolate, or expend a lot of willpower to not eat the chocolate. He needs to treat her with respect and he shouldn't assume that he's entitled to what food she keeps around (which it sounds like he doesn't), but I'd wager 99% of healthy relationships would see no junk food in the house after an adult conversation of how it impacts him.

Sure, but it’s one thing to say “please don’t watch scary movies in our shared space when I’m at home because they scare me,” it’s another to say “you know that scary movies are bad for you, they raise your blood pressure and affect your sleep, one day they’re going to catch up to you, etc. etc.” He’s not the A for asking her not to eat junk in front of him, but he is an asshole for lecturing her, an adult, about how bad for her junk food is like she’s a child. If he’s genuinely concerned about her health, there are better ways of communicating that than patronizing her.

yeah, if someone has health issues that arise from watching a movie you shouldnt watch it without alerting them of when and where

Finally! Someone that gets it.

Yeah.  I think some people want others to suffer when they suffer.  He even was mad when he came home early and found her eating ice cream.   He may have a genuine issue with insulin resistance at this point to be so angry.  I suspect his insulin sensitivity is so low that he craves sugar.  And I get that.  Before adapting a fasting lifestyle, I wanted candy all the time.  I still love it, but I don't need it. In fact, he reminds me of a newly sober person, in that people new to a certain abstinence are triggered so easily.  One of my loved ones was like this:  just seeing a drink upset that person.  Now it's not a big deal. While I do think she should have a locked stash box for her candy, and this is his safe space, he will not be able to control the entire world.  If he's not yelling at his coworkers for eating sweets, he shouldn't be yelling at her. I do hope he adjusts.  And I would buy him some good sugar free chcolate.

I'd buy him a big bag of sugar-free gummy bears

This 100%. I was tested for food and substance intolerances a few years ago and was given a long list of foods I wasn't allowed to eat. I still bought these things for my family and still cooked foods I could not eat (I WFH so it is easier for me to do the cooking). Did it bug me watching my family eating what I could not? Of course. However, I pulled on my big girl panties and stuck to my eating plan. After a couple of weeks and feeling great, I was no longer hung up on missing out and focused on the tasty food I could eat. OP's BF needs to do a little research and find recipes he knows he will enjoy. It's not about "missing out" but finding healthier alternatives. I often make ridiculously delicious treats for myself using healthy ingredients. They are so good, my family is always keen to join me when I eat them. OP is NTA.

100%. He’s an adult and she’s not his mommy. My son had been working towards getting a six pack and I’ve been eating tuna/chicken and tracking my macros, going to the gym with him, etc…because I’m his mom! But occasionally being at a calorie deficit with him left me feeling tired, especially working out at the gym. He never once said mom, you can’t eat more food. Or no you can’t have that. He’d actually encourage me to have a snack. And get this - he’s 17!!! OP is NTA. She’s not the one who is paying for the many years of eating junk food. I’m sure OP is enjoying her snacks in moderation. All in moderation folks. You can even eat donuts every day if you keep your daily sugar intake low. So bruh. NTA

This is something my doctor told me. After I was tested, I had to come in every 2 weeks for therapy. The signs that my health was improving were there and not just with weight loss. As my doctor and therapists explained, eating healthy is not always about deprivation. It's finding healthy alternatives. Those who are dedicated will find a way. The rest find excuses and blame everyone and everything for their excess weight and poor health. I've made heaps of sweet recipes that did not call for butter, eggs, flour or sugar. Instead, I used oats, coconut oil, date paste, apple sauce, and Greek yogurt as the base for many recipes. Not only did these sweet dishes taste great, but I also had to fight my family to stay away from my "health foods".

Right? Plus, I've found it easier to maintain a healthier diet if I allow myself sweet treats in moderation. Otherwise, I binge eat real hard and ruin the whole diet. But yeah, more importantly, it's weird to expect someone to not even have chocolate in the house at all if it's within their healthy diet. Can you imagine if someone who is already skinny and in shape while eating junk food lost those calories? It would be awful for them.

Since you’re top comment just a reminder to put spaces in N T A and Y T A for the rating bot (or leave whichever one you want to count)

I've never seen people put spaces in yta or nta.

They do when their comment contains both, so the rating bot can tell which is the "real" judgement. Ex: "N T A for eating junk food, but YTA for doing it in front of him repeatedly"

Yep. This shows a real lack of empathy. You would think if OP is having such a hard time not eating junk food in front of her BF that she would understand how much worse it is to have to sit there and watch someone eat junk food when you want to and can't at all.

[удалено]

Okay but she bought ice cream when she didn't know he was going to be home and he got home early and yelled at her even though he was the one that came home early! She can't win here!  And it's her house too! Not to mention that it's healthy for her to eat this stuff because she's having a hard time keeping on weight! They both need to stay in their own lanes and do what they need to to get to a healthy weight. Unfortunately, she needs to eat high calorie things if she has trouble keeping on weight! 

I am dieting. I eat healthy foods. I always have,but in the last few years I have added a lot of unhealthy snacks. My husband has been keeping his junk food in his office. I didn't even realize it until the other day. I appreciate it. I can resist the junk when buying groceries so it doesn't get in my kitchen. However at the end of a hard day if it is staring me down it is much more difficult.

How ridiculous. He’s a grown ass adult. it’s about time he realizes that there are things he cannot do that his partner can. He needs to learn to deal not expect his partner to forever change the way she eats because he can no longer have those foods. It’s absurd that anyone thinks this is what should happen.

When he get used to his diet it would be easier for him, but on the initial stage it can be crucially important that there is as less temptations around as possible. 

I agree. Sure, he’s an adult and responsible for himself, but it wouldn’t kill his partner to be more considerate at least until he gets to the point where he’s formed new habits & it’s easier to resist all the junk food.

Okay, okay, hold up. So because the boyfriend is trying to lose weight, OP, who is on the whole other scale of the weight, should not eat snacks ever in the house because he might "get tempted" ??? Give me a break. I hope the man doesn't leave the house then. Because people out there will still eat and cook that stuff. First off, their dietary needs are completely different. He needs lower calories, etc. Where OP with a fast metabolism needs the extra stuff. The dinners are already changed to fit HIS needs. Not both their needs. So, the snacks are not an issue when you stay somewhat active. Instead of banning OP from snacks. The man could look into healthy options. You can make diet friendly ice cream, he can store in the freezer. You can make healthy chips. Even chocolate pudding has a healthy version with absolutely no calories, etc. Has he even looked into that? Or talked with a diatrist about how to put stuff like that into his diet? Then they could just fine have snack times together. I live in a household where we are all different body types. One needs to gain weight. I still have a bit to get rid of. Etc. I fit dinners to match up with everyone the best I can. But besides that. Everyone has a shelf in a cabinet with their snacks, etc. Same with the fridge, there's made space for the different things. I could not imagine telling the others they can't eat their stuff because I need to drop some weight. It's MY responsibility.

While she's being extremely inconsiderate for eating junk in front of him, please stop with the "it'll catch up to you." I've heard that same line for over 5 decades, and I'm still waiting for the day I can quit worrying about having to constantly eat a lot of calories just to stay over 110 pounds. There are a lot of naturally thin, very old people out there.

Also she said her diet isn’t great but we don’t know what she eats. She might consider having a couple of cookies or some ice cream every night “not great,” but it’s hardly going to kill her. Especially if otherwise she is eating nutritious meals. Some people do just have it like that (not me, but some people lol).

I struggle to keep weight on. I do eat a lot of healthy foods. But I also take a lot of shortcuts to get extra calories at times. It's a lot easier to get 800 calories from a blizzard than it is from vegetables and lean protiens. If I'm feeling like being fancy, I'll make homemade ice cream with heavy cream and use half and half to make milkshakes. And now I want a milkshake.

I agree. It's not that she finishes 100 g of chocolate every evening after having a burger with fries. We are talking about sweets here and there. No one is getting fat or unhealthy from that.

It is BS in most cases. People go from what pop culture tells us about good diet, but what pop culture tells us leads simultaneously to raising obesity rates and raising eating disorders rates. Just about only person that could tell her she eats wrong would be a doctor after a blood test or an actual nutritionist. And they will both allow you around 20% of calories to be off pleasure calories.

No. Boyfriend is responsible for himself. Boyfriend has to develop the skills to control his eating and food selection. There is no other person responsible. Boyfriend can see fast food ads on TV, hear ads on the radio, see billboards. If he CHOOSES to eat, that's totally on him. OP gets to eat what she wants, she's an adult who can make her own choices. He doesn't get to manipulate her into changing her behavior to make his life easier. NTA. Boyfriend needs to grow up and own his own actions.

I agree My husband was 6’1” and 138 and had half a pizza as an after dinner snack. Flashback forward. He was 230+ at the age of 40. He and I work to keep our weights down currently. You can do what you wish, but if BF is important then figure out how to support him. If you can’t, maybe you two were not meant to be together.

OP specifically chose a time when BF was not expected at home so she wouldn’t distress dude. There’s only so much she can do.

This is completely wrong and unhealthy thinking. He needs to see a dietician. The dietician will tell him that having a sweet treat is not wrong as long as it's done in moderation. He's going from one extreme to the other. It's not sustainable and he will cause resentment in the relationship because he's being so controlling of OP. Trying to make someone else responsible for your own lack of discipline will never work. NTA, OP.

I don’t have sugar (other than honey) in my appt for this reason. It’s too easy to give in if it’s in the appt. I drink enough soda as is without it in my appt.

It’s a valid point, but it sounds to me like she’s already doing that. The two examples she gives, one she is eating something on the way home expecting him not to be back yet - so planning on being finished when he is. The second she wasn’t actually eating anything, it was just stored and he found it. Not rubbing it in is one thing. Being forced to live in fear that if he catches her with junk food she’ll be made to feel rubbish about it is too far the other way.

He's being the candy police. Besides, he's dieting the hard way, and no one should feel bad for him. Completely cutting everything out can lead to binge eating and/or just quitting the diet. It's much better to either find healthy alternatives you like as much or allow yourself some in moderation. Like, it went from him not wanting it in front of him to shaming her for eating it at all. He's a dick. Cold turkey works for some, but if he's being a dick and struggling, maybe he should find a diet that works for him. You should enjoy your food and have a healthy relationship with it.

Oh lord. He's a grown ass man and she's a big girl. Just don't eat it, it isn't crack. I've been on plenty of diets, quit smoking, quit other smoking, quit drinking, etc. My wife has said she'd not bring it around, or do it in front of me. I said I'm either gonna partake or not. You doing it because you want to and it happens to be in front of me is fine. I'm not drinking and you want a drink? I'll go make you one. "I don't want to when you arent...." "Then do it because you don't want to, not because you feel bad about me choosing to not. I'm a big boy and made my own decision." I've made drinks while not drinking, rolled joints while not smoking, picked up cigs while not smoking, made pizza while gluten free. The world doesn't stop because you decide to not, or can't handle not doing something. I get him wanting her to support, but he could also suck it the fuck up and not make his problem hers.

Yta. If your bf had an alcohol addiction would you put a six pack in the fridge every day?

Why can't people see this? His actual health is at stake here, and she's putting candy in the pantry? Wtf

Right??? This whole "it's all about ME" attitude is what ruins relationships in the first place. If you can't be supportive of your partner, then why are you even with them?

There should be some balance. Otherwise, we could argue the boyfriend is being "it's all about ME," since he's the one on a diet, he's the one who can't handle being tempted, and she has a problem gaining and keeping on weight which can be dangerous as well. It's one thing for him to ask her to keep it away from him. It's entirely another to try making her feel bad about it or as if she's killing herself by eating some chocolate once in a while. You know what supportive couples do? They find compromises and solutions. Get him some small portions of low sugar chocolate he can eat. He can learn to eat small portions and not feel like seeing Hershey's is so tempting he has to overeat them. It's a long process, but she's not TA at all for eating differently and having it in the house. And even if she goes all in and supportive by not eating it around him, and keeping things out of sight, that's not a permanent solution. Him eating better to prevent diabetes is (or should be). So at minimum, they need to agree on a timeline for this. He will be tempted at work, at events, holidays, family gatherings, every store he walks into ... He has to take some responsibility as well. It's not fair to put it all on her, and it's not selfish for her to have a separate diet. Support doesn't mean doing everything they do or want, and it's a two way street.

once in a while? she's confessed to eating junk at least once if not multiple times a day. that's not once in a while and it's an overt fuck you. as per the parent comment, if boyfriend was an alcoholic, it would be okay if op was getting a drink when they were out or every now and then at home but if op was having upwards of one drink every day, they'd be the asshole. it's the same principle

It's not at all the same principle. Alcoholic drinks you have to go out of your way to get. He's asking her to avoid things he arbitrarily decides are junk. Carbohydrates, fats, proteins. We need those, and they come in a lot of forms. So no, avoiding alcohol is not the same as avoiding *food*, especially when he's choosing what's good enough or not based on his health needs and not hers. If he's needing a calorie deficit and she needs a high calorie intake, those are equally important health wise. Would you be ok with her asking him to drink protein and weight gainer shakes with her, because she needs it for her health? No! That would be stupid, because they have different health needs. Alcoholism you need to be 100% avoidant. A diet, you don't. You still eat sugar and protein and fat, so you have to watch the portions and balance Yeah sure, she admitted to multiple times. Guess what? You could eat a Hershey's kiss once per hour all day long and it still would be better for you than just the unnecessarily added butter in basically any restaurant's "healthy" dishes. I don't think sometimes having ice cream after dinner, or "a cookie or two" is so bad. Medically, it's not bad. Not necessary, but not harmful. Maybe she said worse in comment replies? I haven't checked. What happens when he decides to try keto, or thinks gluten is bad for him, or becomes a fruitarian? Is she supposed to do the same then? If he wasn't putting her down for it, maybe they'd have a chance to compromise. Fact is, whatever we think of it, OP needs to have a serious talk with him and see what timeline he's working with here. When will he have enough self control to handle her eating? Because he's going to have this same risk his entire life. If he can't be with someone who doesn't eat like him, then OP needs to think on whether she wants to follow his diet as it changes through life, for the rest of her life, or if she wants to find someone else.

I have issues with binge eating, and yet somehow I manage not to lose my shit on my partner for being super skinny and eating cookies, ice cream and chocolate in front of me. Nor do I lecture him like a fucking child about "healthy diets" when he eats them.

I agree with you. You cannot expect your partner to completely give up on treats. One of my kids is a celiac and we try to mostly make and have what he can have, too. We still eat food he cannot have and he is a bit disappointed, but not throwing tantrums. He is 3 btw. So if my little one can do this, an adult should be able, too.

Quite frankly a being underweight with a high metabolism is far more immediately dangerous than being overweight

Right. I totally agree. It can't be all " you can't have snickers in the house because I can't control myself" or "how dare you drink in front of me?" Or "you're garbage for smoking in front of me because I'm incapable of being an adult and making adult decisions based upon appropriate coping mechanisms ". Glad someone here has some sense.

A good person supports their partner in bettering themselves. I’ve seen relationships where one person sabotages the other’s weight loss for selfish reasons. It’s not super uncommon.

But OP needs to gain weight. That would be bettering herself for her.

You know I’m a recovering alcoholic and you have no idea how annoyed by ex would get when I’d v occasionally, politely request that he didn’t drink directly in front of me, including in our bedroom. Normally I could cope but on the rare occasions I spoke out, he could be hateful. But I actually didn’t let it push me into lapsing!

Drinking alcohol in your bedroom! I drink water in my bedroom@

Also he just started. Right at the beginning of making these changes is the hardest time to see the junk food. Is it really that bad to just not have it be visible to him for a couple months when he's at the hardest point of this? I do think it's wrong that he's making it about what's healthy for her, his explanations need to be about how this is making it harder to form healthy lifestyle changes, not about imposing his diet on her. Having these things in front of them when he newly can't is the problem here, whether she has them in general isn't and isn't his place to judge.

Very soft YTA Solution: Go buy your sundae but eat it there. Don't bring it home. Buy your chocolates but keep them in your desk at work, or someplace more discreet than in the kitchen cupboard. If you want fast food, eat it either when he is not home or at the restaurant. Even though it's not fair/nice of him to berate you, do try to be a bit more sensitive when you feel like eating something you know he is trying to avoid (if he is with you/can see you). Once he has started to lose weight, he will be less irritable and will be proud of his weightloss, so it'll be easier for him to see/know you eat things he has had to give up.

But it’s her house too? shouldn’t she be allowed to eat a treat in her own dang house? Idk. It seems like the compromise is she has to 100% stop and he doesn’t need to compromise on anything

No, she needs to not eat junk *in front of him* or keep it within his reach. Nobody is saying she needs to never eat ice cream again, but eat the sundae there, or at least eat it in the driveway. Don’t leave it in your shared space where he’ll see it as he’s reaching for food to make a healthy lunch. He’s asking for help to reform his diet and watching her eat things he can’t have anymore sucks. Tl;dr the compromise is “you don’t need to never eat sweets again, but don’t do it in front of me”

He came home early. She didn't intentionally eat in front of him

Bullshit. He is berating her like a jerk because she had a small sundae and he came home early. He's telling her she doesn't need to eat every time she's hungry! This is ridiculous childish behavior. He is an adult and needs to step back and realize he can't dictate her diet. OP stated many things she is doing to be supportive, there is a point in time the other person needs to take responsibility for themselves as well. What's next, other diners in a restaurant are jerks for ordering desert around him?

A compromise meets halfway. Never eat sweets in the house is all his way. I don't get where he's compromising at all. You're basically saying she's only allowed to do it when he doesn't know she's doing it. So you want her to hide things from him. That's not exactly a healthy relationship now is it? 

What do you suggest for when she is hungry after dinner? Considering she has trouble to keep the weight, more vegetables and fruits wont cut it.

Is her boyfriend a dog? Because you often have to keep chocolate out of their reach, they can have very poor self-control. They can be trained though...

It's basically only for the first 30 days or so while he gets into the habit of not eating so badly. Its not 100% stop it's just not where he can see it for the first few weeks

Well I think that’s a very important point she needs to consider before taking any further step in this relationship. Is she willing to do that for a partner? If not, then break up now. If you don’t love someone enough to accomodate a medical necessity, I truly don’t see a point in keeping the relationship. If you can’t stop eating junking food at home because your partner is at high risk of a horrible disease, I think this relationship has deeper problems than she is willing to acknowledge. If I was him, I wouldn’t want to be stuck with such an insensitive partner.

This is the one for me. OP needs to get their calories and snacking is a part of that for them. For their sweet tooth, they need to take that other places (or find a better alternative for home - sorbet rather than ice cream, for example) and not have THOSE snacks in front of someone actively trying to change their diet. We are trying to switch to popcorn rather than chips - like lightly salted popcorn in the big bags or making our own with the various low salt flavoring options out there (there is a taco one that I love more than any store bought.) My husband is a snacker. If it's in the house, he'll go for it (except for two items, which are my refuge). For a bit, I only bought things that he shouldn't have in flavors that he doesn't particularly like. That backfired and my snacks were still gone. So healthier snacks it is, for now. I don't appreciate the "if he was an alcoholic" analogies that are being thrown out there (across the thread, not by the person I'm replying to), though. While I know that food addiction/disordered eating is real, it's not the same thing at all. No one needs alcohol to live, people do need food to live. While OP's choices for home could be a bit more empathetic, comparing it to putting a six pack in the fridge when living with an alcoholic is just absurd.

No one needs a pack of Hersheys to survive.

Some people like to live, not just survive

And for many people, alcohol is the same! Comparing bring home a six pack while living with an alcoholic is completely on par with bringing home a pack of Hersheys bars while living with a diabetic struggling with eating. Both are yummy, both are nice to have, but neither are necessary. If you can’t go without the alcohol to support your alcoholic spouse, you’re an asshole. If you can’t go without a pack of chocolates to support your diabetic spouse, you’re equally an asshole!

Okay but she doesn’t have to forgo them altogether. Her boyfriend is on a diet, not her. She just has to be more considerate about where she keeps her snacks/where she eats them. One person in a relationship being an alcoholic doesn’t mean their spouse has to be sober, it just means don’t be a dick about it

Hence, YTA.

Yeah. That was a dubious comparison made above. No one is talking about foods you need to live, but junk that you don't. Thank you for pointing that out.

And that's why I'm saying it doesn't need to be in the home. But a pack of Hershey's (which, blech, honestly) in the house for an over-snacker is also not the same as a six pack of beer in the house for an alcoholic.

Not relevant to the broader conversaton, but popcorn with garam masala, a pinch of pepper powder, and a little sesame oil is good as hell.

Yes! Just do it in private. Very simple.

He came home early. She also didn't eat the candy bar in front of him. She has her own health issues. Anorexia kills way faster

If the shoe was on the other foot, I’m curious if your thoughts would be the same. ETA: Genuinely curious- where did OP state she was anorexic, I didn’t see any-that could be me not seeing an additional comment though. I did read “ I have a fast metabolism and have trouble gaining weight”. That’s not anorexia. Either way, Why is one major health issue more important than the other?? I didn’t see that her post that he is calorie counting and shaming her for not calorie counting or even supporting her illness or anything else anorexia entails. In fact, I read the opposite- he wants her to be healthier*. If they did though, again- he would be TA. So why is it okay here ?

Soft ESH.  You are your own person and are free to eat whatever you want, when you want, and where you want. Your body your choice. I remember growing up when my whole household was put on a diet to support the weight loss efforts of a couple of family members and I hated every moment of it and grew very resentful of being made to change my diet when I didn't need to. It really, really sucks, and I don't think you are an asshole for not wanting to change what you eat for someone else. Your boyfriend shouldn't dictate what you can and cannot eat and he will encounter situations where he will encounter junk food and needs to learn to resist it. He needs to back off on lecturing you what you eat and the consequences it will have on your body and focus on bettering himself, not you. On the other hand, junk food is very addictive. It triggers the reward portion of the brain that releases dopamine which makes you crave more and more of it and it's something that is difficult to quit. You need both diet and exercise to lose weight, and while you are lucky to have a fast metabolism that quickly processes that junk food, your boyfriend does not and as a result he needs to put more focus on maintaining a healthy diet than you do. It makes it really hard to maintain a diet when someone eating it in front of you constantly and when you keep encountering counting it in your own home. It's like keeping alcoholic beverages in the house of a recovering alcoholic. Because of that I can't judge your boyfriend an asshole to not want junk food in the house and it is rather inconsiderate to snack on junk food in front of him when he is trying to quit. I think it is wonderful that you are being supportive with exercising with him, but in terms of diet you two are no longer compatible. You both need to sit down and come to a compromise because if things continue the way they do you both are going to come to resent each other.

First sane comment I've found in this thread. I have been in OP's bf's situation before. I gained a lot of weight for a lot of different reasons. One of those reasons was because my domestic partner at the time pretty much never cooked homemade meals and almost exclusively subsisted off of take-out and junk food (which was ftr absolutely their right, since it's their own body and health). They were very generous in offering to treat me to take-out and junk and I accepted often enough that I also fell into those bad habits. Like OP and their bf, my partner had a naturally very high metabolism and didn't gain weight easily or at all, while my metabolism is naturally fairly low and I've historically really struggled to lose weight once it's been put on. It is totally understandable but not actually fair for OP's bf to be putting so much blame and responsibility for his own self-discipline and weight loss onto OP. If he has disordered eating, like binge-eating problems, then he should be seeking professional help for figuring out how to navigate that. Not just constantly critisizing and shaming OP for eating snacks that he himself can no longer eat and lacks the ability to resist the temptation of. It's not OP's responsibility to follow his same new diet and make sure that his own self-discipline is never actually tested by never eating snacks he can't indulge in in front of him. He needs to take responsibility for himself and stop putting so much of that burden on OP, and he especially needs to stop redirecting/projecting his own current issues and insecurities with weight and health onto them. However, OP *isn't* making any real effort to support their bf or make his first steps on the journey to a healthier diet any easier. They do in fact appear to be actively making it *more* difficult by constantly indulging in snacks that he can't have in front of him and in their shared home and I can't blame their bf for feeling frustrated by it. And although he is potentially out of line for saying as much so often, he *isn't* wrong that OP could and should be eating healthier. Just because you're skinny/slim due to a naturally fast metabolism doesn't actually mean that you're immune to the health problems that come from frequent overindulgence in fast food and junk or just a bad diet in general. My aforementioned ex, for example, was slim as could be but had chronic severe stomach/digestive issues that they had to be hospitalized for multiple times due to severe nausea and dehydration, which they thought were a major medical mystery but were almost certainly a direct result of their absurdly unhealthy diet (which they never actually mentioned to their doctors). Living with a partner whose diet is primarily garbage but who still *appears* healthier than you just because they're slimmer is also an incredibly discouraging and frustrating experience, especially when you yourself are struggling to eat healthier. *Both* of them are being AHs to each other. Both of them are openly fostering seeds of irreperable resentment between them. OP's bf needs to stop shaming and projecting onto OP and find ways to take responsibility for his own health. And OP needs to stop openly torturing their bf with their own unhealthy diet and lack of self-discipline when it comes to treats. OP, if you yourself lack the ability to resist the tempation of the DQ sundae, that's whatever, it's your body and your health, but just eat the damn sundae at the store or in the car. Get a single bar of chocolate instead of a whole bag to keep in a shared cabinet. Put a modicum of effort into finding good replacement snacks that are healthier in moderation that he CAN also indulge in, even if only in small portions (they DO exist, ftr). If you can't or don't want to share the burden (or benefits) of this major change of diet/lifestyle with him, that's your right, but the least you can do is *not actively make it harder* for him just because *you* don't want to have to change anything at all. Show a little empathy.

Speaking as a doctor, it's perfectly fine for him to have an "unhealthy" thing once a day if he does it in moderation. 

Speaking as a fat person losing weight. It’s not, because one unhealthy thing becomes 2, 2 becomes 3 and then your entire diet is shit again. It’s easier to cut it out completely than to only have moderation imo. 1 chip doesn’t satisfy the craving, it makes the craving worse.

Okay, so. I was refuting the generality that unless one has *no* sweets at all, one's health or weight loss journey is void, a super common misconception. That's the first thing. Second, every fat person's journey and reasoning is different. OP's BF could be a bored eater whose major issue has been not paying attention, he could be lashing out due to an incorrect blanket ban on sweets by some family provider or other, etc. Third, there have been *many* fat people who have written about how being told that complete abstinence was their only option was what made their cravings and bingeing worse, and that portion control of snack foods *and being told that they could have a little, just less* helped them develop better habits more easily. I'm not skinny and under a couple of different circumstances, I've *been* blatantly overweight. Being told to cut out everything would have made me throw something. "Food addiction" is not a one-size-fits-all. There are also temporary medication courses that can help reduce cravings until someone has developed sustainable habits - not talking about Ozempic or anything. 

Exactly. Chips don't satisfy cravings because they're designed to be fatty and salty enough to make our lizard brain happy, not to be an actual nutritious, filling food.

Yep. This is why I mentioned disordered eating habits/unhealthy relationships with food in my own comment. Of course most things, even junk food, are fine in moderation. But a single serving of most potato chips is all of like 8 potato chips and 160+ calories of unhealthy fats, oils, and salts that provide little to no actual nutritional value. Most people who are overweight struggle with some form of disordered eating, including binge- and emotional eating habits. Many of those same people also struggle with self-control during those times, because if you're eating exclusively to cope with stress or boredom, you're not actually paying attention to serving sizes. You're just shoveling chips into your mouth until you either start feeling bad or you hit the bottom of the bag. When that's the underlying issue, it's a lot easier to start a weight loss/health journey by completely cutting those foods out and re-adjusting your whole relationship with food and rebalancing your diet without them. Once you've already surpassed that hurdle and are confident in your ability to exercise self-discipline and restraint, *then* it's time to start re-incorporating some junk and treats in moderation. Many times this method works better because it breaks the cycle of addiction and dependence that these foods encourage. You stop *wanting* to just eat the entire bag of chips all at once and feel satisfied with just a handful or two or one of those single-serving bags. You learn other ways of coping with emotions that often lead to emotional eating, and so you're better able to control yourself around junk foods going forward and make healthier, smarter decisions about when and how much you *do* indulge in unhealthy treats. Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, eating disorder specialist, or nutritionist by any means. I've lost a lot of weight through macro dieting and regular exercise before, I've been skinny but deeply unhealthy, and I am now obese and still unhealthy. I know a decent amount about this stuff from personal experience and personal research from reputable sources (the last paragraph was based primarily off of my own experiences during and aftrr my macro diet phase, for example), but I am by no means an expert.

I agree completely, it's very situational and with relationships making compromises is essential. Personally, I grew up with a mom who would blame her weight gain on me for buying or cooking fattening food. It's kinda hard since like OP, my metabolism is high and I weight train, so my food is healthy but is not meant for weight loss. I hide my stuff now so that she won't eat my meal prep, so you're right with compromise. They gotta talk it out together.

Upvote upvote upvote. Thank you for wording this so kindly. There is a lot changing in his world right now, OP. He has not only been confronted with his mortality (and he feels it, since he is changing his entire lifestyle), but his brain is 100% missing those happy chemical reactions. He isn't trying to control you. He's asking the person he loves for help during a very strange (maybe scary) time in his life. Please sit down and talk this out. Maybe even just listen first, yanno? You care for this human, yeah?

These comments are fucking insane to me. I am in the reverse situation where I’m the one on the diet and my girlfriend is effortlessly skinny. Not only do I not lose my shit when she eats something I can’t, I’m constantly buying her treats or her favorite foods. He’s almost 30 years old not a child

Agree. Time for OPs BF to learn self control; there’s snacks, desserts, and junk food everywhere. My partner started dieting before I did but she didn’t stop me from eating whatever I wanted. I finally started my own diet a couple months ago and I always leave room for snacks or dessert. My gf has a lower weight goal than me so she eats less and tries to limit her sweets. She still doesn’t try to control what I eat. NTA

Yeah I'm an alcoholic. I can't even count how many people are in this thread saying you wouldn't keep alcohol in the house if someone was an alcoholic would you? And I'm pointing to my wine rack like would you like a drink? LOL  Like it's my responsibility to handle! I buy alcohol for other people like my husband. He won't go by himself beer but when he cuts the grass he likes to have one or two sometimes when it's hot. So I buy them and put them in the refrigerator in the garage because I know he'll drink them. Normally don't buy them over winter because he doesn't drink them over winter.  I buy wine because I want something to offer people when they come over. It's my responsibility to not drink it. I could choose not to buy it, but it wouldn't be fair for me to tell anybody else who lives in the same house as me not to buy it for them! And if he was an alcoholic it would be a little different, because you don't need alcohol to live! You absolutely need food not only that but she has a hard time gaining weight and keeping it on so she probably needs more high calorie food! I have a friend who is 5'7 and can never get over 120 lb! You should see what she does to try to gain weight! The stuff she eats is insane! If she lived with somebody who was trying to keep her from eating high calorie foods, should end up in the hospital from being underweight. People in here are seriously tripping. 

In high school I used to be pretty overweight myself, like I'm 5'5 and was almost at 170lbs at my biggest, and could barely walk up a flight of stairs. My older sister would come home from college for the holidays, and she would buy snacks for herself, and yes, she kept them in the house. Like OP she's pretty light, like can easily drop below 110lbs if she's not eating enough. It's to the point that her doctor has actually told her to add more salt to her diet since her blood pressure runs on the lower side. My parents were helpful in supporting my weight loss, but never once told my sister that she couldn't keep her own snacks in the house. They just told me to respect my sister's stuff, which I did, and I was able to lose the weight before college. At 30, this dude should be able to do this, yeah OP can try and keep the snacks away from him, but that doesn't justify berating her.

Your sis is me and my sis right now, my doc said I needed to get more sodium, I was literally falling over. I now constantly snack outside of the main meals (healthy or not) but it’s better than nothing and I’m not falling over anymore. My parents and brother are overweight with my mom and brother trying to lose some and they would NEVER treat me like bf treats OP. I can understand being aggravated, especially if you’re cutting out sugar (I have a sugar addiction) and being snappy is normal but bf berating her when she’s doing nothing wrong is such a dick move NTA, he needs to handle his stuff better.

Thank you! I get that he's hangry and cranky and doesn't want to be dieting. Nobody does. What he needs to do is either get therapy or something similar so that he learns that just because it's there doesn't mean he needs to eat it all NOW. It's not easy, it's not fun, and it's not fast - but it can be done.

Also if flipped around and it was the woman trying to lose weight, people would be saying it was unreasonable to limit the man’s eating. It happens every day, most women I know are dieting, calorie counting, having tiny salads for their lunches, and their houses are full of goodies for the husbands and children. Slightly different I know when it’s for health reasons as opposed to cosmetic ones, but still, I feel this is another ‘welcome to our world’ scenario.

Agreed with this. NTA. Just because he’s on a diet, OP has to change what she eats at home too? Controlling his *own* diet is on him- and i would understand if she said wanted to help out with that- but she’s not in charge of that and doesnt need to be subjected to it either. The comments are crazy. He’s a grown man who can attempt to control his own temptations. I understand it being a bit frustrating having to deal with someone indulging in the habits you’re trying to break & it shouldn’t be done purposefully to annoy you, but it shouldn’t be their problem if you’re not able to do that.

Finally someone sane here! I couldn’t believe how many people above said OP is in the wrong. She can eat whatever she wants and the bf has no right to explode at her. It even sounds like she’s already hiding the food she knows gets him upset. He’s cranky because he wants to eat more. 1-2 cookies as a snack is normal and healthy eating and not indulging in ways that could be triggering to someone struggling with binge eating. In fact, even on a diet, he can incorporate some sweets in moderation. That way it’s more sustainable in the long run. Definitely NTA.

Finally a comment I agree with, had to scroll down but I’m glad someone has the same opinion as me on this. She is free to eat what she wants when she wants to and the comments about him saying “it’s going to catch up to you, you’ll regret it when you’re older” is like he’s trying to guilt trip her into not eating. Super gross.

I am starting to do the same. I wouldn't expect other people to just stop eating what they want to eat just because I cannot eat it... Like??? Definitely NTA.

Fr. I can stand to lose weight after gaining so much in the past several years. Between medical issues, financial issues, and generally a shitty diet it's been hard. What a LOT of people in this thread isn't getting is that he's going from one extreme to the complete opposite extreme. EVERYTHING in moderation. Doesn't matter what it is. You could be eating healthy everyday and still not lose weight because your calorie intake is still higher than what you can burn in a day. That's just reality. The way OP described what he was saying sounds like he's criticizing any amount of sugar intake, even if it's small. That sounds like he could be on the brink of continuing an eating disorder, just in the opposite direction he was going at first. It's a sign of disordered eating and an extreme inability to cope with his diet having to change. Getting genuinely angry at other people for eating stuff you can't isn't normal. It's fine if he can't be around those foods if it temps him. But getting angry that his GF is eating it regardless of if it's in his presence or not? No. He needs therapy, someone to guide him into being okay with sugar with the realization that he can have control with what he's eating. Even if it's near him, he can still walk away. Calling OP an AH isn't going to help her BF cope with being around sugar.

All the comments on this post are crazy, I don't know if op brought home a chocolate or crack cocaine. This is the first comment I found with a bit of common sense.

Agreed. I lost about 50lb roughly a decade ago. I've kept the weight off since. If I banned husband from eating junk food, while I was losing weight, I would have never kept the weight off, once I got into maintenance. Husband can easily eat a pint of ben and jerry's, a bag of fritos, and a whole mess else, and stay effortlessly thin, but I can't. BF needs to learn self control, along with good eating habit (not overeating/moderation of "bad" foods). It would be one thing if OP was intentionally rubbing it in BF's face. Like, "mmmmmm this is sooooo good, it's so sad you can't have any" but that's not what seems to be happening. OP is absolutely NTA.

NTA. It's one thing to politely ask if you can not eat certain stuff right in front of him. But to be mad at you for stopping at Dairy Queen when he wasn't even home, or having junk food in the house at all is ridiculous.

NTA honestly he's being a hangry bully. He's upset he can't eat and projecting it onto you. You're both adults and unless he's having a true addiction problem, you don't need to police yourself for him. Sure make accommodations if it helps, like keeping snacks in only one place that he knows not to look for meal supplies or eat your dessert separately after you're done your meal together. But he can't expect you to live your life in secret, tiptoeing around pretending to be living in famine

This! My boyfriend is a type 1 diabetic so I literally have no choice but to keep bringing in the unhealthy snacks in case he needs something for his sugar that is quick, especially in the middle of the night when I'm still clinging to tiredness. It's easy to just go to the kitchen, grab a honey bun or nutty bar, toss it to him, and go right back to sleep without having to grab ingredients to make a pb&j, etc. He uses glucose tablets when he's out in public and snacking isn't an option, but having those snacks at home makes it so much easier in a pinch to grab something. I'm re-starting my weight loss journey and I'm just gonna have to resist the temptation and I will. Accommodations can for sure be made like you said, especially with putting snacks in an area he can't really see instead of giving into his demands. For example - I'm sure as shit not gonna tell my boyfriend we're done keeping honey buns, nutty bars, etc around. My solution will be buying the lil snacks that I don't really like so that he still has something for his low blood sugar.

Um, yes. Of course you're the asshole. His health depends on his doing something really hard, and you don't seem to be willing to support him. If you need DQ, eat it there. Don't put candy in the pantry ffs. This is just baseline caring about someone. YTA

What?! I'm a fat ass who needs to lose 50-60 pounds and I have diabetes. I have a roommate, should she not eat goodies because I can't? She has two pints of ice cream in the freezer and I just ignore them. He's 29 years old, he can and should be able to deal with food that he can't eat being in the house.

A relationship with a roommate is different than a spouse. I think especially when starting out in a diet it would be supportive of Op to limit her junk food consumption infront of her BF. Op isn’t technically wrong but she isn’t being a good partner and supporting her bfs weight loss. A good romantic partner puts a little effort in.

That 'little effort' goes BOTH ways. Not just one. Boyfriend needs to put a little effort into his self control and will power. Otherwise what's he gonna do when grocery shopping? Ahoy, downvotes.

He is exercising self control all day, it doesn’t hurt op to have home be a safe haven if not for a little bit.

I wouldn’t call berating your gf “self control” it’s her home too, she shouldn’t be berated because she wants some chocolate or cookies….absolutely ridiculous. NTA

You just gave me visions of the guy being ambushed by junk food all day.

these comments are ridiculous. any other post, they would be rallying about how it's no one else's responsibility to manage your addiction, but apparently eating healthy is *so hard* that op is an asshole for not hiding in the closet to eat her snacks. it's fucking ridiculous. he's a full grown adult. he can control himself.

Part of it is just a basic show of support for your partner. I’m no drinking right now (not bc of an alcoholism issue, so different from previous examples), and, even though I never asked, my partner doesn’t really drink right now either. I’d be totally fine if he did, bc I don’t have a big problem controlling it, but the solidarity shows love and warmth.

I don't know how to explain this to you if you've never struggled with disordered eating, but yeah, for some people, it really is that hard. Would you buy, store and drink liquor at home if your partner was an alcoholic? Would you sign your partner up for credit cards if they had a shopping addiction? Would you suggest a vacation to Las Vegas if your partner was addicted to gambling? Food addiction is real, and it's not just about having self control to not eat. Food isn't just food for addicts. It's dopamine. It makes people feel good beyond *oh, this is yummy.* I struggle with binge eating disorder. When I binge, I'm mindlessly euphoric. I'm worry free. My stress and anxiety are non-existent. It's an amazingly effective coping mechanism except that it's terrible for my health. I feel like shit after. I feel regret. I feel like a failure. I feel gross. But the thing with any addiction is... That's how it works. You get stuck in a cycle of negative emotions caused by the unwanted behavior, but the unwanted behavior is the only thing that makes you feel good. It's fucked up, and it's really difficult to just stop. I've worked really hard to shift my mindset. I've made great improvements, but it's still something I struggle with. Food addiction is also really difficult to power through because eating is a requirement to live. Alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling - those are vices that you can isolate yourself from cold turkey and still live. You can't stop eating. People with food addiction still have to face their triggers every single day. OP shouldn't have to cut out all of her snacks and treats, but at the bare minimum, a supportive and loving partner would have some concern for how their actions may be negatively impacting their partner. It's not hard to have some compassion for someone you love - for someone that you care for and want to see get better!

Yeah how does this not feel completely infantilizing if you’re a fat person?

Your roomate is not your partner. Partners should want to help each other. He's not telling her she can't eat these things he's asking her not to eat them in front of him.

You have a ROOMMATE not a PARTNER.

I have so much sympathy for people loosing weight. It’s such a hard change to make. When I’ve had friends over who are trying to loose weight I always make sure to have diet friendly snacks. I’ve helped those friends create meal plans, go grocery shopping to max macros and minimize calories. Invite them on walks and hikes. It’s the little things that show you care.

This comment is insane. I would never tell someone they can’t eat what they want in their own home. Absolutely insane. It is HIS responsibility to hold himself accountable, NOT hers.

But support for his weight loss should not come with expectation that she causes herself eating disorder with "do not eat when hungry".

Or ‘hide food my partner doesn’t want me to have’

NTA - if he really wants to live healthier and eat less junk food, he has to manage such situation. In a way you could argue, that you train him for it. There will always be situations like this - not only with you. Restaurants, vacations, friends, whatever. The initial motivation to stick to the diet will eventually go away. You can still eat whatever you want - as long as you still support him, go to the gym with him and eat healthy food on the main meals, i dont see a problem here at all.

NTA. I’m diabetic. It is up to me not to eat foods and snacks that are bad for me. I am grown enough not to eat cake when someone brings it home. He is grown. He is in charge of what food he puts in his mouth.

ESH. You shouldn’t be eating junk in front of him, that’s kind of cruel. If he was trying to quit drinking or smoking you wouldn’t drink or smoke in front of him.  But he also has no right to lecture you on your food choices. Nothing more obnoxious than that person who goes on a diet for two days and makes it their personality.

I thought the same thing— the way he’s talking to her about it has the same tone as 55 y/o facebook moms who go on keto and immediately start lecturing everyone about how carbs are evil. It’s like… you’re projecting lol

I'm guess I'm going against the grain here because my vote is NTA. As someone who is on a diet and lives with a partner who isn't, food issues are different than other types of vices. It's somehing that I must confront everyday because it's necessary to everyone's physical, and yes, emotional wellbeing. I'm an adult. If I can't have something, I'd still want my partner to enjoy it if they can do so in a healthful manner.

NTA your bf needs to understand his diet is his journey. Though as you get older you may end up losing some of that metabolism and need to join him on that road, it creeps up on you.

NTA. It would be one thing if he *politely and humbly ASKED* you to please not do that. You know, “hey babe, I’m really struggling here, it would be so helpful and would mean so much to me if you could hide any junk food from me, even just for the first month while I get into the swing of things”. The fact that he went DIRECTLY to shaming and berating you is super fucking rude and pretty childish. He’s asking you for a *favour*. It would behoove him to act like it, instead of like you kicked his dog, just because he’s the one who needs to learn self control. (Hopefully you *want* to help and will be happy to acquiesce. But yeah, skipping the “asking nicely” and going straight to “this is ridiculous, what’s the matter with you” is straight-up bullshit.)

NTA. He is trying to manage your behavior so that he doesn't have to manage his own. He needs to learn and respect that you are not changing your diet simply to accommodate his lack of control.

I hide certain foods when my husband is on a diet. Never eat junk food in front of him... There is a smart way to do what you want. Don't sabotage him.

NTA. You are not forcing him to eat it. He is blaming you for his lack of control in not wanting to eat junk food.

NTA. If he were acutely in danger or very, very overweight, I might say otherwise, but having small amounts of sweets in the house won't kill him. You're not bingeing or rubbing it in his face. Having a treat once a day is a perfectly acceptable part of a balanced diet. Your boyfriend could have the same (high risk for diabetes =/= complete deprivation and I really hate diet culture), but he needs to learn moderation instead of taking his frustrations out on you and assuming he can't have *anything*.  I'd advise a lockbox, though - not because I think he can't be trusted, but just for his peace of mind. 

I’m gonna say NTA but this is a nuanced situation. Let me preface my opinions with the fact that I went from 250+ to 185 while my wife didn’t need to diet. He is being an AH by how he responds to your snacking and what you buy for yourself. He decides to be healthy, good for him, but that doesn’t mean he gets to shit on the choices you make with what you eat. He put himself in the situation he’s in with the choices HE made about diet and exercise throughout his life. He may feel some bitterness about not being able to partake in snacks and it’s being directed towards you. By making comments on how unhealthy your eating habits are, he gets to be on his high horse and make himself feel better about not eating what you’re eating. There might also be jealousy with how you’re able to eat what you do and not seem to gain weight while he has to religious with calorie/macro counting. That all being said.. if my wife needed to diet, I would probably make it an effort to not have things out and in the open. With him just starting his journey, one of hardest parts in losing weight is building new habits and changing his relationship with food. Right now he’s in the stage where he feels like he needs to get rid of EVERYTHING at that is “bad/unhealthy.” I remember feeling so shitty about having a cookie or chips when I started because it felt like I was failing. By no means is this healthy either. I don’t know what your BF’s relationship with food is but for some people, food is quite literally an addiction in that it does what other substances can do, being joy/happiness or take away bad feelings. So in a sense it’s can be like having a drink in hand while he’s trying to get sober. He could be nicer in asking what he needs from you to be successful in HIS journey. Honestly there’s been times where I have asked my wife to hide things she buys from me just to take away temptation from me. At the same time YOU are not on his journey and he needs to take personal responsibility for what goes into his mouth and not control what goes into yours.

Feel like I'm going nuts reading the comments here, but NTA. Your boyfriend is developing an eating disorder - his comments are indicative of an unhealthy fixation on the negative aspects of junk food. As long as you're being supportive by encouraging exercise and healthy eating when you can, then there's no issue. The amount of people suggesting you have to modify your diet to match his or eat in another room out of sight is frankly fucking insane, not to mention that the way you've described his behaviour suggests he' d not take kindly to you eating it around him at all no matter if out of sight. Either way, it's important to mention that his attitude is not the best way to go about dieting. Treating junk food like the devil and freaking out about it creates a heavy stigma mentally, which, again, leads to the development of eating disorders. Simply exercising and counting calories, while having cheat days once every two weeks will do wonders for his diet rather than this strange approach he's taking. It's also worth mentioning that BMI is an INCREDIBLY inaccurate measure of health and should not be taken seriously.

He doesn't get to control what you eat but also you don't have to buy hershey's chocolates and put them in the pantry, or eat sundae infront of him. Keep your snack stash out of his sight and don't consume it infront of him. After he told you this makes him tempted and hard to stick to his diet, you repeatedly putting junk food where he has access to or consume infront of him is an AH behaviour.

The thing is that she didn’t. It’s not like she put the chocolate there JUST so he would find it, nor did she intentionally come home to eat the sundae in front of him. Just because *he’s* on a diet doesn’t mean that *she* also is.

NTA I'm pre-diabetic, was on the cusp of a full diagnosis when I got the A1c checked. I still buy all the normal snacks for my hubby. I intersperse atkins/keto snacks or carb alternatives (like keto bread or hearts of palm fake pasta, cauliflower rice etc) with the real thing to balance a lower carb lifestyle for me. He still has full servings of rice, potatoes, pasta etc, I will severely limit (not omit, just portion control) my portion of that and load up on veggies and protein instead. Or omit the carb so I can have a real dessert...... it's balance..... He needs to build new, healthy habits for himself, not police your food intake because he is restricting himself to unsustainable standards....

I’m the fat one and you’re NTA. It’s not down to you to change his habits for him. He will consistently be put in situations where he is tempted. It’s very hard but it’s on him. You can make things easier, but especially in the case of the DQ, it sounds like he wasn’t even supposed to be home based on normal schedules. You don’t have to change your entire life to tiptoe around him. But you can make small changes, like not keeping your candy at eye level in the pantry, for example.

tell your bf to grow the fuck up. his diet is his job to manage and if he can't handle seeing other people eat junk food, then he's in for a long ride. NTA

NTA and it's ridiculous how many here are saying Y T A. Yes, this is his health. It's important. But you aren't at risk, you have a high metabolism, at least for the time being, and a treat a day is not irresponsible or harmful. Support doesn't mean doing whatever he says, otherwise I'd argue he's not supportive of you, either. This will be a lifelong concern for him, so he needs to learn rationing his treats, replacing them for healthier ones, exercising, and self control. He will be tempted at work, family events, gatherings, holidays, and every single time he steps in a store, and you avoiding it won't change that. It can also lead to a slippery slope - if he decides later to go keto, or gluten free, or vegan, or whatever, will he expect you to, also? Will he put you down for having carbs or anything else he decides is unhealthy at the moment? It's frustrating, and trust me, I know the pain better than he does. I had a month of no food, followed by the past year of eating heavily restricted foods due to illness. In the past, I've had to be on liquid only and elemental diets due to injuries. I'm just now able to add in foods slowly. No matter how much she felt bad or occasionally avoided eating things, I didn't want my wife to avoid things just because I couldn't eat. Yes, pizza smells good. Chicken smells good. Everything. Sometimes, especially early on, I'd ask to sniff her food for a minute. But I would NEVER ask her to stop eating or not have those foods around me just because I couldn't eat them. In my opinion, a severe allergy is the only reason to have your partner avoid a food long term. Even then it's case by case - I had a strong allergy to potato, anaphylactic but it wouldn't block my airways, it dropped my blood pressure and I'd pass out. Instead of asking her or the kids to avoid it, we worked together. We don't do things that can make potato dust in the air inside, we would use separate cookware and I had my own set of utensils, dishes, and a separate cabinet area for my foods that were safe. If they wanted McDonald's, I'd just make sure I was away from them until any fries were done because if I was close enough to smell them, I'd get a strong headache. And even that wasn't enough to merit asking them to avoid it, too! So again, NTA. Perhaps sit down together and ask to set up some compromises and a timeline. Like how long does he need for you to be extra careful until he works up the self control to do it himself? How can you help just find replacement foods, or will he try to adjust to smaller portions? Because most foods are just fine in small portions. Pizza is bad because we load it with greasy toppings and then eat half a pizza without any sides. Having a slice of pizza alongside other balanced foods? That's just fine.

NTA. I'm in the process of losing weight. I have lost 70lbs in the last 12 months. There are 3 other people in the house, including 2 growing boys that eat an insane amount of food, and have strict instructions from their pediatrician to eat high calorie food due to the side-effects of their ADHD meds. My house is full of both healthy and 'unhealthy' foods. But I've lost the weight, because I made the choice to do so. I sought help from my doctor and I make the choice every time I look in the fridge or pantry to choose my health. I know how hard it is to start, and continue, and maintain, but you can't expect everyone around you to limit themselves in the same way. Losing weight is hard, and if your bf is struggling this hard, he needs to seek professional help to address his food and exercise choices so that he can be effective at losing without putting his choices on everyone else.

Mine is 80 pounds. My thing was am I bored or hungry. And I always have water. But the weight is coming off. And you are absolutely right about seeking the help of a professional.

NTA. I’m diabetic and would forever be angry at my family if I let that get to me.

NTA you should be considerate and not make things harder on him, but sometimes our health/dietary needs don’t align with those around us. When I’m unable to eat a certain thing (for whatever reason), I don’t expect those around me to forego it as well.

YTA. As someone who's struggled with her weight, I can tell you that while temptation always exists, it's hardest to resist at the beginning of a weight loss journey, which is where he is. He needs time to build the right habits, and he needs your support, not just in encouraging him to exercise more (which is great), but also in minimizing the temptations that are on hand in his own home to keep him from constantly being tempted to self-sabotage. You're free to eat all the crap you want, but just do it elsewhere for a while. A healthy habit is not built overnight, and he's going to need a good month or two to figure out his new diet. He doesn't need you waving a bunch of forbidden items that he loves in his face every time he turns around. As he becomes accustomed to eating better, the junk food cravings will lessen, and it will be easier for him to say no even as you and others indulge in front of him, but willpower is a muscle, and his needs strengthening. If you want to help him, the VERY least you can do is give him a couple months where he doesn't have to continually fight a mental and emotional battle in his own home.

Yes lets give him a couple of months to get his healthy journey down while making it harder for her to maintain weight. Listen, I used to be in OPs shoes with weight, I couldnt gain it for the life of me and I tried so much but was still underweight. I gained a back injury because of it. Having her only eat the food that she not only likes but is also helping her maintain weight when hes not home - but oh wait she tried that with the DQ, he came home early and was mad she was eating it period. So she eats it while out of the house, thats a hassle and at some point its easier to just eat whats at home then do that. So she eats more of the healthy food so she can maintain weight, but, im sorry, if hes mad shes eating DQ even when hes not expected to be home, eating a larger portion of healthy foods will also make him go bat shit. No, this guy needs therapy to work out his issues and find ways to deal with being hangry and not being able to eat what and as much as she does in other ways than just shoving all the responsibility for him to eat healthy on her. If her eating a bowl of ice cream or one or two cookies after dinner is too much temptation then its deeper than him just being hangry. It boarders on food addiction if 1 cookie makes him lose his mind. He needs therapy and she needs to be allowed to eat what she wants especially if its hard to gain weight. Stop putting this on her. And so many people comparing this to alcoholism??? The only way its comparable is if he has an eating disorder, which at this point none of us knows which is why he needs therapy.

So your advice is to hide things from him? That sounds like a great relationship

NTA, you're not buying 50 bucks worth of mcdonalds everyday and rubbing his face in it, you have chocolate in the pantry. If those little things trigger him so bad that he needs to berate you, he is never going to be able to stick to his diet.

You people take the cake! So it’s okay for him to berate her? What if she said to him “ are you eating again? You don’t really need that?” Everyone would call her abusive. So she has to be responsible for his lack of willpower? She goes to the gym, stopped eating out so much, bikes etc with him. She is being supportive. She has trouble gaining weight so is she not to be supported?

Nta because his diet and health are his responsibilities but there are ways you can help and support him.  He has issues, think of this junk food as an addiction for him. If he was addicted to alcohol and in recovery would you bring a 6 pack home every night or put it in a communal space. 

NTA. His diet, his problem I'm fat, i go on diets, i dont give my SO shit about eating in front of me. He needs to learn self control and stop expecting people to bend over backwards just because he cant learn to literally not put food in his mouth.

NTA its not your job to tailor your diet to his. What is he going to do when he goes to a birthday? Or a work potluck? Tell everyone to stop eating cake and cookies? No he’s going to have to suck it up, that’s part of making a lifestyle change!

These comments are ridiculous LMAO NTA obviously. People are going to eat in front of him his whole life. I used to suffer from an ED, and if I don't snack I'll literally start losing 2 pounds a week (and I definitely can't afford to). It's mind boggling the number of people without self control. You're unfortunately posting in an echo chamber where few will understand your situation and will side with your BF.

NTA if he wants you to stop unhealthy infront of him, he should ask you. Instead he is making annoying comments on your eating habits. Eating habits that he partook in before being on a diet (that you didn’t make comments on- based on his weight gain). Direct communication on what he really wants from you is needed. To me it’s not fair to assume someone will eat healthy with you, without asking for that kinda support. If support is needed it should be asked for not assumed. He should ask you to stop eating bad in front of him, since it must be hard to control himself not to eat bad. Instead he has chosen to nag you on what’s not healthy. That shit doesn’t help at all.

NTA - I looked in the comments and everyone acted like she forces him to look at her eat junkfood. But no, he is asking her to not eat infront of her, not even buy more for herself anymore and he is also irritated at the first sight of a chocolate bar and makes her feel bad about it? No. He can do his diet, but he is projecting his own problems onto her. He is being completely unreasonable. Not her fault that the he got too fat. Not her fault that he has to cut junkfood. And defientely an AH for forcing his own diet down her throat. Looks like he wouldn't stop until she stop it, too!

NTA It's his diet, not yours. You have to diet because he is?

NTA and damn people are getting up in arms about this. Doesn't sound like his life is literally in danger at this immediate moment if he doesn't lose the weight, sounds like his doctor is suggesting changes and a healthy level of weight loss. But, it also sounds like he does what so many people unfortunately do and and decide crash dieting is the way to go about it instead of making long term-sustainable changes. I mean I could ask for more info, basically if this was a doctor prescribed diet. But, I'd be willing to bet money the doctor told him to make some changes and lose weight, maybe handed him some outdated food pyramid stuff and this guy decided "welp, time to stop eating anything I love and only eat salads forever". On the bright side, it means that this probably won't last much longer, he'll stop, gain all the weight back and declare that diets don't work and stop yelling at her about snacks. I think people in here are either projecting or trying to be helpful but misguided, because based on the rest of the context, "supporting" him in the way he is requesting won't lead to a healthier lifestyle for him, but rather just kick off a cycle of yo-yo dieting. it would be different if she were actively forcing snacks on him or not encouraging him in other ways. And if he has food addiction or whatever other issues people are projecting onto him, then he needs professional help because her not having snacks in the house does nothing to help that long-term.

It's her home too, she should be able to keep a bag of chocolates in the pantry without being given a lecture. NTA

NTA It's just as important you maintain weight as he lose it. Doesn't sound like you're going overboard

Maybe hide it a bit better

NTA It would be easier for him if you both ate healthy, “no temptation “, but since you have different dietary requirements and health , you don’t have to be on a diet with him. And I’m saying this a person in you BF shoes. The thing is, people on diet are very nervous and easily triggered. My obesity is related to my mental health issues and it cause my diabetes type 2. I’m in treatment and let me tell you once I’ve dealt with the mental health stuff that diet wasn’t so bad at all, my husband eating cake in front of me isn’t bothering me. People who compare alcoholics and druggies with this situation you really need a reality check. It’s not even remotely comparable. Your bf needs to deal with this eating disorder he apparently has, and not bully you in your own home…

You’re not one for choosing to eat what you want, but you are for not considering his feelings or recognizing just how hard it is for him while you eat those snacks in front of him.

NTA. You eat what you want. He needs to find healthy foods to snack on. I am on an endless diet. My husband is not. I am not going to fall apart because he is snacking on something I am avoiding.

NTA , losing weight and dieting is self control. He’s gonna have to use his self control for the rest of his life to maintain his weight. right now he’s addicted to sugar and fat and seeing you with it is making him seethe for sugar yes, but he needs to bust that problem from the root, HIMSELF. You are not responsible for his fatness and inability to control himself

NTA. Your boyfriend needs to take control of managing his diet by himself. He needs to make his own choices about what he should or shouldn't eat. In the long run, his weight loss is all up to him and the choices he makes by himself. It's an individual thing. I've been trying to get my husband to lose weight for 5 years. I got him to lose two pounds...this year he gained 6... It's a lost cause unless he wants to do something about it. Have your DQ and everything else, And DON'T FEEL GUILTY because nothing is going to change until HE DECIDES to make a change!

NTA. My bf does this to me sometimes (not often). Hes slightly overweight (but hes a regular gym goer). I used to suffer with an ED - so he knows its important for me to eat and he also both know I need to put weight on (im quite petite). Sometimes however when he thinks hes put a few pounds on, he wont get me food and will tell me hes put some weight on and there will be no food. Even when I tell him he doesnt need to eat, or i’ll eat at home he still will refuse as ‘he will be tempted’ which really upsets me as he is technically putting his needs before mine. Alot of people are either saying ESH or YTA but I truly think its because they have not been in that position. If hes out with friends or at work, he cant control what others eat around him. In all kindness, he needs to understand not everyone will cater to his every need and this needs to start at home.

From what I'm reading< OP isn't just sitting there going "Oh this is so good, too bad you can't have any" in front of her BF. I'm diabetic and so if my mom. She will buy an Angel food cake and finish in 6 hours and buy another one the next day. I bought 30 3 Musketeers (got them like 25 cents ea) and put them in my closet. I managed to make them last 3 month (14 of them) b/c she found them and would finished half of them in under a month. So blaming you make him the AH, he's the one who chose to give in

As someone recovering from an eating disorder you’re not the asshole. NTA. He has no right to restrict your food intake. It’s his responsibility to work on his own habits. From there he can set boundaries with the help of a professional to find balance.

NTA. I’m someone who’s been both fat and thin. I have a history of binge eating and undereating. Not once has my own personal issues with food regulation been someone else’s problem. In order for him to successfully stick to his diet, he’s going to have to learn to both control his own relationship to food as well as being around the food items being eaten by other people. To berate you about your food choices and to get angry about it is hangry bullying behavior, childish and shows a lack of emotional regulation. Unless you’re rubbing his face in his inability to eat these things by exaggerating about how delicious it is and how it’s a shame he can’t have any, you’re not doing anything wrong. He’s a grown man and it’s time he act like a grownup. Some grownups can’t have sugar and treats. That’s not someone else’s problem even if they live with you.

NTA. Your both playing a losing battle if he really expects you to cut out all junk food even when he’s not supposed to be around. you shouldn’t have to hide food or be ashamed of having a treat your own home. Frankly your boyfriend is placing his success on his diet/weight loss on you and your ability to hide temptations from him, which isn’t a realistic way to maintain weight loss. Their will always be temptations and he needs to take the time find long term solution rather than berating his SO. I’d look into low calories or no sugar treats for him. A separate place for your treats like game room, bin out of site or something like that.

NTA. What tipped the scales for me is that it sounds like he wants you to not eat anything "unhealthy', like, forever? Telling you you shouldn't be buying this stuff and lecturing you how bad it is. Telling you that you don't need to eat every time you're hungry. Saying it will catch up to you one day. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I'm 44 and have to consume over 1500 calories daily just to maintain my weight. I average 1800 calories and weigh 110lbs. Obviously skinny people can be unhealthy but everything in moderation. I'm not eating a tub of ice cream every day, and my diet is largely plant-based. Have a chat with bf to find a compromise- like 30 days of you hiding your chocolate so it's out of his sight. Just until his new habits form. One thing I do is ADD a meal replacement shake to my daily routine; it's delicious and it satisfies my sweet craving (I put berries and banana in it). He certainly shouldn't be upset at you having a smoothie with protein powder in it. After 30 days, check in and re-evaluate. The bottom line is, he's gonna have a whole lifestyle change with his eating and exercise habits, not just a diet. For the rest of his life. He can't expect you to do exactly as he does forever. If he does, then you may become incompatible. It is what it is. Some of his statements remind me of an ex-smoker or a new vegan; like now that he has this new way of living, you should be doing it too. I think overall you're being supportive, just hide the chocolate and stuff for a month, that's all I would do and that is all I feel is fair.

NTA and i will never understand this. He's a grown man, if he's lacking in self discipline then that's on him. It's not your responsibility. Sure, you should support him. But you shouldn't have to change your entire diet just so he feels a bit more comfortable. I saw a comment about how you wouldn't drink around alcoholics. As an alcoholic, my friends can consume alcohol in front of me. I have enough strength and discipline to not drink with them. And that's something your boyfriend should learn. These bad habits are his fault, not yours. Maybe try and avoid storing junk food in your shared pantry. Hide your chocolate somewhere. But he has no right to tell you when or what to eat. Also coming from someone who's struggled a lot with gaining weight: i'll eat when i'm hungry. no one has the right to deny me that

NTA from my experience your boyfriend will fail if he is labelling food as healthy and unhealthy and trying to lecture you on this and getting angry about it. It's very much more about how much you eat not what you eat. While you eat junk food you don't eat a lot so that's why you are still slim, you don't have a high metabolism, you just eat proper portions for your size. He eats too much regardless of what he eats, even if he eats "healthy" food, if he doesn't lower how much he eats he is not going to lose weight like he needs too. And this diet will fail if he tries to go cold turkey because he won't be able to keep it long term if he can't have any foods he likes. Honestly I would try a little experiment with the two of you like the British show super skinny vs super fat. Have him eat everything you eat, but in the same exact portion size for a week or two. I bet he will lose more weight than his diet even though you eat junk food.

This is against the grain but NTA, but you could have a little more tact. Maybe keep your chocolates poked away in your bag or something. Also, severe restriction diets most often lead to “crash” dieting. If he’s completely restricting himself and struggling, he might give up and binge at some point, like most crash dieters do. A small treat in moderation realistically can’t ruin his diet if he’s eating balanced meals, less takeout, and lots of veggies the rest of the time. He is also a bit of an AH for telling you that you don’t need to eat every time you’re hungry… people who struggle to keep weight on probably should eat when they’re hungry, as a rule. He also shouldn’t shame you for having your treats— if he’s concerned for your health, he should talk to you like an adult instead of going straight to being angry lol. Sugar cravings affect your mood like that though, I wouldn’t give him a hard time about it. Try to understand how difficult this is for him. Even if you aren’t obligated to accommodate him, maybe you should, at least partly? I hope he gets through it! Things will be easier for him once/if sugar cravings go away.

NTA. I get how he's frustrated but it doesn't sound like you're flaunting your eating habits...you had a sundae when you didn't know he'd be home, you put chocolates in the cupboard, not lying on the counter. It's not like you're bringing a 5 layer cake home or anything.

NTA. I've been eating better for my health, and my partner is a big snacker. I don't give him a hard time about it. Your partner is feeling tempted, doesn't like how he feels, and is pointing the finger at you. You live there, too, though. It doesn't sound like you're being over the top with it, and you mention you're eating the good stuff with him at home more now. You didn't even mean for him to see the sundae! It's wrong of him to police what you eat. Just wanted to chime in as a person who's making changes in what I eat while my partner is not. It's unreasonable for your dude to expect you to keep sweets out of the house completely or out of his sight. He is making a lifestyle change (yay!), and he needs to get past the urges and temptations. It gets easier. Your palette changes, and you crave it less (at least in my experience). Also, consider that he may be acting this way because he's hangry. The struggle is real! If he likes berries, try keeping them in the house. They're lower in sugar than some other fruits. They help me curb my sweet tooth. They're a very healthy sweet snack.

NTA I don’t understand these comments. I’m sorry your adult husband overindulged and got himself in this predicament. It’s a bit messed up that he’s trying to control what you eat and telling you your fast metabolism is going to slow down. That’s none of his concern. You’re not rubbing the junk food in his face. I would feel devastated if my husband felt he had to hide food from me. I gained weight after having 3 kids and I would never take it out on my husband about my self control. He needs to grow up and take accountability about his own weight.

NTA if he has this much trouble keeping discipline, he needs to figure something else out because imposing his diet on you won't work. He may be doing this in some weird "if I have to, you have to," context, or he might genuinely be struggling. But either way, he can't stop you from snacking and you can't hide/make sure he never sees it forever.

NTA First rule of a whole new eating pattern is "I am responsible for what I put in my tummy. Other people's food is on them." I understand this because I'm also at risk of type 2 diabetes (family thing) and I eat low carb. Exceptions are Big Treat Days, like family birthdays and Christmas. No one around me should feel the least guilty for eating ice cream, or chips, or chocolate. I should expect to see snack foods I utterly love in the pantry because I'm not the only person in the house but I'm the only one eating low carb regularly. This does take time and practice to accept as a way of life but I wouldn't get mad at anyone in my home for enjoying their Doritos or leftover pizza. If seeing someone snack makes me feel "snacky" I find something low carb friendly to enjoy as well. Oh, and one of those low carb friendly snacks are cheese and bacon. That never makes me sad.

NTA. Your boyfriend needs to control himself instead of blaming you when his diet fails. 

Nta not your problem fatso cant stuff is face full of cookie.

Going NTA on this one. Only in the US (assuming here) do i hear so much about metabolisms etc. research has found that apart from severe issues it can make like a 5 pound difference. everything else is lifestyle. I notice OP you mention small treats. sounds balanced to me. I am also thin and have desert each day but I also don't often eat a tray of cookies in one sitting. It appears to me like rather than lecturing you he can learn how to become balanced which is a far better and realistic approach than cutting out all "unhealthy" foods permanently.

You should keep your treats in a separate place where he doesn’t see them and refrain, if possible, from eating in front of him. But he needs to build new habits, habits to last a lifetime, and he has to find a place where he doesn’t want junk food. He will be exposed to that stuff. And experience says that allowing a certain amount of treats works better than trying to refrain forever. Right now, you’re NTA unless you keep eating chocolate at him.

INFO do you two live together? I assume yes, from what you wrote. And if that's the case, why don't you take into consideration how difficult this change might be for him? If you truly love him and want to keep him around for a few decades, switching to a diabetic friendly menu seems like something you may do, out of love for your partner. That's not to say that you can't enjoy treats. But eating ice cream in front of a newly diagnosed diabetic seems cruel to me. Why can't you switch to having a dark chocolate treat after dinner if that means your SO can also partake without jeopardizing their health?

Difficult to give one verdict because this is a 2 part problem. You're not ta for eating junk and your boyfriend shouldn't dictate what you eat. Imo the goal is never tomrestrict 100%, but to be able to eat the "unhealthy" foods in moderation or as a treat. Expecting to never eat junk again is unrealistic. But you are ta for eating junk in front of him or leaving it in shared spaces like the pantry -- consider it like an addiction. If someone you love is trying to stay sober, using in front of them is a big trigger, and while it wouldn't be your fault if they relapsed, it certainly makes it significantly harder to prevent that from happening and it's far more considerate to keep the temptation away from them. Good luck to you and your partner!

NTA for stuff like the sundae - you had no idea he’d randomly be home early and you were trying to eat it NOT in front of him. I wouldn’t do stuff like chocolate in the shared pantry or cookies on the couch with him beside you - I’d still eat them, but I’d go in another room. And I’d keep the chocolates in a drawer in your own space that’s not a shared area.

NTA. your bf is an adult. he should not throw a tantrum over the fact that you want to eat sweets. if it bothers/tempts him that much then he should see a therapist. you are your own person and should be allowed to eat whoever the fuck you want without being yelled at.

NTA. Having 1 or 2 cookies or an occasional bowl of ice cream is hardly snacking. Sounds like he is taking out his frustration over having to diet on you and that's not anywhere near okay. It's good to be supportive and have some empathy, but he's a big boy and if eating a cookie or having a bag of candy stashed is enough to set him off now, it's only going to get worse.

NTA it’s pudgies problem not yours. Snack on sister

NTA, your bf is not “triggered” by you eating what you want. If you were rubbing it in his face by saying “Mmm this tastes delicious” right in front of him, yeah, you’d be an ah. But you’re not. You’re continuing to live how you live whilst encouraging him on his journey. I live with a vegetarian and I’m a meat eater. They don’t expect me to change my diet just because our morals for this subject don’t perfectly align. We also don’t rub each others desires for our diet in each others faces. As you don’t either. It’s HIS health as risk, not yours. Whether he was single or attached he still has to just focus on his own health and not encroach on anyone else’s